July 6, 2026 • 50 mins
Get ready, because comedian, actor, and writer Michelle Buteau is gracing Wide Open with her loud, boisterous, and infectiously-upbeat self. That larger than-life persona is intentional. In her career, Michelle refuses to tone herself down for the male gaze. She tells Ashlyn how she stays true to that value, where her confidence comes from, and why kindness and allyship are of the utmost importance in comedy today.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Wide Open.
I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris. We're so happy to have you.
Today's guest is someone who you guys are all going
to be excited to hear from. She has built an
entire career around being unapologetically herself. Michelle Buteaux is a comedian, actress, producer, author,
(00:21):
creator of Survival of the Thickest, podcaster, host, mother of twins, wife,
proud New Yorker, and also just one of the funniest,
warmest cool people we know out there today. But underneath
it all all the laughs, She's a woman who spent
years challenging the idea of what women need to do
(00:43):
to shrink themselves just to belong. She's been open about fertility, motherhood,
body image relationships, and creating a space for communities that
don't always see themselves reflected in mainstream media. Today, we're
talking about identity, confidence, parenting, New York queer allyship, and
why joy might be one of the most powerful acts
(01:07):
of resistance we have.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Michelle.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Welcome to Wide Open.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
They said, we want to see it all.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Where are you from?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I believe the fifth you don't want to know?
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Okay, all right.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
She was born in let's say she was born in Florida.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
She wasn't raised.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
There, Okay, okay, South north Central.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
She was a Kennedy Space Center. I was a NASA baby.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Oh wow, wow.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Yeah, she was always out to space honey. Okay, okay,
but yeah, I left very early to play soccer, so
I kind of been all over the place. So I've
played a lot of my career in New York, a
lot of my career in DC, some in Europe, and.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Five six years I went back.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Home to Orlando to kind of play in front of
my like my homies and my my family, to kind of,
you know, tie a bow on the career and keep
it pushing right.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
What feels like home?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Though? I really love it here New York, LA. I
kind of, you know, I flirt between both, Yeah, but
I really I really love it here, and I like
my kids love it here. We just we're doing it all.
Oh good, My yummy little babies. They're just a big
fan of you know, possible. There's just so many possibilities here.
(02:47):
We're never bored. They can see themselves in so many
different communities in Florida. We stick out like a thor thumb.
So we'll just say that, Yeah, yeah, we're checking all
the boxes and flo.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Oh yeah, I get it. I overstand. I mean, if
it's not me, it's you know, I hope a stand, honey,
because if it's not New York, you know, my husband's
from Holland, it would be Amsterdam. Yes, because Amm's the
only other place that I feel safe, like truly safe
walking down the street at night. And you know, most
(03:22):
of my queer friends and and trance friends, they're like,
that is the owner of the city. I feel safe
walking down the street. That's a big deal.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
That is a huge deal. I know this, this, this
We've got. We got some work to do. We got
to roll our sleeves up a little bit. We need
to take back democracy, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Yes we do. It's been on my Christmas list for
like thirty years. Thirty years.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
This America is really a scary one. But any day now,
one more cheeseburger. We'll hope for the best.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Thank God for us.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
But I'm so happy you're on this week's episode. Everyone,
and welcome back to another episode of Wide Open. I
forgot to even kick it off. You make me laugh
too much. And a little nervous, which is a sexy sign.
So Michelle, Michelle, welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Honey, what's up? Oh my god? That is so cute.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
I love it, you know what.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Honestly, what I'll say, Michelle is like after I just
had to get a school lesson from Sophia about all
your highlight reels and I had to rewatch like a student,
every single one of your stand up specials. I actually
it's not that you're just funny, because you're absolutely hilarious,
but like you're so warm, like you can feel you
(04:39):
can feel it through the television, you can feel it
through this podcast.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
You are just so warm.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
And I think what separates you because you know, I'm
just giving you My perspective is you don't sit on
comedy that tears people down. You actually make people feel
scene and it's such a beautiful light and gift to
give so many people. Because I do feel like we
lose the plot a little bit when we're just ripping
(05:10):
on majority queer community or racist jokes. I'm like, we're
we're over it, We're tired of it.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
You do not have to dig a little deeper for
a little more material truly you do.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
You talk about body image, you talk about your fertility process, motherhood, relationships, race, identity,
queer community, and you do it with such joy and
I respect that so much and it is really your superpower.
So congratulation tiny, like not like you know, my opinion
really matters that big, but just do just to weep it.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
No, it does, No, it really does. And that's the thing,
like everyone matters, Like everyone matters, and I feel like
so many people, not just in comedy, but this is
like a very dangerous time where like politics and comedy
are like way to combine, Like yeah, come on, like
are you a leader or a terrible manager? What are
(06:05):
we doing? You can't just drop some toxic as shit
when you are supposed to be the example, the shining example,
and just say but I was joking because it's not funny. Yeah,
if it's supposed if you are joking and it's a joke,
make it funny. And I think you know that goes
for politics and comedy because it's like what are we're doing?
And I feel like it's so it's just so easy
(06:28):
to be mean, it's so easy to punch down, it's
so easy to hate what happens if you like dig
a little deeper and realize your words have power, especially
with comedians like you inform culture.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Oh, main characters, main character energy.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Yeah, just do that, just be there. But I honestly,
the scene of comedy right now feels like COVID all
over again, like the way I lost family members with
cod that didn't believe in sense.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Oh, don't even get start.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
How like the friends are dropping like flies in the
comedy community because I'm like, it's not funny, it's just
it's mean, it's dangerous, and it's lazy. And so I
always challenge people privately or publicly to just try and
make it funny. You got a story, great, But just
because someone's gay, it's not the butt of the joke.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
No, it's not just.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
Because someone's a woman, that's not a joke. So what
do you try to say?
Speaker 1 (07:31):
I love that, I love that about you, But I
gotta ask, I gotta turn turn back the time a
little bit. Oh shit, Oh shit, we're gonna go there,
because like.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
What, like have you always.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Carried this light and this comedy and this joy to
kind of you know, it's such a creative artistry and
it's you have to be really smart like I am.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
I'm looking at.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
You connect the dots when you're on stage and even
bringing the audience with you. It's it's so quick. It's
it's like improv a lot. Like you got to have
some sauce. It's not easy.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
But where did you always have this?
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Or you were like, oh, today, I'm going to be
a mean like I'm just going to own this stage.
I'm going to be inscripted and unscripted and all the
things like what got you here?
Speaker 3 (08:21):
I mean, that's a great question, because it's hard to sleep.
My mind be going, and you know, I wish I
knew back in the day what my superpower was, you know,
because I just thought I I talk too much. I'm
you know, I'm too much. I make too much eye contact.
I compliment people too much. I really love people down.
(08:42):
Oh no, they think I was flirting with that.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
I'm not.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
I just love you. And then I realized, like, oh
my god, people are not used to people being nice
in them and loving on them. It's such a genuine way.
They think I want something from them. And then I
realized that's a little misogynistic. Now you're just saying, whomen
are here? For what purpose? Yeah, So it was really
a journey to figure out who I am in Pumplic,
like how I can be me and that it doesn't
(09:04):
matter how people receive me, like I have to give
them the love that I have. But you know, I'm
the only child. I went to three different high schools,
two different grade schools, so I had to go in
the room with a big smile and a hello and
a handshake, you know, and that's just what the teacher.
So you know, I think that kind of helped serve
(09:25):
me just get on the stage and be like whatever
happens is gonna be fun. But you know, I talk
about the story a lot because and I don't and
I have more than one story, but I think it's
very important to get the story out here. Like I
wasn't this confident like out the gate. You know, society
has told me and still tells us, a bigger body
(09:45):
is not worthy, it's not lovable, is not fashion, is
not you know, whatever it is. And then you know,
I wanted to be a journalist like a Mary Hart,
like a John Tesh and entertainment reporter. And I had
a college professor tell me I was simply too fat.
To be on camera. Oh my god. Yeah, And I
(10:06):
believed him because because I didn't see anyone like me,
I was like, oh, I guess it'll be hard. But
this is also why I'm such an advocate for the
way we speak to children, like just please be like
a little empathetic. Just just just whatever he was put
on you can you not put that on them. And
that's why I feel like Joan of Arc at the playground.
(10:27):
I'm like like, like, don't tell people that a parent.
I'm like, tell people how to love. So I'm like
radical with that ship. But it was still such a
great journey to like figure out who I was and
come back with the slow simmer of production. But everybody
I was editing and field producing local news and everybody
(10:48):
I that was my writer or producer, they were like,
this is a lot for a dark room to at
a bank. You gotta go, yeah, And I was like,
gotta go. I thought I just needed a window. You
think I should stage? And so it was a lot.
It was a lot, and it was a lot, and
I realized that it's just enough. So yeah, And the
(11:10):
more the more I was on stage, like the more like,
you know, the way I am with my friends. Like,
the more I was able to like harness that on stage,
I'm like, oh, the more people laughed, I was like,
why am I code switching with a two trick minimum?
This is not a job out here doing your thing,
And so I realized the more I was just authentically myself,
(11:35):
the better the set was. The more people ask me
to do shows, comedy shows, TV shows, hosting, and I'm
just like, oh, I'm going to lean into what this
is because it's me. Yes.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I love that about you because it is so incredibly personal,
Like I find that you are so vulnerable and you're
so open, and you're so honest about your experiences, your fertility,
your family, about how women feel the need in this
society to shrink literally like literally right now, it's like
(12:08):
everyone is getting so like frail, and body positivity is
really fucking moon walking backwards. I'm just like, y'ah, But
I am curious because you flirt between making people laugh
and making people feel seen. I want to know which
one's harder for you, because it's not. The sweet spot
(12:29):
is not as easy as what people make it out
to be. And I think because you're incredibly personal and vulnerable,
people love that truth. They see themselves in your in
your performances and.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Your bit and everything. It's just like it's magic.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
And when you fucking land it, you should own it.
