June 9, 2026 • 28 mins
I don’t know about you but I have a hard time being wrong.
I like to have all my ducks in a row, all my affairs in order, all my t’s crossed and i’s dotted so that nobody can ever come after me for not being intelligent or prepared.
But I’m learning this obsession with being right is getting in the way.
Of my creativity.
Of my love.
Of my ability to grow.
So this week’s episode is exploring the permission to get it wrong.
To mess it up, fail, falter and fall apart.
Until you have permission to get it wrong, you don’t have permission to do much of anything worth doing. So let’s get started.
Host: Ally Fallon // @allyfallon // allisonfallon.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, and welcome to you to write your story pipecast.
Good job. Really pick up.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
The pieces of your life, pull them back together with
the word you write. All the beauty and peace and
the magic that you'll start too fun when you write
your story.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
You got the.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Words and said, don't you think it's time to let
them out and write them down and cover what it's
all about and write, write your story. Write you write
your story.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Hi, friend, and welcome back to the Write Your Story Podcast.
I'm Ali Fallon. I'm your host, and on today's episode,
I want to share something with you that I've been
learning lately that feels really important and significant to me.
It feels like such a cataclysmic shift in how I
approach my life, approach the world, approach my art, approach
(00:57):
just being a human on planet Earth. And yet every
time I try to put it into words, it feels
smaller than it feels in my body, in my essence.
As I work through this in my life in real time,
I'm going to do my best to put it into words.
But like I said, every time I try to put
this into words, it starts to feel cliche, it starts
(01:17):
to feel kind of basic. But I know that this
process of putting it into words is also important. Finding
the right word to something matters. This is why writing
is such a profound activity for personal growth, because, like
Mark Twain says, the difference between the almost right word
and the right word is the difference between a lightning
(01:37):
bug and lightning. It is so important to our brains
to be able to find the right word. It's like
pulling up something from your unconscious into your conscious, into
your executive functioning so that your brain can operate it
as a whole and so that you can be integrated
as a person. This is what you're doing when you're
(01:57):
in talk therapy with a therapist. It's what you're doing
when you're doing all other modalities if they're therapy. Honestly,
it's what you're doing when you're journaling. It's why journaling
is such a powerful activity for activating your creativity and
activating your personhood, the essence of who you are, because
there's so many parts of ourselves that are missing to us.
They're like think of it, like down in the basement
(02:17):
or up in the attic, Like they're there, but you
don't see them every day. So when you put pen
to paper and you start to write. Suddenly it's like
going up into your attic or going down into your basement.
Oh I forgot I had this suitcase. Oh I forgot
this box of memories was down here. Let me open
it up and see what's inside. That is what the
act of journaling does for us, and why Morning Pages
(02:41):
Julie Carmeron's Artist's Way, It's why these programs are so powerful.
And So that's what's been happening for me is I'm
realizing that there's this buried belief in me. I'm going
to talk about the belief. Shifting this belief is going
to be a cataclysmic shift in my life. I can
already feel it. I've shifted it maybe one percent or
two percent if I'm lucky, and I can already feel
(03:03):
the change. I can already feel the softening in my system.
I can already feel things opening up for me. I
just can already feel I'm so different today than I
was yesterday because of just offering this part of myself
some attention. So that's what I want to talk about.
I want to talk about this buried belief that I
discovered in me, that I think is shared by a
lot of people. And probably especially women, probably especially if
(03:28):
you grew up in high control religion, you know, Mormonism
or Evangelicalism or any kind of high control religion. And
probably if you were like oldest child, oldest daughter. I'm
sure birth order plays a role in this. So this
might be niche. This might be kind of niche content,
but I'm going to share it anyway because it's what
I'm learning. It feels really powerful to me, and I
(03:50):
want to share this transformation with you. So as you know,
I've been doing The Artist's Way by Julia Carermon, which
is a book and a program that has two main tenants.
Number one are your morning pages, which is stream of
consciousness writing every single morning slash afternoon, I'm gonna add
because I usually do mine in the afternoon. And then
the second piece is taking yourself on artist dates. So
(04:12):
the morning Pages, I would say, are the main main
tenant of the program, and many people do the Artist's Way,
and then after the program is over it's twelve weeks long,
they will continue doing morning pages in perpetuity. You may
have even heard the term morning pages, and maybe you
just didn't know that it came from this particular program,
but it is Julia Cameron who started this idea of
(04:33):
writing three pages or forty minutes of stream to consciousness
writing every single morning. This activity, this exercise of writing
morning pages every morning, is a big part of where
the idea of the power of writing it down came from,
which was my book that came out in twenty twenty one.
It's a big piece of why I wrote Write Your Story.
It has played such a role in my life. It's
(04:53):
really not even measurable the way that Julia Cameron has
impacted me. And I went along time I'm without writing
morning pages and then recently picked up the active writing
morning pages again. In fact, I influenced my brother in law,
my mother in law, and my husband allt to do it.
And my husband is so funny, He's like, oh my gosh,
this morning page thing, it's so powerful. You have no idea.
This is changing my life. You know, I can't believe it.
(05:14):
I should have started this a long time ago, and
I'm like, yeah, dude, I'm like, I've been telling you
this since twenty eighteen when we met, or twenty seventeen.
We met at the end of twenty seventeen and started
dating in twenty eighteen, and I have been telling him
from the beginning how powerful it is to write every day,
and he's just having this experience with it right now.
It's just truly such a powerful thing to do. Anyway,
(05:39):
I've been writing my morning pages every day, and one
of the themes that has shown up for me again
and again and again in my morning pages is this
feeling like I am not allowed to get it wrong.
I'm not allowed to get an answer wrong. I'm not
allowed to try something and fail at it. I'm not
allowed to This is where language fails me. But I'm
(06:00):
not allowed to get it wrong. Is the only way
that I can think to say it. It feels in
my body like if I get it wrong, I will
be punished. And this is why I said so. I
think some of this comes from high control religion, and
even though I've deconstructed from evangelicalism over the last ten
years of my life, there's still this deep, deep belief
(06:20):
running so deep inside of me, buried in the basement
that if I get it wrong, I will be punished.
