August 17, 2026 • 53 mins
Last week I drove my oldest daughter to a small school up in the Northeast, unloaded five hundred pairs of shoes, broke some furniture putting it together, gave her a quick hug at the airport — and she handed me a letter that wrecked me before I finished the first sentence.
This episode is the whole story of that goodbye, and everything I learned about whether eighteen years of lessons actually stick.
What you'll hear:
— David breaks down the 22 family rules he's drilled into his kids since they were little and reads every one of them
— The graduation party he swore he'd never allow (and why he folded)
— The memorial tattoo honoring her late father, and the hawk that keeps showing up
— How he taught a scared little girl to embrace fear — starting with an elevator
— Why every decision you make is an emotional decision, and what that means for your kids
— The single best piece of advice he got from another dad
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🏫 Get coaching by David Rutherford: https://www.froglogicinstitute.com/
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome back to the show, everybody. I'm your host, David.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Brutherford, and man, I'll tell you what this past week
has been a doozy in the Rutherford family home. And
that's because my oldest daughter just went off to college.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Now, for most people.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
That's that have good relationships with their children and have
taken a profoundly vested interest in their development as human
beings and what they're hoping to achieve in their lives,
and who have the good fortune to be able to
financially pay for their children to go to university or college,
(00:41):
this is a big deal and it was definitely a
big deal for us.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Now I can tell you what.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
We've been conscientious of this for the last you know,
six months, I would imagine, and really started this transition process,
if that's what you call it, when she graduated high school.
And what's kind of funny is for years she's like, hey, Dad,
can can we please have a graduation party at our house?
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Nope? Absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Why because at my graduation party a fight broke out
between the rival public schools, which I don't know how
they showed up, but upstairs in our house we had
like a pool table and area and like one of
my friends pushed somebody, and then someone pushed someone else,
and then there's a giant hole in the in the drywall,
(01:35):
and then it's out on the street, and then the
cops are there, and you know, my parents are obviously out,
you know, doing their thing wherever they are.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
And it was awesome. It was absolutely awesome.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
So you know, of course I'm gonna say, definitely, you're
not having anything like that at our house.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Absolutely not. But what did I do. I folded like
a cheap ass suit.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
And that's because she is so much like me that
I had to return the favor that my parents let
me have one. Now, we did do it. It was
more of a darty than it was anything. I did
find myself enjoying the festivities with.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Some very traditional post high.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
School games, just trying to teach her the ways of
of of of beer pong by the time she gets
to college. So I did it very responsibly. I got
to play with her uncle, Joel, who's in a coastguard,
and so you know, we had a wonderful time, and
I think all of her friends had a great time,
and you know, it petered out by you know, six
(02:44):
at night, but then all the family was there and
we hung out and we you know, just you know,
it was just awesome. It was one of those great
great final moments of high school and closing that chapter.
And then you know, she went on this tirade of travel,
which was pretty pretty extravagant for a new high school graduate.
(03:06):
But you know, man, when is she ever going to
get to do this type of thing? And she got
some great invitations to go places and do some stuff
with her schoolmates and and you know, it was cool.
But she did that for on and off. I think
she had three different trips. She went on a friends
graduation up in Jersey, She went to Long Island with
(03:28):
some friends, and then you know, she went to over
to Bahamas for you know, her graduation thing. And now,
you know, I know, that's a lot and we're very
fortunate to be able to support that with her. But
you know, she was a great kid, and she she
did a lot of what she needed to do in
high school and she was amazing, and she really, you know,
(03:52):
made a very mature decision and what she wanted to
do for college itself. She could have gone to a
bunch of different big party schools and just enjoy that,
but she made a decision to go to a school,
a smaller D three school up in the northeast, so
(04:12):
she could play soccer, which has been her dream since
she was about thirteen years old when she really started thinking, man,
do you think I could do this now? Her mom
was a former D one athlete, was captain of women's
hockey team at UMaine, where she played with a full
ride scholarship. I pretended to be a Division win lacrosse
(04:33):
player at Penn State. Never could really get on track
with that, but I do have a goal in the
record book, so you can look that up. So we both,
you know, we understand the riggers of that. We were
very happy that she made this very mature decision to
go to this one particular school that would be an
entry point for a more significant school, if you will,
(04:59):
a higher caliber academically school after two years. And so
she did all made all these great mature decisions. But
you still, you know, you.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Don't know like is she ready? Is she ready or not?
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Like is my daughter ready to go and embark on
this unique transition or this change. And you know, I'll
get into what that change is and what it looks
like here in a little bit.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
But before I do that, I wanted to really share.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
You know, I did a show recently about our family
Africa Safari trip.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
I highly recommend you check that out.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
It's it's where I really began to explore, you know,
how we find peace in the midst.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Of our pain.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
And you know, as a result of my career doing
what I used to do, carrying a gun for a
long time, as as well as some other familial dynamics
and you know, just tragedies in around my friendships and
friends of mine that have committed suicide. You know, this
was an important trip for me in particular, but I
(06:08):
also think it was important for her as well, because
she got to step away from you know, the the
I don't know, this love hate relationship with your phone,
the unknown, what is in front of her, the pressure
coming from you know, her own self, but also from us,
(06:32):
leaving her siblings, in particular her biological sister, because I did, uh.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
You know, she and her sister.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Came into my life with my two children when when
they were young, so you know, I've been with them,
been with her for nine years, and you know, her
father committed suicide when she was four years old. And
so being able to step into that role when I
did and how I did, and to be an influence
(07:05):
in her life. Man, it it it It bears a
weight that is not only just the weight of how
much I love her as my daughter, but it also
bears the weight you know, did I do a good
enough job as her father? You know? And never would
I ever consider as a replacement, but just an alternative,
(07:26):
you know something?
Speaker 1 (07:27):
You know that that I came into.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Her mother's life and we fell in love, and she's
been my soulmate, you know, from the first minute I
met her, And you know, so I really laid in
and poured in that kind of focus and attention. Now,
as I said, she and I are very similar. So
she can be a real pain in my ass, just
like I can be real pain in her ass, which
(07:50):
I have been extensively. So you're always thinking about what
is the thing that's going to help the most, Like
what is this, you know, this moment like and we
had some great moments while we were overseas, and you know,
I got to experience a little bit of releasing all
of this other stuff that I carry in my rock
(08:10):
around with me twenty four to seven. But when we
got back, it kind of starts to accelerate.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
It.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
It picked up steam, and it's like it's getting closer
and closer and closer and closer. And then not this week,
but last week, much to I don't know the reluctant
chagrin of her mother, she joined me, or I should
say I joined her down to Ochos Placas Tattoo down
(08:41):
in South Miami. And by the way, Javier is one
of the greatest artists you'll ever say. Much props to him.
He's the one who did my David and Goliath tat.
He's going to do every other tat I have from
here on out. He's a real genius. And so, you know,
she had wanted to get one before college, you know,
as a lot of kids do nowadays. You know that
(09:03):
I've got a tad. I'm older, I'm more mature, and
so you know, you always have this fear she's gonna
go and say, I'll take number thirty seven on the wall,
you know some you know, some sailor Jerry flash Art
or something stupid, you know. And you know, so while
we were overseas, you know, we really sat down and
started talking about it, like, what are you thinking about
(09:24):
what you want, and she wanted to get a representation
of her father, and so she made this great choice.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Kind of interesting.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Her father was always connected to hawks, Like he had
this affinity where he would go on trips or do
things and there'd be hawks in his life. And then
when he passed, there were always hawks around, like there's
a representation, Oh that Tony is here with us, and
he's around, and it's really fascinating.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
And it happened multiple times, even with me.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
There was a time where we were up in Maine
and John's youngest was getting married to his fiancee, and
and they had asked me to be the efficient of it.
And and so as I was sitting on this beautiful
porch we are this house, we're also I'm sitting there,
you know, writing to them. I'd had everybody in the
family write them a note, and so I was compiling
(10:17):
the messages in my mind, writing all this, and I
look up and there's a hawk just sitting in the
tree right next to me on out on the you know,
off right outside in the tree next to the porch there,
and and that that's kind of what happens quite a
bit whenever we you know, seem to be thinking about
(10:38):
Tony or talking about him, and we integrate his memory
all the time in our family.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
It's critical that we do this because.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
He was a really amazing human being and deserves to
be present in every single aspect of their lives and
our lives and my life, especially if you know, with
the responsibility I have in his honor to be the
best stad I could be for his children.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Right, And.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
So we're talking about it, we do something come up
and we get this great idea of this, this outline
of you know, just an all black hawk with its
wings stretched out and then his initials in the lowercase,
great font, lowercase right next to it. So we go
down there and obviously, you know, she's all nervous, and
we sit there and we're driving down.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
And shit chatting and listening to music.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
And we get down and you know, Javier lays it
all out and starts, and you know, she's a I'm
holding her hand and I'm sitting there holding her hand,
and I'm smiling, you know, because I mean, obviously I
love ink. I love the meeting behind ink. You know,
every single piece of ink that I have. It's a story. Yeah,
I know when you hear someone say that, you're like,
(11:49):
that's bullshit, that's lame, you know, but it's the truth.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
It's the truth.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Like each each single tattoo I have is a significant
representation of something I went through in my life.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
And and and.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
It's my kind of reminder of it's my history book, right,
it's my it's my living what journal, my living diary
of my life's experiences. The inc on my body, and
and so I had, you know, conveyed all this and
we're sitting there and I'm holding her hand, and you know,
Javier is about to start and he's like and she's.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Like, oh, that's not bad at all. It was like, yes, cool.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Uh. And it was quick, it was very fast. It
was great. And we finished and you know she had
this you know, real excitement on her and it was
beautiful and you know, got home and it was awesome.
