March 30, 2026 • 51 mins
In this powerful episode of the 9941 Podcast, Granger Smith, Tyler Smith, Parker Smith, and special guest Amber dive into one of life’s most formative seasons—middle school—and the lasting impact of fatherhood, identity, and faith.
The conversation explores how early experiences shape confidence, character, and belief systems, especially through the influence (or absence) of a father. Amber shares a deeply personal story about growing up without feeling fully seen or loved by her dad, while the group reflects on how God’s design for fatherhood points us back to our ultimate Father in Heaven.
This episode tackles real-life struggles—parenting teenagers, balancing discipline and empathy, and navigating unmet desires—through a biblical lens. Anchored in Scripture like Matthew 7 and Ephesians 6, the discussion challenges listeners to rethink what we want versus what we truly need, emphasizing contentment, trust in God, and spiritual growth over temporary fulfillment.
Whether you’re a parent, a young adult, or someone wrestling with faith, this episode offers encouragement, conviction, and clarity. It’s a reminder that even through pain, God is working for a greater purpose—drawing us closer to Him.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
What's up on Granger.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
I'm Amber, I'm Tyler, I'm Parker.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
And this is the ninety nine for one podcast. You
might be wondering where is ant Man and why is
Amber here? Why ant Man's not feeling well? Easy, Yeah,
we love ant Man, but he's not feeling well. And
Amber is a somebody I wanted to I want you
to go on this podcast anyway, so it seems like
it worked out really well to have you, so thanks
for being with us. The purpose in the name of
(00:26):
this podcast is the purpose is to seek the one
and equip the ninety nine to do the same, as
comes from a parable and the Gospel of Luke where
Jesus said, how many of you that had a hundred
sheep would not leave the ninety nine for the one?
If there was one loss, wouldn't you go after the one?
And that's what we try to do with this podcast.
We have seen enough in our lives, all four of
(00:48):
us where we don't We aren't craving to be the clickbait,
get all the views, get all the listeners type podcast.
I think we would rather tackle things that are a
little less popular so that maybe one person needs to
hear it. They put the topic today as we've been
diving in and just kind of discussing here. We were
(01:10):
talking about we have a amber, and I have a
fourteen year old daughter, and so we're talking about middle
school and all the things that go with middle school.
And we were kind of going around the circle talking
about did anyone have a good experience in middle school?
And I don't think any Even Tyler thought that he did,
but then the more he thought about it, he remembered
some guy that punched him all the time.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
It wasn't without blimmit, Yeah I had a great middle school,
but yeah here all the time, people like I hate
in middle school or high school had great experiences at both.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
So we were talking about how formative middle school can be,
but up and up and beyond the the formation of
school or that age is the idea of the formation
of fathers. And I think as we think back through
(01:58):
middle school, just and I and now I'm on this
side of it. You know, I grew up with a father,
you know, as I was in middle school that was
forming me. And now I am the father that's trying
my best to form my middle schooler. And it is constant, right,
it is.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
We talked, Well, you said last night, I think this
is the hardest time in parenting we've ever had.
Speaker 5 (02:25):
It is, and then perception is that's when it's going
to be easiest. When the kids are older. They're like
self functioning, they're independent vipers. I just wish my kids
were in middle school.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
You have a two year old and a baby on
the way, and how many you've probably already heard people
that joke around like, wait to those teen years, wait
to the teen years. Like as soon as London came
out of the womb, people are like, oh a girl,
wait till those teen years. And well, I was always like,
not that big a deal. London's is a sweeterart. She's
(02:57):
so precious and she is.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
She is all of those I'm loving these years with her.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
But they were not wrong about the the it's an
extra level of thinking and planning and wrestling through is
literally when you have a teen you're you have to
go into their world with them and live that world
with them. Literally, we're living London's world right now with it.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
And it's nothing against her, like we're just like thinking.
Speaker 5 (03:27):
We were just literally like, yeah, middle school is so hard,
Like how do I get my mind back into that
to think about.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
Parker said he was about he feels like he felt
like he was about to throw up just thinking about
his middle school years.
Speaker 5 (03:37):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're like, yeah, London like has been
sick to her stomach, and I'm like, yeah, I used
to be too.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
It makes me want to throw up just thinking about
being fourteen. That was terrible.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (03:49):
It's such like a formative time and you're so vulnerable,
you know, physically, mentally, spiritually, and you're so impressionable. You're
always looking at like, who's the person I want to imitate?
Who am I going to be? What's the perception of
others of me? You're just sow in your head. You're
in these classes that you hate. You don't care about
what happened in the seventeen hundreds at all.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Like he's like summoned everything else said that last night.
You should talk to London. You got to figure it out.
Speaker 5 (04:16):
But it's hard to know when to like push and
then when to like show empathy.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
And you know that, you guys, is the battle.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Man, you just summed it up. That's the battle. We
every and I I we finish our day. We get
into bed and we're just like oh, and then we
usually start talking about the battle between pushing and empathy,
which is kind of sympathy is kind of the verb
or the noun that goes right in the middle.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
But yeah, because we want to be we want to
be sympathetic and have empathy for what she's going through
or all of our kids are going through, but we
also need to push them and can't rescue them every
time they're uncomfortable. So it's like this hard. I think.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
I think Parker said the key to all this and
you said who like you said something like kudo want
to emulate or whatever. Get The key is you just
can't care about what anybody thinks about you.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
That the Class Tyler podcast line.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
And I know you can't care what anybody thinks about
So the question is how do you not care? How
did I just not care if if I wore something
into school that people might make fun of. My mentality
was like, I don't care what you think. And sure enough,
a couple of weeks go by and you're going to
be wearing what I'm wearing that everybody thought was going to.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Be dumb because I just don't care. Can I just
stop right here, just for a second and just say, yes,
I get it, you're an alpha. Many people hear that
and go impossible for me.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
You don't know, I'm I'm asking.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
I'm yeah, I get, I get I'm asking the question.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
How so how how do you just not care?
Speaker 5 (05:46):
Is it so that the question is are you born
with that instinct or can it be learned?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Right?
Speaker 4 (05:52):
It's for a lot of kids the middle school or
high school years, it feels like everything is the most
important thing right now. And obviously we can look back
later and say that didn't it's not gonna matter in
ten years or whatever what they're feeling in that moment,
but at the time, it feels like the most important thing.
Speaker 5 (06:06):
I remember going back to like a middle school football
game at my old middle school and seeing the people
there and there's like sixty people there and it's just
all parents. It's like dead silent. There's all these little
kids running around, and I remember thinking at the time,
this Thursday night game was like I was just throwing
(06:30):
up before because I was so nervous about like what
people were going to think about me if I was
going to catch it, how many touchdowns was I going
to score? You get so nervous about the perception of
yourself because you're so caved in on yourself. And then
you get a little bit older, you look back and
you're like, this is not a big deal at all.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
But Tyler, probably you didn't feel that at all. Yeah, well,
I'm the man, I'm the quarterback.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
I don't think it just didn't care. Do you think
that you had any kind of pressure because of your
brother older brothers that were, you know, good at football
or whatever. I don't know, was that like subconsciously and it.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Definitely made me love football a lot.
Speaker 5 (07:07):
And so I think I've always put a lot of
pressure on myself unnecessarily, like Grador and I'm talking about
the Bible study that was leading last night at Prepped
for like nine hours, and Granger is like, there's like
four guys there and you guys are like sitting on couches.
We're supposed to just like ask a few questions. But
I put a lot of pressure on myself because I
want to have an answer for every single thing. Yeah, anyway,
(07:29):
I do. I don't know the direction you want to take.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
So the direction I want to go is during these
formative years. Let's talk about the role of a father.
I have some research pulled up. There's a lot of
research done, you know. There you can go through countless studies,
but I pulled up a few. I preached at our
church this past Sunday, and I used a website to
show kind of what the world was thinking that A
lot of times I want to show a contrast of here,
(07:53):
this is what the world says, what did the Bible say?
And the website I used that I found for my
preaching last week was out of psychology dot com or
psycho psychology today, psychology today dot com, And ironically today
I found the same website for our topic today. And
sometimes modern psychology actually does line up with the Bible.
(08:14):
It will today with this study of fathers. But let's
talk about the role of fathers and specifically kids. So
let's go around. Three of us in the room here
have the same father. But but then there's Amber. So
let's talk about the confidence maybe that Tyler had. Okay,
how much came from dad?
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Well, I could tell you how that hurt my relationship
with my dad. Great me and Dad butted heads a
lot because.
Speaker 5 (08:40):
I did not butt heads at all, right, Right, So
that each each personality has its pros and cons.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
I guess being debt like dead like man, we had
some we had some fights, not like fist fight or anything,
but just like disagreements or like silence, you know, because
of that mentality of the lone wolf would say. Alpha
would say, like lone wolf, I'm gonna do my do
it my way, and me and Dad put it heads
(09:06):
because of that. So that's where it affected me.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
I wonder how Dad changed what we lost Dad twelve
years ago, so we can't ask him now, but I
wonder now, looking back, how much he changed his parenting
as he learned through the three boys.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
You know what I saw with their dad when because
I was just being a complete, like you know, hard headed,
horrible son. What I learned through Dad looking back was patience.
He was always loving and patient through it while I
was just doing stupid stuff.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
So I remember, you probably had a different dad than
the boys did.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah, the older dad. You're thirteen years younger, so just
sheer age dad was. I'll say just a rough number.
When I'm in high school, maybe dad's forty, and then
when you're in high school, he's mid fifties, like low
forties to mid fifties. That's just a big difference in
(10:08):
a man anyway. Harbably also just loved having you after me.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Where's that confidence?
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Now, that's where it effected me. The relationship with my dad,
Dad was for me. You know, Dad loved Dad loved football.
So when I'm the first son to arrive at say,
putting a helmet on, putting shoulder pads on, Dad's going.
Dad's just so into seeing, wanting to show his experience
(10:40):
in life. And because Dad always looked at football, for instance,
as such a life practice, you know, it was a
life trainer. He would always tell me, it's a mental game.
I know those guys are bigger than you, but it's
a mental game. You know, it's a mental toughness game.
