November 11, 2025 • 31 mins
A woman sues a man for wasting her childbearing years! And we debate relationship drama on an all new Stay Or Go!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is the press show.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Dame is taking over Las Vegas this January for his
seven night residency Adobe Live at Park MGM. And we've
got a trip for two to the January twenty fifth
show to night Hotel State at Park MGM January twenty
fourth through the twenty six and round trip airfare. Text
forever to three seven three three seven now for a
chance to win. A confirmation text will be said. Standard
(00:22):
message data rates may apply all thanks to Live Nation.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
So a thirty four year.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Old woman is demanding compensation from her ex boyfriend who's
thirty eight, for what she says is stealing or I
guess did steal. He did steal her child bearing years.
This is from.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Fox and I'm not Fox News, So don't worry.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
I think this is it. You don't have to stop
listening for him. Not that I would have anything to
do with anything, but it's like as soon as I
say Fox, I think people are like, oh no, Fox Local.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
The la four year old woman is demanding her ex
boyfriend pay compensation, claiming he stole her child bearing years
nearly a decade together. She says her thirty eight year
old X into things just as she was ready.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
To start a family.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
She said she put her career and her goals on
hold believing they'd have kids, and now wants them to
cover fertility treatments like egg freezing or IVF. The story
from The New York Post has gone viral, sparking a debate.
Some call it justified, others say it's absurd to blame
an ex Legal experts say her case wouldn't hold up
in court, but it is raising some questions about love
timing and who really pays the price when relationships in
(01:28):
So what do you think?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Does she have a point?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Okay, so this is my question because this is kind
of my demographic, Like I'm in my I guess mid
forties now. I love how To and I say this
every time, but was supplying makeup. I'm sorry, distracted, I'm sorry.
Oh okay, I just didn't want to get away. I
look over and there's this mess Scara, and I was, oh, well,
(01:50):
this is for my very distracting to me.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Is that not mess Scarra?
Speaker 4 (01:54):
No?
Speaker 1 (01:54):
But I'll put it. What is it? It's eyebrow?
Speaker 5 (01:57):
Joe?
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Oh yeah, yeah, I pass it over here. I got none.
I guess me too. Then I guess I feel now
I feel left out. I need some eyeba because I
can't move my arms, so get you somewhere.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Every time I say that, management's like, you know, you
shouldn't say how old you are, Like, well, I've been
here for sixteen years, so like, I don't know. I
feel like people can do the math. I wasn't twelve
when I got here, but whatever, So, you know, mid
thirties is sort of it seems to be the appropriate age.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
I think for me.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Maybe people would say, and I think that when I
meet people who are in their mid thirties, if they
want to have kids, they're very understandably, I wouldn't say,
well in various states of eagerness, I'll put it.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
But I understand why.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
You know, it's like people kind of want to know, hey,
where's this going pretty quickly if they want to have
kids and don't have any. And it used to kind
of annoy me, but then I really sat back and
was like, well, no, I understand, like you there's only
so much time, and yes, you can freeze your eggs.
There's other things, but like just generally speaking, and yes,
people are gonna text me, oh, well you can have
a kid when you're fifty. Yes, I know, and people
(03:08):
are gonna text me, well this and that. I'm not
talking about the exceptions. I'm just saying generally speaking, you know,
early mid thirties or before people like to have kids,
I guess. And so if you're not sure, then that
could be a problem, because what if you date somebody
for two or three years, four or five years even,
and maybe you didn't freeze your eggs, then you get
to a certain point where you're at an age where
(03:30):
it would be more difficult to have kids safely. And
then I mean, whose fault is that. I don't think
you can't blame it on in this case, the guy.
But I also think that a guy should be thoughtful
about the fact that if that's something that you were
absolutely wanting to do, and the dude, if he knows
in his mind he absolutely doesn't want to do it,
(03:51):
and he's not telling you that because he doesn't want
you to go anywhere. That's wildly selfish. Now, should I
have to pay for your fertility? No, But like, let's
say that this person brought up over the course of
that relationship, I want I want to have I I
want to freeze my eggs and he's like, Noah, no,
you don't have to do that.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Well, that's messed up too, because.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Like that might be the only way, that might be
one of the only ways that you could have a
natural child, and and maybe oh yeah, I don't want
the expense or I don't want to deal with the
you know, the process, because I know even though it's
the woman who who endures most of that process, I mean,
a guy can help. But it's like as far as
all the different things that come with that, there's a dude.
(04:30):
A dude who says, don't don't freeze your egg because
you don't want to deal with it is the ultimate
level of selfishness in my opinion. But I mean, does
a guy Does a man hold any level of responsibility
eight five, five, five, nine one one oh three five
If he's dating a woman who wants to have kids
in a certain demographic and and is not extremely vocal
or extremely communicative about his intentions, does the guy hold
(04:52):
any responsibility Perhaps not financially, but morally or ethically.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
You're saying, I.
Speaker 6 (05:01):
Almost want to say yes, only because a man will
waste your time if you let him.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
And I'm big on that, and I know, yeah, No,
that's very true. It's very true.
Speaker 6 (05:11):
But if you're a woman and you know you want
kids or you know you want this, I do think,
like in your heart, like you have to decide if
this is something that you're gonna pursue or how long
you're gonna stay in this. You don't have to like
tell the world like you have tail years, but you
can't say, like, I do want children, and like if
that's not something you want or like we can do
it by a certain time, then like then this might
not be for me, this relationship, just because I don't know.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
I just feel like already, like I'm.
Speaker 6 (05:33):
A mom where I'm thirty three, I'm a mom of
a one and a half year old, and I personally
like don't want children later.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I only want one.
Speaker 6 (05:39):
But I also don't want kids later in life because
this is so hard already. I feel like a team
mom some days and other days I feel like a
nan on because it's just like it's the hardest, most
exhausting thing ever.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
So for me, if hobby was like over here, like well.
Speaker 6 (05:50):
I don't know, like I'm not gonna let a man
anybody waste my time.
Speaker 7 (05:54):
Yeah, for me, it's more nuanced than just like a
blanket yes or no. However, if I do think of
a dude as like constantly telling you that that's what
he wants and that's what the plan is, then yes,
the same way that he would want me to respect
him in that relationship, I would demand or I ask for,
at least that respect in return of the second you
know you don't want to do this with me.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
You know, you have to be transparent about it.
Speaker 7 (06:15):
Now, if a guy is never sure if he wants kids,
then it's on the woman.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
You're entering that at your own risk. You know what
I mean, interrupt her.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I don't mean to say to you. I hate the
counter argument. You know, guys do this, we'll so do girls.
I hate that argument, but it is true. I mean,
I've been in different types of situations where women are
biding time dealing with things, but they don't want me
to go anywhere.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
So it's like, yes, this happens.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
So people do waste each other's time that and they
do it in dating, and they do it on the
dating apps, and they do it in all forms relationships,
marriage otherwise. So you know, but in this particular case,
if a dude knows that he doesn't want to have
kids or or in this case, apparently he said to her.
This guy to his girlfriend, He tells me he feels
(07:00):
at thirty eight as though he still has a decade
of enjoying his lifestyle and powering through with his career
and is not ready for marriage and children. But he
knows that it's become a priority for me, So he's off.
