Cupcakes

This week we meet Bev. Not so very long ago Bev was single, happy and wild. Then 30 hit, maternal hormones raged, and, well, here we are. With hubby in the suburbs and four kids under three.  
 
4 under 3! Yikes!  
 
Will she make it? Survive the gauntlet? Hard to say. She’s already at wit’s end. And the day has only just begun. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to the ten Minute Storyteller. That's me Bill Simpson,
your host, narrator and author. We hear at the ten
minute Storyteller endeavor to entertain you with tall tales rendered
swiftly and with the utmost empathy. We pledge to pack
as much entertainment, emotion, and exploration into the human condition

(00:31):
as ten minutes will permit. Mini novels on steroids. This
week we meet Bev. Not so very long ago, Bev
was single, happy and wild. Then thirty hit, maternal hormones raged,
and well, here we are with hubby in the suburbs

(00:56):
and four kids under three. Three yikes? Will she make
it survive the gauntlet? Hard to say. She's already at
wits end and the day has only just begune cupcakes.

(01:17):
At the crack of dawn, Bev mixes the batter for
the birthday cupcakes. It's now or never. House will be
bedlam within half an hour, less a mad house and
insane asylum. And then Tom, the CPA with the oh
so important job, will off to the office for the

(01:37):
next twelve hours and it'll be four on one. Bev size,
but keeps moving, creams the butter and measures the flour.
She can't believe Molly is suddenly three years old, or
will be this afternoon and next month the twins turn
two and tiny Alley two weeks old Tomorrow came out

(02:01):
of the blue. Has some breathing issues, just more fear
and stress. Four kids under three, Bev, here's herself, Mutter.
Four kids under three, God help me. Molly, the oldest
was born in the early afternoon, after a grueling pregnancy

(02:23):
and a brutal twelve hour labor that started before midnight
and wore Bev to a frazzle. Finally, around nine the
following morning, the pain overwhelming, she'd given in and taken
the epidural. She told Tom that night, lying on the
hospital bed, trying to nurse, take a good look at

(02:46):
your little girl, their partner, because she's the only one
you get, at least for me. I'm one and I'm done.
Nine months of morning sickness, night and day, and then
that labor. I can't go through that hell again. No way,
nohow famous last words. No sex after the birth for

(03:08):
six to eight weeks. Those were the doctor's orders. Once
they got to green light, they had some very sweet, quiet,
tender love making with wee Molly of sleep in the
antique bassinette at the foot of the bed. After at
a whisper, they discussed various types of birth control, the pill,

(03:30):
iud condoms, diaphragm contraceptive sponge. These post coital discussions went
on for a few weeks, and then for a couple
of months. They went on just a little too long. Yep,
BEV got prego again with twins, this time Kate and

(03:50):
Tom Junior. Tommy born exactly four hundred days after big
sister Molly Irish triplets. Bev adds all the ingredients into
the mixing bowl, twists the ball onto the base of
the mixer, but hesitates to turn the mixer on. She
knows the slightest noise will wake the baby sleeping on

(04:14):
the floor over in the living room, and Ali will
immediately begin to cry, which will wake up Tommy, who
will immediately bark a list of demands, a diaper change
being first on his list. I mean, the boy poops
like ten times a day, a pooping machine. His demands

(04:34):
will bring Kate and Molly wide awake, and the pandemonium
will begin forty five minutes earlier than usual. Bev does
not start the mixer, nor does she reheat her lukewarm
coffee in the microwave, opening and closing the door. The
damn buzzer blaring at the end of the thirty second reheat.

(04:56):
Any sound at all will bring Little Ali from her
infinite dreams. So Bev takes that lukewarm coffee into the
dining room and sits and starts to cry. She has
these crying fits every few hours, usually in the bathroom
so the kids don't see or hear. She never gets

(05:18):
to cry for long. A disaster can occur at any moment, choking,
falling down the stairs, poisoning, strangling in the cords of
the blinds, drowning in the tub. Bev refuses to allow
herself to admit this, but she has had thoughts of
doing these things to the children. All the things she

(05:41):
goes on earth to prevent, she has considered doing thoughts
of harming the children. She knows this is not good, No,
not good at all. The mood swings and the trouble sleeping,
the irritability and crying all run of the mill, new
baby blue stuff. Just ask her mother. When Bev tries

(06:02):
to talk to her mother, tell her how she's feeling.
Mom blows it off and says, oh, Bev, don't be
so dramatic. You've always been so dramatic. Or when she
chats up her best pal Bonnie, still no hubby, no kiddies.
That's perfectly normal stuff, Bev. I just read something about
it in Cosmo having a kid as well. You know,

(06:26):
it's life changing, and you've got four of them. No,
Bev likes to believe what Mom and Bonnie say, and
so even the anxiety and the hopelessness and the loss
of appetite she suffers with a shrug. I mean, what
girl in her right mind with four kids under three

(06:47):
wouldn't indulge in a bit of postpartum depression. After all,
any and all freedoms Bev enjoyed prior to motherhood are
now relics of the past, gone, gone, forever. But Bev
knows there's more. Can't deny it no matter how hard

