June 4, 2026 • 25 mins
Anita has recently lost weight, her confidence is soaring and she's even started dating a new guy that she met through a hiking club. But when her friend Linda posted a slideshow of their favorite memories together, Anita noticing a troubling pattern: every photo was from before Anita's weight loss. Was this an innocent oversight or does Linda feel threatened by Anita's transformation? Should Anita take the high road and let it go, or should she confront Linda head-on?
In our second session, Roberto is regular at Ojos Locos, a sports bar where the servers are scantily clad and very flirtatious, that he's frequented for years with his friends. But now that he's engaged, his fiancé Kimber is uncomfortable with how much time he spends there and with his single friends. Roberto wants to hold on to his independence, while Kimber wants to protect their relationship, which are both valid. Is there a compromise that leaves everyone feeling respected and happy?
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay, so are you saying women in their underwear that
you used to date?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Thank you?
Speaker 3 (00:05):
Yeah, some of them still work there because this is
a little bit Differentia, I was kind of trying to
Oh wow, Therapy Thursday, our podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
I'm Ellen k I'm Ryan Mano, and I'm.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Sarah Dash and we are three friends getting together. Sarah,
you're licensed to therapists. You are an expert. You have
seen and heard so many things.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I've heard a lot.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
And Ryan and I, I mean, we.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Do the radio show and this is a fan favorite feature,
so now we've turned it into a podcast.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
We are not professionals, no, not at all.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
But Ryan, you, by living just your life, have exposed
me to lots of situations Ellen, where I feel like
I could be a professional.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
She knows some things she probably wished she didn't.
Speaker 4 (00:58):
There's a situations come up. I mean, you know, it's life.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
It is life.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
It's life. And Ryan leads a very interesting, colorful, fun life.
Thank you, Thanks of love.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Yes, all right, guys, okay, so are we ready? We
have got Anita on the line. Anita, welcome to Therapy Thursday.
Speaker 5 (01:19):
Hi, thanks for having me.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Yeah, of course you're here with our licensed therapist Sarah Dash.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
I'm Ellen. There's Ryan.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Hi. Hey, Anita, Hi.
Speaker 4 (01:29):
So we want to know what's going on.
Speaker 5 (01:32):
Well, I'll just start basically, I actually just lost like
thirty pounds and I'm feeling really good and confident about myself,
like I've been super happy. I'm even dating this great
guy and we actually met in a hiking club, so
you know, everything's really good.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
You know, yeah, that sounds fantastic.
Speaker 5 (01:50):
Congratulations, thanks, Except the issue I'm having is my best
friend Linda. She posted a reel of all of our, like,
you know, funny activities together, but she only used pictures
of me before the weight loss, and you know, honestly,
I'm a little hurt in the set and I don't
really know how to move forward with this situation. It
(02:11):
feels like she's become my friend of me, now.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Okay, wow, Well, Anita, some relationships they kind of thrive
on asymmetry. People will have different roles when it's in
a friend graap. You'll see the pretty one, the smart one,
the one who's always having problems with a relationship. And
you may have moved out of your assigned role as
far as Linda's concerned.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Whoa Okay, Ryan, you're the pretty one.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Oh wow, I.
Speaker 5 (02:42):
Mean I understand what you're saying. I still just feel
really confused though, because I'm trying to figure out do
I just ride above me feelings and ignore what feels
like a blatant jab or you know, do I just
come forward and tell Linda that I feel like she
just kind of attacks me. I feel like I've feel
a lot better if I called her, But I also
(03:03):
I'm not sure if I feel worse. So you know,
here I am. I can just use the help.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
You know.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
What I've learned from Sarah dash Anita En Ryan and Sarah.
This is what I have learned is that it's not
necessarily what life throws at you, it's one hundred percent
how you respond. Right, So you've come to the right place,
because Sarah, I'm sure that you have a lot of
experience in this particular field.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Sure it happens a lot.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
And so what does she do?
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Well, you have a couple of choices. I want to
be sure that you want to be in a relationship
where you're not celebrated, because that is part of having
a friendship. They grow with us, they celebrate us, and
it doesn't sound like that's happening if you do choose
to have a conversation with her, I mean whenever. I
(03:50):
don't really like the word confront in this situation, you
want to have a conversation, I would focus on the
impact rather than assigning intent to whatever you think she
may or may not have done.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
So how she because I just like I want to lurch.
I just want to like, what the hell are you doing?
And why did you use my heavy photos? I've transformed
my life, I'm happy, and you just took me back
to to a place where I didn't want to be right.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
I mean, Anita, what are your thoughts onto you know,
as to why she made that decision?
Speaker 5 (04:23):
I mean thinks that maybe she wasn't even like thinking
about it, like you know, she just saw a bunch
of fun like old photos and reels and decided to
just put it up there.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Okay, but the.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
Other half of me does have a feeling that maybe
she is how do I touch this like not uncomfortable
or jealous, but just a little put off by how
good I look.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Now.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
I'm so sorry that came across the shallow, but it
is the truth. She was always the you know, the
prettier one, you know, between the friend groups. But it
kind of feels like since I've elevated myself that you know,
we're drifting apart a little.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Okay, I I recently had something like this happened. So
I just celebrated a birthday and our friend Eddie Yes
shared a real a video like from two years ago
that he took with me and Ellen in the studio.
This is and I'm gonna be completely honest about everything here.
I got on GLP ones. I've lost thirty six pounds
(05:18):
since then. I feel different, I look different. I have
entirely new clothes. Eddie posted a video from old Ryan,
and I was like looking at it, going, oh, I
do not like this. But his heart was in the
right place.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
Are you sure?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (05:32):
Okay, it was Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I did think to myself, God, we have so many
better pictures.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
I know, it's not like you guys never hang out.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
We hang out all the time.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
It's got a deep well to im harvest front.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
I know. So it did cross my mind, but I thought,
don't look at me like, okay, No, But I thought,
you know what, he's a very he. I know his heart.
