In this Thanksgiving special of Home in Progress, host Dan Hansen digs into the surprising history of the American dining room and reveals the real science behind what makes a space feel warm, welcoming, and deeply “cozy.” Sponsored by RepcoLite Paints and Benjamin Moore, this episode blends design history, environmental psychology, and practical home advice to help you create holiday spaces people love to linger in.Dan breaks down the elements that truly shape coziness—refuge and prospect, ceiling height, layered lighting, meaningful textures, scent, and even the subtle role of background sound. He also uncovers the unexpected origins of our “traditional” Thanksgiving color palette, showing how 1960s–70s appliance colors quietly shaped our modern holiday aesthetic.Packed with actionable tips and fascinating insights, this episode is your guide to making any room feel comfortable, inviting, and human-centered for the holidays.Episode Breakdown00:00 – Holiday greetings & introduction01:29 – What to expect in this special episode01:40 – The psychology of cozy: how humans experience comfort02:49 – The rise, fall, and reinvention of the formal dining room11:44 – Why our Thanksgiving colors come from mid-century appliances18:36 – The foundations of cozy spaces23:46 – How coziness works in real homes24:57 – Creating intimate zones in open-concept layouts25:56 – How ceiling height shapes emotional comfort28:18 – Layered lighting: the real secret to coziness30:33 – Texture: the “silent” coziness booster32:37 – Scent: the fastest way to create emotional warmth35:34 – Designing for people—not Pinterest39:27 – The surprising impact of sound on mood45:27 – Practical steps for making your home cozier today
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, everybody, thanks for tuning in. This is Home in Progress,
sponsored by Repelite Paints and Benjamin More. And yeah, it's
Thanksgiving weekend. How was your Thanksgiving? I probably? No, no, no,
probably is about it. I should have wished to everybody
out happy Thanksgiving last weekend, but won't. Won't. Won't somebody
(00:24):
didn't think of that. Yeah, I'm doing all this other
heavy lifting with my brain so I can bring good
stuff too on the show. And I didn't even think
of that. So Happy Thanksgiving belatedly. Most of my cards
that I send, most of my birthday wishes, most of
the things that I send to other people. I have
(00:45):
to add the word belatedly because as much heavy lifting
I'm using air quotes there as much heavy lifting as
my brain does. Like I just hinted at earlier, I
don't really think there's a whole lot of heavy lifting
going on. My brain just kind of phones it in,
does what it's gonna do. And I have to say
belatedly a lot if I even remember to wish people
(01:09):
a happy birthday or whatever. So Happy Thanksgiving, Happy belated Thanksgiving.
What are you all doing today? Are you setting up
your Christmas stuff? Are you putting up Christmas lights? Are
you dealing with leaves on the yard? I think that's
what I'm gonna be doing at my house, dealing with
leaves in the yard. Maybe you're just crashing. Well on
(01:29):
the show this week, we're gonna kind of just crash.
We're gonna put strict, you know, legit home improvement stuff
on hold, and we're gonna have a bit of a
holiday episode. I've got some really interesting stuff regarding the
psychology of cozy. For example, we're gonna be talking about that,
the psychology of cozy. Maybe that sounds really dumb, Chances
(01:52):
are it does, but I'm really excited about this segment.
You know, how can rooms that are decorated with the
same main colors and with similar decre how can they
produce different results? You know, one can feel cozy and inviting,
the other can feel, you know, weirdly sterile or cold.
What in the world is going on there? Shouldn't color
choices determine the feel of the room. Well, there's more
(02:14):
to it than just color choices. And we're going to
talk about what it takes to make the cozy, inviting
holiday spaces that we all want. And that's coming up.
I also want to talk about the traditional Thanksgiving color palette.
You know, I know Thanksgiving is passed, but it's just passed,
so I can still do this. And really, when you
think about it, where did that come from? You know,
(02:35):
the traditional colors that we associate with Thanksgiving? Where did
that come from? Seems like a really easy answer, But
the chances are if you think you know what it is,
you're probably wrong. I think the answer is going to
surprise you. We'll get to that, but first I want
to talk about a room in the American house, you know,
the standard, the usual, the typical American house that reached
(02:56):
its golden age, its absolute peak in popularity, largely because
of Thanksgiving. Okay, what room in the American home reached
its golden age largely because of Thanksgiving? It's not the bathroom.
You know, that's always been popular, you know, ever since
they moved the bathroom indoors, it's been a favorite for
(03:16):
many people. Well, actually, I think when they first moved
the bathroom indoors, there are a lot of people thinking
this is nuts. What are we doing putting that in
the house. That makes no sense. But after they got
used to the idea and they realized how the plumbing
would work, and that it was actually you know, you
know what I'm saying. I don't need to go into detail.
(03:38):
It worked out. People really love that indoor bathroom. I
don't think we're ever going back to putting those outside
if we can help it. But that's not the room
that I'm talking about anyway. That's just me wandering down
a trail. The space that reached its golden age thanks
to Thanksgiving is the formal dining room. And this is
kind of fun. It's one of those stories where architecture,
(03:59):
Victorian etiquette, women's magazines, and a turkey with all the
trimmings collide in a really interesting way. Okay, let's go
back early eighteen hundreds. You know, in a typical American
home at that point, middle class are below. There wasn't
a dining room. Instead, you did all your cooking, all
your eating, you're working, you're playing, sometimes even you're sleeping
(04:22):
in the same one or two rooms. You know, A
permanent room whose only job was to sit there and
wait patiently for dinners to be served would have been insane,
you know, a complete waste of space. Even wealthy medieval Europeans,
you know, Europeans, people with fancy, funny accents and wealth.
Even they didn't have dining rooms, at least not the
(04:43):
way that we picture them. You know. They had great hauls,
you know, with great big trestle tables that went up
for the feast and then they came down afterwards, eating
a meals and sharing a table. Really weren't things that
dramatically changed architecture. But the start changing in the eighteen
forties and the eighteen fifties, you know, slowly and mostly
(05:05):
among the well off. So I wouldn't have seen this
if I were living back then, but the well off
started to see this change, you know, and it happened
as Victorian ideas about refinement and privacy start to take hold.
And this is also when the Victorian belief in separate
spheres emerged. You know, this is basically the idea that
men belonged in the public world while women manage the home.
(05:28):
You know, all of that's coming about, and that mindset
starts pushing houses towards more specialized rooms, right, so the
dining room starts to kind of pick up a little
bit because of that. Then you've got etiquette writers like
Catherine Beecher and Eliza Leslie. And they're arguing that the
sites and the smells of cooking should be hidden from
the guests. Well, in some instances that's absolutely true. You know,
(05:52):
depending on how good you are at those things. Maybe
the sites and smells of cooking, it's not something you
want your guests to see. You don't want them to
see how the sausage is made, you know, figuratively there.
Sometimes I'll make a meal and I'll think, boy, I'm
glad none of the kids saw how I put that together. Anyway,
(06:13):
you know what I'm saying, I don't think that's what
they were getting at. I think they were being a
little more prim and proper when they were saying that
those things should be kept from the guests. You know,
they were saying that a proper family needed a dedicated
space to displace civility. Right in that place would be
something like the dining room. It's uncivil in the kitchen
where everything is just going nuts, you're killing the chicken
(06:35):
or whatever. But in the dining room, everybody's got their
civil clothes on and we're all acting cool. Right, So
that's where things are. And because those ladies are saying it,
and they were like, you know, I should give a
quick scoop on these ladies, Catherine Beecher and Eliza Leslie.
You know, when they wrote things, they were basically the
Victorian equivalent of lifestyle influencers like good ones. Their books
(06:59):
were best sellers. Families treated their advice the way many
folks treat, you know, like a top HGTV designer today,
like it was the official word on how a proper
home should look and run. So if Beecher and Leslie
said it, it was gold. And so when they say,
you know that that dining rooms are important, or that
this space for civility is important, while the wealthiest homes
(07:20):
start adding true dining rooms to their layouts, to their architecture,
to their homes. But here's where it gets really good.
The dining room doesn't become common, you know, it doesn't
become something that the hoi polloi, you know, the common
folks had in their homes until after the Civil War.
And Thanksgiving was absolutely key in bringing it about. Now,
(07:40):
it all starts when good old, honest abe hon A
Stable Lincoln makes Thanksgiving a national holiday in eighteen sixty three,
but it really catches on in the late eighteen eighties
and eighteen nineties and into the early nineteen hundreds when
women's magazines, you know, Goady's Lady's Book, Ladies Home Journal,
Good Housekeeping, when these magazines turn thanks Giving into this elaborate, aspirational,
(08:02):
once a year domestic extravaganza that we all recognize. Now, Now,
those magazines that I was talking about, they didn't just
give you recipes and stuff. They gave you full page
spreads of perfectly set tables, you know, centerpieces, the correct
distance between fork and plate. And crucially, they gave you
photographs of beautiful dining rooms with settings for a large
(08:24):
gathering of guests. Now we get down on social media
today a little bit, and maybe rightly so in some regards.
But man, I know you all heard what I just
said about those magazines and instantly thought, or at least
a lot of you did. You instantly thought, hey, wait
a minute, kind of sounds like Facebook and Instagram. You know,
the same photo shoots, you know, the same perfection displayed,
(08:44):
the same guilt induced because my home doesn't look anything
like that home. Yep, all of that was the same
even back then. And suddenly middle class families realized their
homes and their stuff and their lives. We're all garbage,
they're all inadequate. Right, I'm joking a little bit, but
(09:05):
really they did face this kind of a dilemma. They
were seeing those magazines and seeing what a real Thanksgiving
was supposed to look like. You know, that's the idea
that's being conveyed, and they were flummixed. They were bewildered.
They were perplexed. You know, where do you go and seat,
you know, twelve sixteen, twenty people without cramming everybody into
(09:26):
the kitchen where we're making all the food, we're killing
the chickens or the turkeys or whatever. We can't do
that in there. They can't see all of that. We
can't fit them in there. Where we go we put
them in the parlor, they might spill gravy all over
the sofa. That would stink. Then they went back to
those magazines and look closer, and suddenly the light went off.
