February 2, 2023 • 49 mins
Carolina and Devin will be back next week with a new True Romance episode. Please rate and review the show!
--
Devin and Carolina catch up on shocking news in the aftermath of J.Lo’s weddings: Ben is actually really good at Spanish. Then they hang out with Vanessa Gonzalez and talk meeting on Ok Cupid (you kids don’t even know), finding someone who texts you and how to handle long distance when you’re TOURING THE WORLD.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, and welcome to True Romance. You are going to
be hearing that twice today. That is because today is
a re release and I did not know what that
meant when I first heard it. I gotta say I'm
new to the biz in some ways, and that means
we are releasing an old episode because we were up
(00:21):
to the old Shenanigans this week and we weren't able
to record unfortunately. So we love you. Please d m
usum for any topics that you want us to bring
up on our podcast or address any themes that you
feel like we haven't explored. And our Instagram is at
(00:42):
tru Romance pod, or you can write us mail to
our po box. It's to eight seven in Grand Central Station,
New York, New York. Just kidding. I don't even know.
I don't know why those still exists, But we love you.
Thank you for listening to True Romance. We hope that
you forget all the details of the episode we're about
to listen to so you can enjoy it again, and
(01:04):
thank you for tuning in. Hello, True Romance listeners. This
is Devin Leary and this is Carolina Barla. Today on
(01:29):
the pod, we have a very exciting gift for you,
we happen to be joined by one of varieties ten
comics to watch, So yeah, not only watch, but listen?
How about that ten comments? Listen? Yeah, why do you
have to just watch me? What about listen for once
in your g D life? Um. She is a comedian
(01:53):
you may recognize from Hbos, The Garcia's and Entre Nose.
I'm probably not pronouncing that right and like I also, um,
didn't go to college, but so that's okay. Um. She's
also in Comedy Central, Stand Up Presents This Joker on
the Ropeku Channel, Loved the Ropeu Channel, Love the Purple Aesthetic.
She was also on a Little Late with Lily Sing.
(02:15):
Maybe you saw her somewhere around this little Globe performing
live opening for Chelsea Handler on Vaccinated and Horny tour. Um.
She also has a comedy album, My Birthday Tomorrow, which
is one of the best names I've ever heard, and
she has a podcast called I'm Not Busy Please Welcome
Vanessa Gonzalez. Hey, thank you so much for having me. Like,
(02:43):
I haven't done an intro in a while, so I
was really I was bumping up, did a good job. Okay, Thanks?
That was amazing. Yeah, I feel so pumped. Great, you
don't sound pumped. Yeah, sounds good. No, I actually, Vanessa,
I found your comedy on Chelsea Handler's Um Dear Chelsea podcast.
(03:07):
I listened to your episode and then I started listening
to your podcast, and I have to say, you have
one of my favorite voices and like ences of all time.
Like I just love listening to talk about anything. It's melodic,
like I I truly it brings my blood pressure down.
It's yeah, I've been told, um, I've been called sleepy.
(03:27):
And my my younger brother, his name's Homer. Hi, Homer
probably listening. He's shut up. He's even like sleepier than
I am. So very just like kill sleepy vibes that.
(03:52):
So I wanted to get something out of the way
since since I did listen to your podcast many episodes,
and you have an incredible episode about j Lo And
there there is an elephant in this room to all
those listening, I'm sure, which is that this past weekend,
I don't know when this episode will come out, but
today what has just come to pass is the second wedding.
(04:15):
Wait did they get married before second wedding? Just got
their second wedding in Georgia. Um, I have heard that
it was on a plantation. I hope to God this
is not true. I hope to God. I mean, if
anyone could do that, she ken And it's fine. It's
it's not Blake Lively, you know what I mean, Like
it's I had no idea they got married again. They
(04:37):
did at a place in Georgia, which listen, I have
been on this journey with them since I was thirteen,
and so I literally thought, oh, where they almost owned
a house together, they were going to live there after
they initially got married. I didn't know that. Actually, wait,
so did they somehow get divorced in this small time
and then married again or this is just another this
(04:59):
is just like another wedding like they did the So
this is what was confusing for me. So they got
married in Vegas and I was like, okay, Like there,
I was like, this actually goes against my theory because
it seems like it's not like a publicity thing if
they're doing like a I mean quiet. I did have
to join j Lo's newsletter to get the pics and
like it was closed everywhere. Um, but in a sense
(05:20):
it was private. But then their their honeymoon, they were
doing these constant like paparazzi walks, like slowly outdoors getting photographed,
and now they're doing like the biggest celebrity wedding and
like page six somehow got the photo, you know what
I mean. Like so I'm like, what is this about
you guys? And like Casey Affleck didn't go and his
mom like their mom was hospitalized, and I don't know, Okay, honestly,
(05:43):
Casey Affleck, that's a whole other topic in the fact
that he's dating a twenty three year old and his
Instagram captions are so repulsive. But my favorite is that
he writes this awful long Instagram caption to his twenty
three year old girlfriend to celebrate their one year anniversary
and because yeah, exactly, because we've had so many ups
(06:06):
and downs this year. I was like, oh, yeah, it's
famously you know, hard dating a twenty three year old
girlfriend was nothing going on in her life. He's he's
like the worst case brother in law I think you
can have. He is well, you know what he is.
He is so well cast as a bad brother in law.
It's not like a starring guy. He's not the star
(06:28):
of any picture Um, I mean, may I trust about
to see but talk about sleepy is sleepy he is?
So it is so classic too that it's like I
I have a sense, I have a sense that maybe
j Lo would have some issues with the dating of
the year old. Um. She does have kids that are
(06:48):
like sort of close to that age, you know. Um.
And so that is just such a move to be like, oh,
you're dating one of the most iconic women of all time,
big bro. Well guess what. I went on only fans,
but I found myself a youngster in a crop top.
That's what they'd be doing. Now, what are they why?
(07:14):
I don't know. It's like there's so many j Lows
out there, you know, I know, and it just it
really upsets me because I went on daily Mail to
see like what was the what we're like the highlights
from the wedding, like news stories, and they posted something
about a rod and I'm like the fact that this
woman felt the need to ever stoop to that level
(07:38):
and then afterwards to be like, Okay, I guess the
best I can do is like my ex who is
an alcoholic with a bad facelift, And that's just so sad.
That's just sad facelift is really bad. Yeah, have you
I've been. People are like actively sending me clips of
him speaking Spanish like that that was impressive, And okay,
(08:02):
I did say that. I came home into my roommate
I go, did you see the video of ben Affleck
speaking Spanish? And she goes, He's one of the most
interesting celebrities of all time, and I was like, honestly,
that is true, like he's so basic but yet so
it's like everything is like, wait, what happened? Do you
speak better Spanish than Ben Affleck? No? Yeah, yeah, And
(08:28):
you know what, That's why it's upsetting because I was
like ready to like laugh at it, and he was
so too. Yeah, but it's like so cringe, Like the
better he is at it, it's like, no, it's so uncomfortable.
(08:49):
Remember when he when he did that video, like when
it went viral that he he sent a video to
a girl on a dating app that was like, hey,
like why didn't you match me? Or why did like me?
Who is this person? Who is this He's so interesting?
The thing that the Spanish that threw me was that
(09:10):
he has such aggressive white male energy that to me,
I was like, why didn't we know about this before?
Because to me, that is the kind of person who
like at Chipotle to like the white guy sling rice
and beans would be like mucha's glass, yes, like and
be like oh sorry, like I do not shake Spanish.
(09:30):
This is not how they do in Tijuana. Like I'm
sure he would have like just completely like white splained yeah,
and like he like throws in like slang and like accent,
like he's for real like going in for the Spanish
speaking roles, I think, and I've heard some fellows Spanish
(09:53):
songs and I know that he speaks better Spanish than her.
Oh yeah, but that's the thing too, where I'm like,
she's not even that good at this. Where where is
he picking this up? I was like, oh, maybe she
taught him or but it's so bizarre. Yeah, it doesn't
make sense. It's like um, in Men in Black, you know,
where they say like aliens are Amonga's Wait, that actually
(10:19):
does make total total sense. Also, like Vanessa, you guys
said on your podcast that j Lo has like a
huge ass, So you guys actually said, um famously that
she has a huge ass, and no one's ever said
that before. Um, I know, but you said that she
has a bigger flaw following globally, So maybe you're right
(10:40):
that Ben is like, Okay, if this is a publicity
is done, and I think like it's one of those
things where it's like they do love each other and
there's like this lust going on, but it's also for publicity.
I don't think it's consciously for a publicity. I think
that they are both in love. I think they've always
been in love. They haven't always they have. It doesn't
work like that. Don't know right now, what the hell
(11:03):
do we know about any of this. I know you're
happened together on their plantation. I know people move on.
That's what I know. Yeah, and then they moved back together,
thank god. But I don't think. I don't know why.
I don't think when she married Mark Anthony that she
was like, I'm still in love with Ben, but I
have to just marry this person, Like I says, that's
(11:23):
that's true, hasn't been proven to be like an n
y U grad who lives in Grammercy. Like that doesn't
mean they're wrong. I don't know if we need to
trust that. I feel like Mark Anthony was solely for
the DNA like she was like, I can sing, okay,
so I need someone that can really sing so my
(11:45):
kids can sing. And Max Ken sing? Is that her name? Max? Oh? Yes?
