He's Telling Me To Walk Away

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Dashyam in morning show with DJ forournIt's saw Tagic Morning. Bustin's number one
for hip hop jam in ninety fouror five. Hi, everybody, good
morning. This story is so eerilysimilar to what my cousin went through.
I mean it's I think it happensmore times than not. I think that

(00:24):
people change in their life, whetherit's mentally physically, and when they go
through those changes, they think,oh, well, now new people are
gonna want me or new people aregonna be around me. Because I'm not
the same person I used to be, I will attract something different. For
her particular story, she said,my boyfriend and I were together for five

(00:45):
years and have been talking about movingin together for the past two We even
went and looked at a few placesbefore. Problem was that after every few
months he would make an excuse abouthow we should save more and wait a
few months. He would say thingslike, Okay, at the end of
the year, we'll get a spot, and the end of the year would
come and then it wasn't the timeagain. It started to frustrate me more
because I just really wanted to movein together with him and start our lives

(01:07):
together aka settled down. Well,here we are, and just when I
thought that it was finally going tohappen, he tells me that he needs
some time to focus on himself andhis health. He has already lost weight
more than one hundred pounds yeah,and he wants to keep going. He
told me I should not wait forhim, because it could be another year
or so until he's ready to settledown. His words were, I don't

(01:30):
want to hold you back. Heknew that I wanted to settle down now,
so he was like, go dothat if you want, go settle
down, But I'm not ready afterfive years, Ashley, he was just
letting me go because he but wouldn'tsay we were breaking up. I've been
so upset and so disappointed at himbecause he was my best friend and I
always pictured us living together for therest of our lives. I am involved

(01:53):
with his family. We were allplanning this massive family trip next year,
and his parents already called me theirdaughter. I was so close with them
all everyone said that we were nextto be married and have kids. Everyone
could see how much he loved meby just looking at me. It's just
so messed up, and now Ihave to start from scratch and hope that
I can find someone who wouldn't betrayme like this. Wow, I feel

(02:13):
bad for her, And I willsay the guy's perspective on this, And
this was from personal experience. Ilost about seventy five pounds in college and
it changed everything from me. Myconfidence went up, but I was shocked
at the attention I was receiving theattention I had never experienced before, and
I didn't want to go back tolike my ex yeah at all. So
I completely think that his mind isnow changed. I told you guys this

(02:38):
to remember my cousin. She wentthrough a break together for ten years and
he had lost one hundred and fifteenpounds and it was literally exactly that he
got attention from people that he hadYeah, he had never got attention from
By the way, the first girlhe dated post my cousin after ten years
was this hot like nurse. They'remarried, So it worked out, worked

(03:01):
out for him. Yeah, butyou know, he once he started losing
the weight and things started to changefor him, things started to change for
them sexually, and there was awhole that relationship had definitely hit its peak
and it was but it was reallytough for her because not only was he
changing physically, but he was changingmentally as well, and it just she's

(03:23):
like, I wasn't dating the sameperson that I had been for nine years.
Now here's the thing too, itchanges you that way too. But
mentally you can also be better too, Like your confidence is up, you're
not as self conscious about small things, like you just seem happier, You're
healthier, you're sleeping better. Justacross the board. So I understand.
And you get out of your way, and then you start noticing that people

(03:43):
are looking at you because he's probablygetting the same attention he was probably getting
before. He just was down onhimself, right because he was one hundred
pounds. How have you? Yeah, now that he's happier with it,
Yeah, he doesn't have to worryabout that normal. He's got the confidence.
Like Santi said, you know,the Chicks is filling him a little
bit. He's feeling himself. Ithink he's going to end up coming back
to all. I kind of dotoo. But I hate that because that's
unfair. And I also hate thathe won't use the words break up.

(04:06):
I hate that he's telling her,well, you want to go settle down
go, but he won't actually saythe word. It's that reverse psychology,
right, It's like, hey,if you want to go do it,
go do it because he knows shedoesn't want to. He knows that he
got it like that, you knowwhat I mean, Maybe you got to
step away and show him like,oh word, that's how you feel.
I bet I'm gonna show it toyou, and he's probably gonna come grambling
back. Because once you've built withsomebody for five years, it doesn't matter

(04:28):
who you go meet today. Yougot to build that five years back.
You got to get to know thatperson all over again. He's not gonna
find you ever again. And let'salso throw this in because I don't think
this is I think this is situational. I don't think this happens to everybody.
Like if your partner right now haslost one hundred punds, that doesn't
mean they're not madly in love withyou still, you know, but there
are situations like this where you know, specifically in my cousins, like he

