July 13, 2026 • 16 mins
On the Jim Colbert Show Attorney "Friendly" Ray Traendly of TK Law discusses some of the differences in divorce law of the U.S. and U.K. and Apple's lawsuit against OpenAI.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, welcome back to the Jim Corber Show. We're
all Radio one oh four point one. Thing again for
tuning in today. We appreciate that, as we do every day.
I'm Jim. There's deb Hello. Jack is here as well. Yeah,
and every single money around this time. We have a
big friend that drops by t K Law. That's the
firm he runs, One firm for life. Dot com is
the website. You guys, give it up good and loud
for mister Rake Trindley.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Yeah, I want to hear more about the Chad story.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Did Chad make it off the pole? And I don't Chad?
Uh the the It was the name that got the
most heat. Oh was Karen and Chad? Oh really? Yeah?
I didn't like really interesting. Karen's are a mixed bag.
But it's it's your Kyle's or your Tyler's that I
(00:46):
find that can be a little for me. Was Brad.
Every brad I met I got in a fistfight with. Yeah, yeah,
I'm do some cool brads as well, but I knew
the one Brad was gonna a new Yeah. How you doing?
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Man?
Speaker 1 (01:00):
We ain't seen it in a minute. It's been like
almost a month. It's the last time I was here.
I know, how crazy is that? How you been?
Speaker 2 (01:04):
And you lied to everybody and said, I'm here every Monday.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I've been. I've been well.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I had a I had my so I do a
lot of lawyer conferences throughout the year, so I had
my favorite one. It's it's always around Father's Day. So
I had that, and then I thought, well, what good
idea would be to have a family vacation immediately after that, Yeah, sure,
I thought that'd be a great idea. It was a
terrible idea going from like a conference. I tried to
(01:31):
get back a day early so that I could then
you know, pack up the kids and and make it
to the mountains of the Carolinas. I was like, oh,
you know, this is gonna be so good. It's so
much better than like, you know, going from a trip
to you know, getting back to work and then going
on vacation.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
It was hard, man.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I ended up working a couple of days on my
vacation just to kind of keep up the speed on things.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
But you said out there, for a minute, though, I
was glad to hear that, because I know you're a
guy that likes to kind of work on the job.
So you have to have some days off to really
make sure you get the maximum amount of time off. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
You know, my daughter, she's getting to me an age
where I don't know if she's gonna want to hang
with me much longer. Yeah, and so I'm just trying
to really just chair some of those moments and.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Let me help you out. She's not. Yeah, she's still
become cool though. I got three of them. There's a phase.
Let me help you out. Yeah. The phase is this,
once they they love you like nothing else can be
loved until they're twelve. Yeah, by the time they're fourteen,
they won't even admit they know you. No, I got
eight more months when you me Yeah, middle school is
(02:30):
the place, right, and then when they turn twenty three,
you're the greatest human that ever lived again, that's about right. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
So you know, I'm just trying to take her as
many adventures as I can now and get her excited
and pumps and so, you know, if nothing else, she
tells guys that her dad's a crazy person and.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
People out in the hill and she likes out doorsy
stuff too. So that's that's really cool because that's what
you guys did when I'm got a cabin up the mountains,
and you.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Know, crayfish in the creeks and fish and you know,
all kinds of fun stuff. There was a nest full
of baby birds, and so we watched the mom bird
feed the baby every day, and then I think our
second last day there, the baby started dropping out of
the tree and and so we got to watch them,
you know, like and the mom would come down feed
him on the ground, and then by the by the
(03:14):
day we left.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
They were flying around with that.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
That's right, But it was also a terrible metaphor for
the fact that, like, at some point, my baby girl.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
It was some realization coming on there. Very cool man,
a couple of things. I know that you had something
that you brought as well, but I wanted to ask
you a brief this. I mean, yeah, so we've always
wondered when the hammer was going to fall on AI
when it comes to the information that gathers, because one
of the big things when AI hit was it's plagiarizing
everything it has to because it's only pulling from stuff
that humans have created. So everything it comes up with
(03:48):
really it's just scanned information. It's compiled for you, you know,
I mean, it's nothing new in the science realm. We
could see it doing new things with math or science
or breakthroughs like that, but some of that stuff isn't that.
