Taran Killam

This week on Thanks Dad, Ego sat down with fellow SNL alum and Broadway King, Taran Killam! To start, Taran thanks his Nanny for indirectly causing his existence. The two actors chat about the LA Rams, travelling the Sunday after SNL and meeting his person at 23. Taran shares the story of his meet-cute with his wife Cobie and how they raise kids in LA. Finally, Ego & Taran give advice to a lucky listener on acts of self care to help you get through the day.

 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:09):
It's time. I have to read your intro. I don't
want to get anything wrong.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
You can get it wrong, and I will forgive you.
Really yeah, yeah, I make it up all right.

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Our next guest is a two time award winning champion
of Miss Miss USA America.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
He came in when I was changing.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
You know our next guest. I know our next guest
from Saturday Night Live, Hamilton and Stumble on NBC. Excuse me,
it's Taran Killer.

Speaker 2 (00:36):
I love it. Excuse me, you're excuse How are you?
I'm wonderful, I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to
speak to you. We've crossed paths, but we've never had
hang time.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
We've never This is new and fresh, which is nice.
Are you nervous at all?

Speaker 2 (00:50):
Always a little bit of on camera, but not specific
to your show, and certainly your presence puts me more
at ease.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
Thank you. I will take that as a compliment. It
could have been it could have been an insult you,
but then you rounded it out. Is a compliment.

Speaker 2 (01:04):
Ease is better than you know? Yes what, it doesn't matter.
It's not that it all matters, but you I just
I respect your talent and the little social crossover of
hearsay and and people I think we both mutually love
and have spent more time with. Yeah, speak very highly
of you and really you on Comedy Bang Bang is
like one of my favorite things ever. You think pasta

(01:28):
is so deliciously dumb.

Speaker 1 (01:31):
Thank you, It's so stupid.

Speaker 2 (01:33):
It's really down, thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:34):
It's really the first time I did it, me being
like in Italy on a cliff. This isn't when I
did it. When I came up with it and wrote
it in my notes, I was like, I know this.
I was on a cliff eating dinner in this in Positano,
and I was like, I know.

Speaker 2 (01:50):
A past the past yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
Which is so nothing and dumb. But also when people
say they've heard me on Comedy Bang Bang, I immediately clench
a little bit intense. Right, let me tell you why
that is me. That is me being me okay in
a way that I don't think I'm me anywhere else.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
It is Yeah, I understand that. I understand that, like
it's it's I think Scott Grant's full permission to be unhinged. Yeah,
And that is why it's one of my favorite things
to do and favorite things to listen to.

Speaker 1 (02:19):
It's so fun. But thank you, thank you so much.
I have to ask you immediately off the bat, out
the gate, who or what do you want to say
thanks to?

Speaker 2 (02:28):
I thought about this, I read the prompt, I went through,
I did all sorts of bits. Okay, I'm going to
say thank you to my nanny, my ninety six year
old nanny, my father's mother. Okay, for life, forgiving, for
indirectly causing my existence. Sure, but she's she's just like

(02:49):
the grandparent who's definitely there the most for our extended family. Yeah,
and that felt like she's yeah, long overdue, a long
overdue thank you.

Speaker 1 (02:58):
Oh well, she listened to the podcast.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
Yeah frequently will she told me to do it. Oh,
that's so, she's my podcast agent. Actually she broke her
the deal. She gets she gets so sweet.

Speaker 1 (03:09):
Okay, we have to thanks to her. That's really special
because to hear ninety six years old and still acting
as glue for the family.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
On the daily, I know, phenomenal. That's what she did.
Her specific contribution to me is I went to I'm
a southern California guy, as we spoke a little bit before,
and my family was living in Big Bear when I
was accepted to Loxa, which is the La County High
School for the Arts and enable to enable me to attend,

(03:40):
I would come down the hill, as we say, during
the week, stay with my grandma on Long Beach, and
she drove me almost every morning to the campus of
cal State, LA opposite ends of the seven ten. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
and did that for a full year.

Speaker 1 (03:55):
Oh she loves you.

Speaker 2 (03:56):
So that alone. Yeah, she loves me. Yeah, that's sweet.

Speaker 1 (04:00):
Good any I'm shouting her out to you because that's
very cool, that's very special. How many kids do you
have now? I have two daughters, two daughters, girl, dad, girl, dad?
Do you have like a sticker or a sweatshirt or
a mug?

Speaker 2 (04:12):
I don't, and I even I'm a big Los Angeles
Rams fan and had to purchase my own Rams colors
number one dad shirt because they.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
Weren't going to go We're not having it.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
Lazy grateful bums. I'd like, can we can I throw
out an unthink too? They got a couple of those brewing.

Speaker 1 (04:27):
Really pissed at those young ladies I helped create indirectly
Rams fan. I have to ask because I'm not giant
spots sports girl, but I'm baby sports girl.

Speaker 2 (04:38):
Okay you said, okay, okay, got it because I am
such a sport when you said giant sports girl. And
you like your Giants or San Francisco Giants.

Speaker 1 (04:46):
Baseball Baltimore and so just off Ravens, Ravens hometown pride.
I do have Orioles Ravens. But I also enjoy the Yankees,
and I also enjoy the Knicks.

Speaker 2 (04:59):
We've both had New York thrust upon us in similar ways.

Speaker 1 (05:02):
So do you care about the Knicks still?

Speaker 2 (05:04):
I like the Knicks. That's any like Nix and Mets.
Blue and orange is easy to root for. It's a
fun underdog color combination.

Speaker 1 (05:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:13):
Going to Metz Stadium is a breeze. Have you done
it recently?

Speaker 1 (05:18):
But it's very nice.

Speaker 2 (05:19):
Yankees not as easy unless you have a particular kind
of ticket hookup.

Speaker 1 (05:23):
And I've had that ticket hookup insane. And I let
me tell you what. The last time I went with
that ticket hook up, it was pouring down rain.

Speaker 2 (05:32):
No good.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
I mean, it was an aggress.

Speaker 2 (05:33):
Even the billionaires get wet and rain, you know what
I mean, Even the billionaire Yankee fans get wet.

Speaker 1 (05:38):
Yeah, humbling experience.

Speaker 2 (05:41):
If you go inside to that lounge, that candy walls,
and then the candy candy wall.

Speaker 1 (05:45):
The ring pops. There's a ring.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
Pops love as far as the eye can see.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
Last time I was there and this was I had
so much respect for this man.

Speaker 2 (05:54):
Five rings on your chant?

Speaker 1 (06:01):
Even better, even better, I saw a man he said,
fuck decorum. He had a bag and he wasing out
the balls, I mean genuinely emptying the bulls, like no
kind of shame whatsoever. And I thought, you know what,
you were in this fancy schmancy lounge and you don't
give a.

Speaker 2 (06:20):
Fuck and arms Halloween is taken care of.

Speaker 1 (06:22):
It was in fact August, you know what. He might
have been reping, and he was giving out the good
candy too.

Speaker 2 (06:30):
He took his his merse ful of ring pops back
to his underground bunker where barrels of distilled water.

Speaker 1 (06:37):
I was like, this is crazy. He doesn't care respect.
I want to aspire to have that kind of I
don't care what everyone thinks. At some point that's like negative, yes,
it's I mean, we're talking in the red okay, rams though,
I'm asking because aren't rams and newish to the city.

(06:58):
I know La had a team. It was the Chargers.

Speaker 2 (07:00):
See no, no, I make this. That's very wrong, And
as a Rams fan, I have to correct you on that.
Chargers have always been San Diego, San Diego, and then
they moved to Carson. Nobody I knew because they're petulant
and the city didn't buy them a fancier new stadium,
so they left a two hour drive north Lane.

Speaker 1 (07:17):
So now they're the Carson Chargers.

Speaker 2 (07:18):
Now they're the LA Chargers. But they came a year
after the Rams return.

