Relationship Principles with Psychologist Dr. Dorothy Jeffries

Relationship Principles 101 Love & Ethics with Psychologist Dr. Dorothy Jeffries on The Bev Johnson Show onn WDIA Radio.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You're good Will and Good Time StationAM ten seventy w d I A Memphis
Live from the Reeves Law Firm nineone five o four forty four forty four.
Let us be your voice. Beyour voice dot com Memphis probably presents
The Bev Johnson Show. Let mesay, bad game. She's done,

(00:34):
damp game, No man, theproblem. She can't help you, so
your mind shit in the head.By chamming you to just keep when I

(01:02):
go, I'm picking up. Thisdoesn't shoke because I've got here talking.
I have here every day you dI ain't play. My bill got me
its talking. H Good morning,Good morning, good morning, and welcome

(02:02):
in to w d i A TheBev Johnson Show. It is indeed a
pleasure to have you with us onceagain on obvious a Friday. Friya,
Yes it is Friday, May nineteen, twenty twenty three. Enjoy this fabulous

(02:23):
day. Today it is Relationship Day, where we talk about relationships to help
make yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful, and most of all loving
between concerning adults. We'll do thatwith our expert today, psychologist mental health

(02:44):
specialists doctor Dorothy Jeffreys will be talkingwith her topic of conversation this day,
relationship principles one oh one Love andethics. Yeah, that's a good one.
Love and ethics. And as alwaysyou will be able to talk about
the topic of conversation. You mayhave a question or two four Doctor Dorothy

(03:06):
Jeffreys. We invite you to callthese numbers five three five nine three four
two five three five nine three fourtwo. If you're listening to us outside
the Memphis area, how are y'allthis day? You can call stole free
one eight hundred five zero three ninethree four two. That's one eight hundred

(03:31):
five zero three nine three four two. And if this day, this day,
Friday May nineteen, twenty twenty three, is your birthday, like Melanie
Coleman, Happy birthday from your brothersand sisters and rest of the Coleman and

(03:54):
a Bradley family. Sex from Funnyand Lord listener in Houston, Texas was
up, sister. Happy birthday MelanieColeman and all of you all who may
be celebrating a birthday on this day, Friday, May nineteenth, Saturday,
May twentieth, Sunday May twenty first, Like your Bushman was a Bob with

(04:17):
bush is his birthday on the Sunday. Yeah, what a Bushman. Happy
birthday brother, from all your familyand friends, folks who love the Bushman.
Yeah yeah, manager of chick Rogerswas a bush Birthday on Sunday.
Yeah, we're gonna be celebrated.We'll tell more about that, so you

(04:41):
know what we say, Go out, y'all, go out and celebrate your
life. Yeah better, You're better. When we come back, we'll talk
relationships with doctor Dorothy Jeffries and meBev Johnson on The Bev Johnson Show only
on double You d i A leavingtomorrow. Good morning and welcome back to

(05:30):
w d i A. Yeah youare. You are always on my mind.
Welcome in to w d i AThe Bev Johnson Show on this Friday,
May nineteenth, twenty twenty three.Enjoyed this fab fabulous day to day.
It is cloudy and Memphis, Tennessee. But that's okay. We are
still here. I hope it's nicewhere you are. This day for our

(05:55):
first time listeners and callers, itis Relationship Day where we talk about relationships
to help make yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful, and most of
all loving between concerning adults. Wewill be doing that with our expert our
psychologists and mental health specialist, doctorDorothy Jeffreys. Our topic of conversation this

(06:18):
day we will talk about relationship principbowls one on one, love and ethics.
We'll be talking about that with doctorJeffries. If you have a question
or two about the topic or anothertopic on relationships, here are the numbers
to call. Write them down.Nine zero one five three five nine three

(06:41):
four two. That's five three fivenine three four two or one eight hundred
five zero three nine three four twoone eight hundred five zero three nine three
four two will definitely get you intwo. I so get ready to talk.
We'll be doing that. And ohyeah, let me say yeah,

(07:04):
y'all know, I'll say this beforewe start with doctor Dorothy Jeffers. You
all know that May is my month, birthday month. I celebrate my birthday
all month long. I'd do that. I'd do that. Yeah, And
this weekend we're gonna be celebrating mybirthday. And I said that yesterday.

(07:27):
And I just want to clear thisup because I said I'll be celebrating my
birthday Sunday with wind Bush, Bobwind Bush of bush Firehouse Productions. I
said, I'll be at the rockingChair. Yeah, we'll be at the
rocking Chair Sunday night, May twentyfirst very special guest in the house,

(07:49):
Miss Karen Wolf and a Chick Rogers. So I sat there yesterday. I
said, we're gonna be celebrated ourbirthday. And then somebody called they call
the rocking Chair or no, Bengonna celebrate our birthday and we want to
know what the tickets? Does thefood come free? I didn't say anything

(08:11):
about any food, cut any food. Did I say anything about I see
already hand? I didn't say anythinga boy, any food. I said,
I'm going to be celebrating my birthdaywith Bush Bush and now we're gonna
celebrate our birthday on Sunday night.I didn't say I was having a party.
I didn't say you no. Solet me clear it up. Sunday

(08:33):
night it's Chick Rogers and Karen Wolf. They're gonna be in the house.
So I'm gonna be selling still celebrating. No, you come to the rocking
Chair, buy your tickets, youhave to buy food, you have to
buy your drinks. It's no byob. Want to make that clear because
I told the folks at the rockChair. I'm gona telling them they calling
in and said no, no,no, no, no, I didn't

(08:54):
say that. So get your ticketsto see Karen Off Chick Rogers on Sunday
night and showtime starts at eight o'clock. They serve food, so you have
to buy your food, you haveto buy your drinks. It's no byld

(09:15):
B anymore. No, it's notso nothing. People hear what they want
to hear, don't they. Y'allsee, you don't listen. I try
to tell and I tell my studentsall the time, you have to listen.
We hear a lot of things,but we don't listen and comprehend.
So yeah, I'll be at therocking Chair Sunday evening hosting. I'm the

(09:39):
host. Let me put that outtoo. I am the host on Sunday
Night for Melvilla, Chick Rogers andKaren Wood. I'm still gonna be celebrating
my birthday with Bibe Winbush. Soget gone and get your tickets. Because
you know, the rocking chair small, so it only holds so many.
Get your tickets. They sell food, they sell drinks. Y'all got it,

(10:03):
y'all got it?'t be callingdown here Na. In the past
when I had birthday parties, wedid that. But I'm not having a
birthday party. I'm just still celebratingmy birthday. Yeah, I want to
be clear on that. We clear. I see y'all raise your hand.
Were clear, class, We areclear. Good when we come back.

(10:26):
I know, Doctor Jeffers it's fallingout when we come back, and we'll
talk to our psychologist mental health specialists, Doctor Dorothy jeffreyes with me. Bev
Johnson on the BEB Johnson Show onlyon w d IA. It's your girlfriend,

(11:11):
Bev Johnson on w d I.A happy seventy fifth birthday the ten

(11:31):
seventy w d I A. Hi, this is Juan Court, Judge Tarik
Superman, and I want to congratulatea M ten seventy w DA on your
seventy fifth rad of anniversary. Thankyou Memphis and w d I A listeners
from all over the world. Wecouldn't have done it without you, celebrating
seventy five years on your radio,still serving up goodwill and good times.
Where the hard and soul of Memphisa M ten seventy w d I at

(12:00):
all over the time working hard tobring you Fodays never sing Ofference Monday Relationship.

(12:28):
Good morning, and welcome to WDIA The Bev Johnson Show. I'm
Bev. It is a Friday,May nineteenth, twenty twenty three. It
is relationship Day where we talk aboutrelationships. Been doing it a long time,
thirty six years, to help makeyours healthy, happy, wholesome,

(12:48):
wonderful and most of all loving betweenconcerning adults. And we're doing that today
with our expert. She's psychologist,mental health specialist, doctor Dorothy Jeffrey.
Is our topic of conversation relationship principlesone oh one, Love and ethics.
Good morning to you, doctor DorothyJeffries. How you doing, sister,

(13:13):
Good morning, Good morning. It'sa good day in the neighborhood. Yes
it is. It is a goodday in the neighborhood, doctor Jeffries.
And we are glad to be backand do it doing our jobs. I
think, do I think? Well, I like this this morning, doctor
Jeffries. Relationship principles one oh one, love and ethics, and especially when

(13:37):
we talk about because we don't talka lot about ethics and love, So
what is this all about? Well, you know, when we basically think
about relationships, and the challenges andthe struggles and the sadness and the hopes
and dreams, and and then andread occasions those people who are able to

(14:03):
pull it out together and have agood relationship a happy relationships. We oftentimes
get caught up in a lot ofthe external things that shape our perception of
what love is, what romance isor should be, and how we can
write our own fairy tale or youknow, life story based on things we've