And Apple thought that so much that they actually sued
chat GBT or open ai that created chat GBT because
of this very thing that it's stealing, you know, protected
(04:11):
information and using it as a product. And we wondered
when this was going to come down. And looks like
we know now, well, we now know.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
You know. What makes the open Ai Apple lost you
a little bit more interesting is about two years ago,
I don't remember that, there was an Apple update with
Siri and Apple announced that they were partnering with open
ai to improve the technology behind Siri. And so I'm
assuming as a part of that, Apple had to let
open ai into it's its back door to explore, you know,
(04:44):
how to make everything work. And and you know, now
two years later, uh, you know, they're suing them. I
will say this, and I don't know, I don't know
all the specific facts about what's going on in real life,
but I do find it coincidental that shortly after Apple
announces that they are moving to a Microsoft Gemini model
(05:05):
for their AI they decide to follow losses open AI
and break their partnership.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
So and there was something mentioned in there about them
taking proprietary information right and possibly you know.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Yeah, yeah, and so be careful who you let you know,
scan your your data and your information. And you know,
we've talked about that for years that if something is free,
then you are the commodity.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
You are the product, right right him show. Yeah, it'd
be interesting to see how that goes.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
I think we're gonna see more and more lawsuits as
the legal system is figuring out, you know, where does
open AI and just artificial intelligence general fall?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I agree. I think it's very interesting because now the
stocks are kind of feeling a little bit with the
AI stats are really kind of feeling it bad right now.
So again the market down, the SMP down four hundred
points again today after taking an ass kicking last week too. So, uh,
they got to stabilize something because they got to figure
out how it's going to be profitable because a lot
of people are kind of looking at the long term
of that stuff and they're not saying the big picture there.
It doesn't look it looks like the dot coms where
(06:02):
it's gonna be like two of these companies make it
out and that's it. Well maybe not even.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
And you see the other thing is about part of
this is the revolt with these data centers.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
And the youth and that one you use it.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Right, and so it'll be interesting, it'll be really interesting
to see is this something that lasts or doesn't last.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
But you know it's just in data centers are the
hot point for elections right now. That's the number one.
I mean people are like, you know, a right, nobody
wants them in their backyard. Nobody wants them. And I'm
gonna tell you nobody wants them to the point where
they're like crossing platform. I mean they're crossing parties over it.
I mean they're like, we will not vote for you
if you support these AI data centers. We just simply
won't do it. I mean it's like the weirdest breaking
point for voters. But they've done it on both sides,
(06:43):
Like if you support this, we're out. Yeah yeah, well
we'll support somebody else. You know, you did send something
I didn't want to talk about today because I think
it's important because I dealt with this as a divorce dad.
Is how divorce parents talk to each other in front
of their kids. Yeah, so important.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
So so this came actually in a really interesting case.
