July 11, 2026 • 35 mins
Brian Austin Green is answering your questions!
Should you look through your partner's text messages? What questions should you ask on a first date? Is scheduling “intimacy” …less sexy?
He’s giving you an unfiltered male POV!
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Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hello, I do part two.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
It is your celebrity mentor, Brian Austin Green, and we
asked you on our socials to send in questions and
leave me voicemails for any sort of advice that you're needing.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
From relationships to sex and divorce.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
It's okay, I'm excited, let's dive into these today.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Hey, this is Mary.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
I'm so glad you do this podcast. I'm recently divorced
and I don't want our marriage to seem like a failure,
which is what my ex husband keeps saying in front
of our kids over and over. And I'm hoping for
a person perspective about how we can talk to them
about this just being the closing of a beautiful chapter
like our relationship. It was amazing, we had children. It's ending,
(01:03):
but it's not a failure. Please help, Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
So that's an that's an interesting Uh, that's an interesting question.
It's an interesting kind of topic to get into.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I So I think.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
When people get married, they tend to be on the
same path in life. They're sort of going in the
same direction. They figure, hey, let's team up and do
this together. And then sometimes those paths separate. And the
two people kind of decide that they want different things.
(01:41):
That doesn't necessarily mean that your marriage or your relationship
was a failure. It was meant to be.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
What it was.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
For you guys. You had amazing kids out of it. It.
It was absolutely a path that you both were on.
You were supposed to have the kids that you had,
and now you're meant to move on to other things.
But that doesn't mean that you guys are mad at
each other or that the kids are going to be
(02:12):
put in the middle somehow. It's that you guys have
agreed that you are going to sort of move in
these different directions, and you're gonna support each other, and
you're gonna love each other through them. You're gonna love
each other because you do. You're gonna love each other
because you guys are the parents of these amazing kids.
(02:34):
And so you are making the grown up choice of
being true to yourselves and seeing what this original family
will now look like in this new form. And it
should be exciting for everybody. It should be exciting to
see what Daddy's gonna do. It should be exciting to
(02:54):
see what Mommy's gonna do. It should just be sort
of this fun time. You know, unknown can mean scary,
but it doesn't necessarily mean bad. And I think if
you find the fun enjoyment in stepping forward into the
unknown and making the choice as a family and as
(03:18):
a unit to do it and support and love each other,
you'd be surprised how amazing that journey can be. That
was a really good one. That was a good one
to start with. So we're gonna go We're gonna go
back and forth between these these voicemails. And then we
also had some people that just sort of wrote in questions,
(03:39):
they didn't send us voicemails. But we want to get
we want to get into both, and so I think
we're going to sort of go back and forth between
the two.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
We're going to alternate.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
So this next question is from Jillian, and she says,
what's something that you wish men talked about more with
each other about divorce and moving on?
Speaker 1 (03:59):
I wish that men were.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
There for each other in a better way, in whatever
way serves the person dealing with the divorce, whatever it
is they need. Sometimes you need just a person to
vent to, to sound off to, and sometimes you need advice.
(04:29):
I feel sometimes like because men aren't good at communicating
necessarily that they don't really know how to be there
for a friend of theirs and how to provide guidance
(04:50):
or or just you know, someone to listen to, just
sort of a rock, just a person there that loves
them no matter what. I don't feel like men sometimes
know how to provide that, because men, uh, it's in
our nature to want to fix things, and sometimes being
(05:10):
in that mode of wanting to fix everything will get
in the way of someone not needing to be fixed,
someone just needing to have someone that listens really well,
that will sit back and hold space for them and listen.
And you know, sometimes you know, just in just in
(05:33):
speaking out loud, you sometimes answer your own questions. You know,
it's you just need to hear yourself talking about it
out loud instead of in your own head, because sometimes
in your own head you you sort of try and
(05:53):
micromanage things, and you you try and almost figure out
as you're going, which isn't necessarily the best way to
do it. Sometimes it's best to lay it all out there,
say it all, and then you get to the end
and you go, ooh, you know what, hearing myself having
said all of that I feel differently about it. So
(06:15):
I wish men. I wish men listened better and held space,
because sometimes that is the support that other men need,
especially in going through divorce and moving on. Because it's unknown,
it's an unknown time. Let's move on to the next voicemail.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
Hi, Brian, So I have a question for you.
Speaker 5 (06:42):
I just want to know. I just recently started dating
a guy and I met him all with a dating app,
and I trust him and I feel like he's a
really good guy. But we're probably going to make it
official soon, and I just want to know. Is it
ever pay to look through somebody's text messages just.
Speaker 6 (07:05):
To confirm or.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
Not confirm any suspicions. I'm just I'm a little worried
that he got.
Speaker 5 (07:16):
Into this too quickly after a past relationship, and I'm
kind of tempted to look through his text messages.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
Is that always breaking a boundary?
Speaker 5 (07:27):
Or is it ever?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Okay? Thanks, That's that's a really good question. I don't okay,
this is I can answer. I'm going to have to
answer this in a few parts for you. I think
if you are brand new in a relationship and you're
(07:49):
not even to the point where you're you've made it
official with other people, something's wrong if you're feeling the
need to go through that person's text messages, I think
it's important for you to take a step back from
it and decide how much is.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Truly the other person, and how much.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Of it is your own stuff, how much of that
you are carrying in from past situations, all of these
red flags, all of these things that you worry about
that can become complicated, Like I know, I know people
(08:33):
sort of they feel like they've learned as they've loved
and they've been through these relationships, and you start collecting
these red flags and these things to look out for,
and ooh, as soon as I see anything that is
remotely similar to what I went through before, I'm automatically
going to go there because I'm prepared, because I know.
