Are You the Problem with Dr. Dorothy Jeffries

Are you the problem in the relationship with Dr. Dorothy Jeffries Behavioral and Relationship Consultant on The Bev Johnson Show on WDIA Radio.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Memphis probably presents The Beam Johnson Show.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Let me say, Beth, I've got.

Speaker 3 (00:13):
Miss Let make you say.

Speaker 4 (00:21):
She's gone Camphistogain. No matter of the problem.

Speaker 5 (00:30):
She can have so all the phone and the normans
on your mind.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
She understand Jimmy in the hair by chilling.

Speaker 4 (00:43):
You to just keep coming, went around.

Speaker 2 (00:50):
Picking up this outing show.

Speaker 3 (00:52):
Got out in.

Speaker 4 (00:57):
Here every day.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
I hate well, got me a missed tping.

Speaker 3 (01:48):
Good morning, good morning, good morning, and welcome in to
do w U d I A the beb Johnson Show.

Speaker 2 (01:55):
I'm bev.

Speaker 3 (01:56):
It is indeed a pleasure and a privilege to be
with you once again on this Friday, Friday, March seventh,
twenty twenty five. Enjoyed this fabulous day to day. It
is Relationship Day where we talk about relationships to help
make yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful, and most.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
Of all loving between consenting adults.

Speaker 3 (02:24):
We will be doing that this morning with our expert
year As always, we'll be talking with our expert doctor
Dorothy Jeffrey, our behavioral relationship consultant, will.

Speaker 6 (02:44):
Be in with us.

Speaker 3 (02:47):
I'm gonna talk about are you that problem person in
your relationship? Why did your last three relationships end. I'm
gonna talk about it. I gotta talk about relationships today
with doctor Jeffries. Nine zero one five three five nine
three four two eight hundred five zero three nine three

(03:09):
four two eight three three five three five nine three
four two will.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
Get you in to us. And if this day, this.

Speaker 3 (03:26):
Day, Friday, March seventh, twenty twenty five, is your birthday.
Happy birthday to each and every one of you all
el there who may be celebrating a birthday on this day,
March seventh, March eighth, to my chocolate child, Happy birthday, Clarens,

(03:48):
my chocolate child, Happy birthday on Tomorrow, March eighth, and Sunday,
March ninth as well. Happy birthday y'all.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
You know what I say, Go out and celebrate your life.
You better, you better.

Speaker 3 (04:06):
When we come back, I'll share some do w d
I A good Will announcements. Also tell you about Saint Jude.
We are in our radio thion so you can be
a part of a good thing. Yeah, and we'll talk
to doctor Jeffries next right here with me, Bev Johnson

(04:27):
on the Bev Johnson Show only on do w.

Speaker 7 (04:31):
D I A.

Speaker 8 (05:00):
Oh you min.

Speaker 4 (05:03):
Me.

Speaker 3 (05:06):
I'm not telling you to just keep the.

Speaker 2 (05:12):
Around a bit enoughving so you.

Speaker 3 (05:17):
Here, Good morning, and welcome back to w d i A.
It is Friday, March seventh, twenty twenty five. It is
cloudy in Memphis, Tennessee. It's cloudy, but that's okay.

Speaker 2 (05:35):
We're still here. I hope it's looking beautiful wherever you are.

Speaker 3 (05:39):
It's Relationship Day, where we talk about relationships to help
make yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful, and most of all
loving between consenting adults. We're doing that with our Behavior
and Relationship consultant, doctor Dorothy Jeffries. Before I get to
doctor Jeffries, let me remind you, Okay, I need some folks.

(06:03):
I need, I need, I still need. Let's see, I
need eight people to call in. We're doing Saint Jude.
I need eight people. Now, come on, y'all, one eight
hundred for one nine eight nine eight. One eight hundred
for one one nine eight nine eight, my listeners, where

(06:24):
you are, wherever you are across the country. Become a
partner in hope. I'm asking you. I'm asking you one
eight hundred for one one nine eight nine eight call in.

Speaker 2 (06:36):
Become a partner.

Speaker 3 (06:37):
Like I want to say thank you to Regina of Memphis,
Jeane of Bartlett, Michelle of Memphis, Robert of Memphis. Thank you,
thank you, ladies and gentlemen, thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
So come on now, I need eight by twelve. Yeah
I do.

Speaker 3 (06:57):
Here's the number, one eight hundred for one one nine
eight nine eight. That's one eight hundred for one one
nine eight ninety eight. Become a partner in hope. Well,
here's my partner. She is here today, my partner. This
is my partner in hope. Our behavior and relationship consultant

(07:21):
doctor said Dorothy Jeffries. Good morning, doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 7 (07:25):
How are you?

Speaker 4 (07:27):
I am well, and I hope you get all those
people calling that because we need Saint Jude. I promise you.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
Thank you, doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 3 (07:35):
I'm so glad you said that we need and I
said earlier we need Saint Jude in this community because
it helps children.

Speaker 2 (07:43):
I don't care if they're.

Speaker 3 (07:43):
Brown, red, yellow, green, orange, they help them with cancer.
And even those children, doctor Jeffries, who suffer from sickle.

Speaker 2 (07:52):
Cell anemia, they have them. So we need it.

Speaker 3 (07:55):
And we don't know if the government, you know, they
acting crazy, they may cut off fund. So we need
to keep Saint Jude going, and those scientists over there doing.

Speaker 2 (08:04):
The research, we need to keep them going, doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 4 (08:07):
Absolutely, because you know when we heard that cancer rate
pediatric cancer had just gone haywire and increased over these years,
we knew that wasn't true, right, that was not true
all the work and stuff that they are doing at
Saint Jude. So people please support it, and there are
a lot of ways you can support it. But Beth
supported by twelve today.

Speaker 6 (08:29):
Yes, okay, I need.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
Eight people by twelve.

Speaker 3 (08:32):
Yeah, and then in the next twelve o'clock I'm gonna
need some more, but I need that I got them
before already, so I need eight more to call doctor
Jeffries one eight hundred four one one nine eight nine eight.
And I want to say this, doctor Jeffery, before we
talk about our topic. You know, you and I are
Daddy's girls.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
We were daddy's girls. And today is my dad's birthday.

Speaker 3 (08:57):
Oh yeah, so happy birthday to my father, William Van Johnson,
the country gentleman.

Speaker 2 (09:05):
That's what they called him in school, a country gentleman.
So today's his birthday. Yeah, it was a compliment.

Speaker 3 (09:13):
Yeah, he was a gay colleage because they because when
I talked to some of his classmates, my mother's classmates,
they say he was such a gentleman in school, so
they called him cut because he was from Germantown back then,
Doctor Jeffrey, that was the country, so he was at
when they moved to Memphis. He's the country gentleman. So
today is his birthday. I think I think my dad

(09:34):
would have been ninety five today, Like, yeah, yeah, but
it's his birthday, so I thought about that birthday. That's right,
that's right, thank you, doctor Jeffery.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
All right, doctor Jeffries. I like this topic.

Speaker 3 (09:47):
Listen, y'all right, Okay, y'all listen because y'all know, y'all
put your ears on for this.

Speaker 2 (09:53):
Are you that problem person in your relationship? Let me
say that again. Are you that the problem person in
your relationship?

Speaker 3 (10:03):
And then you need to look at why did your
last three relationships in So we're gonna talk about it.

Speaker 2 (10:09):
Let's talk, doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 4 (10:12):
You know, we're trying to promote healthy relationships. Yes, and
not only are we talking about intimate relationships, but we're
talking because we've got to come together. There's so much
divisiveness going on that people are splitting and being antagonistic
and going into isolation, and we've already endured that far

(10:36):
too long. And then there are those other people who
are still seeking love relationships who need to repair relationships.
But one of the things that we tend to do
is that we fail to consider everybody who's involved in
the relationship. If we feel rejected, if we feel misused,

(10:59):
if we feel mistreated, and what have you, we do
not entertain the fact that there are two people involved
in that. So as we look at what has been
done to us and how we've been made to feel,
and how come people treat me like this and what
have you, one of the most grown up things that

(11:19):
we can do is take an honest look at ourselves
and be honest, first of all, with yourself about what's
going on with you. You know, everybody has some kind
of quirk, a habit or behavior that is not endearing,
is not lovable. People may like us, love us, and

(11:40):
spend time with us in spite of but whatever that
quirk is, that that thing that you do that people
know and they just kind of tolerate, Maybe that's the
thing that turns other people off. Before you can turn
them on to being somebody who wants to spend time

(12:02):
with you, to be in your friend, to be in
your bood, to be in that person who may be
the one. We have to take an honest look at ourselves,
and since we've been talking about this f January, it's
the internal reflection that's really going to get the job
done because we, in all honesty, we know ourselves better

(12:23):
than anybody else, and that's where the answers are. So,
you know, one of the things that I have come
to terms with about about myself. I'm the oldest sur
five and being the oldest survive as we were growing up,
I was responsible for the other four quite a bit.