Speaker 1 (07:22):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
The Rams had played in LA for many years, then
moved to Anaheim and were still Southern California based. Then
they moved to Saint Louis, Okay, and they were the
Saint Louis Rams for almost thirty years. I think it's
like ninety four to twenty fifteen. Okay, do you want
me to verify this before we move on?

Speaker 1 (07:40):
No, because honestly, Okay, not a stickler for stats, I'm
not al for stats, but listening is I don't remember
baby sports, baby sports, little junior sports, this little baby.
But here's the thing I do want to say. I
wasn't totally off base to mention Chargers in LA in
the ballpark. Intention wrong, You just have strong feelings about
it as well.

Speaker 2 (08:00):
Chargers were not here before the Rams, though, is the
real sticking point he's getting.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
I feel scared.

Speaker 2 (08:05):
It's just it's just our owner, San Cronky, he paid
for Sofi Stadium, and they're like our new roommates that
are helping pay rent. But they're new, they're more new, okay,
and not as not as accomplished of a football team.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
Okay, statistically fair enough, I get it. The Rams went
to the Super Bowl a few years back. They were
in the playoffs this year. Again, what I tell you,
baby sports. I know, my baby sports.

Speaker 2 (08:27):
Tangential sports, tangential sports. Still I'm the parenthetical.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
You understand. I'm still trying to understand what is happening
in the game. Yeah, four chances to go ten yards.

Speaker 2 (08:36):
You're you're a little more. We're in toddler phase now,
toddler not a baby anymore. Okay. I'm two three, standing
on your own two fields.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
Okay, I'm two years old.

Speaker 2 (08:43):
An occasional accident, but that's okay. We don't shame no,
And it's okay because we were to hold your handley
taking big girl, big girl, do by yourself.

Speaker 1 (08:51):
Thank you. I'm getting better every day. I feel that
I'm getting better every day.

Speaker 2 (08:55):
No, I love that. Yeah. Yeah, football rules wise most
complicated by far.

Speaker 1 (08:59):
Yeah, but sometimes with football, I'm just and I maybe
have said this on the pod before, maybe, but it
is the thought I have where I go. I hate
how confused I am because I know that the dumbest
dumb dummy knows what's going on, and so I feel
the need to really figure it out. Except for I
just I'm like, I enjoy halftime shows. I enjoy knowing
the stars of the teams. Yes, I enjoy watching the stars.

Speaker 2 (09:23):
We love the Please come out through your through pyrotechnical
smoke in your backstage tunnel and appear before let me
see your little touchdown, your Los Angeles Rams stars. I'm like,
I want to see a little da Yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:40):
Yeah, but I know I know enough to get by,
but I don't know.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
The watch of it is like, what huh? Why did
they blow the whistle again? We're stopping again? Why we
got to stop a gag? Can we just get to
the end of the game. This is true. I agree
and understand and support all of that. You've kind of
touched upon what my favorite thing about football is and
we're I love comes from is the gather. It is
the halftime, It is the snacks. It is people gather.

(10:05):
Because there's so few games, and because there's there's such
a high rate of injury, they play more sport. There's
a preciousness to it. So people bring the snacks and
you talk and super Bowl commercials matter and it's a
cultural conversation, and that gather element is what initially hooked me.
I do know the rules now, and once I learned

(10:27):
the rules, what I appreciate about football more than almost
any other sport is that each individual it's that preciousness. Still,
it's a different version of that preciousness. Each individual play
has such tension, right Basketball, soccer the same thing, the
same thing until the very end, and then there's tension.
But with football, every time they hike it something phenomenal,

(10:49):
something game changing could happen, something life changing, going back
to injuries could change and that tension, I think is
what really holds me as a football fan.

Speaker 1 (10:58):
Okay, you have sold me on the art of football,
the art the sport as well. No, you're working, Honestly,
it's been awesome talking to you. Hare, yes, and have
you Are you making your your daughter's sports fans, football.

Speaker 2 (11:14):
Fans specifically against their will. Okay, but it's happened just
through like it's just wearing them down. I've just warned
them down over time because none of the women in
my house, including my wife, like are invested. But I
do already feel like, oh, who's winning, you know, like

(11:35):
they'll throw out like which down is it? And like
I have to play it cool and I'm be like third,
third and short. Yeah, and it's happening. And and if
I give them anything, they don't. There's no obligation to
be as into it as me. It is like sort
of the dad's thing and I'm happy to share with you,
but no obligation. But yes, as my girls launch into

(11:57):
the world, I know there will come a time where
they are in a work situation, a social some situation
and football comes up and they get to present knowledgeable
about it, whether or not, whether or not passionate, that's
not what we're talking about, but knowledgeable enough to keep
that conversation going, which will lead to some future opportunity,

(12:21):
and that alone is worthwhile.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
It's you know, It's true. I often think it is
a missed opportunity to not know more about football, because
I think people are quite impressed when someone, especially who's
not passionate about it, can be like, I know what's
going on here. I know exactly what's happening. I know
the stats, I know I know how this play should
go here. I am just watching high I do enjoy
a highlight.

Speaker 2 (12:44):
Yes, may I ask.

Speaker 1 (12:45):
You in maybe I think, yeah, La played, La played
the Bears. Yes, and yes the Bears lost or.

Speaker 2 (12:54):
The Bears lost, it's the highlight of that game is
a Bears play. Beautiful throat.

Speaker 3 (13:01):
That's a beautiful throat, beautautiful, chaotic, beautiful, gorgeous, buttery gold,
royal blues, Royal blues, cinnamon, orange, orange, cinnamon.

Speaker 1 (13:12):
I'm talking about a cinnamon's soldier field.

Speaker 2 (13:16):
Full salute for that cinnamon orange, royal, navy blue, tossed
to the corner stage he threw it.

Speaker 1 (13:23):
I mean, and if only, if only they could have
won the game, if only your team we were victorious
that game, victorious.

Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yes, yeah, we won that one, and then we won
the next one. So next we lost to the ultimate
super Bowl, the eventual super Bowl champs of Seahawks.

Speaker 1 (13:51):
Okay, I'm happy with the Seahawks. Did you find the
Super Bowl to be boring in.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
Terms of gameplay, I absolutely did.

Speaker 1 (13:59):
I don't even know what was going on, and with
all due respect, I was like, oh, this feels like
boring in a way that it usually isn't so bored.

Speaker 2 (14:06):
The most impressive stat is that it was the most kicks,
most field goal.

Speaker 1 (14:10):
Sport in Somebody said to me that when it's a
defensive game like that, it's it's so. I didn't know
what it meant, but I've retained it now to be
able to stay in conversation like to you.

Speaker 2 (14:20):
Yes, and and the continuation of this conversation shall proceed
because of your because I said conversational knowledge of.

Speaker 1 (14:27):
Football, because exactly just enough to get and now you're trapped.

Speaker 2 (14:30):
Now I'm realizing, Oh god, what have I done to
my children? Yeah, they're going to be this, Oh god,
the football conversations for the rest of they're like a lot.

Speaker 1 (14:39):
Either one of them expressed interest in being performers.

Speaker 2 (14:44):
You know, that's a great question. It's fluctuated. My oldest
I think has really beautiful natural performative talent and grew
out of it in middle school, but she loves the
creative community of it. Then she changed schools in high
school per her choice, and it really was a beautiful

(15:04):
thing because she kind of came alive academically. She went
from a place that was very like social emotional development
and like, you don't get grades mastery, you get approaching
technical mastery. And she wanted to She's like, where am
I what's my number? Give me a number? That has
changed her. She's a junior in high school right now,

(15:26):
and and she's you know, the college conversation is happening,
and for the last year and change it's been I
think I might end up being a business or marketing major.

Speaker 1 (15:36):
I know that's right.

Speaker 2 (15:38):
I'm glad to think so. And I understand it because
she's like, I don't know what my passion is yet.
I don't know what I want to do yet. But
when the time comes, I want my education to be
able to support it so that I can run it myself.
I can launch it. I can say it's all.

Speaker 1 (15:51):
The right thing, thank you.

Speaker 2 (15:57):
Okay, I'm all right, it's some false, false humility, but
team effort.

