October 16, 2024 • 59 mins
A caller describes living with OCD while teaching kids how to skateboard.
Afterwards a caller feels empty after achieving their life’s dream and a final caller attempts to find a new vocation.
Break your mirror. I am a gecko.
Tickets for my Therapy Gecko live show experience are available now around the universe RIGHT HERE: therapygeckotour.com
SUPPORT THE LIZARD AGENDA: therapygecko.supercast.com
FOLLOW ME ON GECKOGRAM: instagram.com/lyle4ever
GET WEIRD EMAILS FROM ME SOMETIMES BY CLICKING HERE.
Follow me on Twitch to get a notification for when I’m live taking calls. Usually Mondays and Wednesdays but a lot of other times too. twitch.tv/lyleforever
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, Hello, Hi. What's your name?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
No fucking way, Sully.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Sully, like the monster.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Guy, Yeah from Monsters, Inc.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
What's up, Sully? How can I get you today? What's
happening on the planet Earth? From your perspective?
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I guess what I wanted to talk to you about
is numbers.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Oh yeah, I have this, like I.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Have this like weird thing with numbers. It might hurt
your brain. Holy shit, I can't believe I'm talking to you.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
This ship is crazy numbers with some numbers.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Any way. So it's like I'm like self city because
I skateboard a lot, and I like can only try
like certain stuff a certain amount of times, and like
like I don't know how I'll explain it with that
(01:01):
like being.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Weird you So just just to cut I'm gonna cut
you off for just a second because your your thing
kind of cut out a little bit. But you said
you were self diagoned, that you've self di diagnosed with OCD.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Well like kind of my parents and shit have kind
of told me because like I don't know. It's like, okay,
if I'm skateboarding and I do it a trick and
I'm like, oh shit, I'm really close. But I'm like
a numb I meant like try like ten or something
(01:37):
like that, depending on what day of the week. I
won't try it the eleventh try seriously if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Okay, so these okay, tell me more about these numbers.
Does this occur in your life in any in any
form other than in skateboarding?
Speaker 2 (02:02):
I yeah, so, like real quick backstory. How it like
started was like you ever, like you're listening to music
and then you like accidentally skip a song that you
wanted to play, so you skip back to it.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
M yes, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
So I would do that, but I would go like
back and forth, back and forth, back and forth until
like it felt right to listen to that song.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
How many times would you go back and forth?
Speaker 2 (02:33):
I don't know, it would just whatever felt right.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
I guess this does actually sound like OCD.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Yeah. And then it like went into like numbers and
then like like I've I've always put on like Okay,
this is weird, but like a certain like swipes the
deodorant or like how many like swishes I do with
like brushing my teeth and shit like that, if that
makes sense, And like if I'm like so, say, at work, right,
(03:05):
I pull into the parking lot depending on what day
of the week it is, I can only park in
that spot a certain amount of times during the week.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Hmm.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Yeah, all of this hurts my brain.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
How long have you been like this?
Speaker 4 (03:23):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Ever since I was probably like I think, like a
junior in high school and I'm twenty now, so probably
like four years.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
All right, what have you gone to see like a
psychiatrist about this?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
No, which I probably should, But like sometimes it's like
money and like sometimes like my parents are crazy, not
my parents, more my mom. I love my mom, but
she's kind of crazy sometimes and like she had a
(03:59):
bad ex experience with shit like that when she was
a kid, so she kind of is like, don't go
and then mike money. So I just talked to family
about it, and then it kind of makes me feel better.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Okay, what is what happens when you talk to your
family about it?
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Uh? My grandpa just reassures me that, like it's just
it's not like regular shit. But I might have like
an OCD or something like that. And then like I
don't know, definitely, the older I'm getting like kind of
the better it's gotten, do you know what I mean?
(04:40):
Like now it's not so much now it's not so
much like an everyday thing. Like it's still an everyday thing,
but not as much because like sometimes I'll have these
like crazy fucking like not episodes, but like some days
I'll just be fun and like I have to touch
(05:01):
shit a certain amount of times and like shit like that.
But like today, like I'm chilling, like I'm fine, life
is great. So it's weird.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
M I really I oh man, well I'm conflicted exact.
I mean, well, I really just think you should probably
see a psychiatrist.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Yeah, I need to think about that, okay.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Can I well, just can I ask you about your
your life in general? Are you in school? What do
you do?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Uh? I work at a car autoparts store and the
skate shop, and I teach kids how to skate.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Well that sounds really nice.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Uh it's really rewarding.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Yeah. Yeah, okay, so you got like a cool you're
doing good things.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
I'm trying to because there's a lot of people who
like hate in the skate community. But like I don't know,
how could you hate on somebody who's helping.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
A lot of people who hate in the skate community
within what sense?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Like, like, say you do like a certain trick or something,
oh that was whack as fuck. And then like I
don't know, they just like someone always has something hateful
to say.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Like you'll do certain tricks and people will say that
your tricks are whack as fuck.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Okay, So like quick explanations. So like I skate curbs,
so like a curb that you would see like on
the side of the road, you know, but like in
the skate community that's like deemed like something for like
old people. Why because like okay, you know what an
(07:08):
olie is, like how you like get the board. Yeah. So,
like I had surgery on my ankle like a year ago,
and it kind of like sorry, I'm sot of breath.
It made me like not be able to Alie as
well anymore. And like I kind of hated skateboarding because
(07:28):
I was like, oh, like it kind of ruined my
life for a little bit. And then like I started
like skating curves as like Okay, I don't have to
work as hard, not necessarily, because like once you get
into it, you're like, oh shit, like this shit is hard,
But like you don't have to like necessarily like Alie
(07:50):
into shit because it's called like a slappy, like you
slap your board into it and like it's just like
old people, so like old fat guys who like I
can't alie anymore.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Okay, I have a lot of thoughts about your haters, Man,
why don't you? I mean, well, first, first of all,
you said, what's your name again?
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Sully?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
You Sally? You sound like a good guy. You have ah,
you have respectable you have two respectable jobs, you have
a hobby that you like, you have family that you
care about. I mean, who the fuck that's it. There's
nothing else.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
A lot of it is, like I think a lot
of it is like like other people like looking in
the mirror because like I've been like traveling and stuff
for skating, uh huh, like not necessarily like for like
skate competicians and shit, but just like I want to
work in the industry, Like that's what I want to do.
(09:05):
And skateboarding is like really like die hard. Like if
you are like in the industry, you're like you're in there,
if that makes sense. So it's like really hard to
like get in anyway. Uh, That's what I'm trying to do.
And I think a lot of people because I live
in Iowa, I don't know if anyone I will listen
(09:29):
to this, but fuck it. But like, I live in
Iowa and we have the biggest skate park in the US.
But like I feel like a lot of people, like
I've noticed in general, like a lot of people like
don't make it out of Iowa, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Okay, So stop, I'm gonna stop you right there. You
say you want to be in the industry. What do
you want to do, is that you want to be
a professional skater.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Not necessarily just doing something that like like whether that's
like film or like like press boards or like you know,
draw graphics for board. You know, something like that gets
me in the industry. And I guess that's what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Yeah, I was gonna say, I was gonna I was
gonna say, first of all, you already are in the industry.
You make money. You make money, okay, but you make
you make money teaching kids how to skate, yes, And
you work at a skate shop.
Speaker 5 (10:30):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
And these things pay you money.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Uh yeah, they don't pay you.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
It sounds like it sounds like they don't pay you
as much money as you'd like them to pay you
right now, Like, but when when when but just just
when we say, I just want to like define this
because I really like fucking mean that. Like sometimes these
things get to vague and that's annoying to me. So
(10:59):
if we were to define f this, like if we
were like the industry, if we were to define the industry,
can you hear me? Please tell me you can hear
me in this? You can hear me? Yeah? Okay. If
we were to define the industry as like you making money,
(11:22):
making enough money to like pay your bills by in
the in the realm of skateboarding, then the industry is
not this closed off thing that is determined by a
select group of people who are cooler and smarter than you.
(11:43):
But it's it's a it's like a wide open field
of opportunity. I think. So, I mean, tell me, do
you what do you want to do in skate You
just said I want to design things. I want to
tell me more, like, what do you want to what
do you want to do?
Speaker 2 (12:02):
I don't know. I guess like I've kind of thought
about that, but like not to that extent. I guess
like kind of like my foot in is teaching kids,
and like I honestly, if I could get paid the
rest of my life to like do that like enough
where I'd be like financially well, I would totally do that.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Why don't see why that? Well, hold on, why is that?
Why is that a such a far off goal to you?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Because of right now, like especially in skating, it's like
in a downfall, and like a lot of companies are
like shutting down, and like not as many kids are
skateboarding because like COVID hit and like everybody was like
looking for something to do, yeah, and then and then
they found skateboarding and they're like, holy shit, like this
(12:58):
fucking skateboarding thing. And then uh and then you know
everyone everything's kind of like open now, and then it's like, oh,
like we don't need that. So like all these companies
like overordered shit and like little shit like that, and
like the skateboarding economy is kind of like crashing as
(13:22):
of right now.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
What how often are you teaching kids the skateboarding?
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I do an after school thing with kids every like
once every week, and then like as of right now,
it's just because it's like starting to get cold. I
do like one on one lessons and like I do
that like maybe once or twice a week but usually
like in the summer, it's crazy we have like so
(13:53):
like I guess during the summer because like we have
like winters here. I don't know if you've ever been
to Iowa or not, yeah, but Iowa. Yeah, and there's
not a lot to do. But it's sick definitely during
the summer, like all these parents are like getting their
kids to skate and my shit like that. And so
(14:14):
during the summer, like I'm like booked all the time
because all these parents are like finding stuff for their
kids to do. But like now that kids are back
in school, it's like slowly going down.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Man, you said you were twenty Yeah, oh holy shit.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Yeah, I know, I'm pretty like I'm a baby. I
feel like sometimes uh.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Well, I mean, shit, man, you I think you've got
a lot of uh I don't know that. I feel
like there's so much opportunity for you. So like do
you make videos? Do you like market yourself?
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Not necessarily with the what's it called? So I'm leaving
my house, I don't necessarily like as much, but like regularly.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Necessarily what you don't you don't necessarily what as much?
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Oh like film like me like doing like skate lessons,
but like it's out there that I do skate lessons,
so like people now that I do skate lessons, and
then like like I do like post skateboarding, and I've
picked up a couple of sponsors from that and ship
(15:44):
like that, which is really cool.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I just don't think that you're uh, I don't think
this is out of the realm of possibility for you
to continue to do skateboarding stuff.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Yeah, I don't. I guess, like I don't even know
like why I'm like thinking so hard about the skate
stuff because like I know I'll be fine and I'll
always have skating, So I don't. It's just like a thought.
