Becoming a "Sweater Guy" with Dean McDermott

Actor Dean McDermott (Tori Spelling's husband) stops by to hang with Jana and Mike. They reveal some of the advice he unknowingly shared with them long ago. He’s been through a similar journey, coming back from infidelity, and he opens up about the challenges that come with rebuilding a relationship.

Plus, when a woman says she doesn’t want a big gift for the holidays… does she really mean it??

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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wind Down with Ramer and Michael and I've heard radio podcast.
I have so much to say because I have not
caught up with Sarah since the wine down to our stuff.
We were in Chicago and Michigan and UMS and Louisville.
So the bus rolls in about what time do we
get in? That too like too in the morning. I

(00:24):
didn't even see you, Sarah when you left because your
flight end up changing. There was drama, you guys, Okay,
so there was. We were living on the bus for
four days. There was so much crap in the back
seat or the back part of the lounge that things
were just like being thrown into bags. So the next morning,
so tired, Jolie has school, so I just kind of

(00:48):
like blindly put my clothes on, grabbed my bag. I'm
in the car driving to her preschool. I walk in
and I look in my bag. I've got the bottle
bullet in in my purse. Except for those who don't

(01:08):
know bullet is, it's all my drinks. And I mean
it's an opened bottle of bullet like half drinks. And
I'm like, if anyone stops for me right now, who
opens my bag? Like mom of the Year, Like I
walked into her preschool with an open bottle of bullet
mom of the year, that is, and like, would it

(01:32):
have been so great if I would have gotten pulled over?
I mean like a officer, I swear I don't drink bullet,
Like I know what this looks like. Wait, I'm well
aware that is. How did it? Who knows? People just
were like putting things in It was a night. But
I'm just like, if you I was just in my head,
I'm like, how would I explain this to a like

(01:53):
the principal preschool lady? And then I guess all of
a sudden joy school now randomly does backcheck. Well, I
just like, what if I would have fallen in like
a bullet, like everywhere I would have someone grabbed my back.
I don't know, like you just started thinking or what
if I opened it like, oh, Joe, here's your water bottles?
Then this Tina sees the other bottle there. I'm just

(02:16):
like I was mortified. Mike's just happy his bullet made
at home. Yeah, absolutely, Hey guys, Hey, hey I'm not
hungover anymore. Oh that was speaking of hungover, though, we
had a little issue because I told Mike what time
we were leaving your wedding at Sarah on the tour

(02:39):
of bus, so she already booked their flights. Mark was
looking at me, like, what the wedding already happened. The
wedding obviously is in February, but I booked the flights,
and I didn't put the first flight out like I'm
usually the first flight out, because I want to be
back when with the kids. So I booked a ten

(03:03):
o'clock flight, which is like, you know, just in that
time to wake up, honey, what time would you like
to leave the wedding at or leave the hotel at
six pm that night? The last flight. I'm I'm more
of a like last flight out kind of guy. After
especially a wedding like this, I'm already telling you. I've

(03:25):
been giving you months ahead of time, like when we
knew what Windsah was getting married and I was like,
I'm going to be in rare for him. You're probably
gonna have to put me to bed. I don't know
what's going to happen, so let's not take the first
flight out. You know, we were I'm like, Jenna is
for sure, Mike's going to be a couple of bullets
in maybe some champagne. Jana's just gonna get on a

(03:45):
red eye that night and leave. You're gonna wake up
in the hotel room alone. Fine, fine, totally fine. I
just let him open by the way his first Um,
we like to have a really hard time keeping presents
from Mike, and so I got one of those Have
you ever seen those um curate drink works? Yeah? Yeah,
they're amazing you Actually, it's like what if you walked

(04:07):
around with the pod. So it's like basically like a
cur pod. It's made by karac too, but it has
like a margarita or mohito or a it's so cool.
So it'll just be you like with this with your
carry on it just like well because like you don't know,
but like most people's hangover start kicking in around ten eleven, um, right,

(04:28):
so up early, I will still be drunk. S A
might not let me throw You're literally gonna you are
in charge then of changing the tickets if you want,
I know what, can we meet in the middle. Six
is too late because then we couldn't put the checkout.
Time's got to happen at some point eleven or twelve exactly, Yes,
great point, Mark, Thank you what about he is gonna

(04:49):
be He's gonna be like the what's it called? The
maids are going to knock on the door and just
enter them and mif you passed out naked on the
bed like alone, They're going to be like what alone?
And afraid? Jan is gone? Are you texting me that
she landed back home and is with the kids? Can't wait?
What are you asking for for Christmas? Sarah? Since this

(05:11):
is our last Christmas? Um? What am I asking for
for Christmas? Mike got you two things that just got
delivered today, sending to you. What. Yeah, it's little, it's little.
It's just something I saw and I could not what's
she talking about? How kind of a soul? What? What? Gent?

(05:35):
And I was like you what? No? I mean, I
was like, did you get my presents yet? I don't
want anything? I know you actually probably don't want anything.
I don't know. I haven't. I've been like a little
busy normally. You know, I have my list a month ago,
but I don't. I just something I really like as presents.
I like shoes as present. And I know that sounds

(05:57):
like she likes shoes, but I just feel like there's
a lot of memory because like I have, you know,
I've choose from ten years ago that I still wear,
you know, and you do too, and we were him
to the death, and I just think it's a nice momentum.
I lose jewelry, I lose, you know, I lose a lot. Yeah. Wait,
so you do you guys tie shoes and memory together
just right? Like no, I'm saying, not tie like put

(06:22):
together shoes. You're like when you go to put on
a pair of shoes, like I remember that. Really No,
not like you know, a nice pair I get. I
have a nice pair that I remember, you know, like, oh,
I got these for my birthday? Tie got me these
for Valentine's Day? Yeah, not like my nikes, not my kids.
But well, it's just interesting because I wonder if that's

(06:42):
going to change, because now that we have kids, people
are asking and we're not even really doing presents in
our family anymore because it's like I don't want I
don't need anything. I don't want anything like I have
my kids. And I think that's and I never understood
that when when my parents would say that when we
were kids, I was like, what do you mean you
don't want something? And now I'm just like, I don't
want anything. I just I just want my I want

(07:04):
my family, and I want to have a great dinner
and some quality time and maybe watch a movie on
Christmas night, and I want them to be happy. I
want to see them. Yeah, honestly write that down. But
I feel like you want, like because I told you.
I was like, I don't, I really don't. I asked
for um necklace about mommy necklace, but Lola and James
sending it to me, so I was just like anything,

(07:26):
I feel like, it's just sentimental things. I like sentimental things.
And that's like a picture with the kids, A handwritten
letter that is like golden to Mike, a hand written letter.
Oh yeah, which comes to another great topic. Uh. We we
we need to tease the guests though, because I'm really
excited about the guest. Dean McDermott is coming in. He's

(07:49):
married to Tori Spelling and they have a very interesting past,
public past, and they were one of the couples that I,
having a way, always looked up to in a weird
way because of their ability to own it own it
in such a public way. And I just have a

(08:09):
lot of respect for that. So he's going to be
a guest on our show today, and I'm super excited
about that. I stay tuned for that. But hold, let
me ask you about the presidence real quick. So I
feel like women will say that, right, I really didn't
want anything. I went this. I went that if a
guy actually said, all right, oh you're dead. No no, no, no,