It was clear there it is. It's a special room
(09:48):
for eating stuff. That's what we need. We need a
room that's nicer than the kitchen, but not as nice
as the parlor. We need an in between room that's
built for eating things. For cramming food into our face,
and America answered that call, that need answered with the
dining room, you know, built in china, cabinets, plate rails,
(10:08):
swinging doors to hide the kitchen chaos, massive oak tables
that could extend forever. Go online and dig up plans
for any of the old Sears kit houses, or the
layout for any Craftsman bungalow, any four square from eighteen
ninety five to nineteen twenty five. You know, if you
look at houses in that range, the dining rooms are
(10:28):
going to be front and center. You know, before then
it wasn't really a thing in house layouts. Afterward, it's
the heart of the design. So in the end, Thanksgiving
didn't just use the dining room. You know, we didn't
just have Thanksgiving and thank goodness, we've got a dining
room for it. It was kind of one of the
key elements, and the promotion of Thanksgiving in those magazines
is what made the dining room essential or kind of
(10:52):
required for which is exactly what essential means for the
common people. Remember, the rich people already had one, the
fancy people had one, but the Haye peloid, the regular folks,
the dans among us, they didn't have one until man
we started seeing Thanksgiving promoted in those magazines and we
wanted that space. And then all of a sudden, you know,
(11:16):
after a number of years, we all changed our minds,
you know, starting in the nineteen thirties, but especially after
World War Two, the formal dining room kind of starts
to go away. By the nineteen nineties, the two thousands,
pretty much it's disappeared from new house plans entirely. But
there was that span of time when the dining room
reigned supreme, and a big reason that it came to
(11:38):
the forefront was because of Thanksgiving. All right, So now
you've got that information, you're that much smarter. Now let's
shift gears and talk about the origin story behind the
Thanksgiving color palette. Do you know how we ended up
with oranges and browns and greens as the colors of Thanksgiving?
I bet you think you know, but I bet you're wrong.
We're going to get to the right answer right after
(11:59):
this homean Progress is brought to you by recole Like
Paints and Benjamin Moore. You know, people often think of
paint as just another line item on the project's supply list.
But here's the thing. Everything you do, every hour of prep,
every stroke of the brush, all comes down to the
quality of the paint. The paint is the project. Make
sure it's the best. Let's start this segment, this brilliant segment,
(12:21):
with a pop quiz. When you picture Thanksgiving, what colors
do you see? All right? Think it through. It's not
much of a pop quiz. Most of us are going
to have the same answers. Burnt orange, harvest gold, rusty browns.
You know that unmistakable kind of muddy green color that
seems to fill in all the gaps, kind of ooze
around everything else. Those are the colors we picture. Here's
(12:43):
a tougher question, why you know, why are those the
traditional colors of Thanksgiving? What do you think? Well? I
always figured that it had something to do with the
fall colors that are outside, right, Orange, pumpkins, you know,
leaves that are turning colors. Grass that isn't healthy anymore.
It's not that healthy green anymore. It's kind of a
(13:05):
little bit muted, a little bit sickly, but it really
works with the orange and the other colors. That's where
I figured it came from. Well, here's something that really
caught me. By surprise, our traditional air quotes traditional Thanksgiving
colors aren't really all that traditional. Instead, they're a mid
century invention. Basically, they were locked in place during the
(13:26):
late nineteen sixties, nineteen sixties, and early nineteen seventies. And
why why were they locked in place back then? Can
you guess yet another question for everybody to think about,
Why back then were those colors locked in place? And
why did they from that point on become the traditional colors. Well,
think back to homes in the late sixties, in the
(13:48):
early seventies, maybe you lived it, maybe you can imagine
it from pictures. Anything jump out at you. Well, at
that point, those colors, those traditional Thanksgiving colors, they were
colors that perfectly matched everybody's kitchen appliances, their shag carpet,
their wallpaper, they're paneling, pretty much everything in their home
(14:10):
was composed of those colors. You know, the common misconception
is that we're decorating when we do Thanksgiving decorating, we're
decorating with the colors of autumn. But really we're just
using the exact color scheme of a nineteen seventy one
frigid air Now, I know that's maybe a leap sounds
like a leap, and maybe you doubt. You're at tempted
to doubt what I'm saying, But hold on, I've got proof.
(14:30):
Not just shooting off at the mouth here, I've got proof.
Before the nineteen fifties, Thanksgiving wasn't really one of those
decorating holidays, not like it is now. You know, Christmas
got the lights, Easter got the pastels, and Thanksgiving got
you know, a turkey and a white tablecloth, maybe some
real leaves if you were fancy. The color came from
(14:51):
the food, not the craft store. Things start to change
after World War Two. Glossy magazines and department stores begin
branding every holiday. We talked about that a little bit
in the last segment in those magazines. But even then,
even though they're demonstrating what Thanksgiving should look like, all
the way through the fifties, the look was still muted.
(15:11):
You know, lots of tan, lots of soft yellow, lots
of beige. And then the nineteen sixties hit and America
falls hard for earth tones. You know, harvest gold refrigerators,
which yeah, came out a little earlier, but they really
came to the forefront in the mid sixties. They were
big avocado green stoves, burnt orange sofas, brown paneling, gold
shag carpet. All of that stuff. That's what fills our homes.
(15:35):
And here's something to think about, and you know, to
help understand my bigger point. When we're talking about a
gold refrigerator or an avocado stove or a burnt orange sofa,
we're not talking about things that are in this year
and out next year. Or a better way to say
it would be, even if these things were out next year,
(15:56):
they weren't cool next year, who's replacing them? Right? We
don't buy ovens and refrigerators and couches and install carpet
only to change it with the next trend most of us, don't.
You know. Once people put these in their homes, they
live with them for a good long time, as long
as we can. We want to eke out as much
life as we can out of that stove because we
(16:16):
don't want to buy another one. So with that reality
in place, there was a little marketing genius stuff going
on when paper goods companies and dime stores started rolling
out the very first Thanksgiving only plates, you know, napkins, tablecloths, candles,
things like that. In the late sixties when that started
to come about. They deliberately picked colors that would look
perfect next to your harvest gold range and that avocado
(16:38):
dishwasher sitting in three quarters of American kitchens. It wasn't
about fall leaves. It was about not clashing with the
refrigerator or the paneling, or the carpet or the stove. Well,
by the early nineteen seventies, that palette was set in stone.
And the kids that ate off of those plates, you know,
through those years they grew up, they had their own families,
and when they went looking for Thanksgiving decor, those are
(17:01):
the colors that felt like Thanksgiving, that feels like home,
that feels like Grandma's house, that feels like tradition. Of course,
eventually the appliance has died, the shade, carpet got ripped out,
the paneling got replaced, But that Thanksgiving palette that stayed forever.
I think it's here forever. You know, today we've abandoned
a fair amount of those tones. We don't see all
(17:23):
of those. They had some resurgence times and maybe they're
coming back a little bit, but few people are putting
harvest gold backsplashes in their new kitchen. But if you
walk into any craft store, you know, in October, you
do that, and it's nineteen seventy one, nineteen sixty nine
all over again, orange and brown as far as you
can see. Influencers and designers they periodically try to break
(17:45):
free from this lockdown Thanksgiving palette and they try to
bring in deep jewel tones, maybe creamy neutrals, some elegant whites,
all of that. It works, It does work, but it
doesn't really catch on. And it doesn't catch on because
it's not Thanksgiving. That's just not Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is probably
the most nostalgic holiday we have. It's literally about recreating
(18:07):
the past, and for two generations of Americans, that past
look like a sunset colored kitchen aid and a brown
dining room wall. So this year, the other day, a
couple of days ago, when you set out the orange
napkins and the gather sign in that familiar golden shade,
you weren't channeling the Pilgrims like we think we were.
You weren't even channeling Autumn. You were actually dialed in
(18:31):
on the appliance aisle at Sears sometime around nineteen sixty nine,
all right, creating cozy spaces in our homes. How is
it that two spaces using the same colors and largely
the same kinds of decor can have completely different end results.
One can feel cozy and inviting, the other just feels off.
How can that happen? Well, there's an interesting psychology behind
(18:55):
the idea and the concept of cozy, and we're going
to talk about all the different things you need to
know so that you can pull it off flawlessly. We're
going to get to all of that right after. This
home in progress is brought to you by Repolite Paints
and Benjamin Moore. Think about it. You spend hours prepping, sandy, taping,
and then finally painting. Don't throw all that work away
with an inferior product. The paint isn't just another supply.
(19:17):
The paint is the project. Make sure it's the best,
all right. Right now, I want to talk about something
you've probably experienced one hundred times, but maybe maybe you
never understood it. Here's the deal. You walk into somebody's house,
you know, during the holidays, and instantly you feel it,
you know, the sense of oh my goodness, this is cozy,
(19:39):
this is perfect, this is really nice. There's just something
about a space like that, you know, we know it
when we walk into one. My Grandma Hanson's house was
this way during the holidays. You just walk in and
everything about it makes you want to stay. You want
to sit there. You want to get a little cup
of tea, or you want her to give you seven
up like she used to do, and maybe a bowl
(20:01):
of the little chocolate covered Graham cracker cookies that the
elves make. Right, she always had those fresh kids. Anyway,
you walk in and you just want to exist in
that space for a while, right, And then you walk
into another house. Maybe it's your own home, maybe it's
somebody else's, but maybe it's your own, and you've got
the same ingredients, right, because you're trying to do what
(20:24):
grandma did. It works so well at Grandma's house. So
I buy all the same things and I put them
in my house, you know, the tree, the lights, the decorations,
and yet it just feels wrong. You know, something about
it isn't right. It's cold, it's sterile, it doesn't live,
it doesn't breathe. Whatever. It's a very well decorated room,
but it just doesn't feel right. You know, something's going on,
(20:46):
what's the difference. Well, of course it's not the money spent.
It's not how many decorations are put out. It's definitely
not about blasting more twinkle lights all over the place.
There's a psychology of koze, and you know, we talk
about the psychology of color, there's a psychology of coziness.
And once you understand it, you're never going to look
(21:07):
at holiday decorating the same way. Again, this is really
good stuff. That's a big claim. You know, once I
get through this segment, I am going to change the
way you think about holiday decorating forever. That's big stuff,
you know, that's big stuff. So let's see if I
can back it up. And I want to start by
clearing up a few big misconceptions right off the bat.
(21:28):
First off, cozy isn't the same as decorated, all right,
Cozy and decorated not the same thing. Our room can
be packed with garland, it can be full of you know,
the nutcracker things, those little bearded men that sit on
the shelves. It can be full up with santas, you know,
strung all over with mistletoe and ornaments, and it can
still feel cold. So Cozy isn't the same as decorated.
(21:52):
Cozy isn't just warm colors. That's another misconception. You know,
I've been in rooms with red and gold everywhere that
still feels sterile and kind of cool, you know, just
they don't feel right. And I've been in rooms with
cool whites and grays that feel warm and inviting. Now,
to be clear, the colors that we choose definitely can
play in to making a space or helping make a
(22:14):
space feel warm or cool, inviting or sterile. The colors
really can play into that. They can make it easier
or they can make it more difficult to get a
cozy space. You know, colors do help here, but just
putting warm colors on a wall doesn't mean you've achieved
your goal. That's what I'm trying to get at. It's
not just warm colors that make something cozy, all right.
(22:34):
Third misconception, Cozy isn't just soft things. You know, pillows, blankets,
plush stockings, you know, all of those things they can help.
