January 1, 2025 • 36 mins
Happy New Year! Welcome to 2025 and to year 3 of our January Jumpstart series. Kicking off this month’s lineup of transformative conversations is a guest that I know several of you will know and recognize: Les Alfred, host of the Balanced Black Girl podcast. With expertise as a personal trainer, nutrition coach, and certified yoga instructor, Les uses her platform to support her community in creating nourishing habits that help them create the necessary space to live their best lives. In today’s discussion, we approached a topic that I know many of you are thinking through any time we enter a new year — how can I “glow-up” into my best self? What habits might we consider adopting in order to facilitate a glow-up? Along the glow-up journey, how do I handle situations in which I’m forced to step out of my comfort zone? And lastly, what changes might I have to make in my life to fully actualize my desired glow-up? We answer those questions and more in today’s episode.
About the Podcast
The Therapy for Black Girls Podcast is a weekly conversation with Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed Psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly conversation
about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions
we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.
I'm your host, doctor Joy hard and Bradford, a licensed
psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or to find
(00:32):
a therapist in your area, visit our website at Therapy
for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you love listening
to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant
to be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed
mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining
(00:57):
me for Session three ninety two of the Therapy for
Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our conversation afterword
from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
I'm Les Alfred and I'm on the Therapy for Black
Girls Podcast. I'm in session today at sharing everything you
need to know for this glow up season.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Today is January first, the beginning of what I hope
will be one of your best years yet. I want
to wish you a very happy new year and also
welcome you to our third annual January Jumpstart series. In
previous years of the podcast, we've helped you discover your
boldest aspirations, build the confidence to take on new goals,
(01:46):
and take meaningful steps towards your personal growth. By hosting
conversations with industry leaders this year, we're building on those
foundations with even more dynamic topics and inspiring voices that
will empower you to turn your into into action, taking
steps toward the life that you deserve. Kicking off this
month's lineup of transformative conversations is a guest that I
(02:09):
know several of you will know and recognize, Les Alford,
host of the Balanced Black Girl podcast, with expertise as
a personal trainer, nutrition coach, and certified yoga instructor. Les
uses her platforms to support her community and creating nourishing
habits that help them create the necessary space to live
their best lives. In today's conversation, we approach a topic
(02:32):
that I know many of you are thinking through anytime
we enter a new year. How can I glow up
into my best self? What habits might we consider adopting
in order to facilitate a glow up? Along the glow
up journey, how do I handle situations in which I'm
forced to step out of my comfort zone? And lastly,
what changes might I have to make in my life
(02:52):
to fully actualize my desired glow up. We answer all
of those questions and more in today's episode. If something
read with you while enjoying our conversation, please share with
us on social media using the hashtag TVG in session
or join us over in the sister Circle To talk
more about the episode. You can join us at community
(03:12):
dot therapy for Blackgirls dot com. Here's our conversation. Well,
thank you so much for joining us today, Liz.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
Oh my gosh, thank you for having me. I've been
listening to this podcast for so long, way before I
started my podcast, so I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Yeah, it was very exciting to have you. So I'd
love for you to tell us a little bit about
your background as a personal trainer and a nutrition coach
and how that led to the beginning of Balanced Black Girl.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Yes, so I started my fitness journey when I was
still in college, and probably about fifteen years ago was
when I started becoming really interested in wellness. And that
was purely because I was working my first corporate internship
and I was falling asleep at my desk every day
and I was trying to find a way to get
some energy. I thought, Okay, this is going to be
(04:07):
my career and I'm struggling in this internship. I'm going
to have a long struggle. So I started working out
and eating a little bit better just to try and
have energy to get through my work day, and that
ended up really changing my life. I absolutely loved fitness.
I fell in love with wellness. I felt more energized,
I felt more confident, and I thought, well, I want
(04:28):
to help other people feel this way.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
And so a few years.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
After college, I got certified as a personal trainer and
I was training clients and teaching fitness classes before and
after work for a while, which ended up leading to
a period of burnout. So I decided to quit my
personal training job, but I still wanted to stay in
touch with my clients, and so I started a fitness
blog and that was almost ten years ago, and so
(04:52):
that is how I got started in content creation, which
eventually led to podcasting.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Got it. Tell me more about the burnout related to
personal training. What do you feel like that was related.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
To I was just doing way too much.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
I mean, I had a pretty demanding corporate job at
the time with a really long commute. So I was
sitting in hours of traffic to get to work each day,
sitting in hours of traffic to get to the gym
that I worked at after work, and I would get
home at nine ten o'clock each night, eat some dinner,
go to bed, wake up around four am to get
my own workout in and do it all over again.
(05:27):
So after a period of time of that routine, it
was pretty unsustainable.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Right, I definitely hear that. So what was it like
for you making the decision to kind of leave, you know,
your full time corporate job, and it sounds like you
were doing this on the side. At what point did
you decide, Okay, I'm going to throw myself full time
into content creation with the blog in the podcast that's.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Actually been really new. I'm just coming up on one
year of that. So I had worked in corporate the
whole time that I was really building my platform up
until about a year ago.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Okay, okay, So what has this you have been like then?
Speaker 3 (05:58):
It has been a roller coaster. I've had a lot
of ups, I've had a lot of downs. Thankfully I'm
still doing it still here, but yeah, full time entrepreneurship,
it's been a big test. It's been a big test
of my tools, of my wellness tools to keep myself
centered and grounded through just the different curve balls that
get thrown at me.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Hmm, No, congratulations on that anniversary. It is a huge leap.
So I'm proud of you for that.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah. Yeah. So we hear this term glow up, use
I think in lots of different places. So I'd love
to hear what it means to you personally, and like,
how do you incorporate that into your larger ideas about wellness?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
You know, when I think about the idea of glowing
up or having a glow up, at least from a
personal standpoint, I think of it as taking intentional action
to become the best version of myself. So I'm not
necessarily looking to change who I am or how I
look or change myself fundamentally, but I am looking to
(07:01):
do intentional things to step into my fullest potential. And
so I think a lot of times glow ups can
get kind of a bad reputation where people may feel
like they are pressured to conform to certain standards or
feel like they need to constantly be working on themselves.
And I don't think that needs to be the case,
but I do think that at least in seasons of
(07:22):
my life where I've had goals that I've wanted to
work towards, it has required me to change the way
that I do things, whether that is learning new skills
or putting myself out there or building my network in
a certain way. So the intentional actions I take to
do those things, I think make a glow up.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
And it feels like most people start this glow up
journey or some leg of it when there's some kind
of transformation, right, like maybe a breakup or like a
job change would prompted yours or maybe your most recent one.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
That's a good question, I know. I feel like I've
had so many over the years. I think for me,
I have definitely been pretty intentional about my glow up
this year. I think it was a few different things. One,
going full time in my business was a big part
of it, and I realized that working on content full
time was going to require me to rise to the
occasion if I wanted to continue to do it full time.
(08:11):
So I've had to be a lot more agile. I've
had to increase my business acumen. I've had to be
a lot more strategic. I also think with podcasting as
a medium, it's changed a lot. So when we started podcasting,
it was audio only and it was much more about
the quality of the conversation, and now things are very different.
You're expected to be on video. You're not just expected
(08:32):
to educate people, you're expected to entertain. And so I've
had to work on my appearance now that I'm on
camera more, and my on camera presence because that's almost
more important than the quality of the conversation these days
in the medium. So it's just required, like a whole
new level of skills.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
I appreciate you sharing that as an example because I
think that that's something other people can relate to, right
whether they're wanting to go into content creation or some
other avenue in their career. So how do you decide,
like where to get started when you know, Okay, this
is a new thing I want to pursue. How do
you get started?
