April 25, 2026 • 43 mins
Mr. Right is back to tell you the thing you need if you want men to FLOCK to you!
And we cover the age-old question…can men and women be friends? Does everything change in chapter 2? We have LOTS of thoughts!
Email us at: IDOPOD@iheartradio.com or call us at 844-4-I Do Pod (844-443-6763)
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Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hey, I do to part two.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
It's your resident real life single guy in chapter two,
mister Wright, and I'm back to answer more of your
questions and give you the honest opinion that will hopefully
give you some insight on how men think. So since
our last episode, we've got tons of comments, back emails, voicemails.
It started a lot of conversations. So let's get started
(00:39):
here and go through some of the comments and emails
that we've gotten since our last episode. So our first
listener question came in from Lisa, who's forty eight, and
this is what she wrote, do guys, quote unquote do
research before a first date. Women will know a mom's name,
what kind of dog your cousin has, etc.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
What is it like for guys?
Speaker 2 (01:02):
All right, Lisa, So guys tend to do a little
bit of research, but really it's basically very simple. We
want to know if you're single, we want to know
what your friends think about you.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
It's pretty I think it's pretty.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Surface, and I think guys really are looking for whatever
that connection is between the guy and the girl where
this is interesting, where maybe some women are looking for
some more deep down research and background information. I think
guys are trying to trying to figure out it on
their own. And so I think while it's important to
(01:37):
know whether or not you know you're dating somebody that's
kind of that will fit you outside of just the chemistry,
I think it's a little bit more of a mystery
for guys than it is for girls. So now we're
into our next question comes from Amy, who's fifty one,
and what she writes is this, what are men looking
for in a relationship where they're in their thirties than
(01:59):
in their forties, in their fifties, and what will they
want in their sixties and seventies And does it differ
as you get older or some things just stay the same.
All right, this is a big old question to unpack.
So let's start in our thirties. So what men are
looking for in their thirties is kind of a life partner.
They're looking for someone that they're going to start a
(02:19):
family with, that they're going to build a life with,
by their first home, with all of these things that
are that happen kind of in your early stages of
a relationship. And then when you get into your forties,
some guys are into their next chapter. So at this point,
now they're looking at kind of what does their stable
life look like, And if they're in their chapter two now,
(02:43):
they're looking for a reset. And they've probably learned some
lessons from their thirties that they don't want to.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Repeat when they're in their forties.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
So I think a guy in their forties is certainly
a little bit wiser, a little bit more confident, kind
of knows what they're looking for, and has learned from
some estates they might have made in their thirties. Now
when you get into your fifties, now these are guys
that are going through really into the next chapter, not
(03:10):
just the next chapter of their relationship, but the real
next chapter of their lives. If they've had children, those
kids are probably graduating from high school in their fifties,
they may be going off to college, they may be
even graduating from college in their fifties. And what they're
looking for is really somebody that's going to take them
probably into the rest of their lives in terms of
(03:32):
dating and relationship. And you know, these fifty year old guys,
if they've been either newly single or single for a while,
they're probably a little bit more set in their way.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
So just be aware.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
That that old adage about teaching a new dog old
tricks or old.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Dog new tricks.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Well, you've got a fifty year old man that may
be pretty set in their waves, which kind of can
be a good thing, because you know what you're going
to get. A guy in their thirties or their forties
might still be growing and maturing. But a guy in
their fifties, they've probably had a career, they've raised children,
they've probably been through at least one or two or
(04:13):
even three serious relationships. So you're gonna get a guy
who knows what they want, that has a sense of confidence,
but know that it might be difficult to change them
in their ways.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
Wait, sorry, mister Ray, I have to jump in here.
Please so tell me then, if men are set in
their ways in their fifties, why do they often gravitate
towards younger women.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Well, a lot of times they're to gravitating towards younger
women because they might feel that those younger women may
be willing to put up with a guy that's sitting
in their ways that might know that you know that
they're not going to be as malleable as a guy
in their thirties and in their forties, and and you know,
(04:59):
in a lot of times, women in their fifties are
just as set in their ways and just as confident,
and you know, and just as experienced as guys in
their fifties. So it might be, and you know, I'm
going to get beat up for saying this by my
other guy friends, but guys might be looking for somebody
younger that may not be quite as set in their
(05:19):
ways and might be more willing to adjust to a
lifestyle or to something that the older guy is looking for.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
That makes sense, mister right, Thanks for that intel, But
now I do want to know what they're looking for
in their sixties and seventies.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Now, sixties and seventies, now we're getting into you know,
kind of the you know, kind of the golden years.
And at that point, you know, you are looking for
that perfect companion. And I think that while you might
be you know, set in your ways to a certain degree,
I think at this point now there's a sense of
vulnerability where you might all of a sudden now be
(05:55):
willing to adjust your life a little bit more for
a partner, and you know, you are really looking for
who that person's going to be for the rest of
your life. So I think that there is probably this
pivot where guys go from being you know, young and
inexperienced to getting more confident and set in their ways,
(06:17):
and there might be a little regression back to a
point where you're like, wait a second, maybe to make
this thing work, I need to be more accepting, I
need to be a little more flexible. And I think
that's what happens later on, you know, for a man,
certainly when they're looking for a partner that's going to
be with them for the rest of their lives. So
Kristin who's thirty seven rights, do guys ever really say
(06:40):
what truly bothers them in a relationship? How can you
get a guy to open up so he doesn't feel
like he's being grilled? All right, So we are talking
chapter two here now. Guys I think are hesitant to
talk about what truly bothers him in the moment because
they don't want to upset the appu card. Guys generally
(07:01):
are I think, are less confrontational in the moment. Not
saying that we're less confrontational all the time, but I
think in a moment, if something is bothering them, I
think they were a little reticent to bring it up
right then and there. And oftentimes guys will let things
fester and then it'll will kind of blow up, and
it won't have anything really to do with the original
(07:22):
thing that was bothering them. It'll manifest in something small
and silly. And so I think it's important for, you know,
both the man and the woman or both the partners
to be constantly trying to make sure that they're looking
for signals that they're asking the right questions that aren't
interpreted as as Kristin was saying, grilling, but rather curious.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
And you know, I think it's just being a little
self aware.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
If you know, if I did something or a partner
did something, and I recognize, wait a second, that isn't
that isn't a healthy reaction, that isn't a loving or
caring reaction. Even if they don't say something, I think
it's my responsibility to recognize that and see that maybe
that is bothering them, and then maybe figure out how
to elicit a response that doesn't seem like you're being interrogated,
(08:11):
that doesn't seem like you're being intrusive, but that you're
just saying I just want to know if this is right,
or if this is bothering you, if we're going in
the right direction. So I mean, it is a Rubik's
cube trying to figure out a guy and his emotions.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
I get that we're.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Difficult, we're complicated, we have thick skin, we have thick skulls.
But I think it's worth taking the time and effort
to be gentle about trying to unwrap what might be
bothering your partner.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
It might be bothering that guy.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
And not letting it get to a point where it's
hitting like this pressure situation, and that pressure explodes over
something totally small and tiny because it hasn't been unwrapped
before then. So again, I'm not saying that it's going
to be easy, but I think it is necessary and
it is crucial for the health of a long term
(09:08):
relationship for both partners, certainly to figure out how to
figure out when something's bothering the other person, when something
is you know, just not right, Because I mean, both
neither the other partner wants to go and push someone.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Over the edge.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
They don't want to. They don't want to intentionally, you know,
push their buttons. Well sometimes they do, but I think
generally you don't want to put somebody in a situation
where they're getting upset, where they're getting bothered, and then
it festers and just lingers until it explodes one day.
And unfortunately, sometimes you might not know what it was
to cause it in the first place, unless.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
You're able to have that honest conversation.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
So Gina, who's fifty five, she writes, I have been
single for five years since my divorce and have been
surrounded with a bunch of other incredible single women. We
have all really full lives, prioritize fitness, and like to
have fun. But somehow none of us are able to
meet quality men or know any quality men to set
(10:08):
each other up with. Why is that everyone knows great
single women, but no one seems to know great single men?