And if you think about what you know your classic
evangelicalism teaches, this is really what it teaches. Like you're
deeply to pray from the moment that you're born. You
know you're a sinner through and through. You're only saved
(06:41):
by the blood of Jesus Christ, and you have to
get this right. You have to pray the sinner's prayer.
You have to do this list of things. You have
to believe these certain like the five points of Calvinism.
And as long as you get that right, then you're
going to heaven. But if you get it wrong, oh,
you know someone's coming to get you. And this belief
has been living in my body for so long and
(07:04):
impacting everything about the way that I do everything, and
I'm just realizing that it was there, even though, like
I said, I've deconstructed from evangelicalism a long time ago.
I don't believe in how I don't think. I mean,
I don't really know what I think happens after we die.
To me, the concept of reincarnation is really fascinating. That
feels like a more just way for if there is
(07:26):
a God who's orchestrating this whole thing, more just way
for God to do it. I'm not saying I think
reincarnation is what happens. I'm just saying if I'm thinking
about the most just way that this could unfold. It's like,
whatever karmic debts you acquire in this lifetime, you're gonna
have to clean them up in your next lifetime. You're accountable,
you're responsible for the way that you act. You are
(07:47):
accumulating this karma, but you're not going to be eternally
punished in Hell forever. There's always the opportunity to, yeah,
clean up your side of the street. To me, that
feels like it makes way more sense than you. You
have eighty years to kind of figure it out, or
maybe even a lot shorter, and then if you don't
figure it out in this lifetime, then you're going to Hell.
(08:07):
So in my conscious brain, I don't even believe that
this is what I'm trying to get at. And maybe
this particular paradigm shift doesn't even really resonate for you
as the way that it does for me. But I
guess the point I'm trying to make here is that
there can be a belief in your conscious brain. I
don't even believe in Hell. That's what's in my conscious brain,
in my unconscious brain, in my basement, until I started
(08:28):
picking up the pen and writing my Morning Pages. I
didn't know it was down there. There is a belief
that you cannot get this wrong, or you will be
punished in a way that will be so painful that
you will live and regret for the rest of your life.
I mean, like that is living in my basement, Like
that's insane. Think about the way that that belief would
(08:48):
drive my behavior, would drive my feelings about myself, would
drive the atmosphere of my life, the atmosphere of my family,
even if I don't want it to be affecting those things.
Just imagine the kind of environment that that would create.
And that's what I've been discovering is i've been doing
these morning pages. Is this block that I've been talking
(09:11):
about for months and months and months or maybe even years,
this block around my creativity. I saw myself writing this thing,
you can't get it wrong. You can't get it wrong.
You can't get it wrong. It's not okay to get
it wrong. You got to get this right. It's important
to get it right. I saw myself circling this block,
and I just went, oh, oh my gosh, well let's
(09:32):
play this out for a second, because if I'm not
allowed to get it wrong, then How could I ever
experiment if I'm not allowed to get it wrong? How
could I ever be creative if I'm not allowed to
get it wrong? How could I ever try something if
I'm not allowed to get it wrong? What does it
say about my big failure? It says I'm screwed. It
(09:53):
says I'm going to be pun I'm being punished. You know,
in that paradigm the life that I'm experiencing right now,
the hardship, the struggle is the punishment for the failure,
And that paradigm is so reductionistic when you really pull
(10:13):
it into the light. Okay, if you go down into
your basement and you find this belief and you bring
it up the stairs and you bring it into the light,
and you go, do I want to keep this?
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Like?
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Is this item really important to me? Is this what
I want to be building my life around? Do I
want this energetically to be sitting in my basement? When
you really bring this belief up into the light, you go, no,
gosh no. Would I want my kids to think, like,
if you make one mistake, you're going down. Is that
the kind of environment that would create a lifelong love
(10:44):
of learning, that would create safety for creativity and for play.
Would they feel a safe attachment to me in that environment? No,
none of that. And so the fact that I'm swimming
in those waters is just like so enlightening. I'm like, Okay,
in my conscious mind, I wasn't believing that, but somewhere
(11:05):
in my unconscious I was. It kept popping up in
my morning pages. And it isn't until I bring that
belief into the light and examine it and allow myself
the opportunity to shift it that I am going to
experience a shift in my environment. So what I've started
(11:30):
doing is shifting the belief from You're not allowed to
get it wrong. If you get it wrong, You're going
to get in trouble. If you get it wrong, you're
going to be punished to I'm allowed to be wrong.
I'm allowed to get this wrong. It's okay to be wrong.
People are wrong sometimes. I am wrong sometimes. And this
has become the affirmation that I'm using with myself day
(11:50):
after day after day. And just a simple example, like
right now, as I'm recording this episode, in my body,
there is part of me that's going like, oh, so
is this a dumb topic for the episode. Should I
go back to the beginning and record over again. Should
I rethink this? Like then my affirmation comes in and says,
it's fine to get it wrong, No big deal. You
record one episode that doesn't resonate with people, it doesn't
(12:12):
land with people, It's not a big deal. Moving on,
the only way that we ever learn is to be
able to experiment and explore. The only way that we
ever create anything is to have permission to get it wrong.
And all this time, my whole frickin life, I've been
living in this universe, this planet that I created, Planet Alley,
(12:33):
where it's not okay to be wrong, and if you
get wrong, if you get it wrong, you're going to
be punished. And I'm seeing the evidence of that inner
environment in my outer environment. David White, the beautiful, incredible,
amazing Irish poet David White calls this your inner horizon
and your outer horizon, meaning whatever's going on on your
(12:55):
outer horizon is reflected back in your inner horizon and
vice versa. Whatever's going on in your inner horizon is
reflected in your outer horizon. And what David says is
that we spend so much time focused on the outer horizon.
Goal setting, vision casting, manifesting. We spend so much time
focused on the external, we forget to look internally. And
(13:18):
it is almost always in my experience the looking internally
that clarifies the looking internally that helps you to see, Oh,
that's why that's on my external horizon. I think for me,
one of the hang ups with this idea, the idea
around manifestation, like, Okay, you want to manifest whatever it is,
(13:39):
like a you know, five bedroom house or something like that.