(12:44):
So you tend to then take charge. You tend to
not ask, you give directions, you take orders. You know,
here it is fifty young years later, and that's what
many of my cousins and my siblings remember first about me,
And I have to admit that when I think about that,

(13:05):
yeah I did have to take charge, and yeah I did.

Speaker 7 (13:08):
Have to give orders and what have you.

Speaker 4 (13:10):
I was a young kid myself, and so the only
way you were going to get them to do they
what you needed them to do is they had to
believe that you were the boss, and so that's what
they think of me of as when we were growing up,
she was the boss. She better do what she says.
And I consider myself the responsible one. But their perception

(13:30):
of it was I was being bossy. And now I
have to kind of acknowledge too, and I'm still bossy.
I will tell you, Yeah, it will come out. I
hope that I have filtered. Well, I know I have
filtered it as I have aged and mature, but I'm

(13:51):
still bossy. That's part of my personality and what have you.
But I take responsibilities for controlling it when I need to,
making sure it's appropriate when I need to control it,
and also just sometimes just kind of person my lips

(14:14):
and being quiet. That's the better road to take, and
that takes growth and maturity to do that. So we
all have things, and I'm sure there are other things
to do, but that's the thing that comes to mind
that I know that's just in me, and that's how
I am and how I've always been. But in spite

(14:35):
of that, you know, I've been able to maintain some
relationships and what have you with that because when I
first began to recognize it and take stock of it myself.
Then I don't have to blame other people for things
that I know I'm responsible for. I can be I
can hold myself accountable for that.

Speaker 3 (14:58):
So the the thing is when we talk about are
you the problem person what you're saying, doctor Jeffries, if
you are, you need to take responsibility and accountability for
your actions, not the other person.

Speaker 2 (15:14):
Because a lot of times we hear you know that's sorry,
it's you. You did this, You did this.

Speaker 3 (15:20):
You You're always looking at the other person, not yourself exactly.

Speaker 4 (15:25):
We never really want to look at ourselves because even
though you know, even though we may be the one
that's forceful in being bothered, hends, what have you, we
also have feelings. We may also feel rejected. We may
also feel sensitive about something, or something may hurt feelings

(15:46):
or make ourselves angry about it, but we don't acknowledge
that part. We focus on the part of what you
did to me, and so when we do that, it
minimizes what happening in the transaction. Now that's not to
say there are occasions when you are actually the person

(16:07):
who has been offended, who's been hurt, who's been rejected,
and you have to also learn how to honor those
feelings and accept it. That's also a part of growing up.
But the thing of it is there's balance when you
can do an inventory about yourself. Another example might be

(16:27):
you know, and when you have groups of people, you
have different people who bring different personalities into it. And
there are some people that you know you may love
both of them, but you learn very early on, I
can't bring A and B together. I got to bring
A and C or B and C, but I can't
bring A and C together because they're like fireworks. They're

(16:49):
going to have an argument, they're going to get into
it with each other, and it's going to disrupt everything
for everybody else.

Speaker 9 (16:56):
And so even when they acknowledge that, you know, you said,
well you didn't invite me, Well, it wasn't your term,
because last time I brought both of you together, then
this happened, and.

Speaker 4 (17:09):
You know, well it wasn't. I don't care whose farther was.
I just found I just realized when A and C,
when you didn't see are together eight nobody has a
good time. So either neither one of y'all would come,
or I'll have one of you come and the next
one have to come the next time, but you're still
giving them feedback. You know, it was you that was

(17:30):
the problem too, now not just see you know, and
you find people like that. There's that friend who if
there's alcohol there, they're gonna go overboard and as soon
as I mean, they may be like a little flower
in the wall during the time, but then let the
drinks flow, and especially if it's free, that's what they

(17:53):
focused on. And then there's a whole personality ship and
you you know, and we you know, we know some
people who do this. Then they come out of a
bag that everybody will be talking about for the next week.
So there are things that we do in families, you know,
where we all get ready when it's just family, you

(18:14):
can't bring any outside. It's because we know who would
have the family dynamics of going to run and at
the end of it, you know, want to be a
big blue hall what have you. So what we've done
then is accommodated that behavior as opposed to exposing it
and either saying well, I'm not gonna participate that because

(18:36):
it ruins the holidays for me, or it ruins Sunday
dinner for me, or I do what I do with
A ANDC. You only by certain people there who you
know are going to have an enjoyable time with it.
And then you can tell other people this is why
you were not You're taking responsibility for yourself. Now we

(18:58):
talk about intimate relation relationships that there are some people
more specific behavior. Are you the person who goes instantaneously
into a relationship or calling it a relationship or connection
with somebody? And then you've become the control master where

(19:20):
you want to know where they are, what they're doing.
You put trackers on them, you put stilled in the
phone trying to read it, You answer the phone and.

Speaker 7 (19:28):
What have you.

Speaker 4 (19:29):
If you're walking or you're out somewhere, then if somebody
speaks to them, you either act rude or you're insulting
in what have you? And you wonder why that never lett?
And you know the jealous the jealousy person who can't
stand for you to be away from them. And even
if you are away, then they're calling every fifteen minutes.

(19:52):
Why they take you so long to go to the store?
And I mean just nuts stuff. But some point you
have to acknowledge and do the work to control that
kind of behavior or it's mediated and to fix it
because it's first of all, it's not healthy for you,

(20:12):
and it's certainly not healthy for somebody else. And better yet,
when you learn to tell the truth about what's going
on with you, then you also can figure out who
is a toxic person for you to be with. And
that's even more important because that kind of acknowledgement, in

(20:32):
fact finding about yourself may end up saving your life,
or your health or your well being. When you can
say can't deal with those kind of people because I
lose my temper or we get into an argument, or
they become brutal, and whatever else it is that's going
on with it. You know, I can't deal with the

(20:52):
liar because it makes me crazy, and then I become
paranoid and we're fighting all the time. That's toxic. That's
not love. I can't deal with somebody who knows that
I may have health issues, but they do everything to
encourage me not to follow. You know, whatever my health
regiment is and what have you. That will kill you.

(21:13):
That person is not looking out for your well being.
And until you can find that person where you can
talk honestly about what do you like, what do you
expect what's your boundary areas, you know, what's a nozone
for you? All of that and tell the truth about
it and stick to us. Then you're always going to

(21:34):
be that person, and that person is not going to
be able to enjoy the benefits of group relationships, a
good family relationships, so good intimate relationships. So there's a
good reason to do the work. And I'm curious to
hear about what kinds of things do you know about
yourself that we can talk about today.

Speaker 3 (21:58):
Okay, sounds good, but I think we're off to a
great start, doctor Jeffries, because as you're talking, I'm writing
down I have my questions, as you know, you know
I'm gonna and when we come back and I asked
my questions, i'd have an email for you too.

Speaker 2 (22:14):
And then I see our lines are ringing.

Speaker 3 (22:16):
Y' all can ring Now if you have a question
or two for doctor Jeffers, let me tell you what
we're talking about, so you will know are you that
problem person in your relationship? And we're talking about all
kinds of relationships, intimate relationships, relationships with your family, with
relationships with your friends. Are you the problem person? Think

(22:38):
about that? And then also in intimate relationships. Why did
your last last three relationships did not work for you?

Speaker 2 (22:48):
Think about that?

