CONJOINED TWINS AND BASEBALL MOVIES

Dave doesn't have gout, rickets, or conjoined twins.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
And now iHeart Media presents The DaveRigards Podcast, The Dave Rids Podcast.
How's everything in your world? Prettygood? What about you? You're not
having any health issues? Your bladdersare fine, no gout, taking off
your big toe or anything like that. You know, I had plurisy one

(00:24):
time. Do you even know whatthat is? Yeah, I've heard of
it. I don't know what itis. Yeah, it's it's like one
of those things that you've heard of, like rickets or scurvy. It's like
I'm a pirate, like I cameover like on on the Mayflower or something
like that. I have these theseold issues. But yeah, I had
plurisy one time. It's the guytold me. You know, I just
felt like I had like a badchest cold and it's an inflammation of the

(00:47):
lungs. And I had this whenI was Oh, I had another one.
I had to back like in mytwenties. I also had burstsitis.
All these old people diseases you everhad that it would have been it would
have been better if you had rickets, because it sounds like your last name
and people you ricketts any right,Yeah, at all kinds of conditions.
But I'm healthy, happy, tosay I'm healthy today and how about you?

(01:07):
Yeah, for the most part,that's good. Or you've been watching
the news, what do you thinkwhat headlines have grabbed your attention? I
was just going to talk about thethe conjoined twins. Dude, I cannot
say the word conjoined, and Ialways say Siamese. Well, you know
that's okay. I don't know.Does that like Siamese twins is how we

(01:30):
knew and when we were kids.Thank you? So we had to change
the name, like we've had tochange the name of everything and all that.
Yeah, exactly who are we offendingwith Siamese twins? Are we offending
Siamese twins? Okay? Sorry forthe three or I guess it would be
six of you? Or are weoffending siam. I mean, I don't

(01:51):
know who's offended, neither one.I don't listening. I sometimes get things
when people say you were jipped oran Indian giver. I understand when people
go wait a second, and yougo, then you think about it and
you go, Okay, I cansee why that's bad. But yes,
but you've been dying to talk aboutthese Siamese twins from the get go,
and I don't remember that, isit Brittany? Is that the name of

(02:12):
one of the girls. I've forgottentheir names, but I know, well
I've been reading about them. Ifind them fascinating because they like talking about
themselves. They know that their conditionis wildly unusual. And now they've gotten
married. Now I should say,of the two girls, only one got

(02:34):
married. Yeah, and the guythat married I'm like, why do you
marry the ugly one? I that'sall right, let's break it down.
Exactly where are these cookies connected?That's the most important thing that we need
to know. Right From what Ican tell from my basic biology lesson,
I can tell is we basically havea two headed girl here, because these

(02:54):
two girls have two arms, twolegs, and like a body that conjoins
somewhere I don't know where, andtwo heads. Yeah. And you know
this is a ripoff for the guythat married him, because you think,
if there's two women, you'd atleast get four tits or at least three.

(03:15):
He's only hitting two. It's likehe's not getting any of the benefits
of this. Dave, did yousee that three titted girl in the Arnold
Schwarzenegger movie Every but Yeah, Yeah, yeah, we did a million years
ago. We did a at theradio station I was working at. Oh
I'm not wearing the KGBHT. Wedid a drive in movie theater one night

(03:38):
and we did Caddy Shack, andwe did the Three Stooges and we did
Total Recall. And when the girlwith the three tits opens up her shirts
on Total Recall, every car hornwas honking at this alcohol or santee driving.
I don't know where we were,but all time, great moment.

(03:58):
You know that'll be next week We'regonna do Josh is gonna do his five
favorite and I'll do my five favoritemovies of girls with three tits. No
taking gone with a win. That'smine. Well, these these two girls
the well are women who are conjoined, are Siamese twins. One of them
got married, and you know,obviously it brings up a ton of questions
and they're down for it. They'reopen for it now. They got married.