Get lower than them, square your shoulders, all these things
that he would say, And he's right. Football, it's it's
(11:02):
not about who's the biggest guy. The biggest guy or
the fastest guy get the immediate advantage, but it's the
it's the mental guy, the fundamental guy that ultimately wins
on the long run. And Dad saw that his life's
like that. Dad said, look, this is life. It's a
it's a mental it's a mental game. It's a it's
it's about the daily, faithful, small fundamental practices that equal
(11:26):
success in the long run. But there are going to
be people that are just naturally more talented, and they'll
stand out at the beginning. Dad used to call them
the guys that had the guys that are shaving when
they're in seventh grade. You know, they they step out
ahead of everyone at the very beginning. But but but
if you just practiced the small, faithful things, which is
why you looked at football as an analogy to life,
(11:46):
illustration of life. But my point is I got there first,
and so then by the time you got there three
years later, he was probably thinking, well, this is what
I learned with Granger Tyler, let's do this. And you
were you already passed it. You already like saw it,
been there, done that, learned it. I'm already to the
next level, Dad, I'm already one step ahead of you.
And then Parker was like learning all over again. You know.
(12:08):
So I bet Dad fluctuated in those things. But what
about you, Amber, what's your question middle school? Your experience
with middle school? And then how did your dad relate
to that?
Speaker 5 (12:24):
Were you naturally were you more? Did you lean more
towards a rule follower like I was, and more agreeable,
or were you more like a little bit more going
to push the boundaries like my wife Amy was like
more like Tyler, where she was going to break the
rule for its own sake.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
She was very confident.
Speaker 4 (12:43):
I would say a little of both. My parents divorced
when I was four, So I was a rule follower.
I made really good grades. I wanted to please both
because my parents were divorced, so I would say what
I needed to say to please each parent. But I
was also secretly breaking the rules, if that makes sense.
Like on the surface, like.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
The all American, yeah, cheerleader girl, good grades, popular at parties, weren't.
Speaker 4 (13:09):
You Yeah, yeah, I mean I don't say that.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
That sounds right, That's why I said it.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Yeah. But I was seeking things that I wasn't receiving,
I guess from my dad. So I was breaking rules.
I was being rebellious. I was doing things that I
shouldn't be doing. So I would say a little of both.
I longed to feel loved. I longed to be seen,
(13:34):
and I guess that stemmed from maybe the divorce of
not receiving that, maybe from my dad.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Was there was a time recently. It was actually one
year ago because it's in my journal. We were in
Lincoln and I were preaching in Calluspill and you were
having a disagreement with your dad and you were bouncing
it back off me and sending me voice texts that
(14:04):
you had left your dad, and part of it, you
were saying, Hey, make sure that I'm being gentle here.
Make sure I'm being loving here. You're kind of needing
discipleship in something that was very hurtful and painful to you.
You're wanting to make sure that I was making I
was seeing that you were gentle in it. That it
broke me. Did you know that that broke me? It
(14:27):
broke me because because I've known you for seventeen years
and hearing your voice, I've heard your voice for seventeen years,
but hearing your voice on your voice text to your dad,
you just were you were saying, you were crying through speaking,
but you're saying all I ever wanted was you to
(14:50):
love me and you to want me. And I was
just like, oh my gosh, I've known you for so
long and yet then and that was a part of
you I had never known, the little girl, the thirteen
year old girl that just wanted a dad to love her.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
Yeah, and I would say, I would say the strain
didn't come until later. But yeah, I remember that voice
sex because we were navigating something with my dad and
divorce and I was and he's pushing me away, and
I had said something along the lines of something along
the lines of I've just wanted your love, but I
(15:32):
have a father in heaven who will never turn his
back on me and who will always love me. But
that I didn't realize that and come into confidence in
that until I was a woman, a grown woman, and
so I'm secure in that. But as a girl, as
a teenager, as a young woman, you crave that from
your dad, and sometimes it feels like I had to
earn it, you know.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
From a boy too.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Yeah, you're a sports game and you look up in
the stands and when your dad's there watching. That's the
most valuable asset in life is your time. You have
all the money in the world and everything, but your
time your intentional with them. Your devices are down, You
show up their sporting events, You show up. It just
show up. That's all they want.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Yeah, that's such an On a side note, that's such
an interesting thing too, because our kids could try to
manipulate us with that, because not they wouldn't say it
like you just said it, but they know that they
could use that against us if they need something. So
you know, like Lincoln, it'll go up, like Dad, it's cool,
play basketball, play basketball. I'm like, I just walked in
(16:33):
from doing something else with you. Lincoln, Come on, please
know I just need you to be my dad and
play basketball with you. Bro, they knew with you all day.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
I'm not buying that, but in our heart we feel like, oh,
I'm scarring them for life if I don't go play basketball.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Yeah. Yeah. So let's look at the Bible real quick,
because this morning, and we did this in our family worship,
we were in Matthew seven and Jesus said something something
so interesting here, and it's it's like one of these
things in the Bible word fit. If you're not looking closely,
you'll you'll miss it. But it's on the certain the
(17:11):
end of the sermon in the Mount, And interestingly enough,
it's right after talking about being anxious, do not be
anxious like you said, I just don't worry about it.
So right after Jesus said, I live under a rock,
Do that live under a rock? Don't worry. God's gonna
clothe you. You see those flowers out there. You see
how beautiful these flowers are. And in two months, and
(17:32):
that's our case right here in Texas, and we're in
March right now. In two months, those flowers are gonna
be burned up. But look how beautiful there. If God
so close these flowers, don't you think he's gonna take
care of you. You see the birds out there, You
see him running around eating the grass, eating, eating the
worms in the grass. They don't take worms and nuts
(17:54):
and berries and put them in a barn and store them.
But God feeds those birds. Don't you think it a
little more valuable than the birds? Jesus is telling the people,
you think you're more valuable than a bird or a flower.
God's gonna take care of you. Therefore, don't worry about
your clothes and your body and what you're gonna eat.
Don't worry about these things. Instead, seek first the Kingdom
(18:17):
of heaven, he says, right, and then these things will
be added to you. Look to him first, looked at,
look to the one who will provide, and then these
things will be added to you naturally is a natural
overflower natural consequence of putting your focus in the one
who provides. It doesn't mean do nothing. It means make
sure you pay attention to who you're looking to. You're
(18:41):
looking inwards saying, I'm never gonna get this, I'm never
gonna have this. I'm never gonna you know, I'm gonna
never gonna pay this bill, whatever it might be. Are
you're looking to the Lord saying, Lord, I will I
work heartily unto you and not for men. And so Lord,
as I work, I recognize behind my bills, but I'm
(19:03):
gonna but I'm not behind in my prayer life. Lord,
provide for me. And then you go back to work,
and you work with excellence. Coming out of all this
argument that Jesus has given the people and the sermon
of the mount Amber, and I have been around this
mountain side in Israel and pictured this green hillside. We've
seen it still there where you could look. And then
(19:24):
behind behind him is the Sea of Galilee, you know,
beautiful place. And after that argument he says this, He says,
ask and it will be given to you. Seek and
you will find knock and it will be open to you,
For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds,
(19:45):
and the one who knocks it will be opened. Interesting
verse nine, come in here, or which one of you,
if his son asks him for bread, would give him
a stone, or if he asked for a fish, would
give him I'm a serpent. If you, then, who are evil,
know how to get give good gifts to your children,
(20:05):
how much more will your father in heaven, who is
in heaven, give good things to those who ask him.
I love that verse. The interesting thing that I was
talking about that if you blink you miss it, was
the little part where he says, if you then, who
are evil? Oh I didn't miss that.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
That's the first thing that stands out.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
If you then, who are evil? He's basically saying, hey,
all you people that are evil, all of you, you're evil,
and you can give good gifts, and you're evil coming
from a place of of uh where we're sinful in
nature by nature. As people, we are sinful by nature.
(20:46):
Even if you're a Christian, your nature still while we're
still on this earth, our nature is evil, which is
why we need to be cleansed. We need new hearts,
we need you know the whole. We need to be
born again. But even Christians will lean evil, and so
we need to be relying and surrendering to the one
capital O who was not. And he says, those of
(21:09):
you are evil, you give good gifts to your children.
Think about that comparison he's saying, Think about that comparison
to the to a perfect father. If you give good gifts,
think about what a perfect father gives.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
Yeah, there's cool versus like that.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
The ultimate prize is Jesus.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
So is this target mainly like.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Teenager listening or is this for dads this specific episode? Yeah,
I think it's both. I think we're talking to we're
going to motivate dads with this, and we're going to
also encourage those that didn't have a good dad. Because
there's equal amount of people listening that maybe people listening
(21:52):
go I had a good father, and and to that,
I would say, that's amazing. That's a gift. Imagine what
a good a good, perfect father will give. And then
for the people that didn't have a good dad, like
Amber saying, you have a perfect father in heaven, which
is what you eventually realized.
Speaker 4 (22:12):
Yeah, And I just I struggle with saying I didn't
have a good dad because things in our lives shape
us into how we are and how we parent. And
I love my dad. We have a very strained relationship.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
So I hate to say talking about love.
Speaker 4 (22:26):
I know, but I just I hate to say that.
But like you said, we are all human, we're fallible,
we are sinful. Even quote good dads will let us down,
but like you said, our father in heaven will not,
and he is perfect. And if we're looking too earthly
dads to give us what we need, they'll always let
(22:47):
us down, whether they are good, present, not present, whatever,
they're always gonna let us down. But we can know
that we have a good father in heaven who will
not But he doesn't always give us what we want,
but he gives us what we need because he loves us.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
So I just I don't know.
Speaker 4 (22:59):
I just felt bad saying I didn't have a crime.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Well you didn't say it, I said, I know. So
to expound on what you mean by what you want
versus what.
Speaker 4 (23:05):
You need, because God doesn't answer what we always want
because he knows what's best for us, but he'll give
us what we need. And you've always said the struggle
between my dad and I is my power now is
what you've told me. Use that as your power and
how you parent moving forward, and it's shaped me into
the woman that I am.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Say that one more time, what so that I can
I mean, I understand what you mean, but so that
people can understand. Sometimes the struggle you've had growing up
with the absent father is now what is given you
strength to be the woman that you are.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
And I can thank him, just like we always talk
about we can thank the Lord for our suffering. I
can thank him now for these times in my life
that have shaped me into the woman that I am today.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
There are good things that old Tony Robbins said that
we en to his self help and that was whore
Tony Robbins used to really in his gravelly voice, be like,
you could thank your mother. Your mother abandoned you, thank
her for that because now you have the gift of independence.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
Well you learn that because she did that, you could
help the people that are gone through similar situation.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Eactly, Yeah, that's right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Parker, what are you pulling up?