You want to manifest a million dollars, you want to
manifest a certain type of car, so you visualize. This
is the way manifestations taught. You visualize. You focus on
the external thing, you think about it, think about it,
think about it, and over time, you know, your brain
unconsciously takes you toward that thing. Think, there's actually, like,
(14:01):
even at its most basic level, some truth in that,
because when you prime the brain with visual images, or
you prime the prime the brain with certain ideas, your
brain is really smart to filter out everything that doesn't
match that visual everything that doesn't match that experience, everything
that doesn't match what you're looking for. So same way,
like if you let's say you're going to go buy
(14:22):
a new Toyota or something like that, and you test
the drive the Toyota, and then all of a sudden
you're driving on the freeway and everywhere you look you
see this car that you testrove because your brain visualized
it it's odd in real life, and then now your
brain picks it out of you know, all over the world,
everywhere you go, it's all you can see. So I think,
(14:42):
even on its surface level, there is some truth to that.
But if you're like me and you've had some trauma
in your life, I don't think the way manifestation is
taught is first of all, it's not trauma informed. Second
of all, I think if you're carrying around the belief
that you're not allowed to get it wrong, then you
don't have the opportunity to look at how everything in
(15:06):
your life is already a manifestation. Because think of it
this way. If everything in your life is already a manifestation,
then when you see something that you don't like or
don't want in your life, then you're wrong and it's
your fault and you're being punished. And what a terrible
way to have to live, To think, Oh, I manifested
this toxic relationship I guess I must be being punished
(15:30):
because I must be a bad person if I manifested
that instead of the ability to think about it more neutrally.
I don't know if this is making sense, but with
the way David White teaches it, I think is so
beautiful because it's just a mirror. Everything in your world
is a mirror, and it's mirroring back to you. And
if you think of it that way, then here's the
(15:51):
opportunity at hand. Instead of being like, I'm going to
manifest a brand new I don't know, tesla whatever, you
get to look at the inner the way that I'm
talking about. You get to go down into the basement
and see what's there, find the beliefs that are no
longer serving you, and free yourself from their prison. Because
(16:11):
until I started doing Morning Pages, I did not realize
that there was a belief lingering in my basement that
says you're not allowed to get it wrong. And it
wasn't until I paid attention to that and brought my
love and compassion to it that I was able to
bring it into light and say, I don't want to
believe that. I don't want to believe that I'm not
allowed to get anything wrong, or I'm going to be punished.
I want to believe that I'm allowed to be wrong,
(16:32):
I'm allowed to adjust course. Think of the implications of believing,
deep into your bones that you were not allowed to
be wrong. When you look at the current political discourse,
the current spiritual discourse, don't you see so many people
who are living out this belief. I'm not allowed to
(16:52):
be wrong. I'm not allowed to be wrong. If I
get it wrong, I'm going to be punished if I
get it wrong, I'm gonna go to hell. If I
get it wrong, I'm going to be you know, in
hot water. So many people who have to be right,
They just have to be right instead of going interesting.
You think about this differently than I do. Let me
take this in for a second. Let me take a
(17:13):
look at it from a different angle. Let me consider
what you're saying, let me really listen to you deeply.
And if we were allowed to get it wrong, then
we would be allowed to even consider ideas without needing
to determine ahead of time whether they're right or whether
they're wrong. I feel like a lot of what we're
doing right now on social media and with the political
(17:34):
discourse is needing to determine ahead of time if an
idea is right or wrong, so that we can decide
if we're going to accept or reject it. Instead of listening,
instead of nuance, instead of sitting with something, instead of
trying it, playing with it, experimenting with it, putting it
to work. Let's see where this idea takes us. Let's
(17:56):
see what kind of environment this idea creates for us.
If we were more open to experimentation, I think we
would find that we actually don't differ in our beliefs
as much as we think we do. So thinking about
the inner horizon and the outer horizon. As I started
to reflect on this inner horizon, the inner environment of
you're not allowed to get it wrong. Don't you dare
(18:18):
get it wrong. If you get it wrong, you're going
to hell. Once I started to soften around that idea
and to tell myself, remind myself, I'm allowed to be wrong.
It's okay to be wrong. Once I started doing that,
I was able to reflect on how different elements of
my life might be different or might feel different to
me if this new truth were true. So this is
(18:41):
where the experimentation comes in. If you're not allowed to
be wrong, then you better get the ideas right as
quick as possible and get them locked in and never
change them forever and ever. If you're allowed to be wrong,
you can consider okay, if I'm allowed to be wrong,
then how would that change the way that I see
the failure, the big business failure that my husband and
I went through. How would it change the way that
(19:02):
I feel about bankruptcy? I know I've talked about this,
but we came within inches of bankruptcy. I had tons
of shame around the potential bankruptcy. I had tons of
shame around the potential of losing our house. I had
tons of shame around credit card debt, which most of
the credit card debt we acquired after we were already
so deep in debt through business lines of credit that
(19:23):
we just couldn't afford to buy groceries anymore. So we're
putting groceries on credit cards. There's a story behind all
of it, but I was feeling so much shame about
it that I'm realizing a lot of the shame I
was feeling was because I wasn't allowed to get it wrong,
and debt is wrong. I had decided in my head
that debt was wrong, but I had this wild experience.
I'll share about this. It's kind of a little kooky,
(19:45):
but it doesn't need to be right. So this theme
is running all throughout this episode. This doesn't need to
be true in the sense that I'm sitting on a
bed right now. The bed is real, you know, I'm
wearing some blue pants.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Like.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
It doesn't need to be true that way, but true energetically.
Just go with me this way. Let's just play with
this idea for amanent. And this is what my brain
was allowed to do because I didn't have to get
it right. I just found myself in my morning pages
(20:19):
one morning experimenting with this idea that my future self,
let's say ten years from now, Ali, who is not
in any debt, who was doing well financially, who is
stable and secure, that she handed this debt back to
me through time to enable me to take this chance
and experiment on myself, experiment with this business venture, experiment
(20:42):
with this thing that we tried to have the experience
of failure so that I could see that failure doesn't
mean anything. It means nothing. Your failure means nothing. You
are allowed to get it wrong. You're allowed to be wrong.