Um no, that is her brother's and her name's m
oh okay and she's very cool. But yeah, it's I
don't understand. I don't understand, like, especially when you're j Lo,
like yeah, what do you when do you have like
(12:06):
downtime like boyfriend husband time? It seems like it all
has to be like organized and like like did y'all
see marry me? No, I I've been busy. I haven't
time to watch the worst movie in history. I saw
it on an airplane, which is that's perfect to see it.
(12:29):
Told me dated the exact same thing. What did you think? Yeah,
well that's was I was like, this is her life
probably where it has to be manufactured and and like
organized romantic time. Yeah it was bad, But I feel
like for me for a j LO movie, um ten
(12:50):
at a chance. Yeah, I do love a jail movie.
I'm sure like it we mentioned on the podcast and
then like briefly and then my grandma Judithao who listens
every episode, watched and she's like, so I watched the movie, like,
what did you think? I was like, oh, I just
kind of like made a joke about it, but I
didn't actually watch it yet. And she was like it
wasn't very good. I was like, yeah, that makes it
(13:11):
sounds good. And there's like songs, fake songs. Oh well,
maybe they're real songs, but they seemed fake. They seemed
like a simulation, like an Oscar winning like songwriter wrote
the song from Shallow that lady got got her pop
song that's like, why would you do that? Do that?
(13:31):
Do that? Dude? Do that? Why would you do that?
Why would you do that song? That's a fake song
that I forgot? Come on in here with an ask
like that? Yeah, I'm like, were you in a rush?
Why was she also wearing an outfit from like Ricky's
(13:53):
like old school like it was like a diamond studded
bra from like Spencer Skins. And she was like all right,
got I asked an outfitt on like let's go. Yes,
that was called Gaga, Yeah it was. It was Stephanie Germinata. Oh,
step I'm Italian. Watch Ben affleis los amazing Italian? Sure,
(14:15):
it's like brown Jean, that's my Italian Vanessa. You met
your you have a partner. Congratulations, that sounds passive aggressive. Congrats.
(14:40):
We're happy for you. So how's that? Um? Nice to
say good night someone every night? A mad Okay, you're
good at reading people, but all of that aside. You
have a partner, and that's beautiful and we are happy
for you. And you famously met online, which is even
(15:02):
more rare and more congratulatory worthy. Oh thank you. Yeah.
We met on okay Cupid. And before that I was
working at a daycare and then I would go to
comedy at night, and so I was like, you know,
dating and hooking up with comics, which was awful darkness.
(15:22):
It was a dark time. And then I was like, well,
I can't meet anybody outside this bubble. I got to
do the apps and there was a lot of trial thereror,
and then he came along and in the Yeah, it's
been good. It's cool to see the rewards of like
resilience and dating online, because I feel like, I don't
(15:42):
know if you had this experience, Like I went on
one Okay Cupid date in two thousand eleven, and I
was such a bet. It was one of those states
where you know when you shake hands with someone and
you're like, I will never kiss you, like never might
have sex with you, but like, well we're never touching
beyond this point. And I spent three hours with him
because I don't have healthy bound trees and I didn't
know how to be like and so then I just
(16:04):
took a break from the apps. But I'm one thing
I'm really inspired by devin By is that she's kind
of like, all right, I gotta do if I want
this right back on that horse these it's yeah, it's
pretty hard work, yeah, and it's exhausting. I did the
whole thing where like I deleted it. That was like
doing a lot of like yeah dates, they were bad
(16:26):
dates or like, um, I would have like one night stands,
which I was like all four, but then some guys
would hook up and then they'd never text me again.
I'm like, well then I'm done with this. And then
I turned it back on and my boyfriend was the
first one who messaged me back, and I was very like,
what what do you want? And he's like, oh, you
(16:49):
seem you seem nice. I'm like, oh, I bet I do,
I bet I do. Can't wait to see what you
have up sleep, Mr Man. Yeah, I was very like
angry um, and then he was like oh. I was like, yeah,
(17:11):
I do comedy whatever and I'll have a prize. Yeah,
and uh. I was like yeah, have a show tomorrow.
And he's like, oh, would it be weird if I came?
And I was like, I literally don't care, and so
you died. Man, I'm like, I don't know. That was
(17:34):
like my approach coming back in was like I can't
care about these They're all bought. And he came and
then came to the show and he was nice and
and then we had our first date after that, and
then we kept hanging out and that was the weird
thing was like that caught me off guard was I
(17:56):
was like this because he's my first boyfriend. I've never
had a boyfriend before that. It was always just like
cookups and like yeah. So it just threw me off that.
I'm like, he keeps uh texting me and wanting to
hang out. This is weird. This is something's wrong. This
is wrong. He's trying to get you into a cult.
(18:19):
Isn't that interesting? That's like our response to like responsible,
even though Devin and I were talking about it, like
I expect her to text me back I expect her
to like call me once in a while just to
see how things are doing, like m But when a
guy does that, I'm like, Okay, take it easy. Yeah,
I love that you wanted to come to your show.
(18:39):
That's like, to me, such a good sign of someone
who like wants to actually get to know you. Yeah,
it was so nice, and like, um it was. I
make fun of him now because in the beginning, you know,
I was doing a lot of like sketch shows and
stand up and stuff, and I would always be like, yeah,
you don't have to buy a take anybody like, no, no, no,
(19:00):
I'm gonna buy a ticket. I want to support the arts,
but you will not buy a ticket. Now you're like,
I'm about to do a show in Alesian Park where
like someone stresses a juggle out, but yes, they're just
supporting art. Yeah, he won't buy a ticket. Now now
he's like, well, if there's no comps, I'm gonna stay home.
(19:22):
Fair fair. When you're getting someone in comedy, is that
nerve wracking? I feel like I would feel so nervous.
I feel nervous even just like having a podcast that
like if I matched with someone on an app that
they'll see like I have a podcast like and listen,
and I'm like, oh, what if they don't like? It?
Is a nerve wracking to do stand up when you know,
like a date or a possible crushes there. Um. I
(19:46):
I feel like I would be nervous when I was
like dating or like cooking up with other comics that
got me in my head. But I was like, he
doesn't know, you know, he doesn't know. I think. Once
we kept on dating and then I started liking him,
then I started being nervous. But because I was such
(20:08):
in a bitter place when he first hit me up
that I was like, whatever, dude, I'll never talk to
you again. UM, So that kind of helped me push
through that fear. But yeah, it is. It is nerve wracking,
especially if it's a crush and you're like, I don't
want to do this. Yeah, you guys have been together
(20:30):
eight years? All right? Yeah, it'll be eight years this December.
What are we doing? Just kidding? I know, what are
we doing? What are we doing for it? Um? A
long distance for two years. Yeah. I moved to l
A in twenty eighteen, Um, you know, to follow my
dreams and then, um, I was there for two years
(20:54):
and he was about to like make the jump with me,
but then the pandemic hit, so I moved back home. Yeah. Yeah,
it was good because he kept he was about to
quit his job, um, but his job kept us, kept
me afloat for the pandemic. Yeah, it's so funny. Remember
(21:16):
that period in Devin, I know you went through a tour.
It's like, I feel like this might last longer than
a month, so like maybe I should go home and
remember and was trying to decide whether to leave l A.
And I was like, well, I don't know, Like you're
always walking to my house as if that's gonna keep
her afloat. It's like I think I might go back.
(21:37):
Did you go back? Yeah? So, like I basically moved
to l A quote unquote temporarily for a job, and
then I started dating someone in l A. And I
was like, I think I'm gonna sign a lease. I
kind of makes sense for my career, right, And then
I did. Then we broke up, and then I started
dating someone who lived in New York and I was like,
I'm thinking about maybe because the Big Apple's calling me back.
(21:58):
I was like, you know where you know where oh
business also is is way. Um, so that's kind of
been a pattern. But I also moved home during the
pandemic because I yeah, I was just like I don't
know if I can be like alone in an apartment
for indefinite time, which I'm glad I did. But I
also was in a long distance relationship and it was
(22:19):
hard for me, I think because of my like tendency
to be um so like overly and matched in relationships,
which I'm working on in therapy. Um, but it was
hard to like have like these really intense weekends where
it was like you know, honeymoon phase, excitement, amazing, and
then like leave and then I was like, oh, this
(22:41):
is a huge come down. Yeah, for sure. That was
the hardest part for me too. And I think leading up,
like so we we dated for like three months and
I was like, you should move in and he did.
I'm not like he he did, and then so we
(23:02):
like moved like real fast, and I was like, oh
my god, this is great. I didn't realize, but I'm like, oh,
we're codependent, real bad. So I was excited to like
kind of you know, we were together for a while
and then we did long distance and I was like, yeah,
maybe this is good because I can just like focus
on my ship and you could be home and focus
(23:24):
on your ship. But yeah, it was hard. We were
I guess four years in. I don't know math, I
don't know how much time has best, but we were
together for a while and then we did the long
distance and m yeah, it was kind of hard to
like heal or work through that codependency by just like
(23:45):
separate right right. I know, for me, like a long
distance and codependency has given me this feeling when I'm
in relationships where I'm a lonely earth, then I would
be if I were single if the other person isn't there.
