Still Funny, Still Fearless: Jess Hilarious Unfiltered Guest: Jess Hilarious

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm Tamika D.

Speaker 2 (00:00):
Mallory and it's your boy my son in general.

Speaker 1 (00:03):
We are your host of t M.

Speaker 3 (00:05):
I Tamika and my song's information, truth, motivation and inspiration.

Speaker 1 (00:10):
Name new energy. What's going on my song, Lennon.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
I am black, blessed in.

Speaker 1 (00:18):
Doing good, doing good, doing good. Thank God.

Speaker 4 (00:21):
The weather is kind of trying to break, trying trying
to break. Things are getting a little bit better. We
really need that, you know. I think that part of
why we see so much tragedy has to do with
it was a real cold winter. People were like locked
in again, people going through a live folks not really
working people trying to figure it out every which way.

(00:43):
I turn out of a friend or somebody telling me about,
you know, losing income, like it's just been it's been.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
It's been a time. It's been a time. It is
a time.

Speaker 4 (00:55):
And so with it being so cold, it was it
was kind of like it's almost like we were in
a cold war. And so I know the weather will
it will, it will dip again, but at least is
not going into the thirties.

Speaker 1 (01:08):
And you know, it's just.

Speaker 4 (01:09):
The last last week you said there was last week
they said there was snow flurries in certain places like
come on, come on, come on, come on.

Speaker 1 (01:17):
We can't do snow flurries in April. But you know
what the thing is.

Speaker 4 (01:20):
Historically April could still be cold like May, May, May.
It can be a little knit but better because I
know my birthday June eighth is chilli at night. It's
not hot like summer summer. But you know, snow furries,
flurries is like, all right, okay, you're doing You're doing it, unlt,

(01:42):
you're doing a lot. God is not pleased. The Lord
is not pleased. AnyWho. Let's jump right into it because
we have a great guest coming up today and a
lot of things to talk about. I want to give
folks an update on the bridges and tunnels, the toll
fees in New York City and and you know, New Jersey,

(02:02):
and hopefully some of the work that we do here
in New York will it will be extended and other
folks can pick up the work and start a real
national campaign to address the fees for tolls. Let me
tell you, just as a personal note, in the process
of what I've been going through with my toll situation,

(02:22):
I told everybody about how the tolls are three hundred
and something dollars, but the fees was like sixteen hundred,
seventeen hundred dollars. And you know, obviously that has created
a whole thing where the device wasn't working and you know,
and I didn't know it, and so i'm, you know,
in the process of rectifying all of that.

Speaker 1 (02:42):
Now, what I realize is.

Speaker 4 (02:44):
That when in the in that gap where my device
was not working, I got two tolls that came in. Remember,
the whole thing was that after sixty to ninety days
of not paying your toll, you would receive a fee,
right and in fact, I'm going to make sure that
an image of it is in this episode so people

(03:06):
can see the dates it says that, you know, I'm
understanding this is what I've been told that the fees
are because sixty to ninety days have gone by and
you did not pay, and therefore they put the fee
on the assessment.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
Administrative fees is tacked on to your bill. What I
found in.

Speaker 4 (03:28):
Looking at now I'm looking at it very very closely,
is that I went through the tolls on I think
it was April fifth, so this is now May when
this show airs.

Speaker 1 (03:40):
But in the same month, I.

Speaker 4 (03:43):
Got a ticket that shows that, you know, there was
two tolls that were not picked up by my device
because the device was inactive due to all of the craziness,
And the fifty dollars fee is already on there in
the month of April. So I'm not even sure how
or what the actual rules are because this was these

(04:04):
were violations or they're not violations. I'm calling them violations
because when you get something in the mail that's a ticket,
you automatically consider it to be a violation.

Speaker 1 (04:15):
But it's actually their way of making you pay by.

Speaker 4 (04:18):
Mail for the tolls that did not get paid by
a device. But the fifty dollars is already there, and
that's not thirty to sixty days, it's not sixty to
ninety days. That is in the same month when the
bill went out, it went out as two dollars and
ninety cent, and again it's not with me. It could
have been two seventy and you all will see. And

(04:38):
then the fifty dollars is there from the beginning, so
I again am not even sure on the rules.

Speaker 1 (04:43):
With that being said, I went away.

Speaker 4 (04:46):
For a few weeks and have been working on trying
to figure out what are the different avenues and the
different ways in which we need to advocate and fight.
And what I have found is that the New York
State Senate has a bill that is being led by
one individual, and then of course in New Jersey there
is another individual who is working on that side. Because

(05:08):
you have to come at it from both directions in
order to be able to address New Yorkers and people
in the tri state area. And I need to figure
out what's going on in Connecticut because it would be
coming all the way down the Throughway and you know,
down into the Beltway, so we need to really kind
of connect all the dots. But nevertheless, New Jersey and

(05:31):
New York Senator Martinez in New York and I don't
know the gentleman's name in New Jersey are working on
legislation on both sides of the bridge. So that is
one thing. There is a bill. The bill was originally
as I mentioned before, the bill was originally drafted by
Senator Leroy Comrie out of Queens and now Senator Martinez

(05:54):
is carrying that bill. But I've also found out that
in the Assembly Assembly men Landon Dias, our brother, who
you know, I know very well has a bill as well,
and he reached out to me and let me know
that he saw some of the coverage that he's working
on this as well. So what we're doing is planning
a town hall. The first one is going to be virtual.

(06:18):
We're going to give people opportunity to tap in again,
people from around the country who are trying to figure
out what should they be doing, what should they be
pushing their legislators to do, because this is an issue
that has to be addressed at the state level. So
the governor and the statewide elected officials have to be
engaged in how to fix this. Yes, your city officials

(06:41):
can they can raise it, they can advocate, but they
are not the people who are mainly responsible for making
the changes and for and for passing legislation that would
fix it. This is coming from the state level. So
this is a Kathy Hocal problem. We have to take
it to her doorstep. And so we're going to have
a town hall meeting so that we can allow people

(07:02):
to hear from those who are carrying the bills. Because
the bills are slightly different people have. They're addressing everything
from one letting you know you know what the current
issues are because there's so many different issues. I mean,
I'm now learning about people who have lost their registration.
Some people have had their license plates obviously because of

(07:25):
the registration, their license plates have been revoked. I'm over
here raising that I'm seeing the fees in the same
month that the actual toll was charged, right, So there
are so many different issues. But then they're dealing with
things like transparency because where's the money going? Right when
all this money is collected, how is it actually working

(07:46):
for the citizens of New York State and New Jersey?
What are they doing with the money. They're also looking
at reducing the fees and dealing with the predatory nature
of how we are as citizens are being taken advantage of.
So there's things in the bills that we want them
to lay out, and then we want to in the
same time, have some of the lawyers who have fought

(08:09):
cases to be able to speak on what people generally
should be doing to try to help them alleviate, to have,
you know, have some of the lawyers to explain to
us some of the different processes that they have gone
through to help alleviate some of these huge fees, to

(08:30):
you know, to let people know what some of their
strategies have been to fight for clients and to help them,
and so we want to have some lawyers come on
and talk about that, and then of course we want
to hear from some individuals who've had really bad cases
and then what they've had to do to fight for themselves,
and of course give out resources and information. So we're

(08:50):
going to do a town hall meeting and that will
be coming up within the.

Speaker 1 (08:54):
Next few weeks.

Speaker 4 (08:55):
So folks need to stay in tune and you know,
really stay close to our social media and make sure
that that information that your job. You have one job,
which is to share it and make sure that other
people join the conversation so that they can hear about
what's going on. We will also give instructions on what
will happen at the next in person meeting, because we're

(09:17):
going to do something with New Jersey and New York.
So we'll maybe do something here in New York and
something in New Jersey, or we'll pick one of those
two states that the legislators will come across the bridge.
And that's always it's not easy to do. It sounds
easy just drive over here, but it doesn't work like
that because on both sides, you have people like we'll
do it over here, do it over here. So we've

(09:38):
got to figure it out to have something where both
New Jersey and New York, you know, the citizens, the
constituents can participate, so we can be in person together
and get our marching orders, which may include us having
to organize people to go to Albany to go to
some of the legislator's offices, because what we want to

(09:59):
know is who's supporting these bills. We think that every
single legislator in both states should be signed on.

Speaker 1 (10:07):
So we're gonna look at that, at the.

Speaker 4 (10:09):
Bills and figure out who's blocking, who's supporting, because whoever
is not on board for ensuring that this predatory and
you called it racketeering a relationship with us that the
bridges and tolls.

Speaker 1 (10:24):
Have that it stops.

Speaker 4 (10:25):
And you know, as I said, and you know what,
we've got a million other things to worry about. So
people are like, how like this is your yeah, damn right,
because guess what, when people are struggling financially, it makes
us do other crazy things, right, It bleeds in other ways.
We're trying to find ways to get ourselves out of hell,

(10:46):
and instead our local governments are driving us further into poverty,
and that has to change. So I'm on it. I
know people are like, what's the what's the recourse? You know,
what is the plan doing? But when you're a real organizer,
there's some actual work that has to happen behind the scenes.
And I'm not saying that we can't advocate and get

(11:07):
outside because if y'all want to go to the governor's office,
I'm ready to go to Aubany. I ain't been there
in a couple of years, so I'm ready to go.
So I'm not suggesting that we don't need to do that,
But on this, we want to get legislation pass real legislation.
This is not you know, it's not a simple fix
of just they're just going to change it because they're
not they're making too much money. We have to get
actual legislation passed that will help us to address this issue.

Speaker 1 (11:31):
So, you know, we haven't.

Speaker 4 (11:32):
Stopped working since I mentioned it in season five, and
now we're in season six and we're back talking about
how we are going to advocate for our government.

Speaker 1 (11:43):
To stop stop stop. It has to stop.

Speaker 4 (11:47):
Like people are saying that their bill is fifty thousand dollars.

Speaker 1 (11:51):
That's that's ridiculous, is unreal. It just is. It just is.
It just is. So let me go to my thought
of the day.

Speaker 4 (12:00):
I have so many topics because I feel like things
are going so crazy in our society that.

Speaker 1 (12:05):
I could just talk and talk and talk and talk.

Speaker 4 (12:07):
But you know, I'm I'm just lord, you know, I
have I feel like I have so many topics that
I can just talk and talk and talk, but I'm
not going to do that. I'm just going to narrow
it down to one particular issue. You know, when in
the beginning, when Trump became president and they immediately began
to attack diversity, equity, and inclusion people, there were so

(12:30):
many people who said, oh, this has nothing to do
with us, This is not our issue.

Speaker 1 (12:34):
It has nothing to do with us. You know, this
is not about us.

Speaker 4 (12:38):
And and you're trying to trick us into believing because
you want to be a victim, and you want to
trick us into believing that DEI is about us. And
then people was out there with the stats, Well, no,
because DEI actually.

Speaker 1 (12:52):
Benefited white women.

Speaker 4 (12:54):
It was you know, and and Latino women and other
groups that never helped black people.

Speaker 1 (12:59):
It wasn't.

Speaker 4 (12:59):
It is nothing and it ain't for us, and you're
trying to trick us, and we know better than that,
and we're not worrying about no D. I had people
laugh at me. I had people like, you think we stupid,
Like you're trying to make us chase DEI. D I
meant absolutely nothing. And we said on this show over
and over. I said everywhere everywhere I went that, yes,

(13:21):
the numbers are always funny when it comes to anything
that was originally developed with us in mind. There's always
other people who will benefit more than us. That's just
the reality of something that we deal with. And I
think it sucks, it's shitty, and absolutely we should be
calling it out. But I understood that when they said DEI,
they meant black.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
They met black. When they said that DEI is now illegal,
it's unconstitutional.

Speaker 4 (13:45):
I mean they even try to make an argument that
it's unconstitutional.

Speaker 1 (13:48):
It is reverse racism. They did everything that they.

Speaker 4 (13:51):
Could to say if DEI exists, especially in a government
agency or anywhere that gets funded from the government, that
they would cut it even if they found out that
you change to another name. So they encourage whistleblowers to
come forward that would tell you that you know, oh,
they still doing it, but they changed the name to this,
and they changed it to that. And I said, especially

(14:12):
even in the fight with Target, that we need people
to date us in public, right, we need people to
say that we stand with you in public. We're not
going to roll back our DEI initiatives. We're not going
to change the name because I understood that they meant
an attack on black people.

Speaker 2 (14:29):
That.

Speaker 1 (14:30):
Let me give you an example of why we now know.
Robert F.

Speaker 4 (14:34):
Kennedy was before Congress last week. Congresswoman Summer Lee from
Pennsylvania was questioning him.

Speaker 2 (14:49):
Health.

Speaker 1 (14:49):
She was talking to him about black maternal health.

Speaker 4 (14:53):
She gave him the numbers, and it is clear that
Black women die during childbirth at higher rates than any other.

Speaker 1 (15:03):
Group of women. Fact, it is very clear.

Speaker 4 (15:06):
She went on to explain to him the dangers of
black maternal health issues, and she challenged him on whether
or not he would address black women and the again
elevated rates of us and how we die in childbirth.

Speaker 1 (15:26):
During childbirth, he.

Speaker 4 (15:29):
Immediately said to her when she asked him, what are
you going to do about this issue?

Speaker 1 (15:36):
He said, well, we're going to address.

Speaker 4 (15:38):
Maternal health concerns for all communities, and she said no,
but all communities are not having the issue. She said,
black women specifically have higher rates than any other group.
What are you going to do about black women? And
he said to her, do you think that DEI is right?
He said, that's d you talking about d I And

(16:01):
she said, I didn't bring up I'm not even bringing
up Dee. I'm talking about black women. I'm telling you
about it. But he brought up di And the reason
why he bought it up is because he understands that
diversity and equity and inclusion means black women.

Speaker 1 (16:17):
That's what he understands.

Speaker 4 (16:19):
He knows that from the meetings that he's been and
he said, he said President Trump, he said, President Trump
wants us to you know, in setting it feels and
I grieve with him that d I is divisive, you know,
and is wrong and whatever. He went on to talk
about that. She never asked him about d I. She
asked him about black women. But he put black women

(16:40):
in that category with DEI because they understand that that
is precisely what they met about when they decided to
go through agencies and to encourage corporations and others to
dismantle their DEI initiatives.

Speaker 1 (16:56):
They knew what they were talking about. They knew it
was cold language, and the cold language.

Speaker 4 (17:01):
Has translated to probably more than a million black women
being out of work somewhere now is being reported that
it's about six hundred thousand. But we know that every
person that's out of work is not being reported right.

Speaker 1 (17:14):
We know that.