I have a lot.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
I I used to I used to love skateboarding. I
still do love skateboarding, just as like I love I've
always loved watching it, uh since I was a kid.
I used to be obsessed with skate three and I
liked watching a lot of those like skate videos. I
still uh like watching it. It's scary. I used to.
I used to live in Venice and I would go
(16:37):
to Venice Beach and I would watch the skateboarders and
there were all these like like twelve year olds who
like were on their fucking like scooters and they were
jumping off like you they were doing shit that Like,
you know, I'm double these more than double these kids age,
and I'd be fucking terrified, but they're like with no fear.
(16:58):
It's fine. I'm not I'm going off the rails here,
no pun intended. But I thought, I'm watching these kids
and I'm thinking, I'm like, if I was like this
kid's father, I would be like, you're never skateboarding ever,
I would forbid. I would be like, I think I'd
be pretty good at, like, you know, encouraging my kids
to like be whoever they want to be or do
whatever they want to do. But skateboarding, I'm like, oh,
(17:21):
that's so, it's just so But I actually I really
like it. I like watching it and I appreciate it,
but it's just so easy to get fucked up, you know.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Yeah, Like that's how I had surgery, And like I
think I'm just kind of like scared sometimes because I've
given so much of my life and like shit into skating,
like it's my whole like personality kind of, so it's
like I just want it to work out, but like
I don't even know, like why I'm worrying, because like,
wherever I put my energy, that's where you're supposed to go.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Listen. I don't think. I don't think. I think you
said it just now nicely. I think I don't think
you should lament all the time you spend skateboarding. I
think that uh you you'll have you have so much
uh uh time to develop yourself however you want to.
(18:15):
You know.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
I think another thing is like maybe because it's getting cold,
but like I get kind of bored of skating, Like
not in a sense where I'm like I'm never gonna
skate again. Like sometimes like you get stuck, Like you
get periods where you get stuck because you don't know
what to do or like learn or something like that,
and so like you just start getting bored. So I've
(18:38):
been like doing other stuff and then I'll take a
couple of day break and then come back and feel
like a lot better.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Did What did you say?
Speaker 6 (18:49):
Your name was?
Speaker 3 (18:50):
Jo?
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Fuck Ship? I'm sorry I don't remember anyone. I Sully?
Mmmm mmmm Sally is is uh? Is there anything else
that you want to say to the people of the
computer before we go?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Yes, I do. I'm pulling it.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Up oh you wrote something?
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Yeah, go ahead, not not wrote something, but like I'm
really into like trying to be happy and find purpose. Uh,
I don't know. Let's just go with life is best
lived in the present moment. If not, who fuck? I
(19:31):
forgot it?
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Here we go? Sorry wait no, oh I'm fucking this up.
I'm sorry, Lyle.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
It's okay, man, Sorry you.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Fuck. I just love yourself and like, if people are hating,
like you're doing something right.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
No, not always, not always, not always at all, not always,
not always, not always. But I think if if people
are if people are hating on you because you're skateboarding
in a weird way, I think those people are are idiots.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I guess just be the energy you want. It would tract.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
I like that. Uh well, take care, Sally. I hope
to see you Trey flipping uh all over all over
the Tri County area one day.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Thank you. I love you. Can I Sally can? I?
Speaker 1 (20:36):
There we go? He's Sully and I look like Mike Wazowski. Hi.
Who is this?
Speaker 3 (20:41):
This is John?
Speaker 1 (20:42):
John? What's up?
Speaker 6 (20:43):
John?
Speaker 3 (20:45):
What's up?
Speaker 4 (20:46):
Man?
Speaker 3 (20:46):
I was just calling first. I want to say I
love your show, bro. You thank you doing great things.
I appreciate you your show and everything. Sorry, I'm a little
nervous right now.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
No, it's okay, Thank you very much, John. I appreciate that.
I appreciate that. What do you do? What are you
doing right now?
Speaker 3 (21:02):
Where are you right now? I'm at I'm at my house,
just finished eating some water Burger, some uh cool number eleven.
Now now I'm chilling in my room next to my cat.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
What's a number eleven at Waterburger?
Speaker 3 (21:15):
That's a grilled chicken sandwich right there?
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Oh shit? What is uh? I didn't know they have
grilled chicken at Waterburger.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
Yeah, man, they got uh got grilled chicken, they got
uh fried chicken, they got all kinds of stuff. Used
to work there as I had.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Whatater Burger eleven days ago? And uh, against my better judgment,
I got a Doctor Pepper milkshake. Did you get that?
Speaker 7 (21:39):
Fuck?
Speaker 4 (21:39):
No?
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Because normally here's the thing. Like a Doctor Pepper slurpy
is something I'm familiar with, but a milkshake is not
like a I've never heard in my life of like
a soda milk or even like a Doctor Pepper float.
But to combine the soda and the ice cream into
a milkshake is unheard of.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
Yeah, I was, uh, yeah, I don't know about that,
doctor pepper milkshake. I feel like you'll give.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Me the ships, you know, yeah it would, it would.
So John, what's up? Was there a reason you called today?
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (22:18):
Dude, So I wanted to talk like about So I
haven't talked to anybody about this yet, but just graduate,
graduated nursing school and stuff like that. Because past my
my inflex, thank you bro, just past my inclex my
state exam. I'm a licensed nurse now. But I thought,
like I thought once I became like a nurse and
(22:41):
graduated nursing school, like you know, shit would get better, right,
But it turns out like sh it just got worse,
Like I think, uh after that, Like after I graduated
nursing school, I passed my exam, I was like I
was the depressed I ever, the most depressed I've ever
(23:01):
been in my life. And I was like confused because
I was like, oh, this is a goal I've been
working towards since I was like in high school, you know.
So I was I've been contemplating on I like, is
there I wanted to ask you, like what what what
(23:23):
kind of makes you makes you happy.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
It's interesting you say that. I the other day, like
two or three days, two days ago, I was in
my notes app and I was writing down everything that
had been making me happy lately at least, and I
could talk about that. But I guess, so for you,
why did why do you think you felt so depressed
(23:51):
after graduating?
Speaker 3 (23:53):
So I was, uh, so, I also, I've been trying
to I was listening to your and I heard that
you journal and stuff, and I was like, oh, that's
a good idea. Let me trust journal. So yeah, I
tried journaling and I was just like kind of typing
it out, could I do and all that? And I
realized it was because like nursing school did it did
(24:16):
it doesn't give you break to like to think other
than what you have to do, what your schedule's like
and and all that. And my girlfriend she also moved
to what she didn't She joined the army and she's
in career right now, and she was like my main
like person to talk to you. So she so she
(24:40):
left right before I graduated, and then I graduated, and
then I guess, like all my like emotions kind of
hit me at once, like everything that was kind of
being suppressed from like me kind of like grinding to
graduate and do all this crap. I was, I think
(25:00):
it all hit me at once.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. That actually makes
like a ton of sense that because there's a there's
thinking about ship and doing shit, and uh, there's kind
of I think there's an optimal balance in life between
thinking about ship and doing shit, like you should like,
(25:23):
if you're constantly thinking about shit all the time, uh
you're gonna be anxious and you're not gonna actually do anything.
But if you're constantly doing shit all the time, or
you're not even thinking about why you're doing it or
like examining your life in any way, shape or form,
then uh yeah, everything just gets kind of like bottled
up and comes out at once, or like you know,
you spend seven years doing some bullshit and then afterwards
(25:45):
you're like, wait, why did they even do any of that?
You know, this is optimal, there's like an optimal balance
of actually living your life versus thinking about it. Are
you you do you feel like you spent too much
time doing and not enough time examining why you were
doing what you were doing or what was kind of
(26:06):
even going on in your life of a time.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
So I kind of figured out, like, all right, I
want to be interre like I want to because I
enjoy helping people stuff like that. But even fuck, dude,
don't I don't. Sorry, sorry dudles, your question again. I
kind of blank out how bad my question was.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
If you feel like you've been spending too much time
doing shit that you haven't spent enough time thinking about
your life?
Speaker 6 (26:37):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I've been yeah, yeah, definitely,
I've been uh shit, well single. I think I don't
remember the last time I was, uh say, I think
maybe four years ago I was single. I didn't have
a girlfriend, so I was No, it's probably like five
(27:01):
So I think I've constantly had like someone there to
like distract me and kind of keep my mind from
from all like a bunch of crap, you know. Yeah,
And with the school I've been in school for since
I since like twenty eighteen. I just kind of went
(27:22):
all over the place with school and then landing here.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Yeah. Yeah, so uh is your so are you single now?
Or your girlfriend? Is she she's away right where she's
in Korea?
Speaker 3 (27:36):
Yeah, she's in Korea, and the Army yeah, how like.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Is she gonna be there? How long are you guys
gonna be separated? For you?
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Oh, like a year?
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Uh huh? What you What have you been doing since
you've graduated?
Speaker 3 (27:51):
So? Since since I graduated, I was studying for the
state exam, so I was keeping busy with that, and
I I took my state exam. When was it last week? Monday?
So since then, dude, I've just been like going to
the gym, should just whatever. I kind of kind of
(28:15):
feel like I like making food. I've just been like
doing ship to kind of keep me busy. Mm hmm,
Yeah I haven't. I haven't just been chilling now.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Why so, why do you think you're so depressed? Then?
Speaker 3 (28:30):
So? Oh dude, so I was. I was, Uh, I
don't know, that was the thing. I don't know where
the fuck I was. I was so depressed. I was
trying to think of like, uh, I was, I was
gonna go to therapy too, but those fuckers aren't calling
me back. I was thinking maybe, like I was, I
was trying to think, maybe it is like it or
hereditary because my mom she's on uh SSR I is
(28:53):
or like and and I had depressed into or whatever
and uh, she's on them, and then my grandma's pretty crazy,
and then my mom's brother is pretty crazy. So it's like, oh, fuck,
is it like hereditary to have like a chemical imbalance?
Do I need to be I'm like antidepressants or what?
So I was trying to go to a therapist or
(29:14):
is that or is that a psychiatrist?
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Uh, the psychiatrist is the one that does meds and
the therapist is the one that stares at you and
goes yes, uh huh yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
Uh huh yeah.
Speaker 5 (29:29):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
I don't really know, dude, I've been I'm trying to
trying to figure that out. I was I was on
YouTube before you went on stream. I saw a clip
from Kai Sinnat with John Cena and then he was uh,
he was spit in some some some truth. He was
(29:52):
saying like he he thought his purpose on the world
was to like be a wrestler, and then he became
an actor and he was like, oh so I'm like, ah, like, uh,
I forgot what he said, like an entertainer or some ship.