So I'm like, I will be at a party, and
I mean, we've all been parties single and it sucks sometimes,
(24:08):
but when you're at a party and your ex is
or your current partner isn't there, and all of a sudden,
you're like, oh my gosh, I am and so I'm
so sad. I'm so sad, and or even just like
going to get breakfast, like I'm just missing this person
and there's only so much texting that can make me
feel like they're there. But it's interesting, I feel like
(24:30):
it does say a lot about the health of a
relationship when they can like make that work, because when
two people can sort of be like, how are we
going to do this together? That will get us through it? Yeah,
And I feel like, you know, we were like apart
for two years, back and forth, like visiting each other,
and then the pandemic hit and then we were right
(24:51):
back to just us no one else because you know,
there's a virus, and and then I'm like, oh, well
now we're back where we right, right, and yeah, So
I think the pandemic also like gave me social anxiety
more than I already had. So then I'm like, well,
(25:12):
you have to come with me everywhere I go because
you're a buffer. I can't want to go alone. And
He's like, you have to go alone sometimes, and I'm like, no,
you're a monster. I know. It is genuinely hard to
like go to stuff single, like, especially when you've been
in a relationship. It's like so hard to just go
(25:33):
and be like yeah, so there's just gonna be moments
where I'm gonna be standing alone and people are or
I'm going to be in a conversation and the people
want to leave the conversation and I don't know how
to get out because I don't have a thing to
be like I'm gonna go find my like person, you
know what I mean. But it's also, yeah, it's interesting
about long distance. I was talking to a friend about
relationships and she was saying, like, basically, the only thing
(25:55):
that's required is like two people being willing to work
on themselves and the relationship, like just willing to be like, Okay,
there's an issue, like let's steal, let's let's move forward.
Of course that's not like the only thing, but that's
definitely like necessary. And I feel like long distance is
like a little bit of extra work, but it also
can show you if someone is not willing to do that,
(26:16):
which I've experienced is like kind of like being in
a long distance thing where it's like, okay, so this
is gonna take a little bit extra like we're just
gonna have to plan times to talk on the phone
and like we're gonna have to show each other more
affection via text and stuff, and like the other person
just like not being willing to do that at all,
Like it like exposed an issue that was already there
(26:38):
that I like maybe wouldn't have even realized or like
wouldn't have come to a conclusion about as quickly. Yeah,
it does take a lot of compromise. And like you
saying like it exposes stuff, it's like it's so true.
Like that's when you see, oh I'm the only one
doing ship or they're not, or it's especially with like
(26:59):
a time different and it's like in New York, it's
like you gotta figure shit out and be like j
Lo and nice times. What do you and your partner do?
Like because I know you were touring a lot recently,
Like that must be a really hard thing to schedule around.
Do you guys have any tips or go twos that
you do to get through those times? Well, we do
(27:23):
FaceTime every day or you know, no matter where I am,
if I'll like make time to FaceTime um. But and
they kill to like if I'm going to like a
fun place, they'll be like, well I'll go to UM
and that's that's nice. But yeah, if I'm gonna be
in like you know, Reno, Nevada, and then he's like
(27:46):
I'm good, I'm good right, Um. But yeah, I feel
like a lot of like with the Codependency ship, for me,
it revealed like, oh, I'm like I'm putting a lot
of my insecurities on him, and like he's you know,
(28:06):
I I understand there's like people that don't work in
the relationship, but I'm like, oh, he's doing the work,
but I'm still liked enough, you know. So then I
had to with therapy kind of face that of like
why don't I like believe him, or like he's like
(28:26):
I love you, I want you, and I'm like, no, no,
you doubt you're gonna reveal you're gonna come to any
second now, and he's like, why don't you believe me?
So I realized that I needed to work on my
ship and like my insecurities, and with therapy that's been
(28:47):
super helpful. And now when I travel, it's just like
letting myself feel like that security of like everything's fine.
You don't have to he's not he's at home playing
the switch. You're you know, he's with the dog and
you you're going to do your show and like be
(29:07):
in the moment and like live over here, enjoy what
the hell you're doing and not just trying to find
shipped to be upset about. Because I was good at
that yeah, I think we can both identify with that,
and I think it's it's interesting. It's hard if you've
been in situations where someone was saying like the right
(29:27):
things and not doing and not following through with the behavior.
And I think that's why we're kind of like in
these we we are, at least any woman I know
who's experienced dating is kind of like trying to poke
holes and men's stories when they say stuff like that,
because I've definitely been with guys who have said all
the right things or and not just like not gone
(29:49):
the extra mile that I was going for the relationship.
But it is so weird. I have had experiences of
dating someone where I've stopped waiting for the other shoe
to drop, and it it's really nice and you can
get so much done. I mean I always talked to
my famous nice boyfriend Joni on the pod because he
was my nice boyfriend, and I remember just being like,
(30:11):
I can have a career, I have so much time.
I'm not worried about this person cheating on me, Like
just go be on my merry way and be with
my friends at night, and not like worry about what
he's going to do because I'm not giving him attention
and it's right, such a blessing. Yeah, it was hard
on myself, like why am I like this? Why do
(30:33):
I want to poke holes? And it's like, oh yeah, Doug,
because men are trash and they've lied. They've lied to
me before, they led me on. I'm like, oh yeah,
it's always been something else. So when someone's like, hey,
I'm not going to do that, I don't believe you. Sorry.
I already am like expecting issues in my next relationship,
(30:54):
Like I already know I'm going to be suspect. I
already know it's take a second for me to like
trust someone again. And it's honestly, I feel the exact way.
I'm like, I'm not going to judge myself for it.
I'm just I'm set up that way I've been. I've
been dumpster diving for too long. Yea, so you guys
met on the apps, but this was okay, cep it.
(31:16):
I mean these are back in like do you have
at envy? My friends and relationships will like sometimes like
being on my phone to go through the apps and
play it like a video game. That's but I do
I feel like the fun ones are like Grinder. I
like to see like my friends on Grinder and I'm like, oh,
(31:37):
this is fascinating, but not so much for the straight ones.
I'm like, I already know with that. Nothing nothing new there,
I know. I'm like, whatever app it is, I just
went for the free one and that one was, you know,
the same results. I think. I feel like every episode
I have to like say something awful or like horrible
(31:59):
that I saw on the apps that week. But I
I don't know how to feel about this because I
saw one guy today There's it was one of the
apps that has like the prompts, and so there's like
one of the prompts is like my red flag is,
but like almost almost everyone answers it as a joke,
like my red flag is I like don't finish all
my selfs or cans or like something. Obviously that's not
(32:21):
a joke because it's not funny because I thought of it,
but like it's stupid stuff like that, and I opened
it today. I see this guy he wrote my red
flag is that I am a sex and love addict
and I have to like be really like this long thing.
I have to be really careful because I developed feelings
too quickly, and I was like, you're right flag either
either red flag is that you put that on your
(32:43):
online day profile. Either this man is like Nathan Fielder
level comedian and this is like some sort of bit
that I'm not, but like based on his profile picture
that made him look like a former high school athlete,
I didn't think that was the case. I think he
was just genuinely like, oh, red flag. Okay, So I
have been told that I'm a sex and love at Like,
I'm just like, what the right answer? Oh man? I
(33:08):
hated that. I remember. I was like, this is like
homework and then it's like you do your little bio
whatever and then you have to go through the prompts
and I'm like, because then that's how they match you,
the like the multiple choice ones, and I'm like, this
so dumb working on comedy too, Like when I'm tired
(33:31):
going the app, I'm like, I don't want to try
to be funny right now, I'm sucking lonely. I don't
want to tell you like a funny like blast Meal,
I would have just want to hit and so true,
so ridiculous, and like we've never had those conversations in
(33:53):
eight years. We've never talked about that, but lest meal
we're gonna have or I don't even know if we
had three kids and what their names would be. No,
I don't want that's because we haven't been on like
a first day of school in middle school where they're
like I speare like do you have a sibling? Everyone
go around like which was always my worst nightmare anyway,
and I'm like, oh my god, now I'm back here. Um.
(34:16):
I did go on there with my friend. Um. We
were in the middle of the woods, like in Vermont,
camping sort of, and we went on Grin and he
was like, I just want to see who's in the area.
It's like a very farm centured town. And we see
like the gnarliest like grizzliest guy. He looks like he's
(34:38):
taking a selfie in his room, like in the dark,
and I was like, I was like, you cannot see
this person. I'm so sorry. I'm just really scared. You're
gonna get killed with love. You're gonna have to stay
celibant on this trip with love. With love, we can
get murdered any night, any Thursday night, I could disappear.
(34:58):
So everybody just pay attention to when I was last
active on my Instagram, keep chicking in. We're also raising
a dog, Like, we have a dog. Bugs is her name?
What are we talking? Well? So we rescued her together
(35:23):
five years ago and it was after there was a
hurricane here in Texas and they were like, the shelters
are full, we need you to take dogs. That's when
Justin throwe got his dog. And so we went to
the shelter and they were like, do you want her?