Speaker 4 (17:15):
We know that contracts have been cut, We know that
funding to black organizations has been cut. We know people
have had to close their doors. We know what's going on.
We know that people are hurting. We know that budgets
are being cut everywhere, that consultants no longer have work.
We understand the type of industries that they have targeted.

(17:36):
And so when people come at us and say, oh
Di has nothing to do with us, this is not
an issue. If it were not an issue that has
to do with black people and black women specifically, why
would he bring that up in the middle of this
woman asking him what are you going to do about
black maternal health. These are not a hypothesis. This is

(18:00):
not a hypothesis. This is not something that she's making up.
These are hard numbers women going to hospital. A white
woman an Asian woman or whatever other kind of woman,
maybe an Indian woman. They go in the hospital, a
black woman goes in at the same time. Too often
the black woman doesn't leave the hospital the same way

(18:21):
she came in.

Speaker 1 (18:22):
She leaves in a body bag. The people.

Speaker 4 (18:27):
That's a real thing. There are numbers that makes it clear.
So if I'm asking you as a person who is
responsible for black health, right, no for the world, the
health of the nation, rather the health of the nation.
Your job is to do research data numbers. You're supposed

(18:49):
to be looking at trends. You're supposed to be looking
at our children catching these diseases.

Speaker 1 (18:55):
Is it elderly people? Is it women? Is it men? Men?

Speaker 4 (18:59):
Need you know this kind of help? Breast cancer may
be rising in men of all races. I saw something
the other day that says colon cancer. The number of
young people between the ages of twenty five and forty
is growing.

Speaker 1 (19:13):
You. So then what you do is you come out.

Speaker 4 (19:16):
With special programs that's for a twenty five to forty
year old.

Speaker 1 (19:20):
You make sure that they see it.

Speaker 4 (19:22):
If they're on social media, if they're in colleges, if
they go to nightclubs, if they listen to certain radio stations.

Speaker 1 (19:30):
You that's what you do. If you're a good leader.

Speaker 3 (19:32):
You got to focus on the directly impacted people of
any situation. So when you when you're talking about black
maternal health, and he acts like he doesn't understand that
in order for you to actually focus on the issue,
you have to focus on the individual that's facing the issue.

(19:55):
So he wants to attribute it to DI because he
know that's the co language, know that that's the language
they speak in the back rooms, like black women. The
DII were getting rid of these black women. So rather
than and then what he also saying is we don't
want to use dr because we don't want to help
back what.

Speaker 4 (20:12):
See and that and so at the core, at the
core of my thought of the day is that that.

Speaker 1 (20:23):
The reality was that when they said.

Speaker 4 (20:26):
We are making diversity, equity, and inclusion a bad word
or a bad turn, a bad thing, we're making it radioactive.

Speaker 1 (20:40):
What they were saying is we hate black women.

Speaker 4 (20:44):
And we want to see the black community, which has
the highest rates of supporting our opponents and supporting the
other side, we want to see them broken. And so
what we are going to do in order to break
them is to look.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
At how they how do they keep going?

Speaker 4 (21:06):
No matter what we've thrown at them over the years,
somehow or another, Black people find a way to still succeed.

Speaker 1 (21:17):
Right, what is it? What are the things?

Speaker 4 (21:19):
Oh, they fund their little organizations, you know, they have
their advocacy groups. They have found a way to infiltrate
all of the different areas within our government, whether it
be local or on a federal level, and try to
force these different agencies to focus on their needs. There's
all this this, this, this, this, you know, as time

(21:42):
has gone on, there's all this developed research that shows
what they need. And now, you know, we as a
corporate leaders or we as government leaders, have had to
in some ways begin to acknowledge what has been done wrong,
like we've had to igno knowledge the wrong, the harm

(22:02):
that has been caused to their communities. And as a
result of that, we are moving too far away from
what we want, which is to make America great by
restoring it to the nation that it once was, and
that is the nation of white men being at the head,
and white women and and of course people of color

(22:23):
being beneath them, and being servants to their needs and
their goals and their success. That is what we have
to do, and what happens is when black people have
their backs up straight and they're working, and we still
ain't nowhere near where we need to be. But there's
enough success within our communities with black women being the

(22:44):
high the fastest growing entrepreneurs, right with black men, as
we now know from the research, that black men are
in their homes or dealing with their children, being fathers
to their children more than.

Speaker 1 (22:56):
Any other race.

Speaker 4 (22:58):
That's not what you see on the US but that
is actually the facts.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
That's the data. Okay.

Speaker 4 (23:05):
So when you begin to see that, it's like, well,
what do we do to break those communities in order
for us to restore ourselves. We have always been their enemy.
We have always been their main target. And so when
I look at that and I hear people saying we
anti DEI, I already know that that means you anti me.

(23:26):
And you make the important point, my son, to say that, yes,
it is cold language. It's cold language for a lot
of things, but the main thing is that the cold
language was to say we don't want to help black women.
Shout out to congress Woman Summer Lead for continuing to
press him on the point of no, no, no, we're
not talking about DIDI. We're talking about black women are

(23:51):
facing extreme levels of the black maternal crisis.

Speaker 1 (23:58):
That's what we're so what are you gonna do about that?

Speaker 4 (24:01):
And he sat right there and called the DEI, which
y'all said didn't have anything to do with us. He
called the DEI and you know what else he did,
He dismissed it because you know why, it is your point,
what you made.

Speaker 1 (24:16):
He don't want to do anything for black women.

Speaker 4 (24:20):
And you know what really really burns me, and it
actually hurts me. It actually hurts me because it does
not take rocket science to understand, like, I don't have
to be the greatest intellectual, the deepest you know, scholar
that ever existed to know who Robert Kennedy was before

(24:43):
he even ran for president, before he made it into
this national political landscape. I knew who he was and
I would never platform him because and while he was
running for president, his own family. Every single when every
single member of your family comes forward to say that

(25:06):
you are a bad person and that you shouldn't be
taken seriously for elected office, everybody, your brothers and your sisters,
hold all of them. Most times one of them gonna
say I ain't getting in that.

Speaker 1 (25:20):
I'm not getting in that.

Speaker 4 (25:21):
Even if I don't say anything on his behalf, I refuse,
I refuse to stand against my brothers and sisters. We
at all we you know, sometimes we might, oh I
don't like this. Actually we don't have those issues anymore.
But at some point, you know, a little debate here,
of little fight here, people fall out, but for all
of them to get together and say that you ain't shit.

(25:43):
Ain't no way that you can make me platform a
man like that. And it's sad because in our community,
for whatever reason, and especially when it comes to some
of our brothers, we are either trying to be the
smartest person in the room because we know more than
everybody else.

Speaker 1 (25:58):
We don't listen to black women.

Speaker 4 (26:00):
Because we already know and we got our own path
and we're doing it our own way, and a black
woman can't tell me nothing because I know all of that,
all of that right, we would give that man platform
in our community just because he was somebody out here saying, well,
he doesn't agree with the vaccines, and yeah, sure vaccines.

Speaker 1 (26:21):
All of that.

Speaker 4 (26:22):
It definitely needs to be examined because we know for
sure that some of this stuff that they're giving our
children in our community. Something is wrong because autism is growing,
mental disabilities are growing, lots of different issues are happening
to us that did not happen in the same ways
in the past. And sure, there needs to be researched,

(26:44):
there needs to be more done to address that.

Speaker 1 (26:47):
But what that man did sitting in that.

Speaker 4 (26:49):
Hearing was sit there and basically say, I'm just as
racist as the rest of them, but we don't fuck
with black women. And that's the reason why we're never
gonna do anything to have a special focus on black
maternal health. And what bothers me is that the same brothers,
our brothers that put that man on their shows, that
did work with him and walked around like he was

(27:11):
somebody that was supposed to be good for our communities.
And now one of them said, what you mean, Robert Kennedy,
that you're not concerned with black maternal health?

Speaker 1 (27:20):
Where are the shows now?

Speaker 4 (27:22):
Where are all the people to sit around and give
an assessment on how that racist ass man sat there
and said, if black women died while they're having your
black man asked babies, it's okay. Ain't nobody said a
thing you know why, Because when it's for clicks and
when people are gonna get attention as being the smartest,
most intellectual person in our.

Speaker 1 (27:43):
Community, we will do anything. And it's not okay because
he was.

Speaker 4 (27:47):
A racist then and he's a racist now and he
is with a racist administration that guess what. You can
say what you want, Kamala Harris wasn't shit, But guess
who was focused on black maternal health.

Speaker 1 (28:00):
Guess who.

Speaker 4 (28:01):
Guess who was doing work on black maternal health, Kamala Harris.

Speaker 1 (28:06):
Guess that.

Speaker 4 (28:08):
And I'm not saying it was perfect, but at least
there was an actual focus.

Speaker 2 (28:14):
Yeah, and that's always been my point. You know, you
ain't said nothing wrong beside and you said it very passionately. Well,
I listened to.

Speaker 4 (28:24):
Yeah sometimes you sometimes sometimes sometimes, you know, And we
could do better, all of us could do better. I
could do better. But I'm just saying we always said,
we always said that Robert F. Kennedy was dangerous. Yeah,
we always said it. We always said it. And now
and even with the vaccines with the measles, look at

(28:48):
what's happening. They ain't reporting it. Kids getting sick everywhere,
kids catching the measles. Something that was down to almost
no incidents. Are its rising?

Speaker 2 (29:00):
Yep.

Speaker 4 (29:00):
So we're playing around with our lives. We're playing around
with our lives. And I'm not suggesting that our brothers
don't love us. But I know one thing. When you're
sitting with the devil on a on and and and
entertaining the devil, yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:18):
Very straight, I said all.

Speaker 4 (29:20):
The time, man, because you know what, because everybody wants
that interview, everybody wants the one and I and I
think in a lot of ways, perhaps that's why sometimes,
you know, I feel like, damn, I could be doing
all this great shit you think I could.

Speaker 1 (29:35):
I could talk to anybody I want. I could you
think Robert F. Kennedy would not have loved for me
to ask him for an.

Speaker 4 (29:43):
Interview on our show, for us to have him up here,
or for me to go stand next to it. I
could go to fucking to Trump right now if I
wanted to, and say I thought about it, and it's
some shit you got that. I'm actually interested in the
same way that Nicki Minaj has, the same way that
Nelly is.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
Now guess what y'all do, not you?

Speaker 4 (30:02):
But this is what people do that pisces me off. Sure,
I don't like a chili. I'm done with chili.

Speaker 1 (30:09):
Done, completely done.

Speaker 4 (30:11):
That's where I'm at with it, right you over there
with them people. Now, if she comes forward and say,
because by the way, I don't believe nothing she said.
But if she was to come forward and say, you
know what, I was wrong. I made a mistake. Not
I read the I didn't read the fine print, girl, please, okay,
not that. But she came forward and said, you know what,
I was wrong, I was on the wrong side. Then

(30:33):
you know what, I'm willing to let anybody say I
apologize and well no, I mean no, no, no, I didn't
say they could hang out with me, let me finish.
I'm willing to accept anybody saying I was wrong, and
I'm making some different decisions now. It's about what you
do to show active work, like I made the wrong decision.

(30:54):
You know, the Tucker We could talk about that next week,
the Tucker, Carlson's, the all these different people. It's what
you do after that that proves whether or not you
are actually sincere. But I'm never gonna sit back and
say that a person don't apologize.

Speaker 1 (31:08):
No, no, you should say I was wrong. I was wrong.
I thought wrong. I made the wrong decisions.

Speaker 4 (31:13):
I got Listen, I'm a person somebody killed my son's father, Okay,
And if they came and said I was wrong, what
I did was wrong. And now I'm going to go
out into the world and I'm going to, you know,
go out and try to work with other young people
to stop the violence in our community and to be

(31:35):
a part of the solution. I might not hang out
with them, I may never platform them, I may never
even talk to them, but I still would acknowledge that
they are going on to make something out of their
lives and to turn things in.

Speaker 1 (31:48):
The right direction.

Speaker 4 (31:49):
So that's not me, that's not That's why I am
right that I'm not the person that's gonna say ain't
nothing you could do to ever apologize.

Speaker 1 (31:56):
You just might not be able to ever come around me. Okay.

Speaker 4 (32:01):
So if Chili said that I had the wrong thinking,
I would be it would be good to hear her
say that, and I could say, well, you know what,
I could still turn the song on and not think
about how upset it made me, but what pisses me off,
and why I'm going on go to the concert with
everybody else and just say to hell with it is

(32:23):
because Nelly is going back over there with Trump now.
It was announced and guess what, ain't no fifteen hundred
think pieces.

Speaker 1 (32:35):
I don't see people running it down.

Speaker 4 (32:38):
The whole social media blew up about Chili was over
there donating the Trump and the liking Charlie Kirk's stuff.
I mean, she's doing some crazy stuff like liking things
about Charlie Kirk is far.

Speaker 1 (32:52):
That was far.

Speaker 4 (32:53):
So that's where I was done. I wasn't done just
because she gave Trump some donations. I wasn't even done then,
like to see this type of shit. But when I
saw that Charlie kirkshit, it shut my whole system down.
So that to me says a lot about how deep
she was in it, right and and and anyway, let
me move on from that, getting to my point, Nelly,

(33:17):
the reason why he now is going back over there
to Trump is because he needed to see how bad
was the backlash.

Speaker 1 (33:26):
Going to be?

Speaker 2 (33:28):
And n with Trump, I didn't see, Oh he's.

Speaker 1 (33:30):
Speaking and he's performing at something they doing.

Speaker 4 (33:34):
He's performing at something they're doing, and it was announced.

Speaker 1 (33:37):
But you know why? You don't know? But I bet
you ain't miss Chili.

Speaker 4 (33:40):
You know why, because again, the way in which black
women are discarded, the way we're treated, the way that
we become the brunt of everybody's evil blow.

Speaker 1 (33:55):
But it ain't No.

Speaker 4 (33:55):
But I don't see anything anywhere about Nelly over there
going back to Trump after we already done told him
from the first time.

Speaker 1 (34:05):
I've seen it.

Speaker 4 (34:06):
But again, you got to ask yourself, why is it
that it's not in your face the same way that
Chili and what she did, you know. So my thing
is my opinion is, you know, sometimes I feel like
we just sacrificing, not wearing certain clothes, not going to
certain things, standing up for all of these different reasons

(34:28):
and people people don't even people don't.

Speaker 1 (34:30):
Respect and love black women.

Speaker 4 (34:32):
So what the hell like you go through all of
this stuff and then what is the what is the
return on your investments sometimes in society?