So I'm gonna just repost it and kind of be
like let go, Ryan, like that was part of your baggage,
was part of your life.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
Right, what do you what do you?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
What are you doubting?
Speaker 3 (06:03):
I always think that everyone has an underlying motivation, right,
always in all things, and the way you do one things,
the way you do everything. That's just that's just what
I believe. So maybe there is some jealousy. I mean, Ryan,
it's you know that possible, Sabrina Carpenter, when did you
get hot?
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (06:24):
All right, so we're guys like guys it guys.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
It doesn't matter, Anita. Do you think it matters if
your guys are girls?
Speaker 4 (06:31):
I don't.
Speaker 5 (06:33):
I don't think it matters at all. I think men
just kind of internalize it a little more than women.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
I don't know if men internalize it more. I think that, Okay.
I do believe that we have a lot of motivations.
The question is whether it's conscious or unconscious. I mean,
if it's if it's a sort of like you know,
plausible deniability aggression, then that's that that there's intent to that.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
Okay, that's that's strategy.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Whether it could just be an era, maybe a lack
of awareness. So they're two like wildly different interpretations.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Well, for both Anita and for you, Ryan, I think
that this is jealousy.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
No, no, and I'm going to tell you why. Okay,
because as I'm listening to you say this, I can
think I know exactly why he chose what he chose
to post of me. Okay. He was in our studio,
his very first visit here, which gives there's an element
of like, you know, cashe being in the studio, and
he's excited, loves Ellen, he thinks the world of Ellen.
And guess who's in that video with that video with them?
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Oh okay, so.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
There's that's it. He could have just chosen a picture
of me and him at a bar at a Chargers game.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
But he wanted at our studio, really warm feelings for
this place and for us, right yeah, okay, so we'll
take the jealousy off there.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
But for Anita, yes, what do you think?
Speaker 3 (07:52):
I think it's one thousand percent a jealous girl, because
that's what girls do.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
I mean, it could have brought up a type of
narcissistic and she could be feeling inadequate. There could be
comparison anxiety. I mean that that is a very real thing.
And Anita, I mean some relationships they do have a ceiling.
And is this a relational ceiling?
Speaker 4 (08:13):
Whoa will you just reach your limits?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
That's very true.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
The relationship grows as far as it's going to grow,
and then you decide whether to step back or maintain
a more superficial alliance.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
It's crazy, Anita, when you're with her and it's just
the two of you, does she talk poorly about other people?
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Oh? Good question, thank you.
Speaker 5 (08:32):
I mean not like I mean traditional you know, girl
got it, but nothing like over the top or concerning.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Okay, so you don't sense that she is an inherently
jealous petty person.
Speaker 5 (08:46):
If she's inherently jealous or petty, then she's genuinely doing
it behind my back. She's never really presented that side
to me.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Okay, another question, sorry, and if you don't want to answer,
that's fine. But with all of the the self improvement,
the weight loss, does she have a big enough crop
of photos to find good photos?
Speaker 5 (09:10):
I mean mean, you know, yeah, we've been friends for years,
and you know we've been friends since the weight loss too.
So again, I'm just very confused as to why she
would look at those.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Photos, So she does have pictures that you are recent good.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Yeah, yeah, I say, confront in person and tell her
how hurt you are, and that clears the air, and
then maybe you don't have a friendship ceiling.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Maybe your friendship.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Can reach all new heights, you know, if you just
bust through that jealousy wall.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
And again focus on how you feel. Should you decide
to have that conversation, focus on how you feel. Don't
call her out say are you jealous for this? Just
share with her your feelings since shell and see how
she responds, and that w'll give you a lot of information.
Speaker 5 (09:58):
Okay, I you know, I think I really do need
to take a jump here and deal with this now.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
Yeah, okay, I'm feeling like you do.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Why are women like this?
Speaker 4 (10:09):
Why are women like this?
Speaker 2 (10:12):
What what I feel like? You don't think this is
a a okay? Did I just walk into did I
walk into a mess? I sense that this is more
of a female thing. I don't think men like our
producer Mike or our other producer Wacko. If I were
celebrating them, right, I would not say, let me find
(10:32):
the crappiest photos of these guys that I could post
to make myself feel better.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
I think it's fair to say that women tend to
be more comparison oriented when it comes to other women. Well, why,
it's a good question. I think there's I think there's
a lot of primal I think we're wired. I think
women tend to be very competitive for male attention, whether
we like it or not. It's an old you know, holdover.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
See, and I do have a girlfriend who's an enticer.
She just wants to entice that word entice. She's an enticer.
She wants to entice every man around her to want her.
She doesn't care, she's not looking for people to cheat
or to you know, she doesn't want them physically.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
She just wants them to want her.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
So it's like a craving for admiration.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
Yeah, and you know, she looks like a wasp. She
has a wasp body. So she's got a tiny waist
in a big old booty.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
I've never heard of anyone, No, I'm serious. And she
is like a wasp.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
And she goes around with her big old booty and
her tiny waist, and she's got big boobs, and she
wants every man to notice her but want her just
so that she can suck all the attention out of
the room from away from any other girl that's there.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
She sounds like a very vulnerable person. I mean, that's
what I hear. I mean, I get that it's not
a likable trait, but underneath that, I think is some
pretty deep insecurity and that makes me sad because when
we're in that headspace, we can't neck to other people
much less are close friend so true Sarah.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Yeah, all right, Well, Anita, do you feel do you
feel armed and ready for what the future holds with
your best friend?
Speaker 5 (12:11):
Yeah, I feel like I have the right tools now
to kind of move forward with this. So I'm feeling
confident and you know, I really need to get to
the bottom of this. It's just going to eat me alive.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Yeah. Comparison with Sarah, the comparison anxiety, Okay, she may
be feeling. I was like, because I've said it, so
I've used the word comparison like eight different which.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Fu Well, Anita, hang in there, Thanks for reaching.