(14:28):
read and hope for, and inactuality, love is what we are able,
capable, willing and opening to invitinginto our life. Love is and
how we expected, how we receiveit, and more importantly, how we

(14:52):
share it. The other thing thatI think that we minimize a lot is
that people tend to want to becomevictims of love. You know that person
hurt me, this person did mewrong, and have you? And in
most cases, in many many cases, part too many cases, we do

(15:15):
not assume any adult responsibility for thechoices that we make, the choices and
the perceptions and the assessments that wedo have or we should have made,
or that we ignore when we receivethe good feelings and the little things that

(15:37):
weren't quite right, we tend tooverlook those and go back to what we
initially was talking about, the hopesand dreams and wishes about what love can
be. So if I was thinkingabout that, and I was, and
I was thinking that ethics as usuallyconsidered the moral compass for how we can

(15:58):
direct our lives, how we cando the right thing, how we can
have a set basis of integrity andthe courage to stand by those expectations that
come out of a sense of integrityand rightness. But we don't often talk
about that in terms of love.Love is always looked upon as that fluid

(16:22):
emotions that just comes and just knockyou off your feet. And I'm suggesting
that we are at such a crisisin relationships that it may serve us well
to take an alternative look as tohow we embrace love. And so for
purposes of this discussion, we're gonnaconsider ethics as kind of the outgrowth of

(16:49):
things like what Shakespeare says, tothine own self be truth as night followers
day. Thou canst then be falseto any other person or any other man,
as he says, But to anyother person, if we're first truthful
with ourselves about who we are,what we present, what our wants and

(17:15):
needs and expectations are, and howor to what limbs we're willing to go
about building that, creating that,seeking and receiving that. And that's on
both sides, whether you're looking forlove or whether you are trying to give
love, we need to have somesense of who we are. And you

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know, and I always talk aboutholes, and when I refer to the
holes, I'm talking about the wounds. You know, all of us are
wounded in someplace, manner, shape, or fashion, some people more damaged
than others. But if you areunwilling to consider what holds you have or
what wounds you have, and youare resistant to be and truthful with yourself

(18:00):
first about that and have a willingnessto work on that, to at least
make yourself consciously aware of it andhow it impacts your life, then you
are not in a healthy space tonot only not give love, but it
is almost impossible for you to receivea healthy love. So one of the

(18:22):
first things we have to be truthfulto ourselves. And Bell Hooks is a
black author who wrote about a lotof philosophical things and black culture and black
behavior and what have you. Butshe also wrote this book on love,
and one of the things that Ireally like about it is, according to

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Bell, love is an act.And when we think about love, we
always talk about falling in love andI'm so filled with love. But love
is an act no matter what veinor perspective you're looking at if you're looking
at it from our head, whatdo I do to show you that I

(19:10):
love you? I think about it. I feel like if I do this,
then you're gonna know I care aboutyou. You're my friend, you're
my lover, you're my parents ormy child. But it's a conscious act
that I'm willing to do. Itcomes from my heart because we have a
sense of care, concern, andcompassion for you because I love you.
And then action, your behavior showshow you choose to demonstrate it and how

(19:38):
you choose to receive it when somebodyshows you or share as an act of
love. So if we begin tothink of it as an action bird,
yeah, I'm going to say,because we always say that love is action,
Yeah, exactly, makes it feelalmost passive. This thing just kind

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of comes out and engulft you.But I think that we're in such a
state with people. For you,you really do have to become a little
more discerning about who you open yourselfup to, how you open yourself up
to them, what you're able toshare, what you and when people show

(20:22):
you their signs that they may notbe ready for a normal friendship, a
normal work relationship, a normal neighborrelationship, and intimate relationship, we should
read that. We should read thatif they come in and their behavior is

(20:45):
disrespectful to other people, kind ofnon committal to you, they're explosive,
you feel that kind of sense ofnervousness about them, those are signs that
you need to look at in thebeginning. And so we have the power
and the authority to stop things beforethey even begin. So knowing what you

(21:11):
want and putting that out there andthen getting what you expect has a lot
to do with how you assume yourresponsibility for loving and being loved. I'll
stop because I know you have aquestion. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I was gonna go back because Iwrote down when you talked about crisis.

(21:33):
When we get in crisis mode isis that after we think we're in love
with somebody or we are already incrisis before we get to that point.
That is an excellent question because whatthat does is it gives me an opportunity
to say we're in crisis mode.Not necessarily in love. We may be

(21:56):
in crisis mode because we decide thisis going to be my one, and
that's male or female, this isthe person that I want, and it
could be what they represent to youto deal with one of your wholes,
what they represent to you because theyhave something that you think will add status
or value to you, or howthey look or whatever it is that drew

(22:22):
you to them, that meant oneof your high expectations. You're in crisis
mode. If you think that thisis going to be taken away from me,
or I really can't have it,or they're resistance to it. We
go into crisis mode, so wedo whatever it takes to try to keep
it, even though everything in theuniverse is saying this ain't for you,

(22:44):
This ain't good for you. Youknow. The other one is if we
go into crisis mode because we don'twant to be wrong again. We don't
want to be wrong again. Thatbecause if we're wrong again, that means
maybe I'm truly not worthy of love, maybe our something really is wrong with
me, so we will say,well, I don't have to be treated

(23:08):
with respect, attention, kindness andall that stuff. I just want a
person with me because I'm sad,because I'm lonely. So we make we
make allowances, we have troubling conditionsthat we're willing to accept and what have
you, Or we do psychological orphysical trade off in order to have what

(23:33):
we can call a public attachment,or we can have periodic contact or whatever
it is that we're willing to settlefor. Okay, okay, I got
that. So a lot of timeswe're in crisis before we get into the
relationship, right, we already incrisis, and so what we may be

(23:57):
doing is running out necting with somebodyor hook up with somebody to just try
to minimize our sense of crisis.Look, you gotta do something, your
panick, and I gotta do something. Or I think that it happens a
lot of times when people decide they'regonna go out to the club or to

(24:19):
a bar. That's that's a redfag. You're going out there. You're
going with the intention I want tomeet somebody. But how many times have
you gone and you've gone to thebar and you met somebody who might have
been there for the same thing andthey didn't have like a wealth of problems

(24:41):
that came with that meeting. Becausesome people go out to meet at the
bar just for that night they don'thave anything else to do. Other people
go out they're looking to fall inlove at the bar and you got alcohol,
and you got music, and yougot the setting, and you got
all these people who around you andwhat have you. It's just not a

(25:03):
conducive setting to really get to knowsomebody and to see who it is you
really are there with you and ifyou've had you've been taking shots or have
your drink on and what have you, you're not even in a position to
make a good assessment. So thosekinds of things we need to keep in
mind. And that's why it's importantwhere you have to have a sense of

(25:27):
what's going on with you and whatis it, honestly that you're looking for.
What is it that you're looking for. And you know, we've had
several calls within the last couple ofweeks about people who have made previously questionable
decisions and now they you know,they want to have a certain type of

(25:49):
relationship or they want to pursue somethingwith somebody else, but they have the
consequences of those earlier decisions that maykeep them from getting the type of relationship
that they want or took them frombenefiting from those experiences. So it all

(26:10):
becomes very jumbled in what have youuntil we begin to unpack all of the
stuff or the layers of what goeson in relationships and what role can we
play to have more control over howwe experience them. Doctor Jeffers, you
just mentioned you know, you're givingthe scenario about the club, and then

(26:32):
you said they're red flags, andI was just thinking, we always talk
about look out for the red flags, but don't we have red flags ourselves
looking absolutely okay, absolutely, youknow, if you go out being vulnerable,
you know, and you're best.Our predator sees what you have your

(26:56):
SI Okay, it could be afa ash and yellow lights. You're not
giving a red blook. But thenyou're giving them whatever sign they look for
to say this is somebody I cango over talk to get, you know,
become a queen. They read andwe just see how we go.
Because people read each other. Idon't care what people want to pretend people

(27:21):
read each other. Some people readlike they're reading a book, page line
whatever. Other people's skim until theyfind the line, the chapter or the
part that interests them. And otherpeople just read the back of the book
and that they're good. So youwant to figure out where you stand with
that, how much information that youneed and be willing to put that work

(27:45):
on. But how long have webeen preaching about do the prep work.
Don't go in you know, headfirst like that, half conversations, have
your questions, listen to the answersof obverse, how the person does do
things in settings where you have toengage and interact either just the two of

(28:07):
you talking and what have you,but around other people, so you can
get some data on who this isthat you're dealing with. Okay, Okay,
I got it. So so againwhen we talk about red flags,
we can talk look at the otherperson and look at ourselves as well some
of those things exactly. So,don't you think that if you have a

(28:32):
mindset, you have a need,you have an interests. There's a certain
type that you if you look atyour pattern of relationships, most people have
a trigger what I call a triggerperson. That's the person that it can
be a hundred men in the room, but if you have a certain type

(28:55):
that you're drawn to, you won'tsee that all the ninety nine men who
standing it right in front of you. You can see over around that corner
from the second door, your triggerperson because you're drawn to them. And
the trigger person is usually somebody whomay not be the best for you,

(29:18):
but they are the best that youwant it that you're immediately drawn to whatever
it is about them that they meetin you. It could be your desire,
the physical attraction, it could bethe mental attraction. It could be
the fantasy that you have, whateverthat is that clicks and you have to

(29:41):
go through or most people assume thatthey have to go through it just to
see if this time it's going toturn out okay for me. Usually it
doesn't because if you haven't done anywork where you're aware that this is not
going to be done for you,it's the same story with the same ending.