Speaker 5 (24:23):
I was just thinking about the person who's like, well,
you say, God is a good father, gives good gifts
to his children. But like the person who's like, he
didn't give me what I wanted. Yeah, he's didn't get
rid of my acne, and like, I'm not the best
player on my sports team, terrible with school, not good
with whatever. I don't have a girlfriend. I feel dumb.
(24:45):
I feel like God hasn't answered my prayers. But I
feel like what y'all said, he gives you what you need,
not necessarily what you want at the time, what you
think you want. I think that could be helpful maybe
to those who feel like their prayers have not been answered.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
So let's talk about it with your kids. Let's use David,
your son, your two year old son, as an analogy.
What's what's the difference in something that he wants and
something that he needs? And would you give him? If
I heard I heard somebody talking about this first one
time talking about this, Matthew seven, how many of you
(25:18):
if you ask for bread, he would give you a stone?
How many? How many? If you ask for a fish,
would he would give you a serpent? Basically that's what
he says, snake. But many times what we ask for
is the snake. I think that's an implication of this
text too, is that us not knowing we ask for
(25:39):
snakes all the time, we ask for stones all the time,
and a good father will give you bread and a
good father will give you a fish right in this particular.
So what's an example of what David wants? And you
don't give him what he wants and he might be
mad at that, but then you give him what he needs.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Oh, like he wants to play in the street all
the time?
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Okay? Or who would it be a good father to say, yes,
go play in the street because I just want to
please you.
Speaker 5 (26:12):
I'm trying to give a better example though, because for
the person that's like, well, I've been praying for a husband,
h for like six years. I'm thirty one. Everybody's married.
I'm not asking God to go play in the street.
I'm not asking for a knife. I just want a husband,
you know. And I know that's a hard question, but
I'm just trying to think. But yeah, I know what
(26:32):
you mean, because like reading like I was reading the
Ragule of Christian Contentment, and Burrows is emphasizing how in
Romans God gave them up to the desires of their
hearts and He's like, some of sometimes the way God
could actually judge you most harshly. The worst thing that
could happen for you actually is for God to just
give in and give you whatever your heart wants or
(26:55):
whatever your flesh wants. And I remember hearing John Piper
recently talk about how terrible, specifically in A Q and
A his acne was in middle school and how much
that had an effect on his social life and his
confidence and how self conscious he was. And he says,
in hindsight, if I was if I did have like
(27:17):
the clear skin and look the exact way that I wanted,
I don't know if God would have used me the
way that he has and how that has implanted such
humility in me because of those years of those afflictions.
And so then he can look back and say, thank
you God for that acne that was so terrible, that
(27:38):
made me rely on you, that made me feel so
weak and so vulnerable, and like I had to rely
on you and trust you.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Man. That's something something you said, something he said Parker
about the person that's saying I'm praying for a husband
or praying for a wife. Let's talk about this for
a second, because I know there's people that are that
want that as well. They're listening and had a friend
text me text me recently asking this, Hey, can you
(28:07):
pray for me? Can you pray for patience? Because I
desperately want a wife. I want the Lord to bring
me somebody, and I feel like he hasn't, and obviously
because he hasn't, it's because I need to be learning something,
and so will you please pray that the Lord gives
me patience? And I said, brother, I don't think patience
(28:34):
is what you need. You need you need contentment because
we patience is saying I know I know what the
Lord's gonna do down the road, and so just keep
me pacified until he does it. But that's not what
you need. You need to say, you need the Lord
to give you contentment so that you could then say
(28:57):
I'm good where I am now, and if Lord change that,
and if you bring somebody in my life, amen, it's wonderful.
I'll trust you in that. But as of right now, Lord,
I need to be content with who I am and
where I am and in my situation today. On top
of that, the other side of this is that for
everyone that's praying for a wife or a husband, bring
(29:18):
me someone. I'm lonely. I need somebody. For everyone that's
saying that, there is an equal amount of people saying
I need out of this. This woman is driving me crazy.
I want to get a divorce, but I can't because
the Bible, and I'm stuck here. Or she's abusive or
he's abusive, or they're a terrible parent to my kids,
and I'm stuck in this situation. There's equal amount of people.
(29:40):
And so for the Lord to say, say, oh, you
want somebody, I'll give you somebody. What does the person
say that says I want out? They would say, hang on,
you need contentment. You don't need a person right now.
Look at me.
Speaker 5 (29:52):
It's like Moralites when they demanded God that they wanted
to king kick every other h exactly exactly.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
I was just going to say, with the giving what
you want versus what you need? When you said that,
was it your friend that you said something about God
wouldn't have used them the way that they did.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (30:10):
I was just thinking, like what we wanted with our
son River was we wanted healing. We wanted River to
come back to us. But God knew what we needed.
And I think how of how our lives would have
been so different if God had given us what we wanted,
and God, it would have given River back to us,
our lives would be so different, so incredibly different. And
it's like He takes something that we want and gives
(30:30):
us something better. And the better was him, and the
better was salvation. And that's hard because there's people praying
for a wife or healing or you know, whatever it is.
And it just goes back to the scriptures. If we
don't understand God's ways, they're they're unsearchable. But he knows
what we need in the long run.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
And I can't think of a better example than that
for our lives.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
Yeah, and it's different for everybody.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
Ie, the Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. Yeah,
everything you just said, I hear a lot of I
and me.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
I want this.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
When are you going to bring me? Yeah, contentment, it's
it's Lord changed the desires of my heart to your desires.
Let me trust you. I lack nothing. You are sufficient.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Yeah, that's it. It's not easy.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
I might not have a wife, I might not have
a husband. All I need is Lord and his plan.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
And I feel like I feel like that's so good
for all of us in whatever season of life, whatever
we have going on. You know, the ultimate example for
us in our lives is River. That's good. I remember
praying in that hallway that he would the Lord would
heal him and bring him back, and everyone was praying that,
and then he didn't. And and you think about this,
(31:43):
You what on Matthew seven, ask, knock, seek, where are
you God?
Speaker 4 (31:50):
No?
Speaker 1 (31:51):
But then Jesus says, right after that, how much more
will your father in Heaven give good things to those
who ask? So we were asking and he was giving.
We didn't see it then, not in the way we wanted,
just one the way we wanted. It wasn't playing in
the street. It wasn't having that ice cream cone that
(32:13):
you want so bad.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
Please.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
No, I know more about this ice cream than you
do right now, and I know your stomach. But so
that's the example of our house. But I was gonna
say the ultimate example is the cross. Remember Peter said,
far be it, Lord, that you're gonna go and die,
that they're going to kill you on the cross. No way, Lord,
(32:36):
that'll never happen. I'll stop them. Every time Jesus says,
get behind me, Satan.
Speaker 4 (32:42):
You're thinking of the ways of man.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
And the same thing when he says, I'll never deny you.
He says, Peter, They're gonna deny me three times?
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Yeah, no way, I know what what no way?
Speaker 4 (32:53):
Like?
Speaker 1 (32:54):
Yeah, that's the ultimate example is the Cross. We no
one would have wanted their human desires without seeing the
full redemptive history that God would do through the Cross.
No one at the time, in fact, just preached this
in Isaiah fifty three when Isaiah said of this generation
of our generation, who considered it, who considered that he
(33:16):
would be cut off from the land of the living?
Talking about the Christ, the Messiah, the servant in Isaiah
fifty three, who considered that he would be cut off
from the land of the living? Meaning? And I talked
to Mom about it because Mom was like, what does
that mean? Who considered that he would be cut off
from the land of the living? Because wasn't because everyone
abandoned him. Mom was like, what about Mary? Wasn't Mary there? Yeah?
(33:40):
I believe she was there? What about John? Yet? John
was there? I believe probably most of what else were
the disciples doing? They weren't. They didn't have a vacation
somewhere else. They were there somewhere. But what it means
the text means is they didn't know what was happening.
They knew he was dying, but they didn't see what
it was. They didn't see John twenty says that they
(34:02):
didn't understand the scripture that he must die and rise again.
They didn't see it, and so when it means they
didn't they didn't consider it, it means they wanted what
they wanted him back right now. Mary thought, I just
want my son back. John said, I just I just
want my rabbi back.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
Why didn't any of them see that and understand it
at the time. I know it's his God's plan, but
they they were They were to tell to it multiple times.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
He told them multiple times. But when we read it,
when we read through the Gospels, we see him telling
and they don't understand. And the Bible even says degree
and to happen. The people that were there wrote of
themselves they didn't understand that he must die and he
must rise from the dead. And you know, in a way,
(34:51):
we wouldn't either. We wouldn't have understood like, oh, he's
the Lamb Revelation five, He's going to come through. He's
going to conquer death. We're gonna be forgiven our lessons
will be put up placed on him. He'll become our substitute.
Like they didn't get it.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
They just arrest him with Judas, and one of them
chopped off the ear of the Roman guard.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
It was Peter. They just thought, Jesus is the one
that's going to become the king of Israel. Then he's
gonna overthrow the Romans, and then he's gonna he's gonna
fulfill the Son of David prophecy where we are now
going to reign and will be God's people and we're
going to live. And now he's hanging on a tree.
Only someone that's cursed hangs on a tree. That's in
(35:33):
the law of Moses. What's going on? They couldn't put
it together, and so they were blinded to answer your question.
But they also were human, and we wouldn't We wouldn't
have thought this is it, This is the suffering servant,
this is you know, this is Psalm twenty two peers
for my for our transgressions. I get it now. So
(35:57):
the ultimate example of what they wanted, but what they needed,
in fact, their need was so great. Our need is
so great we can't possibly understand it without it being
revealed to us. Yeah, we're so blinded, and our greatest
need is to be forgiven of our sin. And yet
none of us even know before ours our eyes are
(36:17):
opened by the Lord, none of us even know that
that's our greatest need. We want security and a wife
and a family, and a house and a car and
a good job, and we want health and long life.
And we don't want cancer. We want we want to
keep our brains and not get dimensioned. We want, we want,
we want, and God goes none of That's what you need.
(36:41):
What you need is forgiveness. And I'm doing that to Christ.
That is the ultimate example of what we want versus
what we need.
