Amy & Kat answer questions from listeners about how to handle growing distant from friends you don't want to lose, how to maintain a friendship when you're in completely different stages of life, Amy’s experience with Al-Anon for someone that’s curious about it, book recommendations, their favorite ADHD hacks, and what happened with Amy and her boyfriend. They also read two listener emails: Mahaya from Oklahoma shares a book that might change how you think about uncertainty and decision making, and Emily from North Carolina writes in after finishing The Correspondent with the kind of email that reminds us why we do this.
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HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Van Buren // threecordstherapy.com // @KatVanburen
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
While we hope couch Talks can be a tool that
helps and supports wherever you are in life, Couch Talks
does not serve as a replacement or substitute for therapy
or any mental health services.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Right, break it down.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
If you ever have feelings that you just falls home,
Amy and Cat gotcha covin locking now, brother, ladies and felons, you.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Just follow an the spirit where it's all us phone
and real stuff to the chill stuff and the m
but Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do it
just stop you feel things. This is Feeling Things with
Amy and Kat.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Happy Thursday.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Welcome to Couch Talks, our listener Q and a episode
of the Feeling Things podcast. I'm Amy and I'm Kat,
and we're gonna kick things off with some questions that
we put up on our Instagram from a question box,
but we're gonna intertwine emails. For example, we got a
question what's the next book wreck? We haven't had one
in a couple of weeks. Well, guess what We're going
(01:00):
to take a book wreck from a listener because it's
an email that we got.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Okay, you see what I did there? All right? So
now from together, Yeah, it's like we're having a big
conversation with every everybody.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah, it's like this person asked to over here, but
this person's in an inn from over there.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Uh so whoever asked that?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Because I guess on Instagram we didn't write down names,
but I do have the email er this is coming from.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
And excuse me.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
I don't know exactly how to say your name, but
is it Maya or Mahyah? Both of those seem mhaya.
She's forty years old, coming to us from Muskogee Nation
in Oklahoma.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
It's a lot of hard things to say.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Hey, Amy and Kat, I was just reading over your newsletter.
I haven't listened to the episode yet and wanted to
share a book recommendation that immediately came to mind and
is related to the paradox of choice. I didn't know
that feeling of having too many decisions even how to
name name it, to name it. The book titled How
to Not Know, and it's written by Simone Stoltzoff.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
His work sounds so helpful.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
He talks about using uncertainty as an advantage instead of
something to avoid. I haven't read the book yet, I've
only listened to him on another podcast, but it's on
my list. I am certainly someone who will overanalyze and
try to predict potential outcomes until I worry myself sick.
It's something I'm also trying to work on.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Kat.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
I guess she wanted to tell you that, since you
worry a lot, I have to remind myself of what
my dad told me once that is stuck with me
through the years. Nothing is permanent, well besides permanent marker
and tattoos on a white counter, and I.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
Haven't been able to get out. Well, you can get
tattoo removal.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Well, it's really expensive. But wait, did you draw on
your counter?
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Kids did permanent marker? I had two white coffee tables
at my old house that were in the center of
the room and they were calling on something and it
went through the paper and through the table and I
tried to use magic eraser to get it out.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
And how who gives children permanent markers to color with?
I'm sorry, that's so chuch. Well I don't.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
I'm not saying I said here, do this and then
I didn't.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
I didn't.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
They probably didn't think through that it was going to
go through the paper onto the table.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Okay, I get It's not like they like got off
the paper.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
It bled it bled through.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Yeah, okay, sorry, I take back my judgment of you.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
That was very I think the parent that gives that
to their kid, it's not actually me giving it to them.
It's them going into a drawer and then finding coloring
with the permanent marker. Yeah, and then it's like whoopsies, whoops, sorry, mom,
Probably shouldn't do that again. You learn that stuff the
hard way, the permanent marker. Or like my kids when
they first started using the kettle on the stove and
(03:45):
then they would put the the kettle down on the countertop.
And if it's granted, no problem, but if it's not.
If it's not, then it's gonna damage it a little bit.
Git me back to the email. Nothing is permanent. It
sounds so simple, but it always takes some weight off
decision making. If you bought a stroller you ended up
(04:07):
not liking, well, what's the worst that could happen? You'd
sell it on Facebook marketplace and purchase a different one.
Oh well, I don't think the baby will mind. Simone's
book sounds promising with lots of good tools, so I
wanted to share it with you guys. I hope it's helpful.
Thank you both for sharing your friendship with the community.
Thank you for sharing your email with the community. I'm
(04:27):
among the many women who find the wide range of
topics and discussions interesting, fun and helpful. I'm often listening
while driving down the road and laughing out loud by myself,
which is a great place to be if you ask me,
especially with a dirty doctor pepper in hand from McDonald's.
Hope you have the day you need to have your
friend Maya or mahya or a Maya?
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Did I make this up? Did you have a dirty
diet coke phase or something?
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I did a try diet coke on my Instagram, so
you saw me trying it, okay?
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Or I think it's fine?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
I think occasionally it's going to hit the spot if
I'm looking for it. But I'm not doing a dirty soda.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Every cream day, right, And you're well.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Me, I did vanilla protein shake in my diet coch okay.
So I don't know if she put cream in her
dirty doctor pepper or if she put a vanilla protein shake.
That's the only dirty ones I've seen online is when
it's a vanilla protein shake.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Okay, but I guess cream could work. Yeah, I haven't
tried it, so I shouldn't say that.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
So this book recommendation is how to not know. We
haven't read it. I don't even know that we're officially
recommending it because she hasn't read it yet, but it
is on her list. I will say, Kat and her
husband recommended a book to me, and I was shook
it as.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
I was listening to it because a.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Y'all, y'all listen to it together, and it is explicit
at times, to say the least.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
I think I kind of forgot how much descriptive in
how what do they call those books? What do they
call smut? Smut?
Speaker 3 (06:07):
Yeah, oh smut.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
But I forgot about that until I had recommended the
book to my mom and I was like, Mom, read
this book because they're making it into a movie, and
we can go see the movie together. And then she
texted me like a couple days later and said, I
just saw the trailer for this book and I don't
think that's a movie we should see together because it
is there's a lot of.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
There's a lot of sex verity, Yes.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
You wanted to call it, Yeah, it is so good.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
It's a Colleen Hoover book.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
She's an amazing writer, and yes, it is really good.
It shocked me a lot of Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Ways, so I will say that.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
It's just yeah, if you're listening to it, just make
sure there's not little ears around.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
We would listen to we started listening to on a
road trip, and then to finish it, we would like
go walk a trail by our house that was very crowded.
So it was kind of one of those I mean,
if you listened to it in public, it's even like
reading a book like that in public. It's like if
people only knew what was like in our ears as
we're like walking down this trail. But the movie is
(07:17):
gonna have Anne Hathaway and Dakota Johnson. It looks so good.
It looks really scary or creepy. I think suspenseful, which
the book I don't. I don't know that I felt
it was that. It wasn't I wasn't scared.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Oh yeah, when there were moments where I yeah, it
was very if because it was ominous at times. It's
a thriller, yeah, because yeah, I feel like is that
the word?
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Yeah? I think so.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
We also got a.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
PSS part of an email that has some book recommendations, Like,
that's not what the email is about at all, And
I'll get to the email later. But since we're talking
about books, Emily had written in is it PSI or
PPS because she put PPS, But I always do PS
and then PSS.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
I think I do a SS. But I don't even
know what the P or the S mean.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
PostScript. Oh I learned that when I was reading the Correspondent.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Well, then the P would make sense. It should be
post post.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Oh yeah, why if I always doss it sounds PostScript script?
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Okay PPS.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Book recommendations from Emily These Precious Days by Anne Patchett,
And once you've read that, I suggest The Dutch House
by Anne as well. She has a bookstore in Nashville
that is a wonderful place I think you'd love, which
I do love. It's par NASAs Books in Greenhills.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Yeh.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
I didn't know that was opened by an author.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Thought it was just a random book club family book store. Yeah,
so that's really cool when you own a bookstore and
you put the book, you put it front and side.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Oh yeah, they're number one bestseller always in forever. Thank
you for your PS. And I'll get to the rest
of Emily's email later. You want to hit up another
question that we got.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Okay, this one I feel like we both can answer.
You don't have to be a therapist to answer this.
How to handle growing distant from friends you don't want
to be distant from. I feel this personally because you're pregnant.
No no, oh.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
But difference when you go into new chapters in life
that other people are maybe not any.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Yeah, okay, okay, that makes sense. I was thinking of
other things, but now I'm doubling thinking out of this too.
