“I PISS PEOPLE OFF”

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
What's going on?

Speaker 2 (00:03):
Hey, what's up? Man? What's your name?

Speaker 1 (00:05):
My name is Jayden, Jaden.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
What's going on?

Speaker 3 (00:08):
Jaden?

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Have we ever talked before?

Speaker 1 (00:11):
No, I've I just I just started listening to you,
like a couple.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
Of years ago, sweet man, going on with you? What's
going on with your life? Uh? A lot, A whole lot.

Speaker 1 (00:23):
I'm I'm just thinking a lot, a lot more than
I usually am thinking. Mm hm, and like, uh yeah, it's.

Speaker 3 (00:31):
Really weird mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
Okay, let's get into it. What do you what are
you thinking about more often than you normally think about?

Speaker 1 (00:40):
Well, I I tried to call you the other day
last time you streamed because I like, I really wanted
to and I felt like it, and so then I
I found your number and I downloaded Twitch and then uh, yeah,
I'm getting what I want right now. It's kind of weird.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
Okay, Well, well ship Jayden. Aside aside from the logistics
of how you arrived here, Uh, what is it you
wanted to talk about?

Speaker 1 (01:08):
I do you really want to know? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:13):
That's you know what I don't Jayden, Jayden. I can't
do the whole Jaydon, I can't do the whole conversation
like this, Jayden, I give you permission to talk to me. Jayden, Jayden, Jayden,
I give you, I give you you sound that's okay,
it's okay, you're okay, it's okay. I give you full

(01:34):
permission to, yes, talk to me about whatever it is
you want to talk about. Yes, I do. I do
want to know what's going on?

Speaker 3 (01:40):
You want to know?

Speaker 1 (01:41):
Oh God, that feels good. It feels really good. I've
been been trying to explain things to people for feels
like my whole life. And uh and yeah, I feel
like I feel like I kind of I kind of
know a way to do it. And yeah, it's it's
so scary.

Speaker 2 (02:01):
Okay, here's what we'll do, Jaden. I here's here's what
I'll Here's here's what I Here's what I promise I
will attempt for you. Is you, I probably swear my life.
I promise that I will hear you out as you
attempt to explain, and I will try my very best
to meet you wherever you are, so you try your best.

(02:24):
I'll try my best, and we'll see what happens.

Speaker 1 (02:28):
If if you want to learn, you have to get
out a piece of paper. I know it sounds kind
of weird.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
I can't do a piece of paper, but I'll try to.
I'll try my best to listen.

Speaker 1 (02:40):
Okay, you know how we talk to each other, right,
and like yeah, like the like there's words inside your
head also, and like you're also saying words too.

Speaker 2 (02:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:52):
And you know a lot of people, a lot of
people who think fast. It's kind of hard to explain
how you're thinking fast, right. I don't know anything, and
I know that, but I realized in the past few
weeks that I'm just a lot more autistic than I

(03:14):
thought I was, and that that's only because I'm actually
learning English, and it's it. It makes sense to me,
but it doesn't make sense to other people, and that
feels kind of weird. M Does that make sense to you?

Speaker 2 (03:33):
Is English not your first language?

Speaker 1 (03:37):
No? English is my first language.

Speaker 2 (03:39):
Okay, So because because you're learning, learning English is making
you realize that you are more autistic than you thought
you were.

Speaker 1 (03:49):
I feel so much more smart than I felt before
I knew this, Okay, And I don't know how to
explain the feeling of knowledge, okay, writing it down the
way that I just now learned how to do.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
Okay, right now, Jane I want your work with me.
I want your work with me here, because we're gonna
figure it. I swore, Jane, I swore on my life you're.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
Gonna you're gonna pick up a piece of paper and
you're gonna try.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
Well, I'm not gonna do a piece of paper. But
I I swore on my life that I would attempt
to understand you. And so if I don't at least attempt,
that means I'm going to explode and die. So but
I want that like okay, and so, so bear with
my hair. Just simple answers here. Yeah, what do you
feel like? You know that you did not know before?

Speaker 1 (04:50):
In one word, it's the word now.

Speaker 2 (04:55):
Okay, I'm with you. What do you know about now?

Speaker 1 (04:59):
Then? Word now is spelled.

Speaker 2 (05:03):
N O W.

Speaker 1 (05:07):
And that's how I would spell it old. I'm sorry,
my dog guys, come on, look at and then sorry, man,
the roommate just got back. Hey, dec what I say
I was gonna do? I'm talking to the gecko right now.

Speaker 2 (05:27):
It is Jaden. Stay with me and stay with me.
You're explaining the word You're explaining the word now. Okay.

Speaker 1 (05:35):
Do you see the word now in your brain?

Speaker 2 (05:37):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (05:38):
Okay? Put a K in front of it. Okay, all right,
where did you put that K?

Speaker 2 (05:44):
I put it in the front? Oh my god?

Speaker 1 (05:47):
Where is the yeah?

Speaker 2 (05:49):
Oh my god. Yeah, okay, I see it. I see it.
I see it. Okay, all right. I put it on
the I put it on the right side of the word.
But now I'm putting it in front of the word.

Speaker 3 (06:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:01):
So you thought you were right, but you know what
front actually means to me?

Speaker 2 (06:06):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (06:08):
Yeah, we agree right now, okay, And you see that
in your own brain, I do, right, Yes, that's really weird.
I know that that. I know that it's really weird
that I can explain how you imagine things kind of
and I know that that's true. Okay, And it's really

(06:31):
weird to explain how I think personally to you because
I'm not you, right.

Speaker 2 (06:39):
Okay, So, Jaden, So I'm gonna I'm gonna, I'm gonna
steer this conversation now. Okay. So you just did a
little thought experiment about how we have different perspectives and
I tended to get into your perspective and I did,
and we successfully matched each other's perspectives.

Speaker 1 (06:59):
Uh yeah, we found out what word? What? What? What? What? Work?

Speaker 2 (07:03):
What Okay, we found out. Ok yeah, yeah, okay, listen. Okay, So,
so yeah, that's in the context of this specific thought
experiment that you did. How does this apply to everyone,
right to things beyond just this thought experiment? How does
this apply to your life?

Speaker 1 (07:22):
Okay? Do you actually want to know?

Speaker 2 (07:27):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (07:28):
Okay, you have to get a piece of paper.

Speaker 2 (07:32):
I I don't need a piece of paper. I didn't
need a piece of paper for the first one. I
don't need a piece of paper for this.

Speaker 1 (07:38):
You know what, that's true. You're very You're you're you're right.
I I feel like the differences between me and you
right now are legitimately and figuratively just the way that
we write the word are or the way that we

(08:01):
were or or and or the way that we write
the word K. Because if you take the K and
then you take it over the line, it becomes an R.
And so if you if you take your no, your
knowledge and take it over the line of what you
actually know is true, then you are right kind of

(08:26):
kind of right.

Speaker 2 (08:28):
All right, I'm gonna share that. I'm gonna say this
conversation in your direction.

Speaker 1 (08:33):
Do you want to know how I figured that out?

Speaker 2 (08:35):
How'd you figure that out.

Speaker 1 (08:37):
I thought about what a pyramid was. Yeah, And then
I thought about English, and I thought about what a
period is. Yeah, and I thought about how I viewed
that in my own brain kind of.

Speaker 3 (08:53):
Because I don't.

Speaker 1 (08:54):
I didn't. I didn't think I knew how to spell
because I was.

Speaker 2 (08:58):
I thought I was dyslexic.

Speaker 1 (08:59):
But I'm realizing I'm just autistic.

Speaker 2 (09:01):
Okay, does that make sense? It doesn't. I can I
answer you? Can I answer you some questions?

Speaker 1 (09:10):
Yea?

Speaker 4 (09:10):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (09:10):
What's up?

Speaker 2 (09:11):
How old are you, Juden?

Speaker 1 (09:13):
I'm nineteen?

Speaker 2 (09:14):
Okay. What where do you live? Don't give me your
home address? What state do you live in?

Speaker 1 (09:20):
Uh? South Dakota?

Speaker 2 (09:24):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (09:25):
Kind in the middle of LA.

Speaker 2 (09:26):
All right? Are you in college right now?

Speaker 1 (09:29):
Nope?