All right, Gina, So there is a little sense of
this question coming out that you have this tight group
of what looks like very confident, energetic and outgoing women,
and that could be a little bit uh intimidating.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
For for some guys.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
And oftentimes there can be in this kind of group
mentality where this there's this constant competition between one another,
and you know, if you're you know, if you're you know,
you see a guy, uh, and you're in a group,
it might be that you guys are picking them apart,
and maybe that great guy doesn't seem that great because
you're kind of using this group think. And I've seen
(10:56):
it before where you have kind of a pack of
girls that are going out, whether at a restaurant or
a bar or whatever, and it's intimidating to go and
try and break into that group or for guys to
feel comfortable going and even I don't know, asking one
of them out. And then if the guy knows that
not only does he have to win the affection of
(11:17):
the girl that he's taking out, but her whole group
of friends that he knows are going to be giving
their opinions and their critique and asking questions, I would
say that maybe, you know, there could be something of
this group mentality that might might be holding you back. Gina.
So I think there are great guys out there. I
(11:37):
think there are great girls out there. But I think
it's all about putting yourself in the right situation, the
right mind frame, that might the right, you know, just
kind of scenario to find that great guy or find
that great girl.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
There are great single men out there.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
I promise you just got to be looking in the
right place and be ready.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
For it when it hits you.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
What's the right place?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
The right place is the grocery store on Sunday after
no are I think that you know the classic great
places for you know, for guys and girls to meet
yoga studios, gyms, grocery stores. I mean, of course there's
gonna be bars and restaurants. I think charity events. I think,
(12:22):
you know, school events, things that where you can find
your priorities and meet up with other people that might
be sharing those same priorities. And you know, there's it's funny.
I you know, in my chapter two I have noticed
that the gym is filled with guys my age that
are in their chapter two that are not only looking
(12:44):
to stay fit and stay active, but are also trying
to exude that same energy and find somebody else that
is looking for the same thing. And so again, whether
it's the yoga studio, or whether it's gymnasium, whether it's
running trails, hiking trails, oftentimes those places are ripe with
single chapter two people that are looking for that next
(13:07):
chapter and looking for someone else to share it with. So,
you know, aside from dating apps that are and get
out of the virtual world, get into the real world
and get a Labrador retriever. Those seem to work really
well too, or you know, Cavalier King Charles. Those all
also seem to work really well as bait. So this
has brought up a really interesting topic that I think
(13:27):
deserves its entire own episode, which is Chapter two, Single People,
Jim Etiquette. That's a long title, but it's a long topic.
There are so many bits and pieces of how to
properly attend to Jim, how much eye contact to make,
(13:50):
headphones are no headphones? I mean, this conversation can go
on for hours, and I think it deserves its own episode.
All right, now we're hearing from Chelsea, who's forty, and
is there such a thing as too much communication? Where's
the line? Oh, my goodness, too much communication? That is
a definite fuzzy line, to say the least, And it
(14:14):
is different for every couple. Now, I would think that
over communication will always win over less or under communicating,
and this is where a lot of couples have gotten
in trouble in their chapter one. The assumption that the
other person can somehow read their mind, that the other
(14:36):
person should know when they're in a good mood or
a bad mood, or they're feeling romantic or not feeling
romantic or whatever.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
It is.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
This idea that the other person can read your mind,
unfortunately grows in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Well you should have known, well, you should have thought
of that. No. Chapter two is about telling it like
it is.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
It's about communicating effectively with your partner so you aren't
surprised and they aren't surprised. And if a day, you know,
if you didn't have a good day at work, your
partner may not know why. And and if you come
home in a grumpy mood and the other person doesn't
know you're coming home in a grumpy mood, that is
a ripe situation for an explosion. So I think that
(15:22):
too much communication is hard to hit. I think over
communicating is a really difficult you know, bar to to clear,
and there is no such thing. I think that if
you're finding yourself over communicating, then you are the rare,
rare circumstance. I think it's important that both partners know
(15:45):
where they stand. I think both partners, especially in this
chapter two, when we are more confident. When we are
more set in our ways, I think, no surprises. Let's
just let's just get communication on the table. Let's let
everybody know where they're where, where they stand, if something's
bothering you, something's making you happy, whatever the case may be,
(16:07):
just communicate more. It'll avoid a chapter three. All right,
So we're going to bring in producer Heather, who over
the weekend I think went down a rabbit hole on
(16:28):
a situation that I think is kind of interesting to
talk about. It was too difficult to put in a question,
so let's just open it up to a producer, Heather,
to talk a little bit about.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
What happened to her out there recently in the wild.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
Well, thanks, mister Ray. Yeah, I have a scenario.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
I wanted to run past you because I just thought
it was a little bit odd. But maybe as a
man you can tell me if it was odd or not.
So I have an incredibly cute puppy and we go
to different parks all the time.
Speaker 4 (16:59):
We're always meeting people.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
People want to come up and meet the dog, touch
the dog, all sorts of stuff. So we go to
a park on Sundays that plays live music.
Speaker 4 (17:10):
So we're hanging out, and probably I.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Would say forty to fifty feet away from me was
a family on a blanket, and at one point the
mom and the toddler came over and met me and
introduced themselves and wanted to play with the dog, and
the husband stayed back at the blanket. Fine, so again,
(17:35):
forty to fifty feet away, they're not like within an earshot.
They're not like right next to me. They're a little
ways away. So then twenty minutes later, after they've left,
the husband comes over on his own to say hi
to the dog. So I'm like, fine, well, my dog
is not interested whatsoever at this point. So the guy
(17:59):
sits down, and my dog is like off somewhere else,
like not even near us.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
And this guy.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Continues to just chitchat with me, wants to know how
my weekend was, what did I get up to, tells
me about what him and his family did, and is
talking about my dog, talking about the kind of dog
he has. Again, my dog is not playing with him.
This guy is now sitting at my blanket. He's not
like kneeling over anything. And so I just wondered what
(18:29):
you thought of that kind of interaction, if that was
appropriate as I'm just like a single woman just sitting
alone with my dog.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Wow, that is an interesting scenario. So just we're talking
a family fifty feet away. Has the family now retreated
back to their original blanket and now it's just you,
no dog and the husband's slash father.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
Yes, so my dog is like attached to me, but
he's like often another direction. He's not interested in this guy.
This guy's not petting my dog interacting with my dog.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
No. Wow. So that's a rough situation.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
And I'm wondering, did you catch just dagger eyes coming
from the wife slash mom. No, she wasn't interested in
the fact that her husbands slash father was not attending
to the family and was more interested in the dog
slash you.
Speaker 4 (19:28):
Yeah, I know she did not care.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
Wow. I just thought it was so strange.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
That's and so there's so many dynamics at work here.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
I think that there is a certain flex that this
guy is trying to prove to himself that he can
go over and you know, talk to a single girl.
I think there might be a situation in which he's
also trying to let his his wife slash mother of
his child see that he is able to go over
and successfully talk to a single girl. I also think
(20:02):
there's another dynamic where the wife slash mother is saying, yeah,
I don't care if you go over and talk to
a single girl, because I'm just that confident. I mean,
there is so much stuff to unpack there. But I
gotta so, how did how did the interaction between you
and this guy ultimately end? That I think is important.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
I think he just at one point, like again, my
dog wasn't paying any attention to him, So I think
just at one point he got up and was like, Okay,
have a nice rest of your day, and like and
then him and his he went back to his blanket,
and him and his wife grabbed like some sort of game,
and then they went off behind me and were like
playing a game together with their toddler standing nearby. I
(20:45):
just thought it was strange. The moment that I thought
it was strange. I didn't think it was weird when
he asked to see my dog pet my dog. Literally
people do it all day every day. It's actually like
when the biggest shock I've had since getting him, it
was when he decided to sit down, lean up against
a tree, put his legs out in front of him
turn to me and say, so, what'd you get up
(21:07):
to this weekend?
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Okay? Can I well you?
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Okay, producer Heather Wey, Are you going to give us
an honest answer here if I ask you?
Speaker 4 (21:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Of course, what was your body language like and what
was your response like? Were you answering in short, curt
sentences or were you were you you know, were you
leading on in terms of like this conversation could could
keep going.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
No, So I'm sitting cross legged on a blanket, facing.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Him, facing him, okay, yeah.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
Because he came and sat in front of me. So
they were forty to fifty feet ahead of me.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
Oh, and they came backwards.
