September 12, 2023 • 34 mins
New York is famous for its pizza and no one is prouder of that than Jon Stewart…or more protective. Jon takes on Donald Trump, the entire city of Chicago, and Mayor Bill DeBlasio in his defense of proper pizza etiquette and his mission to cement New York as the pizza capital of America. Grab a slice and strap in for the ride.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Sarah Palin's cross country non publicity barnstorming tour of Real
America continued yesterday.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
On day three of Sarah Palin's one nation bus tour,
she met with Donald Trump on his home turf right
here in New York City.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Oh my god, she's here. She's in the house with him. Wow.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
This brings up so many questions.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Whose name will they put on the vehicle they travel in?
Speaker 4 (00:33):
Will they call it trailing plump? What will they call it?
So Trump's showing pale in the town.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I'm sure he took her to the best of the best,
some classy place like the Trump All you can Eat
fueg Ra and Caviar Etheria, Trump fog Wah and Cabetheria,
where you are guaranteed to contract gout.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
The disease of Kings.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
The two broke bread.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
They went out for a slice of pizza in New
York's Times Square.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
Oh you know what, huh? Slice of pizza?
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Respect The place is called Famous Familia Pizza.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
It is in Albanian chain of pizzerias.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
What famous Familiars have Fiftieth and Broadway. I mean, I'm
eating there pizza's.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
You know fine.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
You see there a lot when I was working next
door Caroline's Comedy Club.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
It's a good, uh convenience pizza.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
It's uh.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
You know.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Back in the eighties, there weren't a lot of food
options in Times Square. It was either familiar pizza or
scarf pronounce some edible underwear from one of the porn shops.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
And then Juliani took that option away.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
You know, Donald, I.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Don't want to say anything, but if you're taking an
esteemed visitor to get real New York pizza, familiars, ain't it?
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Dinner was great, We had great pizza.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Wasn't that good? It was real New York pizza.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
No, no, it's not unless a real, authentic New York
pizza can also be found in Terminal four of the
Phoenix Sky Harbrand National Airport.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
It's familiar.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
It's a chick and Governor Palin by the way, No disrespect,
no disrespect to you.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
You're a guest in our city.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
We should offer you the finest that our hospitality has
to offer you.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
I just would have.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Thought Captain Combover could have pulled that one off. I mean,
for sake, it's New York City. I mean, I hate
to use this term, this.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
Close to ground zero, but we're a bit of a
pizza mecca. I mean, you know we got we got Lombardy's. Honestly, Lombardi's.
Go down to Lombardi's.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
All this pizza in town. Litter literally found that in
nineteen oh five. They make their own pork saucers. You
go to Grimaldi's under the Brooklyn Bridge, a brick oven,
but go there early by four o'clock.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
The lines out to the East River.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Totano's Coney Island, not on thin crust with sweet sauce.
Are Touros on Houston Street col love and lightly charred crust.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
Go to John's, Oh John's, go to the one on Bleeker.
If that's full, go to the John's on the airper
West Side's not the same vibe. But the pies.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Doninos on Staten Island, they got the bread crumbs.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
On the bottom. Go Joe's on Carmine Street, just get
a slice.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Go to Jose and Garcy donald.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Familia in Broadway.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Now I get it, I get it.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
You're in a hurry.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Maybe there's security concerns. I'll forgive you this selection. I
apologize it let's just go to the content of your
meeting and then we'll.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Just shut up a bitch.
Speaker 4 (03:46):
Love And you stack your slices, not.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
With all due.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Respect, You stacked slices a pizza. The steam from the
bottom of the slice is gonna make the top.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Crust set you piece.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Maybe all those years, all those years of making your
hair do whatever it is that it does. You think
you can go around layering any thing you want to
layer and no one's gonna say anything about it.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
But you cannot.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
You know something, I apologize, I apologize, no disrespect, I apologize.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Let's let's continue with the meeting.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Is are you waiting it with a form?
Speaker 4 (04:29):
And for.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
No lah for sat donaka ah at toll dead dead
bey ab diablo.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Donald Trump, why don't you just take that pork and
stick it right in New York's eye?
Speaker 4 (04:55):
Donald Trump? We work hard and you do this.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
You disrespect us in our own house, Scato gucc You
can put your name on everything. You can build your
glass and gold painted buildings to.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
The sky blocking out the Central Park sun.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
It's fine, it's fine, but you invite an important visitor
at our house to our town and eat your pizza
with a fork.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
Right in front of us. Hould off?
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Do you k you know what?
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Hey, why don't you take a Fiorea La Guardian's hat
and feed it to Jodamazio's crying ghost on Liberty Island?
Speaker 5 (05:34):
You son of a bix, You son of a bitch,
Watch and learn, Watch and learn, for God's sakes, watch
and learn.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
You fold the real.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
You've folding?
Speaker 1 (06:04):
You falled in.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
You eat it one hand, you got the other hand free?
You bull up armeisan a little regno, little red pepper.
Maybe you're a point of your friend.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Ago religious is n Maybe you guy you're not walking
in the go ahead to take care of that.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
That all right, very night?
Speaker 5 (06:18):
Or maybe you just use your other hand to take
and irresponsible.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Non anapkins bab it on there, or maybe a few
minutes later you just throw them the cow.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
You can throw them out, or you leave them on
the table and go. You want to tip your tip?
Speaker 1 (06:32):
What do I look like a bus boy? Hould this respect?
Speaker 4 (06:35):
Actually? I was at busboys? Would my point is this?
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Donald?