(07:07):
she tries. The confusion and the disorientation, the paranoia that
Tom is on purpose trying to drive her mad, and
the crazy thoughts of harming the children. This Bev knows
is some very irrational and crazy shit. Just four years ago,

(07:27):
Bev was single, living with Bonnie in their two bedroom
apartment in the city, a nice job at the magazine
doing editing and layout, going to bars, going to nick
games at the garden, down to the beach, down to Jamaica,
footloose and fancy free, occasional boyfriend, never for more than

(07:47):
a few weeks at a time. But then then out
of the blue, she hit thirty and all these wild
hormones kicked in and took over. And suddenly Tom, who
has kind of been hanging around the periphery, no big
thing in her life, just slipping in and out of
the business office, well, suddenly suddenly Tom looked like a

(08:11):
combination of Brad Pitt and Tom Brady. Plus her mom
liked him so well. They got married, and she got pregnant,
and Bev quit her job, and they bought this snazzy
house out here in the snuburbs, which she absolutely fucking loathes,
San fucking Quentin. But here they all are, all six

(08:33):
of them, Bev size. It all happened so fast, in
the blink of the proverbial eye. And now now now
these crazy thoughts. She glances at her watch. It won't
be long, now, fifteen minutes and the monsters will stir
from their layers. No signs of mental illness throughout adolescents

(08:55):
or early adulthood, none at all, Nothing other than that
brief episod So back in high school junior year, when
she went through a little obsessive compulsive thing for a
few months a year or so, thoughts would be in
her head and she wouldn't be able to push them out,
drive them away. The parents send her to a therapist,
and the stupid woman only made things worse. She wanted

(09:18):
Bev to explore her feelings, get in touch with her
in herself, be willing to expand her consciousness. What crap ola.
Bev just wants to run for her life. She wants
to get in the minivan and drive to the other
side of the country, invent a whole new identity, become

(09:39):
a whole different person, get a job as a cocktail waitress,
get laid by a different guy every single night. All
these thoughts, too, she knows, are completely off the wall.
She's never had these kinds of thoughts before. She's always
been a good, stable, steady girl. Still, it would be

(10:00):
the right and proper thing to do to get away
from the children before she harms them, or is this
just some kind of an excuse She doesn't know. She's
not sure, BEV. Here's Tommy moving around in his crib.
He'll start to babble soon, then sing, then shout mom, Mom, Mom.

(10:20):
She'll never get the cupcakes made. Never, She'll never get
those cupcakes made. No, she won't. She'll never get the
laundry into the washer, the dirty dishes into the dishwasher,
the dust and grime into the vacuum cleaner, the toast
into the toaster or into the children. She'll never get
a shower, never again. Her hair will be awful and

(10:43):
greasy until the end of time. She'll never again sit
at a small round table at an outdoor cafe with
her best friend Bonnie and sip an ic cold pomegranate
martini and just check out the boys walking down the wide.
Her crying becomes a bit more audible, a bit more desperate.

(11:07):
Tommy starts to shout mom, mom, mom. Alie starts to cry.
Kate mimics her twin brother, mommy, mommy, mommy. Molly races
into the dining room. It's my birthday. It's my birthday,
my third birthday, my third birthday. I'm the birthday girl
all day, Today's my day. Cakes and cupcakes all day,
all day, all day. What is it? Bev wonders, with

(11:30):
all the repetition, why do these children have to repeat
everything over and over and over. The repetition drives Bev
to distraction, brings her to the edge of rage. Allie
cries louder. Kate shouts, mommy, mommy, mommy. Tom touches her shoulder.

(11:51):
She looks up. He's shaved, showered, bright eyed, dressed, and
ready to embrace the world. He's ready to get the
hell out of here. Okay, He asks, you look like
you know, like you were crying. She fakes a smile. Oh,
just tears of joy, honey, tears of joy. Oh stiff
upper lip, kid, stiff upper lip. Come on, never give

(12:12):
up the ship. Love you more than life itself. His
cliches make her sick. He speaks in nothing but cliches.
If he could speak with emojis, he would. What the
hell was she thinking marrying this dipwod When life gives
you lemons, make lemonade. Honey, I hate you, she wants

(12:33):
to say, but manages not to. Tom gives her a
little peck on the cheek and heads for the kitchen.
He inhales a quick bowl of corn flakes and begins
the countdown to take off, and seconds later he's out
the door and on his way to undiscovered galaxies the cupcakes.

(12:55):
She calls after him, but he's gone. Tom is long
gone the cupcakes. She shouts again, sobbing, agitated, maybe delusional, God,
she hopes, not suicidal or infanticidal. I have to finish
the cupcakes. She never does. Thanks for listening to this

(13:23):
original audio presentation of Cupcakes narrated by the author. If
you enjoyed today's story, please take a few seconds to rate, review,
and subscribe to this podcast, and then go to Thomas
William Simpson dot com for additional information about the author

(13:43):
and to view his extensive canon. The Ten Minute Storyteller
is produced by Andrew Pliglisi and Josh Klani and is
part of the Elvis Duran Podcast Network in partnership with
iHeart Productions. Until next time, this is Bill Simpson, your
ten Minute Storyteller.