Speaker 4 (21:43):
He picked himself up, came back and sat with me.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
So you changing your direction, you know, your pivoting would
have meant it would have been awkward because then you
would have been staring off into space kind of you
wouldn't have been looking at this concert.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Yeah, the band was in front of me, which means
if they were in front of him, So yeah, me
turning around would have been very strange.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Was there any hair flipping? No, I was.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
I can say this honestly. I was not physically attracted
to this man. Whatsoever.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
No, didn't bring over a pineapple or anything like that.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
No, No, he was just so.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
I don't tend to talk to men just willy nilly
on my own in the in the real world, it
men just approach me now a lot more because of
the dog, and usually it's your dog is so cute,
they pet, they walk away whatever. I had an experience
literally the weekend before as well, same park, same event,
(22:44):
where we were sitting in A man that was probably
old enough to be my father came by, asked to
speak to asked to pet the dog. Dad, and that
man continued to rattle off questions to me. Where did
I grow up, Where did I go to school, What
do I do for a living?
Speaker 4 (23:03):
How long have I had this dog?
Speaker 3 (23:04):
Did like this man I was like, oh, he's going
to ask for my Social Security number next, you know,
that man just kept talking to me. And that guy,
I felt, was like kind of overtly like trying to
figure out like if I was married or if I
was in a relationship or something, and that man I
was giving very short answers to, being like, get the hint,
(23:27):
like they're old enough to be my dad, Like absolutely not.
You have three hairs on the top of your head
like this is I'm not interested. But that guy kept
talking to me. I was literally not giving him any
follow up whatsoever. So same park, same event, just a
week later, and this guy and I was just like
the minute he turned to me and said, so, what'd
(23:50):
you get up to this weekend? I actually I probably
was like a little bit like shocked, but I was
wearing sunglasses, so I was probably like I and by
the way, I didn't get up to anything this weekend.
I have a very boring life. So I was like, oh, well,
I took a class on Saturday. I go, I take
(24:10):
a foreign language class on Saturdays. And he goes, oh,
what language are you learning?
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Okay, let me just tell you.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
You could have come up with some answers that were
you know, that that that really would have turned them
off in a way. You could have, you know, you
could have you know, told them that you had your
dungeons and dragons meeting. You know, you could have given
all sorts.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
Of but maybe then he would have asked, like, what
my character is that I play or something, you know.
I was like, I was like, oh, I take French
twice a week, and I we hung out at another
park that we liked to go to. I was, you know,
reading pretty low key, and then he was like, yeah,
(24:49):
we we went to Disneyland for the first time. And
I was like, oh cool, and he was like yeah.
I'm like I I didn't realize it was forty five
minutes away. And I was like, oh, are you not
from here? And he's like, wow, we've lived here for
six years, but uh, yeah, I didn't know Disneyland was
(25:10):
there only forty five minutes away?
Speaker 4 (25:12):
And I was like, oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
And then he just asked me if I'd ever been
to Disneyland, and I was like, yeah, I grew up
in Orange County. I like, that's like our backyard, Like
we used to hang out there all the time as
a kid.
Speaker 4 (25:24):
And he's like, oh, like that's so. He said.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
That was so fascinating that I said, I like grew
up going to Disneyland.
Speaker 4 (25:31):
Like, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
I just thought this was a really strange conversation, and
I was just thinking, like, if I was married to
this guy, I would think.
Speaker 4 (25:43):
This was a weird interaction.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
I would be thinking to myself, why am I married
to a guy that feels the need to walk away?
From me and go talk to somebody that he doesn't know.
I think it would be It would have been different
if he had come over initially when his wife and
child came over to talk to me, if he had
been like, oh, I want to join in on this
(26:06):
and like meet the doggie. But the fact that he
waited like twenty five minutes to do it on his own,
I thought was strange. And I didn't know if like
that's me being like a weirdo woman just like thinking
and over analyzing, or if like you as a man,
agree with me that that is like a weird way
(26:27):
to interact with somebody that you don't know when you're married.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
One of the things that I think that we've unwrapped
on this episode is that having a puppy in a
park is a great way to meet guys, whether they're
old or married or what have you.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
So I think I think if the dog honestly attracts
old and married, I really do. I don't think he's
ever attracted like in my age range, like single in
a vail. Not that I'm looking, because I'm I'm definitely
not looking, but it's so far it's like it's honestly hilarious,
Like how many I think weirdos have come up to
(27:11):
me since I've gotten the dog. I'm always texting my
sisters being like another old man came up to talk
to me, to like doc to the dog.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
But the dog, I think is like a it's like
a little bit of like a like a question mark,
a little bit of an opportunity.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
It's an easy one, too easy in yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
I mean, you know, there are so many hurdles to
meeting somebody, and you know, just the just the social
mores and norms of of introduction are difficult, and I
think having a dog, I think, you know, is one
of those things that it's like anybody can go up
and use the dog as a ruse to go up
and start a conversation. And what kind of dog is this?
(27:51):
I mean, that's like an easy one.
Speaker 4 (27:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
And and right away you are in that physical like bubble.
You you crossed that three foot you know, they say
that there's a three foot bubble around each of us.
And if you can get within that three foot bubble,
then both people are very very vulnerable, and in a
good ways, you know, well it can be in a
good way. And so I think that you know, dogs
are a great way to go ahead and find a
(28:15):
way to get into that impenetrable bubble.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Yeah, And I will say for singles that are looking
to mingle, they should look into their local areas, especially
as we get into these warmer months, for things like
they do in my area, which is this Sunset Park
concert thing that is free and it happens every single week.
I mean hundreds of people show up to this and
(28:39):
like bring blankets and snacks and their dogs. And again,
I'm not single, and I mean I am single, but
I'm not looking to mingle. I just go for you know,
fresh air and stuff like that in.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Content for it for podcasts too, exactly.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
I'm there just you know, sitting on a blanket waiting
for a weirdo to come and talk to me.
Speaker 4 (29:02):
But thank you mister.
Speaker 3 (29:03):
Wright, for you know, really letting me know that I'm
actually not crazy that that was a weird interaction. And hey,
men that are married, don't do that.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
No, Yeah, I think, yeah, I think that you can
go up and pet a dog.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
That's fine.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
I think that I would do it with the with
the toddler or with the wife or or whatever.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
Or don't sit down like that. Was the other thing.
It was like come over, say hi to the dog,
but it was the sitting.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Down making yourself comfortable.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
Yeah, so what'd you get up to this weekend? I
was literally was like, uh, I.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
Was, and I felt compelled to like say something super interesting.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
I know.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
I was like, I was like, Oh, what did we
do today? I was like, I went to a new
coffee shop. And then he was like wanting to know
what it was, and I was like, Oh, it's blah
blah blah.
Speaker 4 (29:55):
And then he looked confused, and I was like, it's
near where we live.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I don't I don't think he was even listening to
your answers. I think he just wanted to.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Be in your space. So I think you take take
that as a compliment. Take that as a compliment.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
It makes me feel strange, It makes me feel that like,
I don't know, it makes me feel and who knows.
I think he was married. I think I saw a ring.
But I just feel like, I mean, let me ask
you this, mister Wright. I've always been of the mindset
that men and women can be friends. It's not that
(30:29):
I don't think that they can't be friends, but I
think that when you get married, and when you even
cross into a more serious level of relationship, that those
friendship dynamics between men and women change, and I think
that they should change. I've been in situations. I'll just
give an example where I was in a long term
(30:52):
relationship and I had a partner who had a quote
unquote best friend that was a woman. And when that person,
the woman, got out of a relationship, my partner thought
it was appropriate to talk about going on a trip
(31:13):
together with this person to help them get over their breakup,
because that's what that person did for them when they
were in college.
Speaker 4 (31:27):
And I had.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
To have this conversation because I was a little bit
annoyed by this that I felt like this was a
very obvious thing, that this was inappropriate, and they were
painting me as like being jealous, and I was like, no,
I'm not jealous. I think it's inappropriate based on how
(31:53):
long our relationship has been. And then I also felt
the need to point out that this woman was in
a very vulnerable state at this time.
Speaker 4 (32:04):
She had just ended an engagement.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
And I said, I don't know if being in close
quarters with a man is.
Speaker 4 (32:14):
A safe thing to do.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
And I said, and to maintain your friendship. I don't
think you want to put yourself in a situation that
could possibly go too far, because once you go too far,
she makes a pass at you whatever, you can't go
back to being friends after that. So you might want
to avoid that kind of situation altogether. I was met
(32:35):
with it's not like that, she's like that. I'm not
interested in her.
Speaker 4 (32:41):
Da da da da da. So uh, I dropped it.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
I let it go, and after I said my piece,
it never ended up coming to fruition.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
No, we'll never know that the experience experiment never never
played out.