But then he said he realized like that those things
weren't making him like half, those weren't his main source
(30:15):
of happiness, like external forces this this it's not like
directly quoted, but it's kind of like what he was saying,
like these things weren't his uh source of happiness or
his his uh his purpose, but he he said he
was grateful for like waking up in the morning and
(30:37):
like being so fortunate to be where he's at. So
I was I was trying to think, like what the
what the fuck? Like I thought being a nurse would
like make me like, uh have like some sort of purpose,
you know, like or happiness.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
So yeah, because like this goal I was I was
going for since I was like in high school. I
finally got and I thought it would have been like
this you fork, euphoric feeling of like oh shit, dude,
finally did it. Yeah. I was like, oh, like I
was expecting that. But when I was when I graduated,
(31:18):
I was walking with my friends, and my friends were
like it's like.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
Oh hyped up.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
They're like, oh shit, we did it, blah blah blah,
and I was just like like like expressionless, Like I
was just like I wanted to be happy. I just couldn't,
Like I couldn't do it. I don't know. It was weird.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
So all right, I mean, I have, I have some
thoughts and these are just I'm just going off of
like my own lived experience, Okay, and everyone's brains are
differently and uh, you know, brain chemistry and shit is
a thing. So you know, aside from just me and
(32:00):
Kai Sinnat, you should definitely still try to find a
real therapist or psychiatrist to talk through these things with.
But while you're waiting for them to call you back,
and it is just me and Kai Sinnat, I'll say
from my own lived experience that I but that what
(32:21):
makes Because you asked me earlier, you were like, what
makes me happy? And I wrote down a list, and
lately the things that are making me really happy, especially
as I get older and as I get kind of
further along in my what I'm doing, they become strongly
(32:45):
less and less about accomplishments and far more about general
peace of mind. Like again, I can only speak from
my lived experience. I've accomplished what I like is a lot,
and I feel grateful to have accomplished and experienced and
(33:05):
everything that I've accomplished and experienced in my life. But
you know, I was pretty and I've you know, there's
there's been a lot of misery among those accomplishments, and
as far as just like my general state of being,
it comes less from anything I've accomplished and more from like,
how do I achieve just like a like peace? And
(33:29):
I don't think that peace is necessarily achieved by achieving
a lot of stuff. I'm no expert and how peace
is achieved, because if I were, I would be more peaceful.
But just in my own life, I think peace is
something you kind of arrived to. The acceptance and the
(33:52):
you know you talked about like how you haven't even
sorted through the thoughts like you have you've had You've
been distracted. That's kind of was some of the things
you've been talked about. You said you felt distracted by
like your girlfriend and by your work and whatnot. And
I think taking some time away from those distractions to
like work out why your brain is rattled or what
(34:15):
the fuck is bothering you is helpful. I have, personally,
I have struggled with the the opposite where I think
what this wait? I talked about this again. There's the
if you if every single day you're thinking so much
about yourself and your life and analyzing everything you do
(34:38):
you'll you got you get it makes you kind of anxious,
but there needs to be an appropriate amount of like, Okay,
let me examine why I feel the way I feel,
and maybe I can achieve a little bit of peace
through that. But like you know, at a certain point,
put the fucking pen down and uh go, you know,
(34:59):
play call of duty, do whatever you gotta do to
turn your brain off. Yeah, I'm trying to think with
your specific situation. Hm hmmm, I mean, do you like nursing?
Do you like the process of That's the other thing
(35:23):
with the achievements is that they're not particularly process focused, right,
m So do you like nursing? Do you do you
like schooling? Are you excited to literally do the functions
of your job?
Speaker 3 (35:43):
I'm I'm pretty excited to do my job. I'm it
was weird, man, because when I when I first when
I first started like nursing, I was uh more compassionate.
I was more compassionate than I am now because I
work in the hospitals as a tech. Yeah, and you
(36:04):
you see like a lot of uh I mean yeah,
you see people dying. You see like death and ship
So fuck man, I don't know. I felt more compassionate
when I first started. But I do enjoy I really do, like,
uh like doing like the ICU kind of thing when
I did my clinicals. I mean, people are dying there more,
(36:25):
but I enjoy like the I enjoy that. But I
was trying to think, yeah, there's not really like a
process of of of doing that. But even then in
the ICU, I can't even like look forward. I mean
I can, but I can't like look forward to that either,
because it's like, well, ship, Like I can't base my
(36:47):
happiness anymore on that, like anymore getting to a place.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Wow, what do you mean? What do you mean.
Speaker 3 (36:56):
Like I can't base my happiness or I can't depend
on on getting to a certain like destination two make
me happy anymore?
Speaker 4 (37:07):
Because sure I did that with uh, with like graduating
and ship, and it fucking it's like, uh like I
just like.
Speaker 3 (37:19):
Kind of blew my fucking world apart, you.
Speaker 7 (37:21):
Know, yeah, because I was like, oh, I thought this
should have been it, you know, like I'm starting like
I'm not going to be broken more.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
I mean, I guess every day I had a fuck
man ah fuck uh, I guess every day you try
to take pride in your own competence. I mean, you're
a you're a nurse, you help people, You're you seem
(37:53):
to be competent at your job, and like that's kind
of everything. That's the only thing. I've been coming to
a lot of epiphanies lately, and that's one of them,
is that the only things that matter are like, you know,
the people you're around, and then like what you're actually
fucking doing. You know, so you could have all the
(38:14):
accolades or whatever in the world, but it all, it
all really comes down to what the fuck are you
actually doing. And what the fuck you're actually doing is
you're being competent and you're helping people who are dying.
So you got that on a pretty solid lock, I
would say, mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:35):
It's it's how how often do you feel like if
it's not too personal of a question, how like like depressed,
like you.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
I feel I feel I feel the pressed. I feel
the pressed pretty often. Man, Yeah, I feel depressed pretty often.
I'm working really hard and I think achieving actually some
results like I've I've Yeah, I mean I feel depressed
pretty often, And lately I've been kind of saying to myself,
I need to make a concentrated effort to prioritize not
(39:16):
feeling depressed as much. Like that's my new goal. That's
kind of my end. I've been having a lot of
epiphanies lately, and one of them is, you know, my
new goal is just I can not be depressed because
you can have as many you know, as we're kind
(39:36):
of on theme of what I think we're talking about,
is you can have as many get to as many
places as you want to get to as possible. But
if you're fucking miserable the whole time, then I don't
think it was worth it. You know, you have to
kind of it's a lot of work to not be
miserable if that's your default state of being. Some people
(39:59):
get lucky and they they're not that's not really their
default state of being, or they don't have to deal
with that, and that's great. But if you're one of
the people who, uh, that is a fairly common state
of being, it's a lot of PHASI fucking concentrated effort
to not be that, you know. So that's I guess
what I'm working on.
Speaker 3 (40:16):
Yeah, you know who David Goggins is.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
My friend, my friend, one of my friends just went
through a breakup and we talked on the phone and
a few days afterwards, and he was like, I'm in
my David Goggins phase of the breakup where he's he's
all on that like run wake up at four am
(40:42):
and run ten miles a day. Ship.
Speaker 3 (40:46):
Yeah, I was. I was. I used to I used
to be my fucking idol. And I was like, I mean,
he seems pretty chill with a misery. So I was like, oh,
maybe maybe David Goggins is the way.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Maybe he's he seems pretty chill with misery. What do
you mean by that?
Speaker 3 (41:04):
Like he seems pretty uh. He he always says like comfortable,
like comfortable with being uh, like there's a not fucking miserable,
like comfortable with with uh being like uncomfortable with with
like pain like mental mental pain, and like, oh sure pain.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
Well, well, because well he well that's different.
Speaker 3 (41:29):
That's me.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
That's he's like I want to wake up, I wake
up at four o'clock in the morning. And I like,
that's a whole different fucking thing, I think. But I
think that's a little different than like the whole like
woo woo self acceptance vibe.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
You know, Yeah, I guess I kind of watched his
videos sometimes and im and I'm like, oh, maybe I'm
just a bitch man. Maybe I need to, like, you know,
like shut the fuck up and.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
A little bit. I really, I really, I really I swear.
And this is I'm an I'm gonna say. I'm gonna
say this because I think it's kind. I think I
do find it important. I really do believe, and I've
thought I swear my life. I think about this stuff
so much. I think about the David Goggins universe, and
I think about the WU will self, the self acceptance
(42:16):
universe a bunch and I and I like, like, how
much of I really do believe? The answer is somewhere? Truly, honestly,
I really believe the answer is somewhere in between. Like
it's not one or the other, it's somewhere in between.
The universe of like, you gotta love yourself and accept life,
(42:39):
accept yourself as who you are, and accept life for
what it is, and accept your improfessions, accept your imperfections
and accept the world and accept yourself and believe that
you're enough. But also quit being a little bitch and
fucking go exercise and quit complaining about fucking everything and
like do some fucking work and stop. You know, it's
(43:02):
somewhere in between those two things. I think, I think,
I think you could. I really, I believe you could
hold space for both ideas.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
You should get David Goggins on your on your podcast.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
That would be extremely funny. Anyway, man, is there is
there anything else you want to say to the people
of the computer before we go?
Speaker 3 (43:23):
Uh? Shiit? Uh fuck? I didn't think. I didn't think
what to say. Uh have a oh ship name alert?
I mean, have a good day, keep watching the geck.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
Well, what what's the amber alert? Should we say? I
guess I guess that what's the Amber alert? They'll probably
be gone by the.
Speaker 3 (43:45):
Time Mitsubishi Outlander missing Children are assume that ship. I
can't say the name ten year old suspect because Cheryl's
Manchado Hernandez.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
Jesus. Yeah, I kind of wish I didn't ask you to.
I mean, well, I don't think we're gonna find them
from the from this episode, but maybe we do. I
don't know. Anyway, Yeah, I have those turned off on
my phone. Is that bad? Does that make me a
bad person?
Speaker 3 (44:19):
I wish, I wish I knew how to do that
because one happened at like four in the fucking morning,
and I had to get up at five, and I
was pretty pissed off. I mean, it sucks someone's uh,
you know, child got abducted. Yeah, but uh, I was like.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
Yeah, you're gonna sleep, you're probably having a kick ast.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
Yeah, Like what can what could I do? You know? Right?
Speaker 1 (44:46):
All right? Well, what's your name again?
Speaker 3 (44:50):
John?
Speaker 1 (44:51):
John? Have a good night, John? Good luck?
Speaker 3 (44:54):
You do, man, you do?
