December 25, 2024 • 56 mins
The New Year often brings a whirlwind of pressure to reinvent ourselves, leading us to set unrealistic goals. In this final podcast episode of the year, I’m challenging you to consider what it might look like to spend these final days of 2024 reflecting, reframing, and being present rather than rushing ahead.
Please welcome meditation teacher Dora Kamau as our guest for this week. She is here to discuss how we might welcome in the new year by practicing mindfulness. With a background in Psychology and Psychiatric nursing, Dora leads workshops, events, and retreats to hold space for individuals to explore different expressions of presence. You may recognize Dora’s voice, as she is also a meditation teacher at Headspace, a leading mindfulness and meditation app.
Together, Dora and I unpacked some of the common anxieties that come up at the dawn of a new year, explored what it looks like to shift from making New Year’s resolutions to simply setting intentions, and gave tips for how you can incorporate mindfulness activities like journaling, meditating, and affirmation-setting into our daily lives as we enter 2025. And as a special end-of-the-year treat, we’ve included a 10-minute meditation from Dora to support you in easing any lingering worries as we head into 2025.
About the Podcast
The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.
Resources & Announcements
Radio Headspace + Dear Headspace
Wherever You Go, There You Are by John Kabat-Zinn
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
Joyfully Just by Kamilah Majied
Grab your copy of Sisterhood Heals.
Where to Find Dora
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly
conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small
decisions we can make to become the best possible versions
of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor joy hard and Bradford,
a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or
(00:32):
to find a therapist in your area, visit our website
at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you
love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is
not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with
a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much
(00:57):
for joining me for Session three ninety one of the
Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our
conversation after word from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Hi. I'm Dora Kamal and I am on the Therapy
for Black Girls Podcast. I'm in session today unpacking how
to set your intentions for the new year.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
The new year often brings a whorldwind of pressure to
reinvent ourselves, leading us to set unrealistic goals. In this
final episode of the year, I'm challenging you to consider
what it might look like to spend these final days
of twenty twenty four, reflecting, reframing, and being present rather
than rushing ahead. Please welcome meditation teacher Dora Kamal as
(01:45):
our guest for this week. She's here to discuss how
we might welcome in the new year by practicing mindfulness.
With the background in psychology and psychiatric nursing, Dora leeds workshops, events,
and retreats to whole space for individuals to explore or
different expressions of presence. You may recognize Dora's voice as
she's also a meditation teacher at Handspace, a leading mindfulness
(02:08):
and meditation app. Together, Dora and I unpack some of
the common anxieties that come up at the dawn of
a new year, explored what it looks like to shift
from making New Year's resolutions to simply setting intentions, and
gave tips for how you can incorporate mindfulness activities like journaling, meditating,
and affirmation setting into your daily lives As we enter
(02:31):
twenty twenty five. As our special end of the year
treat we've also included a ten minute meditation to support
you in easing any lingering worries as we head into
twenty twenty five. If something resonates with you while enjoying
our conversation, please share with us on social media using
the hashtag TVG in session, or join us over in
(02:52):
the Sister Circle to talk more about the episode. You
can join us at community dot Therapy for Blackgirls dot com.
Here's our conversation. It's so great to meet you, Dora.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Yeah, I was so excited for this conversation. I just
have to say, back in twenty twenty three, beginning of
the year, I have wrote down I want to be
on Therapy for Black Girls podcasts.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I have to be.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
I don't know how it was gonna happen, but here
we are. So it feels very aliging that I'm here
and we're talking about this subject today. So thank you
so much for all the work that you do. And yeah,
it's just all the upliftment that you provide for people
like me in this world.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Thank you. I appreciate that, and I'm glad we're having
some time to chat today because I'm a huge fan
of your work as well. I don't know if you
know this, but we do a gathering in our community
every Thursday, call three for Thursday, and we start typically
with a guided meditation or some kind of affirmation and
we often use your sessions from Handspace for that. So
I feel like you're already a part of the therapy
for Black girls world. Yayay, you have done so many
(04:01):
incredible things. You are like we talked about a part
of Handspace and the Nike well Collective, and I'd love
to hear just a little bit about how you got
to this journey of wellness and the things that you're
currently doing.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Yeah, it's been a while. I started to meditate back
in twenty ten after experiencing a tumultuous relationship and really
struggling with anxiety. And at first my mom was like,
go to therapy or go to church. And I went
to therapy and it just wasn't a fit. It wasn't
a therapist to understood what I was going through because
(04:33):
I was high functioning, I guess. And so that kind
of set me on my journey to understand my mind
because I had been i say, quote unquote normal up
until then, and then it felt like I couldn't be
in public spaces. I was afraid to talk to people.
My body felt like a foreign place to me, and
so I started to meditate hiding in my mom's house
(04:57):
in my bedroom in the closet because she did don't
want any meditating or chanting or booting, none of that
in her house. And from there something just clicked about
how powerful it is to know that your mind can
be such a beautiful and yet destructive place, and how
the body is always listening to the mind and the
mind's always listening to the body. And then I went
(05:19):
on to school and got my psychiatric nursing degree, and
I got my psychology degree, and then I was like, Okay,
this isn't it. And I was living in Canada at
the time, so I started to host different workshops and
community gatherings for black women to come together to talk
about mental health and meditation. And that set me on
(05:41):
my path just to I don't even like to call
myself an expert, but just a human being trying to
figure it out. And meditation is something that allowed me
to figure it out. And I love to share the
power of the practice because it's so misunderstood, like a
lot of these wellness things in our communities. So that's
how I got here.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah, so when you decided to start meditating, how did
you start? Like, did you just google something and find
some videos like, where did you start?
Speaker 2 (06:08):
I was on Google. I definitely in high school, they
used to call me ask Jeeves because I would always
ask jeez everything, if you remember.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Asked you how I do?
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Yeah, And so I went there and I was like,
how to get rid of panic in my body? And
meditation came up. There wasn't as many resources as there
are now, but tar Brock came up, who was a
well known meditation teacher and deep breathing. So I started
off with a deep breathing because that was easier to hide.
And so I listened to hip hop instrumentals in my
closet and just try to match my breath with the
(06:39):
rhythm of the music. And I did that for a
few weeks until it's like, okay, I want to learn
more about what's going on. And then I decided to
learn from tar Brock just online. She had a few
resources back then as well, and just kind of diy
ing it from there.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Mm hm. And you mentioned kind of having to hide
in the closet to do it because mom was like,
we not doing any of that and here, Yeah. And
I do think that that is one of the things
that is misunderstood, I think, particularly in communities of color
around like what is mindfulness and meditation and that it
is in some way in opposition, I think, to religion
and faith and spirituality. So can you talk a little
(07:16):
bit more about like that misconception.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
I can speak from my mom's perspective. So my mom
is from Kenya, my dad's from Ghana. Back then when
she was in school, the British came and so there
was a lot of colonization at that time, and I
think God was given to them. Religion was given to them.
Christianity was given to them from a place of fear. Right,
all of the traditional things and cultural things that you
(07:39):
people have been practicing is not right. And here's this
Bible and here's God and he will save you. And
so there's a lot of fear from my mom, and
I had to learn where that fear was coming from
and have a lot of compassion from it because in
what I know now was like God is someone that
had saved her during those really hard times. But I
think I think the misconception comes from just not understanding
(08:04):
what this practice is. So now many years later, my
mom is like, Okay, I understand what you're doing because
it's about just noticing your breath, being aware of your thoughts, emotions,
sensations in the body, and not necessarily tied to Buddhism
or Ganesha or all these other things that she had
thought it was tied to. Yes, it is if I'm
speaking about Buddhism, but mindfulness and the way that we
(08:28):
know it in the Western world is more science based
and talking more about the present moment, and there's not
that connection to Buddhism in the mindfulness space, So that
was easier for her to get behind, but still a
little trepidation. I went to India last year and it
was like I was back where I was in twenty
(08:48):
ten around like what are you doing? You're learning yoga?
What's going to happen there? Take the Holy water? I'm like, okay, yeah,
I acknowledge and I honor the fear that she has.
But I just had to recognize that fear is not
my fear and just speak science to her, because science
was the way that I was able to get through.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
You mentioned your training in psychology and as a psychiatric nurse.
How does that inform the work that you feel like
you do today.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Psychiatric nursing taught me a lot about trauma sensitive mindfulness,
I think, and a lot of people don't know that
it's such a privilege to be able just to close
your eyes and to be with your body and your
breath in such an intimate way. And for people who
are living with trauma or experiencing trauma, or survivors of trauma,
that's a really big thing, right, And even paying attention
(09:37):
can be really harmful for folks who are recovering from trauma.
And so a lot of what I do is trauma informed,
being a survivor of trauma myself, but also recognizing that
there are a lot of barriers when we just ask
people to sit down and to close their eyes and
notice their body and their breath. And I wanted to
make sure that this practice was accessible to all people.
(10:01):
So I'm very grateful that I was able to be
in psychiatric nursing and work with people from all types
of backgrounds in that space. My last job was in
addictions with women, and that let me know, like, Okay,
I can't just go in there and tell people to
practice compassion or take deep breath. Safety trust are so
so important in those environments, and that informs a lot
(10:23):
of what I do today cultivating safety and trust.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Can you talk about some of the other things that
are important as a part of a mindfulness practice when
you're thinking about being trauma sensitive, Like, I know the
closing of the eyes is one that I think a
lot of people know. But what other kinds of things
are you paying attention to?
Speaker 2 (10:40):
I would say agency and choice are a really big things.
So giving people modifications and different points of focus in
a practice. So again, if noticing the body's uncomfortable, notice
an area of the body that feels better. You can
open your eyes and notice an area in your rumor
and you're surrounding that feels good to look at. I
(11:01):
think reminding people that they have control over their practice.
I think when you go into studios, you never really
hear a teacher saying like, if it doesn't feel good,
you could leave. And I always tell people that this
does not feel good in any way. Don't think that
you need to be here to prove something to me
or yourself. Like that honoring of your body and whatever
(11:21):
it's communicating to you in the moment is so important.