Speaker 4 (32:56):
Well, I'll tell you this.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
I'll there's a very real possibility that that experience played
out after my relationship ended. I would not be surprised
if those two went on a little trip together.
Speaker 4 (33:09):
But what do you think about that?
Speaker 3 (33:10):
What do you think about men and women being friends,
close friends, not acquaintances, moost friends. As you know, marriages
and deeper relationships develop outside of that friendship.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Yeah, so I think that And this came actually up
in our other episode. Previously talked a little bit about
the dynamic of girl friends and guy friends. And you know,
I think as you get older, I think that it
gets easier to have guy and girlfriends. I think you
know when you're younger that you know it can be
(33:50):
difficult just because you know, everything's I don't know, everything's
just so like experimental, and you're going through so many
changes in your lives, and this person that with your friend,
you think, well, maybe they'retually supposed to be my girlfriend,
or maybe they're supposed to be my wife or my
husband or whatever else, because I do get along with
them so well. So at my age now, I actually
have really really good girl friends, and it's never but
(34:13):
it's never been any question mark about anything more than
just you know, friends that are just you know, respect
each other and give good advice and all these sorts
of things.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
Well, sorry, let me ask you this, mister, right, did
you have these girl friends, these good girl friends when
you were in your chapter one?
Speaker 1 (34:30):
Not really not the same way.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
I mean, this is definitely it's definitely changed, okay, because
you know, primarily out of respect for my you know,
my my my previous partner, spouse, and so they're just
just was I think it wasn't appropriate to have, you know,
friends that were getting the same information you know, that
(34:54):
i'd be sharing with my wife with them. So but
now that that, now that I'm that I'm single, you know,
I've developed probably closer relationships with friends that are that
are girls that I've had friends with all along. But
I can promise you it hasn't been anything that has
been you know, that has towed the line of anything
you know, romantic or anything else like that, even at
(35:16):
a convenience or whatever else. It's never been like that,
because I do know you said it just a minute ago.
That is, you know, once you cross that line, coming
back is an impossibility exactly. But you know, I think
as you get older, I think it's I mean personally,
I think it's easier to have good, close, even best
(35:36):
friends that are of the opposite sex.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Well, let's talk about that when you get into your
next relationship.
Speaker 4 (35:42):
Because this is where where I.
Speaker 3 (35:44):
And again I identify as a feminist. I absolutely love women.
Women make up my circle of friends.
Speaker 4 (35:53):
I do not have.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
Straight male friends. I have straight male acquaintances, guys that
I've worked with, Guys that I enjoy seeing, you know,
every once in a while. But I do not have
a best friend, male buddy that I call or hang
out with or anything like that. Not saying that that's wrong.
It's just that's how my life has kind of always been.
I have sisters, I don't have brothers. I just always
(36:18):
grew up around a lot of women. So I love women,
and I do believe that men and women can be friends.
My issue is when being in a relationship with a man,
I do not want somebody that is going to talk
about our issues or things between us to get a
(36:39):
woman's opinion or a woman's take on instead of coming
to me. It's one thing when guys talk about their
issues with other guys, and guys will give you a
like guys give each other whatever kind of advice guys give,
but it's a different It feels it feels disrespectful in
a way, and maybe it's coming from a genuine place, like, oh,
(37:03):
I don't know how to talk to her, blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah, So I'm going to go
talk to my female best friend who might give me
some perspective to me. I think that that's inappropriate. I
think you should be having those kinds of conversations with
your woman. And it makes I just have experienced this
(37:24):
more than once of guys that as I look back
on patterns in my relationships and why I'm at where
I'm at now. The similarity I see with guys that
I've been in relationships with is they tend to be
less alpha men, and they tend to have female friends.
(37:45):
And one boyfriend I had, anytime we got into a disagreement,
would run to said female friend to talk about it,
bitch about it. And then that girl has this mentality
anytime we were around each other and things were fine,
(38:07):
that she knew, she knew everything, She knew everything that
went on in our relationship, which is I think a
violation and I don't think.
Speaker 4 (38:18):
Is great.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
And so now again I very much love women and
identify as a feminist, but I don't It's very strange
for me now when I if I were to get
back out there in date, if I were to meet
another guy that was like, yeah, my best friend is
so and so, it would.
Speaker 4 (38:40):
It would make me uncomfortable.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
And I will say in my last relationship, when I
met said best friend for the first time, I wasn't
greeted with a warm response.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
And this is this is the guy's girlfriend, a friend
that's a girl friend and you're meeting her and you're saying,
she was just very.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
Like I remember she I felt very excluded from the conversation,
and I remember her turning to me at one point
and going, so sorry, we're gabbing.
Speaker 4 (39:07):
We've just known each other for so long.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
So okay, in a guy's defense, just so. And I've
been on the wrong side of this unfortunately. But you know,
oftentimes and when we're looking for a woman's perspective that's
not our partner or whatever, it's a we're really trying
to be sensitive, like we're trying to be like, wait,
what am I missing?
Speaker 3 (39:29):
I fully understand that the intention is pure, like it's
a good thing.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
I get that, Yeah, but I have also been bitten
with that and it has been like, why do you
need to go talk to that person? He could have
talked talked to me about it exactly, And I'm saying, well,
why didn't want to upset you? Or this was something
that we were going through, and so I was trying
to fix it before it was a problem.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Unfortunately it was already a problem.
Speaker 4 (39:52):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3 (39:53):
It's like I would not have a problem if men
went to other men for that kind of advice. I
think that women operate differently amongst each other when it
comes to knowing information and how they act. So again,
(40:15):
like I said, this girl the interaction, and by this point,
I mean we'd already been together for six seven years
or something at this point when I met this person
for the first time, and I just remember walking away
from that interaction being like, they didn't ask me anything
about myself, they weren't interested in getting to know me.
Speaker 4 (40:35):
And then sure enough, a month.
Speaker 3 (40:38):
Later, we found out that she was now single, her
engagement had been called off, and she was wanting to.
Speaker 4 (40:48):
Go on a trip. And I thought that was strange too.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
I remember having this conversation with a friend of mine
because I was I was peeved, right irritated by this,
and I remember being like, am I being insane? And
my friend being like, did she ask you to come
on the trip? And I said, no, not that I'm
aware of, and she goes. Then that's a direct disassociation
(41:16):
of your relationship. You would never ask a man, right,
A woman would never ask a man who's married to
go on a trip with her, Right, No, we would
never do that, right, So why would she ask somebody
that's been in a relationship for six seven years at
this point to go on a trip with her, and
I remember.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Being like, great, that's crazy, right.
Speaker 4 (41:38):
It's crazy. I thought it was actually crazy.
Speaker 3 (41:41):
And I remember being like, so are you going to
stay in separate rooms?
Speaker 4 (41:46):
Like what's happening?
Speaker 3 (41:48):
And I remember my boyfriend being like, I just let
her plan all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
Well, this is this is actually another, I think another episode.
An interesting talk topic is exes and how they relate
to one another in terms of like what is the
chapter two look like separately? You know, when you have children, Like,
what's the dynamic between an ex husband and an ex wife?
What's appropriate? What's you know? What is too much? What's
(42:17):
too little? Do you go on vacations if you have
young kids together? Do you you know, do you go
to dinners together? Do you go to celebrations together? What's
the what's the line at which you draw that? You know,
if there's a boyfriend or a girlfriend in the chapter two,
how do they see the relationship with the you know,
with their partner's previous spouse, Like there is and I
(42:41):
see it a lot right now, because you know, there's
a lot of ambical breakups.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
Not every breakup ends up in you.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
Know, throwing plates across the kitchen and screaming, yelling a
lot of them.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
You know, people are growing apart or whatever else.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
And so you're still raising kids together, you still have
a history together, whether that's five years, ten, what the
time is, but especially with kids, and so what are
the rules of engagement in terms of what's appropriate in
terms of spending time together as that family unit was
when you were married versus now as divorced parents of
(43:16):
those of those kids.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
And I think it's a there's a lot to impact there, definitely.
Speaker 3 (43:21):
Yeah, So listeners, send in your questions or leave us
a voicemail. All the info is in the show notes.
Thanks mister right for basically confirming I'm not crazy.