Speaker 2 (09:30):
What do you do? Do you work?

Speaker 3 (09:33):
I mean I work in a grocery store okay, pretty nice?

Speaker 2 (09:36):
Okay? And you live with your family?

Speaker 3 (09:40):
Nope?

Speaker 2 (09:41):
You live by yourself with some roommates?

Speaker 1 (09:43):
Yeah, I have. I have one roommate. I used to.
I lived with my cousin and then his his girlfriend
and their baby, but they moved out a few weeks ago,
and then my my my friend moved in, so I
got a new roommate.

Speaker 3 (09:56):
Now o. Yeah, I have one roommate.

Speaker 2 (09:58):
All right, so you live with a friend. And how
do you know this? Friends?

Speaker 1 (10:03):
We met like last year.

Speaker 2 (10:05):
Cool?

Speaker 1 (10:06):
You just just showed up in my knife, you know.

Speaker 2 (10:08):
Cool. How are you doing in general.

Speaker 1 (10:15):
Right now? I'm a little hungry, but uh about it,
I'm doing good, doing really good.

Speaker 3 (10:24):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
What thoughts take up your brain most of the day?

Speaker 3 (10:36):
Whatever?

Speaker 1 (10:36):
Thoughts? I want to take over my brain most of
the day.

Speaker 2 (10:41):
Really, Yeah, you feel you feel like you're you feel
like you're that in control of your thoughts kind of.

Speaker 1 (10:47):
I know I'm not in control over my thoughts, but
I know how I how I would write down my thoughts.

Speaker 2 (10:54):
And lately, lately, lately, what thoughts in particular have you
been wanting to occupy your brain?

Speaker 1 (11:05):
I I wanted to understand English, and so I imagined
myself as more than just myself. And then I took
what I knew, which is just a few colors, and
then what I didn't know, which was the period at
the end of the words that I didn't know, and

(11:27):
I made a circle out of them, and then I
just started writing the started writing letters. M M. But
I yeah, I've been having fun.

Speaker 3 (11:36):
It's been good.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
I've been reading you sent me a bunch of texts
and I'm reading some of them books.

Speaker 1 (11:41):
I kind of I kind of like frantically texted you
yet last time because I was when when I was
listening to your stream, the other dude, the dude who
was talking to you last was saying how he like
kind of figured out language a little bit, and like, well,
he was saying that I was like writing stuff down,
like kind of figuring out on my own.

Speaker 2 (12:01):
Okay, So when you say, yeah, and in one of
these texts, you said you fixed English? So what does
that mean? What do you What do you mean by
you fixed? What do you mean by you fixed English?
What was? And tell? And let's do this in parts? Okay,
first of let's do first First of all, First of all,
first of all, what was wrong with English? Before you
came in?

Speaker 1 (12:20):
I didn't understand it me personally? I didn't understand it
my person like myself, I didn't I didn't understand what
I was saying to myself. Yeah, but I already knew
I already like I already knew how to meditate, but
I didn't know how to explain how I knew how

(12:42):
to meditate and I really felt crazy because I was
I've been like, I've been doing really good in life,
and then I'm trying to help people do good, but
it's like like I can't I can't explain my own
or I felt like I couldn't explain my own thoughts,
and so I'm like just sitting here running in circles,
like trying to explain to people why they should be good,
but then like I didn't even understand it myself.

Speaker 2 (13:03):
Wait, give me a minute, Give me a minute, Jaden,
because we're talking about a bunch of different things now,
and I want to hone in on this. You are
trying to explain to people why they should be good.

Speaker 1 (13:15):
No, I am trying to explain to people why they
should be conscientious.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
Conscious, conscious, Okay, And what does it mean to you?
And what does it mean to you to be conscientious?

Speaker 1 (13:29):
For me, it means that I understand the thoughts going
on inside of my head right now, okay, And that's it.
That's all I know.

Speaker 2 (13:42):
So you're trying to explain to people that they should
have a better understanding of the thoughts going on inside
of their own head.

Speaker 1 (13:50):
I don't want anybody to do anything.

Speaker 3 (13:54):
I never said that.

Speaker 2 (13:55):
I never said that. I never said that. I said,
you're trying to explain to people why you believe if
they should.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
Yes, I want to explain how I feel like I
am God. But it's really weird because I don't because
I know I'm not God, but I feel pretty close
to what I think for twelve people who made English.
At the start felt like kind of interesting, interesting, interesting

(14:25):
because I've been like I felt like I figured out
what I want and then I started saying what I
want and me being really autistic, I like, I've been
getting people kind of mad because now I'm just saying
everything I want and it's like, like, I'm not trying
to get anyone mad. I just want what I want.

Speaker 2 (14:44):
Okay, all right, slow down for me for just second, dude. Yeah, yeah,
because you're bringing up a lot of different things that
I want to keep track of them. They're interesting things.

Speaker 1 (14:53):
To get a piece of paper I don't need.

Speaker 2 (14:56):
I don't need a I don't need a piece of paper.

Speaker 3 (14:59):
I know, I know.

Speaker 2 (15:02):
Okay, you wait, hold on. You brought up two things.
One thing you brought up is that you believe that
you're God, and I can't. I don't believe that do
you say, do you just say that you believe your God?

Speaker 1 (15:13):
I said, I believe that I know what's going on
in my head right now. Okay, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (15:22):
God, all right? And then you said that you're pissing
people off? Why are you? In what way are you
pissing people off?

Speaker 1 (15:28):
Like?

Speaker 2 (15:28):
What does it look like when you're doing something that
pisses people off?

Speaker 1 (15:33):
So that right now, when I'm telling you to grab
a piece of paper, it kind of doesn't feel good
because I'm telling you to do something that you don't
want to do right now. Sure, right, And the only
way I can explain now I'm thinking like that is legitimately,
if you grab a piece of paper right now, so

(15:54):
I can't. I can't do anything.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
So you are, you're trying so as you maneuver around
the universe, you are exerting your will upon the universe.

Speaker 1 (16:04):
I am getting exactly what I want right now, and
that's why I'm on the phone with you. And it's
kind of scary because I know a lot of other
people also get what they want, but then they die,
and it's like, I don't want to die.

Speaker 2 (16:16):
Okay, other people get what they want and then they die.

Speaker 3 (16:21):
Most of the time.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
Do you believe that they die right after getting what
they want, or they get what they want and then
at some point they die.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
I believe that after you feel like you get what
you want, then you're okay with dying. And yeah. The
only one for me to prove that to people is
if someone comes and kills me and then they're like, oh,
I just I knew him, so I know that he
was okay dying. Yeah, but nobody else would know that
I'm okay dying and that they actually knew me.

Speaker 2 (16:50):
Okay, but have you gotten what you want?

Speaker 1 (16:53):
Yeah, I'm amazing, I got I got everything. I got
everything I.

Speaker 2 (16:56):
Want, Okay, And so you're afraid that because you now
have everything you want, you become okay with dying, and
then that kind of puts out into the universe that
it makes you die.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
Kind of because I mean, I it's the words should
and shouldn't, the nt and shouldn't. I don't think it
should be that if you don't want to put.

Speaker 2 (17:16):
It there, right, Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 (17:19):
And so when I'm talking to people, I don't want
to put it there, and I'm learning how to how
to tell people what I want from them. In the
moment without crossing the line of you know the language.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
What do you want from me right now?

Speaker 1 (17:39):
I just wanted to talk to you.

Speaker 2 (17:41):
Okay, good?

Speaker 1 (17:42):
What do you want to talk about?

Speaker 2 (17:45):
We're having a fly. We're talking about like five different
things at once. I don't think we can add anything else.

Speaker 1 (17:51):
Well, I mean no, I'm just asking you what you want.
Do you want to figure out what I'm figuring it out?
Or do you want to talk?

Speaker 2 (17:58):
I think both of those. I think figuring out what
you are trying to figure out is us talking?

Speaker 1 (18:04):
So right? Kind of right?

Speaker 2 (18:07):
Okay, So.

Speaker 1 (18:09):
Are you Are you confused because you think I'm not
getting what I want?

Speaker 2 (18:14):
No, I'm not. No, I'm not confused at all. Yeah,
I'm we're trying to understand. Do you feel like you're
constantly asking people for things and that's pissing them off?