I thought that this business venture was going to pay
us back tenfold, which is why I made the investment
(21:03):
that I did. It's why I took the risk that
I did. I was convinced to my very core that
this was going to work out in our favor. And
to be fair, small side note, we still don't know
how the story is going to end. So maybe someday
it will work out in our favor. For now, that
isn't the story. But when I bring in this belief
that I'm allowed to be wrong, I'm allowed to get
(21:25):
it wrong. You're allowed to make mistakes. You're allowed to
be wrong about Primate Serf Club. You're allowed to think
that it was going to work, and then it doesn't work,
It's oh okay. It changes the entire environment of the experience.
When I'm living in the environment of you're not allowed
to be wrong. If you get it wrong, then everything
bad's going to happen to you, You're going to really
(21:45):
suffer and struggle. Then, of course the failure would feel
a lot more severe. But when I'm living in the
environment of it's okay to be wrong, people are wrong.
Sometimes we all get it wrong. Do you feel the
lightness around that. Do you feel the like I can
let a full breath out. It's okay, You're allowed to
(22:08):
get it wrong. You're allowed to be wrong. It just
changes the entire environment that I'm living in. And I
just started to think about this as it applies to
every single area of my life. Like I was in
a toxic marriage, I've been divorced. It's okay, you're allowed
to be wrong. You're allowed to get it wrong. You
thought that was the right marriage for you. It wasn't
the right marriage for you, and you're allowed to get
it wrong. Around the the idea of having more kids,
(22:33):
I feel like, in a practical way, I've let this go.
My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant
for I don't know, depends on how you count, but
a couple of years, really wanting to grow our family,
and it hasn't been happening for us. And man, I
just felt deep down in my guts that there were
more babies out there for us, and I've just been
telling myself, it's okay, you're allowed to get it wrong.
(22:53):
Or maybe you were wrong about the timing, or maybe
you're wrong that the window is actually closed or whatever,
like it's okay. You're allowed to be wrong. People get
things wrong all the time. It's not a big deal.
Take the pressure off of yourself when you give up
this idea that you have to get everything right all
the time, that you have to be right about every
idea that you have, that you have to get your
theology locked in, that you have to get your routine
(23:16):
locked in. You gotta be you gotta have everything short up.
You got to get it perfect. You gotta look right,
you got to you know, feel right. You gotta be
healthy all the time. Here there's another environment that this
has changed for me is health and wellness. I've been
so sick, and I've been making myself wrong for being sick.
And suddenly, when I allowed myself to consider that maybe
(23:37):
I didn't do anything wrong, Maybe there's no such thing
as doing something wrong. Maybe it's not wrong that I'm sick,
Suddenly I was like, Oh, actually, my body is so
wise and intelligent. It's been communicating with me this whole time,
trying to express to me what needs to be expressed,
(23:58):
something that my conscious mind couldn't access or didn't you know,
want to face, or felt was too shameful or whatever.
Like my body is like, no, this is not too
shameful for us. I'm going to tell you the truth
through and through. I'm going to tell it all to you.
And when I allowed myself the permission to be wrong,
I came out of that fight with my body. It's
like I feel like my brain was in a fight
(24:20):
with my body, where my body is sick and my
brain is going get better, get back, get back to
how you used to be. You gotta like perform and
accomplish and do things, and you know, get back in
line body, and my body is like, no, my body
already knows the truth that we don't have to get
this right, and there's no such thing as getting it right.
(24:41):
And when you let go of this idea that you
have to get it right all the time, then there's
an opportunity for curiosity, for mystery, for exploration, for creativity,
for flow, for learning. Because you were learning new things
every single day. I don't care how old you are,
new information and insight every single day. So let yourself
(25:04):
off the hook of needing to know how everything works,
how the world works, how it should be, what the
solution to the problem is. That's a whole other episode
I could could record about not trying to make everything
a problem to solve. It's like, if you don't need
to get it right, then not everything is a problem
to solve. Some things are just about allowing and being
(25:28):
present and being willing and staying open. Most things I
think are about that when you don't need to get
it right, not everything is a problem to solve, the
energy of getting it right all the time puts all
the responsibility on your shoulders to fix this now. But
what if this doesn't need to be fixed now? What
(25:49):
if this current political unrest doesn't need to be fixed
right now? What if your health symptoms don't need to
be fixed right now. What if you're broken relationship doesn't
need to be fixed right now. What if your money
problems don't need to be fixed right now? What if
none of it needs to be fixed right this minute?
And what if some of that, some of the responsibility,
two percent of it can come off of your shoulders.
(26:11):
Like I was saying at the beginning of this episode,
I think some of this might apply to women, maybe
more than men, maybe not. I don't know. Men carry
responsibility in a very different way than women do. Some
of it might apply to you more if you are
in a certain birth order in your family. I do
feel like older children sometimes carry more of that responsibility.
I gotta get it right. I got to make mom
and Dad happy than younger siblings do. And I also
(26:34):
think coming out of a religious space could also create
that environment of a need to know, a need to
have it figured out, have your beliefs all locked in
so that you know that your eternity is safe. I mean,
when you really start to think about it, it all
sounds so silly. But life is not about getting it right.
(26:57):
Life is not about getting your ducks in. Life is
not about solving all the problems. Life is not about
being the most responsible person ever. It's not about getting
straight a's. It's not about being the valictorian. It's not
about getting a bunch of accolades and awards. And you
can ask anybody who's achieved those things if those things
make them happy, and the answer is no. The harder
(27:18):
we try to get things right, the worse we are
at relationships, the worse we are at being present, the
worse we are at listening, the worst we are at
staying open and learning and growing and changing. Every day,
the worse we are at being creative, all the things
that truly make us happy as human beings come in
(27:38):
because we stay open to the fact that we might
be wrong. Allow yourself the permission to be wrong. Maybe
you're wrong, It's okay, try something. Maybe it was the
wrong thing to quote unquote, wrong thing to try. It's fine,
experiment was something. Maybe it was the wrong thing to
experiment with. It's okay again. Another whole episode I could record.
(27:59):
But I think this willingness to experiment and be wrong
requires such a deep level of trust in self that
we've never cultivated that deep trust of self. So we're
scared to go there. But I would invite you. I'm
inviting myself into this process of allowing myself to be wrong,
cultivating a deep trust of self. No matter what mess
(28:19):
we get ourselves into, we can get ourselves out of
it if we stay open, if we have an allowance
to be wrong, if we give ourselves that permission, if
we give ourselves that leeway, if we keep exploring, keep learning,
keep being creative, keep listening, we will find our way.