Speaker 3 (22:50):
Yeah, so we're talking relationships this they all right. I
am getting ready to open up the phone lines. Here
are the numbers nine zero, one, five, three, five, nine
three four two eight hundred five zero three, nine three
four two eight three three five three five nine three

(23:13):
four two. If you can't call in today, please email
me your question. I will get it to doctor Jeffries.
My email is Bev b e V Johnson at iHeartMedia
dot com. Bev Johnson at iHeartMedia dot com.

Speaker 2 (23:35):
You're listening to the legendary w d i A the Bevjescial. Hi,

(24:03):
this is David Porter, and you are listening to the
Queen of talk, Bev Johnson. She is the one and only.
No one can top her, no one can stop her,
and I'm in love with her. You're listening to Bell
Johnson at.

Speaker 6 (24:15):
W d i A. Ever you did a thing?

Speaker 2 (24:55):
I'm telling him? Everyone, con everyone, and welcome back.

Speaker 3 (25:12):
We are talking relationships today. I am talking with her
behavioral relationship consultant, doctor Dorothy Jeffries. And before we go
to our phone lines, to get you in happy birthday.
A beautiful happy birthday to our beloved sister, Golden Girl
from all of your friends here at wd I and

(25:33):
all of your friends. Birthday Golden Girl. This weekend, go out,
sister and celebrate your life. You better, you better, Doctor Jeffries.
I'm going to our phone lines, starting with Betty.

Speaker 2 (25:44):
Good morning, Betty.

Speaker 10 (25:47):
Good morning.

Speaker 6 (25:47):
How are you today?

Speaker 2 (25:48):
I'm doing well in yourself, I'm great, blessed good. You
have a question for doctor Jeffries or something you like
to say.

Speaker 10 (25:58):
I do have a question for her. I don't know.
Maybe if it's something that I can I'm gonna try
and see it over the air and if she likes
she can stop me. Okay, we can talk one on one. However, anyway,
my thing is that I've been I'm in a forty
year plus marriage that's right now. It's in divorce court.

(26:18):
You know, I'm trying to figure out if it am
not the problem. And I try not to be a
problem with people. Took people, you know, but a lot
of my situations, it's things where I've been accused of
doing this, and you know, my husband has sided with
his family, and you know, I've just been a cast
out and I'm always trying to look forward the solution
and not trying to create a problem with anyone. So

(26:42):
a lot of times, you know, I can to look
at myself to see did I say this right? Did
I do this right?

Speaker 6 (26:48):
You know?

Speaker 10 (26:49):
Or maybe I need to go back. However, I've been
in this marriage for forty plus years.

Speaker 3 (26:54):
Okay, So okay, I'm glad you stop. Okay, I'm going
to ask you a question because doct Jefferson is listening. Bettter,
You've been in this marriage for forty years, and you're saying,
now are you're you're going through a divorce?

Speaker 10 (27:05):
Now, it's right there in the court.

Speaker 3 (27:07):
It's right there in the courts. So who who wanted
the divorce? Was it both parties or.

Speaker 10 (27:17):
Initially me? And this is the fifth time, this is
the fifth.

Speaker 3 (27:21):
Time that you've been to you you went to divorce
because because the other times you you stopped.

Speaker 10 (27:26):
It, bagged out I did, okay, So this.

Speaker 2 (27:29):
Is the fifth time.

Speaker 7 (27:30):
So what made this be?

Speaker 3 (27:32):
So let no, let me go back. So the four
other four times? Why did you stop it for the
first time?

Speaker 2 (27:41):
Yeah?

Speaker 10 (27:42):
Okay? Being in it for so long, that's number one
reason being in the relationship marriage for so long. Then
you know that pluff promises where I'm going to do better.
I'm going to help, I'm going you know, from him. Okay,
So I am here, I am again. Okay, I'm give

(28:02):
you a chance off, a chance, you know, give everybody
a little bit of grace, grace and mercy. However, I'm
over sixty years though I'm sixty two, so okay at
this point in my life. You know, when I had
that last talk with my attorney, she said to me,
stopped listening to people. Use time for you to make

(28:24):
a decision on if you're going to be happy or not,
you know. And it just went on and on and on.
But you know, and I'm not saying that I am confused.
I just need some a little bit of insight from uh.

Speaker 3 (28:38):
You know.

Speaker 10 (28:38):
I was encouraged to call yeah, and always listened, but
I was encouraged to call you, you know, and I.

Speaker 3 (28:45):
Just I honestly, I just want to ask this question, Betty.
So you've been in so do you, as we asked
the question, you think is the problem is you? Do
you think your husband is the problem or is it youth?

Speaker 10 (28:59):
I think a problem. I think that I act off
for other people energy.

Speaker 2 (29:05):
Okay, what do you mean by that? It act off?

Speaker 10 (29:09):
If if I go to him for something and I
get brushed off, I'm like, wow, sometime I bush off,
leave alone. Then there's times when I might react the
way he reacts. That's what I mean, you know, acting
off of somebody else's energy. You set the tone, you
make it happen, and I'm gonna follow your lead. That's
my energy. I'm gonna follow your lead. So a lot

(29:30):
of times, you know, I try to Okay, I'm not gonna,
I'm not into it. But now I'm not gonna I'm
not gonna go there route today. I'm going to defeat
the devil. I'm going to leave it alone. Okay. There's
other times when Okay, you set the tone. You said
that you come at me this way. Bam, I'm coming
back at you that way, you know, and I for
an I and that's not always right, but and I

(29:51):
know that. Okay.

Speaker 3 (29:52):
So you know, I'm confused because I'm thinking, then you're
you been you you applied for divorce fourth time? You say,
now it's the fifth time. But what I'm confused about
Betty and helped me out. What what does it seem
to be the problem? Can you know all cannot communicate?

(30:14):
Was there infidelity in the marriage?

Speaker 2 (30:15):
I don't know what?

Speaker 4 (30:18):
What?

Speaker 2 (30:18):
What are you struggling with?

Speaker 3 (30:19):
What?

Speaker 10 (30:19):
What is it that's unforgiveness? Okay? One years Whatever I
did when I was twenty one years long, it's done.
That's that's that's, that's my past. I've repented, you know,
I'm talking about my own self. I have repented for
everything that I've done.

Speaker 3 (30:38):
So have he?

Speaker 10 (30:39):
Why does this thing keep coming up?

Speaker 3 (30:41):
And I can't do this?

Speaker 2 (30:42):
It's just so are you saying that that was it
infidelity on your part or his part? What do you say?

Speaker 6 (30:51):
One years old?

Speaker 3 (30:52):
Okay?

Speaker 9 (30:52):
So how old were you?

Speaker 4 (30:53):
How old?

Speaker 2 (30:53):
How old were you all when you all got married?

Speaker 11 (30:56):
Twenty you were twenty?

Speaker 3 (30:58):
I was twenty okay, three okay, okay, So you did something?
You had infidelity at twenty one in the marriage? Right?

Speaker 2 (31:06):
Okay, I got you there? Okay, good.

Speaker 3 (31:08):
So are you saying that after all these year stayed there?
Do you all claim you forgave one another? It's still
it still comes up?

Speaker 2 (31:17):
Is that what you're saying?

Speaker 10 (31:18):
It comes up and it just escalates from one thing
to the next, one thing to the next. You did this,
you did this, Okay, I did it.

Speaker 6 (31:30):
I did it.

Speaker 10 (31:31):
Sure, I did that, and and after pented, And you
don't have to keep bringing anything up to me. Right now,
I'm sixty over sixty years of age.

Speaker 6 (31:44):
Yeah, you know you know this.

Speaker 2 (31:47):
So during this forty year marriage, have you all stayed together?
Did you separate?

Speaker 10 (31:55):
It's been so much in and out, in and out.
You know, if you go back, then you you know,
get you get to a point where you're starting to
I'm not living my home, I'm not going anywhere. You
get to that point, I'm not going anywhere.

Speaker 2 (32:07):
Okay, mh.

Speaker 10 (32:10):
But then when you when the situations, situation become abusive,
you see what I'm saying?

Speaker 3 (32:17):
What what?

Speaker 2 (32:17):
What kind of a verbal verbal? Okay, that's okay.

Speaker 10 (32:22):
Sometimes that's worse than phyficult, Yes it is, yes, you know,
but when it gets to that point, then you know
in your mind you just see tiredly then you need
tired of being beat down. And you know, I could
have low self esteem, but I'm not.