(08:55):
I think the problem with that that I wouldn't even say,
sometimes say most of the time, is that you are
holding this new person in your life responsible for things
that happened to you before, and it's not really a
fair pressure to put on them. When I look back on, honestly,
(09:21):
the best relationships in my life up until the one
I'm in now, the one that was the best was
my very first one because I just loved I didn't
have the red flags. I was in it completely. I
gave all of myself. I absolutely loved the relationship and
(09:43):
it absolutely devastated me when it was over. But like,
what do you what do you really want from life?
You know, what do you what do you want from
this relationship? Do you want something that is that you
can truly be in and and love a thousand percent?
(10:03):
Or do you want something that you are half in
and half out of because of previous situations that have
hurt you. I think that's sort of a decision that
you have to make. I think when you've been in
a relationship long term with someone and there are things
(10:24):
that continue to go on and you start really having
genuine suspicions of the person. To me a healthy relationship,
everything's open. Sharna can go through my phone, she can
go through my emails, she can go through absolutely everything
that I have. I don't hide any of it, and
(10:46):
I love the feeling of her being able to do
that and know that she's not going to find anything
that's going to upset her. I make very clear in
my life that I'm not going to make any choices
that would hurt her feelings or negatively affect her. I
don't make any choices that compromise the relationship in any way.
(11:12):
So you know, I think there's a I think there's
a time and a place for checking text messages. I
don't think now's the time. If you guys are this early.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
On in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Feeling the need to do that already is there's way
more going on than that. Honestly, my advice if I
were in your shoes is to sit down with him
and have this exact conversation and say, I am beyond
worried that you aren't ready for the relationship that I
(11:53):
am ready for that I want that, I feel like
I want to be in with you. I was to
the point where I wanted to start checking your messages
and going through because I am terrified of who you
are that I don't know about, and open that conversation.
I think, you know, you might be surprised what comes
(12:17):
out of that, because a the really tough answers that
you aren't sure you're ready for could come, or it
could open up a conversation that then brings you guys
way closer than you were before and now he has
(12:37):
a better understanding of you. He knows that you are
someone that will come to him first and talk to him.
I mean, I honestly believe that checking text messages and
going through stut that's sort of a last resort. That is,
if you've done absolutely everything else, and you shouldn't be
(12:57):
at that point right now. This relationship sounds way too
way too early. So that is I would have that conversation.
I think for you at least that would provide the
answers that you need. You'd get a much better sense
of what it is you're in having that conversation, and
(13:21):
then you can sort of decipher what your feelings are
after that instead of sort of just going in blindly
and going I'm not sure if I trust this or not.
So I hope that answered your question.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
This is a.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Question from Nancy. She says, what's something you believed about
marriage before you're divorced that you no longer believe. It's
a good question, Nancy. You know, I had this belief
before I got married that it's something that you do
once you decide that you're going to get married, and
(13:59):
you play on doing that for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I mean, that is in your vows.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
You say for better or for worse, till death do
us part, and I think that is sort of the intention.
And then the marriage doesn't work out and you start
questioning if that is, if that's real or not, And
I did, I questioned it.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
I don't anymore. I truly believe.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
That a marriage, if you choose to be married, if
you choose to just be in a long term relationship
with someone, I feel like that situation absolutely happens for
a reason in your life, and there are amazing things
that are going to come out of that. You have
(14:53):
to be sort of open to the fact that sometimes
your thoughts and your your definition of forever, uh, it
doesn't actually correspond with.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
What forever in this relationship means. Forever may may mean.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
The start and then the finish of this relationship, and
that is the forever of that relationship. It doesn't necessarily
mean for your entire lifetime, and you have to be
okay with that. You you hope that it's that it's
your lifetime. I hope it's my lifetime because I plan
(15:38):
on spending the rest of my life with Charina, and
I love my family and I love everything that we
have and I love the fact that when we struggle,
we struggle together. When we celebrate, we celebrate together, and
I love it. But stuff happens, and sometimes that path
(16:05):
that you're on together ends, and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
It's okay.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
It doesn't mean that you failed at it because you
successfully did it for the time period that it existed,
so there's no there's no failing in that you did it.
Failing is being too afraid to try something. Something not
working doesn't It doesn't work all it's Batteries die, you know,
(16:38):
cars fall apart. Things last as long as they last
until they don't, and then that's it, and then you
sort of you sort of move on. So I think
my beliefs in marriage have changed, you know. I think
sometimes it's important to sit back and take a good
(17:00):
hard look at what we have and what we expected
and what we want and realize that expectation. Expectation is
a tough thing to have because most of the time
it lets you down. Expectations are tough. I try and
(17:20):
live with zero expectation and I'm just open to what is,
what the present is. I try and live in the
moment presently, and it's surprising how many things come around
that you never saw coming because you didn't bother looking
(17:42):
like I've gotten to the point now where I don't
look anymore. And so when people reach out to me
and want to do things, and I end up working
with people, and I end up meeting people, and I
end up doing a show like this one. This wasn't
on my Bengo card, a show like this one giving advice.