Speaker 3 (09:05):
I think it helps to just start with wherever you're at,
start with what you can do. So whether that's making
small changes into your routine each day that don't feel
too daunting or too overwhelming, looking at what your current
routines or what your current processes are, and just making
modifications to help you get a little bit closer to
(09:26):
where you want to be, I think is a really
good start.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
I think oftentimes a global process means having some really hard,
difficult conversations starting with ourselves, right about things that we
may not enjoy about ourselves, or ways we need to
stretch ourselves to be a little bit more uncomfortable. What
kinds of hard conversations would you say you need to
have with yourself when you're going through this transformation.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
I think it's important to recognize if we want to
be maybe a more elevated version of our cells, or
if there are different goals that we want to reach.
The version of ourselves that reaches those or that has
that life doesn't have the comfort zone that our current
self has. She operates outside of that comfort zone. Her
(10:08):
threshold for discomfort is a lot higher, and sometimes it
can be really hard to increase that threshold for discomfort
or to do things that we perceive as scary or hard.
But I've had to have hard conversations with myself acknowledging
that it's necessary that if I don't get over that hump,
(10:28):
if I don't increase that threshold for discomfort, I'm simply
not going to reach the goal. And sometimes it's also
okay to not reach a goal if it's not that meaningful.
So it's asking yourself, how badly do I want to
reach this goal? And am I willing to rise to
the occasion.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
What kinds of things have supported you in reaching that
threshold for discomfort?
Speaker 3 (10:46):
I think fitness is a big one. Fitness for me
has just been such a tool throughout my whole adult
life that I have really relied on. And fitness is
almost practicing discomfort because you know, you're doing stuff that's
physically hard heavy weights, and you're out of breath and
your sweating, and you're maybe doing movements that are uncomfortable.
And so I find that by having a regular movement
(11:08):
practice and getting uncomfortable maybe in a workout each morning,
it helps me be a little bit more willing to
lean into discomfort throughout the rest of my day.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
I like that. So what are some of your favorite
kind of movement and physical activity practices?
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Ooh, yes, my favorite topic.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
I'm a gym girly from way back, so I love
a good weightlifting session. I love strength training that's always
going to be foundational for me. I love walking and
walk as much as possible. I've had yoga practice off
and on for many years. I've got a plate's practice
off and on for many years. So I can usually
be found doing a combination of those things.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
M okay, thank you for sharing your ideas with us.
So this conversation is a part of our January Jumpstart series,
which is all about you know, like, what kinds of
things are you looking to change and elevate in the
new year. Why do you think January is a good
time for somebody to think about the glow up journey.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
I think it just feels natural with that new year,
we feel a renewed sense of energy. And in January
we're beginning to get over the hump of winter. We
can maybe start seeing kind of the light at the
end of the tunnel with spring coming, and there is
just this renewed sense of motivation in this wave that
(12:26):
a lot of us are really ready to ride after
the holidays, after a little bit of time off, and
it just feels like an invigorating time.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
And I'd love to hear you talk more about because
you already mentioned sometimes we reach our goals and sometimes
we don't. What does it look like to give yourself
grace and be compassionate with yourself if you don't reach
a goal.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
It's a good question. I mean something when I don't
like to reach a goal, And it's funny.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
I actually did a podcast episode about this exactly a
year ago. At the end of twenty twenty three, I
realize that all the goals that I set for myself
at the beginning of the year, I didn't reach any
of them.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Like I didn't reach my reading goal, I didn't.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Reach my money goals. I didn't reach any of my goals.
And so I did a little bit of reflecting on
why that was. And I think it's helpful to understand
if we don't reach a goal, why don't we reach
a goal? Is it that we don't have enough support.
Is it that our habits didn't support the goal. Is
it that it was an unrealistic goal for where we're at.
(13:21):
Is it we set the goal because it sounds good,
but we actually didn't really care that much and that's
why we didn't follow through with it. Is it that
life got in the way, And maybe it's something we
can focus.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
On next year.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
I think really understanding that why behind us not reaching
a goal can be really important because it takes the
pressure off of us maybe feeling like, oh I didn't
reach this goal, I failed, or I can't stick with anything.
It gives us a reason for it. Well, no, you
didn't reach that goal because you were experiencing this big
life event. Or no, you didn't reach that goal because
(13:52):
there was actually this other thing that was more important
to you at the time, and that's where your energy went.
And so I think it just helps us really understand
and our own behavior a lot better.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
More from our conversation after the break, but first a
quick snippet of what's coming up next week on TVG.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
So at forty, I quit my good government job went
to law school because you can't win the game if you.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Don't know the rules.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
After graduation from law school, I was working with business
owners to create jobs and opportunities. And one of the
business owners with whom I work he died. He died
with nothing in place. And so what I learned it's
not just what you make, it's what you keep that
impacts our community. So I went back to law school
and got my Master of Laws and elder law and
(14:36):
estate flee, So it can be about strategically supporting folks
to not just build wealth, but how do we create
it for most generational purposes.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
To Liz, I'd love to hear more about your personal
process of goal setting. Are you a vision board person?
Are you a mind mapping person?
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Like?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
What is your process for setting goals and then looking
at the accountability piece and tracking progress?
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Yeah? So I am a journal girly.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
I love to write things down, whether that's in a
physical journal or whether that's in notes or I really
love the platform notion a lot, and I'll write a
lot of goals there. And I'm constantly modifying goals. So
just because I write a goal in January, if I
get to March and that goal isn't really making sense,
I'm also okay with modifying it. So I don't necessarily
(15:35):
hold myself.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Super hard to goals.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
But what I do try to do anytime I set
a goals, I'll try to identify, Okay, this is the
goal that I have, what are the behaviors that I
need to reach this goal? And then I'll try to
use those behaviors to map out what I do each day.
So do I have that set as a habit. Am
I making space for those habits in my schedule? Do
(15:58):
I have maybe things related to those goals on my
to do list each week where I know I'm actually
working towards it. And I do like to check in
with myself on about a quarterly basis just to make
sure that it still is making sense, and then I'll
modify my goals if needed. And I know.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Anytime you're making any kind of change, you know there's
a certain amount of stress that comes with it. So
how do you manage stress? And what tips would you
have for other people to manage stress?
Speaker 3 (16:23):
That's a good question, because you know what, that's really
top of mind for me right now. I've realized that
because I've been doing so many wellness activities for so long,
I'm realizing that my old tricks aren't really working. It
used to be that like a good journaling session would
really help me feel less stressed, or a good workout
would help me feel less stressed. But I'm going on
fifteen years of doing this and my brain is like, girl,
(16:45):
a workout that's like brushing our teeth at this point.
Or Okay, your little meditation was cute, but that's like
putting your contacts in like we do this every day,
that's not any different. So I'm really starting to incorporate
new practices, whether that's doing things like acupunk sure to
help me relieve stress, or I did go back to
therapy this year and I'm doing a lot more kind
(17:05):
of reprocessing work around stressful events that happened early in
my life that have dictated my stress responses. So these days,
for me, stress relief is looking more so like getting
to the route because my old practices just aren't working
as well as they used to.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
I think that's such helpful insight, right, because I think
to your point, like when you've been doing something for
ten fifteen years, those old tricks may not fit these
new stresses. What would you say were some signs for
you that other people might be on the lookout for that, Okay,
I may need to change up the tools in my toolbox,
so to speak.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
Yeah, I mean it came from doing all of those
things and not really feeling any different doing those same routines,
and it didn't provide maybe some of the relief or
the insight that I was used to. And so when
I noticed that I was still feeling activated even after
I would do a guided meditation or even after I
would do a workout. That's when I thought, Okay, I'm
(18:00):
still getting the benefits from those things, and I'm still
going to do those things, but it's not quite hitting
the same, so I need to try something else.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
So we've used the word journey, I think as a
glow up journey as opposed to kind of like thinking
of it as a process, as opposed to a quick fix.