Speaker 4 (43:31):
Really appreciate your advice.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
All right, guys, we've run out of time.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
There were so many questions coming in on our email
and our voicemails that we need to dedicate an entire
another episode to this, So follow along for part two
of this episode on I Do.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
Part two
Hey, I do to part two.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
It's your resident real life single guy in chapter two,
mister Wright, and I'm back to answer more of your
questions and give you the honest opinion that will hopefully
give you some insight on how men think. So since
our last episode, we've got tons of comments, back emails, voicemails.
It started a lot of conversations. So let's get started
(00:39):
here and go through some of the comments and emails
that we've gotten since our last episode. So our first
listener question came in from Lisa, who's forty eight, and
this is what she wrote, do guys, quote unquote do
research before a first date. Women will know a mom's name,
what kind of dog your cousin has, etc.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
What is it like for guys?
Speaker 2 (01:02):
All right, Lisa, So guys tend to do a little
bit of research, but really it's basically very simple. We
want to know if you're single, we want to know
what your friends think about you.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
It's pretty I think it's pretty.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Surface, and I think guys really are looking for whatever
that connection is between the guy and the girl where
this is interesting, where maybe some women are looking for
some more deep down research and background information. I think
guys are trying to trying to figure out it on
their own. And so I think while it's important to
(01:37):
know whether or not you know you're dating somebody that's
kind of that will fit you outside of just the chemistry,
I think it's a little bit more of a mystery
for guys than it is for girls. So now we're
into our next question comes from Amy, who's fifty one,
and what she writes is this, what are men looking
for in a relationship where they're in their thirties than
(01:59):
in their forties, in their fifties, and what will they
want in their sixties and seventies And does it differ
as you get older or some things just stay the same.
All right, this is a big old question to unpack.
So let's start in our thirties. So what men are
looking for in their thirties is kind of a life partner.
They're looking for someone that they're going to start a
(02:19):
family with, that they're going to build a life with,
by their first home, with all of these things that
are that happen kind of in your early stages of
a relationship. And then when you get into your forties,
some guys are into their next chapter. So at this point,
now they're looking at kind of what does their stable
life look like, And if they're in their chapter two now,
(02:43):
they're looking for a reset. And they've probably learned some
lessons from their thirties that they don't want to.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Repeat when they're in their forties.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
So I think a guy in their forties is certainly
a little bit wiser, a little bit more confident, kind
of knows what they're looking for, and has learned from
some estates they might have made in their thirties. Now
when you get into your fifties, now these are guys
that are going through really into the next chapter, not
(03:10):
just the next chapter of their relationship, but the real
next chapter of their lives. If they've had children, those
kids are probably graduating from high school in their fifties,
they may be going off to college, they may be
even graduating from college in their fifties. And what they're
looking for is really somebody that's going to take them
probably into the rest of their lives in terms of
(03:32):
dating and relationship. And you know, these fifty year old guys,
if they've been either newly single or single for a while,
they're probably a little bit more set in their way.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
So just be aware.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
That that old adage about teaching a new dog old
tricks or old.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Dog new tricks.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Well, you've got a fifty year old man that may
be pretty set in their waves, which kind of can
be a good thing, because you know what you're going
to get. A guy in their thirties or their forties
might still be growing and maturing. But a guy in
their fifties, they've probably had a career, they've raised children,
they've probably been through at least one or two or
(04:13):
even three serious relationships. So you're gonna get a guy
who knows what they want, that has a sense of confidence,
but know that it might be difficult to change them
in their ways.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
Wait, sorry, mister Ray, I have to jump in here.
Please so tell me then, if men are set in
their ways in their fifties, why do they often gravitate
towards younger women.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Well, a lot of times they're to gravitating towards younger
women because they might feel that those younger women may
be willing to put up with a guy that's sitting
in their ways that might know that you know that
they're not going to be as malleable as a guy
in their thirties and in their forties, and and you know,
(04:59):
in a lot of times, women in their fifties are
just as set in their ways and just as confident,
and you know, and just as experienced as guys in
their fifties. So it might be, and you know, I'm
going to get beat up for saying this by my
other guy friends, but guys might be looking for somebody
younger that may not be quite as set in their
(05:19):
ways and might be more willing to adjust to a
lifestyle or to something that the older guy is looking for.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
That makes sense, mister right, Thanks for that intel, But
now I do want to know what they're looking for
in their sixties and seventies.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Now, sixties and seventies, now we're getting into you know,
kind of the you know, kind of the golden years.
And at that point, you know, you are looking for
that perfect companion. And I think that while you might
be you know, set in your ways to a certain degree,
I think at this point now there's a sense of
vulnerability where you might all of a sudden now be
(05:55):
willing to adjust your life a little bit more for
a partner, and you know, you are really looking for
who that person's going to be for the rest of
your life. So I think that there is probably this
pivot where guys go from being you know, young and
inexperienced to getting more confident and set in their ways,
(06:17):
and there might be a little regression back to a
point where you're like, wait a second, maybe to make
this thing work, I need to be more accepting, I
need to be a little more flexible. And I think
that's what happens later on, you know, for a man,
certainly when they're looking for a partner that's going to
be with them for the rest of their lives. So
Kristin who's thirty seven rights, do guys ever really say
(06:40):
what truly bothers them in a relationship? How can you
get a guy to open up so he doesn't feel
like he's being grilled? All right, So we are talking
chapter two here now. Guys I think are hesitant to
talk about what truly bothers him in the moment because
they don't want to upset the appu card. Guys generally
(07:01):
are I think, are less confrontational in the moment. Not
saying that we're less confrontational all the time, but I
think in a moment, if something is bothering them, I
think they were a little reticent to bring it up
right then and there. And oftentimes guys will let things
fester and then it'll will kind of blow up, and
it won't have anything really to do with the original
(07:22):
thing that was bothering them. It'll manifest in something small
and silly. And so I think it's important for, you know,
both the man and the woman or both the partners
to be constantly trying to make sure that they're looking
for signals that they're asking the right questions that aren't
interpreted as as Kristin was saying, grilling, but rather curious.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
And you know, I think it's just being a little
self aware.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
If you know, if I did something or a partner
did something, and I recognize, wait a second, that isn't
that isn't a healthy reaction, that isn't a loving or
caring reaction. Even if they don't say something, I think
it's my responsibility to recognize that and see that maybe
that is bothering them, and then maybe figure out how
to elicit a response that doesn't seem like you're being interrogated,
(08:11):
that doesn't seem like you're being intrusive, but that you're
just saying I just want to know if this is right,
or if this is bothering you, if we're going in
the right direction. So I mean, it is a Rubik's
cube trying to figure out a guy and his emotions.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
I get that we're.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Difficult, we're complicated, we have thick skin, we have thick skulls.
But I think it's worth taking the time and effort
to be gentle about trying to unwrap what might be
bothering your partner.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
It might be bothering that guy.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
And not letting it get to a point where it's
hitting like this pressure situation, and that pressure explodes over
something totally small and tiny because it hasn't been unwrapped
before then. So again, I'm not saying that it's going
to be easy, but I think it is necessary and
it is crucial for the health of a long term
(09:08):
relationship for both partners, certainly to figure out how to
figure out when something's bothering the other person, when something
is you know, just not right, Because I mean, both
neither the other partner wants to go and push someone.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Over the edge.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
They don't want to. They don't want to intentionally, you know,
push their buttons. Well sometimes they do, but I think
generally you don't want to put somebody in a situation
where they're getting upset, where they're getting bothered, and then
it festers and just lingers until it explodes one day.
And unfortunately, sometimes you might not know what it was
to cause it in the first place, unless.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
You're able to have that honest conversation.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
So Gina, who's fifty five, she writes, I have been
single for five years since my divorce and have been
surrounded with a bunch of other incredible single women. We
have all really full lives, prioritize fitness, and like to
have fun. But somehow none of us are able to
meet quality men or know any quality men to set
(10:08):
each other up with. Why is that everyone knows great
single women, but no one seems to know great single men?
All right, Gina, So there is a little sense of
this question coming out that you have this tight group
of what looks like very confident, energetic and outgoing women,
and that could be a little bit uh intimidating.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
For for some guys.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
And oftentimes there can be in this kind of group
mentality where this there's this constant competition between one another,
and you know, if you're you know, if you're you know,
you see a guy, uh, and you're in a group,
it might be that you guys are picking them apart,
and maybe that great guy doesn't seem that great because
you're kind of using this group think. And I've seen
(10:56):
it before where you have kind of a pack of
girls that are going out, whether at a restaurant or
a bar or whatever, and it's intimidating to go and
try and break into that group or for guys to
feel comfortable going and even I don't know, asking one
of them out. And then if the guy knows that
not only does he have to win the affection of
(11:17):
the girl that he's taking out, but her whole group
of friends that he knows are going to be giving
their opinions and their critique and asking questions, I would
say that maybe, you know, there could be something of
this group mentality that might might be holding you back. Gina.