This was never me until all of a sudden it
(18:05):
is and I really enjoy it and people ask me
really valid questions, and.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
So here I am.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
And this could evolve into something else, or this could
be exactly what it's supposed to be for as long
as it's supposed to be.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
So there you go, Nancy. I hope that. I hope
that helped.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Okay, I have to hear your thoughts about scheduled time
to be intimate with your partner because life and kids
get so busy. So I'm wondering, do you think it's
a good thing or do you think it's too predictable thoughts.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
What's really funny about that is Sean and I just
ended up seeing something and I wasn't sure if it
was on like social media, if it was on my
newsfeed if it was something that I saw on TVs.
I was sort of flipping through channels at night, laying
in bed, and it was talking about scheduling intimate time
(19:07):
with each other when you have busy lives, and it
seemed too premeditated and mundane, and it's, oh, well, if
there's passion, this should just sort of happen on its own.
And then what if I'm not in the mood when
we do it when we have our scheduled time. But
(19:31):
it was talking about scheduling, and it was saying that
you know, when you schedule a specific time, whether you're
in the mood or not, it's time to be intimate
with your partner. And sometimes that's not sexually intimate. Sometimes
that is just intimate in a way of being connected
(19:56):
and talking to each other and listening to each other.
And then sometimes that will lead to physical intimacy.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
But it's.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
About making the time consistently for it. And it was
saying that, you know, you it's kind of like a
muscle in anything you do in working out, in singing
and dancing and whatever, that the more you do it,
(20:33):
the more natural and normal. It feels kind of just
like anything else in life, you sort of start doing
something and it feels really awkward and strange. I think
when you have a busy, busy life, it's important. I
think it's important to make sure that you are connecting
(20:57):
with your partner. I think if you can schedule all
sorts of things, Schedule a date night, one night a week, dinner,
schedule these times that are just for the two of you,
where someone comes over and watches the kids, and if
you can get a hotel room and stay there for
(21:21):
the night, just to be able to sort of go
to bed on your own like an adult, and wake
up in the morning together and order breakfast in bed,
or go to the restaurant downstairs, or these little things
and then go home. Like it's not you don't have
to make a vacation out of it. But I think
it's really important to schedule time together. I don't think
(21:46):
scheduling sex necessarily is is what is important.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
It's super important.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Sex is very important, but I think just scheduling intimate time.
Speaker 7 (22:06):
Hey, there, Amy Robock and TJ Holmes here from the
Amy and TJ podcast, where we are doing the exact
opposite of taking a summer vacation.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Yeah, I can't do that.
Speaker 7 (22:14):
There's entirely too much going on in the world right
now to not be talking about all this stuff. Yes,
drama at the White House, drama at the World Cup,
drama about the Reflecting Pool, and yes, drama at the
Villa Pool on Love Island. All day, every day, we
have you covered with the latest breaking news in the
stories everyone will be talking about. Listen to Amy and
TJ on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you
(22:37):
listen to podcasts.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Okay, So this next question is from Melinda, and she said,
do you think men grieve divorced differently than women? Absolutely?
I think men and women are wired differently. I think
for men they try and reclaim some sense of who
(23:03):
they were before the relationship that they lost, and I
think for women not all times, and these are this
is I'm not answering this like unequivocally like this is
the way it is. But I think for the most part,
women sort of grieve the loss of what was in
(23:25):
their mind and these expectations they had of what this
relationship was going to be and what it was going
to become, and how long it was going to last,
and how many kids they were going to have and
where they create this whole story in their head and
then it's sort of the death of that.
Speaker 5 (23:45):
Men.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
I think men don't fantasize as much as women do.
So men are sort of just kind of in it
and in a big dumb way, we're.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Like, yeah, I love you, Like, let's just do this,
and that's there.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Isn't a Everything is much more sort of spontaneous for
a man, like, oh this is happening right now. Oh cool,
we're gonna buy a house. Oh we're gonna like there's no,
we don't necessarily plan ahead. Some do again, not all,
but some men. Some men plan ahead. But most men
(24:29):
I believe are just sort of flying by the seat
of their pants in a relationship. So I think then
they they grieve the loss of a relationship in different ways.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
A divorce is it's just an extension. It's just gone
further within the relationship. Oh we got married, Oh now
we have kids.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
I think men, I know I I grieved the concept
of missing half the life of my kids.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
That meant a lot to me. That was a big deal.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
And then I quickly realized, like, oh, man, while they
are at their mom's house, I get a chance to
recharge like this is really amazing. So then when they
come back over I can give them all of my
attention and I've spent the four days, the seven days,
whatever it is, just taking care of myself and being
(25:32):
with my partner that I have now and doing things
for me, so I don't have that overwhelmed feeling the
same way when my kids come back, so that I
grieve that. I think women tend to grieve the loss
(25:54):
of the future that they saw that they expected the
relationship to be, much.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
More than men do. I think men.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Men sort of they spend a lot of time stumbling
around trying to pick up the pieces and feel like
themselves again and feel awesome and attractive and and whole.
And then otherwise they sort of keep it to themselves
(26:25):
and they just sort of one foot in front of
the other just move on, because that's.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
What men do.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
I mean, men just sort of exist sometimes, you know.