And I love that you own it. You don't minimize yourself,
you don't shrink yourself, like I love the way you
take up space. It should be a sweet message to
every little girl out there, no matter what they look like, shape, size, color, Like,
we are so quick to shrink as women. Yeah, we
(13:07):
have to fucking stop it. And you are a beautiful
example of that, and I'm grateful of it.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Thank you. And I realized, you know, my mom just
not but like everybody don't want to put like stuff
on my mom because she did the best she can
and she's amazing. But like we are all shrinking for
the male gates, for a male ego, for the patriarchy.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Well I'm not, honey, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
But that's why, like you're we're like not laughing as
loud or not like raising her hand to pitch that
idea or you know, whatever that is. And I'm just
like why why I have eleven hundred other ideas in
five seconds? Why? And it's it's sort of just like
at this point, it's sort of like holding it a fart.
(13:57):
I can't I can't do it, and I can't do
it when I let it out. Okay, we also where does.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
That confidence come from?
Speaker 3 (14:07):
You know, I think it's a couple of things. I
think it's I think it's my parents definitely loving me,
like loving me no matter what, and them also loving people.
And I get to see what those examples look like.
You know, my parents were strict, They're Catholic. You know,
I'm first generation there from other countries, So I get
(14:29):
the whole, like, don't like try not to get pregnant
in high school? Oka, Okay, you know I get that,
But like everything else was like does that make you happy?
Does it fulfill you? You know? Can you pay your bills?
Do you feel like a good person at night? So
there's always like, you know, I feel like you really
can't have a true creative compass without a moral compass.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Oh you know it's beautiful and it's so true.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Yeah, what what does it?
Speaker 1 (14:55):
What does it mean to you now?
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Like taking up space?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Like what as you've become You've gone through some shit,
you've gone through life. You have this beautiful family of
these beautiful twins you talk about so so often, Like,
what does it mean taking up space to you?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Now?
Speaker 1 (15:14):
That probably was much different when you were a young girl.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Yeah, I mean taking them space now feels like my
kids are looking at me, and so I need to
be that example for them. My friend Jordan Carlos told
me before I had kids. He's like, when you have
a kid, you're going to have to learn how to
part yourself. And I was like, I know how to
be busy old Albert, like feeling a gatory, which and
(15:40):
I'm like, oh, they're looking at me, and I better
step up and do the right thing. And I always
was anyways, but just in a different way. And it's
interesting because even though they don't admit it, I know
that they're watching and I know that it affects them. Yeah,
those are core memories. When you see your mama and
your papa doing the right thing by baby, that's what well.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Yeah, but it's also like, as moms, I think we're
consistently learning and unlearning.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Things about ourselves.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
It's really fucking humbling, Like, oh, you think you got
your shit together and you become a mom, and they
humble you quickly. Oh trust, trust, yes, And you've been
so open about you know, your children and your fertility.
Why was that so important for you to speak publicly about.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
I have such a beautiful network of like close friends,
you know, day ones and plus ones and this perferal
circle of like you know, Hollywood and comedy, and I
still fell so alone. And I'm like, if I have
the resources, the access to therapy, two friends, to a
great partner who's always there to listen, and I still
(16:52):
feel so alone. I'm like, how how does somebody else feel?
How does somebody else feel? When you know, infertility is
something that like we haven't even like fully figured out.
This is like ten over ten years ago, and you
need money to get answers and you don't have that money,
and people are so quick to judge you and make
(17:13):
you feel shitty, Like people have told me like you
should lose weight and you should work less, and you know,
they really try to put all this stuff on you.
And I'm like, unless you have a degree on your wall,
I'll tell me shit. Even then I'm getting a second opinion.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Yeah, exactly exactly.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
I thought, Oh, this is like one of those times
like I can't suffer silently, and so the more the
more I spoke about it, like the better I felt.
And then like and I also felt very less alone
hearing everybody else else's stories. And like even now at
(17:49):
the playground, parents will come up to me and share
their story with me. Yeah, you know about IBF or
miscarriage or a surrogate, and I'm like, you know, this
is what it is. Let's keep it going.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Mm hmm, yeah, it's It's also beautiful. I'll say this
your just your allyship to be able to talk about
these things, because it does. It doesn't affect just queer people. Fertility, surrogacy,
all of these things they think is like often a
gay issue, and it's like nice when couples talk about
(18:21):
it and they're like no, but me too, And like,
if you're fighting for your family to have all these rights,
we should all be fighting together. And you've made that
very very clear with the way you posies. I was
watching your special and you were like, yeah, I have twins,
one's a boy, one's a girl. Well as of now,
until they make their own decision, Like even that you
(18:45):
might not see the impact, but like to even hear
someone say that, the importance of people hearing it who
might be in the middle of podunk fucking Central America.
I don't know, but it really changes the way they
show up in the world and their acceptance and like,
(19:06):
it's really powerful and impactful to have your allieship to
even be mindful in the way you raise your children.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
It's fucking cool to watch. Thank you, so Mudos Mama,
stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
I'll be back in just a moment after this brief
message from our sponsors. I need to ask this question
because my kids humble me some of the shit they say.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
The other day, I.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
Told my son he couldn't he could, Okay, So you know,
we try to pretend for our kids to try new things.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Like I'm a Southern girl.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
I grew up with Southern grandparents Alabama and Georgia. Both
of my families are from so like, I'm a corn
bread girly and if you're not, I don't know if
I can trust anyone who doesn't like corn bread. So
I make corn bread for the family this weekend and
my kids are like looking at me, like, I'm like,
it's cake bread. Mama made you a cake. She wants
(20:06):
you to try it. Yeah. Now my son is waking
up every day being like I want cake bread, and
I go, this is not a morning snack. This is
not we don't get six thirty in the morning. He
comes poking, Mama want cake bread. I said you maybe
you can't have cake bread at six thirty and more
he goes, you're not my best friend.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
He hit me with it, you're not my best friend?
Speaker 3 (20:28):
And why did they do that? It cuts deep, it
really does. Like you know, this homemade waffle was meant
for Saturday mornings. You know it's not for threatening tuesdays.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
It really is.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
It's a lot.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Do your kids get after you like that?
Speaker 3 (20:45):
Or no? One? If you if y'all saw the way
my kids talk to me, you'd be like, is Michelle okay?
And then like I keep getting and I think my
phone here, here's that the stuff they say in my
freckled face, because then my phone keeps sending me, like
(21:07):
Instagram keeps sending me means of just like kids will
say the crazy shitty when they're comfortable with you, and
I'm like, oh, keep telling me, because I'm like, you know,
what's the best part of like your day with me?
And they're like, we love how chaotic you are, and
I'm like, okay, and I'm like, but what about the
things I you know, the songs I sing. No, you
(21:28):
really don't know how to sing. We just we just
pretend we're asleep. So you stop. And I'm like, okay,
uh huh, yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Yeah, my kid, I'll come over and I'll give them
a hugg and kiss and I'll be like, dang, more
of your breastings.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Oh the breath is breath is like like all the
I mean I wrote. I wrote a joke about it
because my daughter was just like, your elbows look old.
And then I looked at my elbows. I was like,
she's not wrong. It wanted she is right.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
This is the only one not covered with tats. So
I don't even know.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Some tests because I was like, this looks like an
elephant's apple.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
No, I left a little little, you know, a little
nub there. Oh it's so true though, yeah, humbling these children,
they're trying to take us out left and right.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
You are, Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
But to be able to do both is something that
people don't talk about often, and I think you're doing
just that.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
It's like the way you show up, the.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
Way you mother, the way you parent, the way you
do your job is like really important to see because
when you're focusing on one, it's taking from the other.
And I'm curious of like, what did people not tell
you about motherhood that now you're like, damn, I wish
someone would have told me more about that because we
are parenting very differently than our parents did.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Yeah, which is a both and Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
I think I had to figure out how to give
myself grace because I'm like, how am I supposed to
know what to do in something I've never done before?
And I'm like, I don't know how I've never done
this before, So how do I know? And I think
in my mind, I'm like, I'm just gonna do all
the things I wanted my parents to do that they
didn't do. And I'm like, oh, so much more than that,
(23:17):
because I am me and they are that they are
their own people, and then we're living in this time,
not that time. I'm like, oh yeah, and they're twins
and I'm the only child, and so there's like this
natural competition that happens where I'm just like rolling competitions
with ourselves, okay, and every time they want to get
to it, I'm like, that's something nice. Some time I'm
so worried about like them not liking each other, but
(23:40):
they love each other down and they're best friends and
they're just they saw like an old married couple, you know.
Like Hazel the other day for sure said something like
those were the days, and I'm like, what in the
archie and eth is going on? They're so sweet? But
I didn't I didn't know, Like I didn't. I was like,
what do I ask for? And situation I've never been
(24:00):
in because people are like, well, you gotta you gotta
call on your people to ask for help. I'm like,
with with what you know. And I really appreciate a
friend or cousin that comes in and just knows what
I need without me knowing, like get that countertop, get
that dishwasher, take the kid outside, Like thank you for
just coming in and knowing and so you get it.
(24:21):
It's that like sort of example of like just showing
up with hot egg and cheese sandwiches like anytime of day,
just knowing. So yeah, I think it's that. I also
didn't know how many jobs we'd have, like legit jamn,
like a handdress song, you know, a cook like you.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Know, cleaner, a clean up, a negotiator.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
I mean, Sam Jackson, I'm gonna go sell.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Oh now you would think honey is a stripper. I
go and I get stacks of ones. I laid it
out on the table this morning. Mama is in the
you know what you misbehave. Mama's taking that dollar bill
and she is putting it in her own piggy bank.