(08:32):
time out, time out, time out, if you didn't do anything,
I actually would be kind of bummed. But the one
thing that I would want is because I would want
at least that sentimental gift. It's the time in which
you maybe drew Jolie's hand and you guys wrote me like,
that's the stuff that the sentiment. It's the sentimental stuff
that like that. It could be you know, a simple question. Okay,

(08:57):
so I don't need the shoes. I don't need because
it's like, yeah, I'm good honestly, but I still would
like something special, I guess. Okay, So there you go.
It's not that I don't want anything I wanted to.
I would love something special that I knew that didn't
take a lot of It's not a lot of money,
but it took some thoughts. Okay, No, No, I was

(09:19):
just gonna say on the flip side, because you know,
if you say I don't want anything, you know you
do and or not you but I mean me, I
want something. Um, but is there something it's because you
don't have kids? Yeah, I promise you it'll change it
truly will You'll have everything? Okay? Um, but is there
something special about Like Let's say you say Mike, I
don't want anything. I don't want anything, and he gives

(09:41):
you a handwritten letter from Jolie and you think that's
your present. But then all of a sudden he got you, um,
a new you know, like Gucci purse or or something
that that you weren't expecting, you didn't want, and it
was just like, wow, I didn't even you know that
every once in a while, Sure that'd be so cool.
Sure I think it'd be a pleasant surprise. And I

(10:03):
think anyone would kind of want to feel special. Back
me up here because you've been married and for a
minute here we have kids. Are you the same or no,
we are the same. In fact, this year we've said
any money we spend a Christmas should be on the
kids or in the house house improvements. I love the
house improvement. To each other but I am going through
the daily stress of I still gotta get or something.

(10:23):
We can can't just do nothing nothing. So that's how
I'm going through now. So then why say that nothing then,
because if you don't mean it, That's the thing I
could honestly say, like if Jane and I were lying,
I don't believe you. If if if we agreed and
were said, hey, we're not we're just gonna save money
because we go we tend to go a little overboard
with each other because we're both there very generous. Past year,

(10:44):
we said a four dollar budget for each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
we went past that, so anyways, didn't ok Regardless, I
could honestly be like, all right, if we agree, hey,
we're not gonna spend any money on each at all
and not do anything, I'll beg okay, cool, No we do.

(11:04):
But I still feel like, come Christmas morning, if you
didn't open something, you kind of be like, so, then
why do we say because I don't. I don't think
that when you said I just want to redo your car,
that you would be bummed if you didn't open something.
I would not. That's the difference between men and women.
I all I want I've told you this, but Jannah

(11:24):
doesn't like this because he doesn't get anything out of it.
All I wanted to do was finally do some things
to my to my truck that have been wanting to
do for a long time, which, by the way, he goes,
I want to lift it, but don't worry, you won't
notice it, and I was like don't. It was like,
so you're gonna spend money on something no one will
even know, just like you guys go get your hair done.
Do we always notice that you spend money on it? Boom.
I'm just saying, so the whole thing is I mean

(11:47):
that when I say, honey, all I want to do
is stuff to my truck, Like don't spend another time
on me. No part of me would be upset Christmas
morning because I believe you. I agree with Mike, agree
that that's a that's a guy thing. We we say that,
we mean that. Also, it's embarrassing to open gifts. It's
embarrassing to have the room staring at you as you
open a gift. You have to react a certain way.
So I am so fine not opening a gift on Christmas.

(12:09):
I prefer and God bless my wife She's always trying
to give me things. But every year, for like the
last five years of relationship, she tries to get me
to wear sweaters. She wants me to be a sweater
wear a sweater guy. And finally I'm to the point
where I'm like, honey, and the best thing was, I
think it's last year or two years ago she got

(12:31):
me a ring and for the first few years of
our marriage is a beautiful Janna has tried to make
me like a ring accessory where I'm not I wear
my wedding band. That's it ring from the black one
that I got right, but I usually will replace that
with my wedding band if I wear it. So finally,
last year or the year before, Janna went above beyond
got me like a Cardier Men's love ring. She wants

(12:52):
him to be a sweater wearing Cardier loving Yes. And
so I have had this discussion, like with my close
buddy in l A Garrett, and I was like, look, man,
I know this is like a ring or whatever it is.
I'm not gonna wear it, but I'm gonna feel like
I have to, but I don't want to. So what
I finally manned up and had a conversation with Jane,
I'm being like, man, um, I love you so much,

(13:14):
I'm not going to wear this. Do you know that
Garrett preps me for that? Did he He did? Smart man? Yeah,
he prepped me. So that's the thing. We see that
like we mean it. And and so finally I'm like
in my head, I'm like, I don't want another sweater
or another cardigan or a ring. This is what I want.
You asked me what I want for Christmas? This is
what I want. What do you want? She's like, what

(13:38):
do you want your Christmas? And then she's like, I
don't like that. That's not going to work for me.
This is what I want to buy you. But guys
are the opposite. It's like, this is what I want
for Christmas? And then done for them exactly. But it's
just like nothing, you don't want to open anything. I
don't care. Okay, Well get him a guy gift? Do
you know those are always fun? Well? I I mean

(14:00):
I got a few things, but I just I just
want you to I don't believe you. But maybe that's
because I I know that, maybe I don't believe myself
when I say that. But here here's the catch. Here's
the catch too, right, I tell Janna what I want.
We discussed our budget and now we discussed discussed it

(14:20):
again the other night and she cut it down by
a little bit amount. I'm like, wait, no, we discussed
this amount. She's like, oh, oh, you're actually gonna okay.
I'm like, just because you bought me some things even
though I told you not to, you can't take that
off of my budget of what I want for Christmas.
When you get him presents from the kids, like, maybe

(14:41):
that counts as the present. Yeah, I've got him. James
got him something and Jolie got him something. There I yeah, no,
I And then I got him like a few other things.
But I did ask him the other day. I was like,
are you sure you don't want to wear a sweater?
Because I found a really nice one. Sure. She's like,
it's it was it might have been. I just was like,

(15:02):
I love him in his sweater. I think he looks
so handsome in his sweater, Like I just it's my
favorite look of his. It's just so handsome. See that's
another difference with guys. He just doesn't care, like I
really love you in this. I'm like, here, I am
five days in a row. But I'm tell a guy
you like him in a sweater and he'd rather die
than wear a sweater. So interesting how that works. It's
so it's so funny. He's like, oh like you and

(15:24):
hats am I wearing a hat almost every single day
those years? I know, but it's so funny. How like
if we tell you that you don't care, but a
girl would be like, we will wear that every single day.
Like Sarah just said, yeah, well, just get each other
presence because I feel like it's just the you know,
it's the holidays, and it's nice to sit around with

(15:44):
your family and just open presence and the kids, you know,
Jolie probably likes to see you guys open. It's fun.
And again, I think it's just been meaningful. And I
think when you do have kids to especially with our
family and moms and brothers, we don't want, we don't
want any think of some good stuff for the kids.
I don't for the kids. Yeah, like please don't exactly,
just well, you know, it's a great gift. You mentioned
it before. The Drink Works Home bar by Curic Magrains