Speaker 1 (16:04):
I'll say it for you. I don't say, I'll say so.
You don't have to shout out to her pair.

Speaker 4 (16:08):
I don't know I know if I'm a good day,
I'm here to build you up.

Speaker 2 (16:13):
No, I think that meaning that's a song lyric thank you.

Speaker 1 (16:16):
But listen you saying thank you buttercup to me. I
simply take no issue whether it was demeaning.

Speaker 2 (16:23):
I heard it out loud, like you probably. My brain
works in song lyrics frequently, what you build me? I
bought a cup and then us conversationally and still getting
to know each other on camera under the keynote. Like course,
I was like, no, that's didn't feel right. Here's what
I want to say.

Speaker 1 (16:38):
Don't please, don't know. I was fine with it. I
understand your instinct to apologize for other people, not for me.
I'm gonna also say this, my brain works in song
and I wonder if we have mental illness.

Speaker 2 (16:49):
I'm open to it. I'm willing to do the test
study because it happens with frequency.

Speaker 1 (16:55):
Amazing, because we have someone here today to both of.

Speaker 2 (16:58):
Us, doctor lyrics, doctor lyrics. I am doctor lyrics and
I'm here too, herics. If you have the disease, it's good. Yeah,
it's just the start.

Speaker 1 (17:09):
I don't know if I'd be any good at it. Together,
I could do I could, I could I could. I
could be the book, you write the book. Yes, that's
what I'll do. I'll do that and you do the lyrics,
and then we're.

Speaker 2 (17:20):
Gonna do that. Look in my eyes glowed.

Speaker 1 (17:34):
Your daughter, though, saying that, I think is really remarkable
in that she is seventeen ish sixteen. I think it's
crazy that we ever make a person that age decide
what they want to do for their life. Of course,
in terms of a major, I just think it's crazy.
And obviously there's free reign ultimately in many cases in
that many people are not using their degrees and they're
doing something different. But I'm like, yeah, why are we

(17:56):
letting it? Sixteen year old knows what they want to
do forever, ever.

Speaker 2 (18:00):
Ever, forever, never seems that long. Until you're drown Miss Jackson,
I could become a magician to Aberka dabba all this
out of okay, but I'm trying not to try to
keep it one note. We can't pay for its sixteen bars?
What is it? No, it's eight notes, eight notes of melody.

Speaker 1 (18:20):
That was such a good song.

Speaker 2 (18:23):
That was That was freshman year of college for me
and miss Jackson? Was it?

Speaker 1 (18:28):
Yeah? It was okay? But wait, your daughter smart.

Speaker 2 (18:31):
She's smart. She's smart. I'm eventually going to answer your
initial question, which and I'll just jump to it, which
is only recently she gone, like, I do like creative people, though,
so maybe we should look at colleges that have like
management schools, executive man whatever and arts because she's she's
a wonderful writer. When she was really young, she would

(18:52):
write like really profound poetry, like did that for years.
And those are like the birthday gifts that were like,
oh god, you know your birthday poem look forward to.

Speaker 1 (19:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (19:02):
So she and then my youngest one, she's like more shy,
but she has just recently said like I think maybe
I want to take singing classes and and what's really
this is what's really. I mean, there's so many cool
things about both my daughters, but my youngest is saving
her own money for her first big purchase, which is
an electric guitar and an amp.

Speaker 1 (19:23):
Incredible, badass, how incredible? Okay, might I ask how your
youngest is making money? Are we giving? Are we giving?

Speaker 2 (19:29):
Schedule? And there and and basically there's like you don't add,
you subtract, right, It's like this money's yours. It's on
the table. It's yours to claim. But if this doesn't
get accomplished by a certain point, it reduces in amounts,
and and then the week goes by and yeah.

Speaker 1 (19:46):
Yeah, like that, ya starting with an amount to be good?

Speaker 2 (19:48):
That is Mom, that's all Mom, that's okay.

Speaker 1 (19:50):
Do you know how mom came up with that concept?

Speaker 2 (19:52):
No, Mom's really good at like listening to like the
young female development books. There's a book called Tangled, which
a lot of a lot of parents have read and
helps you deal with the adolescent female mind and how
to be there to like like what part of the
verbiage we sort of the words. It's like, do you

(20:13):
are you do need me to listen right now? Or
are you looking for help? And let them take control
of that suppose. Yeah, there's a lot of that's good.

Speaker 1 (20:19):
That's good for relationships adult.

Speaker 2 (20:23):
Uh. When I was flying back and forth from LA
to New York for work, Kobe and I we went
to our first couple's counseling and he gave us great
language to help each other.

Speaker 1 (20:34):
Yeah. By the way, I had heard the lore of
you flying back and forth, and I think you and
I had a quick conversation in passing. I can't say where.
I don't know if you remember.

Speaker 2 (20:43):
Where can city?

Speaker 1 (20:45):
Yes, yeah, it must have been. I'm going to need
you to do that two more times in this episode
to find a place. Yes, okay, thank you just for
me tackled by it. So you I had heard the
Lord of you flying from New York to LA to
be with what your wife, every katus, every single height.

Speaker 2 (21:07):
My oldest was born, my oldest was one.

Speaker 5 (21:09):
Okay, when I got that job, and for four years,
every hiatus, i'd fly back. And then what happened the
last two years they her Kobe's job finished in l
A and we moved out there full time.

Speaker 1 (21:21):
Okay, oh my goodness, every single das. Did I hear
that you also did on some Sundays just for Sunday, Monday.

Speaker 2 (21:28):
Most most Uh, No, I don't think I was crazy.
That's too much. That's that's not useless. It was really fun.
Was like there was one time where I went to
like my local grocery store on a Sunday, and I
because what I would do is the after party, the
after after cab at five am on a six thirty
am flight and like at ten am at the grocery

(21:49):
store back in LA, like going like last night was
a new It was a new episode. What are you
doing here? Yeah? And that was really fun.

Speaker 1 (21:57):
It was I flew for a friends Withdding my first seasons,
I believe the first second season. The wedding was here
in La Kansas. Oh nice, you're gonna really okay, that's
one we love. Okay, I just feel like you're gonna
let me forget about it.

Speaker 2 (22:19):
The button if I'm playing by the rules, it's now.
The button of the episode.

Speaker 1 (22:28):
Was non committal, so as to leave room for you.
I didn't want to steal your thunder. But it was
l A. And I flew from New York to l
A and at the wedding there. It was also my birthday.
The wedding was on my birthday.

Speaker 2 (22:43):
Which is not a flex friend.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
No, it's what are you gonna not have your wedding
because it's my birthday? Yeah, it's the venue's fault. But
it was a Sunday wedding, and I at the after
party because it was my birthday, people giving me drinks,
buying me drinks, and I didn't My relationship with alcohol
was such that I didn't understand it. I didn't understand
how much I didn't really drink in college, so I

(23:07):
was like, yeah, he drinks drinking everything like it's water
that will catch up to you.

Speaker 2 (23:10):
Teren, I don't need the plane food. Never eat the
plane food, right, so you're stomach.

Speaker 1 (23:16):
Yes, but I was unwell flagged.

Speaker 2 (23:18):
Yes, it was rough, dehydrated. The elevation of the air
dehydrates the body.

Speaker 1 (23:23):
Absolutely. Absolutely. I had my eye makeup on from the
show at the wedding.

Speaker 2 (23:29):
Amazing.

Speaker 1 (23:30):
I watched around my face and I was like, I'm
too tired, and guess what I did. I basically missed
my friend walking down the aisle, but I made it.
So what happened is my friends, my friends in New
York were basically like, she's not going to make her flight.
She drank too much, I think, and she's not gonna
make the flight. And I heard my friend calling another
friend who was a flight attendant, not on my plane,

(23:52):
but it was very caring. It was like, I don't
think she's going to be able to get on a flight,
and I was like, yes, I.

Speaker 2 (23:59):
I'm I'm realizing I misheard the story. I thought the
drinks were at the wedding, but the drinks are the
after party. Four birth birthday.