Speaker 1 (45:00):
I really do. I really think the answer is somewhere
in between those two spaces, because I'm there, Yeah, because
there's a push and a pull. I think I'm only
speaking out of my own fucking lived experience. I don't
know the answers to any of the fucking questions that
of any of the things that people talk about on
(45:21):
this thing. But there's a push and a pull between,
Like you want more out of your life. In order
to get more out of your life, you do have
to like quit being a little bitch and like go
fucking exercise and like you know, uh, work hard and
do things that to get you have to exert force
(45:42):
and will yourself forward to make more out of your life.
That is true. But if you're gonna fucking if the
whole way there is filled with you fucking being hating
yourself and being miserable and thinking that you're the fucking
that you suck, it's not, it's not. I just don't
(46:05):
think it's a proper equation. I think it's probably room
to for both to get there. It's like, I believe
that you can get you can get more out of
your life without having to be miserable and hate yourself
to get there. I don't know if that's true. But
that's my that's I'm EXPERI I'm doing that experiment in
(46:26):
my own life recently. That's my that's my recent epiphany.
That's my new experiment for myself. Can I move my
life forward from a but do it from a place
where I'm not hating myself into submission? I don't know.
I'll report back to you guys in ten years if
(46:47):
it all went well.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
All from dragone?
Speaker 1 (46:52):
Hello, Hello, Hi? What is your name?
Speaker 2 (46:58):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (46:58):
Dragone?
Speaker 1 (46:59):
Oh, it's like the let's say they like the Pokemon
mm hmm.
Speaker 5 (47:03):
My boyfriend and I are coloring some Pokemon right now,
so it.
Speaker 1 (47:08):
Sounds that sounds really fucking nice. You guys are coloring together, dude,
it really is.
Speaker 5 (47:16):
And I feel like the last time we tried to
color together we couldn't get into it this much. But
now we're just coloring doodle and it's really nice.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
That's fucking awesome. I gotta you know, what I gotta
write that down is an idea of something to do,
just like sit down and color. I can't. I don't
know when the last time I did that was.
Speaker 5 (47:34):
You should do it, definitely, it.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
Sounds really nice. Well, dragon Night, I mean, we can
just you know, fuck around, But do you have something
particular you want to talk about.
Speaker 5 (47:49):
Well, I've been watching you for probably about a month now,
and I have this thing with podcasts where I start
from the very beginning, like your first video, have and
been watching it. But I guess kind of just been
struggling with like figuring out what I want to do
as a jult, which I feel like is common. But
(48:11):
I think I really like what you do, and I
really like talking to people and getting to know people
and like how they grew up to be the way
they are. I just I don't know what career I
can make out of that.
Speaker 1 (48:25):
Are you in college right now or what's up.
Speaker 5 (48:29):
No, I graduated high school a year ago and not
in college. I'm just working, just working and working.
Speaker 1 (48:38):
Mhm. And so you want to do some kind of
job where you could like talk to people.
Speaker 5 (48:45):
Yeah, I just I really like learning about how people
have grown up and how they become who they are
and why they act like that. I just like, I've
been thinking about a therapist, but I don't. I don't know.
I feel like I would take their emotions to heart
and it would like hurt me in some way.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
I guess you feel like you would take their emotions
to heart and it would hurt you in some way.
I guess, well, I guess well, I guess if you
I mean, I could talk about my own life. Yeah,
I mean I I have no interest, ever, no interest
(49:28):
ever in becoming like an actual therapist, like having this
kind of I mean, that's kaud. It feels that's like
a lot of responsibility. I think, yeah, that's kind of
And it's a lot of work, and it's a lot
of school, and it's a lot of like I mean,
I I'm nothing close to a real therapist. I just
(49:50):
fuck around on a podcast and chat with people. But
you know, I think there's a lot of nobility in
becoming a real therapist if you're you're you really really
want to help people. But yeah, I mean I like
learning about other people's learned experiences, and I like getting
(50:11):
to chat with a lot of people, and so I
just do it fucking around on the internet. I do
it in the phone call stuff. I do it in
the live shows, I do it in the street, And
there's nothing If that's what you want to do, you
want to just make you want to just go out
into the fucking world with a pencil and interview people.
(50:35):
I mean, you can do that today.
Speaker 2 (50:38):
You know.
Speaker 1 (50:38):
You're right if we're talking about like what do you
want to do to make money so that you can
live in a place and eat, it doesn't necessarily have
to be the same thing that you do to you know,
to to gain enrichment from life.
Speaker 3 (51:03):
HM.
Speaker 1 (51:05):
Well go ahead, No.
Speaker 2 (51:10):
Go ahead.
Speaker 5 (51:11):
I would just like, well for a question for you,
is like, what made you want to talk to people
like this over the phone?
Speaker 1 (51:20):
I this had this my this happened on accident. It
was yeah, this happened on accident. This was there was
never this was not there was this? What I my
life and what I do is not the result of
me going, uh oh, I really want to talk to people,
and uh, maybe I could, maybe I could do this
(51:42):
therapy gecko thing that could be a thing. I just
was scoring around on the internet and people started calling
in and then as a result of fucking around, uh,
I kind of fell into doing this and it worked.
Then it was kind of this whole thing. But none
(52:08):
of this was not I like fell into a weird thing.
I always knew I wanted to do something that was
my own thing. I was always wanted to be like
an entrepreneur of some kind or do something that was
like weird or fun or interesting. But being a therapy
gecko was a complete accident. Hmm.
Speaker 5 (52:33):
I don't know. I feel like a lot of things
happened just by chance. Two So.
Speaker 1 (52:39):
They do, they do, they do, but but they they Okay,
they do, all right, let me add a let me
add something to this so therapy gin This thing that
I'm doing happened as a complete accident. But the accident
happened as a result of a certain way that I
do think I is being intentional about my life. Like
(53:04):
I intentionally screwed around, you know, I was exerting intentional
effort into making stuff and doing stuff and trying new things,
and that created an accident. Does that make sense? So
(53:24):
you have a desire that do you want to talk
to people? Right? You like, so, why don't you just
write down like five fucking ways that you could do
that and then just go do them. Just start doing stuff, okay,
and then and then maybe you'll run into a nice accident.
(53:47):
I was. I did like a So I went to
college at at Temple University in Philly, and I went
back there like a month ago to like talk to
students there and shit, and somebody asked me. They were like,
how do you figure out what you want to do?
(54:07):
And I didn't. I first split second, I was like,
I don't know. I'm currently trying to figure out what
I want to do, you know, with my life, even
though I already do this, I still I'm trying to
figure out, like, well, what do I really want to do?
And then the answer kind of came to me. I
was like, uh, it's you have it flipped. He I
(54:29):
told me that it flipped somebody. I by the way, I'm
a hundred percent by the way, I don't want to
I'm like, ut, my own ass right now. I almost
certainly got this from somebody else just to be I
probably got this from like a YouTube comment or some shit.
But I think it's the other way around. I think
you're supposed to just do stuff and then figure out
(54:52):
what you want to do, because you sit there trying
to figure out what you want to do, and then
you don't figure out what you want to do and
then do it. You do things and then and then
figure out if you actually like the thing you're doing.
Speaker 5 (55:04):
Okay, yeah, just do more social things things then maybe
just meet more people just like Yeah, I think I
think you called it an omnivert or something someone that's
like extroverted and introverted.
Speaker 1 (55:16):
Oh I ambivert ambivert.
Speaker 5 (55:19):
Yeah, and I've been like I'm extroverted, but I've also
been really introverted lady lately. And I want to make friends,
but I don't feel like talking, and it's just it's
not a fun cycle.
Speaker 1 (55:32):
Well you're like nineteen, yeah, Well and you're a are
you in like a big.
Speaker 5 (55:39):
City kind of next to a big city.
Speaker 1 (55:47):
Okay, okay, and you don't go to school, yeah, because
I guess normally I guess, like, yeah, when I was nineteen.
I went to in college, and it's easy. It's it
does make it easier to be like because you're in
a big, walkable community with a bunch of fucking clubs
and shit going on. But right, I don't know, try
(56:08):
to leave your house as much as you can.
Speaker 5 (56:10):
Okay, I'll start doing that because I've been trying to
live for a second job because the job I do,
I just sit on the computer all ding, don't get
too much human interaction, yes, and sucks. Yeah, So I've
been trying to look for a second job, something that
has more socializing, I guess. So I'll just keep trying
to look for things to do outside.
Speaker 1 (56:34):
What's your name again, dragon knighte? Dragon KNIGHTE. Uh, Well,
coloring is a good idea, Like I'm gonna I'm gonna
take a you've given me. I feel like you've given
me more advice on this than I have because I'm
gonna take the I'm gonna take your coloring thing. I'm
gonna do that.
Speaker 5 (56:51):
Uh, definitely do it.
Speaker 1 (56:53):
Is there anything else you want to say to the
people of the computer before we go.
Speaker 5 (56:58):
I don't think so. I just I really am inspired
by what you do. I think it's really click. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (57:05):
I'm trying my best keep it up.
Speaker 2 (57:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (57:08):
I like learning more about you, so you.
Speaker 1 (57:12):
Know, I'm trying to talk more about myself. It feels good.
I get why people want to hop on here and
talk about themselves. It feels it's fun to talk about
yourself on a podcast.
Speaker 5 (57:25):
Mm hmm yeah. So yeah, I appreciate you talking to me.
It's been fun.
Speaker 1 (57:31):
God bless you Dragon. I take care you too. Bye bye.
Oh man. I wish I was funnier. Sometimes I'll like,
like when I can't like when I find myself being
too sincere or like just talking very sincerely for a
long time. Here's this happens to me all the time.
(57:53):
I'll be talking too sincerely for a while, and I'm like,
I need to say something stupid or try to be
funny to break up this long streak of me talking
sincerely and being up my own ass. And so I
try to say something funny and then it's just not funny.
And then I'm like, well, now I've just ruined this sincerity,
(58:16):
and so I get so I just don't say anything,
but I wish. I often wish I had something funnier
to say when I'm saying something sincere. But what, That's fine.
I accept myself for who I am in this very moment.
That's okay. Whatever, whatever, let's fuck this, Let's play an ad.
(58:39):
Fuck this, let's play an ad. We do we even
add after this? I don't know if I'm gonna put
this call. I don't know if I'm gonna put an
AD after this, or if it's going to be the
end of the podcast. But whatever, I don't ask, but whatever,
I don't know, I don't know. Sorry, I'm sorry.
Speaker 4 (58:56):
Goes on the line every night.
Speaker 1 (59:00):
Everythink goes toward his eye
Speaker 4 (59:02):
Who is teaching you to how to have your life,
but he's not really an expert.
Hello, Hello, Hi. What's your name?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
No fucking way, Sully.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Sully, like the monster.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Guy, Yeah from Monsters, Inc.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
What's up, Sully? How can I get you today? What's
happening on the planet Earth? From your perspective?
