The Morning Dump 04-14-26

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:17):
So I don't know if you know this, but I'm
not young. I'm not old, but I'm not young. Definitely
the oldest one on the show. Fifty one. Not a
spring chicken anymore. And I don't know how this populated
towards me, but it did. And these are weird things
that happened to your penis as you age. Oh boy,
it starts losing color. Okay, let me see. No, not

(00:42):
as vibrant as it used to be. Amen. This says
that collagen keeps skin elastic and structured, and it depletes
over time. Includes the skin of the penis and the scrotum,
and a urologist describes what he calls as splashdown sin
is where the scrotum actually will make contact with the

(01:03):
toilet water when it's sitting down. Yeah, it's gotta be
tea bag and that shit. Yeah, it's gotta be five
inches to the I don't know what the depth is
from my balls to like the water, but I don't
feel like it's close. It's probably it's probably about maybe
three three inches, I don't know. Take a type measure

(01:26):
in there with you next time you go. Yeah, but
then I gotta like lean down and like it's the
perils man, that's percience, though I'm sure Einstein got his
hands dirty. Sometimes this says that your size does change,
not temporary, it's cold more gradual. Size reduction. Weight gain

(01:46):
accelerates it significantly, since fat accumulating around the penile base
berries length under the skin. For every thirty pounds you shed,
you add effectively a half an inch. Yeah, yeah, I've
heard that before. You know, it's a visual close. You're
not You're not getting an actual and she could just

(02:08):
see another inch of your dick because you haven't been
able to before.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
Why is that gross, lindsay, just all the weird stuff
that happens to you.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
Guys, little town much more different. Nobody's taking my gards
out because that's that is crazy wild.

Speaker 3 (02:25):
Yeah, that is true.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
Like over time they went, hey, is something wrong with
this woman? Like she's dealing with these syndrome symptoms, and
they're like, shit, I don't know, just she ain't call
for shit out.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
But honestly, I feel like it gets less gross for
us as we get older, if when we do get
the ship pulled out of us, because I don't have
to worry about all the blood nastiness as I get
older periods yeahrure less gross, sure, but to get there, yeah,
I know that's true.

Speaker 1 (02:52):
Feels like a giant hurdle. Uh. Apparently, minor trauma from
sports and sex can cause scar tissue to build up
unevenly along the penis over time, and as a result,
there's a noticeable painful curve that can occur. Ah. Yes,
the old pay ronis pay Rony's disease. It can happen

(03:14):
into your sixties or seventies, and it can get worse
at that age. I've seen patients whose penises look, for
all appearances like a question mark. There are injectable treatments
that are available to break down scar tissue. You need
to talk to your doctor. If that's a thing. I'm
doing something I've never done before. I'm googling period pay

(03:36):
ronis pyne, a beer per grease, Progroni's what are those
potato cake things? M Yeah? Some of these are wild. Yeah.
Some of them like a fucking ninety degree curve. Some
of them look like like a submarine's you know scope.

(03:57):
If this is so uncommon, like it just doesn't happen
a lot. Why are so many dilda shaped like this?
I think women like them. Huh, I think women lack
a good curve cock. Uh. For uncircumscined uncircumcised men not
present a condition called famosis where the foreskin becomes too
tight to retract. Can develop with age. It can make

(04:21):
your nation in a rate erections painful. You're not in
your head like you understand or know this.

Speaker 3 (04:25):
I don't know this.

Speaker 1 (04:26):
Okay, So as you get older, some skin gets looser.
I eat your balls, act right. Meanwhile, your turtleneck is
getting tighter. Yeah, the same thing happened. Like, is your
asshole get losing to get tighter? Oh, well that's a
good question. Uh. Steroid creams can help through some cases,

(04:47):
though some cases require circumcision. Can you imagine getting circumcision
at like sixty? No? No, I don't want to. Yeah,
that sounds horrendous for me. It happened when I was
way younger, and I don't remember. Thank goodness, right, I'm
sure they Well, I don't think they put you down
for that. I think you know put you under. Oh
for as an older adults, as an adult cbsolution, Yeah,

(05:10):
absolutely so. Just numb the area. Just numb the area,
so needle in your dick all around the head.

Speaker 3 (05:19):
Area you would want to be under.

Speaker 1 (05:21):
Yes, adult circumcisions are commonly performed under general general anesthesia.
Yeah okay, though it can also be done using local
with sedation like a twilight sleep. It takes about thirty
to sixty minutes. I'll do it right now with a
cigar cutter, no anesthesia. Drink this bottle of gym. Let's go. Okay.