But if everything else feels staged or stiff, softness alone
isn't going to save you. So if it's none of
those individual ingredients, what is this mystical cozy that we're
(22:55):
looking for. Well, it turns out both designers and environmental
psychologists there really is such a thing. Environmental psychologists and
designers have dug into this, and the science behind coziness
is really really specific, and it's really intuitive once you
hear it. So the first principle that I've got for you,
(23:16):
get your notepads out. This is all gold. Everything that
is going to spew from my mouth from this point on,
sheer holiday goodness and gold. You're going to want to
be writing it down or you're going to want to
find the podcast so you can revisit this in all
its glory, all right. The first principle that designers look
at is something called refuge and prospect, all right, the
(23:39):
instinctive human preference for spaces that feel sheltered but still
give us a good view of what's around us. You know, refuge,
feeling sheltered, prospect being able to see what's around us.
It's an ancient thing and it's hard coded in us.
So put simply, cozy is a balance of being tucked
in but not boxed in. It's why people gravitate towards
(24:01):
corners in rooms, not because we're naughty and we got
to be put in the corner. Maybe we spent so
much time in the corner as a child being naughty
that maybe some people gravitate towards corners for that reason.
Liking back to the future where Uncle Joey, you know,
spent so much time in his little playpen that he
never really wanted to be out of a playpen, so
(24:21):
when he got old, the only playpen he could find
was jail. You know, maybe that, but really, you know,
whether we've spent tons of time in corners or in
playpens or whatever, we do, gravitate towards corners. We gravitate
towards breakfast nooks, towards fireplaces and kitchen gathering spots. It's
why nobody stands in the dead center of a giant
living room at a party. It's just weird. And we're
(24:44):
wired to seek protected zones, someplace where we've got you know,
we know what's behind us, and we can keep an
eye out on what's in front of us. And we're
not thinking that as we're experiencing these spaces, but psychologically,
deep down, that's what's going on. So during the holidays
this becomes even more important to think about, so you
can build it into what you put together in your space.
(25:06):
You know, a massive, open concept great room can look
really impressive, right, but it rarely is going to feel cozy.
There's just too much openness, too much of a good thing,
too much vertical space, not enough psychological shelter. But break
that room into smaller retreat zones. You maybe pull a
chair up by the fireplace, or a couple of chairs
(25:26):
by a fireplace. You create a reading corner by a window.
You set up a small table for puzzles or coco
or whatever. And you do that and suddenly the room
starts to feel welcoming again. And here's something fun. The
Christmas tree itself could create a refuge zone. It defines
a corner, It gives people a reason to gather, and
it kind of anchors the room emotionally. So refuge in prospect.
(25:48):
Keep that in mind as you're putting your spaces together,
especially if you're working in a great, big, open concept space.
All right. Another aspect of coziness has to do with
ceiling height. In fact, ceiling height is one of the
most overlooked aspects. You know, high ceilings are beautiful, they're dramatic.
They're impressive. You know, the shorter we are, the more
(26:09):
amazing they are. You know, we can't even see all
the way up into them sometimes. But they're not cozy, right,
They're expansive, they're not intimate. And that's why lower levels,
you know, despite their quirks, they often feel incredibly cozy
during the holidays because they've got lower ceilings. They're smaller rooms.
There's just more psychological enclosure. Now, if you've got high
(26:30):
ceilings and you know that's just in your space, you
can't exactly lower them, not inexpensively anyway, not practically. But
here's what you can do. You can lower the perceived
ceiling height with decor With decorations, you know, when you
put garland along the top of your windows, you're creating
a horizontal line that breaks up the wall height a
little bit. That helps when you hang a wreath or
(26:53):
you put up wall decorations or artwork or whatever, you're
bringing the visual weight down from the ceiling. The Christmas
tree itself helps with this, you know, it's a vertical
element that fills some of that empty airspace. If you're
looking for solutions with paint, if you've got the time
and energy to get this project wrapped up before Christmas.
One of the easiest tricks to lower a ceiling is
(27:14):
to paint it the same color as your walls. You know.
Extending the wall color onto the ceiling blurs the line
of where the one stops and the other starts. It's
a really really easy trick that works really really well,
and it's not as bold as painting that ceiling you know,
another color entirely, you know, so you're not really stepping
outside your comfort zone in a huge way in this regard,
(27:35):
but you are achieving that a little more of a
cozy feel by bringing that ceiling down visually a little bit.
Victorian Holmes understood this concept really instinctively. You know. They
had picture rails, plate rails, wains coating, crown molding, you know,
all these horizontal elements that broke up the wall height
and made the rooms feel more more human scale, more
(27:56):
people sized. You know, modern open concept homes with their
key huge soaring ceilings and their minimalistic trim architecturally, they're
working against coziness right from the start. However, if you
do have those spaces, you definitely can get creative and
can bring the skill down, you know, and bring it
back into the cozy zone by doing some of the
things that we talked about. All right, moving on, and
(28:19):
this is probably the single most important element of coziness
and it's one that most people get wrong. It's the lighting.
So this is the third thing I want to talk about,
the lighting, and specifically we want to focus on the
idea or the concept of layered lighting. Now, cozy spaces,
they almost never have a single light source. They definitely
don't rely on overhead lighting. You know. Think about the
(28:42):
coziest room that you've ever been in, you know, at
any time, but during the holidays or whatever. I bet
if you can picture it, you know, if you can
picture this, maybe you've got problems, you know, because I
can't picture what the lighting was like. But I bet
if you could go back in time and visit yourself
and see yourself in that cozy se you'd notice that
the overhead lights were off or dimmed or something like that,
(29:05):
they weren't blasting you know. Instead, what you probably would
find rather than overhead lights, you'd find multiple light sources
at different heights and with different intensities. You know, the
Christmas tree lights, the fireplace, maybe some candles on the
mantle table, lamp in the corner, another lamp on a
side table over here. Basically, everything is softer, more diffused,
(29:26):
more varied when you light a room like that. This
is what lighting designers call light layering, and it's the
opposite of how a lot of people light their homes
day to day. You know, during the day, we want bright,
even light, you know, unless the home's really messy. I
kind of like to keep things dim so I can't
see in the corners. But most people want bright even
(29:47):
lights so we can see clearly, we can work efficiently,
we can walk through the space without tripping over things.
You know, we use overhead lights or big bright lamps
to flatten everything out. But for coziness, if that's what
you're shooting for, you want the opposite. You want multiple
pools of softer light that create depth and shadow and
visual interest. You want your eye to kind of move
(30:07):
around the room and have different areas to discover sounds
kind of weird, but if you think it through, it
makes sense. And don't worry about the shadows that you're creating,
because that's you know, instantly, what crops in my mind,
what about the shadows. The shadows actually make the space
feel warmer and more intimate. You know, when everything is
evenly lit feels kind of clinical. Right when there are
(30:29):
gradations of light and dark, it's going to feel more cozy,
all right. Another thing to think about cozy. The whole
idea of cozy engages multiple senses and touch is huge.
Even when you're not actively touching stuff. You know, when
we look around a room, our brain is constantly asking
what does that thing feel like? What is that going
to feel like? And you know I'm right. You may
(30:50):
not know I'm right initially, but think about it for
a second. Look around the room that you're in right now.
Somewhere in the back of your mind, you're instantly evaluating
every surf is it cold, is it warm? Is it soft?
Is it rough? You know, most of the time those
thoughts sit below the surface, but once you notice them,
you can't unnotice them. They're always there, And that little
mental reflex, that little mental activity that we go through
(31:13):
just naturally has a huge impact on whether a space
feels cozy or not. You know, in general, smooth, glossy materials, glass, metal, plastic,
those things they're going to read as colder to our brains.
All right, soft textured things will, velvet, linen, even natural
wood grain, all of those things are going to just
(31:33):
read as warmer. The brain's going to make that judgment
way before we reach out and touch anything, and when
we do touch them, our nervous system is going to
double down on the sense of warmth and comfort that
we were expecting to find. Now that doesn't mean that
you should get rid of all the brass bells and
glass ornaments that you've got, because hard, shiny materials absolutely
have a place cozy rooms need. Contrast, the trick is
(31:57):
making sure the harder, colder textures are balanced with enough soft,
warm ones to give your eyes something comforting to land on.
And that's why holiday decor leans so heavily on things
like knit stockings, quilted table runners, velvet ribbons, right, rough
wooden ornaments, felt wool cotton, all of those things. Those
materials don't just soften the room visually, they soften it emotionally.
(32:21):
Maybe if that's what I'm trying to say. Basically, what
I'm getting at is cozy isn't just a visual experience.
It's something we touch and feel. Even when that touching
is happening only with our eyes. I know that's a
little bit weird, but if you think it through, I
think it makes sense. All right. Next up on our
checklist to achieving cozy spaces is this. Every truly cozy space,
(32:43):
You know, every truly cozy holiday space has a smell,
and I mean that in a good way. You know,
pine needles, cinnamon cookies, a candle that smells like Christmas Eve,
you know, a wood fire, whatever your family's version is.
You know, scent is incredibly powerful and we all know this,
but it's incredibly powerful because it bypasses you know, logic,
(33:05):
and it goes straight to memory and straight to emotion.
And that's why we can walk into a house sometimes
and a particular smell will hit us and it instantly
transports us back to being, you know, seven years old
at Grandma's house or whatever. You've all had those experiences
where a smell has brought back incredible memories, you know,
good memories, bad memories sometimes, but smells do that. They
(33:27):
have that power. So here's the key. Cozy rooms have
a gentle scent that feels warm, familiar, and inviting. All right,
A gentle scent and that scent can come from anywhere,
a real tree, a simmer pot, your oven, a really
good candle. You know. Real sense are great because they
change over time baking cookies. They smell different when the
(33:48):
cookies are raw, when they're baking, and when they're cooling,
you know, and our brains pick up on that. You know,
it's subtle, but our brains pick up on that. But
a well chosen candle that can do the job too.
Just be sure that if you do use artificial seen,
go for the ones that smell warm and natural and
they're a little bit gentle, right, especially if you're having
large groups of people over go for the gentle sense
(34:09):
because not everybody has the same fortitude for smells as
other people. Yeah, the big goal here is avoiding sense
that feel harsh, overly perfume me or really chemically sharp,
because those pull the brain out of that relaxed, cozy state.
The big thing to keep in mind is that scent
is powerful when it comes to evoking emotions. You know,
(34:29):
we know that, but keep that in the forefront of
your mind here. It shouldn't be an afterthought when you
put your room together. And I know for me it
completely is an afterthought, it is not front and center.