She's a pug and we were like a pug, Like
that's amazing, we want a little dog and like a
(35:47):
pug for like I don't know, fifty bucks. That's a
avery rescuter, you know. So we're good people. So we
were like yeah, and then the bitch kept growing and
growing growing and like not even like a year, I'm like,
this is not a bug. She's yeah, like the size
(36:12):
of my hand. And yeah, so she's a boxer for sure.
That is so funny. Bugs, the boxer bugs, the boxer
um and um yeah, we're always just like they just
were telling everybody a bugs like take them. So yeah,
(36:33):
we got scammed, but we love bugs and it's it's
been uh sweet. We have our little family and um
but it's hard when we do want to travel together
where we're gonna like leave Bugs um, because she's she's
kind of like goss. She doesn't like other dogs, so
(36:55):
she's not like aggressive. She's just like, man, yeah, not
do my own thing. Yeah, So it's hard to find
like someplace she's comfortable. She runs my life. I'm like,
whatever you want, I'll do, ma'am. Ye know. I sort
of love when dogs are like that, where they're like
they see I actually dog sit for a dog like that,
(37:16):
And I feel like anytime a dog comes up to
sniffer on the street, her vibe is kind of like,
are you fucking kidding me? Like I'm not Netflix couch,
Like I don't need to be like blailing my tail
at you. I'm good, Like I feel like it's so funny.
I'm like, you're not. You're right, You're You're more one
of us exactly, like Bugs is a people for sure,
(37:39):
more than Ben Affleck one percent. Oh, because both of
you have had been in relationships where you're sort of
co having an animal. I've dated someone I had dogs,
(38:00):
and I've dated someone while also having three dogs. Um.
But it was just kind of interesting because at least
for me, I'm overly like concerned with my dogs well being.
Once I told Devin that was worried my dog was
stressed because it's all the time, and she was like,
it sleeps all the time, sau It's a dog. And
I was like, right, right, right, right, right right right.
(38:20):
But for instance, like when the dog will jump up
into the try to front to the car. You know,
I was dating someone who just pushed it back and
I'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa wa are you doing right?
You know? And it was like, no, we're not having
this conversation, like just let her drive if she wants
to drive. She's good at it or dog, she's good
(38:44):
of everything she does. It's a better driver than you.
So true. Yeah, my mom is gonna watch bugs, and
I don't trust that woman. I just feel like because
I keep checking in with her, she's like I know
how to watch a damn dog. I watch, you know,
(39:06):
my grandson. And I'm like, yeah, but are you gonna
take her? Are you gonna like touch her? Because I
just see you like, you know, you're not even gonna
care that she's there because she's a monster, you know.
So I don't know. I just I want someone. I
would just by this conversation, I would leave my dogs
(39:27):
with y'all. I already want to hang out with your dog.
I know I am a good dog sitter because I
feel like I into it. Like everyone wants updates, everyone
wants like she did such a good thing today, you
believe it? Like videos, but I do. I always talk
to them. I love talking to dogs because they don't
say anything back and they just listen. Um. But it
is hard sometimes, Like have you and your partner had
(39:48):
any arguments over the parented, like any differences and like
screen time and like what what the rules are els
private public? Well, so there's a issue on the couch
because we have one couch, right and Bugs likes to
be on the couch. So she's on it right now.
(40:09):
She's licking her vagina there and like so it's like
not like a big couch, but Bugs is big, and
so usually it's like her and my boyfriend on the
couch and I sit on the floor. And I was
kind of like finding myself like resentful. I'm like, you know,
(40:32):
my butt kind of hurts, it's um, and and my
boyfriend's like, we'll move Bugs from the couch and I'm like,
I'm not gonna do that person, right, And so I'm
like campaigning for a new couch and like couches are
like millions of dollars, which I'm like, when did this happen?
(40:56):
And he's like, you know, the solution is just to
let's not let bugs on the couch anymore. And I'm
like that's not an option. No, that's not that's her couch.
How am I She's five years old. It's just she's
gonna be like what the fuck? Just right? So I
would just rather by a whole couch. Oh I know,
(41:21):
I know, and you know, get it, get like two
day jobs to pay for the couch that we're all happy.
I It's so funny when people come visit my house
and like when I tried to sort of have fake
new roles for the dogs and they look at me
like are you fucking serious? I'm like, what are they doing?
(41:43):
Bagging right now? That is crazy? Get down? Just look
at me like what what? Like what language is this? Oh? Yeah?
My boyfriend's also against giving her people food. Oh no,
And I'm like, um, she's experience life the way I do.
(42:05):
She has to know what pizza is. She loves it.
That is true, Like I felt that way dog sitting
sometimes where the owners would say like, so we don't
give any treats and we don't, and I was like, wait,
like how he's adorable and then she's good. Are you
sure you want her? Or do you think maybe it's
optional for you and I can just take her home.
(42:26):
I do think sometimes it's hard, like I think there's
a male tendency or maybe it's the males I've chosen
to spend my time around. But like my family has
really uh like kind of complicated dogs, and they have
like a rescue who's like very like dog aggressive, just
like fear aggression, all that stuff. So walking him is
(42:47):
like a whole process. And I've dated multiple men who
like when we go on the walker, like let me
hold the LEAs and I'm like, you know, it's a
whole thing, you know, like and they're like it's fine.
I think it's like it's a dog he's and I'm like,
let's then why do you question me? So that's been tough.
We feel the dog, we have connections with the dogs,
(43:09):
and you're just like what just do whatever? Simple? I'm like,
do you trust yourself or me. Who thinks about this?
It would you trust? But that's I wanted to know
if there's anything that you would like to plug. Oh well,
um my podcast I'm not busy um with Michael Folk.
(43:32):
We do that every week. Um, and it's fun and
we just talk about dumb stuff like j LO or
build a Bear workshops, you know something just to like, yeah,
important issues. And then my album My Birthdays Tomorrow is
on Spotify and Apple Music or you know where you
(43:53):
download stuff. I don't know. And I'm currently looking for
a couch through Okay listeners. If you can hook us
up with a couch, I will say, Vanessa, my advice is,
um that you did not ask for is going on
Craigslist and putting in designer names that you like. So
(44:15):
I'll put in but what about in monkey pox era?
Like do you want to just get any random Bozo's couch?
I didn't think of that monkey Pox era. I don't
think you can get it. I don't think you can.
But but but in in post or maybe the in
post monkey pox world, if if somebody we get to
(44:35):
live somewhere that beautiful, you can put in like blue
Dot or CB two or west elm Into your Craigslist
search bar and a bunch of beauties come up, and
sometimes they're fairly used. It's one of my favorite ways
to look for furniture. That's great advice. I never thought
of that. I'm always just like couch and then it's
like like somebody died on it. I'm like, yeah, wait, Vanessa,
(45:03):
speaking of advice, would would you be so kind as
to leave our listeners with the best relationship advice you've
received because you gave such great advice on Chelsea's podcast.
I guess go to therapy both parties, and yeah, I guess, like,
(45:25):
try to be aware if you're you know, putting your
insecurities out there or if they're not doing their end
of the deal. It's a it's a fine line, but
you gotta you gotta do the work. I think both
parties got to do the work. And if it feels
like you're the only one then mm hmm, then no,
(45:49):
you and bugs get out of there. She'll get you
out of there. Why I know bugs will get you out.
I know bugs is wearing a rain like at your door,
getting your bag ready. It's so dumb, like when you
have a dog, imagining a dog doing anything human becomes
the funniest piece of It is my favorite. It is
(46:12):
my favorite comedy. I literally said that my dog, Grandma,
she's a chow chow pit bull, and so I accidentally
similar to you kind of. I I thought I was
getting like an English bulldog, like French bulldog, and I
got a guard dog essentially. She's she's very friendly, but
after like fifteen minutes of barking at people like crazy.
But um, I imagine her. I'm like, in her next life,
(46:35):
I want her to be a security guard, and I
just imagine the joy she would feel sitting at the
security guard desk looking at the different TV screens of
cod like I would. It would make her so happy.
And I just saw that for her. That's why I
love all those movies, you know. I love Yeah, when
(46:56):
dogs are able as they're just playing basketball. I remember
watching with my grandfather and my step grandfather, and he
was sort of you know when you like accidentally get
caught watching a kid's moving, you sort of like get
into it. He's like this older Vietnam vet and when
the air bad gets lost by its bad owner but
(47:17):
ends up with a good kid then learns how to
play football or basketball and does well, and then the
bad owner wants it back because it does there, but
it's valuable. They go to court and my grandfather was
behind me with like a drink and he was like, God, damn,
how hard it is? It is it? You say you
put a poster's you said you're looking for him. That
guy can show up. It's your dog. And I was like, kid,
(47:42):
is this court even listening up to this trial about
the basketball playing dog? Please tell me this. Jurors aren't
out of their fucking mind right now? Dog owners have rights?
Come on, how complicated? Is this pretty complicated? That's really funny. Vanessa,
(48:03):
thank you so much for joining us on True Romance.