Speaker 5 (36:52):
And you can see how looking back, when the Lord
has allowed trials and suffering, that that has actually helped
to open your eyes to your need of him. I
was listening to this him when I was working out
this morning, Come ye Sinners. It's called come you sinners,
poor and needy, and one of the like little stanzas
(37:14):
in it it says, let not conscience make you linger,
nor a fitness fondly dream. All the fitness He requireth
is to feel your need of Him. So fitness just
meaning like cleaning yourself up or readiness to like come
to God.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
And so you think.
Speaker 5 (37:36):
Nor a fitness, fondly dream that you'll one day be
ready to come to him. All the fitness he requireth
is to feel your need of him. If you tarry,
and it says come you weary, heavy laden, lost and
ruined by the fall, If you tarry till you're better,
you will never come at all. And so you just
think the only readiness or fitness He requires of us
(37:57):
is to feel our need of him. And so what
better away as a loving father than to help us
show us our need of him?
Speaker 2 (38:04):
And how does he do that?
Speaker 5 (38:05):
Through a perfect life giving us everything we want we
think we want, now we would never feel our need
for him.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
That's so good man, Yeah, that's beautiful. Every human has
the same need and we need to be made right
with God. But we don't always ask that question. And
(38:33):
then we're not just talking about Christians, We're not just
talking about Muslims or Buddhists. You know, we're talking about
humanity needs to be made right with God. In fact,
I'm pretty I'm pretty convinced that this podcast has now
turned to that.
Speaker 5 (38:51):
Yeah, I know, I'm thinking, like, how do you, how
do you now shape that towards Okay, well, a father's
a father's you know, all responsibility is to emulate God
and his son or daughter's life. Like I've heard the
saying that your kids should know God. Your kids should
know God by the way mom and dad treat them
(39:13):
and act with each other and towards them at such
an early age before that they can even you know,
my son should know who God is based on the
way I treat him in an act authority and love
before he can even understand like the concept of God.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
If that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
No, yeah, that's that's great because when we think about fathers,
we have two out of the four of us, two
fathers and both group both fathers in this group of
four did what exactly. They did exactly what the Lord
willed for them to do for us to be seeking him.
(39:51):
Even with the death of one of them, was exactly
what the Lord needed to do for us to be
seeking him exactly the way. So it's interesting when I
pray for our kids' future spouses, I don't pray God
protect them, May they grow up in a good, healthy home,
(40:13):
May they be secure and confident. And I don't pray
those things. I say, Lord, I'm laying with Lincoln. You know,
I'm getting he's I'm taking his back, you know, before bed,
he's got his eyes closed and he's off in dreamland.
Say Lord, there's a woman, possibly that you're preparing for
(40:34):
this boy, a little girl most likely right now, or
whatever it is you're doing to draw her to yourself,
or do that so that she's seeking you and that
she loves you with all her heart and then and
(40:55):
then draw Lincoln to her because of Lincoln's love for you.
So notice I'm leaving it open now. Maybe she's abused.
I don't know. I don't want that. I wouldn't want that.
I would never I would never pray that. But maybe
she has a single mom, maybe she has a maybe
both parents die in a car accident. But Lord, whatever
(41:19):
you're gonna do, you know, I don't. But whatever you're
doing for that hypothetical girl that's Lincoln's future wife, one day, Lord,
stir her in whatever way you're going to do it,
so that she loves you and is redeemed by you,
restored by you, and then meets Lincoln. And then they
raise kids with the same love that they have for you. Lord,
(41:40):
that they raise children in that way, and Lord that
she'll be she'll be yours and saved in a child
of God forever. So you're leaving the door ub now
open for things that temporarily we look at in our
world and go, that would be horrible. But that's the
will of God for the reason you said earlier.
Speaker 5 (42:03):
Yeah, I think you were talking about, like, our greatest
need is humans is peace with God. And I think
one of the main jobs of a father is to
communicate that with your kids from an early age so
that it's you know, discipline and spankings are not only
behavior correction, but also each one is an opportunity that
(42:27):
you didn't obey data, and you have to obey Dada.
But also ultimately you disobey data, and you're disobeying God
because the Bible says you must honor your father and mother,
you must be obedient to your parents, and so you've
actually sinned against Jesus and this is why why you
need help. And so each time David's two, he can't
understand that I don't get that deep yet, but as
(42:47):
he gets a little bit older, he'll understand quickly, understanding
that God is the sinner of this discipline. And it's
not just behavior, because I said, so, this is why
you need Jesus, and this is why data needs Jesus too,
because data sinds every day.
Speaker 4 (43:04):
Well yeah, and it's not just the behavior. It's it's
trying to shape the heart, get to the heart of
what they're the root of why they are acting out
in a certain behavior.
Speaker 1 (43:11):
You can fix behavior MAVs three or Maps four. But
when he was three, he was already understanding these things
that David will get and they understood quickly that. To
add to what you just said, that you're outside of
God's circle of blessing, Well, that's the term we use
in our family and they come from that, that comes
(43:33):
from that Ted trip book. But you're outside of the
circle of blessing. So my my obligation as a father
is to get you back into this circle of blessing
as quickly as possible, not to leave you outside the circle,
because you're in a very dangerous place right now. You're
outside of God's will for your life because you're in
(43:54):
disobedience to your parents. So it's the it's the Ephesian six.
You wish you go there because this is the command
with a promise, children, obey your parents. This is the
top of fees and six. Children, obey your parents in
(44:14):
the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother.
This is the first commandment, with a promise that it
may go well with you and that you may live
long in the land. So there's a promise that if
you don't honor or obey your parents, things are not
going to go well for you. So when you're standing
(44:37):
outside of this promise, I want to get you back
in as fast as possible, because I'm literally saying, you're
outside of a place where things are not going to
go well for you. Things are not going well for
you out here. Get back in as fast as possible.
And on top of that, I tell them, and Maverick
understands this clearly, I must be obedient to God for this,
(45:00):
because God tells me that he has entrusted you kids
to me, and I have to be obedient to his
word to get you back in this circle. And if
I don't, you're disobedient, and I'm this disobedient. We're both disobedient.
So right now you're disobedient. But I must be obedient
(45:22):
to the Lord to bring you back. And that is
a mini gospel. You're outside the circle, you're outside of
God's will. Christ comes and brings you back. He reconciles
us and literally, Peter says, brings us to God. So
it's a mini gospel right there with every little spanking.
Speaker 4 (45:45):
But there's a line there that The next verse is, fathers,
do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them
up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. So
some fathers discipline out of anger and they're just like,
honor your father and mother, but don't worry about how
I act or how I live. So it's it's a
testament to the father needs to be the fathers need
to be walking with the Lord and following the Lord
(46:05):
themselves and trying to build their own holiness. Otherwise you're
just telling them to do certain things, but you're provoking
them to anger. So yeah, yeah, it don't be a
do as I do and not or do as I
say and not as I do. Yeah, type of dad,
because I heard that a lot obey your father and mother,
but nothing else in the Bible was followed.
Speaker 1 (46:26):
Yeah, that's good, So glad you said.
Speaker 5 (46:28):
But that motive has to be of the Father, has
to be for genuine care for the child to come
back into that authority, because because like in Proverbs, you
discipline those that you love. Because I love you and
you're in danger. And I'm not coming out of emotion,
you know, I'm not speaking you out of emotion like
(46:49):
an emotional anger. But it's like a genuine love and
care for your soul.
Speaker 2 (46:53):
That's why I'm doing it.
Speaker 5 (46:55):
But it's crazy how how elevated or how serious the
Bible takes disobedience to parents. We're reading two Timothy three
last night and says, understand this, in the last days,
there will come times of difficulty. People will be lovers
of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to
their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self control, brutal,
(47:21):
not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure,
having the appearance of godliness but denying its power, and all.
Speaker 2 (47:29):
Those terrible things it mentions. Disobedient to their parents. Is
that interesting?
Speaker 1 (47:34):
That's very interesting. We were studying that this morning and
I stopped the guys and I was like, hey, can
I just stay for a second. How crazy it is
that this was two thousand years ago, and it's like
exactly relevant today. Sometimes we think of old ancient writings
as people were gonna cave cave cave men shepherds that
really were so destached from reality. But man, what you
(47:57):
just said. Everyone, everyone that's listens to this podcast, matter
what faith you are, you hear that and you go, oh, yeah,
that sounds like today. That sounds like people I know.
But yeah, disobedient appearance is in that group. And that's
why rightly handling, like Amber said, without anger, we must
(48:18):
bring our kids back in from that. They're outside of
the fence of the flock. We're sheep in a flock,
and you're outside that fence. You know, as parents, we
are shepherds of our little sheep. And if one is lost,
just like the the idea of this podcast, if one
(48:40):
is lost, then how many would leave the ninety nine
to go seek the one? What's the same thing in
our little house? And if one is outside in that
great list of two Timothy three of problems sins, then
we would do everything to get them back in and
(49:01):
into a right submission. Man, people don't like to hear
that kind of phrase. These days. It sounds like CPS
is going to show up our door. You start talking
about getting your kids under submission, but the alternative is
things are not going to go well for you. The
Bible says that, so, uh, that's a missed, a missed
(49:24):
placed understanding of the world. But they it's not just
today's world. They knew that back then in the time
when Paul was writing that letter to Timothy and emphesis.
This has been a good podcast, a good discussion. Yeah,
I still don't know what we're gonna call it. If
it's if we're going Fathers or if we're going the
uh the greatest human need. We'll think about it. Do
(49:48):
we miss anything, guys, kayden JAHI We're not going to
do a giveaway unless you have one because we don't
have amp Man in a book giveaway unless you have
one for Fathers. Why don't we just wait because I
don't want to. I want to ruin ant Man's groove.
He's our book guy. He's the one that because he
puts him up on our website. But we will say
(50:14):
still comment because we love to hear from you on
our YouTube page, which is ninety nine for one the
podcast on YouTube. Love to hear from me. You could
also do this on Facebook. I don't often check those,
but I know people comment on there as well. Wherever
you see this episode, comment below, and we will somebody
(50:35):
on this in this room right here will go through
every single comment at some point and let us know
a topic or an issue that you would like discussed.
We're gonna we're keeping track of all these amber. We
have said the gospel I think at least three times
on this episode, but can you give it to us
one more time so that we clearly know. We'd never
(50:57):
want to finish an episode without clearly articulating the gospel,
because Paul says, it is the power of God for salvation.
Speaker 4 (51:06):
In the beginning, God created the world, and he created us.
And we have all fallen short of the glory of
God due to sin, and we all need a savior.