(04:53):
just was getting girls attention that hewas not used to, that he had
never got before. By the way, in his situation literally look like two
different people. It wasn't. Itwasn't even the same person. So,
but I also believe that if you'redoing that, then that relationship, the
first one was somewhat broken. Itwas. I agree in my situation,

(05:14):
it was broken as an attention.Now crazy, let's in an anonymous since
you're listening, let's delete the weightthing, because really, at the end
of the day, yeah, that'sa part of it for sure. But
before he even lost the weight,when it was time for you guys to
buy the place, he kept alaying, kept a laying, kept a
lank. He's delaying for a reason. And I know that that was five
years of your time and you gaveso much, you know, love and

(05:38):
effort to it. But it wasclear that this man was not ready for
what you're ready for. That foundationat cracks it did. So y'are saying,
walk away, I think she should. I think so too, Yeah,
because again I think he's willing todrop you after five years, so
easily after lost you. But remember, mind, let's get a rid of
the weight situation. Anytime it waslike, all right, we're getting a

(05:59):
place, he would give her adate and then he would push that date,
push that date, push that date. The date, the way it
was almost like the icing on thecake. Yeah. I don't necessarily have
any questions to ask you guys.I just think that because she's listening.
If you've maybe been through a similar, similar situation, or you you just
heard this whole conversation, you're like, oh, I would want to say
this if Anonymous was listening. I'llopen up the lines for you guys to

(06:21):
do that. Six one seven,nine three one one nine four five six
one seven nine three one one ninefour five. I mean that's her best
friend. She's literally called daughter inhis family, and after five years he's
walking away and telling her, well, if you want to settle down,
go do that. So you know, I can't imagine how she's feeling right
now. Six one seven nine threeone one nine four five. If you

(06:44):
feel like you can lift up anonymousspirits or give her some advice to decision.
Hi, everybody, good morning.It's actually the jam of Morning Show.
This one was a little different.I you know, a lot of
times when we get a DM fromsomebody, it's like, hey, Ashley,
can you ask everybody this. I'mgoing through this and I want to
see and you know what people think. I should do this was more so
like, hey, this is thesituation. I kind of feel alone with

(07:08):
it. And I said to herright away, I said, so many
people have gone through a similar situation. But she'd been with a guy for
five years. Every single time theywould get to the point of, hey,
let's settle down, let's move insomewhere, let's let's start a life,
he would get cold feet and hewould say, oh, oh no,
no, I know. I said, we were going to do it
in September, but like, let'sdo it September of next year. And

(07:28):
then that that would come and hewould say, oh no, no,
let's do it like around Christmas time, and then he would push that She's
listening, by the way, andshe just kind of told me that,
you know, he had told herinitially he wanted all of the things that
come with settling down, marriage,kids, and she goes, I honestly
never even thought that he would beentertaining any other girls. I said,
do you think he's seeing anyone?She said no, She said, we

(07:49):
talked about having kids all the time, and I think he just got scared
because moving in together also meant thatwe were going to maybe start trying to
have kids and meant that engagement wasgoing, you know, to happen.
She also said he just started anew job and if he's not at work,
he's at the gym or at home. So she really does not believe
that there's anybody else. But shedid throw in that you know, he
had lost one hundred pounds and hewas continuing to work on that part of

(08:13):
his life, and you know,that's kind of what he's concentrating on right
now. I think sometimes people meetpeople at gym's and you know, you
may think somebody doesn't have something elsegoing on the side, but we are
guys at the end of the day, and sometimes like, yeah, I
think the tough part is after fiveyears, and I think this goes with
any relationship, right, I meanmy ex and I when we broke up,
I remember thinking like, oh mygod, because I was so close

(08:37):
with one of his brothers, andI remember thinking like, wow, I'm
going to lose friends in the processof this breakup, and that's tough,
Like, I get it. Shesaid that his family would refer to her
already as their daughter. So there'sthere's so many aspects of this, but
anyways, he basically told her I'mnot ready. If you want to settle
down right now, I'm not theone for you. You need to go

(08:58):
ahead and move on. Sixty oneseventy nine three one one nine four five.
Cassie is in Wooster Cassi, youwere in a ten year relationship ten
years. Just listening to this,I mean she's not even out here asking
for advice, but I know shefeels like lone, lonely in this.
Uh, since she's listening, whatare your what are your thoughts? So

(09:22):
I have a two y old inthe back story. If you hear streaming,
I know all about a girl nightshe I would basically, I mean,
I don't want to say waste thetime. I had two children my
you know, my life wouldn't bethe same without them. But it was
never you know, I went backto school. I wanted to better myself
and there was no you know,support from him. So it's like,
if you want kids and you wantthe marriage, if he's having all these