Speaker 2 (34:41):
But I understand your frustration. It's merided. You know, we
got to do better.

Speaker 3 (34:46):
I called on, you know, us as black men, to
step up and do better.

Speaker 2 (34:51):
You know, I want to do.

Speaker 3 (34:53):
The Million Kings March, but I'm going to start with
the ten ten thousand feelings first, you know, go city
to city and just grab men who really want to
stand up and really instill Shan principles back into me
because women should not feel that way Christy Black when
we shouldn't feel So that's my process.

Speaker 1 (35:12):
All right.

Speaker 4 (35:13):
Well, we got a black woman coming up that we
do support very much, and I'm excited to have her on.
We're gonna be hearing from a great guest, so staye
locked in. All right, Well, you know the regular a
friend of the team on my show. We are back
for season six and you know today we absolutely have
I Thah first of all the last.

Speaker 1 (35:34):
Guests and now this guest. We've really been doing good to.

Speaker 4 (35:37):
Start season six, that talking about people in their books. Okay,
so today we have another friend joining us. I'm excited
about this interview with our sisteress Hilarious, who is a
comedian and now a co host on The Breakfast Club
and an author all types of things. Women are doing

(35:59):
it all all you name it, we do it. Yes,
you're a mother of two children.

Speaker 1 (36:06):
You got it going on girl, and you look good.

Speaker 4 (36:08):
Thank you so much to Meka, thanks for joining us today.

Speaker 1 (36:14):
Yes I did.

Speaker 5 (36:14):
I started over thirteen years later, very five more years
until my son was out the house, and then I
was like, you know what, I'm gonna go, and I'm
gonna let this black Mexican shoot this club up, you know.

Speaker 1 (36:24):
And I'm gonna give him this baby.

Speaker 5 (36:26):
You got a baby, Well that's all right, girl, Yeah, yeah, yeah,
And I plan on having one more, at least two
more at most. So yes, that was always my big
plan to have at least four or five kids running
around my house. But you know, the guys, wasn't guying.
First Daddy wasn't baby daddy, and you know what I'm saying.

(36:47):
And then you know, that's why we got this book now,
because I had to write about my journey of what
it was like raising a kid with him.

Speaker 4 (36:53):
But yeah, well, before we get to the book, we
want to talk. First of all, I want to talk
about the schedule, because I think you today you got
up at whatever time it's three thirty.

Speaker 1 (37:05):
To get into the city for a six a m.

Speaker 4 (37:10):
Show that you are on called The Breakfast Club that
I and my son have had the pleasure of being
on several times.

Speaker 1 (37:16):
What is that like mothering being on the Breakfast Club?

Speaker 4 (37:21):
And then also you know, being an author and all
the things that you have going on. And I think
you're still I know you are still doing shows, so
you have a lot happen and just talk about what's
just Hilarious's world like right.

Speaker 1 (37:33):
Now it is very I hate to say chaotic because
it's not.

Speaker 5 (37:37):
Well, it's good chaos, because this is what I pray for,
you know, essentially, right just to have all, like to
have it all. You know, I wanted to be a wife,
a mom, be the full time businesswoman and you know,
have the job of the breakfast club and things like
that and still just be blessed enough to you know,

(37:57):
be financially stable and have the strength and do it.

Speaker 1 (38:00):
You know, but it is not easy to me.

Speaker 5 (38:02):
I'm still trying to figure out my schedule, that work
life balance and all of that. Like I'm still trying
to because getting up at three thirty three forty five
Monday through Friday every morning to do make up and
here because you know, radio ain't.

Speaker 1 (38:16):
Just radio no morning.

Speaker 5 (38:17):
I can see now y'all on Netflix present We yes
me on Netflix, you know, And that's another big thing,
you know. So now the scope is much bigger, it's
much broader, and I'm like, oh my god, it's people
all over the country and outside of the country, and
everywhere watching me now, so you gotta come correct. And
then not only do you have to get on the
radio just to be talking, you got to turn on

(38:37):
your personality too, Like you can't just show up and
be like, hey all, what's up? Like you're having a
bad day? Charlamainet always say no, be real about it.

Speaker 1 (38:45):
But no, I don't want to. I don't want to them.
We don't women don't want to hear. We don't feel that.
We don't need that. Oh we don't need that. We
already have bad day too, everybody having the bad day.

Speaker 5 (38:53):
We're the first voice is everybody here, So why would
I want to get on there?

Speaker 1 (38:56):
Hey y'all, what's going? So you have to be turned on, like,
you know, personality gotta be.

Speaker 3 (39:00):
Do you feel like it was a process adjusting to
doing the breakfast club as opposed to being just a
stand up.

Speaker 5 (39:09):
Oh right, yeah, oh yeah, yes, it's still a process adjusting.
I'm still trying to figure out that adjustment, because you
know what it was when I first got the job.
You know, I had co hosted for like a whole year,
right and you know, you know, revolving everybody was coming
in and you know they were alternating people, and.

Speaker 1 (39:30):
I was like, this seems very very easy. Get the job.

Speaker 5 (39:36):
You're like, oh, this is every day. Oh, this is research.
Oh you got to read people's books when.

Speaker 1 (39:40):
They come up here so you can know you ask them.
Oh you got to really know.

Speaker 5 (39:44):
You got to do your research on you know, education, politics,
pop culture, hip hop culture, whatever, whatever, all things that
you need to know. You know, people look look to
us for that. People listen to us every day for that.

Speaker 1 (39:59):
And I'm like, who you know?

Speaker 5 (40:00):
Because all people kept asking me was like, do you
think that you will be able to fill Angelie's shoes?
And I'm like, yeah, I think I got it. You
know what I'm saying, Yeah, this course should be easy.
It's I'm going to fans talking to my two ball
hair brothers all day. This is nice, but it's so
much more that comes with just chemistry in the room. Yes, right,
you know what I mean. And so it's still adjustment.
I'm still adjusting. Thank god I got my girl Lauren now,

(40:23):
because now you know it's like.

Speaker 1 (40:24):
Two on two. You know you feel the table is competitive?

Speaker 5 (40:29):
Yeah, and depending on what we're talking about, yes, I
really do.

Speaker 1 (40:33):
I feel like that.

Speaker 5 (40:34):
But I what I am most happy about is it's
more than one female energy and that we all have
something different to offer. Like, you know, I'm married, newly married,
I got kids. Lauren doesn't have kids, so she still
gives perspectives of like single woman and you know, like
you know, she's independent and she's on her own. You know,
she's not single anymore, but she's not married. She doesn't

(40:56):
have any kids, right it is. In fact, I was
the first one to put her boyfriend out on social media,
and that was crazy.

Speaker 1 (41:05):
Why did you do that? I don't even know.

Speaker 5 (41:07):
I think it was me getting even with her because
she stole my job. Oh but it's like okay, okay,
but thank god she's still with the brother because I wouldn't.
I would be upset if she wasn't. And I don't
put them out there or whatever. But yeah, I feel
like we all got four different personalities. We all bring
something different to the show.

Speaker 3 (41:23):
I'm just because i've watched right because I'm a fan
of yours, like from just from Instagram, so I've always
been finding So when you came, I seen that you
was just trying to find your way, and I'm watching
you find it in real time. I'm watching you just
get way more comfortable. You know, you've been around these people,
been doing this for like twenty years. Yeah, so you
and with seasoned vets and they know how to get

(41:44):
in and out and this and that, and I'm watching
you just find your spaces now, you know. So I
just want to congratulate you because we've seen we see
you doing your things.

Speaker 2 (41:51):
And this had so much, This had.

Speaker 1 (41:54):
Right, and that was just.

Speaker 3 (41:57):
It's like, it's like an old hat, but you got
a young face. So you give it something new. This
might be a new trend for real.

Speaker 1 (42:06):
Hopefully I can. I can get cancing in like a
time piece. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (42:11):
It's church, but it's not giving church with you.

Speaker 1 (42:17):
I love the color. So you did you wore that
today on the radio? I did, but I ain't wear
the hat.

Speaker 2 (42:23):
I told you.

Speaker 1 (42:23):
My leave out wasn't really leave out that hilarious, you
know what I'm saying, that's what you are.

Speaker 5 (42:28):
This was the only head that was in the back
of my car, so I was like, all right, you
know what, let me put this on.

Speaker 1 (42:32):
Wow, I got s all right. So okay, So so the.

Speaker 4 (42:36):
Breakfast club, you're getting it, you're feeling it. You're like, okay,
you've been through having a call out the whole thing
because you was like, this ain't working and it's not
what we said.

Speaker 1 (42:47):
It was gonna be.

Speaker 4 (42:48):
I'm not mad if we bring other people on, but
people need to have rolls and everybody needs to be clear.
What was the energy like after that conversation, like once
you said it and I know how Charlotte, and is
he moves on from things so quick quick like you
say it today and he's like on to the next thing.
But what was the energy like going back now? Envy

(43:09):
doesn't he And I love my brother, but he don't
give the energy of moving on like nothing happening.

Speaker 1 (43:13):
No, no, no, no, no, he does not.

Speaker 5 (43:16):
I love that Envy is like that though, to be
honest with you, because sometimes I feel like shar moves
on too quick. Yea, yeah, things and he doesn't allow
himself to feel anything. And you know that could be
from whatever you know him years.

Speaker 1 (43:29):
And years too many years and can't take every.

Speaker 5 (43:31):
Yeah, he is like numb to certain things. And then
but he has a big heart still, you know. But
Envy is more of the like the big brother Teddy
bear type, like he he feels what you feel like
I can come in and not say anything. I could
be looking a certain way and he'd be like he
put me off to the salid.

Speaker 1 (43:49):
Yo, you're good, You're right. What's going on? You know
what I'm saying?

Speaker 5 (43:51):
Where Sean like, don't come around me sighing because I'm
not gonna ask you what's wrong?

Speaker 1 (43:55):
Like, ain't nobody gonna come around your boy is anywhere?
And it's sign.

Speaker 5 (43:59):
But yeah, so you got one tough love brother, and
then you got like the empathetic brother, you know what
I mean. And after all of that had went well
before and it went down and he was always noticing
something was wrong, like I was uncomfortable with it.

Speaker 1 (44:13):
You know.

Speaker 5 (44:13):
I just felt like it was just no communication with
that whole ordeal, Like it was just like how it
went down, and then I was made to look like
the villain, like I couldn't share a space with another
black woman, you know, but it was it just wasn't community.
You try to talk about it before it went before
you went public, or did you regret that you went public?

Speaker 1 (44:33):
No, I don't regret that I went public.

Speaker 3 (44:35):
Yeah, perfect, It actually was perfect because sometimes in real life,
what you feel people need to feel.

Speaker 2 (44:41):
Yeah. That's the thing I always love about you is
what you think.

Speaker 3 (44:44):
You say, Yeah, and you know, and that's where you are,
so you can do it any other way when it
probably never worked for you anyway.

Speaker 1 (44:50):
Yeah, you know, And I don't regret.

Speaker 5 (44:52):
While I don't regret going live with it, you know,
I do regret being upset at Law Like I felt like.

Speaker 1 (45:01):
My anger was misplaced. You know.

Speaker 4 (45:03):
I didn't take from it that you was upset at Laurence, Okay,
because that's not what I took from it. I can
see how Lauren felt offended and her attacked by it,
because we're all going to experience things our own way.
But I thought what you were saying was bigger than Lauren.
It was more so executives and also to Leonard and
Charlemagne and an Envy, like we came together to do

(45:26):
a thing and then y'all introduced another person man, woman, child.
It doesn't matter is that I don't feel comfortable now
in the space, like I don't know what's going on.
So I didn't take it as an attack against her,
but I can understand how she experienced it being there, like, well, damn,
I'm just here trying to do my job. Yeah, you
know they asked me to do right. I come here

(45:48):
just because I want to be here. I want to
be here, but they put me in place to do this,
and that's all I wish was communicated to me, Like,
all right, listen, we're going to bring her in and
she's going to also have a segment or we're thinking
about doing having a fourth host, thinking about her jumping
in on conversations or anything like that, Like how do
you feel, I mean, I'm fat, it.

Speaker 3 (46:09):
Looks because when you think like you just said, you like,
there's another woman who has more female energy, so I'm
not competing with you. So it's you know, it's even so.

Speaker 4 (46:20):
And she has a particular thing that she likes to do,
and I felt like I felt like you were kind
of forcing yourself to do things that is not really
a lane.

Speaker 1 (46:29):
It's not really your lane.

Speaker 4 (46:31):
Like I could tell you always, no matter what I
call you, Oh Jess, I think this or whatever, you
like to learn certain things and you have an opinion.

Speaker 1 (46:39):
But it wasn't your thing, you know.

Speaker 4 (46:41):
And that's what she does, chase the story and go
out in the world and being I's you're not gonna
do that and that's just not your thing.

Speaker 1 (46:51):
And so now you're doing exactly what you're supposed to
be doing. We love that.

Speaker 4 (46:58):
So Andree Martinez calls you all together, and that is
for us. I mean to me, I had tears in
my eyes because I know she's a big sister, She's
my big sister.

Speaker 1 (47:07):
We love her. That seemed to be a historic moment.

Speaker 4 (47:10):
Talk about what that was and like how did you
get the call and what wasn't it?

Speaker 1 (47:14):
Were you like damn, yeah, I need this.

Speaker 5 (47:16):
Yeah, so we it was a like a woman's Like
a week after that happened, it was like a woman's
day that they were doing. And our Bosthea had wanted
all the women of iHeart in the building to come
and you know, fellowship and be you know, be around
each other and everything like that. And we had these
exercises where we were put in groups and you had

(47:36):
to go around and share something you know about your
working experience and all types of things.

Speaker 1 (47:41):
It was a whole event.

Speaker 5 (47:41):
And Angie was like, I want you to sit here,
and I want Lauren to sit here, and she said
some real stuff to us, you know what I mean,
And she poured into both of us like she didn't
put one of us down and make the other feel good.
And you know, she was just more so like, yo,
this is bigger than and y'all, y'all both y'all don't
do the same thing. You're a journalist, you're a comedian.

(48:04):
You like, what is the friction for?

Speaker 1 (48:06):
You know?

Speaker 5 (48:08):
She validd it. She let me know that my feelings
were valid. I wasn't crazy, you know what I mean.
This is not something that you can just totally blame
on postpartum depression.

Speaker 1 (48:17):
Like I felt like I was played with. And so
she had.

