Dave's Embarrassing Trip to the ER

Dave went to the ER. Not only was it not fun, but it was also a little embarrassing. Dave then talks movies with Josh Board and how some actors seem born to play their signature roles.

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
No Feard Media presents the Dave RiggardsPodcast. The Podcast. I couldn't name
a single Stooges song if you gaveme a million dollars, would I know
one? You would know? Maybethe Jones Jet cover of I Want to

(00:24):
Be Your Dog. Nope. Yeah, kind of an obscure but early punk
band. Yep, and you're afan. Have you been to see them?
No? I saw iggy Pop once. Yeah, I know some Aggie
but yeah, but that's not mything. You know, I'm not deep.

(00:44):
I'm not musically deep like other peopleare. But I loved on your
show when you were talking about someof your poker guys getting into this well
when Grand Funk Railroad played at theBucket all on the basis. But you
know again, people like that canbe annoying as well, because it's like,
hey, can't you just like asong that's sometimes cheesier, it's yacht
rock, or you know, whydoes everything have to be you know this

(01:06):
concert that they did in Nice thatnobody else knows about, it's like,
you know, it did it becamethat that everyone had a moment that they
want to share, And you knowwhat, I don't want to hear anyone's
moment. I'm not interested in themoment except my own, which, by
the way, leads me to ouropening topic here today on two ash holes
at the movie Josh. One ofmy go to topics when I was doing

(01:27):
a radio show that was a neverfail thing. Did you ever have like
a really sideways medical incident? Youknow, you went in for some sort
of treatment or you had a badinjury or something like that, and oh
my god, the phone will neverstop ringing and people will tell you all
about they're a horrific medical incident.So I ask you, have you ever

(01:49):
had one? Mine were all prettynoise, like I broke my arms four
times grown up, but never anythinglike crazy where the bone was sticking out
of the skin or anything crazy likethat. But you said that with medical
things, because when I worked forThe Reader, my boss came to me
once and said, hey, I'llgive you one hundred dollars extra a week
if you go do the man onthe Street question as well as your other
columns where you just ask a randomquestion. He said, but you have

(02:13):
to come up with good questions.And my friend said, why don't you
ask people a time they've been stabbedby a pencil. Who the hell's been
stabbed by a pencil? And wewere at a party. Literally every person
there has been stabbed by a pencil, So I just used five people at
the party. It was the easiestcolumn ever. Well, I think people
remember that because it's a near deathexperience. When I was a kid,
if you got stabbed by a pencil, you got lead poisoning and you're to

(02:35):
die in the next six minutes.Exactly. Yes, that'd be a smart
thing. Let's give everyone. Let'sgive every child that we know a sharp
thing with poison in the middle ofit, and see if they stabbed themselves
and die. Of course it wasn'ttrue. So well, the one that
I want to share with you justhappened the other day. Have you ever,
Josh, as an adult man,wet your pants, wet my pants,

(03:00):
repeed yourself as an adult man becauseyou had to pee so bad,
so bad, but you couldn't getto a bathroom and you felt like you
were gonna wet your pants as anadult. No, as a kid one
time. But I'm so glad youasked that instead of the other thing you
could have asked, which you hadan incident once you talked about on your
radio show involving pants and needing anextra pair of pants. So I'm glad

(03:23):
you stuck with the pee. I'mglad you stuck with the pe on this
question. I don't recall it,but I can remind you. Well,
let me say with this story first, I had a wonderful day recently that
I couldn't wait to share with you. So you know how bad it is

(03:44):
when you have to pee so badthat you feel like you're gonna wet your
pants. You know how insurant itis, right, I mean, can
you put yourself right there in thatfeeling. I'm at the doctor and we're
talking, you know, physical stuff. No big deal, nothing's wrong,
everything's great. And I said,you know, I noticed such and such
the other day, and he goes, really, well, that's probably nothing,
but I want you to take thistest just to make sure it's nothing.