And then, uh, you know, the I think a day
or two before we left this week, maybe Sunday or
whatever it was or last week, and we went to
(12:48):
the fields at her high school to just train a
little bit, you know, just work on She had to
do this sprint test for when she shows up at
her at her for her team, and then I wanted
to work on some defensive stuff too, and you know,
we're we're sitting there and we get in this argument
immediately because we butt heads like champs, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Here. You know, I'll say to her, do you have
any idea what I do for a living? Do you
have any idea?
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Do you know how many successful professional and collegiate athletes
I've coached and mentored and work with.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
And she's like shaking her head, like I don't give
a shit.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
You're an asshole, right, And I'm like, and I'm being
the person that she's suggesting not being, because I get
so frustrated. But again, and you know, it's it's this
bizarre phenomenon.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
That happens with you and your children.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
And so then we come over and her mom comes
over as she always does, and begins talking amazing sense
to her, and she's like, all right, well, let's go train.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
So we go out and we train.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
We have this beautiful hour plus training session doing different
defensive concepts, and then we're like, she smoked, I'm smoked.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
We haven't eaten anything.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
We've been out there for hours and we're walking off
the field and what does she do she looks up
and guess what. There's this gigantic hawk, the biggest hawk
I've ever seen over these fields since I went to
high school there thirty plus years ago, thirty five thirty
seven years thirty five years ago. And it's just sitting
there and it's going around, and so she says, hey, Dad,
(14:20):
look at what I got. And the hawk kind of
tips its wings at her and comes over and we're
all just like.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
And I'm like, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
And I'll have majority play play the video that I
took of it as it was circling by, so if
you're going to watch this, and it's kind of like
for me in that moment, I'm like, okay, we're good.
Like I'm good, and so, you know, I was like,
all right now, I just got to get in go mode.
And you know, obviously her mother's and profound, ultimate, infinite
(14:53):
go mode because we have four daughters.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
She does every single thing there is to do for them.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
They're getting ready to go back to school, so all
their medical forms and all their travel soccer stuff and
all their you know, lessons, she's planning and who's going
to go where and who's going to drive because we
lost a driver, and that sucks, if you know what
I mean. Our next daughter will get her license in
about six four or five months because she was late
(15:18):
getting her whatever. That's a whole nother story, whole nother
kid too. And so as we're just banging it out,
banging it out, and obviously we're having beautiful, beautiful family
dinners every single night, which is what I really wanted.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
I wanted us.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
To just sit as a family every single night and
not talking about so, what are you feeling and what
are you doing or whatever, just have our normal conversations
about the day and friends and people and leaving and
stuff comes up, we talk about if it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
And it was great, it was great.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
And you know, her boyfriend was with us and who's
real phenomenal young man.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Have a lot of respect for him. They've been great together,
and you know, so.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
You're watching that play out, and you're I'm watching her
and her you know, her biological sister, and then my
daughter's and I'm always checking out on Johnna and like
she okay, and she okay, and you know, we do
my parents thing, and and then the day comes where
we get in the car and we're going to drive
up North, and God bless her soul.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
That first eleven hour drive we had.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I think she took four naps the entire time, so
obviously she's out cold the entire time. And so John
and I'm like, I let Johnna drives because when I drive,
it makes her sick because it's, uh, you know, it's
an F one race for me, every single second of
every single mile on every single road that's ever been created.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Uh, it's just built in me.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Perhaps I should have been a driver in some capacity,
although I probably would erecked a lot of vehicles. So,
you know, John and I pick you know, some unbelievably
long time we actually we listened to Julian Dorry's incredible
podcast with a guy we've had on, mister Joseph Scott,
(17:12):
who's one of the country's leading forensic experts.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
This guy's brilliant.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
And he was on with Baron Coleman, who's a guy
that's been doing in a measurable amount of coverage who's
an attorney and been doing a ton of coverage on
the Charlie Kirk case and what's going on. And they
got on and they broke this whole evidence everything out
really beautiful, So John and I are enthralled. The kids asleep,
and we're just grinding getting up, getting up, going, going, going,
(17:38):
get up, and we stay the night at our friend's house.
And that's where I started to see a little shift
in in my daughter. You could tell like it's starting
a building or a little bit. We're close now, and
we had a great night. And you know, these friends
of ours, Ryan and Marika, they're just wonderful people. And
(17:59):
they have two little boys, so it was really powerful
to see the juxtaposition. And she's getting ready to have
her third and these these are all boys and they're little,
and they're jumping on me and we're wrestling, and I'm
spraying them with a hose and they're spraying me with
water guns, and you know, it's just awesome. And I
look over and we're round the fire pit at that time,
(18:21):
and I just look in Chloe's eyes and kind of
nod at her, and I can see, you know, she's
she's her transition is right beneath the surface, this profound
moment in time where she's going to have to restructure
her perceptions. It's forced to restructure them just by the
(18:41):
distance the actual physical reality. She's no longer in the
place that she had allowed the safety and security to
consume her existence for you know, since her and her
mom and her daughter, her sister moved into my house
probably I think it was nineteen when they moved in,
(19:03):
and you know, a lot's happened since then. She's discovered
a lot about herself. She's been through a lot of
different realities, including coming to the realization of how her
father did pass away. And you know, she's grown up
and she's become this really unique young woman. But again,
(19:28):
you still when you know your child is in depth,
as I hope you have the burning desire to know
your child in every capacity with which you can know
your child, you can see it. You can see that
fear percolating just under the surface, as we all have it.
And when you get to know somebody you really love,
(19:50):
when you get to invest in somebody that you really
care about, those tells, those signs are so visible that
you can see them from.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Across the room at every moment.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
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(20:24):
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(20:44):
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(21:08):
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Speaker 1 (21:12):
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Speaker 1 (21:36):
So I can feel that in that moment and end
up going to bed.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
We get up early, say goodbye, getting the road, and
again Jonas in the driver's seat, we drive up, you.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Know, and this one was about a seven hour drive.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
And as we're closing in, you know, she took three
naps on that one, by the way, as we're closing in, know,
the mentality changes, but it doesn't change.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
In the way that I had hoped it would change.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
About being introspective in this psychological preparation for this profound
transition in goodbye and all the things that you're hoping
that you know, and me and my you know, my artists,
my romantic brain are trying to conjure up. No. Man.
We show up there about three o'clock. We unload all
(22:28):
of her stuff. Her roommates or her roommate is not there,
but her roommate's father's there. We'd get a quick high.
He leaves and we're like unpacking, putting stuff. And I
I used to I had joked often that I was like,
I'm not gonna do a damn thing.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
This is your room.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
What do you want me to tell you where to
put your undies or tell me where you put your
bras or your all your you know, your five hundred
pairs of shoes you brought. Like, no, I'm gonna sit
in the corner like every damn dad does, and I'm
not gonna do a damn thing. And obviously, as I
I articulated that the night before, Johnna looks over at
me and she's like, oh, you think you're not gonna
(23:06):
do anything. So we get there and I sit down
in my pathetic state of defiance, and I look around
and I like, you know what I'm gonna I'm gonna invest.
I'm gonna help. And so I started unpacking some things
and moving some stuff around and tried to do this.
(23:26):
And before I knew it, it was like it's like five thirty,
and I'm like, hey, we've got because we are only
there that night and then we're flying out the next morning.
So I was like, hey, ann halt, we've got to
get our target run in. Like every it's almost like
your hostage to target, like target, Like I feel like
target owns me.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
I actually feel like that. I feel like target.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
No matter where I go or what I do, I'm
a target hostage. And I think that's why they came
up with that fucking insignia. I'm telling you, I know
this for a fact. That's why it's it's a target,
because they're like, hah, we got you.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
We got the bull's.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Eye right on your wallet, right on your consciousness. We
are going to drill you out of thousand meters right
every single time. And so, you know, we get in
the car and we drive. Everything's like ten to fifteen
minutes away from her campus and and we go. We
walk in and we had, of course made a list
(24:25):
because I'm a big list guy. So as John, we
have it all and like we start, you know, it's
it's shampoos, it's soaps, it's it's it's advil, it's a
body wash, it's aloofa it's uh, you know, it's first
few days of food. It's a nightstand. Because you know,
(24:46):
of course, and God god speed, you know, because she's
on his team, she got an apartment instead of a dorm.
And don't even get me started about my dorm and
the school. I went to Penn State main campus, and
my dorm room was in this place he's called Mifflin Hall,
which was I think built in the fifties, and it
still looked like it was the fifties when I showed
up and I walk in and you know, my parents
(25:10):
and I and you know, we show up and I've
got like, basically two suitcases.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
That's it.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
And I look over my new roommate, Mike O'Keefe from Baltimore.
You know, he's an all American bad He's sitting in
the corner. His mom's putting all stuff, his dad's on
a bed. He's not doing shit, right, Mike's not doing nothing.
His mom's oh, you know, small top. My parents are like, Okay,
we're out of here. We'll see you later tonight for dinner.
They didn't do nothing. They take off. Then finally they finished,
(25:37):
you know, they walk out the room. Mike looks at
me and goes, hey, you want to go have a beer?
I was like, hell yeah. And that started thirty five
thirty plus years of best friends, which was awesome. And
so what I know is it's a lot different for boys, right,
for young men versus women. So we're in there and
we're getting all we're getting the laundry hamper and a
(25:58):
little thing, and all thinking in my head is God,
please don't let me have to assemble anything. Please don't
let me have to an assembly. And I'll tell you
this if you ever get the opportunity to ask my
beautiful wife say, hey, does coach rut can he can
he put together furniture? And you know what she's gonna say.