And because of our wretchedness and sin and unability to
do it ourself, God stepped into our lives, our world,
laid down his life for us, lived the perfect life
that we could not took our sins upon himself, died
(51:28):
on the cross, was buried, resurrected on the third day.
And for those who repent and turn and trust and
believe in him. He gives us the right to become
children of God. And it's something that we could never
do in something that we do not deserve, but he
freely gives it to us because.
Speaker 1 (51:42):
He loves us. See you guys. Text onundent
What's up on Granger.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
I'm Amber, I'm Tyler, I'm Parker.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
And this is the ninety nine for one podcast. You
might be wondering where is ant Man and why is
Amber here? Why ant Man's not feeling well? Easy, Yeah,
we love ant Man, but he's not feeling well. And
Amber is a somebody I wanted to I want you
to go on this podcast anyway, so it seems like
it worked out really well to have you, so thanks
for being with us. The purpose in the name of
(00:26):
this podcast is the purpose is to seek the one
and equip the ninety nine to do the same, as
comes from a parable and the Gospel of Luke where
Jesus said, how many of you that had a hundred
sheep would not leave the ninety nine for the one?
If there was one loss, wouldn't you go after the one?
And that's what we try to do with this podcast.
We have seen enough in our lives, all four of
(00:48):
us where we don't We aren't craving to be the clickbait,
get all the views, get all the listeners type podcast.
I think we would rather tackle things that are a
little less popular so that maybe one person needs to
hear it. They put the topic today as we've been
diving in and just kind of discussing here. We were
(01:10):
talking about we have a amber, and I have a
fourteen year old daughter, and so we're talking about middle
school and all the things that go with middle school.
And we were kind of going around the circle talking
about did anyone have a good experience in middle school?
And I don't think any Even Tyler thought that he did,
but then the more he thought about it, he remembered
some guy that punched him all the time.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
It wasn't without blimmit, Yeah I had a great middle school,
but yeah here all the time, people like I hate
in middle school or high school had great experiences at both.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
So we were talking about how formative middle school can be,
but up and up and beyond the the formation of
school or that age is the idea of the formation
of fathers. And I think as we think back through
(01:58):
middle school, just and I and now I'm on this
side of it. You know, I grew up with a father,
you know, as I was in middle school that was
forming me. And now I am the father that's trying
my best to form my middle schooler. And it is constant, right,
it is.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
We talked, Well, you said last night, I think this
is the hardest time in parenting we've ever had.
Speaker 5 (02:25):
It is, and then perception is that's when it's going
to be easiest. When the kids are older. They're like
self functioning, they're independent vipers. I just wish my kids
were in middle school.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
You have a two year old and a baby on
the way, and how many you've probably already heard people
that joke around like, wait to those teen years, wait
to the teen years. Like as soon as London came
out of the womb, people are like, oh a girl,
wait till those teen years. And well, I was always like,
not that big a deal. London's is a sweeterart. She's
(02:57):
so precious and she is.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
She is all of those I'm loving these years with her.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
But they were not wrong about the the it's an
extra level of thinking and planning and wrestling through is
literally when you have a teen you're you have to
go into their world with them and live that world
with them. Literally, we're living London's world right now with it.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
And it's nothing against her, like we're just like thinking.
Speaker 5 (03:27):
We were just literally like, yeah, middle school is so hard,
Like how do I get my mind back into that
to think about.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
Parker said he was about he feels like he felt
like he was about to throw up just thinking about
his middle school years.
Speaker 5 (03:37):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're like, yeah, London like has been
sick to her stomach, and I'm like, yeah, I used
to be too.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
It makes me want to throw up just thinking about
being fourteen. That was terrible.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (03:49):
It's such like a formative time and you're so vulnerable,
you know, physically, mentally, spiritually, and you're so impressionable. You're
always looking at like, who's the person I want to imitate?
Who am I going to be? What's the perception of
others of me? You're just sow in your head. You're
in these classes that you hate. You don't care about
what happened in the seventeen hundreds at all.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Like he's like summoned everything else said that last night.
You should talk to London. You got to figure it out.
Speaker 5 (04:16):
But it's hard to know when to like push and
then when to like show empathy.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
And you know that, you guys, is the battle.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Man, you just summed it up. That's the battle. We
every and I I we finish our day. We get
into bed and we're just like oh, and then we
usually start talking about the battle between pushing and empathy,
which is kind of sympathy is kind of the verb
or the noun that goes right in the middle.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
But yeah, because we want to be we want to
be sympathetic and have empathy for what she's going through
or all of our kids are going through, but we
also need to push them and can't rescue them every
time they're uncomfortable. So it's like this hard. I think.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
I think Parker said the key to all this and
you said who like you said something like kudo want
to emulate or whatever. Get The key is you just
can't care about what anybody thinks about you.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
That the Class Tyler podcast line.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
And I know you can't care what anybody thinks about
So the question is how do you not care? How
did I just not care if if I wore something
into school that people might make fun of. My mentality
was like, I don't care what you think. And sure enough,
a couple of weeks go by and you're going to
be wearing what I'm wearing that everybody thought was going to.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Be dumb because I just don't care. Can I just
stop right here, just for a second and just say, yes,
I get it, you're an alpha. Many people hear that
and go impossible for me.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
You don't know, I'm I'm asking.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
I'm yeah, I get, I get I'm asking the question.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
How so how how do you just not care?
Speaker 5 (05:46):
Is it so that the question is are you born
with that instinct or can it be learned?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Right?
Speaker 4 (05:52):
It's for a lot of kids the middle school or
high school years, it feels like everything is the most
important thing right now. And obviously we can look back
later and say that didn't it's not gonna matter in
ten years or whatever what they're feeling in that moment,
but at the time, it feels like the most important thing.
Speaker 5 (06:06):
I remember going back to like a middle school football
game at my old middle school and seeing the people
there and there's like sixty people there and it's just
all parents. It's like dead silent. There's all these little
kids running around, and I remember thinking at the time,
this Thursday night game was like I was just throwing
(06:30):
up before because I was so nervous about like what
people were going to think about me if I was
going to catch it, how many touchdowns was I going
to score? You get so nervous about the perception of
yourself because you're so caved in on yourself. And then
you get a little bit older, you look back and
you're like, this is not a big deal at all.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
But Tyler, probably you didn't feel that at all. Yeah, well,
I'm the man, I'm the quarterback.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
I don't think it just didn't care. Do you think
that you had any kind of pressure because of your
brother older brothers that were, you know, good at football
or whatever. I don't know, was that like subconsciously and it.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Definitely made me love football a lot.
Speaker 5 (07:07):
And so I think I've always put a lot of
pressure on myself unnecessarily, like Grador and I'm talking about
the Bible study that was leading last night at Prepped
for like nine hours, and Granger is like, there's like
four guys there and you guys are like sitting on couches.
We're supposed to just like ask a few questions. But
I put a lot of pressure on myself because I
want to have an answer for every single thing. Yeah, anyway,
(07:29):
I do. I don't know the direction you want to take.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
So the direction I want to go is during these
formative years. Let's talk about the role of a father.
I have some research pulled up. There's a lot of
research done, you know. There you can go through countless studies,
but I pulled up a few. I preached at our
church this past Sunday, and I used a website to
show kind of what the world was thinking that A
lot of times I want to show a contrast of here,
(07:53):
this is what the world says, what did the Bible say?
And the website I used that I found for my
preaching last week was out of psychology dot com or
psycho psychology today, psychology today dot com, And ironically today
I found the same website for our topic today. And
sometimes modern psychology actually does line up with the Bible.
(08:14):
It will today with this study of fathers. But let's
talk about the role of fathers and specifically kids. So
let's go around. Three of us in the room here
have the same father. But but then there's Amber. So
let's talk about the confidence maybe that Tyler had. Okay,
how much came from dad?
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Well, I could tell you how that hurt my relationship
with my dad. Great me and Dad butted heads a
lot because.
Speaker 5 (08:40):
I did not butt heads at all, right, Right, So
that each each personality has its pros and cons.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
I guess being debt like dead like man, we had
some we had some fights, not like fist fight or anything,
but just like disagreements or like silence, you know, because
of that mentality of the lone wolf would say. Alpha
would say, like lone wolf, I'm gonna do my do
it my way, and me and Dad put it heads
(09:06):
because of that. So that's where it affected me.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
I wonder how Dad changed what we lost Dad twelve
years ago, so we can't ask him now, but I
wonder now, looking back, how much he changed his parenting
as he learned through the three boys.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
You know what I saw with their dad when because
I was just being a complete, like you know, hard headed,
horrible son. What I learned through Dad looking back was patience.
He was always loving and patient through it while I
was just doing stupid stuff.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
So I remember, you probably had a different dad than
the boys did.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah, the older dad. You're thirteen years younger, so just
sheer age dad was. I'll say just a rough number.
When I'm in high school, maybe dad's forty, and then
when you're in high school, he's mid fifties, like low
forties to mid fifties. That's just a big difference in
(10:08):
a man anyway. Harbably also just loved having you after me.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Where's that confidence?
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Now, that's where it effected me. The relationship with my dad,
Dad was for me. You know, Dad loved Dad loved football.
So when I'm the first son to arrive at say,
putting a helmet on, putting shoulder pads on, Dad's going.
Dad's just so into seeing, wanting to show his experience
(10:40):
in life. And because Dad always looked at football, for instance,
as such a life practice, you know, it was a
life trainer. He would always tell me, it's a mental game.
I know those guys are bigger than you, but it's
a mental game. You know, it's a mental toughness game.
Get lower than them, square your shoulders, all these things
that he would say, And he's right. Football, it's it's
(11:02):
not about who's the biggest guy. The biggest guy or
the fastest guy get the immediate advantage, but it's the
it's the mental guy, the fundamental guy that ultimately wins
on the long run. And Dad saw that his life's
like that. Dad said, look, this is life. It's a
it's a mental it's a mental game. It's a it's
it's about the daily, faithful, small fundamental practices that equal
(11:26):
success in the long run. But there are going to
be people that are just naturally more talented, and they'll
stand out at the beginning. Dad used to call them
the guys that had the guys that are shaving when
they're in seventh grade. You know, they they step out
ahead of everyone at the very beginning. But but but
if you just practiced the small, faithful things, which is
why you looked at football as an analogy to life,
(11:46):
illustration of life. But my point is I got there first,
and so then by the time you got there three
years later, he was probably thinking, well, this is what
I learned with Granger Tyler, let's do this. And you
were you already passed it. You already like saw it,
been there, done that, learned it. I'm already to the
next level, Dad, I'm already one step ahead of you.