Speaker 4 (06:44):
I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna tell your stories. I'm
gonna tell your stories.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
I'm gonna tell your story, Donald Trump, my grandparents immigrated
to this country. My grandfather worked as a taxi driver
in Brooklyn. My other grandfather worked as a dry cleaner
in Washington Heights. I do not come from successful stock,
but every day they work their fingers at a bone
to a bone because it was their dream that someday
(07:13):
their grandson could afford some DVDs of all of Robert
de Niro's movies so that he could, little Jewish boy
of Latvian, Lithuanian and Mongolian blood could one day, one day,
god willing huh.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
Pretend to be Italian on television. And now you have
the ball stayed pizza with a fork.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
You know what, based on how you with pizza, Donald,
I want to see your long form birth certificate.
Speaker 4 (07:48):
I don't think you were really born in Europe.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Now, the only thing this is true, the only thing
anyone in New York, New Jersey, the entire tri state
region is really talking about, is the ongoing fallout, the
scandal involving Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey, the closing
the George Washington Bridge.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
The new mayor of the Big Apple is dealing with
a scandal of his own.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
Wait what the mayor of build a Blasio scandal.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
What the guy's barely been mare of in New York
for two weeks. He handled a major snowstorm, he did
all right there, he's already he's pushing.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
For sweeping reform. He's been doing a fine job.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
What sort of scandal could he possibly be involved in?
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Mayor build a Blazier may not necessarily eat pizza like
most New Yorkers.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
You have my attention.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
I mean he's a guy's like six ' ten, he's
a large man. Does he eat pizzas is the other
ritz crackers?
Speaker 4 (08:57):
I mean, I don't foot.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
So what so unless he rolls up a pie into
a ball and takes it as a suppository a Grimaldi's idol.
Speaker 4 (09:06):
Oh, I don't see the problem.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
So the mayor stopped by first licensedmate in island this afternoon.
He cut his pizza with a knife and a fork.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Breathe, Johnny, breath, Johnny.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
I know what this is is nonsense.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
This is a distraction a part of the liberal media
from the real issue, which is Governor Christie's failure to
take responsibility for his administration.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
To PLAUSI you, you son of a bitch.
Speaker 4 (09:52):
He's supposed to be champion in the middle class.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Two weeks into your term and we catch you eating
pizza a a Trump.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
And you call yourself a radical socialist. Penton just throwing ease.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Look, I understand there's a learning curve to being a mayor,
but here's lesser than number one. Learn how to eat
your city signature dish. If you were mayor Phildelphi, would
eat a cheese steak with a knife and fork. If
you were mayre of Buffalo, would you eat chicken wings
with a knife and fork? If you win a mayor
of Boston, would you eat clam chowder?
Speaker 4 (10:28):
Would? Right?
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Even there, the methods hands.
Speaker 6 (10:33):
In my ancestral homeland, it is more typical to eat
with a fork and knife.
Speaker 4 (10:42):
I get it. I get it. You're Italian, I get it.
You're Italian. Not a Jew impersonating Italian. That's nice.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
You're just respecting your your native lands customs. One thing, though,
were you elected the mayor of Italy? No, look out
the window of the pizzeria you are currently shamer.
Speaker 4 (11:00):
Look out the window.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Do you see as Sistine chapel or leaning tower piece
out the window?
Speaker 4 (11:06):
You don't? You see several junk yards and a tanning salon.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
You know, what cause you?
Speaker 2 (11:08):
It's that an island, the island that isn't shaped like
a boot, It just rerounds like one. And when you're
in Staten Island you eat your pizza like a disgusting savage.
You're just like every other person in this city. Dona
sound and say to you as your up, everyone knows
(11:30):
you're not a real New Yorker until your shirt has
at least seven sea through orange grease stages on it.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
You know what I'm talking about? The Blasio.
Speaker 6 (11:37):
You have a piece like this, I had a lot
on it.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Oh, you had a lot of Do you have toppings?
Do you have toppings?
Speaker 2 (11:56):
You of all pizza, You of all people.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
Are worried about holding your pizza. You with your enormous
Kong hands.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
You know that big wood thing that used to slide
the pizza into the oven.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
That thing was built after what are your hands?
Speaker 2 (12:23):
I'm pretty sure at a pizza parlor that thing is
called at the Blasio.
Speaker 6 (12:27):
I often start with a knife and fork, but then
I cross over to the American approach and pick it
up when I go farther into the pizza.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
You were starting with there there you being.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Over that what was this mixed martial arts. What do
you mean if you started you're eating a slice of pizza,
a grindou and I start out with an Italian approchest,
which is the American.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Then I go with the Mongolian cheese slip.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Now you pick it up and you eat it with your.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Admittedly, your predecessor Bloomberg did not eat it with his hands.
He would usually have an assistant cut it up in
chewing in the feature like a baby bird.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
But you're not that. You're a man of the people,
he like one.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
We'll be right back. Pay about have I got tonight?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
His New York City's one hundred and ninth mayor, Please
welcome to the program, Mayor Bill de Blasio.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
So ho are you now?
Speaker 6 (13:32):
I'm killing good? I just wish we had done a
better job getting that snow up to the Upper East Side.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
I know you'll get it up there.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
You know this is since you've been mayor, it is
snowed what three times times?
Speaker 4 (13:43):
Yeah? I remember Bloomberg twelve years never snowed once. What.
Speaker 6 (13:47):
I think he paid the right guy, That's what I'm
This is what I'm talking to me. He had the money.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
Has it been overwhelming?
Speaker 6 (13:55):
It's NonStop it's twenty four seven is the ultimate twenty
four to seven job, right. But I love this place.
It's a really great place and it's endlessly fascinating to me.
But I'd like to snow dand yes, I've done the
snow experience. I'd like to try something else.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Now here's the thing. So you've got there's a lot
of issues that I want to get today. We've got,
you know, stopping frisk you're going to be stopping that.