(26:19):
She's gonna look at you and say, not only no,
but hell no, he can't. Like the last three pieces
of furniture I tried to assemble, of course I broke,
like I stripped the screws, I broke the stuff. And
so I'm like, please, please, please don't let me. So
we of course, what we get two things I'm gonna
have to assemble. So now I'm in a pissy mood.
I'm like, God, damn, I'm gonna have to do this nonsense.
(26:42):
So we get in the car and we rush back.
We dump it all, and I'm like, we gotta go
to dinner. We gotta go to dinner. I'm starving. We
need dinner. You need a great last meal. Let's go.
So we drive over. We find a good steak joint,
We go in. We have this great dinner. But again,
the conversation is limited. I guess would be the best description.
(27:04):
And I could feel, especially in my wife, this little
transition taking place inside of her, and I saw it,
like you could see she was getting quiet, and I
looked over at my daughter and she was feeling it too,
And finally we ended up and it was a nice dinner.
It was kind of I dragged it out, probably too long.
(27:24):
We should have gotten back, because they were just itching
to get everything set up.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Obviously, so that's where my daughter is.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
She likes to have it done, set up, and now
she doesn't feel that anxiety.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Of of everything. So we get back.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Now her roommate, her roommate's mom, and her dad are
in there. You know, he's putting things together. He's drinking
a beer. He's like, hey, you want a beer. I'm like, nah,
I'm good, thanks, And you know, now it's my turn
to put these things together. So the first one was
super incident. That was a little side table for bed
or whatever. And then the other one was like a
shelving thing, and of course, you know, I did it wrong,
(27:59):
and I strip some screws, but you know, I some
whack them all here and some hammer in there, and
I got the thing together and put it in a room.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
How long it's gonna stay.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
I give it probably four weeks tops before she puts
too much on the back, bolts fall out, the thing
falls apart. But I did I did what I did, right.
I did the best I could do. Right.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Yeah, I did my dad, my dad detail for the day.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
So finally everyone smoked and I'm like, hey, we're gonna roll.
It's like ten thirty at night or whatever, and it
was hard to walk out that door. And I was like, hey,
we're gonna we'll come early, pick up for breakfast. She's like, no,
I want to sleep in. I was like you sure.
She's like yeah, and I was like that would hurt.
I was like okay. So we get in the car
(28:47):
and John is just she's just done, and we're driving.
We get to the probably about fifteen minutes. Get to
the hotel and.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
It was real quiet. Man.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
We get in, we check in, we go up, shower,
get in bed, no talking, no nothing, and it was
just like there was a heaviness on us. And so
we wake up early, get up, get our stuff, check out,
get the car, go get some coffee, drive over. We
(29:20):
eat in the town that hurt, living in this great
little little diner place, which was awesome. Looked like it'd
been around since, you know, probably the seventies. But you know,
the nicest people in the world where she's going to school,
Just the nicest people in the world I can't say
more enough about. And these are all these old steel
towns and just just it's a you know, there are
(29:42):
good people in this world. And that really made me
feel good, like made me feel good that there, you know,
she'd be around such you know, good, strong, nice people.
And so we finished, and we got her in a room,
made a waffle and some bacon, and we go back
and we're chit chatting, and roommates got in her room
and what do you need? And we'll do this and
(30:03):
we'll get this. And I'm just like, all right, let's go.
And so we got in the car and we the
airport is literally like two seconds away, and we were
pulling in and we get out and that's it. There's
the hug, Like I give her a quick hug. She
hands me a letter she wrote, like I said, she
(30:24):
wrote all everybody letter and she gives me my letter
and I was like, all right, I'm definitely not reading
this thing right now. I'll put that in my back
pocket and figured I'd do it later, and she gives
one to her mom and then they.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Have this hug.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
They have this moment and then they both break down
a little bit, and I'm just sitting off to the side,
and of course, me being me, I'd whip out my
camera and get a picture of it, because I love
those moments.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
But there was something there.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
There was something that's difficult to describe, you know, when
you when you go through something like they went through
together back when Chloe was four and JOHNA was twenty nine,
it bonds you in a different way. It's very difficult,
(31:16):
you know. I think all parents have their bonds with
their children in a unique way, but when you've been
through something as heavy as that, there's it's it's just different.
And you know, I pray that nobody has to go
through it. Unfortunately a lot of things that the suffering
in our life is not up to us and when
it happens, and so all of that was encapsulated in
(31:40):
that hug. Their entire lives and and you almost you
almost you almost think to yourself, Wow, if they could
just if they could just never forget the power or
the profundity or the infinites of the love that they
(32:00):
feel for each other and the bond and that moment
together and that hug, Like that's the superpower, right, That's
the thing that helps us embrace our fear. That's the
thing that gives us that self confidence. That's the teammate,
the swim buddy, that gives us the purpose, because it's
(32:22):
relationships that are the true meaning and purpose behind our lives.
And so they finished, and you know, we started walking away.
Of course, she hopped in the car and we left
the car with her up there. We want to give
her a good, strong, safe car.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
And.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
I film her driving away and she waves and that
was it, and that was it, you know, And so
you walk out and you try and go and we
got on our flight and we did our connection, and
you know, we're trying to just process and you really
can't process.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
We get home, our other two daughters there.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
My youngest is at her her mom's staying at her
mom's house that weekend, and we're just sitting there just
trying to process. And finally it's like, let's go to
bed and get in the room. And Johnny goes and
takes a shower, and I pull out that letter that
she wrote me, you know, and the whole time you're
(33:21):
going did I do enough?
Speaker 1 (33:25):
Did I teach her enough?
Speaker 2 (33:29):
And what's crazy, you know, is like people go, well,
you know, well, what specifically do you teach your kids?
What are the lessons that you give? And for years
and years and years and years we would have we
came up with these twenty two life missions or rules.
And when the kids were really you know, young, when
we were all together, every time i'd drive to school,
(33:50):
I'd have them recite these these missions, or when we
were on a trip or whatever, I you know, just
to do it. And so I just want to read
these to you so you can go, well, coach Rutt,
you know what specifically did you teach your kids? And
here's twenty two of them, amongst other things. So rule
number one, safety first, Rule number two, stay calm and think.
(34:13):
Rule number three, help others when they need help, Rule
number four, don't go near weirdos, Rule number five, don't lie,
Rule number six, have a positive attitude, Rule number seven,
stand up for yourself. Rule number eight Failure leads to success.
Rule number nine, never give up, Rule number ten, no whining.
(34:37):
Rule number ten no whining. Rule number eleven, Be accountable.
Rule number twelve, never leave your swim buddy behind. Rule
number thirteen, embrace your fears. Rule number four always have
a plan because of Dad. That's a funny one. I
drove into a winner storm in North Carolina my two
(35:02):
youngest and got caught on ninety five for like fifteen
hours because I didn't have a plan. So rule number fourteen,
Always have a plan. Rule number fifteen. Take care of
your gear and your gear will take care of you.
Rule number sixteen. Forge your self confidence. Rule number seventeen.
You gotta earn respect. Rule number eighteen. Stupid hurts. Rule
(35:26):
number nineteen. Slow as smooth and smooth as fast. Rule
number twenty You're only as fast as your slow as teammate.
Rule number twenty one. Patience is a virtue, and rule
number twenty two. Details matter, So you know, as I'm processing,
I'm like, were those twenty two missions?
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Enough?
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Was all the other things I tried to teach her
about sports and athletics or motivation or self confidence or fear?
Speaker 1 (35:56):
You know, didn't all seek in? Am I?
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Is she ready to go off in this next massive
undertaking in her life? I hate to play collegiate soccer
to pursue a degree in a very difficult degree.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Did I do enough?
Speaker 2 (36:17):
And so I sat down on the bed and I
broke that letter out and within the first sentence, I'm
weeping uncontrollably. Yeah, I broke down. And that's not anything
special for me. I wear my emotions on my sleeve.
(36:39):
I'm a very emotional person, especially when it comes to
young people and their quest to achieve their dreams. And
that was probably the hardest letter I've ever gotten through
in my life. But at the end of it, like man,
(37:01):
I realized, based on the words that she had written down,
that she was prepared. In the context of what she wrote,
what she penned, what she wrote down on that piece
of paper for me and describing her love for me
(37:24):
and what I represent to her, it was super clear
that she understand or understood the power of personal responsibility.
She recognized the need to pursue healthy relationships to maintain,
(37:47):
you know, her moral toughness to do what's right, and
that she had this courageous curiosity in her about what
her future looked like, and she had an academic humility
and the recognition that she was really going to need
to apply herself to achieve this other dream, and she
(38:13):
recognized that time management was of the essence and that
she was going to covet every single second an opportunity
that came to her. And finally that she had completely
indoctrinated her potential with a heightened ambition, ambition where she
(38:34):
realized that she actually can become what she wants to become.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
Now, those are the things that you.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
Nothing's guaranteed, Nothing you say to your child ever in
your life is going to be guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
You know. The only thing that you can guarantee is.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Is your behavior, is your commitment, your dedication, the details
of what you want your children to really understand or
know how to carry themselves. And we teach that through discipline.
We teach those things through example, through our own deeds,
(39:20):
our own actions, right through empathy, through grace, through compromise. Right,
all of these concepts that we all know are real.
But guess what, it requires a profound focus and determination
for you to instill these very things into your child
(39:42):
in the hopes that when they're in the midst of
the transition, this change from being in the nest, if
you will right, always having that safety right there, no
matter what. And it's not like she's gone, she moved
over to she's not living down in South America and
Eastern Europe pursuing some degree over the seas. I mean,
(40:02):
she's you know, a few hours away by plane, you know,
a few hours away by by car. She's a phone
call every night. And what we're gonna be able to do?