And then Parker was like learning all over again. You know.
(12:08):
So I bet Dad fluctuated in those things. But what
about you, Amber, what's your question middle school? Your experience
with middle school? And then how did your dad relate
to that?
Speaker 5 (12:24):
Were you naturally were you more? Did you lean more
towards a rule follower like I was, and more agreeable,
or were you more like a little bit more going
to push the boundaries like my wife Amy was like
more like Tyler, where she was going to break the
rule for its own sake.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
She was very confident.
Speaker 4 (12:43):
I would say a little of both. My parents divorced
when I was four, So I was a rule follower.
I made really good grades. I wanted to please both
because my parents were divorced, so I would say what
I needed to say to please each parent. But I
was also secretly breaking the rules, if that makes sense.
Like on the surface, like.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
The all American, yeah, cheerleader girl, good grades, popular at parties, weren't.
Speaker 4 (13:09):
You Yeah, yeah, I mean I don't say that.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
That sounds right, That's why I said it.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Yeah. But I was seeking things that I wasn't receiving,
I guess from my dad. So I was breaking rules.
I was being rebellious. I was doing things that I
shouldn't be doing. So I would say a little of both.
I longed to feel loved. I longed to be seen,
(13:34):
and I guess that stemmed from maybe the divorce of
not receiving that, maybe from my dad.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Was there was a time recently. It was actually one
year ago because it's in my journal. We were in
Lincoln and I were preaching in Calluspill and you were
having a disagreement with your dad and you were bouncing
it back off me and sending me voice texts that
(14:04):
you had left your dad, and part of it, you
were saying, Hey, make sure that I'm being gentle here.
Make sure I'm being loving here. You're kind of needing
discipleship in something that was very hurtful and painful to you.
You're wanting to make sure that I was making I
was seeing that you were gentle in it. That it
broke me. Did you know that that broke me? It
(14:27):
broke me because because I've known you for seventeen years
and hearing your voice, I've heard your voice for seventeen years,
but hearing your voice on your voice text to your dad,
you just were you were saying, you were crying through speaking,
but you're saying all I ever wanted was you to
(14:50):
love me and you to want me. And I was
just like, oh my gosh, I've known you for so
long and yet then and that was a part of
you I had never known, the little girl, the thirteen
year old girl that just wanted a dad to love her.
Speaker 4 (15:10):
Yeah, and I would say, I would say the strain
didn't come until later. But yeah, I remember that voice
sex because we were navigating something with my dad and
divorce and I was and he's pushing me away, and
I had said something along the lines of something along
the lines of I've just wanted your love, but I
(15:32):
have a father in heaven who will never turn his
back on me and who will always love me. But
that I didn't realize that and come into confidence in
that until I was a woman, a grown woman, and
so I'm secure in that. But as a girl, as
a teenager, as a young woman, you crave that from
your dad, and sometimes it feels like I had to
earn it, you know.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
From a boy too.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Yeah, you're a sports game and you look up in
the stands and when your dad's there watching. That's the
most valuable asset in life is your time. You have
all the money in the world and everything, but your
time your intentional with them. Your devices are down, You
show up their sporting events, You show up. It just
show up. That's all they want.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Yeah, that's such an On a side note, that's such
an interesting thing too, because our kids could try to
manipulate us with that, because not they wouldn't say it
like you just said it, but they know that they
could use that against us if they need something. So
you know, like Lincoln, it'll go up, like Dad, it's cool,
play basketball, play basketball. I'm like, I just walked in
(16:33):
from doing something else with you. Lincoln, Come on, please
know I just need you to be my dad and
play basketball with you. Bro, they knew with you all day.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
I'm not buying that, but in our heart we feel like, oh,
I'm scarring them for life if I don't go play basketball.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Yeah. Yeah. So let's look at the Bible real quick,
because this morning, and we did this in our family worship,
we were in Matthew seven and Jesus said something something
so interesting here, and it's it's like one of these
things in the Bible word fit. If you're not looking closely,
you'll you'll miss it. But it's on the certain the
(17:11):
end of the sermon in the Mount, And interestingly enough,
it's right after talking about being anxious, do not be
anxious like you said, I just don't worry about it.
So right after Jesus said, I live under a rock,
Do that live under a rock? Don't worry. God's gonna
clothe you. You see those flowers out there. You see
how beautiful these flowers are. And in two months, and
(17:32):
that's our case right here in Texas, and we're in
March right now. In two months, those flowers are gonna
be burned up. But look how beautiful there. If God
so close these flowers, don't you think he's gonna take
care of you. You see the birds out there, You
see him running around eating the grass, eating, eating the
worms in the grass. They don't take worms and nuts
(17:54):
and berries and put them in a barn and store them.
But God feeds those birds. Don't you think it a
little more valuable than the birds? Jesus is telling the people,
you think you're more valuable than a bird or a flower.
God's gonna take care of you. Therefore, don't worry about
your clothes and your body and what you're gonna eat.
Don't worry about these things. Instead, seek first the Kingdom
(18:17):
of heaven, he says, right, and then these things will
be added to you. Look to him first, looked at,
look to the one who will provide, and then these
things will be added to you naturally is a natural
overflower natural consequence of putting your focus in the one
who provides. It doesn't mean do nothing. It means make
sure you pay attention to who you're looking to. You're
(18:41):
looking inwards saying, I'm never gonna get this, I'm never
gonna have this. I'm never gonna you know, I'm gonna
never gonna pay this bill, whatever it might be. Are
you're looking to the Lord saying, Lord, I will I
work heartily unto you and not for men. And so Lord,
as I work, I recognize behind my bills, but I'm
(19:03):
gonna but I'm not behind in my prayer life. Lord,
provide for me. And then you go back to work,
and you work with excellence. Coming out of all this
argument that Jesus has given the people and the sermon
of the mount Amber, and I have been around this
mountain side in Israel and pictured this green hillside. We've
seen it still there where you could look. And then
(19:24):
behind behind him is the Sea of Galilee, you know,
beautiful place. And after that argument he says this, He says,
ask and it will be given to you. Seek and
you will find knock and it will be open to you,
For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds,
(19:45):
and the one who knocks it will be opened. Interesting
verse nine, come in here, or which one of you,
if his son asks him for bread, would give him
a stone, or if he asked for a fish, would
give him I'm a serpent. If you, then, who are evil,
know how to get give good gifts to your children,
(20:05):
how much more will your father in heaven, who is
in heaven, give good things to those who ask him.
I love that verse. The interesting thing that I was
talking about that if you blink you miss it, was
the little part where he says, if you then, who
are evil? Oh I didn't miss that.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
That's the first thing that stands out.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
If you then, who are evil? He's basically saying, hey,
all you people that are evil, all of you, you're evil,
and you can give good gifts, and you're evil coming
from a place of of uh where we're sinful in
nature by nature. As people, we are sinful by nature.
(20:46):
Even if you're a Christian, your nature still while we're
still on this earth, our nature is evil, which is
why we need to be cleansed. We need new hearts,
we need you know the whole. We need to be
born again. But even Christians will lean evil, and so
we need to be relying and surrendering to the one
capital O who was not. And he says, those of
(21:09):
you are evil, you give good gifts to your children.
Think about that comparison he's saying, Think about that comparison
to the to a perfect father. If you give good gifts,
think about what a perfect father gives.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
Yeah, there's cool versus like that.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
The ultimate prize is Jesus.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
So is this target mainly like.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Teenager listening or is this for dads this specific episode? Yeah,
I think it's both. I think we're talking to we're
going to motivate dads with this, and we're going to
also encourage those that didn't have a good dad. Because
there's equal amount of people listening that maybe people listening
(21:52):
go I had a good father, and and to that,
I would say, that's amazing. That's a gift. Imagine what
a good a good, perfect father will give. And then
for the people that didn't have a good dad, like
Amber saying, you have a perfect father in heaven, which
is what you eventually realized.
Speaker 4 (22:12):
Yeah, And I just I struggle with saying I didn't
have a good dad because things in our lives shape
us into how we are and how we parent. And
I love my dad. We have a very strained relationship.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
So I hate to say talking about love.
Speaker 4 (22:26):
I know, but I just I hate to say that.
But like you said, we are all human, we're fallible,
we are sinful. Even quote good dads will let us down,
but like you said, our father in heaven will not,
and he is perfect. And if we're looking too earthly
dads to give us what we need, they'll always let
(22:47):
us down, whether they are good, present, not present, whatever,
they're always gonna let us down. But we can know
that we have a good father in heaven who will
not But he doesn't always give us what we want,
but he gives us what we need because he loves us.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
So I just I don't know.
Speaker 4 (22:59):
I just felt bad saying I didn't have a crime.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Well you didn't say it, I said, I know. So
to expound on what you mean by what you want
versus what.
Speaker 4 (23:05):
You need, because God doesn't answer what we always want
because he knows what's best for us, but he'll give
us what we need. And you've always said the struggle
between my dad and I is my power now is
what you've told me. Use that as your power and
how you parent moving forward, and it's shaped me into
the woman that I am.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Say that one more time, what so that I can
I mean, I understand what you mean, but so that
people can understand. Sometimes the struggle you've had growing up
with the absent father is now what is given you
strength to be the woman that you are.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
And I can thank him, just like we always talk
about we can thank the Lord for our suffering. I
can thank him now for these times in my life
that have shaped me into the woman that I am today.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
There are good things that old Tony Robbins said that
we en to his self help and that was whore
Tony Robbins used to really in his gravelly voice, be like,
you could thank your mother. Your mother abandoned you, thank
her for that because now you have the gift of independence.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
Well you learn that because she did that, you could
help the people that are gone through similar situation.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Eactly, Yeah, that's right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Parker, what are you pulling up?
Speaker 5 (24:23):
I was just thinking about the person who's like, well,
you say, God is a good father, gives good gifts
to his children. But like the person who's like, he
didn't give me what I wanted. Yeah, he's didn't get
rid of my acne, and like, I'm not the best
player on my sports team, terrible with school, not good
with whatever. I don't have a girlfriend. I feel dumb.
(24:45):
I feel like God hasn't answered my prayers. But I
feel like what y'all said, he gives you what you need,
not necessarily what you want at the time, what you
think you want. I think that could be helpful maybe
to those who feel like their prayers have not been answered.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
So let's talk about it with your kids. Let's use David,
your son, your two year old son, as an analogy.
