March 15, 2026 • 48 mins
Kat’s embracing a little slow-down energy (including a TV binge), while Amy’s soaking up Anna Vaus's Weekly Whimsy newsletter. Then Kat dives into some surprising research: do single people actually die better? The answer might just change how you think about community, planning, and the people who show up for you. They also share an email and a voicemail from listeners in the mix of all the talk!!
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HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Van Buren // threecordstherapy.com // @KatVanburen
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Good break it down. If you ever have feelings that
you just fons Amy and Cat, gotcha, Cob and locking
m brother, ladies and folks, do you just follow Anna
spirit where it's all the front and real stuff to
the chill stuff and the m but swaying. Sometimes the
best thing you can do it just stop you feel things.
(00:27):
This is feeling things with.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Amy and Cat. Happy Tuesday. Welcome to feeling things. I'm
Amy and I'm Cat and we both have feelings of
the day. You want an animating money mo or you just.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Go, I'll just go. Okay, it's not that exciting. I'm
feeling lethargic because my husband was out of town this weekend,
and I think I've consumed more TV in the past
three days than I haven't liked the past six months.
Like I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel right now.
I went back to watch The Real Housewives. I haven't
(00:59):
watched The Real Housewife probably since I was in college.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Okay, question, yes, are you watching Paradise? Yes? Okay, so
you're caught up? Are you watching Love Story?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yes, you're caught up? Okay, pit caught up, Traders, caught up,
Love is blind, caught up, So that's why. Oh yeah,
so you really are you're looking for a fish? First
episode of broad Church great loved it. Started the second
episode or the second season Bridgerton. I don't think that's
my jam.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
I also started the first episode of Tell Me Lies. Also,
don't think that's gonna be my job.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
That's not my jam. I tried. I tried well, and
that's sort of my thing with Bridgerton. Okay, you're muffs
for kids?
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Do you say?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Like sometimes if kids are listening? But this also isn't
bad at all. Some of these shows are highly physical sexual.
Yeah yeah, and I'm like, I don't have to need it,
like okay, I can take it or leave it. But
like sometimes it's just like, Okay, I don't.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
Really enjoy watch.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Scene is very long, and now I just we could,
which I know some people are like, oh my gosh,
that's my favorite part.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
I don't know. Okay, did you try to watch he
did Rivalry?
Speaker 4 (02:10):
No?
Speaker 3 (02:10):
I tried to watch that because one of my clients
was like, Catherine, you would love it. Meanwhile, she's like
twenty four to twenty five. She was like, you would
love it, you would binge it in like oh day
and I was like, Okay, I'll finally I'll watch it.
So I put on the first episode and I'm not kidding,
there was a sex scene that lasted fifteen twenty minutes. Oh,
I'm not kidding. I haven't fast forwarded it, but I
(02:30):
was like, well, now it feels like this is half
of the show. So I've just skipped through half of
the first episode.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
And yeah, I already determined that probably wasn't gonna be
my thing. But that's why I haven't gotten I tried
and tell me lies, and then also and tell me lies.
They're in college. So then I feel like I'm watching
eighteen year.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Old Oh yeah, inappropriate? Sheels weird.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Yeah, I'm like, and I guess now I'm a mom
of an eighteen year old, and I'm like thinking of
like my daughter if she were off at college, and
I'm like, she better not meet a guy like that.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
Geez. Well, I only watched the first forty minutes of
the first episode, so it's not too bad. But I
know I can tell you get going. Yeah, it gets there.
I just wanted to try something that wasn't reality TV,
and it backfired on me. Yeah, so that's why I'm
watching the Housewives.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Okay, yeah, well I am feeling grateful, oh okay, specifically
for Anna Voss's newsletter. Now, she's a female country artist
and I signed up for her newsletter, which she calls
the Weekly Whimsy Newsletter.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
That's right up your alley.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
And I think it goes out on Wednesdays, So you know,
I love that.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
A weekly Wednesday whimsy newsletter.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
You know I love alliteration. Yeah, And I thought I
would share with y'all the most recent email I got
from Anna with three whimsies for the week, because I
thought these whimsies were great. And we've talked about being
whimsy here on the podcast for a long time, like
maybe even was that back on the fifth thing before
we even Yeah, so more whimsy, less worry. That's the
(04:11):
talk that I gave my health and wellness talk that
I gave on the cruise, And when I saw her whimsies,
I was like, oh, I'm going to pull this. Give
Anna Voss a shout out because not only is she
an awesome artist, her voice is great. You can google her,
check out her music, check her out on socials, and
then if you do find her, sign up for her
newsletter and you'll get her weekly Whimsy newsletter. And oh,
(04:35):
speaking of our newsletter, I will shout out before I
read the Whimsies. We got an email from Elizabeth from
our about our latest newsletter that went out about waiting
to worry. I believe that was the title of the newsletter,
was wait to worry. And she sent us an email
that said, oh my goodness, this newsletter came at the
perfect time. We are in a very hard season with
one of our children. I have so much to worry
(04:57):
about him, you know, like what will happen, when, what
will happen if? But I need to wait to worry,
take everything one dead day at a time. I truly
teared up when I read the email, as it hits
so close to home and was exactly what I needed today.
Thank you, Thank you, so shout out. If you haven't
signed up for our newsletter, you can.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
You can help. He always forget on our Instagram in
the bio and then you can email us and I
can send you the link. It's also on the Facebook page.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
So and our instagram is Feeling Things Podcast and then
if you want to email us, it's Hey, They're at
Feeling thingspodcast dot com, which we did also have an
email this week of someone and this isn't the first
time we've had this where they're like, I signed up
and I still haven't received an email. So our only
recommendation to that is to check your spam or your promotion,
(05:51):
you know, like on my Gmail it's divided like I've
got promotional emails and then junk mail.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
And then I also will put say this, if anybody
has insider information on Shopify's marketing emails, let me know,
because it will say some of the people that are
emailing me, it says they're subscribed.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yeah, because you've checked.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Yes, And I'm like, I don't know how to fixed this.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
And then we feel bad, So I don't know, don't
give up, keep trying. Okay, Now do you want Anna's
whimsies for the week. Yeah, okay, whimsy won She said,
go for a flower walk and see how many different
kinds of flowers you can spot. This whimsy is from
my mom. It's amazing how many different kinds of flowers
are hiding in plain sight and joy. So shout out
(06:36):
Anna's mom for that whimsical activity. My therapist once gave
me an activity to go when I'm on a walk
intentionally look for leaves that are shaped like hearts.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
I know who said that, Yeah, yeah, shout out.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
And it was crazy how many I found.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
And how many because she's always been that way. She
used to collect rocks in the shape of hearts. She
probably still does. She'd have him in her office and
now she I'll see all kinds of things in the
shape of heart, like spill like you spill something, like
a splatter of something, or like, I don't know, random
shapes that you just look at differently.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
In my hardwood in my kitchen there's a little smiley
face cute, like it's really cute. And so I think
that's the point of this one is while it's a
flower walk activity, you could turn it into any kind
of walk that you want, of like looking for specific things.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
I went on a date with somebody a long, long
time ago. It was my worst date I've ever been on.
Do you know what I'm gonna say?
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Yeah, I remember he was like that target guy, Yes, yeah, yeah. He.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
I asked him what he liked to do for fun,
and he he said, I like to walk around and
smell flowers. It's like we have different ideas of fun.
He also called me a basic white B word because
I shop at Target and he said he doesn't shop
he only shops local, and I was like, okay, wow.
He also flip flops and it was like February, Oh no,
(08:03):
it was cold outside. Yeah. Interesting.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
I think it's the overall vibe, which just terrible. I
mean those reasons alone are a little weird. I mean
going around and smelling flowers for fun is fine in itself,
but I think he had stuff other things that made that, Yeah,
made that a bigger ew than it is.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Yeah. At the end of the day, I said, well,
this is fun and he said was it? And I said, no,
it wasn't. He knew when I said this was one.
It was just kind of like I haven't notice to say.
He was like, was it? And I was like, you're right, No,
this was not fun.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
So I take it. Did y'all ever talk again after
that at all?
Speaker 3 (08:40):
I think that I like blocked him after that. It
was like not did. He was very combative. It was
very weird.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
It sounds like it if you're like, oh, I shop
at Target and he was.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Like, uh yeah from the jump, basic whitebe Yeah, you
just call me a name.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Whimsy number two a whimsy event for the week. Piggybacking
off of last week's wimsy, she wrote, Shoot, I don't
know what that was because I wasn't signed up for
her newsletter yet I missed out on a whimsy watch
the sunset one day this week? What do you notice
that's different about the sun as it sets later? What
(09:17):
about yourself? How has your evening routine changed with the
light m which I could make I could watch? Try
to be intentional about watching the sunset or going on
a sunset walk double whimsy looking for heart shaped leaves
or flowers while I walk into the sunset. I bet
if I had to guess, the one from the week
(09:38):
before was to watch a sunrise.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Oh what time would that be? Well, now it's later. Yeah,
but you could do it.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Yeah, you could still do it, even if it was
the earlier one.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
You could do it, But a sunset would be better
for the schedule.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Okay, final whimsy for the week. Write an email to
your and schedule it to send a year from now.
What do you think your future self needs to hear?
What do you hope your future self is experiencing that
you're not Plus include your current favorite song so that
you can go back and listens like yourself. No, that's separate.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Oh okay, sorry, I thought she was saying put that
in the email. I love that. Have you ever done
that before email myself? No, like had a letter. You've
written a letter and then later it's sent to you. No.
I did it when I did training to be an
adventure therapist, something I never thought I would be doing.
And when we did our training, it was like in
(10:40):
the woods and they had us like go out somewhere
by ourselves and like write a letter to ourselves experience.
And then I forgot about it and they mailed it
to us a year later. I think I still have it.
It was really special because I was also I think
a dark place too when I wrote that letter. It
was cool to see like a year later.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Yeah, I can see how that would be very therapeutic.
I'm actually like trying to think. Have it sounds like
an activity? Surely with all my therapy that I've done.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Yeah, a lot of people will do it. We did it,
I don't recall. We did it in treat. When I
worked in treatment, we would have people write a letter
a year from now to themselves. Want two letters. Actually,
we would send both of them. One if they relapse,
what do you need to hear from yourself from your
recovery yourself now? And two if you're still in recovery, like,
how do you want to cheer yourself onto? So that
was really cool. And those letters when because we would
(11:27):
send them a year later, sometimes clients would come back
to treatment after they got their letter because it would
like reawaken them up. Yeah, so oh pretty cool.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
No, I like that, And I like that she said,
include your current favorite song, which what is? You know what?