(04:08):
I think I know what it is. It's nothing, but we're gonna
have you take this test. Sohe sends me in for this scan where
they're gonna they're gonna look at allmy internal workings. And they tell me,
before you come to this test,we want you to drink a lot
of water, so like you feellike you got a pee, we want
you full of water before you gethere. So I was like, all

(04:29):
right, I'll do that. Iget there, I'm waiting about fifteen minutes
in the waiting room before I gettaken into the machine, and I'm walking
in there going, okay, Igot a pee, and I'm thinking this
is gonna be like a thirty secondtest. It's not. It's like a
twenty five minute thing. And whenyou've got to pee so bad, twenty

(04:51):
five minutes is an eternity. Notonly that they hooked me up to saline
solution, which makes you have topee more. It was bad. I
mean it was bad. I'm dyingtrying to get out of this machine so
I can go pee. So guesswhat I waited so long? My bladd

(05:13):
locked up and I couldn't keee.I didn't know that was the thing,
a bladder locking up. Neither didI never heard of it before, and
yet here I am living it couldn'tpee. Holy, I mean, think
of yourself as urgent as it's everbeen in your life and you can't now

(05:34):
when that happens. Is that sensationstill there of needing to pee? Or
does that kind of go way athousand trillion percent pant pee. That's weird.
Ever had a catheter? Oh god, No, I don't like even
saying the word catheter. Oh jeez, oh god, do they have to

(05:58):
like lub it up? I don'twant to hear about it. Oh god,
Oh my god. You didn't sendme a card, You didn't send
me flowers or candy. You didn'tcome sit by my bed and tell me
everything's gonna be okay. Nothing.I would have just screamed. I'd say

(06:18):
it's not gonna be okay, bringa gun, put me out of my
misery, you know. I meanI thought it was bad when my I
had my penis reduction surgery because Iwas in pain for a week and a
half. But you know, hello, is this on? Is this working
all right? Let's uh, let'sget talking about two ash holes at the

(06:43):
movies and uh, we like watchingmovies and smoking cigars. And I've got
myself a fancy little I'm gonna holdthis right up to the camera and you
tell me if you can see whatit says there? Can you make out
the writing? I think that's amonney christo it is? What what does
it say? Under Monte Cristo.Does it say Nick and Nicaragua? It
says Vana, Right, Okay,that's right, Cuban baby right there.

(07:10):
I'm enjoying the big time today?Is that legal, sir? I don't
know. I don't care. Contraband, contra band. I'm smoking a
padrone and it's funny. A cigarbuddy of mine gave this to me because
I brought him to the Ghostbusters screeningand I tried to tell him they screened
these movies for critics for free.It's not costing me anything growing you.
But he said, I know youlove cigars, and he goes, I

(07:30):
love the padrone six because I rememberthe first time I had a padrone,
I called it patron like the tequila, and I was laughed out of the
cigar lounge. That's exactly so today. On two asholes at the movies,
and he is the head ashole here. It's Josh Borr, who is the

(07:51):
premiere movie critic in all of southernCalifornia. He's been in every bit of
media you can think of. He'son TV, he's on the radio,
he podcasts here with me, he'sin print. He's done it all and
he's friends with all the movie starsthat you've watched. This time around,
we're talking about five roles, fiveactors or actresses who perfected the role so

(08:16):
brilliantly you think they were born toit and that no one could ever take
their place because we do hear thestories, you know, we hear the
stories, so and so, likeyou know, Tom Hanks will be like,
oh, you know, I wasconsidered for Pop Gun blah blah blah
blah blah, the whole thing,and you can't imagine that actor Tom Hanks
as Maverick. By the way,do you know here's a fun fact?

(08:39):
Who was originally cast as John McClainin die Hard? Have I brought this
up? You brought that up.But I didn't know that until you brought
that up. You know, Idon't know how, don't I don't know
how I don't have Bruce Willis asJohn McClain die Hard born for the role.
I mean that right. There isan example, however, I will

(09:01):
tell you, in the movie makingbusiness, sometimes people are under contract and
they owe a movie. You know, Joe movie actor. I'm signed on
with Paramount for a five picture deal, so they get four movies in and
they owe the company one more movie. So sometimes they'll just have movies waiting
to be shot and they're like,get this guy. He owes as a
movie. Well, you know.And also things happened like Pierce Brosnan really

