Cookie Eating Contest

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I had to say no to a group of girls
selling Girl Scout cookies, and I felt bad about it
because you just kind of keep walking. They're like, would
you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies, sir? And
you because if you stop, if you stop, you're trapped.
And so it just kind of kept while. I can't
do it. I have my mother's thighs, I have a
sugar in tolerance. If I take those home with me
and Michelle eats them somehow, it'll end up being my fault.

(00:22):
I can't. I'm sorry. I can't have chocolatey goodness right now,
just walking away like a crazy person, shouting through the
parking lot as I try to find my car. Bloop, bleep,
buck out. I would love I would love to have those,
but then there's consequences. I can't do it, all right.
I got to tell you my cookie story. There there

(00:43):
were years ago, like twenty five, probably twenty five ish
years ago, there was like a local celebrity cookie eating
contest and they had it at the mall. There's a
long table, probably twenty of us there, and they put
like this huge stack of cookies in front of each
one of us. They find out who could eat the
most cookies in a set time, and and and they

(01:05):
gave us these little prize bags. And the prize bags
were cool. There's all kinds of stuff in the O
T shirt, a ball cap, some other stuff. And uh,
I feel bad saying, Okay, I'm not gonna say the
guy's name, but there was a guy that was sitting
right next to me, and he smelled so bad, like
he had woken up not brushed his teeth, got there
to the contest and just uh listen it was. It

(01:26):
was bo like you would not believe. And so he
seated next to me, named Plaque and everything. There's nothing
I can do. I've got to sit next to this guy.
People are gonna think that I'm the smelly one. And
then aha, here's my genius at work. Okay, uh, way
back when, in another time, I don't remember even what
it was called. Was it like a Woolworths or something

(01:46):
that was in the mall anyway you could go and
buy like, you know, basic groceries and stuff right there
in the mall. It's like, where what is it the
Bath and Body or whatever it is now? Anyway, so
I get this brilliant idea, and I gets up from
the table before the contest starts, and I walk over
and I buy two of these little travel size speed
sticks like deodorants. Not even kidding you, I swear this happened.

(02:10):
I bought two of them. I went back to the table,
and while he wasn't looking, I slipped it into his
prize bag and I put one in my prize bag too,
And so I start digging through the bag and I'm like, oh,
look at all this cool stuff. And he starts monkey
see monkey doo looking through his bag too, and we
come across the speed stick. Remember this guy smells horrendous.

(02:31):
So I take out the speed stick and I pop
the cap off, and he does it too. I reach
underneath my T shirt give it a couple of swipes
underneath my pits, right there in front of God and everybody.
He does it too, Monkey see Monkey Do. He put
on the deodorant and I was able to stomach and
win the contest after that because I didn't have to
smell the other local celebrity. I want to say who

(02:55):
it was, but oh my god, it was. It was
just incredible how it actually worked. Oh look here, I'll look.
They give us a cap and a T shirt. Why
would they give a speech sting. Let me go ahead
and take some of this right now. Hanny did it
right along with me at the exact same time. It
was one of the most phenomenal moments of my life.

(03:16):
I've got incubus coming up next right here on see
one on one