Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
It's time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you
need advice on relationships, dating, works, sex, parenting, and more,
please submit your Strawberry letter to Steve BARBFM dot com
and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your
letter live on the air, just like we're going to
read this one right here, right now. You never know,
it could be yours. M H.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
All right, everybody, buck love and hold on tight.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
It's time for a strawberry little my friend Shirlie Straupberry.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Thank you, my friend Junior. It's subject.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
I know what happened.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
His ex wife got a real Christmas tree is the
subject of this letter for today. Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm
on my second marriage, and there's an issue in my marriage.
My husband was married for eighteen years and he's got
two daughters and joint custody of them. I have a
daughter that lives with us. We've blended the family nicely,
and his daughters are sweet to my daughter, but they
(00:57):
like to remind her that their father is her father.
My husband is not good at setting boundaries for his
ex wife. When we started dating, he let me know
that he and his ex are friends and whatever he
does for her is for his daughters. I can accept that,
but when it gets to be too much, I step
in to help him set boundaries. The other day, he
(01:19):
told me that since his ex wife and the girls
moved into a new house, he wanted to buy his
daughter's a nice Christmas tree. I was against it, but
then I realized his daughter's feelings. Then I considered his
daughter's feelings and I agree to it. We got a
little seven foot artificial tree out of the storage room,
and I went and bought new ornaments. Saturday, he told
(01:43):
me he was picking up his daughters to get a tree,
and he took my daughter with them. I wasn't invited.
Two hours after they left, my daughter posted a video
in her Instagram story and they were shopping for a
real tree. They picked a giant, beautiful, room fluffy tree.
I had assumed they would go to Walmart and buy
(02:04):
an artificial tree. My daughter said they took the tree
to his ex wife's house and he set it up
for them. He set it up for them and they
decorated it together. I was crushed because I decorated our
fake tree alone while they were gone. My husband always
justifies things by saying that his daughter shouldn't suffer because
he left their mother. Does he do it out of guilt?
(02:25):
Will his ex wife be forever a part of our family?
Well yeah, in a sense. She may not be a
part of your family. Okay, but she is the mother
of your husband's daughters, and those are your stepdaughters. So
the ex will always be in your life somehow. Okay,
as long as you know she's got the daughters and everything.
(02:49):
You know. My issue is with you though, really, I mean,
this is kind of petty. You're worried about a Christmas
tree here. I think you're saying it's about that, but
what it really is is that you don't want your
man over there, and you don't want him over there
doing stuff for them like putting up the tree as
a family. I think you're jealous when where this is concerned.
(03:09):
But I'm telling you don't be insecure. Because he still
wants to spend time with his daughters. That means he's
a good dad. Okay. He's right, he left their mom,
not his kids, so he wants to continue to show
up in their life for them as their father. He
and the ex don't have anything going on. I mean,
if you guys can afford it, why don't you, you know,
(03:31):
if there's something wrong with your tree, why don't you
and your husband and the girls go out and get
a tree. You didn't have to stay there and decorate
the tree by yourself. You could have waited until they
came home and you guys could have done it together.
You know, he just went with the girls to get
a new tree. You need to talk to him if
you have a problem with how he's moving right now.
(03:51):
But he sounds like a father who's just trying to
do the right thing.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
To me.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
As crazy as that all seems, it sounds. Yeah, I
don't have a problem with this, Steve.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Well, it's a twofold situation.
Speaker 3 (04:04):
In my eyes, he's being a good dad and he's
being punished for that. But he's doing it, and he's
making a couple of mistakes the way he's doing it.
You know, first of all, when y'all this is both
of y'all second marriage, he set this whole thing up
by telling you that, you know, look, but I'm gonna
(04:29):
do stuff with a daughter, and I'm gonna do stuff
for my daughter, and I'm gonna do stuff for her.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
But the reason I'm doing it for her, is for
my daughter.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
He set all of this up with you in the
beginning because he's active in that life as he should be.
Now you all say you all have blended the family
together nicely. But the daughters are sweet to your daughter,
but they always remind her that ain't your daddy. They
do that. Kid's gonna be kids. They're gonna jockey for position.
Your husband is not good with setting bound for his
(05:00):
ex wife, and his ex wife is flexing because she
has two kids with him and she's taking advantage of it. Now,
let's get to the whole thing about what this letter
is about. His ex got a real Christmas tree. First
of all, when he picked up the daughter, when he
(05:21):
picked up his two daughters, and he took your daughter.
He took your daughter, which is his daughter, which is
to with his biological daughters, because he wanted to get
them a tree because they had moved into a new house. Well,
now here the problem you made though when you took
(05:45):
your daughter from your new wife with you, and she
posted it.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
On a story.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
So I'm assuming that these these might be teenage kids
if they can post on stories and stuff.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Wait a minute, what did you say, wait, say that
one more time, Steve, about the daughters. What I just
wanted you to say that one more time. What you
said about the daughters. He has two daughters with his ex.