(09:24):
wanted to play James Bond, buthe couldn't get out of his Remington Steel
contract. So sometimes things like thathappen. It doesn't have Eventually he did.
But this is no Joe, thisis the truth, the original John
McClain. Frank Sinatra. I cansee him playing a heavy you know that
works, a tough guy. Iwant to see Frank Sinatra Gihad because we'll

(09:48):
get together, we'll have a goodtime inside the heating condo. I don't
think so I want to, Yeah, I don't. I want to see
him falling down the elevator shaft,holding on with a strap of his machine
gun, shirt less. No,I don't think. Let's talk about five
roles that we think these actors oractors were born to play. And Josh,

(10:09):
you're gonna go first, Okay,I'm gonna start with one that's hard
to dispute. Anthony Hopkins is HannibalLecter. Silon Lambs won an Oscar for
it, An Oscar an actor.This had two things going for it that
were great. When I read WilliamGoldman's book, and he's written a bunch
of books about Hollywood, he saidwhen he adapted the screenplay for Misery,

(10:31):
the Stephen King thing, every actressin Hollywood wanted to play that character,
but they wanted an unknown actress,so they got Kathy Bates, because you're
not really going to buy Meryl Streep, you know, taking out some guy's
legs and lighting the bet on fireand all that. And that's what was
great about Anthony Hopkins. I hadseen him in nineteen eighty in Magic with
Anne Margaret as the ventriloquist, soI had seen him in a few things,

(10:52):
but didn't know much about him,and I think most people didn't,
and I think that works better forthe Hannibal Electric character. I think the
only thing I didn't like about it, and this is just a small weird
thing with me, I don't likethat his name was Hannibal just so they
could say he's Hannibal the Cannibal.It's you know, I don't like when
you're too on the nose with thingslike I'm the only person I know that
hated the name Pussy Galore in thatJames Bond movie, because it's not a

(11:16):
woman on the planet named pussy orglore. Toka good. It's just stupid,
you know. So I didn't likehim being named Hannibal, but I
loved him in the part. Didyou obviously you liked the movie. I
loved him and wasn't Honor Blackman pussyGlore? Which was that who played it?
I don't even remember the actress's name. I mean, those those girls
always had just ridiculously goofy, dirtynames, like a lot of vagina.

(11:41):
Yes, Mike Myers came up withwhen he was doing his movies. But
yeah, Alan Arkin and Jack Lemonare my two favorite comedic actors of all
time, and I love that theycould also play the straight man. I
think a lot of people don't realizewhen it comes to comedy, Like Johnny
Carson was brilliant, and he couldalso let his guests be funny and be

(12:03):
the straight man for them, andI think there's a lot of value in
that. Alan Arkin being the straightman in The in Laws as Peter falk
Is just doing crazy nutty stuff.I just love that role. I love
his facial expressions and I think it'sone of my top five comedies of all
time. Yeah, I was lateto the party with mister Arkin. It
was really late in his career whenI started realizing, Wow, this guy's

(12:26):
really solid. He's got some goodroles and I enjoy everything he's in.
Next, I think you're gonna likethis pick. I'm not a fan of
westerns. I'm not a fan ofJohn Wayne. I think he's kind of
a one note actor, a Hellothere, Pilgrim or whatever all his crap.
But the man who shot Liberty Valanceis one of my all time favorite
movies. I love everything about it. And there's a scene in it where

(12:52):
he realizes he's not getting the girlhe loves and she's gonna be with Jamie
Stewart and he gets drunk and heburns his house down. I don't know
if he does it on purpose.I think he kind of does. He
does it on purpose because it's thehouse that he built for the girl that
Jimmy Stewart steals. And that's reallygood at acting and it's really emotional,
and I thought, just what agreat performance for him. And I truly
can't picture anybody else in that role, because during that time. Who else

(13:16):
would there have been, you knowwhat I mean, you only had so
many actors back in whenever that moviewas made sixty two, I don't even
know, but yeah, Jimmy Stewart, John Wayne and the awful, awful
Lee Marvin as Liberty Valance. WhoI mean, John Wayne was a tortured
soul in that movie. That wasa rough rough watch. You know.

(13:37):
I made the mistake of trying toget my wife to watch that about a
year ago, and she couldn't getinto it because of the sheriff being such
a bumbling idiot. And I waslike, yeah, and I didn't realize,
Yeah, that's a little too overthe top. But you know,
you got to think about when movieswere made. Things were done at different
time, you know what I mean. Andy Devine was the what's the matter?