What kinds of things help you to stay in that
mind frame that this is not like a one and
done kind of thing, but this is something that you
may have to revisit, the goals and those kinds of
things over a long period of time.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
One of my favorite things to do is to actually
go back and read my old journal entries, even from
six months ago, a year ago, two years ago, because
it helps me keep track of how far I've come.
And sometimes when we're in our daily routines, we can
go really far and not realize it because we're just
doing our thing and we're in the day to day
(18:49):
grind that we don't necessarily pay attention to how far
we've come, or really celebrate that or really acknowledge that.
So that has been a super helpful practice for me
is remembering at one point when I really wanted the
things that I have now and allowing that to really
ground me.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
I now, you spend quite a bit of time on
social media because content creation is your job, but I
do think that sometimes your personal glow of journey can
get convoluted with everybody else's. Right and what suggestions do
you have for people to stay focused on their own
journey as opposed to getting distracted by everybody else's journey.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
I think it's.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Super important to remember that one your journey is for you,
and it's really important to understand what your why is
because we can get really distracted by what everyone else
is doing and to want things because we see that
other people have them. When we actually stop to think
do I actually want that or does that actually align
with my why? We may find that that may not
(19:48):
be the case, or maybe it does but in a
different season, and it helps us be more rooted where
we are and remember what it is that we are
really setting out to do, as opposed to getting confused
feeling like we should do things because we see other
people do it.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
So what are some of the common misconceptions you think
about glow ups.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
That it's solely physical or that it's solely a vanity thing,
and I think that there can absolutely be appearance related
things if that's something that someone wants to do. I
know that has also been a focus for me this
year that I've kind of taken my community along with
me as I've learned how to dress better or learned
how to do my hair in new ways, or you know,
(20:28):
I got in VISI line and I'm straightening my teeth
and I've talked all about that, So that can be
part of it, but it doesn't necessarily have to be.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
For me.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
The times where I have felt most empowered and I've
had some of my best glow ups or kind of
personal transformations has really been the inside stuff. Has really
been when I've learned how to lean into discomfort to
do a really hard task and how proud of myself
that I feel afterwards, Or when I've acquired a new skill,
(20:57):
or when I have a podcast recording that just goes
really well and I feel really proud of how far
I've come as a host. I think those are the
moments that feel really gratifying. So if people don't necessarily
feel called to work on appearance related goals.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
That is absolutely okay.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
It really can be customized for whatever each individual wants.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Would you say that the internal focus glow up is
connected to the outward one for you as well?
Speaker 2 (21:26):
I think it definitely can be. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
I think part of it for me was I wanted
my outside to match the inside a little bit more,
where I felt like, Okay, I do a lot of
work on myself, but I'm actually not presenting myself as
a person who has put in as much work as
I've done. So maybe I can step it up so
that the outside can match the inside a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
At least that was a motivation for me.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Yeah. Yeah. And what has it been like because you
have been very public in sharing. I think you did
a what was it like thirty days of getting dressed right?
What has it been like to put that out so
publicly and what is your reaction from your community been.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
It's been really fun. I mean the community has gotten
so involved with it. I think people love anything that
they can follow along with any sort of like transformation
that people can feel like they're a part of. They
absolutely loved so that I did in September, I challenge
myself to get dressed every single day only wearing workout
clothes when I'm working out, which as a gym girly,
(22:25):
I was wearing workout clothes my whole twenties and I realized, oh,
I'm in my mid thirties, I don't know how to dress,
and I should figure that out. So it's been a
really fun process of learning. And I think sometimes we
can feel so much pressure to want to show up
fully formed or we have it all figured out. But
I think that our community also really like seeing the
process of us learning.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
So my community has.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Really liked seeing my style evolve and seeing me experiment
with new things. I think it makes them feel encouraged
that they can do the same. They don't have to
immediately be a fashionista or be this glamorous person. That
they can learn and they can experiment and have fun
with it.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
You offer an example of kind of lifting heavy weights
and like getting out of breath as a way of
stretching yourself for discomfort physically. What is the equivalent to
that for you mentally?
Speaker 3 (23:16):
I think for me it has been letting myself emote
more and express my emotions more. Because I previously have
been a person who was not very emotionally expressive, and
so that's something that therapy has really helped me with,
whether it's a good emotion or a bad emotion, just
kind of practicing emoting has been a really good one
(23:36):
for me. And then also, particularly in business, sometimes we
just have hard tasks where it's like, oh, there's an
email that I just don't want to respond to, or
there's just a report that I really.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Don't want to file.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
And when we have those hard things, like doing them
anyway as proof that we can do it has also
really helped me mentally.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
So you are kind of having like an entrepreneurial blow
up this year, right, What kinds of resources and things
have been helpful for you as you think about your
business journey?
Speaker 3 (24:05):
Yeah, I mean, honestly, a big part of it, and
selfishly has been my own podcast and the people that
I interview. It's been like, Okay, who do I want
to learn it from? Who has a really great business
that I want.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
To peek behind the curtain?
Speaker 3 (24:18):
And then I can invite them on and ask them
questions to learn more about how they do it. So
that almost selfishly has been really helpful for me.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
I love that. So you know, there's a lot about
like functuing and having your space match your mood and
that kind of thing. How would you say location is
a part of the glow up journey?
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Oh, it's huge.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
I talk a lot about morning routines and waking up
very early because that's a habit that I have. And
people always ask me for advice about waking up earlier,
and everybody hates my advice, but it's true because the
two things that are going to help you wake up
earlier as one going to bed earlier, I mean, that's
really key, but two having a clean, tidy space. I'm
all about observing my own habits, and I realized years
(25:04):
ago that I was having a really hard time getting
out of bed if my space was in disarray, if
I had either like a messy room or just a
lot of stuff or a lot of clutter. I noticed
that I would snooze and I wouldn't want to get
out of bed, and I would start the day feeling
more anxious Versus when my environment was clear and when
(25:24):
it was organized, and when I had clear spaces, I
noticed that I would wake right up, even if it
was early and I could move through my day without distraction.
So I think having calm environments as much as we can,
which also I mean I live in New York City.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
My environment outside is not that calm.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
But within our control of our spaces, I think is major.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
More from our conversation after the break, so I hear
so many people talk about the importance of morning routines.
You just mentioned it again. What would you say is
the importance of warning routines? Like why is that so important?
(26:06):
Especially on a glow up journey.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
It's important because I think for a lot of us,
regardless of whether you're an entrepreneur or you go into
an office or maybe you're a parent, for so many people,
the mornings before everyone else gets up, it's the only
time in your day that you can have just for you.
So it's the only time you can have before the
emails start rolling in that you have to take care of,
or before the kids wake up, or before people need you.
(26:31):
It is just time that you can pour into yourself
before you have to do that for anyone else. And
so I find that starting my day on that note
where I can lean into my habits and if I
have if it's just twenty minutes, if it's an hour,
if it's a little bit of time to reset myself
before I have to navigate the outside world. It just
(26:53):
sets a much better tone for the rest of the day.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
So you've mentioned having an acupuncturist, you talked about therapy,
talked about journaling. What other tools and practices are you
using to put yourself in your glow up journey?