Speaker 5 (48:20):
Explained you know, why I was right, and other ways
that it could have been done and things like that,
and she explained she's not about to go to public
with no no, and she like, n you could have
did it another way, you know what I'm saying. But
you're not crazy, and I see you and I understand.
And she made me feel seen, and she made Lauren
feel seen as well, because I felt really bad for

(48:43):
Lauren that she was caught in the crossby by my
words on the live and so she was like, look,
this was y'all need to do. She gave us the
idea to do the job as mine. When we did
the cover. So yeah, the Monica and bracket the boys mind,
you know, and we had fun shooting it. It was amazing.
We also agually. I also pulled and pulled pour it
into us just the ladies of iHeart. But Angie invited

(49:05):
me to dinner after that, and and her and I
talked a lot and shout out to Ivy as well,
that's her our girl show with her and and it
was just amazing, like just to know, like because I
was afraid to lean in after that. I was like,
they're all looking at me like, oh, this is trouble
make up and she can go live again if she
don't like something. And so I was just afraid, you know,

(49:28):
to lean in.

Speaker 1 (49:29):
But they made it. They made me feel good about
leaning in and trusting them, like whatever you need, I
got you, you know. So that made me feel good. Yeah,
me too, thank you. Yeah, I love it for you
as well. So now period.

Speaker 3 (49:45):
So the book Till Death Do We Parent By just
this is beautiful. The cover is dope hand that's my.

Speaker 1 (49:53):
Real as she has handles and they don't say nothing
about you already.

Speaker 3 (49:56):
My head is lefty, Okay, I'm a lefty. I love
that this book is so neat. Yeah, so I want
to know because, like I said, I'm a fan of yours,
so I pay attention and I know about how you
and Rome.

Speaker 2 (50:08):
Are like bestie. But what was the process to get there?

Speaker 1 (50:12):
Man? It wasn't easy.

Speaker 5 (50:14):
He was nineteen years old nineteen when I got pregnant.
I was like eighteen when I met him, going on
eighteen or something like that. I got pregnant and my
parents didn't even know I was dating, so it was
hard having to tell them, Oh, this is my boyfriend.
And by the way, I'm pregnant by him. You know,
I was sneaking across Baltimore City to see him. All
of that, right, and then I got pregnant. And my

(50:37):
mindset when I was young.

Speaker 1 (50:38):
Oh my gosh. People say, oh, you're so.

Speaker 5 (50:40):
Young and dumb and full of you know, but I
really had thought that I was going to marry him
and have a big, big family with him. At nineteen,
look at me trying to write my life, like I owe,
that was so much more life to live, and you know,
like this is gonna be my first and last boyfriend.

Speaker 1 (50:56):
And it didn't go that way.

Speaker 5 (50:57):
Like Rome was lying, cheating, just manipulative all the things right,
and I stayed because.

Speaker 1 (51:06):
I'm like, you know, we're the same age.

Speaker 5 (51:10):
He wasn't lying, right, he was just growing up like
really big, exactly right. But I was so much I
was so much more mature than him, So I just I.

Speaker 1 (51:21):
Knew what I thought. I knew what I wanted.

Speaker 5 (51:23):
I was like, nah, this is my only guy, you know,
and I was trying to I found myself trying to
understand why he was like that, you know, and thinking that,
you know what, if I do this the right way,
if I do this so, if I do that, you know,
cater to him in this way, he's gonna wake up
a smarter coffee, Like, No, you know what, you're the
only girl I want. I want to be with my family,
you know. I thought that that was going to be

(51:44):
what it was. But I had to change my mindset
when I realized that that's.

Speaker 1 (51:49):
Not This is not going to be my life.

Speaker 5 (51:50):
We're not going to have this you know, fairy tale
of a relationship, you know, and I had to change
my mindset, and doing that, I had to also give
Rome grace because he went through something so very traumatic
when he was ten years old. He found his mother dead,
Like he was the one to find her, and so
his childhood was just uprooted in a way where it

(52:14):
was like damn, I mean, his childhood was disrupted in
a way where he went from a affectionate, loving household
where he was his mom's only child to now living
with his father and his stepmom, where his stepmom wasn't affectionate,
she wasn't much of a nurturer, but she was a
provider and she was always there.

Speaker 1 (52:33):
His father was not, and so he really had no.

Speaker 5 (52:35):
Real guidance on how to treat women and how to
raise children and not, you know, because he wasn't even
finished being raised when his mom passed away, you know.
And then his father stepped in when he wanted to,
you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (52:48):
And so.

Speaker 5 (52:50):
That's where that's where me and Rome had kind of
bonded at because he would open up to me about these.

Speaker 1 (52:56):
Things, and I realized, like.

Speaker 5 (52:58):
Oh, no, this is this kidney therapy, you know, right right?
But I had never went through anything like that in
my life. But all I could do was be there
for him. So a lot of times, like I ignored
like how I felt and was like dang, like he.

Speaker 1 (53:13):
Really needs help.

Speaker 5 (53:14):
That's how we really became friends after I broke up
with his ass after him keeping he had Yes, Yes,
he had a baby right after I took him back
from cheating.

Speaker 1 (53:27):
How old was that? I was twenty two, Ashton was
two years old? Yeah, I was told when was yes?

Speaker 5 (53:35):
And I'm like, damn, y'o, here we got this beautiful
bond already because you're being vulnerable with me. I'm providing
the safe space for you to open up about any
and everything that you can't even talk to anybody else about.

Speaker 1 (53:46):
Not your best friend.

Speaker 5 (53:46):
You don't have a family member that tried to help
you with your mom's death or anything, and you're treating
me like this.

Speaker 1 (53:52):
But it was just.

Speaker 5 (53:52):
Something about what he had gone through and how he
was looking at life like he was lost that made
me say, nah, I don't want to hate you like
I don't want to hate you.

Speaker 1 (54:04):
If anything, I want to help y'all, want to be
there for you, because it.

Speaker 5 (54:06):
Seems like nobody is there for you, like nobody you know.
So that but I had to give him a lot
of grace and I did. And I was able to
do that because I was raised to parent household. A
lot of structure in my household, my mom taught me
and my brother what grace was, what you know, mercy was,
and what you know. People come from all different walks

(54:27):
of life. And just because you don't make it in
a relationship when you have a kid, that doesn't mean
that y'all can't raise a child effectively and be a team,
you know.

Speaker 1 (54:37):
So wow, Yeah, so y'all.

Speaker 3 (54:40):
Was together for how many years before you brooo?

Speaker 1 (54:44):
So after that was that was it. I could not
go back girl.

Speaker 5 (54:48):
Once I found out that Once the girl left, somebody
left a comment under my Facebook post like I don't
know why he over here playing house with you and
he got my cousin pregnant.

Speaker 4 (54:58):
I was like, okay, yeah, it's funny. Like my son
was born when I was eighteen. His father was deceased
by the time I was twenty. Wow, so it's like
an and we weren't even together. Similar things, you know,
But we had domestic violence issues too, and it was
both ways. So because one time I said we had

(55:21):
domestic violence issues and started getting phone calls from people
like you remember when y'all was on, said you knocked
him upside his head. So it was yeah, but oftentimes
it was because I knew what was going to happen.
So I was like preemptive, like let me just start
this fight. Let him know I'm crazy today, you know.
And it worked sometimes because he would be like, let

(55:41):
me lead this crazy girl alone at that killless girl.

Speaker 5 (55:45):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (55:45):
It was very toxic.

Speaker 4 (55:47):
But I realized that his parents, they both struggled with
addiction and in and out of the system. They never
got the support that you know, now everything is opioids
and you know, it's a disease, and we got to
help people and put them in programs and all that
because white kids started really you know, not to say
white kids weren't already having addiction issue, but the opioid

(56:09):
crisis made it worse. And so now there's a whole
new way that they focused on drug treatment. But back
when his parents were young, it was go to jail
and that was it. And he basically struggled with not
having his mom and just all the things. And I
took on all of that listening to his stories and

(56:30):
the pain and the violence and the anger, just everything
he experienced and he never got help because at that
time therapy, my son is twenty six or seven child,
I don't know, well, how old was your son's twenty eight.

Speaker 1 (56:44):
Okay, Soterik just turned twenty seven, thank you.

Speaker 4 (56:47):
So yeah, so that was twenty five years ago, well
even before that, but let's say twenty five years ago,
there was this conversation around mental health was not a thing.

Speaker 1 (56:59):
It was not a thing.

Speaker 4 (57:00):
So for him to go to a doctor, he would
have thought like, oh, I'm crazy, and people would have
laughed at him, maybe even or in his family right
like would have been.

Speaker 1 (57:08):
Like, oh ha ha ha. So he never that wasn't
the thing.

Speaker 4 (57:12):
Go get therapy, and it's and for us at such
a young age as women to be taken on that
type of stress and pressure without the tools that we need,
it's just unhealthy, Yes, unhealthy.

Speaker 1 (57:23):
And that's what it was for me.

Speaker 5 (57:25):
Like I wasn't I'm not a profess I'm still not,
but I wasn't a professional. You know, I'm his age,
trying to figure out my life. But I'm still trying
to have a big enough heart or having a big
enough heart for him to help him through all of
his mood swings. And one day he wake up, he'd
be happy, and then one day he just wake up
and he not you know, and he missed his mom

(57:45):
and then another one day he wake up, he like
he missed up.

Speaker 1 (57:48):
But then he mad at her because like, why did
you leave? He's blaming her, you know.

Speaker 5 (57:51):
But that's because his family didn't do the due diligence
of getting him a counselor or therapist, you know what
I mean.

Speaker 1 (57:58):
So my family even took him in. My mother. Now,
my father.

Speaker 5 (58:01):
Didn't really like him too much for a while, you know,
but my mother she also saw real quick like, oh yeah,
this kidney talk, he's misguided.

Speaker 3 (58:11):
Yeah, I lost my father at eleven. Actually seen him
overdosed on my couch. Jesus, he walked into my house
and he was overdosed on my couch. So that's a
trauma that you don't forget, you know. I think I
was eleven, Oh my god, you know, I was eleven
years old. So I definitely understand that. What I'm trying
to get from you is how long did it take

(58:34):
after y'all broke up for y'all to really build a ball?
Was it immediately after? We're not gonna be together? But
we just like, what was your process?

Speaker 2 (58:41):
Yo?

Speaker 5 (58:41):
To be honest, I was already checked out mentally, so
I already knew. Look when that girl left the comment
right and was like, yeah, he got it. He got
my cousin pregnant. I wasn't even upset. I wasn't upset.
I was upset with myself for something totally different. I
had met somebody I had moved on from Rome, or
I thought I had moved on from Rome because he

(59:04):
was out of sight, out of mind for a while.

Speaker 1 (59:05):
We were already broken up.

Speaker 5 (59:06):
And then I met this gentleman that was not only
good for me, he was good for my son. And
that's what you gotta consider when you're dating when you
have kids. Don't date selfishly only for yourself. You gotta
date for you and your child. And this guy's name
is email. Y'all talk about him in the book.

Speaker 1 (59:21):
He was helping me. He implemented structure on my household.

Speaker 2 (59:24):
You know.

Speaker 1 (59:25):
He and Ashton had girl bond.

Speaker 5 (59:26):
My son and I went to go talk to Rome,
and Rome fed me sweet nothings and tangled me up
in that web where he got me back into, you know,
just telling me what I want to hear. I want
my family, I love you. I'm sorry, I can change.
I'm gonna change.

Speaker 1 (59:42):
It's been crazy over here since you left.

Speaker 5 (59:45):
D d and so I'm thinking I'm doing a good
thing by going and breaking up with the guy, like, look,
I'm gonna break up with you. I want to give
my son's father a second chance, you know, although it
was a hundred or the hundred chants by then, because
I want to give my son a shot at seeing
a two parent household like together. And that guy, oh

(01:00:08):
my god, I will never forget how he was staring
at me like he could have blew my head off,
Like are you serious the same dude that you complained
to me about, the same dude that really ain't stepping
up for your son and who didn't give an f.

Speaker 1 (01:00:21):
About you when y'all were in a relationship.

Speaker 5 (01:00:23):
You you know. And so I left him for Rome,
and twenty four hours later to me and my son
is when I saw that comment. Wow, four hours later,
I'm like, damn, you got a whole baby on the way.
And then come to find out this wasn't just the
one off. He was in a relationship with this girl.
But I was more so upset that I fell for

(01:00:44):
whatever Rome had dangled in front of my face, like
what just another bullshit possibility of restoring the family. The
family dynamic, and I left something great behind to do that,
to explore whatever that was, and found out he had
a baby on the way. I was already checked out
though I don't even know why I went back, Like

(01:01:05):
I don't know why, I swear and.

Speaker 4 (01:01:07):
So, but in hindsight, you weren't supposed to be with
either one of them. Yeah, because now here you are
in a wonderful marriage, and so it's like it's all
part of the preparation in life, and it takes a
while before we get to see ourselves full circle.

Speaker 1 (01:01:22):
Yeah, you know, it takes a while, trust me. I know. Well,
how do you I'm thirty four?

Speaker 4 (01:01:26):
Oh so okay, So I got you by eleven twelve years.

Speaker 1 (01:01:30):
Lord help us, Jesus, you.

Speaker 4 (01:01:31):
Don't help us, God help us, Father God. So I
you know, now at forty almost forty six and six
weeks from now, I see my life from back here,
and it's like, oh, that's what you were doing, God,
or that's what that was about. And I wasn't supposed
to be there. Maybe the whole point of not, you know,

(01:01:53):
you and this second guy not being together was because
that might not have worked out either later on, you know,
and that would have been yet another example of the things.
So it all kind of just comes together as it's
supposed to. So when did when would you say? Like,
what was the thing that was the turning point for
you in your relationship? Because I'm imagining that at the

(01:02:14):
beginning it was difficult, which we know it was not easy.
It was difficult to figure out the way you would
be with co parents healthy, healthy, healthy, healthily healthily, healthily healthy. Okay,
to help somebody with a word may be like, just
that's not the word. I don't Yeah, I always need
her words healthily.

Speaker 1 (01:02:35):
When did you? When did?

Speaker 4 (01:02:36):
When was the turning point? For the turning point frolks
from like healthy from toxic healthy?

Speaker 1 (01:02:46):
That could have been a subtitle of the book.