So I think there are great guys out there. I
(11:37):
think there are great girls out there. But I think
it's all about putting yourself in the right situation, the
right mind frame, that might the right, you know, just
kind of scenario to find that great guy or find
that great girl.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
There are great single men out there.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
I promise you just got to be looking in the
right place and be ready.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
For it when it hits you.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
What's the right place?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
The right place is the grocery store on Sunday after
no are I think that you know the classic great
places for you know, for guys and girls to meet
yoga studios, gyms, grocery stores. I mean, of course there's
gonna be bars and restaurants. I think charity events. I think,
(12:22):
you know, school events, things that where you can find
your priorities and meet up with other people that might
be sharing those same priorities. And you know, there's it's funny.
I you know, in my chapter two I have noticed
that the gym is filled with guys my age that
are in their chapter two that are not only looking
(12:44):
to stay fit and stay active, but are also trying
to exude that same energy and find somebody else that
is looking for the same thing. And so again, whether
it's the yoga studio, or whether it's gymnasium, whether it's
running trails, hiking trails, oftentimes those places are ripe with
single chapter two people that are looking for that next
(13:07):
chapter and looking for someone else to share it with. So,
you know, aside from dating apps that are and get
out of the virtual world, get into the real world
and get a Labrador retriever. Those seem to work really
well too, or you know, Cavalier King Charles. Those all
also seem to work really well as bait. So this
has brought up a really interesting topic that I think
(13:27):
deserves its entire own episode, which is Chapter two, Single People,
Jim Etiquette. That's a long title, but it's a long topic.
There are so many bits and pieces of how to
properly attend to Jim, how much eye contact to make,
(13:50):
headphones are no headphones? I mean, this conversation can go
on for hours, and I think it deserves its own episode.
All right, now we're hearing from Chelsea, who's forty, and
is there such a thing as too much communication? Where's
the line? Oh, my goodness, too much communication? That is
a definite fuzzy line, to say the least, And it
(14:14):
is different for every couple. Now, I would think that
over communication will always win over less or under communicating,
and this is where a lot of couples have gotten
in trouble in their chapter one. The assumption that the
other person can somehow read their mind, that the other
(14:36):
person should know when they're in a good mood or
a bad mood, or they're feeling romantic or not feeling
romantic or whatever.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
It is.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
This idea that the other person can read your mind,
unfortunately grows in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Well you should have known, well, you should have thought
of that. No. Chapter two is about telling it like
it is.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
It's about communicating effectively with your partner so you aren't
surprised and they aren't surprised. And if a day, you know,
if you didn't have a good day at work, your
partner may not know why. And and if you come
home in a grumpy mood and the other person doesn't
know you're coming home in a grumpy mood, that is
a ripe situation for an explosion. So I think that
(15:22):
too much communication is hard to hit. I think over
communicating is a really difficult you know, bar to to clear,
and there is no such thing. I think that if
you're finding yourself over communicating, then you are the rare,
rare circumstance. I think it's important that both partners know
(15:45):
where they stand. I think both partners, especially in this
chapter two, when we are more confident. When we are
more set in our ways, I think, no surprises. Let's
just let's just get communication on the table. Let's let
everybody know where they're where, where they stand, if something's
bothering you, something's making you happy, whatever the case may be,
(16:07):
just communicate more. It'll avoid a chapter three. All right,
So we're going to bring in producer Heather, who over
the weekend I think went down a rabbit hole on
(16:28):
a situation that I think is kind of interesting to
talk about. It was too difficult to put in a question,
so let's just open it up to a producer, Heather,
to talk a little bit about.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
What happened to her out there recently in the wild.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
Well, thanks, mister Ray. Yeah, I have a scenario.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
I wanted to run past you because I just thought
it was a little bit odd. But maybe as a
man you can tell me if it was odd or not.
So I have an incredibly cute puppy and we go
to different parks all the time.
Speaker 4 (16:59):
We're always meeting people.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
People want to come up and meet the dog, touch
the dog, all sorts of stuff. So we go to
a park on Sundays that plays live music.
Speaker 4 (17:10):
So we're hanging out, and probably I.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Would say forty to fifty feet away from me was
a family on a blanket, and at one point the
mom and the toddler came over and met me and
introduced themselves and wanted to play with the dog, and
the husband stayed back at the blanket. Fine, so again,
(17:35):
forty to fifty feet away, they're not like within an earshot.
They're not like right next to me. They're a little
ways away. So then twenty minutes later, after they've left,
the husband comes over on his own to say hi
to the dog. So I'm like, fine, well, my dog
is not interested whatsoever at this point. So the guy
(17:59):
sits down, and my dog is like off somewhere else,
like not even near us.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
And this guy.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Continues to just chitchat with me, wants to know how
my weekend was, what did I get up to, tells
me about what him and his family did, and is
talking about my dog, talking about the kind of dog
he has. Again, my dog is not playing with him.
This guy is now sitting at my blanket. He's not
like kneeling over anything. And so I just wondered what
(18:29):
you thought of that kind of interaction, if that was
appropriate as I'm just like a single woman just sitting
alone with my dog.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Wow, that is an interesting scenario. So just we're talking
a family fifty feet away. Has the family now retreated
back to their original blanket and now it's just you,
no dog and the husband's slash father.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
Yes, so my dog is like attached to me, but
he's like often another direction. He's not interested in this guy.
This guy's not petting my dog interacting with my dog.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
No. Wow. So that's a rough situation.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
And I'm wondering, did you catch just dagger eyes coming
from the wife slash mom. No, she wasn't interested in
the fact that her husbands slash father was not attending
to the family and was more interested in the dog
slash you.
Speaker 4 (19:28):
Yeah, I know she did not care.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
Wow. I just thought it was so strange.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
That's and so there's so many dynamics at work here.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
I think that there is a certain flex that this
guy is trying to prove to himself that he can
go over and you know, talk to a single girl.
I think there might be a situation in which he's
also trying to let his his wife slash mother of
his child see that he is able to go over
and successfully talk to a single girl. I also think
(20:02):
there's another dynamic where the wife slash mother is saying, yeah,
I don't care if you go over and talk to
a single girl, because I'm just that confident. I mean,
there is so much stuff to unpack there. But I
gotta so, how did how did the interaction between you
and this guy ultimately end? That I think is important.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
I think he just at one point, like again, my
dog wasn't paying any attention to him, So I think
just at one point he got up and was like, Okay,
have a nice rest of your day, and like and
then him and his he went back to his blanket,
and him and his wife grabbed like some sort of game,
and then they went off behind me and were like
playing a game together with their toddler standing nearby. I
(20:45):
just thought it was strange. The moment that I thought
it was strange. I didn't think it was weird when
he asked to see my dog pet my dog. Literally
people do it all day every day. It's actually like
when the biggest shock I've had since getting him, it
was when he decided to sit down, lean up against
a tree, put his legs out in front of him
turn to me and say, so, what'd you get up
(21:07):
to this weekend?
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Okay? Can I well you?
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Okay, producer Heather Wey, Are you going to give us
an honest answer here if I ask you?
Speaker 4 (21:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (21:14):
Of course, what was your body language like and what
was your response like? Were you answering in short, curt
sentences or were you were you you know, were you
leading on in terms of like this conversation could could
keep going.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
No, So I'm sitting cross legged on a blanket, facing.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Him, facing him, okay, yeah.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
Because he came and sat in front of me. So
they were forty to fifty feet ahead of me.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
Oh, and they came backwards.
Speaker 4 (21:43):
He picked himself up, came back and sat with me.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
So you changing your direction, you know, your pivoting would
have meant it would have been awkward because then you
would have been staring off into space kind of you
wouldn't have been looking at this concert.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Yeah, the band was in front of me, which means
if they were in front of him, So yeah, me
turning around would have been very strange.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Was there any hair flipping? No, I was.
Speaker 3 (22:08):
I can say this honestly. I was not physically attracted
to this man. Whatsoever.