Speaker 1 (18:39):
So first I felt that way because I like my
last month, I like I figured out that the the
words I'm using like exactly how people are seeing me, and.

Speaker 2 (18:54):
So yes, that's true. Yeah, yeah, it's.

Speaker 1 (19:00):
The balance of the words I'm using and then how
I'm using that might of course, and I have never
been able to explain that to anybody, because I feel
like my brain moves a little bit faster than most
people and I don't want that to make anybody else
feel like being slower is bad.

Speaker 2 (19:26):
That actually does make sense. Let me give you an example.
Let me give you an example of something.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
Can you give me a word? Can you give me
a word? And then I'll try and break it down
how I think I should break it down.

Speaker 2 (19:40):
I think I can't. I can't give you a word
because the way that I'm okay, let me, I think
I kind of I'm trying to understand a little bit
about what your problem is. And I think I understand
a little bit of it, and I'm gonna I'm gonna, well,
can I ask you if you can let let me
throw something Matt you first and see how you react. Okay,

(20:03):
Is that cool with that? Yeah? Okay, all right. So
this whole thing of like my brain works faster than
other people's and so I kind of know what I
want and I say it and it pisses people off.
So I've been a round. I think I've been around
other people who are like that, and I and I

(20:27):
and I understand the problem is is that I think
naturally it sounds to me, like the way your brain
works and the way and I'm just making I'm just
throwing this out there. You tell me if it resonates
with you. The way your brain works is like you
have a strong sense of self and you're in your brain,

(20:48):
and you because and because you're in your brain, because
you have a way in which the world like configurates
itself and kind of fits together like a puzzle piece,
and you just maneuver as if it should fit that way.
But you have a you have and and that makes
perfect sense to you. Why would it not make perfect
sense to you? You're solving the puzzle, of course, but

(21:11):
you have a major problem. What's your name again, Jaden, Jadeen?
You have a major problem. You have a major, major problem.
And this is the problem for you to think about. Here, Okay,
are you ready listening? Here's what I think The problem is.

Speaker 1 (21:24):
What do you think? What do you think? My problem is.

Speaker 2 (21:28):
You're operating is if there is one single puzzle to
be solved of the universe, that is your brain, and
you're solving the puzzle, and so you're like, oh, of
course this, and of course that and and and the
reason why it's pissing people off is because you don't
understand there's more than one puzzle. There's everyone else's puzzle
and everyone else's context. And if you're acting in a

(21:52):
way that neglects everyone else's context and everyone else's puzzle,
and you're just focused on your own puzzle, then your you, Yeah,
you kind of pissed people off and you can't really
interact with the world. And maybe that is I don't
know anything about autism, but maybe that is autism. Doing
that is making you have to focus on your own puzzle.

(22:15):
But like if you put but like as a smart
guy and even as part of your puzzle, you could
kind of try to fit in with other people's contexts,
you know what. You know what I mean? Can I
give you like, let me get like, I'll give you
an example. I was with someone on a trip once
and I would like, we were going to customs and uh,

(22:38):
they they walk in front of me and they give
the customs guy their passport and then they say to me, Okay,
now you give him your passport. And in my head,
I was pissed off because I was like, dude, I know, well,
I was pissed off because I was like, dude, I
like I know, to give the guy my fucking passport,
like I know, And it felt like it was pretentious.

(23:00):
It felt like he was telling me what to do.
It pissed me off. But I'm but here's the thing,
and I'm realizing this talking to you. In his head,
he's not thinking about that. He's going, oh, we need
to give this guy our passport. Let me give him
my passport. Hey, you also need to give him your passport,
So let me tell you to give him your passport.
And that pisses me off. But of course he's thinking

(23:20):
the way that you're thinking, because he's just looking at
the world through a very logical point of view, and
he's not thinking about the context behind it. You know,
he's going A to B and it's fucking frustrating. I
understand why it's fucking frustrating is when you're going A
to B and someone else is like, hey, that's pissing
people off. You go, wait, why is this pissing people off?
This makes perfect sense to me.

Speaker 1 (23:41):
Do you do you want me to explain kind of
how I'm thinking about it?

Speaker 2 (23:46):
Do you understand does any of what I said to
you resonate?

Speaker 1 (23:49):
Yeah? I completely one. No, I don't know you, but
I ninety percent agree with you.

Speaker 2 (23:56):
Okay, go ahead, you I okay.

Speaker 1 (24:03):
I don't know how to explain my thoughts, but I
know how to explain how I personally break apart the
words that I see when someone says something to me,
or like when I read something. But because I've had
like it's just it's yeah, it's kind of weird, it's

(24:25):
really weird. I my whole life, I've felt like I've
wanted to understand my thoughts to the best of my abilities.
And I've always liked drawn. I've always liked to draw.
I've always liked to, you know, kind of like I've
always like kind of liked to read, Like I like
comic books. I kind of you know, I just I

(24:46):
just like some stuff. And the only way I figured
out what I actually need right now is from the
process of like the process of elimination that goes on
in my brain with the words that I say in
my Does that make sense.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
A little bit?

Speaker 1 (25:03):
Yeah, a little bit kind of Yeah, I know that
I can make sense to you right now. But but
there's a but. But there's a big B, there's a
big butt, right, yeah, So so what the fuck is

(25:23):
the beat in English? What word does the letter B
actually mean?

Speaker 3 (25:36):
Mm?

Speaker 2 (25:37):
I don't know, but I mean I interpret it. I'm
interpreting it to the butt meaning like this is like, dude,
when I was a kid, When I was a kid,
I used to like, I used to try to look
for like the dictionary definition of the you know what
I mean? You know what I mean? Like to be like, well,
how do they how do you define the word.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
The I think I figured that out. Yeah, seriously, I'm
not joking.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
Do you figure out? How do you? Okay? All right?
How do you define the jayden?

Speaker 1 (26:08):
I can't tell you.

Speaker 2 (26:11):
If you can't tell me, then you If you can't
tell me, then you can't fucking do it.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
Then I can't be right. I can't. I can't be
right right now, right because I can't tell you it
right now right.

Speaker 2 (26:24):
I feel kind of.

Speaker 1 (26:25):
Bad because I can't tell you it right now.

Speaker 2 (26:27):
You don't have to feel this is you have nothing
to feel bad for.

Speaker 1 (26:29):
But is that wrong?

Speaker 3 (26:31):
Is that wrong?

Speaker 1 (26:31):
I feel bad right now?

Speaker 3 (26:34):
In your opinion? In your own opinion, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (26:37):
Yes, in my own opinion. Yeah, not like it's not
more it's not morally wrong. Yeah, I don't think I
don't think. I don't think this is it's not morally wrong.
I just don't think the situation currently warrants you feeling bad.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
I agree with you, Okay, great, And I totally understand
how I wrote the letter B in my brain and
how I wrote the letter E and then the letter A.
Because if if I understand how I write the letter

(27:12):
B and then the letter A at the same time
as I understand why I'm writing it that way, then
I don't have to think about the words that I'm
saying in my brain as much.

Speaker 2 (27:27):
Jaden, before we go, unless if this brings up a
whole other thing, I'm gonna I want to I just
want to ask you something. And there's no real right
answer to this question, but I'm I'm just genuinely curious.
Do you desire and it's okay whatever the answer, it's okay.
Do you desire to piss people off? Less?

Speaker 3 (27:54):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (27:55):
Okay one percent. I don't want to make people mad, Okay.
I want you to understand the words that I'm saying
right now. But for that to happen, you have to
write something in your brain for me to say something
to you, for you to understand it the way I'm

(28:17):
saying it.

Speaker 3 (28:18):
Does that make sense?

Speaker 2 (28:20):
It, yes, a little bit. But what I'm little But
what I'm trying to get across is that like, Okay,
here's the thing is you don't want to and this
is the and and by the way, actually this word
and I've talked about this before and this goes into
what you were A whole thing about conscientiousness is there's
a certain level of conscientiousness because you don't want to
be too worried about pissing people off. Because if you're

(28:42):
like too worried about yeah, because if you're too worried
about pissing people off, then you never do anything because
as you exist as a person and do stuff, you
just naturally pissed people off. And you also you can't
really control whether or not you piss people off kind of,
but like if you want to piss people off less,
like I think you can make active efforts, you know,

(29:05):
like I'm hopefully trying to do with you right now,
Like when I'm talking to you, I'm like trying to
think about like what's going on in your brain and
how you're processing this information and whatnot. So like as
you go out into the world, you know, if you
want to try to piss people off less you can
try to think, like, well, what's going on in their brain?
How are they processing this information? And let me not
use that information as a way of like diluting myself.

