Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
It's time to make a date orbreak on TIF in the morning. This
is our normal Tuesday routine, butif it is new to you, welcome
to the party. Make a dateor break is where relationships and therapy come
together on my show. And noquestion is too out of pocket for Lori
sharp Page. Who is our license, Yes, our licensed clinical counselor You're
(00:25):
more than welcome to hit us upon multiple platforms, whether that's Instagram or
phone calls, whatever the case maybe. You're stuck in traffic, so
you're going to do like a rideor die session with us on the phone
this morning, Ride or do therapy. Absolutely. I think the most common
question that I get when we startdoing this segment every single time is about
(00:45):
ghosting. And of course that's whywe do this is because that's what started
the segment. Was the ghosting.Mm hmmm, yeah, sure is.
It's such a It's something that happensso much and it causes a lot,
a lot of feelings on all.So Holly is a typical listener of the
show, and she was dming meand she said, Okay, I've been
(01:06):
ghosted three plus times and I'm overit. Most recently was yesterday, not
sure what I'm doing wrong or howto find a non ghostly dude. I
just want to enjoy time with them, cook a steak up, enjoy some
snuggles. How hard is that?It's impossible? Apparently? Oh that sounds
(01:26):
so nice. I'm sorry she's havingsuch a hard time finding that she deserves
that. Who doesn't want to doa steak and steak and snuggles? So
so nice? So thoughts on this? So I think the first thing is
like try and I know it's hardnot to, but try not to make
it about you. And what I'msaying about this is that somebody ghosting you
(01:49):
is a poor behavior that reflects onthem, and we take it personally.
I certainly understand having been ghosted myself. It's not as easy as just don't
take get personally, but really tryand remember that that behavior reflects on them,
it doesn't reflect on you. Andas far as how you find somebody
who wants stakes and snuggles and honestlyhonest conversation, because often when people ghost,
(02:15):
it's because they don't want to havethe difficult conversation. They don't want
to explain what they're feeling, orthey don't feel like they can, and
so they just don't do it,which hurts them, it hurts you,
and as we've talked about, ithurts the greater dating scene, which is
why we're doing this. So Ithink what one thing that you can do
is always practice having those conversations,even the small, difficult conversations. I
(02:38):
know this is hard when you're firstgetting together, but the more you practice
it, the more likely you're goingto be able to have those conversations in
the future, and the less likelyyou are to get ghosted. Now,
you also need to know when somebodycan match that energy for you, and
if they can't match that energy,then there's a chance that they may do
this to you. And if youdon't want them to do this to you,
(02:59):
then it's probably time for you totake it asert of move. First,
my black and white brain is thinking, like, oh, I want
like a black and white answer likethis to avoid ghosting. This is what
you do it. And you're sayingthere's no perfect science here, but I
need you to like give me somesort of perfect science. Well, I
totally understand. I mean, Ithink the perfect science is to probably lead
(03:19):
with this from the get go,is say that My expectation is that you
won't ghost me and that we willhave conversations. But there is no perfect
way to prevent this, and oftentimesthe ones that really hurt the most are
the people that you never it neveroccurred to you that they would ghost,
and they just do. Dude,you said it best right there. All
right, Well, I hope thathelps Lori or helps it. I hope
(03:44):
LORI helped Holly on that one,because I'm just, I don't know,
tough. Yeah, it's tough.But don't give up, Holly. You'll
find that steak and smuggle. Iknow you will, all right, Lori
Sharpage is our licensed clinical counselor Makea Date or Break coming up next.
If you have a relationship and youwant it to last. There are five
(04:05):
big tips, but there is oneon that list that I definitely picked up.