And so I think reinstilling control for people and their practices,
not being the one that knows it all and I
know more than you, but really reminding people that they
are the expert of their own experience and normalizing some
of the things that can come up in practice. Right,
(11:42):
why does it feel like I'm going right back to
the past and my practice, or why is my mind
wandering or I'm distracted or I can't do this? And normalizing, Like,
the mind is designed to wander and to judge and
to think, and it's really important to normalize those things
for people living with trauma and people not living with
trauma and experiencing it in the present moment. So I
(12:03):
would say, yeah, agency choice and just normalizing some of
the experiences that we have in the practice.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Dora, as we start to think about the end of
one year the beginning of a new year, I'm curious
to hear what kinds of things are you typically reflecting
on and why do you think like this timeframe is
such a right time for like those kinds of reflections.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
I love to reflect. I have all my journals up
until like two thousand and fifteen, and so I hear
a lot of people talk about how you shouldn't read
your journals once you write in it. But I think
that reflection part that documentation of your life can be
really helpful to show you that change has been happening
in your life or growth has been occurring, because it's
(12:46):
hard when we just keep it up to our minds
to reflect in that way, right, There's so many different
things that can also come up in those moments of reflection.
So I find going back to my journals, looking back
at all the things that I've done, the place is
that I've been, the things that I've accomplished, the things
that I can be proud of towards the end of
the year, helps me to also look forward and set
(13:08):
plans for the year to come. So you don't journal,
highly recommend journaling, And I think there's a lot of
pressure for the new year because if there's this thing
about the new year being like a destination or everything
has to happen twenty twenty five, life is going to change.
And for me this could be because of my practice.
I just see it as a continuation, not necessarily like
(13:28):
the beginning and an ending, but you know, it's just
a continuation of like moment to moment, a series of moments,
rather than like this big catastrophic thing that's happening. Because
there's a lot of pressure in that right. I learned
the term the other day called a rival fallacy. So
it's this false idea that when we get to a
certain destination will be happy. And so if you put
(13:50):
all of that hope into twenty twenty five being the
year that you're happy and you realize, shoot, it's still
the same, it sets us up for a lot of disappointment.
And so just being aware of the pressure that we
can internalize or the external pressure that's there, and recognizing,
like it feels much better for me and hopefully for
everyone else, that life is just a series of moments,
(14:12):
you know, and it's a continuation from one moment to
the next, rather than one big moment and then another
big moment. Yeah, what about you? How do you start
an entire New Years?
Speaker 1 (14:23):
I typically like journaling also, and like using prompts because
I'm one of those people who does feel like I
typically need like a question or something to kind of
get started. So I would say journaling is also something
that's helpful for me, though I don't feel like I've
been as consistent or like I definitely don't have like
years of journals. I'm doing much more digital journaling, So
I probably have a bit electronically, but not paper, which
(14:45):
I do really love though, Like I love the idea
of paper journaling, but it's not something that I tend
to reach for, so I tend to take the path
of least resistance and just do it on my phone.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Love that.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Yeah, Yeah, and you mentioned you know, I do think
that there is like a lot of anxiety around this
like new Year knew me kind of like, Okay, this
is the year I'm going to start this thing. What
would you say that mindfulness can help? Like, how can
mindfulness help to reduce maybe some of that stress or
anxiety that people feel about a new year?
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Yeah, I mean mindfulness is this inherent ability, So we
can all practice mindfulness. We all have the ability to
be mindful, but being aware in the moment, on purpose,
without judgment, and so noticing your thoughts around this time
of year, noticing the different sensations that arise when you
are feeling anxious, like where is this anxiety coming from?
(15:37):
Where is this sense of urgency coming from? Where is
this pressure coming from? I think for me, detangling from
some of that because social media is a wonderful place
to connect with people but also there's a lot of
pressure from seeing people having all these different challenges. I
know January is like a hot time for challenges for
(15:58):
the new year. So just being able to be aware
of the different thoughts and emotions and sensations that we
experience in those times and meeting ourselves with compassion. One
practice for me that's been really helpful is looking to
nature as my guide, So being aware of the cycle
of nature and recognizing for me, it feels a bit
(16:18):
weird if I'm in winter during December and January to
set goals during that time because all the animals are
asleep right, things are hibernating, And I'm like, I feel
the same way too, So I'm going to hibernate and
when it's spring, when things are like taking flight, when
things are growing and budding. Okay, this feels like a
more aligned time for me to do the same. So
(16:40):
I think mindfulness has allowed me to assert my pace
in the world rather than getting lost in the pace
of the world, if that makes sense. And you can
only really do that when you're aware of what's going
on around you. So yeah, just being aware of where
you're at and looking to nature. I think nature is
a really beautiful teacher, and being able to find and
(17:00):
trust our own pace and timing in life.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
I appreciate that refrain because I do think you're right,
Like it's cold, and you know, sometimes it's rainy, Like,
do you really want to be out doing all this
new stuff or would it be better to do it
in the spring when it feels a little warmer outside.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Yeah, for sure. It just feels different too. I don't
know about you, but for me, I'm like, as soon
as it's fall, I'm tired. It's dark, gir outside, I'm like,
I just want to cuddle it cozy.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Yeah, yeah, you know. And I do think that a
lot of people take on this idea of like New
Year's resolutions and things that they want to change. If
that is the approach that people are taking, what kinds
of things do you think can help it feel less overwhelming?
Speaker 2 (17:41):
I think you said something important is the feeling of it.
So I decided to take a step back from goals
a few years ago because again, it was just like
a lot of pressure. There wasn't any grace to make
mistakes or to have to start over again. And so
I love the idea of setting intentions and usually y'all
think about how do I want to feel? So for'
twenty twenty five, how do I want to feel, whether
(18:03):
it's in my friendships, in my work and my relationships
and my personal life, like how is it that I
want to feel? And then making goals to reinforce that feeling,
and so whether it's daily goals and daily intentions that
we can set, or monthly goals or quarterly goals, and
then being able to check in right, Okay, this week
(18:24):
I felt horrible and one of my intentions this year
was to feel much better when I'm at work and
to not be as stressed. So what needs to shift?
What can I start to prioritize to prioritize that feeling?
So that can be a helpful practice, focusing on the
feeling and writing down intentions to reinforce and cultivate that
feeling in your life.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
So what kinds of ways could people organize that? So
you mentioned journaling, which could be one way to get
in touch with checking in on your feelings. I know
like vision boards and visualizations are also other things. Can
you talk a little bit about how people might use
either or any of those approb just to really check
in on this process.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Yeah, I love that. I love a good vision board.
I started putting it on my phone so it will
be my phone background. Rather than just like leaving it
in my closet or in my house somewhere. I like
to have it visible. Something interesting about the mind is
that we have this negativity bias. So it's much easier
for our minds to remember negative stimuli or negative memories
(19:23):
or negative experiences rather than focusing on the positive. And
so I'm sure if I was like, name a pleasant
moment and then name an unpleasant moment, people will be
much faster to name an unpleasant moment. And so knowing
that about the mind, being able to have your vision
board filled with intentions and hopes and desires and goals
(19:44):
for yourself, maybe affirmations, maybe places that you want to
go to or people that you want to speak to.
Having that as a collage on your phone and carrying
it with you can help you to reinforce this life
that you are wanting to create for yourself. Because again,
if you look on social media and you see somebody
else doing something that you want to do, it's like, dang,
(20:05):
I really want to be doing that thing. And then
you forget about the goals that you set for yourself.
So I'm a big fan of vision boarding, and also
doing this in community is really important too to have
people to hold you accountable. So I have a few
people in my life that I trust that I can
share my goals with. They'll check up on me and
(20:25):
they will call me out. For sure, They'll call me
out and let me know like, hey, this isn't sound
in alignment with what it is that you are desiring
for yourself. What's going on really speaking life into me?
Because again, left up to me, sometimes it give me
hard to achieve certain things. So I love the idea
of having a community or people in your life that
you can trust to help remind you of who you
(20:47):
are and what you are aspiring to be.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
More from our conversation after the break, but first a
quick stippet of what's coming up next week on TVG.
Speaker 4 (20:57):
I think about the idea of glowing up or having
a glow up, at least from a personal standpoint. I
think of it as taking intentional action to become the
best version of myself. So I'm not necessarily looking to
change who I am or how I look, or change
myself fundamentally, but I am looking to do intentional things
(21:20):
to step into my fullest potential.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Can you say more about, like how people might set
that up with their community, because it definitely sounds like
the kind of thing that I think people say they want,
but I would imagine it might feel a little off
putting the first time it happens, right, So can you
say more about, like how you and your community set
that up so that it can be done with love?
Speaker 2 (21:52):
I think yeah, And I think that's the thing. So again,
people that you trust, people that you feel safer. I
had shared a few goals last year with my therapist,
and every time that we would meet throughout the year,
you would have you check in. That was something that
I had spoke to her about. One of my goals
was like I want to know monthly check in with you.
But say I have my best friend. I've been best
(22:13):
friends with him for fifteen years, and every week I'll
be like, how are you feeling this week? What's going
on in your life? How can I support you? How
can I show up those goals that we set at
the beginning of the year. Are we on track? What's
going on? And so inviting people into the space of
like co creation, but also setting guidelines and rules. And
this could be because I'm a teacher, but I don't
(22:36):
like unsolicited advice, right, I Sometimes I just want people
to witness me and take me in. So settying boundaries
and guidelines with the people that you are collaborating with
so that you know that you all can be held
accountable and also be held accountable to the container that
you're creating. So what's the space need for everyone to
feel safe and to feel that they can trust the
(22:57):
other person. So it could be this thing of no
unsolicited advice or confidentiality or more compassion, patience, understanding, but
making sure that you set guidelines with people so that
it turns out to be an actual helpful and productive
experience and not one that you regret because it's a
vulnerable thing to share your dreams with people. I think
(23:18):
it's spoken about so lightly, but again, where you're planting
your seeds, I mean hopefully the soil and that foundation
is nourished with good things and not bad things.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Yeah, So you've kind of alluded to this idea of
social media, and we talk about it of course a
lot here on the podcast, right that it can't be helpful,
especially in thinking about like what do I want to
feel like in like what goals do I have? But
there does need to be limits. Can you say a
little bit more about what you've seen and maybe your
personal practice is around like boundaries on social media.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
A few days ago, it was reminding a friend of
noticing when we are feeling informed versus overloaded or overwhelmed
with information. It's like, we know, right, we know when
we're engaged and informed and things feel really good when
we're all online, and then it gets to a point
where it's like we're spiraling and we're scrolling and we're
looking for something or we're on there just mindlessly and
(24:15):
seconds turned into minutes and turned into hours and it's
like you spent your whole day on your phone. So
being able to know and be aware of the different
thoughts again and emotion sensations around what it feels like
to be informed versus overwhelmed by information. So that's something
that I have been trying to be aware of and
then following accounts. I think this is something that people
(24:36):
always say, but really following accounts that feel good to
follow and recognizing that everybody's life is so vastly different
in person than online. There's been so many times where
I'll meet people in person and they're like, You're funnier
than I imagined, and I'm like, yeah, because social media is
just so one dimensional, right, Like I'm choosing what to
(24:56):
share online with everybody else, and it's not really an
accurate picture of me. So keeping that in mind for
other people as well, I may think I know this
person or maybe have an idea, but I really don't
unless this person is showing every single aspect of your life.