I can have a really deep conversation with someone literally
just sitting next to them, like never looking.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
At each other.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
I have conversations with my kids in the car and
they're some of the best conversations ever because there's no
pressure of like looking at each other you're just sort
of in it and you're talking about stuff and then
you just sort of move on. But yeah, I do
absolutely think for the most part, that men grieve divorce
differently than women do.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Cool, it's going to the voicemail.
Speaker 6 (27:09):
Hi, I really just wanted to call in to get
kind of the male perspective on the question I have.
How can you really tell if like a guy is
into you or vice versa, if he really is not
into you? Okay, so guy thinks, well.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Can you tell that a guy is really into you
or not or vice versa?
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Well, I can answer.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
For you knowing whether you are really into somebody or not,
because you should be able to tell that for a guy.
I think it's It's interesting. I up until up until Sharna,
(27:55):
because my ex and I were together for almost fifteen years,
we were almost married, we were married for almost ten
I led with physical attraction. First, I'd be physically attracted
to somebody and then sort of build a relationship around that.
With Sharna, now we approached it in a different way.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
I was divorced, which I didn't expect.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
I had three kids, I was a single parent, and
I knew that I didn't want to repeat things that
I had done.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
So I went.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
Through all sorts of therapy and all sorts of things
to really figure out what it was that I brought
into a relationship that was just toxic and wasn't good
and wasn't helping the relationship at all. I genuinely believe
that you you need to be friends with someone first.
(29:00):
And I met. We spent six hours talking the first
time we met each other. We met for breakfast a
couple days later, we spent another four and a.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
Half hours talking.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
We were really really good, easy natural friends to begin with.
Then we realized in being physical that we were really
we really worked well together, and then it became the relationship.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
I think when you.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Started from a place of a genuine connection with someone,
then you're not so concerned about whether they are truly
into you or not, because you guys are already speaking
to each other in.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
A in a very transparent way.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Sean and I talked about our best qualities are worst
qualities together, we sort of put it all out on
the table, and then we really liked each other after
that those conversations, so for us, it was pretty apparent then, like,
oh hey, we should stick with us.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
This seems to be working. So I think.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
I think your approach to a relationship is the best
way to know if if it's just a purely physical connection,
like oh he's you know, he's he's really good looking,
and he's like, oh he's really hot, it's like, Okay,
that's that's only gonna last for so long that.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
You're gonna get to a point where you go.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
I can't stand that other person, so they're not hot
to me anymore. I see them, and I see all
of the flaws instead.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Of all of the positives.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
I see all of the negatives because I've just been
dealing with negative for so long.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
So I would suggest.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Really taking a look at what.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
The relationship truly is.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
And then honestly maybe deciding on your own, Like I'm
putting way too much on this, Like why do I
care so much if this person likes me or not?
I don't really like them that much. Ask yourself some questions.
Speaker 8 (31:37):
Welcome to the Orange Doesn't Fall Far the podcast where
Reality TV meets real life. I'm Tamar Judge.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
And I'm Sophia.
Speaker 8 (31:45):
Each week, we're spilling the tea on pop culture relationships, motherhood, dating, drama,
and what it's really like growing up in the middle
of reality TV chaos. One of us lived it. One
of us survived it. Listen to The Orange Doesn't Fall Far,
Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you
get your podcast.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Nicole. Do you think men heal before they date again
or do they heal while dating?
Speaker 2 (32:14):
It's a really good question, Nicole. I think both. I
think men do both. I think sometimes they heal before
dating and then sometimes they healed during it. And you know,
I think that they healed during it because.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
There are.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
Questions and things, conversations that they haven't really had with anybody,
so they haven't gotten into.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
The weeds of what went wrong before.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
So sometimes when you're in something new and then a
situation rears its ugly head like it did before, it
gives you and you sort of step back and go, oh,
there's that thing again.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Cool.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
And then if you're with somebody great, then you kind
of talk through it with them and you heal together
with that situation. And I don't think there's anything wrong
with that. I think if you're in a relationship with
someone where you can have that that those are the
things that really just continue to bring you closer, being
(33:27):
honest about the stuff that scares you, about the stuff
that really hurt before that is kind of unfinished. So
instead of putting it on someone new, right, you point
it out with that person. You say, hey, this is
something that I went through before that really bothered.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Me, and you sort of heal.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Even though you're healing alone, you're sort of healing together.
And then sometimes there are men that.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Get out of something and they go, man, and I
that was horrible.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
I need to fix as much as I can of
the part that I played in that. So I don't
do that again because I can't handle another relationship like
that one.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
So I think.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
I think the answer to that question is sort of.
It depends on what it is you came from and
it depends on where you are. But I think I
think men do both. Wow, So I talk a lot.
You guys have sent me some incredible questions. I love these.
(34:43):
I want to keep them going, but we have run
out of time. So let's hold some of these over
and let's do a part two of this, and we'll
be back really soon for you guys to hear a
little more. Three
Hello, I do part two.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
It is your celebrity mentor, Brian Austin Green, and we
asked you on our socials to send in questions and
leave me voicemails for any sort of advice that you're needing.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
From relationships to sex and divorce.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
It's okay, I'm excited, let's dive into these today.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
Hey, this is Mary.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
I'm so glad you do this podcast. I'm recently divorced
and I don't want our marriage to seem like a failure,
which is what my ex husband keeps saying in front
of our kids over and over. And I'm hoping for
a person perspective about how we can talk to them
about this just being the closing of a beautiful chapter
like our relationship. It was amazing, we had children. It's ending,
(01:03):
but it's not a failure. Please help, Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
So that's an that's an interesting Uh, that's an interesting question.