Speaker 1 (29:26):
But maybe like I'm a training to you right now?
Oh shit, really that's what I'm yeah, right now.

Speaker 3 (29:32):
Okay, this moment?

Speaker 2 (29:33):
All right?

Speaker 1 (29:33):
Do you actually want to understand what I understand right now?
And I'm using the word like very kind of loosely
and very literally at the same time, do you actually
want to know what I know right now?

Speaker 2 (29:52):
I feel intimidated now because you're kind of scared, right,
I'm not I don't know what happens after yeah, yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 1 (30:01):
You're kind of scared kind yes, right, okay, yeah, okay.
Do you want me to explain how I break apart?
The word kind of a little bit in my own brain.
Do you want me to explain how I break it apart?

Speaker 2 (30:19):
I'll hear it, and then it might it might be
the last part of this conversation, but yes, let's hear it,
all right.

Speaker 1 (30:27):
I really really really want to be kind in my life,
for like my whole life. I know for a fact
that I don't know how long my life is going
to be. Yes, but if I tell you what I

(30:47):
know is a fact, then that's a gift I can
give to you.

Speaker 2 (30:52):
That's true. Yeah, that feels good, right, Yeah, I agree
the way I said it. Yeah, it does, do you.

Speaker 1 (31:00):
Yeah. So I've been trying to figure out how to
actually talk nice for like my whole life, because I've
felt like a kind person my whole life, and I've
been trying to figure out how to like help other
people be kind people. And right now I feel like
I actually can help most people be kind people.

Speaker 2 (31:22):
In the sense that, yeah.

Speaker 1 (31:27):
In the sense that they can understand their thoughts the
same way that I feel like I can understand my thoughts.

Speaker 2 (31:34):
Yes, you know, you have no idea how long your
life is going to be. So in what ways on
your day to day life can you help other people
be kinder people? And I mean by here's like, by
just talking to folks in a way you help them
understand their thoughts.

Speaker 3 (31:53):
Yeah, I mean I do.

Speaker 1 (31:55):
Do you want to know what I did? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (31:58):
What'd you do?

Speaker 1 (32:00):
I felt like, all right, let me let me give
you some some backstory.

Speaker 3 (32:06):
Okay, So.

Speaker 1 (32:08):
I I have this girlfriend and we've been together for
like five almost six months, and yeah it's gone. I mean, yeah,
we're we're doing good right now. But we decided to
Like she I just I wanted to help her get
what she wants out of life. And I've never felt

(32:29):
like I can explain that, but I've already I've always
known that I wanted to help people with my life.
What do you do?

Speaker 2 (32:39):
You know what your girlfriend wants out of life?

Speaker 1 (32:42):
No, and I don't know that. And I know that
I can't know that, and so that's why I learned
the word trust in my own way.

Speaker 2 (32:49):
Wait, Jaden, you're making a bunch of statements here that
I wait, hold on.

Speaker 1 (32:53):
Sorry, sorry, yeah, Orry, I.

Speaker 2 (32:57):
Just let let me slow down for a say why first,
why can't you know that?

Speaker 1 (33:03):
Because I'm not God?

Speaker 2 (33:06):
Right? Okay? Are you saying that?

Speaker 1 (33:12):
Like?

Speaker 2 (33:13):
Oh wait, oh fuck, Jaane? You actually make Wait, Jaanen,
you're making perfect You're making perfect sense because you can
the reason you because you because the word trust, right, Okay,
because you can only you can All you can really do, Jayden,
All you can really do is you can trust that

(33:34):
whatever she's telling you is what she wants out of life,
is what she wants, so all you can really do
is trust the information she's giving you, but you can't
actually know because you are not God and cannot exist
in her brain. M hm did I figure it out?

Speaker 1 (33:53):
Yeah? You figured it out. You figured it out exactly.

Speaker 2 (33:56):
You're like a riddle, Jayden, You're like a fucking riddle.

Speaker 1 (34:00):
Do you like riddles? Uh?

Speaker 2 (34:03):
What were you saying?

Speaker 1 (34:05):
What the fuck was I saying?

Speaker 5 (34:06):
What?

Speaker 3 (34:06):
What?

Speaker 2 (34:07):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (34:07):
Yeah? What the fuck was I think I lost track?

Speaker 2 (34:09):
You were talking? Okay, you were talking about your girlfriend.
You can help You want to help her get uh?

Speaker 1 (34:13):
Uh you want to help her? Yeah, okay, I I
want her to get exactly what she wants out of life,
out of her life. Yes, And I I felt like
I never could actually write that down, But right now,

(34:34):
I I like, like, I'm I'm talking to you, and
it it feels really nice to talk to you, and
it feels good to just fucking paste around my house.
Like I don't know, I've never I've never felt so
crazy and so saying at the same exact time. And

(34:54):
the way I feel like that is because I underlined
the word crazy and then I wrote the words saying
underneath it, and I took the you know, that's I
took the equals sign and that's me.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
How did you meet your girlfriend?

Speaker 1 (35:10):
We so I've known her for like three years, but
she used to like, we weren't together when I met her,
but yeah, like five months ago.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
Yeah, I would assume you weren't together when you guys met.

Speaker 1 (35:25):
Sorry, go ahead, Well, no, she like she dated she
dated my friend for like a few like it was
like a few weeks or whatever or no, no, it
was it was like a couple of months. But I, uh, yeah,
I just like I just wanted her to get what

(35:46):
she wants out of life, and I always wanted what
I want out of life. And I feel like I
can help most people explain what they want out of
life if I teach them how to write it down.

Speaker 2 (35:58):
Mm hm.

Speaker 1 (36:00):
But the fact that I know that I can help
most people if I teach them how to write it
down feels pretty wrong because I don't want to be right, Like,
I don't want to write things down correctly.

Speaker 3 (36:14):
I just want to help talk to people.

Speaker 2 (36:16):
Jayden, Yeah, I think I I you know, I've enjoyed
I've enjoyed talking to you. I'm gonna I'm gonna be
super honest with you. It's been challenging to figure you
out and to get information from you. And I think

(36:36):
you know, and I think, no, no, no, you have nothing
to be apologized for. I think you, I think you know.
I think you're a smart guy. So I think you
know that it's challenging to get information for you. I've
enjoyed the challenge. You like getting this it, well, I
it's difficult, but I've enjoyed the challenge of it. I've
enjoyed the challenge of I said at the beginning of

(36:57):
this call that I swore on my life I would
attempt to under stand the things that you were saying
to me. And I've enjoyed the challenge of doing it.

Speaker 1 (37:08):
And I hope you don't understand that.

Speaker 2 (37:11):
I well, well, well, jaden, listen. I can't. I can't
understand everything you're saying because I'm not God.

Speaker 1 (37:18):
That's true.

Speaker 2 (37:19):
But I can attempt, and I feel like I did attempt,
and I feel like you attempt it. I feel like
you've tried the best, and I appreciate I appreciate you
sitting here with me, and I feel like you attempted
as best you could to explain it and I'm aware
that ninety I'm aware that almost one hundred percent of
the people listening are gonna have no idea what either
of us were talking about the entire time. And I'm

(37:40):
okay with that. I'm okay with that.

Speaker 1 (37:43):
Okay, dude, that's okay.

Speaker 2 (37:46):
I'm not worried either. It's all right. This is was good.

Speaker 3 (37:50):
That is very good.

Speaker 2 (37:52):
Jane, is there anything else you want to say to
the people of the computer before we go?

Speaker 1 (37:58):
What is a computer if not what you are computing,
which means complying and playing?

Speaker 2 (38:07):
I think, Thank you, Jane. I don't have a good
rest of the night.

Speaker 1 (38:11):
I love you, mane, I have a good one.