(30:03):
Okay, I got it. Sowhen we're talking about relationships principles,
if you've just tuned in this morningwith doctor Dorothy Jefferies one on one love
and ethics and and kind of gettingin into that love, doctor Jeffers and
when we one of the things youdefined it as well, and I love
it. We always think about loveas an action word, but it's really

(30:29):
more than that. And then Iguess that's when you're coming in with with
the ethics part of it. Absolutely, absolutely, Okay, So you want
to go into that now, Yeah, let's go into that now. Well
yeah, well yeah, yeah,we have time. We can go into
that now. Yes, okay.You know, as I was saying,

(30:51):
Um, the purpose of love ethicsand the and following principles of love means
that you put some heads time intoit and you've done some reflective work on
what's going on with me, whatit is. I'm pursuing and wanting an
understanding of how you view love,how you want to experience it. And

(31:14):
so part of what comes with thelove ethics is that it gives you a
framework and a theory for creating ahealthier intension in your acts of loving as
well as in your receipt of love, that you have a sense of.

(31:36):
Yes, I may like tangible giftsto show you love me, but I
also want to feel the intimacy ofbeing vulnerable with somebody. I also want
to experience the care and concern whenI'm upset or tired or need consoling or
what have. You want to experiencethat as well. But if if you're

(31:56):
not aware of that, you maylimit yourself to just unmold or attempt of
receiving love. So by having thoseprinciples out there, you have sort of
a guide or framework for considering allthe different types. And there are five
types of love, and we've talkedabout them before, and so once you're

(32:20):
familiar with the type the different typesof love, you can see where you
are. You know, the firstone is errors. You know where you
go in and you're it's this passion. It's just raw love's primal attraction.
People like that. That's the stateswhen you are quote falling in love and
it's an addictive is I mean,you're just there and everything about the whole

(32:46):
experience just makes you feel intoxicated.And there are people who that's where they
stay. Those are the non committedpeople. Those are the ones who want
to fall in love over and overagain. But anything beyond that, where
care concerned, consistent, any ofthat takes place, the responsible acts,

(33:09):
that's that's not where they want togo. The other the second type is
the storage love. This is thefirst loving experience and infant receives that's the
familiar or the family love, thelove from the parent or the parents when

(33:32):
they are received into the family,when they're firstborn, how they're received,
and you know we've talked about thebirth reception. Is it warm loving?
Everybody's excited over you, you knowwhere you get the general touch, you
get the coups and all of that. You feel validated, you feel the

(33:52):
authenticity of people being happy to seeyou and all of that. And the
child absorbed resolve that and that's theirfirst contact with their relationship with the world
based on the people in this littlearea. And then of course we have
programma love. That's when a personis very clear, very cognitive about what

(34:20):
they want, what they need,and their ideal of love. And there's
minimal emotion involved in this. They'revery targeted. They want a person who
looks like this, they want aperson who acts like this. They want
a person who possesses this. Theywant somebody who is not overly needy,
or they want somebody who's super affectionate. Whatever it is that they want,

(34:45):
and they have it almost down toa checklist. A mental or an emotional
checklist. Then very high program toseek out those types of people. They're
very clear about it, and youknow, and with other people at these
other stages, clarity is not necessarilysomething that's there, you know, they

(35:07):
just kind of take it as they'reattracted to it and what have you.
And then we have ludus, whichis again the non committed love. This
person is one of the ones whostays at the first stage. That's where
there's no responsibility, there's no accountability, it's just fun filing, good times,

(35:28):
good feelings. And when that's nolonger there, or one person decides
they want to become committed or theywant to go to another stage, this
person is out of there. Andthen finally, the fifth stage is mania,
crazy love, scary love that isusually high emotional, obsessive love that

(35:52):
may include violence, dominance, control, passion, all of the above.
But it is not sustainable, notin a healthy way by any means.
Ah yeah, Mania, I likethat. We're gonna talk about that.
I'm gonna say, boy, weknow a lot of folks in that one.

(36:14):
In that one we do need torecognize is yes, you can,
especially if you but you know,the thing about it is when we talk
about mania love with the domination andwhat we tend to think about men dominating
women in those relationships. But wehave a lot of women with mania.
Yes, you know, in relationshipswhere they go in they have the standards

(36:37):
and they're controlling and they use everythingfrom finances, mental, emotional, or
physical control to manage that relationships.M okay. And that's a job.
That is a job. That's abig job. That's a big job,
a big story job. Yes,it is, Yes, it is.

(37:00):
We are talking. Hold on,We're good. We're good, doctor Jeffries.
I like it. We're talking therelationship principles one oh one Love and
ethics with doctor Dorothy Jeffries. Holdon, doctor Jeffries. I am going
to open up my phone lines nowif you have a question or two four
doctor Dorothy Jeffries about our topic ofconversation, or you may have another question

(37:23):
relationship wise. We invite you tocall five three five nine three four two
five three five nine three four twoone eight hundred five zero three nine three
four two will get you into me. If you cannot call, you can

(37:45):
email me your question. I'll takeit. My email is BEV Johnson,
at iHeartMedia dot com, Bev Johnsonat iHeart Media ya dot com, and
I'll get those questions answered as well. We're talking relationship principles one on one,

(38:07):
loving ethics with doctor Dorothy Jeffreyes andme Bev Johnson on the Bev Johnson
Show on w d I. AA Hi, this is David Porter,

(38:38):
and you are listening to the Queenof talk, Bev Johnson. She is
the one and only. No onecan top her, no one can stop
her, and I'm in love withher. You're listening to Bev Johnson at
w d I A Happy seventy fifthThursday, ten seventy w d I.

(39:10):
A Hey, this is Willard Clayton. Oh lil hey, let me tell
y'all a little something about w DA. I remember back in nineteen eighty four,
the first time I came into theradio station downtown with Bobby Jay playing
a record I had by the nameof Telly. I didn't know what to
do. I was so excited becauseI finally got to w d I eight.

(39:32):
But his other thing about this wDA, and I want you to
always remember this. Willard Clayton justwant to congratulate Am ten seventy w DA
on your seventy fifth radio anniversary.Thank you for being the heart and soul
of Memphis. You will forever beour good will and good time station.
AM ten seventy w D I eightpeace, Willard Clayton, Thank you Memphis

(39:58):
and w DA snooze from all overthe world. We couldn't have done it
without you, celebrating seventy five yearson your radio, still serving up goodwill
and good times. Where the heartand soul of Memphis. AM ten seventy
w D your mind ship by tellingyou to just keep where I go.

(40:30):
I'm picking up being show because theygot good welcome back and we are talking
a relationships. Doctor Jefferies. I'mgoing to our phone lines to talk to
our listeners. Thank you for waiting. Hi William, Hey, beautiful bad

(40:52):
doctor Jeffries. How are you doingall right? Let me talk to rick
Um now. She's she's hitting onsome deep stuff for you know, many
lives, especially once you've gotten intoan old area. But the college days
and young adult days, it's it'sreally tough because especially for the women because

(41:15):
in that first date, you know, you have that conversation, right,
the women want to know who youare, and this, and then asking
all the questions trying to figure outif you're the right guy, because you
ask them out and you know,by the way you look, you know
the way it sound, they've madea decision just on that. So they're
asking the questions and so but themen, they're only going to say what

(41:37):
they want to hear. Like anexample is the woman that's do you plan
to get married? The man tosay, yeah, you know, but
not right now. You know,I have to save up, I have
to give me a home on myown place, and I have to do
this and do that. And itsounds great to the woman she's already see
him in her house and that she'sgonna help him to save money and move

(42:01):
up in life, when the wholetime the man's thinking of trying to get
her in bid the first night.And the only thing that can, you
know, save the woman really istime if she can hold and see what
he's truly about, because if hisheart is with her, then whether they

(42:22):
do it or not, he's gonnabe there and he's gonna help her.
He's not looking for her to helphim. Um and and but the woman
is like, but if I don'tcall back. Then he'll call some other
woman. And that's a real,you know, diabolical position for the one
or not diabolical, but um realtough position for the woman to overcome.