(04:21):
I guess in secret they've been marriedfor a while, a couple of
years now. But I already heardthat there's trouble in that one of the
girls taught her husband cheating with hersister. Well, you bring up an
interesting point because what happens if they'remaking love and he grabs the other boob
and she's like, no, nope, this one's mine. You don't touch
that one, that's my sister's.Or what happens if you're making love and

(04:43):
you glance at the sister. Imean that kind of is like jean,
Or what if the sister meets aguy, is she allowed to marry him?
Who gets the body for the night? If I'm the first husband,
I'm kind of pissed about that.That's you've really done a deep dive as
I did it. But I didn'twant you to think I was just thinking
of all these pervy things, youknow, because I'm above saying something like,
well if they do a sixty nine, is it a six nine nine?

(05:05):
Those type of things aren't funny becauseyou hadn't worked out those jokes yet
exactly. To me, it's funnierto think when they eat, is it
like Lady in the tramp and theyhave a piece of spaghetti between them?
I think of more, you know, cleaner jokes. But you want to
know if the other one who's notmarried is deeply into peer pressure, will
she succumbed to a lot of peerpressure. Well, you don't get in
the game that kind of thing.I don't know about you, Dave.

(05:26):
It's hard enough to please a womanin bed for some people, not for
us. For some people. Nowhe's got two women that he's got it,
you know. And not only that, it's hard enough when you know
the wife tells you she has aheadache. You know, I've been working
with the horses all day. I'vegot a headache, and now you've got
a second head that might possibly havea headache. It's it's just, you
know, what if he married theone who's kind of prudish and the one

(05:47):
he didn't married is a total sleevesand so she's just laying there on the
pillow watching everything going on, critiquingall the technique and the moves. I
don't know, Dave. Did youever see the Farley Brothers movie. They're
the guys that did there's something aboutMary and Kingpin. They did a movie
called Stuck On You were Greg Kanearand Matt Damon were actually connected and they

(06:08):
did that what you're just saying.Matt Damon is a bookworm and he's the
studious guy, where Greg Kanear isa womanizer. So He's always bringing women
back and they have a curtain betweenhim and the bed. And the best
physical comedy is Matt Damon trying toread a book as he's shaking like this.
It was hysterical. It was agreat movie, Dave. I once
had the opportunity to be with twowomen at once, and I didn't take

(06:30):
it. They weren't SI, okay, hold on, I want to hear
all about this, go ahead.I chickened out because I know myself and
I just thought I would turn intoWoody Allen. I'd be like those two
would be going at it, andI'd be like, can I get in
there and get that boot? LikeI wouldn't know how to just jump in.
And I've told my guy friends andthey tell me I'm nuts, but
I don't know. I think youhave to know your limitations. And I,

(06:54):
oh, were you in the room? Did you watch these two other
women? No? No, no. It was proposed to me. A
gal that I was seeing had toldme that her friend thought I was funny
and would they be willing to dothis? And they've had things together and
I just and she showed me herpicture. You know, because they imagine
if you agreed to do it inthe woman's hideous Yeah, and they were.
And so they already had experience doingthis, and they invited you into

(07:15):
their little club, so to speak. Yeah. Yeah, So this is
obviously something that you had thought aboutbefore, fantasized, before it occurred to
you. What would I do?I'd ever get into that situation and the
minute it presents itself in reality hmmmyeah. Yeah. So the point of
this is if I married the Siamesetwin, I would at least need the

(07:38):
other one to be encouraging me whileI'm going at it, like, yeah,
you're a stud, you nail mysister, you know, just say
something to get you know, OtherwiseI'm just gonna look at her and like
do you have to look miserable duringthis? And also did you hear the
oldest para Siamese twins recently that conjoinedtwins just recently died. I did not.
They were sixty four. It wasa another two headed woman that sounds

(08:01):
weird to say, and they justrecently died. And apparently in the article
I read about this, it saidif one of them dies, basically they
both die, you know, theother one has like a week to go
and imagine how horrible that is.It's hard enough if you lose a sibling,
but you lose a sibling and knowyou're on borrow time. Yeah,
no, you can't drag that stuffaround. Yeah, there's not enough Chanelle

(08:22):
number five in the world to coverthat. There's just no way. That's
rough. That's tough life. ButI do admire them for being open about
it and talking about it. Andyou know, that's It's fascinating stuff,
isn't it. I think one ofthe things I read about them they said
in high school they were fairly normal. They played I think they played volleyball
and softball, which it's hard toeven imagine them moving properly, although every

(08:48):
softball game they played was a doubleheader. Sorry, had to get one more
joke in. I wrote a lotof these jokes, Dave. I'm going
to be throwing them out. Iwant to hear them all, keep them
going. Wait are you joking?I'm going to show you two pages of
jokes. Are any of them good? That's the question? Well, I
even warming, uper, did youhit me with your hot stuff? Right
away? So another joke I hadand I don't think this is that funny.