Well, we'll talk about that next. Have a question hit up at
Tip Potter on Social Good morning.You're waking up with Tip in the morning
on Kiss one oh seven one.If you forgot that it's Tuesday, well
then let me remind you. It'smake a Date or Break day where therapy
(04:25):
relationships come together on my show andyou decide whether or not you're gonna make
your next date or break it off, whether you're newly dating, married,
maybe live together for a while.Lori Sharpage is our licensed clinical counselor and
practicing therapist. The top five wayswhat was it like? Verbatim? If
you want okay, if you wantyour relationship to last, do these five
(04:47):
things? Do these five things.I want you to pick your favorite,
because we're not going to have timeto get to them all, but I
want you to pick your favorite,and I'll pick mine absolutely. So my
favorite from the list is a simplething that I think we forg about a
lot, especially if we've been ina long term relationship, and that is
to have fun together. It can'tbe all seriousness, it can't be particularly
(05:09):
if your relationship's going through a roughpatch. You need to be able to
find spaces and time to let looseto have fun together. And the reason
for that is because when we havefun, we get all those feel good
you know, chemicals like dopamine andoxytocin, and they help build the foundation
of relationship. And if we neglectto do that, we're neglecting basically our
(05:30):
self care of our relationship. It'simportant to have fun with the people that
we love so we can build newmemories and resilience for dealing with the rough
patches. So let me just putthis example out there because I know that
this happens. Is what if you'rejust so angry or annoyed with your significant
other and it's just like constantly irritated, constantly annoyed with them, and like
(05:51):
you cannot put that aside to havefun, what do you do there?
Well, if that's the situation,then I think then we have to get
real about is there anything that wouldhelp you take a little vacation from that
irritation, because if not, thenyou can't force yourself to have fun.
So if you find yourself always irritableand unable to have fun in your relationship,
(06:13):
that's a sign of a bigger conversationthan something larger that needs to be
addressed. But if you can say, you know what, this is really
irritating me, it's really bothering me. This conversation is not done. But
I'm going to pack this away forthe day and go and have a fun
day and come back to it.That's the key is coming back to it.
We don't want you to sweep itunder the rug that doesn't work either.
But being able to say, youknow what, I'm going to take
(06:34):
a little break from this feeling andgo and focus on having some good time
with my partner and come back toit is an okay strategy. Vacation from
irritation. Let's put that on aT shirt. Yes, I'm going to
pick my favorite. And by theway, if you're just walking into it,
these are the five best ways toWhy do I keep blanking on this
(06:56):
article title? I have no ideawhy it's the If you want your relationship
to last, do these five things. The one that sticks out to me
is preserve positive illusions about your partner. I'm gonna let you speak on that
one absolutely. So. We dohave to be mindful about how we talk
about our partner to ourselves, justlike how we talk about our own self.
(07:18):
Talk right, it has an influence. And if we're always telling ourselves
that someone doesn't love us, orthat they don't care, or that they
are a good person, whatever itmay be, our brain starts to believe
that over time, you have tobe able to hold the fact that this
person is special and will continue tobe special even when they are irritating or
(07:39):
not doing things exactly how you wantto. This is part of how you
love them is by seeing them asthe full person and continuing to build that
sense of love within how you talkabout them to yourself and even to others.
M I forget who the caller wasthat we had a couple of weeks
ago, but he's like, Ialways feel like I'm just disappointing my wife.
(08:00):
You remember that, Yeah, Ido. That sounds like a good
example of it. Yes, absolutely, And I think that you know,
like tough feelings do happen in arelationship. It's about how much emphasis we
put our focus on when we're thinkingabout it and reflecting on it well.
Laurie sharp Page is our licensed clinicalcounselor. She's in this spot every single
(08:20):
Tuesday on TIF in the morning.Questions come up all the time. Instead
of burying them, you can eithershoot me a DM reach out to her
directly at the Coping Queen on Instagram. She's got a book that I've read
cover to cover and I love it. It's about conscious coping and it helped
me, especially when I went throughthe split with the finance guy a little
while ago. And that is thereason why we started this segment. Laurie.
