Session 321: Some Thoughts On Playing Small

The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.

I've been wanting to experiment with sharing some quicker, more actionable episodes with you and this is my first foray into that. Right now, my working title for these episodes is "I have some thoughts on ___ ." Today, I have some thoughts on playing small inspired by this question, "How much different would your life be if you actually went after what you wanted?" Share your thoughts with me after you've had a chance to listen on your favorite social media channel. I'm @hellodrjoy everywhere. 

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Our Production Team

Executive Producers: Dennison Bradford & Maya Cole Howard

Producers: Fredia Lucas, Ellice Ellis & Cindy Okereke

Production Intern: Zariah Taylor

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly
conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small
decisions we can make to become the best possible versions
of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor Joy hard and Bradford,
a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or

(00:32):
to find a therapist in your area, visit our website
at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you
love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is
not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with
a licensed mental health professional. Hey y'all, thanks so much

(00:57):
for joining me for session three twenty one of Therapy
for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our conversation
after a word from our sponsors. Which friend are you?
And your sister circle? Are you the wallflower, the peacemaker,
the firecracker or the leader? Take the quiz at Sisterhoodheels
dot com slash quiz to find out, and then make

(01:20):
sure to grab your copy of Sisterhood Heels to find
out more about how you can be a better friend
and how your circle can do a better job of
supporting you. Order yours today at Sisterhoodheels dot com I've

(01:44):
been wanting to experiment with shorter, more actionable field episodes
for a minute, so today is my first foray into
what I'm right now calling I have some thoughts on
blank for this episode, I want to share some thoughts
on playing small. This weekend, I started rewatching Insecure from

(02:04):
the beginning and was struck when one of the first
lines Esa has in episode one is her asking herself,
how much different would my life be if I actually
went after what I wanted? Now y'all already know Insecure
is one of my favorite shows for lots of reasons,
but chief among them is the ability the writing has

(02:25):
to pierce at the heart of what so many of
us struggle with, in this case, the struggle with playing
it safe, not doing too much, not taking up more space.
With this line, Esa verbalizes a dilemma many of us
have or are currently trying to navigate. What would happen

(02:48):
if I really went after the life I really want
for myself? Now? There are a lot of reasons why
this might be hard for us. It could be that
even though we like something different, our current state is comfortable,
while the idea of an unknown makes us uncomfortable. It

(03:08):
could be that we don't know what steps to take
to get to what's next, or it may be that
we doubt our ability to actually obtain what we truly want.
If this is something you struggle with, I want to
share a few questions for you to consider and maybe
even take to your journal if you'd like. That just

(03:29):
might help you to get some clarity on what's stopping
you from playing bigger and help you to take some
steps in the direction toward the life you really want?
Question number one? What are you afraid will happen? If

(03:51):
you went after what you really wanted in life? What
would happen? Is there fear related to this decision? What
are you afraid will happen? Question number two? Whose criticism
sounds the loudest in your head? Many times it's difficult

(04:13):
for us to move forward because we've been criticized in
the past. Does someone's voice come to mind? Whose voice
is it? Question three? What will have to be left
behind in order to go after what you want? Are

(04:33):
there habits that you'll have to leave behind? Environments, maybe
even people? What will have to be left behind to
go after what you want? And is the grief related
to this keeping you at a standstill? Question four, what

(04:54):
support and our resources do you need and how can
you obtain it? Is there somebody or some organization you
need to reach out to that can answer some questions
for you? And question five, what's the smallest step you
can take towards this new reality? How can you take

(05:16):
a tiny, small step in this direction? Is it through
sending an email, maybe listening to a podcast, or someone
who has done what you're trying to do has been interviewed.
What's one thing you can do to get some movement started?
I want you to remember that the things that we

(05:38):
are called to do are often tied to the destiny
of others as well. So when the fear gets too
big or you get too worried about what others might say,
try to silence those thoughts by remembering that someone is
waiting for you to stop hesitating so that they can

(05:58):
take their next step as well. Well. If you're so inclined,
I'd love to hear the small step you're going to
take are the dream you've been sitting on, both to
celebrate with you and to serve as a space for
you to boldly proclaim walking in this new path. You
can find me across social media at Hello, doctor Joy.

(06:22):
Let me know what felt true for you about this episode.
If you're looking for a therapist in your area, make
sure to visit our therapist directory at Therapyfro Blackgirls dot
com slash directory, and don't forget to check out my
new book, Sisterhood Heels The Transformative Power of Healing and
Community at Sisterhoodheels dot com. This episode was produced by

(06:47):
Frida Lucas, Elise Ellis, and Zaria Taylor. Editing was done
by Dennis and Bradford. Thank y'all so much for joining
me again this week. I look forward to continuing this
conversation with you all real soon. Take good care which

(07:09):
friend are you and your sister circle? Are you the wallflower,
the peacemaker, the firecracker or the leader? Take the quiz
at Sisterhoodhels dot com slash quiz to find out, and
then make sure to grab your copy of Sisterhood Heels
to find out more about how you can be a
better friend and how your circle can do a better
job of supporting you. Order yours today at Sisterhoodheels dot com.