I'm too busy worried about all the decor, how things
will look. I'm not thinking about the smell. But it
really is as important as the decor. So think about
incorporating sense as you get the space ready for your
(34:51):
party or for just your own family's enjoyment. You know,
a real tree or real greens that's going to have
instant payoffs if that's something you can pull off. A
pot of spices simmering on the stuff I mentioned that
that can work really well. A pie that you baked earlier, Right,
that was always a trick when you're showing a house
you baked on apple pie or something like that, because
it makes the house feel homey. Well, that's exactly what
(35:14):
we're talking about here. Lean into that, you know, even
opening a window to let in a little cold, crisp
air just for a few minutes, that can really really
play into the space and really create that cozy feel
that you're looking for. You know, the big thing here,
Remember that scents matter more than you probably think they do.
All Right, next one, here's where I might lose some
(35:35):
of you. I understand that, but I'm going to say
it anyway. Truly cozy spaces are designed for people, not
for you know, photography, and there's a big difference between
those two goals. There's an American interior designer named Sister Parrish.
We talked about her on the show a few months
ago or so. She decorated for some of the wealthiest
families in America, including the Kennedy White House. But one
(35:58):
of her core principles was creating spaces that felt lived in.
You know. She'd mix all kinds of priceless antiques with
comfortable sofas that you could actually sit on. She'd put
beautiful fabrics in rooms where kids and dogs would be
running around her spaces. They were sophisticated, but they were
also practical for daily life. She was blending formal elements
(36:19):
with casual comfort and casual items. And that's the big
takeaway here. You can have a beautiful space that's also functional,
you know, it's also people friendly. In fact, the most
beautiful spaces are the ones that invite people in and
invite you to use them, not the ones that make
you afraid to touch anything. You know, we've all been
in spaces where we feel afraid to touch anything, and
(36:40):
it's not a place where you feel comfortable. It's not cozy,
even though it may look amazing, it's not cozy. It's
not inviting. So during the holidays, this might mean crafting
a space that looks like people actually live there and
are actually you know, celebrating, not like a decorator came
through for a photo shoot. You know, so books stacked
on a coffee table as if somebody was just looking
(37:01):
through them, that's a good thing. A blanket that's actually
been used, not just artfully draped somewhere. Christmas cards, you know,
displayed in a haphazard way rather than a perfect line.
These aren't flaws. These are signs of life, and that's good.
The best holiday decorating has intentionality, right, but it's also got,
(37:21):
you know, kind of an organic chaos. The tree, for example,
I'm really bad about this, but the tree. It's okay
if some of the ornaments are beautiful and perfect and
in line with a theme. And it's okay if other
ones are a little bit ugly, ugly but meaningful, you know,
things the kids made, things that I hide because I
(37:43):
don't want them messing up my perfect, perfect tree that
I'm trying to create. I'm probably doing that the wrong way, right,
lean into some of that stuff that's got inherent, you know,
emotional value to us. It's okay to have those things
that aren't perfect. The mantle can have both expensive candlesticks
and the stockings you know that aren't the nicest stockings anymore,
(38:06):
but that's what you've used for years and years and
years with the kids. There's nostalgia to that, and while
it may not look perfect, it's going to be utterly
cozy and utterly inviting. When spaces are too perfect two stage,
too matchy matchy, they stop feeling like spaces where people
actually live, and they start to feel like museum exhibits
(38:27):
or magazine spreads and museums. No matter how beautiful they are,
they're not cozy. Magazines aren't cozy, you know. I think
sometimes we get so caught up in making things look good.
And believe me, I already said it, I get it,
I do it. But we get so caught up in
that that we forget to make things feel good. We
create spaces that look perfect, but that nobody feels comfortable using.
(38:49):
And really, at the bottom line, what's the point of that,
Especially during the holidays, the whole purpose of decorating is
to create an environment where people want to gather and
stay and be together. So if your decorations make people
nervous about sitting down or touching things, you're actually working
against your own goal there less, unless your goal is
(39:10):
to make sure people don't touch a lot of your stuff.
You know, you know your family, Maybe that is the
smarter play for you, but it's not going to be cozy,
but at least your stuff's going to be good. Anyway,
Take that one for what it's worth and figure out
how it fits with you now, right. One last element
that I'll mention is sound. And I'm not talking about
(39:31):
just the question in your head of should I play
Christmas music or not? I mean the whole sound environment,
you know, the ambiance of the room. Because sound really
can work for your cozy vibe, but it can actually
also work against it. So think about fancy restaurants for
a second. They put an unbelievable amount of effort and
(39:51):
research into getting the sound right. You know, the music
isn't too loud, it's never too close, and it fills
the space without drowning out conversation. Always aware of it,
you just feel comfortable it feels right in that zone.
And we've all been in restaurants where the sound is
off and it pulls us out of the conversation, or
we're shouting across the table or feel like we have
(40:12):
to shout across the table. We definitely don't feel comfortable
in those spaces. So remember that good sound creates a
sense of warmth and hospitality in a place like that,
and the same is true at home. So what does
cozy sound sound like? While cozy sound is soft, it's
gonna be warm, it's gonna be low pressure. It's not
gonna be silence, because silence can actually feel a little
bit eerie, right, Silence is a little eerie. But it's
(40:34):
also not gonna be noise blasting at you, you know,
obviously obviously not rocket science here. A cozy room is
going to have a gentle backdrop, right, So fire crackling,
maybe a kettle warming, quiet, instrumental music drifting in from
the next room, distant laughter, the subtle hum of the
house just kind of doing its thing. All of that
is good. All of those things are going to tell
(40:56):
your brain that the space is alive, it's safe, it's steady,
vice All of those things what's going to kill a
cozy vibe when it comes to sound, Well, TV noise
is brutal on the cozy vibe. Loud music is brutal.
Phone notifications, beeping appliances, you know, the microwave that nags
(41:16):
at you. It just keeps beeping until you open the door,
you know, periodically, anything sharp, digital or repetitive. Those things
pull you out of the moment. You know, they grab
your attention instead of supporting the atmosphere. A Christmas movie
running loudly in the background. You know a lot of
people I've been there, it feels cozy to have a
(41:36):
Christmas movie just playing on the tube. Or they're not
really tubes anymore, are they just playing on the television.
But it really can take away from that cozy atmosphere
because the noise, the sound level of it can just
take over the space. Phone notifications they're instant mood killers, right.
(41:56):
We're constantly attached to these phones and constantly pulling us
out with their little notifications, pulling us out of whatever
we're engaged in at the time, whether it's a conversation
or anything. I mean, phones, it's a major social social
thing to think about anyway. But in an event, at
a party or something like that where you're trying to
create a cozy vibe. Those dinghy notifications they nag at us,
(42:19):
they pull us out of that vibe. So what can
you do? Well, you've got to work with the things
that you can control. You know, you can't control I
mentioned that, you know, laughing. You know, the sound of
laughing conversation is something that really adds to the vibe.
You can't control that. You can try, but that's not
going to make for a very cozy, authentic party when
(42:40):
you cue people when they're supposed to come in with
a nice guffa or you know, a chuckle. So you
can't control certain things, but you've got to focus on
the things you can control. So turn off the things
that are fighting you. Shut down that TV, you know,
if you can, you know, unless you're actively watching it,
you know, turn off the TV, silence the if you
(43:00):
can get people to do that. If you can mute
the microwave beeps, go for it. Reduce anything that feels sharper,
electronic add soft sound intentionally. You know, if you've got
a real fireplace, great lean into that. If not electric fireplaces,
fire sound apps, or even a small tabletop fountain. All
of those things can create general background noise. Christmas music
(43:22):
that works wonderfully if it's instrumental and in another room.
I know that sounds a little weird, but when the
music comes from a nearby speaker, your brain feels like
it needs attention. If there's vocals on it or lyrics
on it, our brains naturally focus on the words. If
the music's kind of coming from another room or very
quietly from speakers, you know, strategically positioned in the room
(43:45):
that you're in. If it's instrumental, you know, it just
kind of fills in the gaps. It kind of just
makes up that background like we talked about at the restaurants.
You know, it's just that great setting, that great ambiance
from that music. Just make sure that it's not overpowering
the space. One last thing I'll say here is you
can create your own soundscape if you want. You know,
I've got a free app on my phone where I
(44:05):
can mix fire, crackling wind, a little snowstorm, whatever I want.
It's for sleeping, you know, it's to create noise so
I don't wake up with every little sound in the
house because I wake up at every sound, So I've
got to have some other kind of white noise kind
of thing that drowns it out. Well. I drowns it
out well. I found this app and there's a million
(44:25):
of them out there. But I can mix all these
layers of sounds. I can get oh, you know, snow
blowing in on a Danish whatever. I mean, it's sound
that's been captured all over the world. I don't even
know how real that part is, but that's what they're
telling me. But I can take all these pieces and
I can control how loud each one is, and I
can create something that's got a fire, crackling wind blowing
(44:47):
outside whatever. All of that can really work to create
this cozy ambiance that you're shooting for. Just make sure
it's not playing too loud through your speakers. Look into
those kinds of things. The big way here is don't
forget about sound. Cozy isn't just what you see. It's
what you hear and what you don't hear. A few soft,
warm sounds support the atmosphere. Sharp loud, attention grabbing sounds
(45:11):
tear it down. You know, sounds invisible, but we feel
it immediately and it plays on you know our anxiety
or it comforts us. Sound has that power, so use
it intentionally and your whole space changes. All right, So
what does all of this mean practically, Well, if you've
decorated your house for the holidays already, or maybe you're
(45:33):
going to do that today, and whenever you do that,
if you notice that it's not feeling cozy yet, you know,
as cozy as you want. Here are some things to
think about and try. First off, look at your lighting.
Are the overhead lights on? Turn them off if you
can dim them. If you've got to have them on.
Can you add other light sources, table lamps, you know,
the lights from the tree, candles, something like that. Do
(45:57):
what you can to create those pools of softer light.
That's gonna help a lot. Second, create refuge zones right
within your larger spaces. Pull some chairs closer together near
the tree. Set up a small table in a corner
with some books in a lamp to find smaller areas
within the bigger room for people to gather at. Third,
add texture, you know, get some throats, some pillows with
(46:18):
different fabric textures, maybe a wool rug. Give the eyeSoft
tactile things to rest on. Right, create that warmth with
the texture that you bring in. Fourth, think about scent.
What is your house smell like. If the answer is
nothing or fabrize or the dogs, consider adding some better smells,
you know, real greenery, a simmer pot, baking something, you know,
(46:43):
bring in a nice candle that's gentle. You don't want
those overly perfumed smells, So think about smells. Fifth, think
about sounds. Don't forget about sounds, and remember it works
both ways here. A little bit of sound is great.
Too much sound can really detract, So find that and
turn off some of those things that you don't need
and kind of bring in some of the other ones
(47:04):
that will help you out. Finally, and this one's maybe
the hardest one. Let it be a little bit imperfect.