But for the most part, is very one dimensional on there,
and that helps me to also recognize the reality and things.
(25:18):
So I don't know what's going on, right, but I
know about my life and what I want and focusing
on that, not forgetting our own lives from her online.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Yeah. So it sounds like you have been journaling for
quite some time, so I'm guessing that you like free
write most of the time. But for people who maybe
need some journal prompts, are there particular ones that you
find yourself going back to or that you suggest often
in your community that you would offer for our listeners.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
I love the idea of writing to my future self,
So this is something that I'll do at the beginning
of the year. Let's say I'll write to my twenty
twenty five self of at the end of December twenty
twenty five, this is where I aspire to be, this
is where I hope to be, and I'll talk about
where I want to be when it comes to work, relationships, friends, health,
(26:07):
all the different aspects of our lives. So writing to
your future self can be really helpful. Writing to your
younger self is a practice that I really love doing
that inner child work, especially when it comes to attaining
goals and having to work through like perfectionism or feeling
like you're behind. Right for the late bloomers that are here,
being able to write to your younger self and letting
(26:28):
them know where you are in this moment and how
life looks like. Another journaling prompt that I love is
like writing out the best case scenario. I learned this
from TikTok, but writing down like if life could work
out in your favor, there was nothing holding you back,
how would you like your life to be? And then
another one that I write and I learned this in
a meditation teacher training is just today I noticed and
(26:51):
then free writing from that prompt. So what did you
notice in your day about yourself, how you were showing
up about the world you're surrounding other people in your life.
But yeah, those are a few prompts, but I definitely
am just like a free writer. I'll just sit I
think yesterday I wrote I'm grateful for and that was
what got me writing everything down.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
I appreciate you mentioning that because I know gratitude journaling
is something that is often talked about. Can you say
a little bit more about that practice.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
This could also be from my Christian upbringing, but gratitude
was such a foundation for our household, just to be
grateful and to give things regardless of circumstances or situations.
And so I noticed that I will begin my journaling
entries with today I give things for and I'll write
down even just like basic things like a roof over
(27:36):
my head, clean water, I mean not basic, but things
that we can take for granted for sure, and then
it will expand to like other things and bigger things.
And you know, I'm grateful for the fact that I
have a job and I get to do what I love.
But gratitude has a really beautiful way of shifting our
perspective to be one of like more of an abundant
mindset rather than lack because again, the mind is wide
(27:59):
in a way where it's so easy to notice the
things that we don't have and the things that aren't
working out in our lives. So gratitude connects us to
the fact like there's actually more things going well in
our lives than there is wrong, And it really just
takes a moment of intentionality and shifting our focus towards
those things that can be really transformative.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
So you mentioned briefly this idea of like late bloomers,
and I feel like I've been hearing more and more
conversations around that, and I feel like you even had
a recent Handspace episode about like late bloomers in this
idea that there is a certain place to be at
a certain time. What would you offer to people who
are feeling like late bloomers, are feeling like, Okay, I've
missed the boat in some way, what suggestions might you
(28:42):
offer them?
Speaker 2 (28:43):
I feel like that I definitely am a part of
the late Bloomer club, the proud president of the late
Bloomer Club, and I always have to remind myself, like
where exactly is it that I'm heading? What am I
allowing to define my life as being late? Right? Like
looking at myself in comparison to other people that are
my age, like where is this really coming from? And
(29:06):
is it true? I love being able to challenge some
of the thoughts that I have, like is it true?
Is it really true? How does it feel to even
believe this thought that I'm holding on to doesn't really
feel good? And then coupling that with affirmation, So an
affirmation that I love is I trust the timing of
my life. Even in recording this podcast with you. If
I had done it when I had written it down
(29:28):
in my drone that I wanted to do it, I
don't know if I would have been able to show
up in the way that I am now. So being
able just to trust the timing of your life and
where you are, because you won't be able to get
that time back. And there's so much to learn in
that waiting season of your life, in that preparation season
of your life, because a lot of the times we're
just being prepared right for what's coming. If we were
(29:50):
to receive the thing that it is that we're wanting
or working towards right now. Some of us may not
be ready. So there's a lot of wisdom to be
found in the waiting seasons of our lives and being prepared.
There's so much there and yet sometimes you want to
skip over it. But again, I'm such a nature person, like,
I can't rush my plants to grow in my home
(30:11):
because I know that it's every single process that they're
going through is so important and it all serves a purpose.
So remembering that all of this serves a purpose. It
may not make sense right now, it's okay, but it
serves a purpose for sure, and we may realize that five, ten,
fifteen years from now. But it's so important just to
enjoy and savor where you are.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Yeah, that's such a beautiful affirmation.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Door.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
I appreciate you sharing that. Are there others that you
find yourself going back to or that you think may
be helpful As we think about the closing of one
year and the beginning of a new one.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Something that's coming up for me is reminding myself I
deserve a life full of ease. I think I grew
up in a household where it's like you have to
work hard, and I'm sure there's systems in this world
that make us believe that we need to work hard.
But when there's things that are in my control, I
want it to be easeful. I'm tired of learning the
hard way. I think that's something that I'm like constantly
(31:07):
reminded us. So I'm tired of learning the hard way.
And I'm so deserving of a life full of ease
and peace and comfort and softness. So reminding ourselves that,
especially if we've been having a really challenging year, and
it could be really hard to think that we are
deserving of that type of life or we're worthy of
that type of life, but you are, and it's so
important to remember that. Another affirmation that I am thinking
(31:30):
of in this moment is I think everything is working
out in my favor, and even the things that aren't
working out in my favor are still working out in
my favor. I think there's a lot of things that
we may think that we want, and we may not
even know that it's something that is good for us
or is it positive for us, right. We just think
that we need the thing. But I've learned that even
(31:51):
the things in my life that haven't worked out for
me were actually working out in my favor, whether it
was the ending of a relationship or missed opportunity, or
things that we can perceive as failures or as loss.
It's like, there's actually a lot that I've gained from
those things. I don't think I would have been here
had I made a different decision or said yes to
(32:12):
something or said no to this thing. So trusting that
everything is working out in your favor, even in the
things that aren't working out in your favor.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
Yeah, so you already mentioned that, like accountability and like
checking it with your community is one of the ways
that you stay on track with are you meeting your intentions?
What other things would you suggest for people how they
can track their goals or their intentions.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
I love writing things down. I just yeah, so journaling
for sure, keeping inventory, keeping stock, the notes in your phone.
I love the good notes in my phone. It's filled
with so many different things there. But setting reminders as well.
You can set yourself even like a calendar notification to
remind you three months from now, six months from now,
(32:53):
just to check in. And what I love about intentions,
as I spoke about earlier, is that it gives us
space to row so six months from now, I may
be a completely different person, and that means that I
need to change and shift what my intentions were and
my goals for the years. So setting that reminder just
to check in, right, is this intention or goal even
(33:14):
relevant for what I'm experiencing in my life right now?
And I would say sticky notes. I also love a
good sticky notes. So I got sticky notes all over
my house. You know, if you live with people, may
be a bit harder to have those there, But I
live alone, and sticky notes hold me accountable too, So
I have sticking up to my kitchen, I have my
bedroom and my bathroom just as reminders. Usually they have
(33:37):
affirmations on them. And again it holds myself accountable and
allows me to track my progress and my growth. Right,
how am I doing today? What am I noticing in
my mind and my body? I think a lot of
this is also about mindfulness too, to be able to
be aware right in those moments where sometimes life just
feels like it's on autopilot. The power of the pause
is really really powerful. To just take a more to
(34:00):
step back and observe life as it is. Your life
as it is is really powerful. Because oftentimes we just
are onto the next So you don't have a mindfulness practice,
I highly recommend having one, because that in and of
itself is a way for us to track our progress
and growth, being awake to our lives rather than just
to sleep and kind of moving, allowing life just to
(34:23):
move through us.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
So what kinds of other things would you suggest in
terms of mindfulness practices? So you talked about journaling, you
talked about being connected to nature. Are the other things
that people could start, especially if you are like unfamiliar
with the idea of mindfulness, Like, we don't want the
barrier to be too high, So what kinds of things
would you suggest for people to get started.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
I love a deep breath. I've been doing it throughout
this podcast. I've gotten good at doing it, very stealthy,
but again, the breath is such a beautiful reflection. It
can be a reflection of how we're feeling in a moment. Usually,
when I'm stressed, I'm holding my breath or my breath
is very shallow, my body feels really tense and rigid,
and so just taking a deep breath in through the
(35:04):
nose out through the mouth helps to reset the moment.
And it can help you to be mindful again of
what's going on in and around me. I love soundbols,
so I have my own little sound set here. But
sound therapy can be really powerful. And again, you don't
have to have singing bowls and all these different instruments
in your home. Listening to binurobeats or listening to nature sounds.
(35:27):
I love what rain sounds like, or like a fireplace crackling.
And again, mindfulness is this ability that we all have
just to be aware. So you can do this when
you're walking, taking a walk, noticing your body, feeling your
feet on the earth, noticing your surroundings. Grounding is a
really beautiful thing to do. So connecting with your senses.
(35:49):
What can you see? What can you smell? Taste here? Touch?
But if we can just be aware of what we're
doing while we're doing it, that is mindfulness. So drinking
your tea, washing your dishes is just being fully there.
That is the practice. And then it will get you
curious hopefully about meditating, right, and I want this mindfulness
(36:09):
thing to be more sustained. So I'm going to meditate
and train my mind to be more aware doing it
in community. I think it's great to have an app
on your phone, but there's nothing like meditating in community.
It's such a beautiful, beautiful thing just to remind you
of your humanity and others humanity as well. Of like
(36:29):
that release after exhale is so powerful. So meditating community
if you can, highly recommend.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
So. One of the other ways I think that we
are often on autopilot in our lives is through our
intentions and goals, right, so even with our things, like
we're just checking it off as opposed to I think
really sitting with, hey, I did this thing, So what
kinds of things would you suggest to like celebrate the
small winds for ourselves.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
I mean, that's the thing, celebrating the small winds. Like
I recently got into a relationship after being single for
four years, intentionally single for four years, and every month
I'm like, we're celebrating like we made it. And it's
such a silly thing. Like for our three month anniversary,
we went to Cago and I told the hotel before
we got there, like it's our anniversary, and they're thinking,
(37:15):
like it's a five ten year anniversary and I'm like,
it's only three months. But you know, in this day
and age. Right now, I'm like, three months is a win,
so we're celebrating it. You don't have to wait for
something big in your life to celebrate things like I'm
really a fan of every day, at the end of
my day, I'll take a moment to write down all
(37:36):
the different things that I did, whether it was to
wake up, brush my teeth, eat food, answer emails. I
started to take inventory of those things because I'm the
type of person that I often feel like I'm not
doing enough, and so to have those things written down
and to be able to reflect on them of like
I actually did a lot today. You know, like there's
(37:57):
so many things in my days that I'm doing, and
if I'm not mindful of those things, it just feels
like I'm constantly on the hunt for like doing more
and being more and more and more and more and
more and more. So again, taking a moment just to
pause to celebrate even the most mundane things, it builds up.