Speaker 2 (32:38):
You know, why do you say you could have it
but you don't. It's either more, it's what you choose.

Speaker 10 (32:46):
You know, you can talk about me and you can
say what you will what you may about me, but
you're not going to defeat me in that area because
I'm not going to feel bad about myself. And you know, start,
the more you talk about I mean, I'm gonna dust
myself off and I'm finna look good. I can give
you something to talk about.

Speaker 3 (33:06):
So now it's the fifth time divorce is in the courts. Now,
so you have decided this is going to be it?

Speaker 2 (33:12):
Have you say it? Because it sounds like you're not
sure again.

Speaker 10 (33:17):
Now I'm sure.

Speaker 2 (33:18):
Okay, you're sure.

Speaker 10 (33:19):
But when I heard her say that, Okay, you heard.

Speaker 2 (33:23):
Doctor Jeffrey say what Hello, I'm listening. I'm here, Okay.

Speaker 10 (33:30):
When I heard her say I'm not the problem person, okay, a.

Speaker 2 (33:33):
Little bit, Okay, Betty, hold on. I want I want
you to hold on. So I want you to baby
to hear doctor Jeffries. Can you hold on for a moment. Okay,
please hold on, Betty. Yeah, and I'm gonna put that. Yeah.
Don't listen to the radio. Talk to me into your telephone.
Don't listen to what you're hearing on the on the radio.

(33:54):
It's delayed.

Speaker 3 (33:55):
But but listen in the telephone and just hold on, Betty, Okay, okay,
hold on, all right, doctor jeffries, what do you think?

Speaker 11 (34:03):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (34:04):
I got Betty on hold. She's listening, and thank you for.

Speaker 4 (34:07):
Getting those clarifying questions together. But Betty, I can understand
why Belle is saying she's confused, because on one hand,
you're saying, you know you're over sixty. You've been in
this forty year marriage. It seems like the numbers have
been controlling you in terms of if you got married

(34:28):
at twenty and now you're, you know, in your sixties,
but you applied for divorced five times. What brings you back?

Speaker 3 (34:40):
You know?

Speaker 4 (34:40):
He comes and he says, I'm gonna do this, and
then you forgive him. But you're but you have been
torturing each other from incidents that happened in your twenties.

Speaker 12 (34:53):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (34:56):
What kind of people you were before then. Were you
you first? You know, were your first boyfriend and girlfriends?
Was that the first person you had ever been with intimately?
Is he the first person that you've been ever you've
been together with intimately? But it's something that both of

(35:17):
you are using as a tools to hurt each other
and punish each other, And it sounds like you're punishing
each other for day to day things that happened in
marriages and relationships. It doesn't seem like anything has. The
air has not been cleared since whatever triggered the first incident.

(35:43):
And although you say, I want to be happy until
you can clear and you know why whatever you did
when you were twenty, whether it was impulsive or whatever reason,
and whatever reason he has, and you can tell each
other the truth after you tell yourself the truth, neither

(36:03):
one of you are going to be able to fully
walk away just because you have a divorce. Actually, it
sounds like you have a colde divorce because it sounds
like you're staying in the home together because neither one
of you wants to leave it. Both of you are
talking about we've been together forty years, but neither one
of you want.

Speaker 6 (36:22):
To leave it.

Speaker 4 (36:22):
But yet you say you've not been happy in that.
There have there been any point in time when you
fell loved and cared for by your husband and you
try to love and care for him and he received it.
Are his relatives involved in that because he goes and
tells them anything and you feel isolated. These are the

(36:45):
kinds of dynamics and pictures that come to mind when
you're describing the relationship. But one thing that I do
hear is that you haven't made up your mind yet.
I don't know if it's out security. I don't know
if it's trying to stay because you have seniority in
the years now and you don't want to walk away

(37:08):
from a ford your marriage. But you have not made
up your mind yet. And until you can make up
your mind and be very clear and clarify exactly what
it is you wanted and needed in the marriage, and
apparently you haven't gotten in forty years, and that you
deserve to get what it is you want and need

(37:30):
in a relationship, I think you need to do some work,
and part of that work I would suggest is for
you to go for counseling. Get you someone who can
work with you and help you clarify where did all
of this come from. And when you say you're feeding
off of somebody else's energy, that's not feeding off of

(37:53):
somebody else's energy. That's how you self protect when your
feelings are hurt or you feel angry because you feel
you've been dismissed or dis by somebody else. There's a
lot of work there that you can do so that
you won't have any regrets, and after you go for
a while, and if you're clear, ask your husband if

(38:15):
he won't go or if he feels like the marriage
is worth going through, so that if you do get
the divorce, you both know why you're getting divorced and
you feel okay about it. I don't think either one
if you're ready to get a divorce. I don't know
why you want to still play in this game because
you're miserable other than you're holding onto each other, and

(38:38):
somewhere in there there's still some feelings about it that
keeps coming you back. And every time you get close
enough to leave and make it permanent and legal, somebody
gives in and makes promises, and then you get back
into the same routine. But definitely some communication skills need
to be brought into play, where you can tell each

(38:58):
other the truth about what you think about each other,
but you think about yourself, how you feel about each other,
how you feel about the marriage, and asking each other clearly,
what is it worth to you to maintain this marriage?

Speaker 2 (39:15):
Okay?

Speaker 7 (39:15):
Hold on?

Speaker 11 (39:16):
What is it worth to you to end it?

Speaker 2 (39:19):
Hold you?

Speaker 4 (39:20):
I don't think you can do it by yourself, and
I don't think the attorney is the person to advise
you on it. You need to know within your own heart.
And so why you're ending the marriage.

Speaker 3 (39:32):
Hold on, doctor Jefferys, I'm gonna go back to Betty. Betty,
did you hear Betty? Did you hear doctor Jeffries?

Speaker 2 (39:39):
What do you say?

Speaker 11 (39:40):
I did?

Speaker 10 (39:41):
And I really appreciate you know when she said, But however,
a lot of things and thinks that she said she
she would have to sit down with me personal. First
of all, yes, he was, you know, my first boyfriend. Whatever.
He's not living in home with me. There's did a
lot of things that she needs to know.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
He's not He's not in the home with you now,
right of course?

Speaker 3 (40:05):
Not?

Speaker 10 (40:06):
Ok, you know, And if it's more to it than
that somebody not telling the truth, to tell the whole truth,
it's nothing like that. There is a lot of control.

Speaker 2 (40:17):
What do you understand what doctor Jeffery says?

Speaker 3 (40:20):
Maybe you need to get with a therapist or somebody
so you can talk and so they can help you
see that.

Speaker 10 (40:26):
Yes, because what she did say was good. But with
those answers, the things that that's that's that's that wouldn't
be fitted for me. She would have to hear me
out completely. Okay, Okay, So that number of things she said,
that sixties, the age sixty, in the forty. Maybe they
have something to do with it, you know. You know
I've been in this thing so long. Well, maybe I

(40:47):
just need to sit down and take it. You know,
maybe I'm not gonna ever be happy. No, there's a
whole lot more that I would have to sit down
with her one on one. Okay, Well, maybe she can
contact me and call me.

Speaker 2 (40:59):
Uh well, let me tell you what I.

Speaker 3 (41:01):
Want you to do, Betty, email me, email me, email
me Bev Johnson at iHeartMedia, and I will give you
doctor Jeffries email and all that.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
So maybe you can talk with her.

Speaker 10 (41:15):
That'd be better, because you know, there's a thing, you know,
she said, We've ababy bypath a lot of that. It's
a whole lot. There's a whole lot.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
Okay.

Speaker 10 (41:24):
When I tell you, you know, there's things and I
don't want to see it over the.

Speaker 2 (41:29):
Arah, don't don't don't.

Speaker 6 (41:30):
I got you.

Speaker 7 (41:31):
Okay, I can email you.

Speaker 3 (41:33):
Email be It's Bev Johnson at I that Little Eye,
iHeartMedia dot Com.

Speaker 2 (41:42):
I got you so Betty email me me B E. V.

Speaker 3 (41:46):
Johnson at iHeartMedia dot com and I will give you
all of doctor Jeffries information and when we hang up
and she'll probably add some more to what you've just said.