(42:44):
So it's a it's tough Let melet me ask this question, William.
So you're saying that relationship are harderfor those the dating stage. You're saying
those young people that may be incollege or just young people or people in

(43:06):
general period. I want to beclear about women, or you're just saying
women in period. So you're sayingthat women are a lot of times they're
needy, they're wanting, they wantto be in a relationship and not thinking
or hearing what the man is saying. Because they may not want to be
in a relationship. They may wanta one night stand or a few dates.

(43:29):
Is that what you're saying, that'swhat the man now for the woman.
And you know, I know thatnot everybody thinks this way, but
it's true. Y'all are created tohelp a man. And so that's kind
of a void when a man isnot there, even as a friend,
man is not there. That's avoid and that's a fish out of water.

(43:51):
And so yeah, they it's harder. It's hard on the woman,
especially to make a decision on whatto do, to way to go forward.
You know, it's and and it'sit's hard on the younger adults because
once you get a little bit older, you're damaged. Now you know what
to look for, and then youknow exactly what kind of car you want.
When you go in to buy anew car, you know exactly what

(44:14):
you want, all the amenities.And so that's what it is for the
woman. For the man a littlebit easier, a little bit easier is
you know, so many women weyou know, do stupid stuff. We
fight in wars. It's just morewomen than men. And it's kind of
like that all over the world.And I'm just saying, it's just harder
for the young woman to make thatkind of sick because you don't have that

(44:37):
experience and to listen to the olderwoman to try to help her. You
know, then you're dealing with heremotions and you know, logic, emotions,
logic. Ah, that's a toughposition. So it's the harder for
the woman, is what I'm saying. And U and it's harder for her
to have that conversation only okay,she needs time, right, Thank y'all,

(45:00):
Thank y'all, thank you, loveyou back. William hold On calls
and going to doctor Jeffreys. Someof the things that William said that in
two words that hit me. Wow. Doctor Jeffrey said, I disagree with
well to a point. First,he said that women were were created to
help a man. Okay, Iget that. So so you're saying,

(45:22):
William help a man when they getmarried, or help a man why they're
dating or the relationship. I havepride. Then he says that a lot
of times that women, and Ithink he said women. If I'm wrong,
William call me back. We're damagednow as we get an adults,

(45:43):
doctor jeff So, so it's adamage. So nothing really can you do
about it. I think I'm ifI'm wrong, will you call me back?
Oh Lord, I know, Iknow. I'm thinking like, oh,
okay, William. Doctor heard whatI heard what William was saying,
And after I exhaled, I saidto myself, Okay, it's there.

(46:12):
There were things that he said thatis true based on how a misogynistic,
sexist world patriarchal society has set upthe dynamics that women have been trained and

(46:32):
socialized to believe some of the thingsthat William was saying, and that negates
a whole other thousand, multiple plusyears of history from other societies and other
worlds where women were not born,or reared or social lies just to be

(47:00):
a help make. So, withthat being said, that works within a
patriarchal society where men need women toremain the silence, observient, pro creating
side of society so that they canremain dominating, in control and make all

(47:25):
the rules and decisions. Women thenare merely married piece of property who brings
their errors in and has that keepstheir homes and what have you. But
they don't necessarily want her to think. They don't want her to have an
opinion, they don't want her tovote, to have any kind of decision

(47:51):
outside of the home. They wanther to be that help mate. And
when you're a help mate nowadays youcould just get a robot and do all
those things. You can't produce thechildren. But the reality of it is,
there are many many women who werenot socialized by in families and by

(48:15):
women and or men to believe thosethings. There are women just google women
in leadership areas all over the world, they couldn't assume those roles of leadership
if that was what they settled foror what were you know, confined to.

(48:37):
And in fact, that is theproblem with many men and women,
regardless of race and status, isthat there is a significant number of women
who refuse to be boxed in andin conditions to stay this way. Where

(48:58):
we're experienced and seeing now in particular, is a white male and a few
other males from different cultures tagging alongsaying we need to get women back in
their place. We need to havewomen having these babies so that we can
outnumber or increase our numbers. Andwe need women to follow our directives about

(49:22):
how they use their vote. Ifthey're allowed to vote, if they're not
going to follow our directors on howto think and vote and assert themselves in
society, then we will take thataway as well. So with all of
that being said, that and thereare women who panic at the thought when

(49:44):
they keep throwing these statistics around aboutnot having enough available men. So women
feel like and what he said thatif she doesn't get a man by a
certain age, then she's damaged,yeah, lord a mercy okay? Or
or or if the heartbroken, andso yeah, get you become damaged when

(50:07):
you become a game. We haveso many women who pick and choose the
men that they want to be with. We have women who may decide they
don't want to play those roles ofhaving children or even being in a relationship

(50:30):
and what have you. They wantthe same liberties and freedom that men use,
and they and they put themselves inpositions where they can do that.
If I you know, if I'mrunning a major thing in the military,
if I'm the head of a hospital, if I'm the head of a university,
if I'm a major scientist discovering allof these things, it's very difficult

(50:52):
for me to go home for somebodyto tell me, you know, my
opinion doesn't count, or that myjob is to take care of these babies
and what have you. As amother, I'm going to take care of
my babies if I choose to havethe babies, and that men becomes the
problem because I'm saying I have achoice if my body is my reproductive right

(51:15):
and low and behold, what hashappened This opportunity to now has come back
when that is being taken away.So not all things that you see about
women are based on women's wants andneeds and experiences. A lot of what
you see about women is that womengot out of their place. They start

(51:36):
asserting themselves. They started taking ondecisions and decide that they were independent and
could be competitive in the world.And now we are experiencing the backlash of
that where society, which is primarilypatriarchal, is taken back some of that.
The point is that women need tosee and recognize what's happening and decide

(52:00):
for themselves, because, um,it would be just terrible if the things
that my coming, I mean,the people, the young girls coming after
me end up having to go throughwhat my great grandmother went through because she
had no right or privileges and whathave you. And it's our responsibility to

(52:23):
educate them. I can't even getinto the loveish relationships on that, but
so be it. All right.Hold on, doctor Jeffries, We're going
to your little brother. Hold on, doctor Jeffers, are going to your
little brother. Let's see it.Make sure I got this right. Okay,

(52:44):
the Clyde, what's up Clyde?And you know, you know,
I remember big sister. They're talking, you know, but they got called
you know, and I still likehe really you really have some good force
right now you go. You know, I feel a lot reasonly treating it
out of control now because you know, back in the day, my mom

(53:07):
stayed at home. My dad didall the work, so the mama was
raising the child, teaching them mirrything. So I feel like nowadays women really
don't know the place Bill. Youknow this is what I still a lot
or they they they want to fallin love so quick, you know,
I mean, don't don't do that. I don't even like you using the

(53:27):
weird love God. And I don'tknow what claud and I don't even like
you using when you say women don'tknow their place. Now you know how
I feel about that? Yeah,I know what is? What is the
place? I mean? I mean, first of all that now I mean
in my house. You know,I don't care how much money you make,
Bill, it was actually goes inthe house. You know what I'm

(53:52):
saying. And you don't think you'regonna do It's just if you work and
stuff, you still got to comehome and cook close. I got to
cook my own dinner and wash myown clothes. Wash. Not getting mad
because I look at it okay,so well good, that's how you look
at I'm thank you said that.That's that's how Clyde looks at it.
Does look that's not look at itlike a lot of people might feeld wrong

(54:15):
for it. But I feel likewomen nowadays they don't do the women do
this that they were composed they weretaught to do when they was coming up,
you know, like wash the clothes, clean, takeing the treat and
all that right there holding cloud.But I was I was taught to learn
how to wash my own clothes becauseI have to fend for myself. That's
the word my daddy would say.Okay, so I'm teaching you how to

(54:38):
do this so you can fend foryourself. You don't have to ask nobody
say anything either, no no no, no no no no. A lot
a lot of women, Clyde chooseto be single, and a lot of
women want to want to have amate. So what's the problem. Didn't

(55:01):
mouth it didn't mounth isn't mounth likeyou know, my just switch together,
see a big club together, youknow, falling out, she just laughing.
She just loves you. To myrepresentatives, a tough team. I
representative when i'd be out of theclub, and my representative used me what

(55:21):
I want And I'm not going tothe club looking for love. I'm not
going to looking for a girl.Friend. You're gonna have a okay,
I'm gonna have fun, okay,far I want to have fun. I
ain't looking at a girl. Anddon't ask you don't really get married,
because if I really get married,show would be looking in the club.
You know. Bad. Okay,Well, I'm glad you you know that.

(55:45):
Yeah, I want man, nobodyI'm meeting the clue. No,
No, I ain't gonna okay,just know that I have got some brad
you know, Okay, but Ijust I just want I just want to
say, but I think that guyhe was he was on point? Oh
do you and uh I think thatguy? Yeah? Yeah, were there

(56:05):
some good point? Yeah were onepoint? Because uh, I mean that's
when I'm gonna go back with withdoctor Jefferies and when we went out when
I hang up for you see,that's the part we talk about those ethics
love ethics, yes, and Idon't know we love hill Bill. You
know when he comes down, whenhe comes down to won love you because
I don't let my dogs down.Okay, you never let your gods down?