(09:09):
I just like the visual of it. I would totally get a shirt
that says, I'm with Stupid withan arrow. My last joke and it's
not a good one. Is theirfavorite band is the Talking Heads. Now
I would have loft that went on. Yeah, I wouldn't have gone that
one. Yeah, I think ittopped that with Double Header. I thought
that was good. All right,buddy, you're ready to talk about some
movies here today? Yes, what'sour topic? Oh? I think I

(09:31):
know what our topic is. Well, you know, we always have something
to talk about, and this weekwe're going to talk about baseball because baseball.
You know, spring is here andbaseball has started. The podres are
off to a you know, alittle good, a little bad. It's
hard to tell just yet. Hey, it's early in the season. There's
only seven hundred and forty one gamesleft to go in the season. Yet

(09:54):
the movie industry has given us plentyof baseball movies for us whichoose from.
But a lot of them stink,you know, And Dave, that's why
today, when I smoke my cigar, I'm gonna do it with a baseball
glove. Baseball glove from the fifties. I was gonna say that's pretty old.
Part of the problem is it's thesame color as the glove, so
I might inadvertently light up the glovethumb of the glove and smoke some raw

(10:16):
hide that looks like it tore thepinky off the mitt. Let me see
you hold them up together. Yeah, it's a Billy Martin baseball glove from
the fifties. And we're gonna enjoysome cigars. Tell me what you is
that really the pinky that mitt?I mean, I don't know what is
it. Think. I've got aDavid Off cigar, and I like these
cigars because they're a high end cigarand it's kind of like your name.

(10:39):
If you spaced it out, itwould be David Off. So if Josh
is on David Off, if you'renot having a game, a good game
today, a good podcast, Ishould say I'll pick up the slack.
I'm having a mystery one here today, still encasing glass and it has its
wax seal around there. It's amystery to me. There's a there's a
we're looking little oh that looks likea girka. Maybe that's who it is.

(11:03):
You know that it is because theyhave that weird glass case, it
looks really cool. Well, who'sthe Who's the guy on the front there
in the later A lot of theira lot of their logos have people with
swords. Well, look at you, knowing exactly what I'm hamming. So
I'm I'm an at whopper right thereat Girka. Today is we talk about
baseball movies. You're ready to go. You can go first if you want,
because I'll bet you we chose Welimited this to three, and I'll

(11:26):
bet you you chose something that's onmy list. I'm gonna throw a curveball
by you. Because I thought ifI picked my three favorite baseball movies.
The problem is, we did apodcast once where we did our five best
sports movies, and two of minewere baseball movies Bull Durham and The Natural,
which I think are two of thebest baseball movies ever made. So
I thought, I don't want totalk about those again. So here's the

(11:46):
route I'm going with my three picks. I'm going with three baseball movies.
I love that nobody knows that I'llsay those and people will go, oh,
I'm gonna go check that out,Josh, what a trade for us
all? Or there will be threemovies and everyone goes, never heard of
that, Never going to see thatmove on, right, that's more likely
people are just gonna say never heardof it. Only. I think it's
sweet though, that you think you'resuch an influencer that people are gonna like,

(12:09):
snap down the PC here and Igot to get right out the Blockbuster
and rent those movies I heard abouton the podcast today, exactly exactly.
Okay, So the first one isa movie called Sugar. Not to be
confused to that. I know thismovie. Well, it's and it's not
to be confused with this TV showthat just came out, not all in
feral culture. No, no,I know this movie. And it's about

(12:30):
a Dominican Republican player who comes toAmerica, gets drafted by the Royals.
He's in their single A program andhe's having problems with the language and they
do a little bit with racism andhe gets injured. And it doesn't go
in the direction you think it would, because here's the problem with sports movies.
It's always the underdog team and theyalways rise to the occasion and somebody