(14:00):
Well do you know that guy's name? Because I love old movies,
I mean that kind of high boy. Well, mister Wayne, Yes,
And he was a great character actorand he gained a lot of weight by
the time this movie came out,and he was just a bumbling, foolish
stooge of a sheriff and she youknow, sometimes that's in a movie and

(14:20):
people just can't get past that.That's greeting. The other one is for
me on my list is Jack Nicholsonas Randall Patrick McMurphy in Cuckoo's Nest.
Yeah, we flowed the Cougan's Nest. I love the story that Kirk Douglas
was playing this part on Broadway.His son Michael Douglas, who's not famous
at the time, buys the rightsto it to make the movie, and

(14:43):
Kirk Douglas finds out You're not goingto be cast in it because I think
you're too old. Imagine telling yourown dad he's too old, and your
dad, who's this famous actor hasbeen doing movie since the fifties sixties.
I mean, that just seems crazy, and and Jack Nicholson is so perfect
that, but he hadn't done allthe Jack Nicholson things we've come to know.

(15:03):
That was the first movie where theeyebrows flare up and he's like,
well, nurse Ratchet, or yougonna let us watch baseball or whatever,
And I just I can't see anybodyelse but Nicholson in that role. Was
he crazy? How does he endup there in the first place? Oh?
So, yeah. I read thebook and saw the movie. So
basically, he got in a barroombrawl and somebody told him, dude,

(15:24):
since this is like your third arrestor second arrest or fourth threat, whatever,
you're gonna go to jail for likea year and a half. But
if you just say you're nuts,they'll put you in a mental institution for
a month. And they'll go,yeah, this dude's fine now. So
he goes cool, I'll take theeasy time and go there. But he
doesn't realize they're gonna he's not gonnalike coun nurse Ratchet does things, and
he's gonna be rebellious and then he'sgonna actually get a lobotomy. If you

(15:46):
would have known that, he wouldhave done the prison time. That scared
the hell out of me. Thatmovie, Oh my God. For my
last pick, I was originally gonnasay Reese Witherspoon because I loved the movie
Election so much and it was brilliantand everything about it, and she's such
a manipulative, snoddy kid. Butthen I started thinking about it, and
I thought, you could have probablyhired most teenage girls, and they could
have pulled that off because most teenagegirls are this way anyway. And then

(16:08):
I thought, you know what,this is the only woman I have on
my list. I should probably keepher. And then I started with my
mind thinking is there any other femaleperformance, and I immediately thought of Shirley
maclain. So I'm going with herin terms of endearment. I just love
her in that she won an oscarfor it. When she's you know,
you could probably relate having your bladderdisorders that lock up on you and being

(16:32):
stuck in the hospital. But whenshe realizes her daughter's in pain and they
can't give her another pill or ashot because they just gave her one an
hour ago, She's got to waitfour hours and she's screaming at the staff
you're gonna get Oh god, Iget choked up even talk. I literally
can't talk about this scene because Iget choked up. Yeah, it's just
like a mom watching her daughter diebasically and wanting her to copy in pain.

(16:52):
I think that's a great way tofinish your list there, when you
are talking about your selection and you'renot even watching the movie right now,
just thinking about the scene gets youright there and starts to make you feel
emotional. It's powerful stuff. That'san awesome pick, right, Joy All
right, those are great. Thoseare your five right there? All right,

(17:12):
what do you got the roles thatyou don't think anyone else could possibly
have played? All right, well, I'm gonna take you all the way
back to nineteen thirty nine because youknow who you're dealing with here, don't
you. That's the your stage coach. That's it. I present to you
Clark Gable as Rhett Butler. NowI know that ninety nine out of one

(17:33):
hundred guys, you're Gone with theWind, and like, oh, barf,
chick movie. Whatever, I gottatell you, Gone with the Wind
is one of those movies. Idon't care what day, what time it
is, if it's on, I'mstopping. Same thing with the Godfather.
It's just one of those movies thathooks me. And I think Clark Gable
was brilliant as Rhet Butler in thismovie. He starts out with this spoiled