(16:10):
is great too, honestly, but we have a Drink Works
homebar by curing here in the studio looking at it,
and I'm liking it, and we have some pods. Sarah,
you are going to be in our barroom a little
great thing because it's right there on the fit's right
there on the shelf. It doesn't take up a lot
of space. It fits right in and it's beautiful. I mean,
it's it honestly. Is is so incredibly easy. Um okay,

(16:32):
So Sarah, you've got the pod right there, So Mark,
why don't you guys make a little cocktail right now
for Sarah? Which one? Sarah? Well? Should I do? Should
I go with a little ginger snap white Russian? Or
a little spiced punge? I mean, what time is it?
Flower spread? I would love a pomegranate elder flower spirits.
There it is, Consider it done. You're gonna hear it

(16:54):
humming in just a moment here. Let her how you
guys have you guys have a curic for coffee, but
now you have a curic for cocktail else and you
just press a button and it's like bam, it's so awesome.
They're great for parties. Um. We actually just use it
the other day for our game night. What did you
do who's the bartender in your family? Or did you
put it on self serve mode? Oh, self serve mode? Yeah, alright,

(17:16):
s I usually just pour the wine. Yeah, I gotta.
I got a heavy hand. So this is this is
more for people on Mike. Look, you have some more
options here, have at it's all you. You don't worry
about a heavy hand anymore. This thing makes it perfect
every time, every time, and they are delicious and it's
so good. Honestly, it's the best gift for a dad.
I mean, Sarah. Yeah, he loves to make up for drinks.

(17:38):
The marketdia one is so good, you know the thing
that's amazing about it. So I don't drink, so I
don't know how to make any drinks. But now I
can have people over and like guys and be like, oh,
I'll make you a margarita, which I have no idea
what's even in a margharita? But now I can totally
do it and be like, excuse me, can I make
you Winter Mule? I'll take it. No one, it's it's

(17:59):
it's for me because I'm like, I know, all I
do is drink wine. So with the you know, the
drink works, I can just be like they're like, oh wow, Jane,
I'm really stepping up your game. I'm like, nah, took
two seconds. Yeah, It's so easy, And I feel like
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(18:22):
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(19:37):
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Hi Dean, Hey, how are you? Hi? Thanks? I'm actually
do this too. I'm sorry for being so difficult to

(21:03):
track down. Goodness. No, you're a busy man and you've
got a busy life, and you've got a bunch of kids,
so we totally totally get it. I blame it all
on the kids. So I can't wait to do that
when you have six what are the eight? Everyone just
took a real big like a yeah, it's it's it's amazing. No,

(21:28):
I'm kidding, it is amazing. Did she want more kids
or was it something you guys mutually agreed on or
is it just kind of like, oh, hey, we're pregnant again.
We didn't. We didn't plan any of it. We didn't.
We didn't you have the first one we had, we
had Liam, and then fifteen months later we had Stella,
and then it was like a four year break, and
then we had Hattie, and then ten months later we

(21:48):
had Finn. So we have Irish twins and another four
year break, and then we had bow. Wow. Yeah, and
I thought I thought after Finn we we were done.
I just turned fifty. You know, Tori was in her forties,
early forties, so we just thought everything was kind of
taking its natural course and not working anymore. Surprise. Yeah,

(22:10):
so being having a having a two and a half
year old at fifty three, that's oldest. My oldest is
twenty one from my first marriage. Got it Jack, and
then my oldest with Tori is twelve. So it goes twelve, eleven, eight,
seven and two and a half in it. In it, Yeah,
we are looking at a heron. I'll take that. I've

(22:35):
never heard that. I've never heard that. So we're just
going to jump right into it. So we we got
you on the show. Because I can't remember. I was
just going through my Twitter, um like a month or
so ago, and it had a headline from US Weekly
and it was like Dean McDermott offers advice to you know,
Janna and her husband. And I was like, oh, I

(22:58):
was like, this is interesting. I'm gonna click on this.
And I immediately texted our producer Amy and I was
just like, we have to get him on the show.
I know he has zero clue who we are, um,
but obviously and I knew that too. When you had
the interview, I was like, oh, poor guy. He's like,
I don't know. He's freaking people are you know? They
when they asked me, I honestly I didn't. I didn't know.
So I apologize, don't know, zerogize zero zero. But I

(23:21):
feel like that's better. I hope it was sound advice. No,
it was good. And I think what you said basically is,
you know, because our stuff has been so public as well,
and you know with you guys, you guys were kind
of the big the beginning of that. I mean, when
you guys shared all of your marriage struggles, I feel

(23:41):
like the people weren't ready for it yet. And I
think that's what you had said in your in your
interview too, whereas it was just kind of whoa, you're
sharing all this information, Yeah, sharing through through true tory
sharing it and you know, sort of solving our problems
in the town square. Um. Yeah, that was that was.
It's really interesting looking back at it because in in

(24:05):
the middle of it, the great thing about it was
it really sort of expedited us getting into therapy and
getting help and starting to talk about this because you know,
I've I've I've seen people go through this before and
they don't talk to each other and they automatically just
end things and it takes a really hard it's a
really really hard to get them back together to even
start to talk to each other. So doing the show

(24:27):
really really got us together and got us talking right away,
which was great. Um. But you know, looking at it now, um,
sort of solving your problems in the town square. If
there's a price to it, you know, well, everyone can
chime in. Everyone has a chime in, and and you know,
we were doing it with the you know, with with

(24:50):
the thought of you know, getting through it ourselves, but
also helping others um and and but with that, we
weren't thinking comes all the backlash and the haters and
all the a sayers. We just you know, we were
really positive about it, considering you know how negative what
what I did was. You know, so it's it was
really it was a slippery slope. And and once in

(25:11):
a while we'll get stopped by people, um who say
thank you very much for doing that, and and that
really helps. That makes it kind of worth worth going
through all that stuff. But you're really, you're really I
felt like I was in one of those stockades in
the middle town. I cannot I said to them all
the time that people could throw tomatoes at me and

(25:31):
tell me what they thought of me, and uh, you know,
it really messed with me. But you know, we we
did it, and and the great thing is is we
worked it out and we're together and things are stronger
and better than ever. That. I mean, that sounds so
identical and parallel and familiar for us, all of that
and what was because I feel like being for you

(25:53):
and I heard they're the ones who are the perpetrators
and kind of did you know the deed that kind
of caused everything? What was the moment that you and
Torri decided, Okay, let's address this publicly and not keep
it in the house, because I feel like that's the
natural thing, right, especially for me. I felt so much
shame at the beginning. I just wanted to be like, no,
I don't want to talk to anybody about it. Let's
just keep it between us and deal with it. So

(26:15):
what kind of encouraged you to come around and being
like you know what, tor let's you know, dress this
head on, like you said in the town Square, right, Um? Well, uh,
you know, we didn't have a choice in it, you know,
coming out you know, us US magazine broke this story. Um,
you know, um, a friend of mine, I was set

(26:37):
up like my friends sold the story la la la um.
A friend of a friend of um that's just ours
was my he was in our wedding. So yeah, well
hear you on that. And it sucks right. Well, yeah,
you know, you and I we shouldn't have been doing
what we were doing, but it didn't need to play

(26:58):
out that way, you know. And and our story broke
Christmas Eve, so again, you know, it's all my fault,
but you know that, but it's it's done so you know,
we it was out there and everybody had their opinion
on it, and everybody had something to say about it,
and um, you know, we got to a point where,