Speaker 5 (01:02:48):
From Toxic to Healthy. That's for the second book, because
it's gonna be a whole series. So it was just
that that uncomfortable conversation that we had. Me and Roma
sat down and we we gave like our vows, we
set our vowels to each other, and I said, Yo,
you gotta lay everything out on the table. And before
I finished answering that question, I never really finished answering yours.
So it was easy for me to just become his

(01:03:12):
friend because I was already still in a spot feeling
sorry form and then it's like no, no, no, like
this my this is still somebody that I loved, right
and I once was in love with him, but you know,
and for Rome, it was kind of quick too because
he needed to help and he had depended on me
and that excess that access to me too because I
was his safe space. So the pivot from toxic to

(01:03:37):
healthy was we had a conversation one day. We sat down,
he already two kids in and this, and he had
wanted this. The third one is on the way, and
I told him, come on, let's sit down, put everything
out on the table. Because you and I never had
a conversation of closure, like we never like officially concluded

(01:03:59):
whatever we we had going on. You know, I don't
want you anymore. I know, I really feel like you
don't want me. At one point you just didn't want
me to bet with nobody else. But let's let's end
it and finish it and saying our vows right, And
that's how we came up with till definitely parent, you know,
because we actually said our vowels, like do you Jerome
mick Ava James take me to be you know. Of

(01:04:21):
course the language was very different than me. You're right
of god, baby mother to the end, like you know
back then, you know, but the more right right, but
the more adult version, you know, was like he had
told me about everything that happened, like, all right, look,
I met this girl while I was dealing with you,

(01:04:42):
I was cheating on you.

Speaker 1 (01:04:43):
I liked her.

Speaker 5 (01:04:44):
She had, you know, she had, she was what I wanted.
She had best suited what I was looking for in
that time. I didn't use a condom. We got pregnant.

Speaker 2 (01:04:55):
You know.

Speaker 1 (01:04:55):
She says she would get rid of it. She didn't.
I didn't. I really didn't want her to, you know
what I mean, But I didn't care.

Speaker 5 (01:05:00):
It didn't matter to me, Like if I'm gonna have kids,
I'm gonna take care of it, you know. But I
really wasn't looking for me and her to be in
a relationship. So I'm like, yo, why do you keep
someone your seedes like that? Like why do you keep
like why are you just you know? And it wasn't
until that conversation that I got to understand how his
mind worked a little bit better and to realize, oh you.

Speaker 1 (01:05:22):
I can't do this.

Speaker 5 (01:05:23):
I'm not I don't specialize and I'm not a therapist.
I don't specialize in mental health or any of this.
You really need real help, you know. So that's where
and when he when he said yes to therapy, that
he would get therapy, and he just he tried harder
at showing up as the best parent and not being
a bitter like just a bitter person all around that.

Speaker 1 (01:05:46):
No, we didn't no, And back then, I didn't even
know what that looked like.

Speaker 5 (01:05:51):
I thought that was therapy, Like you know, he always
told me, like, this is my therapy. I don't need
to go send on nobody couch and talk to them,
especially if they can't relate to me, if they never
been through the same things that I've been through.

Speaker 1 (01:06:00):
I could just talk to you.

Speaker 5 (01:06:01):
But I'm like, yeah, but you're not, like I don't
know what to say to help you.

Speaker 1 (01:06:08):
I'm just listening.

Speaker 2 (01:06:09):
Can give you the health.

Speaker 5 (01:06:10):
Yeah, I'm here to console you. I'm here to you know,
tell you what I think you should do. But I'm
no expert either.

Speaker 1 (01:06:15):
Room.

Speaker 5 (01:06:16):
I'm we're the same age, baby, I'm over here struggling
with other things too, you know. So yeah, but that's
what That's where the pivot happened, from toxic to healthy.

Speaker 1 (01:06:26):
We better a healthy team. Yeah wow?

Speaker 2 (01:06:29):
So how did that work with relationships?

Speaker 3 (01:06:34):
Like you meet a new boyfriend or he got a
new girlfriend and you're like, oh, this is my he's
gonna be here, Yeah, he coming over this and the other.

Speaker 1 (01:06:41):
How did that affect nice hun? And that was that's
when it got a little crazy for me dating.

Speaker 5 (01:06:46):
Now for him dating, I never really Roome never put
his children in jeopardy, no matter who he was dealing with.
He had have a different girl on Monday than different
girl on Wednesday, and she'll stay till Sunday. Didn't have
another girl come in like but all of them is
as crazy as it sounds, and as crazy as it was.
All of them had great relationships with my son and

(01:07:07):
his other kids too. But when it was just my son,
I didn't really trip because I knew Rome would never
place his son in any danger, any harm, right, So
he was always a great dad.

Speaker 1 (01:07:17):
Now with me, it was different.

Speaker 5 (01:07:20):
Rome wanted to make sure before any of these niggas
meet my son, I need to be I need to
talk to them, I need to tell them how you
know how he operate, they need to call me. Don't
nobody need to discipline him verbally, physically, nothing like, don't
nobody need to be you know. But that was more
so of the control. He just wanted to have some
type of control because Rome. I wouldn't have I you know,

(01:07:44):
I never put my son around anybody that I thought
would you know, cause him harm or danger. But me
being in a relationship with Rome and accepting so much,
and I think me trying to help him and see
where he was coming from. I didn't have a great
show of men, Like I didn't have good judgment when
it came to relationships until my husband, I will say honestly,

(01:08:07):
like yo, I yeah, And I am vulnerable enough to
say that. I write about it in the book as well,
Like what I was just talking to you about To me,
I'm like, I was dating very selfishly, like I was dating,
not for my son, Like I was dating like I
wasn't a package.

Speaker 1 (01:08:24):
Yeah, I was like if you made me feel good, cool.
You don't even have to really be close to kids.
You don't even got to know what it's like to
be around kids to deal with me.

Speaker 5 (01:08:33):
And that is what I regret, to be honest, but yeah,
and Rome used to always tell me, don't go get
another future. Oh you you gonna be just look at
that nigga just like me. I can see it ain't
gonna work with him.

Speaker 3 (01:08:46):
You know.

Speaker 1 (01:08:46):
He would say that for every single person, and he
would be right.

Speaker 5 (01:08:50):
I would never admit that he was right. But when
I break up with the person, he'd be like, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:08:54):
I told you, I told you. Already know your husband.
He knew.

Speaker 5 (01:08:58):
He knew instantly that Chris was the one. Wow, that's
so crazy. That's he he's Rome is really your friend. Yes,
he's really your friend. That's that's your friend because your
friend knows.

Speaker 3 (01:09:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:09:13):
And he was able to identify those qualities that he
had never seen me encounter from a guy out of
a guy, you know what I mean, even himself. He
even put himself in and he's like, yeah, I knew.
I knew that he was going to be you having
sent dude, I know what you're looking for, I know
what you want. I couldn't get a to you. This
guy can get at to you. This guy could get it.

(01:09:34):
But I knew that he was. He met Chris one
time and he instantly there. Now, they didn't always get along. Well,
it's not even that they didn't get along. There needed
to be boundaries that I put in place between me
and Rome to respect my relations.

Speaker 1 (01:09:49):
Because now that was your friend. Yes, and y'all had
just been key and ha ha ha a way and
every black.

Speaker 5 (01:09:57):
Yep and everybody who I dated before my husband, I
told them, you know how you date somebody and you'd
be like, yeah, I got a son, so I'm not ba.
I would be like, I got my son, and I'm
close with this baby. I'm close with my baby father.
I'm close with his father. So he's gonna be the one.
He's gonna be at the wedding. He probably gonna walk
me down the hour like you know, but imagine you
dating a girl when shorty you're saying it, like your
question would be like, so why are you not with him?

Speaker 2 (01:10:19):
Then?

Speaker 1 (01:10:19):
You know?

Speaker 5 (01:10:20):
And so some guys were receptive for a little bit.
Then some of them weren't at all from the jump like,
oh no, you might as well be with him then,
you know. But my my, my husband made me draw
that line and the saying like nah, look.

Speaker 2 (01:10:35):
Yeah A gonna do this.

Speaker 1 (01:10:37):
Yeah, because we laying in the bed late night, you
know what I'm saying, and he called you and you answering,
but it's like your.

Speaker 5 (01:10:44):
Talk about it and they right, but Ron will call
me for advice. Your guess who just happened at the club?

Speaker 2 (01:10:49):
Yo?

Speaker 5 (01:10:50):
I I was in it with these two bead at
you know, and they started, you know, things like that,
and my husband was not cool with that. It's like, nah, nah,
I understand, you ain't got nothing going on. And he
always trusted that. He had never thought that me and
Wrong were creeping around. But he was like, yeah, nah,
there's there there are certain hours that he can talk
and see you can't. You can't answer the phone from

(01:11:11):
one o'clock in the morning, like I'm gonna need some respect.

Speaker 1 (01:11:15):
And I did not want to lose the good man. Yes, so.

Speaker 4 (01:11:22):
He did, and he was so happy to you. He
was eager to do it, understand you. Yeah, so does
he have a wife?

Speaker 1 (01:11:30):
Now?

Speaker 2 (01:11:31):
Who?

Speaker 1 (01:11:31):
Wrong? Girl? Helena? Far from it.

Speaker 4 (01:11:36):
Is Roman baby, very faithful, one beautiful woman.

Speaker 1 (01:11:42):
Right now? What's crazy about this girl? I ended up
meeting her.

Speaker 5 (01:11:49):
She was my manager at a clothing store years ago
when me and Rome were together, when my son was
like one year old, and I mean her Baltimore was
so small. Yeah, almost everybody that wrong date. I know
I was associated with him somewhere. I went to school
with this girl. God damn, I beat her up in
middle school.

Speaker 1 (01:12:06):
Yo, you know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (01:12:07):
But they've been going strong for maybe about what two years.

Speaker 1 (01:12:11):
That's good. So that is white. You are right.

Speaker 4 (01:12:14):
We're not going to make wrong look crazy up here
on this show doing right.

Speaker 1 (01:12:20):
You said, person you said, but he is not.

Speaker 4 (01:12:25):
He is very serious about this beautiful young lady. She
and today baby, So see you know now that that
may be the one.

Speaker 1 (01:12:37):
Yeah, that's right. You gotta go on to what together,
you know, some of the persons feeling, And that's good, that's.

Speaker 4 (01:12:48):
Absolutely So how does your son feel in the midst
of all of this? You got married, you know, obviously
he knew you and your dad. His dad was nothing.
He didn't even want that to be okay, cool, So
he had conversation. Yeah, and he goes back and forth still,
but he's yep, fifty, yep, he's fourteen fourteen, so now
it's like he's older. So they don't when they get older,

(01:13:09):
they don't want to go back and forth. No, they
go and they feel like it at that age and
he's he's happy.

Speaker 5 (01:13:16):
He has a solidified bond like with my husband, and
Rome and Chris tag team on raising him together, like
they talk outside of me. They both take turns, you know,
because Ash is football. He plays football, and he's at
he's at the number two school in the country for football.

(01:13:38):
You know, shout out to Saint Francis Academy, and they
both help with that. They organized practices and they the transport.
You take him, I'm ana pick him up, you know.
Or and now my son got a girlfriend. So he
was excited to tell Chris and his father, but wasn't
excited to tell me.

Speaker 1 (01:13:55):
Of course not. And I'm like, damn, you know what
i mean.

Speaker 4 (01:13:57):
But I love that though, Yeah, because you are also
a renaissance woman.

Speaker 1 (01:14:01):
So you working, you writing, You're doing.

Speaker 4 (01:14:04):
You got a lot going on, and there comes a
point the hardest part. Well, there's a lot of things
about my son's father being deceased that hurts. And when
you said that, Rome was angry at his mother at times.

Speaker 1 (01:14:18):
I went through that.

Speaker 4 (01:14:19):
There was like a year or so where I was
so mad at Jason for passing away, like.

Speaker 1 (01:14:25):
How dare you die on me? And I'm here in
this situation stuck. So I know what that.

Speaker 2 (01:14:32):
Was thinking.

Speaker 1 (01:14:34):
But yeah, but I just the point is that you
ain't here.

Speaker 4 (01:14:38):
And by the way, the people that you got involved
with that took your life, we done told you about
them kind of people your family did.

Speaker 1 (01:14:45):
I told you.

Speaker 4 (01:14:46):
You were so much more concerned with whatever else was
going on than with us that this is this is
the this is the spiral that you know got out
of control, and so it makes you angry. You go
through grit is very interesting, how you go through so
many different things. You start thinking you shouldn't have been there,
Why did you go?

Speaker 1 (01:15:07):
You know, how did you let yourself get killed?

Speaker 4 (01:15:10):
You know, you go through so many and you don't
You cannot control what grief will do to you, but
you do need somebody to help you manage it, for sure.
And that's the thing that he was lacking and so
was I, which is how later on in life, you know,
I end up taking the prescription pills and all the
things because you think it's the thing that's happening to

(01:15:32):
you at the moment. But when you finally get therapy,
you begin to learn that there's layers of stuff that
started so long ago in your life that you never,
You didn't even acknowledge it or pinpoint it as a problem.

Speaker 1 (01:15:48):
It just to socialize.

Speaker 4 (01:15:49):
We live in an environment of toxicity all the time,
so we pick up things that makes our relationships hard,
that makes you know, how we communicate with other women, men, This,
that our children, everything, It's a lot. And so I
know all about that feeling that Rome had of being angry.
And I used to be so damn pissed with my

(01:16:12):
son's father because I was alone and trying to the
point I'm making here is that there came a point
when I realized I couldn't do anything else for my son. Yeah,
and fourteen about is that age when it shifts to
being more of the father's responsibility. And then you you know,

(01:16:33):
as a mother, there's not much you can do. You
can still love on them and kiss them in such
of things and give them hard you know, learning examples
of things in life, and coach them and mentor them
and do all of that.

Speaker 1 (01:16:47):
It's not the same.

Speaker 4 (01:16:48):
You cannot be a father once they get to that
funky age at fourteen.

Speaker 2 (01:16:54):
Girl.

Speaker 5 (01:16:54):
Yes, And that's why I'm so I'm just so damn
blessed because not only do I have my son's father
and my husband.

Speaker 1 (01:17:04):
I have my father, you know what I mean, Yes,
I need to it's a village, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (01:17:09):
And Rome's father, you know, he didn't really show up
for Rome. I think that's why he tries to show
up for his grandkids.

Speaker 1 (01:17:16):
Yeah, you know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (01:17:18):
But what bothers me about my son at fourteen not
being able to communicate, not being able.

Speaker 1 (01:17:25):
To communicate with me. It's not even that he's not
able to communicate.

Speaker 5 (01:17:28):
They go through this phase, these teenage boys with it's
one word, yeah, it's one word answers.

Speaker 1 (01:17:34):
It's like, damn, did I do something to you today?
Like nah, Just so you.

Speaker 2 (01:17:37):
Know that you're dealing with hormone.

Speaker 1 (01:17:39):
That my son Mumbo.

Speaker 2 (01:17:40):
Dealing with hormones.