(17:56):
little scarlettle hair, and he's allcares and he's like, hey, baby,
let's have a good time. Andthen he falls under his spell and
then you see that he becomes reallyenslaved to her, and then how desperately
he falls in love with his daughter. That comes out of this horrible broken
relationship, and then at the veryend of the movie, when she finally

(18:21):
makes herself available to him, he'slike, I've had it up to here
with you. Good night, seeyou later. I mean, all right,
Clark Cable, that's first for mefor gone with the win. Next
up is going to be Robert DowneyJunior as iron Man slash Tony Stark.
I'm a huge fan of the firstiron Man movie, the second one,
and kind of the third. Butthen when these superhero movies start getting all

(18:45):
melded together, and you got ironMan and Little Man and Giant Man and
Concrete Man and the all right,I want to just keep one superhero per
movie. Is that asking too much? You know? It's interesting. I
both love and hate that pick byyou. I love it because he's perfect
in that, and I love ironMan. I didn't like the third movie

(19:06):
if the first two were good.But I can see a lot of actors
playing that part being a snarky guy. I mean, for example, what's
the one Ryan Reynolds does Deadpool.I mean, it's almost the same character.
You know, it's the snarky Idon't give a crap. And I'm
also a superhero. So I soit's a good pick because he's great in
it, but I can sort ofsee other people playing that because it's just

(19:26):
I think it's just strong writing.All right. I don't know if you're
gonna think this is cheating, butI'm going to give this a shot.
Okay. Third up on my selectionof an actor or an actress who was
perfect for the role is almost theentire cast of the Wizard of Oz.
I'll narrow it down to Judy Garlandif I must, But the whole cast
of Wizard of Oz was so brilliantand I don't know if it was just

(19:52):
lightning in a jar at the time. I'm not sure what it is.
But can you imagine anyone different inthose roles? The guy who played the
coward lock, I can imagine.I can imagine different midgets and little people
and just no, you rang upa good point, because like the Lion
and the way he talked and theYeah, I agree, they're all just

(20:14):
perfect. I mean, I gottado with that, the tin Man whatever.
I don't need the tin Man.I don't really care about the ten
fun fact about the tin Man.Do you know about Buddy Ebson? Yeah,
I wasn't he allergic to the Yeah, you know he's in the movie.
What's the story. You know,Buddy Ebsen was originally cast as the
tin Man and then they put thisaluminum uh makeup on him to make him

(20:37):
look like a metal man, andhe had a terrible reaction to it and
ended up in the hospital. Backto the matter is they had already begun
filming the movie, and there aredancing and singing scenes where they're dancing down
the yellow Brick Road and we're offthe sea of the Wizard, d Da
da dad, And those were alreadyin the can. So some of the
scenes where you see Dorothy and theScarecrow and the tin Man dancing and singing

(20:57):
together, that's Jed Klamp, butthat's Buddy Ebsen. He's not credited in
the movie because they had to fallout halfway through it. You know,
it's funny when you hear the storyabout him having the allergic reaction and how
they did things in Hollywood back then, Like I was thinking about this after
we did our segment on stunts andhow things were done haphazardly back in the
day, Like, I wonder whatthey put on that woman in Goldfinger to

(21:19):
paint her gold like it was probablysomething that could have caused some kind of
damage, but they're like, itlooks cool. She'll be all in gold,
It'll be great. I'm looking offimmediately. Yeah, I'm looking up
the name of the actor who playedOh my god, they're saying here that
Tin Woodsman had a real name,Nick Chopper. Can you believe that?
Let me see if I can findthe movie. I should give the guy

(21:41):
credit. What dead I mean,he's not watching my puny my god,
they didn't get my name right?Whatever? All right? Next up number
four on my list people who wereborn to play the role they saw.
Do you remember the Nazi Hans Landa. I'm Jewish. I remember every Nazi
on scress. Of course you do. Christoph Walls from Inglorious Bastards, that

(22:03):
opening scene, to me is oneof the best opening scenes, where he's
like, can I get to glassof milk because it's fresh, intolious here,
and he pulls out a pipe that'slike the size of like a twenty
foot water bong. You smoke fromthe top of it. It's off the
top of a locomotive. That thingssuch a great scene. He loved his
dairy. He liked that milk inthe beginning of the movie, and then
apple Pie, don't forget the clemdon't forget. But when when they finally