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Reading is another one.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
I'm a huge reader and absolutely love reading, so I
will usually have two books going at a time. Usually
I will have some sort of nonfiction book that I'm
learning from. Maybe it's a business book, maybe it's a
personal development book, maybe it's.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
A wellness book. And then I'll also have a fiction
book just.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
For joy and enjoyment and pleasure, so just a story
that I can just get lost in. I'm not personally
a big fan of watching TV, so for me, I
almost treat reading fiction kind of like watching TV at
the end of the day, and so I'll spend a
few minutes in the morning kind of in learning mode,
reading my nonfiction book, and then the rest of the day,
(27:43):
if I have a moment to read, that's when I'll
crack open a fiction book. And have just a little
bit of time to get lost in a story. And
I find that both of them are incredibly helpful in
different ways. You know. I think for the nonfiction that
ones people might get that, and I think sometimes we
can dive a little too deep into the self help
nonfiction world where we're constantly you know, improving, learning, finding
(28:04):
something to apply to our lives, and that's really great,
but I also really like the fiction to balance it out,
just to have something to enjoy. It's like a hobby.
It is something to be entertained by and to give
ourselves a little bit of a break. And I think
both of those things have been equally helpful for me.
And I need the new things to learn, but I
also need to know when to unplug and have a
(28:26):
little bit of joy.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Yes, yes, you know, you bring up a great point
around self help and self improvement and like that kind
of thing, and it does feel like there is a
proliferation of that online, right all the podcasts and blogs
and all the things. What would you say is the
balance of you know, like, okay, yes, there are some
things I want to improve and kind of constantly picking
yourself apart.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
So my personal boundary with it is. I don't consume
more self help than I can realistically apply. So if
it gets to the point where I'm listening to so
many podcasts that they blur together and I don't know
the different from one to another, it might be too much.
Or if I'm reading so many self help books and
rapid succession that I'm not able to apply any of them,
then it might be too much. So I think spacing
(29:10):
it out a little bit and giving yourself room and
time and space to be able to digest the content
and actually apply it to your life is really important.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
So as a former personal trainer, you're probably familiar with
the terminology of like a MAGS day or a pr
in lifting. Are there equivalent benchmarks you would say for
your like internal glow up journey?
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Hmmm, that's a really good question.
Speaker 3 (29:33):
I mean, I think good benchmarks could be overcoming fears,
things that maybe used to scare us so that we
may be used to be intimidated by or think that
we couldn't do. Being able to do them and no
longer being afraid of things, I think is a really
big one for me.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
So, if you could give one piece of advice to
someone who is seeking like an inner glow up journey?
Speaker 3 (29:55):
What would it be to get to know yourself, to
get to know the version of you you currently are
and appreciate her for who she is, and then identify
that potential that you know is within you so that
you know where you want.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
To go next.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
So we were already talking about you sharing your glow
up journey as a part of your job. Would you
suggest that for other people who aren't necessarily like content creators,
how might the process of sharing your glow up journey
on social media be helpful? Are not?
Speaker 2 (30:26):
I think it depends on the person.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
I think a lot of people do feel really motivated
by that external accountability, and I do think sometimes having
some sort of support group can also be really helpful,
and social media can be a really great way to
do that.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
So I think for people who are maybe doing.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Some sort of challenge or something and who are maybe
sharing their updates with other people who are doing the challenge,
that can be like a really beautiful way to stay
accountable and have community. Or for people who want to
be able to kind of log their own progress, sharing
can be really great in that way. And so I
think if someone is motivated by those things or thinks
(31:03):
that that could be helpful, then that could be a
really great way to track your progress if that calls
to you. And then for people who maybe want to
be a little bit more private, maybe they have an
accountability buddy who's like a friend in real life who
they can meet up with and share their goals with
and do their check ins with, and that could be
a good way to share if they don't necessarily want
to put something on the internet or if that doesn't
resonate with them.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
So you've already talked about being an avid reader, so
we want to take a little peek on your bookshelf.
So what are two or three books, maybe nonfiction and
fiction that you would maybe offensive people, that have been
helpful to you, or that you think could be helpful
to other people.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
Definitely, So let's see a few books. One that I
read in twenty twenty four that I really liked was
called The Alter Ego Effect. I believe the author's name
is Todd Herman. He is an elite mindset coach who
has helped a lot of athletes and celebrities level up
in their games and become champions in a lot of ways.
(32:00):
About this idea of creating an alter ego, that is
this successful version of yourself. And if you find yourself
having a hard time reaching your goals, could be because
you don't identify as a person who maybe performs at
a certain level. And so a way to get over
that is to have this alter ego that you step into.
And so the book has a lot of case studies
from athletes and really successful people who have done the
(32:22):
same thing, as well as a step by step process
for creating your own alter ego. So that was a
really good cread. I think probably one of the best
examples that could resonate with a lot of people that
we know of would be the Sasha Fears and Beyonce effect.
How when Beyonce was coming up as a performer and
was really shy, she would feel uncomfortable doing certain things
on stage. So she created the Sasha Fears persona to
(32:44):
feel more comfortable as a performer, and that's what made
her the person she is. So creating your own Sasha Fears,
whatever that looks like for you, that can be a
really great book. And then I would say for fiction books,
I mean, there's so many that I love, but there
are a few authors in particular that I really love.
Maybe I'll shout out the authors because they have a
bunch of books that folks can read. So a few
of my favorite black women authors who do fiction, I
(33:06):
would say are Kennedy Ryan, who writes really beautiful romance
novels that often have female leads who just share really
beautiful stories about not only romance but also friendship and
sisterhood and self love. TiO Williams also writes really beautiful
books that a lot of people may know, like Seven
Days in June, I know, is a really popular book.
(33:28):
Christina Forrest writes a really cute romance novel. So those
are just a few authors that I really love reading from.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
GADDI thank you for that. And who are some people
you would suggest a follow on social media who make
similar kind of glow up content or stuff that you
find like just inspirational that other people might also enjoy.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Yeah, I mean, I think that there are so many
creators who are doing really great glow up content, several
of whom I've been able to feature on my podcast
over the past year. I think a few that come
to mind. One would be Jazz Turner, who is a
wonderful content creator who talks a lot about wellness, glow Ups.
I did have her on my podcast last year, so
she's great to check out. Jodi Taylor is another creator
(34:10):
who talks a lot about that. She also comes at
it for more of a social and career angle as
opposed to a wellness angle. I talk a lot about
kind of that wellness angle, so I think between kind
of that group.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Right there, you've got all bases covered.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Beautiful, Thanks so much for this. So where can we
stay connected with you? Tell us where we can find
your website, where can we listen to the podcast? And
any social media channels you'd like to share?
Speaker 3 (34:36):
Yes, so you can most often find me on Instagram
and TikTok. My handle is at balance Less and then
new episodes of my podcast, Balanced black Girl come out
every Tuesday, so you can get that wherever your podcasts.
Wherever you're listening to this, you can also subscribe to
Balance black Girl so Apple, Spotify, YouTube, Beautiful.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
We will be short to include all of that in
the show notes. Thank you so much for sending some
time with us today.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
I'm so glad Liz was able to join me for
this conversation. To learn more about her and her work,
visit the show notes at Therapy for Blackgirls dot Com
Session three ninety two, and don't forget to text this
episode to two of your girls right now and tell
them to check it out. If you're looking for a
therapist in your area, visit our therapist directory at Therapy
for Blackgirls dot com slash directory. And if you want
(35:27):
to continue digging into this topic or just be in
community with other sisters, come on over and join us
in the Sister Circle. It's our cozy corner of the
Internet designed just for black women. You can join us
at community dot Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. This episode
was produced by Elise Ellis, Zaria Taylor and Tyrie Rush.