Thank you for listening. I'll see you back next week.
(28:41):
I write your story. Our guest
Hi, and welcome to you to write your story pipecast.
Good job. Really pick up.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
The pieces of your life, pull them back together with
the word you write. All the beauty and peace and
the magic that you'll start too fun when you write
your story.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
You got the.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Words and said, don't you think it's time to let
them out and write them down and cover what it's
all about and write, write your story. Write you write
your story.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Hi, friend, and welcome back to the Write Your Story Podcast.
I'm Ali Fallon. I'm your host, and on today's episode,
I want to share something with you that I've been
learning lately that feels really important and significant to me.
It feels like such a cataclysmic shift in how I
approach my life, approach the world, approach my art, approach
(00:57):
just being a human on planet Earth. And yet every
time I try to put it into words, it feels
smaller than it feels in my body, in my essence.
As I work through this in my life in real time,
I'm going to do my best to put it into words.
But like I said, every time I try to put
this into words, it starts to feel cliche, it starts
(01:17):
to feel kind of basic. But I know that this
process of putting it into words is also important. Finding
the right word to something matters. This is why writing
is such a profound activity for personal growth, because, like
Mark Twain says, the difference between the almost right word
and the right word is the difference between a lightning
(01:37):
bug and lightning. It is so important to our brains
to be able to find the right word. It's like
pulling up something from your unconscious into your conscious, into
your executive functioning so that your brain can operate it
as a whole and so that you can be integrated
as a person. This is what you're doing when you're
(01:57):
in talk therapy with a therapist. It's what you're doing
when you're doing all other modalities if they're therapy. Honestly,
it's what you're doing when you're journaling. It's why journaling
is such a powerful activity for activating your creativity and
activating your personhood, the essence of who you are, because
there's so many parts of ourselves that are missing to us.
They're like think of it, like down in the basement
(02:17):
or up in the attic, Like they're there, but you
don't see them every day. So when you put pen
to paper and you start to write. Suddenly it's like
going up into your attic or going down into your basement.
Oh I forgot I had this suitcase. Oh I forgot
this box of memories was down here. Let me open
it up and see what's inside. That is what the
act of journaling does for us, and why Morning Pages
(02:41):
Julie Carmeron's Artist's Way, It's why these programs are so powerful.
And So that's what's been happening for me is I'm
realizing that there's this buried belief in me. I'm going
to talk about the belief. Shifting this belief is going
to be a cataclysmic shift in my life. I can
already feel it. I've shifted it maybe one percent or
two percent if I'm lucky, and I can already feel
(03:03):
the change. I can already feel the softening in my system.
I can already feel things opening up for me. I
just can already feel I'm so different today than I
was yesterday because of just offering this part of myself
some attention. So that's what I want to talk about.
I want to talk about this buried belief that I
discovered in me, that I think is shared by a
lot of people. And probably especially women, probably especially if
(03:28):
you grew up in high control religion, you know, Mormonism
or Evangelicalism or any kind of high control religion. And
probably if you were like oldest child, oldest daughter. I'm
sure birth order plays a role in this. So this
might be niche. This might be kind of niche content,
but I'm going to share it anyway because it's what
I'm learning. It feels really powerful to me, and I
(03:50):
want to share this transformation with you. So as you know,
I've been doing The Artist's Way by Julia Carermon, which
is a book and a program that has two main tenants.
Number one are your morning pages, which is stream of
consciousness writing every single morning slash afternoon, I'm gonna add
because I usually do mine in the afternoon. And then
the second piece is taking yourself on artist dates. So
(04:12):
the morning Pages, I would say, are the main main
tenant of the program, and many people do the Artist's Way,
and then after the program is over it's twelve weeks long,
they will continue doing morning pages in perpetuity. You may
have even heard the term morning pages, and maybe you
just didn't know that it came from this particular program,
but it is Julia Cameron who started this idea of
(04:33):
writing three pages or forty minutes of stream to consciousness
writing every single morning. This activity, this exercise of writing
morning pages every morning, is a big part of where
the idea of the power of writing it down came from,
which was my book that came out in twenty twenty one.
It's a big piece of why I wrote Write Your Story.
It has played such a role in my life. It's
(04:53):
really not even measurable the way that Julia Cameron has
impacted me. And I went along time I'm without writing
morning pages and then recently picked up the active writing
morning pages again. In fact, I influenced my brother in law,
my mother in law, and my husband allt to do it.
And my husband is so funny, He's like, oh my gosh,
this morning page thing, it's so powerful. You have no idea.
This is changing my life. You know, I can't believe it.
(05:14):
I should have started this a long time ago, and
I'm like, yeah, dude, I'm like, I've been telling you
this since twenty eighteen when we met, or twenty seventeen.
We met at the end of twenty seventeen and started
dating in twenty eighteen, and I have been telling him
from the beginning how powerful it is to write every day,
and he's just having this experience with it right now.
It's just truly such a powerful thing to do. Anyway,
(05:39):
I've been writing my morning pages every day, and one
of the themes that has shown up for me again
and again and again in my morning pages is this
feeling like I am not allowed to get it wrong.
I'm not allowed to get an answer wrong. I'm not
allowed to try something and fail at it. I'm not
allowed to This is where language fails me. But I'm
(06:00):
not allowed to get it wrong. Is the only way
that I can think to say it. It feels in
my body like if I get it wrong, I will
be punished. And this is why I said so. I
think some of this comes from high control religion, and
even though I've deconstructed from evangelicalism over the last ten
years of my life, there's still this deep, deep belief
(06:20):
running so deep inside of me, buried in the basement
that if I get it wrong, I will be punished.
And if you think about what you know your classic
evangelicalism teaches, this is really what it teaches. Like you're
deeply to pray from the moment that you're born. You
know you're a sinner through and through. You're only saved
(06:41):
by the blood of Jesus Christ, and you have to
get this right. You have to pray the sinner's prayer.
You have to do this list of things. You have
to believe these certain like the five points of Calvinism.