It's an interesting kind of topic to get into.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I So I think.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
When people get married, they tend to be on the
same path in life. They're sort of going in the
same direction. They figure, hey, let's team up and do
this together. And then sometimes those paths separate. And the
two people kind of decide that they want different things.
(01:41):
That doesn't necessarily mean that your marriage or your relationship
was a failure. It was meant to be.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
What it was.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
For you guys. You had amazing kids out of it. It.
It was absolutely a path that you both were on.
You were supposed to have the kids that you had,
and now you're meant to move on to other things.
But that doesn't mean that you guys are mad at
each other or that the kids are going to be
(02:12):
put in the middle somehow. It's that you guys have
agreed that you are going to sort of move in
these different directions, and you're gonna support each other, and
you're gonna love each other through them. You're gonna love
each other because you do. You're gonna love each other
because you guys are the parents of these amazing kids.
(02:34):
And so you are making the grown up choice of
being true to yourselves and seeing what this original family
will now look like in this new form. And it
should be exciting for everybody. It should be exciting to
see what Daddy's gonna do. It should be exciting to
(02:54):
see what Mommy's gonna do. It should just be sort
of this fun time. You know, unknown can mean scary,
but it doesn't necessarily mean bad. And I think if
you find the fun enjoyment in stepping forward into the
unknown and making the choice as a family and as
(03:18):
a unit to do it and support and love each other,
you'd be surprised how amazing that journey can be. That
was a really good one. That was a good one
to start with. So we're gonna go We're gonna go
back and forth between these these voicemails. And then we
also had some people that just sort of wrote in questions,
(03:39):
they didn't send us voicemails. But we want to get
we want to get into both, and so I think
we're going to sort of go back and forth between
the two.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
We're going to alternate.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
So this next question is from Jillian, and she says,
what's something that you wish men talked about more with
each other about divorce and moving on?
Speaker 1 (03:59):
I wish that men were.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
There for each other in a better way, in whatever
way serves the person dealing with the divorce, whatever it
is they need. Sometimes you need just a person to
vent to, to sound off to, and sometimes you need advice.
(04:29):
I feel sometimes like because men aren't good at communicating
necessarily that they don't really know how to be there
for a friend of theirs and how to provide guidance
(04:50):
or or just you know, someone to listen to, just
sort of a rock, just a person there that loves
them no matter what. I don't feel like men sometimes
know how to provide that, because men, uh, it's in
our nature to want to fix things, and sometimes being
(05:10):
in that mode of wanting to fix everything will get
in the way of someone not needing to be fixed,
someone just needing to have someone that listens really well,
that will sit back and hold space for them and listen.
And you know, sometimes you know, just in just in
(05:33):
speaking out loud, you sometimes answer your own questions. You know,
it's you just need to hear yourself talking about it
out loud instead of in your own head, because sometimes
in your own head you you sort of try and
(05:53):
micromanage things, and you you try and almost figure out
as you're going, which isn't necessarily the best way to
do it. Sometimes it's best to lay it all out there,
say it all, and then you get to the end
and you go, ooh, you know what, hearing myself having
said all of that I feel differently about it. So
(06:15):
I wish men. I wish men listened better and held space,
because sometimes that is the support that other men need,
especially in going through divorce and moving on. Because it's unknown,
it's an unknown time. Let's move on to the next voicemail.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
Hi, Brian, So I have a question for you.
Speaker 5 (06:42):
I just want to know. I just recently started dating
a guy and I met him all with a dating app,
and I trust him and I feel like he's a
really good guy. But we're probably going to make it
official soon, and I just want to know. Is it
ever pay to look through somebody's text messages just.
Speaker 6 (07:05):
To confirm or.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
Not confirm any suspicions. I'm just I'm a little worried
that he got.
Speaker 5 (07:16):
Into this too quickly after a past relationship, and I'm
kind of tempted to look through his text messages.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
Is that always breaking a boundary?
Speaker 5 (07:27):
Or is it ever?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Okay? Thanks, That's that's a really good question. I don't okay,
this is I can answer. I'm going to have to
answer this in a few parts for you. I think
if you are brand new in a relationship and you're
(07:49):
not even to the point where you're you've made it
official with other people, something's wrong if you're feeling the
need to go through that person's text messages, I think
it's important for you to take a step back from
it and decide how much is.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Truly the other person, and how much.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Of it is your own stuff, how much of that
you are carrying in from past situations, all of these
red flags, all of these things that you worry about
that can become complicated, Like I know, I know people
(08:33):
sort of they feel like they've learned as they've loved
and they've been through these relationships, and you start collecting
these red flags and these things to look out for,
and ooh, as soon as I see anything that is
remotely similar to what I went through before, I'm automatically
going to go there because I'm prepared, because I know.
(08:55):
I think the problem with that that I wouldn't even say,
sometimes say most of the time, is that you are
holding this new person in your life responsible for things
that happened to you before, and it's not really a
fair pressure to put on them. When I look back on, honestly,
(09:21):
the best relationships in my life up until the one
I'm in now, the one that was the best was
my very first one because I just loved I didn't
have the red flags. I was in it completely. I
gave all of myself. I absolutely loved the relationship and
(09:43):
it absolutely devastated me when it was over. But like,
what do you what do you really want from life?