(12:50):
hits a home run at the end, and you know, so this goes
in interesting directions. And it's justa neat little movie that went under the
radar. I don't think it hada single actor in it that became big,
but it got great reviews when itcame out, like fifteen or twenty
years ago. And it's a greatlittle movie. All right, very good,
sugar, I know, but Ido know of that one. So
you're off to a great start here. What's number two? The next one

(13:11):
is Little Big League. This staris an actor. You and I both
love Jason Robards. Oh yeah,Oh love Jason Robards. It's just so
great. He's a grandfather that ownsthe Twins or the Angels I think it
is. And he dies and heleaves him to his grandson because his grandson's
obsessed with baseball. But he doesn'tthink he's gonna die, and his grandson's
going to get the team when he'stwelve. This kid decides he'll manage the

(13:35):
team. But the players are like, screw this. It's a twelve year
old kid. But he knows whathe's talking about. So of course they're
not doing well. At first,they're not respecting the kid. And then
and the movie got thirty five percenton Rotten Tomatoes. I don't know why
so low, But Roger Ebert gaveit three and a half stars out of
four, so he knows what he'stalking about, and so WHI it's a
fun movie. I think people willlike it, Okay, very good.

(13:56):
I like it. The other movieI've talked with you about before in some
capacity, and it's kind of acheat in a way because it's not technically
a baseball movie. It's called TheUpside of Anger with Kevin Costner. He
does a sports show. He's anext baseball player and he's a drinker,
so he's got a drinking problem,and all day he signs baseballs to sell
online. And his neighbor Joan Allen, she's a drinker too because her husband

(14:18):
just up and left her and shedoesn't know where he is. And they've
got three daughters. Carrie Russell allIssue with some famous actresses play the daughters,
and they just have an interesting relationship. And it's fun watching him do
a sports show that he doesn't reallygive a crap about, though. I'm
gonna slide that in as my thirdbaseball movie. And he does love making
baseball movies. I can think ofthree that he made, and of course

(14:41):
now he's got this hot new westerncoming out what in a matter of days
or weeks coming up here. Sothe guy loves making sports movies and westerns.
Yeah, he's good at it too, he is. I think he
knows what his wheelhouse is. Yeah, well, you know, I love
him. They're two of my favoriteJohns, so I really enjoy them.

(15:01):
So yeah, all right, thoseare three good ones right there, Thank
you very much. I'm going tostart off here with a League of their
Own as one of my three favoritebaseball movies. Of course Tom Hanks and
Geena Davis. But this has alittle bit of an ensemble cast. You've
got Rosie o'donnald you even got Madonna, you know, in and out on
this thing. And it's the storyof the men have gone off to war

(15:22):
in World War Two. Baseball wantsto keep things going, and so they
come up with a women's professional baseballleague based on a true story, meaning
that women played baseball in World WarTwo. But that's probably about as far
as it goes. But I thoughtit was a terrific story. Your thoughts
on that one, you know,it's funny. In Geena Davis's book,
she said Deborah Winger was supposed tobe in it. I think Geena Davis

(15:43):
replaced Deborah Winger. And the reasonDebra Winger dropped out is once they cast
Madonna, She's like, come on, this isn't a serious film. At
this point, I'm out, wekind of a snoot is Deborah Winger that
she cannot be a fun movie with? So what Madonna's in it? Madonna
is one of the hottest properties backand I think this movie was made like
in very late eighties or early nineties. Why not have Madonna? And she

(16:04):
was a big deal And it's notlike the director would have kept her if
she wasn't reading her lines properly.So next up on my list of great
baseball movies is going to be TheRookie. Dennis Quaid is the coach of
this. I think it's a Texashigh school baseball team. And this baseball
team, this high school has thecrummiest field you'd ever seen in your life,

(16:26):
and you know they love playing baseballand all that kind of stuff.
But there's just kind of like ahint a story that their coach, Dennis
Quaid, had potential to be amajor league pitcher, and they start egging
him on a little bit and theysaid, hey, throw, you know,
throw your hard stuff, and hestill has it. And so he