(56:30):
Yeah you Timmy, you love me. I'm gone, I'm gone,
I'm I don't care what we're doingon stop up down. I don't want
to hear that. Hey, codMan, I love you. You gone
now? Okay you go, yougo. Doctor Jeffers, what you gonna

(56:58):
do with yo? Yo? Yourlittle brother? You know? My there?
You know I heard him, andI was thinking about William too.
Really, both the points that theymake it is so outdated, and that's
you know, I can't even getthat upset about it, but it gives

(57:22):
us an opportunity to explore those.First of all, when you talk about
your mama's staying at home doing thehouse, and whether there were well defined
roles if they were they were acouple, or if there was a man
and a woman in that house takingcare of children, they would share responsibility,

(57:44):
but there was also responsibility on determininghow you were going to take care
of that household, how you're goingto take care of those children, and
those children and you did not havedaddy mamas and what is it baby daddy
is and babies money bumping into eachother and creating all that crazy drama,
so that time is different. Andthe other part of it is we have

(58:09):
more women out here as single parents, raising more children than they can afford.
To these men, they want tobe in control and take care of
and want the old way. Whyaren't you putting something in these young kids?
Ears like you shouldn't be making babiesjust to have trophy. Yes,

(58:30):
you know, that's a responsibility.You can't get what your history says that
you should have a woman at homebowing down to you when you're not.
That's why I hate those especially whenpeople call each other that's my queen,
that's my king. What are wein charge of? What are we ruling?

(58:51):
We can't even rule our families andour neighborhoods and stuff. Don't call
me queen. I'm not gonna callyou king until you assert some masculine,
responsible, mature adult male behaviors.You know and says men want to be
in child Let's just start with themen in our community, make some effort,

(59:13):
a concerted effort as a group ashalf of the community, the male
part, and address the issue withthese kids because the majority of them our
male and now little girls and younggirls are getting embolked because a lack of
male representation, positive male representation intheir homes. The girls that are out

(59:38):
there now who are having these babieshave not had appropriate male representation in their
lives. That says, this ishow a young woman interacts with the male.
This is a standard that you needto set for yourself and not depend

(59:59):
or back somebody else to do foryou. You know, you need to
know and do for yourself. Andthen when somebody comes into your life,
they're coming in because you are meetingas potential partners to navigate this life together,

(01:00:19):
not because you're expecting somebody to takecare of you. And that's the
problem. On the other side,there are too many young females out there
assuming that somebody out there is goingto take care of you. When when
is it you're going to bring tothe table. It's the only thing that
I think that we can hold onto. It is when old people say,

(01:00:40):
get your education, take care ofyourself. Don't bring somebody in this
world until you can be a fullfledged parent with a household of your own,
where you can have money that's comingin regularly and are saving somewhere,
even if it's under the floor book. Those are kinds of things that you

(01:01:01):
need to do for survival before youstart talking about caring for somebody else.
But there's other stuff that they're talkingabout. They're dreaming, well, you
know what, our crisis and they'retalking about somebody could stand at home Washington
cleaning, right, you know what? And that that was reminding me as
you when you talked Dr Jeffreys ofthe five types of love that was number

(01:01:22):
three programmer exactly exactly, Yeah,but how many of them? And how
many? But you know what,you got people men who go into these
relationships expecting a woman who may beon public assistance to assume that role because
she's not working and her responsibility ofwhat I would say to her, you

(01:01:46):
now ready to have nobody come inliving with you when the other people are
paying for you to be there totake care of children that you didn't plan
for. Your job goal is tofigure out what your assets are, figure
out how to develop them, growing, get a skill or trade something so

(01:02:07):
that you can feel good about yourselfand have a purpose. You know,
if at twenty you got four children, your options are so limited, then
yes, and you've cheated us outof any kind of magic that you could
create. We deserve better than that, but as an adults and as elders,

(01:02:30):
we have to do better. Thisis a hot button for me,
so I'm gonna be quiet. No. I love the hot button. People
need to hear the hot button,and I like that, you know,
people need to hear that. Maybesomebody will get it. I love it.
I love it. I love youknow something there. One of the
things that has come out of BillHook's work on lovers An Act is that,

(01:02:54):
yes, it is something that ispurposeful and intimate relationships, but it
is also something that's wanted and neededin community relationships, which goes back to
what I'm saying is that nobody isgoing to come and repair the damage,

(01:03:17):
the pain, the violence, theneeds, the devastation in our community.
It has to be with us andfrom us. And we have resources,
we have assets. The money thatwe spend on crap that is so disposable
and whatever it should be put intoour own Saturday schools and training people to

(01:03:43):
have vocations and other things. We'vegot to wrap ourselves around that. For
the past forty years, I haveread studies on black on black homicide.
It's an epidemic now, and prettysoon we're going to run out of it
because now are dying younger and younger. Yes, So until we're until we

(01:04:03):
are ready to talk about balance andbrutality and what's happening to us. It
happens within our homes, within ourneighborhoods, within our school, and within
ourselves before we can challenge anybody elseto address it. Because we can fix

(01:04:24):
this, we can put a stopto it, but we've got to stop
prostituting our community, vandalizing and devastatingand destroying it. We deserve better than
that. Now, all the menout there who want to be in controlled
and the head of stuff, handleit. I like it to handle it.

(01:04:45):
We handle it this day. Holdon, doctor Jefferies, We're going
to pause. Hold on, callers. I know you are there. We
are talking this relationship day Relationship Principleone oh one Love and Ethics with psychologist
mental health specialists, Doctor Dorothy Jefferies. We will talk to you five three

(01:05:10):
five nine three four two one eighthundred and five zero three nine three four
two. Got a question, emailme, I'll take it. BEB Johnson
at iHeartMedia dot com. Beb Johnsonat iHeartMedia dot com. We're going to
the other side of the BEB JohnsonShow right here on double you d IA

(01:06:40):
whether you're in Arkansas, Tennessee,or Mississippi on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram,
Thank you for listening to the BEVJohnson Show on w d I A
Memphis, giving you seventy five yearsof goodwill and good times. We're am

(01:07:10):
ten seventy w d I A mephislive from Reeve's Law Firm Studios called nine
oh one, five oh four fourfour four four. Let us be your
voice. Be your Voice dot comshow, the time methist talking and home
away you go, you go Son, give me time to show Joe.

(01:07:40):
Let's go That'll Johnson, Well makeyour jame by here on you d to
listen to what to Fay? Youknow it's time for the Bofish show.
Time on the BAT Show. Let'swe are rocking and rolling on this day.

(01:08:02):
I'm definitely ricking and rolling. Welcomeinto the BEV Johnson Show here on
WDIA. It's Relationship Day on thisFriday, May nineteen, twenty twenty three.
Enjoy this wonderful day. We aretalking about relationships. A topic of
conversation. Relationship Prince sobos one ohone, love and ethics. We're doing

(01:08:25):
that with our psychologist mental health specialists, doctor Dorothy Jeffries. We are going
to our phone lines, doctor Jeffries, to talk to our listeners who want
to talk to you. And thankyou all so very much for waiting.
W D I a Hi caller,Hid Hi, doctor Jeffries. I am

(01:08:47):
so excited about this topic. Okay, why are you? Why are you
excited? Caller about this topic.I was just having us conversation last week
with some we we had a functionand we got on this topic of our
relationships and dating, and we aregrouped anywhere from forty to sixty plus all

(01:09:09):
of the guy all of the maleslash men. And I say that for
a reason, male slash men,because all males are not men. This
is my perception, the of justmine. Okay. And so we got
all that something and they was talkingabout well as twenty you know, plus
women to men, and I said, really, I said, let me

(01:09:30):
let's break that down. And soof those twenty women you think are available
for men slash males, I said, five of them are in jail for
life. So you're down to fifteen. I said, five of them really
don't care for me and at alland don't want to be with men.
I said, sow you down toten, I said, and five of
them are doing what they want todo and want to deal with you when

(01:09:53):
they feel like it. I said, So now you still down to five?
I said, three of them areeight plus ain't think about no man?
Or seventy plus to not? Soyou love with two of those two?
The same thing is is it awoman or is it a female?
And I said, which one areyou going to choose? And then like

(01:10:13):
five was just saying that we don'thave our place. A lot of you
know, women that choose to goon and just do what they need to
do to survive and to make alivelihood for their kids and their family.
A lot of times is not bychoice, sometimes by force, because where

(01:10:34):
do we supposed to do just sitand wait for captain savior? Or do
we just keep going on and dowhat it's necessary to be successful and accomplish
some of our life goes. Iget really really burned out on men assumptions
of what women are and what's ourplace and what's that? What's your place

(01:10:56):
and what's your role? And whatis it that you're doing to incorporate.
And just like you think, it'sso many of you all are out there,
you are vastly getting locked up forlife. So it's getting smaller and
smaller the amount of men that areavailable. And yes, women do have
choices. Well, we have choicesjust like you do. That's my anality

(01:11:18):
on it. All right, Ithank you caller, Thank you for your
call. Thank you bell, Byebye, Doctor Jeffries. You want to
comment on caller? Excellent? Yeah, yeah, yeah, excellent. Excellent
clarification, excellent clarification, very good. All right, hold on doctor Jefferies.