Speaker 2 (00:21):
I guess what I wanted to talk to you about
is numbers.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Oh yeah, I have this, like I.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Have this like weird thing with numbers. It might hurt
your brain. Holy shit, I can't believe I'm talking to you.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
This ship is crazy numbers with some numbers.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Any way. So it's like I'm like self city because
I skateboard a lot, and I like can only try
like certain stuff a certain amount of times, and like
like I don't know how I'll explain it with that
(01:01):
like being.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Weird you So just just to cut I'm gonna cut
you off for just a second because your your thing
kind of cut out a little bit. But you said
you were self diagoned, that you've self di diagnosed with OCD.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Well like kind of my parents and shit have kind
of told me because like I don't know. It's like, okay,
if I'm skateboarding and I do it a trick and
I'm like, oh shit, I'm really close. But I'm like
a numb I meant like try like ten or something
(01:37):
like that, depending on what day of the week. I
won't try it the eleventh try seriously if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Okay, so these okay, tell me more about these numbers.
Does this occur in your life in any in any
form other than in skateboarding?
Speaker 2 (02:02):
I yeah, so, like real quick backstory. How it like
started was like you ever, like you're listening to music
and then you like accidentally skip a song that you
wanted to play, so you skip back to it.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
M yes, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
So I would do that, but I would go like
back and forth, back and forth, back and forth until
like it felt right to listen to that song.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
How many times would you go back and forth?
Speaker 2 (02:33):
I don't know, it would just whatever felt right.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
I guess this does actually sound like OCD.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Yeah. And then it like went into like numbers and
then like like I've I've always put on like Okay,
this is weird, but like a certain like swipes the
deodorant or like how many like swishes I do with
like brushing my teeth and shit like that, if that
makes sense, And like if I'm like so, say, at work, right,
(03:05):
I pull into the parking lot depending on what day
of the week it is, I can only park in
that spot a certain amount of times during the week.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Hmm.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
Yeah, all of this hurts my brain.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
How long have you been like this?
Speaker 4 (03:23):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Ever since I was probably like I think, like a
junior in high school and I'm twenty now, so probably
like four years.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
All right, what have you gone to see like a
psychiatrist about this?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
No, which I probably should, But like sometimes it's like
money and like sometimes like my parents are crazy, not
my parents, more my mom. I love my mom, but
she's kind of crazy sometimes and like she had a
(03:59):
bad ex experience with shit like that when she was
a kid, so she kind of is like, don't go
and then mike money. So I just talked to family
about it, and then it kind of makes me feel better.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Okay, what is what happens when you talk to your
family about it?
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Uh? My grandpa just reassures me that, like it's just
it's not like regular shit. But I might have like
an OCD or something like that. And then like I
don't know, definitely, the older I'm getting like kind of
the better it's gotten, do you know what I mean?
(04:40):
Like now it's not so much now it's not so
much like an everyday thing. Like it's still an everyday thing,
but not as much because like sometimes I'll have these
like crazy fucking like not episodes, but like some days
I'll just be fun and like I have to touch
(05:01):
shit a certain amount of times and like shit like that.
But like today, like I'm chilling, like I'm fine, life
is great. So it's weird.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
M I really I oh man, well I'm conflicted exact.
I mean, well, I really just think you should probably
see a psychiatrist.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Yeah, I need to think about that, okay.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Can I well, just can I ask you about your
your life in general? Are you in school? What do
you do?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Uh? I work at a car autoparts store and the
skate shop, and I teach kids how to skate.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Well that sounds really nice.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
Uh it's really rewarding.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Yeah. Yeah, okay, so you got like a cool you're
doing good things.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
I'm trying to because there's a lot of people who
like hate in the skate community. But like I don't know,
how could you hate on somebody who's helping.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
A lot of people who hate in the skate community
within what sense?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Like, like, say you do like a certain trick or something,
oh that was whack as fuck. And then like I
don't know, they just like someone always has something hateful
to say.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Like you'll do certain tricks and people will say that
your tricks are whack as fuck.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Okay, So like quick explanations. So like I skate curbs,
so like a curb that you would see like on
the side of the road, you know, but like in
the skate community that's like deemed like something for like
old people. Why because like okay, you know what an
(07:08):
olie is, like how you like get the board. Yeah. So,
like I had surgery on my ankle like a year ago,
and it kind of like sorry, I'm sot of breath.
It made me like not be able to Alie as
well anymore. And like I kind of hated skateboarding because
(07:28):
I was like, oh, like it kind of ruined my
life for a little bit. And then like I started
like skating curves as like Okay, I don't have to
work as hard, not necessarily, because like once you get
into it, you're like, oh shit, like this shit is hard,
But like you don't have to like necessarily like Alie
(07:50):
into shit because it's called like a slappy, like you
slap your board into it and like it's just like
old people, so like old fat guys who like I
can't alie anymore.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Okay, I have a lot of thoughts about your haters, Man,
why don't you? I mean, well, first, first of all,
you said, what's your name again?
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Sully?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
You Sally? You sound like a good guy. You have ah,
you have respectable you have two respectable jobs, you have
a hobby that you like, you have family that you
care about. I mean, who the fuck that's it. There's
nothing else.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
A lot of it is, like I think a lot
of it is like like other people like looking in
the mirror because like I've been like traveling and stuff
for skating, uh huh, like not necessarily like for like
skate competicians and shit, but just like I want to
work in the industry, Like that's what I want to do.
(09:05):
And skateboarding is like really like die hard. Like if
you are like in the industry, you're like you're in there,
if that makes sense. So it's like really hard to
like get in anyway. Uh, That's what I'm trying to do.
And I think a lot of people because I live
in Iowa, I don't know if anyone I will listen
(09:29):
to this, but fuck it. But like, I live in
Iowa and we have the biggest skate park in the US.
But like I feel like a lot of people, like
I've noticed in general, like a lot of people like
don't make it out of Iowa, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Okay, So stop, I'm gonna stop you right there. You
say you want to be in the industry. What do
you want to do, is that you want to be
a professional skater.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Not necessarily just doing something that like like whether that's
like film or like like press boards or like you know,
draw graphics for board. You know, something like that gets
me in the industry. And I guess that's what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
Yeah, I was gonna say, I was gonna I was
gonna say, first of all, you already are in the industry.
You make money. You make money, okay, but you make
you make money teaching kids how to skate, yes, And
you work at a skate shop.
Speaker 5 (10:30):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
And these things pay you money.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Uh yeah, they don't pay you.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
It sounds like it sounds like they don't pay you
as much money as you'd like them to pay you
right now, Like, but when when when but just just
when we say, I just want to like define this
because I really like fucking mean that. Like sometimes these
things get to vague and that's annoying to me. So
(10:59):
if we were to define f this, like if we
were like the industry, if we were to define the industry,
can you hear me? Please tell me you can hear
me in this? You can hear me? Yeah? Okay. If
we were to define the industry as like you making money,
(11:22):
making enough money to like pay your bills by in
the in the realm of skateboarding, then the industry is
not this closed off thing that is determined by a
select group of people who are cooler and smarter than you.
(11:43):
But it's it's a it's like a wide open field
of opportunity. I think. So, I mean, tell me, do
you what do you want to do in skate You
just said I want to design things. I want to
tell me more, like, what do you want to what
do you want to do?
Speaker 2 (12:02):
I don't know. I guess like I've kind of thought
about that, but like not to that extent. I guess
like kind of like my foot in is teaching kids,
and like I honestly, if I could get paid the
rest of my life to like do that like enough
where I'd be like financially well, I would totally do that.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Why don't see why that? Well, hold on, why is that?
Why is that a such a far off goal to you?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Because of right now, like especially in skating, it's like
in a downfall, and like a lot of companies are
like shutting down, and like not as many kids are
skateboarding because like COVID hit and like everybody was like
looking for something to do, yeah, and then and then
they found skateboarding and they're like, holy shit, like this
(12:58):
fucking skateboarding thing. And then uh and then you know
everyone everything's kind of like open now, and then it's like, oh,
like we don't need that. So like all these companies
like overordered shit and like little shit like that, and
like the skateboarding economy is kind of like crashing as
(13:22):
of right now.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
What how often are you teaching kids the skateboarding?
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I do an after school thing with kids every like
once every week, and then like as of right now,
it's just because it's like starting to get cold. I
do like one on one lessons and like I do
that like maybe once or twice a week but usually
like in the summer, it's crazy we have like so
(13:53):
like I guess during the summer because like we have
like winters here. I don't know if you've ever been
to Iowa or not, yeah, but Iowa. Yeah, and there's
not a lot to do. But it's sick definitely during
the summer, like all these parents are like getting their
kids to skate and my shit like that. And so
(14:14):
during the summer, like I'm like booked all the time
because all these parents are like finding stuff for their
kids to do. But like now that kids are back
in school, it's like slowly going down.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
Man, you said you were twenty Yeah, oh holy shit.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Yeah, I know, I'm pretty like I'm a baby. I
feel like sometimes uh.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Well, I mean, shit, man, you I think you've got
a lot of uh I don't know that. I feel
like there's so much opportunity for you. So like do
you make videos? Do you like market yourself?
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Not necessarily with the what's it called? So I'm leaving
my house, I don't necessarily like as much, but like regularly.
Speaker 1 (15:18):
Necessarily what you don't you don't necessarily what as much?
Speaker 2 (15:22):
Oh like film like me like doing like skate lessons,
but like it's out there that I do skate lessons,
so like people now that I do skate lessons, and
then like like I do like post skateboarding, and I've
picked up a couple of sponsors from that and ship
(15:44):
like that, which is really cool.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I just don't think that you're uh, I don't think
this is out of the realm of possibility for you
to continue to do skateboarding stuff.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Yeah, I don't. I guess, like I don't even know
like why I'm like thinking so hard about the skate
stuff because like I know I'll be fine and I'll
always have skating, So I don't. It's just like a thought.
I have a lot.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
I I used to I used to love skateboarding. I
still do love skateboarding, just as like I love I've
always loved watching it, uh since I was a kid.
I used to be obsessed with skate three and I
liked watching a lot of those like skate videos. I
still uh like watching it. It's scary. I used to.
I used to live in Venice and I would go
(16:37):
to Venice Beach and I would watch the skateboarders and
there were all these like like twelve year olds who
like were on their fucking like scooters and they were
jumping off like you they were doing shit that Like,
you know, I'm double these more than double these kids age,
and I'd be fucking terrified, but they're like with no fear.