You know, what do you what do you want from
this relationship? Do you want something that is that you
can truly be in and and love a thousand percent?
(10:03):
Or do you want something that you are half in
and half out of because of previous situations that have
hurt you. I think that's sort of a decision that
you have to make. I think when you've been in
a relationship long term with someone and there are things
(10:24):
that continue to go on and you start really having
genuine suspicions of the person. To me a healthy relationship,
everything's open. Sharna can go through my phone, she can
go through my emails, she can go through absolutely everything
that I have. I don't hide any of it, and
(10:46):
I love the feeling of her being able to do
that and know that she's not going to find anything
that's going to upset her. I make very clear in
my life that I'm not going to make any choices
that would hurt her feelings or negatively affect her. I
don't make any choices that compromise the relationship in any way.
(11:12):
So you know, I think there's a I think there's
a time and a place for checking text messages. I
don't think now's the time. If you guys are this early.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
On in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Feeling the need to do that already is there's way
more going on than that. Honestly, my advice if I
were in your shoes is to sit down with him
and have this exact conversation and say, I am beyond
worried that you aren't ready for the relationship that I
(11:53):
am ready for that I want that, I feel like
I want to be in with you. I was to
the point where I wanted to start checking your messages
and going through because I am terrified of who you
are that I don't know about, and open that conversation.
I think, you know, you might be surprised what comes
(12:17):
out of that, because a the really tough answers that
you aren't sure you're ready for could come, or it
could open up a conversation that then brings you guys
way closer than you were before and now he has
(12:37):
a better understanding of you. He knows that you are
someone that will come to him first and talk to him.
I mean, I honestly believe that checking text messages and
going through stut that's sort of a last resort. That is,
if you've done absolutely everything else, and you shouldn't be
(12:57):
at that point right now. This relationship sounds way too
way too early. So that is I would have that conversation.
I think for you at least that would provide the
answers that you need. You'd get a much better sense
of what it is you're in having that conversation, and
(13:21):
then you can sort of decipher what your feelings are
after that instead of sort of just going in blindly
and going I'm not sure if I trust this or not.
So I hope that answered your question.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
This is a.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Question from Nancy. She says, what's something you believed about
marriage before you're divorced that you no longer believe. It's
a good question, Nancy. You know, I had this belief
before I got married that it's something that you do
once you decide that you're going to get married, and
(13:59):
you play on doing that for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
I mean, that is in your vows.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
You say for better or for worse, till death do
us part, and I think that is sort of the intention.
And then the marriage doesn't work out and you start
questioning if that is, if that's real or not, And
I did, I questioned it.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
I don't anymore. I truly believe.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
That a marriage, if you choose to be married, if
you choose to just be in a long term relationship
with someone, I feel like that situation absolutely happens for
a reason in your life, and there are amazing things
that are going to come out of that. You have
(14:53):
to be sort of open to the fact that sometimes
your thoughts and your your definition of forever, uh, it
doesn't actually correspond with.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
What forever in this relationship means. Forever may may mean.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
The start and then the finish of this relationship, and
that is the forever of that relationship. It doesn't necessarily
mean for your entire lifetime, and you have to be
okay with that. You you hope that it's that it's
your lifetime. I hope it's my lifetime because I plan
(15:38):
on spending the rest of my life with Charina, and
I love my family and I love everything that we
have and I love the fact that when we struggle,
we struggle together. When we celebrate, we celebrate together, and
I love it. But stuff happens, and sometimes that path
(16:05):
that you're on together ends, and that's okay.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
It's okay.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
It doesn't mean that you failed at it because you
successfully did it for the time period that it existed,
so there's no there's no failing in that you did it.
Failing is being too afraid to try something. Something not
working doesn't It doesn't work all it's Batteries die, you know,
(16:38):
cars fall apart. Things last as long as they last
until they don't, and then that's it, and then you
sort of you sort of move on. So I think
my beliefs in marriage have changed, you know. I think
sometimes it's important to sit back and take a good
(17:00):
hard look at what we have and what we expected
and what we want and realize that expectation. Expectation is
a tough thing to have because most of the time
it lets you down. Expectations are tough. I try and
(17:20):
live with zero expectation and I'm just open to what is,
what the present is. I try and live in the
moment presently, and it's surprising how many things come around
that you never saw coming because you didn't bother looking
(17:42):
like I've gotten to the point now where I don't
look anymore. And so when people reach out to me
and want to do things, and I end up working
with people, and I end up meeting people, and I
end up doing a show like this one. This wasn't
on my Bengo card, a show like this one giving advice.
This was never me until all of a sudden it
(18:05):
is and I really enjoy it and people ask me
really valid questions, and.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
So here I am.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
And this could evolve into something else, or this could
be exactly what it's supposed to be for as long
as it's supposed to be.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
So there you go, Nancy. I hope that. I hope
that helped.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Okay, I have to hear your thoughts about scheduled time
to be intimate with your partner because life and kids
get so busy. So I'm wondering, do you think it's
a good thing or do you think it's too predictable thoughts.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
What's really funny about that is Sean and I just
ended up seeing something and I wasn't sure if it
was on like social media, if it was on my
newsfeed if it was something that I saw on TVs.