I've got a case right now. It's fascinating. There is
a it's a multinational corporation that's owned by uh, the
married couple. And so there's an English barrister that's involved
in this case as well as myself. So Mike client
has two lawyers and and Eland. Yeah yeah, and then
(07:22):
the husband also has two lawyers, one one in Florida
and one in England because again this multinational corporation. So
so we got into this conversation. I got in this
conversation with my co counsel across the pond, and you know,
we talked a little bit of football, and then we
we started talking about, you know, I don't understand what
these people are fighting about over their kid, and and
(07:43):
so we started getting this conversation and he told me
something that I never knew but I learned and I've
done a ton of research on it since then. In England,
children have a right, a legal right to testify in
their parents' case. They have Now the court doesn't have
to say, oh, just because the kids says they want this,
that the court has to do it, but they have
(08:03):
a legal right to be able to testify in the
in their parents' case.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
And that's not the case in America.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
It's the exact opposite, is it really in America and
specifically to Florida.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Because we're protecting kids from that.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
We have this idea, this this public policy that it's
important to protect children from litigation. And so over the years,
I've compiled a list of rules, suggestions, call what you
will of how people should communicate with their children about
a divorce. And it you know, it depends on age
(08:37):
a little bit. You know, the way you talk to
a six year old or four year old is different
the way you talked to a fourteen or sixteen year.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Old, for sure.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
But I was kind of talking to this this this
attorney in England about these things. He's like, oh no,
it's the exact opposite. So so it sparked this really
interesting conversation. I've talked to some psychologists and psychiatrists over
for the topic as well, just to make sure I'm
not going crazy. But you know, a couple of things
(09:06):
I think people get wrong when they talk to their kids.
The first thing is they start sharing too much information
with their children. And you know, there's two I think
dangerous to sharing too much information with your kids. The
first is they may develop feelings about the other parent
that aren't necessary right or untrue or untrue. You know,
(09:27):
it could be based off your perception. And what that
does is it Caulled was called parenta alienation. Here your
children feel a negative way about the other parent, not
because of anything that parent has done to them, but
because of they want to align themselves to you. And
the second thing I think it causes problems is is
that a lot of times children want to solve the
problem right and now they take a caretaker role over
(09:48):
their parent.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Or they find blaming themselves for the situation at hand.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Or they try to work to get the parents back together,
or in my case, you go running around the neighborhood
to find your mom friends and then you come home
with rando women like, hey, mom found you a friend.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Yeah that's kind of cute, though she didn't appreciate that.
End up becoming really great friends. But yeah, so that
you nailed it. Thanks you went.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
So.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
I think that that's the number one mistake that people make.
I think I think another common mistake that people make
that I try to steer them away from is that
when they have the initial conversation with the child, they
do it alone. And you know, for me, and this
is again based off and I've I've historically always brought
this to none to health professionals who know way more
about this stuff than I do. They think that by
(10:36):
doing that, it's a private place where the kid can
open up. And what I find is if you can
have the conversation with the other parent in the room,
showing that there is no animosity, no secrecy, no no
need for you to align, and if not, surround them
with another family member or you know, you know, cared
for a person to show them that, hey, we're going
(10:57):
to be around you and supporting you throughout this process.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
And your divorce. This is the situation with my my
divorce was we actually put it in the paperwork that
you cannot disparage the other person in front of the
almost every time, we literally put it in there, like
it's a paragraph whatever is like it says right there,
in no way, shape or form will either parent be
negatively disparage or speak negatively of the other parent in
front of the children for any reason at all. Ever. Yeah,
(11:23):
and we actually did a pretty good job with that
after the fact.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Well, you know what, you know, here's what I try
to tell people, because unfortunately, people come to me and
they've made mistakes and they feel maybe some remorse and
regret over some of the decisions they make. You can
be a crappy husband and you still have the opportunity
to be a great dad, Or you could be a really
terrible wife and still have the opportunity to be a
good mom. And I think a lot of times the
(11:50):
feelings that a parent has about the other parent, about
their you know, whether they were you know, a husband
or good wife, interferes with the fact that they're still
a pretty good parent. And even parents can make mistakes too,
and you know, we're all figuring it out. But the
other thing I wanted to suggest, you know, just kind