(09:43):
you know, cool beat now anddoesn't want to move in together, it's
you know, it's kind of likethe signs are there whereas much as it
you know, it's drinks and youknow break up to heard but well,
someone like you even listening, You'relike, oh my god, you probably
you did it for ten years.She's only done it for five. You're
probably like, hey, at leastyou're not going to waste another five.
Yeah. I mean, it's justlike if you want to go back,
you know, and do it,it's just you know, obviously he doesn't

(10:05):
seem like he's invested in it,and you deserve someone who is. I
mean, now, you know goingforward, you know, it was tough,
it was hard. You know,I lost friends over it. You
know, kind of pick up youryou know, pieces when you have kids.
But I mean there is there arepeople out there who's better, you
know, now in a new relationship. Now I have a two year old
with someone else, so it doesget better. But you know, don't
make the same mistakes I did andfind someone who really wants to be with

(10:26):
you and wants the stuff. Yeahall right, Cassie, Well thank you
for that. I appreciate the call. Kiss the kids for me. Adell
is in Rhode Island. Hey,I have to do it. Hello,
Hello, it's me So listen.She's listening right now. Five years,
every time they go to settle down, get a place he delays, delays,

(10:48):
delays. She's going through it.Obviously, that was her best friend.
What are your thoughts? My thingis let him go. Let him
go already, because I went throughit. I always wanted to buy it
for two decades and I'm still strugglingwith it. But she she's still young,
she has no kids. Let hergo. Yeah, there somebody else
there better for you. Yeah,for sure. Kids have not been mentioned.
So there's no kids, that's forsure. Come on, and he

(11:11):
goes to the gym. He doesthis, He does that, He has
no time for He has a sidechick, that's no doubt about it.
That is no, no matter whatnobody says, he has somebody inside.
Some people hide it better than others, and I have and I've been through
that, so I know very wellpeople hide it better than others. I
just messaged her and I said toyou, okay, because I know,

(11:31):
like hearing that from both you andSanti has to be hard because I was
with the mind for two decades andI had to let them go, and
I have a beautiful daughter with them. Yeah, and right now until the
day he's still gaslights everything. Well, yeah, you gotta let that go
too. Oh, I'm trying.I know it's not easy. It's not

(11:52):
easy. I trust me, Iknow, all right, and he'll tell
people's better than none. Yeah,all right, man, Well thank you
for the call for the input.It's just not and I see, you
know, there's so many calls anonymousand air listening. You know, someone
said there's millions of the guys moveon. AJ will not agree with that.
I had a seven year relationship andwe broke up because I became disabled.

(12:16):
What real quick, anonymous, anonymous, good morning, Good morning.
I just read that line. Iwas like, what, so seven years
you guys were together? What happenedabout four four years ago? I got
cancer and it was in my backand I had to have surgery, and

(12:41):
I gave that person an out,and you know, I said, you
don't have to stick a round forthis, and they they said, no,
they want to stay around. Andnow in the last couple of months
it was literally we lived together,we have mutual things together, or like
it it's like a divorce. Soso in the last couple of months he

(13:05):
said, I just can't do itanymore, or I'm the one who brought
it up. I noticed something wasdifferent, pulling away not really as attentive.
Yeah. God, So when youhear when you heard me telling this
story, what triggered Like what foryou triggered this whole thing? Were you
like, she's she's gotta let thisgo and be done, or he definitely

(13:28):
does because it will ruin her andher self esteem and her opinion on herself
because of what he's going through.It's something you can't They're human, they're
people, And I understand what mypartner was going through, but it's just
a messed up situation, you knowwhat I mean, Like, I understand,

(13:52):
you know, after this long youthought things would go back to normal,
but there is no normal. Yeah, I And and you know,
as you're talking, she's messaging meand she just said, like all this
is so hard to hear, butthat it's her reality. So listen,
stuff like this takes so much time. Like that's what I hate saying this

(14:13):
because I know it's so annoying,But the fact of the matter is when
it comes to breakups, the onlything that helps is time, and it
blows, but it's the truth absolutelyall right as well getting to know yourself
again for sure. Well, Hey, I'm sorry that that you had to
deal with that, and it's onlybeautiful things on the horizon, all right,

(14:35):
babe, big thanks for the call, Thanks for your input. It's
like if we could fast forward likesix months, I know, and just
give her yeah, like the painnow sucks, get to the spring.
Yeah, it just does, dude, Like time time does heal all wounds.
But I don't like it, justit could take a while. There's
a real one out there for her, So she got to know, man,
someone who's gonna love you no matterwhat. Yeah, and since this

(14:58):
is a heavy conversation, let's justmake it a j joke because where's the
real one for her? It's beeneight years, psych, I'm just never
We are waiting. If you arethe real one, please step up because
we are just waiting over here.