(16:58):
It's fine. I'm not I'm going off the rails here,
no pun intended. But I thought, I'm watching these kids
and I'm thinking, I'm like, if I was like this
kid's father, I would be like, you're never skateboarding ever,
I would forbid. I would be like, I think I'd
be pretty good at, like, you know, encouraging my kids
to like be whoever they want to be or do
whatever they want to do. But skateboarding, I'm like, oh,
(17:21):
that's so, it's just so But I actually I really
like it. I like watching it and I appreciate it,
but it's just so easy to get fucked up, you know.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Yeah, Like that's how I had surgery, And like I
think I'm just kind of like scared sometimes because I've
given so much of my life and like shit into skating,
like it's my whole like personality kind of, so it's
like I just want it to work out, but like
I don't even know, like why I'm worrying, because like,
wherever I put my energy, that's where you're supposed to go.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Listen. I don't think. I don't think. I think you
said it just now nicely. I think I don't think
you should lament all the time you spend skateboarding. I
think that uh you you'll have you have so much
uh uh time to develop yourself however you want to.
(18:15):
You know.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
I think another thing is like maybe because it's getting cold,
but like I get kind of bored of skating, Like
not in a sense where I'm like I'm never gonna
skate again. Like sometimes like you get stuck, Like you
get periods where you get stuck because you don't know
what to do or like learn or something like that,
and so like you just start getting bored. So I've
(18:38):
been like doing other stuff and then I'll take a
couple of day break and then come back and feel
like a lot better.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Did What did you say?
Speaker 6 (18:49):
Your name was?
Speaker 3 (18:50):
Jo?
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Fuck Ship? I'm sorry I don't remember anyone. I Sully?
Mmmm mmmm Sally is is uh? Is there anything else
that you want to say to the people of the
computer before we go?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Yes, I do. I'm pulling it.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Up oh you wrote something?
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Yeah, go ahead, not not wrote something, but like I'm
really into like trying to be happy and find purpose. Uh,
I don't know. Let's just go with life is best
lived in the present moment. If not, who fuck? I
(19:31):
forgot it?
Speaker 3 (19:33):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
Here we go? Sorry wait no, oh I'm fucking this up.
I'm sorry, Lyle.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
It's okay, man, Sorry you.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Fuck. I just love yourself and like, if people are hating,
like you're doing something right.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
No, not always, not always, not always at all, not always,
not always, not always. But I think if if people
are if people are hating on you because you're skateboarding
in a weird way, I think those people are are idiots.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I guess just be the energy you want. It would tract.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
I like that. Uh well, take care, Sally. I hope
to see you Trey flipping uh all over all over
the Tri County area one day.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Thank you. I love you. Can I Sally can? I?
Speaker 1 (20:36):
There we go? He's Sully and I look like Mike Wazowski. Hi.
Who is this?
Speaker 3 (20:41):
This is John?
Speaker 1 (20:42):
John? What's up?
Speaker 6 (20:43):
John?
Speaker 3 (20:45):
What's up?
Speaker 4 (20:46):
Man?
Speaker 3 (20:46):
I was just calling first. I want to say I
love your show, bro. You thank you doing great things.
I appreciate you your show and everything. Sorry, I'm a little
nervous right now.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
No, it's okay, Thank you very much, John. I appreciate that.
I appreciate that. What do you do? What are you
doing right now?
Speaker 3 (21:02):
Where are you right now? I'm at I'm at my house,
just finished eating some water Burger, some uh cool number eleven.
Now now I'm chilling in my room next to my cat.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
What's a number eleven at Waterburger?
Speaker 3 (21:15):
That's a grilled chicken sandwich right there?
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Oh shit? What is uh? I didn't know they have
grilled chicken at Waterburger.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
Yeah, man, they got uh got grilled chicken, they got
uh fried chicken, they got all kinds of stuff. Used
to work there as I had.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Whatater Burger eleven days ago? And uh, against my better judgment,
I got a Doctor Pepper milkshake. Did you get that?
Speaker 7 (21:39):
Fuck?
Speaker 4 (21:39):
No?
Speaker 1 (21:42):
Because normally here's the thing. Like a Doctor Pepper slurpy
is something I'm familiar with, but a milkshake is not
like a I've never heard in my life of like
a soda milk or even like a Doctor Pepper float.
But to combine the soda and the ice cream into
a milkshake is unheard of.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
Yeah, I was, uh, yeah, I don't know about that,
doctor pepper milkshake. I feel like you'll give.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Me the ships, you know, yeah it would, it would.
So John, what's up? Was there a reason you called today?
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (22:18):
Dude, So I wanted to talk like about So I
haven't talked to anybody about this yet, but just graduate,
graduated nursing school and stuff like that. Because past my
my inflex, thank you bro, just past my inclex my
state exam. I'm a licensed nurse now. But I thought,
like I thought once I became like a nurse and
(22:41):
graduated nursing school, like you know, shit would get better, right,
But it turns out like sh it just got worse,
Like I think, uh after that, Like after I graduated
nursing school, I passed my exam, I was like I
was the depressed I ever, the most depressed I've ever
(23:01):
been in my life. And I was like confused because
I was like, oh, this is a goal I've been
working towards since I was like in high school, you know.
So I was I've been contemplating on I like, is
there I wanted to ask you, like what what what
(23:23):
kind of makes you makes you happy.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
It's interesting you say that. I the other day, like
two or three days, two days ago, I was in
my notes app and I was writing down everything that
had been making me happy lately at least, and I
could talk about that. But I guess, so for you,
why did why do you think you felt so depressed
(23:51):
after graduating?
Speaker 3 (23:53):
So I was, uh, so, I also, I've been trying
to I was listening to your and I heard that
you journal and stuff, and I was like, oh, that's
a good idea. Let me trust journal. So yeah, I
tried journaling and I was just like kind of typing
it out, could I do and all that? And I
realized it was because like nursing school did it did
(24:16):
it doesn't give you break to like to think other
than what you have to do, what your schedule's like
and and all that. And my girlfriend she also moved
to what she didn't She joined the army and she's
in career right now, and she was like my main
like person to talk to you. So she so she
(24:40):
left right before I graduated, and then I graduated, and
then I guess, like all my like emotions kind of
hit me at once, like everything that was kind of
being suppressed from like me kind of like grinding to
graduate and do all this crap. I was, I think
(25:00):
it all hit me at once.
Speaker 1 (25:03):
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. That actually makes
like a ton of sense that because there's a there's
thinking about ship and doing shit, and uh, there's kind
of I think there's an optimal balance in life between
thinking about ship and doing shit, like you should like,
(25:23):
if you're constantly thinking about shit all the time, uh
you're gonna be anxious and you're not gonna actually do anything.
But if you're constantly doing shit all the time, or
you're not even thinking about why you're doing it or
like examining your life in any way, shape or form,
then uh yeah, everything just gets kind of like bottled
up and comes out at once, or like you know,
you spend seven years doing some bullshit and then afterwards
(25:45):
you're like, wait, why did they even do any of that?
You know, this is optimal, there's like an optimal balance
of actually living your life versus thinking about it. Are
you you do you feel like you spent too much
time doing and not enough time examining why you were
doing what you were doing or what was kind of
(26:06):
even going on in your life of a time.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
So I kind of figured out, like, all right, I
want to be interre like I want to because I
enjoy helping people stuff like that. But even fuck, dude,
don't I don't. Sorry, sorry dudles, your question again. I
kind of blank out how bad my question was.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
If you feel like you've been spending too much time
doing shit that you haven't spent enough time thinking about
your life?
Speaker 6 (26:37):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I've been yeah, yeah, definitely,
I've been uh shit, well single. I think I don't
remember the last time I was, uh say, I think
maybe four years ago I was single. I didn't have
a girlfriend, so I was No, it's probably like five
(27:01):
So I think I've constantly had like someone there to
like distract me and kind of keep my mind from
from all like a bunch of crap, you know. Yeah,
And with the school I've been in school for since
I since like twenty eighteen. I just kind of went
(27:22):
all over the place with school and then landing here.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Yeah. Yeah, so uh is your so are you single now?
Or your girlfriend? Is she she's away right where she's
in Korea?
Speaker 3 (27:36):
Yeah, she's in Korea, and the Army yeah, how like.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Is she gonna be there? How long are you guys
gonna be separated? For you?
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Oh, like a year?
Speaker 1 (27:46):
Uh huh? What you What have you been doing since
you've graduated?
Speaker 3 (27:51):
So? Since since I graduated, I was studying for the
state exam, so I was keeping busy with that, and
I I took my state exam. When was it last week? Monday?
So since then, dude, I've just been like going to
the gym, should just whatever. I kind of kind of
(28:15):
feel like I like making food. I've just been like
doing ship to kind of keep me busy. Mm hmm,
Yeah I haven't. I haven't just been chilling now.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Why so, why do you think you're so depressed? Then?
Speaker 3 (28:30):
So? Oh dude, so I was. I was, Uh, I
don't know, that was the thing. I don't know where
the fuck I was. I was so depressed. I was
trying to think of like, uh, I was, I was
gonna go to therapy too, but those fuckers aren't calling
me back. I was thinking maybe, like I was, I
was trying to think, maybe it is like it or
hereditary because my mom she's on uh SSR I is
(28:53):
or like and and I had depressed into or whatever
and uh, she's on them, and then my grandma's pretty crazy,
and then my mom's brother is pretty crazy. So it's like, oh, fuck,
is it like hereditary to have like a chemical imbalance?
Do I need to be I'm like antidepressants or what?
So I was trying to go to a therapist or
(29:14):
is that or is that a psychiatrist?
Speaker 1 (29:17):
Uh, the psychiatrist is the one that does meds and
the therapist is the one that stares at you and
goes yes, uh huh yeah.
Speaker 3 (29:25):
Uh huh yeah.
Speaker 5 (29:29):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
I don't really know, dude, I've been I'm trying to
trying to figure that out. I was I was on
YouTube before you went on stream. I saw a clip
from Kai Sinnat with John Cena and then he was uh,
he was spit in some some some truth. He was
(29:52):
saying like he he thought his purpose on the world
was to like be a wrestler, and then he became
an actor and he was like, oh so I'm like, ah, like, uh,
I forgot what he said, like an entertainer or some ship.
