July 8, 2026 • 27 mins
On the Monsters Attorney "Friendly" Ray Traendly of TK Law discusses the rising trend in grey divorce.
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wow, that's pretty cool. We'll welcome that. I'm ross with
Angel and Ryan and friendly Ray Trandley here with us today.
Good morning, Good morning Ray. I know that I know
how how it sounds that I'm glad somebody had camped.
I'm not glad somebody had cancer. I'm glad that with
that gentleman that we just met, Ricky, that we caught
it early. Because that's the first that's the first report
(00:23):
from the carly K Cancer Screening Fund that we started.
Because we've had we've had i mean over thirty some
people go through that we've paid for and everything. That's
the first report that they caught cancer early in someone's lungs.
And it makes me feel really good. It's like we
find I promised my sister we would do that.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
You know, well, it's life saving too, and you can
find specifically cancer, but I mean even you know the
blockage issues, if you can find that early enough, yeah,
you can literally save your life.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Yeah, without a doubt. And so you met you met
Chef Ken out there, right.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
I know, I've known Chef Ken for a while, but
we hung out a little bit Chattan.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
And he was telling the Satan story, right, Yeah, yeah, yeah,
he went and had had it checked and found out.
So that's really good. And I see Ryan, you're you're
just I mean just shoving food in your mouth over there.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
He can't get the uh the grease.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
I mean, it's really good food though. He did, uh
biscuits and gravy and then an amazing all meat.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
For Tata the man almost dad guys eats an artist
and yeah, he brought us his artwork and for us
just to leave his sitting there, that would be wrong.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
You're actually a jerk, yeah, both of you trying to
be a little busy running a radio.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
You can't eat.
Speaker 5 (01:29):
No, you're mad because I mean, biscuits and gravy and
you can't have it. And you.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Listen, we're doing the calendar right, and I'm going to
work out with Poppy d afterwards, and certain things, I
just I know, biscuits and gravy are not not pre work.
It's not your pre work.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
If the bread gives you energy and thet's put them
in your pockets.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
It from later. See on one one hand, he wants
to call me fatty fatty two by four and the
other and I try to watch what I ate and
then he's like, oh, you could eat it.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
People hate to see you succeed. That's the problem.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Isn't that something? Yeah, isn't that something to stay away from?
Basic Grady?
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Sorry?
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Ryan.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Somebody posted an old picture of you in the Monster's
Facebook group that we have. You can join that, by
the way, and it was like from is that the
one where he looks ripped? He's like really skinny? He
looked really good, looked weird and I didn't like it.
Don't ever do that again.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
That was at the mascot games. And that's that's the
one here was great in that picture. No, you got
a weir you got a weird You got a weird
look when you're skinny. Don't I like big Well you're
used to big Russ. Yeah, I like big Rush, skinny rust.
Speaker 5 (02:32):
Make your wife stay fat.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
She doesn't like what I have to do. She didn't
like the attitude I have. While I'm trying to get.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Grumpy, I get that my wife feels the same way.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Yeah. Yeah, I remember you. Yeah, you last year. I
remember you last year, Skinny Ray. You were irritable, you
were edgy, you didn't want to eat food. I remember,
Skinny Ra and you were and you were you were
into it. I when I'm in it and a minute,
but you're back to north. I'll tell you what it is.
It's like in fat guys like this is like your superpower.
(03:05):
Though that picture of you makes you look older, Like
when you're skinny, you looked old. I've seen pictures from
you from like fifteen years ago where you look older
because the fat fat guys get to like it's smostly.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Out of your baby face though that's what you're thinking of. Yeah,
so I say keep it going. Well, there you go,
get some gravy then happy. Uh no, but uh, anyway,
how you been I'm doing well, survived fourth of July.
I have all my fingers and toes and tacks.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
So do you do stuff like for the kid? Do
you light off the fireworks for the kids?
Speaker 2 (03:36):
And oh yeah, yeah, that's that's always a popular thing.
I haven't quite gotten to the threshold of where they
get to shoot the fireworks themselves. But then like the
Roman candle candles and uh, you know those little like
I don't know they they have all the different names,
but the ones that like uh streamers and things like that.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
Have you ever had somebody like that blew off their hand?
And they're like, right, I need to shoot the firework
company because I blew my hand off.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
You know, I've never how do anybody try to sue
somebody for that? But I do have a couple of
friends missing some fingers And it's usually the bottom of
the hand. I don't know why. That's the bottom of
the hand.
Speaker 5 (04:09):
The bottom of the hand.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Yeah, it's not usually the top of the hand.
Speaker 5 (04:13):
Are you that you have not one person with missing fingers?
Speaker 2 (04:16):
I've got two friends missing figures?
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Are you watching watching a World Cup soccer?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
So soccer kind of runs in my family, and so
growing up I was the youngest of my my generation,
and so I kind of like had a resentment towards
soccer growing up because everybody was good at it and
I was so young.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
I don't try to sit there and the same resentment
reason he did different, But I had resentment towards soccer
and I still do.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Don't try to say no, no, it's a constant fight
every day.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
But here's the problem, right, and this is this is
probably makes me even grumpier about it is I've got
friends that will never talk about any of the m
l I soccer. They won't talk about any of the
you know, the European soccer leagues, they don't talk about
any of that stuff. But as soon as you know
the US makes it, it's very exciting. It's very exciting
(05:11):
that made to the world.
Speaker 5 (05:16):
The world comes here in America. The team went super far.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
But then people are like all super interested and they're like, oh,
you know, you know, did you watch the match? And
I'm like, you don't care, just the worst version of gatekeeper.
I'm telling you, I'm I'm admitting that I've got this resentment.
And it goes back to my child.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
You should be happy, like it's a big umbrella and
there's plenty of room for people. And of every four years,
the casual fan gets a little bit more interested in
the world and in soccer.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Through the World Cup. It will bleed down to the
other leagues.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
But here's my thing, though, Like the one thing I
truly appreciate about soccer throughout the world is how enthusiastic
the fans are. I agree that, and I just feel
like everybody's faking it here. And that's the problem I have.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Watching people get excited.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
When we did talk about that in the very beginning
of it, where what I hope is is that we
as Americans as fandom, with our fandom, I hope we
learned from this because also the World Baseball Classic behind that, yeah,
World Baseball Classic, because there's another example of that. World
Cup is an example of that, the way that these
fans support their teams and come up with the different
(06:29):
songs and the different you know, chants and all that
kind of stuff. Because that was one of the things
I noticed the other day when we were watching the
men's team, Like when the game itself is tight and
not and and and engaging, we as fans should have
things that we could do to send positive energy to
our team.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
That's fair, that's fair. The russ is coffing at that,
absolutely most articulous. I'm laughing because the team that beat us,
what's the team that beat the hell out of us?