And as long as you get that right, then you're
going to heaven. But if you get it wrong, oh,
you know someone's coming to get you. And this belief
has been living in my body for so long and
(07:04):
impacting everything about the way that I do everything, and
I'm just realizing that it was there, even though, like
I said, I've deconstructed from evangelicalism a long time ago.
I don't believe in how I don't think. I mean,
I don't really know what I think happens after we die.
To me, the concept of reincarnation is really fascinating. That
feels like a more just way for if there is
(07:26):
a God who's orchestrating this whole thing, more just way
for God to do it. I'm not saying I think
reincarnation is what happens. I'm just saying if I'm thinking
about the most just way that this could unfold. It's like,
whatever karmic debts you acquire in this lifetime, you're gonna
have to clean them up in your next lifetime. You're accountable,
you're responsible for the way that you act. You are
(07:47):
accumulating this karma, but you're not going to be eternally
punished in Hell forever. There's always the opportunity to, yeah,
clean up your side of the street. To me, that
feels like it makes way more sense than you. You
have eighty years to kind of figure it out, or
maybe even a lot shorter, and then if you don't
figure it out in this lifetime, then you're going to Hell.
(08:07):
So in my conscious brain, I don't even believe that
this is what I'm trying to get at. And maybe
this particular paradigm shift doesn't even really resonate for you
as the way that it does for me. But I
guess the point I'm trying to make here is that
there can be a belief in your conscious brain. I
don't even believe in Hell. That's what's in my conscious brain,
in my unconscious brain, in my basement, until I started
(08:28):
picking up the pen and writing my Morning Pages. I
didn't know it was down there. There is a belief
that you cannot get this wrong, or you will be
punished in a way that will be so painful that
you will live and regret for the rest of your life.
I mean, like that is living in my basement, Like
that's insane. Think about the way that that belief would
(08:48):
drive my behavior, would drive my feelings about myself, would
drive the atmosphere of my life, the atmosphere of my family,
even if I don't want it to be affecting those things.
Just imagine the kind of environment that that would create.
And that's what I've been discovering is i've been doing
these morning pages. Is this block that I've been talking
(09:11):
about for months and months and months or maybe even years,
this block around my creativity. I saw myself writing this thing,
you can't get it wrong. You can't get it wrong.
You can't get it wrong. It's not okay to get
it wrong. You got to get this right. It's important
to get it right. I saw myself circling this block,
and I just went, oh, oh my gosh, well let's
(09:32):
play this out for a second, because if I'm not
allowed to get it wrong, then How could I ever
experiment if I'm not allowed to get it wrong? How
could I ever be creative if I'm not allowed to
get it wrong? How could I ever try something if
I'm not allowed to get it wrong? What does it
say about my big failure? It says I'm screwed. It
(09:53):
says I'm going to be pun I'm being punished. You know,
in that paradigm the life that I'm experiencing right now,
the hardship, the struggle is the punishment for the failure,
And that paradigm is so reductionistic when you really pull
(10:13):
it into the light. Okay, if you go down into
your basement and you find this belief and you bring
it up the stairs and you bring it into the light,
and you go, do I want to keep this?
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Like?
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Is this item really important to me? Is this what
I want to be building my life around? Do I
want this energetically to be sitting in my basement? When
you really bring this belief up into the light, you go, no,
gosh no. Would I want my kids to think, like,
if you make one mistake, you're going down. Is that
the kind of environment that would create a lifelong love
(10:44):
of learning, that would create safety for creativity and for play.
Would they feel a safe attachment to me in that environment? No,
none of that. And so the fact that I'm swimming
in those waters is just like so enlightening. I'm like, Okay,
in my conscious mind, I wasn't believing that, but somewhere
(11:05):
in my unconscious I was. It kept popping up in
my morning pages. And it isn't until I bring that
belief into the light and examine it and allow myself
the opportunity to shift it that I am going to
experience a shift in my environment. So what I've started
(11:30):
doing is shifting the belief from You're not allowed to
get it wrong. If you get it wrong, You're going
to get in trouble. If you get it wrong, you're
going to be punished to I'm allowed to be wrong.
I'm allowed to get this wrong. It's okay to be wrong.
People are wrong sometimes. I am wrong sometimes. And this
has become the affirmation that I'm using with myself day
(11:50):
after day after day. And just a simple example, like
right now, as I'm recording this episode, in my body,
there is part of me that's going like, oh, so
is this a dumb topic for the episode. Should I
go back to the beginning and record over again. Should
I rethink this? Like then my affirmation comes in and says,
it's fine to get it wrong, No big deal. You
record one episode that doesn't resonate with people, it doesn't
(12:12):
land with people, It's not a big deal. Moving on,
the only way that we ever learn is to be
able to experiment and explore. The only way that we
ever create anything is to have permission to get it wrong.
And all this time, my whole frickin life, I've been
living in this universe, this planet that I created, Planet Alley,
(12:33):
where it's not okay to be wrong, and if you
get wrong, if you get it wrong, you're going to
be punished. And I'm seeing the evidence of that inner
environment in my outer environment. David White, the beautiful, incredible,
amazing Irish poet David White calls this your inner horizon
and your outer horizon, meaning whatever's going on on your
(12:55):
outer horizon is reflected back in your inner horizon and
vice versa. Whatever's going on in your inner horizon is
reflected in your outer horizon. And what David says is
that we spend so much time focused on the outer horizon.
Goal setting, vision casting, manifesting. We spend so much time
focused on the external, we forget to look internally. And
(13:18):
it is almost always in my experience the looking internally
that clarifies the looking internally that helps you to see, Oh,
that's why that's on my external horizon. I think for me,
one of the hang ups with this idea, the idea
around manifestation, like, Okay, you want to manifest whatever it is,
(13:39):
like a you know, five bedroom house or something like that.