What's what's the difference in something that he wants and
something that he needs? And would you give him? If
I heard I heard somebody talking about this first one
time talking about this, Matthew seven, how many of you
(25:18):
if you ask for bread, he would give you a stone?
How many? How many? If you ask for a fish,
would he would give you a serpent? Basically that's what
he says, snake. But many times what we ask for
is the snake. I think that's an implication of this
text too, is that us not knowing we ask for
(25:39):
snakes all the time, we ask for stones all the time,
and a good father will give you bread and a
good father will give you a fish right in this particular.
So what's an example of what David wants? And you
don't give him what he wants and he might be
mad at that, but then you give him what he needs.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Oh, like he wants to play in the street all
the time?
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Okay? Or who would it be a good father to say, yes,
go play in the street because I just want to
please you.
Speaker 5 (26:12):
I'm trying to give a better example though, because for
the person that's like, well, I've been praying for a husband,
h for like six years. I'm thirty one. Everybody's married.
I'm not asking God to go play in the street.
I'm not asking for a knife. I just want a husband,
you know. And I know that's a hard question, but
I'm just trying to think. But yeah, I know what
(26:32):
you mean, because like reading like I was reading the
Ragule of Christian Contentment, and Burrows is emphasizing how in
Romans God gave them up to the desires of their
hearts and He's like, some of sometimes the way God
could actually judge you most harshly. The worst thing that
could happen for you actually is for God to just
give in and give you whatever your heart wants or
(26:55):
whatever your flesh wants. And I remember hearing John Piper
recently talk about how terrible, specifically in A Q and
A his acne was in middle school and how much
that had an effect on his social life and his
confidence and how self conscious he was. And he says,
in hindsight, if I was if I did have like
(27:17):
the clear skin and look the exact way that I wanted,
I don't know if God would have used me the
way that he has and how that has implanted such
humility in me because of those years of those afflictions.
And so then he can look back and say, thank
you God for that acne that was so terrible, that
(27:38):
made me rely on you, that made me feel so
weak and so vulnerable, and like I had to rely
on you and trust you.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
Man. That's something something you said, something he said Parker
about the person that's saying I'm praying for a husband
or praying for a wife. Let's talk about this for
a second, because I know there's people that are that
want that as well. They're listening and had a friend
text me text me recently asking this, Hey, can you
(28:07):
pray for me? Can you pray for patience? Because I
desperately want a wife. I want the Lord to bring
me somebody, and I feel like he hasn't, and obviously
because he hasn't, it's because I need to be learning something,
and so will you please pray that the Lord gives
me patience? And I said, brother, I don't think patience
(28:34):
is what you need. You need you need contentment because
we patience is saying I know I know what the
Lord's gonna do down the road, and so just keep
me pacified until he does it. But that's not what
you need. You need to say, you need the Lord
to give you contentment so that you could then say
(28:57):
I'm good where I am now, and if Lord change that,
and if you bring somebody in my life, amen, it's wonderful.
I'll trust you in that. But as of right now, Lord,
I need to be content with who I am and
where I am and in my situation today. On top
of that, the other side of this is that for
everyone that's praying for a wife or a husband, bring
(29:18):
me someone. I'm lonely. I need somebody. For everyone that's
saying that, there is an equal amount of people saying
I need out of this. This woman is driving me crazy.
I want to get a divorce, but I can't because
the Bible, and I'm stuck here. Or she's abusive or
he's abusive, or they're a terrible parent to my kids,
and I'm stuck in this situation. There's equal amount of people.
(29:40):
And so for the Lord to say, say, oh, you
want somebody, I'll give you somebody. What does the person
say that says I want out? They would say, hang on,
you need contentment. You don't need a person right now.
Look at me.
Speaker 5 (29:52):
It's like Moralites when they demanded God that they wanted
to king kick every other h exactly exactly.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
I was just going to say, with the giving what
you want versus what you need? When you said that,
was it your friend that you said something about God
wouldn't have used them the way that they did.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (30:10):
I was just thinking, like what we wanted with our
son River was we wanted healing. We wanted River to
come back to us. But God knew what we needed.
And I think how of how our lives would have
been so different if God had given us what we wanted,
and God, it would have given River back to us,
our lives would be so different, so incredibly different. And
it's like He takes something that we want and gives
(30:30):
us something better. And the better was him, and the
better was salvation. And that's hard because there's people praying
for a wife or healing or you know, whatever it is.
And it just goes back to the scriptures. If we
don't understand God's ways, they're they're unsearchable. But he knows
what we need in the long run.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
And I can't think of a better example than that
for our lives.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
Yeah, and it's different for everybody.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
Ie, the Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. Yeah,
everything you just said, I hear a lot of I
and me.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
I want this.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
When are you going to bring me? Yeah, contentment, it's
it's Lord changed the desires of my heart to your desires.
Let me trust you. I lack nothing. You are sufficient.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Yeah, that's it. It's not easy.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
I might not have a wife, I might not have
a husband. All I need is Lord and his plan.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
And I feel like I feel like that's so good
for all of us in whatever season of life, whatever
we have going on. You know, the ultimate example for
us in our lives is River. That's good. I remember
praying in that hallway that he would the Lord would
heal him and bring him back, and everyone was praying that,
and then he didn't. And and you think about this,
(31:43):
You what on Matthew seven, ask, knock, seek, where are
you God?
Speaker 4 (31:50):
No?
Speaker 1 (31:51):
But then Jesus says, right after that, how much more
will your father in Heaven give good things to those
who ask? So we were asking and he was giving.
We didn't see it then, not in the way we wanted,
just one the way we wanted. It wasn't playing in
the street. It wasn't having that ice cream cone that
(32:13):
you want so bad.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
Please.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
No, I know more about this ice cream than you
do right now, and I know your stomach. But so
that's the example of our house. But I was gonna
say the ultimate example is the cross. Remember Peter said,
far be it, Lord, that you're gonna go and die,
that they're going to kill you on the cross. No way, Lord,
(32:36):
that'll never happen. I'll stop them. Every time Jesus says,
get behind me, Satan.
Speaker 4 (32:42):
You're thinking of the ways of man.
Speaker 3 (32:43):
And the same thing when he says, I'll never deny you.
He says, Peter, They're gonna deny me three times?
Speaker 1 (32:50):
Yeah, no way, I know what what no way?
Speaker 4 (32:53):
Like?
Speaker 1 (32:54):
Yeah, that's the ultimate example is the Cross. We no
one would have wanted their human desires without seeing the
full redemptive history that God would do through the Cross.
No one at the time, in fact, just preached this
in Isaiah fifty three when Isaiah said of this generation
of our generation, who considered it, who considered that he
(33:16):
would be cut off from the land of the living?
Talking about the Christ, the Messiah, the servant in Isaiah
fifty three, who considered that he would be cut off
from the land of the living? Meaning? And I talked
to Mom about it because Mom was like, what does
that mean? Who considered that he would be cut off
from the land of the living? Because wasn't because everyone
abandoned him. Mom was like, what about Mary? Wasn't Mary there? Yeah?
(33:40):
I believe she was there? What about John? Yet? John
was there? I believe probably most of what else were
the disciples doing? They weren't. They didn't have a vacation
somewhere else. They were there somewhere. But what it means
the text means is they didn't know what was happening.
They knew he was dying, but they didn't see what
it was. They didn't see John twenty says that they
(34:02):
didn't understand the scripture that he must die and rise again.
They didn't see it, and so when it means they
didn't they didn't consider it, it means they wanted what
they wanted him back right now. Mary thought, I just
want my son back. John said, I just I just
want my rabbi back.
Speaker 3 (34:19):
Why didn't any of them see that and understand it
at the time. I know it's his God's plan, but
they they were They were to tell to it multiple times.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
He told them multiple times. But when we read it,
when we read through the Gospels, we see him telling
and they don't understand. And the Bible even says degree
and to happen. The people that were there wrote of
themselves they didn't understand that he must die and he
must rise from the dead. And you know, in a way,
(34:51):
we wouldn't either. We wouldn't have understood like, oh, he's
the Lamb Revelation five, He's going to come through. He's
going to conquer death. We're gonna be forgiven our lessons
will be put up placed on him. He'll become our substitute.
Like they didn't get it.
Speaker 3 (35:06):
They just arrest him with Judas, and one of them
chopped off the ear of the Roman guard.
Speaker 1 (35:12):
It was Peter. They just thought, Jesus is the one
that's going to become the king of Israel. Then he's
gonna overthrow the Romans, and then he's gonna he's gonna
fulfill the Son of David prophecy where we are now
going to reign and will be God's people and we're
going to live. And now he's hanging on a tree.
Only someone that's cursed hangs on a tree. That's in
(35:33):
the law of Moses. What's going on? They couldn't put
it together, and so they were blinded to answer your question.
But they also were human, and we wouldn't We wouldn't
have thought this is it, This is the suffering servant,
this is you know, this is Psalm twenty two peers
for my for our transgressions. I get it now. So
(35:57):
the ultimate example of what they wanted, but what they needed,
in fact, their need was so great. Our need is
so great we can't possibly understand it without it being
revealed to us. Yeah, we're so blinded, and our greatest
need is to be forgiven of our sin. And yet
none of us even know before ours our eyes are
(36:17):
opened by the Lord, none of us even know that
that's our greatest need. We want security and a wife
and a family, and a house and a car and
a good job, and we want health and long life.
And we don't want cancer. We want we want to
keep our brains and not get dimensioned. We want, we want,
we want, and God goes none of That's what you need.
(36:41):
What you need is forgiveness. And I'm doing that to Christ.
That is the ultimate example of what we want versus
what we need.
Speaker 5 (36:52):
And you can see how looking back, when the Lord
has allowed trials and suffering, that that has actually helped
to open your eyes to your need of him. I
was listening to this him when I was working out
this morning, Come ye Sinners. It's called come you sinners,
poor and needy, and one of the like little stanzas
(37:14):
in it it says, let not conscience make you linger,
nor a fitness fondly dream. All the fitness He requireth
is to feel your need of Him. So fitness just
meaning like cleaning yourself up or readiness to like come
to God.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
And so you think.