It's like kind of like a bank account. We're making
(38:18):
those daily deposits and celebrations every single day. So start
small and then eventually it will snowball into bigger things.
But don't overlook the small things. Of being able to
wake up in the morning, being able to take a shower,
to brush your teeth, all the small things, because those
matter too.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
So what resources would you share for people who are
looking to continue with their mindfulness journey in twenty twenty five?
Any books, podcasts, other things that you think could be
helpful for people.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
Of course, Headspace is a great place to start. It's
so beginner friendly, and that's what I love so much
about this work that we do is we're so accessible
to beginners. So I highly recommend checking out the Headspace app.
We also have a podcast that's called Radio Headspace where
me and the other teachers just talk about mindful living.
We have Deer Headspace where you can call in and
(39:07):
ask us questions, which I love because everyone just asked
questions about everything and is so great. And then books,
I love John Kapittson's works, So wherever you go, there
you are. It's a really great book for beginners. Pemitrojan,
who is a Buddhist nun, she has a book called
When Things Fall Apart, and that's more about how to
handle heartbreak and pain through the practices of mindfulness and
(39:31):
meditation joyfully. Just by Camille lege she's a black woman.
I've been trying to read more work from black women
in the space because it's very rare for few, but
more people are showing up, which I'm so excited about.
She has a really beautiful book called Joyfully, just that
talks about how for black people, it's like a lot
(39:51):
of these practices are in our culture already, right, So
she talks about even looking at the words that we speak,
stay woke with actually like an invitation for black people
at the time, just to be aware of their surroundings, right,
and even with dance, and like how we communicate and
how so much of our resilience is found in joy
It's a beautiful, beautiful book. So highly recommend that book.
(40:15):
And yeah, you can meditate with me on my website.
I have meditations available there. I don't want to overwhelm people,
but those are good, good first places to start for sure.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
Yeah, something I realized I did not ask you about
Dora that I definitely want to is about the importance
of grace and like self compassion. I feel like you
touched on this a little bit, but you know, sometimes
when you do have goals, especially for people who are
super driven and like used to checking things off and
getting things right. What would you say about the importance
of self compassion and grace as you are setting intentions
(40:46):
for yourself.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
I will say that I'm still such a student in
this as well, because I put a lot of pressure
on myself and I'm also realizing this is from like
a young age, right got to do well, You always
got to do well. That's how people are seeing you
as being valuable or respected or all these different stories
that we can internalize. So one being aware of the
stories around what is our relationship to failure right into
(41:10):
not showing up, or maybe when things don't work out,
what is our relationship to disappointment and looking at the
different stories around that. I think awareness comes before even
the grace giving and the self compassion because you have
to understand the root of it. So again, looking at
your relationship to disappointment, to failure, to mistakes and then
(41:30):
self compassion is this thing of I call it empathy
plus action. So being able to feel what we're feeling, right,
feeling into that and then being able to take informed
action from that feeling. So noticing when you are feeling
like you let yourself down or you've made a mistake,
how do you feel in that moment? And what's a
(41:51):
more kind action that you can take to yourself or
towards yourself in that moment? So how can you befriend
yourself in those moments? And the thing for me I
found most helpful is just to remind myself and I'm human.
I'm a human and I make mistakes because I think
for a lot of us that hold rules and titles
in this world, it disconnects us from our humanity, right,
(42:13):
And I struggle with this sometimes, like I didn't meditate
for the past week. Like I'm a meditation teacher. I
should be meditating all the time. You know. I'm like,
I'm also a human and I have so many other
things in my life that's going on in this moment, right,
I have so many people that are looking for me,
or I'm supporting other people or just like all the
different things that I have to do. So recognizing that
(42:33):
we're human and we're going to make mistakes, and that's
what keeps us work sustainable, That's what allows us to
get back on the horse and continue on. Because if
we're criticizing ourselves, judging ourselves, really being harsh on ourselves.
It's hard to want to continue a practice that I
love is like even just a hand on the heart,
affirming yourself right, reminding yourself like, this isn't the end.
(42:56):
Sometimes you can feel like it's the end of those moments. Ah,
I didn't get it done the first week in January.
My whole year is over. It's like no, Actually, in
each and every moment, we have an opportunity to try again.
So remembering that each and every moment we have an
opportunity to try again, and it's not the end, it's
the beginning.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Thank you so much for that, Dora. So where can
we stay connected with you? What is your website and
any social media handles you'd like to share.
Speaker 2 (43:24):
You can stay connected with me on Instagram my first
and my last name, Dora come ou. I also have
a website ww dot Dora comeal dot ca. I recently
just launched a Mindfulness teacher training and mentorship program. The
first cohort is about to graduate this year, and that
was coming from a desire to have more people of
(43:44):
color be in the space and to be able to
mentor and share about this journey of being a teacher
and specifically talking about the shadow side of teaching as well,
because there's so much of this work that we don't
recognize is coming from our shadowt self, right, and those
parts of ourselves that we may be neglect. So that's
another way that we can stay connected. If you're interesting
(44:05):
in wanting to become a mindfulness teacher, I launched that
program to support people like me in this world and
in this industry. Of course, on headspace, I'm on TikTok.
I'm known now for being that girl that kicks people
off of TikTok.
Speaker 1 (44:20):
Yes, yeah, yeah, beautiful. Well, we will be short to
include all of that in the show notes. Thank you
so much for spending some time with us today, Dora.
Thank you more from our conversation after the break. And
(44:45):
now please enjoy this ten minute meditation led by Dora
to help you welcome the new year with ease and clarity.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
All right, I'm going to invite you wherever you are
just to settle in, so if you'd like closing the
eyes or keeping them open to a soft gaze, and
then just beginning to notice your body and noticing if
(45:16):
your body needs to be adjusted, finding a position that's
most comfortable for you, and then just beginning to notice
the rising and falling of the breath, feeling the body
(45:47):
expanding and contracting with each inhale and each exhale, and
arriving to this moment, just noticing how you're arriving, noticing
(46:09):
the thoughts in the mind, emotions and the heart, and
any sensations in the body. And then we'll take a
(46:30):
deep breath here, breathing in and breathing out, and again
breathing in and breathing out, allowing the mind and the
(46:53):
body to be soft one last time here breathing in
and breathing out, and inviting you to imagine yourself at
(47:16):
the end of twenty twenty five, So envisioning how you
would like to be at the end of this year,
coming up first, noticing how you would like to feel,
(47:46):
how would you like to feel in your friendships, in
your work, in your health and well being. Just taking
a moment to reflect and envision how you would like
(48:14):
to feel. Also acknowledging any doubt or hesitation to dream
this big or maybe envision this far into the future,
(48:43):
recognizing in the mind there is no limitation to what
is possible. So again, at the end of twenty twenty five,
how would you like to feel? And then noticing how
(49:15):
this feels like in your body right now. Perhaps the
body feels open and spacious, maybe there's a sense of excitement.
(49:51):
Also noticing if the mind maybe has wandered, that's okay,
just gently guiding it back to this moment, to this vision,
and to these feelings. As you focus on these feelings,
(50:16):
maybe thinking about a few things or a few actions
that you need to take in order to prioritize this feeling. So,
if you'd like to feel more arrested, or more joyful
(50:38):
or more happy, what are some things that you can
do in your days to reinforce this feeling? What thoughts
would you need to think? Who would you need to
(51:03):
be surrounded by, What are you saying yes to? And
what are you saying no to? Maybe thinking about the
(51:32):
different boundaries that need to be set or the different
stories that need to be unlearned in order to make
this feeling a reality. And then if you'd like resting
(51:54):
a hand on the heart, connecting to this place of
kindness and compassion, seeing if you can offer yourself a
few words of encouragement or affirmation that could sound like
(52:19):
I am deserving of a life filled with joy and happiness.
I am worthy of good things, or maybe I trust
the timing of my life. What is it that you
(52:51):
need to hear in this moment? Then we'll take another
deep breath here, breathing in and letting go, and then
(53:22):
just beginning to feel the weight of the body pressing
down into the surface beneath you, inviting gentle movement back
into your hands and into your toes, maybe stretching the
body if that feels good, whenever you're ready, slowly and
(53:46):
gently opening the eyes. Just taking a moment here to
pause and notice how you feel and if you can,
and taking a few moments just to write down those
feelings or intentions that came up for you during this practice.
(54:10):
And thank you all so much for joining me today.
Speaker 1 (54:14):
More from our conversation after the break. I'm so glad
(54:34):
Door was able to join me for this conversation. To
learn more about her and her work, be sure to
visit the show notes at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com
slash session three ninety one, and don't forget to text
this episode to two of your girls right now and
tell them to check it out. If you're looking for
a therapist in your area, visit our therapist directory at
Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory And if you
(54:57):
want to continue digging into this topic, be in community
with other sisters. Come on over and join us in
the Sister Circle. It's our cozy corner of the Internet
designed just for black women. You can join us at
community dot Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. This episode was
produced by Elise Ellis, Zaria Taylor, and Tyree Rush. Editing
(55:18):
was done by Dennison Bradford. Thank y'all so much for
joining me again this week. I look forward to continuing
this conversation with you all real soon. Take good care.
So I am back with one of my favorite traditions
here on the podcast. At the end of every year,
(55:38):
my two little ones come and share some well wishes
for the holiday season and some warm thoughts for you
for a new year. So, Julian, what would you say
has been your favorite part of twenty twenty four?
Speaker 3 (55:52):
My favorite part of twenty twenty four has been going
to school and having fun.
Speaker 1 (55:58):
Oh wonderful. And if you could give our listeners a
few words of encouragement or something to take them into
a new year, what would you say, keep.
Speaker 3 (56:08):
On doing what you're doing and always feel proud of yourself.
Speaker 1 (56:12):
Beautiful. Thank you so much, Julian.
Speaker 3 (56:15):
Merry Christmas in a happy New Year.