But she it's this other thing. It's like, I am
going to take the reins of my life now, you know,
I ge't with you know, a lot of people say,
(40:23):
and I actually grot this, right, what's the best advice
you can give your kid before you go to college?
Speaker 1 (40:29):
Right?
Speaker 2 (40:29):
And it's like, let them struggle a bit? Okay, great,
Yeah that's a no shitter, right. Uh, be connected, be
connected with him, but on their terms.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
Yep. I don't think that's gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
If I want to talk to my damn daughter, I'm
going to talk to her or call her until she
picks up the phone.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
Right. Uh. Be strict with money and how they handle it.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
Yeah, I get that, But guess what, you know, she's
doing what she needs to be doing. I'm not going
to chanse her, right, That's why I work my ass
off at what I do for a living, so I
can spoil my kid if I want to spoil my
damn kid. Right, If she turns into an ungrateful person,
then I'm gonna, of course i'll take it back. But
(41:15):
like you know, she's got time to understand money a
little bit. She's not like ripping the band date off.
All right, you have twelve dollars a week to survive, right, yeah,
go try and buy a burrito for twelve.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
Bucks, right right?
Speaker 2 (41:32):
And the other one my favorite give advice only when
she asked for it, He could go back, saying on that,
I'm coach Rutt. I give damn advice every time I
open my mouth, whether you want it or not, that's
just built in. That's who I am. So if you're
friends with me, or you round me, or you know me,
or you love me, guess what, I'm gonna give you
(41:55):
advice at some point or another, because that's what I do.
That's what I love to do. I love to share
the stuff I've experienced in my life, most of which
the hard way, with other people so when they get
hit with their own pain, they can understand that there's
they can extrapolate some peace in the midst of it,
then they're going to get through it that you're gonna
(42:16):
be okay. So you know, I just fall back on
these core ideas that I know to be true no
matter what, right that it's it's scary going out there
on your own, and fear is going to be a
relevant thing for you because you're going to have to
(42:39):
manage those instances on your own on a regular basis.
You're cultivating this independence, this foundation of independence. You know,
advocate for yourself, stick up for yourself, track down information
if you're struggling, go seek help.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
All these things. Right.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
If you're afraid, what's be aware of what's drive and
what's actually making you afraid. Know what you're afraid of,
Know what's driving the fear, because it all stems from fear. Man,
Every decision you make in your life is an emotional decision, period,
And the most you know impending.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Distraction or or or.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
What confusing aspect of trying to make decisions is when
you're afraid and you feel that fear. You know, And
I told her that, I've been telling her that since
I first met it met her, I remember like the
first time we actually talked about embracing fear. She used
(43:43):
to have a fear of elevators. In my old office
was on the second floor in an elevator. I remember
the first time I took her. She stood outside and
she's like, nope, I'm not getting on that thing. And
I'm like, okay, I'll just stand with you. Let's just
watch it open and close a couple of times. Let's
open it, inspect. It looks pretty good. Let's watch, you know,
the girls go up and come back down. Okay, they
(44:05):
made it all right, all right. Then we went upstairs
and came back downstairs and look, it opens on the
top right there.
Speaker 1 (44:14):
It's good.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
I said, you want to try it, I'll hold your hand,
I'll be with you. And she did, and we worked
through that fear. And she kept doing that over and
over and over and over and over again in her
life and continues to do that today, even though she does,
like all of us, she does have an amount of
fear that's present in her life. But I know after
(44:40):
reading that letter, she's aware of it, and she understands it,
and she knows she needs to have the courage to
live with that fear in her life, and that if
she does it well, she can actually use that fear
as the most profound motivation for her. The other thing is,
you know, college is about new relationship, in particular her
(45:01):
being on this team. She's gonna meet all these new girls.
She's gonna have to get to know them. She's gonna
be competitive with them. She's gonna get out there and
compete with other kids from different colleges. And her team
is actually ranked in the top twenty five for D
three soccer. And you know she's gonna have she's gonna
(45:22):
be thrown in the mix because she is the only
left foot defense back on her team. And so she
hopefully if she shows up, she plays hard, she's gonna start,
she gonna play a lot, she's gonna earn her spot
on that team, and she's gonna gain the trust and conviction.
But she won't be able to do any of that
if she doesn't have any self confidence. And you and
(45:43):
I both know that every single day your self confidence
is under attack, right, That negative insurgency is out there
hunting you down day in and day out. And the
thing it chips away at is not the direct fear
that you got about. Something that chips away at the
edges at your confidence. It's the rejections that you get.
It's the failure, the little failures. You fail this little test,
(46:05):
or you don't get to start this game, or you know,
this new person who you thought was one thing turns
on you and somewhat betrays you after a month or two.
All those little things affect your self confidence. And so
in this transition, you know, the biggest thing, I just
be confident in what you do. Be confident to make mistakes,
(46:28):
Be confident right, have fun every day because it's a
choice you're making. This is all part of your your
desire to achieve that dream. So be confident in your decision.
And the other is to recognize that these relationships that
she's going to make in college could last her her
whole life. They certainly have for me. I know they
(46:51):
have for my wife. She's got these two glorious best friends.
She talks to you all the time, right, And I've
seen it happen with other people in my life. They're
very close with people. My dad was friends with his
fraternity brothers for sixty years before they passed away, and
he still talks of them with reverence and their time
(47:11):
together and what they meant to him, So I said,
lean into that, Lean into what that team life is about.
You're actually a part of one, and you could be
a major determining factor whether or not that team is
going to succeed or whether that team's going to fail.
And take that burden, take that responsibility on your shoulders,
because guess what, when we're part of a team that's
(47:33):
focused on a mission that's bigger than ourselves, that's when
we feel we feel motivation. There's a motivation to be
a part of that every day. And finally recognize that
this transition is the transition not just about you going
to get seek higher education or to continue playing your
(47:54):
sport or any of that stuff. This is the beginning
of the pursuit of what you want to be, come
of who you want to become in a major way,
because there's a spectrum of independence that's completely affiliated with this,
where you begin to self reflect on a daily basis,
(48:15):
Because your self reflection is the result of how you're
going to accomplish things the next day. Your achievements are
directly correlated to the perception of your focus, and the
more focused or the more focused obsession you develop towards
achieving that ambition. Guess what that becomes the purpose itself,
(48:37):
not the accomplishment or the degree in four years or
five years, or the whatever. Winning a championship here. Yeah,
that's all part of it, but it's the essence of
the work that takes place every single day. The grind,
the pain, the suffering, the blood, the sweat, the tears.
That's the thing that makes you feel purpose. That's the
(49:03):
piece inside the pain.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
Man.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
This is a major transition for our family and our home,
and this is my first one. And I don't have
any advice other than what I just gave about the
lead up to it, because I haven't been through this
is she hasn't even been there a few days yet,
and so you know, I promise to keep great detailed
(49:42):
tabs on what I do right and what I do wrong,
and I look forward to try and to educate you
in real time. I'm gonna have four of these hopefully,
maybe not. Maybe someone's just gonna get out and start
a business or start a music career or something like that.
I don't I don't know, I don't care. Whatever they
want want to do, we're going to support them, you know.
But most likely my children are going to seek a
(50:04):
little bit of higher education for the experience in this
growth period, in this transition themselves. And I feel very
blessed with what I do for a living that I
get to be able to provide that opportunity for them,
because you know, one of the things that John and
I very much believe is that education is a stepping
stone for ultimately deciding what you can become or what
(50:27):
you want to be. It's it's when you have knowledge,
it gives you power. So you know, I'll pay attention,
but I'm not going to say, well, this is what's
going to make your kids succeed in college, because I
just don't know. Coach Rutt, I have no idea right now.
But what I can tell you.
Speaker 1 (50:49):
Is that.
Speaker 2 (50:53):
It's a beautiful moment. It really is one of the
greatest moments I've ever experienced in my life because I
know the work that I've done, that my wife specifically
has done, and her younger sister, and my children, and
her grandparents and her aunts and uncles and all her friends,
(51:17):
and my parents, and my brother and his partner and
the people that really truly love her. We all believe
in her, and I know she feels that because of
what she wrote in that letter.
Speaker 1 (51:31):
I know she feels it and I feel it, and
for that I feel truly blessed.
Speaker 2 (51:44):
I want to tell you, for all those parents whose
children are going off to college, and God bless you,
just give you the ultimate praise that you got your
kid there and you've created the opportunity for him.
Speaker 1 (52:02):
And it's funny.
Speaker 2 (52:04):
I I reached out to all my old lacrosse buddies
from college, and a lot of them have daughters, and
I said, hey, what advice do you have? And man,
my own friend Grant gave me this just beautiful advice.
Speaker 1 (52:18):
He says. He says, be there for.
Speaker 2 (52:23):
If she ever textes or ever calls, just pick it
up immediately or call back instantaneously, no matter what time,
Just be there for.
Speaker 1 (52:33):
And that advice really really rang true. And so that's
what I'm gonna take.
Speaker 2 (52:41):
I'm just gonna be there for and I'm gonna praise her,
and I'm gonna keep her motivated, and I'm gonna support her,
and I'm gonna be hard on her if she doesn't
do what she needs to do, and I'm gonna praise
her when she does. But no matter what, I'm gonna
love on my daughter because she is a true gift
for God from God. She really is a true gift
(53:03):
from God, and I'm blessed to have her in my life.
So clo clo, God bless you, good luck and I
love you so much, Sweetie, Thank you all very much.
Speaker 1 (53:17):
God bless you.