Oh my god, this was so fun. Thank god, it
was such a gift. I feel like I fan girled
you and then manifested being able to actually talk to
you and force you to stay on a zoom with
me for forty five minutes. So exactly our plan was
like a plan. Thank you. Please catch Vanessa's podcast. I'm
(48:24):
not busy with Michael Folk and we will catch you
next time. I want true so sorrow that lovely baby,
(48:53):
don't leave me hanging. I want your aday think about
the ps
Hello, and welcome to True Romance. You are going to
be hearing that twice today. That is because today is
a re release and I did not know what that
meant when I first heard it. I gotta say I'm
new to the biz in some ways, and that means
we are releasing an old episode because we were up
(00:21):
to the old Shenanigans this week and we weren't able
to record unfortunately. So we love you. Please d m
usum for any topics that you want us to bring
up on our podcast or address any themes that you
feel like we haven't explored. And our Instagram is at
(00:42):
tru Romance pod, or you can write us mail to
our po box. It's to eight seven in Grand Central Station,
New York, New York. Just kidding. I don't even know.
I don't know why those still exists, But we love you.
Thank you for listening to True Romance. We hope that
you forget all the details of the episode we're about
to listen to so you can enjoy it again, and
(01:04):
thank you for tuning in. Hello, True Romance listeners. This
is Devin Leary and this is Carolina Barla. Today on
(01:29):
the pod, we have a very exciting gift for you,
we happen to be joined by one of varieties ten
comics to watch, So yeah, not only watch, but listen?
How about that ten comments? Listen? Yeah, why do you
have to just watch me? What about listen for once
in your g D life? Um. She is a comedian
(01:53):
you may recognize from Hbos, The Garcia's and Entre Nose.
I'm probably not pronouncing that right and like I also, um,
didn't go to college, but so that's okay. Um. She's
also in Comedy Central, Stand Up Presents This Joker on
the Ropeku Channel, Loved the Ropeu Channel, Love the Purple Aesthetic.
She was also on a Little Late with Lily Sing.
(02:15):
Maybe you saw her somewhere around this little Globe performing
live opening for Chelsea Handler on Vaccinated and Horny tour. Um.
She also has a comedy album, My Birthday Tomorrow, which
is one of the best names I've ever heard, and
she has a podcast called I'm Not Busy Please Welcome
Vanessa Gonzalez. Hey, thank you so much for having me. Like,
(02:43):
I haven't done an intro in a while, so I
was really I was bumping up, did a good job. Okay, Thanks?
That was amazing. Yeah, I feel so pumped. Great, you
don't sound pumped. Yeah, sounds good. No, I actually, Vanessa,
I found your comedy on Chelsea Handler's Um Dear Chelsea podcast.
(03:07):
I listened to your episode and then I started listening
to your podcast, and I have to say, you have
one of my favorite voices and like ences of all time.
Like I just love listening to talk about anything. It's melodic,
like I I truly it brings my blood pressure down.
It's yeah, I've been told, um, I've been called sleepy.
(03:27):
And my my younger brother, his name's Homer. Hi, Homer
probably listening. He's shut up. He's even like sleepier than
I am. So very just like kill sleepy vibes that.
(03:52):
So I wanted to get something out of the way
since since I did listen to your podcast many episodes,
and you have an incredible episode about j Lo And
there there is an elephant in this room to all
those listening, I'm sure, which is that this past weekend,
I don't know when this episode will come out, but
today what has just come to pass is the second wedding.
(04:15):
Wait did they get married before second wedding? Just got
their second wedding in Georgia. Um, I have heard that
it was on a plantation. I hope to God this
is not true. I hope to God. I mean, if
anyone could do that, she ken And it's fine. It's
it's not Blake Lively, you know what I mean, Like
it's I had no idea they got married again. They
(04:37):
did at a place in Georgia, which listen, I have
been on this journey with them since I was thirteen,
and so I literally thought, oh, where they almost owned
a house together, they were going to live there after
they initially got married. I didn't know that. Actually, wait,
so did they somehow get divorced in this small time
and then married again or this is just another this
(04:59):
is just like another wedding like they did the So
this is what was confusing for me. So they got
married in Vegas and I was like, okay, Like there,
I was like, this actually goes against my theory because
it seems like it's not like a publicity thing if
they're doing like a I mean quiet. I did have
to join j Lo's newsletter to get the pics and
like it was closed everywhere. Um, but in a sense
(05:20):
it was private. But then their their honeymoon, they were
doing these constant like paparazzi walks, like slowly outdoors getting photographed,
and now they're doing like the biggest celebrity wedding and
like page six somehow got the photo, you know what
I mean. Like so I'm like, what is this about
you guys? And like Casey Affleck didn't go and his
mom like their mom was hospitalized, and I don't know, Okay, honestly,
(05:43):
Casey Affleck, that's a whole other topic in the fact
that he's dating a twenty three year old and his
Instagram captions are so repulsive. But my favorite is that
he writes this awful long Instagram caption to his twenty
three year old girlfriend to celebrate their one year anniversary
and because yeah, exactly, because we've had so many ups
(06:06):
and downs this year. I was like, oh, yeah, it's
famously you know, hard dating a twenty three year old
girlfriend was nothing going on in her life. He's he's
like the worst case brother in law I think you
can have. He is well, you know what he is.
He is so well cast as a bad brother in law.
It's not like a starring guy. He's not the star
(06:28):
of any picture Um, I mean, may I trust about
to see but talk about sleepy is sleepy he is?
So it is so classic too that it's like I
I have a sense, I have a sense that maybe
j Lo would have some issues with the dating of
the year old. Um. She does have kids that are
(06:48):
like sort of close to that age, you know. Um.
And so that is just such a move to be like, oh,
you're dating one of the most iconic women of all time,
big bro. Well guess what. I went on only fans,
but I found myself a youngster in a crop top.
That's what they'd be doing. Now, what are they why?
(07:14):
I don't know. It's like there's so many j Lows
out there, you know, I know, and it just it
really upsets me because I went on daily Mail to
see like what was the what we're like the highlights
from the wedding, like news stories, and they posted something
about a rod and I'm like the fact that this
woman felt the need to ever stoop to that level
(07:38):
and then afterwards to be like, Okay, I guess the
best I can do is like my ex who is
an alcoholic with a bad facelift, And that's just so sad.
That's just sad facelift is really bad. Yeah, have you
I've been. People are like actively sending me clips of
him speaking Spanish like that that was impressive, And okay,
(08:02):
I did say that. I came home into my roommate
I go, did you see the video of ben Affleck
speaking Spanish? And she goes, He's one of the most
interesting celebrities of all time, and I was like, honestly,
that is true, like he's so basic but yet so
it's like everything is like, wait, what happened? Do you
speak better Spanish than Ben Affleck? No? Yeah, yeah, And
(08:28):
you know what, That's why it's upsetting because I was
like ready to like laugh at it, and he was
so too. Yeah, but it's like so cringe, Like the
better he is at it, it's like, no, it's so uncomfortable.
(08:49):
Remember when he when he did that video, like when
it went viral that he he sent a video to
a girl on a dating app that was like, hey,
like why didn't you match me? Or why did like me?
Who is this person? Who is this He's so interesting?
The thing that the Spanish that threw me was that
(09:10):
he has such aggressive white male energy that to me,
I was like, why didn't we know about this before?
Because to me, that is the kind of person who
like at Chipotle to like the white guy sling rice
and beans would be like mucha's glass, yes, like and
be like oh sorry, like I do not shake Spanish.
(09:30):
This is not how they do in Tijuana. Like I'm
sure he would have like just completely like white splained yeah,
and like he like throws in like slang and like accent,
like he's for real like going in for the Spanish
speaking roles, I think, and I've heard some fellows Spanish
(09:53):
songs and I know that he speaks better Spanish than her.
Oh yeah, but that's the thing too, where I'm like,
she's not even that good at this. Where where is
he picking this up? I was like, oh, maybe she
taught him or but it's so bizarre. Yeah, it doesn't
make sense. It's like um, in Men in Black, you know,
where they say like aliens are Amonga's Wait, that actually
(10:19):
does make total total sense. Also, like Vanessa, you guys
said on your podcast that j Lo has like a
huge ass, So you guys actually said, um famously that
she has a huge ass, and no one's ever said
that before. Um, I know, but you said that she
has a bigger flaw following globally, So maybe you're right
(10:40):
that Ben is like, Okay, if this is a publicity
is done, and I think like it's one of those
things where it's like they do love each other and
there's like this lust going on, but it's also for publicity.
I don't think it's consciously for a publicity. I think
that they are both in love. I think they've always
been in love. They haven't always they have. It doesn't
work like that. Don't know right now, what the hell
(11:03):
do we know about any of this. I know you're
happened together on their plantation. I know people move on.
That's what I know. Yeah, and then they moved back together,
thank god. But I don't think. I don't know why.
I don't think when she married Mark Anthony that she
was like, I'm still in love with Ben, but I
have to just marry this person, Like I says, that's
(11:23):
that's true, hasn't been proven to be like an n
y U grad who lives in Grammercy. Like that doesn't
mean they're wrong. I don't know if we need to
trust that. I feel like Mark Anthony was solely for
the DNA like she was like, I can sing, okay,
so I need someone that can really sing so my
(11:45):
kids can sing. And Max Ken sing? Is that her name? Max? Oh? Yes?