Speaker 1 (22:14):
No, didn't bring over a pineapple or anything like that.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
No, No, he was just so.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
I don't tend to talk to men just willy nilly
on my own in the in the real world, it
men just approach me now a lot more because of
the dog, and usually it's your dog is so cute,
they pet, they walk away whatever. I had an experience
literally the weekend before as well, same park, same event,
(22:44):
where we were sitting in A man that was probably
old enough to be my father came by, asked to
speak to asked to pet the dog. Dad, and that
man continued to rattle off questions to me. Where did
I grow up, Where did I go to school, What
do I do for a living?
Speaker 4 (23:03):
How long have I had this dog?
Speaker 3 (23:04):
Did like this man I was like, oh, he's going
to ask for my Social Security number next, you know,
that man just kept talking to me. And that guy,
I felt, was like kind of overtly like trying to
figure out like if I was married or if I
was in a relationship or something, and that man I
was giving very short answers to, being like, get the hint,
(23:27):
like they're old enough to be my dad, Like absolutely not.
You have three hairs on the top of your head
like this is I'm not interested. But that guy kept
talking to me. I was literally not giving him any
follow up whatsoever. So same park, same event, just a
week later, and this guy and I was just like
the minute he turned to me and said, so, what'd
(23:50):
you get up to this weekend? I actually I probably
was like a little bit like shocked, but I was
wearing sunglasses, so I was probably like I and by
the way, I didn't get up to anything this weekend.
I have a very boring life. So I was like, oh, well,
I took a class on Saturday. I go, I take
(24:10):
a foreign language class on Saturdays. And he goes, oh,
what language are you learning?
Speaker 1 (24:15):
Okay, let me just tell you.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
You could have come up with some answers that were
you know, that that that really would have turned them
off in a way. You could have, you know, you
could have you know, told them that you had your
dungeons and dragons meeting. You know, you could have given
all sorts.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
Of but maybe then he would have asked, like, what
my character is that I play or something, you know.
I was like, I was like, oh, I take French
twice a week, and I we hung out at another
park that we liked to go to. I was, you know,
reading pretty low key, and then he was like, yeah,
(24:49):
we we went to Disneyland for the first time. And
I was like, oh cool, and he was like yeah.
I'm like I I didn't realize it was forty five
minutes away. And I was like, oh, are you not
from here? And he's like, wow, we've lived here for
six years, but uh, yeah, I didn't know Disneyland was
(25:10):
there only forty five minutes away?
Speaker 4 (25:12):
And I was like, oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
And then he just asked me if I'd ever been
to Disneyland, and I was like, yeah, I grew up
in Orange County. I like, that's like our backyard, Like
we used to hang out there all the time as
a kid.
Speaker 4 (25:24):
And he's like, oh, like that's so. He said.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
That was so fascinating that I said, I like grew
up going to Disneyland.
Speaker 4 (25:31):
Like, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
I just thought this was a really strange conversation, and
I was just thinking, like, if I was married to
this guy, I would think.
Speaker 4 (25:43):
This was a weird interaction.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
I would be thinking to myself, why am I married
to a guy that feels the need to walk away?
From me and go talk to somebody that he doesn't know.
I think it would be It would have been different
if he had come over initially when his wife and
child came over to talk to me, if he had
been like, oh, I want to join in on this
(26:06):
and like meet the doggie. But the fact that he
waited like twenty five minutes to do it on his own,
I thought was strange. And I didn't know if like
that's me being like a weirdo woman just like thinking
and over analyzing, or if like you as a man,
agree with me that that is like a weird way
(26:27):
to interact with somebody that you don't know when you're married.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
One of the things that I think that we've unwrapped
on this episode is that having a puppy in a
park is a great way to meet guys, whether they're
old or married or what have you.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
So I think I think if the dog honestly attracts
old and married, I really do. I don't think he's
ever attracted like in my age range, like single in
a vail. Not that I'm looking, because I'm I'm definitely
not looking, but it's so far it's like it's honestly hilarious,
Like how many I think weirdos have come up to
(27:11):
me since I've gotten the dog. I'm always texting my
sisters being like another old man came up to talk
to me, to like doc to the dog.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
But the dog, I think is like a it's like
a little bit of like a like a question mark,
a little bit of an opportunity.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
It's an easy one, too easy in yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
I mean, you know, there are so many hurdles to
meeting somebody, and you know, just the just the social
mores and norms of of introduction are difficult, and I
think having a dog, I think, you know, is one
of those things that it's like anybody can go up
and use the dog as a ruse to go up
and start a conversation. And what kind of dog is this?
(27:51):
I mean, that's like an easy one.
Speaker 4 (27:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
And and right away you are in that physical like bubble.
You you crossed that three foot you know, they say
that there's a three foot bubble around each of us.
And if you can get within that three foot bubble,
then both people are very very vulnerable, and in a
good ways, you know, well it can be in a
good way. And so I think that you know, dogs
are a great way to go ahead and find a
(28:15):
way to get into that impenetrable bubble.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
Yeah, And I will say for singles that are looking
to mingle, they should look into their local areas, especially
as we get into these warmer months, for things like
they do in my area, which is this Sunset Park
concert thing that is free and it happens every single week.
I mean hundreds of people show up to this and
(28:39):
like bring blankets and snacks and their dogs. And again,
I'm not single, and I mean I am single, but
I'm not looking to mingle. I just go for you know,
fresh air and stuff like that in.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Content for it for podcasts too, exactly.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
I'm there just you know, sitting on a blanket waiting
for a weirdo to come and talk to me.
Speaker 4 (29:02):
But thank you mister.
Speaker 3 (29:03):
Wright, for you know, really letting me know that I'm
actually not crazy that that was a weird interaction. And hey,
men that are married, don't do that.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
No, Yeah, I think, yeah, I think that you can
go up and pet a dog.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
That's fine.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
I think that I would do it with the with
the toddler or with the wife or or whatever.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
Or don't sit down like that. Was the other thing.
It was like come over, say hi to the dog,
but it was the sitting.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Down making yourself comfortable.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
Yeah, so what'd you get up to this weekend? I
was literally was like, uh, I.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
Was, and I felt compelled to like say something super interesting.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
I know.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
I was like, I was like, Oh, what did we
do today? I was like, I went to a new
coffee shop. And then he was like wanting to know
what it was, and I was like, Oh, it's blah
blah blah.
Speaker 4 (29:55):
And then he looked confused, and I was like, it's
near where we live.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I don't I don't think he was even listening to
your answers. I think he just wanted to.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
Be in your space. So I think you take take
that as a compliment. Take that as a compliment.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
It makes me feel strange, It makes me feel that like,
I don't know, it makes me feel and who knows.
I think he was married. I think I saw a ring.
But I just feel like, I mean, let me ask
you this, mister Wright. I've always been of the mindset
that men and women can be friends. It's not that
(30:29):
I don't think that they can't be friends, but I
think that when you get married, and when you even
cross into a more serious level of relationship, that those
friendship dynamics between men and women change, and I think
that they should change. I've been in situations. I'll just
give an example where I was in a long term
(30:52):
relationship and I had a partner who had a quote
unquote best friend that was a woman. And when that person,
the woman, got out of a relationship, my partner thought
it was appropriate to talk about going on a trip
(31:13):
together with this person to help them get over their breakup,
because that's what that person did for them when they
were in college.
Speaker 4 (31:27):
And I had.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
To have this conversation because I was a little bit
annoyed by this that I felt like this was a
very obvious thing, that this was inappropriate, and they were
painting me as like being jealous, and I was like, no,
I'm not jealous. I think it's inappropriate based on how
(31:53):
long our relationship has been. And then I also felt
the need to point out that this woman was in
a very vulnerable state at this time.
Speaker 4 (32:04):
She had just ended an engagement.
Speaker 3 (32:06):
And I said, I don't know if being in close
quarters with a man is.
Speaker 4 (32:14):
A safe thing to do.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
And I said, and to maintain your friendship. I don't
think you want to put yourself in a situation that
could possibly go too far, because once you go too far,
she makes a pass at you whatever, you can't go
back to being friends after that. So you might want
to avoid that kind of situation altogether. I was met
(32:35):
with it's not like that, she's like that. I'm not
interested in her.
Speaker 4 (32:41):
Da da da da da. So uh, I dropped it.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
I let it go, and after I said my piece,
it never ended up coming to fruition.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
No, we'll never know that the experience experiment never never
played out.
Speaker 4 (32:56):
Well, I'll tell you this.
Speaker 3 (32:57):
I'll there's a very real possibility that that experience played
out after my relationship ended. I would not be surprised
if those two went on a little trip together.