Because if you're not gonna act correct, you're not gonna
(25:10):
get to buy your toys that you want.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
So now I'm in the allowance thing. So when I
start removing that.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Dollar bill, the sheer terror that comes on their face,
they are like ready to march in place, in line,
Let's go bathtime, boom, eat your protein, boom. Everything is
about allowance right now.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
Oh my god. A couple of times for a week.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
It's working right now. Let's see how long it'll last.
We know this, I mean it's crazy.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Yeah, it's it's pretty insane, Like manners and just empathy
is like the biggest and I'm always like, is this enough?
And then we like get in public and I see
people that are assholes, I'm like, are we doing that?
Speaker 2 (25:55):
We're doing good?
Speaker 3 (25:59):
Yes? You know I die?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Okay, okay, for real, for real.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
For real?
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Back to queerness, back to pride, back to all the
things that you're just doing for our community. I just
want to know, because Survival of the Thickest has so
much queer representation.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Is that on purpose?
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Ye? Did you?
Speaker 1 (26:20):
It's like it's just the thought process because it's so
major and it's so beautiful. I'm just curious, like why
what makes like I just want to pick your brain
or maybe live in it a little bit.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
I don't know, probably both.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
So I just I want to ask because it is
so important and it's really impactful and powerful, and I
appreciate it, so I want to really talk about it
because we'll never get to where we need to be
without allyship, without people bringing us along the way and
supporting us.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
Yeah, I'm just gonna say words because so many things
are going through my head right now. When I was
editing local news, I remember I had a manager tell
me anytime you could do you'r doing v roll or
if like anything you know for the list. He's like,
try and always show black people because we never see them.
(27:14):
He was older black man Lewis Kumenta. You know, if
he's still alive rest of power or if he's still
alive also, I hope you're resting. Yeah, he worked a lot,
but he's like just trying to show black people not
being arrested, not doing a purp walk, not you know,
with a mug shot. And that stuck with me. I
was like, oh my god, yes, no, I'm looking at
(27:36):
video that we're putting out and that I'm editing, and
I'm like, we are not represented. We're not represented at all,
and I'm like, this unless there's a crime happening. And
then i started watching movies and looking at the background.
I'm like, this is so disturbing. This is and then
I couldn't enjoy movies the same and I'm like, how
come no one's taking it upon themselves. And I was
like nineteen or twenty when I started editing, and you know,
(28:01):
I it is on purpose to have so much queer
representation in the show, because that is the world, because
those are my friends, and that is my New York.
So when Netflix does something so amazing, it says Michelle
is optioning your book. You create a world. I'm like,
I'm gonna create my world. I'm gonna create my sex
in the city, my friend. And guess what, there's blackness,
(28:21):
brown there's fat and queer people, there's people that are transitioning,
there's people having those conversations. Nobody everybody changes, and thank
God for that. And like you know, and everyone's like, hey,
you got so many queer friends because I have friends
and like me and these bitches we talk about it
all the time, Like twenty five years ago, you know,
everybody had a secret. Everybody felt shameful this that that's
(28:43):
my friend's journeys. And it was like and it was
so fucked up and sad when we go to the
movies or a TV show and like, not one of
us can see ourselves. Not one of us saw our story.
And I was like, oh, if I ever get the chance,
I'm gonna tell the stories that have affected me, the
moss that I love, the months that I feel like
(29:04):
could heal the best. But then also have that representation
be behind the camera because that matters too, because I've
been on both sides of the camera and it's you know,
it's so important not to be a resume, not because
everybody else is getting on when you talk about being
grandfather and all this shit and how we're not set
up success that we never wore. That's the funt, this
(29:26):
is still the thing that's happening. Yeah, Like if someone
has all the hours and all the things to do
the next thing, to get paid and to really secure
the bag for their future and do it. And so
we were so we were so grateful to have the opportunity.
When I say we, I mean like my crew. You know,
over seventy percent of my department heads were female and
(29:47):
or queer. And it really was like on some Barbie
shit where like walking around and it's like this is
the world we want to see, you know, because I'm sorry,
every thing is not skinny white and privilege. It's just
not not it. And straight we're not all here to
(30:08):
like make sure I like, you know, all these old
men find the old man.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
We're very colorful and joyful on this side. Yes, that
is our biggest resistance for all these straight.
Speaker 4 (30:25):
Voice always always and like look I saw this on
Instagram that was just like I know, this ship is
not a choice because I still am attracted to men.
Speaker 3 (30:39):
Exact straight but a straight white man. Okay, So like yeah,
you love.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
You said you hit the jackpot with this hobby. You
hit the jackpot with this hobby. And it's interesting because
I do think like.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
People need to show.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
What healthy relationships look like. Yes, because it's say fucking choice,
and I love what you say. You said something about
like your family. You didn't choose your husband. You did,
Like you better be choosing right because like you gotta
spend time with this man.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Yes, why would you play your face in anybody's crotchets?
Just do a stupid stuff in the world that is
not that it's mean to you.
Speaker 5 (31:20):
No, no, no, no oh, I wouldn't know it to do
it or anything like that. Pass not dodging balls, but
I am dodging balls.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
I love it on all types of fields. But yeah,
I mean like it's I That's why I was like,
I don't even know if I could do comedy because
so many coworkers were like do comedy. I would go
to shows and people would always complain about their wife
or the husband. They would always complain they were sad,
they were depressed, they were diagnosed, they were broke. They
(31:57):
didn't look like they would have a good sex of
good food. We're just I like to live. I want
to have good sex, good foot, I want to have
a good partnership. I want to look in your fat
part I got you, and so I'm just like, I
don't know if I can do comedy. I'm too happy
for this shit.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
Stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
I'll be back in just a moment after this brief
message from our sponsors. When I'm watching your comedy special,
what I notice so much that, like what I was
even talking to my partner Sophia about how incredible you are,
is like you can act, Honey, you can captivate an audience.
(32:38):
Some people are just like comedians. And you know the
way you land your jokes, the way you position your
body your face like that takes work.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
That takes work.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
And you have transitioned to unscripted stuff like Honey is
out here acting and doing her thing. You got more
projects that are building right now. And you know, I
want to talk about all these things, but it's not
easy to be good at all these things you're good at.
It takes a lot of work, and I don't think
people get it. Yeah, but I think that's what separates you.
(33:11):
Like I am falling on every single word. Not just
because you're a comedy like you're a genius. It's the
way you're at your presentation, the way when you started
talking about going back and forth between your mom and
being you and then like I was like I.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
Was in it.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
I was, I was in it the way you I
was fucking. I fell out of my skin at least
ten times. I could not stop laughing because it's so good.
Because people just land the jokes and they wait for
the audience reply. You're kind of like improving and going
to different places. It's like you're shape shifting into different characters.
(33:54):
I've never seen anything like it.
Speaker 5 (33:55):
It's good, Yang Mama, come on, thank you.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
I'm going to the live realms.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
But tell me about it.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
Which do you prefer?
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Do you love being like in scripted and being you know.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Because you get redos.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
That's what I always say about an athlete when I
you know, when I'm I'm producing a lot more scripted
and unscripted. It's like you don't get something right, you
get another cut, Like you get to do it again.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Somebody fumbles.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
You get to when you're live, you don't get to say, oh,
I'm gonna do unless you're Adele.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
She's like, let me try that over. I didn't like it.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
That's the only person I've ever in a live event
seems to stop and start again.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
But what is the.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Difference for you, What are you enjoying, what do you
like or you just like the sweet spot of both.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
I do like the sweet spot of both because it
is just a way to connect with people and to perform.
But you know, for the Radio City Music Hall Show
A Beautiful Mind, I was really I was really building
a black lol, because I when you do a comedy special,
(35:06):
usually do like an early show in the late show,
and then you edit the best moments out of both shows.
I couldn't afford to do two shows at Radio City.
I couldn't sell I couldn't sell it out again, It's
like six thousand says something crazy, and so in my mind,
I'm like, Okay, we're gonna do this like a live
show where to act like it's live. But I also,
(35:26):
like am a crazy person and used to be an editor,
so I have like a third eye when I'm like
editing sort of like an Adel moment. And there was
a couple of times where I'm like, I'm gonna take
that black, You're gonna laugh even harder, and you know
what I mean. And I'm directing the audience because they're
I think a lot of times for comedians and performers,
they get in their head and they think that the
(35:47):
audience is not with them, they're not for them. They
are with and said, you know, like and if they're
not with you, they should go, they should leave, like
no refunds. But for the most part, people want to
see you win or they don't know what they like,
and so you have to show them. So it's your
job as a performer to get up there and just
be like, this is what I got. It's cute, right,
I do.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
I love it. I love it.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
I'm I'm mad at people you're not laughing. If they're
not laughing, then work on a joke.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Yeah, that part and landing it correctly because you do
it beautifully. I mean, it's actually it's in art. Honey, listen,
We're not going to even sugarcoat it.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
It's not that easy.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
You're not gonna get me standing up there. I mean,
I'm a big believer that pressure is privileged, not like that. Yeah,
I'm in a team sport. Not all eyes are not
always just on me.
Speaker 3 (36:37):
But still, like, when when you have control of the field,
doesn't it feel like eyes are on you? Like can
you hear the like the announcers like say your name
and talk about you and all the things that you've
done and what you can do, what you've missed, and
like it's like like the steps take me out. I'm like,
just talk about the good stuff. Let's go, well we
(36:58):
do while we talk about them.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
Oh, it's so true, It's so true. But this, you
know what I do love about?