(08:41):
I appreciate you as you know it. And today we're going to do
Dan and Shay tickets. So what'sour keyword, Lurie. It's the same
every time. It's making or breakall Right, Dan Shay tickets coming next,
girl. I appreciate you, thankyou,
It's time to make a date orbreak on TIF in the morning. This
is our normal Tuesday routine, butif it is new to you, welcome
to the party. Make a dateor break is where relationships and therapy come
together on my show. And noquestion is too out of pocket for Lori
sharp Page. Who is our license, Yes, our licensed clinical counselor You're
(00:25):
more than welcome to hit us upon multiple platforms, whether that's Instagram or
phone calls, whatever the case maybe. You're stuck in traffic, so
you're going to do like a rideor die session with us on the phone
this morning, Ride or do therapy. Absolutely. I think the most common
question that I get when we startdoing this segment every single time is about
(00:45):
ghosting. And of course that's whywe do this is because that's what started
the segment. Was the ghosting.Mm hmmm, yeah, sure is.
It's such a It's something that happensso much and it causes a lot,
a lot of feelings on all.So Holly is a typical listener of the
show, and she was dming meand she said, Okay, I've been
(01:06):
ghosted three plus times and I'm overit. Most recently was yesterday, not
sure what I'm doing wrong or howto find a non ghostly dude. I
just want to enjoy time with them, cook a steak up, enjoy some
snuggles. How hard is that?It's impossible? Apparently? Oh that sounds
(01:26):
so nice. I'm sorry she's havingsuch a hard time finding that she deserves
that. Who doesn't want to doa steak and steak and snuggles? So
so nice? So thoughts on this? So I think the first thing is
like try and I know it's hardnot to, but try not to make
it about you. And what I'msaying about this is that somebody ghosting you
(01:49):
is a poor behavior that reflects onthem, and we take it personally.
I certainly understand having been ghosted myself. It's not as easy as just don't
take get personally, but really tryand remember that that behavior reflects on them,
it doesn't reflect on you. Andas far as how you find somebody
who wants stakes and snuggles and honestlyhonest conversation, because often when people ghost,
(02:15):
it's because they don't want to havethe difficult conversation. They don't want
to explain what they're feeling, orthey don't feel like they can, and
so they just don't do it,which hurts them, it hurts you,
and as we've talked about, ithurts the greater dating scene, which is
why we're doing this. So Ithink what one thing that you can do
is always practice having those conversations,even the small, difficult conversations. I
(02:38):
know this is hard when you're firstgetting together, but the more you practice
it, the more likely you're goingto be able to have those conversations in
the future, and the less likelyyou are to get ghosted. Now,
you also need to know when somebodycan match that energy for you, and
if they can't match that energy,then there's a chance that they may do
this to you. And if youdon't want them to do this to you,
(02:59):
then it's probably time for you totake it asert of move. First,
my black and white brain is thinking, like, oh, I want
like a black and white answer likethis to avoid ghosting. This is what
you do it. And you're sayingthere's no perfect science here, but I
need you to like give me somesort of perfect science. Well, I
totally understand. I mean, Ithink the perfect science is to probably lead
(03:19):
with this from the get go,is say that My expectation is that you
won't ghost me and that we willhave conversations. But there is no perfect
way to prevent this, and oftentimesthe ones that really hurt the most are
the people that you never it neveroccurred to you that they would ghost,
and they just do. Dude,you said it best right there. All
right, Well, I hope thathelps Lori or helps it. I hope
(03:44):
LORI helped Holly on that one,because I'm just, I don't know,
tough. Yeah, it's tough.But don't give up, Holly. You'll
find that steak and smuggle. Iknow you will, all right, Lori
Sharpage is our licensed clinical counselor Makea Date or Break coming up next.
If you have a relationship and youwant it to last. There are five
(04:05):
big tips, but there is oneon that list that I definitely picked up.