I am jamming out to right now so hard. I
listened to it while I was getting ready this morning.
Ella Langley be her.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
So I don't listen to a lot of country music,
so I don't know that song. Okay, so maybe I
all listened to it.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
I just want to be her so bad.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
It hurts so bad.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
It hurts so bad. I just want to be hurt. No, well, well,
I don't know that it's sad. But she drinks one
by the glass, not by the bottle. Good, I can't.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Is it about being somebody else? Like is it like
somebody who's dating somebody she loves, or is it like
about being a different version?
Speaker 2 (12:15):
I think when I heard Ella like maybe explaining it
in an interview when they sat down for the right
it was like they were describing some girl and they
already had a title of like be her or a
line like that, and she just started like singing along,
like oh, I just want to be her so bad
at her. It's like describing like someone that you look
to them and you're like, oh, I want to be them. Yeah,
(12:36):
she drinks one by the glass, she smokes one on vacation,
rolls over every morning to the love of her life.
She's a mother. Now, I can't catch the tune in
my head right now if you can't tell, which I've been,
I know, but someone's listening right now and they're like,
I know that song, you sound nothing like it. But
(12:57):
I was listening to it all weekend and then this
morning I put it on repeat. But I'm still not
over Ella's choosing Texas because that song is also such
a jam and I'm not over that one being amazing.
But she's already put out this next banger, so I'm like, Okay,
I think I'm loving what Ella Lingley has going on.
So do you have a favorite song right now?
Speaker 3 (13:18):
So I'm actually in a weird spot with music where
it all is annoying me right now.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Well, maybe you could email yourself your favorite TV show
instead of song your emails.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Yeah, yeah, I can do that.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
And you just said you watch so much TV, but
you get like.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
That where like all music annoys me because I like
all the same stuff. I've like listened to too much
of it. So I've been driving in silence because I'm
just like, I don't want to hear that song again.
But I also don't know where else to go because
I like have my like I listened to this playlist
or about the radio, I've never thought to turn on
my radio.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Cool silence. It's just my main job.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
But you' have a podcast too.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
You show it's on a podcast by Bread and Butter
is a radio show, like if you that's where like.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
But I listened. But if I've listened to that show,
I would listen to it on your podcast version.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
True, it is that same and on the podcast you
can't hear music though.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Oh but also country music isn't where I'm going to
want to go.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
We'll turn on the river, turn on pop. Yeah, I
mean I get it. There's commercials. There's a different way
of consuming music, but it's still a way to like
get introduced to what does popular or hear a fun throwback?
Like there's a I don't know if it's like HD
two HU three, it's an option in my car where
I can listen to what's HD mean. It's like the
(14:41):
type of I don't know how to explain it. It's
not I don't know if it's necessarily quality related or
just it gives you access like on like say, locally,
we're the Big ninety eight, which is ninety eight point
nine on the FM dial, but you can go to
ninety eight point nine on HD two and it's a
(15:03):
totally different station, and then on HD three a totally
different station that plays like classic country. So I like
to turn that one on because it's like I'm listening
to the same radio dial, but I'm going back to
country classics like nineties.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Do all cars have out?
Speaker 2 (15:22):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
Okay, I haven't turned the radio on in so long.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
I would imagine you have a newer car, so I think, so, yeah,
I'll test it out. I feel like I'm just picturing
that like movie where he was like done Indokio. You
probably don't know that one either I don't know that
one's really old, but kids these days probably don't even.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
They for sure aren't listening to the radio, right, I.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Mean, unless they're listening with their parents. Now, my son
is in eighth grade and some of his friends listen
to our radio show. But that's because their parents listen
while they're driving to school. And I assume they're actually
listening to the radio dial and not the podcast while
they're driving to school, right if it's their parents, because
they're probably.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
To listen to it as it's happened.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Like the two quotes that Anna Boss put in her
newsletter that I was just going to share that are
good are in March, the earth remembers its own name.
(16:31):
I don't know what that means.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
Wait what I was about to ask you what it meant?
Speaker 4 (16:39):
I thought you had some like insider info.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I read the second line. Now I just was like, okay, spring, okay,
the quote spring will okay, this is the quote that
I actually read, and I assumed that they would both
go with the flow. But I mean, and you thought
they were part of what you're the email to yourself, Okay,
spring will come, and so will happiness. Hold on, life
(17:15):
will get warmer.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
That's beautiful because he goes back to the other.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Maybe this is from a book. Is there a book
called warm? In March, the earth remembers its own name?
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Why if you had to guess what that meant, if
it was your life depended on it, you have to
tell me what does that mean?
Speaker 2 (17:39):
In March the earth remember? Maybe are things thawing out
in March and like flowers are blooming and the earth
is remembering who I am, Like you've gone through winter
and new things are sprouting. I don't know. That's my
best guess with yours, ye warm, She says, it's from
(18:01):
Mary Oliver Warm Worm Moon.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
I don't know, but there is a quote by Mary
Oliver that really helped me out in a dark time.
May I share it with you?
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Obviously?
Speaker 3 (18:14):
And actually a therapist who was my boss at the
time said this to me when I was going through
a breakup. I'm gonna I might not say exactly correctly,
but it's someone once handed me a box full of darkness.
I found out this too is a gift. So he
was saying, like, somebody gave you this box full of darkness.
Somebody broke your heart in time. You're going to find
(18:36):
out that was a gift, and boy was it the
best gift anybody has ever given me.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
That reminds me of a a Dan Harris thing, like
he was interviewing somebody and it popped up as a
real option for me, and I guess Dan was interviewing
a guy who uses the phrase yes, thank you and
all things, and that reminds me of that, where like
he used example of maybe you're at the airport in
your flight gets canceled and he just says, oh, yes, yes,
(19:07):
thank you. Yes my flight is canceled, Yes, thank you,
Because is something in that is a gift? Like okay,
well we have that question what's now possible from this
or what is this sparing me from? Or what is
this teaching me? Like it's either a moment to practice
patients or to avoid who knows what if you had
(19:28):
been on that flight, which maybe it wasn't even gonna
happen on the flight, but it would get you on
the road that would take you somewhere else, or does
it give you an opportunity to meet somebody that you
otherwise wouldn't have met, Like either way, there's a even
the box of darkness is a gift. So that simple
statement for this particular guy that Dan was interviewing, and
(19:49):
I don't know who it was, but he just said, yes,
thank you has transformed his life three words, yes, comma,
thank you in all things.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
And that's that's easy to do.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Yeah, but I would imagine too, the more you do it.
So yeah, like even in a breakup, a simple yes
thank you.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Can you imagine if somebody broke up with you and
you're like, yes, thank you, you'd say to yourself, not
to the person out loud.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Yeah, well, I don't know that. I mean you also
don't I don't know that. I would always say it
with such gratitude like yeah, such like.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
Yes thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Sometimes I might say begrudgingly sort of like but still,
just the discipline of saying it, maybe making it a
little mantra till it becomes true, because you may not
believe yourself at first, like of course this isn't a yes,
thank you, this is a huge inconvenience and this hurts
and it's painful and it's disruptive and I'm annoyed and
frustrated and yes, thank you, yes, thank you.
Speaker 3 (20:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Well I'm so glad that something fruitful came from the
fact that I just threw those well, I really wanted
to read the whimsies, and I was like, oh, I'll
throw those two quotes in because she just threw them
at the end of the email, like two quotes to
tuck away. But now Shannon has looked up the meaning
of in March, the Earth remembers its own name, and
I'm sure it's going to be powerful and we're gonna
(21:07):
be like, maybe the Earth remembers its own name signifies
the seasonal awakening of nature. We're thawing soil and reappearing
earthworms signal the end of winter. It captures the quiet,
inevitable return of life, growth, and identity to the land
after a long, cold, dormant, icy period.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
You were kind of right, It's kind of right.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
Huh. Deep very it was just too deep for us
at the beginning. I think we got there. Well, maybe
in the full poem there's more we would if that
that's a line from the yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Yeah, I'd be interested. I guess she included it because
this was in the email, right, this is in the newsletter.
She included it because its spring is springing, and because
it's March.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Yeh it's March, and maybe she like I mean. Also,
Anna's a songwriter.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
So she probably gets things a little bit differently. She's deep.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Words are her thing, so I could see like her
in a song being like in March. It's a name.
Spring will come and soul will happiness. So hold on.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
That's her next big song, Life.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Will get warmer. That quote is from the second quote,
the spring will come and so will happiness. Hold On,
Life will get warmer? Is Anika Krisan.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
I would have said Anka, but I don't think I'm right.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Oh no, you could totally be right.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
But Anna Cody two ends right, We'll never know.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Well, we have we have it covered.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
Speaking of that, I can't pronounce, Yes, I don't say.
Speaking of names, I can't pronounce. I came across something
very interesting and I would like to share with you,
and you don't know what I'm gonna say.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
No, I do know.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
So I found this study, you know, we love studies,
and it was in an article the Good Deaths of
people who never marry. So this caught my eye. This
is on psychology today, The Good Deaths dea t the
good deaths. Yes, okay, I feel like there is this
(23:17):
rhetoric or there are these responses or there are these
things that people assume and think of people who are
married versus single in life in an old age, and
people who have kids and who don't have kids, Like
I hear a lot when people are talking about like
because not everybody wants kids, and when people are talking
(23:39):
about like I don't want to have kids, like that's
not part of my story. Whatever. People will say to them, well,
who's going to take care of you when you're older?
Have you heard this?
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (23:49):
Which is very rude, but I get where they're coming from.
So this study it was in again, this is an
article and we'll link in the show notes. The article
is just talking about the study that was done at
Boston University. There were two social scientists and this is
what I can't pronounce. I'm gonna try my best. Kefayatte
(24:11):
My Mound, I mean, your guess is as good as mine,
and Devra Carr. That one was easy. So they analyzed
data from twelve years of nationally representative samples of US
Medicare beneficiaries who were sixty five or older when they died.
So they took twelve years of data from people who
were sixty five or older when they died, and they
(24:33):
reported that people who have never married generally fared as
well as, if not better than married people. What, yes,
I'm shocked. They also found that people who had no
children were no different from parents in the quality of
their life in their last month. So this was so
interesting to me.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
But who cared for them? Really? I will get to Okay, well, good, Well,
I I don't have biological children, but we adopted, and
I I still wonder who's gonna care for me?