Speaker 1 (37:06):
You know, this podcast is wide open for a reason,
not only the sports part of it, but also the
moments that open us up to challenge us, to change us. Yeah,
and I'm curious, like what moment in your professional career
has really cracked you personal or career work, it doesn't matter,
(37:28):
but what has cracked you open?
Speaker 2 (37:29):
Like what is a.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Moment where you're like, ooh, this is going to change
the way I move forever.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
I think it was such a hard road to have children,
like the IVF, the traveling with needles, the crying out
of nowhere on a TV set and just kind of
like laughing and going with it like a crazy person.
And everyone's like, you're such a good actor. I'm like,
I have like seventeen ruses I'm and I don't know
who I am. And the you know, taking the plane
(37:58):
back home from lat season in the middle seat like
about to have a miscarriage, hoping that I don't bleed
all over the seat or all the things. And for
whatever reason, I just like knew that I was supposed
to meet these souls, and I somehow knew that like
comedy would be I'd get back to myself, comedy would
(38:20):
be better and sweeter, and I would like find the
unbridled joy and happiness that I had before. Because it
was dark for a little while, and like the minute,
like the second, the second, those babies came out and
I was like, I was just like I'm good, and
(38:42):
then it was like blackout moment taking care of them
in the hospital room. And when I left the hospital room,
I looked at these four walls and I'm like, I'm
forever changed and I'm never gonna be the same person,
and thank thank God for that. And then even though
I was tired and didn't sleep, but couldn't stop like
(39:05):
washing things, and I even wrote a joke about it
because it was true, Like I like I woke up
in the middle of night to change a diaper and
I start to cry and I was like, oh my god,
baby girl has a penis and my husband's like that's
the boy. I was like, oh oh, but that was
happening to me. I was like I got, you know,
for better or for worse and stuff, and so it
(39:25):
was really amazing to be on the other side. And
I earned those stripes of being a tired bomb. And
I never even wanted to get married. I was just
like people get married for like I know, it's like
you know, it's also used as a tool of oppression,
right love and happiness, which is like so fucking wild.
(39:47):
And I was like, I never saw myself being married,
but I always saw myself like taking care of kids,
like just very maternal and so it was so like
what a gift that I found a partner I would
I had like a one night stand for a country
I couldn't even I couldn't even like pick like find
on a map, Holland. The fuck is that. I was like,
(40:10):
I can't like want a dumb Americans, you know what
I mean. I was like Germany, Lights, the Netherlands, you
got pick a name. That's too much, that's too much.
Oh So to find a partner from like this weird
place as far as epicode of the world and then
have like these amazing babies. I was like, oh, okay,
(40:31):
I think I'm ready to fly now. And then I started.
I did like a six city tour with like babies
and like was just running this hour and then did
Utopia Welcome to Utopia? Yeah, and I was like this
is I was already working, but like I felt like
in my in my DNA, I'm like, oh this it.
We're all fly, Like we're gonna be okay. Because you know,
(40:53):
you have kids and you do stand up, You're like,
oh man, when when's the next check coming? But I
never I don't know, I never got bug down with
what's the next check? I'm just like, what do you
want to talk about? Yeah, what's like the most important
and exciting to do.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
It's just it's the ability to bet on yourself. Yeah,
And I think that's that's there's real beauty in that.
And I think that is the message to so many
young women who feel stranded stuck, like oh, maybe I
can't make this leap, Like when I feel on the
(41:29):
other side of the ledge, the fear is where I
get the most growth, like really betting on myself to
get there the bravery part. And we say this all
the time to our kids, we're like, oh, you're so
brave this and that, but like we don't talk to
ourself that way. And what I love is you really
bet on yourself and look what it has given you.
(41:51):
It has given you unconditional love and experience. Like your
life is so rich and it's not material correct, it's
it's the things that make you you. You feel like
it's your why and your purpose and it's legacy and
it's what we chase.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
And it's so beautiful.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
Because even getting bogged down and feeling like you need
the material things is still a form of patriarchal control
of what you should have and not have instead of
looking with it, you know. And so I but I
always felt like I was weird and different, and I'm like,
I'll take it, and we're in different Like I don't
need I don't need to have the body that everybody's
talking about, because I like my body. I don't need
(42:34):
to have the house everyone's talking about, because I like
this apartment just fine. And so I always, I always,
I always think about Julia robertson Runaway Bride when Richard
Giris just like how you like your eggs, and She's like, I.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
Know do you remember that.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
I totally remember it.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
Yeah, I totally remember it because I had to ask
myself the same question after I retired. It was like
what makes me happy outside of the game? Who am I?
Outside of now being a parent and being a retired
professional athlete? Like I had to like ask myself some
(43:13):
real fucking serious questions like what makes me happy?
Speaker 2 (43:17):
Not money, not.
Speaker 1 (43:18):
Success, not trophies? Like I need to figure out like
how many people first off, retire at what was I
thirty seven and have to start over? Like I dedicated
my whole fucking life to my craft, and then I
had to figure out who I was outside of it.
Like it's super confronting, Like you got to ask some
(43:41):
hard questions and you got to slow down to actually
be able to get it to the.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
Root of it.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
Like there's a lot of growth that goes into that
that people like they don't know. They only see the
highlight reels, they only see the good And yeah, I
think that's a big part of giving you know, the
realness and the vulnerability and the work both of us do.
It's like that's what you where you really meet people
where they're at.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
Yeap, it doesn't have to be Yeah, it's the fun.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
It doesn't have to be polished. We're fucking messy people,
we just are. It's the human experience.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
And it's good and it's good. It's where the juice is.
It is, it is, the juice is sport, the squeeze.
If you can slow the fuck down, Yeah, exactly, and
ask yourself questions, yes exactly.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
And and and the last thing I want to ask
before we tie this all up in a bow is
a I love the way you take up space, and
it's powerful, it's contagious, it's impactful for anyone listening right
now who does feel like they're too much or too loud,
or too different, too gay, too big, too small, too ambious,
(44:53):
and too ambitious.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
What would you tell them, honey, thank that?
Speaker 3 (45:01):
Yeah. I mean, not everybody will get you, but that's okay.
You still taught them something. You know, you still taught
them something, so please keep doing you. And that goes
for you know, anyone who is trying to figure out
their journey, and that goes for any parent who's trying
(45:22):
to figure out their kid's journey or like a family
member's journey, you know what I mean. It's like, as
long as you love somebody no matter what. Then everything
is possible. Everything is possible, but you have to come
from a place of love. Yeah, but now I have
so many follow up questions for you, Like what questions
(45:43):
were you asking yourself? And did it take you a
long time? And what were the questions people were asking
you that you're just like calm down? Were Like what
questions were like a trigger for you?
Speaker 1 (45:55):
I think I got so used to suffering. I think
I got so comfortable and suffering it felt like home.
Like I was a machine. I was built to be
a machine, like I wanted.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
Success, success, success.
Speaker 1 (46:12):
I needed to the next, the next, the next, the
next game, the next trophy. I guess when I reflect
on my career, it was like did I enjoy it?
Did I take time to pause and like be my
biggest fan? I don't know if I did. I was
just riding it until the wheels fell off because I
(46:32):
needed to float my life and help my family and
take care of kids.
Speaker 2 (46:37):
And I never came up for air.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
And I look back and I you know, I'm a
forty year old woman now and I don't have to
chase shit anymore. I just sometimes have to be I
have to be fully present, and I was asking myself
for a long time, like why am I not happy?
Like I just want happiness, I just want peace, I
want ease. Yes, And I think sometimes we're always chasing
(47:05):
something and we're not taking time to really listen yep
to why the fuck we're doing it in the first place.
Are we doing it to fall in line? Are we
doing it because this is what society tells us. Like
I was just so brainwashed into wanting more more, I
had to be hungry, I had to dig deeper. That
(47:25):
was never enough, and then so much of my life
passed me by, and I'm like, fuck, dude, it was
like was I even there?
Speaker 3 (47:32):
Yeah, yeah, I don't want that.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
I don't want that to happen with my kids. I stopped,
I stopped playing. I'm I love being a mom and
I'm proud of it. And I'm proud of the way
I show up. I'm proud of the way I put
them first. I'm proud of the way I care for
them in a way that makes them feel safe, and
(47:55):
like these are.
Speaker 2 (47:56):
Things like.
Speaker 1 (47:58):
That's what it's about for me, And I'm proud that
I'm doing the work to make sure i'm the best
version for them that I can be, and I think that's.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
Legacy for me.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
It's just about the relationship of building a better life
for them. I just want a better life for them
than I am.
Speaker 3 (48:21):
That's so beautiful. That is so beautiful, and you are well.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
I appreciate you so much for taking time out of
your day to talk to us, to really peel back
the layers. And I just want to thank you for
showing up and taking up space because it's something that
us women shouldn't apologize for. It's something we should celebrate,
and I think the more we can talk about that,
the better off will be in general. So thank you
(48:48):
for being here, Michelle. I really appreciate all the things
you do and how you show up and how you're
so open and vulnerable, and we're so grateful to have
you on Wide Open. So thanks for being here, Michelle.
Speaker 3 (49:00):
Oh my god, my heart is full and my pants
are tight.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
Thank you long, Thank you of course, of course, of course,
and we appreciate everyone being here, and we'll see you
next week on another episode of Wide Open. Michelle, thank
you so much for being on. What a beautiful conversation. Honestly,
you make people laugh for a living but what I
think is so special about your work is that you
(49:28):
also make people feel seen. Thank you for showing us
that taking up space isn't something we should apologize for.
It's something we should celebrate. Everyone go watch Survival of
the Thickest, support Michelle's work, and remember the things that
make you different are often the things that make you unforgettable.
We'll see you next time on Wide Open
Hi, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Wide Open.
I'm your host, Ashlyn Harris. We're so happy to have you.