Speaker 5 (12:37):
Out and let us know, all right, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Hey, and congrats on the weight loss, by the Yeah, congratulations,
a huge accomplishment, super smoking.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
We've got more. We're gonna hear from Roberto.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Oh I've seen this letter.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Roberto likes to party okay with scantily clad women. Ah,
and we've got Roberto on the line.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
Roberto.
Speaker 6 (13:00):
Hello, Hey, how's it going.
Speaker 4 (13:04):
We're all good? I mean I'm good.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
What about you?
Speaker 4 (13:06):
Right?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
I feel great?
Speaker 4 (13:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Me too? What's going on?
Speaker 6 (13:10):
You sound good?
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Thanks?
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Thanks for verte.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
What's up?
Speaker 3 (13:14):
So you're on therapy Thursday? You wanted to come on
here because you have a question.
Speaker 6 (13:23):
Yeah, my fiance doesn't want me to go to o
host Locos anymore now that we're engaged.
Speaker 4 (13:29):
Ohs Locos. Okay, I know about Ohos Locos.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Okay, tell me abouts is.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Think Hooters, but with less clothing and a lot more SaaS.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
So these are women servers that they serve food and drinks. Okay,
but they're not wearing a lot of clothes, and they
present themselves in a very available way.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
All right, that's the word available. It's almost like a Hooters.
You go, oh, this is fun. She's playing a role there.
It's like, oh, I probably could go she I think
she wants to take me home.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Got it?
Speaker 4 (14:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Yeah, So so your fiance doesn't want you to go there?
And how long have you been going to OOS Locos.
Speaker 6 (14:10):
I mean I've been going for a long time. I
mean I go with my buddies, you know, and it's
it's it's harmless. She also wants me to see my
friends less who are single, which is.
Speaker 4 (14:19):
Like, what, okay, well why why I'm that?
Speaker 2 (14:23):
What's the what's the I get the OOS Locos thing,
but why the friends?
Speaker 6 (14:28):
I think she she says that she wants me to just,
you know, when I'm out with my single friend. She
she doesn't trust what we're doing, is what she said,
even though you know, I've never done nothing. It's all
it's all good fun. Okay, we just watched sports, really, because.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Those are two different conversations. One she's concerned about a
specific place that you're going to. The other is the
people that you're hanging out with.
Speaker 6 (14:51):
Yeah, okay, and well sometimes I'm hanging out with those
people at That's what.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
I say here.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
I think that you're with your single friends, ohos Locos,
and you're about to not be single, and your fiance
doesn't like it.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
If I'm your fiance, what's her name, by the way, Kimber.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Okay, if I'm Kimber, I don't like it either, Just Roberto,
I don't want you going looking at other women.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
Can't you go to another sports bar?
Speaker 6 (15:17):
I mean we could, but we you know, they know
it's there, so it's like they it's very welcome me.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
So it's your I hear, this is your ritual, and
this is something that's bonding for you, and you look
forward to this and you have really pleasant associations. And
I'm not just talking about the you know, the the
naked ish women that you have really happy memories of
being with your friends there.
Speaker 6 (15:40):
Yeah, I mean I've been going here since before we
even started dating.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Yeah, and I get that that's significant. I understand her
discomfort with it, but I also think that male bonding
is very important.
Speaker 6 (15:53):
Agreed.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Have you tried the nostalgia twist with Kimber? But it's
the way I, you know, it's the way my buddies
and I bond like that.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (16:03):
She says like she doesn't understand why I want to
be and she calls it an establishment.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
It sounds like a very formal.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
Yeah, I'm familiar with os locus.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
I've never been in the flesh, but I do understand
that it's uh that the girls can be quite forward
at times, and that also the food is very good.
So there, it's kind of like a pushed me pully
a situation here, Roberta.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Did she just begin having a problem with this place
after the two of you became engaged or has she
always been uncomfortable with it?
Speaker 6 (16:36):
I mean she never said anything before. It's pretty much
was like we're engaged and she was like, so you're
not going to be doing that anymore?
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Right?
Speaker 6 (16:42):
And I was like, wait, what got it?
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Okay that was your answer, Sarah, Yeah, okay, I'm gonna
ask you a question. Do you notice her uh, you know,
kind of interjecting in new ways in other areas.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
Like is she in good? Question?
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Does she not like certain clothes you wear? Like what
are you picking up on maybe some more controlling behaviors
or is it just this.
Speaker 6 (17:02):
Well, I mean I never thought of it like controlling,
but she does.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (17:05):
She'll be like I'll wake up and like my clothes
are laid out.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
She dresses you too, okay? And this started after you no.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
And I get it as a guy.
Speaker 6 (17:16):
It started about a few days after we got engaged.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Yeah, Ryan has a girlfriend who dresses him too, So
this is true.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
Yeah, some guys like it. Do you like it? Roberto?
Speaker 6 (17:26):
I mean that I don't mind now because it's like
makes the morning a lot easier. You know, she.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Started like budgeting and putting you on a diet, Like
is she, like Ryan said, is she diving into other areas?
Speaker 6 (17:39):
I mean, not a diet or anything. She just says, like,
you know, like this, she doesn't want me eating the
food there. But I don't think it has to do
with the food. But yeah, she I mean, she didn't
mention she wants to start playing in the wedding and stuff,
and we have to start combining our finances and stuff.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Okay, what I'm thinking is that you have a concern
about protecting your all autonomy, which is very fair. She
has a concern about protecting your relationship, and both are
very valid. I mean when you mentioned you know that
she calls it an establishment. The sense from that that
(18:17):
I get is it's a little bit of like moralizing
going on, which is what we do when we don't
want to stay in our vulnerability.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
What do you mean by that?
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Meaning that I say, this is out, this is outrageous,
this is wrong, this is misogynistic. Rather than saying, you know,
I feel really insecure. I feel vulnerable. I worry that
you look at these women, you come home to me
and you compare me to them, and I don't measure up.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Oh wow, Yep. It happens a lot of things.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
And when it doesn't matter if it's this any other situation,
if we found ourselves getting into that moralizing position, we
need to think about what's really underneath that.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
So, So, Roberto, do you do you? Can you live
without o host locos? I mean, do you have to
look at these women? Can you go to a different
sports bar just to make her comfortable? Because you know,
when you're in a marriage, you got to compromise on
a lot of stuff.