Editing was done by Dennison Bradford. Thank y'all so much
(35:50):
for joining me again this week. I look forward to
continuing this conversation with you all real soon. Take good care,
Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly conversation
about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions
we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves.
I'm your host, doctor Joy hard and Bradford, a licensed
psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or to find
(00:32):
a therapist in your area, visit our website at Therapy
for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you love listening
to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant
to be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed
mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining
(00:57):
me for Session three ninety two of the Therapy for
Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our conversation afterword
from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
I'm Les Alfred and I'm on the Therapy for Black
Girls Podcast. I'm in session today at sharing everything you
need to know for this glow up season.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Today is January first, the beginning of what I hope
will be one of your best years yet. I want
to wish you a very happy new year and also
welcome you to our third annual January Jumpstart series. In
previous years of the podcast, we've helped you discover your
boldest aspirations, build the confidence to take on new goals,
(01:46):
and take meaningful steps towards your personal growth. By hosting
conversations with industry leaders this year, we're building on those
foundations with even more dynamic topics and inspiring voices that
will empower you to turn your into into action, taking
steps toward the life that you deserve. Kicking off this
month's lineup of transformative conversations is a guest that I
(02:09):
know several of you will know and recognize, Les Alford,
host of the Balanced Black Girl podcast, with expertise as
a personal trainer, nutrition coach, and certified yoga instructor. Les
uses her platforms to support her community and creating nourishing
habits that help them create the necessary space to live
their best lives. In today's conversation, we approach a topic
(02:32):
that I know many of you are thinking through anytime
we enter a new year. How can I glow up
into my best self? What habits might we consider adopting
in order to facilitate a glow up? Along the glow
up journey, how do I handle situations in which I'm
forced to step out of my comfort zone? And lastly,
what changes might I have to make in my life
(02:52):
to fully actualize my desired glow up. We answer all
of those questions and more in today's episode. If something
read with you while enjoying our conversation, please share with
us on social media using the hashtag TVG in session
or join us over in the sister Circle To talk
more about the episode. You can join us at community
(03:12):
dot therapy for Blackgirls dot com. Here's our conversation. Well,
thank you so much for joining us today, Liz.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
Oh my gosh, thank you for having me. I've been
listening to this podcast for so long, way before I
started my podcast, so I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Yeah, it was very exciting to have you. So I'd
love for you to tell us a little bit about
your background as a personal trainer and a nutrition coach
and how that led to the beginning of Balanced Black Girl.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Yes, so I started my fitness journey when I was
still in college, and probably about fifteen years ago was
when I started becoming really interested in wellness. And that
was purely because I was working my first corporate internship
and I was falling asleep at my desk every day
and I was trying to find a way to get
some energy. I thought, Okay, this is going to be
(04:07):
my career and I'm struggling in this internship. I'm going
to have a long struggle. So I started working out
and eating a little bit better just to try and
have energy to get through my work day, and that
ended up really changing my life. I absolutely loved fitness.
I fell in love with wellness. I felt more energized,
I felt more confident, and I thought, well, I want
(04:28):
to help other people feel this way.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
And so a few years.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
After college, I got certified as a personal trainer and
I was training clients and teaching fitness classes before and
after work for a while, which ended up leading to
a period of burnout. So I decided to quit my
personal training job, but I still wanted to stay in
touch with my clients, and so I started a fitness
blog and that was almost ten years ago, and so
(04:52):
that is how I got started in content creation, which
eventually led to podcasting.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Got it. Tell me more about the burnout related to
personal training. What do you feel like that was related.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
To I was just doing way too much.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
I mean, I had a pretty demanding corporate job at
the time with a really long commute. So I was
sitting in hours of traffic to get to work each day,
sitting in hours of traffic to get to the gym
that I worked at after work, and I would get
home at nine ten o'clock each night, eat some dinner,
go to bed, wake up around four am to get
my own workout in and do it all over again.
(05:27):
So after a period of time of that routine, it
was pretty unsustainable.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Right, I definitely hear that. So what was it like
for you making the decision to kind of leave, you know,
your full time corporate job, and it sounds like you
were doing this on the side. At what point did
you decide, Okay, I'm going to throw myself full time
into content creation with the blog in the podcast that's.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
Actually been really new. I'm just coming up on one
year of that. So I had worked in corporate the
whole time that I was really building my platform up
until about a year ago.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Okay, okay, So what has this you have been like then?
Speaker 3 (05:58):
It has been a roller coaster. I've had a lot
of ups, I've had a lot of downs. Thankfully I'm
still doing it still here, but yeah, full time entrepreneurship,
it's been a big test. It's been a big test
of my tools, of my wellness tools to keep myself
centered and grounded through just the different curve balls that
get thrown at me.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Hmm, No, congratulations on that anniversary. It is a huge leap.
So I'm proud of you for that.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Yeah. Yeah. So we hear this term glow up, use
I think in lots of different places. So I'd love
to hear what it means to you personally, and like,
how do you incorporate that into your larger ideas about wellness?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
You know, when I think about the idea of glowing
up or having a glow up, at least from a
personal standpoint, I think of it as taking intentional action
to become the best version of myself. So I'm not
necessarily looking to change who I am or how I
look or change myself fundamentally, but I am looking to
(07:01):
do intentional things to step into my fullest potential. And
so I think a lot of times glow ups can
get kind of a bad reputation where people may feel
like they are pressured to conform to certain standards or
feel like they need to constantly be working on themselves.
And I don't think that needs to be the case,
but I do think that at least in seasons of
(07:22):
my life where I've had goals that I've wanted to
work towards, it has required me to change the way
that I do things, whether that is learning new skills
or putting myself out there or building my network in
a certain way. So the intentional actions I take to
do those things, I think make a glow up.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
And it feels like most people start this glow up
journey or some leg of it when there's some kind
of transformation, right, like maybe a breakup or like a
job change would prompted yours or maybe your most recent one.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
That's a good question, I know. I feel like I've
had so many over the years. I think for me,
I have definitely been pretty intentional about my glow up
this year. I think it was a few different things. One,
going full time in my business was a big part
of it, and I realized that working on content full
time was going to require me to rise to the
occasion if I wanted to continue to do it full time.
(08:11):
So I've had to be a lot more agile. I've
had to increase my business acumen. I've had to be
a lot more strategic. I also think with podcasting as
a medium, it's changed a lot. So when we started podcasting,
it was audio only and it was much more about
the quality of the conversation, and now things are very different.
You're expected to be on video. You're not just expected
(08:32):
to educate people, you're expected to entertain. And so I've
had to work on my appearance now that I'm on
camera more, and my on camera presence because that's almost
more important than the quality of the conversation these days
in the medium. So it's just required, like a whole
new level of skills.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
I appreciate you sharing that as an example because I
think that that's something other people can relate to, right
whether they're wanting to go into content creation or some
other avenue in their career. So how do you decide,
like where to get started when you know, Okay, this
is a new thing I want to pursue. How do
you get started?
Speaker 3 (09:05):
I think it helps to just start with wherever you're at,
start with what you can do. So whether that's making
small changes into your routine each day that don't feel
too daunting or too overwhelming, looking at what your current
routines or what your current processes are, and just making
modifications to help you get a little bit closer to
(09:26):
where you want to be, I think is a really
good start.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
I think oftentimes a global process means having some really hard,
difficult conversations starting with ourselves, right about things that we
may not enjoy about ourselves, or ways we need to
stretch ourselves to be a little bit more uncomfortable. What
kinds of hard conversations would you say you need to
have with yourself when you're going through this transformation.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
I think it's important to recognize if we want to
be maybe a more elevated version of our cells, or
if there are different goals that we want to reach.