Speaker 2 (38:12):
Thank you, Jane, I love you too. Back all right, Well,
that was you know what, I fully one hundred percent
stand by that. Let me know when the comments of
the YouTube or the Spotify or whatever, how I really
want to I mean, I guess that's what comments are for,
is for commenting on the thing, But I really want

(38:35):
to know how people felt about that. Did you make
it through? Did you listen to the whole forty minute
of us, forty minutes of us talking. Did you get
five minutes in and you were like, I don't know
if I can understand that I liked being in that
I did that felt like I was playing pong or something.
I enjoyed the challenge of that. I live in New

(38:59):
York and like, I don't think that this previous caller
was schizophrenic, but schizophrenic people come up to me a
lot and we talk, and I've learned a lot. I think,
like some like I think beneath the beneath like a
jumble of like a random people saying seemingly random stuff.

(39:23):
There's a kernel of something in there, and I think
you can get to that kernel if you like, you know,
keep it on track. Because Jayden was trying to explain something.
I'm not fully sure I got all of it, but
I got some of it. I got more of it

(39:43):
than I would have if I didn't try, and and
I'm happy about that. Okay, let me know in the
comments if you got if you've got anything. I'm curious
of other people's interpretations. And he fucked my shit up
up by telling me about putting the K in front

(40:04):
of the now because I put it in I put
it at the on the right hand side. I didn't
put it in front. I'm walking through life completely unaware
of my own perspective and how it makes me put
k's in different places. All right, Hello, Deck?

Speaker 3 (40:30):
Is this you?

Speaker 2 (40:31):
Yeah? Who is this?

Speaker 3 (40:33):
This is Ti?

Speaker 1 (40:34):
Ti?

Speaker 2 (40:35):
What's up? Tight? Time?

Speaker 3 (40:38):
Nothing much? Dude, calling because I have a quandary for
you today.

Speaker 2 (40:42):
Quonned me?

Speaker 3 (40:44):
Yeah, dude, So just a little bit of backstory. I
recently moved to a major West Coast city to pursue
art music, start a whole new life type thing. And
I've been here about a month and a half and
a lot of good things have been happening, and the

(41:08):
one thing that's really been holding me back is, for
the fucking life of me, I cannot get a job.
I've probably have applied over two hundred places, like places
I'm overqualified to be working at, and I've gotten five
job interviews, four of which I really really wanted and

(41:30):
would have like suited my needs financially, and finally landed
one today. But I'd be working swingshift, so from like
anywhere from like two thirty to twelve thirty, depending on
the day, which essentially would kill any hopes of me

(41:52):
like going out and doing the art stuff. So I'd
had to for me the fuck up, which is killing
my soul to think about, because I really came out
here with a purpose and I'm just not sure if

(42:14):
I'm able to live in that because either way that
I decide to go, it's gonna take an immense amount
of sacrifice. And I feel like I'm going to rock
in a hard play the Battle of Brain and Heart.
And I figured, well, I told myself today that I

(42:37):
would ask a few of my friends what they would do.
We're not really friends, but I've been following you since
like early early early days, and I've actually even seen
you live and stuff. Oh I think i've even called
in like five plus years ago. I can't remember exactly
what we were talking about, but I said something about
my mommy kisses, my boo boos. I don't remember the context,

(43:03):
but yeah, So you're somebody who I definitely respect artistically
as someone that fucking tried it, man, and for better
or worse. I mean, I don't know your whole life,
but it seems like you found some success and some
self worth in it, and I think as artists, that's
what we're all really striving for.

Speaker 2 (43:26):
Well, I appreciate those kind words. I have multiple questions Okay, wait,
what's a swing shift.

Speaker 3 (43:34):
That's like basically the second shift of the day. So
like when most people working nine to five or you know,
up until three pm, that would be like the relief shift.
So I'd be working from three in the afternoon to
some days past midnight.

Speaker 2 (43:51):
Okay, how many days a week?

Speaker 3 (43:52):
You five? My days off would be Fridays and Saturdays.
But this is going to be a very demanding job,
like they've already like alluded to me, like picking up
shifts for other people. So another kind of thing about
it is where I moved in this city, traffic is

(44:12):
a really big problem. And while this place is fifteen
sixteen miles away from my house, through traffic, it's like
an hour and ten minutes.

Speaker 2 (44:21):
Fuck yeah, so you've got to add two whole hours
onto your lighte onto this thing.

Speaker 3 (44:26):
Everye day yep. And then I get home at like
one two am, fall asleep, probably wake up at ten am,
take a shower, and do all that shit again. Now,
I will say, though, the money is good, and with
over time it makes it even better.

Speaker 2 (44:43):
How good.

Speaker 3 (44:45):
Fixes all my financial problems?

Speaker 2 (44:48):
Okay, Okay, I'm.

Speaker 3 (44:53):
A single mail with no kids. Pretty good, so I
don't have any real responsibilities to anybody about myself right now, swag,
it is kind of okay.

Speaker 2 (45:06):
I have more, I have more, I have more questions.

Speaker 3 (45:07):
I have more questions, I have more answers.

Speaker 2 (45:09):
Uh you what what arts did you move out here
to do?

Speaker 3 (45:17):
Primarily music? But I've taken a lot of interest in
film and screenwriting. I consider myself like a songwriter, but
I make a lot of hip hop style music.

Speaker 2 (45:29):
Okay, so music and film. Yeah, And this is and
this play and this major West coast city that you
moved to. Where did you move there from.

Speaker 3 (45:41):
Another major northern California city?

Speaker 2 (45:44):
Okay? And this major West coast I'm trying not to
out myself. This major West coast city wouldn't happen to
be Los Angeles? Would it?

Speaker 3 (45:54):
If it was, it would make a difference. It's a
big place where a lot of famous people will come.
I'll say that.

Speaker 4 (46:01):
You can just say if you're not gonna okay, all right,
I moved from the Bay to l A. There it is, okay, Jesus,
it doesn't hold on, hold on, hold on, it doesn't
have this does not have to be.

Speaker 2 (46:15):
You're not the only way there's there's nobody's gonna.

Speaker 3 (46:20):
Find I'll tell you. I'll tell you why, because I
do have like friends and close people that do listen
to your show that I don't fill one hundred percent
comfortable sharing all my personal issues with.

Speaker 2 (46:34):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (46:35):
Now you, on the other hand, I'm.

Speaker 2 (46:38):
A complete stranger. I'm a complete stranger with thousands of
other complete strangers who are happy to Okay, So you
moved the Bay. So you moved from SF to So
you moved from a very okay Sacramento. Okay, it's a
different story.

Speaker 3 (46:56):
Hmm. What's I lived? I lived a lot and did
a lot of music things in Oakland, San Francisco, Sacramentos
where I lived, but a lot of my connections are
based in northern California. Okay, and you moved, so I'm
starting all over again.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
Okay, Here's what I understand. Here's what I want to
talk about, is why did you? Okay, the idea that
you need to be in a certain location for a
certain kind of career in the arts is not I don't.

(47:33):
I believe. I'm strongly, strongly against it.

Speaker 3 (47:39):
I could agree with that. Actually, so my ultimate goal
isn't to be locked down the one place.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
Actually, yeah, so why did you intentionally move to a
place where the cost of living? Why did you intend
if you have all these financial problems, why did you
intentionally move to a place that will be an even
harder strain on your finances?

Speaker 3 (48:02):
Well, to be honest, I actually looked up and where
I'm at right now, I'm paying significantly less per month
than I was up in Sacramento, and so it's not
like I have a bunch of issues. And to be
even more honest, my bills are paid, which is another
factor of this, Like for the next two to three months,

(48:23):
my bills are paid, but there's no income, you know,
which is kind of like why, I'm like, fuck, do
I need to just I don't know. I feel like
I'm just getting momentum right now, you know, getting my
feet planted in like the actual art scene, and again,

(48:44):
got some cool opportunities, and it just be so weird
to be like so in people's face and start having
this momentum and then all of a sudden, I'm just gone,
you know, not just to other people, but to me
as well.

Speaker 2 (48:58):
Yeah, so you're having you're actually getting good opportunities in
Los Angeles because you're in Los Angeles because I don't know.
I might be eating my words, but I don't.