(27:20):
you know, it was just it was out of control.
You know, uh, the headlines, you know how they make
them up, right, So you know this, I've been doing
this for years and I was you know, I wanted
out of the marriage because I wasn't getting any money
from the family. Blah blah blah. All this BS all right,
So we sat down and said, look, you know what,

(27:42):
everybody's got their opinion, so let's take this opportunity to
tell the truth. And so that's why we came up
with the idea and we were approached, um to do
true tory. Um. But even before that, you know, we
we issued statements um. But yeah, we just sat down
and said, enough of this. This is a circus, this

(28:03):
is a side show. There's there's so many things that
are wrong that people are saying, let's let's go public
and let's tell our truth. And that's what we did.
And then then we the show kicked in and we got,
you know, the opportunity to go even further with it.
I feel like too it's such a for your kids

(28:25):
as well, So that way they can see because they're
going to read about it, they would have been able
to google it, and this way it's there, you're able
to say like, Hey, this is what we've done, and
this is how we've been able to make it work.
And I feel like, in a way, I know you
kind of dread that moment that the kids find out,
but at the same time, hopefully it's years down the
road and you're like, look, but look how how strong
we are now, and look what we've done, and look
who we've helped along the way. I don't know, yea,

(28:48):
And I feel like that would just be like living
in another lie where we have to like manage everyone
around you, trying to make sure they don't find out
information and all that stuff. So it's like, if it's
out there, it is what it is. Yeah, And I think,
you know, once they start asking, I think you have
to kind of sort of nip it in the bud
for lack of a better word, and tell them exactly

(29:09):
what happened, because you know they're going to read twenty
different variations of and then the school and other kids
talk and it's just I can't imagine that you that
was was not missing. I don't want to say I
don't want to be insensitive to like that, but you know,
I know, like, okay, same with Michael, like he's been
unfaithful in every relationship he's ever had. I know you had, Um,

(29:31):
you two done your first wife and then with this
is did you see an addictive pattern or was it
just something where something in yourself that you felt, um
was missing. Um. I didn't see it as an addictive pattern. UM.
My first marriage lasted for twelve years, and you know
it's it started to break down a long time ago,

(29:56):
but you know, UM, I stayed with it because that's
I thought, you know, that was that was it. That's
the that's the best it gets. You know. We had
our son, Jack, who's amazing, and I just thought, okay,
well you know you have a kid and and this
is what marriage is at a certain point, you know,
like you know, I I I hesitated to say it

(30:16):
was loveless because I really cared for and I still do.
She's a she's a great woman. But it just you
know that that spark, that fire just wasn't there, and
I thought, you know, this is this is as good
as this is, this is life, um. And then I
met Tori when we were working together in Ottawa, and
I had never felt anything like that in my life.

(30:37):
I had never felt that connection. From the moment we met, um,
it was just you know, fireworks and I I just couldn't.
I couldn't, I couldn't resist. But I also couldn't lie
to myself anymore, Like I kept distracting my things with
distracting myself with different things, sports and golf and all

(30:59):
these kind of things. This dracking myself in my first
relationship to not face my unhappiness. So once I met Tory,
you know, we worked together for three and a half weeks,
and at the end of the three and a half
weeks and I can't walk away from this. I can't
like this is You know, you have a decision to make,

(31:19):
you know, you really, really do you really have to
grow a pair and you know, do the right thing
and get out of your first marriage, because it's it's
not fair to her, it's not fair to Jack, and
it's not fair to me. I wasn't being honest with myself.
I've met someone that I instantly fell in love with

(31:40):
and felt something I've never felt before in my life.
So that's it was like I have to I have
to man up and I have to do the right thing.
And then you know, so we dissolved the marriage. Um
but it was it was more out of a connection
and love for each other that we got together. It
wasn't a a cheating, addictive pattern. What about when you

(32:02):
were married with Tori though, when the that episode was
just like that episode was about a combination of things.
Um I, I suffer from depression. I have clinical depression.
And um I can as great as things can look

(32:25):
on the outside, and how happy and and great my
life looks on the outside. Um I I called him
a little the angry little dwarf in my head really
beats the crap out of me. And I even though
you know, I was on I was hosting Chop Canada,
um I had a cookbook coming out, like I was
on fire and the Food Network. Um I was incredibly

(32:48):
unhappy and hated myself, and I started drinking and started
using drugs again, and uh, I needed to fill a
hole and it and it's really bizarre how it happened,
Like that's the last thing I was looking for. I
was I was just happy to just drink and party. Um.

(33:11):
I wasn't looking for any kind of a hookup or
anything like that at all. It was it was the
farthest thing from my mind, and it just it just
happened so easily and just kind of out of the
blue and les a fair and I went with it
obviously without thinking. And uh, you know, I was looking
to fill this void and it didn't fill the void.

(33:33):
It created a chasm. You know, I created the Grand
Canyon with with doing what I did. Um. But you know,
at the end of the day, going through everything we've
gone through, UM, I'm amazed at the resolve of my
wife tor Um. I thought for sure it was done.

(33:54):
I thought it was done. I just thought, why on
earth would you want to be with me? Um? And
it's you know, it's it's funny, it's it's something that
I've maintained before this happened. As well as I was,
I was surprised that, you know, Tori Spelling was interested
in me. I'm like, why you were married? We have
kids like you. I don't get it. Why me and

(34:16):
I still I I didn't have that. I devalued myself.
I didn't think that highly of myself. I thought, I mean,
I'm the luckiest guy in the world, but not worth,
not worth the worthy of this. And so when the
affair happened, I thought, it's it's done, it's over. It's
she's gonna walk away. Uh, rightfully so, And I you know,

(34:38):
I maintained that through you. If you see, if you
watch the show, I'd be like, why why are you
still doing this? Why are you with me? I I
did something absolutely horrible to you, and she she made
you feel like you didn't deserve it too. You know,
It's like it's like you didn't feel like you deserved it,
so you just sabotage sabotaged it. Yeah, it, I'm really

(35:01):
great at it. I've I've done it. I mean, look
at this armful of tattoos that I absolutely love. But
as an actor, good idea, anybody anybody gonna take on
this greatest but it's I mean, it looks really nice.
Where a lot of people that I talked to um,
one of their biggest things is like how And I
know this is something we've struggled with to is how

(35:23):
for when when when me and tor or we get
um upset and triggered, what has helped you have empathy
and stay grounded and not go defensive, because I feel
like that's been sort of an issue with us, and
a lot of other women asked Michael that too, like
what do you what do you do? What are your
tips and tricks for for when that moment arises and

(35:44):
you need to be empathetic for maybe her feelings, but
you're you know, you feel shame, and you feel guilt
and anger and what you might feel. Um, well, right
out of the gate, you said something great that you
have to be empathetic too to her, and absolutely, you
know that's that's a must. Um. You know, when when

(36:06):
when she gets triggered. And I've been very very fortunate
that tor is so even keeled and so smart that
she's able to sort of think her way through these
things and look at the big picture. Very seldom has
she been triggered. Um, But when she does get triggered,
you know, obviously your first your first instinct is to

(36:26):
go on the defensive. It's it's human nature. And I
think you have to as the man, as the perpetrator,
you have to sit back and go Okay, wait a second,
you gotta this is part of the process. You know
it's it's gonna go on for the rest of my life,
our life together. Um, so you know you better get
good at looking take pausing, looking at the big pictures,