(16:47):
makes a deal with his team andthat is if they can go all the
way, that he will try outfor the major leagues again based on a
true story. He does his tryout, he gets the call up. It's
a fun story. It's similar tothe Mark Wahlberg movie where I think he's
a replacement player and he plays forthe Philadelphia Eagles The Invincible, which is

(17:07):
also about a bartender who plays.So those type of stories are interesting because
you think, wow, this persongets to actually and another based on a
true story. There's a fun scenein this movie. And if I'm not
mistaken, Dennis Quaid's son in themovie is Jake from Two and a Half
Men, who was a you know, a child actor. He was in

(17:30):
this like about a year before hegot the call up for Two and a
half Men on CBSTV with Charlie Sheen. But there's a scene where Dennis Quaid
wants to test and see if hestill has the stuff. So he just
pulls over on the side of thisTexas freeway and there's a sign that says
speed limit and it will tell youthat the speed limit is sixty miles an

(17:52):
hour, but if you're going fasterthan that, I'll tell you what your
speed limit is. So he pullsover and he starts throwing some fastballs towards
the sign and it's like he can'tget it up over sixty miles an hour,
you know. And he's like,oh yeah, like his best row
was sixty nine miles an hour.And as he's driving away now his tail

(18:12):
lights are in the distance, thesign flickers to life and it was eighty
nine that he was throwing all along, part of the light working, so
you realize he does have it,and then you start rooting for the guy
anyway, the rookie Dennis Quay.And I'm a big fan of what he
does. I think he's a greatactor. You know, I would be
the buzzkill guy that sees that movieand says, I bet a radar detector

(18:32):
on a street wouldn't pick up asmall baseball, but only an automu.
Even though that's such a great visual, it's based on a true story.
Come on, Josh, and nowrup to number three. And this star's
a giant, a plus actor,not the league of their own. With
Tom Hanks and Dennis Quaid isn't.But this is a big big, big,

(18:53):
big, big big star. Letme see if you can guess my
movie, big star, big aaaplus star. And I think this is
his best movie. Well, I'mgonna think it's Bull Durham with Kevin Costner.
No, and it's a baseball movie. It's a big star, big
star, bigger than Kevin Costner,Robert Redford. The Natural, great movie,

(19:17):
and I didn't take it because youhad mentioned it just a few minutes
ago. I love The Natural.I do love it. It has a
little bit of hocus pocus sorcery stuffgoing on. Yeah, it's the one
that actually starred Babe Ruth. OhLou Garrick, Oh, oh my god.
Those see That's why I cut thisdown to three because there are so
many great baseball movies out there,and there are so many movies out there

(19:40):
about baseball that stink. And theLou Garrig story with Gary Cooper. Gary
Cooper, who's supposed to be likenineteen year old lou Garregg, you know,
doing the polka around his backyard becausehe just got called up the Yankees
and he's forty five years old.The guy was aged out of baseball before
even signed up as a rookie forthe Yankees. Yeah no, and definitely

(20:03):
not the Babe Ruth story with BabeRuth or any or William Bendix or any
of these other guys. No,okay, big who's the biggest movie star?
Come on, a big movie star, Tom Cruise. Now you're on
the right plane, right next tohim. Oh, I know what it
is, Brad Pitt and Moneyball.There you go. I think Moneyball is

(20:23):
Brad Pitt's best movie ever. Ithink this is that's his best movie ever.
Oh no, we'll go in mehis seventh best all right, name
the six before it, twelve Monkeys, and think to what twelve monkeys he
got an Oscar nomination nomination, meaninghe didn't win seven, which I never

(20:45):
saw. Okay, you're done.The river runs through it. That's one
of the best movies ever made.Oh my god, what a chick horrible
movie. Oh that's one of thebest movies. I don't even give a
crap about fishing. And I lovethat movie. Oh my god. Oh
that movie's brilliant. Now I'm reallyI'm reevaluating our entire release. I might

(21:06):
have to get Susan Sarandon now tobe my new co host for this podcast.
Yeah, I think Moneyball is terrific. Again based on true story blah
blah blah blah blah, lives upto the not only based on true story,
but shows this unbelievable run that theA's had to win twenty games in
a row. And they show itand they, oh, my god.