of align with this conversation that I had with this
other attorney, trying not to put your kids in a
(12:12):
place where they are witnessing things and they have to
come testify in court. Ye.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
My very first case when I started working for Steve
was with a four year old child who's now a
high school graduat and he's a great kid. Unfortunately, I
was involved with his life for fourteen years while he
was a child. From four to eighteen, I was involved in.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
This kid's life, oh wow.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
And I watched him through every phase of life, and
the mother repeatedly put him in situations where he was
going to have to testify in court, and she repeatedly
asked the court to hear his testimony. And unfortunately, because
I got to know this family extremely well, I know
how much of a strain that put on him and
his mental emotional well being. And you know, I can
(12:55):
say time and time again, I see that as a
consistent pattern. When kids are forced to come testify and
be in that position, they suffer and struggle way more.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Yeah, way more because the parents don't even think we
actually Jack and I have a mutual friend that had
to deal with this in a nightmare scenario, nightmare divorce scenario,
and it was unbelievable. This guy was. I mean, he's
a one of the best dudes you could ever meet
in your life. Like in all the allegations we knew
were complete lives, but you know, and he did, God
bless him. He did everything in as possible to shield
(13:27):
those kids from what was and what is a complete
maniac of a mother and woman, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
And that's what I think people say when they're like, oh,
don't use the kids as pawns. I think a lot
of people interpret that as don't negotiate over kid issues.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
And I don't see it that way. Right, That is
exactly using a child as a pond. Right.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
You know that this is the one lever that if
you pull it, you could hurt the other person. And
you pull that lever, and you pull that lever, you
pull that lever, and you know, to his credit, I
hope that he looks back on and his kids love
him and they see you that he protected them from everything.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
But it is so traumatic for them. It's a long
wrong road because the thing is is you're looking at
the other person as an adult, and you're factoring in
adult scenarios. Those children do not look at that person
the way you're looking at them because they don't parents.
They don't see that side of them. And even with flaws,
kids just understand, well, that's how mommy or that's how
daddy is. That don't recept him, they don't. They don't
(14:23):
really think of it as a character flaw that's going
to follow them around for life. They just look at it, Well,
you have mommy drinks sometimes, yeah, sometimes mommy gets mad
when she does this or whatever. That's just mommy. Most
of the time she's great, yeah, you know type thing. So, yeah,
it's it's that's the saddest part of all that for me,
It really is. Yeah, those are by far the hardest cases.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
You know, if you've got to fight over the house
or the four one k or the business, that's easy stuff.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Yeah, that's a check away.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
But you know, making sure that kids are protected, that's
my passion. And if somebody else is going to put
the kid in the middle of the case, yeah, because
we got to fight going on and we can, I
am right out of there, that's right.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Yeah, sure.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
And I think the one good piece of news about
all this is is the courts now have a ton
of data about how this impacts children, and the courts
are more aware of it. They have service animals that
come to the courthouses sometimes when kids do have to testify,
so they have, you know, like an emotional support animal.
Judges are less inclined to allow that type of behavior
(15:24):
to happen.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
And then the kid living with the possibility that their
testimony could put their father or mother in jailor or
creed a scenario where they never get to see them again.
I mean, the the onus of that lifetime. Have you
heard it? Overwhelming? I mean, could you making that decision
as an adult would be overwhelming.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
I had a case just really quickly. I had a
case where that's what happened. The child as a boy
hated his father. I got to be an adult found
out it was all untrue. Mom made it all up
just so she can leave the state that she was
in to come to Florida.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Wow. I have a good friend who had that situation.
And somebody just texted.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
When my daughter turned eighteen and took my ex to
court to have my child support modified, X told my
younger son I was suing her because I didn't want
to pay support anymore. Son didn't talk to me for
a year and missed his graduation.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Wow. Yeah, that's brutal. It is very horrible. That is brutal.
That is horrible. Always good Senia, big dog. See that's
one firm for life dot com. That's TK Law Offices
right there in Altamont and in the land. You can
find them there now as well. Ray Trimdley is the guy.
It's one firm for Life dot Com. I was good
teena mate, guys, Dad, let's do you heard it here first?
You want to do it right now? Coming up for First.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
Florida seeks to expand a food additive ban. Back to
school believe it or not is quickly approaching for Central Florida.