Speaker 6 (19:08):
Well, I mean the thing that I mean maybe, but
the thing is that she doesn't want me even hanging
out with the guys who I usually go there with.
So somewhere else, she wouldn't want me hanging out with
those guys.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
What's the concern?
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Yes, have you cheated on her?
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Like?
Speaker 2 (19:21):
What what are these guys into? Like what there's something
there's something stuck there for us? I think in this room, No,
I think.
Speaker 6 (19:28):
She she just mentioned that we should be hanging out
with other couples, is what she said.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Okay, but are some of your friends kind of fast
and furious with women?
Speaker 6 (19:38):
I mean what does that mean?
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Well, meaning, do your friends your single friends, do they
get around, like, do they have a lot of conquests?
Speaker 6 (19:50):
Yeah, they're out there, they're dating, they're they're seeing seeing folks, yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Which is appropriate for single men.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
Yeah. Yes. And do they date any of the girls
at O host Locos?
Speaker 6 (20:01):
I mean they have yeah? Sure?
Speaker 4 (20:03):
And have you ever even in your single days?
Speaker 6 (20:07):
Yeah, I mean but not just there. You know, you
go out, you have a good time, all right.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
Okay, So are you saying women in their underwear that
you used to date you?
Speaker 4 (20:19):
Yeah, some of them still work there.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Because this is a little bit different. I was kind
of trying to.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Wow, okay, so they know you intimately.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Changed my mind. This is an establishment we're talking about.
An establishment is the right word for this.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
Plus how many just give us a.
Speaker 6 (20:39):
Numb How many women I was with before that work.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
There that you see naked?
Speaker 4 (20:46):
Do?
Speaker 6 (20:47):
This is what?
Speaker 4 (20:47):
Guys? What do you mean?
Speaker 6 (20:49):
Let me see how many you mean the ones that
still work.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
There or like yes, roverto.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Bro as the question, how many people are you seeing
on a regular basis that have seen you naked.
Speaker 6 (21:06):
I think there's I think there's only two.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
That's just okay, Okay, that's a number game, all right,
that's a number.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
All right. So where we go from here, Sarah, you're
the expert.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Okay, Look for Kimber, I go back to go ahead, Well, I.
Speaker 6 (21:20):
Was gonna say. My thing is that you know that
was back in the day. It's it's like you were saying,
like going somewhere looking at women and then coming home
to her and compare them. But my point is I
come home to her.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
Okay, Okay, I get that, I do.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
I think for Kimber, her task is going to be
staying her vulnerability. Roberto. You need to be present with
her vulnerability and not become dismissive, minimized, or defensive. That's
how the two of you are going to work through this.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
And every cheater I've ever met has always said, but
I always come home to her.
Speaker 6 (21:58):
Yeah, but I I that it's never happened in our Relationshipah,
And I hear.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
I hear that, Okay, that you're not cheating, You're not
looking to cheat, You're just negotiating this new period in
your relationship.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
Are you ready to get married?
Speaker 6 (22:13):
Yeah, I'm ready to get married, but you know, I
just don't like being told who I can hang out with,
you know, like I get like girls like, but like
I can't see my single guy friends.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
That Nobody likes to be told what to do. Nobody
likes to be told who they can and can't see.
And I think that that's very fair, And this is
something that the two of you are going to have
to negotiate.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Do you think it would help maybe minimize some of
her concern if you're like if you didn't just always
go there, if you said like hey, we're gonna go
to you know yeah, or like all of garden or
like we're gonna go to a botanical garden, or like
maybe that's probably too much. No, I don't think that.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
But like like if you went to like a.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Clippers game or something where.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
Like else with the with the boys, there was just not.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
There was not that heaviness kind of pre baked in there.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (22:58):
Yeah, I mean we used to go to Hooters every
now and then. We could probably do that like a
King's game or.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
You know, something like, well and what about this? What
about bringing her along one time so she can see
that there's nothing, you know, bad going on.
Speaker 6 (23:17):
I mean, look, nothing bad is going on, but like
that that changes the whole dynamic.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Okay, yeah, okay, what have you and her? You and
her went to ost Locos just to the two of them,
the two.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Okay, okay, with with the women that he slept with
hanging out in there.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Hey, you know, if he's willing, she probably doesn't know
who they are specifically.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
And he's not going to point him out.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
And you are.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Actually okay, yeah, that might actually be like really good
for your relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
It's possible, Sarah.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Is there one as a therapist? Is there one reason
why we are in secure? Or does it come from
many different places?
Speaker 1 (24:02):
It comes from many different places. I think we all
have vulnerabilities, and that's part of a relationship is having
a partner that's sensitive, that prioritizes our vulnerabilities and it
does need to matter to you, and she needs to
feel like it matters.
Speaker 6 (24:17):
Okay, Roberto, Yeah, I mean I think we can make
that album. Okay, I mean I can at least suggest it.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Well, listen, thank you for being open to that, and
thank you for being really really honest. You didn't have
to answer truthfully about there being women there that you'd
sing and I really appreciate that.
Speaker 6 (24:39):
Yeah, thank you, thank you for all your help.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Appreciate That's the whole point of the podcast is. We
just want you to to leave here feeling like you've
got some tools.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Yeah, feeling better.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
One final question, when are you going back?
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Oh, Ryan Ran, would you like to meet?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Because you just say, hold on, I'm serious. I'm asking
this for a good reason. You just thanked our l
m F t Our Professional Licensed Therapist for kind of
giving you some some runway here on how to handle
like when are you When do you plan to go back?
Speaker 6 (25:11):
I mean we go every week, so I mean i'll
see when when she wants to come. Uh, you know,
I'll see when she when she's available for that. But yeah,
we usually go whenever there's a good game on.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Okay, you're the best game on.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
Thank you for Yeah, like Sarah said, thanks for opening
up to us and thank you for coming on.