I was sort of flipping through channels at night, laying
in bed, and it was talking about scheduling intimate time
(19:07):
with each other when you have busy lives, and it
seemed too premeditated and mundane, and it's, oh, well, if
there's passion, this should just sort of happen on its own.
And then what if I'm not in the mood when
we do it when we have our scheduled time. But
(19:31):
it was talking about scheduling, and it was saying that
you know, when you schedule a specific time, whether you're
in the mood or not, it's time to be intimate
with your partner. And sometimes that's not sexually intimate. Sometimes
that is just intimate in a way of being connected
(19:56):
and talking to each other and listening to each other.
And then sometimes that will lead to physical intimacy.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
But it's.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
About making the time consistently for it. And it was
saying that, you know, you it's kind of like a
muscle in anything you do in working out, in singing
and dancing and whatever, that the more you do it,
(20:33):
the more natural and normal. It feels kind of just
like anything else in life, you sort of start doing
something and it feels really awkward and strange. I think
when you have a busy, busy life, it's important. I
think it's important to make sure that you are connecting
(20:57):
with your partner. I think if you can schedule all
sorts of things, Schedule a date night, one night a week, dinner,
schedule these times that are just for the two of you,
where someone comes over and watches the kids, and if
you can get a hotel room and stay there for
(21:21):
the night, just to be able to sort of go
to bed on your own like an adult, and wake
up in the morning together and order breakfast in bed,
or go to the restaurant downstairs, or these little things
and then go home. Like it's not you don't have
to make a vacation out of it. But I think
it's really important to schedule time together. I don't think
(21:46):
scheduling sex necessarily is is what is important.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
It's super important.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Sex is very important, but I think just scheduling intimate time.
Speaker 7 (22:06):
Hey, there, Amy Robock and TJ Holmes here from the
Amy and TJ podcast, where we are doing the exact
opposite of taking a summer vacation.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Yeah, I can't do that.
Speaker 7 (22:14):
There's entirely too much going on in the world right
now to not be talking about all this stuff. Yes,
drama at the White House, drama at the World Cup,
drama about the Reflecting Pool, and yes, drama at the
Villa Pool on Love Island. All day, every day, we
have you covered with the latest breaking news in the
stories everyone will be talking about. Listen to Amy and
TJ on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you
(22:37):
listen to podcasts.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Okay, So this next question is from Melinda, and she said,
do you think men grieve divorced differently than women? Absolutely?
I think men and women are wired differently. I think
for men they try and reclaim some sense of who
(23:03):
they were before the relationship that they lost, and I
think for women not all times, and these are this
is I'm not answering this like unequivocally like this is
the way it is. But I think for the most part,
women sort of grieve the loss of what was in
(23:25):
their mind and these expectations they had of what this
relationship was going to be and what it was going
to become, and how long it was going to last,
and how many kids they were going to have and
where they create this whole story in their head and
then it's sort of the death of that.
Speaker 5 (23:45):
Men.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
I think men don't fantasize as much as women do.
So men are sort of just kind of in it
and in a big dumb way, we're.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Like, yeah, I love you, Like, let's just do this,
and that's there.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Isn't a Everything is much more sort of spontaneous for
a man, like, oh this is happening right now. Oh cool,
we're gonna buy a house. Oh we're gonna like there's no,
we don't necessarily plan ahead. Some do again, not all,
but some men. Some men plan ahead. But most men
(24:29):
I believe are just sort of flying by the seat
of their pants in a relationship. So I think then
they they grieve the loss of a relationship in different ways.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
A divorce is it's just an extension. It's just gone
further within the relationship. Oh we got married, Oh now
we have kids.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
I think men, I know I I grieved the concept
of missing half the life of my kids.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
That meant a lot to me. That was a big deal.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
And then I quickly realized, like, oh, man, while they
are at their mom's house, I get a chance to
recharge like this is really amazing. So then when they
come back over I can give them all of my
attention and I've spent the four days, the seven days,
whatever it is, just taking care of myself and being
(25:32):
with my partner that I have now and doing things
for me, so I don't have that overwhelmed feeling the
same way when my kids come back, so that I
grieve that. I think women tend to grieve the loss
(25:54):
of the future that they saw that they expected the
relationship to be, much.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
More than men do. I think men.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Men sort of they spend a lot of time stumbling
around trying to pick up the pieces and feel like
themselves again and feel awesome and attractive and and whole.
And then otherwise they sort of keep it to themselves
(26:25):
and they just sort of one foot in front of
the other just move on, because that's.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
What men do.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
I mean, men just sort of exist sometimes, you know.
I can have a really deep conversation with someone literally
just sitting next to them, like never looking.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
At each other.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
I have conversations with my kids in the car and
they're some of the best conversations ever because there's no
pressure of like looking at each other you're just sort
of in it and you're talking about stuff and then
you just sort of move on. But yeah, I do
absolutely think for the most part, that men grieve divorce
differently than women do.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Cool, it's going to the voicemail.
Speaker 6 (27:09):
Hi, I really just wanted to call in to get
kind of the male perspective on the question I have.
How can you really tell if like a guy is
into you or vice versa, if he really is not
into you? Okay, so guy thinks, well.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Can you tell that a guy is really into you
or not or vice versa?