We've got a pre K education tax policy, We've got
the stables situation. But there's one thing in particular that
is I think many New Yorkers are talking about, and
it's in many ways egregious.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
And let's take a look.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
Bill Deblasio is caught on camera this week eating pizza
with a knife and fork.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Now, Bloomberg, as you know, used to have his food
chewed and then put back into his mouth like a
baby bird. But this is unacceptable, sir, So maya. This
is from It's called John's Pizza.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
Real.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
This is this is it's called a It's a sausage
and mushroom from John. John's is one of the greatest
pizza places in the history of pizza.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
I thought maybe you and I could break bread. We
could share a slice. Would you like a slice? Would
love a slice with your What are you doing?
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Okay?
Speaker 6 (15:26):
Thank you, don.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
John.
Speaker 4 (15:30):
I gotta teach you everything I.
Speaker 6 (15:31):
Want to say John as mayor of Napolis, I mean
New York City. Yes, we we are always ready for
our pizza.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Oh my god, don't even come on, come on talk
to me.
Speaker 6 (15:47):
There's another way.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
Oh, let me show you, let me, let me watch.
Let me just show you. Oh dog, the beautiful slice
of pizza. Hey, Bloomberg's gone right?
Speaker 6 (15:57):
Can you that technique for him?
Speaker 1 (16:04):
You have a have a photo.
Speaker 4 (16:13):
We should have a big golf. I put a big
golf down there for you.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
What's get it out? A big down here?
Speaker 4 (16:19):
Yeah, here we go.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (16:22):
Oh you are gigantic.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
In his hands, it looks like a regular shoulder.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Cheeris We'll be going more of a mare to bag
at bay.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
A back.
Speaker 4 (16:43):
I have very good news.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
As of today, New York's new mayor isn't the only
thing about New York City that is freakishly tall.
Speaker 4 (16:52):
It's official now.
Speaker 7 (16:54):
The New World Trade Center building in New York City
is now the tallest guy scraper in the country.
Speaker 4 (17:12):
Whoa maydagas a dozen years. But when we do it,
we do it big.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
It's celebration, of course, with the truths in the sadness,
but still tallest building in America, and we weren't always
sure that would happen.
Speaker 8 (17:28):
An international panel of architects ruled that the needle a
top one World Trade Center is a spire, not just
an antenna, and is thus a permanent part of the building.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
It's the spire on top that makes it the tallest
building in the United States.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Oh yeah, spire on top brokely of course.
Speaker 4 (17:50):
Obviously.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
The only concern with having a spire like that on
top of the New York skyscraper is keeping stripper King
Kong off of it, putting himself their giant ape college.
So now I suppose that because we're now number one,
unfortunately somebody else has to be number two.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
It topped Chicago's Willis Tower formerly the Sears Tower, which
held the title for four decades.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
I think this is less about the competition of the
cities this time because of the significance of this building.
Speaker 4 (18:22):
You know, Poppy, I couldn't agree more. Rebuilding the World
Trade Center brings all Americans together. What kind of an
ass would see this as a competition.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
I would just say this.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
To all the expertsy catherin in one row.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
If it looks like an antenna, that's like an antenna.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
I think.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Guess what it is?
Speaker 4 (18:42):
Anent?
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Today, on this wonderful sunny day in Chicago, you are
standing in the tallest occupied spot in a building that
you can stand in North America, and then.
Speaker 7 (18:51):
Will continue to be the case regardless of the decision
today by the council.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
Won't you talk about it?
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Willis Tower's fine, fine, We'll take tallest building in the
United States, and you can have tallest occupied spot in
a building you can stand in North America.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
You know what, Chicago, what are you so mad about?
Speaker 2 (19:19):
We already gave you, guys, murder capital of the United States.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
Do you really think?
Speaker 2 (19:25):
You really think we can't kill more people than you?
Speaker 4 (19:30):
Please? We let you win.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Come on, let's not.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
Let's not do this. Let's just agree with both great buildings,
both great cities. I love Chicago.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
You know what, Let's have a toast, a little toast
to New York and Chicago will have oh geez, with
a little dirt.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
Rude bertrand Krement limocks. That's the that's the did we really?
Is this real?
Speaker 2 (19:55):
I beg this would be like ginger ale, but it's
not a toast piece between New York and Chicago.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
Well, new York City won today.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
It's no contest which city takes the cake.
Speaker 4 (20:08):
When it comes to well, just about everything else.
Speaker 6 (20:11):
Deep Dish pizza is quite good.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Okay, I was gonna be nice, but now you've gone
too far.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
So let me explain something. Deep Dish pizza is not
only not better than.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
New York pizza, it's not pizza. It's a cast role.
I'm surprised you haven't thought to complete your Deep Dish
pizza by putting some.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
Canned onion rings on top of it.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
It's a corn bread biscuit which you've melted cheese on,
and then, in defiance of God and Man and all
things holy, you poured uncooked maranara sauce.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
Atop the cheese, a top the cheese on top the
sauce naked cold.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
I'll display like some sort of sauce woord. You know
the expression there's no such thing as bad sex or
bad pizza. Your pizza is like sex with a corpse
made of sandpaper.
Speaker 4 (21:37):
Let me tell you something.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
This is not pizza. This is tomato soup and a
bread bowl. This is in above ground the Marinara swimming
pool for rats.
Speaker 4 (21:49):
Let me tell you something about your not pizza.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
I want to know when I get drunk and pass
out on my pizza, that I'm not gonna drown.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
Let me tell you something.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
I look at this. I look at his mon, you
son of a bitch. I look at thish lebo. I
look at this.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
When I look at your deep dish pizza, I don't
know whether they eat it or throw a coin in
it and make a wish. And if I made a wish,
it would be and I wish for some real pizza.
Speaker 4 (22:28):
Now, now, in all due respect, I realized it's very
cold in Chicago, very cold. It's windy.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
You need to be able to, I don't know, have
a pizza and maybe cut it open and climb inside
it like a town town to keep warm.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
Seriously, who you're kidding?