Speaker 3 (01:17:42):
They're dealing with thoughts, they're trying to figure things out.
It's a girl at school, it's a guy, some kid
in school. They don't want it's it's sports. They're thinking
of old Yeah, and they don't think you really understand.
They just really don't think you.

Speaker 2 (01:17:54):
And they like mine, you.

Speaker 3 (01:17:55):
Like like my my mother loves me, but she can't
really right.

Speaker 5 (01:17:58):
But in all I'm saying that it is like no,
try me, like, just talk to me, like I don't know.
It's like and I'm blaming myself, like did I do
something there? Is it because I'm married? Is it because
I had a new baby?

Speaker 1 (01:18:10):
Like to me, I'll be going, I understand.

Speaker 2 (01:18:13):
Like I sent this fourteenth right now.

Speaker 3 (01:18:14):
It's this phase that he's going through that his mother
doesn't really understand. She's, well, I've done all I can
you you gotta do it now fourteen and stuff. And
I realize it because when I'm having a conversation, when
I'm looking at it, I'm really okay, this is a
step towards manhood. He wants to be his own individual, right,
So he's trying to find his space, and you have
us men have to guide you in that space because

(01:18:37):
if you get the wrong influence at that time, you
can go all over. So you got to really bring
them in in structure, like Okay, you got to see
little things and stop them immediately. You're not doing that
or this is how you gotta do things. So it's
a lot, So don't don't put it on yourself.

Speaker 1 (01:18:51):
Yeah, I know, And that's why I started.

Speaker 5 (01:18:53):
I think I was having like parental guilt, right because
I started over I had a baby, you know, and
the way that Marley gets to see me, Ash didn't
get to see me when I was when he was younger,
because I was, you know, wilding out then fops then
you know, like on the rise.

Speaker 4 (01:19:12):
And outside trying they find the man.

Speaker 1 (01:19:14):
And that's what I'm so damn like guilty about.

Speaker 5 (01:19:19):
I just I still have that, not even asked him,
and he's like, no, none of that is the problem
but him.

Speaker 4 (01:19:27):
But he doesn't even know because, like I said, later
in life, the layers come back and you're like, oh wow,
I didn't realize that it did bother me when a
new baby came into a new man. And then I
started feeling he won't understand that. And so sitting back
looking at his life and all the things that pulled
at his heartstrings. All of us create situations for our

(01:19:51):
children that we have to.

Speaker 1 (01:19:54):
Like, you know, there's there's residuals. All of us do it.

Speaker 4 (01:19:57):
You know, my son he had to deal with me
being in many ways a missing parent, but not because
I was in the street or at the club.

Speaker 1 (01:20:05):
I was out here fighting for.

Speaker 4 (01:20:07):
People's children, in the middle of everything from Sean Bell
to Amadu Diallo to, you know, to all the cases
that we fought. You know, I could go on with
names I think about. You know, when Ramartley Graham was
killed in the Bronx and he was shot in his house.
The police went into his house and shot him in

(01:20:27):
the bathroom where his grandmother was in the house, and
he was I don't know. I think Ramarley might have
been eighteen or nineteen years old. So many stories and
sometimes I can't remember, but I know my son was
a teenager and he had basketball.

Speaker 1 (01:20:40):
But that case was big.

Speaker 4 (01:20:42):
I mean I was in the middle of like a
war in New York and I missed three or four games,
and it was like after that, I felt a shift
in his not even really wanting to be bothered with
me because he couldn't understand.

Speaker 1 (01:20:58):
What I was dealing with.

Speaker 4 (01:21:00):
When you're in those types of fights, there is no
day off. Your children and your family often take a
back seat. Unfortunately to that work. Now people will say
would you do it differently? Saying that I would do
it differently would mean that white supremacy and police abuse
and all of that wouldn't exist, Because I can't say that.

Speaker 1 (01:21:22):
If I was still in the work, I would have
done it differently.

Speaker 4 (01:21:24):
I can't say that because the where I'm at, the
position I sit in and being a leader, and I
was an emerging leader at that time. It is because
of the work. So it's a challenging thing. But I
do know that the decisions I made had a negative
impact on my son as he grew up, and we
just and do I feel guilty about it? I used to,

(01:21:48):
but I've come to a place of like, Okay, I
did all of that.

Speaker 1 (01:21:52):
I apologize.

Speaker 4 (01:21:53):
Now it is your time, though, to course correct and
figure out how with your kid.

Speaker 1 (01:21:58):
You don't have to do it the same way.

Speaker 4 (01:22:00):
Yeah, you know, and and and I recognize that he
sees me different now that he's a mature person who
has a three year old. He understands my life a
lot different than he did when he was a teenager
and I was not present, you know, and and different
things went on.

Speaker 1 (01:22:20):
So it's a challenge.

Speaker 4 (01:22:22):
And when you get older, you begin to realize these
are the things that impacted me and shifted you know,
how I how I grew and what I was experiencing.

Speaker 5 (01:22:30):
Yeah, but no, I appreciate that insight, because girl, that
like that is something that I think.

Speaker 1 (01:22:36):
About every day. Yeah you'll be all, yeah, thank you,
yeah you be.

Speaker 3 (01:22:44):
So what do you want people to get from this?
Like when you when you overall thinker, like, what do
you want them to get?

Speaker 2 (01:22:51):
Well?

Speaker 5 (01:22:51):
Listen, it's certainly not a how to do parenting, you
know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (01:22:56):
Like that?

Speaker 5 (01:22:57):
Indeed, I think that this is a tutory on tutorial
on how you're supposed to parent. But it's my journey,
it's my experiences, right, and what any woman can take
away from it, even if you don't have kids, you
were once a kid and you saw your mom and
your dad co parent or maybe you didn't, you know,
and maybe the answers to why you are the way

(01:23:17):
you are are in this book, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (01:23:19):
But it's literally a stigma like that.

Speaker 5 (01:23:24):
I want to take the right step toward killing because
there's been a bad stigma put on parenting and especially
the black families that when we don't make it as
lovers for whatever reason, we still can't come together and
effectively raise our kids. It has to be dysfunction, it
gotta be negative, it gotta be toxic, it gotta be static,

(01:23:45):
and it does not have to be that way. And
then another thing I want women to take and men
to take away is accepting and letting go. Like, because
I had a hard time in the beginning accepting that
me and Rome, we're not going to be together, was
not gonna be my husband, that I'm gonna have a
trillion kids with, Like, I had to change my mindset

(01:24:07):
and accept it and then let it go to make
room for us to be friends, to be family on
a different level, you know, to construct the beautiful bond
to raise our kid who was still looking at both
of us, you know what I mean, Because I was
trying to I was trying to be a bitter parent
and show up as that bitter parent and being the
best mom. Ever that don't work. That does not work.

(01:24:30):
And I was bleeding that into my son. He was
constantly absorbing the energy. He was acting out going to school,
you know, just fighting and just talking back and being disrespectful.
And I'm trying to figure out where it's coming from.
But I'm always mad at his father, you know what
I mean, being around him, not talking ish about his
father to him. But just my moved the energy, yeah,

(01:24:52):
you know, and he was absorbing that and then regurgitating it,
you know. So it was just like, damn, But that's
what you got to You gotta accept it for what
it is.

Speaker 1 (01:25:02):
Let it go, you know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (01:25:03):
And then I don't like I don't like the stigma
of oh until he.

Speaker 1 (01:25:09):
Eighteen or until she eighteen? Nah, till that's do we parent.

Speaker 5 (01:25:12):
This is a real life sentence. Like I'm thirty four
years old, I'm married and dependent. I got my kids,
you know, businesses that I'm running, and I still will
pick up that phone and call my mother. You know,
I need my father for things, you know what I mean.
So this is absolutely a life sentence. So and I
know it can't help you. It can help you even
if you don't have kids, you know, just reading from

(01:25:33):
my experience, Well, I thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:25:36):
Tell me the last thing. What's next for you?

Speaker 4 (01:25:40):
This book is And by the way, we are publishing
siblings because we both have books on black privilege publishing.
Shout out to Charlamagne. As you said, he has the
biggest heart. He's going to always try to find a
way to put somebody in position, so he never closes
the door behind him, you know, And I appreciate him
some much for the investment that he's made in me.

(01:26:02):
He allows me to have a book, two books that
tell stories that I don't even have to speak. My
work is already in the when I get there, people
already like, oh my god, I've read your book.

Speaker 1 (01:26:13):
I see your story. I see you. Let's fight or
less love or yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:26:18):
You know, and it's a It's a beautiful thing. And
glad to know that. You know, he helped you to
put this book out as well. What do you want
to do ultimately beyond being all this mom radio personality,
comedian author? What's just hilarious like your big moment in life?

Speaker 2 (01:26:36):
You know?

Speaker 5 (01:26:37):
I want to At first I used to say, like
I want to I want a network, right, I want
a network with him, But no, I really want I
don't know whether it's going to be daytime because we
know daytime TV Talk is going down the drain as
we see it, but it's always possible for.

Speaker 1 (01:26:49):
Something to return, you know what I mean? Things? You
know what I mean. So that's what I want to do.

Speaker 5 (01:26:55):
I want to have like daytime TV talk where I
am helping people. I do you want to turn this
into a show you know, yes, where you know Jass
ficks my mess, where you know it's co parents and
help helping couples, you know, men men their relationships, whether
they're going to be together or not. Like, because whether
we realize it or not, we create like bad seeds, yo,

(01:27:18):
Like we really do. Like not only are they born
in saying yeah, I understand that, but like our children
go off of like how they see us. Now that's
not always the case. It doesn't always. Nothing is absolutely
you know what I'm saying. Yeah, but it's like we
can help our children if we pay more attention to them,

(01:27:38):
Like you know, you gotta get to know your kids.
I listen, something crazy that I didn't realize was in
a pandemic.

Speaker 1 (01:27:46):
I had to get to know my son.

Speaker 5 (01:27:48):
I realized that, Damn, I've been traveling and doing all listen,
he's always in school and doing this that I hadn't
really had sat down and find out, like what his
needs are, what his wants are, what he likes, what
he doesn't like, what he finds in appropriate.

Speaker 1 (01:28:00):
Yeah, well you know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (01:28:00):
So I actually always probably say I got to know
my son through the pandemic because it was just us
in the house. Things were shut down. You gotta you
will find out so much if you just.

Speaker 1 (01:28:11):
Sit and talk to your children, you know.

Speaker 5 (01:28:14):
So that's what I want to do. I want to
I want to mend relationships. I want to help blended families.
I want to help, you know, like integrate families, and
you know, I want to be able to help people
fill in the gaps of what they feel like is missing.
Also outside of co parents and just helping people, you know,
that's what I want to do. I want like a

(01:28:34):
thirty minutes or hour show doing that. That's exactly what
I want to manast Or books cold, yeah, because cold
parents and can't just be summed up and all you know,
one book, you know, and as.

Speaker 4 (01:28:46):
Fact, you say, on Tuesday, the first you have to
remind him to keep the kids coats on in the winter.
I have to tell my son that all the time,
arguing about it to us today.

Speaker 1 (01:28:57):
And explain it because I don't understand you know what
I mean. Now, fight the seventh day of the month,
you have to d.

Speaker 4 (01:29:08):
Program and reprogram crashing after weekend is Dad's.

Speaker 5 (01:29:13):
Get back from the other parent house, stay a whole
different little nit, a whole different little kid. And now
on Wednesday to ninth you have to send screenshots for
proof that you already Sey told.

Speaker 1 (01:29:25):
You, I Ray told you, already told you.

Speaker 4 (01:29:28):
The bag is the soundtrack to my life, like the
back of that lie. Okay, we explained this slow for
wrong on the sixteenth. You have to you translated by
saying I'm five minutes away. Wait a minute, translate I'm
five minutes away into real time.

Speaker 1 (01:29:44):
Twenty five minutes.

Speaker 4 (01:29:46):
Okay, twenty five getting off, No, twenty five minutes. You're
still in the house now, twenty one. No, excuse me. Now,
the twenty first day of the month is important. Swallow
pride and ask for help. We are a team. Yeah,
that's powerful. You got other stuff on here, but I
think we can end there. Thank you, jess hilarious, Thank you,

(01:30:07):
Thank you, my son, happy for you.

Speaker 5 (01:30:10):
I'm never wearing this because I know because I'm coming back.

Speaker 1 (01:30:15):
I'm a dull episode without the heck.

Speaker 4 (01:30:18):
No, you are welcome to come to the team I
show anytime you want. Thank you so much, Thank you
and congratulations. This is going to help save lives, save.

Speaker 2 (01:30:26):
Us until death, do we parents?

Speaker 1 (01:30:29):
Yes? The raising my cap with his dad.

Speaker 2 (01:30:33):
Thank you, Jessica.

Speaker 5 (01:30:34):
More talible because I'm married, Jessica, more tolerable.

Speaker 4 (01:30:39):
Thank you so obviously you know, just hilarious is hugely successful.
She is, you know, much more successful than I was
at thirty four, twelve years older. There does come a
time in life when you start realizing that you're older
than people, even people that you have watched grow and like,

(01:31:00):
you know, they're big successful people on TV and the
other places, and you're like, damn.

Speaker 1 (01:31:05):
I'm still older than you.

Speaker 4 (01:31:06):
You think out on when I was a kid, I
thought everybody on TV was old. Everybody, no matter what
they look like, they could be little kids. And I
thought they because they had they were working for dad
a job, you know. So but anyway, you know, she's
hugely successful. But I see so much of my older self,

(01:31:27):
or my younger self rather in her, you know, just
that now she probably is fine. And I remember that
by the time I got to like thirty five, I
started coming into a groove of self like, understanding more
about who I am, more about womanhood, you know, and
family became obviously much more important to me. And so

(01:31:49):
I see that in her, and it's just good to
know that she has had the opportunity to put her
dreams forward. And I think that it's also what makes
makes me is slightly emotional about it is that I
know how influential Charlemagne is.

Speaker 1 (01:32:06):
Now.

Speaker 4 (01:32:06):
Of course, there's a whole bunch of shit that we
me and him and you and Leonard. We go back
and forth. We don't always agree on issues, but the
core of who he is and what he does, especially
for black women, is really really intentional and important, and

(01:32:27):
I know it in so many different ways, from Teslin
to Lauren. You know, I just it made me a
little emotional watching her today because I can tell that
he has looked at her and said, let's pivot. We're
gonna pivot this way. You're gonna do radio, We're gonna
pivot this way. You're gonna have your book, you know,
And that's that's just a beautiful thing. That's what we're

(01:32:48):
all supposed to be doing. And it's so many other
people that do it all the time. But I just figure,
because you know, he is our publishing papa, that the
siblings should give him some love.