Today's guest is someone who you guys are all going
to be excited to hear from. She has built an
entire career around being unapologetically herself. Michelle Buteaux is a comedian, actress, producer, author,
(00:21):
creator of Survival of the Thickest, podcaster, host, mother of twins, wife,
proud New Yorker, and also just one of the funniest,
warmest cool people we know out there today. But underneath
it all all the laughs, She's a woman who spent
years challenging the idea of what women need to do
(00:43):
to shrink themselves just to belong. She's been open about fertility, motherhood,
body image relationships, and creating a space for communities that
don't always see themselves reflected in mainstream media. Today, we're
talking about identity, confidence, parenting, New York queer allyship, and
why joy might be one of the most powerful acts
(01:07):
of resistance we have.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Michelle.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Welcome to Wide Open.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
They said, we want to see it all.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Where are you from?
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I believe the fifth you don't want to know?
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Okay, all right.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
She was born in let's say she was born in Florida.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
She wasn't raised.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
There, Okay, okay, South north Central.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
She was a Kennedy Space Center. I was a NASA baby.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Oh wow, wow.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Yeah, she was always out to space honey. Okay, okay,
but yeah, I left very early to play soccer, so
I kind of been all over the place. So I've
played a lot of my career in New York, a
lot of my career in DC, some in Europe, and.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Five six years I went back.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Home to Orlando to kind of play in front of
my like my homies and my my family, to kind of,
you know, tie a bow on the career and keep
it pushing right.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
What feels like home?
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Though? I really love it here New York, LA. I
kind of, you know, I flirt between both, Yeah, but
I really I really love it here, and I like
my kids love it here. We just we're doing it all.
Oh good, My yummy little babies. They're just a big
fan of you know, possible. There's just so many possibilities here.
(02:47):
We're never bored. They can see themselves in so many
different communities in Florida. We stick out like a thor thumb.
So we'll just say that, Yeah, yeah, we're checking all
the boxes and flo.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Oh yeah, I get it. I overstand. I mean, if
it's not me, it's you know, I hope a stand, honey,
because if it's not New York, you know, my husband's
from Holland, it would be Amsterdam. Yes, because Amm's the
only other place that I feel safe, like truly safe
walking down the street at night. And you know, most
(03:22):
of my queer friends and and trance friends, they're like,
that is the owner of the city. I feel safe
walking down the street. That's a big deal.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
That is a huge deal. I know this, this, this
We've got. We got some work to do. We got
to roll our sleeves up a little bit. We need
to take back democracy, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Yes we do. It's been on my Christmas list for
like thirty years. Thirty years.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
This America is really a scary one. But any day now,
one more cheeseburger. We'll hope for the best.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Thank God for us.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
But I'm so happy you're on this week's episode. Everyone,
and welcome back to another episode of Wide Open. I
forgot to even kick it off. You make me laugh
too much. And a little nervous, which is a sexy sign.
So Michelle, Michelle, welcome to the show.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
Honey, what's up? Oh my god? That is so cute.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
I love it, you know what.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Honestly, what I'll say, Michelle is like after I just
had to get a school lesson from Sophia about all
your highlight reels and I had to rewatch like a student,
every single one of your stand up specials. I actually
it's not that you're just funny, because you're absolutely hilarious,
but like you're so warm, like you can feel you
(04:39):
can feel it through the television, you can feel it
through this podcast.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
You are just so warm.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
And I think what separates you because you know, I'm
just giving you My perspective is you don't sit on
comedy that tears people down. You actually make people feel
scene and it's such a beautiful light and gift to
give so many people. Because I do feel like we
lose the plot a little bit when we're just ripping
(05:10):
on majority queer community or racist jokes. I'm like, we're
we're over it, We're tired of it.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
You do not have to dig a little deeper for
a little more material truly you do.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
You talk about body image, you talk about your fertility process, motherhood, relationships, race, identity,
queer community, and you do it with such joy and
I respect that so much and it is really your superpower.
So congratulation tiny, like not like you know, my opinion
really matters that big, but just do just to weep it.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
No, it does, No, it really does. And that's the thing,
like everyone matters, Like everyone matters, and I feel like
so many people, not just in comedy, but this is
like a very dangerous time where like politics and comedy
are like way to combine, Like yeah, come on, like
are you a leader or a terrible manager? What are
(06:05):
we doing? You can't just drop some toxic as shit
when you are supposed to be the example, the shining example,
and just say but I was joking because it's not funny. Yeah,
if it's supposed if you are joking and it's a joke,
make it funny. And I think you know that goes
for politics and comedy because it's like what are we're doing?
And I feel like it's so it's just so easy
(06:28):
to be mean, it's so easy to punch down, it's
so easy to hate what happens if you like dig
a little deeper and realize your words have power, especially
with comedians like you inform culture.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Oh, main characters, main character energy.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Yeah, just do that, just be there. But I honestly,
the scene of comedy right now feels like COVID all
over again, like the way I lost family members with
cod that didn't believe in sense.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Oh, don't even get start.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
How like the friends are dropping like flies in the
comedy community because I'm like, it's not funny, it's just
it's mean, it's dangerous, and it's lazy. And so I
always challenge people privately or publicly to just try and
make it funny. You got a story, great, But just
because someone's gay, it's not the butt of the joke.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
No, it's not just.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
Because someone's a woman, that's not a joke. So what
do you try to say?
Speaker 1 (07:31):
I love that, I love that about you, But I
gotta ask, I gotta turn turn back the time a
little bit. Oh shit, Oh shit, we're gonna go there,
because like.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
What, like have you always.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Carried this light and this comedy and this joy to
kind of you know, it's such a creative artistry and
it's you have to be really smart like I am.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
I'm looking at.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
You connect the dots when you're on stage and even
bringing the audience with you. It's it's so quick. It's
it's like improv a lot. Like you got to have
some sauce. It's not easy.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
But where did you always have this?
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Or you were like, oh, today, I'm going to be
a mean like I'm just going to own this stage.
I'm going to be inscripted and unscripted and all the
things like what got you here?
Speaker 3 (08:21):
I mean, that's a great question, because it's hard to sleep.
My mind be going, and you know, I wish I
knew back in the day what my superpower was, you know,
because I just thought I I talk too much. I'm
you know, I'm too much. I make too much eye contact.
I compliment people too much. I really love people down.
(08:42):
Oh no, they think I was flirting with that.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
I'm not.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
I just love you. And then I realized, like, oh
my god, people are not used to people being nice
in them and loving on them. It's such a genuine way.
They think I want something from them. And then I
realized that's a little misogynistic. Now you're just saying, whomen
are here? For what purpose? Yeah, So it was really
a journey to figure out who I am in Pumplic,
like how I can be me and that it doesn't
(09:04):
matter how people receive me, like I have to give
them the love that I have. But you know, I'm
the only child. I went to three different high schools,
two different grade schools, so I had to go in
the room with a big smile and a hello and
a handshake, you know, and that's just what the teacher.
So you know, I think that kind of helped serve
(09:25):
me just get on the stage and be like whatever
happens is gonna be fun. But you know, I talk
about the story a lot because and I don't and
I have more than one story, but I think it's
very important to get the story out here. Like I
wasn't this confident like out the gate. You know, society
has told me and still tells us, a bigger body
(09:45):
is not worthy, it's not lovable, is not fashion, is
not you know, whatever it is. And then you know,
I wanted to be a journalist like a Mary Hart,
like a John Tesh and entertainment reporter. And I had
a college professor tell me I was simply too fat.
To be on camera. Oh my god. Yeah, And I
(10:06):
believed him because because I didn't see anyone like me,
I was like, oh, I guess it'll be hard. But
this is also why I'm such an advocate for the
way we speak to children, like just please be like
a little empathetic. Just just just whatever he was put
on you can you not put that on them. And
that's why I feel like Joan of Arc at the playground.
(10:27):
I'm like like, like, don't tell people that a parent.
I'm like, tell people how to love. So I'm like
radical with that ship. But it was still such a
great journey to like figure out who I was and
come back with the slow simmer of production. But everybody
I was editing and field producing local news and everybody
(10:48):
I that was my writer or producer, they were like,
this is a lot for a dark room to at
a bank. You gotta go, yeah, And I was like,
gotta go. I thought I just needed a window. You
think I should stage? And so it was a lot.
It was a lot, and it was a lot, and
I realized that it's just enough. So yeah, And the
(11:10):
more the more I was on stage, like the more like,
you know, the way I am with my friends. Like,
the more I was able to like harness that on stage,
I'm like, oh, the more people laughed, I was like,
why am I code switching with a two trick minimum?
This is not a job out here doing your thing,
And so I realized the more I was just authentically myself,
(11:35):
the better the set was. The more people ask me
to do shows, comedy shows, TV shows, hosting, and I'm
just like, oh, I'm going to lean into what this
is because it's me. Yes.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
I love that about you because it is so incredibly personal,
Like I find that you are so vulnerable and you're
so open, and you're so honest about your experiences, your fertility,
your family, about how women feel the need in this
society to shrink literally like literally right now, it's like
(12:08):
everyone is getting so like frail, and body positivity is
really fucking moon walking backwards. I'm just like, y'ah, But
I am curious because you flirt between making people laugh
and making people feel seen. I want to know which
one's harder for you, because it's not. The sweet spot
(12:29):
is not as easy as what people make it out
to be. And I think because you're incredibly personal and vulnerable,
people love that truth. They see themselves in your in
your performances and.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Your bit and everything. It's just like it's magic.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
And when you fucking land it, you should own it.