Speaker 6 (25:32):
I appreciate it.
Speaker 4 (25:33):
We're going to follow up with you. We got your number.
Okay, so are you saying women in their underwear that
you used to date?
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Thank you?
Speaker 3 (00:05):
Yeah, some of them still work there because this is
a little bit Differentia, I was kind of trying to
Oh wow, Therapy Thursday, our podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
I'm Ellen k I'm Ryan Mano, and I'm.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Sarah Dash and we are three friends getting together. Sarah,
you're licensed to therapists. You are an expert. You have
seen and heard so many things.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I've heard a lot.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
And Ryan and I, I mean, we.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Do the radio show and this is a fan favorite feature,
so now we've turned it into a podcast.
Speaker 4 (00:42):
We are not professionals, no, not at all.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
But Ryan, you, by living just your life, have exposed
me to lots of situations Ellen, where I feel like
I could be a professional.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
She knows some things she probably wished she didn't.
Speaker 4 (00:58):
There's a situations come up. I mean, you know, it's life.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
It is life.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
It's life. And Ryan leads a very interesting, colorful, fun life.
Thank you, Thanks of love.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Yes, all right, guys, okay, so are we ready? We
have got Anita on the line. Anita, welcome to Therapy Thursday.
Speaker 5 (01:19):
Hi, thanks for having me.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
Yeah, of course you're here with our licensed therapist Sarah Dash.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
I'm Ellen. There's Ryan.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Hi. Hey, Anita, Hi.
Speaker 4 (01:29):
So we want to know what's going on.
Speaker 5 (01:32):
Well, I'll just start basically, I actually just lost like
thirty pounds and I'm feeling really good and confident about myself,
like I've been super happy. I'm even dating this great
guy and we actually met in a hiking club, so
you know, everything's really good.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
You know, yeah, that sounds fantastic.
Speaker 5 (01:50):
Congratulations, thanks, Except the issue I'm having is my best
friend Linda. She posted a reel of all of our, like,
you know, funny activities together, but she only used pictures
of me before the weight loss, and you know, honestly,
I'm a little hurt in the set and I don't
really know how to move forward with this situation. It
(02:11):
feels like she's become my friend of me, now.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Okay, wow, Well, Anita, some relationships they kind of thrive
on asymmetry. People will have different roles when it's in
a friend graap. You'll see the pretty one, the smart one,
the one who's always having problems with a relationship. And
you may have moved out of your assigned role as
far as Linda's concerned.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Whoa Okay, Ryan, you're the pretty one.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Oh wow, I.
Speaker 5 (02:42):
Mean I understand what you're saying. I still just feel
really confused though, because I'm trying to figure out do
I just ride above me feelings and ignore what feels
like a blatant jab or you know, do I just
come forward and tell Linda that I feel like she
just kind of attacks me. I feel like I've feel
a lot better if I called her, But I also
(03:03):
I'm not sure if I feel worse. So you know,
here I am. I can just use the help.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
You know.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
What I've learned from Sarah dash Anita En Ryan and Sarah.
This is what I have learned is that it's not
necessarily what life throws at you, it's one hundred percent
how you respond. Right, So you've come to the right place,
because Sarah, I'm sure that you have a lot of
experience in this particular field.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Sure it happens a lot.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
And so what does she do?
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Well, you have a couple of choices. I want to
be sure that you want to be in a relationship
where you're not celebrated, because that is part of having
a friendship. They grow with us, they celebrate us, and
it doesn't sound like that's happening if you do choose
to have a conversation with her, I mean whenever. I
(03:50):
don't really like the word confront in this situation, you
want to have a conversation, I would focus on the
impact rather than assigning intent to whatever you think she
may or may not have done.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
So how she because I just like I want to lurch.
I just want to like, what the hell are you doing?
And why did you use my heavy photos? I've transformed
my life, I'm happy, and you just took me back
to to a place where I didn't want to be right.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
I mean, Anita, what are your thoughts onto you know,
as to why she made that decision?
Speaker 5 (04:23):
I mean thinks that maybe she wasn't even like thinking
about it, like you know, she just saw a bunch
of fun like old photos and reels and decided to
just put it up there.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Okay, but the.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
Other half of me does have a feeling that maybe
she is how do I touch this like not uncomfortable
or jealous, but just a little put off by how
good I look.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Now.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
I'm so sorry that came across the shallow, but it
is the truth. She was always the you know, the
prettier one, you know, between the friend groups. But it
kind of feels like since I've elevated myself that you know,
we're drifting apart a little.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Okay, I I recently had something like this happened. So
I just celebrated a birthday and our friend Eddie Yes
shared a real a video like from two years ago
that he took with me and Ellen in the studio.
This is and I'm gonna be completely honest about everything here.
I got on GLP ones. I've lost thirty six pounds
(05:18):
since then. I feel different, I look different. I have
entirely new clothes. Eddie posted a video from old Ryan,
and I was like looking at it, going, oh, I
do not like this. But his heart was in the
right place.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
Are you sure?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (05:32):
Okay, it was Okay.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I did think to myself, God, we have so many
better pictures.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
I know, it's not like you guys never hang out.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
We hang out all the time.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
It's got a deep well to im harvest front.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
I know. So it did cross my mind, but I thought,
don't look at me like, okay, No, But I thought,
you know what, he's a very he. I know his heart.
So I'm gonna just repost it and kind of be
like let go, Ryan, like that was part of your baggage,
was part of your life.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
Right, what do you what do you?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
What are you doubting?
Speaker 3 (06:03):
I always think that everyone has an underlying motivation, right,
always in all things, and the way you do one things,
the way you do everything. That's just that's just what
I believe. So maybe there is some jealousy. I mean, Ryan,
it's you know that possible, Sabrina Carpenter, when did you
get hot?
Speaker 2 (06:23):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (06:24):
All right, so we're guys like guys it guys.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
It doesn't matter, Anita. Do you think it matters if
your guys are girls?