So he broke up with her as a result of it,
I guess, And now now you know she wants I
guess compensation or something for this, which I have to
be honest, based on that quote, it doesn't sound like
(07:23):
he misled her. It just sounds it sounds like she
always knew that and hoped that he would change his
mind and heads to bets, and now she had a
position where it's going to be a little bit more
challenging and she's mad about it. That's kind of what
it sounds like. I mean, I think if a dude
is like, yep, I want to do it. I want kids,
I want kids. I want kids. I want kids, and
(07:43):
then you know, four or five years later, now I
don't want kids. That's right, But I think you would
have every right to be really upset about it. Now,
do you get financial damages for that? I don't know why.
Speaker 8 (07:52):
I wish you should right like you should, I have
Like a lot of women waste their time in relationships
and men may not understand how important it is that
time window. Like you have your child bearing years and
you waste them with a guy who was just leading
you on. But it doesn't seem like this guy was
leading her on. It seems like he was clear about
what he does want and what he doesn't want. And
you can't stick around hoping somebody's going to change their mind.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
That's on you.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Well, then you can say, well, guys, had you know,
you know you can be Mick Jagger. You can have
kids until you're eighty years old.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
You can.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
But I suppose the same And here I go flip
in the argument again, which I really don't like that
as an argument tactic. But I mean, I could date
someone for five years and then wind up being five
years older than I wanted to be having kids, and
then it turns out we don't have kids and break
up and now I have to start over, which means
a couple more years maybe to meet someone else, and
(08:44):
then get to the point where so now I'm five six, seven, eight,
ten years older than I wanted to be having kids.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Now I'm a really old dad.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
I mean, so I it's not physiologically impossible for a man,
but I still run the risk of it not lining
up with how I wanted my life to be. I
can't sue for that, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (09:03):
I mean, on each other? Yeah, let's just each other time?
So Eric, what's up?
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Eric?
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (09:11):
We doing?
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Hey?
Speaker 9 (09:12):
Man?
Speaker 2 (09:12):
So what do you if a woman dates a guy
in her mid thirties wants to have kids, and after years,
you know, he decides, you know what, I don't want kids?
And uh, even if he said he wanted kids previously
and then they break up, I mean, does he have
any kind of moral or ethical or financial obligation? I mean,
I know this is kind of a ridiculous question, but
(09:32):
on the financial front, but like I mean, is he
responsible in some ways for the position that she finds
herself in late thirties and no kids.
Speaker 5 (09:43):
No, I don't think he old or anything financially, but
you definitely morally, if someone wants kids and you don't,
you definitely should let them know up front. If it's
a situation where the two just split and she feels
that she wasted her time, then it's her choice to
(10:04):
stay in that relationship. She definitely could have frozen her eggs.
I think a woman has the right to do that
without acting a guy, so she still had played a
part in.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
It as well.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Yeah, that's interesting. I guess she very easily could have
just gone ahead with that. And yeah, she didn't need
him to say one way or the other weather she
should or shouldn't do it, unless she was expecting him
to pay for it for some reason. But yeah, I
mean I've dated people who are in the process of
freezing their eggs, who who did before, did right after.
We I mean, that's something you don't need me for that,
(10:36):
You don't need my certainly don't need my permission for
that either.
Speaker 5 (10:39):
Exactly exactly, So, so he definitely should just go ahead
and do that if you want to. But at the
same time, though, I don't think he owes her anything financially.
But definitely, guys don't hold up women. Yeah, if you
know you want to have kids, just go for it
and do it.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
All right, Eric, thank you have a day, lovely to
I've walked from a lot of early situations that I
never saw developed because it seemed that the she wanted
kids so badly and I was unsure that I thought
it was unfair, and so it's possible I could have
changed my mind. But again, you know, I'm I'm respectful
(11:21):
of the fact and aware of the fact that it
only would become more difficult depending on your age. So
like I'm holding you up in some ways.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yeah, and that's not fair to her, No, But is.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
It worth ending a relationship that could have been I mean,
was I a little maybe over sensitive to it on
your behalf or was I a little reactive to it
in some strength? And I'm not saying I'm a hero
by any means, but I just mean, you know, did
I wind up? Did we wind up not pursuing something
that could have been great? And it could have led
to that because I was concerned with with you not
(11:51):
meeting your needs and being resentful to me for it. Hey, Jessica, Yes, Hi,
good morning. Final, Say what do you want to say?
Speaker 10 (11:58):
I I I definitely think that there's some sort of
case for holding them financially responsible. This happened to my sister.
She was with a guy for eleven years from twenty
four to thirty six, and he just up and left her.
But the whole time they had talked about it, like
she wanted multiple kids. He wasn't really into multiple kids.
(12:20):
But yeah, we'll have at least one kid. Yeah, let's
have kids. She's like, well, she had some health issues.
Maybe I should freeze my eggs. Do you like that
sort of thing?
Speaker 8 (12:28):
No?
Speaker 10 (12:29):
No, well you know we're gonna we'll get into that.
We'll get into that over and over and over again
for years, and then just up and left her. And
here she is now, like thirty seven years old, trying
to start over again. She still wants kids, but now
you have to start over, you have to find a
partner that you trust and like and all of these things.
And now, because of those health issues, is she going
(12:50):
to be able to have kids in what is now
after thirty five considered a geriatric pregnancy, So it's they
is really a hard situation. But definitely need to take
that into consideration.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Because Mary, he genuinely was on the fence and didn't
want to. I mean, and I'm not defending him, I
don't know him, but maybe he was genuinely on the fence,
didn't want to lose her, and then you find yourself
at a point of no return, where it's now you
look like a jacka but like you genuinely. Maybe he
really didn't know, or maybe he hoped that he would
come around to the idea. I think we all take
risks in dating and in relationships and on the dating
(13:25):
apps and everything else, and I think, you know, unfortunately
this is a place that you can find yourself. But
I think that the key is, you know, and I'm
not saying your sister did anything wrong, but maybe she
should have just proceeded with some of these backup plans
on her own and did not and not wait for
him to decide what she should or shouldn't do or
or you know. It's almost like creating a backup plan
(13:46):
ahead of time by freezing your eggs.
Speaker 5 (13:49):
Right.
Speaker 10 (13:49):
But some people, I think, miscontrue that backup plan as
like disloyalty or you know, or not having faith in
that relationship. And I think that's probably which is not
right at all. But that's probably what he would have
thought and why he pressured her not all so much
to not do those things, because then he thought, well,
(14:11):
then why are you making a backup plan for not
being with me.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Oh, it's complicated, Jessica. Thank you have a good day.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Yep you Cuba. You got a date mote multiple what so.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
That you wind up having a kid going on morey
you don't know whose kid it is.
Speaker 8 (14:25):
You know who kid it is the one who wanted
to have one, but you probably do.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
To date several.
Speaker 8 (14:34):
You know, I want to give it to somebody else.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
You know what I was about to say here we
are not solving the world's problems, and then Kiki says,
so we're definitely not solving the way more.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
Fread show next right here, this is the Fread Show.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Dame is taking over Las Vegas this January for his
seven night Residents Adobe Live at Park MGM, and we've
got a trip for two to the January twenty fifth
show to night Hotel State Park mg January twenty fourth
through the twenty sixth and round trip airfare. Text forever
to three seven three three seven now for a chance
to win. A confirmation text will be said. Standard message
(15:10):
of data rates may apply all thanks to Live Nation.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Brust show is on What Stay or Go? She has
a song.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Dottium or like our boss is trying to like maneuver
something and nope, I just went ahead and did it.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Hi, Mary, how you doing? Hey, I'm okay. How are
you guys doing.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
I don't know how you can be just okay after
that new Hillary Duff song. But okay, that's fun, so
whatever I mean, I'm all fired up.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
For me.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
It's like so yesterday all over again. Like it's just
the same kind of feels. Nonetheless, what's going on with
you and your husband? You guys are high school sweethearts.