And I love that you own it. You don't minimize yourself,
you don't shrink yourself, like I love the way you
take up space. It should be a sweet message to
every little girl out there, no matter what they look like, shape, size, color, Like,
we are so quick to shrink as women. Yeah, we
(13:07):
have to fucking stop it. And you are a beautiful
example of that, and I'm grateful of it.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Thank you. And I realized, you know, my mom just
not but like everybody don't want to put like stuff
on my mom because she did the best she can
and she's amazing. But like we are all shrinking for
the male gates, for a male ego, for the patriarchy.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Well I'm not, honey, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
But that's why, like you're we're like not laughing as
loud or not like raising her hand to pitch that
idea or you know, whatever that is. And I'm just
like why why I have eleven hundred other ideas in
five seconds? Why? And it's it's sort of just like
at this point, it's sort of like holding it a fart.
(13:57):
I can't I can't do it, and I can't do
it when I let it out. Okay, we also where does.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
That confidence come from?
Speaker 3 (14:07):
You know, I think it's a couple of things. I
think it's I think it's my parents definitely loving me,
like loving me no matter what, and them also loving people.
And I get to see what those examples look like.
You know, my parents were strict, They're Catholic. You know,
I'm first generation there from other countries, So I get
(14:29):
the whole, like, don't like try not to get pregnant
in high school? Oka, Okay, you know I get that,
But like everything else was like does that make you happy?
Does it fulfill you? You know? Can you pay your bills?
Do you feel like a good person at night? So
there's always like, you know, I feel like you really
can't have a true creative compass without a moral compass.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Oh you know it's beautiful and it's so true.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Yeah, what what does it?
Speaker 1 (14:55):
What does it mean to you now?
Speaker 2 (14:58):
Like taking up space?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Like what as you've become You've gone through some shit,
you've gone through life. You have this beautiful family of
these beautiful twins you talk about so so often, Like,
what does it mean taking up space to you?
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Now?
Speaker 1 (15:14):
That probably was much different when you were a young girl.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Yeah, I mean taking them space now feels like my
kids are looking at me, and so I need to
be that example for them. My friend Jordan Carlos told
me before I had kids. He's like, when you have
a kid, you're going to have to learn how to
part yourself. And I was like, I know how to
be busy old Albert, like feeling a gatory, which and
(15:40):
I'm like, oh, they're looking at me, and I better
step up and do the right thing. And I always
was anyways, but just in a different way. And it's
interesting because even though they don't admit it, I know
that they're watching and I know that it affects them. Yeah,
those are core memories. When you see your mama and
your papa doing the right thing by baby, that's what well.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Yeah, but it's also like, as moms, I think we're
consistently learning and unlearning.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
Things about ourselves.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
It's really fucking humbling, Like, oh, you think you got
your shit together and you become a mom, and they
humble you quickly. Oh trust, trust, yes, And you've been
so open about you know, your children and your fertility.
Why was that so important for you to speak publicly about.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
I have such a beautiful network of like close friends,
you know, day ones and plus ones and this perferal
circle of like you know, Hollywood and comedy, and I
still fell so alone. And I'm like, if I have
the resources, the access to therapy, two friends, to a
great partner who's always there to listen, and I still
(16:52):
feel so alone. I'm like, how how does somebody else feel?
How does somebody else feel? When you know, infertility is
something that like we haven't even like fully figured out.
This is like ten over ten years ago, and you
need money to get answers and you don't have that money,
and people are so quick to judge you and make
(17:13):
you feel shitty, Like people have told me like you
should lose weight and you should work less, and you know,
they really try to put all this stuff on you.
And I'm like, unless you have a degree on your wall,
I'll tell me shit. Even then I'm getting a second opinion.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Yeah, exactly exactly.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
I thought, Oh, this is like one of those times
like I can't suffer silently, and so the more the
more I spoke about it, like the better I felt.
And then like and I also felt very less alone
hearing everybody else else's stories. And like even now at
(17:49):
the playground, parents will come up to me and share
their story with me. Yeah, you know about IBF or
miscarriage or a surrogate, and I'm like, you know, this
is what it is. Let's keep it going.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Mm hmm, yeah, it's It's also beautiful. I'll say this
your just your allyship to be able to talk about
these things, because it does. It doesn't affect just queer people. Fertility, surrogacy,
all of these things they think is like often a
gay issue, and it's like nice when couples talk about
(18:21):
it and they're like no, but me too, And like,
if you're fighting for your family to have all these rights,
we should all be fighting together. And you've made that
very very clear with the way you posies. I was
watching your special and you were like, yeah, I have twins,
one's a boy, one's a girl. Well as of now,
until they make their own decision, Like even that you
(18:45):
might not see the impact, but like to even hear
someone say that, the importance of people hearing it who
might be in the middle of podunk fucking Central America.
I don't know, but it really changes the way they
show up in the world and their acceptance and like,
(19:06):
it's really powerful and impactful to have your allieship to
even be mindful in the way you raise your children.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
It's fucking cool to watch. Thank you, so Mudos Mama,
stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
I'll be back in just a moment after this brief
message from our sponsors. I need to ask this question
because my kids humble me some of the shit they say.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
The other day, I.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
Told my son he couldn't he could, Okay, So you know,
we try to pretend for our kids to try new things.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Like I'm a Southern girl.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
I grew up with Southern grandparents Alabama and Georgia. Both
of my families are from so like, I'm a corn
bread girly and if you're not, I don't know if
I can trust anyone who doesn't like corn bread. So
I make corn bread for the family this weekend and
my kids are like looking at me, like, I'm like,
it's cake bread. Mama made you a cake. She wants
(20:06):
you to try it. Yeah. Now my son is waking
up every day being like I want cake bread, and
I go, this is not a morning snack. This is
not we don't get six thirty in the morning. He
comes poking, Mama want cake bread. I said you maybe
you can't have cake bread at six thirty and more
he goes, you're not my best friend.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
He hit me with it, you're not my best friend?
Speaker 3 (20:28):
And why did they do that? It cuts deep, it
really does. Like you know, this homemade waffle was meant
for Saturday mornings. You know it's not for threatening tuesdays.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
It really is.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
It's a lot.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Do your kids get after you like that?
Speaker 3 (20:45):
Or no? One? If you if y'all saw the way
my kids talk to me, you'd be like, is Michelle okay?
And then like I keep getting and I think my
phone here, here's that the stuff they say in my
freckled face, because then my phone keeps sending me, like
(21:07):
Instagram keeps sending me means of just like kids will
say the crazy shitty when they're comfortable with you, and
I'm like, oh, keep telling me, because I'm like, you know,
what's the best part of like your day with me?
And they're like, we love how chaotic you are, and
I'm like, okay, and I'm like, but what about the
things I you know, the songs I sing. No, you
(21:28):
really don't know how to sing. We just we just
pretend we're asleep. So you stop. And I'm like, okay,
uh huh, yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Yeah, my kid, I'll come over and I'll give them
a hugg and kiss and I'll be like, dang, more
of your breastings.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Oh the breath is breath is like like all the
I mean I wrote. I wrote a joke about it
because my daughter was just like, your elbows look old.
And then I looked at my elbows. I was like,
she's not wrong. It wanted she is right.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
This is the only one not covered with tats. So
I don't even know.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Some tests because I was like, this looks like an
elephant's apple.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
No, I left a little little, you know, a little
nub there. Oh it's so true though, yeah, humbling these children,
they're trying to take us out left and right.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
You are, Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
But to be able to do both is something that
people don't talk about often, and I think you're doing
just that.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
It's like the way you show up, the.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
Way you mother, the way you parent, the way you
do your job is like really important to see because
when you're focusing on one, it's taking from the other.
And I'm curious of like, what did people not tell
you about motherhood that now you're like, damn, I wish
someone would have told me more about that because we
are parenting very differently than our parents did.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Yeah, which is a both and Yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
I think I had to figure out how to give
myself grace because I'm like, how am I supposed to
know what to do in something I've never done before?
And I'm like, I don't know how I've never done
this before, So how do I know? And I think
in my mind, I'm like, I'm just gonna do all
the things I wanted my parents to do that they
didn't do. And I'm like, oh, so much more than that,
(23:17):
because I am me and they are that they are
their own people, and then we're living in this time,
not that time. I'm like, oh yeah, and they're twins
and I'm the only child, and so there's like this
natural competition that happens where I'm just like rolling competitions
with ourselves, okay, and every time they want to get
to it, I'm like, that's something nice. Some time I'm
so worried about like them not liking each other, but
(23:40):
they love each other down and they're best friends and
they're just they saw like an old married couple, you know.
Like Hazel the other day for sure said something like
those were the days, and I'm like, what in the
archie and eth is going on? They're so sweet? But
I didn't I didn't know, Like I didn't. I was like,
what do I ask for? And situation I've never been
(24:00):
in because people are like, well, you gotta you gotta
call on your people to ask for help. I'm like,
with with what you know. And I really appreciate a
friend or cousin that comes in and just knows what
I need without me knowing, like get that countertop, get
that dishwasher, take the kid outside, Like thank you for
just coming in and knowing and so you get it.
(24:21):
It's that like sort of example of like just showing
up with hot egg and cheese sandwiches like anytime of day,
just knowing. So yeah, I think it's that. I also
didn't know how many jobs we'd have, like legit jamn,
like a handdress song, you know, a cook like you.
Speaker 2 (24:41):
Know, cleaner, a clean up, a negotiator.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
I mean, Sam Jackson, I'm gonna go sell.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Oh now you would think honey is a stripper. I
go and I get stacks of ones. I laid it
out on the table this morning. Mama is in the
you know what you misbehave. Mama's taking that dollar bill
and she is putting it in her own piggy bank.
Because if you're not gonna act correct, you're not gonna
(25:10):
get to buy your toys that you want.