Ray stops smiling and get ready for a monopoly competition series. Really,
we'll talk about that next during you heard it here first?
Speaker 1 (16:51):
All right, just take a little break back in a second,
Deb's News and we'll get the hell out of here.
On a Monday
All right, welcome back to the Jim Corber Show. We're
all Radio one oh four point one. Thing again for
tuning in today. We appreciate that, as we do every day.
I'm Jim. There's deb Hello. Jack is here as well. Yeah,
and every single money around this time. We have a
big friend that drops by t K Law. That's the
firm he runs, One firm for life. Dot com is
the website. You guys, give it up good and loud
for mister Rake Trindley.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Yeah, I want to hear more about the Chad story.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Did Chad make it off the pole? And I don't Chad?
Uh the the It was the name that got the
most heat. Oh was Karen and Chad? Oh really? Yeah?
I didn't like really interesting. Karen's are a mixed bag.
But it's it's your Kyle's or your Tyler's that I
(00:46):
find that can be a little for me. Was Brad.
Every brad I met I got in a fistfight with. Yeah, yeah,
I'm do some cool brads as well, but I knew
the one Brad was gonna a new Yeah. How you doing?
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Man?
Speaker 1 (01:00):
We ain't seen it in a minute. It's been like
almost a month. It's the last time I was here.
I know, how crazy is that? How you been?
Speaker 2 (01:04):
And you lied to everybody and said, I'm here every Monday.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I've been. I've been well.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I had a I had my so I do a
lot of lawyer conferences throughout the year, so I had
my favorite one. It's it's always around Father's Day. So
I had that, and then I thought, well, what good
idea would be to have a family vacation immediately after that, Yeah, sure,
I thought that'd be a great idea. It was a
terrible idea going from like a conference. I tried to
(01:31):
get back a day early so that I could then
you know, pack up the kids and and make it
to the mountains of the Carolinas. I was like, oh,
you know, this is gonna be so good. It's so
much better than like, you know, going from a trip
to you know, getting back to work and then going
on vacation.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
It was hard, man.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I ended up working a couple of days on my
vacation just to kind of keep up the speed on things.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
But you said out there, for a minute, though, I
was glad to hear that, because I know you're a
guy that likes to kind of work on the job.
So you have to have some days off to really
make sure you get the maximum amount of time off. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
You know, my daughter, she's getting to me an age
where I don't know if she's gonna want to hang
with me much longer. Yeah, and so I'm just trying
to really just chair some of those moments and.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Let me help you out. She's not. Yeah, she's still
become cool though. I got three of them. There's a phase.
Let me help you out. Yeah. The phase is this,
once they they love you like nothing else can be
loved until they're twelve. Yeah, by the time they're fourteen,
they won't even admit they know you. No, I got
eight more months when you me Yeah, middle school is
(02:30):
the place, right, and then when they turn twenty three,
you're the greatest human that ever lived again, that's about right. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
So you know, I'm just trying to take her as
many adventures as I can now and get her excited
and pumps and so, you know, if nothing else, she
tells guys that her dad's a crazy person and.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
People out in the hill and she likes out doorsy
stuff too. So that's that's really cool because that's what
you guys did when I'm got a cabin up the mountains,
and you.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Know, crayfish in the creeks and fish and you know,
all kinds of fun stuff. There was a nest full
of baby birds, and so we watched the mom bird
feed the baby every day, and then I think our
second last day there, the baby started dropping out of
the tree and and so we got to watch them,
you know, like and the mom would come down feed
him on the ground, and then by the by the
(03:14):
day we left.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
They were flying around with that.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
That's right, But it was also a terrible metaphor for
the fact that, like, at some point, my baby girl.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
It was some realization coming on there. Very cool man,
a couple of things. I know that you had something
that you brought as well, but I wanted to ask
you a brief this. I mean, yeah, so we've always
wondered when the hammer was going to fall on AI
when it comes to the information that gathers, because one
of the big things when AI hit was it's plagiarizing
everything it has to because it's only pulling from stuff
that humans have created. So everything it comes up with
(03:48):
really it's just scanned information. It's compiled for you, you know,
I mean, it's nothing new in the science realm. We
could see it doing new things with math or science
or breakthroughs like that, but some of that stuff isn't that.