Speaker 1 (24:06):
And then and then Karen and I said to the
flight attendant as I was bording Captain as I said,
I thought this was my seat daddy, So I said
to the flight attendant boarding, I was like, so it's
my birthday and I'm still a little drunk from the

(24:28):
night before, or did I say? I was like, I'm hungover,
and then it was in the sky said I think
I'm drunk still. But anyway, but it was like to
be like, can I sit down immediately? I need to
sit down, which is why I was telling her. But
then I barely I missed my friend walking down the aisle.
But anyway, I get to the thing and they were like,
you were on TV yesterday. That's that.

Speaker 2 (24:47):
Like the planes, planes, plan planes.

Speaker 1 (24:51):
But they also were like, do you want me to sing?
Should be saying happy birthday to you? And I was
like at your wedding.

Speaker 2 (24:59):
Of course, I picture you showing up like graduate style,
like in the glass window, like it is there, it
is and maybe there's more. I don't know, but my
work here.

Speaker 1 (25:15):
Is again you get the podcast here, there's so many
natural stop points. When we were approaching, but I was like, no,
you're not going to sing happy birthday to me at
your wedding. Sure, and and then there are you? Sure?
And I was like, if you really want to, for you,
but I don't need to be a part of the
wedding in that fashion. I'm going to get many birthdays

(25:36):
in theory, you get one wedding.

Speaker 2 (25:38):
I pray, yeah, Manuel, Miranda gave me drinks last night.
I don't need your birthday song on your birthday. You're
good friends. I mean my birthday birthday? Where's the cap?
Then that was where's my making my carry on five back?

Speaker 1 (26:00):
Really imagine me getting kicked out the plane.

Speaker 2 (26:02):
Second as you're saying that, like the second you told
a story where you engaged with the stewardess. We live
in a time where I was like, could have been
a could have been an aisle video from two seats.

Speaker 1 (26:11):
Back upon boarding. I don't I know what my intent
was to just be like I need to sit down.
I know this is not my time to get on
the but you have no idea what it took to
get here. I'm here. My friend's trying to rebook my flight. Anyway,
you did.

Speaker 2 (26:27):
This a lot, I did it a lot.

Speaker 1 (26:30):
Did Okay? Did this is a dumb question and you
can say as much.

Speaker 2 (26:36):
How can we open door? It is kind of dumb question.
It depends on the handle. Yeah, so I.

Speaker 1 (26:43):
Took that whole lead into ask that dumb dumb girl.
Dumb dumb girl. But I mean in an endaring way.

Speaker 2 (26:48):
Yeah, it is a lyric. It's lyrics dumb dumb dum
He's a dumb dumb girl. He's like a Lily Allen song.
We should, we should really work, you will work. Let's collab.

Speaker 1 (26:59):
They put a on your relationship surely right, had to have.

Speaker 2 (27:03):
One hundred percent. Oh absolutely, And like define strain because
it's like just stamina strain, emotional brain because there's that
thing of it's a very I think you appreciate with
that job. It's a very different like state of existence mentally. Yeah,
And to come back and suddenly want to make up

(27:23):
for lost time and be present was certainly a challenge
for me. And like, if I'm being completely honest and
I will for you, please do it. Wanting to be
celebrated a little bit like I just accomplished a thing
and feeling like where people who were childless and single
got to kind of at least celebrate themselves or go
on vacation or like it was like back to real

(27:45):
world responsibilities. So that was my side of it. Kobe's
working full time here with a one year old child,
and we were, you know, privileged enough to have help,
and my family's all here and chipped in, which was
a blessing. But she's also like, yeah, this is not
time for you to take victory lap is for us,
time for us to come together. So it would be

(28:08):
it'd be like I'd say, a full day of you're
just it's momentum and you you do miss each other,
so it's fine. That first day is like, Hi, yeah,
how are you? Oh? I missed you great, Yeah, and
then you wake up the next morning it's like, are
you gonna make the breakfast? I just because I'm a
New York time and you, oh, you worked the whole time,
You made all the breakfasts the last three or three weeks. Yeah.

(28:31):
And that's like a very small example, but it's a
lot of that. And pretty early on we knew like
we should we should have a third party help us
talk through this and just and really like what was
so great about it was there was no solution. There
was no like fit like do this and it won't happen. Like, no,
that all makes sense. Yeah, but here's here are like
some language skills to talk about it with each other

(28:53):
without making it a bigger thing, without activating a bigger fight,
a bigger resentment.

Speaker 1 (28:59):
That's so smart though, to have that third party coming,
because what unique circumstances, Because I think anybody like working
working at us and L Yeah you're saying like you're
saying is you're in such a different brain state and
it's such a different unique schedule and the challenges and
the the victories all of it all at once and
processing that all the time, and you're just you get

(29:21):
so accustomed to it. Yeah, being in it, you kind
of start to not know any different. But then you
see people who don't work there, You're like, Okay, you're
on a different plane than I.

Speaker 2 (29:31):
And so barbecue at eleven on a Sunday? Are what
are you talking ABOUTE? Are you making fun of me?

Speaker 1 (29:38):
I know I'm offended by you. And so the notion
that you had that and a one year old and
your your family was here in Los Angeles, I'm like,
I can only imagine. But don't you feel like having
gone through that with Kobe? And I don't want to
put words in your mouth. I can just only imagine
having gone through that you feel and gotten through it successfully.

(30:00):
I feel like you guys can do anything as a team,
because that's what I'm immediately like, that's the child that's
a gigantic challenge.

Speaker 2 (30:05):
Without a doubt. Yeah, we did a lot of things
kind of in We met when we were really young.
We met the week before our twenty third birthdays. We're
born two days apart, same year.

Speaker 1 (30:15):
Oh wow, it's.

Speaker 4 (30:16):
So cute, And like she had significant deaths in the
family within the first year, and then she had some
really major health stuff that she's talked about publicly, and
like we went through that together and weren't sure if
we were going to be able to have kids, and
then our first kid was like sort of this miraculous
surprise and like great ways, but also very stressful with

(30:39):
and like so we did and and we're very very
lucky and fortunate in career early on, you know, so
like we did so much of life backwards.

Speaker 2 (30:48):
Yeah, and we're really looking forward to like our fifties. Yeah,
Like it's just like river cruises, you know what I mean,
Like it's just like seeing the world and so yeah, yeah,
I to your point, that's exactly right. Like we've done
these hurdles that we've been through, we're pretty like locked in. Yeah,
it feels nice. There's a nice security.

Speaker 1 (31:07):
How does it? Yeah, how a secure comes to mind immediately,
But how does it feel to have met your person
at twenty three?

Speaker 2 (31:14):
It's surreal sometimes, like it is. It's like especially I'm
forty three. So we've been together a little over twenty
years now, and and we talk about that a lot.
What were we watching? We were watching a show. Oh,
it's so dumb. We're watching wonder Man, which is great. Okay, great,
have you seen it now? Okay? But the minor spoiler

(31:37):
he reconnects with an X later in the series, and
like kind of the intention of the scene is like
he's still incapable of like hearing her. He's oh, he's
so self focused. But the idea of checking back in
with an X is like Kobe and I have like
one each and like do not talk to them? Yeah,
And it was like childhood X is really you know, Yeah,

(32:00):
and that's a really weird element. Yes, you're like don't
know this, yeah, yeah, and I remember, I remember. This
is a funny like SNL story, But I remember Ben
Stiller was hosting and he's like getting it there and
he's like, oh you are you in a relationship or
whatever and shared my story and I was like, yeah,
it's interesting to be around this. I can't I can't help,

(32:22):
but like, you know, sort of not fantasized, but do
the hypothetical of like imagine if you were single and
this thing's happening, and like like how exciting but also
how challenging and how like all the pitfalls of it
but all the like advantage of it as perceived through
someone not fully experiencing that way yea. And it was
very helpful advice. Ben was like, you're not missing anything.