Speaker 2 (41:55):
Okay, bet thank you Betty for listening by Dr Jeffries.
What do you say? And now will hope Betty emails.

Speaker 4 (42:04):
Me Okay, yeah, I do too. I think that I
hear what she's saying about it. I'm sure in forty
years a lot of different things have heard, and I'm
glad she didn't share that on the radio. But my
point is, of course we can't project or give advice
on information we don't have. But I still say, if

(42:29):
everything has happened the way that she's saying now and
the things that she highlighted in there, it still sounds
like unfinished business. Because even if all of these things
have happened, and she still, in my opinion, does not

(42:50):
seem to be clear as to why I'm getting this
divorce or trying to get to go through this divorce
for the fifth time. Something has brought her back each time.
Maybe it is the forty years, maybe it's the security
of the relationships of whatever it is. But until she
can say, because I think that once you make up

(43:13):
your mind, there's a way you can communicate that that
I don't have to hear all the little things or
the big things that have happened. I can just hear
he's done enough that I'm done with it.

Speaker 3 (43:24):
I need to move on.

Speaker 4 (43:26):
Whether I'm happy or not, I need to move on.
I need to do something different. And until you can
say that and be at peace with that, you want
to be sure because people get divorces all the time
and still be through toxic relationships. So that's all I'm
encouraging you to do is to find a trusted therapist

(43:49):
for you to work with, get it all through, and
if he's out of the home, you've got time so
that you clear and be done with it one way
of the other, the in or out, so that you
can find some peace and grace. That's what my suggestion is.

Speaker 3 (44:06):
Okay, hold on, doctor Jeffries, We're gonna take a break.
We'll take these other phone calls. I'll get this email
in very good. We are talking relationships this day, all
kinds of relationships.

Speaker 2 (44:18):
Are you the problem person in your relationship? Think about it.

Speaker 3 (44:23):
We're talking about it. As we get ready to go
to the other side. But before I do, look here, y'all.
I need I need twelve, Yeah, I do.

Speaker 2 (44:33):
I need to become a.

Speaker 3 (44:34):
Partner in hope. Right now we are doing our Saint
Jude Radio Throng. We are trying to raise money for
those children at Saint Jude. We want you to become
a donor by pledging just nineteen dollars a month to
help kids at Saint Jude fight cancer. Put your gift
on a credit card and you'll get a T shirt

(44:56):
and a sweatshirt. Now here's the number to call, y'all.
Y'all doing good.

Speaker 2 (45:00):
I love my listeners one eight hundred for one.

Speaker 3 (45:03):
One nine eight nine eight one eight hundred four one
one nine eight nine eight. Saint Jude operators are right
here in the building with me. Their next door. They
are taking the phone calls. They're waiting for y'all. Hey,
just like, let me say thank you because I ain't
got my twelve by twelve, but I need more now.

(45:24):
A Crystal in South Haven, Mississippi. Nancy and Memphis, Cynthia
and Memphis. Read in Memphis, Genteel in Memphis, Thank you,
Sylvia in Memphis, Diana in Memphis, VICKI in Memphis.

Speaker 2 (45:37):
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Partners are partners in hope.

Speaker 3 (45:40):
Now I need you one eight hundred for one one
nine eight nine eight one eight hundred for one one
nine eight nine eight. We are getting ready to go
to the other side of the Bev Johnson Show right
here on w d IA.

Speaker 4 (46:00):
The Bev Johnson Show.

Speaker 1 (46:06):
Whether you're in Arkansas, Tennessee, or Mississippi on Facebook, Twitter,
or Instagram, thank you for listening to the Bev Johnson
Show on w d I A Memphis.

Speaker 3 (46:51):
That's justin show Bell johnpas mephis talkie and Holloway.

Speaker 2 (46:59):
You go, you go, so get ready.

Speaker 4 (47:06):
Show.

Speaker 11 (47:10):
Let's go.

Speaker 2 (47:10):
Bell just will make gord.

Speaker 3 (47:15):
By here on d listen to one to say, you
know it's time of the belt to show.

Speaker 2 (47:27):
The Belt show.

Speaker 4 (47:29):
Let's go.

Speaker 3 (47:41):
Good afternoon, and welcome back to the second half of
the Bev Johnson Show.

Speaker 2 (47:45):
Here at w d I A. I need my folks.

Speaker 3 (47:49):
It is Saint Jude the Radio Tello Telethon Radio Telethon. Yeah,
and we want you to call to become a partner
and hope y'all are doing good. My w DIA listeners
one eight hundred four one one ninety eight nine eight
one eight hundred four one one nine eight nine eight.
Become a partner in Hope. I got to get all

(48:11):
my partners before I get out of here.

Speaker 2 (48:13):
At one o'clock.

Speaker 3 (48:14):
So come on, partners, Come on, listeners across the country,
help out Saint Jude.

Speaker 2 (48:18):
Nineteen dollars.

Speaker 3 (48:19):
That's we we We missed that up in a few minutes.
So but it's going to a good cause.

Speaker 2 (48:25):
So call them now.

Speaker 3 (48:27):
One eight hundred four one one ninety ninety eight one
eight hundred four one one ninety eight nine eight.

Speaker 2 (48:34):
Let me tell you lunch time in the city. You
know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the rock
and Chair of Memphis.

Speaker 3 (48:41):
Fifteen forty two Elvis Presley, where we rock with the
best soul food in town, the best entertainment around. Yeah,
good soul food. They are open now. You can dine
in or you can take out nine zero one four
two five five two sixty four nine zero one four
two five five two six four get your dinner now.

(49:06):
They stop selling at five o'clock dinner, yeah, but at
six o'clock they open up your cars. It is karaoke Friday,
and you sing with the band. Yeah, you do with
a band. So coming out, grown folks this evening, doors
will open at six o'clock.

Speaker 2 (49:21):
You think you can sing and can you sing with
a band?

Speaker 3 (49:24):
Well you better head onto the rocking Chair this evening
for kerrieok Friday with a band. And yeah, that's where
the grown folks hang out, ain't they right, Henry, mister Rick.

Speaker 2 (49:38):
They be hanging out the Rocking Chair.

Speaker 3 (49:40):
But it's the best place in town for the best
soul food around and the best entertainment you can have.
The Rocking Chair of Memphis, fifteen forty two, Elvis Presley
Open Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Y'all usually see
me on Sunday. I'm there after church. Yeah, getting my dinner.
I hope to see you there. And when you go there,

(50:02):
you make sure you tell them. You better tell them
the Bev Johnson sent me to the rock and Chair
of Memphis, fifteen forty two, Elvis Presley, Doctor Jeffries. I
am going to our phone lines to talk with on

(50:25):
the foe Getful high unforgetful.

Speaker 11 (50:30):
Tay, missus Johnson had, doctor Jeffery. You know something, Ben,
I don't like to respond to people. They just got
off the air. But I got to respond to this
man that Miss Bennet is a wonderful person. She got
a good hug and she a beautiful She got nothing wrong.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
I feel forgetful.

Speaker 11 (50:50):
I see a man got her trapped in a can,
kicking the can down the road ever since that when
you were twenty one years ago?

Speaker 13 (50:59):
That's what I see.

Speaker 7 (51:02):
Okay, I would leave it.

Speaker 11 (51:03):
But okay, because there ain't nothing miss daddy, baby girl,
it ain't nothing in heaven, peace of mind, nothing that's
pressure to anything. Get it back that in your power?

Speaker 5 (51:26):
All right?

Speaker 2 (51:27):
Okay, Now you want to ask doctor Jeffries about what?

Speaker 11 (51:30):
But I asked you that to her.

Speaker 2 (51:32):
Okay, doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 3 (51:34):
Unforgetful wants to know what's what's a normal what's a
normal relationship?

Speaker 2 (51:38):
Or what's normal? Is that the question you want to know?

Speaker 11 (51:42):
I act, doctor jeff what's normal behavior? And your definition
of it normal?

Speaker 2 (51:48):
Before?

Speaker 11 (51:49):
If I want to see just school, put me on
hold for a second.

Speaker 6 (51:52):
I want to.

Speaker 2 (51:55):
You want to know what's normal behavior?