Speaker 3 (25:03):
Well, okay, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
I mean maybe they will, maybe they will. I as
someone where my sister and I were the caregivers to
our parents towards the end of their life, like I'm talking. Yes,
we had to bathe them, we had to clothe them,
carry them, like. There's a lot that goes into that.
So of course, when I was doing that with my parents,
I was thinking, my sister's good, she has four biological children.
(25:24):
They're all like it. They're great, They're gonna they're gonna
be awesome. My kids are great. However, I don't know
where we are for sure, for sure on that attachment,
So I often wonder what that will look like for
me down the line.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
But also like, what if you didn't have kids, like
then that's what that thing. Well, I think that's that
like assumption that like, if you don't have kids, there
will be nobody, and that's proven to not be true.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Okay, we'll see. But my dad was even once I
put him sounds like I put him somewhere. We all
agreed as a family, including him, that he needed to
move to Intsville and live in an assisted living home.
He could still take care of himself, but I would
still go by there sometimes if it was a rough week.
I would go almost every day and help with stuff.
(26:11):
But there was still caregivers there, but we just didn't
have that full package, you know. So I guess it
depends on what you pay for, yeah, you know.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
And if he didn't have the if you weren't available too,
he probably would have figured it out, right. So I
want to read what they defined as a good death
to help kind of explain some of this. They said,
a good death is described as free from avoidable distress
and suffering for the patient, family and caregivers in general,
with the patient and family's wishes. So that would be
(26:42):
like a good death, Like I'm not feeling stress and
anxiety and pain and all that.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
So this is where I mean, I know, I'm sorry,
I'm going to like a good death to me is
like I die in one second without even knowing I'm
about to die.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Okay, but before you die. I think they're talking about that,
like the process before or that, Like if you're older.
This isn't like people who die when they're like forty five,
got it? This is like people who are older who
are near death, what their process of transitioning to the
other side. I was like, does that that makes sense?
So with emotions, this is so interesting to me. So
(27:18):
I just want to know if this is blowing your
mind as much as a blue my mind. During the
last month of their lives, people who had never married
were by far the least troubled by sadness or anxiety.
Sixty two percent of them experienced no problems with sadness
or anxiety. In the other marital status groups, between forty
one percent and forty four experiences no problems. So, like
twenty percent higher satisfaction. Isn't that just not what you
(27:41):
would assume?
Speaker 2 (27:42):
No, I would assume that you have more life satisfaction
if you have a love a partner.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
Because you assume that those relationships are healthy and happy
and that which I would hope that they are. But
some are, some are, Yeah, I mean forty four percent
still are happy in a good experience.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
So now I'm like rethinking, do I do you want
to get married? Do I get remarried?
Speaker 3 (28:06):
So this is also interesting. People who had never been
married were most likely to be free of pain, which
I don't know why during the last month of their lives.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Well, maybe because you don't have the heartache of leaving
behind your loved one, Because I would imagine if you
are still alive and the love of your life is
still alive and you know you're dying, there's got to
be heartache associated that you're leaving them, you know. Like
there are some of those stories where like they're older
and they die within a certain time of each other
(28:36):
because they die of a heart break of broken heart.
That's my hypothesis is that maybe it's less painful because
you're not attached to somebody.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
No, And that actually breaks my heart. It was like, oh,
I wish I loved my husband a little less.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Oh my god, you love Patrick so much, you like
don't want to live without him at all, whatsoever.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
I will die of a broken heart if he I.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
Don't think you're going to die. I think you will
be you will be okay, But you don't. I if
I'm nine, you're like looking at me. I'm like, you
will be okay, and you're looking at me like, no, no, won't.
I'm going to fall over dead? And don't you say otherwise?
Speaker 3 (29:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (29:17):
You just want to. You're like, I really feel like
the vibes I get from you. You're like, if something
happens to Patrick, like bury me with them, you.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
Get those vibes. Because I've probably said that too far.
But also, if I'm ninety five, I've lived my yes,
so like it's if my husband dies, take me with him.
If I'm thirty six, if something happens to him today,
oh my gosh, I have to knock on wood. I
(29:43):
don't want to also die. But I also that would
be a box full of darkness that I don't think
would end up being a gift.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
That wouldn't be a yes, thank you.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
No, So I think I would. I would hope that
I would still live my life, but I think it
would it would take some time for me to get there,
so this is all so interesting. It was saying that
because people who are single don't have the one, they
end up having the ones multiple so their relation they
(30:14):
have they have deeper, stronger and more like relationships in general,
friends and stuff like that community because they aren't tied
to the one. So in later in life, sometimes being
single ends up being more of a blessing because you
have more people around you.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Interesting.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Yeah, so do you guys, do you really want to
find somebody and get married?
Speaker 2 (30:38):
I have the ones, Yeah, I have the ones plural.
Speaker 3 (30:42):
And it was saying like people who are like alone
later in life, they can't assume somebody's going to take
care of them, so they do kind of have that
forethought of I want to put things in order, so
I am taking care of well. So like you were
saying with like the assisted living, they've thought more about
those things than somebody who just assumes that their kids
or that their spouse is going to take care of them.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
This is taking me back to The Correspondent, which is
a book that I read before the latest book, like
I shard it a few weeks ago.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Are you done with it?
Speaker 2 (31:15):
And it's so good? Without giving anything away, because I
highly recommend y'all read it. It is about an older
woman and she obviously correspondents, she writes a lot, but
she's alone for her later years in life. But now
that I'm thinking about it, she did have this community,
but she had to be intentional about it. But she
(31:37):
was intentional about staying in touch and corresponding with people
and having these relationships with people. And you know, she
was pursued in certain ways, but she had to make
certain decisions that were best for herself. But anyway, it
just makes me think of how she lived and.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
She had that community, so she was yeah, most of.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
It through her letters and then later when she needed
more help, she had to help there because she had
some health stuff going on. But I don't know, just
made me think of corresponding with people, staying in touch
with people, being intentional, and that's what she would sit
down every morning at ten am with her pen and
paper and write. And maybe that's not your thing, but
(32:17):
is it? How are you going to be intentional about
keeping in touch with people.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
And maintaining a community.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
So this is the older we get it. It's easy
to isolate and be alone and not have or and
die very lonely.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
And the more comfortable. Yeah, I can see myself like
I like to stay in my house a lot, and
I can see myself like, I'm happy with my husband,
So I'm just gonna like stay at my house and
not purposely isolate. But I can see that easily happening,
especially later in life when it's harder to do things.
So this is just a word to the wise that
just because you have a partner, it doesn't necessarily mean
(32:55):
that that's going to translate to what you hope. And
so keeping those relationships is.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Very important, making sure that you have relationships outside of
your yeah, Pardmary partner, because that can be your best friend. Yeah,
but like you need other friends. Yeah, well that's interesting, Kat.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
Yeah. And the next time, if you're talking to somebody
about how you don't want kids and they ask you
who's going to take care of you, you can say, well,
there's the study done at Boston University and turns out
people who have kids end up faring far worse than
people who don't have kids. So take that. Yeah, which
(33:35):
it was sad because they were saying how like they
didn't explain why the people without kids had better death experiences,
but they like assumed that people just assume because you
have kids, they're gonna do it, and a lot of
times they don't.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
They're not. Yeah, they may not. Yeah, So shout out
to my parents, you were lucky. Shout out to my parents,
you were lucky you had daughters that took care of you.
(34:11):
Even though my sister, Oh, I wish I had her permission.
Maybe one day I'll get it to read a letter
that she wrote. I think it could be very healing
and therapeutic for someone listening if you had a relationship
with one of your parents where you're refrustrated at like
your childhood, the version you got of them as a child,
(34:31):
and then later as adults you were having to take
care of them because like our dad left, he moved
out when I was nine and my sister was thirteen,
moved out, like sure took care of us in certain ways,
but like we lived with our mom the entire time.
There wasn't like shared custody. There wasn't.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
Your sister probably has a very different memory of that
because thirteen, I feel like you would really really remember. Yes,
mine is like can see you can forget some of it.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
Yeah, And my sister, speaking of writing things, like she
will write stuff just for herself like that nobody else
will ever see, because that's therapeutic for her. She'll write songs,
she will write poems, she'll write letters, just stuff that's
art to her, but it's not meant for public consumption.
(35:17):
But maybe I could get her permission in this case,
although it might be too long, and then some people
were like what, But I do think it could be powerful,
And that's why I wish it's almost like one day
my sister she should publish like a book that's full
of just all this stuff, because I think while it
was therapeutic for her, could be therapeutic to others. But
that's one way where my sister expressed her frustration in
(35:41):
the time that we had to take care of my dad.
And it's easy for me to say now because he's
passed away, but like we were in the thick of
it with him at times, like it was so hard
and emotional, and then the stuff comes up from childhood
where you're angry and we're like, what you like straight
up left us for another woman, and you know, our
(36:03):
mom did her best, and yeah he didn't, Like I
always feel like I have to, you know, pump him
up a little bit, like he didn't like totally walk
out and never talk to us again and paid for
college and stuff like that where it really counted now,
he abandoned us and he walked out, And I think
he could have done it in a better way. I
get it. People followed love You maybe want to move on,
that's fine. It was just how it was done was
(36:24):
so ill. But they were working with the tools that
they have, which were clearly clearly no tools at all.
But that during that season, I remember us both being
very angry, and my sister wrote a whole letter about it,
and I don't know if she ever gave it to
him or it was just she.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
Shared it with you at the time, or she shared
it with you later.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
She shared it with me later of like, oh, well,
here's something I wrote during that season. And I remember
the exact season of it being like because we were
I was living in Nashville, our dad was living in Austin.
She was living in Colorado. So we were tag teaming like, hey,
I'm playing to Austin. I can take these dates and
I'll go into the studio and do the show there,
pipe up with Nashville, like we were still working, she's
got four kids. They have a full time business in Colorado,
(37:06):
like a design firm, a coffee shop, like, she's a husband, like,
she's got multiple things. So it's sort of like, well,
you cover these dates, we'll tag team. Like I would
like fly into Austin like high five my sister and
she'd go to the airport and leave. So it was
like she had just had a rough go and she
was like, FYI, this has been rough.