(36:48):
going Okay, you know what, I gotta take my lumps,
and you know, I can't be so defensive. I've really
got to have an open mind here and really put
myself in her shoes, because once, once you get on
the defensive, you just kind of shut down and you
you can't see, you know, um, the other person's point
of view or or their feelings. So you just gotta

(37:12):
shut the f up, listen, be empathetic, sympathetic, and just
just love her. And you know what, just be thankful
that she's still in your life, because it's so easily
could have gone the other way. It could be you
could be you could be sitting in an apartment rented

(37:34):
apartment by yourself. That's you know, that's funny you say
that and everything, Like, I just feel like I'm watching
myself talk about these kind of things being just in
the similarities of everything, and that even this that last
thing you said, I almost have that uh sabotage mindset

(37:57):
of I'll be driving around just the other day I
was doing all driving around the part town I was in.
I saw some like you know, single bedroom apartments or
little houses, and I had this like anxiety of like,
that's where i'd probably be right now if you know,
things didn't work out the way they did, if Jana
wasn't strong enough to take me back, Like how just

(38:18):
like you said, how do I get this amazing, beautiful woman?
And it is just that self sabotage and not good
enough and everything like that. But it's again that last
thing you said. I literally I think about that more
than I definitely should. And that is healthy to where
it's like that's where i'd probably be living right now.
That's where i'd probably be living, even though I know
I would find a way to be successful. But still

(38:39):
that part of me is I r I really did
everything I could to ruin this relationship in this family.
Why do I deserve to still be here? Why am
I not there in that one better apartment. It's just
it's tough, And I think that's one of those things,
just like you talked about with the triggers with them,
is that shape am There's gonna be part of it

(39:02):
at least for me right now because I mean we're
only three and a half years post discovery of everything,
but I feel like a part of that shame is
still going to be there for a long time where
it's like a part of me is still maybe try
to convince myself I'm undeserving or whatever it may be.
And it's just that fleeting moment for a second on
a day. It doesn't overtake me, it doesn't all day.

(39:24):
It's just that fleeting second that you still feel that
kind of humbles you on, grounds you enough to scare
the that of you of where things could Yeah, hang
onto that, Hang on to that because it's it's a
good reminder. I think that you know, this is where
things could have gone. And it's interesting, Um, you said
you have these these moments of of of the feeling

(39:45):
the shame and stuff. And I'll have that moment when, um,
somebody just looks at me funny, and it's usually usually
a female they kind of look at me funny. I'm like, oh,
she knows and she hates me. Yeah, you know. Um,

(40:08):
And I've seen it where you know, Tory and I
are out and they're like, oh, sorry, you're amazing, we
love you, and dad Dada and then look at me
and completely ignored me. And I was like, oh, they
know and they hate me because I did what I did,
you know. And then so it's really but at the
same time though, it's it's great to have those moments
because it is it's like, yeah, you know what, you
you really messed up. You really messed up. And like

(40:31):
I said, this is this is gonna happen. I'm gonna
have these feelings and we're gonna have to work this
out for the rest of our life together. And when
you say rest of your life, and I know people
have asked us too, it's like when do you stop
bringing it up? Stop talking about it? And it's like,
I don't, I'm not, I don't want to bring it.
It's just unfortunately, it's just something that's going to live
there forever. And now the magnitude of it isn't as
big as it was back in the day. But like

(40:53):
through all of our therapy that you know, I do
personally and he does, and we do together, but it
is gonna Unfortunately. I think Jason said that too when
he was a guest. Um Inner Shadows is that the
book no worthy of a worthy of a trust, where
it's like it is going to be there forever. And
that's something that I think you've had a harder time
to Ignoran, and it's like because I'm like, I don't,

(41:14):
I wouldn't. I don't want it to be there. And
we tried to talk about unfortunately our podcast is now
about that, but you know, not about that, but about
relationships and struggles and stuff. But it's it's interesting and
I almost feel not guilty, guilty, but I don't want
you to always have to feel shame when we do
talk about it. No, And like Dean saying, it's it's

(41:35):
it's actually not even reflective of maybe how when you
guys are triggered. It's more so kind of these other
moments where Dean, I appreciate what you just said, because
we just we do like our we take this podcast
on the road. We don't record a podcast where we
do like an evening with kind of show and it's
me Jenna and say are they're sitting next to you
when we do live shows and Janna and I do

(41:56):
like a meet and greet before the show. And sometimes
I have that feeling too where I can tell I
can just feel someone's energy. I'm like maybe they don't
want to stand next to me, not just because they're
huge fans of Janna, but maybe it's because I'm a
sex addict. Maybe they have this weird misconceived notion and
judgment of a sex act and they think there's some

(42:16):
creep predator. What. I just go into that shame and
that's where I start going. I go down that rabbit hole.
I'm like, maybe that's why that person didn't want to
stay stand next to me. Maybe they or Yeah, it's
just it's that shame that just still eat your soul
a little bit. But I don't think it's to the
point where it's unhealthy anymore. It's to the point, like
you're saying, Dean, where it's like you hold onto a
little bit of that to scary straight and that's okay, yeah, yeah,

(42:39):
and that's and that's our cross to bear, you know,
because we did what we did, and it's just like,
you know, tough, tough crap boys, you you know you
did this. You gotta you know, you gotta carry this
cross well. And I definitely get what you guys are
saying about the guys, but then I feel like it's
kind of the same probably for Torrey and Janna. Like,
you know, people may look at you guys and be like, oh,
look what he did, But then they might look at

(43:00):
Jane and Tory and be like, oh my god, I
can't believe she stayed with him, or I can't believe
she's you know, it's it's also both sides, and it's
probably not that it's not hard, but it's probably harder
for you know, Janna to be there, especially in Tory
in the beginning, you know, at the grocery store whatever,
walking with you, and then people be like, what, like
she's still with I don't know. I feel like in
the beginning that was there a lot and I don't
know if that was the same for you, but um,

(43:22):
you know Tori would get you know, comments and and
and then especially social media of course, like what are
you doing? You're son? You know the internet magazines they
have the comments section and stay away from them, stay
away from any comments section. But yeah, I know Tori
would would get a lot of flak for that. Why
would you stay with it? He's a pig? Da da

(43:43):
da da, And you know that's that's something that you know,
she had to work through and her, like I said,
her resolve was she was just she's so strong, she's
she just maintains like, look, I'm really upset and hurt
by what he did, but I love him. Is the
love of my life. I can't turn that off. And
we have a family together, you know, I can't walk

(44:04):
away from that. So it's it's it's tough in the beginning,
and now it's it's it's turned. It's it's totally turned.
And now a lot of people like, you know, so
glad you guys stayed together. You're a great example. Um.
But you know, if for it's funny, guys, we want
to we want everything, we want to fix everything right
and then be done. It was like, okay, put you know,

(44:26):
bundle this up in this need little package. It's done. Okay,
we don't have to talk about it anymore. But again,
you know with that that's not gonna happen in that situation. UM.
And when I say, you know you you guys, you'll
have to carry this for the rest of your life, um,
the same way that you'll carry your wedding vows that
you had for each other for the rest of your life.
In those great moments, and it's like, here's a bad

(44:48):
moment that affected our relationship as good as our vows
were in our wedding day, was that we'll remember for
the rest of our lives. We're gonna remember this for
the rest of our lives to this black mark, and
it's just something that gets easier with time, but it
will never ever go away. In my opinion, Yeah, I

(45:08):
wish there was a magic one. But at the same time,
I feel like it's made us stronger. But for some
when you say, I guess I'm scared moving on, like
marriage is only going to get harder with the kids
were we could potentially a lot of people, I don't see.
I don't see a lot of people are really growing together.