Speaker 1 (32:43):
I think he's right. Yeah, I can tell you from
having dated yes in my twenties. Yeah, it's a jungle
out there. So it's really huge to have met your person,
regardless of the circumstance that you know, the snl of it,
which is this incredibly unique thing that makes it a
different you're whatever age, a different experience than what might

(33:04):
be the typical experience at that age point. Is it's
a jungle out there. And I think it's so cool
that you guys found each other when you.

Speaker 2 (33:10):
Did we've I think she says, she's on the same page.
But we feel very lucky. We feel very very fortunate
because we're also like generationally right on the cusp of
the online of the app, like we like, I think
I actually filled out like a match dot Com profile
at like twenty one, twenty two years old. Ye, but

(33:30):
missed that whole Yeah, lucky universe. Yeah, which is wild,
like getting to play on friends like Riyah accounts and
the swipe of it all and that they like, Yeah,
there's something so addict like someone who likes games like
this so addictive.

Speaker 1 (33:44):
Yes, dating is so gamified now that it's not though
the initial in my opinion, the initial thing that dating
apps were created for, which was like to connect people,
to get people in relationship with people they might not
otherwise meet in the world. Yeah, now just become this.
It's a game.

Speaker 2 (34:01):
It's a game.

Speaker 1 (34:02):
It's like Temple Run on your front. It's candy Crush. Yeah,
no one collect right, I have some I have a
friend who just got on a dating app and she's like,
no one's talking on and I go, yeah, girl, that's
what it's like. Yeah, it's just the swiping, it's looking
at new faces. It's going. Good to know you exist. Yeah,
I'll say yes, you say yes to me. Good to

(34:22):
know that we both think each other is attracted. Yeah,
and that's enough there And I will not contact you.
You will not contact me, and we're onto the next face.

Speaker 2 (34:32):
Are you still? Friends and family? Is the preference of
meeting prospective partners?

Speaker 1 (34:38):
Get well, I'm in a relationship. You are glory to
be glory to God.

Speaker 2 (34:42):
God is good.

Speaker 1 (34:42):
God is good way all the time.

Speaker 2 (34:44):
God is good all of the time.

Speaker 1 (34:46):
Yeah, I came, I went, I saw, I conquered, et cetera. Yes,
so I feel very happy to be out of the game.
But it is it's shocking, what's what's going on?

Speaker 2 (34:57):
But I do.

Speaker 1 (34:57):
I am a proponent of friends and family in real life.

Speaker 2 (35:00):
And that I think what I like was leaning into
is you saying the dating in your twenties and I
have to believe you're not that far outside of them.
But yeah, but how successful was your app experience? Like
was their success? Was there like personal deep profet like
real success for you through that or was it always

(35:22):
like this is a fun side thing and all experience
it because that's what's happening in the world. But the
real the real hunt is friends, family, personal.

Speaker 1 (35:31):
So I think there was success in that it was
like I did meet people who were attractive. I went
on dates with people who were interesting, some of whom
I liked. I know I have friends who are like
married to people they met on dating yehs. Yeah, and
they're wonderful and wonderful, beautiful relationships. For me, the preference,
and I think, to be honest too, I think for
a lot of people I know, so it's not this

(35:52):
unique thing about me where I'm like, the preference for
me is family, friends, and meeting in real life. I'm like,
I think most people that I know at least are like, oh,
I'd love to meet someone in real life. Yeah, And
I think dating apps can be so useful. Yet I
think there was there was like a sweet spot in
their creation. I think where it was still like, hey,
the thing we created this for is our primary purpose

(36:14):
and our goal, and we don't feel like an effective
app if people aren't meeting and dating. I think that
My sense is that the creators of the apps felt
that at one point and now have transitioned to a
like whatever the game swipe on these faces?

Speaker 2 (36:28):
Well, there's like subsets now right where like you have
your app brand, like we are the relationship brand or
we are the hookup brand? Yes, like yeah, the optimist
in me like again, romanticizes is maybe the right word,
Like oh, interesting to be able to skip ahead a
few steps. Yeah, that is a very alluring element of

(36:48):
app dating to me. Of like, I know they like
haja you clowns y, like that would be a detail
that I put in right now to go like, Okay,
we're the right kind of person for each other. But
it was nice.

Speaker 1 (37:00):
Yeah, I mean I definitely see the value in that
there is you. It takes out some of the guessing
that I feel like people who like don't want to
get rejected. But the thing is you can still get
rejected on an app, which I feel like could somehow
feel worse maybe, but I'm not sure. What were the
steps for you and your wife though getting to know
each other?

Speaker 2 (37:19):
It was like did you.

Speaker 1 (37:19):
Ask her out?

Speaker 2 (37:20):
Yeah? I was really sweet. It was really it was
through a friend and like it was just like showbiz friends,
where I'd shot a pilot with a Canadian and actor
who kind of indirect didn't introduce us, thinking we would
be a thing. Yeah, and then we like reconnected a
party a month later and really hit it off and

(37:42):
it was pretty fast. It was really it was really fast,
Like I got her number that night. I called the
next morning at eleven age love it like, I just
am you're a game not cool in that way. Okay,
it's not I don't have that kind.

Speaker 1 (37:53):
Of Okay, I think that's good. It served you well.

Speaker 2 (37:55):
I have like a like a two eager, like my
sort of fanboying bleeds very directly into my relationship. Was like,
I like, you can I collect all of you?

Speaker 1 (38:05):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (38:05):
Can I be skin? And so I called. I had
to leave a voicemail. Voicemails on answering machines or this
thing where you had a separate device. Yeah, explain to
some of the listens. I did have an answering machine
in my in my shared apartment with Mikey day.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
Prince, who has done the podcast as well.

Speaker 2 (38:24):
Okay, amazing, great company. Well it's funny being here. Were
you an iOS person?

Speaker 1 (38:29):
Do you ever perform uc maybe had been to?

Speaker 2 (38:32):
Yeah, okay, yeah, but but iOS right down the block
here and Mikey wrote like a comedy play called After
School Special that we did once a week for like
three months at iOS. So the parking on the street
is very very nostalgia. Yeah, but yeah, called her. She
called me back. I of course it was like, you know,

(38:53):
an hour later and I missed it.

Speaker 1 (38:55):
Can I hear? What the what the do you remember
the voicemail?

Speaker 2 (38:57):
And it's important because it was a dumb joke and
so that you like, and then you'd hear the person's
reaction to it before they left the message. And there's
two other great significant ones. And I'll tell you what
the message was. First it was, Hi, you've reached spider man.
I mean Tarren killim average old tarryn kill him. And

(39:23):
the two messages, like, there's a really nice one. When
I got hired on SNL, Bill Hayter called on and
he's like, man, that's funny, hey Terran. Actually it could
be a good sketch. It's Bill Hayter excited to work
with you, and like that meant the world. Yeah, the
best one that I kept the tape for a long time.
But then I think just moving in time. I had
booked a massage at Burke Williams SPAW. I called to

(39:45):
confirm the appointment and I checked my message too weirdo, Hi,
this is Carol with Burke Williams spaw calling to confirm
your massage for two pm tomorrow afternoon.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
Weirdo.

Speaker 2 (40:00):
She was not wrong. Carol was not wrong. Williams bougie. Yeah.
And Kobe's message was, Hey, Taren, it's Kobe calling you back.
And I was like, oh, just from that little laugh,
that little chuckle, I'm in called her back again. Okay,

(40:21):
this message. I left her one first. She called again.
I missed her call, she left, got response, called her
right back. She picked up, talked on the phone for
an hour, said it came up in conversation. The next
day was Sunday, was Easter Sunday, and I said I'm
responsible for bringing a dessert and she's like, that's crazy.
I'm going to a thing and I have to bring

(40:42):
the dessert. What are you going to bring? And I
said I was gonna make brownies. Do you want to
do that together? Wow? So I went over to her apartment.
She wanted to do the box yeah. I said no, no, no, no,
we're going from scratch.

Speaker 1 (40:54):
OK.