Speaker 4 (06:31):
I don't.
Speaker 5 (06:33):
I don't think it matters at all. I think men
just kind of internalize it a little more than women.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
I don't know if men internalize it more. I think that, Okay.
I do believe that we have a lot of motivations.
The question is whether it's conscious or unconscious. I mean,
if it's if it's a sort of like you know,
plausible deniability aggression, then that's that that there's intent to that.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
Okay, that's that's strategy.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Whether it could just be an era, maybe a lack
of awareness. So they're two like wildly different interpretations.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Well, for both Anita and for you, Ryan, I think
that this is jealousy.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
No, no, and I'm going to tell you why. Okay,
because as I'm listening to you say this, I can
think I know exactly why he chose what he chose
to post of me. Okay. He was in our studio,
his very first visit here, which gives there's an element
of like, you know, cashe being in the studio, and
he's excited, loves Ellen, he thinks the world of Ellen.
And guess who's in that video with that video with them?
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Oh okay, so.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
There's that's it. He could have just chosen a picture
of me and him at a bar at a Chargers game.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
But he wanted at our studio, really warm feelings for
this place and for us, right yeah, okay, so we'll
take the jealousy off there.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
But for Anita, yes, what do you think?
Speaker 3 (07:52):
I think it's one thousand percent a jealous girl, because
that's what girls do.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
I mean, it could have brought up a type of
narcissistic and she could be feeling inadequate. There could be
comparison anxiety. I mean that that is a very real thing.
And Anita, I mean some relationships they do have a ceiling.
And is this a relational ceiling?
Speaker 4 (08:13):
Whoa will you just reach your limits?
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (08:17):
That's very true.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
The relationship grows as far as it's going to grow,
and then you decide whether to step back or maintain
a more superficial alliance.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
It's crazy, Anita, when you're with her and it's just
the two of you, does she talk poorly about other people?
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Oh? Good question, thank you.
Speaker 5 (08:32):
I mean not like I mean traditional you know, girl
got it, but nothing like over the top or concerning.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Okay, so you don't sense that she is an inherently
jealous petty person.
Speaker 5 (08:46):
If she's inherently jealous or petty, then she's genuinely doing
it behind my back. She's never really presented that side
to me.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Okay, another question, sorry, and if you don't want to answer,
that's fine. But with all of the the self improvement,
the weight loss, does she have a big enough crop
of photos to find good photos?
Speaker 5 (09:10):
I mean mean, you know, yeah, we've been friends for years,
and you know we've been friends since the weight loss too.
So again, I'm just very confused as to why she
would look at those.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Photos, So she does have pictures that you are recent good.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
Yeah, yeah, I say, confront in person and tell her
how hurt you are, and that clears the air, and
then maybe you don't have a friendship ceiling.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Maybe your friendship.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Can reach all new heights, you know, if you just
bust through that jealousy wall.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
And again focus on how you feel. Should you decide
to have that conversation, focus on how you feel. Don't
call her out say are you jealous for this? Just
share with her your feelings since shell and see how
she responds, and that w'll give you a lot of information.
Speaker 5 (09:58):
Okay, I you know, I think I really do need
to take a jump here and deal with this now.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
Yeah, okay, I'm feeling like you do.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Why are women like this?
Speaker 4 (10:09):
Why are women like this?
Speaker 2 (10:12):
What what I feel like? You don't think this is
a a okay? Did I just walk into did I
walk into a mess? I sense that this is more
of a female thing. I don't think men like our
producer Mike or our other producer Wacko. If I were
celebrating them, right, I would not say, let me find
(10:32):
the crappiest photos of these guys that I could post
to make myself feel better.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
I think it's fair to say that women tend to
be more comparison oriented when it comes to other women. Well, why,
it's a good question. I think there's I think there's
a lot of primal I think we're wired. I think
women tend to be very competitive for male attention, whether
we like it or not. It's an old you know, holdover.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
See, and I do have a girlfriend who's an enticer.
She just wants to entice that word entice. She's an enticer.
She wants to entice every man around her to want her.
She doesn't care, she's not looking for people to cheat
or to you know, she doesn't want them physically.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
She just wants them to want her.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
So it's like a craving for admiration.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
Yeah, and you know, she looks like a wasp. She
has a wasp body. So she's got a tiny waist
in a big old booty.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
I've never heard of anyone, No, I'm serious. And she
is like a wasp.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
And she goes around with her big old booty and
her tiny waist, and she's got big boobs, and she
wants every man to notice her but want her just
so that she can suck all the attention out of
the room from away from any other girl that's there.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
She sounds like a very vulnerable person. I mean, that's
what I hear. I mean, I get that it's not
a likable trait, but underneath that, I think is some
pretty deep insecurity and that makes me sad because when
we're in that headspace, we can't neck to other people
much less are close friend so true Sarah.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Yeah, all right, Well, Anita, do you feel do you
feel armed and ready for what the future holds with
your best friend?
Speaker 5 (12:11):
Yeah, I feel like I have the right tools now
to kind of move forward with this. So I'm feeling
confident and you know, I really need to get to
the bottom of this. It's just going to eat me alive.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Yeah. Comparison with Sarah, the comparison anxiety, Okay, she may
be feeling. I was like, because I've said it, so
I've used the word comparison like eight different which.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Fu Well, Anita, hang in there, Thanks for reaching.
Speaker 5 (12:37):
Out and let us know, all right, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Hey, and congrats on the weight loss, by the Yeah, congratulations,
a huge accomplishment, super smoking.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
We've got more. We're gonna hear from Roberto.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Oh I've seen this letter.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Roberto likes to party okay with scantily clad women. Ah,
and we've got Roberto on the line.
Speaker 4 (13:00):
Roberto.
Speaker 6 (13:00):
Hello, Hey, how's it going.
Speaker 4 (13:04):
We're all good? I mean I'm good.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
What about you?
Speaker 4 (13:06):
Right?