That's okay, it's okay. If the blankets rumpled, it's okay.
If the books are stacked up kind of off kilter.
Let the space show signs of actually being used and
lived in. That's really welcoming to people. All right, that's
gonna do it for this episode of Home in Progress.
(47:25):
If you like what you heard, consider subscribing to the show.
That's really great. Leave us review that helps us out.
A ton. It helps other people find the show, and
you know, honestly share the show with a friend. We
can go old school here, just share it. That would
be really great. Let other people find the show and
find out if they like it or not. You know,
maybe it's the greatest gift you will give somebody this year.
(47:48):
It's just an awareness of this show. Who knows. Maybe not,
but it could be. All right, have a great week, everybody.
For Home in Progress. I'm Dan Hansen. Thanks for listening
to
Hey, everybody, thanks for tuning in. This is Home in Progress,
sponsored by Repelite Paints and Benjamin More. And yeah, it's
Thanksgiving weekend. How was your Thanksgiving? I probably? No, no, no,
probably is about it. I should have wished to everybody
out happy Thanksgiving last weekend, but won't. Won't. Won't somebody
(00:24):
didn't think of that. Yeah, I'm doing all this other
heavy lifting with my brain so I can bring good
stuff too on the show. And I didn't even think
of that. So Happy Thanksgiving belatedly. Most of my cards
that I send, most of my birthday wishes, most of
the things that I send to other people. I have
(00:45):
to add the word belatedly because as much heavy lifting
I'm using air quotes there as much heavy lifting as
my brain does. Like I just hinted at earlier, I
don't really think there's a whole lot of heavy lifting
going on. My brain just kind of phones it in,
does what it's gonna do. And I have to say
belatedly a lot if I even remember to wish people
(01:09):
a happy birthday or whatever. So Happy Thanksgiving, Happy belated Thanksgiving.
What are you all doing today? Are you setting up
your Christmas stuff? Are you putting up Christmas lights? Are
you dealing with leaves on the yard? I think that's
what I'm gonna be doing at my house, dealing with
leaves in the yard. Maybe you're just crashing. Well on
(01:29):
the show this week, we're gonna kind of just crash.
We're gonna put strict, you know, legit home improvement stuff
on hold, and we're gonna have a bit of a
holiday episode. I've got some really interesting stuff regarding the
psychology of cozy. For example, we're gonna be talking about that,
the psychology of cozy. Maybe that sounds really dumb, Chances
(01:52):
are it does, but I'm really excited about this segment.
You know, how can rooms that are decorated with the
same main colors and with similar decre how can they
produce different results? You know, one can feel cozy and inviting,
the other can feel, you know, weirdly sterile or cold.
What in the world is going on there? Shouldn't color
choices determine the feel of the room. Well, there's more
(02:14):
to it than just color choices. And we're going to
talk about what it takes to make the cozy, inviting
holiday spaces that we all want. And that's coming up.
I also want to talk about the traditional Thanksgiving color palette.
You know, I know Thanksgiving is passed, but it's just passed,
so I can still do this. And really, when you
think about it, where did that come from? You know,
(02:35):
the traditional colors that we associate with Thanksgiving? Where did
that come from? Seems like a really easy answer, But
the chances are if you think you know what it is,
you're probably wrong. I think the answer is going to
surprise you. We'll get to that, but first I want
to talk about a room in the American house, you know,
the standard, the usual, the typical American house that reached
(02:56):
its golden age, its absolute peak in popularity, largely because
of Thanksgiving. Okay, what room in the American home reached
its golden age largely because of Thanksgiving? It's not the bathroom.
You know, that's always been popular, you know, ever since
they moved the bathroom indoors, it's been a favorite for
(03:16):
many people. Well, actually, I think when they first moved
the bathroom indoors, there are a lot of people thinking
this is nuts. What are we doing putting that in
the house. That makes no sense. But after they got
used to the idea and they realized how the plumbing
would work, and that it was actually you know, you
know what I'm saying. I don't need to go into detail.
(03:38):
It worked out. People really love that indoor bathroom. I
don't think we're ever going back to putting those outside
if we can help it. But that's not the room
that I'm talking about anyway. That's just me wandering down
a trail. The space that reached its golden age thanks
to Thanksgiving is the formal dining room. And this is
kind of fun. It's one of those stories where architecture,
(03:59):
Victorian etiquette, women's magazines, and a turkey with all the
trimmings collide in a really interesting way. Okay, let's go
back early eighteen hundreds. You know, in a typical American
home at that point, middle class are below. There wasn't
a dining room. Instead, you did all your cooking, all
your eating, you're working, you're playing, sometimes even you're sleeping
(04:22):
in the same one or two rooms. You know, A
permanent room whose only job was to sit there and
wait patiently for dinners to be served would have been insane,
you know, a complete waste of space. Even wealthy medieval Europeans,
you know, Europeans, people with fancy, funny accents and wealth.
Even they didn't have dining rooms, at least not the
(04:43):
way that we picture them. You know. They had great hauls,
you know, with great big trestle tables that went up
for the feast and then they came down afterwards, eating
a meals and sharing a table. Really weren't things that
dramatically changed architecture. But the start changing in the eighteen
forties and the eighteen fifties, you know, slowly and mostly
(05:05):
among the well off. So I wouldn't have seen this
if I were living back then, but the well off
started to see this change, you know, and it happened
as Victorian ideas about refinement and privacy start to take hold.
And this is also when the Victorian belief in separate
spheres emerged. You know, this is basically the idea that
men belonged in the public world while women manage the home.
(05:28):
You know, all of that's coming about, and that mindset
starts pushing houses towards more specialized rooms, right, so the
dining room starts to kind of pick up a little
bit because of that. Then you've got etiquette writers like
Catherine Beecher and Eliza Leslie. And they're arguing that the
sites and the smells of cooking should be hidden from
the guests. Well, in some instances that's absolutely true. You know,
(05:52):
depending on how good you are at those things. Maybe
the sites and smells of cooking, it's not something you
want your guests to see. You don't want them to
see how the sausage is made, you know, figuratively there.
Sometimes I'll make a meal and I'll think, boy, I'm
glad none of the kids saw how I put that together. Anyway,
(06:13):
you know what I'm saying, I don't think that's what
they were getting at. I think they were being a
little more prim and proper when they were saying that
those things should be kept from the guests. You know,
they were saying that a proper family needed a dedicated
space to displace civility. Right in that place would be
something like the dining room. It's uncivil in the kitchen
where everything is just going nuts, you're killing the chicken
(06:35):
or whatever. But in the dining room, everybody's got their
civil clothes on and we're all acting cool. Right, So
that's where things are. And because those ladies are saying it,
and they were like, you know, I should give a
quick scoop on these ladies, Catherine Beecher and Eliza Leslie.
You know, when they wrote things, they were basically the
Victorian equivalent of lifestyle influencers like good ones. Their books
(06:59):
were best sellers. Families treated their advice the way many
folks treat, you know, like a top HGTV designer today,
like it was the official word on how a proper
home should look and run. So if Beecher and Leslie
said it, it was gold. And so when they say,
you know that that dining rooms are important, or that
this space for civility is important, while the wealthiest homes
(07:20):
start adding true dining rooms to their layouts, to their architecture,
to their homes. But here's where it gets really good.
The dining room doesn't become common, you know, it doesn't
become something that the hoi polloi, you know, the common
folks had in their homes until after the Civil War.
And Thanksgiving was absolutely key in bringing it about. Now,
(07:40):
it all starts when good old, honest abe hon A
Stable Lincoln makes Thanksgiving a national holiday in eighteen sixty three,
but it really catches on in the late eighteen eighties
and eighteen nineties and into the early nineteen hundreds when
women's magazines, you know, Goady's Lady's Book, Ladies Home Journal,
Good Housekeeping, when these magazines turn thanks Giving into this elaborate, aspirational,
(08:02):
once a year domestic extravaganza that we all recognize. Now, Now,
those magazines that I was talking about, they didn't just
give you recipes and stuff. They gave you full page
spreads of perfectly set tables, you know, centerpieces, the correct
distance between fork and plate. And crucially, they gave you
photographs of beautiful dining rooms with settings for a large
(08:24):
gathering of guests. Now we get down on social media
today a little bit, and maybe rightly so in some regards.
But man, I know you all heard what I just
said about those magazines and instantly thought, or at least
a lot of you did. You instantly thought, hey, wait
a minute, kind of sounds like Facebook and Instagram. You know,
the same photo shoots, you know, the same perfection displayed,
(08:44):
the same guilt induced because my home doesn't look anything
like that home. Yep, all of that was the same
even back then. And suddenly middle class families realized their
homes and their stuff and their lives. We're all garbage,
they're all inadequate. Right, I'm joking a little bit, but
(09:05):
really they did face this kind of a dilemma. They
were seeing those magazines and seeing what a real Thanksgiving
was supposed to look like. You know, that's the idea
that's being conveyed, and they were flummixed. They were bewildered.
They were perplexed. You know, where do you go and seat,
you know, twelve sixteen, twenty people without cramming everybody into
(09:26):
the kitchen where we're making all the food, we're killing
the chickens or the turkeys or whatever. We can't do
that in there. They can't see all of that. We
can't fit them in there. Where we go we put
them in the parlor, they might spill gravy all over
the sofa. That would stink. Then they went back to
those magazines and look closer, and suddenly the light went off.
It was clear there it is. It's a special room
(09:48):
for eating stuff. That's what we need. We need a
room that's nicer than the kitchen, but not as nice
as the parlor. We need an in between room that's
built for eating things. For cramming food into our face,
and America answered that call, that need answered with the
dining room, you know, built in china, cabinets, plate rails,
(10:08):
swinging doors to hide the kitchen chaos, massive oak tables
that could extend forever. Go online and dig up plans
for any of the old Sears kit houses, or the
layout for any Craftsman bungalow, any four square from eighteen
ninety five to nineteen twenty five. You know, if you
look at houses in that range, the dining rooms are
(10:28):
going to be front and center. You know, before then
it wasn't really a thing in house layouts. Afterward, it's
the heart of the design. So in the end, Thanksgiving
didn't just use the dining room. You know, we didn't
just have Thanksgiving and thank goodness, we've got a dining
room for it. It was kind of one of the
key elements, and the promotion of Thanksgiving in those magazines
is what made the dining room essential or kind of
(10:52):
required for which is exactly what essential means for the
common people. Remember, the rich people already had one, the
fancy people had one, but the Haye peloid, the regular folks,
the dans among us, they didn't have one until man
we started seeing Thanksgiving promoted in those magazines and we
wanted that space. And then all of a sudden, you know,
(11:16):
after a number of years, we all changed our minds,
you know, starting in the nineteen thirties, but especially after
World War Two, the formal dining room kind of starts
to go away. By the nineteen nineties, the two thousands,
pretty much it's disappeared from new house plans entirely. But
there was that span of time when the dining room
reigned supreme, and a big reason that it came to
(11:38):
the forefront was because of Thanksgiving. All right, So now
you've got that information, you're that much smarter. Now let's
shift gears and talk about the origin story behind the
Thanksgiving color palette. Do you know how we ended up
with oranges and browns and greens as the colors of Thanksgiving?