Speaker 2 (40:55):
Really cute moment where she's like, do you dare me
to try the unsweet and chocolate?

Speaker 1 (41:00):
Like do it?

Speaker 2 (41:00):
And like it was terrible and we laughed and no
funny business. Good part of my game at this point,
young man Terren's game. This was my game, okay. Very
strategic was to bring some sort of comedic media that
was important to me that I had seen a million

(41:21):
times and kind of gauge the sense of humor.

Speaker 1 (41:24):
Oh, I like to do that.

Speaker 2 (41:25):
Yes, brought over Borat seasons one and two on DVD.
She had never seen them. Well, I guess it's Dolly
g show. Yes, Yes, one and two. We watched them.
She's laughing. It's gonna good. It's this shall proceed.

Speaker 1 (41:37):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (41:39):
She goes to the restroom. She has to do she
has to do the table read for the pilot of
How I Met Your Mother the next or no, no, no,
it's Easter. She's like got to get up for Easter.
And then that Monday she's doing the table read pilots.
Like good luck. She goes back. When she comes out,
and I'm like horny young man, like, well, I mean
it's getting late, I should you should probably head out?

(42:01):
She goes, yeah, you probably should. It's like cool project dd,
careful no scratches, place into covers, slide into sleep. And
but we'd made a plan for our first date that
Monday night. Okay, cable read okay, and we went. I
took her to a place called four and twenty, which

(42:23):
had really good tortilla soup.

Speaker 1 (42:25):
They don't exist anymore.

Speaker 2 (42:26):
I don't think they do. They were on There was
one on Laurel Canyon. There was one Insu Pulvita, but
I think it might be gone. And then we went
to the Sherman Oaks Mini golf Course. Fun and yeah,
I went mini golfing.

Speaker 1 (42:37):
Oh cute.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
It was really cute. It's really cute. Wow.

Speaker 1 (42:40):
And the rest is history.

Speaker 2 (42:41):
This is history. Although I broke up with her a
year into our relationship.

Speaker 1 (42:45):
The rest was not history.

Speaker 2 (42:46):
I broke up with her for forty eight hours.

Speaker 1 (42:48):
Why tell me?

Speaker 2 (42:50):
Panic?

Speaker 1 (42:51):
So this is you are now twenty four years old.

Speaker 2 (42:53):
This is correct.

Speaker 1 (42:54):
You and you panic? You break up with her. I
need to know why you guys do this.

Speaker 2 (42:58):
Yeah. Yeah, I'm house sitting for my manager at the
time she comes over. We get into one. We get
into like like we're not big fighters, we're like frustrated arguers,
but we're not. We don't there's no blow ups, but
it was just another like we weren't on the same page,
and I said, you know what, and I and what's
dwelling in the back of my mind is like, okay,

(43:20):
well this feels like it's gonna be it, and like
twenty four and this is gonna be it. I'm not
ready to be done. I shouldn't. I should not be ready.
This society tells me yes.

Speaker 1 (43:28):
Society, twenty yes, surely yes.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
And I say, I just I'm not happy. I don't
think this is working. And I break her heart and
she cry and I can still see her face and
it may.

Speaker 1 (43:39):
Oh, I have chills.

Speaker 2 (43:40):
I'm it makes it makes me so sad to like
I can see her face. But but I do it,
and I rip off the band aid and I've got
like another you know, thirty six hours house sitting in
this house is not mine. I'm alone. My friend comes over.
I see Annie Hall for the first time. I'm sobbing
at it. I return to my crappy apartment. Kobe has

(44:00):
removed every trace of her from my apartment and cleaned
like folded bed, scrubbed, shower, smells of like bleach, you know, like,
and wrote me this email that was like, here's why
I thought we worked, Here's where I thought we were.
It makes me so sad to know that we weren't
on the same page, and I just I need space
from you because I don't think this is a thing
where I can get friends. And I start, I cry,

(44:23):
I grab my keys, I drive over to her house.
I was literally like less than forty eight hours and
I go in and I'm a wreck, and I'm like,
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. And I was like
I was as truthful as I could be at that time,
because the real real was like I don't want to
be done having sex with other people. I think was
the basic truth. Yeah, And I couldn't say that. It
was just like I'm scared because I thought that it

(44:43):
feels like this could be it, and I don't know
if I'm ready for it to be it, you know,
not saying nothing I have since, and like, obviously I'm
willing to on a very public podcast, but kind of
the promise that I made to her, which has been
the essence of our relationship since, is that What I
do know is that, as as an immature man, I've

(45:03):
been in this relationship trying to protect myself. How will
it end? Who will break it? And how do I
save myself from feeling hurt when it does. So that's
part of this. And even in these two days of
not being with you, the idea of not being with
you makes me so much more unhappy than the fact
that my worry is we might be happy the rest

(45:24):
of our lives. Yeah. So if you, if you can
find it in your heart to forgive me, I will
dedicate to you right now, I'll be in this relationship
that it will work, and I will do everything in
my power to make it work until should a time
come that's out of our control where it doesn't feel right.
But that's how I will engage in this relationship. And

(45:44):
that helped, but it still took time. She still is like,
and will see you. We'll see Yeah, because what a
fucking blind so shitty, what a shitty, what a twenty
four panicky, immature, emotional like, erratic and irresponsible response to
this person who's so wonderful.

Speaker 1 (46:02):
Yeah wow, if you get broken up with you better
clean clean the apartment, clean the apartment, or you.

Speaker 2 (46:10):
Should hit the road and had to.

Speaker 1 (46:13):
Another time.

Speaker 2 (46:15):
Another time.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
No, you, Honestly I appreciate how evolved though even having
done that, and you, you being the perpetrator of the crime.

Speaker 2 (46:25):
Oh, God of full mess yeah, full mess up.

Speaker 1 (46:29):
Forty eight hours later, though you are you were like, wait,
I have to I know what's actually going on with me.
I'm going to say the like the massage version of this.
I'm going to say the massage version of this to
this person.

Speaker 2 (46:43):
Yes, he was just saying I want to have.

Speaker 1 (46:46):
Sex with other people. Yes, that which is good. I
think that you did it, especially at that time. So
where did you that kind of like emotional intelligence. I
think you demonstrated in that moment forty eight hours after
breaking her.

Speaker 2 (46:59):
It's very nice.

Speaker 1 (47:00):
Do you think that that came from. Were you in
therapy on your own at the point?

Speaker 2 (47:03):
I no, no, No, SNL drove me to individual therapy,
couples and individual therapy. No, I mean my parent. What
my parents did very well, like what they did. The
best I would say is like is being vulnerable. Like
I had a dad who said, a real man can
say I love you do another man and a real

(47:25):
man can cry and show their feeling talk about their feelings.
And I think that that was him sort of like
breaking the cycle of his his family and his upbringing
and my mom very you know, both giving unconditional love.
I witnessed a lot of sacrifice from both of them
to care for five kids, so that it's a strong foundation.

(47:46):
It's a strong foundation, and and I needed that because
I think, like I think, I think the nurture really
outweighed a lot of nature. Just like being a dumb
dumb boy, just a dumb dumb boy.

Speaker 1 (47:58):
Are you going to give yourself grace? Because that worked
out and I think you were able to turn it
around forty eight hours later? Have you seen this story?
Just and I never do this when I'm so fascinated
by the olympian who I don't know what sport it
was biathlon. He did the biathlon. He's a by athlete. Okay,
in the current the current Olympicskay, he won. I think

(48:22):
he represents he's representing Norway. And when they went to
speak to him post game, he was like, yeah, this
is a big moment, but honestly, six months ago I
met the love of my life. But he's like the
big He's like, the bigger moment is that six months
ago I met the love of my life and three
months ago I had decided to cheat on her. So
if she can find it, oh my god, yes you

(48:45):
can always guys, okay, yes, yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:48):
Yeah, oh no, what's the take. I'm so shell shocked
by it. But I'm like, get out, here's my issue
with it. Just hearing it for the first time. Yeah,
that's not a public issue, right, that's a private issue,
and man up privately and handle that. But by doing
it publicly in this, you're trying to dilute the crime

(49:10):
of something.