So the reason I feel this is, I mean, we've
talked before how we have like friends for different seasons
and different reasons and all of that. You don't have
to have a falling out to for a friendship to
just grow apart.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
And oh yeah, according to our email or nothing is permanent.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Not even your friendships. And I think that is like
we actually got another question that maybe we can answer
at the same time, that said, how do you and
I handle our friendship and keep our friendship when we're
in such different stages of life? So I think that
kind of goes together. But I think when you're growing
distant from a friend that you don't want to grow
distant from. I mean, I don't know the context of
(10:20):
this person. But in my life, what I have tried
to implement is if I notice that there is some
shift in the friendship, I explore it, like I reach
out and I try to connect to that person, and
if there is something that has happened, then we talk
about it. And if that person doesn't respond and we
just find it harder and harder to like connect and
(10:41):
be with each other, then there's a grieving process. And
I try to also hold that how you're saying, nothing
is permanent. Right now, we might be growing distant, but
who knows, in two years we might reconnect in some way,
we might be brought together again in some way. And
I felt this from friends that when you share certain
(11:05):
like friends that you work with, or friends that you
go to the same gym with, or friends that you
do something, and that kind of like automatically keeps you connected. Right,
it's really easy to disconnect from those friends when then
you have to put in all the effort, and sometimes
that effort is not manageable. And I don't mean that
in like a they're not worth it. It just isn't
(11:26):
when you have I don't know who I heard this from,
probably Blake bleck and Becker, who is a therapist and
she specializes in friendship. She was saying how we only
have the capacity for like five or six deep friendships
at a time, and I think it's helpful to remember
that when we are worried about keeping all of our
(11:48):
connections as strong as they've always been all the time,
that you only have the capacity for five or six
and so other friendships might become distant, but that doesn't
mean that they're gone. Like, it doesn't mean I have
to write this person off.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Right, And it depends on your needy level of the
friendship both people. Yeah, Because like my best friend Andrea
from high school.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
We met me we were thirteen.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
I can go months without talking to her, but like
I'll either go back to Austin, or Sh'll plan a
trip here, or I saw her in Austin for iHeart
Country Fest. She comes every year. I get her and
her husband tickets and I see them and we pick
right back up. Yeah, or we'll have a phone call
and we pick right back up. I think that some
(12:38):
people couldn't have a friendship like that, like they would
need to talk more consistently to pick right back up.
My sister and I are the same way. And my
sister's like that with her high school bff. She's still
friends with them. In fact, her one of them happens
to live in Nashville now. And she came over to
my house about a month or so ago and we
went on a walk and then we FaceTime my sister.
But on our walk, she was like, I haven't talked
(12:58):
to your sister and foreff and they would still be
there for each other no matter what.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
And I mean they met when they were fourteen.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
So there's some friendships that wouldn't be able to survive
that and pick right back up, or some.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
People they wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
They wouldn't be able to do that well. And I'm
thinking of friendships that have kind of faded that have
been those situational friendships. I don't want it to feel
like those were not as important, but sometimes those situations
are what bonds you versus. You have this bond with
Andrea that is very different, like you have life.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Yeah, that's an example of a lifelong friendship. I just
think in even a someone that's come into your life
more recently, if you've got that vibe with someone where
there's that longevity, that vibe can also be there for somebody,
Like even if you someone that you were friends more
casually with and then three months go by, but you
(13:57):
still pick right back up, like, Hey, but there are
people that have way more high maintenance type friendship expectations, right.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
I think that's really important is making sure that you
master are a shame. So how do you think we
I've never thought about this question with us, which is interesting.
How do you think we maintained a friendship being in
different life stages? How do you think we maintain a
(14:30):
friendship being in different life stages? I guess we are
in different life stages, but I've never really considered that.
I know, you have teenage kids and I you.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
Have like a grape fruit baby.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
But for the majority of me knowing you, I didn't
have kids at all. I wasn't married. You were married
at one point.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
I know, and then you got married, then I got divorced,
and then I started dating.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yeah, there's been a lot of different stages.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Well, because I don't think our friendship is contingent upon
our lifestyles.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Yeah, it never was. Maybe that's what it is. It
didn't never start that way. We always were in a
different life stage, right, so we couldn't do different things we.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Yeah, And like my family has always been welcome in
your world, and of course you'd be welcome too, But
I think you have your parents here and everything. Like
even my ex husband and kids and I went out
to your parents' lake house. Yeah, and we were just
dating Patrick at the time, right, that was.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Their first summer dating.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Yeah, so we were in totally different stages, but we
just blended our lives.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Yeah. So I think it's probably harder to maintain that
for people when you your friendship starts because you're in
the same stage. Which I've felt at with friends that
have gotten married before I was married or had kids
before I had kids. Is our friendship is based off
of us being in the same place and doing the
(15:56):
same things and being able to, you know, do whatever
we want whenever we want. And then when that changes,
the dynamic changes. But our dynamic was always different.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Right, And I do like that you you know said
you gotta you would get curious.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Yeah, I think that's how you said it. You would
ask check in.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
I think it's okay to do a check in, and
then at some point, if the vibe isn't vibing or
they haven't spoken up and said anything, I think it's
okay to ask directly, Oh yeah, and then you'll get
your answer, hopefully if they can be honest and share
with you what's been going on and if the sale
(16:37):
is shifting, and then yeah, go with the wind.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
I had to do that recently. Where go with the wind?
I'm not sure if I'm going with the wind yet,
but check to fight it? Yeah, well I had, I felt,
I had felt the distance, and so I did a
check in. And this is where I think, also we
have to have boundaries and why I said it's important
to also be prepared to grieve something too, is I
(17:02):
did the check in, I got a response, and now
my game plan is like, see what happens if that
response matches with the action. So I'm seeing if I
need to go with the wind or if the friendship
is going to pick back up, And if I have
to go with the wind, then I'll have to probably
grieve that. Yeah, that sucks.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
I I believe Blake talks about this. Somebody else did
and I can't remember who it is.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
What is her name. We can just give all friendship
credit to Blake.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Yeah, surely this is from Blake mourning. The loss of
a friendship isn't as public as we are with breakups.
Like when you break up with a boyfriend, it's shared,
it's talked about, it's this thing like, oh, we broke up,
But when friendships end, it's quiet.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Well, and you get more support with the.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Boyfriend breakup, yeah, and with the friendship one, there's something
there's just a different energy about it, and maybe if
we talked about it more it would become more acceptable.
But then, like for me with friendships, which I haven't
had that many quote unquote end, but in friendships where
(18:21):
it is that decision has been made, I feel protective of,
like I don't that's something I want to talk about.
But a ending of a relationship I don't mind saying
because it's almost like because you had this status of girlfriend,
but you have the label with friend friends with multiple people.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
I guess some.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
People don't have no problem talking about the end of
their friendship and they would want to do it, but
like I just feel like, oh, that seems really personal, and.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
But you would talk about it within your other close
friends yeah, you just want to announce it.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
You don't change your yeah because your status.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Yeah, I was gonna say, it feels kind of that,
and maybe it's just because we don't do it. It
feels weird and it feels unnecessary to announce that. But
also you could I guess you could say that about well.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
And also going through a divorce, I think you naturally
lose relationships because of that. I feel like there's certain
relationships my husband had where there was people that I
would talk to all the time and I've known them
just as long, but I feel like he sort of
got them in the divorce. But if I were to
see them or talk to them, everything would be totally fine.
(19:30):
I don't have bitter feelings. I just don't see them anymore.
Like we would vacation together. We experienced all kinds of
life together, and our kids are friends.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
But that's his side.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
So you lose relationships that way too, And I was
a grieving that's really not.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
That's like double silent. It's like I can't even talk
about it because it just was the natural progression of
our divorce versus something happened between y'all.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Yeah, I had a friendship rest duration, which I talked
about on the podcast a couple of years ago with
a really close friend and college roommate, even lived with
her after that, and our families all went to young
Life camp together and while we were there, we set
time aside and for a few hours we went and
talked and we were like, what happened? Like we just
(20:18):
drifted apart, and she had some stories in her head
and I had some stories in mine, and we cleared
the air and now we text more regularly. We don't
see each other all the time, but now there's that
now that the air has been cleared, like we'll text
each other no problem, or send each other a random
voice text like hey, just thinking about you, just checking in.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Well, that's actually really good advice. I'm glad you brought
that up, because for the person that read the question
about what do I do about a friendship growing distant,
part of the check in is checking out, like because
the more distance happens, what we do is we make
up stories of what happened. So checking in and making
sure there isn't a story that somebody has in their
(20:57):
head or you didn't do something that's but he just
didn't realize they did so then that could be the
thing that fixes the distance that like, oh that's not true.