Um no, that is her brother's and her name's m
oh okay and she's very cool. But yeah, it's I
don't understand. I don't understand, like, especially when you're j Lo,
like yeah, what do you when do you have like
(12:06):
downtime like boyfriend husband time? It seems like it all
has to be like organized and like like did y'all
see marry me? No, I I've been busy. I haven't
time to watch the worst movie in history. I saw
it on an airplane, which is that's perfect to see it.
(12:29):
Told me dated the exact same thing. What did you think? Yeah,
well that's was I was like, this is her life
probably where it has to be manufactured and and like
organized romantic time. Yeah it was bad, But I feel
like for me for a j LO movie, um ten
(12:50):
at a chance. Yeah, I do love a jail movie.
I'm sure like it we mentioned on the podcast and
then like briefly and then my grandma Judithao who listens
every episode, watched and she's like, so I watched the movie, like,
what did you think? I was like, oh, I just
kind of like made a joke about it, but I
didn't actually watch it yet. And she was like it
wasn't very good. I was like, yeah, that makes it
(13:11):
sounds good. And there's like songs, fake songs. Oh well,
maybe they're real songs, but they seemed fake. They seemed
like a simulation, like an Oscar winning like songwriter wrote
the song from Shallow that lady got got her pop
song that's like, why would you do that? Do that?
(13:31):
Do that? Dude? Do that? Why would you do that?
Why would you do that song? That's a fake song
that I forgot? Come on in here with an ask
like that? Yeah, I'm like, were you in a rush?
Why was she also wearing an outfit from like Ricky's
(13:53):
like old school like it was like a diamond studded
bra from like Spencer Skins. And she was like all right,
got I asked an outfitt on like let's go. Yes,
that was called Gaga, Yeah it was. It was Stephanie Germinata. Oh,
step I'm Italian. Watch Ben affleis los amazing Italian? Sure,
(14:15):
it's like brown Jean, that's my Italian Vanessa. You met
your you have a partner. Congratulations, that sounds passive aggressive. Congrats.
(14:40):
We're happy for you. So how's that? Um? Nice to
say good night someone every night? A mad Okay, you're
good at reading people, but all of that aside. You
have a partner, and that's beautiful and we are happy
for you. And you famously met online, which is even
(15:02):
more rare and more congratulatory worthy. Oh thank you. Yeah.
We met on okay Cupid. And before that I was
working at a daycare and then I would go to
comedy at night, and so I was like, you know,
dating and hooking up with comics, which was awful darkness.
(15:22):
It was a dark time. And then I was like, well,
I can't meet anybody outside this bubble. I got to
do the apps and there was a lot of trial thereror,
and then he came along and in the Yeah, it's
been good. It's cool to see the rewards of like
resilience and dating online, because I feel like, I don't
(15:42):
know if you had this experience, Like I went on
one Okay Cupid date in two thousand eleven, and I
was such a bet. It was one of those states
where you know when you shake hands with someone and
you're like, I will never kiss you, like never might
have sex with you, but like, well we're never touching
beyond this point. And I spent three hours with him
because I don't have healthy bound trees and I didn't
know how to be like and so then I just
(16:04):
took a break from the apps. But I'm one thing
I'm really inspired by devin By is that she's kind
of like, all right, I gotta do if I want
this right back on that horse these it's yeah, it's
pretty hard work, yeah, and it's exhausting. I did the
whole thing where like I deleted it. That was like
doing a lot of like yeah dates, they were bad
(16:26):
dates or like, um, I would have like one night stands,
which I was like all four, but then some guys
would hook up and then they'd never text me again.
I'm like, well then I'm done with this. And then
I turned it back on and my boyfriend was the
first one who messaged me back, and I was very like,
what what do you want? And he's like, oh, you
(16:49):
seem you seem nice. I'm like, oh, I bet I do,
I bet I do. Can't wait to see what you
have up sleep, Mr Man. Yeah, I was very like
angry um, and then he was like oh. I was like, yeah,
(17:11):
I do comedy whatever and I'll have a prize. Yeah,
and uh. I was like yeah, have a show tomorrow.
And he's like, oh, would it be weird if I came?
And I was like, I literally don't care, and so
you died. Man, I'm like, I don't know. That was
(17:34):
like my approach coming back in was like I can't
care about these They're all bought. And he came and
then came to the show and he was nice and
and then we had our first date after that, and
then we kept hanging out and that was the weird
thing was like that caught me off guard was I
(17:56):
was like this because he's my first boyfriend. I've never
had a boyfriend before that. It was always just like
cookups and like yeah. So it just threw me off that.
I'm like, he keeps uh texting me and wanting to
hang out. This is weird. This is something's wrong. This
is wrong. He's trying to get you into a cult.
(18:19):
Isn't that interesting? That's like our response to like responsible,
even though Devin and I were talking about it, like
I expect her to text me back I expect her
to like call me once in a while just to
see how things are doing, like m But when a
guy does that, I'm like, Okay, take it easy. Yeah,
I love that you wanted to come to your show.
(18:39):
That's like, to me, such a good sign of someone
who like wants to actually get to know you. Yeah,
it was so nice, and like, um it was. I
make fun of him now because in the beginning, you know,
I was doing a lot of like sketch shows and
stand up and stuff, and I would always be like, yeah,
you don't have to buy a take anybody like, no, no, no,
(19:00):
I'm gonna buy a ticket. I want to support the arts,
but you will not buy a ticket. Now you're like,
I'm about to do a show in Alesian Park where
like someone stresses a juggle out, but yes, they're just
supporting art. Yeah, he won't buy a ticket. Now now
he's like, well, if there's no comps, I'm gonna stay home.
(19:22):
Fair fair. When you're getting someone in comedy, is that
nerve wracking? I feel like I would feel so nervous.
I feel nervous even just like having a podcast that
like if I matched with someone on an app that
they'll see like I have a podcast like and listen,
and I'm like, oh, what if they don't like? It?
Is a nerve wracking to do stand up when you know,
like a date or a possible crushes there. Um. I
(19:46):
I feel like I would be nervous when I was
like dating or like cooking up with other comics that
got me in my head. But I was like, he
doesn't know, you know, he doesn't know. I think. Once
we kept on dating and then I started liking him,
then I started being nervous. But because I was such
(20:08):
in a bitter place when he first hit me up
that I was like, whatever, dude, I'll never talk to
you again. UM, So that kind of helped me push
through that fear. But yeah, it is. It is nerve wracking,
especially if it's a crush and you're like, I don't
want to do this. Yeah, you guys have been together
(20:30):
eight years? All right? Yeah, it'll be eight years this December.
What are we doing? Just kidding? I know, what are
we doing? What are we doing for it? Um? A
long distance for two years. Yeah. I moved to l
A in twenty eighteen, Um, you know, to follow my
dreams and then, um, I was there for two years
(20:54):
and he was about to like make the jump with me,
but then the pandemic hit, so I moved back home. Yeah. Yeah,
it was good because he kept he was about to
quit his job, um, but his job kept us, kept
me afloat for the pandemic. Yeah, it's so funny. Remember
(21:16):
that period in Devin, I know you went through a tour.
It's like, I feel like this might last longer than
a month, so like maybe I should go home and
remember and was trying to decide whether to leave l A.
And I was like, well, I don't know, Like you're
always walking to my house as if that's gonna keep
her afloat. It's like I think I might go back.
(21:37):
Did you go back? Yeah? So, like I basically moved
to l A quote unquote temporarily for a job, and
then I started dating someone in l A. And I
was like, I think I'm gonna sign a lease. I
kind of makes sense for my career, right, And then
I did. Then we broke up, and then I started
dating someone who lived in New York and I was like,
I'm thinking about maybe because the Big Apple's calling me back.
(21:58):
I was like, you know where you know where oh
business also is is way. Um, so that's kind of
been a pattern. But I also moved home during the
pandemic because I yeah, I was just like I don't
know if I can be like alone in an apartment
for indefinite time, which I'm glad I did. But I
also was in a long distance relationship and it was
(22:19):
hard for me, I think because of my like tendency
to be um so like overly and matched in relationships,
which I'm working on in therapy. Um, but it was
hard to like have like these really intense weekends where
it was like you know, honeymoon phase, excitement, amazing, and
then like leave and then I was like, oh, this
(22:41):
is a huge come down. Yeah, for sure. That was
the hardest part for me too. And I think leading up,
like so we we dated for like three months and
I was like, you should move in and he did.
I'm not like he he did, and then so we
(23:02):
like moved like real fast, and I was like, oh
my god, this is great. I didn't realize, but I'm like, oh,
we're codependent, real bad. So I was excited to like
kind of you know, we were together for a while
and then we did long distance and I was like, yeah,
maybe this is good because I can just like focus
on my ship and you could be home and focus
(23:24):
on your ship. But yeah, it was hard. We were
I guess four years in. I don't know math, I
don't know how much time has best, but we were
together for a while and then we did the long
distance and m yeah, it was kind of hard to
like heal or work through that codependency by just like
(23:45):
separate right right. I know, for me, like a long
distance and codependency has given me this feeling when I'm
in relationships where I'm a lonely earth, then I would
be if I were single if the other person isn't there.