Speaker 1 (49:10):
About it felt not quite right and since yeah, it
feels and even if it is sincere, it's like, this
is not the choice. In my I'm kind of like, no, no,
don't do this, don't do it this way. I think,
who knows what people? She told you cheated on her now,
like she's been being humiliated again.

Speaker 2 (49:29):
So he's phrasing it in a way that he had
come clean already. He was not breaking it to her
postgame intervene, so I was.

Speaker 1 (49:36):
Just reading articles too, so I didn't hear him actually
do it, but it was like, I don't think but regardless,
I'm like, private issue. Yeah, and it feels like putting
her in a corner of like the pressure's on you
got to take me back the whole world.

Speaker 2 (49:50):
That's not okay, that's it feels like a mild even
if on the surface well intentioned abuse of power.

Speaker 1 (49:57):
Yeah. Yes, I think that's a great way to put it,
even if well intentioned, an abusive power, because she doesn't
get to be out of mic at the.

Speaker 2 (50:05):
Now, she's got a train for three years, her cardio.

Speaker 1 (50:10):
Who knows, she might be babysports like me.

Speaker 2 (50:13):
Like well, curling, I guess seems sort of like the
easiest option for me. Scrub and ice. Two years of
scrub and ice. So then maybe I can go back
and say so proud and no, no, not.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
Taking you back, not happening. So listen, I think you're
handling a bit. I wasn't there, but you and Kobe alreadgether.
You have two beautiful girls. I think that's fantastic.

Speaker 2 (50:36):
Yeah, it's nice.

Speaker 1 (50:36):
Are you friends with your daughters? Would you say yeah?

Speaker 2 (50:40):
I think so. I think the younger one would be
more forthcoming with that. I think I think my elder
one would be like yeah, and wouldn't necessarily, but she's,
you know, sixteen and a half, and this is not
a time to have it's a very nut. It's it's
a trip to like be have a child of an
age where like I still have very clear memories of

(51:01):
sixteen and a half. Yeah, like you know days, I
can remember specific specific days and like, yeah, the idea
of hanging with your ear folks is not something I
would have sought out, But I think they like being
around us. I think that that's the healthy amount, right,
Like sometimes I will say, like, God, I just want
them to when they go out in the world, love
me and come back and be like they're my best

(51:21):
friend when they talk about and Kobe Wiseley is like,
that's not hell, like not to not to detract and
no judgment on people who do feel that relationship like
they're my best friend. But that's not the ultimate goal.
The ultimate goal, really speaking to the responsibility of being
a parent, is they're happy with themselves, they're fulfilled themselves,
and they're seeking out what brings them joy. Yeah, and

(51:43):
it not having you as the best friend, as the
number one friend. If they're healthy and well rounded and
fulfilled and then you did your job and you gotta
you gotta.

Speaker 1 (51:52):
I think that's good. Yes, you did you know you
always wanted to be a parent.

Speaker 2 (51:57):
Yes, I was very romantic about it, and as I
sort of hinted at earlier, our first was like kind
of a bit of a surprise, and I was like, okay,
here we go. And Kobe was very pragmatic about it
and obviously her body and like she's like, oh man,
okay and really stressed and what is this going to mean?
And what do we need to set up? How do

(52:17):
we need to prepare? And I'm like, well, the kids.
And the second we found out the gender, it switched
really switched where there's something about it being female that
Kobe like breathes a cigh of relief, and I suddenly
was like, this is not how I envisioned things occurring,
and this is this is different. I'm in a different
reality now and what does this mean? And what do
I have to How am I yet?

Speaker 1 (52:38):
Why do you think you reacted that way?

Speaker 2 (52:41):
I think probably like ego narcissism, you know, an extension
extension of me like me, makes son son like Batman,
like dad like Batman and go to Ram's game and
He'll gonna be like, you're my best friend, but I'm
fulfilled away from you, and that how Sun be into Yeah,
just the shattering of that fantasy, that full self, you know,

(53:06):
self protecting, building up fantasy and like there were, and
then just like the fricking science of the biology of it.
And I'm gonna get quite candid, but like holding your
baby daughter, and even though it was like, you know,
we were I think we were twenty seven when she
was born, so still earlier in life. But this is
the first vagina I am seeing in my life that

(53:27):
is not an object of sexual pursuit. Yeah, and it
was a thing. It was like, this is this, I
have to clean and care for this now and weird
and now we'll understand it better than I ever then
maybe I thought I did and clearly did not. Yeah,
And that's you know, that one of a thousand different

(53:48):
variations of just the gender separation of it, you know,
like and then and then realizing like how much how
little gender does dictate, and like you can try, you know,
there's we did science kits and skateboards and whatever you want,
and there is princess E all through and through both
of them, but then moved away from that in their

(54:09):
own ways and like very different ways, and they get
along together, but like are their very own distinct personalities
and it's yeah, it's the best thing I will ever do.

Speaker 1 (54:19):
Yeah, I don't think you're alone in that experience. I
think it's a shared experience, and I just having a child,
the notion all together and the way I think transforms
you having zero myself, I just have now been so
fascinated by the notion and how it impacts a man

(54:40):
versus a woman, and your expectation about what parenthood will
be versus what it then actually is, the ways it
matures you, the way it makes you see your crap.
Fascinated by the whole endeavor.

Speaker 2 (54:52):
It is all of this. It changed so much of
my relationship to many, to the idea of parenting like
always kind of being you know, Norman Rockwellian about like
yes I shall and we shall, which was so impractical
and just immature. Really, I think in this this sort
of softest, most grace filled version of it. But the

(55:15):
way it changed my identity to adoption was instantaneous. I
was like, I was always kind of like I don't
know if I could like right away, I was like, oh, no,
this kid doesn't know me, and I don't know this.
I have to get to know this kid. Yeah, and
and really yes, maybe, oh I see that we have
our eyes thing, but you are your own thing and
it's the time that I'm going to invest in you,
and it's that that we'll build this relationship. So that

(55:38):
changed people who said kids are not for me.

Speaker 1 (55:41):
I was always like, Okay, that's okay, Yeah, it's okay.

Speaker 2 (55:45):
Into like, thank you for being so responsible, for knowing
yourself so well, for being fair to the world, for
being fair to this hypothetical not to exist child. Because
it's hard. It is so hard. It's so to do
it in a way way that I think it deserves.
And this is just my own take on it. It's
really hard. It's really demanding and a lot of sacrifice.

Speaker 1 (56:08):
I can only imagine. I can only imagine. And I
so get Kobe's reaction to having a kid too as
a woman, and you're like, what my body in my career?

Speaker 2 (56:16):
What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 (56:18):
Yes, okay, Taren, it's time for a segment called that's nice,
But what about me? And I suppose I want to ask.
I'm trying to think it will be really great for you.
There's a few thing they're like swirling.

Speaker 2 (56:32):
In my head, but we only get one.

Speaker 1 (56:34):
We only get one because I don't want to be greedy.
I don't want to be greedy because what about you though,
But the episode is about you and so okay, raising
children in Los Angeles. You're from Los Angeles, your kids
are from Los Angeles. How do you keep them not Hollywood?
I mean, Ele is so much more than Hollywood, But

(56:56):
how do you how do you keep them grounded?