(05:43):
These are myths about adult circumcisions. I didn't know there
were more than one, but apparently there are. Uh huh.
Adult circumcisions are more painful than infant circumcision. This is
a misconception. Really. The truth is that whether you're an
adult or an infant during a circumcision procedure, diseases always
will be administrator. If you're an adult undergoing circumcision, rest

(06:04):
assured that the doctor will administer an appropriate amount to
help you make the procedure painless and safe. I thought
kids they didn't put to sleep.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, babies and.

Speaker 3 (06:16):
I know, but I mean, they just do it. I
didn't think they felt it.

Speaker 1 (06:20):
Oh, I'm sure they still feel like, Yeah, he has
a kid, you don't have You don't have sensitivity, No,
like I don't know, I don't remember.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
Them doing that to my boys.

Speaker 1 (06:31):
If you will it was the process, I don't know. Yes,
babies received antesthesia for circumcisions, at least according to the
American Academy of Pediatrics. Hmmm, that's what they want you
to think. When did that start? Because you know they
didn't always do it right. No, I'm not there for
the Jewish leader would come in with this weird fucking

(06:52):
stone age tools, drop the tip of your dick off,
suck the blood out of it.

Speaker 3 (06:58):
I thought Jewish babies weren't circumcis.

Speaker 1 (07:01):
What do you think of moil is? I know, I
think Jewish people aren't circumcised. I don't know about all that. Okay,
I'm okay with this, not agreed. It's not something I'm
really well looking to be right on. The recovery from
time for adults is longer and often difficult. Is a
misconception adult circumcision only takes place under general We have

(07:25):
answered that adult circumcision changes the size of the penis.
This is not true. What's that? Look? I'm just learning
new things I know, but I need you to audibilize looks. Well.

Speaker 2 (07:40):
I never heard that it changed the size of the penis.
So I was surprised.

Speaker 1 (07:44):
I never heard that. I gotta be honest, I don't
know a lot about circumcisions other than I have one.

Speaker 2 (07:49):
Right.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
A moil is a Jewish expert trained in both the
surgical technique of circumcision and the religious law of Britain
lah the Covenant of Circumcision. Okay, so I think with
that it's safe to say the Jews are getting their
skin chopped off. Yeah, that's well I thought. I thought

(08:10):
it all started with four thousand year old tradition. Hi,
why you gotta give us your resume? Like that makes
it better. Uh, circumcision and adult males results in temporary abstinence.
This is not true either. So so you're gonna go
right after? Okay, let's say you're forty five, you just

(08:31):
got your circumcision done. You're gonna go bang somehow that night. No. No,
I think it's just like a eseectomy, Like you gotta
let it heal, Let it heal you at least pretty wound. Yeah. Yeah,
you shouldn't be having sex with anybody who's got an
open wound. This public service message brought to you by Like,
I can't believe weve got to tell you that, don't
put the toaster in the water. It depends on where

(08:52):
the open wound is. She gotta scrape me. It's okay,
I don't think so, Charlie. Sorry, we can't have sex.
You got a bit of a gash on your elbowl.
Another thing that happens when you get old ed is
an older man generally comes down to reduced blood flow,
having ideas like having a heart attack of the penis, yeah,

(09:14):
and preventing it involves pretty much the same advice you
give someone with a heart condition, eat well, exercise medication,
blue pill medications, vacuum devices and other treatments that exist
when lifestyle changes aren't enough. Vacuum devices. The old penis
pump is that what it is? Yeah, you shoultick a
thick in there and like a bike pump with your

(09:37):
old lady could do the same thing with her mouth.
You don't need a bike pump, but you can get
one at Patricia. I mean, if you see the difference
the before and afters. I pretty sure they also have
them for women's vaginas. Yeah, yeah, hmm, let's plump that
bitch up. You remember that back in what was it

(09:59):
like the twe tens where the girls were sucking on
the fucking twenty ounce like pepsi bottles or whatever to
get their lips sucked in there and then.

Speaker 3 (10:07):
Oh yeah, to get the.

Speaker 1 (10:10):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of like that, but
for your badge. Yeah, skin cancer is something you get
down there. I think, really, what I mean, Tom Green,
testicular cancer.

Speaker 3 (10:23):
Oh but you said skin cancer?

Speaker 1 (10:26):
Yeah, is that what you normally get from too much
sun exposure? I don't think. I think that is technically
one hundred percent true. You're right, but I don't think
it's technically where your son has been exposed.