You've been together for twenty years, and he wrote us
a note because you want to be on Stay or
Go so that we can talk about you and decide,
you know, how you should live out the rest of
your life. So tell us at the end of this
(15:58):
we will give you the path way to follow to
live the rest of your life. Because everyone who comes
on Stay Orgo agrees to do exactly what we tell them,
So go ahead.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Okay. So we openly talk about this all the time.
Speaker 9 (16:16):
We neither one of us have been with anybody else,
and you know, since we've been together since high school,
and we talk about the fact that it's just been us.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
And we always talk about this.
Speaker 9 (16:28):
Okay, recently though, while we were talking about it like usual.
He kind of shocked me because he asked if I
would ever be interested in opening up our relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Why are you talking about? Like what is the context?
Speaker 4 (16:45):
Like?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Is it just like, Oh, I wonder what it would
be like since we've only been with each other, Like
I wonder what other people you know? I wonder if
it's different or is it like kind of in a center?
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Or is it coming you know, from your perspective because
you don't really know necessarily where it's coming from within him?
But for you, is it? Is it your curiosity? Like
do you wonder, Hey, it could be better, it could
be different, So you're satisfied, You're not You're not having
this conversation because you're unfulfilled in some way.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 9 (17:13):
I I honestly talk about it, and we joke about it,
and I thought he was joking that he was actually
being serious and it's It's not something I've ever considered,
but I told him I would think about it, because
what else am I going to say?
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Well, I guess for me, I'm just curious why that
conversation because you said earlier like that you guys talk
about it a lot like the idea of and then
and now all of a sudden, it's why you know,
one step further in that conversation. So I just wonder,
is that I don't know what it's like to be
with only one person, so I wouldn't even know how
to have a conversation like that. But I I just
I was curious, like what the impetus was. But nonetheless,
(17:54):
this time he says.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
You, well, what if we what if we? Uh, you know,
what if I stepped out? What have you stepped out?
Speaker 2 (17:59):
I assume it's what he's talking about, like that you
guys would individually go maybe do other things.
Speaker 9 (18:04):
Yeah, like maybe this would add to our relationship because
we've been together so long and I just talked about it,
But I really I don't want to share him. I mean,
I feel stuck because I don't want to lose him,
but I can't stay and tell him I don't want
(18:25):
an open relationship, right, I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Yeah, you can.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Like this is all very confusing to me, Like when
I hear about situations where one person wants and believe
it or not, I know more than one person who's
kind of secretly in an open relationship, and oftentimes he's
only one person that really wants it, and the other
one went for it because they wanted to appease their
partner in some way even though they're very uncomfortable with it.
In fact, at least two of the situations I'm aware of,
(18:51):
the relationship is ending because the person was uncomfortable they
did it anyway, and then that wound up being the
thing that sort of, you know, created the whole thing.
It's like, well, I'll do this for you because maybe
adding some spice or some variety, maybe that adds some
spice and variety to our lives or whatever. And it
turns out, no, the person who didn't want to do
it was always uncomfortable with it. So no, I don't
(19:13):
think in the confines of a relations of a marriage,
or any form of committed relationship, that you have to
agree to something or risk losing someone.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
But how do you.
Speaker 7 (19:20):
Stay knowing they want that the wholes that would be
in the back of my mind for the rest of
our relationship.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
But within relationships, don't people ask for a lot of
things and maybe you do some of them and maybe
you don't.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
I mean, do you get the idea that he's really
committed to this or is it just like he just
threw it out there as a curiosity. And if you
were to say no, do you really believe that he
would resent you if you said no?
Speaker 9 (19:42):
If I don't go along with it, I do feel
like he would.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
This is really tough, you know. It's like I don't
want to share him.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
You don't have to. My thing is I don't think
you don't have to agree to anything you don't want
to do. And if he's going to leave you over
this now all of a sudden, after twenty years.
Speaker 8 (19:58):
But he might cheat, you know what I'm saying, Like
he's telling her he wants a variety, he wants to
try to other things, and if she doesn't agree to it,
she can run the risk of him cheating on hearing him.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Or I would like to give him the benefit of
the doubt and say that he's being transparent because he
wants to do this something up and up, and if
she says no, he'll respect his wife. I would like
to believe that after twenty years, I feel like if
he were going to cheat, he doesn't have to communicate anything.
He can just go cheat. So I don't know that
one necessarily leads to another. I mean no, I would
(20:31):
say that you have to protect your piece, and if
you don't want to do it, then you say no.
And if he cheats on you or leaves you, then
I think that as painful as that would be, that
tells you absolutely everything you need to know, doesn't it.
Speaker 9 (20:42):
Yeah, I guess I just wanted to know if anyone
had been with someone as long as we've been together,
and if they experienced this, and if they went for
it or it was a bad idea.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Okay, well let me take some whole calls. What to
do is this is where it comes in. You don't
really have to do what we tell you. I mean,
you should because we're used right, especially usually me. I'm
usually the most right, but because I'm the voice of reason.
But but the thing is, there are people listening out there,
I'm sure who have been through something like this, and
then who will call in and share their their perspective.
(21:14):
So I'm going to take some calls have the radio. One,
thank you for listening. We wish you the very best
and thanks for sharing.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Two.
Speaker 9 (21:20):
Thanks guys.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Eight five three five miles.
Speaker 11 (21:24):
Hi, good morning.
Speaker 9 (21:25):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
So your theory.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
By the way, just to recap if someone's just joining in.
This woman, Mary has been with her husband now for
twenty years. They were high school sweethearts, so the entire
you know, span of the relationship is twenty years they've
only been with each other. And she had mentioned that
they talk occasionally about what it would be like openly,
you know, to be with other people. And finally, in
this one conversation recently, he said, well, what if we
(21:47):
just open the relationship. She doesn't want to do it,
but she's afraid if she doesn't do it that he'll
leave her, there'll be repercussions or resentment or.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
What do you think?
Speaker 11 (21:57):
So from my understanding, age joked about it before. I
think he stepped out of the marriage already. I really do.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Based on what.
Speaker 11 (22:09):
I mean. Here's the thing. If he brings it up
here and there jokingly, I feel like it's not a joke.
I kind of feel like he already stepped out of
the marriage. And he keeps trying to push it to
see like, hey, maybe do you want to give it
a try to kind of, you know, ease his guilt
and maybe he wants to do it again. Twenty years
together and you're bringing it up now.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
But do people telegraph their their I mean, I guess
people project all the time, but I mean again, if
he's willing to be that communicative about it, is he
really telling on himself in that way? I mean, I
feel like if you're going to really because I think
if you're going to cheat you, I don't have to
tell you about it. I don't have to. I don't
have to try. And I guess I could manipulate you
(22:52):
into it. But if I'm already doing it, then why
don't need your permission now to ease his guilt?
Speaker 11 (22:57):
He doesn't need permission. It's a narcissistic thing where he
feels like, I'm going to tell you a little bit,
but not enough to rat on me, do you know
what I mean?
Speaker 2 (23:05):
So there's no way that this guy, after twenty years,
actually respects his wife and is having an open communication
about something that he would like to try and running
the risk that she says, no, there's no way, but
that's possible.