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Who uses an iron skillet to make a pizza. You
don't use an iron skill to make a pizza. Use
an iron skillet to fend off someone who tries to
serve you. Pizza made me skill, There's how I know
I'm right. You call it Chicago style pizza. You call
it deep dish pizza, stuffed pizza. You know we call
it huh, you know we call this you know we
(23:09):
call this pizza.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Well, that's nice.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Not by the way, you don't put tomatoes and celery
salt hot dogs either.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Everybody knows there's three acceptable condiments for a hot dogs.
There's mustard, onions and stagnant cartwater.
Speaker 4 (23:27):
That git. We'll be run back a little while back
on the program. I personally don't watch it.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
I think it's crash. I may have mentioned something about
Chicago style pizza and how it tended to be less
pizza ish than pizza.
Speaker 4 (23:52):
I was gesticulating quite a bit during that clut.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Inarticulating that sentiment, I may have him plied that deep
dish pizza tastes like a string cheese that had been
baked for two hours inside of Mike Dick's ass. So
I said that on my program, and apparently Chicago.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
Has television.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Chains are no doubt taking personal offense to The Daily
Show host John Stewart's rant against our deep dish pizza.
John Stewart trashing our Chicago style pizzas.
Speaker 6 (24:34):
I take big offense because our Chicago Deep Dish is
the best.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Picking on our pizza, A little bit of a ribbings,
come on, take one bite and it is irresistible.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
I'm not a Deep Dish fan myself. I love Stan Cress.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Ship a frozen to California so I can have it.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
I'm just not a Deep Dish fan.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
Get to the traffic and weather rider.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I'm late and I need to know if I need
to wear a coat. Anyway, some people thought that my
contribution to the Pizza dialogue was not particularly well reasoned.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
John Stuart went on a rant. Stuart fired off a tirade.
Speaker 6 (25:24):
It continued like that for a while, in that cheesy
New York accent.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
Cheesy New York accent. Who do you think you are
talking about? A cheesy New York accent? You sort of
you forget it? Wait a minute, you know what?
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Actually I hear it now you're right now that you
mention it, it is somewhat pronounced. If I was ranting, well,
I don't know what to say. It was nothing compared
to what people on Twitter were ranting back, like Hugh
John Stewart for saying keep this pizza, isn't pizza die?
(26:11):
That particular Twitter user did not specify the method by
which I should die, but I can only assume it
would be poisoning by deep dish pizza. And of course,
whenever there's a spirited back and forth, you just know
Chicago Mara Emmanuel is going to get involved.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
This is the gift that Mayor Ram Emmanuel sent to
John Stewart on The Daily Show.
Speaker 8 (26:33):
The Daily Show posted this vine video showing even a
dog rejecting the deep Dish pizza from the.
Speaker 4 (26:40):
Mayor off our dog Quali.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
That h that there is one of The Daily Show
dog's Quali, and for the record, he didn't want the pizza.
But I have seen that dog eat not only garbage,
but happily spend his entire day with his nose in.
Speaker 4 (27:02):
Another dog's butthole.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
The other dog, by the way, is Parker, and in
Quality's defense, Parker has an amazing butthole, elegant, sophisticated, with
just a.
Speaker 4 (27:18):
Sousson of snausage. I hope Chicago's are not too upset,
And in the.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Spirit of healing, I'm going to bring out a guy
who actually came by our show the other day to
give us some Chicago pizza. Please welcome Mark Malnatti of
lumaal Naughti's Pizzeria in Chicago. Come on out, Mark, this
is this is very enough common said, all right, come
and said this.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Is please have a seats?
Speaker 4 (27:42):
You want to put those down there? We go.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
That's that's very nice. Now this is Mark Malnatty. You
run lu mal Naughty's Pizza.
Speaker 4 (27:50):
I do this.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
How long have you guys been in the pizza business.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Well, we're the fourth generation bright seventy years.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
Seventy years of pizza. That's unbelievable. And you brought us
some plates. Yeah? Is this because how about that? Is
this because the pope? This is Chicago, John explain, Let
me just give me the thing. Come on, come on,
come on, John, Well, at least let me set some
New York ambiance there.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Let me get that's the pizza thing that Oh, let
me get a little hold on nice nice alright, look
at it.
Speaker 4 (28:26):
I'll tell you it looks very good. You know, I
could really be. You want to just put that right
on there? There you go? Thank you, my friend.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Holy I don't know what your I don't know what
you know? What was the picture.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
I don't know what the picture was your head the
other day.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
Hold on, hold on a second, let me let me
just try and get up on the table.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
Here we go. All right, we're good, We're good. All right.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
So yeah, stopping here here here?
Speaker 4 (29:03):
What am I an animal? This is?
Speaker 2 (29:10):
This is for Chicago. I have great friends there. It's
a beautiful city.
Speaker 4 (29:15):
Go ahead, now, I'll tell you what.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
I dare you to tell me that that isn't the
best thing you've ever had in your life.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Now, I don't know what that big fat castle the
other day was.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
Let me tell you what.
Speaker 4 (29:28):
It's very tasty. Thank you. It's very tasty. You're a
reasonable man. It's very very tasty.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
And I apologize, you know, truth, all right, A truth
Chicago not.
Speaker 4 (29:42):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
I appreciate that. It's very tasty. New York pizza is
very good. And at least, let's face facts. We're not California.
I mean California pizza. I mean that is that is honestly,
and I say this without the respect couple.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
That is a I'll tell you what it ain't.
Speaker 8 (30:02):
It ain't Chicago pizza.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Thank you, a great Mark, malnaughty everybody, thank you, my
friend Ball and Marsh Bob Colly, Nature Gun.
Speaker 4 (30:10):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcast.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Watch The Daily Show week nights at eleven ten.