Speaker 3 (10:37):
Unless you're on the nude beach a lot.

Speaker 1 (10:39):
He says, skin cancer on the penis is a real risk,
especially for frequent tanning bed users. Stay out of tanning beds.
And if you are uncircumcised, keep the hood clean, Gotta
peel it back, scrub the shmegma off of your head, yeah,
and then put your turtleneck back on. Of all the

(11:00):
things I'm grateful for as a man, I think being
circumcised might be it. Just from that standpoint, I don't.
I mean, I like the novelty idea of going, well,
I'm not circumcised and people go show us women preferably. Yeah,
but no, I think I'm grateful I'm circumcised. Yeah yeah,
wainers look weird enough as it is, but uncircumcised waiters.

(11:21):
I've watched enough porn. I know the one looks like
I look at it, what the fuck? Man?

Speaker 3 (11:26):
But it's hard. It doesn't really look much different.

Speaker 1 (11:29):
No, it looks totally different. I mean you were like
a torpedo. You know. It looks like Mark Ruffalo in
the winter in New York, you know, wearing a scarf,
a scarf and a peak coat. Yeah, are under the
ball today? Are one of those alcoholic women who love

(11:49):
to wear those scarfs around their neck when they go out? Yeah? Yeah, circumcisions?
Who would have guessed? I listen, I'm good with it.
I'm good with it. I made sure all mine were done,
all my boys. Did you guys have a conversation about
that or was it just like it just kind of happened.

(12:10):
The only conversation we had was, fuck, that's not covered
under insurance. It's cosmetic shit. Really all right, well, how
are we going to afford this? Because it's five hundred dollars?
But at least it was time. No, I'm sure, right,
right right.

Speaker 3 (12:25):
I've got a pretty good knife collection.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
I'm surprised when you heard the price. You were like,
they don't need it. We didn't have that back in
the day. Right right now. I was like, that boy
needs his dick chopped off, you know, So we made
sure we made sure we got a dime, just because
uncircumcised waiters look weird and the cleanliness thing. Yeah, penises
look weird. I don't know why we keep comparing them

(12:48):
to uncircumcised penises are weird looking. Yeah, all winters look weird.
You just don't think yours looks weird, Royal you because
you've seen it all the years. Yeah, No, mine totally
looks weird. Oh I'm of the camp of they're weird.
They're all weird.

Speaker 2 (13:00):
They all look like aliens, see, and I don't think
they look weird. Maybe that's why I'm straight because I'm
attracted to a penis.

Speaker 1 (13:10):
Is that Maybe it's no idea. Genitals, even vaginas are weird.
They're weird looking, like can look like a clam or
a tulip, right, or when it blossoms, it's put your
face in it. Various other body parts you think that

(13:31):
matters with guys. You think a guy won't put his
face somewhere because it looks weird. You clearly have never
had your ass eating wrong? What are we doing? I

(13:55):
know what Christmas story again? Right? God, let's move on. Please.
Uh we've talked before about how how animals have sex
and like ducks and their weird penises. Yeah, the cork screwed.
So these are crazy ways animals have sex. Flatworms are hermaphidites,

(14:17):
and when it comes to mating, they sword fight. I'm
guessing what they're penises. Uh, and the loser of the
fight is the bitch. The loser becomes the woman and
the mating begins. So it's odds. It's the proof. It's
prison rules in the tape more world bedbugs. Bedbugs are

(14:43):
not only giant annoyances. Bed Bugs are lazy when it
comes to courtship, and when they decide to mate, they
don't really care if the chick bedbug is into him. Uh.
Their sex is called traumatic and semination. They're rapers. They're rapers.

(15:03):
The bed bug has himself a penis like a switchblade,
and he'll just stab a hole in a lady's belly
and put his bed bug, prick inside and kill it up.
It's not a movie I want to see. No, sounds
like a great horror movie if I'm being honest.

Speaker 3 (15:21):
That's true.