But then he said he realized like that those things
weren't making him like half, those weren't his main source
(30:15):
of happiness, like external forces this this it's not like
directly quoted, but it's kind of like what he was saying,
like these things weren't his uh source of happiness or
his his uh his purpose, but he he said he
was grateful for like waking up in the morning and
(30:37):
like being so fortunate to be where he's at. So
I was I was trying to think, like what the
what the fuck? Like I thought being a nurse would
like make me like, uh have like some sort of purpose,
you know, like or happiness.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
So yeah, because like this goal I was I was
going for since I was like in high school. I
finally got and I thought it would have been like
this you fork, euphoric feeling of like oh shit, dude,
finally did it. Yeah. I was like, oh, like I
was expecting that. But when I was when I graduated,
(31:18):
I was walking with my friends, and my friends were
like it's like.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
Oh hyped up.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
They're like, oh shit, we did it, blah blah blah,
and I was just like like like expressionless, Like I
was just like I wanted to be happy. I just couldn't,
Like I couldn't do it. I don't know. It was weird.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
So all right, I mean, I have, I have some
thoughts and these are just I'm just going off of
like my own lived experience, Okay, and everyone's brains are
differently and uh, you know, brain chemistry and shit is
a thing. So you know, aside from just me and
(32:00):
Kai Sinnat, you should definitely still try to find a
real therapist or psychiatrist to talk through these things with.
But while you're waiting for them to call you back,
and it is just me and Kai Sinnat, I'll say
from my own lived experience that I but that what
(32:21):
makes Because you asked me earlier, you were like, what
makes me happy? And I wrote down a list, and
lately the things that are making me really happy, especially
as I get older and as I get kind of
further along in my what I'm doing, they become strongly
(32:45):
less and less about accomplishments and far more about general
peace of mind. Like again, I can only speak from
my lived experience. I've accomplished what I like is a lot,
and I feel grateful to have accomplished and experienced and
(33:05):
everything that I've accomplished and experienced in my life. But
you know, I was pretty and I've you know, there's
there's been a lot of misery among those accomplishments, and
as far as just like my general state of being,
it comes less from anything I've accomplished and more from like,
how do I achieve just like a like peace? And
(33:29):
I don't think that peace is necessarily achieved by achieving
a lot of stuff. I'm no expert and how peace
is achieved, because if I were, I would be more peaceful.
But just in my own life, I think peace is
something you kind of arrived to. The acceptance and the
(33:52):
you know you talked about like how you haven't even
sorted through the thoughts like you have you've had You've
been distracted. That's kind of was some of the things
you've been talked about. You said you felt distracted by
like your girlfriend and by your work and whatnot. And
I think taking some time away from those distractions to
like work out why your brain is rattled or what
(34:15):
the fuck is bothering you is helpful. I have, personally,
I have struggled with the the opposite where I think
what this wait? I talked about this again. There's the
if you if every single day you're thinking so much
about yourself and your life and analyzing everything you do
(34:38):
you'll you got you get it makes you kind of anxious,
but there needs to be an appropriate amount of like, Okay,
let me examine why I feel the way I feel,
and maybe I can achieve a little bit of peace
through that. But like you know, at a certain point,
put the fucking pen down and uh go, you know,
(34:59):
play call of duty, do whatever you gotta do to
turn your brain off. Yeah, I'm trying to think with
your specific situation. Hm hmmm, I mean, do you like nursing?
Do you like the process of That's the other thing
(35:23):
with the achievements is that they're not particularly process focused, right,
m So do you like nursing? Do you do you
like schooling? Are you excited to literally do the functions
of your job?
Speaker 3 (35:43):
I'm I'm pretty excited to do my job. I'm it
was weird, man, because when I when I first when
I first started like nursing, I was uh more compassionate.
I was more compassionate than I am now because I
work in the hospitals as a tech. Yeah, and you
(36:04):
you see like a lot of uh I mean yeah,
you see people dying. You see like death and ship
So fuck man, I don't know. I felt more compassionate
when I first started. But I do enjoy I really do, like,
uh like doing like the ICU kind of thing when
I did my clinicals. I mean, people are dying there more,
(36:25):
but I enjoy like the I enjoy that. But I
was trying to think, yeah, there's not really like a
process of of of doing that. But even then in
the ICU, I can't even like look forward. I mean
I can, but I can't like look forward to that either,
because it's like, well, ship, Like I can't base my
(36:47):
happiness anymore on that, like anymore getting to a place.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Wow, what do you mean? What do you mean.
Speaker 3 (36:56):
Like I can't base my happiness or I can't depend
on on getting to a certain like destination two make
me happy anymore?
Speaker 4 (37:07):
Because sure I did that with uh, with like graduating
and ship, and it fucking it's like, uh like I
just like.
Speaker 3 (37:19):
Kind of blew my fucking world apart, you.
Speaker 7 (37:21):
Know, yeah, because I was like, oh, I thought this
should have been it, you know, like I'm starting like
I'm not going to be broken more.
Speaker 1 (37:32):
I mean, I guess every day I had a fuck
man ah fuck uh, I guess every day you try
to take pride in your own competence. I mean, you're
a you're a nurse, you help people, You're you seem
(37:53):
to be competent at your job, and like that's kind
of everything. That's the only thing. I've been coming to
a lot of epiphanies lately, and that's one of them,
is that the only things that matter are like, you know,
the people you're around, and then like what you're actually
fucking doing. You know, so you could have all the
(38:14):
accolades or whatever in the world, but it all, it
all really comes down to what the fuck are you
actually doing. And what the fuck you're actually doing is
you're being competent and you're helping people who are dying.
So you got that on a pretty solid lock, I
would say, mm hmm.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:35):
It's it's how how often do you feel like if
it's not too personal of a question, how like like depressed,
like you.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
I feel I feel I feel the pressed. I feel
the pressed pretty often. Man, Yeah, I feel depressed pretty often.
I'm working really hard and I think achieving actually some
results like I've I've Yeah, I mean I feel depressed
pretty often, And lately I've been kind of saying to myself,
I need to make a concentrated effort to prioritize not
(39:16):
feeling depressed as much. Like that's my new goal. That's
kind of my end. I've been having a lot of
epiphanies lately, and one of them is, you know, my
new goal is just I can not be depressed because
you can have as many you know, as we're kind
(39:36):
of on theme of what I think we're talking about,
is you can have as many get to as many
places as you want to get to as possible. But
if you're fucking miserable the whole time, then I don't
think it was worth it. You know, you have to
kind of it's a lot of work to not be
miserable if that's your default state of being. Some people
(39:59):
get lucky and they they're not that's not really their
default state of being, or they don't have to deal
with that, and that's great. But if you're one of
the people who, uh, that is a fairly common state
of being, it's a lot of PHASI fucking concentrated effort
to not be that, you know. So that's I guess
what I'm working on.
Speaker 3 (40:16):
Yeah, you know who David Goggins is.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
My friend, my friend, one of my friends just went
through a breakup and we talked on the phone and
a few days afterwards, and he was like, I'm in
my David Goggins phase of the breakup where he's he's
all on that like run wake up at four am
(40:42):
and run ten miles a day. Ship.
Speaker 3 (40:46):
Yeah, I was. I was. I used to I used
to be my fucking idol. And I was like, I mean,
he seems pretty chill with a misery. So I was like, oh,
maybe maybe David Goggins is the way.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Maybe he's he seems pretty chill with misery. What do
you mean by that?
Speaker 3 (41:04):
Like he seems pretty uh. He he always says like comfortable,
like comfortable with being uh, like there's a not fucking miserable,
like comfortable with with uh being like uncomfortable with with
like pain like mental mental pain, and like, oh sure pain.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
Well, well, because well he well that's different.
Speaker 3 (41:29):
That's me.
Speaker 1 (41:30):
That's he's like I want to wake up, I wake
up at four o'clock in the morning. And I like,
that's a whole different fucking thing, I think. But I
think that's a little different than like the whole like
woo woo self acceptance vibe.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
You know, Yeah, I guess I kind of watched his
videos sometimes and im and I'm like, oh, maybe I'm
just a bitch man. Maybe I need to, like, you know,
like shut the fuck up and.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
A little bit. I really, I really, I really I swear.
And this is I'm an I'm gonna say. I'm gonna
say this because I think it's kind. I think I
do find it important. I really do believe, and I've
thought I swear my life. I think about this stuff
so much. I think about the David Goggins universe, and
I think about the WU will self, the self acceptance
(42:16):
universe a bunch and I and I like, like, how
much of I really do believe? The answer is somewhere? Truly, honestly,
I really believe the answer is somewhere in between. Like
it's not one or the other, it's somewhere in between.
The universe of like, you gotta love yourself and accept life,
(42:39):
accept yourself as who you are, and accept life for
what it is, and accept your improfessions, accept your imperfections
and accept the world and accept yourself and believe that
you're enough. But also quit being a little bitch and
fucking go exercise and quit complaining about fucking everything and
like do some fucking work and stop. You know, it's
(43:02):
somewhere in between those two things. I think, I think,
I think you could. I really, I believe you could
hold space for both ideas.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
You should get David Goggins on your on your podcast.
Speaker 1 (43:16):
That would be extremely funny. Anyway, man, is there is
there anything else you want to say to the people
of the computer before we go?
Speaker 3 (43:23):
Uh? Shiit? Uh fuck? I didn't think. I didn't think
what to say. Uh have a oh ship name alert?
I mean, have a good day, keep watching the geck.
Speaker 1 (43:39):
Well, what what's the amber alert? Should we say? I
guess I guess that what's the Amber alert? They'll probably
be gone by the.
Speaker 3 (43:45):
Time Mitsubishi Outlander missing Children are assume that ship. I
can't say the name ten year old suspect because Cheryl's
Manchado Hernandez.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
Jesus. Yeah, I kind of wish I didn't ask you to.
I mean, well, I don't think we're gonna find them
from the from this episode, but maybe we do. I
don't know. Anyway, Yeah, I have those turned off on
my phone. Is that bad? Does that make me a
bad person?
Speaker 3 (44:19):
I wish, I wish I knew how to do that
because one happened at like four in the fucking morning,
and I had to get up at five, and I
was pretty pissed off. I mean, it sucks someone's uh,
you know, child got abducted. Yeah, but uh, I was like.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
Yeah, you're gonna sleep, you're probably having a kick ast.
Speaker 3 (44:42):
Yeah, Like what can what could I do? You know? Right?
Speaker 1 (44:46):
All right? Well, what's your name again?
Speaker 3 (44:50):
John?
Speaker 1 (44:51):
John? Have a good night, John? Good luck?
Speaker 3 (44:54):
You do, man, you do?
Speaker 1 (45:00):
I really do. I really think the answer is somewhere
in between those two spaces, because I'm there, Yeah, because
there's a push and a pull. I think I'm only
speaking out of my own fucking lived experience. I don't
know the answers to any of the fucking questions that
of any of the things that people talk about on
(45:21):
this thing. But there's a push and a pull between,
Like you want more out of your life. In order
to get more out of your life, you do have
to like quit being a little bitch and like go
fucking exercise and like you know, uh, work hard and
do things that to get you have to exert force
(45:42):
and will yourself forward to make more out of your life.