Speaker 3 (37:24):
So you weren't even there together to like be with
each other.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
Out of it. I guess we were maybe a little bit,
but yeah, much of it was in passing, and that's
when eventually we had to decide to just move him.
We were like, we have to move him somewhere, and
Colorado didn't make sense because of the super cold, icy
weather for an elderly person isn't or an elderly sick person.
Nashville has seasons, but it just seemed a little more doable.
(37:48):
So we decided to move him to Nashville because we
were exhausted. We were like, we can't keep this up,
and he clearly isn't going to be able to take
care of himself. But that our child anger reared its head,
and in those moments, it was it's almost like you
kind of wanted to just like I mean, I wouldn't,
but I just wanted to like throw everything down, yeah,
(38:09):
walk out and be like, yeah, where were you? But
now we're here.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Yeah. Well it's like he knew that your mom was
going to take care of you, versus like you were like,
well if we don't do it, who will?
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Is that? And I imagine you had a different experience
taking care of your mom than your dad. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
I never had those feelings of where were you? No,
I had to do the same exact things for my mom.
It was just as taxing. But you're right, I never
had what would be the word resentment.
Speaker 3 (38:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
Yeah, I didn't have the moments of resentment. I had
more of like, oh my gosh, Mom, I'm so sorry,
Like I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. And sometimes when
i'd be doing the exact same thing to my dad,
I'd be like, it's so freaking annoyed. Yeah, but I
mean I felt bad for him too, but it was
a different You're right, I didn't have it with my
mom like I did my dad. So anyway, they got lucky,
(38:59):
I guess because we did. But you're right, there's your
dad can't you wouldn't.
Speaker 3 (39:03):
And that's also fair, Like it's complicated. So if you
do have a family member that completely abandoned you, I
wouldn't blame you for not taking care of them later
in life, Like it doesn't have to be like, well
you have to do that. So your dad did get lucky.
Now I know you had a relationship with him at
the time too. Yes, so it's a little bit different.
But Maggie, my cat just walked in. But yeah, your
(39:26):
your family was lucky to have you and your sister.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Oh, well, thank you. I'm sort of joking when I
say that, but I do they realize that they they were,
And I guess in a way, yes, thank you. I
was lucky to get to do that for them, as
difficult as it was, like, yes, thank you. It taught
me so much about what unconditional love can look like
(39:51):
and humility.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
Yeah, look at you turning that around. Well the more
you know, just trying to keep you up to day
on them latest research.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
When I got to figure out, like, do you want
to carry it again?
Speaker 3 (40:05):
It's risky we.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Do have I know we were laughing earlier and then
it got a little serious, but we do have a
fun voicemail from a listener talking about some of the
background noise. I know we just mentioned Maggie walked in,
and I don't know if y'all could hear that at all,
but we'll just give y'all some behind the scenes. I
have a door that sometimes she'll push open and it
goes and it creaked, and so we knew Maggie walked in,
(40:29):
but maybe y'all couldn't hear that. But sometimes behind the scenes,
we've got laughter in the room. And so there's Cryocat
running the cameras, and then Shannon, who's googling stuff for
us or looking up other things, or handling the recording,
or maybe even trying to handle the animals. Because this
is an open studio, all all are welcome, so sometimes
(40:50):
you may hear the pets, but you also may hear
Cat and Shannon laughing. And so that's what this voicemail
is about.
Speaker 5 (40:57):
I just wanted to call to say who I think
it has to be, Shannon. I'm assuming, but periodically throughout
your episodes, we can hear somebody bust out laughing in
the background. Please never change that, never edit that out
because it is amazing. It makes me smile, it makes
(41:19):
me laugh out loud. Obviously. I love hearing both of
you as an Amy and cat laugh. I love all
of your giggles. But when you hear Shannon's again, I
think if Shannon, when you hear Shannon's laugh from the distance,
it makes it even more plenty. So please, please, please,
never ever ever edit her out. It's amazing.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
So it's definitely Shannon's laugh and Cryocat's laugh a lot
of the times. So Shannon, do we have her name?
Did she say it Lindsey, So shout out lindsay. We
will not edit that out.
Speaker 3 (41:54):
Yeah, thanks for making the podcast better. Guys.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
Yeah, I love kryle Okat goes. I think it's charming.
It is. I thought Maggie was going to come and
sit my lap here for a second, but she went
over to the other chair.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
She wanted to be alone.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
She wanted to have her own chair in the studio.
But we love hearing from y'all, and we love hearing
what y'all are enjoying or maybe even not enjoying. We
can take constructive feedback as well.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
So very recently we got some and we shared it
with you guys, send it on over. That was constructive.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
That one wasn't really, but I will gladly take it.
Like if you or if there's something we've done in
the past that maybe we are not doing, they're like,
oh I missed this, you know, like I know we
shared Anna's quotes, but on the fifth thing, we still
always do a quote. Y'all may have things in your
mind that we're not thinking of. So we want to
hear from you. This is your podcast.
Speaker 3 (42:48):
As well, so everybody's podcast.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
Yeah, so hit us up. Hey, they're at Feeling Things
podcast dot com, or you can call and leave us
a voicemail eight seven seven two oh seven to seven seven.
We would absolutely love to hear from you. And we
got a voicemail from I thought you'd freak out. It's
not one we'll play on the show, but I'll have
to play it for you later because you haven't gotten
(43:11):
to hear it yet. But shout out if you happen
to be listening. One of our listeners sent us a
quick little voicemail about how her nephew is on Love
is Blind and that's your show. I don't ever watch it,
so I didn't know you may know who her nephew is,
but I wish it was our show, ours together, we
could share watch it.
Speaker 3 (43:30):
I wonder if my nephew was on that show, would
I watch it or I would be like, oh, I can't.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
She did like it was like fun to sit down
and watch with like her daughter.
Speaker 3 (43:38):
I was like, that's die. Wouldn't that be her daughter's cousin? Yes,
that fun.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
That her nephew's awesome.
Speaker 3 (43:44):
Okay, well as long as everything it just is like.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
If her nephew was the one guy that's like I
need to be with a girl that does pilates and
CrossFit every day, I'd be mortified.
Speaker 3 (43:54):
But no, there's some just cringey parts of that show,
like when they're like falling in love in the pot,
it's they like in this they can't see each other.
Some of it I have to fast forward because I'm like,
I feel like I shouldn't be watching this. This is
like an intimate moment, you know. Yeah, so I think
if I knew the person.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Or probably like what's the what they mean? Cat like,
we're I'm sure for some people are like I love
stuff like that, or I love Bridgardton, or I love
all these shows we're like fast forward.
Speaker 3 (44:19):
Well, it's like not even sexually intimate. It's just like awkward.
You're saying it's awkward. You're saying I love you. You've
never really met this person, and when they meet each other,
they're all like sweaty and nervous, and I'm like, this
should be a moment that you get to have by.
Speaker 2 (44:33):
Yourself, right, Like it feels weird to be watching it, but.
Speaker 3 (44:36):
I still watch it.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
That's what you love. Yeah, I don't know why I
haven't ever been able to get into.
Speaker 3 (44:41):
It, but I just had a thought that doesn't come up,
that did come up earlier, that I have to share
it because I kind of blanked. I don't even know
if it was on this episode, but I need to
tell people. If you're trying to sign up for the
newsletter that comes out every other Wednesday, the link is
in the show notes.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
Oh sweet.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
Yeah, So if you don't know where, or you don't
have social media so you can't sign up on Instagram,
the link is in the show notes.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
Wait easier than Instagram, yeah, because a lot of people
aren't on on the cruise, like, I met so many
people that are like, oh, I don't have social media,
and I was like, oh, but they still live their listeners.
Speaker 3 (45:15):
Good for them, I know, good for good for you.
Speaker 2 (45:19):
That's great.
Speaker 3 (45:21):
Was the demographic like those people were they.
Speaker 2 (45:23):
People of all ages there? I mean there wasn't kids
on the boat, but I mean there were people in
their thirties and people in their eighties.
Speaker 3 (45:30):
Well, I just wonder the demographic of people saying I
don't have social media. Oh I'm more older. I don't
don't know.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
No, I mean they were. I mean I wasn't like
I was like, oh that tracks, you know, Like I
was more like, oh, wow, you don't have social media.
So I would imagine they were around my age. Ish.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
So does Stevenson have social media? No? Okay, what is
your Do you have a rule on that?
Speaker 2 (45:51):
No? He just hasn't been into it. He for a
long time was terrified of TikTok because of China, and
then somehow I conmitt to be scared of Snapchat because
I said it had something to do with Russia.
Speaker 3 (46:05):
It's great fair.
Speaker 2 (46:05):
So now, I mean I don't know that his friends
are that into Instagram.
Speaker 3 (46:10):
I wonder I want to resit between boys and girls,
because that is like has to be so hard to
manage that.
Speaker 2 (46:17):
Yeah, well, he's definitely brought up that his friends have
a lot of it, but he also has his own
anxiety around people online. Like he got a text the
other day because he does he has a cell phone.
He's fifteen. Someone texted him a scammer was trying to
text and start dialogue with him and said something about
(46:39):
asking his age, and Stevenson's response was that's classified. And
I was like, that's the perfect response. I said, actually,
the best response is no response at all. You just
don't even need to respond to lead it. But I
guess if you're gonna reply, replying with that's classified is
perfect because you're not giving them just like, make that
(47:01):
your blanket answer. That's classified. Yeah, that's classified.
Speaker 3 (47:04):
As it should be. He's a minor.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
Yeah weirdo. Okay, well, good for him, Good for him.
So far it's worked, but I don't know how much
longer that's gonna last. And I do think it's right.
I do think there's a different troomed boys and girls.
Speaker 3 (47:17):
I can't imagine being thinking about how middle school was
for me. I just can't imagine being in middle school
on having that. I don't want to think about it,
and so I wonder like how certain people manage that
because I know kids have it.
Speaker 2 (47:31):
Yeah, I don't need that topic for another time, well
another study, yeah yeah, okay. So takeaways practice your whimsies
this week and practice your yes, thank.
Speaker 3 (47:45):
You, And if you don't want kids, that's okay. You
will be fine, more than fine.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
Someone will take care of you somehow, and you apparently
will be okay. You'll figure it out, You'll figure it out.
I'm just gonna repeat everything.
Speaker 3 (48:02):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
Well, wherever you are, we hope you have in the
day you need to have. Bye.