I'm so glad we talked about this. Now we can
go on like normal versus being silent and continuing those
stories for the rest of time and then the stories
get even worse and worse and worse and worse. Yeah,
(21:17):
so thanks for saying that.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
So we have no idea if that would.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Help you, but it felt good to talk about.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
Hopefully, what you take away from that is, if you
haven't already gotten curious, get curious and ask questions in
a like I don't want to say a loving way,
but what's the word I'm looking for? Like, not sure
they're not a curious, curious, time caring way, so that
the other person's not on the defense.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Yes, because I think we could. You could approach you
like what's the deal? Why are you?
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Why are you never talking to me? I think that's
where you stay on your side where I feel this,
I is there something that I've done or just staying
with the eye statements or I I made up these
stories in my head versus why aren't you talking to me?
It's like I feel a distance. Is there something I'm missing?
(22:08):
I would love to know like stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Right when you say I stuff and like your side
of the street, that makes me think of allan On.
So I'll go to the next question that we got
about that someone sent in. Can Amy talk more about
alan On? I'm wanting to go, but I'm scared, So
first I'll just affirm your fear around it.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
I get it.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Any time you're trying to go anywhere new, especially a
vulnerable place where you're there with another a group of strangers,
I would say the most comforting thing for me.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Well, you say, what alan On is.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Is that you're with a group of strangers that are
going through something very similar to you. Because you're there
because you have a qualifier, which is the person that
gets you to these meetings, which it's a place for
family and friends of people that are impacted by alcoholism
and addiction.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
So you go.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
You don't go there to bash your qualifier. In fact,
you're not allowed to. If you have a good leader,
they'll they stay with the rules, they'll redirect and you know,
of course you're qualified. Might be a part of something
you share, and also you don't have to share. Other
people may stand up and share, but to me, that
was the comforting thing was hearing from other people and
(23:21):
hearing the challenge they had that day or that week,
and sometimes it would be very similar to maybe what
I was experiencing, and then someone else would share some
wisdom and then whatever the group discussion was. I never
left a meeting like thinking, oh, well, that was a
waste of time. I always leave with a little more wisdom,
(23:41):
a little more insight, a little more compassion, empathy understanding,
a more guidance.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
And these are.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Tools that will help you get through whatever situation has
qualified you to attend, Because if you're wanting to go,
you clearly have something or someone one more specifically in
your life that is the cause of this, and you
need tools to survive what you are going through. And
(24:12):
alan On is a place where you can not only
find community and comfort, but you can find tools. And
I'm not saying it's for everybody. You may go and
be like, oh, this is a terrible meeting. Well, perhaps
you seek out a different meeting, because there's multiple there's
all kinds of kinds, Like there's I prefer there's a
(24:34):
women's group that meets in Nashville. That's one I feel
the best at I've popped in on zoom ones before.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
You could ask around.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
But then the more you get to know people, the
more you get to know people in that community, the
easier it will be for you to find resources within
the community.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Yeah. I think the general rule of THEMB is try
six meetings before you say I'm never going back at.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
The one place.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Yeah. Well, I would even say six meetings in general
if that feels like overwhelming to you, because like you said,
there's so many different types of meetings that you might
hate the co ed open one, but you might love
the women's group, or you might it might be too
much for you to go to the in person want
it overwhelmed you and so zoom you really like? So
I would keep trying until you go to six meetings.
(25:19):
And then also I like that you said you don't
have to talk.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
No, you don't have to talk.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
You go around and everybody says your name, yeah, and
they'll say hi.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
I mean, uh, that's quick.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Though, And if you don't want to be any of
that day, okay, use your middle name like whatever you
know or whoever you I say, you approach it with honesty,
like I don't want That's why I said maybe your
middle name.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
It's like still you.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
But because I think you need to go into those
places willing to show up vulnerable as you are. And
I think if you try to show up being somebody
else that's not you're already inauthentic to the whole thing
that's supposed to be you showing up as your most
authentic self. And one of my big takeaways from when
(26:05):
I started that was my side of the street. And
that's why when you said that made me think of it.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Yeah, because you learn how.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
To keep your side of the street clean, and it's
easy when you're in those situations just want to keep
blaming your qualifier all the time.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
It was so easy, Yeah, because and you also have
to be open, because I think this is not always
the case, but like you're saying, it's easy to just
place the blame on the other person. We're also often
enabling or doing something, or there is something on our
side of the street that we can focus on. And
(26:38):
the more we can focus on that, the easier I
think it also gets.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Oh yeah, I learned my contribution to the kind of
hard to there's chaos there, and I learned my contribution
to the chaos for a fact, and I was like, oh,
that's interesting, and a lot of times that's codependent behavior and.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
When at first you might be like me, not, this
is not my problem. Yeah, but I think also seeing
all the other people paying attention to their side of
the street helps release that like shame or resistance to
doing that, and so it's very helpful.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
And you may be in a room full of well
there's a variety. There's gonna be a variety of people, but
like in my experience, there might be someone brand new
for the first day, and then also a woman that
has been there for forty years. So you've got this
wealth of wisdom mixed with you know, I would still
(27:33):
consider myself like a young and in it, you know,
but you've got You're like, oh, okay, it's almost like
a net for me. It's like, oh, I've got this
net here of community and some of the friends that
I have from there, like we'll go to lunch, or
we have a text chain and if somebody has something
(27:53):
come up, like we'll text each other.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Or they'll be like, hey, are you.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
All going to a meeting this week? Because I want
to go, but they've been going. But sometimes they also
need a buddy to be like, hey, can you go,
Like I don't think I'm going to go this week
unless somebody goes with me, or like I'm needing that
extra like accountability, accountability.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Which makes me think of another question.
Speaker 4 (28:13):
What's your favorite ADHD hack? What's your favorite ADHD hack?
Speaker 3 (28:32):
Oh, that's the question we got.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Oh, yes, you're saying that, because that's my favorite hack.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Is body doubling. Yeah, I love a buddy, Yeah, you do.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
I love It's called body doubling, or some people call
it mirroring, and it's when you need to get work
done and you have someone doing work alongside you, and
it could be them doing the exact same thing, or
it could just be like, if you've got computer work,
they're doing computer work. Obviously they're not doing the same
exact computer work as you, but someone's there. Or you're
(29:04):
cleaning the house, someone's alongside you clean the house. Kat
was making fun of me because Shannon is she works
with us here on the podcast, and she's not here
today because she's on vacation, but she's at my house
majority of the time. But she does a variety of
things as an assistant, and I don't get there some
days where I'm like, I have so many clothes to
(29:29):
hang up, will you go hang them.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Up with me?
Speaker 2 (29:32):
And it's not because I want her to. She could
go hang up one. She could go as slow as molasses.
She could stand there and hold a hanger and act
like she's hanging up. That's okay, because that's gonna help
me do what I need to do, because I want
a body double. Yeah, I want mirroring, like I will
tackle so much if I've got somebody there, or if
my sister's on FaceTime and she's maybe cleaning and cooking
(29:55):
in the kitchen and doing something, I'll have her on FaceTime. Well,
I'm cleaning and cooking in the kitchen and doing something.
Your your body double doesn't even have to be in person.
So I don't even know that that's like an obscure hack,
like they were looking for one thing I do for
my ADHD that might be weird.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
I think this is ADHD related. Maybe maybe if it
works for you.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Then I open up my map, like when I'm getting
ready for something. The minute I start getting ready, which
I might have an hour before I'm going to leave
the house, but I type in the address that I'm
going to and I saw someone post about this online
saying that this was their their type B but this
is their type A type B behavior.
Speaker 3 (30:32):
But I'm like, well, I've been doing.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
That, that's yours.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
But I don't know for years.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
But when I really started to get nervous about showing
up on time, especially if it's a work thing, I
type in the address and it'll give me my arrival time.
And then I just keep looking at that changing while
I'm getting ready, and I refresh it, so I know
exactly if traffic changes.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
I know.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Because it might go from okay, you've got it's gonna
take you twenty minutes to get to your destination, well
twenty minutes into me getting ready, that could change to
thirty minutes.