The version of ourselves that reaches those or that has
that life doesn't have the comfort zone that our current
self has. She operates outside of that comfort zone. Her
(10:08):
threshold for discomfort is a lot higher, and sometimes it
can be really hard to increase that threshold for discomfort
or to do things that we perceive as scary or hard.
But I've had to have hard conversations with myself acknowledging
that it's necessary that if I don't get over that hump,
(10:28):
if I don't increase that threshold for discomfort, I'm simply
not going to reach the goal. And sometimes it's also
okay to not reach a goal if it's not that meaningful.
So it's asking yourself, how badly do I want to
reach this goal? And am I willing to rise to
the occasion.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
What kinds of things have supported you in reaching that
threshold for discomfort?
Speaker 3 (10:46):
I think fitness is a big one. Fitness for me
has just been such a tool throughout my whole adult
life that I have really relied on. And fitness is
almost practicing discomfort because you know, you're doing stuff that's
physically hard heavy weights, and you're out of breath and
your sweating, and you're maybe doing movements that are uncomfortable.
And so I find that by having a regular movement
(11:08):
practice and getting uncomfortable maybe in a workout each morning,
it helps me be a little bit more willing to
lean into discomfort throughout the rest of my day.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
I like that. So what are some of your favorite
kind of movement and physical activity practices?
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Ooh, yes, my favorite topic.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
I'm a gym girly from way back, so I love
a good weightlifting session. I love strength training that's always
going to be foundational for me. I love walking and
walk as much as possible. I've had yoga practice off
and on for many years. I've got a plate's practice
off and on for many years. So I can usually
be found doing a combination of those things.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
M okay, thank you for sharing your ideas with us.
So this conversation is a part of our January Jumpstart series,
which is all about you know, like, what kinds of
things are you looking to change and elevate in the
new year. Why do you think January is a good
time for somebody to think about the glow up journey.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
I think it just feels natural with that new year,
we feel a renewed sense of energy. And in January
we're beginning to get over the hump of winter. We
can maybe start seeing kind of the light at the
end of the tunnel with spring coming, and there is
just this renewed sense of motivation in this wave that
(12:26):
a lot of us are really ready to ride after
the holidays, after a little bit of time off, and
it just feels like an invigorating time.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
And I'd love to hear you talk more about because
you already mentioned sometimes we reach our goals and sometimes
we don't. What does it look like to give yourself
grace and be compassionate with yourself if you don't reach
a goal.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
It's a good question. I mean something when I don't
like to reach a goal, And it's funny.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
I actually did a podcast episode about this exactly a
year ago. At the end of twenty twenty three, I
realize that all the goals that I set for myself
at the beginning of the year, I didn't reach any
of them.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Like I didn't reach my reading goal, I didn't.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Reach my money goals. I didn't reach any of my goals.
And so I did a little bit of reflecting on
why that was. And I think it's helpful to understand
if we don't reach a goal, why don't we reach
a goal? Is it that we don't have enough support.
Is it that our habits didn't support the goal. Is
it that it was an unrealistic goal for where we're at.
(13:21):
Is it we set the goal because it sounds good,
but we actually didn't really care that much and that's
why we didn't follow through with it. Is it that
life got in the way, And maybe it's something we
can focus.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
On next year.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
I think really understanding that why behind us not reaching
a goal can be really important because it takes the
pressure off of us maybe feeling like, oh I didn't
reach this goal, I failed, or I can't stick with anything.
It gives us a reason for it. Well, no, you
didn't reach that goal because you were experiencing this big
life event. Or no, you didn't reach that goal because
(13:52):
there was actually this other thing that was more important
to you at the time, and that's where your energy went.
And so I think it just helps us really understand
and our own behavior a lot better.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
More from our conversation after the break, but first a
quick snippet of what's coming up next week on TVG.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
So at forty, I quit my good government job went
to law school because you can't win the game if you.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Don't know the rules.
Speaker 4 (14:15):
After graduation from law school, I was working with business
owners to create jobs and opportunities. And one of the
business owners with whom I work he died. He died
with nothing in place. And so what I learned it's
not just what you make, it's what you keep that
impacts our community. So I went back to law school
and got my Master of Laws and elder law and
(14:36):
estate flee, So it can be about strategically supporting folks
to not just build wealth, but how do we create
it for most generational purposes.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
To Liz, I'd love to hear more about your personal
process of goal setting. Are you a vision board person?
Are you a mind mapping person?
Speaker 3 (15:05):
Like?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
What is your process for setting goals and then looking
at the accountability piece and tracking progress?
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Yeah? So I am a journal girly.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
I love to write things down, whether that's in a
physical journal or whether that's in notes or I really
love the platform notion a lot, and I'll write a
lot of goals there. And I'm constantly modifying goals. So
just because I write a goal in January, if I
get to March and that goal isn't really making sense,
I'm also okay with modifying it. So I don't necessarily
(15:35):
hold myself.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Super hard to goals.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
But what I do try to do anytime I set
a goals, I'll try to identify, Okay, this is the
goal that I have, what are the behaviors that I
need to reach this goal? And then I'll try to
use those behaviors to map out what I do each day.
So do I have that set as a habit. Am
I making space for those habits in my schedule? Do
(15:58):
I have maybe things related to those goals on my
to do list each week where I know I'm actually
working towards it. And I do like to check in
with myself on about a quarterly basis just to make
sure that it still is making sense, and then I'll
modify my goals if needed. And I know.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Anytime you're making any kind of change, you know there's
a certain amount of stress that comes with it. So
how do you manage stress? And what tips would you
have for other people to manage stress?
Speaker 3 (16:23):
That's a good question, because you know what, that's really
top of mind for me right now. I've realized that
because I've been doing so many wellness activities for so long,
I'm realizing that my old tricks aren't really working. It
used to be that like a good journaling session would
really help me feel less stressed, or a good workout
would help me feel less stressed. But I'm going on
fifteen years of doing this and my brain is like, girl,
(16:45):
a workout that's like brushing our teeth at this point.
Or Okay, your little meditation was cute, but that's like
putting your contacts in like we do this every day,
that's not any different. So I'm really starting to incorporate
new practices, whether that's doing things like acupunk sure to
help me relieve stress, or I did go back to
therapy this year and I'm doing a lot more kind
(17:05):
of reprocessing work around stressful events that happened early in
my life that have dictated my stress responses. So these days,
for me, stress relief is looking more so like getting
to the route because my old practices just aren't working
as well as they used to.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
I think that's such helpful insight, right, because I think
to your point, like when you've been doing something for
ten fifteen years, those old tricks may not fit these
new stresses. What would you say were some signs for
you that other people might be on the lookout for that, Okay,
I may need to change up the tools in my toolbox,
so to speak.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
Yeah, I mean it came from doing all of those
things and not really feeling any different doing those same routines,
and it didn't provide maybe some of the relief or
the insight that I was used to. And so when
I noticed that I was still feeling activated even after
I would do a guided meditation or even after I
would do a workout. That's when I thought, Okay, I'm
(18:00):
still getting the benefits from those things, and I'm still
going to do those things, but it's not quite hitting
the same, so I need to try something else.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
So we've used the word journey, I think as a
glow up journey as opposed to kind of like thinking
of it as a process, as opposed to a quick fix.