When they won, they were doing the Donald Trump Wiener dance.
They were trolling is so bad. That's happening, Rush absolute
dancy does they were doing that, They.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Were doing the y m c A dance. They were
doing that dance. The levels of trolling that have gone
on a global scale. We deserved it because of our defeat.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
But here's the thing, like you know, like, if we
like our president is the guy that has the Thief
of Peace Prize. So part of having the Peace Prize
means you get a favor, apparently, so when you get
the Peace Prize, you get a favor. He called in
the favor. He shouldn't be mad at him for.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Doing that in the first place, but still didn't need
Daddy to call up and try and fix it. You
love it when daddy calls whoa, oh, ray, I got
a gift for you. Did Daddy remind you of the gift.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
There's a race. It gets weird fast. I think he
got the same thing I got, didn't he? Oh that's cool.
I'm glad.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
I'm bigger though. Just actually we had to these or
I do love me some dude one.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Oh no, you gotta try one. Ryan, don't get him
to him before you try.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Wait you never tried dude wipes. No, no, but these
are mental flavored. Those are triple X mental flavor. Open
it up and see what it says. Oh, that's that's
for you.
Speaker 5 (08:17):
Hey, I love this, And.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Then awesome, that's your Miami Dolphin. Of course they're going
to the playoffs this year. We're going to the Super
Bowl this year.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
You time.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I now just listen to get to the playoffs. I
went twenty six hundred dollars. Did we get to the playoffs?
I love this?
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Yeah, who was it that gave that to us? Very
nice gentlemen?
Speaker 5 (08:33):
I made him?
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Oh, Ryan made him? Well good, it was me. I
did it. Somebody said, no.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
These are a courtesy of our good friend uh toe
tow truck ed hot. He's been listening since nineteen ninety seven. God,
I've been trying, dude, Ed, I've been trying to give
you some love. Send me your information. People are wondering
if you could make some for them. Thank you, coach
truck A. I don't know if you're doing this as
a side hustle or you just did that because you
like this.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
While we're talking sports real quick, have you seen and
maybe Ryan, you could pull it up to show my
buddy Ray, because have you seen wrestle ball?
Speaker 2 (09:09):
I have not seen wrestle ball, but maybe those sound
like they smell like they would.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Although they clean you up, those wipes will make you
sting for half hour. I'm telling you that kind of
sounds inviting. Somehow, I don't know why. I was super clean. Yeah,
super clean. And you smell minty fresh down in your
your your another.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Reason I usually get the unscented ones, but I'll try.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
You get to watch this. You get points when you
when you when you take people.
Speaker 5 (09:34):
Down, you have to take your shirt off.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
But you gotta take your shirt off when you do
a super These guys it's like a basketball fight and
they're all Russian wrestlers. It's the craziest thing I ever
saw in my life. And they were I look super dangerous.
I like it. Yeah, look at that. Instead of doing
jump ball, you do takedown, okay, and then you gotta
take your shirt off in order. I don't know why I.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Take your shirt off, though. What's it's supposed.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
To signify that you're gonna take somebody down?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I think so, like the gameplay stops and you take
your shirt off. Is that what kind of happened?
Speaker 5 (10:06):
Like the guy's usually not looking.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
The guy's not looking. He's probably easier way to score, too, right,
I guess. So you can score by takedown, and you
can score by getting the ball in the in the hoop,
but they made the hoop shorter, so you know.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
That's it gets dangerous right there. When the guys up
in the air.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
The whole thing is dangerous. There's crazy Russians, crazy ass
Russians playing the wrestle ball. I'm the one that they
do this, so fantastic rustlers. You got to check out.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
I think it's like the six on six or eight
on eight mm A fights. Yeah, I haven't seen that either.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
These guys are lunatics over there.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
It sounds six fights. That sounds awesome.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
But they also do guys car jiu jitsu where people
are this one and then you have to I have
seen this before.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
That's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Look at Raymond go, he's a study.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
You have any hot takes semesters? All right, we'll play
some of those. Come back with the Ray Trentley and
find out why Gray divorced says are on the rise,
on the rise, on the down low rise. Okay, we'll
talk about that when.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Brian, we love if we just don't want to hear
about you and the color of your deck, quit being.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
A deck, miss it. Everybody easier to listen to Real
Radio one oh four point one wherever you go.
Speaker 5 (11:18):
Make us your number one preset on our free heart
radio app.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Looking at heavy traffic right now, in the Orlando area
for those who need to travel. Why the major attractions
exits as Whollos through downtown between Michigan Street and South Street. Anyway,
Ray Trandley here with us today.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Hating Ray, I'm doing well. How you guys doing.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
So one of the things you sent me was and
I I would think, Okay, a great divorce is basically
like when they're older people, they've been married for a
long time and they finally, you know, decide to get
a divorce. And I would think by that time, you
just you kind of settled in, and why would you
want to upset the apple cart? You know, like you
(11:55):
would think that they would be rare, but they're not rare.
They're not.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
And and under if you look at like the statistics
under every age group, divorce is going down except for
people forty eight enough, why that is the only range
going up.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
So it's going up with forty eight and over, but
under divorce rates going down.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Yeah, from like eighteen to forty seven, divorce rates going down.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
I'll be damn okay, So what's the what's the reasoning the.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
So there's a psychologist that came out and I find
all these things are pretty consistent in my practice as
far as things that people complain about when they're coming
in for divorce and specifically a great divorce. The first
is people deal with a loss of identity and confidence.
You know, a lot of times what ends up happening
is you've spent your entire career, you know, building something,
(12:46):
building your career, building your reputation. Now you've retired, and
now you have to adjust with who am I as
a person? Right And a lot of people struggle with
that loss of identity. And you know, there's there's a
really great book up there. It's called Transitions, and what
it talks about is that you know, every time you
go through a life transition, you have something that's ending
(13:08):
and then you have something that new that's starting. But
you have this part in the middle of this transition period.
But there's a lot of friction, and so I feel like,
you know, a lot of couples aren't prepared for that friction.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
So if your entire life you're a radio host, and
then you retire and then like, well you could read
between the lines of where I was going with why
I thought that he or your entire life thirty some
ideas you're a paramedic and then all of a sudden,
you're not working anymore.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
And then, well, I guess I'm a chef. I don't
I don't blame Maryland for any of this. By the way,
this is all about russ. I think mary Ellen's question retirement.