Speaker 3 (31:08):
But I have that awareness, the whole I have.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
But that's not gonna sneak upon. No, it's not, because
I'm gonna know. Do you use like Google Maps? Okay,
so I don't know for my map app, well, I
don't know if the Google maps have this or the
regular iPhone map has this. But ways, what you can
do is you can type in your destination and you
can say arrive later and it will use Now there's
(31:35):
a caveat to this, but we will use the general
traffic patterns, and so if you're like I need to
be there by eight o'clock, it will tell you when
to leave based on the general traffic patterns. However, if
like a wreck or something happens you while you're getting ready,
that's gonna affect that, right, because that's not typical. But
(31:55):
I use that a lot because I do not like
being late. I also don't like being too early, like
to be just a little bit early. So if you
have do you ever use Ways?
Speaker 2 (32:09):
I feel like I used to back in the day.
I don't even think the app is still on my phone.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
Well, I highly suggest that I use it for everything
because it will give you. I don't know if it
still does. I assume it still does this, but Ways
gives you the shortest route.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
Like surely Apple has up their game.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
Yes, it gives me three different When I type in
an Apple gives me three different options and I choose.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Well, Ways doesn't give It just tells you where to go.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
I don't know if this is anything to do with
ADHD at.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
All, but I sometimes if it will take me longer,
but I don't have to get on the highway. I
will go the longer route as long as I'm safe,
and i'll get there own time. Because I don't like
the highway that much.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
I don't know, I've.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
Not really thought about it. I just prefer no, I
just prefer the back row.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
I used to love a back road, but now I
don't because I feel like the back roads can be
more dangerous and drive so slow.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
I know, true, it's going to take me longer, but
sometimes I'll be like, eh, I'm longing out because I
just don't want to get on the highway.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
That's fair.
Speaker 3 (33:15):
So anyway probably has nothing to do with ADHD.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
At all, whatsoever your personality. Here's this email we got
from Emily, Hey, Amy, and kat. My feeling of the
day is inspired. I just finished the correspondent. Thank you
for talking about this book and suggesting it. I love
to read, but I'm a slow reader. Fellow dyslexic here,
and I read this entire book in five days. I
have so many thoughts about this beautiful story and how
(33:42):
it was written. In my stage of life. I've experienced
loss and hardship, but also seen firsthand how God uses
these things in life to shape us and remind us
that there is always hope. This book does a wonderful
job of representing all of the feelings grief, love, hope, forgiveness, shame, adventure, courage, regret, connection,
(34:03):
where's the feeling start?
Speaker 3 (34:04):
Check them all off.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Another thing this book brings up for me is how
communication and relationships and friendships is such an art, an
art that I'm feeling inspired to bring back. I used
to write letters to my grandparents when I was young,
and continue to do so in my twenties when they
were still alive. I would be so giggly getting a
letter in the mail, not knowing when it was coming.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
What a thrill.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
I do not write letters to anyone anymore. But while
I'm still feeling inspired, I'm going to send a letter
after this to my first boss, who I haven't worked
with in ten plus years, but I think of her often.
This book has also inspired me to send this email,
something very out of character for me to do. I'm
not really sure there's a clear point to this email
(34:47):
except gratitude for your suggestion and hope that others will
pick it up, even if they are not readers, and
they'll feel inspired to start a connection with an old
friend or new in this case, you both feel like
old friends to me, your friend from North Carolina, Emily,
aged thirty three, which is to be good for the
friendship question. It's just like or wanting to connect. I mean,
(35:09):
it's not specifically to that exact question, but in a
friendship that maybe you've lost touch with someone, write them a.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Letter, because how cool to get a letter and send
it out of nowhere nail mail.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
Yeah, okay, she's the one that sent the PS and
the PS that I referred to, and the PS part
is really special for you, Kat.
Speaker 3 (35:30):
Do you know yet? Did you read ahead?
Speaker 1 (35:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (35:32):
Ah, okay, ps Kat.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
My mom named three of her four children after herself.
Her first name is my sister's first name, her maiden
name is my brother's name, and her middle name is
my middle name. And now one of my daughter's middle names.
My poor younger sister got jipped since there were no
other names left. I have three daughters now and naming
children is hard. But trust your gut feeling.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
That's funny. Also good for your mom. Good for your mom,
she really went for it. I'm just gonna name her
Katherine Mary. Now. I'm just gonna give her my exam.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Get it, get it, get it.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
And then Emily gave us that PPS with the book
recommendations of Anne Patrick's book books, So thank you for that,
Emily from North Carolina. We got some good book rex
with these emails, and we had way more questions to
get through. One in particular, I mean, we'll just have
to save them for other episodes. But one in particular
(36:31):
that we got was advice for dealing with a narcissistic boss,
and Kat and I talked about it and we thought
we should just make an entire episode out of that,
So that'll be a normal feeling things, deep dive sort
of thing, and not a couch talks. So if you're
the person that sent in that question, we will be
(36:53):
answering it, but in.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
More depth. Yeah, we have more to say than we
could answer.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
Here here, and we just thought, well, that would be
a good spectopic focus on for a full episode. So
thank you for that question, and to anybody else that's
sent in questions, we will get to them. I guess
we can close with what happened with Amy and her boyfriend.
Maybe they missed that on previous episodes. We woke up period,
(37:21):
he had me a coffee mug. I forgot you talked
about that on here?
Speaker 1 (37:26):
I did.
Speaker 3 (37:26):
Oh, but did I update you that I talked to
him about it?
Speaker 1 (37:29):
You updated me, didn't update the people.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
And I sort of felt a little bad after I
talked to him.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Wait, did he know you talked about it on the podcast?
Speaker 2 (37:37):
I mentioned it and I was hoping he wouldn't, like,
come back and listen. I don't think he did, because
he never said anything. I would have, but I was like, well,
it's not that big of a thing. I mean, I
only talked about it to like well on the podcast,
Like he.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Didn't bother me that much. I just like talked about
it to the jillion people.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
So I did let him know that how I felt.
I mean, I know, I let the podcast know, but
I let him know. And he sort of agreed with
where we were with things. But he was also like
a little He was like, you like coffee, and I
was like, it wasn't that deep. I was like, oh,
I feel bad. I was like, I just didn't feel seen.
(38:16):
I know I like coffee. I would love a mug.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Well we talked about that. Yeah, like mugs are great.
I know my mug that you got that was the.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
Problem, Like, I know mugs from specific people.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
I still have my mug from Gracie that she got
me form Anthropology that has a letter A on it
that's so cute, so cute in fact anthroprojects at public.
Speaker 3 (38:35):
So cute in fact that.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
I kind of ruined the vibe, so cute in fact,
the Anthropology still carries the mug.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
When you and I went to anthropology at the other day,
they still have them.
Speaker 1 (38:46):
There's like the black and white yes, mm hmmm, when.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
They have every letter. Gracie got me the A for
Amy and I love it. Claire got me a coffee
make that has a little dancing piece of toast on
it because I love toast.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:02):
Claire also got me one that says cat person.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
You've got me four mugs. Santa you got me those
Santa ones. And then you got Patrick and I Kay
and P's of the mug that Gracie got you, but
in Christmas colors and we use him year round. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
See, it's good when you get a mug and you
feel seen.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
It was more so the message of the mug, which
I think that's how I started it to him. I said,
do you remember remember these words? And he was like,
I have no idea what those words are. And I
was like, exactly, is that bad?
Speaker 1 (39:37):
It's just a funny way of bringing that up and
be like because I thought, here they are on this mug.
Speaker 3 (39:43):
I was like, you don't remember those words.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
They clearly weren't very special to you.
Speaker 2 (39:46):
Then, and he's like, I made him. I made three times.
I gave him three times to remember those words. And
I was like, are you sure these words? And he's like, Amy,
I have no clue what those words could be. And
I was like, exactly, He's.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
Like, those words mean nothing.
Speaker 3 (40:03):
To me, exactly.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
Ah, hit the nail on the head that you just
were like, oh this is cute.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
Yeah. So anyway, we broke.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
Up up and after hearing me talk about that, you're like,
I can see why.
Speaker 3 (40:22):
Ah.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
But anyway, nothing really crazy, just we probably could get
curious about some more things in our relationship, and maybe
we will one day. But there's one of those things
where we definitely needed a break. Just our lives were
a little different directions at that moment. So TBD, We'll
see what happens in life.