Welcome back to the show, everybody. I'm your host, David.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Brutherford, and man, I'll tell you what this past week
has been a doozy in the Rutherford family home. And
that's because my oldest daughter just went off to college.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Now, for most people.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
That's that have good relationships with their children and have
taken a profoundly vested interest in their development as human
beings and what they're hoping to achieve in their lives,
and who have the good fortune to be able to
financially pay for their children to go to university or college,
(00:41):
this is a big deal and it was definitely a
big deal for us.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Now I can tell you what.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
We've been conscientious of this for the last you know,
six months, I would imagine, and really started this transition process,
if that's what you call it, when she graduated high school.
And what's kind of funny is for years she's like, hey, Dad,
can can we please have a graduation party at our house?
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Nope? Absolutely not.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Why because at my graduation party a fight broke out
between the rival public schools, which I don't know how
they showed up, but upstairs in our house we had
like a pool table and area and like one of
my friends pushed somebody, and then someone pushed someone else,
and then there's a giant hole in the in the drywall,
(01:35):
and then it's out on the street, and then the
cops are there, and you know, my parents are obviously out,
you know, doing their thing wherever they are.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
And it was awesome. It was absolutely awesome.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
So you know, of course I'm gonna say, definitely, you're
not having anything like that at our house.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Absolutely not. But what did I do. I folded like
a cheap ass suit.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
And that's because she is so much like me that
I had to return the favor that my parents let
me have one. Now, we did do it. It was
more of a darty than it was anything. I did
find myself enjoying the festivities with.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Some very traditional post high.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
School games, just trying to teach her the ways of
of of of beer pong by the time she gets
to college. So I did it very responsibly. I got
to play with her uncle, Joel, who's in a coastguard,
and so you know, we had a wonderful time, and
I think all of her friends had a great time,
and you know, it petered out by you know, six
(02:44):
at night, but then all the family was there and
we hung out and we you know, just you know,
it was just awesome. It was one of those great
great final moments of high school and closing that chapter.
And then you know, she went on this tirade of travel,
which was pretty pretty extravagant for a new high school graduate.
(03:06):
But you know, man, when is she ever going to
get to do this type of thing? And she got
some great invitations to go places and do some stuff
with her schoolmates and and you know, it was cool.
But she did that for on and off. I think
she had three different trips. She went on a friends
graduation up in Jersey, She went to Long Island with
(03:28):
some friends, and then you know, she went to over
to Bahamas for you know, her graduation thing. And now,
you know, I know, that's a lot and we're very
fortunate to be able to support that with her. But
you know, she was a great kid, and she she
did a lot of what she needed to do in
high school and she was amazing, and she really, you know,
(03:52):
made a very mature decision and what she wanted to
do for college itself. She could have gone to a
bunch of different big party schools and just enjoy that,
but she made a decision to go to a school,
a smaller D three school up in the northeast, so
(04:12):
she could play soccer, which has been her dream since
she was about thirteen years old when she really started thinking, man,
do you think I could do this now? Her mom
was a former D one athlete, was captain of women's
hockey team at UMaine, where she played with a full
ride scholarship. I pretended to be a Division win lacrosse
(04:33):
player at Penn State. Never could really get on track
with that, but I do have a goal in the
record book, so you can look that up. So we both,
you know, we understand the riggers of that. We were
very happy that she made this very mature decision to
go to this one particular school that would be an
entry point for a more significant school, if you will,
(04:59):
a higher caliber academically school after two years. And so
she did all made all these great mature decisions. But
you still, you know, you.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Don't know like is she ready? Is she ready or not?
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Like is my daughter ready to go and embark on
this unique transition or this change. And you know, I'll
get into what that change is and what it looks
like here in a little bit.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
But before I do that, I wanted to really share.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
You know, I did a show recently about our family
Africa Safari trip.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
I highly recommend you check that out.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
It's it's where I really began to explore, you know,
how we find peace in the midst.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Of our pain.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
And you know, as a result of my career doing
what I used to do, carrying a gun for a
long time, as as well as some other familial dynamics
and you know, just tragedies in around my friendships and
friends of mine that have committed suicide. You know, this
was an important trip for me in particular, but I
(06:08):
also think it was important for her as well, because
she got to step away from you know, the the
I don't know, this love hate relationship with your phone,
the unknown, what is in front of her, the pressure
coming from you know, her own self, but also from us,
(06:32):
leaving her siblings, in particular her biological sister, because I did, uh.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
You know, she and her sister.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Came into my life with my two children when when
they were young, so you know, I've been with them,
been with her for nine years, and you know, her
father committed suicide when she was four years old. And
so being able to step into that role when I
did and how I did, and to be an influence
(07:05):
in her life. Man, it it it It bears a
weight that is not only just the weight of how
much I love her as my daughter, but it also
bears the weight you know, did I do a good
enough job as her father? You know? And never would
I ever consider as a replacement, but just an alternative,
(07:26):
you know something?
Speaker 1 (07:27):
You know that that I came into.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Her mother's life and we fell in love, and she's
been my soulmate, you know, from the first minute I
met her, And you know, so I really laid in
and poured in that kind of focus and attention. Now,
as I said, she and I are very similar. So
she can be a real pain in my ass, just
like I can be real pain in her ass, which
(07:50):
I have been extensively. So you're always thinking about what
is the thing that's going to help the most, Like
what is this, you know, this moment like and we
had some great moments while we were overseas, and you know,
I got to experience a little bit of releasing all
of this other stuff that I carry in my rock
(08:10):
around with me twenty four to seven. But when we
got back, it kind of starts to accelerate.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
It.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
It picked up steam, and it's like it's getting closer
and closer and closer and closer. And then not this week,
but last week, much to I don't know the reluctant
chagrin of her mother, she joined me, or I should
say I joined her down to Ochos Placas Tattoo down
(08:41):
in South Miami. And by the way, Javier is one
of the greatest artists you'll ever say. Much props to him.
He's the one who did my David and Goliath tat.
He's going to do every other tat I have from
here on out. He's a real genius. And so, you know,
she had wanted to get one before college, you know,
as a lot of kids do nowadays. You know that
(09:03):
I've got a tad. I'm older, I'm more mature, and
so you know, you always have this fear she's gonna
go and say, I'll take number thirty seven on the wall,
you know some you know, some sailor Jerry flash Art
or something stupid, you know. And you know, so while
we were overseas, you know, we really sat down and
started talking about it, like, what are you thinking about
(09:24):
what you want, and she wanted to get a representation
of her father, and so she made this great choice.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Kind of interesting.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Her father was always connected to hawks, Like he had
this affinity where he would go on trips or do
things and there'd be hawks in his life. And then
when he passed, there were always hawks around, like there's
a representation, Oh that Tony is here with us, and
he's around, and it's really fascinating.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
And it happened multiple times, even with me.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
There was a time where we were up in Maine
and John's youngest was getting married to his fiancee, and
and they had asked me to be the efficient of it.
And and so as I was sitting on this beautiful
porch we are this house, we're also I'm sitting there,
you know, writing to them. I'd had everybody in the
family write them a note, and so I was compiling
(10:17):
the messages in my mind, writing all this, and I
look up and there's a hawk just sitting in the
tree right next to me on out on the you know,
off right outside in the tree next to the porch there,
and and that that's kind of what happens quite a
bit whenever we you know, seem to be thinking about
(10:38):
Tony or talking about him, and we integrate his memory
all the time in our family.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
It's critical that we do this because.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
He was a really amazing human being and deserves to
be present in every single aspect of their lives and
our lives and my life, especially if you know, with
the responsibility I have in his honor to be the
best stad I could be for his children.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Right, And.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
So we're talking about it, we do something come up
and we get this great idea of this, this outline
of you know, just an all black hawk with its
wings stretched out and then his initials in the lowercase,
great font, lowercase right next to it. So we go
down there and obviously, you know, she's all nervous, and
we sit there and we're driving down.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
And shit chatting and listening to music.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
And we get down and you know, Javier lays it
all out and starts, and you know, she's a I'm
holding her hand and I'm sitting there holding her hand,
and I'm smiling, you know, because I mean, obviously I
love ink. I love the meeting behind ink. You know,
every single piece of ink that I have. It's a story. Yeah,
I know when you hear someone say that, you're like,
(11:49):
that's bullshit, that's lame, you know, but it's the truth.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
It's the truth.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Like each each single tattoo I have is a significant
representation of something I went through in my life.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
And and and.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
It's my kind of reminder of it's my history book, right,
it's my it's my living what journal, my living diary
of my life's experiences. The inc on my body, and
and so I had, you know, conveyed all this and
we're sitting there and I'm holding her hand, and you know,
Javier is about to start and he's like and she's.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
Like, oh, that's not bad at all. It was like, yes, cool.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Uh. And it was quick, it was very fast. It
was great. And we finished and you know she had
this you know, real excitement on her and it was
beautiful and you know, got home and it was awesome.
And then, uh, you know, the I think a day
or two before we left this week, maybe Sunday or
whatever it was or last week, and we went to
(12:48):
the fields at her high school to just train a
little bit, you know, just work on She had to
do this sprint test for when she shows up at
her at her for her team, and then I wanted
to work on some defensive stuff too, and you know,
we're we're sitting there and we get in this argument
immediately because we butt heads like champs, you know.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Here. You know, I'll say to her, do you have
any idea what I do for a living? Do you
have any idea?