Speaker 11 (23:19):
She needs to leave. I'm sorry, No, don't really sorry.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
I'm just I'm playing devil's advocate here. I yeah, but yeah,
I would like to believe after twenty years in open
communication and it sounds like she admitted that they had
a lot of communication about things that are sort of
taboo topics. I'd like to believe that it's not that
cut and dry. But all right, thank you, Maya, I
have a good day, me too.
Speaker 12 (23:40):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
I mean this is a pretty overwhelming thought that he's
already doing it. Hey, Shelley, Yeah, Hi, Hey, good morning.
You say go because he's already at it.
Speaker 12 (23:51):
You know what, I think that he might have met someone.
I really do, And you know what, open herself, do
what makes her heart feel good. You know, if she
doesn't feel comfortable with it, go just just.
Speaker 10 (24:04):
Let him go.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Yeah, I don't think she has to agree to anything.
And I think if the relationship is if the relationship
is contingent on her allowing him to be with other
people or introducing other people into their relationship, then that
relationship is highly fractured in my opinion.
Speaker 12 (24:22):
In my opinion as well. And you know what, she
is never going to trust him after this. The trust
line is broken. She's going to be miserable. She will
be missing out on a great opportunity for herself.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Maybe, But I also don't want to encourage people not
to communicate the things that they might want to do.
And granted that's an extreme one, but I mean, wouldn't
you rather that your partners say hey, I thought about this,
or would you consider this rather than never talk about
it and then keep it inside.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
I mean, I mean, you know, I agree with the communication.
Speaker 12 (24:54):
I'm one hundred percent with the on communication, but my
opinion is her trust is now altered and she's not
going to trust him whether they communicate. She tells him no,
she's always gonna wonder.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Okay, fair enough, thank you, sheelly, have a good day.
Speaker 10 (25:10):
Oh you too, bye, And I had a bunch.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Of calls to get to.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
But like Paulina, so if Hovey comes to you and
says he wants to do X y Z, whether it's
an activity or a specific thing or bringing other people
in or whatever, do you feel like, I mean, you
have a good marriage. Do you feel like if you
say no, that that automatically means he'll just go do
it with someone else, or do you feel like he
would should be able to come to you and say, hey,
I'm thinking about this, this would be hot, and then
(25:34):
you say no, and then all right, well that kind
of sucks, but then you're still married.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Yeah, that did happen to us, and it wasn't a
question of like can we do this? It was just like, oh,
what do you think of something like this?
Speaker 6 (25:45):
My hot take on the like kind of essentially opening
up your marriage, right, So like seeing other people My
hot take on that is like I would almost feel like, why,
like are you not satisfied with us in the bedroom?
Like I'm also a little insecure sized aar thinking a
little deeper. I'm like, are you not shocked to me?
Like do you not want me? Do you not want
this marriage? I get a little deep with it, Okay,
So like it could be as simple as like I
(26:06):
just want to, you know, spice things up, whatever the
reasoning is for this couple, Like I would feel some
type of way, but I think, well, do you shut
it down? And your partner's like, okay, that sucks, but
it is what it is. I think that's like fine,
I don't think Hobby's going to go off and do things.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
I don't see that. Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
I don't know that one leads to the other. But
I agree with you it might be hard to unring
that bell.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
It is it is, it is. It makes you kind
of question like, Okay, like like, why would you want that?
What would you just mean? And that's how I think,
and I think a lot of women do.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
But I'm afraid that if you say, oh my god,
absolutely not, you've probably shut down all communication on that
topic and maybe some others moving forward, like if you
shame some and granted adding another person's different than I
want to. I want you to do X y Z
between the two of us. But you know, I guess
it's a tough spot to be in because depending how
you answer, how you react, you know that could that
(26:55):
could really change trajectory of things.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Flip whatever?
Speaker 4 (27:01):
Right?
Speaker 1 (27:01):
What's your name? All right? Radio?
Speaker 4 (27:06):
Now?
Speaker 2 (27:06):
When you called the radio station, Hey, Kim, I know
that you don't want to miss a word of the
things that we're saying because they're usually you know, dead on.
But you can't have the radio one because this is
his delay. Kim, what did you want to say? Good morning?
Speaker 4 (27:22):
So I think she should stay. Twenty years is a
long time he's been talking and adding it as spice.
But you have to be very very confident in yourself
and in your marriage. I've been married a very long
time and we have talked about it numerous times, and
(27:47):
one time we went to Vegas and it happened. I
don't know if you're talking about an open relationship and
adding a person in it, But I don't think she
should leave. I think he's talking to her. It's communication.
(28:08):
It doesn't mean that he's already done it. You guys
are sitting there saying, oh, he's in it, he's doing it.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
I don't think some people are saying that. Tim, Yeah,
I don't think that necessarily means that he's done it.
I think it means he's curious about it. But which
could have its own problems. Kim, I have to be nosy.
Was at the beginning of something that you guys started
doing in your relationship or was that just a one,
one off thing.
Speaker 4 (28:33):
No, it was a one off thing, and we talk
about doing it other times. But it's we thought about
swinging way back in the day, probably be married ten years,
but it wasn't. It was something we said to each
other that added spice to our relationship. But I have
(28:55):
to say, you know, I'm I trust him. I don't
think he would ever ever do something like that without me.
And that's where your relationship has to be. Yeah, it
has to be where you're trusting even not swinging or open.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Or one time.
Speaker 4 (29:15):
You guys have to trust each other. Yeah, and obviously
they do, they're married twenty years.
Speaker 8 (29:20):
But Kim is down for it. Kim, you were down
for this woman. She doesn't want to do it.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
And she's what I don't know. And thank you for
calling Kim. I appreciate you. Have a great day. What
I don't know is is, though, is there no Why
is she so trepidacious about saying no to him?
Speaker 4 (29:40):
Like?
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Why is she so convinced saying no to him leads
to something bad? Like that's what That's the part of
this that's interesting for me is she I think she
should be able to say no and then okay, and
he can be disappointed, but that's the end of it.
Speaker 8 (29:52):
But you you would think about this, like if your
partner came to you and had that request and you
said no. I know in the back of your mind
you would be like, okay, but that's something she wants
to do, and you would think about that over and
over again, like I know I said no, but does
that mean they're not going to do it?
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Maybe, But if I say no and then we move
on from it, I hope that that our marriage continues
and that we have a functioning relationship and all the
other things I get with you would mess with me.
But I also I don't know that I would assume
it's already happening. I don't know that I would assume
everything's over. I'd like to believe people can say a
lot of things in a marriage and they're not just.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Gonna leave when you don't agree with it.
Speaker 12 (30:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (30:29):
No, But having you know another person is a different
type of thing. But I wish I could be like Kim.
You know, Kim was down. She's like, let's go to Vegas,
let's get it off. That's how you want it to be.
You want to be on the same type of time
with your partner. But if one of you is like,
oh no, I don't want to do it, then that
leaves the other person like, man, I really want to
do this.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
But I will tell you this much, Kiky.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
In one hundred percent of the examples that I'm aware of,
and it's more than one, one of the people didn't
want to do it but gave in to a piecy
other person and it still didn't work. Because I don't
know that that's thing that you I feel like you're
either into it or you're not, and if you're not,
I don't know that you can be convinced by actually.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Doing it, so that's a tricky one. No, we didn't
solve this person's problem.