Speaker 1 (15:23):
Giant begbug that takes over the world and fucks everybody.
Just a guy who's like a serial rapist, but he
cut his penis is a razor blade. He just pierces
holes in whoever's belly. Squids. Uh, squids are impatient and
so they just stab a lady squid with their claws

(15:44):
and beak and insert their sperm wherever they can. Wow.
The greater hooked squid is really lazy. He has a
burrowing sperm, so he just lets it go and the
sperm just goes to work. It's like wherever okay seals

(16:05):
seal The elephant seal is a horny animal that will
crush his lady seal's head and his jaws while banging her. Yeah.
Other varieties of seals will accidentally kill the female in
a seal gang bang, and uh the baby seals when
their big manly seals get their sexy on, sometimes will

(16:27):
kill them. Well, it's better than being hit with a club.
I don't know. Would you rather get hit by a
club or killed by your dad, you mom. Banana slugs.
Banana slugs have penises that some humans would envy because

(16:47):
they get around eight inches long, the approximate size of
their body. Once inside the female, it gets stuck, and
the female, being well a female, she gets impatient and
off the penis so he she can leave. Take that
the old Lorraine bob At method. Huh.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (17:10):
Was spiders, or black widows as they're most commonly known.
Female wasp spiders break off the male's penis while it's
inside them, and then she attacks and eats them. The
black widow's a bit nicer as she just eats her
mate without ripping off his prick first. And then praying
mantis These are awesome. You know. You can buy like

(17:32):
one hundred and fifty praying mantises for like ten bucks
off Amazon. They're good for the garden. Yeah, they're nature's
natural exterminators. Yeah. Theyn't kill anything, wasp whatever, fuck man. Yeah,
the honey badgers of the insect world. They're one of
the only animals that can deal with red wasps. Yeah.
So you like buy them and you just and you
put them out in the yard and they say, like

(17:53):
only like two survive out of those hundred and fifty.
There's just survival rates really small. It sucks, I guess yeah,
but you gotta you know, she would numbers, and so
you put them out there and they just go to work.
Isn't that crazy?

Speaker 3 (18:05):
That's worth it?

Speaker 1 (18:07):
I mean yeah, but then you got praying manises everywhere,
so only maybe two. They're not going to hurt you
any and no, one hundred percent. But they might scare kids.

Speaker 3 (18:17):
No, my kids would love them.

Speaker 1 (18:18):
Okay, not everybody's your kids.

Speaker 3 (18:21):
I mean I think they'd scare me more.

Speaker 2 (18:23):
But if they're going to keep the red wasps away
and any insect for that matter, I'm all for it. Yeah, honestly,
I feel.

Speaker 3 (18:32):
Like the bigger the insect. As long as it's harmless,
I'm fine with it.

Speaker 1 (18:37):
So she said, I don't. I don't know. If there's
a bug I want around, no at all. I will
go above and beyond. Spray my own house, put granules
in the yard, have somebody come and spray my house.
Keep bug spray around. Use one of those blue light
ozo whatever bug light things. Those really were good. They

(18:59):
were good. I'm kind of with you. Bugs can suck it.
There's not a single one of them that I think
is fantastic. Snails, I guess, but even snails, if they're
in your garden, the leach your shit. Yeah. Yeah, so yeah,
insects are bad in sex are bad, clue, and I know,
good for the environment. So white and everything's got its place. Yeah,

(19:19):
circle of life, bitch. It happens that I'd be much
happier with just critters hanging around, not just you know,
fucking insects. Like I get geckos in my house all
the time every summer. It's starting up right now, as
a matter of fact. Yeah, I don't know what happened.
Maybe somebody had one or two and let them loose,
but they they invade my garage and I find them

(19:40):
inside my house every summer. I've been living in the
house for like six years now, and every summer I
find a couple of geckos in the garage. Sometimes I
find them in the bathroom. Whatever. The cat killed one
not too long ago. Yeah, I was like, oh that sucks,
I know, God to go to the bathroom. I was like,
what the fuck is this mess? Fucking dead? Get go? Yeah,

(20:01):
Mediterranean house gecko. Yeah, I don't like them. I think
it's neat. Yeah, me too, neat a shit. No, they
just stick on the wall. Yeah, yeah, no, that's where
they're at when I see them on the wall. Yeah,
really should be no, but they have to get there
crawling across my face or my foot. Wi me scorpions.

(20:23):
We have scorpions out near my house. Yeah, can suck. Yeah.
Where you'll be like you'll take a pan out and
there's a scorpion, like god, god damn ye. When it
was growing up in Alabama, I always had to bang
your shoes out because they'd be in your shoes and
you wouldn't know about it.

Speaker 2 (20:37):
We had one living in the yard in the front
yard of our old house, and for the longest time
we were like, what the hell is this living in
our yard, Like there's this little hole and you could
see like it's almost looked like a little crab because
as you could see the claws. And my kids kept
trying to play with whatever was in the ground and

(20:58):
they thought, legit, it was a crab.