(01:11:40):
Common man, Hey, how areyou doing? Doing well? Common
man? And let me say hellohello doctor Jeffers. On the other side,
I got ah, just two briefcomments. I'm really appalled about about
what I heard of William. Thisis a night William William. Yes,

(01:12:00):
what are your paul about what hesaid the part of his coming and when
he said that the latest sitting thereasking a man questions, uh, do
you plan to get married or whatnot? Then the man in after all the
questions and this, that and other, the man is just simply waiting or
wanting to get into your pants.You know, first of all, they

(01:12:26):
really, they really bothered me.First of all, let me say we
are not CTCC year old guys anymore. We have grown fully grown men.
We want to know a woman,have a friendship with a woman, love
a woman, be loved by awoman, and all of those great things.
We have grown up. We havewe have grown up, we have
matured. And so to say that, I think that that puts a paint

(01:12:48):
a bad picture about me and asa whole, you know, as a
hole, No, as a wholeho early up. I know that bothered
me, you know, and soI you know, if you remember one
time I spoke to you about Isay, two of the hardest things for
people to get passed from the beginningsof men feeling like the woman just wants

(01:13:13):
his money and that woman feeling likea man just wants to get her sexually.
Those are two of the hardest thingsto get passed. And for him
to make that type of comment,I don't think that helps anybody at all
in regards to having ended desire totry to get into a relationship, you
know. So I'm just saying,no, all of us that that's not
our state of man. Some ofus want to get to know, a

(01:13:34):
nice lady, love a nice lady, care for her, have a good
friendship and a good partnership. Whenit comes to the household. I'm the
type of person that I believe inteamwork. Let's do this together. I
would cook, I clean, Ido it anyway, So why I could
not do it with it lady?You know, I believe in the family.
I believe in unity. That's whyI have a close relationship with my

(01:13:57):
family and my children. So thatblue or crab William said, I can't
say, well, I don't appreciateit, but I can't be mad at
him. But that was a badthing to say. You know, well,
you have to also keep keep inmind, coming man. That was
his opinion, that was his thoughtsright, right right, his beliefs.
Yeah right, And if you know, well, like I say, when

(01:14:18):
you speak for us, all inone, I can't let them go like
that, right, Yeah, theydon't, they don't. They don't apply
to all those latest all right,all of us not not just thinking about
getting in the woman's fans. Someof us want to have something nice,
pleasant, decent, something to loveand chery and all of it. So
if that's his state of man,speak for yourself and net regard with you.

(01:14:42):
All right, I'm gonna bill thankyou coming man w D I A
sweet lady P. Lady P thenlady P. Yeah, you better ask
somebody NAE. That's like, youknow, bay, how are you doing?
I'm doing well, sweet lady P. Look, I'm trying to step

(01:15:04):
I'm trying to step in here likethis right Hey, doctor je, I
know you're so glad to hear me. What what you know? What there?
What you know? Relationship that Ilove? Relationship? What's so glad
you ladies made it there today safely, you know, to be able to
talk with some of us, andand and and tell doctor Jeffer she's gonna

(01:15:25):
have to talk the whole little brotherone on one because you know, I
never in my whole life heard aman say you won't hear about saying love,
Timmy, you love me if youdon't mean it, you know what
I mean? Y? Yeah,I don't care. Do you know the
word love makes me so happy justto hear you saying you know what I
mean? And as people, alot of people want to hear that.
You know how good that makes somepeople where they lie? And now you
got people lie all day and everyday. You know, But I mean
it's okay to say one all youlove what you're gonna say, you lie

(01:15:47):
to me. You know who whodon't want to hear somebody to say they
love them? You know what Imean. I couldn't believe that Claude.
You know, that's what's the actor, Jeff her you're here in MEMPHISI and
try to catch up with Claude,your little brothers and happen want on want
with him because he's running away fromlove. You know, that's why you're
over there sings side. I don'tknow what's going on. You try to
be singing the rest of your life. But thing about it? You know?

(01:16:09):
I know he said love his son, you know, but I don't
know. Some woman broke his heartso bad with Babs. You know what,
this is your birthday, This isyour birthday. Weekend. We're gonna
get out squirrel on beb you know. I you know I heard people say
half birthday last people. You knowwe're not far around you're probably, but
I'm on my white man. Ithank everybody that call, but it's wrong
day, roll day. I gomas Rob Dappers all the way. But

(01:16:32):
bad let me say hay my man. Mall you know, bab, I'm
just so glad to be in arelationship, you know what I mean.
You know I said I think,no, I'm not married to no one.
You know, we're not uh youknow like when you're dating someone that's
dating day, you know, butjust to just to say you know,
you're happy, you know, andthings to you know. You know we're
not perfect. You know when noman's perfect. Bell you know, when

(01:16:55):
a man come in your life,he might do this, he might do
that. The things change sometimes,you know, but uh, you know,
for whatever reason, you know whypeople to get this gap. We
don't know why. So how areyou? You know with you? I
don't know how, but doctor Davin, I don't know how? Why?
Why? How? Why? Andhalf away like why I'll do a man?
You know, and and there's justdifferent types of women for a different

(01:17:15):
man. You know when the peoplesay, well how do you get how
you how you get that man?You know? Uh, it wasn't that
point of I know there's a alady people thing like she's loud o noses
and everything, but I'm not.I'm such a great person and God will
always bring good things to my lifewith good people to men. Because I'm
a good person. Then you knowyou talk about me? Is that when
you talk about men. We don'thave a lot of the men out here.
And I hear clad try to talkabout woman, bab. I do

(01:17:36):
everything I can from my man.You know what I mean. When I
got to working, I come home. You know, I clean the house.
You know, when I'm working ornot, I'm gonna clean my house.
I'm gonna take care of I'm acook, bam, and I'm just
gonna do this thing. I feellike this was wm I was supposed to
do. You know, women,sah, I ain't got to do it.
I ain't got this because I workevery day. You know, this
is something that you know, whetheryou win a man or not, this

(01:17:56):
is something that this is something thatyour mama and you're bad to talk to
you or whatever. You know,to clean your house to cool do you
know, all the go to workand all this stuffing to be in the
pen of bath just like you are. That's that time. It's good to
have a man that you know takecare of you. You know what I'm
saying. Who don't want the man? So I sit at home? You
can sit at home all day everyday, non don't do nothing? But
who want to want day? Aman come home, he's taking care of
you and all this did he comehome the house masks and and then he

(01:18:18):
don't hand on food? Cook?Now, come on bed. You got
to do better than that. Butmen say, well, women ain't doing
that. Now, that's what's wrongwith our kids nowadays. You can't blaming
on the women. You know,we got men. We need more men.
Uh so we don't have enough inthe world. Huh, little never
coming to the house. And thenI cook? Girl? Do you okay?
All right, well you don't takecare of men. Mann't get it

(01:18:41):
here? Your bad. He's awalk in the house. What do you
say, man? You cook today? Okay, we're talking about a little
bad. We're gonna get our squirrelon bed. What you gonna do this
weekend? You know what's on allthis Sunday? Right then? What this
Sunday? At the rocking chair?Lady p right, oh boy, you're
gonna have a check rock What yougonna have the chick Rogers and Karen Woolf

(01:19:02):
love have murder. Gary, You'regonna be in the house. They're gonna
be celebrate look I wanted all yourcalls and listen y'all always talking about y'all
love Bill somos, Come on downto the rocket chair and rock. Let's
rock that dog on chair back.Just what I told my suss of Barbara
and my suster Pam. You knoweverybody know we're gonna be rocking that chair
with you. Ben. We're gonnaget on in there and we ro chair.
Oh, doctor Jeffer, I knowyou probably can't make it. We

(01:19:23):
help you do. But anyway,baby, get off the radio. I'm
gonna stop talking. I can't stop. I love you guys. Then,
but I see you suddenly. Thanksfor taking a call, and yeah,
everybody have a great weekend. Youtoo, Lady Pete, take care Melvin.
Who ask lady Pee? Now wehave Lady d that lady p something

(01:19:45):
bad? Damn lay lady that shegot it every rather wis gonna have a
birthday? You know I know whata birthday being what I okay, okay
and seeking a birthdays then Christen soyou know aw for west Smiths they a
k a is food poo poopoo.Birthday was yesterday death from I T Noah