What kinds of things help you to stay in that
mind frame that this is not like a one and
done kind of thing, but this is something that you
may have to revisit, the goals and those kinds of
things over a long period of time.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
One of my favorite things to do is to actually
go back and read my old journal entries, even from
six months ago, a year ago, two years ago, because
it helps me keep track of how far I've come.
And sometimes when we're in our daily routines, we can
go really far and not realize it because we're just
doing our thing and we're in the day to day
(18:49):
grind that we don't necessarily pay attention to how far
we've come, or really celebrate that or really acknowledge that.
So that has been a super helpful practice for me
is remembering at one point when I really wanted the
things that I have now and allowing that to really
ground me.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
I now, you spend quite a bit of time on
social media because content creation is your job, but I
do think that sometimes your personal glow of journey can
get convoluted with everybody else's. Right and what suggestions do
you have for people to stay focused on their own
journey as opposed to getting distracted by everybody else's journey.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
I think it's.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
Super important to remember that one your journey is for you,
and it's really important to understand what your why is
because we can get really distracted by what everyone else
is doing and to want things because we see that
other people have them. When we actually stop to think
do I actually want that or does that actually align
with my why? We may find that that may not
(19:48):
be the case, or maybe it does but in a
different season, and it helps us be more rooted where
we are and remember what it is that we are
really setting out to do, as opposed to getting confused
feeling like we should do things because we see other
people do it.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
So what are some of the common misconceptions you think
about glow ups.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
That it's solely physical or that it's solely a vanity thing,
and I think that there can absolutely be appearance related
things if that's something that someone wants to do. I
know that has also been a focus for me this
year that I've kind of taken my community along with
me as I've learned how to dress better or learned
how to do my hair in new ways, or you know,
(20:28):
I got in VISI line and I'm straightening my teeth
and I've talked all about that, So that can be
part of it, but it doesn't necessarily have to be.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
For me.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
The times where I have felt most empowered and I've
had some of my best glow ups or kind of
personal transformations has really been the inside stuff. Has really
been when I've learned how to lean into discomfort to
do a really hard task and how proud of myself
that I feel afterwards, Or when I've acquired a new skill,
(20:57):
or when I have a podcast recording that just goes
really well and I feel really proud of how far
I've come as a host. I think those are the
moments that feel really gratifying. So if people don't necessarily
feel called to work on appearance related goals.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
That is absolutely okay.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
It really can be customized for whatever each individual wants.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Would you say that the internal focus glow up is
connected to the outward one for you as well?
Speaker 2 (21:26):
I think it definitely can be. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
I think part of it for me was I wanted
my outside to match the inside a little bit more,
where I felt like, Okay, I do a lot of
work on myself, but I'm actually not presenting myself as
a person who has put in as much work as
I've done. So maybe I can step it up so
that the outside can match the inside a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
At least that was a motivation for me.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
Yeah. Yeah. And what has it been like because you
have been very public in sharing. I think you did
a what was it like thirty days of getting dressed right?
What has it been like to put that out so
publicly and what is your reaction from your community been.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
It's been really fun. I mean the community has gotten
so involved with it. I think people love anything that
they can follow along with any sort of like transformation
that people can feel like they're a part of. They
absolutely loved so that I did in September, I challenge
myself to get dressed every single day only wearing workout
clothes when I'm working out, which as a gym girly,
(22:25):
I was wearing workout clothes my whole twenties and I realized, oh,
I'm in my mid thirties, I don't know how to dress,
and I should figure that out. So it's been a
really fun process of learning. And I think sometimes we
can feel so much pressure to want to show up
fully formed or we have it all figured out. But
I think that our community also really like seeing the
process of us learning.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
So my community has.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Really liked seeing my style evolve and seeing me experiment
with new things. I think it makes them feel encouraged
that they can do the same. They don't have to
immediately be a fashionista or be this glamorous person. That
they can learn and they can experiment and have fun
with it.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
You offer an example of kind of lifting heavy weights
and like getting out of breath as a way of
stretching yourself for discomfort physically. What is the equivalent to
that for you mentally?
Speaker 3 (23:16):
I think for me it has been letting myself emote
more and express my emotions more. Because I previously have
been a person who was not very emotionally expressive, and
so that's something that therapy has really helped me with,
whether it's a good emotion or a bad emotion, just
kind of practicing emoting has been a really good one
(23:36):
for me. And then also, particularly in business, sometimes we
just have hard tasks where it's like, oh, there's an
email that I just don't want to respond to, or
there's just a report that I really.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Don't want to file.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
And when we have those hard things, like doing them
anyway as proof that we can do it has also
really helped me mentally.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
So you are kind of having like an entrepreneurial blow
up this year, right, What kinds of resources and things
have been helpful for you as you think about your
business journey?
Speaker 3 (24:05):
Yeah, I mean, honestly, a big part of it, and
selfishly has been my own podcast and the people that
I interview. It's been like, Okay, who do I want
to learn it from? Who has a really great business
that I want.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
To peek behind the curtain?
Speaker 3 (24:18):
And then I can invite them on and ask them
questions to learn more about how they do it. So
that almost selfishly has been really helpful for me.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
I love that. So you know, there's a lot about
like functuing and having your space match your mood and
that kind of thing. How would you say location is
a part of the glow up journey?
Speaker 2 (24:40):
Oh, it's huge.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
I talk a lot about morning routines and waking up
very early because that's a habit that I have. And
people always ask me for advice about waking up earlier,
and everybody hates my advice, but it's true because the
two things that are going to help you wake up
earlier as one going to bed earlier, I mean, that's
really key, but two having a clean, tidy space. I'm
all about observing my own habits, and I realized years
(25:04):
ago that I was having a really hard time getting
out of bed if my space was in disarray, if
I had either like a messy room or just a
lot of stuff or a lot of clutter. I noticed
that I would snooze and I wouldn't want to get
out of bed, and I would start the day feeling
more anxious Versus when my environment was clear and when
(25:24):
it was organized, and when I had clear spaces, I
noticed that I would wake right up, even if it
was early and I could move through my day without distraction.
So I think having calm environments as much as we can,
which also I mean I live in New York City.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
My environment outside is not that calm.
Speaker 3 (25:41):
But within our control of our spaces, I think is major.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
More from our conversation after the break, so I hear
so many people talk about the importance of morning routines.
You just mentioned it again. What would you say is
the importance of warning routines? Like why is that so important?
(26:06):
Especially on a glow up journey.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
It's important because I think for a lot of us,
regardless of whether you're an entrepreneur or you go into
an office or maybe you're a parent, for so many people,
the mornings before everyone else gets up, it's the only
time in your day that you can have just for you.
So it's the only time you can have before the
emails start rolling in that you have to take care of,
or before the kids wake up, or before people need you.
(26:31):
It is just time that you can pour into yourself
before you have to do that for anyone else. And
so I find that starting my day on that note
where I can lean into my habits and if I
have if it's just twenty minutes, if it's an hour,
if it's a little bit of time to reset myself
before I have to navigate the outside world. It just
(26:53):
sets a much better tone for the rest of the day.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
So you've mentioned having an acupuncturist, you talked about therapy,
talked about journaling. What other tools and practices are you
using to put yourself in your glow up journey?