And Apple thought that so much that they actually sued
chat GBT or open ai that created chat GBT because
of this very thing that it's stealing, you know, protected
(04:11):
information and using it as a product. And we wondered
when this was going to come down. And looks like
we know now, well, we now know.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
You know. What makes the open Ai Apple lost you
a little bit more interesting is about two years ago,
I don't remember that, there was an Apple update with
Siri and Apple announced that they were partnering with open
ai to improve the technology behind Siri. And so I'm
assuming as a part of that, Apple had to let
open ai into it's its back door to explore, you know,
(04:44):
how to make everything work. And and you know, now
two years later, uh, you know, they're suing them. I
will say this, and I don't know, I don't know
all the specific facts about what's going on in real life,
but I do find it coincidental that shortly after Apple
announces that they are moving to a Microsoft Gemini model
(05:05):
for their AI they decide to follow losses open AI
and break their partnership.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
So and there was something mentioned in there about them
taking proprietary information right and possibly you know.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Yeah, yeah, and so be careful who you let you know,
scan your your data and your information. And you know,
we've talked about that for years that if something is free,
then you are the commodity.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
You are the product, right right him show. Yeah, it'd
be interesting to see how that goes.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
I think we're gonna see more and more lawsuits as
the legal system is figuring out, you know, where does
open AI and just artificial intelligence general fall?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
I agree. I think it's very interesting because now the
stocks are kind of feeling a little bit with the
AI stats are really kind of feeling it bad right now.
So again the market down, the SMP down four hundred
points again today after taking an ass kicking last week too. So, uh,
they got to stabilize something because they got to figure
out how it's going to be profitable because a lot
of people are kind of looking at the long term
of that stuff and they're not saying the big picture there.
It doesn't look it looks like the dot coms where
(06:02):
it's gonna be like two of these companies make it
out and that's it. Well maybe not even.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
And you see the other thing is about part of
this is the revolt with these data centers.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
And the youth and that one you use it.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Right, and so it'll be interesting, it'll be really interesting
to see is this something that lasts or doesn't last.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
But you know it's just in data centers are the
hot point for elections right now. That's the number one.
I mean people are like, you know, a right, nobody
wants them in their backyard. Nobody wants them. And I'm
gonna tell you nobody wants them to the point where
they're like crossing platform. I mean they're crossing parties over it.
I mean they're like, we will not vote for you
if you support these AI data centers. We just simply
won't do it. I mean it's like the weirdest breaking
point for voters. But they've done it on both sides,
(06:43):
Like if you support this, we're out. Yeah yeah, well
we'll support somebody else. You know, you did send something
I didn't want to talk about today because I think
it's important because I dealt with this as a divorce dad.
Is how divorce parents talk to each other in front
of their kids. Yeah, so important.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
So so this came actually in a really interesting case.