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Do you know how many successful professional and collegiate athletes
I've coached and mentored and work with.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
And she's like shaking her head, like I don't give
a shit.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
You're an asshole, right, And I'm like, and I'm being
the person that she's suggesting not being, because I get
so frustrated. But again, and you know, it's it's this
bizarre phenomenon.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
That happens with you and your children.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
And so then we come over and her mom comes
over as she always does, and begins talking amazing sense
to her, and she's like, all right, well, let's go train.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
So we go out and we train.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
We have this beautiful hour plus training session doing different
defensive concepts, and then we're like, she smoked, I'm smoked.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
We haven't eaten anything.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
We've been out there for hours and we're walking off
the field and what does she do she looks up
and guess what. There's this gigantic hawk, the biggest hawk
I've ever seen over these fields since I went to
high school there thirty plus years ago, thirty five thirty
seven years thirty five years ago. And it's just sitting
there and it's going around, and so she says, hey, Dad,
(14:20):
look at what I got. And the hawk kind of
tips its wings at her and comes over and we're
all just like.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
And I'm like, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
And I'll have majority play play the video that I
took of it as it was circling by, so if
you're going to watch this, and it's kind of like
for me in that moment, I'm like, okay, we're good.
Like I'm good, and so, you know, I was like,
all right now, I just got to get in go mode.
And you know, obviously her mother's and profound, ultimate, infinite
(14:53):
go mode because we have four daughters.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
She does every single thing there is to do for them.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
They're getting ready to go back to school, so all
their medical forms and all their travel soccer stuff and
all their you know, lessons, she's planning and who's going
to go where and who's going to drive because we
lost a driver, and that sucks, if you know what
I mean. Our next daughter will get her license in
about six four or five months because she was late
(15:18):
getting her whatever. That's a whole nother story, whole nother
kid too. And so as we're just banging it out,
banging it out, and obviously we're having beautiful, beautiful family
dinners every single night, which is what I really wanted.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
I wanted us.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
To just sit as a family every single night and
not talking about so, what are you feeling and what
are you doing or whatever, just have our normal conversations
about the day and friends and people and leaving and
stuff comes up, we talk about if it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
And it was great, it was great.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
And you know, her boyfriend was with us and who's
real phenomenal young man.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Have a lot of respect for him. They've been great together,
and you know, so.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
You're watching that play out, and you're I'm watching her
and her you know, her biological sister, and then my
daughter's and I'm always checking out on Johnna and like
she okay, and she okay, and you know, we do
my parents thing, and and then the day comes where
we get in the car and we're going to drive
up North, and God bless her soul.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
That first eleven hour drive we had.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
I think she took four naps the entire time, so
obviously she's out cold the entire time. And so John
and I'm like, I let Johnna drives because when I drive,
it makes her sick because it's, uh, you know, it's
an F one race for me, every single second of
every single mile on every single road that's ever been created.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Uh, it's just built in me.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Perhaps I should have been a driver in some capacity,
although I probably would erecked a lot of vehicles. So,
you know, John and I pick you know, some unbelievably
long time we actually we listened to Julian Dorry's incredible
podcast with a guy we've had on, mister Joseph Scott,
(17:12):
who's one of the country's leading forensic experts.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
This guy's brilliant.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
And he was on with Baron Coleman, who's a guy
that's been doing in a measurable amount of coverage who's
an attorney and been doing a ton of coverage on
the Charlie Kirk case and what's going on. And they
got on and they broke this whole evidence everything out
really beautiful, So John and I are enthralled. The kids asleep,
and we're just grinding getting up, getting up, going, going, going,
(17:38):
get up, and we stay the night at our friend's house.
And that's where I started to see a little shift
in in my daughter. You could tell like it's starting
a building or a little bit. We're close now, and
we had a great night. And you know, these friends
of ours, Ryan and Marika, they're just wonderful people. And
(17:59):
they have two little boys, so it was really powerful
to see the juxtaposition. And she's getting ready to have
her third and these these are all boys and they're little,
and they're jumping on me and we're wrestling, and I'm
spraying them with a hose and they're spraying me with
water guns, and you know, it's just awesome. And I
look over and we're round the fire pit at that time,
(18:21):
and I just look in Chloe's eyes and kind of
nod at her, and I can see, you know, she's
she's her transition is right beneath the surface, this profound
moment in time where she's going to have to restructure
her perceptions. It's forced to restructure them just by the
(18:41):
distance the actual physical reality. She's no longer in the
place that she had allowed the safety and security to
consume her existence for you know, since her and her
mom and her daughter, her sister moved into my house
probably I think it was nineteen when they moved in,
(19:03):
and you know, a lot's happened since then. She's discovered
a lot about herself. She's been through a lot of
different realities, including coming to the realization of how her
father did pass away. And you know, she's grown up
and she's become this really unique young woman. But again,
(19:28):
you still when you know your child is in depth,
as I hope you have the burning desire to know
your child in every capacity with which you can know
your child, you can see it. You can see that
fear percolating just under the surface, as we all have it.
And when you get to know somebody you really love,
(19:50):
when you get to invest in somebody that you really
care about, those tells, those signs are so visible that
you can see them from.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Across the room at every moment.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
I just want to really talk about my incredible partnership
with one of my best friends, and that's Evan Hayfer
and the boys over at Black Rifle Coffee. I'm so
honored to be a part of their organization and just
really can't thank them enough for allowing me to participate.
(20:24):
What I want you to do is go to Black
Riflecoffee dot com and I want to check out their
new energy drinks. They have these incredible energy drinks that
you can buy at all different kinds of stores Walmart,
Bath Sports and others. Or you can go online in
order and if you want to put in your little
(20:44):
promo code frog Logic two zero there you get a
little discount on stuff there. I highly recommend that. For me,
it's my morning coffee. I am addicted to. Black Rifle
Coffee is just black. I think the Tiger stripe can
definitely reels me in. The other one I love is
the ak espresso. This one right here is phenomenal. Love
(21:08):
these but they have so many different things that you
could get at Black Rifle Coffee.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
You will love it again.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
When you go over Black Riflecoffee dot Com and you're
checking out, type in frog Logic to zero, get your
little discount quote and tell them.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
Already Rut send you.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
So to all those folks out there who love coffee
like I do, please do yourself a favor and go
over and check out my brothers at b R C C.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
So I can feel that in that moment and end
up going to bed.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
We get up early, say goodbye, getting the road, and
again Jonas in the driver's seat, we drive up, you.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Know, and this one was about a seven hour drive.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
And as we're closing in, you know, she took three
naps on that one, by the way, as we're closing in, know,
the mentality changes, but it doesn't change.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
In the way that I had hoped it would change.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
About being introspective in this psychological preparation for this profound
transition in goodbye and all the things that you're hoping
that you know, and me and my you know, my artists,
my romantic brain are trying to conjure up. No. Man.
We show up there about three o'clock. We unload all
(22:28):
of her stuff. Her roommates or her roommate is not there,
but her roommate's father's there. We'd get a quick high.
He leaves and we're like unpacking, putting stuff. And I
I used to I had joked often that I was like,
I'm not gonna do a damn thing.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
This is your room.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
What do you want me to tell you where to
put your undies or tell me where you put your
bras or your all your you know, your five hundred
pairs of shoes you brought. Like, no, I'm gonna sit
in the corner like every damn dad does, and I'm
not gonna do a damn thing. And obviously, as I
I articulated that the night before, Johnna looks over at
me and she's like, oh, you think you're not gonna
(23:06):
do anything. So we get there and I sit down
in my pathetic state of defiance, and I look around
and I like, you know what I'm gonna I'm gonna invest.
I'm gonna help. And so I started unpacking some things
and moving some stuff around and tried to do this.
(23:26):
And before I knew it, it was like it's like five thirty,
and I'm like, hey, we've got because we are only
there that night and then we're flying out the next morning.
So I was like, hey, ann halt, we've got to
get our target run in. Like every it's almost like
your hostage to target, like target, Like I feel like
target owns me.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
I actually feel like that. I feel like target.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
No matter where I go or what I do, I'm
a target hostage. And I think that's why they came
up with that fucking insignia. I'm telling you, I know
this for a fact. That's why it's it's a target,
because they're like, hah, we got you.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
We got the bull's.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Eye right on your wallet, right on your consciousness. We
are going to drill you out of thousand meters right
every single time. And so, you know, we get in
the car and we drive. Everything's like ten to fifteen
minutes away from her campus and and we go. We
walk in and we had, of course made a list
(24:25):
because I'm a big list guy. So as John, we
have it all and like we start, you know, it's
it's shampoos, it's soaps, it's it's it's advil, it's a
body wash, it's aloofa it's uh, you know, it's first
few days of food. It's a nightstand. Because you know,
(24:46):
of course, and God god speed, you know, because she's
on his team, she got an apartment instead of a dorm.
And don't even get me started about my dorm and
the school. I went to Penn State main campus, and
my dorm room was in this place he's called Mifflin Hall,
which was I think built in the fifties, and it
still looked like it was the fifties when I showed
up and I walk in and you know, my parents
(25:10):
and I and you know, we show up and I've
got like, basically two suitcases.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
That's it.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
And I look over my new roommate, Mike O'Keefe from Baltimore.
You know, he's an all American bad He's sitting in
the corner. His mom's putting all stuff, his dad's on
a bed. He's not doing shit, right, Mike's not doing nothing.
His mom's oh, you know, small top. My parents are like, Okay,
we're out of here. We'll see you later tonight for dinner.
They didn't do nothing. They take off. Then finally they finished,
(25:37):
you know, they walk out the room. Mike looks at
me and goes, hey, you want to go have a beer?
I was like, hell yeah. And that started thirty five
thirty plus years of best friends, which was awesome. And
so what I know is it's a lot different for boys, right,
for young men versus women. So we're in there and
we're getting all we're getting the laundry hamper and a
(25:58):
little thing, and all thinking in my head is God,
please don't let me have to assemble anything. Please don't
let me have to an assembly. And I'll tell you
this if you ever get the opportunity to ask my
beautiful wife say, hey, does coach rut can he can
he put together furniture? And you know what she's gonna say.