I think she's doing a great day too. The next
thing they talk about is you're spending too much time together, right,
and so a lot of relationships you don't spend as
much time together. You know, maybe get some weekends and
you get some some nighttime stuff, that's right, and you
(13:53):
lose privacy, you lose your quiet time, you lose the
freedom to kind of do the things that you like
to do. Just got to recharge, and that causes a
lot of stress in these relationships.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Look out Ryan, and then it says something about.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Like you get a personal trainer to avoid your spouse.
Speaker 5 (14:09):
I got the personal trainer for her together.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
I forgot in the chair of us. Oh hes both
of us.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
He does both of you.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Another thing they talk about with these great divorces is
that there's a lot of anxiety of her finances. You know,
you go from earning an income to a fixed income,
and that requires a lifestyle change, and not everybody has
the same idea about finances where they're saving or spending
and what's the appropriated thing to spend money on.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Yes, I know this is not anything to do with me,
but I know I know some people that are older,
and that's one of the biggest things, Like he doesn't
want to spend any money, and she like wants to
get some things and he gets so mad because he's
afraid they're going to amount of money and it's a
constant fight.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Yeah, it becomes something where you guys need to have
that conversation before you retire of how you want to
manage your finance. That becomes a really big friction point.
Another one they talk about is relocation regrets. Right, like,
you have this established you know, family and community in
your neighborhood, you sell your house, you retire, you move
(15:13):
somewhere else where you have less you know, stability, less family,
and maybe you overestimate how much community you're going to
have in that new place, and so, uh, you know,
I can create a lot of conflict and so you know,
one of the things that they advise is you know,
maybe try new area, you know, for a few months
before you decide to buy a house there. And then
you know, the last thing that they talk about that
(15:36):
comes up in these great divorces pretty frequently is mismatching
travel desires. And this is where like one spouse wants
to travel a lot and the other one maybe wants
to spend more time with family, right, and and that
can create a lot of conflict. And so you know,
whenever I find one of these articles, I would just
like to talk about it because you know, I am
a family lot of divorce attorney, but I don't want
(15:57):
to see people going through divorce. It's a really tough time.
And you know, if you have to get divorced, we
want to do it in a way where you maintain
as much dignity and respect as possible, trying to solve
problems as much as you can. But you know, if
you're in a situation where you're you know, in the
realm of the world of retirements, you know, for me,
communication is key. A lot of people only go to
(16:19):
therapists when something is wrong. You know, if you if
you can open up a bridge of communication before things
go wrong, a lot of times you can protect and
preserve your relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Hey, Ray, how many times do people they're older, They're like,
I want to get a divorce. I don't like this.
I don't like that. I want to get a divorce.
And then they they do, or they break up or whatever,
and then realize this is really not what I wanted
and they kind of get back together.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Does that happen frequently? It happens fairly frequently. You know,
I call it the grasses isn't always greener effect. You know,
I'm not Florida is not one of the states that
requires you to have like a separation period, and I
don't think it should be required, but I do think people,
more people should consider a separation period.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
Where you make a wife go live in the woods
for a week.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Or you live in the woods. Why don't you go
live in the woods?
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Uh? Maybe I will, Uh, but you know, try to
separation like a trial separation period before they make the
decision to get divorced, just because the grass isn't always greener,
And a lot of times when you start having the
conversations about the finances, specifically, you know, if you don't
want to spend money and you know the other person does,
(17:32):
then you go through a divorce. Guess what you just
spent half your money.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Well, and when you're in the spiral of a divorce
and you're arguing you're this person trying to one up
that person that, and you're like, I'm being spiteful or whatever.
You start making a lot of really bad decisions and
then you realize, oh, I didn't really feel that way.
I was just well he said this, So I said,
like a whole I've seen all this. It's not me
I'm talking about, but I'm thinking of a particular a
(18:00):
couple of people that that you know, they were spiraling
it all and then and then once they finally got over,
they're hurting. You know, they were upset about and everything's fine. Well,
as people that don't know how to go get help, yeah,
good therapy.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
You are as you know, because if if you're a
person that can acknowledge that and have a third party
come in and kind of talk to, whether it's your
pastor or a therapist or whatever, I bet you, I
bet you're the percentages that are like, you're way more
right than than people that actually wanted, especially at that
advanced age.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Well, yeah, older people still look at counseling as it is.
It's well for people who are weak you know that
it's you know, you laugh at someone who goes to counseling.
And I know because I've tried to, uh suggest counseling
to some people who are older. Oh that's for you know,
you know, and it's so funny that that attitude.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
And you know, I think at the end of the day,
and this is what I try to preach to my clients,
because you know, they did get emotionally wrapped up in things.
And you know, I do business litigation as well as
family lawns, and both of those are highly emotional because
you're breaking up a relationship. And and I just try
to tell people like, if you were to zoom out
really far, you can't even see each other anymore. You
(19:14):
just see all the money you're spending, and you take
a look at whether or not this is worth it, right.
You know, a lot of times you might readjust your
principles and that people always say, like, it's my principles,
that's why I'm fighting over this issue. But if if
you were to zoom out far enough and actually take
a look at like the toll it's taking the collateral
effect of these fights. A lot of times it's not
worth it to you.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
And if for an older couple, like we're talking about
like the gray you know, gray marriage or great divorce,
great divorce, you have to think about who all it's affecting, right,
grandkids and family members and everybody, because you know, Grandma
and Rampaull getting divorced. That's a real mess up situation.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Yes, that angel off of the heels of the conversation
in the sense of getting divorces and whatnot. Why is
it because this is off of a text that came
in real mobile seven seven zero three ohot one. Why
do people think that uncontested divorce should not be expensive
or not or cost anything. Let's say, yeah, so people
(20:10):
get the idea that uncontested, oh, this should be this
is a walk in the park, This shouldn't cost us anything.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
So here, here's the way I try to tell people
to framely there just be like a contested divorce and
uncontest divorce, you're choosing a process a path. You're still
breaking up, you're still separating everything. You still want to
make sure you're not getting screwed, right. And I don't
want to talk too much about a specific case because
I've got a couple that are like really thinking in
my mind right now. So I'll just kind of talk
in generalities, like you and your spouse can generally agree, like, hey,
(20:39):
you know what, we want to be fair with each other.
We don't want to bring the courts involved in this.
We want to resolve everything. But at the end of
the day, you don't want to get screwed. You don't
want to give it more than you're entitled to, you know,
the last thing. And I've had these cases that we
you know, in the past where you know, somebody comes
to me after the fact that they're like, oh, this
is what I signed, And I'm like, you signed a
piece of paper where you gave up, you know, sixty
(21:01):
percent of the assets and you never had to do that.