Speaker 14 (51:58):
Yeah?

Speaker 11 (51:58):
And then I want to tell you, okay.

Speaker 2 (52:02):
Hold on.

Speaker 3 (52:03):
So he wants to doctor Jefference, I'm forgetful, want to
know what's normal behavior.

Speaker 4 (52:09):
Well, I think that normality or normal behavior is usually
kind of created within different groups, within different communities, within
different families. Uh, the norm is based on what the
majority of people within a given spectrum all do the

(52:30):
same thing, ascribe to the same beliefs, you know, kind
of follow the same rituals and what have you. We're
not gonna kill each other, we're not gonna steal from
each other, We're going to keep our residences up, we're
gonna raise our children, those kinds of things. But in
the real world, I think everybody has a bit of

(52:50):
a quirk of eccentric behavior or something. And in some cases,
as long as those things don't hurt anybody or harm
the group of what have you, people absorb them into
their families and what have you. So the longer you
deal with mental health, you learn to accept a lot

(53:13):
of things that may be a little different, a little bizarre,
and what have you. Learn, You learn to live and
learn how to interpret that behavior with insights based on
what that individual or that group has to deal with
or has dealt with. If that makes sense, there's very

(53:34):
little normal behavior.

Speaker 3 (53:36):
If you want to know the truth, Okay, hold on
doctor Jeffery, so he can say something, okay, unforgetful, you
heard doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 11 (53:46):
That's definitely. I really appreciate what you say because you
definitely is correct. And Beth Joneson, as I said all
the time, just let me be myself. I'm gonna be
honest with y'all. I just love myself. I would never
second against myself, you know, because of what other people say,
think or do. I'm always going to be who I am. See.

Speaker 12 (54:09):
I think it's as a as a as a as
a road to being crazy. When you want to please
someone else, that's crazy to me because you got to
sit back and think why you not in a relationship,
or sit back and think why somebody did it that

(54:30):
don't like you.

Speaker 11 (54:31):
That's crazy. Just be yourself. If they don't, don't deal
with them. And I consider that as being normal because
we all got some crazy in us, all of us.

Speaker 6 (54:43):
And let me tell you.

Speaker 11 (54:44):
About my crazy, my crazy disiness.

Speaker 5 (54:47):
Johnny.

Speaker 11 (54:48):
I love to see a wild child. I love the
people that I know you're in no definition wild child.
But when a wild child I meet, and then I
get to the point where they are staying me, everything
is okay, Everything's Okay, I don't have no problem because
we all have different personalities, characters and everything.

Speaker 6 (55:11):
All right, we got you forget that.

Speaker 2 (55:14):
Thank you for letting me be myself. Thank you on forgetful, ma'am.
You ever go with you two by five?

Speaker 8 (55:23):
Why you do it?

Speaker 2 (55:24):
I don't know, Father, I hope, doctor.

Speaker 5 (55:29):
Why you do it? Doctor Jefferson? You see one of
my favorite people. And the reason I say that called
when it comes relationship, A lot of people is not
fit to even be in a relationship. You can't hold
a conversation. You got bad things, you know what I mean,
to get people teed off. You're not communicating properly. And
one of those things is you're talking to somebody there

(55:49):
and they say, uh, I said what you said?

Speaker 4 (55:52):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (55:52):
Nothing nothing, No one say I won't do that nothing.
Now that that's that's really a inconveniently uh anti social
So uh, it's a lot of things.

Speaker 13 (56:02):
It takes us.

Speaker 5 (56:03):
It takes somebody who really want to have a relationship
to have one because you gotta, you know, try not
do nothing to upset them. And uh, people can be
so insensitive, man, that's mean. The way I'm operating right now,
I'm with a Walming the weather. I'm dating. And if
I see something that you're doing, really, just I tell
you about it and then let's go. We ain't got
nothing else talk about it because uh you you you

(56:25):
you anti humor, all right, father, And if that's the situation,
so uh anyway, Bill, I'm glad. Uh Doctor Jefferson is
hanging out with us. Called girl. You know you got
a big job.

Speaker 2 (56:39):
You absolutely correct. She has a big job at me too, Father, all.

Speaker 5 (56:44):
Right, I love you the same, Doctor jeff You too, Bell.

Speaker 2 (56:47):
All right, father, have a good weekend. Now he'll do
it that gat you too. Bye, I too, Doctor Jeffers
are too, I know.

Speaker 4 (56:58):
And you see how how my family has absorbed them
in there. They're both one of the kinds.

Speaker 3 (57:05):
You're absolutely correct, doctor Jeffers's email Anita wants to know.
She says, doctor Jeffries, I know my problem is with
a man that they think My problem with a man
is that they think I'm too strong and don't let
them control who I am.

Speaker 2 (57:24):
I am not a person who can control. Is that
being selfish?

Speaker 7 (57:31):
Well?

Speaker 4 (57:32):
I think it depends on why why all the attention
is on being controlled or not being controlled?

Speaker 3 (57:40):
Right?

Speaker 4 (57:41):
You know, if you are the type of woman who
appears to be strong, and you know, you make up
your own mind and you're independent. Some people will challenge that.
Some men will challenge that and want to see what
will it take to make you ben or to give
in to them?

Speaker 13 (58:01):
And what have you.

Speaker 4 (58:03):
And here's the thing. Every black woman, at some point
in time has had to be stronger than anybody that
she has ever met or known, just to save herself,
save her family, protect her home, you name it. You know,
coming making stuff out of nowhere, do nothing more than

(58:28):
begging God to give me one more chance, and all
of that, and in finding the strength to still stand.
But when the right man comes along, who is also strong,
who's also self assured, who likes and loves himself and
respects and loves and cares for this woman, she won't

(58:49):
have He won't have to try to make her bend.
She'll ben willingly. That's like the oak and the willow tree.
You know, you know when to ben, and you know
when to give into the wind. Because nobody wants to
be on guard by themselves all the time, right, So
strength is your protector until you find somebody that you

(59:11):
trust enough and who has proven that they are there
for you, and then watch yourself relax and then I
know he got it, you know, and you can relax.
You can relax with that. So yes, and no, Anita,
hold on to it until you don't have to.

Speaker 3 (59:30):
M Okay what And Anita was talking about control and
when before before that last break, and I told you
I had I wrote down some things, and you were saying,
Dr Jeffries that they are people who are control masters
and they want to they want they want to be
they they want to be in control of.

Speaker 2 (59:53):
Everything, and I have to be they have to be.
Well where did they get that from? Where? Where does
that come from? Doctor Jeffries?

Speaker 4 (01:00:00):
Want to maintaining that kind of control is a self
protective defense. You know. It's like you can be a
little kid, or something happens to you where you feel
totally overwhelmed, totally vulnerable, and it could be in a
lot of different ways. It could have been terrorized, it

(01:00:20):
could have been shamed, It could have been something that
where you were embarrassed or or you felt rejected or
abandoned and what have you. But that feeling makes you
feel so vulnerable, so fragile, so alone, so unloved and
so unprotected, that you make a pledge I am never

(01:00:42):
ever going to feel like this again. And what happens
when you make that pledge to yourself you also you
kind of lock yourself in where I'm always going to
be on guard. I'm always going to be looking and
trying to decide if I can trust you or not.
I am not going to easily trust somebody else to

(01:01:03):
take care of me or to look out for me.
I'm gonna do that for myself. And so when people
meet you on that, you may appear guarded, or you
may appear reserved, or you may appear cold and distance,
but it's the message that you got from something and
you've held on to it. Do for myself because you

(01:01:25):
can't depend on anybody else. And there are people who
grow up doing that, they grow through their whole adulthood.
And it doesn't work well in most relationships because you
have to have an interchange. Now, a person who is
an over an over control mode will tend to get

(01:01:46):
somebody who is weak and who wants to be controlled.
But that's not satisfying to them because you're not working
with anything. They just being can't do whatever it is
that you want. So there's no challenging that, there's no
interest in there, so you usually will lose interest. That's
why I say, when two people maintain a level of

(01:02:08):
respect and regard for each other, you know, it's like, Okay,
we're gonna do this control thing, but I think you're
worthy and I think that we might be able to
bend and be able to work together. But it's a test.
And if the test is complete and you begin to
build some trust in that other person, then that's when

(01:02:31):
a partnership can come into play. Well, I know this
person has my back, I know I can depend on
this person, this person loves me, this person is gonna
be there for me. And as you begin to gather
those feelings and that sense of confidence in the other person,
you do not have to be on guard all the time.