Speaker 1 (56:18):
Thank you, Julian. So Jackson, what has been your favorite
part of twenty twenty.
Speaker 3 (56:22):
Four probably getting into this new school.
Speaker 1 (56:26):
Okay, and what words of encouragement or affirmation would you
offer to our community for a new year.
Speaker 3 (56:32):
Don't let anybody tell you can't do something because God
has given you gifts, because it says in one Peter
four ten each of you should use whatever gifts you
are received to serve others as faithful stewards of God's
grace in its various forms.
Speaker 1 (56:46):
Beautiful, Thank you so much, Jackson,
Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly
conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small
decisions we can make to become the best possible versions
of ourselves. I'm your host, doctor joy hard and Bradford,
a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or
(00:32):
to find a therapist in your area, visit our website
at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you
love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is
not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with
a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much
(00:57):
for joining me for Session three ninety one of the
Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our
conversation after word from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Hi. I'm Dora Kamal and I am on the Therapy
for Black Girls Podcast. I'm in session today unpacking how
to set your intentions for the new year.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
The new year often brings a whorldwind of pressure to
reinvent ourselves, leading us to set unrealistic goals. In this
final episode of the year, I'm challenging you to consider
what it might look like to spend these final days
of twenty twenty four, reflecting, reframing, and being present rather
than rushing ahead. Please welcome meditation teacher Dora Kamal as
(01:45):
our guest for this week. She's here to discuss how
we might welcome in the new year by practicing mindfulness.
With the background in psychology and psychiatric nursing, Dora leeds workshops, events,
and retreats to whole space for individuals to explore or
different expressions of presence. You may recognize Dora's voice as
she's also a meditation teacher at Handspace, a leading mindfulness
(02:08):
and meditation app. Together, Dora and I unpack some of
the common anxieties that come up at the dawn of
a new year, explored what it looks like to shift
from making New Year's resolutions to simply setting intentions, and
gave tips for how you can incorporate mindfulness activities like journaling, meditating,
and affirmation setting into your daily lives As we enter
(02:31):
twenty twenty five. As our special end of the year
treat we've also included a ten minute meditation to support
you in easing any lingering worries as we head into
twenty twenty five. If something resonates with you while enjoying
our conversation, please share with us on social media using
the hashtag TVG in session, or join us over in
(02:52):
the Sister Circle to talk more about the episode. You
can join us at community dot Therapy for Blackgirls dot com.
Here's our conversation. It's so great to meet you, Dora.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Yeah, I was so excited for this conversation. I just
have to say, back in twenty twenty three, beginning of
the year, I have wrote down I want to be
on Therapy for Black Girls podcasts.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I have to be.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
I don't know how it was gonna happen, but here
we are. So it feels very aliging that I'm here
and we're talking about this subject today. So thank you
so much for all the work that you do. And yeah,
it's just all the upliftment that you provide for people
like me in this world.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Thank you. I appreciate that, and I'm glad we're having
some time to chat today because I'm a huge fan
of your work as well. I don't know if you
know this, but we do a gathering in our community
every Thursday, call three for Thursday, and we start typically
with a guided meditation or some kind of affirmation and
we often use your sessions from Handspace for that. So
I feel like you're already a part of the therapy
for Black girls world. Yayay, you have done so many
(04:01):
incredible things. You are like we talked about a part
of Handspace and the Nike well Collective, and I'd love
to hear just a little bit about how you got
to this journey of wellness and the things that you're
currently doing.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Yeah, it's been a while. I started to meditate back
in twenty ten after experiencing a tumultuous relationship and really
struggling with anxiety. And at first my mom was like,
go to therapy or go to church. And I went
to therapy and it just wasn't a fit. It wasn't
a therapist to understood what I was going through because
(04:33):
I was high functioning, I guess. And so that kind
of set me on my journey to understand my mind
because I had been i say, quote unquote normal up
until then, and then it felt like I couldn't be
in public spaces. I was afraid to talk to people.
My body felt like a foreign place to me, and
so I started to meditate hiding in my mom's house
(04:57):
in my bedroom in the closet because she did don't
want any meditating or chanting or booting, none of that
in her house. And from there something just clicked about
how powerful it is to know that your mind can
be such a beautiful and yet destructive place, and how
the body is always listening to the mind and the
mind's always listening to the body. And then I went
(05:19):
on to school and got my psychiatric nursing degree, and
I got my psychology degree, and then I was like, Okay,
this isn't it. And I was living in Canada at
the time, so I started to host different workshops and
community gatherings for black women to come together to talk
about mental health and meditation. And that set me on
(05:41):
my path just to I don't even like to call
myself an expert, but just a human being trying to
figure it out. And meditation is something that allowed me
to figure it out. And I love to share the
power of the practice because it's so misunderstood, like a
lot of these wellness things in our communities. So that's
how I got here.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah, so when you decided to start meditating, how did
you start? Like, did you just google something and find
some videos like, where did you start?
Speaker 2 (06:08):
I was on Google. I definitely in high school, they
used to call me ask Jeeves because I would always
ask jeez everything, if you remember.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Asked you how I do?
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Yeah, And so I went there and I was like,
how to get rid of panic in my body? And
meditation came up. There wasn't as many resources as there
are now, but tar Brock came up, who was a
well known meditation teacher and deep breathing. So I started
off with a deep breathing because that was easier to hide.
And so I listened to hip hop instrumentals in my
closet and just try to match my breath with the
(06:39):
rhythm of the music. And I did that for a
few weeks until it's like, okay, I want to learn
more about what's going on. And then I decided to
learn from tar Brock just online. She had a few
resources back then as well, and just kind of diy
ing it from there.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Mm hm. And you mentioned kind of having to hide
in the closet to do it because mom was like,
we not doing any of that and here, Yeah. And
I do think that that is one of the things
that is misunderstood, I think, particularly in communities of color
around like what is mindfulness and meditation and that it
is in some way in opposition, I think, to religion
and faith and spirituality. So can you talk a little
(07:16):
bit more about like that misconception.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
I can speak from my mom's perspective. So my mom
is from Kenya, my dad's from Ghana. Back then when
she was in school, the British came and so there
was a lot of colonization at that time, and I
think God was given to them. Religion was given to them.
Christianity was given to them from a place of fear. Right,
all of the traditional things and cultural things that you
(07:39):
people have been practicing is not right. And here's this
Bible and here's God and he will save you. And
so there's a lot of fear from my mom, and
I had to learn where that fear was coming from
and have a lot of compassion from it because in
what I know now was like God is someone that
had saved her during those really hard times. But I
think I think the misconception comes from just not understanding
(08:04):
what this practice is. So now many years later, my
mom is like, Okay, I understand what you're doing because
it's about just noticing your breath, being aware of your thoughts, emotions,
sensations in the body, and not necessarily tied to Buddhism
or Ganesha or all these other things that she had
thought it was tied to. Yes, it is if I'm
speaking about Buddhism, but mindfulness and the way that we
(08:28):
know it in the Western world is more science based
and talking more about the present moment, and there's not
that connection to Buddhism in the mindfulness space, So that
was easier for her to get behind, but still a
little trepidation. I went to India last year and it
was like I was back where I was in twenty
(08:48):
ten around like what are you doing? You're learning yoga?
What's going to happen there? Take the Holy water? I'm like, okay, yeah,
I acknowledge and I honor the fear that she has.
But I just had to recognize that fear is not
my fear and just speak science to her, because science
was the way that I was able to get through.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
You mentioned your training in psychology and as a psychiatric nurse.
How does that inform the work that you feel like
you do today.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Psychiatric nursing taught me a lot about trauma sensitive mindfulness,
I think, and a lot of people don't know that
it's such a privilege to be able just to close
your eyes and to be with your body and your
breath in such an intimate way. And for people who
are living with trauma or experiencing trauma, or survivors of trauma,
that's a really big thing, right, And even paying attention
(09:37):
can be really harmful for folks who are recovering from trauma.
And so a lot of what I do is trauma informed,
being a survivor of trauma myself, but also recognizing that
there are a lot of barriers when we just ask
people to sit down and to close their eyes and
notice their body and their breath. And I wanted to
make sure that this practice was accessible to all people.
(10:01):
So I'm very grateful that I was able to be
in psychiatric nursing and work with people from all types
of backgrounds in that space. My last job was in
addictions with women, and that let me know, like, Okay,
I can't just go in there and tell people to
practice compassion or take deep breath. Safety trust are so
so important in those environments, and that informs a lot
(10:23):
of what I do today cultivating safety and trust.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Can you talk about some of the other things that
are important as a part of a mindfulness practice when
you're thinking about being trauma sensitive, Like, I know the
closing of the eyes is one that I think a
lot of people know. But what other kinds of things
are you paying attention to?
Speaker 2 (10:40):
I would say agency and choice are a really big things.
So giving people modifications and different points of focus in
a practice. So again, if noticing the body's uncomfortable, notice
an area of the body that feels better. You can
open your eyes and notice an area in your rumor
and you're surrounding that feels good to look at. I
(11:01):
think reminding people that they have control over their practice.
I think when you go into studios, you never really
hear a teacher saying like, if it doesn't feel good,
you could leave. And I always tell people that this
does not feel good in any way. Don't think that
you need to be here to prove something to me
or yourself. Like that honoring of your body and whatever
(11:21):
it's communicating to you in the moment is so important.
And so I think reinstilling control for people and their practices,
not being the one that knows it all and I
know more than you, but really reminding people that they
are the expert of their own experience and normalizing some
of the things that can come up in practice. Right,
(11:42):
why does it feel like I'm going right back to
the past and my practice, or why is my mind
wandering or I'm distracted or I can't do this? And normalizing, Like,
the mind is designed to wander and to judge and
to think, and it's really important to normalize those things
for people living with trauma and people not living with
trauma and experiencing it in the present moment. So I
(12:03):
would say, yeah, agency choice and just normalizing some of
the experiences that we have in the practice.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Dora, as we start to think about the end of
one year the beginning of a new year, I'm curious
to hear what kinds of things are you typically reflecting
on and why do you think like this timeframe is
such a right time for like those kinds of reflections.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
I love to reflect. I have all my journals up
until like two thousand and fifteen, and so I hear
a lot of people talk about how you shouldn't read
your journals once you write in it. But I think
that reflection part that documentation of your life can be
really helpful to show you that change has been happening
in your life or growth has been occurring, because it's
(12:46):
hard when we just keep it up to our minds
to reflect in that way, right, There's so many different
things that can also come up in those moments of reflection.