You want to manifest a million dollars, you want to
manifest a certain type of car, so you visualize. This
is the way manifestations taught. You visualize. You focus on
the external thing, you think about it, think about it,
think about it, and over time, you know, your brain
unconsciously takes you toward that thing. Think, there's actually, like,
(14:01):
even at its most basic level, some truth in that,
because when you prime the brain with visual images, or
you prime the prime the brain with certain ideas, your
brain is really smart to filter out everything that doesn't
match that visual everything that doesn't match that experience, everything
that doesn't match what you're looking for. So same way,
like if you let's say you're going to go buy
(14:22):
a new Toyota or something like that, and you test
the drive the Toyota, and then all of a sudden
you're driving on the freeway and everywhere you look you
see this car that you testrove because your brain visualized
it it's odd in real life, and then now your
brain picks it out of you know, all over the world,
everywhere you go, it's all you can see. So I think,
(14:42):
even on its surface level, there is some truth to that.
But if you're like me and you've had some trauma
in your life, I don't think the way manifestation is
taught is first of all, it's not trauma informed. Second
of all, I think if you're carrying around the belief
that you're not allowed to get it wrong, then you
don't have the opportunity to look at how everything in
(15:06):
your life is already a manifestation. Because think of it
this way. If everything in your life is already a manifestation,
then when you see something that you don't like or
don't want in your life, then you're wrong and it's
your fault and you're being punished. And what a terrible
way to have to live, To think, Oh, I manifested
this toxic relationship I guess I must be being punished
(15:30):
because I must be a bad person if I manifested
that instead of the ability to think about it more neutrally.
I don't know if this is making sense, but with
the way David White teaches it, I think is so
beautiful because it's just a mirror. Everything in your world
is a mirror, and it's mirroring back to you. And
if you think of it that way, then here's the
(15:51):
opportunity at hand. Instead of being like, I'm going to
manifest a brand new I don't know, tesla whatever, you
get to look at the inner the way that I'm
talking about. You get to go down into the basement
and see what's there, find the beliefs that are no
longer serving you, and free yourself from their prison. Because
(16:11):
until I started doing Morning Pages, I did not realize
that there was a belief lingering in my basement that
says you're not allowed to get it wrong. And it
wasn't until I paid attention to that and brought my
love and compassion to it that I was able to
bring it into light and say, I don't want to
believe that. I don't want to believe that I'm not
allowed to get anything wrong, or I'm going to be punished.
I want to believe that I'm allowed to be wrong,
(16:32):
I'm allowed to adjust course. Think of the implications of believing,
deep into your bones that you were not allowed to
be wrong. When you look at the current political discourse,
the current spiritual discourse, don't you see so many people
who are living out this belief. I'm not allowed to
(16:52):
be wrong. I'm not allowed to be wrong. If I
get it wrong, I'm going to be punished if I
get it wrong, I'm gonna go to hell. If I
get it wrong, I'm going to be you know, in
hot water. So many people who have to be right,
They just have to be right instead of going interesting.
You think about this differently than I do. Let me
take this in for a second. Let me take a
(17:13):
look at it from a different angle. Let me consider
what you're saying, let me really listen to you deeply.
And if we were allowed to get it wrong, then
we would be allowed to even consider ideas without needing
to determine ahead of time whether they're right or whether
they're wrong. I feel like a lot of what we're
doing right now on social media and with the political
(17:34):
discourse is needing to determine ahead of time if an
idea is right or wrong, so that we can decide
if we're going to accept or reject it. Instead of listening,
instead of nuance, instead of sitting with something, instead of
trying it, playing with it, experimenting with it, putting it
to work. Let's see where this idea takes us. Let's
(17:56):
see what kind of environment this idea creates for us.
If we were more open to experimentation, I think we
would find that we actually don't differ in our beliefs
as much as we think we do. So thinking about
the inner horizon and the outer horizon. As I started
to reflect on this inner horizon, the inner environment of
you're not allowed to get it wrong. Don't you dare
(18:18):
get it wrong. If you get it wrong, you're going
to hell. Once I started to soften around that idea
and to tell myself, remind myself, I'm allowed to be wrong.
It's okay to be wrong. Once I started doing that,
I was able to reflect on how different elements of
my life might be different or might feel different to
me if this new truth were true. So this is
(18:41):
where the experimentation comes in. If you're not allowed to
be wrong, then you better get the ideas right as
quick as possible and get them locked in and never
change them forever and ever. If you're allowed to be wrong,
you can consider okay, if I'm allowed to be wrong,
then how would that change the way that I see
the failure, the big business failure that my husband and
I went through. How would it change the way that
(19:02):
I feel about bankruptcy? I know I've talked about this,
but we came within inches of bankruptcy. I had tons
of shame around the potential bankruptcy. I had tons of
shame around the potential of losing our house. I had
tons of shame around credit card debt, which most of
the credit card debt we acquired after we were already
so deep in debt through business lines of credit that
(19:23):
we just couldn't afford to buy groceries anymore. So we're
putting groceries on credit cards. There's a story behind all
of it, but I was feeling so much shame about
it that I'm realizing a lot of the shame I
was feeling was because I wasn't allowed to get it wrong,
and debt is wrong. I had decided in my head
that debt was wrong, but I had this wild experience.
I'll share about this. It's kind of a little kooky,
(19:45):
but it doesn't need to be right. So this theme
is running all throughout this episode. This doesn't need to
be true in the sense that I'm sitting on a
bed right now. The bed is real, you know, I'm
wearing some blue pants.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Like.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
It doesn't need to be true that way, but true energetically.
Just go with me this way. Let's just play with
this idea for amanent. And this is what my brain
was allowed to do because I didn't have to get
it right. I just found myself in my morning pages
(20:19):
one morning experimenting with this idea that my future self,
let's say ten years from now, Ali, who is not
in any debt, who was doing well financially, who is
stable and secure, that she handed this debt back to
me through time to enable me to take this chance
and experiment on myself, experiment with this business venture, experiment
(20:42):
with this thing that we tried to have the experience
of failure so that I could see that failure doesn't
mean anything. It means nothing. Your failure means nothing. You
are allowed to get it wrong. You're allowed to be wrong.
I thought that this business venture was going to pay
us back tenfold, which is why I made the investment
(21:03):
that I did. It's why I took the risk that
I did. I was convinced to my very core that
this was going to work out in our favor. And
to be fair, small side note, we still don't know
how the story is going to end. So maybe someday
it will work out in our favor. For now, that
isn't the story. But when I bring in this belief
that I'm allowed to be wrong, I'm allowed to get
(21:25):
it wrong. You're allowed to make mistakes. You're allowed to
be wrong about Primate Serf Club. You're allowed to think
that it was going to work, and then it doesn't work,
It's oh okay. It changes the entire environment of the experience.