(45:30):
I see when people growing apart, and I think that's
always been kind of my fear is, oh shoot, I
think I'm like Preminstrol but no, um no, but I
I just like my fear is, you know when they
get in that situation or you know when hell, it
could be me too. What if I'm on a movie set,
you know, and I start to go into my love
addict ways or it's like, what's the thing that's going

(45:50):
to stop you guys from maybe going down that route again?
And then it's like, hey, then we're like twenty years
in and like, you know, it's like now and now
what Now? It's like our kids are even older and
now we've got twenty years of marriage and how could
you then do? It's I know, it's all the what
if game that you hate playing, but I think that's
what lives within me because I'm like, what, what what's
going to stop you the next go around? Right? Right?

(46:13):
Future tripping? Yeah? Terrible, I know, And like that's something
massive that I've worked on in therapy, but it's something
that's like underground obviously, which is why it's coming out.
Is that is that all primarily from us? Or does
it have to do with your parents divorcing as well?
I think something I can dive deeper in with the therapist,
but I feel like it's um a lot when I

(46:34):
think about it. It's like, you know, even because they
say once cheater, always a cheater, you know, And I
know it's different for you know, unfortunately addicts. You know
today you're healthy, Tomorrow we don't know. But I guess
that's just my fear is, you know, what's going to
stop y'all from going down that road again? When that's
an easy exit exit trip. I think that's about gaining

(47:00):
in him again. Is it about boundaries? Are staying grounded
to like for you guys to know kind of what
you have and it's just maybe a rough patch that
you might be in, or if you're feeling bored in
the relationship. I guess that's what I'm getting at, Like,
what if you guys are like, I'm bored with this
and I'm I don't I'm not. I don't know if
I feel in love anymore. So, but hey, here's something
really shiny at a club or at a bar, or
at the grocery store. How do you not go down

(47:22):
aisle one. Well, that's that's what's great about, you know,
having those reminders of like, this could have gone a
completely different way. So that's that's that's the great thing
about having that cross to bears. I did what I did,
So you have to always keep that in the forefront
because it's like, yeah, Okay, if I'm getting bored or
I think the relationship stale and I see this shiny

(47:43):
thing in the club, whoa, I know that shiny thing
in the club is going to cost you my marriage
and my family because I've been there before. So that's
the great thing about having this this sort of reminder. Um.
And you know, if if you are feeling you know, bored,

(48:04):
and you're even thinking on, hey, you know what I've
I'm feeling attracted to other women, talk about it. Talk
about it. You know, I'm bored. You know, I'm tired
of our sex. Talk about it. That's the best thing
you can do, not maybe to your wife, but to
somebody else. I don't know if I want well, I

(48:24):
don't know, I mean, you know, or maybe the sex life.
But have you said, like I'm I'm I'm attracted to
other people, to Tori, or I'm feeling that it's just
like you know, but maybe that's that's that's the wrong Wow,
that's the wrong word. I'm attracted other people or just
I know, I know what you're trying to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm just feeling feeling like something's missing that and you

(48:47):
know what, you know what that is. I think if
if we're feeling attracted to other people is because we're
hate starting to hate on ourselves. We're really you know,
that angry dwarf is going off on our head again
and digging us in a in a hole telling us
we're worthless pieces of crap. So we're we need we
need to we need to feel attracted. So we're gonna

(49:11):
start kind of putting it out there to other people.
It's like, oh, she's kind of cute. Maybe I'll flirt
with her a little bit. Fill fill that little hole
a little bit. If you make eye contact, you know it,
talk about it, talk about it. That's the best thing,
the best thing I think you can do. And that's
the best thing that's worked for Tory and I. Yeah,
and that's you know, and as hard as it is,
it's not easy to go, hey, you don't want to
feeling really I'm feeling bored in the relationship, Like that's

(49:33):
a tough conversation to have. Have it for sure, Yeah,
I'd rather have it than find it. And then yeah,
well and it's all about for me too. I would
say the same thing about delivery to right relationship, right,
you know what I mean? So I feel like a
lot of times people push it down until it comes out.

(49:54):
But I'm tired of this, by the way, So let's
before we let you go, Dean, let's transition out of
that real quick. And you're doing stand up now, how
has that helped you guys kind of kind of you know,
manufacturer what got you into that? What helped you manufacturer
that kind of uh, you know, entertainment and everything you
want to do within that. Um, I've I've been a

(50:17):
fan of comedy since I was nine or ten years old.
My dad came home with an eight track. Um, I
don't know if you guys know what an eight track
is a lot younger than I am. Um, So he
came over his eight track of Geene Tracy and Geane
Tracy was an old truck stop comedian and he would
tour all the truck stops in the South and he
was filthy. He was filthy, like I learned all about

(50:39):
every sex position and disease and he just made every
He just made people laugh. And so you know, from
then on there, I you know, I discovered Red Fox
and then Richard Pryor and Bob Newhart and Eddie Murphy
and then Robin Williams, and I was like, Okay, this
is what I want to do. So when I got
into acting at nineteen, my goal was to be a

(51:00):
hand up. But I didn't know my yeah, they'll take
I didn't know my ass from my elbow. So I
didn't have a point of view. You know, I was
just a young knave and I had this this again,
the angry dwarf from my head telling me how what
a horrible person I am. So I was like, I can't.
I can't get on stage, I can't tell jokes, I

(51:20):
can't do anything. So I found it easier to play
other people. So I got into acting, and I had
a really nice have a really great career acting. Uh.
And then at fifty three, UM, I went to see
my buddy UM at a stand up UH club and
I met Adam Hunter, who's my now my my comedy mentor,

(51:42):
and he does a night every night, Tuesday's at the time,
and Uh. I told him my story and he's like,
you gotta get up. I'm like, I'm fifty three, man,
I'm gonna do stand up now. He's like, no, you
gotta get up. You're not too old. You're never too old.
Did you stand up? So he pestered me for like
three months. So I said fine, and I five minutes
and I got up. And I've been going at it

(52:03):
ever since. You kill that it's it's yeah, it's it's
addictive and I've been very fortunate, you know. Um, I
opened from my friend and at Carolines in New York. Um,
I've had some really great opportunities and I'm just plugging
away at it and I love it. You know, I
wish I hadn't done it, you know, when I was younger,
but you know, I didn't. I didn't have the point
of view. Now I have six kids, and uh, I

(52:27):
have a lot of content that I'm just scratching the
surface too. I mean, with with being a celebrity couple
and being in the magazine. Oh and so yeah, so
there's there's a lot of stuff to mind. So, um,
I'm looking to turn our podcast, Daddy Issues into a
talk show very cool or uh or or a sitcom.