And they're like, well, I didn't realize that's what I
was doing, right, And so you should still do your
due diligence and make sure that you've got an agreement
in place that's enforceable. And a lot of times, you know,
when you try to make things really nice and easy
and fair, yeah, you take out a lot of the
enforcement language. And so then you're stuck with a roommate
that you don't want to live with or you're stuck
(21:22):
with a property settlement agreement that's not enforceable, and working
through those things takes time, and unfortunately that time costs money.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
And even with that, there's also like legitimate fees at
the county level and state level. Yeah, like the state
doesn't just be like, oh, you guys are gettingvorced and
it's not contested.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Oh, you guys are good.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
It's definitely a profit center for the counties.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Yeah, So like there's there's fees that are associated with this,
regardless if you get an attorney or not.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Hey, ray, how often does this happen? And I'm thinking
about another situation with someone else that I know and
married for a long time. But this is just human nature.
This just happens sometimes. It's people will get older, they
are their personality changes, dementia could set in, or or
just they become meaner than they used to they never
(22:09):
used to be like this, And and how many times
does that come into play, like this is not the
same woman or this is not the same man that
I married, you know, so many years ago. You know,
how often is that a situation?
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Those are in my opinion, those are some of the
status cases that I deal with yeah, because you've got
a caregiver who never really wanted to be a caregiver
and they get put in this role and then they
build resentment and and it becomes a really tough thing
for families. And if if somebody is dealing with dementia
or something like that, there are legal limitations to how
(22:43):
quickly the divorce can move into what has to be
done there because you know, conceptually speaking, somebody who doesn't
have the capacity to understand what they're doing can't be
signing contracts and so, and they can't advocate for themselves,
and so the courts have these kind of rules and
and things around that. So it becomes a really difficult,
messy situation.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
That's why you could get put in a prenup is
always at heart, well no, no, in the sense of hey,
like and again I'm asking us, I wouldn't even know
how to how you award this. But let's say you're,
you know, about to get married or whatever, and one
of your partner or whatever, it's like, hey, listen, my family,
we have this kind of history in this and I'm
telling you at the first hint of this, I don't
(23:23):
want any of this to fall on you so that
in the prenup at the first hint of this, uh
you could you know you can bail. I've got everything
else taken care of. Is that a prenuptial kind of
agreement that you could do? Conceptually, I think you can
build something into that. I've never actually had anybody bring
that up to me before, but I think you could
build something around that that would make it easier for
(23:43):
your spouse to divorce you if you were to lose capacity,
because I can't imagine you want them to stick with
you though, No, dude, that's that's the worst kind of burden.
I can't I could not imagine that you lose your faculties,
you lose who you are. The person that you quote
unquote married to doesn't even recognize you, and now you
saddled them with the fact that, oh you got to ride.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
I never get scared that you're living that life right
now and all this is an illusion and you're sitting
in a chair with dementia drooling on yourself.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Good for you. Hey, how how often does this? And
I'll get you say, how often does this happen? Mind?
Speaker 5 (24:15):
Demension?
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Dream?
Speaker 5 (24:16):
I guess I can't even do what I want.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Because I know, I know some people in the villages,
and they were they were a certain way before they
moved to the villages. And then they moved to the
villages and they retired, and guess what they're doing all
the time?
Speaker 5 (24:27):
Swinging they side down pine apples.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Well, not that, but I'm saying it's Jimmy Buffett time. Right,
we're drinking all day. And they developed drinking problems as
they get all like, they weren't like that, you know, earlier,
but now there's seventy five or whatever, and they has
that been an issue with a divorce?
Speaker 2 (24:43):
Yeah, specifically the drinking part, yes, right, you know. And again,
the kind of the story is you're working, you know,
maybe you drank a lot at work, but you're supoused
to see it. But and then you come home and
you're spending all the time at home, you drink more
and drinking all the time. And yeah, sometimes there's differenting
views on how that, but yeah, I see it pretty frequently.
Speaker 4 (25:02):
Ray, What is the proper response when somebody yells at
you in the middle of an argument and you took
all my good years.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Say you're right, baby, you're right.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Uh, I appreciate that, Thank you, Thank you for those
good years.
Speaker 5 (25:17):
It's hurtful. It's hurtful thing that's ever been yelled at me.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Uh No, you know what, Being in a relationship is hard,
and I like to think, you know, there's a there's
a romantic person inside of me that likes to think
that even if it's a bad relationship that you get
out of you learn something from it. There was something
good that came out of it, hopefully and and you know.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Just talk about shifting your perspective a little bit.
Speaker 4 (25:45):
Yeah, okay, so you don't yell what I yelled back,
which is like that was ten years before we met.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Oh yeah, yeah, probably probably not good man.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
What you do if her phone if anyone needs to
get hold of you, Ray, Uh, it's one Firm for
Life dot.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Com, One Firm for Life dot com. Or you always
call the officer. Follow us on social media, send me
a message. I'm not great at social media, but you
call them.
Speaker 4 (26:11):
I've senior Instagram and your t k Low Instagram. Everybody
follow tk low on Instagram. Yes, Skitch, I do try
to be looks.
Speaker 5 (26:20):
That's very part.
Speaker 4 (26:22):
Like Ray does two versions of Skitch. There's one where
he's talking and he's doing legal stuff. And then there's
the ones that you can clearly tell his office manager, like, hey,
you do this trendy thing, and those make me so
happy you can perceive that.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Oh yeah, dude, I thought I fake it really well.
He lovely follow.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Taxi service, checking in and with with what Angel was
talking about. When you do get married, it does say
in sickness and in health, and you know, getting to
mention that sickness. I agree.
Speaker 5 (26:50):
I don't mean the sickness.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
But I understand that.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
And and again for everyone that does it and follows
through with that, I'm saying for me and personally, my
like on my side, if I'm going into this and
I'm of clear mind and spirit and everything, it's my choice.
I wouldn't want to burden my partner with that. Yeah,
I would, you know, put me, especially if I'm losing
my mind. What doesn't matter, like, what doesn't matter where
(27:15):
I'm at.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (27:16):
If I don't recognize my partner, that's gotta be heartbreaking.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Yeah, yeah, yeah it does.
Speaker 5 (27:21):
But it's like you're banging someone new. I don't think that.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
I don't think yeah, I don't think at that point,
you're doing a whole lot of banging son.
Speaker 4 (27:28):
I don't know me downstairs. Don't got to mention it.
You never forget this upstairs.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
That's why you use hm, dude wipes. It smell really good.
Speaker 5 (27:39):
You're using it on the wrong side.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
You get you down. Oh yeah, don't wipe it there.
All right, listen, thank you so much. I appreciate it me.
I appreciate you. Guys. All right, don't go anywhere. You're
listening to the match of the morning.