So I find going back to my journals, looking back
at all the things that I've done, the place is
that I've been, the things that I've accomplished, the things
that I can be proud of towards the end of
the year, helps me to also look forward and set
(13:08):
plans for the year to come. So you don't journal,
highly recommend journaling, And I think there's a lot of
pressure for the new year because if there's this thing
about the new year being like a destination or everything
has to happen twenty twenty five, life is going to change.
And for me this could be because of my practice.
I just see it as a continuation, not necessarily like
(13:28):
the beginning and an ending, but you know, it's just
a continuation of like moment to moment, a series of moments,
rather than like this big catastrophic thing that's happening. Because
there's a lot of pressure in that right. I learned
the term the other day called a rival fallacy. So
it's this false idea that when we get to a
certain destination will be happy. And so if you put
(13:50):
all of that hope into twenty twenty five being the
year that you're happy and you realize, shoot, it's still
the same, it sets us up for a lot of disappointment.
And so just being aware of the pressure that we
can internalize or the external pressure that's there, and recognizing,
like it feels much better for me and hopefully for
everyone else, that life is just a series of moments,
(14:12):
you know, and it's a continuation from one moment to
the next, rather than one big moment and then another
big moment. Yeah, what about you? How do you start
an entire New Years?
Speaker 1 (14:23):
I typically like journaling also, and like using prompts because
I'm one of those people who does feel like I
typically need like a question or something to kind of
get started. So I would say journaling is also something
that's helpful for me, though I don't feel like I've
been as consistent or like I definitely don't have like
years of journals. I'm doing much more digital journaling, So
I probably have a bit electronically, but not paper, which
(14:45):
I do really love though, Like I love the idea
of paper journaling, but it's not something that I tend
to reach for, so I tend to take the path
of least resistance and just do it on my phone.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Love that.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Yeah, Yeah, and you mentioned you know, I do think
that there is like a lot of anxiety around this
like new Year knew me kind of like, Okay, this
is the year I'm going to start this thing. What
would you say that mindfulness can help? Like, how can
mindfulness help to reduce maybe some of that stress or
anxiety that people feel about a new year?
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Yeah, I mean mindfulness is this inherent ability, So we
can all practice mindfulness. We all have the ability to
be mindful, but being aware in the moment, on purpose,
without judgment, and so noticing your thoughts around this time
of year, noticing the different sensations that arise when you
are feeling anxious, like where is this anxiety coming from?
(15:37):
Where is this sense of urgency coming from? Where is
this pressure coming from? I think for me, detangling from
some of that because social media is a wonderful place
to connect with people but also there's a lot of
pressure from seeing people having all these different challenges. I
know January is like a hot time for challenges for
(15:58):
the new year. So just being able to be aware
of the different thoughts and emotions and sensations that we
experience in those times and meeting ourselves with compassion. One
practice for me that's been really helpful is looking to
nature as my guide, So being aware of the cycle
of nature and recognizing for me, it feels a bit
(16:18):
weird if I'm in winter during December and January to
set goals during that time because all the animals are
asleep right, things are hibernating, And I'm like, I feel
the same way too, So I'm going to hibernate and
when it's spring, when things are like taking flight, when
things are growing and budding. Okay, this feels like a
more aligned time for me to do the same. So
(16:40):
I think mindfulness has allowed me to assert my pace
in the world rather than getting lost in the pace
of the world, if that makes sense. And you can
only really do that when you're aware of what's going
on around you. So yeah, just being aware of where
you're at and looking to nature. I think nature is
a really beautiful teacher, and being able to find and
(17:00):
trust our own pace and timing in life.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
I appreciate that refrain because I do think you're right,
Like it's cold, and you know, sometimes it's rainy, Like,
do you really want to be out doing all this
new stuff or would it be better to do it
in the spring when it feels a little warmer outside.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Yeah, for sure. It just feels different too. I don't
know about you, but for me, I'm like, as soon
as it's fall, I'm tired. It's dark, gir outside, I'm like,
I just want to cuddle it cozy.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Yeah, yeah, you know. And I do think that a
lot of people take on this idea of like New
Year's resolutions and things that they want to change. If
that is the approach that people are taking, what kinds
of things do you think can help it feel less overwhelming?
Speaker 2 (17:41):
I think you said something important is the feeling of it.
So I decided to take a step back from goals
a few years ago because again, it was just like
a lot of pressure. There wasn't any grace to make
mistakes or to have to start over again. And so
I love the idea of setting intentions and usually y'all
think about how do I want to feel? So for'
twenty twenty five, how do I want to feel, whether
(18:03):
it's in my friendships, in my work and my relationships
and my personal life, like how is it that I
want to feel? And then making goals to reinforce that feeling,
and so whether it's daily goals and daily intentions that
we can set, or monthly goals or quarterly goals, and
then being able to check in right, Okay, this week
(18:24):
I felt horrible and one of my intentions this year
was to feel much better when I'm at work and
to not be as stressed. So what needs to shift?
What can I start to prioritize to prioritize that feeling?
So that can be a helpful practice, focusing on the
feeling and writing down intentions to reinforce and cultivate that
feeling in your life.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
So what kinds of ways could people organize that? So
you mentioned journaling, which could be one way to get
in touch with checking in on your feelings. I know
like vision boards and visualizations are also other things. Can
you talk a little bit about how people might use
either or any of those approb just to really check
in on this process.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Yeah, I love that. I love a good vision board.
I started putting it on my phone so it will
be my phone background. Rather than just like leaving it
in my closet or in my house somewhere. I like
to have it visible. Something interesting about the mind is
that we have this negativity bias. So it's much easier
for our minds to remember negative stimuli or negative memories
(19:23):
or negative experiences rather than focusing on the positive. And
so I'm sure if I was like, name a pleasant
moment and then name an unpleasant moment, people will be
much faster to name an unpleasant moment. And so knowing
that about the mind, being able to have your vision
board filled with intentions and hopes and desires and goals
(19:44):
for yourself, maybe affirmations, maybe places that you want to
go to or people that you want to speak to.
Having that as a collage on your phone and carrying
it with you can help you to reinforce this life
that you are wanting to create for yourself. Because again,
if you look on social media and you see somebody
else doing something that you want to do, it's like, dang,
(20:05):
I really want to be doing that thing. And then
you forget about the goals that you set for yourself.
So I'm a big fan of vision boarding, and also
doing this in community is really important too to have
people to hold you accountable. So I have a few
people in my life that I trust that I can
share my goals with. They'll check up on me and
(20:25):
they will call me out. For sure, They'll call me
out and let me know like, hey, this isn't sound
in alignment with what it is that you are desiring
for yourself. What's going on really speaking life into me?
Because again, left up to me, sometimes it give me
hard to achieve certain things. So I love the idea
of having a community or people in your life that
you can trust to help remind you of who you
(20:47):
are and what you are aspiring to be.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
More from our conversation after the break, but first a
quick stippet of what's coming up next week on TVG.
Speaker 4 (20:57):
I think about the idea of glowing up or having
a glow up, at least from a personal standpoint. I
think of it as taking intentional action to become the
best version of myself. So I'm not necessarily looking to
change who I am or how I look, or change
myself fundamentally, but I am looking to do intentional things
(21:20):
to step into my fullest potential.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
Can you say more about, like how people might set
that up with their community, because it definitely sounds like
the kind of thing that I think people say they want,
but I would imagine it might feel a little off
putting the first time it happens, right, So can you
say more about, like how you and your community set
that up so that it can be done with love?
Speaker 2 (21:52):
I think yeah, And I think that's the thing. So again,
people that you trust, people that you feel safer. I
had shared a few goals last year with my therapist,
and every time that we would meet throughout the year,
you would have you check in. That was something that
I had spoke to her about. One of my goals
was like I want to know monthly check in with you.
But say I have my best friend. I've been best
(22:13):
friends with him for fifteen years, and every week I'll
be like, how are you feeling this week? What's going
on in your life? How can I support you? How
can I show up those goals that we set at
the beginning of the year. Are we on track? What's
going on? And so inviting people into the space of
like co creation, but also setting guidelines and rules. And
this could be because I'm a teacher, but I don't
(22:36):
like unsolicited advice, right, I Sometimes I just want people
to witness me and take me in. So settying boundaries
and guidelines with the people that you are collaborating with
so that you know that you all can be held
accountable and also be held accountable to the container that
you're creating. So what's the space need for everyone to
feel safe and to feel that they can trust the
(22:57):
other person. So it could be this thing of no
unsolicited advice or confidentiality or more compassion, patience, understanding, but
making sure that you set guidelines with people so that
it turns out to be an actual helpful and productive
experience and not one that you regret because it's a
vulnerable thing to share your dreams with people. I think
(23:18):
it's spoken about so lightly, but again, where you're planting
your seeds, I mean hopefully the soil and that foundation
is nourished with good things and not bad things.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Yeah, So you've kind of alluded to this idea of
social media, and we talk about it of course a
lot here on the podcast, right that it can't be helpful,
especially in thinking about like what do I want to
feel like in like what goals do I have? But
there does need to be limits. Can you say a
little bit more about what you've seen and maybe your
personal practice is around like boundaries on social media.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
A few days ago, it was reminding a friend of
noticing when we are feeling informed versus overloaded or overwhelmed
with information. It's like, we know, right, we know when
we're engaged and informed and things feel really good when
we're all online, and then it gets to a point
where it's like we're spiraling and we're scrolling and we're
looking for something or we're on there just mindlessly and
(24:15):
seconds turned into minutes and turned into hours and it's
like you spent your whole day on your phone. So
being able to know and be aware of the different
thoughts again and emotion sensations around what it feels like
to be informed versus overwhelmed by information. So that's something
that I have been trying to be aware of and
then following accounts. I think this is something that people
(24:36):
always say, but really following accounts that feel good to
follow and recognizing that everybody's life is so vastly different
in person than online. There's been so many times where
I'll meet people in person and they're like, You're funnier
than I imagined, and I'm like, yeah, because social media is
just so one dimensional, right, Like I'm choosing what to
(24:56):
share online with everybody else, and it's not really an
accurate picture of me. So keeping that in mind for
other people as well, I may think I know this
person or maybe have an idea, but I really don't
unless this person is showing every single aspect of your life.
But for the most part, is very one dimensional on there,
and that helps me to also recognize the reality and things.
(25:18):
So I don't know what's going on, right, but I
know about my life and what I want and focusing
on that, not forgetting our own lives from her online.