When I'm living in the environment of you're not allowed
to be wrong. If you get it wrong, then everything
bad's going to happen to you, You're going to really
(21:45):
suffer and struggle. Then, of course the failure would feel
a lot more severe. But when I'm living in the
environment of it's okay to be wrong, people are wrong.
Sometimes we all get it wrong. Do you feel the
lightness around that. Do you feel the like I can
let a full breath out. It's okay, You're allowed to
(22:08):
get it wrong. You're allowed to be wrong. It just
changes the entire environment that I'm living in. And I
just started to think about this as it applies to
every single area of my life. Like I was in
a toxic marriage, I've been divorced. It's okay, you're allowed
to be wrong. You're allowed to get it wrong. You
thought that was the right marriage for you. It wasn't
the right marriage for you, and you're allowed to get
it wrong. Around the the idea of having more kids,
(22:33):
I feel like, in a practical way, I've let this go.
My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant
for I don't know, depends on how you count, but
a couple of years, really wanting to grow our family,
and it hasn't been happening for us. And man, I
just felt deep down in my guts that there were
more babies out there for us, and I've just been
telling myself, it's okay, you're allowed to get it wrong.
(22:53):
Or maybe you were wrong about the timing, or maybe
you're wrong that the window is actually closed or whatever,
like it's okay. You're allowed to be wrong. People get
things wrong all the time. It's not a big deal.
Take the pressure off of yourself when you give up
this idea that you have to get everything right all
the time, that you have to be right about every
idea that you have, that you have to get your
theology locked in, that you have to get your routine
(23:16):
locked in. You gotta be you gotta have everything short up.
You got to get it perfect. You gotta look right,
you got to you know, feel right. You gotta be
healthy all the time. Here there's another environment that this
has changed for me is health and wellness. I've been
so sick, and I've been making myself wrong for being sick.
And suddenly, when I allowed myself to consider that maybe
(23:37):
I didn't do anything wrong, Maybe there's no such thing
as doing something wrong. Maybe it's not wrong that I'm sick,
Suddenly I was like, Oh, actually, my body is so
wise and intelligent. It's been communicating with me this whole time,
trying to express to me what needs to be expressed,
(23:58):
something that my conscious mind couldn't access or didn't you know,
want to face, or felt was too shameful or whatever.
Like my body is like, no, this is not too
shameful for us. I'm going to tell you the truth
through and through. I'm going to tell it all to you.
And when I allowed myself the permission to be wrong,
I came out of that fight with my body. It's
like I feel like my brain was in a fight
(24:20):
with my body, where my body is sick and my
brain is going get better, get back, get back to
how you used to be. You gotta like perform and
accomplish and do things, and you know, get back in
line body, and my body is like, no, my body
already knows the truth that we don't have to get
this right, and there's no such thing as getting it right.
(24:41):
And when you let go of this idea that you
have to get it right all the time, then there's
an opportunity for curiosity, for mystery, for exploration, for creativity,
for flow, for learning. Because you were learning new things
every single day. I don't care how old you are,
new information and insight every single day. So let yourself
(25:04):
off the hook of needing to know how everything works,
how the world works, how it should be, what the
solution to the problem is. That's a whole other episode
I could could record about not trying to make everything
a problem to solve. It's like, if you don't need
to get it right, then not everything is a problem
to solve. Some things are just about allowing and being
(25:28):
present and being willing and staying open. Most things I
think are about that when you don't need to get
it right, not everything is a problem to solve, the
energy of getting it right all the time puts all
the responsibility on your shoulders to fix this now. But
what if this doesn't need to be fixed now? What
(25:49):
if this current political unrest doesn't need to be fixed
right now? What if your health symptoms don't need to
be fixed right now. What if you're broken relationship doesn't
need to be fixed right now. What if your money
problems don't need to be fixed right now? What if
none of it needs to be fixed right this minute?
And what if some of that, some of the responsibility,
two percent of it can come off of your shoulders.
(26:11):
Like I was saying at the beginning of this episode,
I think some of this might apply to women, maybe
more than men, maybe not. I don't know. Men carry
responsibility in a very different way than women do. Some
of it might apply to you more if you are
in a certain birth order in your family. I do
feel like older children sometimes carry more of that responsibility.
I gotta get it right. I got to make mom
and Dad happy than younger siblings do. And I also
(26:34):
think coming out of a religious space could also create
that environment of a need to know, a need to
have it figured out, have your beliefs all locked in
so that you know that your eternity is safe. I mean,
when you really start to think about it, it all
sounds so silly. But life is not about getting it right.
(26:57):
Life is not about getting your ducks in. Life is
not about solving all the problems. Life is not about
being the most responsible person ever. It's not about getting
straight a's. It's not about being the valictorian. It's not
about getting a bunch of accolades and awards. And you
can ask anybody who's achieved those things if those things
make them happy, and the answer is no. The harder
(27:18):
we try to get things right, the worse we are
at relationships, the worse we are at being present, the
worse we are at listening, the worst we are at
staying open and learning and growing and changing. Every day,
the worse we are at being creative, all the things
that truly make us happy as human beings come in
(27:38):
because we stay open to the fact that we might
be wrong. Allow yourself the permission to be wrong. Maybe
you're wrong, It's okay, try something. Maybe it was the
wrong thing to quote unquote, wrong thing to try. It's fine,
experiment was something. Maybe it was the wrong thing to
experiment with. It's okay again. Another whole episode I could record.
(27:59):
But I think this willingness to experiment and be wrong
requires such a deep level of trust in self that
we've never cultivated that deep trust of self. So we're
scared to go there. But I would invite you. I'm
inviting myself into this process of allowing myself to be wrong,
cultivating a deep trust of self. No matter what mess
(28:19):
we get ourselves into, we can get ourselves out of
it if we stay open, if we have an allowance
to be wrong, if we give ourselves that permission, if
we give ourselves that leeway, if we keep exploring, keep learning,
keep being creative, keep listening, we will find our way.
Thank you for listening. I'll see you back next week.
(28:41):
I write your story. Our guest
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