Speaker 6 (30:19):
Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on
Fairmount Plus.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
This has been a Comedy Central podcast
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Sarah Palin's cross country non publicity barnstorming tour of Real
America continued yesterday.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
On day three of Sarah Palin's one nation bus tour,
she met with Donald Trump on his home turf right
here in New York City.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Oh my god, she's here. She's in the house with him. Wow.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
This brings up so many questions.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Whose name will they put on the vehicle they travel in?
Speaker 4 (00:33):
Will they call it trailing plump? What will they call it?
So Trump's showing pale in the town.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I'm sure he took her to the best of the best,
some classy place like the Trump All you can Eat
fueg Ra and Caviar Etheria, Trump fog Wah and Cabetheria,
where you are guaranteed to contract gout.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
The disease of Kings.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
The two broke bread.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
They went out for a slice of pizza in New
York's Times Square.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
Oh you know what, huh? Slice of pizza?
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Respect The place is called Famous Familia Pizza.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
It is in Albanian chain of pizzerias.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
What famous Familiars have Fiftieth and Broadway. I mean, I'm
eating there pizza's.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
You know fine.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
You see there a lot when I was working next
door Caroline's Comedy Club.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
It's a good, uh convenience pizza.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
It's uh.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
You know.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Back in the eighties, there weren't a lot of food
options in Times Square. It was either familiar pizza or
scarf pronounce some edible underwear from one of the porn shops.
Speaker 4 (01:51):
And then Juliani took that option away.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
You know, Donald, I.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Don't want to say anything, but if you're taking an
esteemed visitor to get real New York pizza, familiars, ain't it?
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Dinner was great, We had great pizza.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Wasn't that good? It was real New York pizza.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
No, no, it's not unless a real, authentic New York
pizza can also be found in Terminal four of the
Phoenix Sky Harbrand National Airport.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
It's familiar.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
It's a chick and Governor Palin by the way, No disrespect,
no disrespect to you.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
You're a guest in our city.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
We should offer you the finest that our hospitality has
to offer you.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
I just would have.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Thought Captain Combover could have pulled that one off. I mean,
for sake, it's New York City. I mean, I hate
to use this term, this.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
Close to ground zero, but we're a bit of a
pizza mecca. I mean, you know we got we got Lombardy's. Honestly, Lombardi's.
Go down to Lombardi's.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
All this pizza in town. Litter literally found that in
nineteen oh five. They make their own pork saucers. You
go to Grimaldi's under the Brooklyn Bridge, a brick oven,
but go there early by four o'clock.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
The lines out to the East River.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Totano's Coney Island, not on thin crust with sweet sauce.
Are Touros on Houston Street col love and lightly charred crust.
Speaker 4 (03:08):
Go to John's, Oh John's, go to the one on Bleeker.
If that's full, go to the John's on the airper
West Side's not the same vibe. But the pies.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Doninos on Staten Island, they got the bread crumbs.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
On the bottom. Go Joe's on Carmine Street, just get
a slice.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Go to Jose and Garcy donald.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Familia in Broadway.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Now I get it, I get it.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
You're in a hurry.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Maybe there's security concerns. I'll forgive you this selection. I
apologize it let's just go to the content of your
meeting and then we'll.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Just shut up a bitch.
Speaker 4 (03:46):
Love And you stack your slices, not.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
With all due.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Respect, You stacked slices a pizza. The steam from the
bottom of the slice is gonna make the top.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Crust set you piece.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Maybe all those years, all those years of making your
hair do whatever it is that it does. You think
you can go around layering any thing you want to
layer and no one's gonna say anything about it.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
But you cannot.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
You know something, I apologize, I apologize, no disrespect, I apologize.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
Let's let's continue with the meeting.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Is are you waiting it with a form?
Speaker 4 (04:29):
And for.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
No lah for sat donaka ah at toll dead dead
bey ab diablo.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Donald Trump, why don't you just take that pork and
stick it right in New York's eye?
Speaker 4 (04:55):
Donald Trump? We work hard and you do this.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
You disrespect us in our own house, Scato gucc You
can put your name on everything. You can build your
glass and gold painted buildings to.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
The sky blocking out the Central Park sun.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
It's fine, it's fine, but you invite an important visitor
at our house to our town and eat your pizza
with a fork.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
Right in front of us. Hould off?
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Do you k you know what?
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Hey, why don't you take a Fiorea La Guardian's hat
and feed it to Jodamazio's crying ghost on Liberty Island?
Speaker 5 (05:34):
You son of a bix, You son of a bitch,
Watch and learn, Watch and learn, for God's sakes, watch
and learn.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
You fold the real.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
You've folding?
Speaker 1 (06:04):
You falled in.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
You eat it one hand, you got the other hand free?
You bull up armeisan a little regno, little red pepper.
Maybe you're a point of your friend.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Ago religious is n Maybe you guy you're not walking
in the go ahead to take care of that.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
That all right, very night?
Speaker 5 (06:18):
Or maybe you just use your other hand to take
and irresponsible.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Non anapkins bab it on there, or maybe a few
minutes later you just throw them the cow.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
You can throw them out, or you leave them on
the table and go. You want to tip your tip?
Speaker 1 (06:32):
What do I look like a bus boy? Hould this respect?
Speaker 4 (06:35):
Actually? I was at busboys? Would my point is this?
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Donald?
Speaker 4 (06:44):
I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna tell your stories. I'm
gonna tell your stories.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
I'm gonna tell your story, Donald Trump, my grandparents immigrated
to this country. My grandfather worked as a taxi driver
in Brooklyn. My other grandfather worked as a dry cleaner
in Washington Heights. I do not come from successful stock,
but every day they work their fingers at a bone
to a bone because it was their dream that someday
(07:13):
their grandson could afford some DVDs of all of Robert
de Niro's movies so that he could, little Jewish boy
of Latvian, Lithuanian and Mongolian blood could one day, one day,
god willing huh.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
Pretend to be Italian on television. And now you have
the ball stayed pizza with a fork.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
You know what, based on how you with pizza, Donald,
I want to see your long form birth certificate.