Wow, that's pretty cool. We'll welcome that. I'm ross with
Angel and Ryan and friendly Ray Trandley here with us today.
Good morning, Good morning Ray. I know that I know
how how it sounds that I'm glad somebody had camped.
I'm not glad somebody had cancer. I'm glad that with
that gentleman that we just met, Ricky, that we caught
it early. Because that's the first that's the first report
(00:23):
from the carly K Cancer Screening Fund that we started.
Because we've had we've had i mean over thirty some
people go through that we've paid for and everything. That's
the first report that they caught cancer early in someone's lungs.
And it makes me feel really good. It's like we
find I promised my sister we would do that.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
You know, well, it's life saving too, and you can
find specifically cancer, but I mean even you know the
blockage issues, if you can find that early enough, yeah,
you can literally save your life.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Yeah, without a doubt. And so you met you met
Chef Ken out there, right.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
I know, I've known Chef Ken for a while, but
we hung out a little bit Chattan.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
And he was telling the Satan story, right, Yeah, yeah, yeah,
he went and had had it checked and found out.
So that's really good. And I see Ryan, you're you're
just I mean just shoving food in your mouth over there.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
He can't get the uh the grease.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
I mean, it's really good food though. He did, uh
biscuits and gravy and then an amazing all meat.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
For Tata the man almost dad guys eats an artist
and yeah, he brought us his artwork and for us
just to leave his sitting there, that would be wrong.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
You're actually a jerk, yeah, both of you trying to
be a little busy running a radio.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
You can't eat.
Speaker 5 (01:29):
No, you're mad because I mean, biscuits and gravy and
you can't have it. And you.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Listen, we're doing the calendar right, and I'm going to
work out with Poppy d afterwards, and certain things, I
just I know, biscuits and gravy are not not pre work.
It's not your pre work.
Speaker 4 (01:46):
If the bread gives you energy and thet's put them
in your pockets.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
It from later. See on one one hand, he wants
to call me fatty fatty two by four and the
other and I try to watch what I ate and
then he's like, oh, you could eat it.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
People hate to see you succeed. That's the problem.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
Isn't that something? Yeah, isn't that something to stay away from?
Basic Grady?
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Sorry?
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Ryan.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Somebody posted an old picture of you in the Monster's
Facebook group that we have. You can join that, by
the way, and it was like from is that the
one where he looks ripped? He's like really skinny? He
looked really good, looked weird and I didn't like it.
Don't ever do that again.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
That was at the mascot games. And that's that's the
one here was great in that picture. No, you got
a weir you got a weird You got a weird
look when you're skinny. Don't I like big Well you're
used to big Russ. Yeah, I like big Rush, skinny rust.
Speaker 5 (02:32):
Make your wife stay fat.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
She doesn't like what I have to do. She didn't
like the attitude I have. While I'm trying to get.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Grumpy, I get that my wife feels the same way.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Yeah. Yeah, I remember you. Yeah, you last year. I
remember you last year, Skinny Ray. You were irritable, you
were edgy, you didn't want to eat food. I remember,
Skinny Ra and you were and you were you were
into it. I when I'm in it and a minute,
but you're back to north. I'll tell you what it is.
It's like in fat guys like this is like your superpower.
(03:05):
Though that picture of you makes you look older, Like
when you're skinny, you looked old. I've seen pictures from
you from like fifteen years ago where you look older
because the fat fat guys get to like it's smostly.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Out of your baby face though that's what you're thinking of. Yeah,
so I say keep it going. Well, there you go,
get some gravy then happy. Uh no, but uh, anyway,
how you been I'm doing well, survived fourth of July.
I have all my fingers and toes and tacks.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
So do you do stuff like for the kid? Do
you light off the fireworks for the kids?
Speaker 2 (03:36):
And oh yeah, yeah, that's that's always a popular thing.
I haven't quite gotten to the threshold of where they
get to shoot the fireworks themselves. But then like the
Roman candle candles and uh, you know those little like
I don't know they they have all the different names,
but the ones that like uh streamers and things like that.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
Have you ever had somebody like that blew off their hand?
And they're like, right, I need to shoot the firework
company because I blew my hand off.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
You know, I've never how do anybody try to sue
somebody for that? But I do have a couple of
friends missing some fingers And it's usually the bottom of
the hand. I don't know why. That's the bottom of
the hand.
Speaker 5 (04:09):
The bottom of the hand.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Yeah, it's not usually the top of the hand.
Speaker 5 (04:13):
Are you that you have not one person with missing fingers?
Speaker 2 (04:16):
I've got two friends missing figures?
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Are you watching watching a World Cup soccer?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
So soccer kind of runs in my family, and so
growing up I was the youngest of my my generation,
and so I kind of like had a resentment towards
soccer growing up because everybody was good at it and
I was so young.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
I don't try to sit there and the same resentment
reason he did different, But I had resentment towards soccer
and I still do.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Don't try to say no, no, it's a constant fight
every day.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
But here's the problem, right, and this is this is
probably makes me even grumpier about it is I've got
friends that will never talk about any of the m
l I soccer. They won't talk about any of the
you know, the European soccer leagues, they don't talk about
any of that stuff. But as soon as you know
the US makes it, it's very exciting. It's very exciting
(05:11):
that made to the world.
Speaker 5 (05:16):
The world comes here in America. The team went super far.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
But then people are like all super interested and they're like, oh,
you know, you know, did you watch the match? And
I'm like, you don't care, just the worst version of gatekeeper.
I'm telling you, I'm I'm admitting that I've got this resentment.
And it goes back to my child.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
You should be happy, like it's a big umbrella and
there's plenty of room for people. And of every four years,
the casual fan gets a little bit more interested in
the world and in soccer.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Through the World Cup. It will bleed down to the
other leagues.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
But here's my thing, though, Like the one thing I
truly appreciate about soccer throughout the world is how enthusiastic
the fans are. I agree that, and I just feel
like everybody's faking it here. And that's the problem I have.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
Watching people get excited.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
When we did talk about that in the very beginning
of it, where what I hope is is that we
as Americans as fandom, with our fandom, I hope we
learned from this because also the World Baseball Classic behind that, yeah,
World Baseball Classic, because there's another example of that. World
Cup is an example of that, the way that these
fans support their teams and come up with the different
(06:29):
songs and the different you know, chants and all that
kind of stuff. Because that was one of the things
I noticed the other day when we were watching the
men's team, Like when the game itself is tight and
not and and and engaging, we as fans should have
things that we could do to send positive energy to
our team.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
That's fair, that's fair. The russ is coffing at that,
absolutely most articulous. I'm laughing because the team that beat us,
what's the team that beat the hell out of us?