This is the press show.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Dame is taking over Las Vegas this January for his
seven night residency Adobe Live at Park MGM. And we've
got a trip for two to the January twenty fifth
show to night Hotel State at Park MGM January twenty
fourth through the twenty six and round trip airfare. Text
forever to three seven three three seven now for a
chance to win. A confirmation text will be said. Standard
(00:22):
message data rates may apply all thanks to Live Nation.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
So a thirty four year.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Old woman is demanding compensation from her ex boyfriend who's
thirty eight, for what she says is stealing or I
guess did steal. He did steal her child bearing years.
This is from.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Fox and I'm not Fox News, So don't worry.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
I think this is it. You don't have to stop
listening for him. Not that I would have anything to
do with anything, but it's like as soon as I
say Fox, I think people are like, oh no, Fox Local.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
The la four year old woman is demanding her ex
boyfriend pay compensation, claiming he stole her child bearing years
nearly a decade together. She says her thirty eight year
old X into things just as she was ready.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
To start a family.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
She said she put her career and her goals on
hold believing they'd have kids, and now wants them to
cover fertility treatments like egg freezing or IVF. The story
from The New York Post has gone viral, sparking a debate.
Some call it justified, others say it's absurd to blame
an ex Legal experts say her case wouldn't hold up
in court, but it is raising some questions about love
timing and who really pays the price when relationships in
(01:28):
So what do you think?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Does she have a point?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Okay, so this is my question because this is kind
of my demographic, Like I'm in my I guess mid
forties now. I love how To and I say this
every time, but was supplying makeup. I'm sorry, distracted, I'm sorry.
Oh okay, I just didn't want to get away. I
look over and there's this mess Scara, and I was, oh, well,
(01:50):
this is for my very distracting to me.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Is that not mess Scarra?
Speaker 4 (01:54):
No?
Speaker 1 (01:54):
But I'll put it. What is it? It's eyebrow?
Speaker 5 (01:57):
Joe?
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Oh yeah, yeah, I pass it over here. I got none.
I guess me too. Then I guess I feel now
I feel left out. I need some eyeba because I
can't move my arms, so get you somewhere.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Every time I say that, management's like, you know, you
shouldn't say how old you are, Like, well, I've been
here for sixteen years, so like, I don't know. I
feel like people can do the math. I wasn't twelve
when I got here, but whatever, So, you know, mid
thirties is sort of it seems to be the appropriate age.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
I think for me.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Maybe people would say, and I think that when I
meet people who are in their mid thirties, if they
want to have kids, they're very understandably, I wouldn't say,
well in various states of eagerness, I'll put it.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
But I understand why.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
You know, it's like people kind of want to know, hey,
where's this going pretty quickly if they want to have
kids and don't have any. And it used to kind
of annoy me, but then I really sat back and
was like, well, no, I understand, like you there's only
so much time, and yes, you can freeze your eggs.
There's other things, but like just generally speaking, and yes,
people are gonna text me, oh, well you can have
a kid when you're fifty. Yes, I know, and people
(03:08):
are gonna text me, well this and that. I'm not
talking about the exceptions. I'm just saying generally speaking, you know,
early mid thirties or before people like to have kids,
I guess. And so if you're not sure, then that
could be a problem, because what if you date somebody
for two or three years, four or five years even,
and maybe you didn't freeze your eggs, then you get
to a certain point where you're at an age where
(03:30):
it would be more difficult to have kids safely. And
then I mean, whose fault is that. I don't think
you can't blame it on in this case, the guy.
But I also think that a guy should be thoughtful
about the fact that if that's something that you were
absolutely wanting to do, and the dude, if he knows
in his mind he absolutely doesn't want to do it,
(03:51):
and he's not telling you that because he doesn't want
you to go anywhere. That's wildly selfish. Now, should I
have to pay for your fertility? No, But like, let's
say that this person brought up over the course of
that relationship, I want I want to have I I
want to freeze my eggs and he's like, Noah, no,
you don't have to do that.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Well, that's messed up too, because.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Like that might be the only way, that might be
one of the only ways that you could have a
natural child, and and maybe oh yeah, I don't want
the expense or I don't want to deal with the
you know, the process, because I know even though it's
the woman who who endures most of that process, I mean,
a guy can help. But it's like as far as
all the different things that come with that, there's a dude.
(04:30):
A dude who says, don't don't freeze your egg because
you don't want to deal with it is the ultimate
level of selfishness in my opinion. But I mean, does
a guy Does a man hold any level of responsibility
eight five, five, five, nine one one oh three five
If he's dating a woman who wants to have kids
in a certain demographic and and is not extremely vocal
or extremely communicative about his intentions, does the guy hold
(04:52):
any responsibility Perhaps not financially, but morally or ethically.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
You're saying, I.
Speaker 6 (05:01):
Almost want to say yes, only because a man will
waste your time if you let him.
Speaker 1 (05:07):
And I'm big on that, and I know, yeah, No,
that's very true. It's very true.
Speaker 6 (05:11):
But if you're a woman and you know you want
kids or you know you want this, I do think,
like in your heart, like you have to decide if
this is something that you're gonna pursue or how long
you're gonna stay in this. You don't have to like
tell the world like you have tail years, but you
can't say, like, I do want children, and like if
that's not something you want or like we can do
it by a certain time, then like then this might
not be for me, this relationship, just because I don't know.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
I just feel like already, like I'm.
Speaker 6 (05:33):
A mom where I'm thirty three, I'm a mom of
a one and a half year old, and I personally
like don't want children later.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I only want one.
Speaker 6 (05:39):
But I also don't want kids later in life because
this is so hard already. I feel like a team
mom some days and other days I feel like a
nan on because it's just like it's the hardest, most
exhausting thing ever.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
So for me, if hobby was like over here, like well.
Speaker 6 (05:50):
I don't know, like I'm not gonna let a man
anybody waste my time.
Speaker 7 (05:54):
Yeah, for me, it's more nuanced than just like a
blanket yes or no. However, if I do think of
a dude as like constantly telling you that that's what
he wants and that's what the plan is, then yes,
the same way that he would want me to respect
him in that relationship, I would demand or I ask for,
at least that respect in return of the second you
know you don't want to do this with me.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
You know, you have to be transparent about it.
Speaker 7 (06:15):
Now, if a guy is never sure if he wants kids,
then it's on the woman.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
You're entering that at your own risk. You know what
I mean, interrupt her.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I don't mean to say to you. I hate the
counter argument. You know, guys do this, we'll so do girls.
I hate that argument, but it is true. I mean,
I've been in different types of situations where women are
biding time dealing with things, but they don't want me
to go anywhere.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
So it's like, yes, this happens.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
So people do waste each other's time that and they
do it in dating, and they do it on the
dating apps, and they do it in all forms relationships,
marriage otherwise. So you know, but in this particular case,
if a dude knows that he doesn't want to have
kids or or in this case, apparently he said to her.
This guy to his girlfriend, He tells me he feels
(07:00):
at thirty eight as though he still has a decade
of enjoying his lifestyle and powering through with his career
and is not ready for marriage and children. But he
knows that it's become a priority for me, So he's off.