So I'm like, I will be at a party, and
I mean, we've all been parties single and it sucks sometimes,
(24:08):
but when you're at a party and your ex is
or your current partner isn't there, and all of a sudden,
you're like, oh my gosh, I am and so I'm
so sad. I'm so sad, and or even just like
going to get breakfast, like I'm just missing this person
and there's only so much texting that can make me
feel like they're there. But it's interesting, I feel like
(24:30):
it does say a lot about the health of a
relationship when they can like make that work, because when
two people can sort of be like, how are we
going to do this together? That will get us through it? Yeah,
And I feel like, you know, we were like apart
for two years, back and forth, like visiting each other,
and then the pandemic hit and then we were right
(24:51):
back to just us no one else because you know,
there's a virus, and and then I'm like, oh, well
now we're back where we right, right, and yeah, So
I think the pandemic also like gave me social anxiety
more than I already had. So then I'm like, well,
(25:12):
you have to come with me everywhere I go because
you're a buffer. I can't want to go alone. And
He's like, you have to go alone sometimes, and I'm like, no,
you're a monster. I know. It is genuinely hard to
like go to stuff single, like, especially when you've been
in a relationship. It's like so hard to just go
(25:33):
and be like yeah, so there's just gonna be moments
where I'm gonna be standing alone and people are or
I'm going to be in a conversation and the people
want to leave the conversation and I don't know how
to get out because I don't have a thing to
be like I'm gonna go find my like person, you
know what I mean. But it's also, yeah, it's interesting
about long distance. I was talking to a friend about
relationships and she was saying, like, basically, the only thing
(25:55):
that's required is like two people being willing to work
on themselves and the relationship, like just willing to be like, Okay,
there's an issue, like let's steal, let's let's move forward.
Of course that's not like the only thing, but that's
definitely like necessary. And I feel like long distance is
like a little bit of extra work, but it also
can show you if someone is not willing to do that,
(26:16):
which I've experienced is like kind of like being in
a long distance thing where it's like, okay, so this
is gonna take a little bit extra like we're just
gonna have to plan times to talk on the phone
and like we're gonna have to show each other more
affection via text and stuff, and like the other person
just like not being willing to do that at all,
Like it like exposed an issue that was already there
(26:38):
that I like maybe wouldn't have even realized or like
wouldn't have come to a conclusion about as quickly. Yeah,
it does take a lot of compromise. And like you
saying like it exposes stuff, it's like it's so true.
Like that's when you see, oh I'm the only one
doing ship or they're not, or it's especially with like
(26:59):
a time different and it's like in New York, it's
like you gotta figure shit out and be like j
Lo and nice times. What do you and your partner do?
Like because I know you were touring a lot recently,
Like that must be a really hard thing to schedule around.
Do you guys have any tips or go twos that
you do to get through those times? Well, we do
(27:23):
FaceTime every day or you know, no matter where I am,
if I'll like make time to FaceTime um. But and
they kill to like if I'm going to like a
fun place, they'll be like, well I'll go to UM
and that's that's nice. But yeah, if I'm gonna be
in like you know, Reno, Nevada, and then he's like
(27:46):
I'm good, I'm good right, Um. But yeah, I feel
like a lot of like with the Codependency ship, for me,
it revealed like, oh, I'm like I'm putting a lot
of my insecurities on him, and like he's you know,
(28:06):
I I understand there's like people that don't work in
the relationship, but I'm like, oh, he's doing the work,
but I'm still liked enough, you know. So then I
had to with therapy kind of face that of like
why don't I like believe him, or like he's like
(28:26):
I love you, I want you, and I'm like, no, no,
you doubt you're gonna reveal you're gonna come to any
second now, and he's like, why don't you believe me?
So I realized that I needed to work on my
ship and like my insecurities, and with therapy that's been
(28:47):
super helpful. And now when I travel, it's just like
letting myself feel like that security of like everything's fine.
You don't have to he's not he's at home playing
the switch. You're you know, he's with the dog and
you you're going to do your show and like be
(29:07):
in the moment and like live over here, enjoy what
the hell you're doing and not just trying to find
shipped to be upset about. Because I was good at
that yeah, I think we can both identify with that,
and I think it's it's interesting. It's hard if you've
been in situations where someone was saying like the right
(29:27):
things and not doing and not following through with the behavior.
And I think that's why we're kind of like in
these we we are, at least any woman I know
who's experienced dating is kind of like trying to poke
holes and men's stories when they say stuff like that,
because I've definitely been with guys who have said all
the right things or and not just like not gone
(29:49):
the extra mile that I was going for the relationship.
But it is so weird. I have had experiences of
dating someone where I've stopped waiting for the other shoe
to drop, and it it's really nice and you can
get so much done. I mean I always talked to
my famous nice boyfriend Joni on the pod because he
was my nice boyfriend, and I remember just being like,
(30:11):
I can have a career, I have so much time.
I'm not worried about this person cheating on me, Like
just go be on my merry way and be with
my friends at night, and not like worry about what
he's going to do because I'm not giving him attention
and it's right, such a blessing. Yeah, it was hard
on myself, like why am I like this? Why do
(30:33):
I want to poke holes? And it's like, oh yeah, Doug,
because men are trash and they've lied. They've lied to
me before, they led me on. I'm like, oh yeah,
it's always been something else. So when someone's like, hey,
I'm not going to do that, I don't believe you. Sorry.
I already am like expecting issues in my next relationship,
(30:54):
Like I already know I'm going to be suspect. I
already know it's take a second for me to like
trust someone again. And it's honestly, I feel the exact way.
I'm like, I'm not going to judge myself for it.
I'm just I'm set up that way I've been. I've
been dumpster diving for too long. Yea, so you guys
met on the apps, but this was okay, cep it.
(31:16):
I mean these are back in like do you have
at envy? My friends and relationships will like sometimes like
being on my phone to go through the apps and
play it like a video game. That's but I do
I feel like the fun ones are like Grinder. I
like to see like my friends on Grinder and I'm like, oh,
(31:37):
this is fascinating, but not so much for the straight ones.
I'm like, I already know with that. Nothing nothing new there,
I know. I'm like, whatever app it is, I just
went for the free one and that one was, you know,
the same results. I think. I feel like every episode
I have to like say something awful or like horrible
(31:59):
that I saw on the apps that week. But I
I don't know how to feel about this because I
saw one guy today There's it was one of the
apps that has like the prompts, and so there's like
one of the prompts is like my red flag is,
but like almost almost everyone answers it as a joke,
like my red flag is I like don't finish all
my selfs or cans or like something. Obviously that's not
(32:21):
a joke because it's not funny because I thought of it,
but like it's stupid stuff like that, and I opened
it today. I see this guy he wrote my red
flag is that I am a sex and love addict
and I have to like be really like this long thing.
I have to be really careful because I developed feelings
too quickly, and I was like, you're right flag either
either red flag is that you put that on your
(32:43):
online day profile. Either this man is like Nathan Fielder
level comedian and this is like some sort of bit
that I'm not, but like based on his profile picture
that made him look like a former high school athlete,
I didn't think that was the case. I think he
was just genuinely like, oh, red flag. Okay, So I
have been told that I'm a sex and love at Like,
I'm just like, what the right answer? Oh man? I
(33:08):
hated that. I remember. I was like, this is like
homework and then it's like you do your little bio
whatever and then you have to go through the prompts
and I'm like, because then that's how they match you,
the like the multiple choice ones, and I'm like, this
so dumb working on comedy too, Like when I'm tired
(33:31):
going the app, I'm like, I don't want to try
to be funny right now, I'm sucking lonely. I don't
want to tell you like a funny like blast Meal,
I would have just want to hit and so true,
so ridiculous, and like we've never had those conversations in
(33:53):
eight years. We've never talked about that, but lest meal
we're gonna have or I don't even know if we
had three kids and what their names would be. No,
I don't want that's because we haven't been on like
a first day of school in middle school where they're
like I speare like do you have a sibling? Everyone
go around like which was always my worst nightmare anyway,
and I'm like, oh my god, now I'm back here. Um.
(34:16):
I did go on there with my friend. Um. We
were in the middle of the woods, like in Vermont,
camping sort of, and we went on Grin and he
was like, I just want to see who's in the area.
It's like a very farm centured town. And we see
like the gnarliest like grizzliest guy. He looks like he's
(34:38):
taking a selfie in his room, like in the dark,
and I was like, I was like, you cannot see
this person. I'm so sorry. I'm just really scared. You're
gonna get killed with love. You're gonna have to stay
celibant on this trip with love. With love, we can
get murdered any night, any Thursday night, I could disappear.
(34:58):
So everybody just pay attention to when I was last
active on my Instagram, keep chicking in. We're also raising
a dog, Like, we have a dog. Bugs is her name?
What are we talking? Well? So we rescued her together
(35:23):
five years ago and it was after there was a
hurricane here in Texas and they were like, the shelters
are full, we need you to take dogs. That's when
Justin throwe got his dog. And so we went to
the shelter and they were like, do you want her?
She's a pug and we were like a pug, Like
that's amazing, we want a little dog and like a
(35:47):
pug for like I don't know, fifty bucks. That's a
avery rescuter, you know. So we're good people. So we
were like yeah, and then the bitch kept growing and
growing growing and like not even like a year, I'm like,
this is not a bug. She's yeah, like the size
(36:12):
of my hand. And yeah, so she's a boxer for sure.