Speaker 3 (48:05):
Bye,
Good break it down. If you ever have feelings that
you just fons Amy and Cat, gotcha, Cob and locking
m brother, ladies and folks, do you just follow Anna
spirit where it's all the front and real stuff to
the chill stuff and the m but swaying. Sometimes the
best thing you can do it just stop you feel things.
(00:27):
This is feeling things with.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Amy and Cat. Happy Tuesday. Welcome to feeling things. I'm
Amy and I'm Cat and we both have feelings of
the day. You want an animating money mo or you just.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Go, I'll just go. Okay, it's not that exciting. I'm
feeling lethargic because my husband was out of town this weekend,
and I think I've consumed more TV in the past
three days than I haven't liked the past six months.
Like I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel right now.
I went back to watch The Real Housewives. I haven't
(00:59):
watched The Real Housewife probably since I was in college.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Okay, question, yes, are you watching Paradise? Yes? Okay, so
you're caught up? Are you watching Love Story?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Yes, you're caught up? Okay, pit caught up, Traders, caught up,
Love is blind, caught up, So that's why. Oh yeah,
so you really are you're looking for a fish? First
episode of broad Church great loved it. Started the second
episode or the second season Bridgerton. I don't think that's
my jam.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
I also started the first episode of Tell Me Lies. Also,
don't think that's gonna be my job.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
That's not my jam. I tried. I tried well, and
that's sort of my thing with Bridgerton. Okay, you're muffs
for kids?
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Do you say?
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Like sometimes if kids are listening? But this also isn't
bad at all. Some of these shows are highly physical sexual.
Yeah yeah, and I'm like, I don't have to need it,
like okay, I can take it or leave it. But
like sometimes it's just like, Okay, I don't.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
Really enjoy watch.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Scene is very long, and now I just we could,
which I know some people are like, oh my gosh,
that's my favorite part.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
I don't know. Okay, did you try to watch he
did Rivalry?
Speaker 4 (02:10):
No?
Speaker 3 (02:10):
I tried to watch that because one of my clients
was like, Catherine, you would love it. Meanwhile, she's like
twenty four to twenty five. She was like, you would
love it, you would binge it in like oh day
and I was like, Okay, I'll finally I'll watch it.
So I put on the first episode and I'm not kidding,
there was a sex scene that lasted fifteen twenty minutes. Oh,
I'm not kidding. I haven't fast forwarded it, but I
(02:30):
was like, well, now it feels like this is half
of the show. So I've just skipped through half of
the first episode.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
And yeah, I already determined that probably wasn't gonna be
my thing. But that's why I haven't gotten I tried
and tell me lies, and then also and tell me lies.
They're in college. So then I feel like I'm watching
eighteen year.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Old Oh yeah, inappropriate? Sheels weird.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Yeah, I'm like, and I guess now I'm a mom
of an eighteen year old, and I'm like thinking of
like my daughter if she were off at college, and
I'm like, she better not meet a guy like that.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
Geez. Well, I only watched the first forty minutes of
the first episode, so it's not too bad. But I
know I can tell you get going. Yeah, it gets there.
I just wanted to try something that wasn't reality TV,
and it backfired on me. Yeah, so that's why I'm
watching the Housewives.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Okay, yeah, well I am feeling grateful, oh okay, specifically
for Anna Voss's newsletter. Now, she's a female country artist
and I signed up for her newsletter, which she calls
the Weekly Whimsy Newsletter.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
That's right up your alley.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
And I think it goes out on Wednesdays, So you know,
I love that.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
A weekly Wednesday whimsy newsletter.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
You know I love alliteration. Yeah, And I thought I
would share with y'all the most recent email I got
from Anna with three whimsies for the week, because I
thought these whimsies were great. And we've talked about being
whimsy here on the podcast for a long time, like
maybe even was that back on the fifth thing before
we even Yeah, so more whimsy, less worry. That's the
(04:11):
talk that I gave my health and wellness talk that
I gave on the cruise, And when I saw her whimsies,
I was like, oh, I'm going to pull this. Give
Anna Voss a shout out because not only is she
an awesome artist, her voice is great. You can google her,
check out her music, check her out on socials, and
then if you do find her, sign up for her
newsletter and you'll get her weekly Whimsy newsletter. And oh,
(04:35):
speaking of our newsletter, I will shout out before I
read the Whimsies. We got an email from Elizabeth from
our about our latest newsletter that went out about waiting
to worry. I believe that was the title of the newsletter,
was wait to worry. And she sent us an email
that said, oh my goodness, this newsletter came at the
perfect time. We are in a very hard season with
one of our children. I have so much to worry
(04:57):
about him, you know, like what will happen, when, what
will happen if? But I need to wait to worry,
take everything one dead day at a time. I truly
teared up when I read the email, as it hits
so close to home and was exactly what I needed today.
Thank you, Thank you, so shout out. If you haven't
signed up for our newsletter, you can.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
You can help. He always forget on our Instagram in
the bio and then you can email us and I
can send you the link. It's also on the Facebook page.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
So and our instagram is Feeling Things Podcast and then
if you want to email us, it's Hey, They're at
Feeling thingspodcast dot com, which we did also have an
email this week of someone and this isn't the first
time we've had this where they're like, I signed up
and I still haven't received an email. So our only
recommendation to that is to check your spam or your promotion,
(05:51):
you know, like on my Gmail it's divided like I've
got promotional emails and then junk mail.
Speaker 3 (05:56):
And then I also will put say this, if anybody
has insider information on Shopify's marketing emails, let me know,
because it will say some of the people that are
emailing me, it says they're subscribed.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yeah, because you've checked.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
Yes, And I'm like, I don't know how to fixed this.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
And then we feel bad, So I don't know, don't
give up, keep trying. Okay, Now do you want Anna's
whimsies for the week. Yeah, okay, whimsy won She said,
go for a flower walk and see how many different
kinds of flowers you can spot. This whimsy is from
my mom. It's amazing how many different kinds of flowers
are hiding in plain sight and joy. So shout out
(06:36):
Anna's mom for that whimsical activity. My therapist once gave
me an activity to go when I'm on a walk
intentionally look for leaves that are shaped like hearts.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
I know who said that, Yeah, yeah, shout out.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
And it was crazy how many I found.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
And how many because she's always been that way. She
used to collect rocks in the shape of hearts. She
probably still does. She'd have him in her office and
now she I'll see all kinds of things in the
shape of heart, like spill like you spill something, like
a splatter of something, or like, I don't know, random
shapes that you just look at differently.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
In my hardwood in my kitchen there's a little smiley
face cute, like it's really cute. And so I think
that's the point of this one is while it's a
flower walk activity, you could turn it into any kind
of walk that you want, of like looking for specific things.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
I went on a date with somebody a long, long
time ago. It was my worst date I've ever been on.
Do you know what I'm gonna say?
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Yeah, I remember he was like that target guy, Yes, yeah, yeah. He.
Speaker 3 (07:41):
I asked him what he liked to do for fun,
and he he said, I like to walk around and
smell flowers. It's like we have different ideas of fun.
He also called me a basic white B word because
I shop at Target and he said he doesn't shop
he only shops local, and I was like, okay, wow.
He also flip flops and it was like February, Oh no,
(08:03):
it was cold outside. Yeah. Interesting.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
I think it's the overall vibe, which just terrible. I
mean those reasons alone are a little weird. I mean
going around and smelling flowers for fun is fine in itself,
but I think he had stuff other things that made that, Yeah,
made that a bigger ew than it is.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Yeah. At the end of the day, I said, well,
this is fun and he said was it? And I said, no,
it wasn't. He knew when I said this was one.
It was just kind of like I haven't notice to say.
He was like, was it? And I was like, you're right, No,
this was not fun.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
So I take it. Did y'all ever talk again after
that at all?
Speaker 3 (08:40):
I think that I like blocked him after that. It
was like not did. He was very combative. It was
very weird.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
It sounds like it if you're like, oh, I shop
at Target and he was.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Like, uh yeah from the jump, basic whitebe Yeah, you
just call me a name.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Whimsy number two a whimsy event for the week. Piggybacking
off of last week's wimsy, she wrote, Shoot, I don't
know what that was because I wasn't signed up for
her newsletter yet I missed out on a whimsy watch
the sunset one day this week? What do you notice
that's different about the sun as it sets later? What
(09:17):
about yourself? How has your evening routine changed with the
light m which I could make I could watch? Try
to be intentional about watching the sunset or going on
a sunset walk double whimsy looking for heart shaped leaves
or flowers while I walk into the sunset. I bet
if I had to guess, the one from the week
(09:38):
before was to watch a sunrise.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Oh what time would that be? Well, now it's later. Yeah,
but you could do it.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
Yeah, you could still do it, even if it was
the earlier one.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
You could do it, But a sunset would be better
for the schedule.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Okay, final whimsy for the week. Write an email to
your and schedule it to send a year from now.
What do you think your future self needs to hear?
What do you hope your future self is experiencing that
you're not Plus include your current favorite song so that
you can go back and listens like yourself. No, that's separate.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Oh okay, sorry, I thought she was saying put that
in the email. I love that. Have you ever done
that before email myself? No, like had a letter. You've
written a letter and then later it's sent to you. No.
I did it when I did training to be an
adventure therapist, something I never thought I would be doing.
And when we did our training, it was like in
(10:40):
the woods and they had us like go out somewhere
by ourselves and like write a letter to ourselves experience.
And then I forgot about it and they mailed it
to us a year later. I think I still have it.
It was really special because I was also I think
a dark place too when I wrote that letter. It
was cool to see like a year later.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Yeah, I can see how that would be very therapeutic.
I'm actually like trying to think. Have it sounds like
an activity? Surely with all my therapy that I've done.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Yeah, a lot of people will do it. We did it,
I don't recall. We did it in treat. When I
worked in treatment, we would have people write a letter
a year from now to themselves. Want two letters. Actually,
we would send both of them. One if they relapse,
what do you need to hear from yourself from your
recovery yourself now? And two if you're still in recovery, like,
how do you want to cheer yourself onto? So that
was really cool. And those letters when because we would
(11:27):
send them a year later, sometimes clients would come back
to treatment after they got their letter because it would
like reawaken them up. Yeah, so oh pretty cool.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
No, I like that, And I like that she said,
include your current favorite song, which what is? You know what?
I am jamming out to right now so hard. I
listened to it while I was getting ready this morning.