Speaker 4 (07:48):
I don't think you were really born in Europe.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Now, the only thing this is true, the only thing
anyone in New York, New Jersey, the entire tri state
region is really talking about, is the ongoing fallout, the
scandal involving Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey, the closing
the George Washington Bridge.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
The new mayor of the Big Apple is dealing with
a scandal of his own.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
Wait what the mayor of build a Blasio scandal.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
What the guy's barely been mare of in New York
for two weeks. He handled a major snowstorm, he did
all right there, he's already he's pushing.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
For sweeping reform. He's been doing a fine job.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
What sort of scandal could he possibly be involved in?
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Mayor build a Blazier may not necessarily eat pizza like
most New Yorkers.
Speaker 4 (08:49):
You have my attention.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
I mean he's a guy's like six ' ten, he's
a large man. Does he eat pizzas is the other
ritz crackers?
Speaker 4 (08:57):
I mean, I don't foot.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
So what so unless he rolls up a pie into
a ball and takes it as a suppository a Grimaldi's idol.
Speaker 4 (09:06):
Oh, I don't see the problem.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
So the mayor stopped by first licensedmate in island this afternoon.
He cut his pizza with a knife and a fork.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Breathe, Johnny, breath, Johnny.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
I know what this is is nonsense.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
This is a distraction a part of the liberal media
from the real issue, which is Governor Christie's failure to
take responsibility for his administration.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
To PLAUSI you, you son of a bitch.
Speaker 4 (09:52):
He's supposed to be champion in the middle class.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Two weeks into your term and we catch you eating
pizza a a Trump.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
And you call yourself a radical socialist. Penton just throwing ease.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Look, I understand there's a learning curve to being a mayor,
but here's lesser than number one. Learn how to eat
your city signature dish. If you were mayor Phildelphi, would
eat a cheese steak with a knife and fork. If
you were mayre of Buffalo, would you eat chicken wings
with a knife and fork? If you win a mayor
of Boston, would you eat clam chowder?
Speaker 4 (10:28):
Would? Right?
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Even there, the methods hands.
Speaker 6 (10:33):
In my ancestral homeland, it is more typical to eat
with a fork and knife.
Speaker 4 (10:42):
I get it. I get it. You're Italian, I get it.
You're Italian. Not a Jew impersonating Italian. That's nice.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
You're just respecting your your native lands customs. One thing, though,
were you elected the mayor of Italy? No, look out
the window of the pizzeria you are currently shamer.
Speaker 4 (11:00):
Look out the window.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Do you see as Sistine chapel or leaning tower piece
out the window?
Speaker 4 (11:06):
You don't? You see several junk yards and a tanning salon.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
You know, what cause you?
Speaker 2 (11:08):
It's that an island, the island that isn't shaped like
a boot, It just rerounds like one. And when you're
in Staten Island you eat your pizza like a disgusting savage.
You're just like every other person in this city. Dona
sound and say to you as your up, everyone knows
(11:30):
you're not a real New Yorker until your shirt has
at least seven sea through orange grease stages on it.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
You know what I'm talking about? The Blasio.
Speaker 6 (11:37):
You have a piece like this, I had a lot
on it.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Oh, you had a lot of Do you have toppings?
Do you have toppings?
Speaker 2 (11:56):
You of all pizza, You of all people.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
Are worried about holding your pizza. You with your enormous
Kong hands.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
You know that big wood thing that used to slide
the pizza into the oven.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
That thing was built after what are your hands?
Speaker 2 (12:23):
I'm pretty sure at a pizza parlor that thing is
called at the Blasio.
Speaker 6 (12:27):
I often start with a knife and fork, but then
I cross over to the American approach and pick it
up when I go farther into the pizza.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
You were starting with there there you being.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Over that what was this mixed martial arts. What do
you mean if you started you're eating a slice of pizza,
a grindou and I start out with an Italian approchest,
which is the American.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Then I go with the Mongolian cheese slip.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Now you pick it up and you eat it with your.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
Admittedly, your predecessor Bloomberg did not eat it with his hands.
He would usually have an assistant cut it up in
chewing in the feature like a baby bird.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
But you're not that. You're a man of the people,
he like one.
Speaker 4 (13:11):
We'll be right back. Pay about have I got tonight?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
His New York City's one hundred and ninth mayor, Please
welcome to the program, Mayor Bill de Blasio.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
So ho are you now?
Speaker 6 (13:32):
I'm killing good? I just wish we had done a
better job getting that snow up to the Upper East Side.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
I know you'll get it up there.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
You know this is since you've been mayor, it is
snowed what three times times?
Speaker 4 (13:43):
Yeah? I remember Bloomberg twelve years never snowed once. What.
Speaker 6 (13:47):
I think he paid the right guy, That's what I'm
This is what I'm talking to me. He had the money.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
Has it been overwhelming?
Speaker 6 (13:55):
It's NonStop it's twenty four seven is the ultimate twenty
four to seven job, right. But I love this place.
It's a really great place and it's endlessly fascinating to me.
But I'd like to snow dand yes, I've done the
snow experience. I'd like to try something else.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Now here's the thing. So you've got there's a lot
of issues that I want to get today. We've got,
you know, stopping frisk you're going to be stopping that.
We've got a pre K education tax policy, We've got
the stables situation. But there's one thing in particular that
is I think many New Yorkers are talking about, and
it's in many ways egregious.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
And let's take a look.
Speaker 3 (14:32):
Bill Deblasio is caught on camera this week eating pizza
with a knife and fork.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
Now, Bloomberg, as you know, used to have his food
chewed and then put back into his mouth like a
baby bird. But this is unacceptable, sir, So maya. This
is from It's called John's Pizza.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
Real.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
This is this is it's called a It's a sausage
and mushroom from John. John's is one of the greatest
pizza places in the history of pizza.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
I thought maybe you and I could break bread. We
could share a slice. Would you like a slice? Would
love a slice with your What are you doing?