When they won, they were doing the Donald Trump Wiener dance.
They were trolling is so bad. That's happening, Rush absolute
dancy does they were doing that, They.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Were doing the y m c A dance. They were
doing that dance. The levels of trolling that have gone
on a global scale. We deserved it because of our defeat.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
But here's the thing, like you know, like, if we
like our president is the guy that has the Thief
of Peace Prize. So part of having the Peace Prize
means you get a favor, apparently, so when you get
the Peace Prize, you get a favor. He called in
the favor. He shouldn't be mad at him for.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Doing that in the first place, but still didn't need
Daddy to call up and try and fix it. You
love it when daddy calls whoa, oh, ray, I got
a gift for you. Did Daddy remind you of the gift.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
There's a race. It gets weird fast. I think he
got the same thing I got, didn't he? Oh that's cool.
I'm glad.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
I'm bigger though. Just actually we had to these or
I do love me some dude one.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Oh no, you gotta try one. Ryan, don't get him
to him before you try.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Wait you never tried dude wipes. No, no, but these
are mental flavored. Those are triple X mental flavor. Open
it up and see what it says. Oh, that's that's
for you.
Speaker 5 (08:17):
Hey, I love this, And.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Then awesome, that's your Miami Dolphin. Of course they're going
to the playoffs this year. We're going to the Super
Bowl this year.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
You time.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I now just listen to get to the playoffs. I
went twenty six hundred dollars. Did we get to the playoffs?
I love this?
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Yeah, who was it that gave that to us? Very
nice gentlemen?
Speaker 5 (08:33):
I made him?
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Oh, Ryan made him? Well good, it was me. I
did it. Somebody said, no.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
These are a courtesy of our good friend uh toe
tow truck ed hot. He's been listening since nineteen ninety seven. God,
I've been trying, dude, Ed, I've been trying to give
you some love. Send me your information. People are wondering
if you could make some for them. Thank you, coach
truck A. I don't know if you're doing this as
a side hustle or you just did that because you
like this.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
While we're talking sports real quick, have you seen and
maybe Ryan, you could pull it up to show my
buddy Ray, because have you seen wrestle ball?
Speaker 2 (09:09):
I have not seen wrestle ball, but maybe those sound
like they smell like they would.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Although they clean you up, those wipes will make you
sting for half hour. I'm telling you that kind of
sounds inviting. Somehow, I don't know why. I was super clean. Yeah,
super clean. And you smell minty fresh down in your
your your another.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Reason I usually get the unscented ones, but I'll try.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
You get to watch this. You get points when you
when you when you take people.
Speaker 5 (09:34):
Down, you have to take your shirt off.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
But you gotta take your shirt off when you do
a super These guys it's like a basketball fight and
they're all Russian wrestlers. It's the craziest thing I ever
saw in my life. And they were I look super dangerous.
I like it. Yeah, look at that. Instead of doing
jump ball, you do takedown, okay, and then you gotta
take your shirt off in order. I don't know why I.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Take your shirt off, though. What's it's supposed.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
To signify that you're gonna take somebody down?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I think so, like the gameplay stops and you take
your shirt off. Is that what kind of happened?
Speaker 5 (10:06):
Like the guy's usually not looking.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
The guy's not looking. He's probably easier way to score, too, right,
I guess. So you can score by takedown, and you
can score by getting the ball in the in the hoop,
but they made the hoop shorter, so you know.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
That's it gets dangerous right there. When the guys up
in the air.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
The whole thing is dangerous. There's crazy Russians, crazy ass
Russians playing the wrestle ball. I'm the one that they
do this, so fantastic rustlers. You got to check out.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
I think it's like the six on six or eight
on eight mm A fights. Yeah, I haven't seen that either.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
These guys are lunatics over there.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
It sounds six fights. That sounds awesome.
Speaker 4 (10:44):
But they also do guys car jiu jitsu where people
are this one and then you have to I have
seen this before.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
That's ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Look at Raymond go, he's a study.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
You have any hot takes semesters? All right, we'll play
some of those. Come back with the Ray Trentley and
find out why Gray divorced says are on the rise,
on the rise, on the down low rise. Okay, we'll
talk about that when.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
Brian, we love if we just don't want to hear
about you and the color of your deck, quit being.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
A deck, miss it. Everybody easier to listen to Real
Radio one oh four point one wherever you go.
Speaker 5 (11:18):
Make us your number one preset on our free heart
radio app.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Looking at heavy traffic right now, in the Orlando area
for those who need to travel. Why the major attractions
exits as Whollos through downtown between Michigan Street and South Street. Anyway,
Ray Trandley here with us today.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Hating Ray, I'm doing well. How you guys doing.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
So one of the things you sent me was and
I I would think, Okay, a great divorce is basically
like when they're older people, they've been married for a
long time and they finally, you know, decide to get
a divorce. And I would think by that time, you
just you kind of settled in, and why would you
want to upset the apple cart? You know, like you
(11:55):
would think that they would be rare, but they're not rare.
They're not.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
And and under if you look at like the statistics
under every age group, divorce is going down except for
people forty eight enough, why that is the only range
going up.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
So it's going up with forty eight and over, but
under divorce rates going down.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Yeah, from like eighteen to forty seven, divorce rates going down.
Speaker 1 (12:22):
I'll be damn okay, So what's the what's the reasoning the.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
So there's a psychologist that came out and I find
all these things are pretty consistent in my practice as
far as things that people complain about when they're coming
in for divorce and specifically a great divorce. The first
is people deal with a loss of identity and confidence.
You know, a lot of times what ends up happening
is you've spent your entire career, you know, building something,
(12:46):
building your career, building your reputation. Now you've retired, and
now you have to adjust with who am I as
a person? Right And a lot of people struggle with
that loss of identity. And you know, there's there's a
really great book up there. It's called Transitions, and what
it talks about is that you know, every time you
go through a life transition, you have something that's ending
(13:08):
and then you have something that new that's starting. But
you have this part in the middle of this transition period.
But there's a lot of friction, and so I feel like,
you know, a lot of couples aren't prepared for that friction.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
So if your entire life you're a radio host, and
then you retire and then like, well you could read
between the lines of where I was going with why
I thought that he or your entire life thirty some
ideas you're a paramedic and then all of a sudden,
you're not working anymore.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
And then, well, I guess I'm a chef. I don't
I don't blame Maryland for any of this. By the way,
this is all about russ. I think mary Ellen's question retirement.
I think she's doing a great day too. The next
thing they talk about is you're spending too much time together, right,
and so a lot of relationships you don't spend as
much time together. You know, maybe get some weekends and
you get some some nighttime stuff, that's right, and you
(13:53):
lose privacy, you lose your quiet time, you lose the
freedom to kind of do the things that you like
to do. Just got to recharge, and that causes a
lot of stress in these relationships.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Look out Ryan, and then it says something about.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Like you get a personal trainer to avoid your spouse.