Speaker 2 (25:12):
So now I'm in the allowance thing. So when I
start removing that.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
Dollar bill, the sheer terror that comes on their face,
they are like ready to march in place, in line,
Let's go bathtime, boom, eat your protein, boom. Everything is
about allowance right now.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
Oh my god. A couple of times for a week.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
It's working right now. Let's see how long it'll last.
We know this, I mean it's crazy.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Yeah, it's it's pretty insane, Like manners and just empathy
is like the biggest and I'm always like, is this enough?
And then we like get in public and I see
people that are assholes, I'm like, are we doing that?
Speaker 2 (25:55):
We're doing good?
Speaker 3 (25:59):
Yes? You know I die?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Okay, okay, for real, for real.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
For real?
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Back to queerness, back to pride, back to all the
things that you're just doing for our community. I just
want to know, because Survival of the Thickest has so
much queer representation.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Is that on purpose?
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Ye? Did you?
Speaker 1 (26:20):
It's like it's just the thought process because it's so
major and it's so beautiful. I'm just curious, like why
what makes like I just want to pick your brain
or maybe live in it a little bit.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
I don't know, probably both.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
So I just I want to ask because it is
so important and it's really impactful and powerful, and I
appreciate it, so I want to really talk about it
because we'll never get to where we need to be
without allyship, without people bringing us along the way and
supporting us.
Speaker 3 (26:52):
Yeah, I'm just gonna say words because so many things
are going through my head right now. When I was
editing local news, I remember I had a manager tell
me anytime you could do you'r doing v roll or
if like anything you know for the list. He's like,
try and always show black people because we never see them.
(27:14):
He was older black man Lewis Kumenta. You know, if
he's still alive rest of power or if he's still
alive also, I hope you're resting. Yeah, he worked a lot,
but he's like just trying to show black people not
being arrested, not doing a purp walk, not you know,
with a mug shot. And that stuck with me. I
was like, oh my god, yes, no, I'm looking at
(27:36):
video that we're putting out and that I'm editing, and
I'm like, we are not represented. We're not represented at all,
and I'm like, this unless there's a crime happening. And
then i started watching movies and looking at the background.
I'm like, this is so disturbing. This is and then
I couldn't enjoy movies the same and I'm like, how
come no one's taking it upon themselves. And I was
like nineteen or twenty when I started editing, and you know,
(28:01):
I it is on purpose to have so much queer
representation in the show, because that is the world, because
those are my friends, and that is my New York.
So when Netflix does something so amazing, it says Michelle
is optioning your book. You create a world. I'm like,
I'm gonna create my world. I'm gonna create my sex
in the city, my friend. And guess what, there's blackness,
(28:21):
brown there's fat and queer people, there's people that are transitioning,
there's people having those conversations. Nobody everybody changes, and thank
God for that. And like you know, and everyone's like, hey,
you got so many queer friends because I have friends
and like me and these bitches we talk about it
all the time, Like twenty five years ago, you know,
everybody had a secret. Everybody felt shameful this that that's
(28:43):
my friend's journeys. And it was like and it was
so fucked up and sad when we go to the
movies or a TV show and like, not one of
us can see ourselves. Not one of us saw our story.
And I was like, oh, if I ever get the chance,
I'm gonna tell the stories that have affected me, the
moss that I love, the months that I feel like
(29:04):
could heal the best. But then also have that representation
be behind the camera because that matters too, because I've
been on both sides of the camera and it's you know,
it's so important not to be a resume, not because
everybody else is getting on when you talk about being
grandfather and all this shit and how we're not set
up success that we never wore. That's the funt, this
(29:26):
is still the thing that's happening. Yeah, Like if someone
has all the hours and all the things to do
the next thing, to get paid and to really secure
the bag for their future and do it. And so
we were so we were so grateful to have the opportunity.
When I say we, I mean like my crew. You know,
over seventy percent of my department heads were female and
(29:47):
or queer. And it really was like on some Barbie
shit where like walking around and it's like this is
the world we want to see, you know, because I'm sorry,
every thing is not skinny white and privilege. It's just
not not it. And straight we're not all here to
(30:08):
like make sure I like, you know, all these old
men find the old man.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
We're very colorful and joyful on this side. Yes, that
is our biggest resistance for all these straight.
Speaker 4 (30:25):
Voice always always and like look I saw this on
Instagram that was just like I know, this ship is
not a choice because I still am attracted to men.
Speaker 3 (30:39):
Exact straight but a straight white man. Okay, So like yeah,
you love.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
You said you hit the jackpot with this hobby. You
hit the jackpot with this hobby. And it's interesting because
I do think like.
Speaker 2 (30:55):
People need to show.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
What healthy relationships look like. Yes, because it's say fucking choice,
and I love what you say. You said something about
like your family. You didn't choose your husband. You did,
Like you better be choosing right because like you gotta
spend time with this man.
Speaker 3 (31:14):
Yes, why would you play your face in anybody's crotchets?
Just do a stupid stuff in the world that is
not that it's mean to you.
Speaker 5 (31:20):
No, no, no, no oh, I wouldn't know it to do
it or anything like that. Pass not dodging balls, but
I am dodging balls.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
I love it on all types of fields. But yeah,
I mean like it's I That's why I was like,
I don't even know if I could do comedy because
so many coworkers were like do comedy. I would go
to shows and people would always complain about their wife
or the husband. They would always complain they were sad,
they were depressed, they were diagnosed, they were broke. They
(31:57):
didn't look like they would have a good sex of
good food. We're just I like to live. I want
to have good sex, good foot, I want to have
a good partnership. I want to look in your fat
part I got you, and so I'm just like, I
don't know if I can do comedy. I'm too happy
for this shit.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
Stay tuned.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
I'll be back in just a moment after this brief
message from our sponsors. When I'm watching your comedy special,
what I notice so much that, like what I was
even talking to my partner Sophia about how incredible you are,
is like you can act, Honey, you can captivate an audience.
(32:38):
Some people are just like comedians. And you know the
way you land your jokes, the way you position your
body your face like that takes work.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
That takes work.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
And you have transitioned to unscripted stuff like Honey is
out here acting and doing her thing. You got more
projects that are building right now. And you know, I
want to talk about all these things, but it's not
easy to be good at all these things you're good at.
It takes a lot of work, and I don't think
people get it. Yeah, but I think that's what separates you.
(33:11):
Like I am falling on every single word. Not just
because you're a comedy like you're a genius. It's the
way you're at your presentation, the way when you started
talking about going back and forth between your mom and
being you and then like I was like I.
Speaker 3 (33:32):
Was in it.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
I was, I was in it the way you I
was fucking. I fell out of my skin at least
ten times. I could not stop laughing because it's so good.
Because people just land the jokes and they wait for
the audience reply. You're kind of like improving and going
to different places. It's like you're shape shifting into different characters.
(33:54):
I've never seen anything like it.
Speaker 5 (33:55):
It's good, Yang Mama, come on, thank you.
Speaker 3 (34:03):
I'm going to the live realms.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
But tell me about it.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
Which do you prefer?
Speaker 1 (34:08):
Do you love being like in scripted and being you know.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Because you get redos.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
That's what I always say about an athlete when I
you know, when I'm I'm producing a lot more scripted
and unscripted. It's like you don't get something right, you
get another cut, Like you get to do it again.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
Somebody fumbles.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
You get to when you're live, you don't get to say, oh,
I'm gonna do unless you're Adele.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
She's like, let me try that over. I didn't like it.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
That's the only person I've ever in a live event
seems to stop and start again.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
But what is the.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
Difference for you, What are you enjoying, what do you
like or you just like the sweet spot of both.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
I do like the sweet spot of both because it
is just a way to connect with people and to perform.
But you know, for the Radio City Music Hall Show
A Beautiful Mind, I was really I was really building
a black lol, because I when you do a comedy special,
(35:06):
usually do like an early show in the late show,
and then you edit the best moments out of both shows.
I couldn't afford to do two shows at Radio City.
I couldn't sell I couldn't sell it out again, It's
like six thousand says something crazy, and so in my mind,
I'm like, Okay, we're gonna do this like a live
show where to act like it's live. But I also,
(35:26):
like am a crazy person and used to be an editor,
so I have like a third eye when I'm like
editing sort of like an Adel moment. And there was
a couple of times where I'm like, I'm gonna take
that black, You're gonna laugh even harder, and you know
what I mean. And I'm directing the audience because they're
I think a lot of times for comedians and performers,
they get in their head and they think that the
(35:47):
audience is not with them, they're not for them. They
are with and said, you know, like and if they're
not with you, they should go, they should leave, like
no refunds. But for the most part, people want to
see you win or they don't know what they like,
and so you have to show them. So it's your
job as a performer to get up there and just
be like, this is what I got. It's cute, right,
I do.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
I love it. I love it.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
I'm I'm mad at people you're not laughing. If they're
not laughing, then work on a joke.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Yeah, that part and landing it correctly because you do
it beautifully. I mean, it's actually it's in art. Honey, listen,
We're not going to even sugarcoat it.
Speaker 2 (36:24):
It's not that easy.
Speaker 1 (36:25):
You're not gonna get me standing up there. I mean,
I'm a big believer that pressure is privileged, not like that. Yeah,
I'm in a team sport. Not all eyes are not
always just on me.
Speaker 3 (36:37):
But still, like, when when you have control of the field,
doesn't it feel like eyes are on you? Like can
you hear the like the announcers like say your name
and talk about you and all the things that you've
done and what you can do, what you've missed, and
like it's like like the steps take me out. I'm like,
just talk about the good stuff. Let's go, well we
(36:58):
do while we talk about them.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
Oh, it's so true, It's so true. But this, you
know what I do love about?
Speaker 1 (37:06):
You know, this podcast is wide open for a reason,
not only the sports part of it, but also the
moments that open us up to challenge us, to change us. Yeah,
and I'm curious, like what moment in your professional career
has really cracked you personal or career work, it doesn't matter,
(37:28):
but what has cracked you open?