Speaker 3 (40:44):
You never know. Nothing's permanent.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
Nothing. If we learned anything, nothing is permanent.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
Nothing is permanent, all right, well, we hope wherever you are,
you have the day you need to have.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
Bye Bye,
While we hope couch Talks can be a tool that
helps and supports wherever you are in life, Couch Talks
does not serve as a replacement or substitute for therapy
or any mental health services.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Right, break it down.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
If you ever have feelings that you just falls home,
Amy and Cat gotcha covin locking now, brother, ladies and felons, you.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Just follow an the spirit where it's all us phone
and real stuff to the chill stuff and the m
but Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do it
just stop you feel things. This is Feeling Things with
Amy and Kat.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Happy Thursday.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Welcome to Couch Talks, our listener Q and a episode
of the Feeling Things podcast. I'm Amy and I'm Kat,
and we're gonna kick things off with some questions that
we put up on our Instagram from a question box,
but we're gonna intertwine emails. For example, we got a
question what's the next book wreck? We haven't had one
in a couple of weeks. Well, guess what We're going
(01:00):
to take a book wreck from a listener because it's
an email that we got.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Okay, you see what I did there? All right? So
now from together, Yeah, it's like we're having a big
conversation with every everybody.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah, it's like this person asked to over here, but
this person's in an inn from over there.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Uh so whoever asked that?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Because I guess on Instagram we didn't write down names,
but I do have the email er this is coming from.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
And excuse me.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
I don't know exactly how to say your name, but
is it Maya or Mahyah? Both of those seem mhaya.
She's forty years old, coming to us from Muskogee Nation
in Oklahoma.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
It's a lot of hard things to say.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Hey, Amy and Kat, I was just reading over your newsletter.
I haven't listened to the episode yet and wanted to
share a book recommendation that immediately came to mind and
is related to the paradox of choice. I didn't know
that feeling of having too many decisions even how to
name name it, to name it. The book titled How
to Not Know, and it's written by Simone Stoltzoff.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
His work sounds so helpful.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
He talks about using uncertainty as an advantage instead of
something to avoid. I haven't read the book yet, I've
only listened to him on another podcast, but it's on
my list. I am certainly someone who will overanalyze and
try to predict potential outcomes until I worry myself sick.
It's something I'm also trying to work on.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Kat.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
I guess she wanted to tell you that, since you
worry a lot, I have to remind myself of what
my dad told me once that is stuck with me
through the years. Nothing is permanent, well besides permanent marker
and tattoos on a white counter, and I.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
Haven't been able to get out. Well, you can get
tattoo removal.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Well, it's really expensive. But wait, did you draw on
your counter?
Speaker 2 (02:48):
Kids did permanent marker? I had two white coffee tables
at my old house that were in the center of
the room and they were calling on something and it
went through the paper and through the table and I
tried to use magic eraser to get it out.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
And how who gives children permanent markers to color with?
I'm sorry, that's so chuch. Well I don't.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
I'm not saying I said here, do this and then
I didn't.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
I didn't.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
They probably didn't think through that it was going to
go through the paper onto the table.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Okay, I get It's not like they like got off
the paper.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
It bled it bled through.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Yeah, okay, sorry, I take back my judgment of you.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
That was very I think the parent that gives that
to their kid, it's not actually me giving it to them.
It's them going into a drawer and then finding coloring
with the permanent marker. Yeah, and then it's like whoopsies, whoops, sorry, mom,
Probably shouldn't do that again. You learn that stuff the
hard way, the permanent marker. Or like my kids when
they first started using the kettle on the stove and
(03:45):
then they would put the the kettle down on the countertop.
And if it's granted, no problem, but if it's not.
If it's not, then it's gonna damage it a little bit.
Git me back to the email. Nothing is permanent. It
sounds so simple, but it always takes some weight off
decision making. If you bought a stroller you ended up
(04:07):
not liking, well, what's the worst that could happen? You'd
sell it on Facebook marketplace and purchase a different one.
Oh well, I don't think the baby will mind. Simone's
book sounds promising with lots of good tools, so I
wanted to share it with you guys. I hope it's helpful.
Thank you both for sharing your friendship with the community.
Thank you for sharing your email with the community. I'm
(04:27):
among the many women who find the wide range of
topics and discussions interesting, fun and helpful. I'm often listening
while driving down the road and laughing out loud by myself,
which is a great place to be if you ask me,
especially with a dirty doctor pepper in hand from McDonald's.
Hope you have the day you need to have your
friend Maya or mahya or a Maya?
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Did I make this up? Did you have a dirty
diet coke phase or something?
Speaker 2 (04:55):
I did a try diet coke on my Instagram, so
you saw me trying it, okay?
Speaker 3 (05:00):
Or I think it's fine?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
I think occasionally it's going to hit the spot if
I'm looking for it. But I'm not doing a dirty soda.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
Every cream day, right, And you're well.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Me, I did vanilla protein shake in my diet coch okay.
So I don't know if she put cream in her
dirty doctor pepper or if she put a vanilla protein shake.
That's the only dirty ones I've seen online is when
it's a vanilla protein shake.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Okay, but I guess cream could work. Yeah, I haven't
tried it, so I shouldn't say that.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
So this book recommendation is how to not know. We
haven't read it. I don't even know that we're officially
recommending it because she hasn't read it yet, but it
is on her list. I will say, Kat and her
husband recommended a book to me, and I was shook
it as.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
I was listening to it because a.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Y'all, y'all listen to it together, and it is explicit
at times, to say the least.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
I think I kind of forgot how much descriptive in
how what do they call those books? What do they
call smut? Smut?
Speaker 3 (06:07):
Yeah, oh smut.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
But I forgot about that until I had recommended the
book to my mom and I was like, Mom, read
this book because they're making it into a movie, and
we can go see the movie together. And then she
texted me like a couple days later and said, I
just saw the trailer for this book and I don't
think that's a movie we should see together because it
is there's a lot of.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
There's a lot of sex verity, Yes.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
You wanted to call it, Yeah, it is so good.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
It's a Colleen Hoover book.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
She's an amazing writer, and yes, it is really good.
It shocked me a lot of Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Ways, so I will say that.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
It's just yeah, if you're listening to it, just make
sure there's not little ears around.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
We would listen to we started listening to on a
road trip, and then to finish it, we would like
go walk a trail by our house that was very crowded.
So it was kind of one of those I mean,
if you listened to it in public, it's even like
reading a book like that in public. It's like if
people only knew what was like in our ears as
we're like walking down this trail. But the movie is
(07:17):
gonna have Anne Hathaway and Dakota Johnson. It looks so good.
It looks really scary or creepy. I think suspenseful, which
the book I don't. I don't know that I felt
it was that. It wasn't I wasn't scared.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Oh yeah, when there were moments where I yeah, it
was very if because it was ominous at times. It's
a thriller, yeah, because yeah, I feel like is that
the word?
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Yeah? I think so.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
We also got a.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
PSS part of an email that has some book recommendations, Like,
that's not what the email is about at all, And
I'll get to the email later. But since we're talking
about books, Emily had written in is it PSI or
PPS because she put PPS, But I always do PS
and then PSS.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
I think I do a SS. But I don't even
know what the P or the S mean.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
PostScript. Oh I learned that when I was reading the Correspondent.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Well, then the P would make sense. It should be
post post.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Oh yeah, why if I always doss it sounds PostScript script?
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Okay PPS.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Book recommendations from Emily These Precious Days by Anne Patchett,
And once you've read that, I suggest The Dutch House
by Anne as well. She has a bookstore in Nashville
that is a wonderful place I think you'd love, which
I do love. It's par NASAs Books in Greenhills.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Yeh.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
I didn't know that was opened by an author.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Thought it was just a random book club family book store. Yeah,
so that's really cool when you own a bookstore and
you put the book, you put it front and side.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Oh yeah, they're number one bestseller always in forever. Thank
you for your PS. And I'll get to the rest
of Emily's email later. You want to hit up another
question that we got.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Okay, this one I feel like we both can answer.
You don't have to be a therapist to answer this.
How to handle growing distant from friends you don't want
to be distant from. I feel this personally because you're pregnant.
No no, oh.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
But difference when you go into new chapters in life
that other people are maybe not any.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Yeah, okay, okay, that makes sense. I was thinking of
other things, but now I'm doubling thinking out of this too.