That is so funny. Bugs, the boxer bugs, the boxer
um and um yeah, we're always just like they just
were telling everybody a bugs like take them. So yeah,
(36:33):
we got scammed, but we love bugs and it's it's
been uh sweet. We have our little family and um
but it's hard when we do want to travel together
where we're gonna like leave Bugs um, because she's she's
kind of like goss. She doesn't like other dogs, so
(36:55):
she's not like aggressive. She's just like, man, yeah, not
do my own thing. Yeah, So it's hard to find
like someplace she's comfortable. She runs my life. I'm like,
whatever you want, I'll do, ma'am. Ye know. I sort
of love when dogs are like that, where they're like
they see I actually dog sit for a dog like that,
(37:16):
And I feel like anytime a dog comes up to
sniffer on the street, her vibe is kind of like,
are you fucking kidding me? Like I'm not Netflix couch,
Like I don't need to be like blailing my tail
at you. I'm good, Like I feel like it's so funny.
I'm like, you're not. You're right, You're You're more one
of us exactly, like Bugs is a people for sure,
(37:39):
more than Ben Affleck one percent. Oh, because both of
you have had been in relationships where you're sort of
co having an animal. I've dated someone I had dogs,
(38:00):
and I've dated someone while also having three dogs. Um.
But it was just kind of interesting because at least
for me, I'm overly like concerned with my dogs well being.
Once I told Devin that was worried my dog was
stressed because it's all the time, and she was like,
it sleeps all the time, sau It's a dog. And
I was like, right, right, right, right, right right right.
(38:20):
But for instance, like when the dog will jump up
into the try to front to the car. You know,
I was dating someone who just pushed it back and
I'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa wa are you doing right?
You know? And it was like, no, we're not having
this conversation, like just let her drive if she wants
to drive. She's good at it or dog, she's good
(38:44):
of everything she does. It's a better driver than you.
So true. Yeah, my mom is gonna watch bugs, and
I don't trust that woman. I just feel like because
I keep checking in with her, she's like I know
how to watch a damn dog. I watch, you know,
(39:06):
my grandson. And I'm like, yeah, but are you gonna
take her? Are you gonna like touch her? Because I
just see you like, you know, you're not even gonna
care that she's there because she's a monster, you know.
So I don't know. I just I want someone. I
would just by this conversation, I would leave my dogs
(39:27):
with y'all. I already want to hang out with your dog.
I know I am a good dog sitter because I
feel like I into it. Like everyone wants updates, everyone
wants like she did such a good thing today, you
believe it? Like videos, but I do. I always talk
to them. I love talking to dogs because they don't
say anything back and they just listen. Um. But it
is hard sometimes, Like have you and your partner had
(39:48):
any arguments over the parented, like any differences and like
screen time and like what what the rules are els
private public? Well, so there's a issue on the couch
because we have one couch, right and Bugs likes to
be on the couch. So she's on it right now.
(40:09):
She's licking her vagina there and like so it's like
not like a big couch, but Bugs is big, and
so usually it's like her and my boyfriend on the
couch and I sit on the floor. And I was
kind of like finding myself like resentful. I'm like, you know,
(40:32):
my butt kind of hurts, it's um, and and my
boyfriend's like, we'll move Bugs from the couch and I'm like,
I'm not gonna do that person, right, And so I'm
like campaigning for a new couch and like couches are
like millions of dollars, which I'm like, when did this happen?
(40:56):
And he's like, you know, the solution is just to
let's not let bugs on the couch anymore. And I'm
like that's not an option. No, that's not that's her couch.
How am I She's five years old. It's just she's
gonna be like what the fuck? Just right? So I
would just rather by a whole couch. Oh I know,
(41:21):
I know, and you know, get it, get like two
day jobs to pay for the couch that we're all happy.
I It's so funny when people come visit my house
and like when I tried to sort of have fake
new roles for the dogs and they look at me
like are you fucking serious? I'm like, what are they doing?
(41:43):
Bagging right now? That is crazy? Get down? Just look
at me like what what? Like what language is this? Oh? Yeah?
My boyfriend's also against giving her people food. Oh no,
And I'm like, um, she's experience life the way I do.
(42:05):
She has to know what pizza is. She loves it.
That is true, Like I felt that way dog sitting
sometimes where the owners would say like, so we don't
give any treats and we don't, and I was like, wait,
like how he's adorable and then she's good. Are you
sure you want her? Or do you think maybe it's
optional for you and I can just take her home.
(42:26):
I do think sometimes it's hard, like I think there's
a male tendency or maybe it's the males I've chosen
to spend my time around. But like my family has
really uh like kind of complicated dogs, and they have
like a rescue who's like very like dog aggressive, just
like fear aggression, all that stuff. So walking him is
(42:47):
like a whole process. And I've dated multiple men who
like when we go on the walker, like let me
hold the LEAs and I'm like, you know, it's a
whole thing, you know, like and they're like it's fine.
I think it's like it's a dog he's and I'm like,
let's then why do you question me? So that's been tough.
We feel the dog, we have connections with the dogs,
(43:09):
and you're just like what just do whatever? Simple? I'm like,
do you trust yourself or me. Who thinks about this?
It would you trust? But that's I wanted to know
if there's anything that you would like to plug. Oh well,
um my podcast I'm not busy um with Michael Folk.
(43:32):
We do that every week. Um, and it's fun and
we just talk about dumb stuff like j LO or
build a Bear workshops, you know something just to like, yeah,
important issues. And then my album My Birthdays Tomorrow is
on Spotify and Apple Music or you know where you
(43:53):
download stuff. I don't know. And I'm currently looking for
a couch through Okay listeners. If you can hook us
up with a couch, I will say, Vanessa, my advice is,
um that you did not ask for is going on
Craigslist and putting in designer names that you like. So
(44:15):
I'll put in but what about in monkey pox era?
Like do you want to just get any random Bozo's couch?
I didn't think of that monkey Pox era. I don't
think you can get it. I don't think you can.
But but but in in post or maybe the in
post monkey pox world, if if somebody we get to
(44:35):
live somewhere that beautiful, you can put in like blue
Dot or CB two or west elm Into your Craigslist
search bar and a bunch of beauties come up, and
sometimes they're fairly used. It's one of my favorite ways
to look for furniture. That's great advice. I never thought
of that. I'm always just like couch and then it's
like like somebody died on it. I'm like, yeah, wait, Vanessa,
(45:03):
speaking of advice, would would you be so kind as
to leave our listeners with the best relationship advice you've
received because you gave such great advice on Chelsea's podcast.
I guess go to therapy both parties, and yeah, I guess, like,
(45:25):
try to be aware if you're you know, putting your
insecurities out there or if they're not doing their end
of the deal. It's a it's a fine line, but
you gotta you gotta do the work. I think both
parties got to do the work. And if it feels
like you're the only one then mm hmm, then no,
(45:49):
you and bugs get out of there. She'll get you
out of there. Why I know bugs will get you out.
I know bugs is wearing a rain like at your door,
getting your bag ready. It's so dumb, like when you
have a dog, imagining a dog doing anything human becomes
the funniest piece of It is my favorite. It is
(46:12):
my favorite comedy. I literally said that my dog, Grandma,
she's a chow chow pit bull, and so I accidentally
similar to you kind of. I I thought I was
getting like an English bulldog, like French bulldog, and I
got a guard dog essentially. She's she's very friendly, but
after like fifteen minutes of barking at people like crazy.
But um, I imagine her. I'm like, in her next life,
(46:35):
I want her to be a security guard, and I
just imagine the joy she would feel sitting at the
security guard desk looking at the different TV screens of
cod like I would. It would make her so happy.
And I just saw that for her. That's why I
love all those movies, you know. I love Yeah, when
(46:56):
dogs are able as they're just playing basketball. I remember
watching with my grandfather and my step grandfather, and he
was sort of you know when you like accidentally get
caught watching a kid's moving, you sort of like get
into it. He's like this older Vietnam vet and when
the air bad gets lost by its bad owner but
(47:17):
ends up with a good kid then learns how to
play football or basketball and does well, and then the
bad owner wants it back because it does there, but
it's valuable. They go to court and my grandfather was
behind me with like a drink and he was like, God, damn,
how hard it is? It is it? You say you
put a poster's you said you're looking for him. That
guy can show up. It's your dog. And I was like, kid,
(47:42):
is this court even listening up to this trial about
the basketball playing dog? Please tell me this. Jurors aren't
out of their fucking mind right now? Dog owners have rights?
Come on, how complicated? Is this pretty complicated? That's really funny. Vanessa,
(48:03):
thank you so much for joining us on True Romance.
Oh my god, this was so fun. Thank god, it
was such a gift. I feel like I fan girled
you and then manifested being able to actually talk to
you and force you to stay on a zoom with
me for forty five minutes. So exactly our plan was
like a plan. Thank you. Please catch Vanessa's podcast. I'm
(48:24):
not busy with Michael Folk and we will catch you
next time. I want true so sorrow that lovely baby,
(48:53):
don't leave me hanging. I want your aday think about
the ps
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!