(01:02:51):
But it's there. It's gonna be there. It'll spring back
in a minute if somebody lets you down or what
have you. But you don't have to be like that
all the time with everybody.

Speaker 2 (01:03:04):
Okay, so you have to you have to learn how
to work work through that.

Speaker 8 (01:03:10):
You have to.

Speaker 4 (01:03:11):
You have to be willing to try to work through it.

Speaker 6 (01:03:14):
Will you know why?

Speaker 4 (01:03:15):
Why?

Speaker 6 (01:03:16):
You know?

Speaker 4 (01:03:17):
You know you know why. You you know why when
you think about when was the first time that somebody
disappointed you that you felt that you could trust, When
was the first time somebody lied to you, When somebody
hurt let you down, when somebody left you. All of
that you remember that it may be pushed way down,

(01:03:38):
but if you start exploring it, you will you will
go right back to that spot that you carry it
with you. That's like your security alarm. Somebody's getting to
make you feel like that bells go off, and and
which makes logical sense. Why why the traditional image of

(01:03:59):
the black woman is somebody who is on guard, who
is strong, who has boundaries, who is not gonna take anything,
who's going to be aggressive and going to be combative,
because everybody typically lets us down at some point in town.
So who you're gonna trust? That's why it's a collective

(01:04:23):
issue with us, and that's why other black women understand
where you're coming from with that. But here's the healthy
part of that. We all want to find somebody that
we love, trust and respect, that we're willing to take
a chance on. But they got to earn it.

Speaker 2 (01:04:42):
They have to earn it.

Speaker 9 (01:04:43):
They have to earn it.

Speaker 2 (01:04:46):
Okay, we are talking this day. If you've just tuned in,
we are talking.

Speaker 3 (01:04:53):
Are you the problem person in the relationship, whether it's intimate,
whether it's family or its friends, coworkers, Are.

Speaker 2 (01:05:01):
You the problem?

Speaker 3 (01:05:02):
What's the problem? We're talking with doctor Dorothy Jeffries. Hold on,
callers and listeners. I will get to you next.

Speaker 2 (01:05:10):
Let me see.

Speaker 3 (01:05:11):
Let me check my Saint Jude. Yeah, all right, I
still need a six mory hit my goal.

Speaker 2 (01:05:19):
Y'all working with me? I love it? One eight hundred for.

Speaker 3 (01:05:22):
One one nine eight nine eight one eight hundred four
one one nine eight nine eight Become a partner in
Hope nineteen dollars a month.

Speaker 2 (01:05:32):
You'll get a T shirt and a sweat shirt and
I thank you all.

Speaker 3 (01:05:36):
Let me see. Thank you Carol and horn Lake, Mississippi. Monita,
I like that.

Speaker 2 (01:05:41):
That's my cousin's name.

Speaker 3 (01:05:42):
Monita in Memphis, Cheryl in Memphis, Helen in South Haven,
Thank you, Helen will in Memphis, Joyce in South Haven,
and Annetta in West Memphis.

Speaker 2 (01:05:54):
All right, I need six more. Come on, y'all doing it?
Beb Johnson listeners, Thank you, w Die listeners.

Speaker 3 (01:06:00):
Becoming a partner in Hope one eight hundred for one
on nine eight nine eight one eight hundred for one
one ninety.

Speaker 2 (01:06:08):
Eight nine eight.

Speaker 3 (01:06:09):
When we come back more talk with Dr Dorothy Jeffries
and me Bev Johnson on w d i A The
Bev Johnson Show.

Speaker 5 (01:06:31):
Got Something to Say?

Speaker 11 (01:06:33):
Say It next with Tennessee Radio Hall of Famer Bev Johnson.

Speaker 6 (01:06:38):
On w d i A.

Speaker 2 (01:07:23):
You're listening to the Bev Johnson Show. Here's Bev Johnson
and I'm.

Speaker 3 (01:07:28):
Going to our phone lines doctor Jeffries and talk with
Beverly Hi, Beverly.

Speaker 7 (01:07:34):
Hey, Doctor Jeffrey.

Speaker 2 (01:07:36):
How are you?

Speaker 6 (01:07:38):
You're good?

Speaker 7 (01:07:39):
I don't have a question for doctor Jeffrey. Okay, Why
is this that I can never be myself with the
man I have never put since I've been liking boys,
you know, around the age of thirteen fourteen, I can
never be myself?

Speaker 2 (01:07:56):
What do you mean to be yourself?

Speaker 7 (01:07:58):
What do you Because they think I'm a threat person,
so they take if I'm sweet to them, I'm being
sweet to someone else. And I'll see that all through
my adult wood, through my marriage, and it's still the
same way. It's still going on. So when I caught
up at the fool because I got my dais side

(01:08:19):
of my young fault. My sweetness come from my mother's side.
But when they see me at the fool, they're like, yeah,
I like that, And I'm like, are you crazy? That's
not what I want to be. Okay, So what do
I need to do because I'm not even dating now

(01:08:39):
because I'm scared to say if I can't be myself,
I just.

Speaker 3 (01:08:43):
Want to So what you're saying, Beverly, that that that
you have a sweet side, but also you can get angry,
you can be mad and and and when men see that,
they like the angry mad side of you.

Speaker 7 (01:08:59):
Yeah, they like pard. And I'm like, okay, well.

Speaker 2 (01:09:05):
Yeah, that you're looking at the men that you're choosing.

Speaker 7 (01:09:10):
Okay, Okay, now that sounds.

Speaker 2 (01:09:14):
Okay because I'll let doctor Jesse.

Speaker 3 (01:09:17):
But yeah, but if if you send all these men
they like the side when you acted crazy and they
probably they.

Speaker 7 (01:09:23):
See that's crazy beside, well maybe they're a problem. Okay,
I get that, Okay, But before before I hang up,
I want to tell you something bab about uh the
solo place. Okay, the rocking chair.

Speaker 8 (01:09:42):
Bell. You've been talking about the rocking chair so much
that my sister and I decided to go out the
church Conday.

Speaker 7 (01:09:50):
Okay, we win.

Speaker 10 (01:09:52):
And so as I went through the door, I started.

Speaker 7 (01:09:54):
Saying, hey, Bell sent me here. Man they was falling
out glass.

Speaker 2 (01:10:00):
Okay, great, Thank you, Beverly, thank you.

Speaker 7 (01:10:02):
And I just wanted you to know that I told
him everybody.

Speaker 8 (01:10:06):
I even got some extra stuff because I said Bell,
they said, and the guy came home and said, look
Bell tenter, so put him up ex right there.

Speaker 7 (01:10:18):
So I just wanted you to know that. Thanks, thank you,
thank you, thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:10:23):
I appreciate that, and thank you for patronizing the rocking Chid.
Thank you, Beverly.

Speaker 3 (01:10:28):
All right, somebody nobody, I'll get you, Doc jeff let
me get King Harry.

Speaker 14 (01:10:31):
Oh hello, Queen Coola and and Queen Jeffrey. Old lady
that just got off the phone, she said me in
like a anger. Something wrong with them? Then I'm wrong
with them?

Speaker 6 (01:10:47):
And she must be a guitarist. You know she got
all that bullletter. But I was wanting to say that
a relationship takes two and a lot of time, and
relationship see the significant others saying that the problem is
the person. You actually need to check yourself because if
someone is always complaining all the time, any little thing

(01:11:07):
you do, they complain, then you're not the one for
them to be with. And the second thing I wanted
to talk about is I was really curious that about uh,
the lady that called last week. You remember she was
talking about said a long business relationship and they were
talking about getting a and what does she come up with?

Speaker 2 (01:11:27):
Oh, I don't know, we haven't heard, and she's listening.

Speaker 6 (01:11:29):
Yeah, I know she's listening to Kyle n. Because I
was pretty curious about that. I mean, it was just
strange to be such a close relationship and in your
long distance. Yes, I know they do, but I'm just saying,
you know, the way she was saying, they was already
in doct Jefferson.