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Okay?
Speaker 6 (15:26):
Thank you, don.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
John.
Speaker 4 (15:30):
I gotta teach you everything I.
Speaker 6 (15:31):
Want to say John as mayor of Napolis, I mean
New York City. Yes, we we are always ready for
our pizza.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Oh my god, don't even come on, come on talk
to me.
Speaker 6 (15:47):
There's another way.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
Oh, let me show you, let me, let me watch.
Let me just show you. Oh dog, the beautiful slice
of pizza. Hey, Bloomberg's gone right?
Speaker 6 (15:57):
Can you that technique for him?
Speaker 1 (16:04):
You have a have a photo.
Speaker 4 (16:13):
We should have a big golf. I put a big
golf down there for you.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
What's get it out? A big down here?
Speaker 4 (16:19):
Yeah, here we go.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (16:22):
Oh you are gigantic.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (16:25):
In his hands, it looks like a regular shoulder.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Cheeris We'll be going more of a mare to bag
at bay.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
A back.
Speaker 4 (16:43):
I have very good news.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
As of today, New York's new mayor isn't the only
thing about New York City that is freakishly tall.
Speaker 4 (16:52):
It's official now.
Speaker 7 (16:54):
The New World Trade Center building in New York City
is now the tallest guy scraper in the country.
Speaker 4 (17:12):
Whoa maydagas a dozen years. But when we do it,
we do it big.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
It's celebration, of course, with the truths in the sadness,
but still tallest building in America, and we weren't always
sure that would happen.
Speaker 8 (17:28):
An international panel of architects ruled that the needle a
top one World Trade Center is a spire, not just
an antenna, and is thus a permanent part of the building.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
It's the spire on top that makes it the tallest
building in the United States.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Oh yeah, spire on top brokely of course.
Speaker 4 (17:50):
Obviously.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
The only concern with having a spire like that on
top of the New York skyscraper is keeping stripper King
Kong off of it, putting himself their giant ape college.
So now I suppose that because we're now number one,
unfortunately somebody else has to be number two.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
It topped Chicago's Willis Tower formerly the Sears Tower, which
held the title for four decades.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
I think this is less about the competition of the
cities this time because of the significance of this building.
Speaker 4 (18:22):
You know, Poppy, I couldn't agree more. Rebuilding the World
Trade Center brings all Americans together. What kind of an
ass would see this as a competition.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
I would just say this.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
To all the expertsy catherin in one row.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
If it looks like an antenna, that's like an antenna.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
I think.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Guess what it is?
Speaker 4 (18:42):
Anent?
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Today, on this wonderful sunny day in Chicago, you are
standing in the tallest occupied spot in a building that
you can stand in North America, and then.
Speaker 7 (18:51):
Will continue to be the case regardless of the decision
today by the council.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
Won't you talk about it?
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Willis Tower's fine, fine, We'll take tallest building in the
United States, and you can have tallest occupied spot in
a building you can stand in North America.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
You know what, Chicago, what are you so mad about?
Speaker 2 (19:19):
We already gave you, guys, murder capital of the United States.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
Do you really think?
Speaker 2 (19:25):
You really think we can't kill more people than you?
Speaker 4 (19:30):
Please? We let you win.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Come on, let's not.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
Let's not do this. Let's just agree with both great buildings,
both great cities. I love Chicago.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
You know what, Let's have a toast, a little toast
to New York and Chicago will have oh geez, with
a little dirt.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
Rude bertrand Krement limocks. That's the that's the did we really?
Is this real?
Speaker 2 (19:55):
I beg this would be like ginger ale, but it's
not a toast piece between New York and Chicago.
Speaker 4 (20:03):
Well, new York City won today.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
It's no contest which city takes the cake.
Speaker 4 (20:08):
When it comes to well, just about everything else.
Speaker 6 (20:11):
Deep Dish pizza is quite good.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Okay, I was gonna be nice, but now you've gone
too far.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
So let me explain something. Deep Dish pizza is not
only not better than.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
New York pizza, it's not pizza. It's a cast role.
I'm surprised you haven't thought to complete your Deep Dish
pizza by putting some.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
Canned onion rings on top of it.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
It's a corn bread biscuit which you've melted cheese on,
and then, in defiance of God and Man and all
things holy, you poured uncooked maranara sauce.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
Atop the cheese, a top the cheese on top the
sauce naked cold.
Speaker 2 (21:24):
I'll display like some sort of sauce woord. You know
the expression there's no such thing as bad sex or
bad pizza. Your pizza is like sex with a corpse
made of sandpaper.
Speaker 4 (21:37):
Let me tell you something.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
This is not pizza. This is tomato soup and a
bread bowl. This is in above ground the Marinara swimming
pool for rats.
Speaker 4 (21:49):
Let me tell you something about your not pizza.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
I want to know when I get drunk and pass
out on my pizza, that I'm not gonna drown.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
Let me tell you something.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
I look at this. I look at his mon, you
son of a bitch. I look at thish lebo. I
look at this.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
When I look at your deep dish pizza, I don't
know whether they eat it or throw a coin in
it and make a wish. And if I made a wish,
it would be and I wish for some real pizza.
Speaker 4 (22:28):
Now, now, in all due respect, I realized it's very
cold in Chicago, very cold. It's windy.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
You need to be able to, I don't know, have
a pizza and maybe cut it open and climb inside
it like a town town to keep warm.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
Seriously, who you're kidding?
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Who uses an iron skillet to make a pizza. You
don't use an iron skill to make a pizza. Use
an iron skillet to fend off someone who tries to
serve you. Pizza made me skill, There's how I know
I'm right. You call it Chicago style pizza. You call
it deep dish pizza, stuffed pizza. You know we call
it huh, you know we call this you know we
(23:09):
call this pizza.