Speaker 5 (37:36):
Nor a fitness, fondly dream that you'll one day be
ready to come to him. All the fitness he requireth
is to feel your need of him. If you tarry,
and it says come you weary, heavy laden, lost and
ruined by the fall, If you tarry till you're better,
you will never come at all. And so you just
think the only readiness or fitness He requires of us
(37:57):
is to feel our need of him. And so what
better away as a loving father than to help us
show us our need of him?
Speaker 2 (38:04):
And how does he do that?
Speaker 5 (38:05):
Through a perfect life giving us everything we want we
think we want, now we would never feel our need
for him.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
That's so good man, Yeah, that's beautiful. Every human has
the same need and we need to be made right
with God. But we don't always ask that question. And
(38:33):
then we're not just talking about Christians, We're not just
talking about Muslims or Buddhists. You know, we're talking about
humanity needs to be made right with God. In fact,
I'm pretty I'm pretty convinced that this podcast has now
turned to that.
Speaker 5 (38:51):
Yeah, I know, I'm thinking, like, how do you, how
do you now shape that towards Okay, well, a father's
a father's you know, all responsibility is to emulate God
and his son or daughter's life. Like I've heard the
saying that your kids should know God. Your kids should
know God by the way mom and dad treat them
(39:13):
and act with each other and towards them at such
an early age before that they can even you know,
my son should know who God is based on the
way I treat him in an act authority and love
before he can even understand like the concept of God.
Speaker 2 (39:27):
If that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
No, yeah, that's that's great because when we think about fathers,
we have two out of the four of us, two
fathers and both group both fathers in this group of
four did what exactly. They did exactly what the Lord
willed for them to do for us to be seeking him.
(39:51):
Even with the death of one of them, was exactly
what the Lord needed to do for us to be
seeking him exactly the way. So it's interesting when I
pray for our kids' future spouses, I don't pray God
protect them, May they grow up in a good, healthy home,
(40:13):
May they be secure and confident. And I don't pray
those things. I say, Lord, I'm laying with Lincoln. You know,
I'm getting he's I'm taking his back, you know, before bed,
he's got his eyes closed and he's off in dreamland.
Say Lord, there's a woman, possibly that you're preparing for
(40:34):
this boy, a little girl most likely right now, or
whatever it is you're doing to draw her to yourself,
or do that so that she's seeking you and that
she loves you with all her heart and then and
(40:55):
then draw Lincoln to her because of Lincoln's love for you.
So notice I'm leaving it open now. Maybe she's abused.
I don't know. I don't want that. I wouldn't want that.
I would never I would never pray that. But maybe
she has a single mom, maybe she has a maybe
both parents die in a car accident. But Lord, whatever
(41:19):
you're gonna do, you know, I don't. But whatever you're
doing for that hypothetical girl that's Lincoln's future wife, one day, Lord,
stir her in whatever way you're going to do it,
so that she loves you and is redeemed by you,
restored by you, and then meets Lincoln. And then they
raise kids with the same love that they have for you. Lord,
(41:40):
that they raise children in that way, and Lord that
she'll be she'll be yours and saved in a child
of God forever. So you're leaving the door ub now
open for things that temporarily we look at in our
world and go, that would be horrible. But that's the
will of God for the reason you said earlier.
Speaker 5 (42:03):
Yeah, I think you were talking about, like, our greatest
need is humans is peace with God. And I think
one of the main jobs of a father is to
communicate that with your kids from an early age so
that it's you know, discipline and spankings are not only
behavior correction, but also each one is an opportunity that
(42:27):
you didn't obey data, and you have to obey Dada.
But also ultimately you disobey data, and you're disobeying God
because the Bible says you must honor your father and mother,
you must be obedient to your parents, and so you've
actually sinned against Jesus and this is why why you
need help. And so each time David's two, he can't
understand that I don't get that deep yet, but as
(42:47):
he gets a little bit older, he'll understand quickly, understanding
that God is the sinner of this discipline. And it's
not just behavior, because I said, so, this is why
you need Jesus, and this is why data needs Jesus too,
because data sinds every day.
Speaker 4 (43:04):
Well yeah, and it's not just the behavior. It's it's
trying to shape the heart, get to the heart of
what they're the root of why they are acting out
in a certain behavior.
Speaker 1 (43:11):
You can fix behavior MAVs three or Maps four. But
when he was three, he was already understanding these things
that David will get and they understood quickly that. To
add to what you just said, that you're outside of
God's circle of blessing, Well, that's the term we use
in our family and they come from that, that comes
(43:33):
from that Ted trip book. But you're outside of the
circle of blessing. So my my obligation as a father
is to get you back into this circle of blessing
as quickly as possible, not to leave you outside the circle,
because you're in a very dangerous place right now. You're
outside of God's will for your life because you're in
(43:54):
disobedience to your parents. So it's the it's the Ephesian six.
You wish you go there because this is the command
with a promise, children, obey your parents. This is the
top of fees and six. Children, obey your parents in
(44:14):
the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother.
This is the first commandment, with a promise that it
may go well with you and that you may live
long in the land. So there's a promise that if
you don't honor or obey your parents, things are not
going to go well for you. So when you're standing
(44:37):
outside of this promise, I want to get you back
in as fast as possible, because I'm literally saying, you're
outside of a place where things are not going to
go well for you. Things are not going well for
you out here. Get back in as fast as possible.
And on top of that, I tell them, and Maverick
understands this clearly, I must be obedient to God for this,
(45:00):
because God tells me that he has entrusted you kids
to me, and I have to be obedient to his
word to get you back in this circle. And if
I don't, you're disobedient, and I'm this disobedient. We're both disobedient.
So right now you're disobedient. But I must be obedient
(45:22):
to the Lord to bring you back. And that is
a mini gospel. You're outside the circle, you're outside of
God's will. Christ comes and brings you back. He reconciles
us and literally, Peter says, brings us to God. So
it's a mini gospel right there with every little spanking.
Speaker 4 (45:45):
But there's a line there that The next verse is, fathers,
do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them
up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. So
some fathers discipline out of anger and they're just like,
honor your father and mother, but don't worry about how
I act or how I live. So it's it's a
testament to the father needs to be the fathers need
to be walking with the Lord and following the Lord
(46:05):
themselves and trying to build their own holiness. Otherwise you're
just telling them to do certain things, but you're provoking
them to anger. So yeah, yeah, it don't be a
do as I do and not or do as I
say and not as I do. Yeah, type of dad,
because I heard that a lot obey your father and mother,
but nothing else in the Bible was followed.
Speaker 1 (46:26):
Yeah, that's good, So glad you said.
Speaker 5 (46:28):
But that motive has to be of the Father, has
to be for genuine care for the child to come
back into that authority, because because like in Proverbs, you
discipline those that you love. Because I love you and
you're in danger. And I'm not coming out of emotion,
you know, I'm not speaking you out of emotion like
(46:49):
an emotional anger. But it's like a genuine love and
care for your soul.
Speaker 2 (46:53):
That's why I'm doing it.
Speaker 5 (46:55):
But it's crazy how how elevated or how serious the
Bible takes disobedience to parents. We're reading two Timothy three
last night and says, understand this, in the last days,
there will come times of difficulty. People will be lovers
of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to
their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self control, brutal,
(47:21):
not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure,
having the appearance of godliness but denying its power, and all.
Speaker 2 (47:29):
Those terrible things it mentions. Disobedient to their parents. Is
that interesting?
Speaker 1 (47:34):
That's very interesting. We were studying that this morning and
I stopped the guys and I was like, hey, can
I just stay for a second. How crazy it is
that this was two thousand years ago, and it's like
exactly relevant today. Sometimes we think of old ancient writings
as people were gonna cave cave cave men shepherds that
really were so destached from reality. But man, what you
(47:57):
just said. Everyone, everyone that's listens to this podcast, matter
what faith you are, you hear that and you go, oh, yeah,
that sounds like today. That sounds like people I know.
But yeah, disobedient appearance is in that group. And that's
why rightly handling, like Amber said, without anger, we must
(48:18):
bring our kids back in from that. They're outside of
the fence of the flock. We're sheep in a flock,
and you're outside that fence. You know, as parents, we
are shepherds of our little sheep. And if one is lost,
just like the the idea of this podcast, if one
(48:40):
is lost, then how many would leave the ninety nine
to go seek the one? What's the same thing in
our little house? And if one is outside in that
great list of two Timothy three of problems sins, then
we would do everything to get them back in and
(49:01):
into a right submission. Man, people don't like to hear
that kind of phrase. These days. It sounds like CPS
is going to show up our door. You start talking
about getting your kids under submission, but the alternative is
things are not going to go well for you. The
Bible says that, so, uh, that's a missed, a missed
(49:24):
placed understanding of the world. But they it's not just
today's world. They knew that back then in the time
when Paul was writing that letter to Timothy and emphesis.
This has been a good podcast, a good discussion. Yeah,
I still don't know what we're gonna call it. If
it's if we're going Fathers or if we're going the
uh the greatest human need. We'll think about it. Do
(49:48):
we miss anything, guys, kayden JAHI We're not going to
do a giveaway unless you have one because we don't
have amp Man in a book giveaway unless you have
one for Fathers. Why don't we just wait because I
don't want to. I want to ruin ant Man's groove.
He's our book guy. He's the one that because he
puts him up on our website. But we will say
(50:14):
still comment because we love to hear from you on
our YouTube page, which is ninety nine for one the
podcast on YouTube. Love to hear from me. You could
also do this on Facebook. I don't often check those,
but I know people comment on there as well. Wherever
you see this episode, comment below, and we will somebody
(50:35):
on this in this room right here will go through
every single comment at some point and let us know
a topic or an issue that you would like discussed.
We're gonna we're keeping track of all these amber. We
have said the gospel I think at least three times
on this episode, but can you give it to us
one more time so that we clearly know. We'd never
(50:57):
want to finish an episode without clearly articulating the gospel,
because Paul says, it is the power of God for salvation.
Speaker 4 (51:06):
In the beginning, God created the world, and he created us.
And we have all fallen short of the glory of
God due to sin, and we all need a savior.
And because of our wretchedness and sin and unability to
do it ourself, God stepped into our lives, our world,
laid down his life for us, lived the perfect life
that we could not took our sins upon himself, died
(51:28):
on the cross, was buried, resurrected on the third day.
And for those who repent and turn and trust and
believe in him. He gives us the right to become
children of God. And it's something that we could never
do in something that we do not deserve, but he
freely gives it to us because.
Speaker 1 (51:42):
He loves us. See you guys. Text onundent
Host
Granger Smith
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