(01:20:09):
who love her? So when yousee poopoo. Christal Hall, Ryan West
Smiths tell a birthday wish to coverall the way across the bridge. Lady
D and j T get along witheverybody that love are. She's so fweet,
hey, doctor Jeffer's day of job. Yes, ma'am, y'all the

(01:20:29):
little brother you know, he maygood. You know I told you before.
We need to give him the checko. He make it. We need
to give him the checko because becausehe is a comedian, isn't he oh
man, he makes when he comeout. If you eat the drinking,
put it down because you're gonna stitchyour delf happen not not they have just

(01:20:55):
you know, and doctor Jeffers.Then normally everything she say be as Steve
says. He said ninety nine pointnine nine nine Doctor Jeffer's b one hundred
percent right, and she'd be tellingthe true bed now. It's nothing wrong
but staying at home if your hoodfor your even your boyfriend bill. But

(01:21:19):
if you get a boyfriend, youand him cool and he can you know,
sit you down and you pay,you know, he take care of
your little in that's sad and dandy. But the most important thing if you
look at that mirror. Bell.If you look at that mirror, it's
called step reservation. I don't carewhat you're doing or who you're doing it

(01:21:41):
for. If you ain't got yourstep together, As doctor Jeffers said,
how can I do something for Bell? And I ain't got my self together?
And for marriage? Bill, anddoctor Jeffer's no, I've been at
this a long time. Got aT shirt for the Bill, But you
suck. Always supposed to be prepared. People change, they nah, people

(01:22:04):
change their mad Bill. In marriage, that's the hardest job. It's just
like going to work every day.Now, if you really really won't your
marriage to work, then you gotto put some work in Bill, on
both side. And this ain't aboutsitting at home and cleaning up the house.

(01:22:28):
Ain't nothing wrong with it. Butif I won't really want a made
job, Bill, they hide formaids every single day. But if you
think I married you to sit downin the corner and your brother saying shut
up, and you don't just havea houseful of chosen and all, Bill,

(01:22:50):
I'm on my knees Black Cinderella,Oh no, no, no,
that's not gonna happen unless you payingfor a maid. Now, I'm gonna
clean the house up, I'm gonnacook, I'm gonna do all the nine
y'alls. But on average you gotjust a few gas on the scale of

(01:23:10):
one to ten, ten being thehighest. Now I'm not talking to the
ones. I'm talking to only theones that, on average they come home
may have been. Just ask layPee, even if he were joking,
what you could next thing? Ifthey got a reclimber, they get over
and the reclimbers stay back. Andon the ten you had had the bill,

(01:23:34):
Now keeping man a woman jobs twentyfour hours, expecially if you got
some children on hand, Man,you got to put your life on home.
And then sometime even after putting yourlife on hole, children will get
grown and go out in the streetand will not listen to nothing. You

(01:23:56):
don't call them because it's called peerpressure. And marcusy mar could do.
Now you got some child and gonnastay where they're supposed to stay. But
it's called pre pressure, temptation anda kind a good mother. See,
anybody can have it, takes itbad. Anybody can get pregnant. Anybody
could be a mama. But mothermother got to put in some word.

(01:24:20):
Bel if you're gonna have to putin some work because you got that job.
Twnt that fault hour and if yougot more than one, you know
I've been there, done that.Bear. They when you're going somewhere,
the choosen to read and I endup getting the van when time to go,
all they're standing at Everybody want towander, which how please get is

(01:24:43):
so we can go. You gotto put up with the veil if they
grow older. If it's a younglady, that's the hardest job, trying
to keep up from not getting pregnant, trying to keep up and not met
your little brother, seeing your brotheracross all count of men and little brother
man, won't you take care ofthem? But they're the real men.

(01:25:04):
As doctor Jeffer said, I cancall him a king bear a king because
when I went and told him,look, I don't mean no harm.
Yeah, I was working bell.I know what it is to work,
but I was working for this Dayvillebecause I knew when I got close to

(01:25:27):
sixty, if I don't want towork, I want two jobs. Young
people don't want to do that today. One job, dear holler, where
I ain't gonna work for the whiteman who you're gonna work for Tom gonna
make it Tom, not you workingfor a paper? When I work to
him and tell him they about alittle I don't mean no harm. But

(01:25:50):
yeah, we sit down and talk. Then we went to the table.
He didn't have to tell me.Whatever you want to do, he said,
And whatever you want to do,I got your back and bed here
it is the children wrong, thechildren wrong and gone, and we see

(01:26:11):
a hip them a little bear.But when I said, just back children
now, people say I'm going atyou don't have some mania? Now don't
your time is if you don't haveno better response. The if I did
not go nowhere but every now,indeed, if the children couldn't go at
one gone one, because it goeslike this here. I don't care how

(01:26:35):
you come in contact with children.They your children, and it's your responsibility
to try and bring them up.I would to everything in school that they
had there. The teachers would tellyou I even hip the other children.
And what did doctor Jeffers said?If these old men, the menis get

(01:26:57):
up off their boots, all thesekidding they of all this cor jacket.
Now you can get one hundred ofthem. The marge almost cities and lay
down day of school. The firstday of fool there all of them,
all of men taking the chunity inthe school. But what about the rest

(01:27:17):
of the school year and all thismyths that's going on? If every band
is wanting every family you're with theseyoung people, you know, I see
it all the time. And doctorJeffice just stay. We can get a
how long this stuff they are overnight? But they don't want to do
with you know why why it's toomuch money involved in too many names of

(01:27:42):
people and too many of these menkicking it and smoking. And the mothers
do the same fine day in everybad of family film. I know song
now that no note, have agood one, you two, lady d
Doctor Jeffery, You've heard a lotof stuff. Hold on, doctor Jeffer.
You're gonna come back and comment onsome of our callers and listeners this

(01:28:06):
day. If you have a commentor a question for doctor Jeffrey, be
a geteon where you're fitty in fivethree five nine three four two one eight
hundred and five zero three nine threefour two. You're listening to w D
I A. You're listening to theheart and soul of Memphis. So bev

(01:28:40):
Johnson's show. Exclusively on w dI A. Who has been jamming with

(01:29:05):
w d I A. Who's seven, y'all. This is James Alexander the
Barcas A little long history of fact. Nat D. Wheels, who's one
of the first DJs at w DAhappened to be my history teacher at B
tenth W. Booker T. WashingtonHigh School in Belfer Centercy. You will
forever will be my good will andgood Time station A M ten seven day

(01:29:28):
celebrating seventy five years of black radiowith a heart and soul of Mephish ten
to seventy w d I A.You're listening to the Bev Johnson Show.

(01:30:02):
Here's Bev john and we've been talkingabout relationship principles, one on one,
loving ethics and doctor Jefferies. Goingback to our phone line to talk with
Meredith. Hey Meredith, Hey Ben, how are you doing doing well today?
Great? Hello? Are you tooas well? Listen. I'm gonna
tell you some things, just howI feel about my life with you out

(01:30:24):
the side, you know, totalk about my son. Um. He
called me the other day and he'slike, Mom, you know, let
me ask you a question. Letme talk to you about something you know
girl problem girl situation. A womanhe's tween seven years old and he's dating
a woman that thirty three. Andyou know, they wasn't Methi for a
while and he was dating her,and then of course he moved to Atlanta,

(01:30:46):
and so he moved to Atlanta.He kind of just ghost the female
or the laga. I hate callingher a female, but that's what he
used. He just ghost anyway.She's a traveling nurse, very educated,
tractor woman, no cheers. Whenshe's thirty three. She moved to Atlanta,
sometimes away a gat back in touchand Nate communicated, started dating.
He really likes her, so sheher birthday came up and she asked him

(01:31:08):
to buy her a wig for herbirthday. It was three hundred dollars.
So before that time, she hadcome over to the home. They spend
time together. She come over,she cook dinner for him and all that,
and he called me and he said, Mom, so um took me
in a situation and day shot Iheard this wig. I said, well,
you know, I ask him afew questions, how long y'all have
been dating? And you know thisthis day, have y'all spent time together?