So he broke up with her as a result of it,
I guess, And now now you know she wants I
guess compensation or something for this, which I have to
be honest, based on that quote, it doesn't sound like
(07:23):
he misled her. It just sounds it sounds like she
always knew that and hoped that he would change his
mind and heads to bets, and now she had a
position where it's going to be a little bit more
challenging and she's mad about it. That's kind of what
it sounds like. I mean, I think if a dude
is like, yep, I want to do it. I want kids,
I want kids. I want kids. I want kids, and
(07:43):
then you know, four or five years later, now I
don't want kids. That's right, But I think you would
have every right to be really upset about it. Now,
do you get financial damages for that? I don't know why.
Speaker 8 (07:52):
I wish you should right like you should, I have
Like a lot of women waste their time in relationships
and men may not understand how important it is that
time window. Like you have your child bearing years and
you waste them with a guy who was just leading
you on. But it doesn't seem like this guy was
leading her on. It seems like he was clear about
what he does want and what he doesn't want. And
you can't stick around hoping somebody's going to change their mind.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
That's on you.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Well, then you can say, well, guys, had you know,
you know you can be Mick Jagger. You can have
kids until you're eighty years old.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
You can.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
But I suppose the same And here I go flip
in the argument again, which I really don't like that
as an argument tactic. But I mean, I could date
someone for five years and then wind up being five
years older than I wanted to be having kids, and
then it turns out we don't have kids and break
up and now I have to start over, which means
a couple more years maybe to meet someone else, and
(08:44):
then get to the point where so now I'm five six, seven, eight,
ten years older than I wanted to be having kids.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
Now I'm a really old dad.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
I mean, so I it's not physiologically impossible for a man,
but I still run the risk of it not lining
up with how I wanted my life to be. I
can't sue for that, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (09:03):
I mean, on each other? Yeah, let's just each other time?
So Eric, what's up?
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Eric?
Speaker 4 (09:11):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (09:11):
We doing?
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Hey?
Speaker 9 (09:12):
Man?
Speaker 2 (09:12):
So what do you if a woman dates a guy
in her mid thirties wants to have kids, and after years,
you know, he decides, you know what, I don't want kids?
And uh, even if he said he wanted kids previously
and then they break up, I mean, does he have
any kind of moral or ethical or financial obligation? I mean,
I know this is kind of a ridiculous question, but
(09:32):
on the financial front, but like I mean, is he
responsible in some ways for the position that she finds
herself in late thirties and no kids.
Speaker 5 (09:43):
No, I don't think he old or anything financially, but
you definitely morally, if someone wants kids and you don't,
you definitely should let them know up front. If it's
a situation where the two just split and she feels
that she wasted her time, then it's her choice to
(10:04):
stay in that relationship. She definitely could have frozen her eggs.
I think a woman has the right to do that
without acting a guy, so she still had played a
part in.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
It as well.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Yeah, that's interesting. I guess she very easily could have
just gone ahead with that. And yeah, she didn't need
him to say one way or the other weather she
should or shouldn't do it, unless she was expecting him
to pay for it for some reason. But yeah, I
mean I've dated people who are in the process of
freezing their eggs, who who did before, did right after.
We I mean, that's something you don't need me for that,
(10:36):
You don't need my certainly don't need my permission for
that either.
Speaker 5 (10:39):
Exactly exactly, So, so he definitely should just go ahead
and do that if you want to. But at the
same time, though, I don't think he owes her anything financially.
But definitely, guys don't hold up women. Yeah, if you
know you want to have kids, just go for it
and do it.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
All right, Eric, thank you have a day, lovely to
I've walked from a lot of early situations that I
never saw developed because it seemed that the she wanted
kids so badly and I was unsure that I thought
it was unfair, and so it's possible I could have
changed my mind. But again, you know, I'm I'm respectful
(11:21):
of the fact and aware of the fact that it
only would become more difficult depending on your age. So
like I'm holding you up in some ways.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yeah, and that's not fair to her, No, But is.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
It worth ending a relationship that could have been I mean,
was I a little maybe over sensitive to it on
your behalf or was I a little reactive to it
in some strength? And I'm not saying I'm a hero
by any means, but I just mean, you know, did
I wind up? Did we wind up not pursuing something
that could have been great? And it could have led
to that because I was concerned with with you not
(11:51):
meeting your needs and being resentful to me for it. Hey, Jessica, Yes, Hi,
good morning. Final, Say what do you want to say?
Speaker 10 (11:58):
I I I definitely think that there's some sort of
case for holding them financially responsible. This happened to my sister.
She was with a guy for eleven years from twenty
four to thirty six, and he just up and left her.
But the whole time they had talked about it, like
she wanted multiple kids. He wasn't really into multiple kids.
(12:20):
But yeah, we'll have at least one kid. Yeah, let's
have kids. She's like, well, she had some health issues.
Maybe I should freeze my eggs. Do you like that
sort of thing?
Speaker 8 (12:28):
No?
Speaker 10 (12:29):
No, well you know we're gonna we'll get into that.
We'll get into that over and over and over again
for years, and then just up and left her. And
here she is now, like thirty seven years old, trying
to start over again. She still wants kids, but now
you have to start over, you have to find a
partner that you trust and like and all of these things.
And now, because of those health issues, is she going
(12:50):
to be able to have kids in what is now
after thirty five considered a geriatric pregnancy, So it's they
is really a hard situation. But definitely need to take
that into consideration.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Because Mary, he genuinely was on the fence and didn't
want to. I mean, and I'm not defending him, I
don't know him, but maybe he was genuinely on the fence,
didn't want to lose her, and then you find yourself
at a point of no return, where it's now you
look like a jacka but like you genuinely. Maybe he
really didn't know, or maybe he hoped that he would
come around to the idea. I think we all take
risks in dating and in relationships and on the dating
(13:25):
apps and everything else, and I think, you know, unfortunately
this is a place that you can find yourself. But
I think that the key is, you know, and I'm
not saying your sister did anything wrong, but maybe she
should have just proceeded with some of these backup plans
on her own and did not and not wait for
him to decide what she should or shouldn't do or
or you know. It's almost like creating a backup plan
(13:46):
ahead of time by freezing your eggs.
Speaker 5 (13:49):
Right.
Speaker 10 (13:49):
But some people, I think, miscontrue that backup plan as
like disloyalty or you know, or not having faith in
that relationship. And I think that's probably which is not
right at all. But that's probably what he would have
thought and why he pressured her not all so much
to not do those things, because then he thought, well,
(14:11):
then why are you making a backup plan for not
being with me.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Oh, it's complicated, Jessica. Thank you have a good day.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Yep you Cuba. You got a date mote multiple what so.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
That you wind up having a kid going on morey
you don't know whose kid it is.
Speaker 8 (14:25):
You know who kid it is the one who wanted
to have one, but you probably do.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
To date several.
Speaker 8 (14:34):
You know, I want to give it to somebody else.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
You know what I was about to say here we
are not solving the world's problems, and then Kiki says,
so we're definitely not solving the way more.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
Fread show next right here, this is the Fread Show.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Dame is taking over Las Vegas this January for his
seven night Residents Adobe Live at Park MGM, and we've
got a trip for two to the January twenty fifth
show to night Hotel State Park mg January twenty fourth
through the twenty sixth and round trip airfare. Text forever
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to win. A confirmation text will be said. Standard message
(15:10):
of data rates may apply all thanks to Live Nation.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Brust show is on What Stay or Go? She has
a song.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Dottium or like our boss is trying to like maneuver
something and nope, I just went ahead and did it.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Hi, Mary, how you doing? Hey, I'm okay. How are
you guys doing.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
I don't know how you can be just okay after
that new Hillary Duff song. But okay, that's fun, so
whatever I mean, I'm all fired up.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
For me.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
It's like so yesterday all over again. Like it's just
the same kind of feels. Nonetheless, what's going on with
you and your husband? You guys are high school sweethearts.