Speaker 3 (49:08):
No, no, no, no, I mean it's hit or miss.
You know. I came down here with a bit of
a plan and the rest have just been winging it
and getting really lucky. And yeah, it's been good. I've
been meeting really talented people and like minded individuals and
you know, my healthy share of fucking weirdos that you know,
aren't about what they're talking about. But it's a good
balance right now, and it's something that I feel like

(49:30):
I could work with. But there's still like that one
factor kind of missing. You know, at the end of
the day, we all got to eat.

Speaker 2 (49:38):
And so obviously this is a very demanding job and.

Speaker 3 (49:45):
It is like fifty sixty hours a week.

Speaker 2 (49:48):
Yeah, I think crazy, And it would it be taking
away from time that like, like I assume you want
to be like outperforming doing events and shit, right.

Speaker 3 (49:58):
Yeah, which entertainment now hours are pretty much or to midnight,
you know.

Speaker 2 (50:03):
Yeah, Okay, well let me say this. Let me ask
you this. The people that you're meeting in this scene,
what do they do? Where do they work?

Speaker 3 (50:13):
A lot of them, A lot of folks out here
have multiple jobs, you know, they bounce around, they have
or they have their own side hustles. And yeah, a
lot of like multiple job ask people out here, because
I mean that's kind of what it takes if you're
not going to get a normy job. M hm.

Speaker 2 (50:33):
So wait, this job that you've got, is it a
normy it's a normal job, right.

Speaker 3 (50:38):
It's for a major corporate company that I'm definitely not
going to name having to do with specimen collection. I'll
just say it like that.

Speaker 2 (50:48):
You work for a Come company.

Speaker 3 (50:51):
Among other specimens. I think Come is one of the
things I might have to pick up now with my end.
Luckily I don't work for them, Yeah I should. Yeah, Yeah,
let's call it Come Corp for sake of continuity.

Speaker 2 (51:10):
So you have not yet accepted the job at Comcorp.

Speaker 3 (51:14):
No, I just got the offer this morning, mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (51:18):
And it's very good money. And you've applied to a
billion other places and none of them accepted. And you've
been how long have you been in how long have
you been in Los Angeles?

Speaker 3 (51:28):
For about a month and a half.

Speaker 2 (51:32):
Okay, And it's been good to you so far, so far,
so good. Well, and you know, I I have a
lot of thoughts about this because I don't know how.
I mean, I know that the job search, I know,
like the the job market sucks shit everywhere, but I'm

(51:58):
also like, you know, I don't know if it sucks
more shit in Los Angeles because it's Los Angeles. I mean, look,
you got the go ahead and work the job for
a little bit, right, especially if it's good money and
you can kind of stack a little bit, right. But

(52:20):
I'll here's what I'll say that. Here's here's my thoughts
is if you work this job for like you know, one, two, three,
four or five, six months or whatever, and you're stacking
good bread, but you're also like, oh fuck, I came
out here to like do this music stuff and I'm
just like, no, I just can't do it with this job.
Then I think you go, like, all right, where what

(52:43):
about like uh, Seattle or Baltimore or Austin or Portland
or fucking anyway any other you could because he's the thing. Man,
It's like the whole dream of like I went with
my guitar to a Los Angeles, it's just not there
anymore because everything's like yeah, because everything's on the internet, right,

(53:05):
So yeah, you could so like go to a go
to it. You can go to any major city in
the US or abroad and they'll have like a music
scene of some kind. Like it didn't have to be
Los Angeles. So if if this is the only, if
the only jobs you can find at Los Angeles are

(53:25):
you know, seventy hours a week at come Corp, then
you know, stack your come. But then I open your
options up. That's what it won't be my come.

Speaker 3 (53:35):
I'm stacking. But I kept your meeting.

Speaker 2 (53:38):
What'd your what did your friends say?

Speaker 3 (53:43):
I spoke to a I have an older friend that like,
in a lot of ways we have crossover. He's like
twenty years older than me. But back in the nineties,
he had a really good opportunity and all he had
to do was move to LA and he didn't take it.
And he's still really really good at what he does,
you know, but I know that, like sometimes he might

(54:04):
wonder what his life would have looked like had he
made it, you know, different decisions.

Speaker 2 (54:10):
What was the opportunity that he didn't take in Los Angeles?

Speaker 3 (54:14):
He had he was inside of a hip hop group
that had a little bit of traction in the nineties,
and he was offered a development deal with a group
of people, you know, his group, and I guess he
was like the odd man out and he stayed in
northern California and they went on and found varying levels

(54:35):
of success. But like that was they're kind of like,
I don't know that that thing that we're all waiting for,
the person that's going to pluck you out of obscurity.
He had that opportunity and he didn't take it. And
I'm not saying I have that opportunity, but I just
I also been feeling like this incredible pressure of something's

(54:56):
about to happen.

Speaker 2 (54:57):
Well, you do have that opportunity, but that but that
opportunity is going to be a computer algorithm more than
it is like a person.

Speaker 3 (55:06):
Yeah, maybe maybe you're right.

Speaker 2 (55:08):
It's just the way that shit works.

Speaker 3 (55:09):
Now everybody's been calling it the La handshakes, just changing instagrams.

Speaker 2 (55:17):
Oh yeah yeah, but that's all like kind of bullshit.
I mean that's good. That stuff is good for, Like yeah,
I mean that's all bullshit. That stuff is good for
like you want to have friends and you want to
be around other people or else to go insane, but
it's not gonna like do anything for your career. Yeah,
I've learned. I've learned I have learned over the course

(55:41):
of navigating whatever career I've had doing this. Actually, actually
that's not It's not entirely true. I have I have
a few key like business relationships that are like insanely
helpful for me. Most of the rest of them are like,

(56:01):
you know, uh, not that import I only there's like
there's like a few people like business wise that have
been really helpful, but most of that most of the time,
you know, what I've learned is that, like I think
I used to think that like it like some some

(56:22):
like manager or something that comes and that gives you success.
But your continued success in any kind of creative industry
is going to come as a result of the things
that you're making, not people. You know, So I think
people like no, like, knowing certain people and having certain

(56:43):
folks in your corner can be super helpful for like
elevating you and doing other things. But at the end
of the day, it's like you gotta make. It's about
the stuff you're making. So yeah, and you can make
stuff from anywhere on the planet, you know. I mean,
I started doing this for in I thought about this
a lot because I started doing this in the suburbs

(57:03):
of Baltimore. You know, I didn't start doing this in
Los Angeles or New York. You know. I'm I and
Eve and even the people that I met that like
when I like those business relationships I was talking about,
those are people I met online. Oh there's people I
met on the internet too, you know, so like they're
not people I met at Like I have friends that

(57:27):
I've met at like things I do in person, But
in terms of like any kind of like people that
have helped me out with with building a career, they've
all been I can't think of a single person like
that that I had that I met in person. I
met all those people again in my mom's basement.

Speaker 3 (57:47):
Yeah, and me too. I definitely have had like lasting
friendships and business relationships even to this day. Part of
the reason I came down here is like some of
my bid my strongest relationships are down here, and so
to some extent I wanted more proximity with them. But
one thing that is worth mentioning is that my music

(58:07):
and the art that I express has a a really
big performance artist aspect to it, and strangely, I've gotten
a lot of like a lot of opportunities just from
people liking me on stage. You know, I'm not sitting
here saying that I got this, you know, the hardest

(58:28):
bars and like the best mixing and all these things.
But you know I kind of have without tooting my
own horm, I kind of win people over and yeah, yeah,
I've gotten some really big opportunities just by showing up,
you know.

Speaker 2 (58:41):
Yeah, but yeah, but there's but there again, you know,
there's stages all over the place. You know, you can
get there's stages in all all the other cities that
I mentioned. You know, there's really good. Yeah, I'm gonna
give a shout I'm going to give a shout out.
I'm going to give a shout out to someone i've
never I've never met her, but I think we follow
each other on the internet. There's this comedian she I
think she's Japanese or she lives in Japan. Her name

(59:03):
is Yuri A. Collins, and I follow her on Instagram
and her career is really interesting because I think she like,
she lives in Tokyo, where there's not a shout out.
The Tokyo Comedy Bar. Uh, they're great, but they're the
only game in town. You know, people don't move to
Tokyo to to become big comedy stars. But you know,

(59:26):
this woman, Yuria, she like started building an online presence
through may I think mainly through you know, clips and
whatnot that she put out by performing at this one
place in fucking Tokyo. And I've and it's been cool
to see her on social media, like building a career
living in a place that wasn't meant to be like

(59:49):
the big you know, it's not living in a place
where people don't go to start their careers. And you know,
as someone who again started a career in a place
that's not a big major city.