Speaker 2 (13:06):
I feel great?
Speaker 4 (13:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Me too? What's going on?
Speaker 6 (13:10):
You sound good?
Speaker 2 (13:11):
Thanks?
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Thanks for verte.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
What's up?
Speaker 3 (13:14):
So you're on therapy Thursday? You wanted to come on
here because you have a question.
Speaker 6 (13:23):
Yeah, my fiance doesn't want me to go to o
host Locos anymore now that we're engaged.
Speaker 4 (13:29):
Ohs Locos. Okay, I know about Ohos Locos.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Okay, tell me abouts is.
Speaker 3 (13:35):
Think Hooters, but with less clothing and a lot more SaaS.
Speaker 4 (13:40):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
So these are women servers that they serve food and drinks. Okay,
but they're not wearing a lot of clothes, and they
present themselves in a very available way.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
All right, that's the word available. It's almost like a Hooters.
You go, oh, this is fun. She's playing a role there.
It's like, oh, I probably could go she I think
she wants to take me home.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Got it?
Speaker 4 (14:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (14:03):
Yeah, So so your fiance doesn't want you to go there?
And how long have you been going to OOS Locos.
Speaker 6 (14:10):
I mean I've been going for a long time. I
mean I go with my buddies, you know, and it's
it's it's harmless. She also wants me to see my
friends less who are single, which is.
Speaker 4 (14:19):
Like, what, okay, well why why I'm that?
Speaker 2 (14:23):
What's the what's the I get the OOS Locos thing,
but why the friends?
Speaker 6 (14:28):
I think she she says that she wants me to just,
you know, when I'm out with my single friend. She
she doesn't trust what we're doing, is what she said,
even though you know, I've never done nothing. It's all
it's all good fun. Okay, we just watched sports, really, because.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Those are two different conversations. One she's concerned about a
specific place that you're going to. The other is the
people that you're hanging out with.
Speaker 6 (14:51):
Yeah, okay, and well sometimes I'm hanging out with those
people at That's what.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
I say here.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
I think that you're with your single friends, ohos Locos,
and you're about to not be single, and your fiance
doesn't like it.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
If I'm your fiance, what's her name, by the way, Kimber.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Okay, if I'm Kimber, I don't like it either, Just Roberto,
I don't want you going looking at other women.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
Can't you go to another sports bar?
Speaker 6 (15:17):
I mean we could, but we you know, they know
it's there, so it's like they it's very welcome me.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
So it's your I hear, this is your ritual, and
this is something that's bonding for you, and you look
forward to this and you have really pleasant associations. And
I'm not just talking about the you know, the the
naked ish women that you have really happy memories of
being with your friends there.
Speaker 6 (15:40):
Yeah, I mean I've been going here since before we
even started dating.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Yeah, and I get that that's significant. I understand her
discomfort with it, but I also think that male bonding
is very important.
Speaker 6 (15:53):
Agreed.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
Have you tried the nostalgia twist with Kimber? But it's
the way I, you know, it's the way my buddies
and I bond like that.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (16:03):
She says like she doesn't understand why I want to
be and she calls it an establishment.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
It sounds like a very formal.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
Yeah, I'm familiar with os locus.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
I've never been in the flesh, but I do understand
that it's uh that the girls can be quite forward
at times, and that also the food is very good.
So there, it's kind of like a pushed me pully
a situation here, Roberta.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Did she just begin having a problem with this place
after the two of you became engaged or has she
always been uncomfortable with it?
Speaker 6 (16:36):
I mean she never said anything before. It's pretty much
was like we're engaged and she was like, so you're
not going to be doing that anymore?
Speaker 1 (16:42):
Right?
Speaker 6 (16:42):
And I was like, wait, what got it?
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Okay that was your answer, Sarah, Yeah, okay, I'm gonna
ask you a question. Do you notice her uh, you know,
kind of interjecting in new ways in other areas.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
Like is she in good? Question?
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Does she not like certain clothes you wear? Like what
are you picking up on maybe some more controlling behaviors
or is it just this.
Speaker 6 (17:02):
Well, I mean I never thought of it like controlling,
but she does.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (17:05):
She'll be like I'll wake up and like my clothes
are laid out.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
She dresses you too, okay? And this started after you no.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
And I get it as a guy.
Speaker 6 (17:16):
It started about a few days after we got engaged.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Yeah, Ryan has a girlfriend who dresses him too, So
this is true.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
Yeah, some guys like it. Do you like it? Roberto?
Speaker 6 (17:26):
I mean that I don't mind now because it's like
makes the morning a lot easier. You know, she.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
Started like budgeting and putting you on a diet, Like
is she, like Ryan said, is she diving into other areas?
Speaker 6 (17:39):
I mean, not a diet or anything. She just says, like,
you know, like this, she doesn't want me eating the
food there. But I don't think it has to do
with the food. But yeah, she I mean, she didn't
mention she wants to start playing in the wedding and stuff,
and we have to start combining our finances and stuff.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Okay, what I'm thinking is that you have a concern
about protecting your all autonomy, which is very fair. She
has a concern about protecting your relationship, and both are
very valid. I mean when you mentioned you know that
she calls it an establishment. The sense from that that
(18:17):
I get is it's a little bit of like moralizing
going on, which is what we do when we don't
want to stay in our vulnerability.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
What do you mean by that?
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Meaning that I say, this is out, this is outrageous,
this is wrong, this is misogynistic. Rather than saying, you know,
I feel really insecure. I feel vulnerable. I worry that
you look at these women, you come home to me
and you compare me to them, and I don't measure up.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Oh wow, Yep. It happens a lot of things.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
And when it doesn't matter if it's this any other situation,
if we found ourselves getting into that moralizing position, we
need to think about what's really underneath that.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
So, So, Roberto, do you do you? Can you live
without o host locos? I mean, do you have to
look at these women? Can you go to a different
sports bar just to make her comfortable? Because you know,
when you're in a marriage, you got to compromise on
a lot of stuff.