Speaker 2 (01:32:58):
Look shout out to Charlamagne.

Speaker 3 (01:32:59):
He's always shown me love, you know, He's always shown
me respect, put me on platforms, always made sure that
my voice was elevated. You don't made sure that I
had an opportunity to give my side of any story.
Even if we disagreed on things, he always showed me
nothing but love and respect, you know. And we actually
here on this podcast because of him.

Speaker 4 (01:33:20):
So well, were not on the podcast because of him,
because we was already doing, but we are on the
Black Effect Podcast network because he, you know, wanted to
make sure that we had an opportunity to push our message,
for our message far and wide, uh and to as
you said, elevate our voice. And I can remember, you know,

(01:33:41):
he was saying, more people need to know about y'all's work,
like what you're doing. Even when when we first really
started working with Charlemagne, remember he gave or helped us
raise a lot of money for the Justice League, so
for the gathering for justice.

Speaker 1 (01:33:58):
And so it's just it is.

Speaker 4 (01:34:02):
Not everybody uses their platform for good, not even if
you're using it for good. Not everybody uses their platform
for others. That's really what you should say. It's like
because using it for good is one thing, but using
it for other people it's a whole different thing. This
wasn't to turn jess Hilarius's interview into being all about him,

(01:34:26):
but it's just that that's what came to me as
I watched her talking, and I know that she's living out,
you know, other.

Speaker 1 (01:34:33):
Parts of her dream.

Speaker 4 (01:34:35):
I can see where the influence of having somebody that
truly believes in you, even when you challenge them, because
I challenge him all the time, and you challenge him,
he challenges us. Right, We're not the kind of friends
where everything we say and do we all agree with.

Speaker 1 (01:34:52):
It's not that kind of relationship. And so you know when.

Speaker 4 (01:34:55):
People be like, oh, what you think about what he
said about so and so?

Speaker 1 (01:34:58):
So, I don't agree, and I will write it.

Speaker 2 (01:35:01):
I know you do.

Speaker 4 (01:35:02):
I write it in the comments section. This is bullshit,
you know what I'm saying. I don't agree with this
at all. But the the down and dirty arguments, it
goes down in the text messages.

Speaker 1 (01:35:13):
Me and him and Tesla we get it in. They
do worse than me. I can't.

Speaker 4 (01:35:17):
I can't hang with them because Tesling, you cannot out
argue Tesling.

Speaker 2 (01:35:21):
Oh yeah, she's a professional autist.

Speaker 4 (01:35:23):
Tesling figure out is a professional debater.

Speaker 2 (01:35:27):
That's her thing.

Speaker 3 (01:35:28):
Like she tell me, brothers, I've seen that you said this,
and I would say that I disagree. I'm like, well,
you you have write to disagree, tesl, but this is that.
And she was like, well, brother, and she come right
back because she ready.

Speaker 1 (01:35:43):
Same research articles. You do the same thing.

Speaker 3 (01:35:46):
You better respect it, man, because they're passionate in their genuine.

Speaker 4 (01:35:50):
And intelligent ye, very intelligent individuals. They make me sharper
shout out to to just hilarious till death do we parent?

Speaker 3 (01:36:02):
Yes, I love it, you know, and just the way
she explained it, you know, just I'm just a fan
of just just watching.

Speaker 4 (01:36:11):
I'm meant to ask controversy of all the things that
she's been through, but she's grown from it.

Speaker 2 (01:36:16):
Yes, that's part of life.

Speaker 3 (01:36:17):
I'm just watching her evolved from just somebody that I
seen on Instagram making dope videos and became you know,
the comedian and now she's in the breakfast club and
now she's an author. Just watching her journey, you know,
just seeing her evolved, it's just something dope, knowing that
she's somebody from just the hood in Baltimore.

Speaker 4 (01:36:36):
Yeah, and she's learned by fire like we all do.
She's learned by fire. So you know, I appreciate her
coming up here to promote her book, and y'all go
out and support it. When people write books, it's hard
work and you should buy it, put it on the
coffee table, and you kind of you know, and sometimes

(01:36:57):
you don't even agree. It could be certain things that
she has said or I've said, or you've said that
you don't agree with. But to support black people is
to say, I'm a purchase this book, and I'm a reader.
And maybe there's more insight and how you came to
these thoughts, and maybe I can continue to engage you
on the way in which you see things. You know,
So I you know, I think we should find ways

(01:37:19):
to support one of them.

Speaker 1 (01:37:20):
Because I'm gonna tell you something. I know a lot.

Speaker 4 (01:37:23):
I've now been trying to learn the trends of various communities,
and I see that they don't.

Speaker 1 (01:37:29):
They don't. Their support does not end at who they like.
They don't. They don't. Their support does not end at
who they like.

Speaker 4 (01:37:39):
They make calculated decisions in other communities about what is
important to sustain the community. And then they don't have
to like Trump. They don't have to like him. No,
not all of them. No, that's not true. That's a
lot of them.

Speaker 1 (01:37:56):
A lot of people do not like Trump.

Speaker 4 (01:37:58):
And I'm telling me a lot of legends, a lot
of people in the Republican Party. They don't necessarily like him,
but they also are trying to figure out how to
ensure that they hold on the power. And when you're
trying to figure out when you're trying to sustain and
or obtain power, sometimes you have to make decisions that

(01:38:23):
go against some of the things that.

Speaker 1 (01:38:26):
You believe in. And that's why we don't need that.
But see, but that's also a part of.

Speaker 4 (01:38:32):
Why in a lot of ways, we don't always our
power is not always as powerful as it could be
because we don't make those decisions. And that's not to
say I'm not saying this right or wrong. I'm just
saying we don't make those decisions. As these elections come up,

(01:38:57):
the midterms and the president election, we have to make
decisions sometimes that we don't necessarily like.

Speaker 1 (01:39:07):
But we're also trying to power.

Speaker 4 (01:39:09):
We're trying to gain power, we're trying to take back
our rights, and so we have to look at certain
people and say, this presidential nominee or whoever it is,
is going to be running these five things I agree
with and these two I don't.

Speaker 2 (01:39:25):
But let me give just a little pushback on that.
I don't.

Speaker 3 (01:39:31):
If there was two candidates, right, and both of them
were to the level of Trump, right, there's no power
that I would want from either.

Speaker 4 (01:39:44):
And this depends on what kind of power, like you said,
that you're looking for. But we have different powers.

Speaker 3 (01:39:51):
Someone is that I would never empower a person with
that type of mindset.

Speaker 2 (01:39:56):
I get see because I understand that.

Speaker 3 (01:39:59):
I understand that even in the reality of that type
of administration, that whatever power I think is fool's goal
because it's not really power.

Speaker 4 (01:40:10):
But you're just talking about the material difference what you mean,
and I'm talking about functioning process we're talking about you, No,
we're not, because you're talking about the material difference. You're
talking about the substance of each person. So I understand that,
and I agree with you one thousand percent that when

(01:40:30):
you look at the individual of Trump and his policies
and his personality and the damage that he has done
to our nation and is continuing to do, and the
damage that he's done even before that, just as a
business person, you look at him and from a very specific,
like a material understanding of like who this man is,

(01:40:54):
you don't it's nothing he has for you that you
want I agree with you about that. I'm saying that
function like right like process for people is that they
might not like him, but if the power they want
is something they think he can help them achieve, they're
gonna they're going to choose him every time.

Speaker 2 (01:41:14):
But that's the thing about it.

Speaker 3 (01:41:15):
It's like this, if I got a man that I
know probably will blow the world up, but probably like
a year or two before the world exploded, I'll get
a billion dollars, Right, it's fool's goal.

Speaker 1 (01:41:28):
Right, Well, that's that's a fact.

Speaker 3 (01:41:29):
And that's what I'm trying to say is if you
vote for somebody or you you stand by somebody who
ultimately is going to destroy every the infrastructure of everything
that we actually built in America. It's going to have
us as a laughing stock. It's going to have our
allies everything have us put us so much in danger.
But you focus on the fact that you can make

(01:41:50):
a little bit more money and not look at the
whole reality.

Speaker 1 (01:41:55):
You always do that.

Speaker 2 (01:41:57):
So that's that's all I'm trying to say.

Speaker 3 (01:41:59):
So it's not about if you if you can't see
the far forest and the.

Speaker 2 (01:42:03):
Trees, that's on you.

Speaker 3 (01:42:05):
If because that's that's the biggest trick of the devil
is making you think he don't exist. So, yeah, we're
gonna give you all this ship your Yeah, if you
look at every movie where they have the devil, he
gives you all of the riches and everything, and ultimately
he just destroys you and take everything from you.

Speaker 2 (01:42:21):
So that's that's the biggest trick of or what you want.

Speaker 3 (01:42:23):
You want this, you want want, you want money, you
want this and that, and then ultimately say, okay, now
we come back, so we gotta take your family and
we're gonna take all this ship and all that. But
you're gonna have the money though, and you'll be like, well,
well the money don't even matter no more because you
don't took all the ship that I've wanted to spend
the money on. So that's what happens in this situation
when we looking at Trump and we look at this administration,

(01:42:45):
when you get the even the America's money is fool's goal.

Speaker 1 (01:42:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (01:42:51):
I'm not saying that ends justify the means. I'm just
saying there are various things we pick up from good
or bad, from other people that we can manipulate to
use in our favor in our situation in this nation,
We've always had to choose, as people say, sometimes the

(01:43:13):
lesser to evils. Sometimes people say that we've had to to,
you know, hold our nose and vote, like we've always
had to do that. And I'm saying other communities do
it as well, but for different reasons. Some people look
at Trump they think they I mean, we hear them,
we see them. They talk about this man like he's
a complete fool, he's a dummy, like he's he's he's stupid,

(01:43:37):
he doesn't he's ignorant, and all of that. But what
they know is that he is crazy enough to just
do the things that they've been trying to do quasi.
They've been trying to do the same old shit still.
And so I'm not I'm not, but I'm saying, we're
not saying two different things. We're I'm just saying that

(01:43:59):
My point is that we will in this these two
upcoming elections, there's gonna be a lot of that making
decisions about you decide, because you can't stay home if.

Speaker 3 (01:44:11):
You decide that you're going to vote for somebody.

Speaker 4 (01:44:15):
My sign, I'm telling you that that's not what I'm
saying I'm saying the function of it, the fact that
you will have to make decisions that you will say,
I don't like god Ha King Jeffries, I don't like
its platform, I don't like the things that he stands for.
But in order for us to regain and or restore

(01:44:36):
some form of freakingsanity and maybe try to put black women.

Speaker 1 (01:44:44):
Back to work. I'm not saying that it's going to
change the whole nation.

Speaker 4 (01:44:46):
It's going to be the best thing that ever happened
and the world's gonna be I'm not saying that, But
I'm saying in the elections that are coming up, we're
not necessarily going to have time to sit here and
say I hate John the so and so, whoever's running.
We're not really going to have time to process that.
We're gonna have to say I don't want you, and

(01:45:09):
I know we have to build a world that is
better than you, But in this particular moment, we cannot
allow this country to keep going down the same path
that's going. Okay, so we have to stop the bleeding,
because the bleeding is severe.

Speaker 1 (01:45:25):
It's severe.

Speaker 3 (01:45:26):
But what I'm but all I'm trying to say is
if it was two people that was gonna make it bleed,
then I wouldn't vote at all. Ye, That's what I'm
trying to explain to you. You you're saying what I'm saying.
I'm saying, like when you tell me that people voted
for Trump, I'm trying to figure out he the reason
why it's bleeding. I'm trying to figure out what does

(01:45:46):
somebody see in the Trump that made it.

Speaker 1 (01:45:49):
They see racism that is there.

Speaker 4 (01:45:51):
I'm saying, that's but but why are we going around
it's certainly when I'm telling you that young people are
doing it for power, that is bad. Some people are
doing it for power that is good.

Speaker 1 (01:46:02):
But we're all being I'm saying that we might.

Speaker 4 (01:46:07):
Be doing it for the good and they might be
doing it for the bad. But I'm telling you they
don't like him. All of them don't like him. They
don't like him. They don't want him to be the guy.
They think he's stupid, they know he's dangerous, but at
the end of it, they know, Okay, at least we're
able to.

Speaker 1 (01:46:26):
N d I put black women out of position. We
know that we're.

Speaker 2 (01:46:32):
About to go around the circles.

Speaker 4 (01:46:34):
But I'm saying to you, my sign why we're arguing
about I'm saying that we have a different motive, but
I'm saying the process can be the same. That you
might sit there and not like John Blow. You might
not like him, but you can look at his platform

(01:46:57):
and see that he has in it, that he believes
the diversity, ectity and inclusion needs to be restored, and
so you might choose him as a candidate that you
don't love, you don't even like him, but in this moment,
he can help you get to what you're get closer
to what you're trying to do.

Speaker 1 (01:47:18):
And I'm saying that that similarly they do that on
the other side, another racist. But oh no, they don't
like him. He doesn't.

Speaker 3 (01:47:29):
He doesn't even have respect like each other.

Speaker 4 (01:47:32):
That's not true, because all the nothing likes nothing, nobody,
not everybody likes anything. We hear them talking about this man.

Speaker 1 (01:47:41):
They don't like him.

Speaker 4 (01:47:42):
I've heard Mitch McConnell say things like I hear these
people they don't like him.

Speaker 1 (01:47:46):
We see it. It's in stories.

Speaker 4 (01:47:47):
I read these long form freaking stories where these little
exposed as.

Speaker 1 (01:47:54):
Okay, forget him, he's not dead.

Speaker 4 (01:47:57):
He was not dead at the time that they would
he was out there or not out there, but in
private conversation saying this man is like he's too much,
he's ridiculous. Like they don't want a loud racist, they
want a quiet racist.

Speaker 2 (01:48:14):
They like the diet, Yeah they don't.

Speaker 1 (01:48:17):
They don't.

Speaker 4 (01:48:17):
They don't necessarily like him, but they gotta do what
they gotta do because they want a certain level of power.
And I'm saying that we have similar circumstances. Although ultimately
we need a changed world world, but we're not. But
right now, in order to get there, there is going

(01:48:37):
to be another opportunity. And some people are saying burn
it down, some people saying they don't give a shit.
Other people are saying, hold on for as we're burning it,
we still let's see how we could try to like
save our kids. Because guess what the shootings and all
the things that's happened this As you can see, the

(01:48:58):
summer is coming, issueing in April usually round May, the
end of May, first of June, it started getting popping.

Speaker 1 (01:49:09):
It's lit. It's April and a.