So the reason I feel this is, I mean, we've
talked before how we have like friends for different seasons
and different reasons and all of that. You don't have
to have a falling out to for a friendship to
just grow apart.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
And oh yeah, according to our email or nothing is permanent.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Not even your friendships. And I think that is like
we actually got another question that maybe we can answer
at the same time, that said, how do you and
I handle our friendship and keep our friendship when we're
in such different stages of life? So I think that
kind of goes together. But I think when you're growing
distant from a friend that you don't want to grow
distant from. I mean, I don't know the context of
(10:20):
this person. But in my life, what I have tried
to implement is if I notice that there is some
shift in the friendship, I explore it, like I reach
out and I try to connect to that person, and
if there is something that has happened, then we talk
about it. And if that person doesn't respond and we
just find it harder and harder to like connect and
(10:41):
be with each other, then there's a grieving process. And
I try to also hold that how you're saying, nothing
is permanent. Right now, we might be growing distant, but
who knows, in two years we might reconnect in some way,
we might be brought together again in some way. And
I felt this from friends that when you share certain
(11:05):
like friends that you work with, or friends that you
go to the same gym with, or friends that you
do something, and that kind of like automatically keeps you connected. Right,
it's really easy to disconnect from those friends when then
you have to put in all the effort, and sometimes
that effort is not manageable. And I don't mean that
in like a they're not worth it. It just isn't
(11:26):
when you have I don't know who I heard this from,
probably Blake bleck and Becker, who is a therapist and
she specializes in friendship. She was saying how we only
have the capacity for like five or six deep friendships
at a time, and I think it's helpful to remember
that when we are worried about keeping all of our
(11:48):
connections as strong as they've always been all the time,
that you only have the capacity for five or six
and so other friendships might become distant, but that doesn't
mean that they're gone. Like, it doesn't mean I have
to write this person off.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Right, And it depends on your needy level of the
friendship both people. Yeah, Because like my best friend Andrea
from high school.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
We met me we were thirteen.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
I can go months without talking to her, but like
I'll either go back to Austin, or Sh'll plan a
trip here, or I saw her in Austin for iHeart
Country Fest. She comes every year. I get her and
her husband tickets and I see them and we pick
right back up. Yeah, or we'll have a phone call
and we pick right back up. I think that some
(12:38):
people couldn't have a friendship like that, like they would
need to talk more consistently to pick right back up.
My sister and I are the same way. And my
sister's like that with her high school bff. She's still
friends with them. In fact, her one of them happens
to live in Nashville now. And she came over to
my house about a month or so ago and we
went on a walk and then we FaceTime my sister.
But on our walk, she was like, I haven't talked
(12:58):
to your sister and foreff and they would still be
there for each other no matter what.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
And I mean they met when they were fourteen.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
So there's some friendships that wouldn't be able to survive
that and pick right back up, or some.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
People they wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
They wouldn't be able to do that well. And I'm
thinking of friendships that have kind of faded that have
been those situational friendships. I don't want it to feel
like those were not as important, but sometimes those situations
are what bonds you versus. You have this bond with
Andrea that is very different, like you have life.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Yeah, that's an example of a lifelong friendship. I just
think in even a someone that's come into your life
more recently, if you've got that vibe with someone where
there's that longevity, that vibe can also be there for somebody,
Like even if you someone that you were friends more
casually with and then three months go by, but you
(13:57):
still pick right back up, like, Hey, but there are
people that have way more high maintenance type friendship expectations, right.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
I think that's really important is making sure that you
master are a shame. So how do you think we
I've never thought about this question with us, which is interesting.
How do you think we maintained a friendship being in
different life stages? How do you think we maintain a
(14:30):
friendship being in different life stages? I guess we are
in different life stages, but I've never really considered that.
I know, you have teenage kids and I you.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
Have like a grape fruit baby.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
But for the majority of me knowing you, I didn't
have kids at all. I wasn't married. You were married
at one point.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
I know, and then you got married, then I got divorced,
and then I started dating.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yeah, there's been a lot of different stages.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Well, because I don't think our friendship is contingent upon
our lifestyles.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Yeah, it never was. Maybe that's what it is. It
didn't never start that way. We always were in a
different life stage, right, so we couldn't do different things we.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Yeah, And like my family has always been welcome in
your world, and of course you'd be welcome too, But
I think you have your parents here and everything. Like
even my ex husband and kids and I went out
to your parents' lake house. Yeah, and we were just
dating Patrick at the time, right, that was.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Their first summer dating.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Yeah, so we were in totally different stages, but we
just blended our lives.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Yeah. So I think it's probably harder to maintain that
for people when you your friendship starts because you're in
the same stage. Which I've felt at with friends that
have gotten married before I was married or had kids
before I had kids. Is our friendship is based off
of us being in the same place and doing the
(15:56):
same things and being able to, you know, do whatever
we want whenever we want. And then when that changes,
the dynamic changes. But our dynamic was always different.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Right, And I do like that you you know said
you gotta you would get curious.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Yeah, I think that's how you said it. You would
ask check in.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
I think it's okay to do a check in, and
then at some point, if the vibe isn't vibing or
they haven't spoken up and said anything, I think it's
okay to ask directly, Oh yeah, and then you'll get
your answer, hopefully if they can be honest and share
with you what's been going on and if the sale
(16:37):
is shifting, and then yeah, go with the wind.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
I had to do that recently. Where go with the wind?
I'm not sure if I'm going with the wind yet,
but check to fight it? Yeah, well I had, I felt,
I had felt the distance, and so I did a
check in. And this is where I think, also we
have to have boundaries and why I said it's important
to also be prepared to grieve something too, is I
(17:02):
did the check in, I got a response, and now
my game plan is like, see what happens if that
response matches with the action. So I'm seeing if I
need to go with the wind or if the friendship
is going to pick back up, And if I have
to go with the wind, then I'll have to probably
grieve that. Yeah, that sucks.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
I I believe Blake talks about this. Somebody else did
and I can't remember who it is.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
What is her name. We can just give all friendship
credit to Blake.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Yeah, surely this is from Blake mourning. The loss of
a friendship isn't as public as we are with breakups.
Like when you break up with a boyfriend, it's shared,
it's talked about, it's this thing like, oh, we broke up,
But when friendships end, it's quiet.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Well, and you get more support with the.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Boyfriend breakup, yeah, and with the friendship one, there's something
there's just a different energy about it, and maybe if
we talked about it more it would become more acceptable.
But then, like for me with friendships, which I haven't
had that many quote unquote end, but in friendships where
(18:21):
it is that decision has been made, I feel protective of,
like I don't that's something I want to talk about.
But a ending of a relationship I don't mind saying
because it's almost like because you had this status of girlfriend,
but you have the label with friend friends with multiple people.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
I guess some.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
People don't have no problem talking about the end of
their friendship and they would want to do it, but
like I just feel like, oh, that seems really personal, and.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
But you would talk about it within your other close
friends yeah, you just want to announce it.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
You don't change your yeah because your status.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Yeah, I was gonna say, it feels kind of that,
and maybe it's just because we don't do it. It
feels weird and it feels unnecessary to announce that. But
also you could I guess you could say that about well.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
And also going through a divorce, I think you naturally
lose relationships because of that. I feel like there's certain
relationships my husband had where there was people that I
would talk to all the time and I've known them
just as long, but I feel like he sort of
got them in the divorce. But if I were to
see them or talk to them, everything would be totally fine.
(19:30):
I don't have bitter feelings. I just don't see them anymore.
Like we would vacation together. We experienced all kinds of
life together, and our kids are friends.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
But that's his side.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
So you lose relationships that way too, And I was
a grieving that's really not.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
That's like double silent. It's like I can't even talk
about it because it just was the natural progression of
our divorce versus something happened between y'all.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Yeah, I had a friendship rest duration, which I talked
about on the podcast a couple of years ago with
a really close friend and college roommate, even lived with
her after that, and our families all went to young
Life camp together and while we were there, we set
time aside and for a few hours we went and
talked and we were like, what happened? Like we just
(20:18):
drifted apart, and she had some stories in her head
and I had some stories in mine, and we cleared
the air and now we text more regularly. We don't
see each other all the time, but now there's that
now that the air has been cleared, like we'll text
each other no problem, or send each other a random
voice text like hey, just thinking about you, just checking in.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Well, that's actually really good advice. I'm glad you brought
that up, because for the person that read the question
about what do I do about a friendship growing distant,
part of the check in is checking out, like because
the more distance happens, what we do is we make
up stories of what happened. So checking in and making
sure there isn't a story that somebody has in their
(20:57):
head or you didn't do something that's but he just
didn't realize they did so then that could be the
thing that fixes the distance that like, oh that's not true.