Speaker 6 (19:08):
Well, I mean the thing that I mean maybe, but
the thing is that she doesn't want me even hanging
out with the guys who I usually go there with.
So somewhere else, she wouldn't want me hanging out with
those guys.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
What's the concern?
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Yes, have you cheated on her?
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Like?
Speaker 2 (19:21):
What what are these guys into? Like what there's something
there's something stuck there for us? I think in this room, No,
I think.
Speaker 6 (19:28):
She she just mentioned that we should be hanging out
with other couples, is what she said.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Okay, but are some of your friends kind of fast
and furious with women?
Speaker 6 (19:38):
I mean what does that mean?
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Well, meaning, do your friends your single friends, do they
get around, like, do they have a lot of conquests?
Speaker 6 (19:50):
Yeah, they're out there, they're dating, they're they're seeing seeing folks, yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Which is appropriate for single men.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
Yeah. Yes. And do they date any of the girls
at O host Locos?
Speaker 6 (20:01):
I mean they have yeah? Sure?
Speaker 4 (20:03):
And have you ever even in your single days?
Speaker 6 (20:07):
Yeah, I mean but not just there. You know, you
go out, you have a good time, all right.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
Okay, So are you saying women in their underwear that
you used to date you?
Speaker 4 (20:19):
Yeah, some of them still work there.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Because this is a little bit different. I was kind
of trying to.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Wow, okay, so they know you intimately.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Changed my mind. This is an establishment we're talking about.
An establishment is the right word for this.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
Plus how many just give us a.
Speaker 6 (20:39):
Numb How many women I was with before that work.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
There that you see naked?
Speaker 4 (20:46):
Do?
Speaker 6 (20:47):
This is what?
Speaker 4 (20:47):
Guys? What do you mean?
Speaker 6 (20:49):
Let me see how many you mean the ones that
still work.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
There or like yes, roverto.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
Bro as the question, how many people are you seeing
on a regular basis that have seen you naked.
Speaker 6 (21:06):
I think there's I think there's only two.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
That's just okay, Okay, that's a number game, all right,
that's a number.
Speaker 4 (21:11):
All right. So where we go from here, Sarah, you're
the expert.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Okay, Look for Kimber, I go back to go ahead, Well, I.
Speaker 6 (21:20):
Was gonna say. My thing is that you know that
was back in the day. It's it's like you were saying,
like going somewhere looking at women and then coming home
to her and compare them. But my point is I
come home to her.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
Okay, Okay, I get that, I do.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
I think for Kimber, her task is going to be
staying her vulnerability. Roberto. You need to be present with
her vulnerability and not become dismissive, minimized, or defensive. That's
how the two of you are going to work through this.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
And every cheater I've ever met has always said, but
I always come home to her.
Speaker 6 (21:58):
Yeah, but I I that it's never happened in our Relationshipah,
And I hear.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
I hear that, Okay, that you're not cheating, You're not
looking to cheat, You're just negotiating this new period in
your relationship.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
Are you ready to get married?
Speaker 6 (22:13):
Yeah, I'm ready to get married, but you know, I
just don't like being told who I can hang out with,
you know, like I get like girls like, but like
I can't see my single guy friends.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
That Nobody likes to be told what to do. Nobody
likes to be told who they can and can't see.
And I think that that's very fair, And this is
something that the two of you are going to have
to negotiate.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Do you think it would help maybe minimize some of
her concern if you're like if you didn't just always
go there, if you said like hey, we're gonna go
to you know yeah, or like all of garden or
like we're gonna go to a botanical garden, or like
maybe that's probably too much. No, I don't think that.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
But like like if you went to like a.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Clippers game or something where.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
Like else with the with the boys, there was just not.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
There was not that heaviness kind of pre baked in there.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (22:58):
Yeah, I mean we used to go to Hooters every
now and then. We could probably do that like a
King's game or.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
You know, something like, well and what about this? What
about bringing her along one time so she can see
that there's nothing, you know, bad going on.
Speaker 6 (23:17):
I mean, look, nothing bad is going on, but like
that that changes the whole dynamic.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Okay, yeah, okay, what have you and her? You and
her went to ost Locos just to the two of them,
the two.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Okay, okay, with with the women that he slept with
hanging out in there.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Hey, you know, if he's willing, she probably doesn't know
who they are specifically.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
And he's not going to point him out.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
And you are.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Actually okay, yeah, that might actually be like really good
for your relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:52):
It's possible, Sarah.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Is there one as a therapist? Is there one reason
why we are in secure? Or does it come from
many different places?
Speaker 1 (24:02):
It comes from many different places. I think we all
have vulnerabilities, and that's part of a relationship is having
a partner that's sensitive, that prioritizes our vulnerabilities and it
does need to matter to you, and she needs to
feel like it matters.
Speaker 6 (24:17):
Okay, Roberto, Yeah, I mean I think we can make
that album. Okay, I mean I can at least suggest it.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Well, listen, thank you for being open to that, and
thank you for being really really honest. You didn't have
to answer truthfully about there being women there that you'd
sing and I really appreciate that.
Speaker 6 (24:39):
Yeah, thank you, thank you for all your help.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Appreciate That's the whole point of the podcast is. We
just want you to to leave here feeling like you've
got some tools.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Yeah, feeling better.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
One final question, when are you going back?
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Oh, Ryan Ran, would you like to meet?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Because you just say, hold on, I'm serious. I'm asking
this for a good reason. You just thanked our l
m F t Our Professional Licensed Therapist for kind of
giving you some some runway here on how to handle
like when are you When do you plan to go back?
Speaker 6 (25:11):
I mean we go every week, so I mean i'll
see when when she wants to come. Uh, you know,
I'll see when she when she's available for that. But yeah,
we usually go whenever there's a good game on.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Okay, you're the best game on.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
Thank you for Yeah, like Sarah said, thanks for opening
up to us and thank you for coming on.
Speaker 6 (25:32):
I appreciate it.
Speaker 4 (25:33):
We're going to follow up with you. We got your number.
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