I bet you think you know, but I bet you're wrong.
We're going to get to the right answer right after
(11:59):
this homean Progress is brought to you by recole Like
Paints and Benjamin Moore. You know, people often think of
paint as just another line item on the project's supply list.
But here's the thing. Everything you do, every hour of prep,
every stroke of the brush, all comes down to the
quality of the paint. The paint is the project. Make
sure it's the best. Let's start this segment, this brilliant segment,
(12:21):
with a pop quiz. When you picture Thanksgiving, what colors
do you see? All right? Think it through. It's not
much of a pop quiz. Most of us are going
to have the same answers. Burnt orange, harvest gold, rusty browns.
You know that unmistakable kind of muddy green color that
seems to fill in all the gaps, kind of ooze
around everything else. Those are the colors we picture. Here's
(12:43):
a tougher question, why you know, why are those the
traditional colors of Thanksgiving? What do you think? Well? I
always figured that it had something to do with the
fall colors that are outside, right, Orange, pumpkins, you know,
leaves that are turning colors. Grass that isn't healthy anymore.
It's not that healthy green anymore. It's kind of a
(13:05):
little bit muted, a little bit sickly, but it really
works with the orange and the other colors. That's where
I figured it came from. Well, here's something that really
caught me. By surprise, our traditional air quotes traditional Thanksgiving
colors aren't really all that traditional. Instead, they're a mid
century invention. Basically, they were locked in place during the
(13:26):
late nineteen sixties, nineteen sixties, and early nineteen seventies. And
why why were they locked in place back then? Can
you guess yet another question for everybody to think about,
Why back then were those colors locked in place? And
why did they from that point on become the traditional colors. Well,
think back to homes in the late sixties, in the
(13:48):
early seventies, maybe you lived it, maybe you can imagine
it from pictures. Anything jump out at you. Well, at
that point, those colors, those traditional Thanksgiving colors, they were
colors that perfectly matched everybody's kitchen appliances, their shag carpet,
their wallpaper, they're paneling, pretty much everything in their home
(14:10):
was composed of those colors. You know, the common misconception
is that we're decorating when we do Thanksgiving decorating, we're
decorating with the colors of autumn. But really we're just
using the exact color scheme of a nineteen seventy one
frigid air Now, I know that's maybe a leap sounds
like a leap, and maybe you doubt. You're at tempted
to doubt what I'm saying, But hold on, I've got proof.
(14:30):
Not just shooting off at the mouth here, I've got proof.
Before the nineteen fifties, Thanksgiving wasn't really one of those
decorating holidays, not like it is now. You know, Christmas
got the lights, Easter got the pastels, and Thanksgiving got
you know, a turkey and a white tablecloth, maybe some
real leaves if you were fancy. The color came from
(14:51):
the food, not the craft store. Things start to change
after World War Two. Glossy magazines and department stores begin
branding every holiday. We talked about that a little bit
in the last segment in those magazines. But even then,
even though they're demonstrating what Thanksgiving should look like, all
the way through the fifties, the look was still muted.
(15:11):
You know, lots of tan, lots of soft yellow, lots
of beige. And then the nineteen sixties hit and America
falls hard for earth tones. You know, harvest gold refrigerators,
which yeah, came out a little earlier, but they really
came to the forefront in the mid sixties. They were
big avocado green stoves, burnt orange sofas, brown paneling, gold
shag carpet. All of that stuff. That's what fills our homes.
(15:35):
And here's something to think about, and you know, to
help understand my bigger point. When we're talking about a
gold refrigerator or an avocado stove or a burnt orange sofa,
we're not talking about things that are in this year
and out next year. Or a better way to say
it would be, even if these things were out next year,
(15:56):
they weren't cool next year, who's replacing them? Right? We
don't buy ovens and refrigerators and couches and install carpet
only to change it with the next trend most of us, don't.
You know. Once people put these in their homes, they
live with them for a good long time, as long
as we can. We want to eke out as much
life as we can out of that stove because we
(16:16):
don't want to buy another one. So with that reality
in place, there was a little marketing genius stuff going
on when paper goods companies and dime stores started rolling
out the very first Thanksgiving only plates, you know, napkins, tablecloths, candles,
things like that. In the late sixties when that started
to come about. They deliberately picked colors that would look
perfect next to your harvest gold range and that avocado
(16:38):
dishwasher sitting in three quarters of American kitchens. It wasn't
about fall leaves. It was about not clashing with the
refrigerator or the paneling, or the carpet or the stove. Well,
by the early nineteen seventies, that palette was set in stone.
And the kids that ate off of those plates, you know,
through those years they grew up, they had their own families,
and when they went looking for Thanksgiving decor, those are
(17:01):
the colors that felt like Thanksgiving, that feels like home,
that feels like Grandma's house, that feels like tradition. Of course,
eventually the appliance has died, the shade, carpet got ripped out,
the paneling got replaced, But that Thanksgiving palette that stayed forever.
I think it's here forever. You know, today we've abandoned
a fair amount of those tones. We don't see all
(17:23):
of those. They had some resurgence times and maybe they're
coming back a little bit, but few people are putting
harvest gold backsplashes in their new kitchen. But if you
walk into any craft store, you know, in October, you
do that, and it's nineteen seventy one, nineteen sixty nine
all over again, orange and brown as far as you
can see. Influencers and designers they periodically try to break
(17:45):
free from this lockdown Thanksgiving palette and they try to
bring in deep jewel tones, maybe creamy neutrals, some elegant whites,
all of that. It works, It does work, but it
doesn't really catch on. And it doesn't catch on because
it's not Thanksgiving. That's just not Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is probably
the most nostalgic holiday we have. It's literally about recreating
(18:07):
the past, and for two generations of Americans, that past
look like a sunset colored kitchen aid and a brown
dining room wall. So this year, the other day, a
couple of days ago, when you set out the orange
napkins and the gather sign in that familiar golden shade,
you weren't channeling the Pilgrims like we think we were.
You weren't even channeling Autumn. You were actually dialed in
(18:31):
on the appliance aisle at Sears sometime around nineteen sixty nine,
all right, creating cozy spaces in our homes. How is
it that two spaces using the same colors and largely
the same kinds of decor can have completely different end results.
One can feel cozy and inviting, the other just feels off.
How can that happen? Well, there's an interesting psychology behind
(18:55):
the idea and the concept of cozy, and we're going
to talk about all the different things you need to
know so that you can pull it off flawlessly. We're
going to get to all of that right after. This
home in progress is brought to you by Repolite Paints
and Benjamin Moore. Think about it. You spend hours prepping, sandy, taping,
and then finally painting. Don't throw all that work away
with an inferior product. The paint isn't just another supply.
(19:17):
The paint is the project. Make sure it's the best,
all right. Right now, I want to talk about something
you've probably experienced one hundred times, but maybe maybe you
never understood it. Here's the deal. You walk into somebody's house,
you know, during the holidays, and instantly you feel it,
you know, the sense of oh my goodness, this is cozy,
(19:39):
this is perfect, this is really nice. There's just something
about a space like that, you know, we know it
when we walk into one. My Grandma Hanson's house was
this way during the holidays. You just walk in and
everything about it makes you want to stay. You want
to sit there. You want to get a little cup
of tea, or you want her to give you seven
up like she used to do, and maybe a bowl
(20:01):
of the little chocolate covered Graham cracker cookies that the
elves make. Right, she always had those fresh kids. Anyway,
you walk in and you just want to exist in
that space for a while, right, And then you walk
into another house. Maybe it's your own home, maybe it's
somebody else's, but maybe it's your own, and you've got
the same ingredients, right, because you're trying to do what
(20:24):
grandma did. It works so well at Grandma's house. So
I buy all the same things and I put them
in my house, you know, the tree, the lights, the decorations,
and yet it just feels wrong. You know, something about
it isn't right. It's cold, it's sterile, it doesn't live,
it doesn't breathe. Whatever. It's a very well decorated room,
but it just doesn't feel right. You know, something's going on,
(20:46):
what's the difference. Well, of course it's not the money spent.
It's not how many decorations are put out. It's definitely
not about blasting more twinkle lights all over the place.
There's a psychology of koze, and you know, we talk
about the psychology of color, there's a psychology of coziness.
And once you understand it, you're never going to look
(21:07):
at holiday decorating the same way. Again, this is really
good stuff. That's a big claim. You know, once I
get through this segment, I am going to change the
way you think about holiday decorating forever. That's big stuff,
you know, that's big stuff. So let's see if I
can back it up. And I want to start by
clearing up a few big misconceptions right off the bat.
(21:28):
First off, cozy isn't the same as decorated, all right,
Cozy and decorated not the same thing. Our room can
be packed with garland, it can be full of you know,
the nutcracker things, those little bearded men that sit on
the shelves. It can be full up with santas, you know,
strung all over with mistletoe and ornaments, and it can
still feel cold. So Cozy isn't the same as decorated.
(21:52):
Cozy isn't just warm colors. That's another misconception. You know,
I've been in rooms with red and gold everywhere that
still feels sterile and kind of cool, you know, just
they don't feel right. And I've been in rooms with
cool whites and grays that feel warm and inviting. Now,
to be clear, the colors that we choose definitely can
play in to making a space or helping make a
(22:14):
space feel warm or cool, inviting or sterile. The colors
really can play into that. They can make it easier
or they can make it more difficult to get a
cozy space. You know, colors do help here, but just
putting warm colors on a wall doesn't mean you've achieved
your goal. That's what I'm trying to get at. It's
not just warm colors that make something cozy, all right.
(22:34):
Third misconception, Cozy isn't just soft things. You know, pillows, blankets,
plush stockings, you know, all of those things they can help.
But if everything else feels staged or stiff, softness alone
isn't going to save you. So if it's none of
those individual ingredients, what is this mystical cozy that we're
(22:55):
looking for. Well, it turns out both designers and environmental
psychologists there really is such a thing. Environmental psychologists and
designers have dug into this, and the science behind coziness
is really really specific, and it's really intuitive once you
hear it. So the first principle that I've got for you,
(23:16):
get your notepads out. This is all gold. Everything that
is going to spew from my mouth from this point on,
sheer holiday goodness and gold. You're going to want to
be writing it down or you're going to want to
find the podcast so you can revisit this in all
its glory, all right. The first principle that designers look
at is something called refuge and prospect, all right, the
(23:39):
instinctive human preference for spaces that feel sheltered but still
give us a good view of what's around us. You know, refuge,
feeling sheltered, prospect being able to see what's around us.