(26:19):
She's gonna look at you and say, not only no,
but hell no, he can't. Like the last three pieces
of furniture I tried to assemble, of course I broke,
like I stripped the screws, I broke the stuff. And
so I'm like, please, please, please don't let me. So
we of course, what we get two things I'm gonna
have to assemble. So now I'm in a pissy mood.
I'm like, God, damn, I'm gonna have to do this nonsense.
(26:42):
So we get in the car and we rush back.
We dump it all, and I'm like, we gotta go
to dinner. We gotta go to dinner. I'm starving. We
need dinner. You need a great last meal. Let's go.
So we drive over. We find a good steak joint,
We go in. We have this great dinner. But again,
the conversation is limited. I guess would be the best description.
(27:04):
And I could feel, especially in my wife, this little
transition taking place inside of her, and I saw it,
like you could see she was getting quiet, and I
looked over at my daughter and she was feeling it too,
And finally we ended up and it was a nice dinner.
It was kind of I dragged it out, probably too long.
(27:24):
We should have gotten back, because they were just itching
to get everything set up.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Obviously, so that's where my daughter is.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
She likes to have it done, set up, and now
she doesn't feel that anxiety.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
Of of everything. So we get back.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Now her roommate, her roommate's mom, and her dad are
in there. You know, he's putting things together. He's drinking
a beer. He's like, hey, you want a beer. I'm like, nah,
I'm good, thanks, And you know, now it's my turn
to put these things together. So the first one was
super incident. That was a little side table for bed
or whatever. And then the other one was like a
shelving thing, and of course, you know, I did it wrong,
(27:59):
and I strip some screws, but you know, I some
whack them all here and some hammer in there, and
I got the thing together and put it in a room.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
How long it's gonna stay.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
I give it probably four weeks tops before she puts
too much on the back, bolts fall out, the thing
falls apart. But I did I did what I did, right.
I did the best I could do. Right.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
Yeah, I did my dad, my dad detail for the day.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
So finally everyone smoked and I'm like, hey, we're gonna roll.
It's like ten thirty at night or whatever, and it
was hard to walk out that door. And I was like, hey,
we're gonna we'll come early, pick up for breakfast. She's like, no,
I want to sleep in. I was like you sure.
She's like yeah, and I was like that would hurt.
I was like okay. So we get in the car
(28:47):
and John is just she's just done, and we're driving.
We get to the probably about fifteen minutes. Get to
the hotel and.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
It was real quiet. Man.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
We get in, we check in, we go up, shower,
get in bed, no talking, no nothing, and it was
just like there was a heaviness on us. And so
we wake up early, get up, get our stuff, check out,
get the car, go get some coffee, drive over. We
(29:20):
eat in the town that hurt, living in this great
little little diner place, which was awesome. Looked like it'd
been around since, you know, probably the seventies. But you know,
the nicest people in the world where she's going to school,
Just the nicest people in the world I can't say
more enough about. And these are all these old steel
towns and just just it's a you know, there are
(29:42):
good people in this world. And that really made me
feel good, like made me feel good that there, you know,
she'd be around such you know, good, strong, nice people.
And so we finished, and we got her in a room,
made a waffle and some bacon, and we go back
and we're chit chatting, and roommates got in her room
and what do you need? And we'll do this and
(30:03):
we'll get this. And I'm just like, all right, let's go.
And so we got in the car and we the
airport is literally like two seconds away, and we were
pulling in and we get out and that's it. There's
the hug, Like I give her a quick hug. She
hands me a letter she wrote, like I said, she
(30:24):
wrote all everybody letter and she gives me my letter
and I was like, all right, I'm definitely not reading
this thing right now. I'll put that in my back
pocket and figured I'd do it later, and she gives
one to her mom and then they.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Have this hug.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
They have this moment and then they both break down
a little bit, and I'm just sitting off to the side,
and of course, me being me, I'd whip out my
camera and get a picture of it, because I love
those moments.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
But there was something there.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
There was something that's difficult to describe, you know, when
you when you go through something like they went through
together back when Chloe was four and JOHNA was twenty nine,
it bonds you in a different way. It's very difficult,
(31:16):
you know. I think all parents have their bonds with
their children in a unique way, but when you've been
through something as heavy as that, there's it's it's just different.
And you know, I pray that nobody has to go
through it. Unfortunately a lot of things that the suffering
in our life is not up to us and when
it happens, and so all of that was encapsulated in
(31:40):
that hug. Their entire lives and and you almost you
almost you almost think to yourself, Wow, if they could
just if they could just never forget the power or
the profundity or the infinites of the love that they
(32:00):
feel for each other and the bond and that moment
together and that hug, Like that's the superpower, right, That's
the thing that helps us embrace our fear. That's the
thing that gives us that self confidence. That's the teammate,
the swim buddy, that gives us the purpose, because it's
(32:22):
relationships that are the true meaning and purpose behind our lives.
And so they finished, and you know, we started walking away.
Of course, she hopped in the car and we left
the car with her up there. We want to give
her a good, strong, safe car.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
And.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
I film her driving away and she waves and that
was it, and that was it, you know, And so
you walk out and you try and go and we
got on our flight and we did our connection, and
you know, we're trying to just process and you really
can't process.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
We get home, our other two daughters there.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
My youngest is at her her mom's staying at her
mom's house that weekend, and we're just sitting there just
trying to process. And finally it's like, let's go to
bed and get in the room. And Johnny goes and
takes a shower, and I pull out that letter that
she wrote me, you know, and the whole time you're
(33:21):
going did I do enough?
Speaker 1 (33:25):
Did I teach her enough?
Speaker 2 (33:29):
And what's crazy, you know, is like people go, well,
you know, well, what specifically do you teach your kids?
What are the lessons that you give? And for years
and years and years and years we would have we
came up with these twenty two life missions or rules.
And when the kids were really you know, young, when
we were all together, every time i'd drive to school,
(33:50):
I'd have them recite these these missions, or when we
were on a trip or whatever, I you know, just
to do it. And so I just want to read
these to you so you can go, well, coach Rutt,
you know what specifically did you teach your kids? And
here's twenty two of them, amongst other things. So rule
number one, safety first, Rule number two, stay calm and think.
(34:13):
Rule number three, help others when they need help, Rule
number four, don't go near weirdos, Rule number five, don't lie,
Rule number six, have a positive attitude, Rule number seven,
stand up for yourself. Rule number eight Failure leads to success.
Rule number nine, never give up, Rule number ten, no whining.
(34:37):
Rule number ten no whining. Rule number eleven, Be accountable.
Rule number twelve, never leave your swim buddy behind. Rule
number thirteen, embrace your fears. Rule number four always have
a plan because of Dad. That's a funny one. I
drove into a winner storm in North Carolina my two
(35:02):
youngest and got caught on ninety five for like fifteen
hours because I didn't have a plan. So rule number fourteen,
Always have a plan. Rule number fifteen. Take care of
your gear and your gear will take care of you.
Rule number sixteen. Forge your self confidence. Rule number seventeen.
You gotta earn respect. Rule number eighteen. Stupid hurts. Rule
(35:26):
number nineteen. Slow as smooth and smooth as fast. Rule
number twenty You're only as fast as your slow as teammate.
Rule number twenty one. Patience is a virtue, and rule
number twenty two. Details matter, So you know, as I'm processing,
I'm like, were those twenty two missions?
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Enough?
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Was all the other things I tried to teach her
about sports and athletics or motivation or self confidence or fear?
Speaker 1 (35:56):
You know, didn't all seek in? Am I?
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Is she ready to go off in this next massive
undertaking in her life? I hate to play collegiate soccer
to pursue a degree in a very difficult degree.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Did I do enough?
Speaker 2 (36:17):
And so I sat down on the bed and I
broke that letter out and within the first sentence, I'm
weeping uncontrollably. Yeah, I broke down. And that's not anything
special for me. I wear my emotions on my sleeve.
(36:39):
I'm a very emotional person, especially when it comes to
young people and their quest to achieve their dreams. And
that was probably the hardest letter I've ever gotten through
in my life. But at the end of it, like man,
(37:01):
I realized, based on the words that she had written down,
that she was prepared. In the context of what she wrote,
what she penned, what she wrote down on that piece
of paper for me and describing her love for me
(37:24):
and what I represent to her, it was super clear
that she understand or understood the power of personal responsibility.
She recognized the need to pursue healthy relationships to maintain,
(37:47):
you know, her moral toughness to do what's right, and
that she had this courageous curiosity in her about what
her future looked like, and she had an academic humility
and the recognition that she was really going to need
to apply herself to achieve this other dream, and she
(38:13):
recognized that time management was of the essence and that
she was going to covet every single second an opportunity
that came to her. And finally that she had completely
indoctrinated her potential with a heightened ambition, ambition where she
(38:34):
realized that she actually can become what she wants to become.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
Now, those are the things that you.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
Nothing's guaranteed, Nothing you say to your child ever in
your life is going to be guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (38:56):
You know. The only thing that you can guarantee is.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Is your behavior, is your commitment, your dedication, the details
of what you want your children to really understand or
know how to carry themselves. And we teach that through discipline.
We teach those things through example, through our own deeds,
(39:20):
our own actions, right through empathy, through grace, through compromise. Right,
all of these concepts that we all know are real.
But guess what, it requires a profound focus and determination
for you to instill these very things into your child
(39:42):
in the hopes that when they're in the midst of
the transition, this change from being in the nest, if
you will right, always having that safety right there, no
matter what. And it's not like she's gone, she moved
over to she's not living down in South America and
Eastern Europe pursuing some degree over the seas. I mean,
(40:02):
she's you know, a few hours away by plane, you know,
a few hours away by by car. She's a phone
call every night. And what we're gonna be able to do?