Ella Langley be her.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
So I don't listen to a lot of country music,
so I don't know that song. Okay, so maybe I
all listened to it.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
I just want to be her so bad.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
It hurts so bad.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
It hurts so bad. I just want to be hurt. No, well, well,
I don't know that it's sad. But she drinks one
by the glass, not by the bottle. Good, I can't.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Is it about being somebody else? Like is it like
somebody who's dating somebody she loves, or is it like
about being a different version?
Speaker 2 (12:15):
I think when I heard Ella like maybe explaining it
in an interview when they sat down for the right
it was like they were describing some girl and they
already had a title of like be her or a
line like that, and she just started like singing along,
like oh, I just want to be her so bad
at her. It's like describing like someone that you look
to them and you're like, oh, I want to be them. Yeah,
(12:36):
she drinks one by the glass, she smokes one on vacation,
rolls over every morning to the love of her life.
She's a mother. Now, I can't catch the tune in
my head right now if you can't tell, which I've been,
I know, but someone's listening right now and they're like,
I know that song, you sound nothing like it. But
(12:57):
I was listening to it all weekend and then this
morning I put it on repeat. But I'm still not
over Ella's choosing Texas because that song is also such
a jam and I'm not over that one being amazing.
But she's already put out this next banger, so I'm like, Okay,
I think I'm loving what Ella Lingley has going on.
So do you have a favorite song right now?
Speaker 3 (13:18):
So I'm actually in a weird spot with music where
it all is annoying me right now.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
Well, maybe you could email yourself your favorite TV show
instead of song your emails.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
Yeah, yeah, I can do that.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
And you just said you watch so much TV, but
you get like.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
That where like all music annoys me because I like
all the same stuff. I've like listened to too much
of it. So I've been driving in silence because I'm
just like, I don't want to hear that song again.
But I also don't know where else to go because
I like have my like I listened to this playlist
or about the radio, I've never thought to turn on
my radio.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Cool silence. It's just my main job.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
But you' have a podcast too.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
You show it's on a podcast by Bread and Butter
is a radio show, like if you that's where like.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
But I listened. But if I've listened to that show,
I would listen to it on your podcast version.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
True, it is that same and on the podcast you
can't hear music though.
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Oh but also country music isn't where I'm going to
want to go.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
We'll turn on the river, turn on pop. Yeah, I
mean I get it. There's commercials. There's a different way
of consuming music, but it's still a way to like
get introduced to what does popular or hear a fun throwback?
Like there's a I don't know if it's like HD
two HU three, it's an option in my car where
I can listen to what's HD mean. It's like the
(14:41):
type of I don't know how to explain it. It's
not I don't know if it's necessarily quality related or
just it gives you access like on like say, locally,
we're the Big ninety eight, which is ninety eight point
nine on the FM dial, but you can go to
ninety eight point nine on HD two and it's a
(15:03):
totally different station, and then on HD three a totally
different station that plays like classic country. So I like
to turn that one on because it's like I'm listening
to the same radio dial, but I'm going back to
country classics like nineties.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Do all cars have out?
Speaker 2 (15:22):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
Okay, I haven't turned the radio on in so long.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
I would imagine you have a newer car, so I think, so, yeah,
I'll test it out. I feel like I'm just picturing
that like movie where he was like done Indokio. You
probably don't know that one either I don't know that
one's really old, but kids these days probably don't even.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
They for sure aren't listening to the radio, right, I.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Mean, unless they're listening with their parents. Now, my son
is in eighth grade and some of his friends listen
to our radio show. But that's because their parents listen
while they're driving to school. And I assume they're actually
listening to the radio dial and not the podcast while
they're driving to school, right if it's their parents, because
they're probably.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
To listen to it as it's happened.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Like the two quotes that Anna Boss put in her
newsletter that I was just going to share that are
good are in March, the earth remembers its own name.
(16:31):
I don't know what that means.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
Wait what I was about to ask you what it meant?
Speaker 4 (16:39):
I thought you had some like insider info.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I read the second line. Now I just was like, okay, spring, okay,
the quote spring will okay, this is the quote that
I actually read, and I assumed that they would both
go with the flow. But I mean, and you thought
they were part of what you're the email to yourself, Okay,
spring will come, and so will happiness. Hold on, life
(17:15):
will get warmer.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
That's beautiful because he goes back to the other.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Maybe this is from a book. Is there a book
called warm? In March, the earth remembers its own name?
Speaker 3 (17:31):
Why if you had to guess what that meant, if
it was your life depended on it, you have to
tell me what does that mean?
Speaker 2 (17:39):
In March the earth remember? Maybe are things thawing out
in March and like flowers are blooming and the earth
is remembering who I am, Like you've gone through winter
and new things are sprouting. I don't know. That's my
best guess with yours, ye warm, She says, it's from
(18:01):
Mary Oliver Warm Worm Moon.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
I don't know, but there is a quote by Mary
Oliver that really helped me out in a dark time.
May I share it with you?
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Obviously?
Speaker 3 (18:14):
And actually a therapist who was my boss at the
time said this to me when I was going through
a breakup. I'm gonna I might not say exactly correctly,
but it's someone once handed me a box full of darkness.
I found out this too is a gift. So he
was saying, like, somebody gave you this box full of darkness.
Somebody broke your heart in time. You're going to find
(18:36):
out that was a gift, and boy was it the
best gift anybody has ever given me.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
That reminds me of a a Dan Harris thing, like
he was interviewing somebody and it popped up as a
real option for me, and I guess Dan was interviewing
a guy who uses the phrase yes, thank you and
all things, and that reminds me of that, where like
he used example of maybe you're at the airport in
your flight gets canceled and he just says, oh, yes, yes,
(19:07):
thank you. Yes my flight is canceled, Yes, thank you,
Because is something in that is a gift? Like okay,
well we have that question what's now possible from this
or what is this sparing me from? Or what is
this teaching me? Like it's either a moment to practice
patients or to avoid who knows what if you had
(19:28):
been on that flight, which maybe it wasn't even gonna
happen on the flight, but it would get you on
the road that would take you somewhere else, or does
it give you an opportunity to meet somebody that you
otherwise wouldn't have met, Like either way, there's a even
the box of darkness is a gift. So that simple
statement for this particular guy that Dan was interviewing, and
(19:49):
I don't know who it was, but he just said, yes,
thank you has transformed his life three words, yes, comma,
thank you in all things.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
And that's that's easy to do.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Yeah, but I would imagine too, the more you do it.
So yeah, like even in a breakup, a simple yes
thank you.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Can you imagine if somebody broke up with you and
you're like, yes, thank you, you'd say to yourself, not
to the person out loud.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
Yeah, well, I don't know that. I mean you also
don't I don't know that. I would always say it
with such gratitude like yeah, such like.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
Yes thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Sometimes I might say begrudgingly sort of like but still,
just the discipline of saying it, maybe making it a
little mantra till it becomes true, because you may not
believe yourself at first, like of course this isn't a yes,
thank you, this is a huge inconvenience and this hurts
and it's painful and it's disruptive and I'm annoyed and
frustrated and yes, thank you, yes, thank you.
Speaker 3 (20:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Well I'm so glad that something fruitful came from the
fact that I just threw those well, I really wanted
to read the whimsies, and I was like, oh, I'll
throw those two quotes in because she just threw them
at the end of the email, like two quotes to
tuck away. But now Shannon has looked up the meaning
of in March, the Earth remembers its own name, and
I'm sure it's going to be powerful and we're gonna
(21:07):
be like, maybe the Earth remembers its own name signifies
the seasonal awakening of nature. We're thawing soil and reappearing
earthworms signal the end of winter. It captures the quiet,
inevitable return of life, growth, and identity to the land
after a long, cold, dormant, icy period.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
You were kind of right, It's kind of right.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
Huh. Deep very it was just too deep for us
at the beginning. I think we got there. Well, maybe
in the full poem there's more we would if that
that's a line from the yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Yeah, I'd be interested. I guess she included it because
this was in the email, right, this is in the newsletter.
She included it because its spring is springing, and because
it's March.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Yeh it's March, and maybe she like I mean. Also,
Anna's a songwriter.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
So she probably gets things a little bit differently. She's deep.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Words are her thing, so I could see like her
in a song being like in March. It's a name.
Spring will come and soul will happiness. So hold on.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
That's her next big song, Life.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Will get warmer. That quote is from the second quote,
the spring will come and so will happiness. Hold On,
Life will get warmer? Is Anika Krisan.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
I would have said Anka, but I don't think I'm right.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Oh no, you could totally be right.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
But Anna Cody two ends right, We'll never know.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Well, we have we have it covered.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
Speaking of that, I can't pronounce, Yes, I don't say.
Speaking of names, I can't pronounce. I came across something
very interesting and I would like to share with you,
and you don't know what I'm gonna say.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
No, I do know.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
So I found this study, you know, we love studies,
and it was in an article the Good Deaths of
people who never marry. So this caught my eye. This
is on psychology today, The Good Deaths dea t the
good deaths. Yes, okay, I feel like there is this
(23:17):
rhetoric or there are these responses or there are these
things that people assume and think of people who are
married versus single in life in an old age, and
people who have kids and who don't have kids, Like
I hear a lot when people are talking about like
because not everybody wants kids, and when people are talking
(23:39):
about like I don't want to have kids, like that's
not part of my story. Whatever. People will say to them, well,
who's going to take care of you when you're older?
Have you heard this?
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (23:49):
Which is very rude, but I get where they're coming from.
So this study it was in again, this is an
article and we'll link in the show notes. The article
is just talking about the study that was done at
Boston University. There were two social scientists and this is
what I can't pronounce. I'm gonna try my best. Kefayatte
(24:11):
My Mound, I mean, your guess is as good as mine,
and Devra Carr. That one was easy. So they analyzed
data from twelve years of nationally representative samples of US
Medicare beneficiaries who were sixty five or older when they died.
So they took twelve years of data from people who
were sixty five or older when they died, and they
(24:33):
reported that people who have never married generally fared as
well as, if not better than married people. What, yes,
I'm shocked. They also found that people who had no
children were no different from parents in the quality of
their life in their last month. So this was so
interesting to me.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
But who cared for them? Really? I will get to Okay, well, good, Well,
I I don't have biological children, but we adopted, and
I I still wonder who's gonna care for me?
Speaker 3 (25:03):
Well, okay, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
I mean maybe they will, maybe they will. I as
someone where my sister and I were the caregivers to
our parents towards the end of their life, like I'm talking. Yes,
we had to bathe them, we had to clothe them,
carry them, like. There's a lot that goes into that.