You've been together for twenty years, and he wrote us
a note because you want to be on Stay or
Go so that we can talk about you and decide,
you know, how you should live out the rest of
your life. So tell us at the end of this
(15:58):
we will give you the path way to follow to
live the rest of your life. Because everyone who comes
on Stay Orgo agrees to do exactly what we tell them,
So go ahead.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Okay. So we openly talk about this all the time.
Speaker 9 (16:16):
We neither one of us have been with anybody else,
and you know, since we've been together since high school,
and we talk about the fact that it's just been us.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
And we always talk about this.
Speaker 9 (16:28):
Okay, recently though, while we were talking about it like usual.
He kind of shocked me because he asked if I
would ever be interested in opening up our relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Why are you talking about? Like what is the context?
Speaker 4 (16:45):
Like?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Is it just like, Oh, I wonder what it would
be like since we've only been with each other, Like
I wonder what other people you know? I wonder if
it's different or is it like kind of in a center?
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Or is it coming you know, from your perspective because
you don't really know necessarily where it's coming from within him?
But for you, is it? Is it your curiosity? Like
do you wonder, Hey, it could be better, it could
be different, So you're satisfied, You're not You're not having
this conversation because you're unfulfilled in some way.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 9 (17:13):
I I honestly talk about it, and we joke about it,
and I thought he was joking that he was actually
being serious and it's It's not something I've ever considered,
but I told him I would think about it, because
what else am I going to say?
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Well, I guess for me, I'm just curious why that
conversation because you said earlier like that you guys talk
about it a lot like the idea of and then
and now all of a sudden, it's why you know,
one step further in that conversation. So I just wonder,
is that I don't know what it's like to be
with only one person, so I wouldn't even know how
to have a conversation like that. But I I just
I was curious, like what the impetus was. But nonetheless,
(17:54):
this time he says.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
You, well, what if we what if we? Uh, you know,
what if I stepped out? What have you stepped out?
Speaker 2 (17:59):
I assume it's what he's talking about, like that you
guys would individually go maybe do other things.
Speaker 9 (18:04):
Yeah, like maybe this would add to our relationship because
we've been together so long and I just talked about it,
But I really I don't want to share him. I mean,
I feel stuck because I don't want to lose him,
but I can't stay and tell him I don't want
(18:25):
an open relationship, right, I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Yeah, you can.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Like this is all very confusing to me, Like when
I hear about situations where one person wants and believe
it or not, I know more than one person who's
kind of secretly in an open relationship, and oftentimes he's
only one person that really wants it, and the other
one went for it because they wanted to appease their
partner in some way even though they're very uncomfortable with it.
In fact, at least two of the situations I'm aware of,
(18:51):
the relationship is ending because the person was uncomfortable they
did it anyway, and then that wound up being the
thing that sort of, you know, created the whole thing.
It's like, well, I'll do this for you because maybe
adding some spice or some variety, maybe that adds some
spice and variety to our lives or whatever. And it
turns out, no, the person who didn't want to do
it was always uncomfortable with it. So no, I don't
(19:13):
think in the confines of a relations of a marriage,
or any form of committed relationship, that you have to
agree to something or risk losing someone.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
But how do you.
Speaker 7 (19:20):
Stay knowing they want that the wholes that would be
in the back of my mind for the rest of
our relationship.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
But within relationships, don't people ask for a lot of
things and maybe you do some of them and maybe
you don't.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
I mean, do you get the idea that he's really
committed to this or is it just like he just
threw it out there as a curiosity. And if you
were to say no, do you really believe that he
would resent you if you said no?
Speaker 9 (19:42):
If I don't go along with it, I do feel
like he would.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
This is really tough, you know. It's like I don't
want to share him.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
You don't have to. My thing is I don't think
you don't have to agree to anything you don't want
to do. And if he's going to leave you over
this now all of a sudden, after twenty years.
Speaker 8 (19:58):
But he might cheat, you know what I'm saying, Like
he's telling her he wants a variety, he wants to
try to other things, and if she doesn't agree to it,
she can run the risk of him cheating on hearing him.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Or I would like to give him the benefit of
the doubt and say that he's being transparent because he
wants to do this something up and up, and if
she says no, he'll respect his wife. I would like
to believe that after twenty years, I feel like if
he were going to cheat, he doesn't have to communicate anything.
He can just go cheat. So I don't know that
one necessarily leads to another. I mean no, I would
(20:31):
say that you have to protect your piece, and if
you don't want to do it, then you say no.
And if he cheats on you or leaves you, then
I think that as painful as that would be, that
tells you absolutely everything you need to know, doesn't it.
Speaker 9 (20:42):
Yeah, I guess I just wanted to know if anyone
had been with someone as long as we've been together,
and if they experienced this, and if they went for
it or it was a bad idea.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Okay, well let me take some whole calls. What to
do is this is where it comes in. You don't
really have to do what we tell you. I mean,
you should because we're used right, especially usually me. I'm
usually the most right, but because I'm the voice of reason.
But but the thing is, there are people listening out there,
I'm sure who have been through something like this, and
then who will call in and share their their perspective.
(21:14):
So I'm going to take some calls have the radio. One,
thank you for listening. We wish you the very best
and thanks for sharing.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Two.
Speaker 9 (21:20):
Thanks guys.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Eight five three five miles.
Speaker 11 (21:24):
Hi, good morning.
Speaker 9 (21:25):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
So your theory.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
By the way, just to recap if someone's just joining in.
This woman, Mary has been with her husband now for
twenty years. They were high school sweethearts, so the entire
you know, span of the relationship is twenty years they've
only been with each other. And she had mentioned that
they talk occasionally about what it would be like openly,
you know, to be with other people. And finally, in
this one conversation recently, he said, well, what if we
(21:47):
just open the relationship. She doesn't want to do it,
but she's afraid if she doesn't do it that he'll
leave her, there'll be repercussions or resentment or.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
What do you think?
Speaker 11 (21:57):
So from my understanding, age joked about it before. I
think he stepped out of the marriage already. I really do.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Based on what.
Speaker 11 (22:09):
I mean. Here's the thing. If he brings it up
here and there jokingly, I feel like it's not a joke.
I kind of feel like he already stepped out of
the marriage. And he keeps trying to push it to
see like, hey, maybe do you want to give it
a try to kind of, you know, ease his guilt
and maybe he wants to do it again. Twenty years
together and you're bringing it up now.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
But do people telegraph their their I mean, I guess
people project all the time, but I mean again, if
he's willing to be that communicative about it, is he
really telling on himself in that way? I mean, I
feel like if you're going to really because I think
if you're going to cheat you, I don't have to
tell you about it. I don't have to. I don't
have to try. And I guess I could manipulate you
(22:52):
into it. But if I'm already doing it, then why
don't need your permission now to ease his guilt?
Speaker 11 (22:57):
He doesn't need permission. It's a narcissistic thing where he
feels like, I'm going to tell you a little bit,
but not enough to rat on me, do you know
what I mean?
Speaker 2 (23:05):
So there's no way that this guy, after twenty years,
actually respects his wife and is having an open communication
about something that he would like to try and running
the risk that she says, no, there's no way, but
that's possible.