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Reading is another one.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
I'm a huge reader and absolutely love reading, so I
will usually have two books going at a time. Usually
I will have some sort of nonfiction book that I'm
learning from. Maybe it's a business book, maybe it's a
personal development book, maybe it's.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
A wellness book. And then I'll also have a fiction
book just.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
For joy and enjoyment and pleasure, so just a story
that I can just get lost in. I'm not personally
a big fan of watching TV, so for me, I
almost treat reading fiction kind of like watching TV at
the end of the day, and so I'll spend a
few minutes in the morning kind of in learning mode,
reading my nonfiction book, and then the rest of the day,
(27:43):
if I have a moment to read, that's when I'll
crack open a fiction book. And have just a little
bit of time to get lost in a story. And
I find that both of them are incredibly helpful in
different ways. You know. I think for the nonfiction that
ones people might get that, and I think sometimes we
can dive a little too deep into the self help
nonfiction world where we're constantly you know, improving, learning, finding
(28:04):
something to apply to our lives, and that's really great,
but I also really like the fiction to balance it out,
just to have something to enjoy. It's like a hobby.
It is something to be entertained by and to give
ourselves a little bit of a break. And I think
both of those things have been equally helpful for me.
And I need the new things to learn, but I
also need to know when to unplug and have a
(28:26):
little bit of joy.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Yes, yes, you know, you bring up a great point
around self help and self improvement and like that kind
of thing, and it does feel like there is a
proliferation of that online, right all the podcasts and blogs
and all the things. What would you say is the
balance of you know, like, okay, yes, there are some
things I want to improve and kind of constantly picking
yourself apart.
Speaker 3 (28:48):
So my personal boundary with it is. I don't consume
more self help than I can realistically apply. So if
it gets to the point where I'm listening to so
many podcasts that they blur together and I don't know
the different from one to another, it might be too much.
Or if I'm reading so many self help books and
rapid succession that I'm not able to apply any of them,
then it might be too much. So I think spacing
(29:10):
it out a little bit and giving yourself room and
time and space to be able to digest the content
and actually apply it to your life is really important.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
So as a former personal trainer, you're probably familiar with
the terminology of like a MAGS day or a pr
in lifting. Are there equivalent benchmarks you would say for
your like internal glow up journey?
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Hmmm, that's a really good question.
Speaker 3 (29:33):
I mean, I think good benchmarks could be overcoming fears,
things that maybe used to scare us so that we
may be used to be intimidated by or think that
we couldn't do. Being able to do them and no
longer being afraid of things, I think is a really
big one for me.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
So, if you could give one piece of advice to
someone who is seeking like an inner glow up journey?
Speaker 3 (29:55):
What would it be to get to know yourself, to
get to know the version of you you currently are
and appreciate her for who she is, and then identify
that potential that you know is within you so that
you know where you want.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
To go next.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
So we were already talking about you sharing your glow
up journey as a part of your job. Would you
suggest that for other people who aren't necessarily like content creators,
how might the process of sharing your glow up journey
on social media be helpful? Are not?
Speaker 2 (30:26):
I think it depends on the person.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
I think a lot of people do feel really motivated
by that external accountability, and I do think sometimes having
some sort of support group can also be really helpful,
and social media can be a really great way to
do that.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
So I think for people who are maybe doing.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Some sort of challenge or something and who are maybe
sharing their updates with other people who are doing the challenge,
that can be like a really beautiful way to stay
accountable and have community. Or for people who want to
be able to kind of log their own progress, sharing
can be really great in that way. And so I
think if someone is motivated by those things or thinks
(31:03):
that that could be helpful, then that could be a
really great way to track your progress if that calls
to you. And then for people who maybe want to
be a little bit more private, maybe they have an
accountability buddy who's like a friend in real life who
they can meet up with and share their goals with
and do their check ins with, and that could be
a good way to share if they don't necessarily want
to put something on the internet or if that doesn't
resonate with them.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
So you've already talked about being an avid reader, so
we want to take a little peek on your bookshelf.
So what are two or three books, maybe nonfiction and
fiction that you would maybe offensive people, that have been
helpful to you, or that you think could be helpful
to other people.
Speaker 3 (31:37):
Definitely, So let's see a few books. One that I
read in twenty twenty four that I really liked was
called The Alter Ego Effect. I believe the author's name
is Todd Herman. He is an elite mindset coach who
has helped a lot of athletes and celebrities level up
in their games and become champions in a lot of ways.
(32:00):
About this idea of creating an alter ego, that is
this successful version of yourself. And if you find yourself
having a hard time reaching your goals, could be because
you don't identify as a person who maybe performs at
a certain level. And so a way to get over
that is to have this alter ego that you step into.
And so the book has a lot of case studies
from athletes and really successful people who have done the
(32:22):
same thing, as well as a step by step process
for creating your own alter ego. So that was a
really good cread. I think probably one of the best
examples that could resonate with a lot of people that
we know of would be the Sasha Fears and Beyonce effect.
How when Beyonce was coming up as a performer and
was really shy, she would feel uncomfortable doing certain things
on stage. So she created the Sasha Fears persona to
(32:44):
feel more comfortable as a performer, and that's what made
her the person she is. So creating your own Sasha Fears,
whatever that looks like for you, that can be a
really great book. And then I would say for fiction books,
I mean, there's so many that I love, but there
are a few authors in particular that I really love.
Maybe I'll shout out the authors because they have a
bunch of books that folks can read. So a few
of my favorite black women authors who do fiction, I
(33:06):
would say are Kennedy Ryan, who writes really beautiful romance
novels that often have female leads who just share really
beautiful stories about not only romance but also friendship and
sisterhood and self love. TiO Williams also writes really beautiful
books that a lot of people may know, like Seven
Days in June, I know, is a really popular book.
(33:28):
Christina Forrest writes a really cute romance novel. So those
are just a few authors that I really love reading from.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
GADDI thank you for that. And who are some people
you would suggest a follow on social media who make
similar kind of glow up content or stuff that you
find like just inspirational that other people might also enjoy.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Yeah, I mean, I think that there are so many
creators who are doing really great glow up content, several
of whom I've been able to feature on my podcast
over the past year. I think a few that come
to mind. One would be Jazz Turner, who is a
wonderful content creator who talks a lot about wellness, glow Ups.
I did have her on my podcast last year, so
she's great to check out. Jodi Taylor is another creator
(34:10):
who talks a lot about that. She also comes at
it for more of a social and career angle as
opposed to a wellness angle. I talk a lot about
kind of that wellness angle, so I think between kind
of that group.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Right there, you've got all bases covered.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Beautiful, Thanks so much for this. So where can we
stay connected with you? Tell us where we can find
your website, where can we listen to the podcast? And
any social media channels you'd like to share?
Speaker 3 (34:36):
Yes, so you can most often find me on Instagram
and TikTok. My handle is at balance Less and then
new episodes of my podcast, Balanced black Girl come out
every Tuesday, so you can get that wherever your podcasts.
Wherever you're listening to this, you can also subscribe to
Balance black Girl so Apple, Spotify, YouTube, Beautiful.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
We will be short to include all of that in
the show notes. Thank you so much for sending some
time with us today.
Speaker 2 (35:00):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
I'm so glad Liz was able to join me for
this conversation. To learn more about her and her work,
visit the show notes at Therapy for Blackgirls dot Com
Session three ninety two, and don't forget to text this
episode to two of your girls right now and tell
them to check it out. If you're looking for a
therapist in your area, visit our therapist directory at Therapy
for Blackgirls dot com slash directory. And if you want
(35:27):
to continue digging into this topic or just be in
community with other sisters, come on over and join us
in the Sister Circle. It's our cozy corner of the
Internet designed just for black women. You can join us
at community dot Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. This episode
was produced by Elise Ellis, Zaria Taylor and Tyrie Rush.
Editing was done by Dennison Bradford. Thank y'all so much
(35:50):
for joining me again this week. I look forward to
continuing this conversation with you all real soon. Take good care,
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