So of course, when I was doing that with my parents,
I was thinking, my sister's good, she has four biological children.
(25:24):
They're all like it. They're great, They're gonna they're gonna
be awesome. My kids are great. However, I don't know
where we are for sure, for sure on that attachment,
So I often wonder what that will look like for
me down the line.
Speaker 3 (25:39):
But also like, what if you didn't have kids, like
then that's what that thing. Well, I think that's that
like assumption that like, if you don't have kids, there
will be nobody, and that's proven to not be true.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Okay, we'll see. But my dad was even once I
put him sounds like I put him somewhere. We all
agreed as a family, including him, that he needed to
move to Intsville and live in an assisted living home.
He could still take care of himself, but I would
still go by there sometimes if it was a rough week.
I would go almost every day and help with stuff.
(26:11):
But there was still caregivers there, but we just didn't
have that full package, you know. So I guess it
depends on what you pay for, yeah, you know.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
And if he didn't have the if you weren't available too,
he probably would have figured it out, right. So I
want to read what they defined as a good death
to help kind of explain some of this. They said,
a good death is described as free from avoidable distress
and suffering for the patient, family and caregivers in general,
with the patient and family's wishes. So that would be
(26:42):
like a good death, Like I'm not feeling stress and
anxiety and pain and all that.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
So this is where I mean, I know, I'm sorry,
I'm going to like a good death to me is
like I die in one second without even knowing I'm
about to die.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Okay, but before you die. I think they're talking about that,
like the process before or that, Like if you're older.
This isn't like people who die when they're like forty five,
got it? This is like people who are older who
are near death, what their process of transitioning to the
other side. I was like, does that that makes sense?
So with emotions, this is so interesting to me. So
(27:18):
I just want to know if this is blowing your
mind as much as a blue my mind. During the
last month of their lives, people who had never married
were by far the least troubled by sadness or anxiety.
Sixty two percent of them experienced no problems with sadness
or anxiety. In the other marital status groups, between forty
one percent and forty four experiences no problems. So, like
twenty percent higher satisfaction. Isn't that just not what you
(27:41):
would assume?
Speaker 2 (27:42):
No, I would assume that you have more life satisfaction
if you have a love a partner.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
Because you assume that those relationships are healthy and happy
and that which I would hope that they are. But
some are, some are, Yeah, I mean forty four percent
still are happy in a good experience.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
So now I'm like rethinking, do I do you want
to get married? Do I get remarried?
Speaker 3 (28:06):
So this is also interesting. People who had never been
married were most likely to be free of pain, which
I don't know why during the last month of their lives.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Well, maybe because you don't have the heartache of leaving
behind your loved one, Because I would imagine if you
are still alive and the love of your life is
still alive and you know you're dying, there's got to
be heartache associated that you're leaving them, you know. Like
there are some of those stories where like they're older
and they die within a certain time of each other
(28:36):
because they die of a heart break of broken heart.
That's my hypothesis is that maybe it's less painful because
you're not attached to somebody.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
No, And that actually breaks my heart. It was like, oh,
I wish I loved my husband a little less.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Oh my god, you love Patrick so much, you like
don't want to live without him at all, whatsoever.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
I will die of a broken heart if he I.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
Don't think you're going to die. I think you will
be you will be okay, But you don't. I if
I'm nine, you're like looking at me. I'm like, you
will be okay, and you're looking at me like, no, no, won't.
I'm going to fall over dead? And don't you say otherwise?
Speaker 3 (29:16):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (29:17):
You just want to. You're like, I really feel like
the vibes I get from you. You're like, if something
happens to Patrick, like bury me with them, you.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
Get those vibes. Because I've probably said that too far.
But also, if I'm ninety five, I've lived my yes,
so like it's if my husband dies, take me with him.
If I'm thirty six, if something happens to him today,
oh my gosh, I have to knock on wood. I
(29:43):
don't want to also die. But I also that would
be a box full of darkness that I don't think
would end up being a gift.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
That wouldn't be a yes, thank you.
Speaker 3 (29:52):
No, So I think I would. I would hope that
I would still live my life, but I think it
would it would take some time for me to get there,
so this is all so interesting. It was saying that
because people who are single don't have the one, they
end up having the ones multiple so their relation they
(30:14):
have they have deeper, stronger and more like relationships in general,
friends and stuff like that community because they aren't tied
to the one. So in later in life, sometimes being
single ends up being more of a blessing because you
have more people around you.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Interesting.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Yeah, so do you guys, do you really want to
find somebody and get married?
Speaker 2 (30:38):
I have the ones, Yeah, I have the ones plural.
Speaker 3 (30:42):
And it was saying like people who are like alone
later in life, they can't assume somebody's going to take
care of them, so they do kind of have that
forethought of I want to put things in order, so
I am taking care of well. So like you were
saying with like the assisted living, they've thought more about
those things than somebody who just assumes that their kids
or that their spouse is going to take care of them.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
This is taking me back to The Correspondent, which is
a book that I read before the latest book, like
I shard it a few weeks ago.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Are you done with it?
Speaker 2 (31:15):
And it's so good? Without giving anything away, because I
highly recommend y'all read it. It is about an older
woman and she obviously correspondents, she writes a lot, but
she's alone for her later years in life. But now
that I'm thinking about it, she did have this community,
but she had to be intentional about it. But she
(31:37):
was intentional about staying in touch and corresponding with people
and having these relationships with people. And you know, she
was pursued in certain ways, but she had to make
certain decisions that were best for herself. But anyway, it
just makes me think of how she lived and.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
She had that community, so she was yeah, most of.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
It through her letters and then later when she needed
more help, she had to help there because she had
some health stuff going on. But I don't know, just
made me think of corresponding with people, staying in touch
with people, being intentional, and that's what she would sit
down every morning at ten am with her pen and
paper and write. And maybe that's not your thing, but
(32:17):
is it? How are you going to be intentional about
keeping in touch with people.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
And maintaining a community.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
So this is the older we get it. It's easy
to isolate and be alone and not have or and
die very lonely.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
And the more comfortable. Yeah, I can see myself like
I like to stay in my house a lot, and
I can see myself like, I'm happy with my husband,
So I'm just gonna like stay at my house and
not purposely isolate. But I can see that easily happening,
especially later in life when it's harder to do things.
So this is just a word to the wise that
just because you have a partner, it doesn't necessarily mean
(32:55):
that that's going to translate to what you hope. And
so keeping those relationships is.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Very important, making sure that you have relationships outside of
your yeah, Pardmary partner, because that can be your best friend. Yeah,
but like you need other friends. Yeah, well that's interesting, Kat.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
Yeah. And the next time, if you're talking to somebody
about how you don't want kids and they ask you
who's going to take care of you, you can say, well,
there's the study done at Boston University and turns out
people who have kids end up faring far worse than
people who don't have kids. So take that. Yeah, which
(33:35):
it was sad because they were saying how like they
didn't explain why the people without kids had better death experiences,
but they like assumed that people just assume because you
have kids, they're gonna do it, and a lot of
times they don't.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
They're not. Yeah, they may not. Yeah, So shout out
to my parents, you were lucky. Shout out to my parents,
you were lucky you had daughters that took care of you.
(34:11):
Even though my sister, Oh, I wish I had her permission.
Maybe one day I'll get it to read a letter
that she wrote. I think it could be very healing
and therapeutic for someone listening if you had a relationship
with one of your parents where you're refrustrated at like
your childhood, the version you got of them as a child,
(34:31):
and then later as adults you were having to take
care of them because like our dad left, he moved
out when I was nine and my sister was thirteen,
moved out, like sure took care of us in certain ways,
but like we lived with our mom the entire time.
There wasn't like shared custody. There wasn't.
Speaker 3 (34:48):
Your sister probably has a very different memory of that
because thirteen, I feel like you would really really remember. Yes,
mine is like can see you can forget some of it.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
Yeah, And my sister, speaking of writing things, like she
will write stuff just for herself like that nobody else
will ever see, because that's therapeutic for her. She'll write songs,
she will write poems, she'll write letters, just stuff that's
art to her, but it's not meant for public consumption.
(35:17):
But maybe I could get her permission in this case,
although it might be too long, and then some people
were like what, But I do think it could be powerful,
And that's why I wish it's almost like one day
my sister she should publish like a book that's full
of just all this stuff, because I think while it
was therapeutic for her, could be therapeutic to others. But
that's one way where my sister expressed her frustration in
(35:41):
the time that we had to take care of my dad.
And it's easy for me to say now because he's
passed away, but like we were in the thick of
it with him at times, like it was so hard
and emotional, and then the stuff comes up from childhood
where you're angry and we're like, what you like straight
up left us for another woman, and you know, our
(36:03):
mom did her best, and yeah he didn't, Like I
always feel like I have to, you know, pump him
up a little bit, like he didn't like totally walk
out and never talk to us again and paid for
college and stuff like that where it really counted now,
he abandoned us and he walked out, And I think
he could have done it in a better way. I
get it. People followed love You maybe want to move on,
that's fine. It was just how it was done was
(36:24):
so ill. But they were working with the tools that
they have, which were clearly clearly no tools at all.
But that during that season, I remember us both being
very angry, and my sister wrote a whole letter about it,
and I don't know if she ever gave it to
him or it was just she.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
Shared it with you at the time, or she shared
it with you later.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
She shared it with me later of like, oh, well,
here's something I wrote during that season. And I remember
the exact season of it being like because we were
I was living in Nashville, our dad was living in Austin.
She was living in Colorado. So we were tag teaming like, hey,
I'm playing to Austin. I can take these dates and
I'll go into the studio and do the show there,
pipe up with Nashville, like we were still working, she's
got four kids. They have a full time business in Colorado,
(37:06):
like a design firm, a coffee shop, like, she's a husband, like,
she's got multiple things. So it's sort of like, well,
you cover these dates, we'll tag team. Like I would
like fly into Austin like high five my sister and
she'd go to the airport and leave. So it was
like she had just had a rough go and she
was like, FYI, this has been rough.
Speaker 3 (37:24):
So you weren't even there together to like be with
each other.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
Out of it. I guess we were maybe a little bit,
but yeah, much of it was in passing, and that's
when eventually we had to decide to just move him.
We were like, we have to move him somewhere, and
Colorado didn't make sense because of the super cold, icy
weather for an elderly person isn't or an elderly sick person.
Nashville has seasons, but it just seemed a little more doable.