(21:26):
With Chris Pratt as the batter who'snot supposed to ever swing the bat,
the A's I think had an tenor eleven to nothing lead in the second
inning and they give it all away. They're going to lose to the I
think they're playing the Royals, andthen Chris Pratt steps up to pinch hit,
not supposed to swing the ball.The guy only has a job because
he draws walks, and he swingsand hits a home run and wins the

(21:51):
game and they get their twentieth andthey go to the playoffs and the Moneyball
theme works and everything comes together.How can you not be romantic about baseball?
There's one scene in Moneyball that bugsthe crap out of me, though.
Brad Pitt goes to pick up hiskid and the wife that's wife is

(22:11):
with a new man and they're beingcivil with each other and and they lost
their best player. Okay, sothis new guy doesn't know anything about baseball,
and he says, and I'll useI'll use Tony Gwynn as an example.
That would be like if your exis with a guy and you and
you're the manager of the padres,and your ex says, oh, it's
a shame you guys lost that TonyGwinston or whatever is it. It's like,

(22:36):
shut up, even if you don'tknow baseball, you know his name
is Tony gwinn But they're trying toshow that the new guy is so oblivious
to the sport that he doesn't knowthe star player. I hated that scene.
That certainly would ruin it for me. Except I didn't though, because
I'm not psychotic about things like youare. And that's why it is brad
Pists best movie of them all.Now here's some thing important for you to

(23:00):
remember. We always we love thecomments that we get when we post these
videos on Facebook, and Josh inparticular does a great job of responding everybody.
And we've just listed our three favoritebaseball movies, and people will write,
well, how come you didn't putyou know, the natural or Minor
League or you no, no,no, no, it's three. We
can choose three. We can't chooseseventeen. And we can't read your mind.

(23:23):
That's why we chose our three.And remember, if you don't agree
with us, you're wrong. That'sthe most important thing you get. That
was a rule from the very firstday on this thing. And I hope
that you see a lot of commentsthat A River runs through It is one
of the best movies ever made.That's probably one of my top forty films
of all time. I'm gonna seeendless comments about how A River runs through
It is one of the best moviesever made from women women. Excuse me

(23:48):
for being a guy. As aguy, you should like the father son
relationship, the bonding over fishing.You know, I don't like anything about
that movie at all. It's justwait a minute. I was thinking of
the other Brad Pitt movie. What'sthe other one? Oh, you're thinking
of Legends of the Fall? Legendsof the Fall? Okay, my bad.

(24:11):
A River Runs through It is barelybetter than Legends of the Fall.
They're basically the same scaret. Beingan educational father doesn't work. You need,
Tom Scarett saying you fly jets betterthan your old man, and I'll
fly with you any day, Maverick, what you need? No, there
is just this period in Brad printsPitt's career where he had to play these

(24:33):
tortard, just you know, dark, angry, just on fun people.
And then every once in a whilehe'd show up and do in Ocean's eleven
movies like yeah, be that guy, be fun. Brad Pitt could be
in these tortured, angry, uglypeople. So did you like Did you
like your little baseball movie better thanFight Club? You know? Fight Club

(24:59):
is just too weird for me?You know what, I agree with you.
I liked it, But God,is that overrated. I've met so
many people that's their favorite movie ofall time. My daughter, who's a
you know, producer in Hollywood,it's one of her I don't know if
it's still her favorite movie, butyou know, she loves it, and
it's a Fincher thing and all thatkind of stuff. But it's just too
weird for me. I'm watching someone'shallucination. Oh get me out of here.

(25:22):
Yep, next time we get together. Josh may have worked up some
more hilarious one liners about two headedwomen. And we're going to talk about
the best movies with cameo. Sobig star that just shows up in a
cameo. I'm already anticipating a lotof fights. Maybe some rules, Dave,
if there could join twins, theother one could poke her head in

(25:44):
and make a cameo. Good night, everybody. You've been listening to the
Dave Rigards podcast, stay tuned formore episodes to come. To reach Dave
for comments or suggestions for future podcasttopics, email him at Dave Rickards at
iHeartMedia dot com. That's d AB E R I c K A R
D s at iHeartMedia dot com.The res podcast m HM