It's an ancient thing and it's hard coded in us.
So put simply, cozy is a balance of being tucked
in but not boxed in. It's why people gravitate towards
(24:01):
corners in rooms, not because we're naughty and we got
to be put in the corner. Maybe we spent so
much time in the corner as a child being naughty
that maybe some people gravitate towards corners for that reason.
Liking back to the future where Uncle Joey, you know,
spent so much time in his little playpen that he
never really wanted to be out of a playpen, so
(24:21):
when he got old, the only playpen he could find
was jail. You know, maybe that, but really, you know,
whether we've spent tons of time in corners or in
playpens or whatever, we do, gravitate towards corners. We gravitate
towards breakfast nooks, towards fireplaces and kitchen gathering spots. It's
why nobody stands in the dead center of a giant
living room at a party. It's just weird. And we're
(24:44):
wired to seek protected zones, someplace where we've got you know,
we know what's behind us, and we can keep an
eye out on what's in front of us. And we're
not thinking that as we're experiencing these spaces, but psychologically,
deep down, that's what's going on. So during the holidays
this becomes even more important to think about, so you
can build it into what you put together in your space.
(25:06):
You know, a massive, open concept great room can look
really impressive, right, but it rarely is going to feel cozy.
There's just too much openness, too much of a good thing,
too much vertical space, not enough psychological shelter. But break
that room into smaller retreat zones. You maybe pull a
chair up by the fireplace, or a couple of chairs
(25:26):
by a fireplace. You create a reading corner by a window.
You set up a small table for puzzles or coco
or whatever. And you do that and suddenly the room
starts to feel welcoming again. And here's something fun. The
Christmas tree itself could create a refuge zone. It defines
a corner, It gives people a reason to gather, and
it kind of anchors the room emotionally. So refuge in prospect.
(25:48):
Keep that in mind as you're putting your spaces together,
especially if you're working in a great, big, open concept space.
All right. Another aspect of coziness has to do with
ceiling height. In fact, ceiling height is one of the
most overlooked aspects. You know, high ceilings are beautiful, they're dramatic.
They're impressive. You know, the shorter we are, the more
(26:09):
amazing they are. You know, we can't even see all
the way up into them sometimes. But they're not cozy, right,
They're expansive, they're not intimate. And that's why lower levels,
you know, despite their quirks, they often feel incredibly cozy
during the holidays because they've got lower ceilings. They're smaller rooms.
There's just more psychological enclosure. Now, if you've got high
(26:30):
ceilings and you know that's just in your space, you
can't exactly lower them, not inexpensively anyway, not practically. But
here's what you can do. You can lower the perceived
ceiling height with decor With decorations, you know, when you
put garland along the top of your windows, you're creating
a horizontal line that breaks up the wall height a
little bit. That helps when you hang a wreath or
(26:53):
you put up wall decorations or artwork or whatever, you're
bringing the visual weight down from the ceiling. The Christmas
tree itself helps with this, you know, it's a vertical
element that fills some of that empty airspace. If you're
looking for solutions with paint, if you've got the time
and energy to get this project wrapped up before Christmas.
One of the easiest tricks to lower a ceiling is
(27:14):
to paint it the same color as your walls. You know.
Extending the wall color onto the ceiling blurs the line
of where the one stops and the other starts. It's
a really really easy trick that works really really well,
and it's not as bold as painting that ceiling you know,
another color entirely, you know, so you're not really stepping
outside your comfort zone in a huge way in this regard,
(27:35):
but you are achieving that a little more of a
cozy feel by bringing that ceiling down visually a little bit.
Victorian Holmes understood this concept really instinctively. You know. They
had picture rails, plate rails, wains coating, crown molding, you know,
all these horizontal elements that broke up the wall height
and made the rooms feel more more human scale, more
(27:56):
people sized. You know, modern open concept homes with their
key huge soaring ceilings and their minimalistic trim architecturally, they're
working against coziness right from the start. However, if you
do have those spaces, you definitely can get creative and
can bring the skill down, you know, and bring it
back into the cozy zone by doing some of the
things that we talked about. All right, moving on, and
(28:19):
this is probably the single most important element of coziness
and it's one that most people get wrong. It's the lighting.
So this is the third thing I want to talk about,
the lighting, and specifically we want to focus on the
idea or the concept of layered lighting. Now, cozy spaces,
they almost never have a single light source. They definitely
don't rely on overhead lighting. You know. Think about the
(28:42):
coziest room that you've ever been in, you know, at
any time, but during the holidays or whatever. I bet
if you can picture it, you know, if you can
picture this, maybe you've got problems, you know, because I
can't picture what the lighting was like. But I bet
if you could go back in time and visit yourself
and see yourself in that cozy se you'd notice that
the overhead lights were off or dimmed or something like that,
(29:05):
they weren't blasting you know. Instead, what you probably would
find rather than overhead lights, you'd find multiple light sources
at different heights and with different intensities. You know, the
Christmas tree lights, the fireplace, maybe some candles on the
mantle table, lamp in the corner, another lamp on a
side table over here. Basically, everything is softer, more diffused,
(29:26):
more varied when you light a room like that. This
is what lighting designers call light layering, and it's the
opposite of how a lot of people light their homes
day to day. You know, during the day, we want bright,
even light, you know, unless the home's really messy. I
kind of like to keep things dim so I can't
see in the corners. But most people want bright even
(29:47):
lights so we can see clearly, we can work efficiently,
we can walk through the space without tripping over things.
You know, we use overhead lights or big bright lamps
to flatten everything out. But for coziness, if that's what
you're shooting for, you want the opposite. You want multiple
pools of softer light that create depth and shadow and
visual interest. You want your eye to kind of move
(30:07):
around the room and have different areas to discover sounds
kind of weird, but if you think it through, it
makes sense. And don't worry about the shadows that you're creating,
because that's you know, instantly, what crops in my mind,
what about the shadows. The shadows actually make the space
feel warmer and more intimate. You know, when everything is
evenly lit feels kind of clinical. Right when there are
(30:29):
gradations of light and dark, it's going to feel more cozy,
all right. Another thing to think about cozy. The whole
idea of cozy engages multiple senses and touch is huge.
Even when you're not actively touching stuff. You know, when
we look around a room, our brain is constantly asking
what does that thing feel like? What is that going
to feel like? And you know I'm right. You may
(30:50):
not know I'm right initially, but think about it for
a second. Look around the room that you're in right now.
Somewhere in the back of your mind, you're instantly evaluating
every surf is it cold, is it warm? Is it soft?
Is it rough? You know, most of the time those
thoughts sit below the surface, but once you notice them,
you can't unnotice them. They're always there, And that little
mental reflex, that little mental activity that we go through
(31:13):
just naturally has a huge impact on whether a space
feels cozy or not. You know, in general, smooth, glossy materials, glass, metal, plastic,
those things they're going to read as colder to our brains.
All right, soft textured things will, velvet, linen, even natural
wood grain, all of those things are going to just
(31:33):
read as warmer. The brain's going to make that judgment
way before we reach out and touch anything, and when
we do touch them, our nervous system is going to
double down on the sense of warmth and comfort that
we were expecting to find. Now that doesn't mean that
you should get rid of all the brass bells and
glass ornaments that you've got, because hard, shiny materials absolutely
have a place cozy rooms need. Contrast, the trick is
(31:57):
making sure the harder, colder textures are balanced with enough soft,
warm ones to give your eyes something comforting to land on.
And that's why holiday decor leans so heavily on things
like knit stockings, quilted table runners, velvet ribbons, right, rough
wooden ornaments, felt wool cotton, all of those things. Those
materials don't just soften the room visually, they soften it emotionally.
(32:21):
Maybe if that's what I'm trying to say. Basically, what
I'm getting at is cozy isn't just a visual experience.
It's something we touch and feel. Even when that touching
is happening only with our eyes. I know that's a
little bit weird, but if you think it through, I
think it makes sense. All right. Next up on our
checklist to achieving cozy spaces is this. Every truly cozy space,
(32:43):
You know, every truly cozy holiday space has a smell,
and I mean that in a good way. You know,
pine needles, cinnamon cookies, a candle that smells like Christmas Eve,
you know, a wood fire, whatever your family's version is.
You know, scent is incredibly powerful and we all know this,
but it's incredibly powerful because it bypasses you know, logic,
(33:05):
and it goes straight to memory and straight to emotion.
And that's why we can walk into a house sometimes
and a particular smell will hit us and it instantly
transports us back to being, you know, seven years old
at Grandma's house or whatever. You've all had those experiences
where a smell has brought back incredible memories, you know,
good memories, bad memories sometimes, but smells do that. They
(33:27):
have that power. So here's the key. Cozy rooms have
a gentle scent that feels warm, familiar, and inviting. All right,
A gentle scent and that scent can come from anywhere,
a real tree, a simmer pot, your oven, a really
good candle. You know. Real sense are great because they
change over time baking cookies. They smell different when the
(33:48):
cookies are raw, when they're baking, and when they're cooling,
you know, and our brains pick up on that. You know,
it's subtle, but our brains pick up on that. But
a well chosen candle that can do the job too.
Just be sure that if you do use artificial seen,
go for the ones that smell warm and natural and
they're a little bit gentle, right, especially if you're having
large groups of people over go for the gentle sense
(34:09):
because not everybody has the same fortitude for smells as
other people. Yeah, the big goal here is avoiding sense
that feel harsh, overly perfume me or really chemically sharp,
because those pull the brain out of that relaxed, cozy state.
The big thing to keep in mind is that scent
is powerful when it comes to evoking emotions. You know,
(34:29):
we know that, but keep that in the forefront of
your mind here. It shouldn't be an afterthought when you
put your room together. And I know for me it
completely is an afterthought, it is not front and center.
I'm too busy worried about all the decor, how things
will look. I'm not thinking about the smell. But it
really is as important as the decor. So think about
incorporating sense as you get the space ready for your
(34:51):
party or for just your own family's enjoyment. You know,
a real tree or real greens that's going to have
instant payoffs if that's something you can pull off. A
pot of spices simmering on the stuff I mentioned that
that can work really well. A pie that you baked earlier, Right,
that was always a trick when you're showing a house
you baked on apple pie or something like that, because
it makes the house feel homey. Well, that's exactly what
(35:14):
we're talking about here. Lean into that, you know, even
opening a window to let in a little cold, crisp
air just for a few minutes, that can really really
play into the space and really create that cozy feel
that you're looking for. You know, the big thing here,
Remember that scents matter more than you probably think they do.
All Right, next one, here's where I might lose some
(35:35):
of you. I understand that, but I'm going to say
it anyway. Truly cozy spaces are designed for people, not
for you know, photography, and there's a big difference between
those two goals. There's an American interior designer named Sister Parrish.