Speaker 4 (01:49:13):
Seven month old baby, two fifteen year old, and god
knows what else is going on around the country. We
about to have a hot ass summer. Makes sense, and
part of it has to do with people not having resources,
people not getting mental health support the way that they had,
Like we have some bleeding that has to be stopped.

(01:49:33):
So all I'm saying is that the same function of
I might not like John, but I know that I'm
going to have to do something because New York is
a good example. Kathy Hochel is running for governor. There
are people here who do not love Kathy Hochel at all,
but there is a man who is running against her.

(01:49:54):
And in fact, remember there was a woman I think
that was in the race too, and she was completely crazy.
But there is a man who's running against her who
has some of the same platform and ideas of the
Republicans and some of the MAGA shit.

Speaker 1 (01:50:08):
You understand what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (01:50:10):
So you you might not like Kathy Hockle, but does
that is that what do we want here?

Speaker 3 (01:50:15):
Well, I understand exactly what you're saying, because if Kathy
Hochel was equivalent to the MAGA person.

Speaker 4 (01:50:24):
But she can't be in order to make it in
order in the scenario that we're discussing right now, she
wouldn't be able to be that because then she wouldn't
be an option, That's what I'm but I'm saying, but
I don't understand why you keep saying that when I'm
clearly telling you that we might not like the person.

(01:50:45):
They would have to be in our ballpark of things
that we want done, so they would never.

Speaker 1 (01:50:50):
Be I know, but okay, forget it.

Speaker 4 (01:50:56):
I have heard you, but I'm saying something that that
respect is making me think that you don't hear what
I'm saying, because they would never be They would have
to be somewhat like the people we like for the
things we want and the things we want to get done.
They could never be all the way over there because
if they were all the way over there, they wouldn't
be over here, so they wouldn't be in the conversation

(01:51:19):
the station. They might be bad on let me on abortion,
but they're good on seven other things, so they could
never be a Trump.

Speaker 2 (01:51:29):
So let me explain. So let me explain to you
what I think.

Speaker 4 (01:51:32):
They would have to be kind of progressive, just like
he's racist.

Speaker 1 (01:51:37):
You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:51:38):
Over So, what I think I was saying is this.
I heard what you said, but I thought that we
were making a comparison when you you weren't talking about
the the candidates. I thought we some individuals, and I thought,
from my perspective, it was like you were trying to
say that, well, there's some good people that want Trump,

(01:51:59):
they don't like him.

Speaker 4 (01:52:00):
No, I didn't say they were good people, so you
just saying they just I didn't say that with good people.
I said that they're sometimes people. They don't like him.
They don't like him, they don't like his they don't
like him, they don't like him, they don't It's like
I know six different rappers and they all have different
good things. But some people I just don't like him.
I just don't like him. But I still love rap,

(01:52:22):
they still love racing. They just don't like truy.

Speaker 2 (01:52:25):
I got it.

Speaker 3 (01:52:25):
So now that's what it was for me, because I
was like, it don't matter whether you like him or
not for you to vote for somebody that you're just not.

Speaker 2 (01:52:32):
A good person. That's what it is for me.

Speaker 3 (01:52:35):
Now we clarified it, like I said me and to me,
it don't always agree. Sometimes she's not gonna always be right.
I'm not gonna always be right. We're going to debate,
And that was one of the debates.

Speaker 1 (01:52:45):
You know whatever, I was, okay.

Speaker 3 (01:52:49):
But let's move on. And for me, I don't get it.
You know, I was thinking about Trump today and then
I decided not to. You know, I think there has
been a topic that as a man, that I wanted
to speak about. We didn't speak about it last week.

Speaker 2 (01:53:07):
You know.

Speaker 3 (01:53:08):
And there have been a lot of black women who
have been killed lately, you know, and I and as
a black man, and they've been killed by black men,
by people they've been in relationships with, people they have
kids with, and you know, and I've seen this online debate.

(01:53:29):
I've been in chats where it's just discussions. And as
a black man who deals with some of the most
heeneous things ever, like we deal with levels of trauma, stress,
you know, all types of things. Regardless of what I
deal with as a black man, I don't see any

(01:53:50):
level of justification for killing one. I don't and that
justification I don't see even an excuse. I don't see
where black man should feel the need to come to
the aid of someone who is so weak that they
kill him.

Speaker 4 (01:54:10):
Why black men should feel the need, Yes, I mean,
I don't think men feel the need if they see
a person that could be spiraling in that direction.

Speaker 1 (01:54:20):
Hopefully you feel the need prevent.

Speaker 3 (01:54:23):
But I'm saying after this has happened, you know, I
see a lot of people come to their social media
and want to, you know, sitd there regards to the man,
when the woman was the one who lost their life,
when kids had lost their life, and we start talking
about the mental health of the man, And I think
for me, you know, when you make a conscious decision

(01:54:46):
to take the life of a certain individual or your
own kids, that's a conscious decision. But I think when
you're dealing with mental health, mainly it might out of anybody.

Speaker 2 (01:55:02):
You know.

Speaker 3 (01:55:02):
There was a shout a rip to Fox five who
was from the Bronx and he had a situation on
the train. Who he you know, I heard that he
probably was on some type of drugs, hallucinations or something,
and he ended up cutting some women on the train.
But these were random people, random people that he didn't know.

(01:55:25):
He walked up to the police with a machete. They
said he said, quote unquote that he was the devil,
you know, this is what they said allegedly, and they
ended up shooting him. So those are things that I
could kind of understand when you're telling me mental health.
But when you're in the situation and relationship with a woman,
the relationship is not going good and she's kicking you

(01:55:46):
out the house, she doesn't want to be with you,
and in return you decide to take her life and
take the kids life and take your own life.

Speaker 2 (01:55:53):
That's a weak man to me, it's not you.

Speaker 3 (01:55:56):
You can't just put all of that on mental health,
because we all deal with with the stress of damn
women don't want to be with me, no more. I
don't got the job, no more, I don't got everybody's
dealing with life skills every day.

Speaker 2 (01:56:08):
Life is life and for all of us every day.
So if we're able to make.

Speaker 3 (01:56:12):
Excuses for life life in for things not going the
way we want to, for relationships not and then the
way we think they should, for women moving on and
all that, and we able to make that excuse to
justify killing children and killing women, then what do we
actually say.

Speaker 4 (01:56:31):
They could be happening every day and which it is.
Actually it's happening very often.

Speaker 2 (01:56:35):
And and for me, it's just that I think I
think as black men, we just have to we have
to remove our own.

Speaker 3 (01:56:43):
Personal feelings and egos and our own you know, struggles
and all those things from each situation, and stop applying
what you might be going through and putting it into
that situation, because there's no such because I deal with
shit every day and I know I'm stressed and go
through mind the kids, this and that and all these things.

(01:57:05):
But there's no situation where I see me killing a
woman or killing my kids. There's just no situation and right,
And I think when you get to that point, when
you made that conscious decision, you know, for other men
to find reasoning and try to, you know, sanitize a
situation like that, you know, it's it's a formal weakness

(01:57:29):
and it's not disrespect.

Speaker 2 (01:57:31):
But I just think that we don't see it that way.

Speaker 3 (01:57:33):
I think we've we've been used to being a victim,
you know, in America because we are black men and
black women are the victim. But when we make our
women the victim and our children the victim because we've
been victimizds, then we've done a disservice to our people
as a whole. So I don't really get why there's
even a debate online.

Speaker 1 (01:57:54):
It's not just online. These are people. This is not
just about online.

Speaker 2 (01:57:58):
Well I'm saying in general I have.

Speaker 3 (01:58:01):
I mean, well, you're right, I don't see why it's
a debate at all. And I don't see why men
don't see the need to call the thing the thing
to protect the woman, because that's what we're supposed to
do as black men, protect, provide, and you know, make
sure that our families are safe. And when we don't

(01:58:23):
do that, we failed, you know, and to not acknowledge that,
to me is a failure as a man.

Speaker 2 (01:58:28):
You know.

Speaker 3 (01:58:28):
So that's my piece on it. You know, we didn't
get to talk about it last week, but it was
something that was deeply on my heart.

Speaker 2 (01:58:34):
I put a little post up about it.

Speaker 3 (01:58:37):
But there's something deeply on my heart and I saw
reading things about it and going over and look at
how many situations there have been in recent history, and
it's like, nah, this shit is not okay.

Speaker 2 (01:58:50):
It's not okay.

Speaker 3 (01:58:51):
It goes back to a conversation I had on my
life during the pandemic, during when we were in Louisville,
and the man was explaining to me how black men
protected woman and I was like, okay, so what if
he's beating this woman though, and he's beating her. He said, well,

(01:59:11):
that don't count as long as he don't let nobody
else beat it.

Speaker 2 (01:59:15):
And he really rationalized, he said, we do protect o.

Speaker 3 (01:59:18):
Yo, you trying to say because a man beats and
hurts this woman is not, he don't protect her if
he don't let somebody else do it. I said, no,
if you, if you're the problem, if you the what
that being or that, who the fuck are you protecting us?
And he really tried to rationalize. He went on YouTube,
we have people that actually agreed with him, And at
that point I knew there was something wrong, you know

(01:59:40):
what I'm saying. So there's just a microcosm that is
just a microcosm of the bigger, you know, overall problem
that we're having.

Speaker 2 (01:59:48):
You know, that conversation really.

Speaker 3 (01:59:50):
Enlightenment because I was like, damn, I didn't even know
that there's people that think like that, like that shit
is so far fettered for saying yeah and said it
public and got people to stand with them.

Speaker 1 (02:00:02):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (02:00:03):
Yeah, So you know, well, I you know, I don't
have anything to add. I think that we're just you know,
we're everything is heightened everything, and I don't know if
other people are paying attention to that, but everything is heightened.
We're just in a time where anything that you could

(02:00:24):
think of that's been happening that is painful and horrific
and scary and challenging, it's all heightened. It's all heightened illness.
People are sick, people going in the hospitals, people dying,

(02:00:44):
people killing. People you know, are really and we keep
hearing these stats that you know, it's less than it was,
and we're safer than we've been. And it sounds good
to say that because we know block block blocking a
safer but whenever you have a seven month old and
two fifteen year old's dead in the same time frame,

(02:01:07):
things are not better.

Speaker 1 (02:01:08):
That's actually worse. We're on a down trend.

Speaker 4 (02:01:10):
When a seven month old is shot in a stroller
on the way down the street with you know, her parents,
it's just not good.

Speaker 1 (02:01:19):
It's not good.

Speaker 4 (02:01:20):
And yeah, I know you're talking more so about the
men thing, and I think people already know where I
stand on that, but I think as a whole, I mean,
I even see women drowning their children, you know, killing
their kids, drowning their children, driving off cliffs. A lot
of people are going through a lot of things and
I don't want anybody to kill themselves. I don't want

(02:01:41):
anybody to harm I don't want anyone to kill themselves.

Speaker 1 (02:01:44):
I don't want anyone to hurt anybody else.

Speaker 4 (02:01:46):
But I do know that if you make a decision
that today is the day that you just can't deal
with life, don't be trying to take other people with you,
because that in general, no matter who it is, wife, husband, children,
whoever it is, that is, it's not fair, it's not right,
you know, And I still would hope that, you know,

(02:02:07):
people would try to get the help that they need.
And there's many ways to do that. There are many hotlines,
most places. You could pick up your phone and DOWT
three one one. You could even DOWBT nine one one
if you can't remember three one one and tell him
that you feel like hurting yourself. I know it's hard,
I know, because you call nine one one and you
say that, and then somebody comes, they bust your door.

Speaker 1 (02:02:26):
Down, they kill you. Got it.

Speaker 4 (02:02:28):
But some kind of outreach is better than no no
outreach at all. Something, Try something, versus thinking that taking
your life or taking someone else's life is the indoor
be all. And that's for our young people. That's for fathers,
that's for mothers. That's for a woman who's hurting over

(02:02:48):
a man or what he did to her, or or
a man who's upset that the woman is leaving. It's
for kids that's angry with one another. I mean, look
at this situation fighting, pistol whipping and a gun goes off,
you know that, Like what the fuck do you do
with that? Like what what is what do you do

(02:03:09):
after you've taken somebody's life Because y'all thought it was cool,
you was gonna get points the next day at school
on social media in the hood for being able to
say that you beat so and so's ass. But now
it's an ass beating coming. It's an ass beating coming,
and that ass beating it's spending the rest of your
life either in hiding or in prison. It's not it's

(02:03:31):
not even that it's not worth it. It's literally goes.
It goes against everything that you know that we're supposed
to be as a people, Like what we were, what
we were, what we were no, I mean like our destiny,
like we we literally were kings and queens who were
bought here and the killing was generally yes, we had turf.

(02:03:53):
We had wars, we had all them, not saying we did.
But the masses of our people were not indoctrinated into
kids killing kids.

Speaker 2 (02:04:02):
This is true, you know what.

Speaker 4 (02:04:04):
We were not indoctrinated into this type of environment and
American civilization, if that's what it is, it's non civilization.

Speaker 1 (02:04:14):
But if that's what you want.

Speaker 4 (02:04:15):
To call, it has transformed our minds and our hearts
and our spirits in a way that is very, very dangerous.
And so I pray that you know more of us
as they try to erase our history. I pray that
more of us will go and find our history so
that we can become connected more. And if ever I

(02:04:35):
could have one thing that's a dream, is that I
would be in the long line and tradition of those
who open up a pathway to get our young people
into Africa so that they could see for themselves who
we truly are and what God really meant for us.

Speaker 2 (02:04:52):
You know.

Speaker 4 (02:04:52):
So that's all I can say about that. Otherwise I
have no desire to spend my day trying to talk
about these men killing their wives and kids.

Speaker 1 (02:05:01):
I don't even have the capacity. It is training, it really.

Speaker 2 (02:05:04):
Yeah, it's training and it's unacceptable.

Speaker 3 (02:05:10):
So with that said, we've come to the end of
another episode of TMI. Make sure you continue to follow us.
It's our second episode of the new season, our six
seasons on the TMI Show. Make sure you hit us up,
Let us know what you want to hear, let us
know topics. Who do you want us to interview. We're
going to be the number one show in the world
again this season, as we always are. I'm not gonna

(02:05:32):
always be right Tamika d Mawley's and I can always
be wrong. We will both always and I mean always,
be authentic.

Speaker 1 (02:05:39):
Peace. Listen to the TMI podcast on the Black Effect Network,
on iHeartRadio, or anywhere podcasts are available, or

Speaker 3 (02:05:47):
Catch the video version on YouTube at TMI show PC.

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Tamika Mallory

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