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Well, I can answer.
Speaker 2 (27:34):
For you knowing whether you are really into somebody or not,
because you should be able to tell that for a guy.
I think it's It's interesting. I up until up until Sharna,
(27:55):
because my ex and I were together for almost fifteen years,
we were almost married, we were married for almost ten
I led with physical attraction. First, I'd be physically attracted
to somebody and then sort of build a relationship around that.
With Sharna, now we approached it in a different way.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
I was divorced, which I didn't expect.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
I had three kids, I was a single parent, and
I knew that I didn't want to repeat things that
I had done.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
So I went.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
Through all sorts of therapy and all sorts of things
to really figure out what it was that I brought
into a relationship that was just toxic and wasn't good
and wasn't helping the relationship at all. I genuinely believe
that you you need to be friends with someone first.
(29:00):
And I met. We spent six hours talking the first
time we met each other. We met for breakfast a
couple days later, we spent another four and a.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
Half hours talking.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
We were really really good, easy natural friends to begin with.
Then we realized in being physical that we were really
we really worked well together, and then it became the relationship.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
I think when you.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Started from a place of a genuine connection with someone,
then you're not so concerned about whether they are truly
into you or not, because you guys are already speaking
to each other in.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
A in a very transparent way.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Sean and I talked about our best qualities are worst
qualities together, we sort of put it all out on
the table, and then we really liked each other after
that those conversations, so for us, it was pretty apparent then, like,
oh hey, we should stick with us.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
This seems to be working. So I think.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
I think your approach to a relationship is the best
way to know if if it's just a purely physical connection,
like oh he's you know, he's he's really good looking,
and he's like, oh he's really hot, it's like, Okay,
that's that's only gonna last for so long that.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
You're gonna get to a point where you go.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
I can't stand that other person, so they're not hot
to me anymore. I see them, and I see all
of the flaws instead.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
Of all of the positives.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
I see all of the negatives because I've just been
dealing with negative for so long.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
So I would suggest.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Really taking a look at what.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
The relationship truly is.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
And then honestly maybe deciding on your own, Like I'm
putting way too much on this, Like why do I
care so much if this person likes me or not?
I don't really like them that much. Ask yourself some questions.
Speaker 8 (31:37):
Welcome to the Orange Doesn't Fall Far the podcast where
Reality TV meets real life. I'm Tamar Judge.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
And I'm Sophia.
Speaker 8 (31:45):
Each week, we're spilling the tea on pop culture relationships, motherhood, dating, drama,
and what it's really like growing up in the middle
of reality TV chaos. One of us lived it. One
of us survived it. Listen to The Orange Doesn't Fall Far,
Available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you
get your podcast.
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Nicole. Do you think men heal before they date again
or do they heal while dating?
Speaker 2 (32:14):
It's a really good question, Nicole. I think both. I
think men do both. I think sometimes they heal before
dating and then sometimes they healed during it. And you know,
I think that they healed during it because.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
There are.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
Questions and things, conversations that they haven't really had with anybody,
so they haven't gotten into.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
The weeds of what went wrong before.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
So sometimes when you're in something new and then a
situation rears its ugly head like it did before, it
gives you and you sort of step back and go, oh,
there's that thing again.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Cool.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
And then if you're with somebody great, then you kind
of talk through it with them and you heal together
with that situation. And I don't think there's anything wrong
with that. I think if you're in a relationship with
someone where you can have that that those are the
things that really just continue to bring you closer, being
(33:27):
honest about the stuff that scares you, about the stuff
that really hurt before that is kind of unfinished. So
instead of putting it on someone new, right, you point
it out with that person. You say, hey, this is
something that I went through before that really bothered.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Me, and you sort of heal.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Even though you're healing alone, you're sort of healing together.
And then sometimes there are men that.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Get out of something and they go, man, and I
that was horrible.
Speaker 2 (34:03):
I need to fix as much as I can of
the part that I played in that. So I don't
do that again because I can't handle another relationship like
that one.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
So I think.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
I think the answer to that question is sort of.
It depends on what it is you came from and
it depends on where you are. But I think I
think men do both. Wow, So I talk a lot.
You guys have sent me some incredible questions. I love these.
(34:43):
I want to keep them going, but we have run
out of time. So let's hold some of these over
and let's do a part two of this, and we'll
be back really soon for you guys to hear a
little more. Three
Host
Jana Kramer
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Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Betrayal Weekly
Betrayal Weekly is back for a new season. Every Thursday, Betrayal Weekly shares first-hand accounts of broken trust, shocking deceptions, and the trail of destruction they leave behind. Hosted by Andrea Gunning, this weekly ongoing series digs into real-life stories of betrayal and the aftermath. From stories of double lives to dark discoveries, these are cautionary tales and accounts of resilience against all odds. From the producers of the critically acclaimed Betrayal series, Betrayal Weekly drops new episodes every Thursday. If you would like to share your story, you can reach out to the Betrayal Team by emailing them at betrayalpod@gmail.com and follow us on Instagram at @betrayalpod and @glasspodcasts. Please join our Substack for additional exclusive content, curated book recommendations, and community discussions. Sign up FREE by clicking this link Beyond Betrayal Substack. Join our community dedicated to truth, resilience, and healing. Your voice matters! Be a part of our Betrayal journey on Substack.