He has two daughters with his ex, and then the
wife had a daughter. The new wife has a second
wife has a daughter.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Okay, well see, and that's his daughter.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
He has three daughters, now, yeah, right right, separate them.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
If you separate them, they will help you separate that. Yeah, yeah,
maybe that's what the deal is.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
When I come back, I'm gonna tell you the mistake
he's making with this. He's a great dad, but he's
making a mistakes.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
All right.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
We'll have part two of Steve's response coming up at
twenty three minutes after the hour. Today's Strawberry letter, subject
is his ex wife got a real Christmas tree. We'll
get back into it right after this. You're listening hard
Morning show. All right, Steve, come on, let's recap today's
Strawberry letter. The subject his ex wife got a real
(07:00):
Christmas tree.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Okay, So on the break, I read this letter again.
This marriage.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
This man was married to this woman for eighteen years
and they got two daughters. His ex wife was married
eighteen years and they got two daughters.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
So I'm going to assume that these.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Two daughters are teenager, yeah, because they got Instagram and
they posted stories.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
You.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
She the woman he's married to now, who's writing this letter.
She has a daughter from her previous marriage. I don't
know how old she is, but they treat her nicely,
but they do remind her that.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
He's not your real daddy. That's our real daddy.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
But they treat her nicely, and you all have blend
and they're sweet to the girl.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Okay. Cool, So we got that out the way. Now.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
The man set this up by telling you, listen, I'm
gonna do some things for my wife, my ex wife,
because we're friends, but everything I do first because of
the daughters. You okay with that. Now let's get to
what the problem is. It's a Christmas tree. He the
ex wife and the two daughters that moved into a
new house. He wants to get them a nice tree
(08:04):
for their house for Christmas. Okay, So he takes your daughter,
which is his daughter from this marriage, Christmas tree shopping
with his daughters from his previous marriage.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
And he goes and buys them a real Christmas tree
big old fluffy tree.
Speaker 3 (08:26):
You'd have went to the storage room and went out
there and got that little ragged ass Sears tree seven.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Feet call in the box, man.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
That's in the box that you've been putting up for years.
And so now you bought some ornaments for the tree,
some new ornaments.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
They went tree shopping.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
You look on Instagram, your daughter that posted they bought
a tree. They take the tree to his ex wife's
house where his daughters live. They set the tree up
and they all decorated. Now you said earlier they were
Christmas tree shopping and you weren't invited. Okay, it was
(09:10):
just him and the girls. So that's cool because the
tree is for the girls. But it's at the ex
wife's house. I mean that's what they said. So in
a way, this would be cool. Here's the mistake he's making.
You got to not make them kids feel and see
(09:32):
a difference. You've got to go above and beyond in
treating them the same and evil. This is not your stepdaughter,
this is your daughter. If the daughters get a real tree,
everybody get a real tree. See, he should have bought
two real trees, is what he should have been. Because
(09:53):
you can't make the quote unquote step daughter feel step See.
The reason we never used the word step in our
family was because when you say step child, it's usually
like a step down, and it's like a step down
from the level that the regular children on. That's why
(10:14):
we never used that term. So now, but you can't
let them see or feel the difference. Now, if his
daughter's got a big, fluffy Christmas tree, he should have
got a big Christmas tree at his house too.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
That's the mistake he made.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Yes, that would that would have cleared this whole thing up,
and bruh, that's all you got to do. Everybody got
to get equal and light treatment, period. And you can't
have your new wife feeling some kind of way because
you're doing all this extra stuff for your ex wife,
because that's how she looking at that too. Oh, she
got a tree, and y'all all decorated the tree together.
(10:52):
I didn't know you was gonna go over there and
put it up and decorate it together. I wanted to
surprise y'all when you came home. Y'all come home late.
I didn't decorate the tree by myself, and y'all ass
was over there having family time, right, you see, why
she's you see now she gonna be upset about that dog.
And this is your fun because you gotta do everything equal.
(11:13):
You're over there having hot chocolate. You got to come
home he hot chold you'd have bought the Voka pound
cake from Nama Marcus over there, you got to come
in your house with.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
The Voka pound cake.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Okay, you know.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
See that's what you gotta do now, Bro, that's the mistake.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
You make it, and you've got to sit your husband
down and say, hey, listen, we can't feel like we're
second class citizens when it comes to special events, while
your ex and your biological children get all the purpose.
So I think that's unfair. So you can do whatever
you want to do for them. I'm not stopping you,
(11:54):
but you needed to start doing the same thing over here.
See that real big fluffy treat that was beautiful, but
that would look good in this house too.
Speaker 1 (12:02):
Yeah, they should go get one, you.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
See, because they had a new house. He feels like
they should get a new tree. Well well, well, and
you got to get to everybody else a new tree.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Though.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Something a thought came to my head because a lot
of mothers have mom guilt. Do dads have dad guilt
as well. Is that what he's dealing with? Dad guilt
as well?
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Yeah, because he said in the letter they can't pay
because I left their mother.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Right right, left their mother, not them.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
See.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
But then also now you gotta be careful of the
Disney dad syndrome too.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
See, when you do see the kids, you can't be
Disney Dad. And then all of a sudden when you
go home to your family, ain't.
Speaker 1 (12:47):
No Disney right, It's just the old tree.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
You got Disney Dad mode all the way around.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Board, bro, All right, post your commentsn Today's Strawberry Letter
at Steve Barby Felm on Instagram and Facebook, and check
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Harvey Morning Show.