Speaker 14 (01:11:46):
Now I don't get no business with them.

Speaker 6 (01:11:49):
Because he don't have a job now. And but then
at the same time, I say that if you've been
with him that long and he had a great job,
it's almost like she said, Okay, what if he was.

Speaker 5 (01:11:58):
If you were married and he lost his job, what
you what?

Speaker 6 (01:12:00):
You be thinking the same way. So people gotta understand
things happen, especially with this new.

Speaker 5 (01:12:04):
Man in office.

Speaker 6 (01:12:05):
So you can have a good government job today and
go on tomorrow. Are you saying because they all lost
their jobs, you don't want nothing to do with them
no more. So you have to think when you have
a relationship about what you're gonna do with that note,
I don't want to be an alt Did you get
my text since we've been.

Speaker 2 (01:12:21):
Yeah, I got it, Thank you, Bye bye bye.

Speaker 3 (01:12:27):
Let me go to doctor Jeffery. So she hold on callers?
Uh and Beverly? Did you hear Beverly when she said
she'd be herself? Okay, go on, doctor Jeffries. What do
you say to Beverly?

Speaker 4 (01:12:39):
But you know, first of all, I think that you know,
all women have had to struggle with that stereotype. Yes,
I mean since the beginning that we're always supposed to
be what is it sugar and spice and all that tonight? Right,
So that means that you swallow a lot of stuff,
you take a lot of gusting people, and you put
up with a lot of beer, yes, because you have

(01:13:01):
to remain sweet and demure. But in reality they are
multi fasted size of your personality. And actually, when I
would be bored with somebody who's just so nice, they
don't ever have a heated conversation and shift gears of
what had you doesn't become boring because and especially you know,

(01:13:24):
where's the passion? You know, passion comes out in a
lot of different ways things they store doing and what
have you. So we want to be multi dimensional, we
want to be multi faceted. And if you have to
work at being sweet and nice, then that's not your
real personality. And I think that that's what she was saying,

(01:13:46):
So maybe she needs first figure out that every needs
to figure out what is her real personality. Just don't pretend.
Just don't do anything other than pretend. This is one
of your girlfriends or a new woman that you're meeting,
and you like them and you want to be friends
with them. How do you present yourself in that. That's

(01:14:07):
the same way you start off with a man and
there you want to be friends first, So let them
get the real you, so you don't have to pretend,
because who wants to be asking for years and years
all the time. Then they act like you've lost your
mind when they see the other side of I told
you I was bossy.

Speaker 3 (01:14:28):
Yeah exactly. And if you tell people up front who
you are, m h. Now they need to believe you
or not.

Speaker 11 (01:14:38):
That's right, And then they can decide if they like that.

Speaker 4 (01:14:41):
Everybody don't like just something because there's some things even
deserves that are too sweet.

Speaker 2 (01:14:46):
Yes, you don't even like it, right, you.

Speaker 4 (01:14:48):
Know, you want a little bit of variety in there.
You want a personality, really a dynamic personality, right.

Speaker 3 (01:14:58):
So that you can enjoy things exactly, exactly. Hold on
a second, doctor, Jeffries, I'm going to our phone line
w d I A high caller.

Speaker 7 (01:15:10):
Hi caller.

Speaker 2 (01:15:11):
You're on the air. Yes, you're on the air.

Speaker 13 (01:15:13):
No, don't want to be on the air.

Speaker 2 (01:15:14):
Well, well, you're on the air, so maybe so.

Speaker 13 (01:15:18):
Well, I like to play uh for the for the
uh uh uh sat you.

Speaker 2 (01:15:24):
Okay, okay, let me give you the number. Let me
give you the number.

Speaker 3 (01:15:28):
No.

Speaker 13 (01:15:29):
When I dialt that number, it goes to k M
d A in Dallas, Texas. Anything west of the Mississippi
gets credited to the radio station in Dallas. I wanted
to die directly the methods to give my.

Speaker 2 (01:15:43):
W Well, this is the number that we are told
to give the.

Speaker 11 (01:15:48):
Yeah for.

Speaker 4 (01:15:50):
Eight.

Speaker 13 (01:15:52):
So listeners who are listening west of the Mississippi is
not getting credit to wd I A. They're going to
Dallas texts to get credit KVM days.

Speaker 3 (01:16:03):
Okay, I'll check with them to see what's happening with that.
Thank you for that information. Thank you bye bi okay,
I thank you for that information. I did not know
all right, doctor Jeffries, he wanted anyway. Okay, so we've
been talking this day, doctor Jeffries. Are you that problem
person in the relationship?

Speaker 2 (01:16:24):
What do you say?

Speaker 4 (01:16:27):
Like I said, we all have some flaws. Yes, all
a work in progress, Yes we are. There's something you
know and once you understand why you behave a certain
way or why you have a certain attitude, that makes sense.
But you don't present the same behavior and attitude in
every situation. And so when you do understand why you

(01:16:48):
may have a certain belief or attitude or behavior, at
the appropriate time, you share that information with whomever it
is that you're trying to bring into your circle or
your tribe. You you want them to get to know
the whole person, and that way, it's a give and
take process where you can figure out what is it

(01:17:09):
that they can deal with, what else or what about
them you can deal with, and what is it there's
no you know, there's no way you can deal with
it that requires good questions, active listening and an attempt
to give and take so that both parties feel comfortable,

(01:17:29):
feel relaxed, and can be themselves in the relationship. And
that's regardless of whether that work a partnership or friendship
or an intimate relationship, because at the end of the day,
the intimate person is going to be your friend, you're
working partner, You're bound to build a life together and
all of that. So you want to do and continue

(01:17:50):
to work on those things about yourself, and as you improve,
your relationship should come full circle where it improves and
it becomes more space and it becomes more rewarding to
both parties. So with that being said, do a personal inventory,
you know, look up some things that are negative or

(01:18:10):
flaws and make a list of those. And then as
you look and read what the meaning of those characteristics.
See if you have or if you share any of
those negative qualities. Ask people that you trust to tell
you the truth. What are things that they think are
flaws that you have that would be good for you

(01:18:32):
to work on and why. And then on the other
part of that, for your intimate relationships or your friendships
with other people, see why the last three of your
relationships did not end the way that you had hoped.
And note if any of the negative things that you
had on that list, that inventory list showed up as

(01:18:55):
reasons why, and there from there you can begin to
build your plan for how to change or how to
minimize those negativities so that you have more positives working
for you. I wish you looking at as I said,
we are always going to be a work in progress, right,
so let's all continue to look and find those things

(01:19:18):
we want to get rid rid of so that we
can be the best of us that we can ever be.

Speaker 2 (01:19:24):
I like it, Doctor Jeffries, Thank you so much. I
appreciate you. I appreciate you.

Speaker 4 (01:19:29):
I appreciate you. Right back.

Speaker 3 (01:19:32):
Well you have a fabulous weekend and look forward to
next week, Doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 4 (01:19:38):
Same time, same station, right then, yes, ma'am, yes, ma'am.

Speaker 2 (01:19:43):
All right, you take care of beath you two bye bye,
bye bye.

Speaker 3 (01:19:47):
That is doctor Dorothy Jeffries, our behavioral and relationship consultant.

Speaker 2 (01:19:58):
It's been a good day to day.

Speaker 3 (01:19:59):
Let me tell you to call it is our saint
dude radio thun call um pledge no matter where it
goes to what day?

Speaker 2 (01:20:08):
Hey, I hear you?

Speaker 3 (01:20:10):
One eight hundred for one one ninety eight nine eight
one eight hundred for one one nine eight nine eight
one eight hundred for one one nine eight nine eight.
So give them a call, become a partner in hope.

(01:20:32):
I want to thank you callers. I want to thank
you listeners for joining us this day on the Bev
Johnson Show. We do, we really do appreciate you. So
until tomorrow, please be safe, keep a cool head, y'all,
don't let anyone steal your joy. Until tomorrow, I'm Bev Johnson,

(01:20:53):
and y'all keep the faith Mark Baker, Take me Home, boyfriend.

Speaker 13 (01:21:03):
The views and opinions discussed on The Bev Johnson Show
are that of the hosts and callers, and not those
of the staff and sponsors of w d I, a