Speaker 4 (33:09):
But what do you think about that?
Speaker 3 (33:10):
What do you think about men and women being friends,
close friends, not acquaintances, moost friends. As you know, marriages
and deeper relationships develop outside of that friendship.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Yeah, so I think that And this came actually up
in our other episode. Previously talked a little bit about
the dynamic of girl friends and guy friends. And you know,
I think as you get older, I think that it
gets easier to have guy and girlfriends. I think you
know when you're younger that you know it can be
(33:50):
difficult just because you know, everything's I don't know, everything's
just so like experimental, and you're going through so many
changes in your lives, and this person that with your friend,
you think, well, maybe they'retually supposed to be my girlfriend,
or maybe they're supposed to be my wife or my
husband or whatever else, because I do get along with
them so well. So at my age now, I actually
have really really good girl friends, and it's never but
(34:13):
it's never been any question mark about anything more than
just you know, friends that are just you know, respect
each other and give good advice and all these sorts
of things.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
Well, sorry, let me ask you this, mister, right, did
you have these girl friends, these good girl friends when
you were in your chapter one?
Speaker 1 (34:30):
Not really not the same way.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
I mean, this is definitely it's definitely changed, okay, because
you know, primarily out of respect for my you know,
my my my previous partner, spouse, and so they're just
just was I think it wasn't appropriate to have, you know,
friends that were getting the same information you know, that
(34:54):
i'd be sharing with my wife with them. So but
now that that, now that I'm that I'm single, you know,
I've developed probably closer relationships with friends that are that
are girls that I've had friends with all along. But
I can promise you it hasn't been anything that has
been you know, that has towed the line of anything
you know, romantic or anything else like that, even at
(35:16):
a convenience or whatever else. It's never been like that,
because I do know you said it just a minute ago.
That is, you know, once you cross that line, coming
back is an impossibility exactly. But you know, I think
as you get older, I think it's I mean personally,
I think it's easier to have good, close, even best
(35:36):
friends that are of the opposite sex.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Well, let's talk about that when you get into your
next relationship.
Speaker 4 (35:42):
Because this is where where I.
Speaker 3 (35:44):
And again I identify as a feminist. I absolutely love women.
Women make up my circle of friends.
Speaker 4 (35:53):
I do not have.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
Straight male friends. I have straight male acquaintances, guys that
I've worked with, Guys that I enjoy seeing, you know,
every once in a while. But I do not have
a best friend, male buddy that I call or hang
out with or anything like that. Not saying that that's wrong.
It's just that's how my life has kind of always been.
I have sisters, I don't have brothers. I just always
(36:18):
grew up around a lot of women. So I love women,
and I do believe that men and women can be friends.
My issue is when being in a relationship with a man,
I do not want somebody that is going to talk
about our issues or things between us to get a
(36:39):
woman's opinion or a woman's take on instead of coming
to me. It's one thing when guys talk about their
issues with other guys, and guys will give you a
like guys give each other whatever kind of advice guys give,
but it's a different It feels it feels disrespectful in
a way, and maybe it's coming from a genuine place, like, oh,
(37:03):
I don't know how to talk to her, blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah, So I'm going to go
talk to my female best friend who might give me
some perspective to me. I think that that's inappropriate. I
think you should be having those kinds of conversations with
your woman. And it makes I just have experienced this
(37:24):
more than once of guys that as I look back
on patterns in my relationships and why I'm at where
I'm at now. The similarity I see with guys that
I've been in relationships with is they tend to be
less alpha men, and they tend to have female friends.
(37:45):
And one boyfriend I had, anytime we got into a disagreement,
would run to said female friend to talk about it,
bitch about it. And then that girl has this mentality
anytime we were around each other and things were fine,
(38:07):
that she knew, she knew everything, She knew everything that
went on in our relationship, which is I think a
violation and I don't think.
Speaker 4 (38:18):
Is great.
Speaker 3 (38:18):
And so now again I very much love women and
identify as a feminist, but I don't It's very strange
for me now when I if I were to get
back out there in date, if I were to meet
another guy that was like, yeah, my best friend is
so and so, it would.
Speaker 4 (38:40):
It would make me uncomfortable.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
And I will say in my last relationship, when I
met said best friend for the first time, I wasn't
greeted with a warm response.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
And this is this is the guy's girlfriend, a friend
that's a girl friend and you're meeting her and you're saying,
she was just very.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
Like I remember she I felt very excluded from the conversation,
and I remember her turning to me at one point
and going, so sorry, we're gabbing.
Speaker 4 (39:07):
We've just known each other for so long.
Speaker 2 (39:10):
So okay, in a guy's defense, just so. And I've
been on the wrong side of this unfortunately. But you know,
oftentimes and when we're looking for a woman's perspective that's
not our partner or whatever, it's a we're really trying
to be sensitive, like we're trying to be like, wait,
what am I missing?
Speaker 3 (39:29):
I fully understand that the intention is pure, like it's
a good thing.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
I get that, Yeah, but I have also been bitten
with that and it has been like, why do you
need to go talk to that person? He could have
talked talked to me about it exactly, And I'm saying, well,
why didn't want to upset you? Or this was something
that we were going through, and so I was trying
to fix it before it was a problem.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Unfortunately it was already a problem.
Speaker 4 (39:52):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3 (39:53):
It's like I would not have a problem if men
went to other men for that kind of advice. I
think that women operate differently amongst each other when it
comes to knowing information and how they act. So again,
(40:15):
like I said, this girl the interaction, and by this point,
I mean we'd already been together for six seven years
or something at this point when I met this person
for the first time, and I just remember walking away
from that interaction being like, they didn't ask me anything
about myself, they weren't interested in getting to know me.
Speaker 4 (40:35):
And then sure enough, a month.
Speaker 3 (40:38):
Later, we found out that she was now single, her
engagement had been called off, and she was wanting to.
Speaker 4 (40:48):
Go on a trip. And I thought that was strange too.
Speaker 3 (40:53):
I remember having this conversation with a friend of mine
because I was I was peeved, right irritated by this,
and I remember being like, am I being insane? And
my friend being like, did she ask you to come
on the trip? And I said, no, not that I'm
aware of, and she goes. Then that's a direct disassociation
(41:16):
of your relationship. You would never ask a man, right,
A woman would never ask a man who's married to
go on a trip with her, Right, No, we would
never do that, right, So why would she ask somebody
that's been in a relationship for six seven years at
this point to go on a trip with her, and
I remember.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Being like, great, that's crazy, right.
Speaker 4 (41:38):
It's crazy. I thought it was actually crazy.
Speaker 3 (41:41):
And I remember being like, so are you going to
stay in separate rooms?
Speaker 4 (41:46):
Like what's happening?
Speaker 3 (41:48):
And I remember my boyfriend being like, I just let
her plan all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
Well, this is this is actually another, I think another episode.
An interesting talk topic is exes and how they relate
to one another in terms of like what is the
chapter two look like separately? You know, when you have children, Like,
what's the dynamic between an ex husband and an ex wife?
What's appropriate? What's you know? What is too much? What's
(42:17):
too little? Do you go on vacations if you have
young kids together? Do you you know, do you go
to dinners together? Do you go to celebrations together? What's
the what's the line at which you draw that? You know,
if there's a boyfriend or a girlfriend in the chapter two,
how do they see the relationship with the you know,
with their partner's previous spouse, Like there is and I
(42:41):
see it a lot right now, because you know, there's
a lot of ambical breakups.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
Not every breakup ends up in you.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
Know, throwing plates across the kitchen and screaming, yelling a
lot of them.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
You know, people are growing apart or whatever else.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
And so you're still raising kids together, you still have
a history together, whether that's five years, ten, what the
time is, but especially with kids, and so what are
the rules of engagement in terms of what's appropriate in
terms of spending time together as that family unit was
when you were married versus now as divorced parents of
(43:16):
those of those kids.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
And I think it's a there's a lot to impact there, definitely.
Speaker 3 (43:21):
Yeah, So listeners, send in your questions or leave us
a voicemail. All the info is in the show notes.
Thanks mister right for basically confirming I'm not crazy.
Speaker 4 (43:31):
Really appreciate your advice.
Speaker 1 (43:33):
All right, guys, we've run out of time.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
There were so many questions coming in on our email
and our voicemails that we need to dedicate an entire
another episode to this, So follow along for part two
of this episode on I Do.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
Part two
Host
Jana Kramer
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