Speaker 1 (25:27):
Yeah. So it sounds like you have been journaling for
quite some time, so I'm guessing that you like free
write most of the time. But for people who maybe
need some journal prompts, are there particular ones that you
find yourself going back to or that you suggest often
in your community that you would offer for our listeners.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
I love the idea of writing to my future self,
So this is something that I'll do at the beginning
of the year. Let's say I'll write to my twenty
twenty five self of at the end of December twenty
twenty five, this is where I aspire to be, this
is where I hope to be, and I'll talk about
where I want to be when it comes to work, relationships, friends, health,
(26:07):
all the different aspects of our lives. So writing to
your future self can be really helpful. Writing to your
younger self is a practice that I really love doing
that inner child work, especially when it comes to attaining
goals and having to work through like perfectionism or feeling
like you're behind. Right for the late bloomers that are here,
being able to write to your younger self and letting
(26:28):
them know where you are in this moment and how
life looks like. Another journaling prompt that I love is
like writing out the best case scenario. I learned this
from TikTok, but writing down like if life could work
out in your favor, there was nothing holding you back,
how would you like your life to be? And then
another one that I write and I learned this in
a meditation teacher training is just today I noticed and
(26:51):
then free writing from that prompt. So what did you
notice in your day about yourself, how you were showing
up about the world you're surrounding other people in your life.
But yeah, those are a few prompts, but I definitely
am just like a free writer. I'll just sit I
think yesterday I wrote I'm grateful for and that was
what got me writing everything down.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
I appreciate you mentioning that because I know gratitude journaling
is something that is often talked about. Can you say
a little bit more about that practice.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
This could also be from my Christian upbringing, but gratitude
was such a foundation for our household, just to be
grateful and to give things regardless of circumstances or situations.
And so I noticed that I will begin my journaling
entries with today I give things for and I'll write
down even just like basic things like a roof over
(27:36):
my head, clean water, I mean not basic, but things
that we can take for granted for sure, and then
it will expand to like other things and bigger things.
And you know, I'm grateful for the fact that I
have a job and I get to do what I love.
But gratitude has a really beautiful way of shifting our
perspective to be one of like more of an abundant
mindset rather than lack because again, the mind is wide
(27:59):
in a way where it's so easy to notice the
things that we don't have and the things that aren't
working out in our lives. So gratitude connects us to
the fact like there's actually more things going well in
our lives than there is wrong, And it really just
takes a moment of intentionality and shifting our focus towards
those things that can be really transformative.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
So you mentioned briefly this idea of like late bloomers,
and I feel like I've been hearing more and more
conversations around that, and I feel like you even had
a recent Handspace episode about like late bloomers in this
idea that there is a certain place to be at
a certain time. What would you offer to people who
are feeling like late bloomers, are feeling like, Okay, I've
missed the boat in some way, what suggestions might you
(28:42):
offer them?
Speaker 2 (28:43):
I feel like that I definitely am a part of
the late Bloomer club, the proud president of the late
Bloomer Club, and I always have to remind myself, like
where exactly is it that I'm heading? What am I
allowing to define my life as being late? Right? Like
looking at myself in comparison to other people that are
my age, like where is this really coming from? And
(29:06):
is it true? I love being able to challenge some
of the thoughts that I have, like is it true?
Is it really true? How does it feel to even
believe this thought that I'm holding on to doesn't really
feel good? And then coupling that with affirmation, So an
affirmation that I love is I trust the timing of
my life. Even in recording this podcast with you. If
I had done it when I had written it down
(29:28):
in my drone that I wanted to do it, I
don't know if I would have been able to show
up in the way that I am now. So being
able just to trust the timing of your life and
where you are, because you won't be able to get
that time back. And there's so much to learn in
that waiting season of your life, in that preparation season
of your life, because a lot of the times we're
just being prepared right for what's coming. If we were
(29:50):
to receive the thing that it is that we're wanting
or working towards right now. Some of us may not
be ready. So there's a lot of wisdom to be
found in the waiting seasons of our lives and being prepared.
There's so much there and yet sometimes you want to
skip over it. But again, I'm such a nature person, like,
I can't rush my plants to grow in my home
(30:11):
because I know that it's every single process that they're
going through is so important and it all serves a purpose.
So remembering that all of this serves a purpose. It
may not make sense right now, it's okay, but it
serves a purpose for sure, and we may realize that five, ten,
fifteen years from now. But it's so important just to
enjoy and savor where you are.
Speaker 1 (30:32):
Yeah, that's such a beautiful affirmation.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Door.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
I appreciate you sharing that. Are there others that you
find yourself going back to or that you think may
be helpful As we think about the closing of one
year and the beginning of a new one.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Something that's coming up for me is reminding myself I
deserve a life full of ease. I think I grew
up in a household where it's like you have to
work hard, and I'm sure there's systems in this world
that make us believe that we need to work hard.
But when there's things that are in my control, I
want it to be easeful. I'm tired of learning the
hard way. I think that's something that I'm like constantly
(31:07):
reminded us. So I'm tired of learning the hard way.
And I'm so deserving of a life full of ease
and peace and comfort and softness. So reminding ourselves that,
especially if we've been having a really challenging year, and
it could be really hard to think that we are
deserving of that type of life or we're worthy of
that type of life, but you are, and it's so
important to remember that. Another affirmation that I am thinking
(31:30):
of in this moment is I think everything is working
out in my favor, and even the things that aren't
working out in my favor are still working out in
my favor. I think there's a lot of things that
we may think that we want, and we may not
even know that it's something that is good for us
or is it positive for us, right. We just think
that we need the thing. But I've learned that even
(31:51):
the things in my life that haven't worked out for
me were actually working out in my favor, whether it
was the ending of a relationship or missed opportunity, or
things that we can perceive as failures or as loss.
It's like, there's actually a lot that I've gained from
those things. I don't think I would have been here
had I made a different decision or said yes to
(32:12):
something or said no to this thing. So trusting that
everything is working out in your favor, even in the
things that aren't working out in your favor.
Speaker 1 (32:20):
Yeah, so you already mentioned that, like accountability and like
checking it with your community is one of the ways
that you stay on track with are you meeting your intentions?
What other things would you suggest for people how they
can track their goals or their intentions.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
I love writing things down. I just yeah, so journaling
for sure, keeping inventory, keeping stock, the notes in your phone.
I love the good notes in my phone. It's filled
with so many different things there. But setting reminders as well.
You can set yourself even like a calendar notification to
remind you three months from now, six months from now,
(32:53):
just to check in. And what I love about intentions,
as I spoke about earlier, is that it gives us
space to row so six months from now, I may
be a completely different person, and that means that I
need to change and shift what my intentions were and
my goals for the years. So setting that reminder just
to check in, right, is this intention or goal even
(33:14):
relevant for what I'm experiencing in my life right now?
And I would say sticky notes. I also love a
good sticky notes. So I got sticky notes all over
my house. You know, if you live with people, may
be a bit harder to have those there, But I
live alone, and sticky notes hold me accountable too, So
I have sticking up to my kitchen, I have my
bedroom and my bathroom just as reminders. Usually they have
(33:37):
affirmations on them. And again it holds myself accountable and
allows me to track my progress and my growth. Right,
how am I doing today? What am I noticing in
my mind and my body? I think a lot of
this is also about mindfulness too, to be able to
be aware right in those moments where sometimes life just
feels like it's on autopilot. The power of the pause
is really really powerful. To just take a more to
(34:00):
step back and observe life as it is. Your life
as it is is really powerful. Because oftentimes we just
are onto the next So you don't have a mindfulness practice,
I highly recommend having one, because that in and of
itself is a way for us to track our progress
and growth, being awake to our lives rather than just
to sleep and kind of moving, allowing life just to
(34:23):
move through us.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
So what kinds of other things would you suggest in
terms of mindfulness practices? So you talked about journaling, you
talked about being connected to nature. Are the other things
that people could start, especially if you are like unfamiliar
with the idea of mindfulness, Like, we don't want the
barrier to be too high, So what kinds of things
would you suggest for people to get started.
Speaker 2 (34:42):
I love a deep breath. I've been doing it throughout
this podcast. I've gotten good at doing it, very stealthy,
but again, the breath is such a beautiful reflection. It
can be a reflection of how we're feeling in a moment. Usually,
when I'm stressed, I'm holding my breath or my breath
is very shallow, my body feels really tense and rigid,
and so just taking a deep breath in through the
(35:04):
nose out through the mouth helps to reset the moment.
And it can help you to be mindful again of
what's going on in and around me. I love soundbols,
so I have my own little sound set here. But
sound therapy can be really powerful. And again, you don't
have to have singing bowls and all these different instruments
in your home. Listening to binurobeats or listening to nature sounds.
(35:27):
I love what rain sounds like, or like a fireplace crackling.
And again, mindfulness is this ability that we all have
just to be aware. So you can do this when
you're walking, taking a walk, noticing your body, feeling your
feet on the earth, noticing your surroundings. Grounding is a
really beautiful thing to do. So connecting with your senses.
(35:49):
What can you see? What can you smell? Taste here? Touch?
But if we can just be aware of what we're
doing while we're doing it, that is mindfulness. So drinking
your tea, washing your dishes is just being fully there.
That is the practice. And then it will get you
curious hopefully about meditating, right, and I want this mindfulness
(36:09):
thing to be more sustained. So I'm going to meditate
and train my mind to be more aware doing it
in community. I think it's great to have an app
on your phone, but there's nothing like meditating in community.
It's such a beautiful, beautiful thing just to remind you
of your humanity and others humanity as well. Of like
(36:29):
that release after exhale is so powerful. So meditating community
if you can, highly recommend.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
So. One of the other ways I think that we
are often on autopilot in our lives is through our
intentions and goals, right, so even with our things, like
we're just checking it off as opposed to I think
really sitting with, hey, I did this thing, So what
kinds of things would you suggest to like celebrate the
small winds for ourselves.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
I mean, that's the thing, celebrating the small winds. Like
I recently got into a relationship after being single for
four years, intentionally single for four years, and every month
I'm like, we're celebrating like we made it. And it's
such a silly thing. Like for our three month anniversary,
we went to Cago and I told the hotel before
we got there, like it's our anniversary, and they're thinking,
(37:15):
like it's a five ten year anniversary and I'm like,
it's only three months. But you know, in this day
and age. Right now, I'm like, three months is a win,
so we're celebrating it. You don't have to wait for
something big in your life to celebrate things like I'm
really a fan of every day, at the end of
my day, I'll take a moment to write down all
(37:36):
the different things that I did, whether it was to
wake up, brush my teeth, eat food, answer emails. I
started to take inventory of those things because I'm the
type of person that I often feel like I'm not
doing enough, and so to have those things written down
and to be able to reflect on them of like
I actually did a lot today. You know, like there's
(37:57):
so many things in my days that I'm doing, and
if I'm not mindful of those things, it just feels
like I'm constantly on the hunt for like doing more
and being more and more and more and more and
more and more. So again, taking a moment just to
pause to celebrate even the most mundane things, it builds up.