(37:48):
So we decided to move him to Nashville because we
were exhausted. We were like, we can't keep this up,
and he clearly isn't going to be able to take
care of himself. But that our child anger reared its head,
and in those moments, it was it's almost like you
kind of wanted to just like I mean, I wouldn't,
but I just wanted to like throw everything down, yeah,
(38:09):
walk out and be like, yeah, where were you? But
now we're here.
Speaker 3 (38:14):
Yeah. Well it's like he knew that your mom was
going to take care of you, versus like you were like,
well if we don't do it, who will?
Speaker 2 (38:22):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (38:22):
Is that? And I imagine you had a different experience
taking care of your mom than your dad. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
I never had those feelings of where were you? No,
I had to do the same exact things for my mom.
It was just as taxing. But you're right, I never
had what would be the word resentment.
Speaker 3 (38:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
Yeah, I didn't have the moments of resentment. I had
more of like, oh my gosh, Mom, I'm so sorry,
Like I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. And sometimes when
i'd be doing the exact same thing to my dad,
I'd be like, it's so freaking annoyed. Yeah, but I
mean I felt bad for him too, but it was
a different You're right, I didn't have it with my
mom like I did my dad. So anyway, they got lucky,
(38:59):
I guess because we did. But you're right, there's your
dad can't you wouldn't.
Speaker 3 (39:03):
And that's also fair, Like it's complicated. So if you
do have a family member that completely abandoned you, I
wouldn't blame you for not taking care of them later
in life, Like it doesn't have to be like, well
you have to do that. So your dad did get lucky.
Now I know you had a relationship with him at
the time too. Yes, so it's a little bit different.
But Maggie, my cat just walked in. But yeah, your
(39:26):
your family was lucky to have you and your sister.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Oh, well, thank you. I'm sort of joking when I
say that, but I do they realize that they they were,
And I guess in a way, yes, thank you. I
was lucky to get to do that for them, as
difficult as it was, like, yes, thank you. It taught
me so much about what unconditional love can look like
(39:51):
and humility.
Speaker 3 (39:52):
Yeah, look at you turning that around. Well the more
you know, just trying to keep you up to day
on them latest research.
Speaker 2 (40:01):
When I got to figure out, like, do you want
to carry it again?
Speaker 3 (40:05):
It's risky we.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Do have I know we were laughing earlier and then
it got a little serious, but we do have a
fun voicemail from a listener talking about some of the
background noise. I know we just mentioned Maggie walked in,
and I don't know if y'all could hear that at all,
but we'll just give y'all some behind the scenes. I
have a door that sometimes she'll push open and it
goes and it creaked, and so we knew Maggie walked in,
(40:29):
but maybe y'all couldn't hear that. But sometimes behind the scenes,
we've got laughter in the room. And so there's Cryocat
running the cameras, and then Shannon, who's googling stuff for
us or looking up other things, or handling the recording,
or maybe even trying to handle the animals. Because this
is an open studio, all all are welcome, so sometimes
(40:50):
you may hear the pets, but you also may hear
Cat and Shannon laughing. And so that's what this voicemail
is about.
Speaker 5 (40:57):
I just wanted to call to say who I think
it has to be, Shannon. I'm assuming, but periodically throughout
your episodes, we can hear somebody bust out laughing in
the background. Please never change that, never edit that out
because it is amazing. It makes me smile, it makes
(41:19):
me laugh out loud. Obviously. I love hearing both of
you as an Amy and cat laugh. I love all
of your giggles. But when you hear Shannon's again, I
think if Shannon, when you hear Shannon's laugh from the distance,
it makes it even more plenty. So please, please, please,
never ever ever edit her out. It's amazing.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
So it's definitely Shannon's laugh and Cryocat's laugh a lot
of the times. So Shannon, do we have her name?
Did she say it Lindsey, So shout out lindsay. We
will not edit that out.
Speaker 3 (41:54):
Yeah, thanks for making the podcast better. Guys.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
Yeah, I love kryle Okat goes. I think it's charming.
It is. I thought Maggie was going to come and
sit my lap here for a second, but she went
over to the other chair.
Speaker 3 (42:07):
She wanted to be alone.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
She wanted to have her own chair in the studio.
But we love hearing from y'all, and we love hearing
what y'all are enjoying or maybe even not enjoying. We
can take constructive feedback as well.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
So very recently we got some and we shared it
with you guys, send it on over. That was constructive.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
That one wasn't really, but I will gladly take it.
Like if you or if there's something we've done in
the past that maybe we are not doing, they're like,
oh I missed this, you know, like I know we
shared Anna's quotes, but on the fifth thing, we still
always do a quote. Y'all may have things in your
mind that we're not thinking of. So we want to
hear from you. This is your podcast.
Speaker 3 (42:48):
As well, so everybody's podcast.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
Yeah, so hit us up. Hey, they're at Feeling Things
podcast dot com, or you can call and leave us
a voicemail eight seven seven two oh seven to seven seven.
We would absolutely love to hear from you. And we
got a voicemail from I thought you'd freak out. It's
not one we'll play on the show, but I'll have
to play it for you later because you haven't gotten
(43:11):
to hear it yet. But shout out if you happen
to be listening. One of our listeners sent us a
quick little voicemail about how her nephew is on Love
is Blind and that's your show. I don't ever watch it,
so I didn't know you may know who her nephew is,
but I wish it was our show, ours together, we
could share watch it.
Speaker 3 (43:30):
I wonder if my nephew was on that show, would
I watch it or I would be like, oh, I can't.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
She did like it was like fun to sit down
and watch with like her daughter.
Speaker 3 (43:38):
I was like, that's die. Wouldn't that be her daughter's cousin? Yes,
that fun.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
That her nephew's awesome.
Speaker 3 (43:44):
Okay, well as long as everything it just is like.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
If her nephew was the one guy that's like I
need to be with a girl that does pilates and
CrossFit every day, I'd be mortified.
Speaker 3 (43:54):
But no, there's some just cringey parts of that show,
like when they're like falling in love in the pot,
it's they like in this they can't see each other.
Some of it I have to fast forward because I'm like,
I feel like I shouldn't be watching this. This is
like an intimate moment, you know. Yeah, so I think
if I knew the person.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Or probably like what's the what they mean? Cat like,
we're I'm sure for some people are like I love
stuff like that, or I love Bridgardton, or I love
all these shows we're like fast forward.
Speaker 3 (44:19):
Well, it's like not even sexually intimate. It's just like awkward.
You're saying it's awkward. You're saying I love you. You've
never really met this person, and when they meet each other,
they're all like sweaty and nervous, and I'm like, this
should be a moment that you get to have by.
Speaker 2 (44:33):
Yourself, right, Like it feels weird to be watching it, but.
Speaker 3 (44:36):
I still watch it.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
That's what you love. Yeah, I don't know why I
haven't ever been able to get into.
Speaker 3 (44:41):
It, but I just had a thought that doesn't come up,
that did come up earlier, that I have to share
it because I kind of blanked. I don't even know
if it was on this episode, but I need to
tell people. If you're trying to sign up for the
newsletter that comes out every other Wednesday, the link is
in the show notes.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
Oh sweet.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
Yeah, So if you don't know where, or you don't
have social media so you can't sign up on Instagram,
the link is in the show notes.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
Wait easier than Instagram, yeah, because a lot of people
aren't on on the cruise, like, I met so many
people that are like, oh, I don't have social media,
and I was like, oh, but they still live their listeners.
Speaker 3 (45:15):
Good for them, I know, good for good for you.
Speaker 2 (45:19):
That's great.
Speaker 3 (45:21):
Was the demographic like those people were they.
Speaker 2 (45:23):
People of all ages there? I mean there wasn't kids
on the boat, but I mean there were people in
their thirties and people in their eighties.
Speaker 3 (45:30):
Well, I just wonder the demographic of people saying I
don't have social media. Oh I'm more older. I don't
don't know.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
No, I mean they were. I mean I wasn't like
I was like, oh that tracks, you know, Like I
was more like, oh, wow, you don't have social media.
So I would imagine they were around my age. Ish.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
So does Stevenson have social media? No? Okay, what is
your Do you have a rule on that?
Speaker 2 (45:51):
No? He just hasn't been into it. He for a
long time was terrified of TikTok because of China, and
then somehow I conmitt to be scared of Snapchat because
I said it had something to do with Russia.
Speaker 3 (46:05):
It's great fair.
Speaker 2 (46:05):
So now, I mean I don't know that his friends
are that into Instagram.
Speaker 3 (46:10):
I wonder I want to resit between boys and girls,
because that is like has to be so hard to
manage that.
Speaker 2 (46:17):
Yeah, well, he's definitely brought up that his friends have
a lot of it, but he also has his own
anxiety around people online. Like he got a text the
other day because he does he has a cell phone.
He's fifteen. Someone texted him a scammer was trying to
text and start dialogue with him and said something about
(46:39):
asking his age, and Stevenson's response was that's classified. And
I was like, that's the perfect response. I said, actually,
the best response is no response at all. You just
don't even need to respond to lead it. But I
guess if you're gonna reply, replying with that's classified is
perfect because you're not giving them just like, make that
(47:01):
your blanket answer. That's classified. Yeah, that's classified.
Speaker 3 (47:04):
As it should be. He's a minor.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
Yeah weirdo. Okay, well, good for him, Good for him.
So far it's worked, but I don't know how much
longer that's gonna last. And I do think it's right.
I do think there's a different troomed boys and girls.
Speaker 3 (47:17):
I can't imagine being thinking about how middle school was
for me. I just can't imagine being in middle school
on having that. I don't want to think about it,
and so I wonder like how certain people manage that
because I know kids have it.
Speaker 2 (47:31):
Yeah, I don't need that topic for another time, well
another study, yeah yeah, okay. So takeaways practice your whimsies
this week and practice your yes, thank.
Speaker 3 (47:45):
You, And if you don't want kids, that's okay. You
will be fine, more than fine.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
Someone will take care of you somehow, and you apparently
will be okay. You'll figure it out, You'll figure it out.
I'm just gonna repeat everything.
Speaker 3 (48:02):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
Well, wherever you are, we hope you have in the
day you need to have. Bye.
Speaker 3 (48:05):
Bye,
Hosts And Creators
Bobby Bones
Amy Brown
Lunchbox
Eddie Garcia
Morgan Huelsman
Raymundo
Mike D
Abby Anderson
Scuba Steve
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