I've got a case right now. It's fascinating. There is
a it's a multinational corporation that's owned by uh, the
married couple. And so there's an English barrister that's involved
in this case as well as myself. So Mike client
has two lawyers and and Eland. Yeah yeah, and then
(07:22):
the husband also has two lawyers, one one in Florida
and one in England because again this multinational corporation. So
so we got into this conversation. I got in this
conversation with my co counsel across the pond, and you know,
we talked a little bit of football, and then we
we started talking about, you know, I don't understand what
these people are fighting about over their kid, and and
(07:43):
so we started getting this conversation and he told me
something that I never knew but I learned and I've
done a ton of research on it since then. In England,
children have a right, a legal right to testify in
their parents' case. They have Now the court doesn't have
to say, oh, just because the kids says they want this,
that the court has to do it, but they have
(08:03):
a legal right to be able to testify in the
in their parents' case.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
And that's not the case in America.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
It's the exact opposite, is it really in America and
specifically to Florida.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Because we're protecting kids from that.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
We have this idea, this this public policy that it's
important to protect children from litigation. And so over the years,
I've compiled a list of rules, suggestions, call what you
will of how people should communicate with their children about
a divorce. And it you know, it depends on age
(08:37):
a little bit. You know, the way you talk to
a six year old or four year old is different
the way you talked to a fourteen or sixteen year.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Old, for sure.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
But I was kind of talking to this this this
attorney in England about these things. He's like, oh no,
it's the exact opposite. So so it sparked this really
interesting conversation. I've talked to some psychologists and psychiatrists over
for the topic as well, just to make sure I'm
not going crazy. But you know, a couple of things
(09:06):
I think people get wrong when they talk to their kids.
The first thing is they start sharing too much information
with their children. And you know, there's two I think
dangerous to sharing too much information with your kids. The
first is they may develop feelings about the other parent
that aren't necessary right or untrue or untrue. You know,
(09:27):
it could be based off your perception. And what that
does is it Caulled was called parenta alienation. Here your
children feel a negative way about the other parent, not
because of anything that parent has done to them, but
because of they want to align themselves to you. And
the second thing I think it causes problems is is
that a lot of times children want to solve the
problem right and now they take a caretaker role over
(09:48):
their parent.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Or they find blaming themselves for the situation at hand.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Or they try to work to get the parents back together,
or in my case, you go running around the neighborhood
to find your mom friends and then you come home
with rando women like, hey, mom found you a friend.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Yeah that's kind of cute, though she didn't appreciate that.
End up becoming really great friends. But yeah, so that
you nailed it. Thanks you went.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
So.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
I think that that's the number one mistake that people make.
I think I think another common mistake that people make
that I try to steer them away from is that
when they have the initial conversation with the child, they
do it alone. And you know, for me, and this
is again based off and I've I've historically always brought
this to none to health professionals who know way more
about this stuff than I do. They think that by
(10:36):
doing that, it's a private place where the kid can
open up. And what I find is if you can
have the conversation with the other parent in the room,
showing that there is no animosity, no secrecy, no no
need for you to align, and if not, surround them
with another family member or you know, you know, cared
for a person to show them that, hey, we're going
(10:57):
to be around you and supporting you throughout this process.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
And your divorce. This is the situation with my my
divorce was we actually put it in the paperwork that
you cannot disparage the other person in front of the
almost every time, we literally put it in there, like
it's a paragraph whatever is like it says right there,
in no way, shape or form will either parent be
negatively disparage or speak negatively of the other parent in
front of the children for any reason at all. Ever. Yeah,
(11:23):
and we actually did a pretty good job with that
after the fact.