Speaker 11 (23:19):
She needs to leave. I'm sorry, No, don't really sorry.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
I'm just I'm playing devil's advocate here. I yeah, but yeah,
I would like to believe after twenty years in open
communication and it sounds like she admitted that they had
a lot of communication about things that are sort of
taboo topics. I'd like to believe that it's not that
cut and dry. But all right, thank you, Maya, I
have a good day, me too.
Speaker 12 (23:40):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
I mean this is a pretty overwhelming thought that he's
already doing it. Hey, Shelley, Yeah, Hi, Hey, good morning.
You say go because he's already at it.
Speaker 12 (23:51):
You know what, I think that he might have met someone.
I really do, And you know what, open herself, do
what makes her heart feel good. You know, if she
doesn't feel comfortable with it, go just just.
Speaker 10 (24:04):
Let him go.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
Yeah, I don't think she has to agree to anything.
And I think if the relationship is if the relationship
is contingent on her allowing him to be with other
people or introducing other people into their relationship, then that
relationship is highly fractured in my opinion.
Speaker 12 (24:22):
In my opinion as well. And you know what, she
is never going to trust him after this. The trust
line is broken. She's going to be miserable. She will
be missing out on a great opportunity for herself.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Maybe, But I also don't want to encourage people not
to communicate the things that they might want to do.
And granted that's an extreme one, but I mean, wouldn't
you rather that your partners say hey, I thought about this,
or would you consider this rather than never talk about
it and then keep it inside.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
I mean, I mean, you know, I agree with the communication.
Speaker 12 (24:54):
I'm one hundred percent with the on communication, but my
opinion is her trust is now altered and she's not
going to trust him whether they communicate. She tells him no,
she's always gonna wonder.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Okay, fair enough, thank you, sheelly, have a good day.
Speaker 10 (25:10):
Oh you too, bye, And I had a bunch.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
Of calls to get to.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
But like Paulina, so if Hovey comes to you and
says he wants to do X y Z, whether it's
an activity or a specific thing or bringing other people
in or whatever, do you feel like, I mean, you
have a good marriage. Do you feel like if you
say no, that that automatically means he'll just go do
it with someone else, or do you feel like he
would should be able to come to you and say, hey,
I'm thinking about this, this would be hot, and then
(25:34):
you say no, and then all right, well that kind
of sucks, but then you're still married.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Yeah, that did happen to us, and it wasn't a
question of like can we do this? It was just like, oh,
what do you think of something like this?
Speaker 6 (25:45):
My hot take on the like kind of essentially opening
up your marriage, right, So like seeing other people My
hot take on that is like I would almost feel like, why,
like are you not satisfied with us in the bedroom?
Like I'm also a little insecure sized aar thinking a
little deeper. I'm like, are you not shocked to me?
Like do you not want me? Do you not want
this marriage? I get a little deep with it, Okay,
So like it could be as simple as like I
(26:06):
just want to, you know, spice things up, whatever the
reasoning is for this couple, Like I would feel some
type of way, but I think, well, do you shut
it down? And your partner's like, okay, that sucks, but
it is what it is. I think that's like fine,
I don't think Hobby's going to go off and do things.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
I don't see that. Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
I don't know that one leads to the other. But
I agree with you it might be hard to unring
that bell.
Speaker 1 (26:25):
It is it is, it is. It makes you kind
of question like, Okay, like like, why would you want that?
What would you just mean? And that's how I think,
and I think a lot of women do.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
But I'm afraid that if you say, oh my god,
absolutely not, you've probably shut down all communication on that
topic and maybe some others moving forward, like if you
shame some and granted adding another person's different than I
want to. I want you to do X y Z
between the two of us. But you know, I guess
it's a tough spot to be in because depending how
you answer, how you react, you know that could that
(26:55):
could really change trajectory of things.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Flip whatever?
Speaker 4 (27:01):
Right?
Speaker 1 (27:01):
What's your name? All right? Radio?
Speaker 4 (27:06):
Now?
Speaker 2 (27:06):
When you called the radio station, Hey, Kim, I know
that you don't want to miss a word of the
things that we're saying because they're usually you know, dead on.
But you can't have the radio one because this is
his delay. Kim, what did you want to say? Good morning?
Speaker 4 (27:22):
So I think she should stay. Twenty years is a
long time he's been talking and adding it as spice.
But you have to be very very confident in yourself
and in your marriage. I've been married a very long
time and we have talked about it numerous times, and
(27:47):
one time we went to Vegas and it happened. I
don't know if you're talking about an open relationship and
adding a person in it, But I don't think she
should leave. I think he's talking to her. It's communication.
(28:08):
It doesn't mean that he's already done it. You guys
are sitting there saying, oh, he's in it, he's doing it.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
I don't think some people are saying that. Tim, Yeah,
I don't think that necessarily means that he's done it.
I think it means he's curious about it. But which
could have its own problems. Kim, I have to be nosy.
Was at the beginning of something that you guys started
doing in your relationship or was that just a one,
one off thing.
Speaker 4 (28:33):
No, it was a one off thing, and we talk
about doing it other times. But it's we thought about
swinging way back in the day, probably be married ten years,
but it wasn't. It was something we said to each
other that added spice to our relationship. But I have
(28:55):
to say, you know, I'm I trust him. I don't
think he would ever ever do something like that without me.
And that's where your relationship has to be. Yeah, it
has to be where you're trusting even not swinging or open.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Or one time.
Speaker 4 (29:15):
You guys have to trust each other. Yeah, and obviously
they do, they're married twenty years.
Speaker 8 (29:20):
But Kim is down for it. Kim, you were down
for this woman. She doesn't want to do it.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
And she's what I don't know. And thank you for
calling Kim. I appreciate you. Have a great day. What
I don't know is is, though, is there no Why
is she so trepidacious about saying no to him?
Speaker 4 (29:40):
Like?
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Why is she so convinced saying no to him leads
to something bad? Like that's what That's the part of
this that's interesting for me is she I think she
should be able to say no and then okay, and
he can be disappointed, but that's the end of it.
Speaker 8 (29:52):
But you you would think about this, like if your
partner came to you and had that request and you
said no. I know in the back of your mind
you would be like, okay, but that's something she wants
to do, and you would think about that over and
over again, like I know I said no, but does
that mean they're not going to do it?
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (30:08):
Maybe, But if I say no and then we move
on from it, I hope that that our marriage continues
and that we have a functioning relationship and all the
other things I get with you would mess with me.
But I also I don't know that I would assume
it's already happening. I don't know that I would assume
everything's over. I'd like to believe people can say a
lot of things in a marriage and they're not just.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Gonna leave when you don't agree with it.
Speaker 12 (30:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (30:29):
No, But having you know another person is a different
type of thing. But I wish I could be like Kim.
You know, Kim was down. She's like, let's go to Vegas,
let's get it off. That's how you want it to be.
You want to be on the same type of time
with your partner. But if one of you is like,
oh no, I don't want to do it, then that
leaves the other person like, man, I really want to
do this.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
But I will tell you this much, Kiky.
Speaker 2 (30:49):
In one hundred percent of the examples that I'm aware of,
and it's more than one, one of the people didn't
want to do it but gave in to a piecy
other person and it still didn't work. Because I don't
know that that's thing that you I feel like you're
either into it or you're not, and if you're not,
I don't know that you can be convinced by actually.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Doing it, so that's a tricky one. No, we didn't
solve this person's problem.
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