Speaker 4 (23:15):
Well, that's nice.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Not by the way, you don't put tomatoes and celery
salt hot dogs either.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Everybody knows there's three acceptable condiments for a hot dogs.
There's mustard, onions and stagnant cartwater.
Speaker 4 (23:27):
That git. We'll be run back a little while back
on the program. I personally don't watch it.
Speaker 2 (23:38):
I think it's crash. I may have mentioned something about
Chicago style pizza and how it tended to be less
pizza ish than pizza.
Speaker 4 (23:52):
I was gesticulating quite a bit during that clut.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Inarticulating that sentiment, I may have him plied that deep
dish pizza tastes like a string cheese that had been
baked for two hours inside of Mike Dick's ass. So
I said that on my program, and apparently Chicago.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
Has television.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
Chains are no doubt taking personal offense to The Daily
Show host John Stewart's rant against our deep dish pizza.
John Stewart trashing our Chicago style pizzas.
Speaker 6 (24:34):
I take big offense because our Chicago Deep Dish is
the best.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Picking on our pizza, A little bit of a ribbings,
come on, take one bite and it is irresistible.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
I'm not a Deep Dish fan myself. I love Stan Cress.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Ship a frozen to California so I can have it.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
I'm just not a Deep Dish fan.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
Get to the traffic and weather rider.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I'm late and I need to know if I need
to wear a coat. Anyway, some people thought that my
contribution to the Pizza dialogue was not particularly well reasoned.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
John Stuart went on a rant. Stuart fired off a tirade.
Speaker 6 (25:24):
It continued like that for a while, in that cheesy
New York accent.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
Cheesy New York accent. Who do you think you are
talking about? A cheesy New York accent? You sort of
you forget it? Wait a minute, you know what?
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Actually I hear it now you're right now that you
mention it, it is somewhat pronounced. If I was ranting, well,
I don't know what to say. It was nothing compared
to what people on Twitter were ranting back, like Hugh
John Stewart for saying keep this pizza, isn't pizza die?
(26:11):
That particular Twitter user did not specify the method by
which I should die, but I can only assume it
would be poisoning by deep dish pizza. And of course,
whenever there's a spirited back and forth, you just know
Chicago Mara Emmanuel is going to get involved.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
This is the gift that Mayor Ram Emmanuel sent to
John Stewart on The Daily Show.
Speaker 8 (26:33):
The Daily Show posted this vine video showing even a
dog rejecting the deep Dish pizza from the.
Speaker 4 (26:40):
Mayor off our dog Quali.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
That h that there is one of The Daily Show
dog's Quali, and for the record, he didn't want the pizza.
But I have seen that dog eat not only garbage,
but happily spend his entire day with his nose in.
Speaker 4 (27:02):
Another dog's butthole.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
The other dog, by the way, is Parker, and in
Quality's defense, Parker has an amazing butthole, elegant, sophisticated, with
just a.
Speaker 4 (27:18):
Sousson of snausage. I hope Chicago's are not too upset,
And in the.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Spirit of healing, I'm going to bring out a guy
who actually came by our show the other day to
give us some Chicago pizza. Please welcome Mark Malnatti of
lumaal Naughti's Pizzeria in Chicago. Come on out, Mark, this
is this is very enough common said, all right, come
and said this.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Is please have a seats?
Speaker 4 (27:42):
You want to put those down there? We go.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
That's that's very nice. Now this is Mark Malnatty. You
run lu mal Naughty's Pizza.
Speaker 4 (27:50):
I do this.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
How long have you guys been in the pizza business.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Well, we're the fourth generation bright seventy years.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
Seventy years of pizza. That's unbelievable. And you brought us
some plates. Yeah? Is this because how about that? Is
this because the pope? This is Chicago, John explain, Let
me just give me the thing. Come on, come on,
come on, John, Well, at least let me set some
New York ambiance there.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Let me get that's the pizza thing that Oh, let
me get a little hold on nice nice alright, look
at it.
Speaker 4 (28:26):
I'll tell you it looks very good. You know, I
could really be. You want to just put that right
on there? There you go? Thank you, my friend.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
Holy I don't know what your I don't know what
you know? What was the picture.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
I don't know what the picture was your head the
other day.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
Hold on, hold on a second, let me let me
just try and get up on the table.
Speaker 4 (28:45):
Here we go. All right, we're good, We're good. All right.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
So yeah, stopping here here here?
Speaker 4 (29:03):
What am I an animal? This is?
Speaker 2 (29:10):
This is for Chicago. I have great friends there. It's
a beautiful city.
Speaker 4 (29:15):
Go ahead, now, I'll tell you what.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
I dare you to tell me that that isn't the
best thing you've ever had in your life.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Now, I don't know what that big fat castle the
other day was.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
Let me tell you what.
Speaker 4 (29:28):
It's very tasty. Thank you. It's very tasty. You're a
reasonable man. It's very very tasty.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
And I apologize, you know, truth, all right, A truth
Chicago not.
Speaker 4 (29:42):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
I appreciate that. It's very tasty. New York pizza is
very good. And at least, let's face facts. We're not California.
I mean California pizza. I mean that is that is honestly,
and I say this without the respect couple.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
That is a I'll tell you what it ain't.
Speaker 8 (30:02):
It ain't Chicago pizza.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Thank you, a great Mark, malnaughty everybody, thank you, my
friend Ball and Marsh Bob Colly, Nature Gun.
Speaker 4 (30:10):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by.
Speaker 2 (30:13):
Searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcast.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Watch The Daily Show week nights at eleven ten.
Speaker 6 (30:19):
Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on
Fairmount Plus.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
This has been a Comedy Central podcast
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