It's like kind of like a bank account. We're making
(38:18):
those daily deposits and celebrations every single day. So start
small and then eventually it will snowball into bigger things.
But don't overlook the small things. Of being able to
wake up in the morning, being able to take a shower,
to brush your teeth, all the small things, because those
matter too.
Speaker 1 (38:36):
So what resources would you share for people who are
looking to continue with their mindfulness journey in twenty twenty five?
Any books, podcasts, other things that you think could be
helpful for people.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
Of course, Headspace is a great place to start. It's
so beginner friendly, and that's what I love so much
about this work that we do is we're so accessible
to beginners. So I highly recommend checking out the Headspace app.
We also have a podcast that's called Radio Headspace where
me and the other teachers just talk about mindful living.
We have Deer Headspace where you can call in and
(39:07):
ask us questions, which I love because everyone just asked
questions about everything and is so great. And then books,
I love John Kapittson's works, So wherever you go, there
you are. It's a really great book for beginners. Pemitrojan,
who is a Buddhist nun, she has a book called
When Things Fall Apart, and that's more about how to
handle heartbreak and pain through the practices of mindfulness and
(39:31):
meditation joyfully. Just by Camille lege she's a black woman.
I've been trying to read more work from black women
in the space because it's very rare for few, but
more people are showing up, which I'm so excited about.
She has a really beautiful book called Joyfully, just that
talks about how for black people, it's like a lot
(39:51):
of these practices are in our culture already, right, So
she talks about even looking at the words that we speak,
stay woke with actually like an invitation for black people
at the time, just to be aware of their surroundings, right,
and even with dance, and like how we communicate and
how so much of our resilience is found in joy
It's a beautiful, beautiful book. So highly recommend that book.
(40:15):
And yeah, you can meditate with me on my website.
I have meditations available there. I don't want to overwhelm people,
but those are good, good first places to start for sure.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
Yeah, something I realized I did not ask you about
Dora that I definitely want to is about the importance
of grace and like self compassion. I feel like you
touched on this a little bit, but you know, sometimes
when you do have goals, especially for people who are
super driven and like used to checking things off and
getting things right. What would you say about the importance
of self compassion and grace as you are setting intentions
(40:46):
for yourself.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
I will say that I'm still such a student in
this as well, because I put a lot of pressure
on myself and I'm also realizing this is from like
a young age, right got to do well, You always
got to do well. That's how people are seeing you
as being valuable or respected or all these different stories
that we can internalize. So one being aware of the
stories around what is our relationship to failure right into
(41:10):
not showing up, or maybe when things don't work out,
what is our relationship to disappointment and looking at the
different stories around that. I think awareness comes before even
the grace giving and the self compassion because you have
to understand the root of it. So again, looking at
your relationship to disappointment, to failure, to mistakes and then
(41:30):
self compassion is this thing of I call it empathy
plus action. So being able to feel what we're feeling, right,
feeling into that and then being able to take informed
action from that feeling. So noticing when you are feeling
like you let yourself down or you've made a mistake,
how do you feel in that moment? And what's a
(41:51):
more kind action that you can take to yourself or
towards yourself in that moment? So how can you befriend
yourself in those moments? And the thing for me I
found most helpful is just to remind myself and I'm human.
I'm a human and I make mistakes because I think
for a lot of us that hold rules and titles
in this world, it disconnects us from our humanity, right,
(42:13):
And I struggle with this sometimes, like I didn't meditate
for the past week. Like I'm a meditation teacher. I
should be meditating all the time. You know. I'm like,
I'm also a human and I have so many other
things in my life that's going on in this moment, right,
I have so many people that are looking for me,
or I'm supporting other people or just like all the
different things that I have to do. So recognizing that
(42:33):
we're human and we're going to make mistakes, and that's
what keeps us work sustainable, That's what allows us to
get back on the horse and continue on. Because if
we're criticizing ourselves, judging ourselves, really being harsh on ourselves.
It's hard to want to continue a practice that I
love is like even just a hand on the heart,
affirming yourself right, reminding yourself like, this isn't the end.
(42:56):
Sometimes you can feel like it's the end of those moments. Ah,
I didn't get it done the first week in January.
My whole year is over. It's like no, Actually, in
each and every moment, we have an opportunity to try again.
So remembering that each and every moment we have an
opportunity to try again, and it's not the end, it's
the beginning.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
Thank you so much for that, Dora. So where can
we stay connected with you? What is your website and
any social media handles you'd like to share.
Speaker 2 (43:24):
You can stay connected with me on Instagram my first
and my last name, Dora come ou. I also have
a website ww dot Dora comeal dot ca. I recently
just launched a Mindfulness teacher training and mentorship program. The
first cohort is about to graduate this year, and that
was coming from a desire to have more people of
(43:44):
color be in the space and to be able to
mentor and share about this journey of being a teacher
and specifically talking about the shadow side of teaching as well,
because there's so much of this work that we don't
recognize is coming from our shadowt self, right, and those
parts of ourselves that we may be neglect. So that's
another way that we can stay connected. If you're interesting
(44:05):
in wanting to become a mindfulness teacher, I launched that
program to support people like me in this world and
in this industry. Of course, on headspace, I'm on TikTok.
I'm known now for being that girl that kicks people
off of TikTok.
Speaker 1 (44:20):
Yes, yeah, yeah, beautiful. Well, we will be short to
include all of that in the show notes. Thank you
so much for spending some time with us today, Dora.
Thank you more from our conversation after the break. And
(44:45):
now please enjoy this ten minute meditation led by Dora
to help you welcome the new year with ease and clarity.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
All right, I'm going to invite you wherever you are
just to settle in, so if you'd like closing the
eyes or keeping them open to a soft gaze, and
then just beginning to notice your body and noticing if
(45:16):
your body needs to be adjusted, finding a position that's
most comfortable for you, and then just beginning to notice
the rising and falling of the breath, feeling the body
(45:47):
expanding and contracting with each inhale and each exhale, and
arriving to this moment, just noticing how you're arriving, noticing
(46:09):
the thoughts in the mind, emotions and the heart, and
any sensations in the body. And then we'll take a
(46:30):
deep breath here, breathing in and breathing out, and again
breathing in and breathing out, allowing the mind and the
(46:53):
body to be soft one last time here breathing in
and breathing out, and inviting you to imagine yourself at
(47:16):
the end of twenty twenty five, So envisioning how you
would like to be at the end of this year,
coming up first, noticing how you would like to feel,
(47:46):
how would you like to feel in your friendships, in
your work, in your health and well being. Just taking
a moment to reflect and envision how you would like
(48:14):
to feel. Also acknowledging any doubt or hesitation to dream
this big or maybe envision this far into the future,
(48:43):
recognizing in the mind there is no limitation to what
is possible. So again, at the end of twenty twenty five,
how would you like to feel? And then noticing how
(49:15):
this feels like in your body right now. Perhaps the
body feels open and spacious, maybe there's a sense of excitement.
(49:51):
Also noticing if the mind maybe has wandered, that's okay,
just gently guiding it back to this moment, to this vision,
and to these feelings. As you focus on these feelings,
(50:16):
maybe thinking about a few things or a few actions
that you need to take in order to prioritize this feeling. So,
if you'd like to feel more arrested, or more joyful
(50:38):
or more happy, what are some things that you can
do in your days to reinforce this feeling? What thoughts
would you need to think? Who would you need to
(51:03):
be surrounded by, What are you saying yes to? And
what are you saying no to? Maybe thinking about the
(51:32):
different boundaries that need to be set or the different
stories that need to be unlearned in order to make
this feeling a reality. And then if you'd like resting
(51:54):
a hand on the heart, connecting to this place of
kindness and compassion, seeing if you can offer yourself a
few words of encouragement or affirmation that could sound like
(52:19):
I am deserving of a life filled with joy and happiness.
I am worthy of good things, or maybe I trust
the timing of my life. What is it that you
(52:51):
need to hear in this moment? Then we'll take another
deep breath here, breathing in and letting go, and then
(53:22):
just beginning to feel the weight of the body pressing
down into the surface beneath you, inviting gentle movement back
into your hands and into your toes, maybe stretching the
body if that feels good, whenever you're ready, slowly and
(53:46):
gently opening the eyes. Just taking a moment here to
pause and notice how you feel and if you can,
and taking a few moments just to write down those
feelings or intentions that came up for you during this practice.
(54:10):
And thank you all so much for joining me today.
Speaker 1 (54:14):
More from our conversation after the break. I'm so glad
(54:34):
Door was able to join me for this conversation. To
learn more about her and her work, be sure to
visit the show notes at Therapy for Blackgirls dot com
slash session three ninety one, and don't forget to text
this episode to two of your girls right now and
tell them to check it out. If you're looking for
a therapist in your area, visit our therapist directory at
Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory And if you
(54:57):
want to continue digging into this topic, be in community
with other sisters. Come on over and join us in
the Sister Circle. It's our cozy corner of the Internet
designed just for black women. You can join us at
community dot Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. This episode was
produced by Elise Ellis, Zaria Taylor, and Tyree Rush. Editing
(55:18):
was done by Dennison Bradford. Thank y'all so much for
joining me again this week. I look forward to continuing
this conversation with you all real soon. Take good care.
So I am back with one of my favorite traditions
here on the podcast. At the end of every year,
(55:38):
my two little ones come and share some well wishes
for the holiday season and some warm thoughts for you
for a new year. So, Julian, what would you say
has been your favorite part of twenty twenty four?
Speaker 3 (55:52):
My favorite part of twenty twenty four has been going
to school and having fun.
Speaker 1 (55:58):
Oh wonderful. And if you could give our listeners a
few words of encouragement or something to take them into
a new year, what would you say, keep.
Speaker 3 (56:08):
On doing what you're doing and always feel proud of yourself.
Speaker 1 (56:12):
Beautiful. Thank you so much, Julian.
Speaker 3 (56:15):
Merry Christmas in a happy New Year.
Speaker 1 (56:18):
Thank you, Julian. So Jackson, what has been your favorite
part of twenty twenty.
Speaker 3 (56:22):
Four probably getting into this new school.
Speaker 1 (56:26):
Okay, and what words of encouragement or affirmation would you
offer to our community for a new year.
Speaker 3 (56:32):
Don't let anybody tell you can't do something because God
has given you gifts, because it says in one Peter
four ten each of you should use whatever gifts you
are received to serve others as faithful stewards of God's
grace in its various forms.
Speaker 1 (56:46):
Beautiful, Thank you so much, Jackson,
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