(22:26):
get to the movie theater, whichthey're going to burn down and kill all
the Nazis and they're pulling off thisgreat military stunt, all of a sudden,
here comes Hans Landa walking down thestairs and he's gonna confront Brad Pitt.
And suddenly Hans Landa can speak Italian. You're like, I hate this

(22:47):
fucker. Get him over here.Let me ask you this. Does it
bother you that Quentin Tarantino will changelike how Hitler was killed in that movie
in a movie theater, or inOnce upon a Time in Hollywood, Charles
Manson was killed and all the peoplethe family went to the wrong house and
they were killed by Brad Pitt's character. Like some people don't like that revisionist
history thing, but I'm like,whatever, it's a movie. It's fun.

(23:10):
It doesn't It doesn't bother me inthe slightest bit because it's pretend it's
movies. What bothers me is thatthere are people walking around who think that's
how it happened. And you know, my Hitler fun fact is he only
Oh my god, that's gotta bethe name of your next book. Hitler
fun facts. Go ahead. Heonly had one testicle because apparently it's bladder

(23:32):
locked up one time. Don't evensay that to me. He did only
have one testicle, that's true.Yeah, all right. Last up on
my list here is going to beChristopher Reeve as Superman with that black hair
and those blue eyes and the firstone, only, the first one that
was the perfect Superman love. Okay, did you pick Christopher Reeve because he

(23:56):
did a movie with your dad once? Is this what this is all about,
Dave? It is not, eventhough my father is in somewhere in
time. I hate that movie.Oh I kind of liked it, but
you know, I watched it againand it didn't hold up. You know,
when I saw it a few yearsago, I thought, oh,
it didn't hold up as much aswhen I first saw it. You know.

(24:17):
Yeah, you know, that's agreat pick because back when superhero movies
were like that, because I thinkthat was like nineteen seventy eight or something,
it was more like a comic book. Now they got really dark,
and I remember as a kid watchingthe Superman movie, and I just loved
when he was Clark Kent. Forsome reason, He's always pushing up his
glasses. He's like, uh,Lois, Lois, you know, And

(24:37):
I love that because it's almost likehe's not really a person that needs to
wear glasses, so having them onaren't comfortable for him. Therefore he's always
kind of fidgeting with them, likeyou know, which I mean. I
had the same thought everybody else inthe world had, which is, how
does nobody not recognize this as Superman. I'm glad you brought that up because
that I think I never even thoughtof it. But as soon as you

(24:59):
said that the he was always lowist, he did take that index fringer and
push him up. He was brilliantplaying that nervous, nerdy schnub as Clark
Kent. He pulled it off sobrilliantly, and then he would rip into
the Man of Steel and he hadcharisma and he was cool and quiet.

(25:19):
I got to give it to ChristopherReeve as the best. And that's my
fifth one right there, mister boardgood pick. I like it. You
had two superhero movies I did.I had Iron Man and Superman. I
did interesting. Glad I didn't haveguest you'd have two Westerns, but that's
good. I like that I didnot. I did not. I'm glad
I didn't have any of your bullshitrules this time around. But I must

(25:41):
say I am looking forward to funfacts about Hitler, Yes coming up.
Pendon publishing soon starting. Nobody couldpaint a bowl of fruit like that man,
the way he would make the bananawith the lions is you know.
That's our latest here. We hopeyou'll join us again here. Thank you
for watching. That's Josh Bored rightthere, the pre eminent and what does

(26:03):
that mean? I don't know,it sounds important. The greatest movie critic
ever in all of Southern California.Make sure you listen to them weekday mornings
on AM six hundred k O gO in San Diego or online at cogo
dot com. And we'll see younext time here with two ashles at the
movies. Thanks Josh, Thanks,thank you. You've been listening to the
Dave Rigords podcast. Stay tuned formore episodes to come. To reach Dave

(26:27):
for comments or suggestions for future podcasttopics, email him at Dave Rickards at
iHeartMedia dot com. That's d Av E R I c k A r
d s at iHeartMedia dot com.The Dave Regards Podcast