Speaker 3 (01:00:00):
That's working remote, that's very impressive.

Speaker 2 (01:00:02):
Yeah, pretty much. I mean it's well, but she's performing
and I'm and I'm bringing her up and I bring
this stuff up to bring up that you know, you
can also have a performance based career that doesn't have
to necessarily be in a New York or LA or
or in Nashville or whatever the fuck. But anyway, and
I don't And it's like it feels glaringly obvious to me,
But I don't think it's caught on to a lot

(01:00:23):
of people yet, who are trying to do stuff. What's
your name again, Tyler? Tyler? Tyler, Tyler, Tyler, Tyler Will
Is there anything else you want to say to the
people of the computer before we go?

Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
Hi?

Speaker 3 (01:00:42):
Mom about it?

Speaker 2 (01:00:45):
Tyler forever? All right, brother, have a good day. Yeah
that was Tyler. I hope people are enjoying these conversations
about career and life and stuff. That is a tough

(01:01:06):
thing because like, yeah, there's some jobs that are just
fucking all encompassing, you know. And then it's like I
used to back when I went out to open MIC's
in Philadelphia and stuff. I used to meet people and
I used to be like, uh, how are you alive?
The New York and LA are the capital of be

(01:01:28):
of Like you go to some like artsy thing or someplace,
and you're like, how are you alive? How do you
afford to eat food and live and stuff? But I
guess they figure it out. I don't know. Hello, Hi, Hi,

(01:01:48):
what's your name? I'm Deja Desia. What's going on, Desia?

Speaker 5 (01:01:54):
Yeah, you know, just on a walk right now, hanging out.
I texted you was walking my dog earlier, but now
it's just me anyway. I don't know, I uh I
just lost my job, and so that's always fun. I'm

(01:02:21):
kind of in a weird spot right now where I
don't know, I feel like, uh, I've had a lot
of like stability that I've never felt before the last
like five years, and now suddenly it all kind of
feels like I'm on the cusp of like things changing
completely for me, and I don't know what direction or

(01:02:44):
how it's going to go. But it's just, uh, I
don't know, in a weird limbo right now.

Speaker 2 (01:02:49):
Yeah, that's what you texted me, and you said that
things are about to change forever and you're or that
they're about to change drastically and you're spooked about it.
Is that primarily the driven by the job loss, or
is there like other stuff happening?

Speaker 5 (01:03:04):
Other stuff? For sure, I've been like working on building
a business for the last year or so with my
cousin for I do interior design. And then also I
think the scariest part is I'm pretty sure my like
long term partner and I are gonna split up soon.
So it's just kind of a lot of things at once, you.

Speaker 2 (01:03:26):
Know, mm hmmm. How are things going with the business
that you've been building, well.

Speaker 5 (01:03:37):
I'm in school still, and then I was also working.
So it's just mostly been like, you know, whenever I
have free time, meeting up doing a lot of back
end stuff. But I do have my first paying client,
which I'm very excited about. It is like a friend
of mine, but it's still something. Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
What was the impetus of the job loss?

Speaker 5 (01:04:06):
So I was a I was a server and a
manager at a restaurant and the restaurant was open for
thirteen years, and then I was there for almost five
and they gave us four days notice to tell us
that they were closing the restaurant. So we all kind
of got laid off out of nowhere, which was pretty shitty.

Speaker 2 (01:04:26):
What's going on with your partner?

Speaker 5 (01:04:35):
See, that's the big one.

Speaker 2 (01:04:37):
That's the big one.

Speaker 5 (01:04:38):
Yeah, yeah, I mean it's all big, but it's just,
you know, that is something I've been I don't know,
a little avoidant of because I don't exactly have the
financial freedom. We live together, so it's not like I'm
in like a shitty abusive relationship or anything, which I'm

(01:04:59):
thankful for, but it's just kind of I don't know.
We've been together three and a half years. We moved
in together after knowing each other for like a couple months,
and it was just like a relationship, like just never
experienced anything like that before. And I don't know, I

(01:05:22):
think we're just you know, the classic growing apart just
kind of feels like, I don't know, I feel like
I have a like this reoccurring lesson in my life
that I keep having to learn over and over again,
and every time I learn it, I think I'm good,

(01:05:44):
and then something else comes to like push that line
back a little. So that makes sense.

Speaker 2 (01:05:50):
That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, I'm familiar with
the reoccurring lesson that one thinks they have learned the Nah,
they actually haven't. They they one and they meaning me
and I. So what's the lesson that you feel like

(01:06:11):
you keep learning.

Speaker 5 (01:06:17):
I mean, I think it boils down to boundaries. But
I think that I don't know. I had a let's say,
a difficult childhood. My parents were young, shouldn't have had kids,
had a lot of kids, had a lot of drugs.

(01:06:37):
So I think that a lesson that I had to
learn when I was like no, no, no, eighteen nineteen was
I guess what unconditional love means to me? And you know,
knowing how learning how to like love someone from afar

(01:06:58):
if they're not, if having them close to you isn't
you know, beneficial or even neutral, So if that makes sense.

Speaker 2 (01:07:10):
Yeah, so like this guy was kind of mmm pushing
your boundaries in some sense or like there was a
sense of like, oh, I still love this person, but
I have I gotta do it from afar.

Speaker 5 (01:07:28):
Yeah. Yeah, so I think that. I don't know, I think,
like I said, like, the first time I learned this lesson,
it was like dramatic, very clear lines, like you can't
have your homeless dad sleeping in your front yard. You
got it, fucking you know, set some boundaries here and
then so on and so forth, and just little shit

(01:07:48):
like that. And it feels like every time I'm like, Okay,
I'm good, I'm in a healthy relationship, things have gone well.
I've been very happy the last few years. But now
it's like obviously less dramatic things that I'm learning, Okay,
well this needs to be a boundary too. So it's

(01:08:11):
just weird going from like such a dramatic version of
that and like feeling freed from that, Like I don't know,
from the feeling of I don't know, do you. I
don't know do you learn trying to say uh.

Speaker 2 (01:08:26):
Yeah, because the first time you learn a lesson, it's
very in your face and you're very yeah, it's very
like obvious the first time you learn the lesson, like yeah,
you know, you can't let your dad sleep in a
tent on your lawn. And then when you learn the
lesson again, it kind of like a frog and boiling
water and it's a little bit trickier and you're like,

(01:08:49):
oh shit, I didn't even realize that I was, you know,
I thought that when I thought when I learned, I
thought that learning a lesson means that my brain and
body naturally chart waters in a different way. I didn't
realize it meant I have to actually do different thing.
I have to actively make different decisions. That fucking sucks.

(01:09:10):
That's annoying. I thought. I thought it was like an
I thought I'm like a Pokemon learning a new move
or something like that. I didn't realize I have to.
I don't want to have to do any fucking work. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's a Yeah, life's annoying like that. Yeah, lessons are
annoying like that.

Speaker 5 (01:09:27):
Yeah, and not not even really in the sense that
like you know that I I've I have done a
lot of work. I'm not saying you were saying I wasn't,
but so it's like even more annoying to like put
in a ton of like like I dropped out of
school for a few years so that I could like focus.

Speaker 2 (01:09:47):
On like.

Speaker 5 (01:09:49):
Getting my shit together, and so like earlier when I
was saying, like, this is like the first time I've
kind of had stability, because I, like I've worked really
hard to get that sus stability, and you know, I've
got like my own place, my own job, got dog cat,
lovely little life, and now suddenly I'm in this place
of comfort and it's not so comfortable anymore. So it's

(01:10:16):
just like even even more frustrating to like put in
all that work to get to a spot where, like
I thought I wanted to be m h and it's
not not working out in the way that I had hoped.

Speaker 2 (01:10:34):
So, I I guess, if we're learning this lesson again,
what does it what does it look like? Like? Like
so the I mean the place of stability that you've
been in for the past five years, Like, did you
have any qualms about it?