Speaker 2 (37:29):
Like what is a.
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Moment where you're like, ooh, this is going to change
the way I move forever.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
I think it was such a hard road to have children,
like the IVF, the traveling with needles, the crying out
of nowhere on a TV set and just kind of
like laughing and going with it like a crazy person.
And everyone's like, you're such a good actor. I'm like,
I have like seventeen ruses I'm and I don't know
who I am. And the you know, taking the plane
(37:58):
back home from lat season in the middle seat like
about to have a miscarriage, hoping that I don't bleed
all over the seat or all the things. And for
whatever reason, I just like knew that I was supposed
to meet these souls, and I somehow knew that like
comedy would be I'd get back to myself, comedy would
(38:20):
be better and sweeter, and I would like find the
unbridled joy and happiness that I had before. Because it
was dark for a little while, and like the minute,
like the second, the second, those babies came out and
I was like, I was just like I'm good, and
(38:42):
then it was like blackout moment taking care of them
in the hospital room. And when I left the hospital room,
I looked at these four walls and I'm like, I'm
forever changed and I'm never gonna be the same person,
and thank thank God for that. And then even though
I was tired and didn't sleep, but couldn't stop like
(39:05):
washing things, and I even wrote a joke about it
because it was true, Like I like I woke up
in the middle of night to change a diaper and
I start to cry and I was like, oh my god,
baby girl has a penis and my husband's like that's
the boy. I was like, oh oh, but that was
happening to me. I was like I got, you know,
for better or for worse and stuff, and so it
(39:25):
was really amazing to be on the other side. And
I earned those stripes of being a tired bomb. And
I never even wanted to get married. I was just
like people get married for like I know, it's like
you know, it's also used as a tool of oppression,
right love and happiness, which is like so fucking wild.
(39:47):
And I was like, I never saw myself being married,
but I always saw myself like taking care of kids,
like just very maternal and so it was so like
what a gift that I found a partner I would
I had like a one night stand for a country
I couldn't even I couldn't even like pick like find
on a map, Holland. The fuck is that. I was like,
(40:10):
I can't like want a dumb Americans, you know what
I mean. I was like Germany, Lights, the Netherlands, you
got pick a name. That's too much, that's too much.
Oh So to find a partner from like this weird
place as far as epicode of the world and then
have like these amazing babies. I was like, oh, okay,
(40:31):
I think I'm ready to fly now. And then I started.
I did like a six city tour with like babies
and like was just running this hour and then did
Utopia Welcome to Utopia? Yeah, and I was like this
is I was already working, but like I felt like
in my in my DNA, I'm like, oh this it.
We're all fly, Like we're gonna be okay. Because you know,
(40:53):
you have kids and you do stand up, You're like,
oh man, when when's the next check coming? But I
never I don't know, I never got bug down with
what's the next check? I'm just like, what do you
want to talk about? Yeah, what's like the most important
and exciting to do.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
It's just it's the ability to bet on yourself. Yeah,
And I think that's that's there's real beauty in that.
And I think that is the message to so many
young women who feel stranded stuck, like oh, maybe I
can't make this leap, Like when I feel on the
(41:29):
other side of the ledge, the fear is where I
get the most growth, like really betting on myself to
get there the bravery part. And we say this all
the time to our kids, we're like, oh, you're so
brave this and that, but like we don't talk to
ourself that way. And what I love is you really
bet on yourself and look what it has given you.
(41:51):
It has given you unconditional love and experience. Like your
life is so rich and it's not material correct, it's
it's the things that make you you. You feel like
it's your why and your purpose and it's legacy and
it's what we chase.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
And it's so beautiful.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
Because even getting bogged down and feeling like you need
the material things is still a form of patriarchal control
of what you should have and not have instead of
looking with it, you know. And so I but I
always felt like I was weird and different, and I'm like,
I'll take it, and we're in different Like I don't
need I don't need to have the body that everybody's
talking about, because I like my body. I don't need
(42:34):
to have the house everyone's talking about, because I like
this apartment just fine. And so I always, I always,
I always think about Julia robertson Runaway Bride when Richard
Giris just like how you like your eggs, and She's like, I.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
Know do you remember that.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
I totally remember it.
Speaker 1 (42:51):
Yeah, I totally remember it because I had to ask
myself the same question after I retired. It was like
what makes me happy outside of the game? Who am I?
Outside of now being a parent and being a retired
professional athlete? Like I had to like ask myself some
(43:13):
real fucking serious questions like what makes me happy?
Speaker 2 (43:17):
Not money, not.
Speaker 1 (43:18):
Success, not trophies? Like I need to figure out like
how many people first off, retire at what was I
thirty seven and have to start over? Like I dedicated
my whole fucking life to my craft, and then I
had to figure out who I was outside of it.
Like it's super confronting, Like you got to ask some
(43:41):
hard questions and you got to slow down to actually
be able to get it to the.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
Root of it.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
Like there's a lot of growth that goes into that
that people like they don't know. They only see the
highlight reels, they only see the good And yeah, I
think that's a big part of giving you know, the
realness and the vulnerability and the work both of us do.
It's like that's what you where you really meet people
where they're at.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
Yeap, it doesn't have to be Yeah, it's the fun.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
It doesn't have to be polished. We're fucking messy people,
we just are. It's the human experience.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
And it's good and it's good. It's where the juice is.
It is, it is, the juice is sport, the squeeze.
If you can slow the fuck down, Yeah, exactly, and
ask yourself questions, yes exactly.
Speaker 1 (44:29):
And and and the last thing I want to ask
before we tie this all up in a bow is
a I love the way you take up space, and
it's powerful, it's contagious, it's impactful for anyone listening right
now who does feel like they're too much or too loud,
or too different, too gay, too big, too small, too ambious,
(44:53):
and too ambitious.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
What would you tell them, honey, thank that?
Speaker 3 (45:01):
Yeah. I mean, not everybody will get you, but that's okay.
You still taught them something. You know, you still taught
them something, so please keep doing you. And that goes
for you know, anyone who is trying to figure out
their journey, and that goes for any parent who's trying
(45:22):
to figure out their kid's journey or like a family
member's journey, you know what I mean. It's like, as
long as you love somebody no matter what. Then everything
is possible. Everything is possible, but you have to come
from a place of love. Yeah, but now I have
so many follow up questions for you, Like what questions
(45:43):
were you asking yourself? And did it take you a
long time? And what were the questions people were asking
you that you're just like calm down? Were Like what
questions were like a trigger for you?
Speaker 1 (45:55):
I think I got so used to suffering. I think
I got so comfortable and suffering it felt like home.
Like I was a machine. I was built to be
a machine, like I wanted.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
Success, success, success.
Speaker 1 (46:12):
I needed to the next, the next, the next, the
next game, the next trophy. I guess when I reflect
on my career, it was like did I enjoy it?
Did I take time to pause and like be my
biggest fan? I don't know if I did. I was
just riding it until the wheels fell off because I
(46:32):
needed to float my life and help my family and
take care of kids.
Speaker 2 (46:37):
And I never came up for air.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
And I look back and I you know, I'm a
forty year old woman now and I don't have to
chase shit anymore. I just sometimes have to be I
have to be fully present, and I was asking myself
for a long time, like why am I not happy?
Like I just want happiness, I just want peace, I
want ease. Yes, And I think sometimes we're always chasing
(47:05):
something and we're not taking time to really listen yep
to why the fuck we're doing it in the first place.
Are we doing it to fall in line? Are we
doing it because this is what society tells us. Like
I was just so brainwashed into wanting more more, I
had to be hungry, I had to dig deeper. That
(47:25):
was never enough, and then so much of my life
passed me by, and I'm like, fuck, dude, it was
like was I even there?
Speaker 3 (47:32):
Yeah, yeah, I don't want that.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
I don't want that to happen with my kids. I stopped,
I stopped playing. I'm I love being a mom and
I'm proud of it. And I'm proud of the way
I show up. I'm proud of the way I put
them first. I'm proud of the way I care for
them in a way that makes them feel safe, and
(47:55):
like these are.
Speaker 2 (47:56):
Things like.
Speaker 1 (47:58):
That's what it's about for me, And I'm proud that
I'm doing the work to make sure i'm the best
version for them that I can be, and I think that's.
Speaker 2 (48:11):
Legacy for me.
Speaker 1 (48:13):
It's just about the relationship of building a better life
for them. I just want a better life for them
than I am.
Speaker 3 (48:21):
That's so beautiful. That is so beautiful, and you are well.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
I appreciate you so much for taking time out of
your day to talk to us, to really peel back
the layers. And I just want to thank you for
showing up and taking up space because it's something that
us women shouldn't apologize for. It's something we should celebrate,
and I think the more we can talk about that,
the better off will be in general. So thank you
(48:48):
for being here, Michelle. I really appreciate all the things
you do and how you show up and how you're
so open and vulnerable, and we're so grateful to have
you on Wide Open. So thanks for being here, Michelle.
Speaker 3 (49:00):
Oh my god, my heart is full and my pants
are tight.
Speaker 1 (49:06):
Thank you long, Thank you of course, of course, of course,
and we appreciate everyone being here, and we'll see you
next week on another episode of Wide Open. Michelle, thank
you so much for being on. What a beautiful conversation. Honestly,
you make people laugh for a living but what I
think is so special about your work is that you
(49:28):
also make people feel seen. Thank you for showing us
that taking up space isn't something we should apologize for.
It's something we should celebrate. Everyone go watch Survival of
the Thickest, support Michelle's work, and remember the things that
make you different are often the things that make you unforgettable.
We'll see you next time on Wide Open
Host
Ashlyn Harris
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