I'm so glad we talked about this. Now we can
go on like normal versus being silent and continuing those
stories for the rest of time and then the stories
get even worse and worse and worse and worse. Yeah,
(21:17):
so thanks for saying that.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
So we have no idea if that would.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Help you, but it felt good to talk about.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
Hopefully, what you take away from that is, if you
haven't already gotten curious, get curious and ask questions in
a like I don't want to say a loving way,
but what's the word I'm looking for? Like, not sure
they're not a curious, curious, time caring way, so that
the other person's not on the defense.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Yes, because I think we could. You could approach you
like what's the deal? Why are you?
Speaker 1 (21:47):
Why are you never talking to me? I think that's
where you stay on your side where I feel this,
I is there something that I've done or just staying
with the eye statements or I I made up these
stories in my head versus why aren't you talking to me?
It's like I feel a distance. Is there something I'm missing?
(22:08):
I would love to know like stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Right when you say I stuff and like your side
of the street, that makes me think of allan On.
So I'll go to the next question that we got
about that someone sent in. Can Amy talk more about
alan On? I'm wanting to go, but I'm scared, So
first I'll just affirm your fear around it.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
I get it.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Any time you're trying to go anywhere new, especially a
vulnerable place where you're there with another a group of strangers,
I would say the most comforting thing for me.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Well, you say, what alan On is.
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Is that you're with a group of strangers that are
going through something very similar to you. Because you're there
because you have a qualifier, which is the person that
gets you to these meetings, which it's a place for
family and friends of people that are impacted by alcoholism
and addiction.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
So you go.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
You don't go there to bash your qualifier. In fact,
you're not allowed to. If you have a good leader,
they'll they stay with the rules, they'll redirect and you know,
of course you're qualified. Might be a part of something
you share, and also you don't have to share. Other
people may stand up and share, but to me, that
was the comforting thing was hearing from other people and
(23:21):
hearing the challenge they had that day or that week,
and sometimes it would be very similar to maybe what
I was experiencing, and then someone else would share some
wisdom and then whatever the group discussion was. I never
left a meeting like thinking, oh, well, that was a
waste of time. I always leave with a little more wisdom,
(23:41):
a little more insight, a little more compassion, empathy understanding,
a more guidance.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
And these are.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Tools that will help you get through whatever situation has
qualified you to attend, Because if you're wanting to go,
you clearly have something or someone one more specifically in
your life that is the cause of this, and you
need tools to survive what you are going through. And
(24:12):
alan On is a place where you can not only
find community and comfort, but you can find tools. And
I'm not saying it's for everybody. You may go and
be like, oh, this is a terrible meeting. Well, perhaps
you seek out a different meeting, because there's multiple there's
all kinds of kinds, Like there's I prefer there's a
(24:34):
women's group that meets in Nashville. That's one I feel
the best at I've popped in on zoom ones before.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
You could ask around.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
But then the more you get to know people, the
more you get to know people in that community, the
easier it will be for you to find resources within
the community.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Yeah. I think the general rule of THEMB is try
six meetings before you say I'm never going back at.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
The one place.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Yeah. Well, I would even say six meetings in general
if that feels like overwhelming to you, because like you said,
there's so many different types of meetings that you might
hate the co ed open one, but you might love
the women's group, or you might it might be too
much for you to go to the in person want
it overwhelmed you and so zoom you really like? So
I would keep trying until you go to six meetings.
(25:19):
And then also I like that you said you don't
have to talk.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
No, you don't have to talk.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
You go around and everybody says your name, yeah, and
they'll say hi.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
I mean, uh, that's quick.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Though, And if you don't want to be any of
that day, okay, use your middle name like whatever you
know or whoever you I say, you approach it with honesty,
like I don't want That's why I said maybe your
middle name.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
It's like still you.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
But because I think you need to go into those
places willing to show up vulnerable as you are. And
I think if you try to show up being somebody
else that's not you're already inauthentic to the whole thing
that's supposed to be you showing up as your most
authentic self. And one of my big takeaways from when
(26:05):
I started that was my side of the street. And
that's why when you said that made me think of it.
Speaker 1 (26:09):
Yeah, because you learn how.
Speaker 2 (26:10):
To keep your side of the street clean, and it's
easy when you're in those situations just want to keep
blaming your qualifier all the time.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
It was so easy, Yeah, because and you also have
to be open, because I think this is not always
the case, but like you're saying, it's easy to just
place the blame on the other person. We're also often
enabling or doing something, or there is something on our
side of the street that we can focus on. And
(26:38):
the more we can focus on that, the easier I
think it also gets.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Oh yeah, I learned my contribution to the kind of
hard to there's chaos there, and I learned my contribution
to the chaos for a fact, and I was like, oh,
that's interesting, and a lot of times that's codependent behavior and.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
When at first you might be like me, not, this
is not my problem. Yeah, but I think also seeing
all the other people paying attention to their side of
the street helps release that like shame or resistance to
doing that, and so it's very helpful.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
And you may be in a room full of well
there's a variety. There's gonna be a variety of people, but
like in my experience, there might be someone brand new
for the first day, and then also a woman that
has been there for forty years. So you've got this
wealth of wisdom mixed with you know, I would still
(27:33):
consider myself like a young and in it, you know,
but you've got You're like, oh, okay, it's almost like
a net for me. It's like, oh, I've got this
net here of community and some of the friends that
I have from there, like we'll go to lunch, or
we have a text chain and if somebody has something
(27:53):
come up, like we'll text each other.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Or they'll be like, hey, are you.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
All going to a meeting this week? Because I want
to go, but they've been going. But sometimes they also
need a buddy to be like, hey, can you go,
Like I don't think I'm going to go this week
unless somebody goes with me, or like I'm needing that
extra like accountability, accountability.
Speaker 1 (28:11):
Which makes me think of another question.
Speaker 4 (28:13):
What's your favorite ADHD hack? What's your favorite ADHD hack?
Speaker 3 (28:32):
Oh, that's the question we got.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Oh, yes, you're saying that, because that's my favorite hack.
Speaker 3 (28:37):
Is body doubling. Yeah, I love a buddy, Yeah, you do.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
I love It's called body doubling, or some people call
it mirroring, and it's when you need to get work
done and you have someone doing work alongside you, and
it could be them doing the exact same thing, or
it could just be like, if you've got computer work,
they're doing computer work. Obviously they're not doing the same
exact computer work as you, but someone's there. Or you're
(29:04):
cleaning the house, someone's alongside you clean the house. Kat
was making fun of me because Shannon is she works
with us here on the podcast, and she's not here
today because she's on vacation, but she's at my house
majority of the time. But she does a variety of
things as an assistant, and I don't get there some
days where I'm like, I have so many clothes to
(29:29):
hang up, will you go hang them.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Up with me?
Speaker 2 (29:32):
And it's not because I want her to. She could
go hang up one. She could go as slow as molasses.
She could stand there and hold a hanger and act
like she's hanging up. That's okay, because that's gonna help
me do what I need to do, because I want
a body double. Yeah, I want mirroring, like I will
tackle so much if I've got somebody there, or if
my sister's on FaceTime and she's maybe cleaning and cooking
(29:55):
in the kitchen and doing something, I'll have her on FaceTime. Well,
I'm cleaning and cooking in the kitchen and doing something.
Your your body double doesn't even have to be in person.
So I don't even know that that's like an obscure hack,
like they were looking for one thing I do for
my ADHD that might be weird.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
I think this is ADHD related. Maybe maybe if it
works for you.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Then I open up my map, like when I'm getting
ready for something. The minute I start getting ready, which
I might have an hour before I'm going to leave
the house, but I type in the address that I'm
going to and I saw someone post about this online
saying that this was their their type B but this
is their type A type B behavior.
Speaker 3 (30:32):
But I'm like, well, I've been doing.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
That, that's yours.
Speaker 3 (30:35):
But I don't know for years.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
But when I really started to get nervous about showing
up on time, especially if it's a work thing, I
type in the address and it'll give me my arrival time.
And then I just keep looking at that changing while
I'm getting ready, and I refresh it, so I know
exactly if traffic changes.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
I know.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Because it might go from okay, you've got it's gonna
take you twenty minutes to get to your destination, well
twenty minutes into me getting ready, that could change to
thirty minutes.
Speaker 3 (31:08):
But I have that awareness, the whole I have.
Speaker 1 (31:12):
But that's not gonna sneak upon. No, it's not, because
I'm gonna know. Do you use like Google Maps? Okay,
so I don't know for my map app, well, I
don't know if the Google maps have this or the
regular iPhone map has this. But ways, what you can
do is you can type in your destination and you
can say arrive later and it will use Now there's
(31:35):
a caveat to this, but we will use the general
traffic patterns, and so if you're like I need to
be there by eight o'clock, it will tell you when
to leave based on the general traffic patterns. However, if
like a wreck or something happens you while you're getting ready,
that's gonna affect that, right, because that's not typical. But
(31:55):
I use that a lot because I do not like
being late. I also don't like being too early, like
to be just a little bit early. So if you
have do you ever use Ways?