Speaker 5 (01:10:57):
I don't know I'm no. I mean, I'm I'm like
overall pretty positive person. I try not to, you know,
I don't know. No, I mean, it's not no short
answer no.

Speaker 2 (01:11:12):
Okay. So you liked your you liked your life, and
it was kind of so you liked your life as
it was, and then things happened to rock the boat.

Speaker 5 (01:11:22):
Yeah yeah, so okay, I see what you're saying. Yeah.
I think, like, particularly with the relationship, it's not like
there's been like a dramatic change or anything that's like different.
It's just kind of, you know, I don't know if
you've been in like a I wouldn't even I don't
know if i'd called three years long term, but some.

Speaker 2 (01:11:43):
People call three years long term.

Speaker 5 (01:11:46):
Okay, But in like a longer term relationship, there's your issues,
You start to bickery, you start to argue, and then
it's your job to figure out how to not do
that if you want to, you know, be happy. So
I think it's just a lot of little things and
sort of slowly realizing that like the person I'm with,

(01:12:08):
even though I like I love them with my whole being,
it's just not supporting me in the ways that I like,
see myself needing support if we were to continue on
for however many years.

Speaker 2 (01:12:26):
Yeah, well, I don't want to be all toxic positivity
on you. I don't because it sounds like this all
like happening kind of immediately. But I think the good
news and I really can only speak from like my
own personal life experiences that like in times in which

(01:12:48):
like there's been transitional periods and things have been uncertain
and foundations have been rocked. Uh, it's made. It's why
it sucks, it's it's really Yeah, it's really bad. But

(01:13:09):
at least in my life, I've always I've always found
my way to get back to something, and so I
feel pretty confident that it's possible that when the foundations
are rocked, that there's something on the other side of it.
So I think there's something on the other side of it.
It's basically what I'm trying to say, not to be

(01:13:29):
all toxic positivity about it. You know, there's a grief
to be grieved, but you know it's cool. I mean,
there'll be a new there's new people, there's new places,
there's new things to set up shop. Last I was
freaking out last night. I was thinking about uh, just

(01:13:50):
I get anxious, and I always think about ways in
which the foundations of my life could be rocked, and
then I think about ways in which I could fix them.
And then the day go by and at some point
I die. But until then, it's like, all right, We'll
be in whatever I am until I'm not in it anymore,
you know.

Speaker 1 (01:14:10):
Yeah, I don't.

Speaker 2 (01:14:10):
Yeah, it is helpful in any way shape or form.
Sounds like kind of nonsense.

Speaker 5 (01:14:14):
No, I mean, no, absolutely, I'm definitely. I don't know.
I try to, you know, focus on my foundations that
are uh, I don't know. I think the people in
my life. I try to view more as like the
foundations of my life rather than like, you know, where
I live, what job I have. Yeah, of course, I

(01:14:36):
think like my family and my friends are just like
the most important and I, you know, I still get
those guys. So I'm not like, I'm not freaking out necessarily.
I just kind of know that this change is coming,
and I know it is going to probably suck for

(01:14:58):
a little bit. But I I'm confident that, you know,
I'm capable. I've you know, dug myself out of worseholes,
So I'm not I'm not worried about thinks that people
should be worried about.

Speaker 2 (01:15:15):
Yeah, well take that out.

Speaker 1 (01:15:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:15:16):
And by the way, and by the way, you earned
you earned that, just so you know, you earned that ship,
you know, yeah, you are. You earned. The reason why,
the reason why you're not worried about things that people
should be worried about is because you earned through your
own actions and decisions throughout your life. You built yourself
into the kind of person that doesn't need to worry

(01:15:37):
about those things because you got it. So you whatever
confidence you have for the future, it's uh, it's don't
trick yourself into believing it's foolish. You know, it's something
you earned, or else you wouldn't have it. Yeah, that's
my that's my therapy, geckoing of that. What's your name again,

(01:16:04):
Deja Desia? Is there any other way in which I
can be helpful to this conversation? You know?

Speaker 5 (01:16:21):
Not that not that I'm aware of. I know everyone
says this when they get on, but I'm a big fan.
Been listening for a while.

Speaker 2 (01:16:29):
Thank you in Phoenix.

Speaker 5 (01:16:30):
So this is oh talk to you?

Speaker 1 (01:16:32):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:16:33):
Oh yeah? Did you were you at the one where
the guy hit someone with his car?

Speaker 1 (01:16:38):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (01:16:40):
Like actually or told a story about it.

Speaker 2 (01:16:43):
Well, he told the story. He's told a story about it.
He didn't do it out in the parking lot or
anything like that.

Speaker 5 (01:16:50):
I don't truly don't really remember. I was the most
recent one you were here for. I think there's like
a girl tired about her stepdad or something.

Speaker 2 (01:17:00):
Okay, yeah, that sounds like it sounds good.

Speaker 5 (01:17:02):
But I had a great time. Went with my brother.

Speaker 2 (01:17:04):
It was fuck yeah, fuck yah. Is there anything else
you want to say to the people of the computer
before we go?

Speaker 5 (01:17:14):
Oh, okay, I've thought about this. Actually, yeah, this might
be annoying. You don't have to do this, but I
just want you to know that that I think that
you would do a really good Jerry Seinfeld impression.

Speaker 1 (01:17:25):
Ah.

Speaker 5 (01:17:26):
Fuck, you don't have to do it, but I why
do you think about that?

Speaker 3 (01:17:30):
Why do you?

Speaker 2 (01:17:31):
Why do you? Why do you think I would do
a really good Jerry Seinfeld impression?

Speaker 5 (01:17:35):
I don't know something about like when you're in the moment,
you get a little your voice raises in octave, and
I think that if you worked on it, you could
do a really good one.

Speaker 2 (01:17:50):
Okay, all right, I'll okay, I'll think about that. I'll think, yeah, yeah,
thank you for letting me, Thank you for giving me
the com finance to know that I could potentially do something,
even if that thing is Jerry Seinfeld.

Speaker 5 (01:18:08):
Anytime.

Speaker 2 (01:18:09):
Have a good Endigen, all right, you two. No, I
don't think I'm gonna do it. I don't think i'm
gonna try. No, I don't think i'm gonna try. I
don't have a thing. So what does he say? What's

(01:18:33):
like one of his jokes? Does anyone know one of
his jokes? Maybe if I knew one of his No,
I don't know. I don't think I'm gonna do it. George,
all right, No, okay, let's end. We're gonna end the podcast. Hello, folks,
it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But

(01:18:54):
get this, I'm releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right,
an entire extra hour of the podcast that you can
listen to By becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko
over at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers
get access to bonus episodes, They get a completely ad

(01:19:17):
free podcast feed of the regular show, They get recordings
from my live shows members only streams, and they help
support my ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's
a clip from this week's members only bonus episode.

Speaker 6 (01:19:32):
We went and looked at engagement rings, and then we
go to my mom's house and I mentioned that I'm
looking for engagement rings with her and we're talking about rings,
and then my mom was like, Oh, that reminds me,
and then she think that she continues to like go
on this probably a twenty and int of tangent about
now my ex just got married and she's been like

(01:19:54):
stocking my ex on Facebook and whatnot, still keeping up
with her. And I hadn't been with her for like
three or four years, and she was telling me all
about her wedding, all about their pictures and what their
venue looked like, and didn't even like bother to ask us,
like anything about our experience.

Speaker 2 (01:20:16):
That's fucking crazy.

Speaker 6 (01:20:17):
Good wild, It's fucking wild.

Speaker 2 (01:20:19):
She taught you told you that's fucking crazy.

Speaker 3 (01:20:22):
Bro.

Speaker 2 (01:20:22):
You you revealed that you're getting married, and then your
mom was like, oh, that reminds me. I was stalking
your ex on Facebook about her wedding. That's fucking crazy.
If you want to hear this full conversation, you can
sign up to become a premium member at therapy Gecko
dot supercast dot com, or find the link in the

(01:20:42):
episode description. That's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right,
I have nothing else to say, goes on the line.

Speaker 3 (01:20:53):
Taking every nine. Goes to teaching you in the interview line,
but he's not really an expert.

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Lyle Drescher

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