Speaker 2 (56:58):
How did you see? That comes down to values? Morality
and values And yeah, Kobe deserves again so much credit
for that. She's Canadian, so that's good balance. We were
La and La family, but not not really. We were
like adjacent to showbiz families quite a bit. But just
the value system of find of status, of celebrity, of

(57:24):
notoriety have always It's something that Kobe and I bonded over.
It was like, we love art, we love performing, we
love telling story, we love playing characters, we love movies
and TV. We love it and we love to do
it and doing it at every level brings us joy.
Doing it for recognition really is not of interest to us,

(57:45):
and we do our best to be grateful for what
success has come in professionally and knowing that the notoriety
the fame of it does go hand in hand a bit,
and that you don't want to be like, hey, I
love your work. I'm just leave me alone, you know,
Like that's unhealthy and self defeating a little bit. Yeah,

(58:06):
But so I think that that has been instilled in
our kids, getting them out of town, getting them back
to cand of getting them into nature. Nature is so important.
I don't know that I can say with full confidence
there's not some sort of Hollywood showbiz jadedness, cynicism, aloofness,

(58:29):
take it for granted, but certainly not by their own
doing and any sort of like spoiled behavior we would
immediately do our best to crack down on. Yeah, but yeah,
I think they just can't help but be partially a
byproduct of their like liberal showbiz, bubble city upbringing, you know. Yeah, yeah,

(58:51):
but but they have to work for things. They have
to earn their you know, earn the chore money, like
keep keep the chore money that they could you know.
So it's that and I think that's my answer to that.
I'm gonna be hon it. Like your question has me going,
like I need to really check in with them and
see what do you what do you like? Keeping him

(59:13):
off devices a lot. As part of that, our oldest
didn't get her first phone until she was fourteen. She's
really one of the last.

Speaker 1 (59:20):
Years ago two and a half years ago.

Speaker 2 (59:21):
Wow, okay, making it for lost time, but still there's
like put parameters on that and yeah, yeah, I don't know.
I don't know, but but I think the I think
the values of it is is key, okay, Like we
want you to be kind, we want you to be kind,
we want you to be not self centered all the time.

(59:41):
They think it's human nature to be a little self
focused because you're born into yourself.

Speaker 1 (59:45):
You're not walking around the world as yourself exactly.

Speaker 2 (59:48):
But I think knowing like Kobe does, works at a
soup kitchen every Tuesday, and she's taking shape to work
with her there and little little bits like that without
without being too preachy about it, but yeah, just understanding it.
We're lucky to be alive, We're lucky to share this
world and try to make it a little bit better.

Speaker 1 (01:00:08):
That's good. What's top of mind is I know some
people who are having kids or have kids who lived
in LA or do live and are like, I need
to get out of here to raise the kids. So
I just it's an interesting thing.

Speaker 2 (01:00:21):
I understand it. I understand it. Again, like Kobe and
I have never never prioritized our career over them like
that will never They will always be the number one priority,
and our alignment in that has what has made us
good co parents. Yeah, but I also understand, like, yeah,
get the hell out of it, because I like, I'll

(01:00:41):
ask my girls. We're not a religious family, but like,
do you have any interest in like going to a
church to see what that's about, because I'm I do
anticipate some significant culture shock for both my children, college travel,
whatever it is, Like I could see that coming. Yeah, yeah,
in ways that they didn't even conceive. They're like, oh,

(01:01:04):
I am a city person.

Speaker 1 (01:01:05):
Right, It's true. I mean it's such a it's such
a diverse city and melting pot. But then there are
these pockets of existence here that that do feel so insular.
And that's the yeah, the irony of it too.

Speaker 3 (01:01:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:01:19):
Yeah. But but in whatever little travel we get to do, you,
I mean, Kobe and I are always saying to each other,
there's so many people in the world. There's so many
different ways to live and experience this existence. Yeah, and
I hope for our children to like go and really
kind of expose themselves to that as much as possible.

Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
Yeah, I'm excited for them. You nudge them.

Speaker 2 (01:01:40):
Somewhere else to go to Canada. Are going to figure
it out exactly. Ye're gonna be a cruising on a river,
cruising on the river.

Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
I can see this for you. I'm manifesting for you
as well. Okay, we have to help a listener to
close out. Not just about me, it's not just about you.
It's about the listeners. You will listen to a voicemail.

Speaker 6 (01:02:01):
Okay, great, Yeah, Hey, I go it's Zach. Thank you
so much, Declan John's for answering my question. You know,
I think you're right. I think it is all about
you know, putting in a little self care now and then,
which still lead me to a follow up question, which is,
what are those little acts of self care you know

(01:02:25):
help get you through those chores? You know what, what
are the little treats you get for yourself or do
for yourself to.

Speaker 2 (01:02:34):
Help, uh, you know, not fill the void, but at.

Speaker 6 (01:02:38):
Least get you to that next moment. Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (01:02:41):
Bye, I'll let you in.

Speaker 1 (01:02:43):
Sleep and water, Sleep and water, water, sleep, water, truly reading?

Speaker 2 (01:02:49):
What are you reading?

Speaker 1 (01:02:50):
I'm currently reading The Body Keeps the Score. Okay, okay,
just finished reading You Are Here by David Nichols. It's
a fiction book. It's a romance novel, but it's like
really beautifully written. And I don't ever read fiction, but
my my boyfriend gave it to me, and I'm lovely
good read. Uh yeah, I have to say. Yeah, that's

(01:03:14):
and I eat. I love to eat good meal. Bring
me more to yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, that's.

Speaker 2 (01:03:21):
It, and yeah, order a pizza.

Speaker 1 (01:03:23):
Yeah it feels good to you because someone else might
tell me. I have friends that like love the sauna
and they like compression therapy, and I'm like that.

Speaker 2 (01:03:30):
Sure, that's cool. Yeah. There's these like neurotech boots you
can get to.

Speaker 1 (01:03:35):
I don't own them, but I can go to like.

Speaker 2 (01:03:37):
A self care spot and you sit there and it
and it squeezes and it helps for circulation. Squeeze the
ship out of your plates. You can do hips too.
Is it a massage? Is it? Is it a vacation?
Doesn't have to be an expensive vacation, But is it
a or a walk through nature? I like water, yes,
I love I love to like float. I love like

(01:03:57):
to float in an ocean under the surface or like
that is very peaceful to me.

Speaker 1 (01:04:02):
Same, it's very calming water Are you a water sign
a fire sign? Okay, so it makes no sense.

Speaker 2 (01:04:07):
Yeah, what the heck? What what the heckser fire sign?
Talking about a maga that's just that's just Magma rock.

Speaker 1 (01:04:19):
Don't go together. Yeah, your maxine that you are bullshit. Okay,
hopefully that's I love how you were answering that question
though with a question, because I think the question begs
the question. But Josh, it was three Josh, Josh was
answered last time with me. We're just days ago. Frankly back,

(01:04:42):
I'm not a left Well, Josh was the guest that
they were referring to.

Speaker 2 (01:04:46):
Helped it was Zach. That's Zach. That was Zach just on.

Speaker 1 (01:04:51):
The top, Yes, exactly, which by the way, I didn't
say it when we recorded, but to me and I
I tweeted this one. I had Twitter. The tweet did numbers,
and I really stand by this. To me, all Josh's
could be Zach and Zax could be Josh's. And that's it.
Thank you so much, Teraron Killem for your job. I
believe it. Think about it. The best joshus and Zax

(01:05:13):
could be anyway, I think it's the same name.

Speaker 2 (01:05:16):
Yeah, that that tracks so fine. So Zach find a
Josh and ask how they self care.

Speaker 1 (01:05:21):
I think it's the same name. Okay, all right, Derek,
you are the best. Thank you for doing this.

Speaker 2 (01:05:26):
Thank you, thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:05:27):
Yay. That was my conversation with the lovely Terran Killim.
You know him, you love him. I love him. You
know him, I know him, you love him, we all
love him. It was fun. I'm so glad. If you
want advice from me and my next guest, you simply
have to call us. The number is five zero two

(01:05:49):
eight four nine three two three seven five zero two
eight four nine three two three seven five zero two.
Thanks THHX. Dad's call us. We will do our best
to help you. We are not licensed professionals. We mostly
don't know what we're talking about. But you can ask
for advice. It'll be fun. There's a limit to the
advice we can give. At some point you have to

(01:06:09):
take the reins on your own life. And I believe
in you. I love you. I'll see you in the
next one. Thanks Dad is a production of Will Ferrell's
Big Money Players and iHeart Podcasts. I'm Your Host, Aego
wodem Our. Producer is Kevin Bartelt and our executive producer
is Matt Appadaka,