We talked about her on the show a few months
ago or so. She decorated for some of the wealthiest
families in America, including the Kennedy White House. But one
(35:58):
of her core principles was creating spaces that felt lived in.
You know. She'd mix all kinds of priceless antiques with
comfortable sofas that you could actually sit on. She'd put
beautiful fabrics in rooms where kids and dogs would be
running around her spaces. They were sophisticated, but they were
also practical for daily life. She was blending formal elements
(36:19):
with casual comfort and casual items. And that's the big
takeaway here. You can have a beautiful space that's also functional,
you know, it's also people friendly. In fact, the most
beautiful spaces are the ones that invite people in and
invite you to use them, not the ones that make
you afraid to touch anything. You know, we've all been
in spaces where we feel afraid to touch anything, and
(36:40):
it's not a place where you feel comfortable. It's not cozy,
even though it may look amazing, it's not cozy. It's
not inviting. So during the holidays, this might mean crafting
a space that looks like people actually live there and
are actually you know, celebrating, not like a decorator came
through for a photo shoot. You know, so books stacked
on a coffee table as if somebody was just looking
(37:01):
through them, that's a good thing. A blanket that's actually
been used, not just artfully draped somewhere. Christmas cards, you know,
displayed in a haphazard way rather than a perfect line.
These aren't flaws. These are signs of life, and that's good.
The best holiday decorating has intentionality, right, but it's also got,
(37:21):
you know, kind of an organic chaos. The tree, for example,
I'm really bad about this, but the tree. It's okay
if some of the ornaments are beautiful and perfect and
in line with a theme. And it's okay if other
ones are a little bit ugly, ugly but meaningful, you know,
things the kids made, things that I hide because I
(37:43):
don't want them messing up my perfect, perfect tree that
I'm trying to create. I'm probably doing that the wrong way, right,
lean into some of that stuff that's got inherent, you know,
emotional value to us. It's okay to have those things
that aren't perfect. The mantle can have both expensive candlesticks
and the stockings you know that aren't the nicest stockings anymore,
(38:06):
but that's what you've used for years and years and
years with the kids. There's nostalgia to that, and while
it may not look perfect, it's going to be utterly
cozy and utterly inviting. When spaces are too perfect two stage,
too matchy matchy, they stop feeling like spaces where people
actually live, and they start to feel like museum exhibits
(38:27):
or magazine spreads and museums. No matter how beautiful they are,
they're not cozy. Magazines aren't cozy, you know. I think
sometimes we get so caught up in making things look good.
And believe me, I already said it, I get it,
I do it. But we get so caught up in
that that we forget to make things feel good. We
create spaces that look perfect, but that nobody feels comfortable using.
(38:49):
And really, at the bottom line, what's the point of that,
Especially during the holidays, the whole purpose of decorating is
to create an environment where people want to gather and
stay and be together. So if your decorations make people
nervous about sitting down or touching things, you're actually working
against your own goal there less, unless your goal is
(39:10):
to make sure people don't touch a lot of your stuff.
You know, you know your family, Maybe that is the
smarter play for you, but it's not going to be cozy,
but at least your stuff's going to be good. Anyway,
Take that one for what it's worth and figure out
how it fits with you now, right. One last element
that I'll mention is sound. And I'm not talking about
(39:31):
just the question in your head of should I play
Christmas music or not? I mean the whole sound environment,
you know, the ambiance of the room. Because sound really
can work for your cozy vibe, but it can actually
also work against it. So think about fancy restaurants for
a second. They put an unbelievable amount of effort and
(39:51):
research into getting the sound right. You know, the music
isn't too loud, it's never too close, and it fills
the space without drowning out conversation. Always aware of it,
you just feel comfortable it feels right in that zone.
And we've all been in restaurants where the sound is
off and it pulls us out of the conversation, or
we're shouting across the table or feel like we have
(40:12):
to shout across the table. We definitely don't feel comfortable
in those spaces. So remember that good sound creates a
sense of warmth and hospitality in a place like that,
and the same is true at home. So what does
cozy sound sound like? While cozy sound is soft, it's
gonna be warm, it's gonna be low pressure. It's not
gonna be silence, because silence can actually feel a little
bit eerie, right, Silence is a little eerie. But it's
(40:34):
also not gonna be noise blasting at you, you know,
obviously obviously not rocket science here. A cozy room is
going to have a gentle backdrop, right, So fire crackling,
maybe a kettle warming, quiet, instrumental music drifting in from
the next room, distant laughter, the subtle hum of the
house just kind of doing its thing. All of that
is good. All of those things are going to tell
(40:56):
your brain that the space is alive, it's safe, it's steady,
vice All of those things what's going to kill a
cozy vibe when it comes to sound, Well, TV noise
is brutal on the cozy vibe. Loud music is brutal.
Phone notifications, beeping appliances, you know, the microwave that nags
(41:16):
at you. It just keeps beeping until you open the door,
you know, periodically, anything sharp, digital or repetitive. Those things
pull you out of the moment. You know, they grab
your attention instead of supporting the atmosphere. A Christmas movie
running loudly in the background. You know a lot of
people I've been there, it feels cozy to have a
(41:36):
Christmas movie just playing on the tube. Or they're not
really tubes anymore, are they just playing on the television.
But it really can take away from that cozy atmosphere
because the noise, the sound level of it can just
take over the space. Phone notifications they're instant mood killers, right.
(41:56):
We're constantly attached to these phones and constantly pulling us
out with their little notifications, pulling us out of whatever
we're engaged in at the time, whether it's a conversation
or anything. I mean, phones, it's a major social social
thing to think about anyway. But in an event, at
a party or something like that where you're trying to
create a cozy vibe. Those dinghy notifications they nag at us,
(42:19):
they pull us out of that vibe. So what can
you do? Well, you've got to work with the things
that you can control. You know, you can't control I
mentioned that, you know, laughing. You know, the sound of
laughing conversation is something that really adds to the vibe.
You can't control that. You can try, but that's not
going to make for a very cozy, authentic party when
(42:40):
you cue people when they're supposed to come in with
a nice guffa or you know, a chuckle. So you
can't control certain things, but you've got to focus on
the things you can control. So turn off the things
that are fighting you. Shut down that TV, you know,
if you can, you know, unless you're actively watching it,
you know, turn off the TV, silence the if you
(43:00):
can get people to do that. If you can mute
the microwave beeps, go for it. Reduce anything that feels sharper,
electronic add soft sound intentionally. You know, if you've got
a real fireplace, great lean into that. If not electric fireplaces,
fire sound apps, or even a small tabletop fountain. All
of those things can create general background noise. Christmas music
(43:22):
that works wonderfully if it's instrumental and in another room.
I know that sounds a little weird, but when the
music comes from a nearby speaker, your brain feels like
it needs attention. If there's vocals on it or lyrics
on it, our brains naturally focus on the words. If
the music's kind of coming from another room or very
quietly from speakers, you know, strategically positioned in the room
(43:45):
that you're in. If it's instrumental, you know, it just
kind of fills in the gaps. It kind of just
makes up that background like we talked about at the restaurants.
You know, it's just that great setting, that great ambiance
from that music. Just make sure that it's not overpowering
the space. One last thing I'll say here is you
can create your own soundscape if you want. You know,
I've got a free app on my phone where I
(44:05):
can mix fire, crackling wind, a little snowstorm, whatever I want.
It's for sleeping, you know, it's to create noise so
I don't wake up with every little sound in the
house because I wake up at every sound, So I've
got to have some other kind of white noise kind
of thing that drowns it out. Well. I drowns it
out well. I found this app and there's a million
(44:25):
of them out there. But I can mix all these
layers of sounds. I can get oh, you know, snow
blowing in on a Danish whatever. I mean, it's sound
that's been captured all over the world. I don't even
know how real that part is, but that's what they're
telling me. But I can take all these pieces and
I can control how loud each one is, and I
can create something that's got a fire, crackling wind blowing
(44:47):
outside whatever. All of that can really work to create
this cozy ambiance that you're shooting for. Just make sure
it's not playing too loud through your speakers. Look into
those kinds of things. The big way here is don't
forget about sound. Cozy isn't just what you see. It's
what you hear and what you don't hear. A few soft,
warm sounds support the atmosphere. Sharp loud, attention grabbing sounds
(45:11):
tear it down. You know, sounds invisible, but we feel
it immediately and it plays on you know our anxiety
or it comforts us. Sound has that power, so use
it intentionally and your whole space changes. All right, So
what does all of this mean practically, Well, if you've
decorated your house for the holidays already, or maybe you're
(45:33):
going to do that today, and whenever you do that,
if you notice that it's not feeling cozy yet, you know,
as cozy as you want. Here are some things to
think about and try. First off, look at your lighting.
Are the overhead lights on? Turn them off if you
can dim them. If you've got to have them on.
Can you add other light sources, table lamps, you know,
the lights from the tree, candles, something like that. Do
(45:57):
what you can to create those pools of softer light.
That's gonna help a lot. Second, create refuge zones right
within your larger spaces. Pull some chairs closer together near
the tree. Set up a small table in a corner
with some books in a lamp to find smaller areas
within the bigger room for people to gather at. Third,
add texture, you know, get some throats, some pillows with
(46:18):
different fabric textures, maybe a wool rug. Give the eyeSoft
tactile things to rest on. Right, create that warmth with
the texture that you bring in. Fourth, think about scent.
What is your house smell like. If the answer is
nothing or fabrize or the dogs, consider adding some better smells,
you know, real greenery, a simmer pot, baking something, you know,
(46:43):
bring in a nice candle that's gentle. You don't want
those overly perfumed smells, So think about smells. Fifth, think
about sounds. Don't forget about sounds, and remember it works
both ways here. A little bit of sound is great.
Too much sound can really detract, So find that and
turn off some of those things that you don't need
and kind of bring in some of the other ones
(47:04):
that will help you out. Finally, and this one's maybe
the hardest one. Let it be a little bit imperfect.
That's okay, it's okay. If the blankets rumpled, it's okay.
If the books are stacked up kind of off kilter.
Let the space show signs of actually being used and
lived in. That's really welcoming to people. All right, that's
gonna do it for this episode of Home in Progress.
(47:25):
If you like what you heard, consider subscribing to the show.
That's really great. Leave us review that helps us out.
A ton. It helps other people find the show, and
you know, honestly share the show with a friend. We
can go old school here, just share it. That would
be really great. Let other people find the show and
find out if they like it or not. You know,
maybe it's the greatest gift you will give somebody this year.
(47:48):
It's just an awareness of this show. Who knows. Maybe not,
but it could be. All right, have a great week, everybody.
For Home in Progress. I'm Dan Hansen. Thanks for listening
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