Well, we'll talk about that next. Have a question hit up at
Tip Potter on Social Good morning.You're waking up with Tip in the morning
on Kiss one oh seven one.If you forgot that it's Tuesday, well
then let me remind you. It'smake a Date or Break day where therapy
(04:25):
relationships come together on my show andyou decide whether or not you're gonna make
your next date or break it off, whether you're newly dating, married,
maybe live together for a while.Lori Sharpage is our licensed clinical counselor and
practicing therapist. The top five wayswhat was it like? Verbatim? If
you want okay, if you wantyour relationship to last, do these five
(04:47):
things? Do these five things.I want you to pick your favorite,
because we're not going to have timeto get to them all, but I
want you to pick your favorite,and I'll pick mine absolutely. So my
favorite from the list is a simplething that I think we forg about a
lot, especially if we've been ina long term relationship, and that is
to have fun together. It can'tbe all seriousness, it can't be particularly
(05:09):
if your relationship's going through a roughpatch. You need to be able to
find spaces and time to let looseto have fun together. And the reason
for that is because when we havefun, we get all those feel good
you know, chemicals like dopamine andoxytocin, and they help build the foundation
of relationship. And if we neglectto do that, we're neglecting basically our
(05:30):
self care of our relationship. It'simportant to have fun with the people that
we love so we can build newmemories and resilience for dealing with the rough
patches. So let me just putthis example out there because I know that
this happens. Is what if you'rejust so angry or annoyed with your significant
other and it's just like constantly irritated, constantly annoyed with them, and like
(05:51):
you cannot put that aside to havefun, what do you do there?
Well, if that's the situation,then I think then we have to get
real about is there anything that wouldhelp you take a little vacation from that
irritation, because if not, thenyou can't force yourself to have fun.
So if you find yourself always irritableand unable to have fun in your relationship,
(06:13):
that's a sign of a bigger conversationthan something larger that needs to be
addressed. But if you can say, you know what, this is really
irritating me, it's really bothering me. This conversation is not done. But
I'm going to pack this away forthe day and go and have a fun
day and come back to it.That's the key is coming back to it.
We don't want you to sweep itunder the rug that doesn't work either.
But being able to say, youknow what, I'm going to take
(06:34):
a little break from this feeling andgo and focus on having some good time
with my partner and come back toit is an okay strategy. Vacation from
irritation. Let's put that on aT shirt. Yes, I'm going to
pick my favorite. And by theway, if you're just walking into it,
these are the five best ways toWhy do I keep blanking on this
(06:56):
article title? I have no ideawhy it's the If you want your relationship
to last, do these five things. The one that sticks out to me
is preserve positive illusions about your partner. I'm gonna let you speak on that
one absolutely. So. We dohave to be mindful about how we talk
about our partner to ourselves, justlike how we talk about our own self.
(07:18):
Talk right, it has an influence. And if we're always telling ourselves
that someone doesn't love us, orthat they don't care, or that they
are a good person, whatever itmay be, our brain starts to believe
that over time, you have tobe able to hold the fact that this
person is special and will continue tobe special even when they are irritating or
(07:39):
not doing things exactly how you wantto. This is part of how you
love them is by seeing them asthe full person and continuing to build that
sense of love within how you talkabout them to yourself and even to others.
M I forget who the caller wasthat we had a couple of weeks
ago, but he's like, Ialways feel like I'm just disappointing my wife.
(08:00):
You remember that, Yeah, Ido. That sounds like a good
example of it. Yes, absolutely, And I think that you know,
like tough feelings do happen in arelationship. It's about how much emphasis we
put our focus on when we're thinkingabout it and reflecting on it well.
Laurie sharp Page is our licensed clinicalcounselor. She's in this spot every single
(08:20):
Tuesday on TIF in the morning.Questions come up all the time. Instead
of burying them, you can eithershoot me a DM reach out to her
directly at the Coping Queen on Instagram. She's got a book that I've read
cover to cover and I love it. It's about conscious coping and it helped
me, especially when I went throughthe split with the finance guy a little
while ago. And that is thereason why we started this segment. Laurie.
(08:41):
I appreciate you as you know it. And today we're going to do
Dan and Shay tickets. So what'sour keyword, Lurie. It's the same
every time. It's making or breakall Right, Dan Shay tickets coming next,
girl. I appreciate you, thankyou,
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