Speaker 3 (21:00):
And I'm looking and I go, you, guys, that's not
a crab.

Speaker 2 (21:04):
You need to stop playing with whatever that is because
I'm pretty sure that's a scorpion.

Speaker 3 (21:09):
That's living in that hole.

Speaker 2 (21:11):
So sure enough they backed away and it came out once,
just to clarify that, yes, I'm a scorpion.

Speaker 1 (21:18):
Maybe maybe it was like, hey, I thought you got
I thought we were cool.

Speaker 3 (21:21):
Man, it happened Nope, nop, nop, noop noop.

Speaker 1 (21:25):
My neighbor had a sprinkler busted in his yard. Our
septic sprinkler was busted, and water would pull in between
our houses, right, uh huh, and whatever. Just ignored it.
But one day up near my house, I found a crawdad.
Nice dude, it was, yeah, it was three or four inch. Yeah,
but how did it get there? It's not like there's

(21:46):
not like a stream. It's just standing water that comes
from as it drains away. So it's I don't think
crawdads run down, you know, walk down the street looking
for water, you know what I mean. No, they're already
in the dirt. They're burrowing mudbugs. So do you have
a stream or anything like that close by now your house? Nope,
nothing at all. I mean maybe five hundred yards or

(22:07):
more like three, four or five football fields. It is
possible that it was picked up by a bird and dropped. Yeah,
and then you know that old crawdad was like, fuck
you bitch nose, Yeah, you fit your fun Yeah, and
then it took a drop. Yeah, that probably actually makes
more sense than because I just assumed because that water
was there, that that's where it came from, right, But

(22:29):
that actually makes makes more logical sense. So that very
well could be the bird dropped it like maybe a
couple of blocks down the road, and it literally was
walking down the street looking for water, and it's like,
all right, look, i'll sit here, right, it's possible. We've also,
I mean we've also had turtles too, like big turtles, yeah,
like bigger than plates. Yeah, they're just mosey and I

(22:51):
don't know how they get in our yard, right because
they can't get out. I got to open a gate
and let them wait for them to find their time
to get out. How funny would it be if somebody's
trolling you, right, just keep stripping the turtles and crawdads
all this weird shit, right, like you ain't looking there,
like all right, next thing, are you gonna there's a
puma in your yard? Listen, you're not bothering me with

(23:12):
turtles and crawdads. Puma is gonna make a call get
initiated to someone can't come into work today. Why I've
got a wild puma in my front yard and won't
let me out. Who do you call if you have
a puma? It has to be animal control? Right, police? Police?
Will you'd be the first one. Yeah, I'm calling the
police nine to one one at least, and hey, there's

(23:34):
a jaguar. And they're gonna be like, okay, Corman har Haard,
get to work, right, funny guy. No, man, there's a jaguar.
I don't even think they probably wouldn't believe me. I
have put it on the Facebook. You would the neighborhood chat.
I'm to figure out how to put a post on
Facebook and be like, eh, he's anybody in the neighborhood

(23:56):
missing a jaguar? Yeah, fucking hate it. There's somebody in
our neighborhood. Their dogs get out every day, yeah, and
they never know it. And people are like, hey, these
two dogs are loose. Oh man, they got out again.
Little Houdini's like, fucking every day since I've lived there,

(24:20):
fix your yard brouh Yeah? Yeah, why is it my job?
Oh my god? In lights me up?

Speaker 3 (24:25):
I would just say I would stop saying your dogs
got out.

Speaker 1 (24:27):
I don't comment at all. Yeah, that's none of my
fucking business. I mean you could always just run over
them in the neighborhood. That's an option too. Well. I
didn't see them, Oh dude. It's like it's like it's
you can't miss it. Huh yeah, okay, it's it's one
of those traditional like two people that this couple has
a dog, and they've got a giant fucking dog and

(24:49):
then a little, tiny fucking dog and they follow each
other around nice. And one of them's white and it
gets dirty all the time, and the other one's a yapper,
the real troublemaker, and the big ones.

Speaker 2 (24:59):
Like come.

Speaker 1 (25:02):
Right, that's all about right, That's that's how they travel, man, Yes,
little fuckers. All right, listen, you guys have a fantastic
time all week long. Use the talkback Mike, talk to us,
leave us messages. The more you use that, just say hi.

(25:24):
We get rewarded for that. It's super important. Ten cents
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get to keep our jobs, all right. So you guys
have a great week, See you later, see you bye bye.