(52:48):
But I plan on, you know, plan on doing my
stand up and continue acting and just plugging away, just
you know, trying to trying to make a living, you know,
and his Daddy Issues is it? Who else is on
that podcast with you? Daddy Issues is with Adam Hunter,
my mentor, and Nicky Paris So. Nikki is a gay
comedian and he's fabulous. So are Our sort of through

(53:09):
line is Daddy Issues. I'm Dean McDermott. I have six kids.
Adam hunters a new dad and Nicky needs a dad.
So good. So, I mean, you have a lot going on.
Then you're killing it. That's awesome. American guys. We're glad
that that's going well for you. You. Thank you. It's
and talk about therapy. Oh my gosh, just go up
and I just tell everybody's going in my head and

(53:31):
it's it's pretty funny. Good for you man. Well, Teane,
thank you so much for coming out and talking with
us and being my pleasure. Pleasure, and guys, keep it up,
keep up a good word. Three three and a half
years out. That's it's awesome that you're still together. That's
awesome work our beacon of hope. So thank you all

(53:51):
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(55:19):
Go to one peloton dot com and use promo code
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That was good man. We could just get in a
room with him and Tori, because I felt like he
was just saying everything that we've said for the past
year on this podcast, and it's just so refreshing to

(55:39):
hear from someone else's mouth who's been through the same thing.
It's just it's just kind of comforting a little bit.
And I love how he was just like, Yeah, it's
going to be with us forever and that's that's okay.
There's no shame in that. And I love that he
felt that he said that because it just made it
be like, okay, yeah, it was. It was great man.
That was all and having Dina on and we definitely

(56:01):
got to get together with him and have dinner have
some conversations because that was great. So I was thinking,
before we we'll get to an email, but I was think,
I want to touch on something that we talked about
earlier in the episode, and we're talking about sentimental sentimental guests.
Because I'm sitting here through everything kind of the back
of my mind multitasking and I'm like, well, okay, what
if I get janas something sentimental. But what if it's

(56:25):
not I don't write enough? What if I don't put
enough effort? And each are laughing because there's a little
inside joke here that I caught onto because for Jana's
birthday birthday, birthday, apparently I didn't write enough of my
own stuff within the card. I wrote a few lines.

(56:48):
I'm one of those guys that kind of gives you
a little underline to the words that really are beingful
underline happy birthday, Happy, He's underline, not like underline the
ones if the card says you're the most beautiful and
they keep underline that what they wrote under like homeworks

(57:09):
said it right, I couldn't say it better myself. Why
am I going to reiterate? That's why I got the
card because it said things that I feel and think,
So why I say the same thing Otherwise I'll just
get a blank card all the time, just write it.
Would you rather have that? Okay? So you would? Yeah,
So this is funny. And the way reason he's bringing
this up is because Sarah didn't write my birthday card yet,

(57:30):
and I said, honestly, girl, just tell me what you
want to say, because I know I was like, do
you have a pen. I need to write your birthday card.
And she was like, oh my god, just honestly tell me,
because you know I have like a thing with birthday
I have. I have a thing with cards in general,
with cards. Sorry for me personally, you took me into
another room her. I didn't want to upset my goal

(57:53):
or card of steel. She goes, I just really hate
when people don't, like, you know, write their feelings and
mean it and write a lot like Okay. So I
go into the room and Mike's like, what are you
guys doing it? Oh well, I'm just writing in Jane's card.
But I'm not gonna write I'm just gonna say what
I would say. I'd probably write something long and heartfelt
and tell her you know how much I love her
and how how special of a day this is, and
how you know this day would mean nothing because it's

(58:15):
her birthday and if I wasn't here with And he's like, okay,
you're saying I just wanted for some reason, I would.
I've said this since I was probably in high school.
I don't like I like cards that They're totally fine.
Cards are made, especially harm Hallmark cards. I love them,
but when I get them. I would rather have some

(58:35):
I would rather like when I give someone a card,
I I write still, like on the one side of it,
like a real long, you know, high school letter. But
you're Mike, dear Mike. Comma. Um. But if someone were
to give me a card, I would rather than make
the card and then write their own words, because that
means more to me than just them giving me a

(58:56):
Hallmark card and then saying happy birthday, love Mike. But
I never just say that. But you write like one
sentence and never as all of you don't say I
will birthday, have an amazing day. I will never ever
get you a card with words in it ever again.
Every card will be blinking. I love that, no, because
then it's gonna be blank blank because he's don't know

(59:18):
what to write in it. That's funny. That's that's actually
funny because that is a thing with me and tied
two in the beginning. I love No. I love cards
like even since literally I love I keep all my cards.
I have cards since high school. Um, and I always write,
you know, not intense things. But I'll go on for

(59:39):
a little bit. And he really caught on and it
made me happy. You know not all of them, because
I'll keep the ones where he writes a lot the
other ones where he just says, like, I love you,
happy birthday. I'm like, you'll keep my notes that say
you have like a sentence on But that's like, what
if the underlines happy right exactly? You see you? How
many underlines I have in that card? So for for

(01:00:01):
those who, uh who might ever give Jane a birthday
card in the future, give her card, put your blood
sweat behind on the back of it, tape a USB
drive through to GID USB drive with an entire thesis
paper on how much you love her and how special
she is. I think like four sentences would be the
appropriate for at least four. I'm feeling bad because I

(01:00:22):
texted her and it really wasn't it nearly enough? Now
that I think back on my text are totally fine.
I'm saying in a car for buying someone else's words,
you should write more than you should write at least
four sentences. You're on my hand ring is going to
become really big. How do you sign your cards? You
know how I signed mine every time? How do I
sign one the m No, how do I sign mine? Uh?

(01:00:46):
To slurp. No, what unbelievable? Clearly the words in time
because she obviously doesn't remember these cards. Forever yours, thank you,
love Michael, forever yours, love my every card, Michael, every note,
every card, forever yours. I love that, and I say

(01:01:07):
I love you right? What more could I say in
any other words besides forever yours? Thanks? What is na rights?
Do you do your signature like when you sign pupil's
like shirts? Is that how you like sign your cards? No?
I just do love wifey or Janna or slurp. Meanwhile,

(01:01:32):
I'm like forever yours, forever yours mine everne ever. Alright,
mark email so we can get out of here. We
have a couple that are really like you know, I
have a reputation for giving good advice, and there's a
reason for that. I get these emails in advance, and
so I get to really think about them, and so
I come off as better than the host sprang on them.

(01:01:53):
That's the truth. But these are so heavy that I
don't know what to say to these. Ashley. My husband
and I are eighteen. We it's pregnant. The past few
days my husband to seem distant and avoiding me. I
sensed something was wrong, so I looked in his phone.
I found no hold on. It's not it's not where
you think it's going. But it's not great either. I
found a text exchange between him and his sister in

(01:02:16):
which he confide it that he doesn't want this baby
because he never wanted this baby and resents me because
I'm carrying the baby. He wrote how he doesn't know
if he ever loved me, that I pressured him into
marriage and kids. He told his sister he's unhappy and
doesn't know if he wants to be with me. I
was blindsided. We both agreed to start trying for a

(01:02:36):
family and moving our life forward. I believe it's his
fear talking since it's our first child. But how can
I move past this? He doesn't know. I saw the
text exchange, and I tried addressing the topic without cornering him.
But my heart is broken and my anxiety is through
the roof. I feel loft and numb. Any advice or
prayers would be greatly appreciated. Oh my gosh. First of all,
take a deep breath. Baby, you're pregnant. That anxiety is

(01:02:59):
not good. Oh Mike, I have I don't have any
words for this one. That's that's hard because I feel
like when she says that it's her, it's his fear.
But I don't know if I could ever forget those
words if I saw that. Well, and it takes two
to tango. He knows what he was doing when he
got you pregnant. So and even if he felt forced,

(01:03:20):
you still at the end of the day, and I
can I can kind of relate to ours where it's like, Okay,
I know sometimes you felt pressed to the fire, but
at the same time, it was still a decision that
you did make. Two. That's tough. But I don't know
if I could forget those words if I saw that
on your phone. Yeah, that's a man. I would confront him.