Speaker 5 (14:09):
I got the personal trainer for her together.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
I forgot in the chair of us. Oh hes both
of us.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
He does both of you.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Another thing they talk about with these great divorces is
that there's a lot of anxiety of her finances. You know,
you go from earning an income to a fixed income,
and that requires a lifestyle change, and not everybody has
the same idea about finances where they're saving or spending
and what's the appropriated thing to spend money on.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Yes, I know this is not anything to do with me,
but I know I know some people that are older,
and that's one of the biggest things, Like he doesn't
want to spend any money, and she like wants to
get some things and he gets so mad because he's
afraid they're going to amount of money and it's a
constant fight.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Yeah, it becomes something where you guys need to have
that conversation before you retire of how you want to
manage your finance. That becomes a really big friction point.
Another one they talk about is relocation regrets. Right, like,
you have this established you know, family and community in
your neighborhood, you sell your house, you retire, you move
(15:13):
somewhere else where you have less you know, stability, less family,
and maybe you overestimate how much community you're going to
have in that new place, and so, uh, you know,
I can create a lot of conflict and so you know,
one of the things that they advise is you know,
maybe try new area, you know, for a few months
before you decide to buy a house there. And then
you know, the last thing that they talk about that
(15:36):
comes up in these great divorces pretty frequently is mismatching
travel desires. And this is where like one spouse wants
to travel a lot and the other one maybe wants
to spend more time with family, right, and and that
can create a lot of conflict. And so you know,
whenever I find one of these articles, I would just
like to talk about it because you know, I am
a family lot of divorce attorney, but I don't want
(15:57):
to see people going through divorce. It's a really tough time.
And you know, if you have to get divorced, we
want to do it in a way where you maintain
as much dignity and respect as possible, trying to solve
problems as much as you can. But you know, if
you're in a situation where you're you know, in the
realm of the world of retirements, you know, for me,
communication is key. A lot of people only go to
(16:19):
therapists when something is wrong. You know, if you if
you can open up a bridge of communication before things
go wrong, a lot of times you can protect and
preserve your relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
Hey, Ray, how many times do people they're older, They're like,
I want to get a divorce. I don't like this.
I don't like that. I want to get a divorce.
And then they they do, or they break up or whatever,
and then realize this is really not what I wanted
and they kind of get back together.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Does that happen frequently? It happens fairly frequently. You know,
I call it the grasses isn't always greener effect. You know,
I'm not Florida is not one of the states that
requires you to have like a separation period, and I
don't think it should be required, but I do think people,
more people should consider a separation period.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
Where you make a wife go live in the woods
for a week.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Or you live in the woods. Why don't you go
live in the woods?
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Uh? Maybe I will, Uh, but you know, try to
separation like a trial separation period before they make the
decision to get divorced, just because the grass isn't always greener,
And a lot of times when you start having the
conversations about the finances, specifically, you know, if you don't
want to spend money and you know the other person does,
(17:32):
then you go through a divorce. Guess what you just
spent half your money.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Well, and when you're in the spiral of a divorce
and you're arguing you're this person trying to one up
that person that, and you're like, I'm being spiteful or whatever.
You start making a lot of really bad decisions and
then you realize, oh, I didn't really feel that way.
I was just well he said this, So I said,
like a whole I've seen all this. It's not me
I'm talking about, but I'm thinking of a particular a
(18:00):
couple of people that that you know, they were spiraling
it all and then and then once they finally got over,
they're hurting. You know, they were upset about and everything's fine. Well,
as people that don't know how to go get help, yeah,
good therapy.
Speaker 3 (18:12):
You are as you know, because if if you're a
person that can acknowledge that and have a third party
come in and kind of talk to, whether it's your
pastor or a therapist or whatever, I bet you, I
bet you're the percentages that are like, you're way more
right than than people that actually wanted, especially at that
advanced age.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Well, yeah, older people still look at counseling as it is.
It's well for people who are weak you know that
it's you know, you laugh at someone who goes to counseling.
And I know because I've tried to, uh suggest counseling
to some people who are older. Oh that's for you know,
you know, and it's so funny that that attitude.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
And you know, I think at the end of the day,
and this is what I try to preach to my clients,
because you know, they did get emotionally wrapped up in things.
And you know, I do business litigation as well as
family lawns, and both of those are highly emotional because
you're breaking up a relationship. And and I just try
to tell people like, if you were to zoom out
really far, you can't even see each other anymore. You
(19:14):
just see all the money you're spending, and you take
a look at whether or not this is worth it, right.
You know, a lot of times you might readjust your
principles and that people always say, like, it's my principles,
that's why I'm fighting over this issue. But if if
you were to zoom out far enough and actually take
a look at like the toll it's taking the collateral
effect of these fights. A lot of times it's not
worth it to you.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
And if for an older couple, like we're talking about
like the gray you know, gray marriage or great divorce,
great divorce, you have to think about who all it's affecting, right,
grandkids and family members and everybody, because you know, Grandma
and Rampaull getting divorced. That's a real mess up situation.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Yes, that angel off of the heels of the conversation
in the sense of getting divorces and whatnot. Why is
it because this is off of a text that came
in real mobile seven seven zero three ohot one. Why
do people think that uncontested divorce should not be expensive
or not or cost anything. Let's say, yeah, so people
(20:10):
get the idea that uncontested, oh, this should be this
is a walk in the park, This shouldn't cost us anything.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
So here, here's the way I try to tell people
to framely there just be like a contested divorce and
uncontest divorce, you're choosing a process a path. You're still
breaking up, you're still separating everything. You still want to
make sure you're not getting screwed, right. And I don't
want to talk too much about a specific case because
I've got a couple that are like really thinking in
my mind right now. So I'll just kind of talk
in generalities, like you and your spouse can generally agree, like, hey,
(20:39):
you know what, we want to be fair with each other.
We don't want to bring the courts involved in this.
We want to resolve everything. But at the end of
the day, you don't want to get screwed. You don't
want to give it more than you're entitled to, you know,
the last thing. And I've had these cases that we
you know, in the past where you know, somebody comes
to me after the fact that they're like, oh, this
is what I signed, And I'm like, you signed a
piece of paper where you gave up, you know, sixty
(21:01):
percent of the assets and you never had to do that.