Speaker 2 (32:09):
I feel like I used to back in the day.
I don't even think the app is still on my phone.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
Well, I highly suggest that I use it for everything
because it will give you. I don't know if it
still does. I assume it still does this, but Ways
gives you the shortest route.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
Like surely Apple has up their game.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
Yes, it gives me three different When I type in
an Apple gives me three different options and I choose.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Well, Ways doesn't give It just tells you where to go.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
I don't know if this is anything to do with
ADHD at.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
All, but I sometimes if it will take me longer,
but I don't have to get on the highway. I
will go the longer route as long as I'm safe,
and i'll get there own time. Because I don't like
the highway that much.
Speaker 1 (32:53):
I don't know, I've.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
Not really thought about it. I just prefer no, I
just prefer the back row.
Speaker 1 (33:00):
I used to love a back road, but now I
don't because I feel like the back roads can be
more dangerous and drive so slow.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
I know, true, it's going to take me longer, but
sometimes I'll be like, eh, I'm longing out because I
just don't want to get on the highway.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
That's fair.
Speaker 3 (33:15):
So anyway probably has nothing to do with ADHD.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
At all, whatsoever your personality. Here's this email we got
from Emily, Hey, Amy, and kat. My feeling of the
day is inspired. I just finished the correspondent. Thank you
for talking about this book and suggesting it. I love
to read, but I'm a slow reader. Fellow dyslexic here,
and I read this entire book in five days. I
have so many thoughts about this beautiful story and how
(33:42):
it was written. In my stage of life. I've experienced
loss and hardship, but also seen firsthand how God uses
these things in life to shape us and remind us
that there is always hope. This book does a wonderful
job of representing all of the feelings grief, love, hope, forgiveness, shame, adventure, courage, regret, connection,
(34:03):
where's the feeling start?
Speaker 3 (34:04):
Check them all off.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Another thing this book brings up for me is how
communication and relationships and friendships is such an art, an
art that I'm feeling inspired to bring back. I used
to write letters to my grandparents when I was young,
and continue to do so in my twenties when they
were still alive. I would be so giggly getting a
letter in the mail, not knowing when it was coming.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
What a thrill.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
I do not write letters to anyone anymore. But while
I'm still feeling inspired, I'm going to send a letter
after this to my first boss, who I haven't worked
with in ten plus years, but I think of her often.
This book has also inspired me to send this email,
something very out of character for me to do. I'm
not really sure there's a clear point to this email
(34:47):
except gratitude for your suggestion and hope that others will
pick it up, even if they are not readers, and
they'll feel inspired to start a connection with an old
friend or new in this case, you both feel like
old friends to me, your friend from North Carolina, Emily,
aged thirty three, which is to be good for the
friendship question. It's just like or wanting to connect. I mean,
(35:09):
it's not specifically to that exact question, but in a
friendship that maybe you've lost touch with someone, write them a.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Letter, because how cool to get a letter and send
it out of nowhere nail mail.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
Yeah, okay, she's the one that sent the PS and
the PS that I referred to, and the PS part
is really special for you, Kat.
Speaker 3 (35:30):
Do you know yet? Did you read ahead?
Speaker 1 (35:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (35:32):
Ah, okay, ps Kat.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
My mom named three of her four children after herself.
Her first name is my sister's first name, her maiden
name is my brother's name, and her middle name is
my middle name. And now one of my daughter's middle names.
My poor younger sister got jipped since there were no
other names left. I have three daughters now and naming
children is hard. But trust your gut feeling.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
That's funny. Also good for your mom. Good for your mom,
she really went for it. I'm just gonna name her
Katherine Mary. Now. I'm just gonna give her my exam.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Get it, get it, get it.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
And then Emily gave us that PPS with the book
recommendations of Anne Patrick's book books, So thank you for that,
Emily from North Carolina. We got some good book rex
with these emails, and we had way more questions to
get through. One in particular, I mean, we'll just have
to save them for other episodes. But one in particular
(36:31):
that we got was advice for dealing with a narcissistic boss,
and Kat and I talked about it and we thought
we should just make an entire episode out of that,
So that'll be a normal feeling things, deep dive sort
of thing, and not a couch talks. So if you're
the person that sent in that question, we will be
(36:53):
answering it, but in.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
More depth. Yeah, we have more to say than we
could answer.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
Here here, and we just thought, well, that would be
a good spectopic focus on for a full episode. So
thank you for that question, and to anybody else that's
sent in questions, we will get to them. I guess
we can close with what happened with Amy and her boyfriend.
Maybe they missed that on previous episodes. We woke up period,
(37:21):
he had me a coffee mug. I forgot you talked
about that on here?
Speaker 1 (37:26):
I did.
Speaker 3 (37:26):
Oh, but did I update you that I talked to
him about it?
Speaker 1 (37:29):
You updated me, didn't update the people.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
And I sort of felt a little bad after I
talked to him.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
Wait, did he know you talked about it on the podcast?
Speaker 2 (37:37):
I mentioned it and I was hoping he wouldn't, like,
come back and listen. I don't think he did, because
he never said anything. I would have, but I was like, well,
it's not that big of a thing. I mean, I
only talked about it to like well on the podcast,
Like he.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
Didn't bother me that much. I just like talked about
it to the jillion people.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
So I did let him know that how I felt.
I mean, I know, I let the podcast know, but
I let him know. And he sort of agreed with
where we were with things. But he was also like
a little He was like, you like coffee, and I
was like, it wasn't that deep. I was like, oh,
I feel bad. I was like, I just didn't feel seen.
(38:16):
I know I like coffee. I would love a mug.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
Well we talked about that. Yeah, like mugs are great.
I know my mug that you got that was the.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
Problem, Like, I know mugs from specific people.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
I still have my mug from Gracie that she got
me form Anthropology that has a letter A on it
that's so cute, so cute in fact anthroprojects at public.
Speaker 3 (38:35):
So cute in fact that.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
I kind of ruined the vibe, so cute in fact,
the Anthropology still carries the mug.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
When you and I went to anthropology at the other day,
they still have them.
Speaker 1 (38:46):
There's like the black and white yes, mm hmmm, when.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
They have every letter. Gracie got me the A for
Amy and I love it. Claire got me a coffee
make that has a little dancing piece of toast on
it because I love toast.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:02):
Claire also got me one that says cat person.
Speaker 1 (39:04):
You've got me four mugs. Santa you got me those
Santa ones. And then you got Patrick and I Kay
and P's of the mug that Gracie got you, but
in Christmas colors and we use him year round. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:19):
See, it's good when you get a mug and you
feel seen.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
It was more so the message of the mug, which
I think that's how I started it to him. I said,
do you remember remember these words? And he was like,
I have no idea what those words are. And I
was like, exactly, is that bad?
Speaker 1 (39:37):
It's just a funny way of bringing that up and
be like because I thought, here they are on this mug.
Speaker 3 (39:43):
I was like, you don't remember those words.
Speaker 1 (39:45):
They clearly weren't very special to you.
Speaker 2 (39:46):
Then, and he's like, I made him. I made three times.
I gave him three times to remember those words. And
I was like, are you sure these words? And he's like, Amy,
I have no clue what those words could be. And
I was like, exactly, He's.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
Like, those words mean nothing.
Speaker 3 (40:03):
To me, exactly.
Speaker 2 (40:05):
Ah, hit the nail on the head that you just
were like, oh this is cute.
Speaker 1 (40:14):
Yeah. So anyway, we broke.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
Up up and after hearing me talk about that, you're like,
I can see why.
Speaker 3 (40:22):
Ah.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
But anyway, nothing really crazy, just we probably could get
curious about some more things in our relationship, and maybe
we will one day. But there's one of those things
where we definitely needed a break. Just our lives were
a little different directions at that moment. So TBD, We'll
see what happens in life.
Speaker 3 (40:44):
You never know. Nothing's permanent.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
Nothing. If we learned anything, nothing is permanent.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
Nothing is permanent, all right, well, we hope wherever you are,
you have the day you need to have.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
Bye Bye,
Hosts And Creators
Bobby Bones
Amy Brown
Lunchbox
Eddie Garcia
Morgan Huelsman
Raymundo
Mike D
Abby Anderson
Scuba Steve
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