But she it's this other thing. It's like, I am
going to take the reins of my life now, you know,
I ge't with you know, a lot of people say,
(40:23):
and I actually grot this, right, what's the best advice
you can give your kid before you go to college?
Speaker 1 (40:29):
Right?
Speaker 2 (40:29):
And it's like, let them struggle a bit? Okay, great,
Yeah that's a no shitter, right. Uh, be connected, be
connected with him, but on their terms.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
Yep. I don't think that's gonna happen.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
If I want to talk to my damn daughter, I'm
going to talk to her or call her until she
picks up the phone.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
Right. Uh. Be strict with money and how they handle it.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
Yeah, I get that, But guess what, you know, she's
doing what she needs to be doing. I'm not going
to chanse her, right, That's why I work my ass
off at what I do for a living, so I
can spoil my kid if I want to spoil my
damn kid. Right, If she turns into an ungrateful person,
then I'm gonna, of course i'll take it back. But
(41:15):
like you know, she's got time to understand money a
little bit. She's not like ripping the band date off.
All right, you have twelve dollars a week to survive, right, yeah,
go try and buy a burrito for twelve.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
Bucks, right right?
Speaker 2 (41:32):
And the other one my favorite give advice only when
she asked for it, He could go back, saying on that,
I'm coach Rutt. I give damn advice every time I
open my mouth, whether you want it or not, that's
just built in. That's who I am. So if you're
friends with me, or you round me, or you know me,
or you love me, guess what, I'm gonna give you
(41:55):
advice at some point or another, because that's what I do.
That's what I love to do. I love to share
the stuff I've experienced in my life, most of which
the hard way, with other people so when they get
hit with their own pain, they can understand that there's
they can extrapolate some peace in the midst of it,
then they're going to get through it that you're gonna
(42:16):
be okay. So you know, I just fall back on
these core ideas that I know to be true no
matter what, right that it's it's scary going out there
on your own, and fear is going to be a
relevant thing for you because you're going to have to
(42:39):
manage those instances on your own on a regular basis.
You're cultivating this independence, this foundation of independence. You know,
advocate for yourself, stick up for yourself, track down information
if you're struggling, go seek help.
Speaker 1 (42:56):
All these things. Right.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
If you're afraid, what's be aware of what's drive and
what's actually making you afraid. Know what you're afraid of,
Know what's driving the fear, because it all stems from fear. Man,
Every decision you make in your life is an emotional decision, period,
And the most you know impending.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Distraction or or or.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
What confusing aspect of trying to make decisions is when
you're afraid and you feel that fear. You know, And
I told her that, I've been telling her that since
I first met it met her, I remember like the
first time we actually talked about embracing fear. She used
(43:43):
to have a fear of elevators. In my old office
was on the second floor in an elevator. I remember
the first time I took her. She stood outside and
she's like, nope, I'm not getting on that thing. And
I'm like, okay, I'll just stand with you. Let's just
watch it open and close a couple of times. Let's
open it, inspect. It looks pretty good. Let's watch, you know,
the girls go up and come back down. Okay, they
(44:05):
made it all right, all right. Then we went upstairs
and came back downstairs and look, it opens on the
top right there.
Speaker 1 (44:14):
It's good.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
I said, you want to try it, I'll hold your hand,
I'll be with you. And she did, and we worked
through that fear. And she kept doing that over and
over and over and over and over again in her
life and continues to do that today, even though she does,
like all of us, she does have an amount of
fear that's present in her life. But I know after
(44:40):
reading that letter, she's aware of it, and she understands it,
and she knows she needs to have the courage to
live with that fear in her life, and that if
she does it well, she can actually use that fear
as the most profound motivation for her. The other thing is,
you know, college is about new relationship, in particular her
(45:01):
being on this team. She's gonna meet all these new girls.
She's gonna have to get to know them. She's gonna
be competitive with them. She's gonna get out there and
compete with other kids from different colleges. And her team
is actually ranked in the top twenty five for D
three soccer. And you know she's gonna have she's gonna
(45:22):
be thrown in the mix because she is the only
left foot defense back on her team. And so she
hopefully if she shows up, she plays hard, she's gonna start,
she gonna play a lot, she's gonna earn her spot
on that team, and she's gonna gain the trust and conviction.
But she won't be able to do any of that
if she doesn't have any self confidence. And you and
(45:43):
I both know that every single day your self confidence
is under attack, right, That negative insurgency is out there
hunting you down day in and day out. And the
thing it chips away at is not the direct fear
that you got about. Something that chips away at the
edges at your confidence. It's the rejections that you get.
It's the failure, the little failures. You fail this little test,
(46:05):
or you don't get to start this game, or you know,
this new person who you thought was one thing turns
on you and somewhat betrays you after a month or two.
All those little things affect your self confidence. And so
in this transition, you know, the biggest thing, I just
be confident in what you do. Be confident to make mistakes,
(46:28):
Be confident right, have fun every day because it's a
choice you're making. This is all part of your your
desire to achieve that dream. So be confident in your decision.
And the other is to recognize that these relationships that
she's going to make in college could last her her
whole life. They certainly have for me. I know they
(46:51):
have for my wife. She's got these two glorious best friends.
She talks to you all the time, right, And I've
seen it happen with other people in my life. They're
very close with people. My dad was friends with his
fraternity brothers for sixty years before they passed away, and
he still talks of them with reverence and their time
(47:11):
together and what they meant to him, So I said,
lean into that, Lean into what that team life is about.
You're actually a part of one, and you could be
a major determining factor whether or not that team is
going to succeed or whether that team's going to fail.
And take that burden, take that responsibility on your shoulders,
because guess what, when we're part of a team that's
(47:33):
focused on a mission that's bigger than ourselves, that's when
we feel we feel motivation. There's a motivation to be
a part of that every day. And finally recognize that
this transition is the transition not just about you going
to get seek higher education or to continue playing your
(47:54):
sport or any of that stuff. This is the beginning
of the pursuit of what you want to be, come
of who you want to become in a major way,
because there's a spectrum of independence that's completely affiliated with this,
where you begin to self reflect on a daily basis,
(48:15):
Because your self reflection is the result of how you're
going to accomplish things the next day. Your achievements are
directly correlated to the perception of your focus, and the
more focused or the more focused obsession you develop towards
achieving that ambition. Guess what that becomes the purpose itself,
(48:37):
not the accomplishment or the degree in four years or
five years, or the whatever. Winning a championship here. Yeah,
that's all part of it, but it's the essence of
the work that takes place every single day. The grind,
the pain, the suffering, the blood, the sweat, the tears.
That's the thing that makes you feel purpose. That's the
(49:03):
piece inside the pain.
Speaker 1 (49:16):
Man.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
This is a major transition for our family and our home,
and this is my first one. And I don't have
any advice other than what I just gave about the
lead up to it, because I haven't been through this
is she hasn't even been there a few days yet,
and so you know, I promise to keep great detailed
(49:42):
tabs on what I do right and what I do wrong,
and I look forward to try and to educate you
in real time. I'm gonna have four of these hopefully,
maybe not. Maybe someone's just gonna get out and start
a business or start a music career or something like that.
I don't I don't know, I don't care. Whatever they
want want to do, we're going to support them, you know.
But most likely my children are going to seek a
(50:04):
little bit of higher education for the experience in this
growth period, in this transition themselves. And I feel very
blessed with what I do for a living that I
get to be able to provide that opportunity for them,
because you know, one of the things that John and
I very much believe is that education is a stepping
stone for ultimately deciding what you can become or what
(50:27):
you want to be. It's it's when you have knowledge,
it gives you power. So you know, I'll pay attention,
but I'm not going to say, well, this is what's
going to make your kids succeed in college, because I
just don't know. Coach Rutt, I have no idea right now.
But what I can tell you.
Speaker 1 (50:49):
Is that.
Speaker 2 (50:53):
It's a beautiful moment. It really is one of the
greatest moments I've ever experienced in my life because I
know the work that I've done, that my wife specifically
has done, and her younger sister, and my children, and
her grandparents and her aunts and uncles and all her friends,
(51:17):
and my parents, and my brother and his partner and
the people that really truly love her. We all believe
in her, and I know she feels that because of
what she wrote in that letter.
Speaker 1 (51:31):
I know she feels it and I feel it, and
for that I feel truly blessed.
Speaker 2 (51:44):
I want to tell you, for all those parents whose
children are going off to college, and God bless you,
just give you the ultimate praise that you got your
kid there and you've created the opportunity for him.
Speaker 1 (52:02):
And it's funny.
Speaker 2 (52:04):
I I reached out to all my old lacrosse buddies
from college, and a lot of them have daughters, and
I said, hey, what advice do you have? And man,
my own friend Grant gave me this just beautiful advice.
Speaker 1 (52:18):
He says. He says, be there for.
Speaker 2 (52:23):
If she ever textes or ever calls, just pick it
up immediately or call back instantaneously, no matter what time,
Just be there for.
Speaker 1 (52:33):
And that advice really really rang true. And so that's
what I'm gonna take.
Speaker 2 (52:41):
I'm just gonna be there for and I'm gonna praise her,
and I'm gonna keep her motivated, and I'm gonna support her,
and I'm gonna be hard on her if she doesn't
do what she needs to do, and I'm gonna praise
her when she does. But no matter what, I'm gonna
love on my daughter because she is a true gift
for God from God. She really is a true gift
(53:03):
from God, and I'm blessed to have her in my life.
So clo clo, God bless you, good luck and I
love you so much, Sweetie, Thank you all very much.
Speaker 1 (53:17):
God bless you.
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Clay Travis
Buck Sexton
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