And they're like, well, I didn't realize that's what I
was doing, right, And so you should still do your
due diligence and make sure that you've got an agreement
in place that's enforceable. And a lot of times, you know,
when you try to make things really nice and easy
and fair, yeah, you take out a lot of the
enforcement language. And so then you're stuck with a roommate
that you don't want to live with or you're stuck
(21:22):
with a property settlement agreement that's not enforceable, and working
through those things takes time, and unfortunately that time costs money.
Speaker 3 (21:29):
And even with that, there's also like legitimate fees at
the county level and state level. Yeah, like the state
doesn't just be like, oh, you guys are gettingvorced and
it's not contested.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Oh, you guys are good.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
It's definitely a profit center for the counties.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Yeah, So like there's there's fees that are associated with this,
regardless if you get an attorney or not.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Correct.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Hey, ray, how often does this happen? And I'm thinking
about another situation with someone else that I know and
married for a long time. But this is just human nature.
This just happens sometimes. It's people will get older, they
are their personality changes, dementia could set in, or or
just they become meaner than they used to they never
(22:09):
used to be like this, And and how many times
does that come into play, like this is not the
same woman or this is not the same man that
I married, you know, so many years ago. You know,
how often is that a situation?
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Those are in my opinion, those are some of the
status cases that I deal with yeah, because you've got
a caregiver who never really wanted to be a caregiver
and they get put in this role and then they
build resentment and and it becomes a really tough thing
for families. And if if somebody is dealing with dementia
or something like that, there are legal limitations to how
(22:43):
quickly the divorce can move into what has to be
done there because you know, conceptually speaking, somebody who doesn't
have the capacity to understand what they're doing can't be
signing contracts and so, and they can't advocate for themselves,
and so the courts have these kind of rules and
and things around that. So it becomes a really difficult,
messy situation.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
That's why you could get put in a prenup is
always at heart, well no, no, in the sense of hey,
like and again I'm asking us, I wouldn't even know
how to how you award this. But let's say you're,
you know, about to get married or whatever, and one
of your partner or whatever, it's like, hey, listen, my family,
we have this kind of history in this and I'm
telling you at the first hint of this, I don't
(23:23):
want any of this to fall on you so that
in the prenup at the first hint of this, uh
you could you know you can bail. I've got everything
else taken care of. Is that a prenuptial kind of
agreement that you could do? Conceptually, I think you can
build something into that. I've never actually had anybody bring
that up to me before, but I think you could
build something around that that would make it easier for
(23:43):
your spouse to divorce you if you were to lose capacity,
because I can't imagine you want them to stick with
you though, No, dude, that's that's the worst kind of burden.
I can't I could not imagine that you lose your faculties,
you lose who you are. The person that you quote
unquote married to doesn't even recognize you, and now you
saddled them with the fact that, oh you got to ride.
Speaker 4 (24:03):
I never get scared that you're living that life right
now and all this is an illusion and you're sitting
in a chair with dementia drooling on yourself.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Good for you. Hey, how how often does this? And
I'll get you say, how often does this happen? Mind?
Speaker 5 (24:15):
Demension?
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Dream?
Speaker 5 (24:16):
I guess I can't even do what I want.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Because I know, I know some people in the villages,
and they were they were a certain way before they
moved to the villages. And then they moved to the
villages and they retired, and guess what they're doing all
the time?
Speaker 5 (24:27):
Swinging they side down pine apples.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Well, not that, but I'm saying it's Jimmy Buffett time. Right,
we're drinking all day. And they developed drinking problems as
they get all like, they weren't like that, you know, earlier,
but now there's seventy five or whatever, and they has
that been an issue with a divorce?
Speaker 2 (24:43):
Yeah, specifically the drinking part, yes, right, you know. And again,
the kind of the story is you're working, you know,
maybe you drank a lot at work, but you're supoused
to see it. But and then you come home and
you're spending all the time at home, you drink more
and drinking all the time. And yeah, sometimes there's differenting
views on how that, but yeah, I see it pretty frequently.
Speaker 4 (25:02):
Ray, What is the proper response when somebody yells at
you in the middle of an argument and you took
all my good years.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Say you're right, baby, you're right.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Uh, I appreciate that, Thank you, Thank you for those
good years.
Speaker 5 (25:17):
It's hurtful. It's hurtful thing that's ever been yelled at me.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
Uh No, you know what, Being in a relationship is hard,
and I like to think, you know, there's a there's
a romantic person inside of me that likes to think
that even if it's a bad relationship that you get
out of you learn something from it. There was something
good that came out of it, hopefully and and you know.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Just talk about shifting your perspective a little bit.
Speaker 4 (25:45):
Yeah, okay, so you don't yell what I yelled back,
which is like that was ten years before we met.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
Oh yeah, yeah, probably probably not good man.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
What you do if her phone if anyone needs to
get hold of you, Ray, Uh, it's one Firm for
Life dot.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Com, One Firm for Life dot com. Or you always
call the officer. Follow us on social media, send me
a message. I'm not great at social media, but you
call them.
Speaker 4 (26:11):
I've senior Instagram and your t k Low Instagram. Everybody
follow tk low on Instagram. Yes, Skitch, I do try
to be looks.
Speaker 5 (26:20):
That's very part.
Speaker 4 (26:22):
Like Ray does two versions of Skitch. There's one where
he's talking and he's doing legal stuff. And then there's
the ones that you can clearly tell his office manager, like, hey,
you do this trendy thing, and those make me so
happy you can perceive that.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Oh yeah, dude, I thought I fake it really well.
He lovely follow.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
Taxi service, checking in and with with what Angel was
talking about. When you do get married, it does say
in sickness and in health, and you know, getting to
mention that sickness. I agree.
Speaker 5 (26:50):
I don't mean the sickness.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
But I understand that.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
And and again for everyone that does it and follows
through with that, I'm saying for me and personally, my
like on my side, if I'm going into this and
I'm of clear mind and spirit and everything, it's my choice.
I wouldn't want to burden my partner with that. Yeah,
I would, you know, put me, especially if I'm losing
my mind. What doesn't matter, like, what doesn't matter where
(27:15):
I'm at.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (27:16):
If I don't recognize my partner, that's gotta be heartbreaking.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Yeah, yeah, yeah it does.
Speaker 5 (27:21):
But it's like you're banging someone new. I don't think that.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
I don't think yeah, I don't think at that point,
you're doing a whole lot of banging son.
Speaker 4 (27:28):
I don't know me downstairs. Don't got to mention it.
You never forget this upstairs.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
That's why you use hm, dude wipes. It smell really good.
Speaker 5 (27:39):
You're using it on the wrong side.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
You get you down. Oh yeah, don't wipe it there.
All right, listen, thank you so much. I appreciate it me.
I appreciate you. Guys. All right, don't go anywhere. You're
listening to the match of the morning.
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