(01:31:29):
Yeah? Mom, we did allthat, She come up to the
house, she cook getting all that. I said, so, why did
have a problem was getting hurt thiswig? Well, Mom, I mean
you know well, hey, Imean we haven't been together that long.
I said, well, what differentdoes that make? She come over to
your apartment, she didn't have problemcooking dinner for you. Have y'all spent
intimate time together? And yes wedid so, by the damn weig son,
what's the issue? Um? So, because I try to tell my

(01:31:53):
song like, you know, well, mom, you know I'll take her.
I took her out on several days, and why can't she pay for
a day sometime? And I reallychecked my son really bad, and I
told her, I said, didn'ttell you something? Are you dating her
because you just want a date andjust have fun? And since your dating
sause you're twenty seven, there's nothingwrong with just going out dating because you
want to just have fun and date. Or at twenty seven or right now,

(01:32:15):
are you dating to have a futurea mate? Because at thirty three,
Jadren, I think she's I shouldn'tcalled his name, but I think
she's dating to have a future amate, a husband. I just said,
beside, what you're dating for,and then decide what you're looking for.
I said, because a traveling nursedon't need your money. She got
her own money. But she's tryingto see what kind of man she's trying
to get with. Because you're younger, but she's trying to see what she's

(01:32:38):
getting with. I should way,y'all come up with with a want and
should pay for a date or befifty fifty. I would walk away from
a man if they telled me Ineed to come to his table with fifty
fifty. I'm not. I'm notdoing it now. I think the problem
right now is we're teaching our menand women so differently. Now, a
man should take care of this home, a man should be the bread when
a man should do those things.And it's my saying that a woman shouldn't

(01:33:00):
work and participate as help. Butyes, I don't think men and women
do have different roles, and Ithink that we have gotten so far away
from that. It's a problem.Yes, Meridith One, a man who's
gonna come in and take care ofher is just saying that I don't want
to work. Absolutely not. I'veworked all my life. I have no
problem with working I've been taking careof my life. But if I bring
you in my life as my man, I aspect the way could be lifted

(01:33:23):
off my shoulder day and there completely. And until I decided to get a
husband, which I did, Iwasn't gonna get one until the way it
was absolutely taken off. So yes, I teach my sons, that I
teach my daughters that yes, beindependent. Absolutely, but when you choose
a man, if you ever callon me and you need have with money
and you've got a man, I'mgonna check the hell are you? Because
that's not that's not how it shouldbe. And I just I just don't

(01:33:45):
understand why we don't we don't seethis as as an overall issue in our
lifing, in our race. Allright, thank you, mad Okay,
god no, thank y'all for y'alltime. Thank you, Okay, you're
welcome. Thank you Meredith. Youknow what doctor Jeffrey's other things that Meredith
has said that some of us learnthose things and some of us don't.
And I think the question when we'retalking about relationship principles, and Meredith was

(01:34:11):
saying, what are we teaching oursons and daughters? Well, you know
The thing too, is that whatI struggle with is that people talk about
the roles, the traditional role,right, what have you. We're not
living in traditional times, No,we're not anymore. You know a lot

(01:34:31):
of the men who would support beplaying a traditional role and what have you
are probably grandfathers to the kids whoare out there who have no knowledge of
their the mothers who stayed at homeand provided a lot of guidance and oversight

(01:34:54):
to the children. Those are probablygreat grandparents or grandparents. Now, so
we can't we cannot live with traditionunless we have a society or community that
honors the standards, the practices,and the expectation of that society. And

(01:35:16):
in terms of telling your son thatyou know that he should buy the gifts
if he I think gifts should comefrom behard and at the level of whatever
that person is feeling at twenty seven. He may not be looking for a
spouse. He may like her,but he may not be looking for a

(01:35:38):
spouse. And so if if he'shonest about that, you know, he
probably would not have struggled with itif he felt the same way that the
woman felt. And I think thatalso when as a woman of you know,
buying my wing, buying with forme, And like Marilyn says,

(01:36:00):
she earns money, who why wouldI tell him to buy with for me?
You know? I you know,if it's my birthday or whatever,
you know, what are we doingfor my birthday? Or are we gonna
do something for my birthday? Ifyou just need to bring it up,
but if you really want to testto see where he's coming from and how
he uses see if he does anythingthere the total intent is to it.

(01:36:28):
So I mean we speak differently aboutthose things and the cost to women who
played those traditional roles. I don'tthink that a lot of women want to
look at the history about that,the man comparing for all the days,
the man taking care of you,sending you at home. The other side

(01:36:49):
of that, you couldn't get creditfor yourself. There were certain jobs that
you couldn't keep it. If youbecame pregnant, they would send you home.
There were so many stereo typical restrictionson women that you literally were half
a citizen. I personally do notfeel that I would forsake my told freedom

(01:37:16):
and holdness as a woman just tohave a man do for me, you
know, and in a relationship.We're dating until we both decide that we
want to do something else there andready to make the commitment, not just
because of dating time and gender.So I just think it's difference for different

(01:37:39):
people. But if you're going tobe traditional, you should try to get
the total traditional packets as inside.It is not set up for that right
now. If you want a traditionalmen, you better do some backgrounds to
find out how he was raised,where the parents, what was he raised
as, and how restricted that couldbe. There's a tradeoff on everything.

(01:38:04):
If you're going to be totally independent, then you need to do the stats
on that what's available. If you'relooking for somebody who's appeal or who you
could be equally paired with, everything'sa tradeoff. All I'm saying is that
whatever it is that you choose,you choose for yourself, not because of

(01:38:27):
a place and time, not simplybecause of what your gender is and what
have you. And what I'm sayingfor women and men who do not bother
to use all of their talents,their opportunities and options, you're cheating yourself,
you're cheating your children, and you'recheating and minimizing your future. That's

(01:38:54):
what I stand by. You know, we have to think we cannot just
rely on the old way of doing. We know that that's not necessarily present
anymore because back in the olden day, we didn't have thirty year old grandparents.
We didn't, but we did not. We did not, No,
we do not. But we havea now families that had legacies and where

(01:39:16):
you had generations helping to raise andmaintain and secure those standards of behaviors and
expectations. Okay, good. Whenwe wrap up, doctor Jefferis, and
we're talking about relationship principles, andI think I want you to come back,
well when you come back, Iknow you're coming back, and I

(01:39:38):
want to really go over those fivetypes of love again. Yeah, I
really, I really want to dothat because I know some people may not
have heard those, but I justwant to go into depth with that again.
Okay, Okay, I want todo that again because I don't think
a lot of people gut it orunderstood and I want to go through that.

(01:39:59):
But as we wrap up today,when we talk about love and ethics,
what do you say, doctor Jeffries. I think one of the things,
one of the most profound things thatwe should leave with is that love
is an act, and it's anact that entails very specific characteristics that Belhood

(01:40:23):
and others have put into place thatwe need to think about and we least
need to consider that we have.According to her, love as an act
includes care, the application of careand concerns. Love is an act of

(01:40:43):
affection where we touch, we feel, we experience physical, emotional and psychological
affection and intimacy with each other.That we assume mutual responsibility for each other
as well as for the relationship.That we are mutually respectful of ourselves as

(01:41:06):
individual of each other as well asthe relationship. And that we have fidelity
and trust based on whatever level ora grievement that has been discussed and clarified,
where we both are very intentional aboutwhat that means, what we're moving

(01:41:29):
towards, why we're together, what'sthe purpose of that. And then I've
added my own, which is consistencyin the practice of each one of these.
So that's love as an act.Very good. I like it.
I like it. So next time, let's look at those five types of

(01:41:53):
Okay, do you want to dothat next week? Yeah, let's do
that next week. Doctor Jefferies I'llbe ready for it. Okay, Well,
let's do it next week. Getyour questions together. I got well,
I had written down some questions andI know we didn't have time,
but that's why I want to goback over those again. Okay, that'll
be a good follow up to that. That's fine with me. Sounds good,

(01:42:15):
Doctor Jeffries is always we appreciate you, and you have a good weekend,
sister, and and you do thesame you do, thank Memphis and
be sound, be sound this weekend. Got that right, doctor Jeffries.
Thank you, Doctor Jeffries. Alrighty, and have a good time. It's
the rockets here bell and lay people, and right, doctor JEFFRIESE. I

(01:42:45):
love it our psychologist and mental healthspecialists, doctor Dorothy Jeffries helping us out.
I love it. I love it. And yeah, next week,
well we'll go over those five typesof love. Y'all be in for that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it'sbeen a good week this week.
I want to thank you callers,thank you listeners for joining us this day

(01:43:08):
on the BEV Johnson Show. Wedo we really do appreciate you. Yeah,
we're gonna be rocking Sunday night atthe Rocking Chair. Special guests,
my sister Friend, my girls willbe there, Check Rogers and Karen Wolf.
We're gonna get down, We're gonnacelebrate, continue to celebrate my birthday

(01:43:29):
along with Bob Whin Bush Us upBush. You're gonna it's actually his birthday
on Sunday, so we're gonna berocking, gonna have a good time.
Get your tickets. Yeah, theysell food and they sell drinks. You
can't be wild. Be get yourtickets, y'all, because you know,
the rocking chair is small, soonly can have a certain amount of folks.
But we're gonna rock on Sunday night, So until tomorrow, please be

(01:43:54):
saved. Cap a coo ahead,y'all and don't let anyone steal your joy
until tomorrow. I'm BEB Johnson andy'all Keith the Fame, Mark Baker,
take Me Home, Boyfriend. Theviews and opinions discussed on The BEB Johnson

(01:44:16):
Show are that of the host andcallers, and not those of the staff
and sponsors of w d I A