(01:03:43):
You haven't. I think I don't know how she do.
But become not a good from a good place. That's
my advice from a very from a very calm collected. Hey,
I'm so sorry. I felt you a little distant and
I'm so sorry. I looked at your phone and I
saw this message and I'm just having a really hard

(01:04:03):
time process in this. I know this is your private space,
and I'm sorry for I'm sorry for breaking that space
and breaking that privacy. But now I don't know to
do with this and I need I need Can we
can we talk about this? Or does she just give
him the chance to tell her? Maybe I would, I

(01:04:27):
would just in my opinion again this is my opinion, Nashally,
just because being a guy, and you'd have to really
like Janet just uh explained dance very delicately around introducing
the fact that you look at this phone. Um, so
my just thought goes to try addressing it with him

(01:04:52):
again from a standpoint of just ask him, Hey, how
are you feeling about all this and just being like,
you know, I'm scared. Isn't that playing games that like
you would get mad at me because I've done them?
He went through your phone and all he does is
yell at her. Why are you going through my phone?
And the fight? It's not about playing games, It's not

(01:05:12):
it's not about fishing it out because I know when
you're trying to fish something out of me. How is
that not fishing Because because it's still something that you
want to have a conversation about. What if he doesn't
say anything, he's like, no, I'm good, I'm excited, then
then you addressed it like you said okay, because if not,
then if all I'm saying, yeah, no, no, don't keep going.
All I'm saying is started off with saying, espressing your
fear because your this is your first child, You're gonna

(01:05:34):
be a new mother. There's going to be fear attached.
Be like, hey, I'm really anxious. I'm really fearful, Like
I don't you know, how are you feeling? And if
he does played off he's like, oh, I'm good, We're
gonna be all right, then then be like okay. And
it doesn't even have to be in that moment. It
could be later that day or the next day to
be like, hey and do what Janna said. So that's

(01:05:56):
just my thought and if and if he doesn't, to
stop the shing off the because I know I've unfortunately
done that in the past two where I've fished fish.
But I feel like that just I mean, I get
what you're saying, but it's still she's still fishing. It's
it's yeah, but it's an opportunity to talk about something
that that should be talked about anyway. It's not just

(01:06:16):
trying to check in sure we're on the same team.
We're about to have a baby. Let's okay, So start
with Mike, end with mine if it doesn't happen, and
then Mark any well, I agree with you. I think
it's good to just kind of try to get him
to be honest with you. However, you can do that,
and I think saying what are you feeling? You've been
diffinant lately. I want to know what's going on with

(01:06:37):
you and is he Are you nervous about the baby?
I'm nervous about the good about this. I don't want
to give him an opportunity to get out, though, because
I think he might take it and then we're in
another bad place. I don't know, because I do think
it's the fear, and I do think he'll get over it.
But if he had the opportunity to bail, I think
he might, and we don't. I don't think we want
to get to that point. I like what you said,
Mark too, and I'm having hit like of saying, hey,

(01:06:58):
I'm scared too, So that way it invites him to
be scared back exactly. So I like that, So do that,
say you're scared? End with that, and Sarah your last words.
Final words from Sarah called the sister. I'm calling the sister.
That's interesting, That's what I'm doing. I wonder if they're close.

(01:07:19):
That's interesting because the sister can tell her, don't worry.
He's just panicing. I would say, you've got a real problem.
If that was me, I'm calling sister first, but I
think sister could. He'd probably go to him. Sister would
then go to the dude, the husband. Danger. That depends
on how close all three of them are. But you know, wow,
that's tough. You'd be all right, Ash, all right. This

(01:07:43):
one is from anonymous. I got engaged to my boyfriend
of three years. We lived together, everything's been great. Well,
one night he went to the bower and was having
a friendly conversation with a woman. At the end of
the night, they exchange numbers. A week later, my go
was telling me to go through his phone and it's
on Snapchat. They've been talking. It became best friends on it.
When I confronted, my fiancee said no, no no, no, we're
just getting to know each other. Nothing has been said
that would disrespect me or our relationship. He's also never

(01:08:07):
given me a reason not to trust him, so I
let it go. So I messaged the girl on Facebook.
She said she originally said no to exchanging numbers, but
decided she had nothing to lose, so she gave him
her number. She also said he kept initiating the snaps
and the conversations. I don't know what to do, I
don't know who to believe any of us would be helpful.
And then she also says, I love you both and
literally use your podcast and television shows as therapy to

(01:08:28):
help me in rough situations. So thank you for being
so raw, open and honest about your guys lives. It
means a lot. Thank you. Thank you Anonymous. Um, guys
need to have like if you're married, you don't, if
you're engaged hashtag no new friends. It's again, it's kind

(01:08:48):
of one thing. And we've contested on this before. It's
one thing. If at work and over time with working
with somebody, you you don't develop a relationship up and
you know, but you talk about it with your partner,
your girlfriend or your wife or whatever they meet them,
it becomes like a mutual relationship just because you're working

(01:09:09):
with somebody. It's just one of those Okay, A lot
of people have those and that are healthy and within boundaries.
Meeting someone out at a bar communicating via snapchat. There's
nothing healthy about and saying, I'm we're just getting to
know each other. Why do you need to get to
know some random schink you met at a bar? That
is bold? Yeah, I agree. I think we all agree that.

(01:09:32):
So what should she do? I would say, like, stop
communication with her? Yeah, be like, this doesn't make me
feel confordable. If he's your fiance, your fiance, you're gonna
potentially marry this man. Say you don't feel comfortable with it.
Validate that you've never given a reason to trust you,
not to trust you. But I don't like this. I
don't feel comfortable and I'm really sorry. M hm. So

(01:09:54):
I would like you know for you too, se Sea synthesists,
it's time for boundaries to be established. Clearly they haven't
been and guys are dumb. So yes, that's a good
There you go, Papa Mark, create boundaries. Boundaries need to
be created. Now. Hey you guys, I hope every single

(01:10:20):
one of you have the most amazing Christmas and New Year.
We're going to be on hiatus for two weeks. We
love you guys so much. For those of you that
struggle during the holiday season. Know that you're not alone. Um.
You know that there's people out there that love you
and that care about you. And we just truly hope
that you guys have an amazing holiday season um and

(01:10:41):
find some peace um these next few weeks. And for
all those guys, give a little love a little, give
a little love a little. And for all those guys
out there, if you haven't gotten something sentimental for your girl,
go do it on. We care about Minus Sarah. Just
get her the shoes. Merry Christmas, holidays, whatever you celebrate,

(01:11:02):
enjoy it and be present in those moments. And we
hope to see you guys in God willing guys fine
sad in another year and another one, but with us
another one gun and another one