That is true. But if you're gonna fucking if the
whole way there is filled with you fucking being hating
yourself and being miserable and thinking that you're the fucking
that you suck, it's not, it's not. I just don't
(46:05):
think it's a proper equation. I think it's probably room
to for both to get there. It's like, I believe
that you can get you can get more out of
your life without having to be miserable and hate yourself
to get there. I don't know if that's true. But
that's my that's I'm EXPERI I'm doing that experiment in
(46:26):
my own life recently. That's my that's my recent epiphany.
That's my new experiment for myself. Can I move my
life forward from a but do it from a place
where I'm not hating myself into submission? I don't know.
I'll report back to you guys in ten years if
(46:47):
it all went well.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
All from dragone?
Speaker 1 (46:52):
Hello, Hello, Hi? What is your name?
Speaker 2 (46:58):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (46:58):
Dragone?
Speaker 1 (46:59):
Oh, it's like the let's say they like the Pokemon
mm hmm.
Speaker 5 (47:03):
My boyfriend and I are coloring some Pokemon right now,
so it.
Speaker 1 (47:08):
Sounds that sounds really fucking nice. You guys are coloring together, dude,
it really is.
Speaker 5 (47:16):
And I feel like the last time we tried to
color together we couldn't get into it this much. But
now we're just coloring doodle and it's really nice.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
That's fucking awesome. I gotta you know, what I gotta
write that down is an idea of something to do,
just like sit down and color. I can't. I don't
know when the last time I did that was.
Speaker 5 (47:34):
You should do it, definitely, it.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
Sounds really nice. Well, dragon Night, I mean, we can
just you know, fuck around, But do you have something
particular you want to talk about.
Speaker 5 (47:49):
Well, I've been watching you for probably about a month now,
and I have this thing with podcasts where I start
from the very beginning, like your first video, have and
been watching it. But I guess kind of just been
struggling with like figuring out what I want to do
as a jult, which I feel like is common. But
(48:11):
I think I really like what you do, and I
really like talking to people and getting to know people
and like how they grew up to be the way
they are. I just I don't know what career I
can make out of that.
Speaker 1 (48:25):
Are you in college right now or what's up.
Speaker 5 (48:29):
No, I graduated high school a year ago and not
in college. I'm just working, just working and working.
Speaker 1 (48:38):
Mhm. And so you want to do some kind of
job where you could like talk to people.
Speaker 5 (48:45):
Yeah, I just I really like learning about how people
have grown up and how they become who they are
and why they act like that. I just like, I've
been thinking about a therapist, but I don't. I don't know.
I feel like I would take their emotions to heart
and it would like hurt me in some way.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
I guess you feel like you would take their emotions
to heart and it would hurt you in some way.
I guess, well, I guess well, I guess if you
I mean, I could talk about my own life. Yeah,
I mean I I have no interest, ever, no interest
(49:28):
ever in becoming like an actual therapist, like having this
kind of I mean, that's kaud. It feels that's like
a lot of responsibility. I think, yeah, that's kind of
And it's a lot of work, and it's a lot
of school, and it's a lot of like I mean,
I I'm nothing close to a real therapist. I just
(49:50):
fuck around on a podcast and chat with people. But
you know, I think there's a lot of nobility in
becoming a real therapist if you're you're you really really
want to help people. But yeah, I mean I like
learning about other people's learned experiences, and I like getting
(50:11):
to chat with a lot of people, and so I
just do it fucking around on the internet. I do
it in the phone call stuff. I do it in
the live shows, I do it in the street, And
there's nothing If that's what you want to do, you
want to just make you want to just go out
into the fucking world with a pencil and interview people.
(50:35):
I mean, you can do that today.
Speaker 2 (50:38):
You know.
Speaker 1 (50:38):
You're right if we're talking about like what do you
want to do to make money so that you can
live in a place and eat, it doesn't necessarily have
to be the same thing that you do to you know,
to to gain enrichment from life.
Speaker 3 (51:03):
HM.
Speaker 1 (51:05):
Well go ahead, No.
Speaker 2 (51:10):
Go ahead.
Speaker 5 (51:11):
I would just like, well for a question for you,
is like, what made you want to talk to people
like this over the phone?
Speaker 1 (51:20):
I this had this my this happened on accident. It
was yeah, this happened on accident. This was there was
never this was not there was this? What I my
life and what I do is not the result of
me going, uh oh, I really want to talk to people,
and uh, maybe I could, maybe I could do this
(51:42):
therapy gecko thing that could be a thing. I just
was scoring around on the internet and people started calling
in and then as a result of fucking around, uh,
I kind of fell into doing this and it worked.
Then it was kind of this whole thing. But none
(52:08):
of this was not I like fell into a weird thing.
I always knew I wanted to do something that was
my own thing. I was always wanted to be like
an entrepreneur of some kind or do something that was
like weird or fun or interesting. But being a therapy
gecko was a complete accident. Hmm.
Speaker 5 (52:33):
I don't know. I feel like a lot of things
happened just by chance. Two So.
Speaker 1 (52:39):
They do, they do, they do, but but they they Okay,
they do, all right, let me add a let me
add something to this so therapy gin This thing that
I'm doing happened as a complete accident. But the accident
happened as a result of a certain way that I
do think I is being intentional about my life. Like
(53:04):
I intentionally screwed around, you know, I was exerting intentional
effort into making stuff and doing stuff and trying new things,
and that created an accident. Does that make sense? So
(53:24):
you have a desire that do you want to talk
to people? Right? You like, so, why don't you just
write down like five fucking ways that you could do
that and then just go do them. Just start doing stuff, okay,
and then and then maybe you'll run into a nice accident.
(53:47):
I was. I did like a So I went to
college at at Temple University in Philly, and I went
back there like a month ago to like talk to
students there and shit, and somebody asked me. They were like,
how do you figure out what you want to do?
(54:07):
And I didn't. I first split second, I was like,
I don't know. I'm currently trying to figure out what
I want to do, you know, with my life, even
though I already do this, I still I'm trying to
figure out, like, well, what do I really want to do?
And then the answer kind of came to me. I
was like, uh, it's you have it flipped. He I
(54:29):
told me that it flipped somebody. I by the way, I'm
a hundred percent by the way, I don't want to
I'm like, ut, my own ass right now. I almost
certainly got this from somebody else just to be I
probably got this from like a YouTube comment or some shit.
But I think it's the other way around. I think
you're supposed to just do stuff and then figure out
(54:52):
what you want to do, because you sit there trying
to figure out what you want to do, and then
you don't figure out what you want to do and
then do it. You do things and then and then
figure out if you actually like the thing you're doing.
Speaker 5 (55:04):
Okay, yeah, just do more social things things then maybe
just meet more people just like Yeah, I think I
think you called it an omnivert or something someone that's
like extroverted and introverted.
Speaker 1 (55:16):
Oh I ambivert ambivert.
Speaker 5 (55:19):
Yeah, and I've been like I'm extroverted, but I've also
been really introverted lady lately. And I want to make friends,
but I don't feel like talking, and it's just it's
not a fun cycle.
Speaker 1 (55:32):
Well you're like nineteen, yeah, Well and you're a are
you in like a big.
Speaker 5 (55:39):
City kind of next to a big city.
Speaker 1 (55:47):
Okay, okay, and you don't go to school, yeah, because
I guess normally I guess, like, yeah, when I was nineteen.
I went to in college, and it's easy. It's it
does make it easier to be like because you're in
a big, walkable community with a bunch of fucking clubs
and shit going on. But right, I don't know, try
(56:08):
to leave your house as much as you can.
Speaker 5 (56:10):
Okay, I'll start doing that because I've been trying to
live for a second job because the job I do,
I just sit on the computer all ding, don't get
too much human interaction, yes, and sucks. Yeah, So I've
been trying to look for a second job, something that
has more socializing, I guess. So I'll just keep trying
to look for things to do outside.
Speaker 1 (56:34):
What's your name again, dragon knighte? Dragon KNIGHTE. Uh, Well,
coloring is a good idea, Like I'm gonna I'm gonna
take a you've given me. I feel like you've given
me more advice on this than I have because I'm
gonna take the I'm gonna take your coloring thing. I'm
gonna do that.
Speaker 5 (56:51):
Uh, definitely do it.
Speaker 1 (56:53):
Is there anything else you want to say to the
people of the computer before we go.
Speaker 5 (56:58):
I don't think so. I just I really am inspired
by what you do. I think it's really click. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (57:05):
I'm trying my best keep it up.
Speaker 2 (57:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (57:08):
I like learning more about you, so you.
Speaker 1 (57:12):
Know, I'm trying to talk more about myself. It feels good.
I get why people want to hop on here and
talk about themselves. It feels it's fun to talk about
yourself on a podcast.
Speaker 5 (57:25):
Mm hmm yeah. So yeah, I appreciate you talking to me.
It's been fun.
Speaker 1 (57:31):
God bless you Dragon. I take care you too. Bye bye.
Oh man. I wish I was funnier. Sometimes I'll like,
like when I can't like when I find myself being
too sincere or like just talking very sincerely for a
long time. Here's this happens to me all the time.
(57:53):
I'll be talking too sincerely for a while, and I'm like,
I need to say something stupid or try to be
funny to break up this long streak of me talking
sincerely and being up my own ass. And so I
try to say something funny and then it's just not funny.
And then I'm like, well, now I've just ruined this sincerity,
(58:16):
and so I get so I just don't say anything,
but I wish. I often wish I had something funnier
to say when I'm saying something sincere. But what, That's fine.
I accept myself for who I am in this very moment.
That's okay. Whatever, whatever, let's fuck this, Let's play an ad.
(58:39):
Fuck this, let's play an ad. We do we even
add after this? I don't know if I'm gonna put
this call. I don't know if I'm gonna put an
AD after this, or if it's going to be the
end of the podcast. But whatever, I don't ask, but whatever,
I don't know, I don't know. Sorry, I'm sorry.
Speaker 4 (58:56):
Goes on the line every night.
Speaker 1 (59:00):
Everythink goes toward his eye
Speaker 4 (59:02):
Who is teaching you to how to have your life,
but he's not really an expert.
Host
Lyle Drescher
Popular Podcasts
Monster: BTK
'Monster: BTK', the newest installment in the 'Monster' franchise, reveals the true story of the Wichita, Kansas serial killer who murdered at least 10 people between 1974 and 1991. Known by the moniker, BTK – Bind Torture Kill, his notoriety was bolstered by the taunting letters he sent to police, and the chilling phone calls he made to media outlets. BTK's identity was finally revealed in 2005 to the shock of his family, his community, and the world. He was the serial killer next door. From Tenderfoot TV & iHeartPodcasts, this is 'Monster: BTK'.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.