Speaker 2 (11:27):
Well, you know what, you know, here's what I try
to tell people, because unfortunately, people come to me and
they've made mistakes and they feel maybe some remorse and
regret over some of the decisions they make. You can
be a crappy husband and you still have the opportunity
to be a great dad, Or you could be a really
terrible wife and still have the opportunity to be a
good mom. And I think a lot of times the
(11:50):
feelings that a parent has about the other parent, about
their you know, whether they were you know, a husband
or good wife, interferes with the fact that they're still
a pretty good parent. And even parents can make mistakes too,
and you know, we're all figuring it out. But the
other thing I wanted to suggest, you know, just kind
of align with this conversation that I had with this
other attorney, trying not to put your kids in a
(12:12):
place where they are witnessing things and they have to
come testify in court. Ye.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
My very first case when I started working for Steve
was with a four year old child who's now a
high school graduat and he's a great kid. Unfortunately, I
was involved with his life for fourteen years while he
was a child. From four to eighteen, I was involved in.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
This kid's life, oh wow.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
And I watched him through every phase of life, and
the mother repeatedly put him in situations where he was
going to have to testify in court, and she repeatedly
asked the court to hear his testimony. And unfortunately, because
I got to know this family extremely well, I know
how much of a strain that put on him and
his mental emotional well being. And you know, I can
(12:55):
say time and time again, I see that as a
consistent pattern. When kids are forced to come testify and
be in that position, they suffer and struggle way more.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Yeah, way more because the parents don't even think we
actually Jack and I have a mutual friend that had
to deal with this in a nightmare scenario, nightmare divorce scenario,
and it was unbelievable. This guy was. I mean, he's
a one of the best dudes you could ever meet
in your life. Like in all the allegations we knew
were complete lives, but you know, and he did, God
bless him. He did everything in as possible to shield
(13:27):
those kids from what was and what is a complete
maniac of a mother and woman, you know.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
And that's what I think people say when they're like, oh,
don't use the kids as pawns. I think a lot
of people interpret that as don't negotiate over kid issues.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
And I don't see it that way. Right, That is
exactly using a child as a pond. Right.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
You know that this is the one lever that if
you pull it, you could hurt the other person. And
you pull that lever, and you pull that lever, you
pull that lever, and you know, to his credit, I
hope that he looks back on and his kids love
him and they see you that he protected them from everything.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
But it is so traumatic for them. It's a long
wrong road because the thing is is you're looking at
the other person as an adult, and you're factoring in
adult scenarios. Those children do not look at that person
the way you're looking at them because they don't parents.
They don't see that side of them. And even with flaws,
kids just understand, well, that's how mommy or that's how
daddy is. That don't recept him, they don't. They don't
(14:23):
really think of it as a character flaw that's going
to follow them around for life. They just look at it, Well,
you have mommy drinks sometimes, yeah, sometimes mommy gets mad
when she does this or whatever. That's just mommy. Most
of the time she's great, yeah, you know type thing. So, yeah,
it's it's that's the saddest part of all that for me,
It really is. Yeah, those are by far the hardest cases.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
You know, if you've got to fight over the house
or the four one k or the business, that's easy stuff.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Yeah, that's a check away.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
But you know, making sure that kids are protected, that's
my passion. And if somebody else is going to put
the kid in the middle of the case, yeah, because
we got to fight going on and we can, I
am right out of there, that's right.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
Yeah, sure.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
And I think the one good piece of news about
all this is is the courts now have a ton
of data about how this impacts children, and the courts
are more aware of it. They have service animals that
come to the courthouses sometimes when kids do have to testify,
so they have, you know, like an emotional support animal.
Judges are less inclined to allow that type of behavior
(15:24):
to happen.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
And then the kid living with the possibility that their
testimony could put their father or mother in jailor or
creed a scenario where they never get to see them again.
I mean, the the onus of that lifetime. Have you
heard it? Overwhelming? I mean, could you making that decision
as an adult would be overwhelming.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
I had a case just really quickly. I had a
case where that's what happened. The child as a boy
hated his father. I got to be an adult found
out it was all untrue. Mom made it all up
just so she can leave the state that she was
in to come to Florida.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Wow. I have a good friend who had that situation.
And somebody just texted.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
When my daughter turned eighteen and took my ex to
court to have my child support modified, X told my
younger son I was suing her because I didn't want
to pay support anymore. Son didn't talk to me for
a year and missed his graduation.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Wow. Yeah, that's brutal. It is very horrible. That is brutal.
That is horrible. Always good Senia, big dog. See that's
one firm for life dot com. That's TK Law Offices
right there in Altamont and in the land. You can
find them there now as well. Ray Trimdley is the guy.
It's one firm for Life dot Com. I was good
teena mate, guys, Dad, let's do you heard it here first?
You want to do it right now? Coming up for First.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
Florida seeks to expand a food additive ban. Back to
school believe it or not is quickly approaching for Central Florida.
Ray stops smiling and get ready for a monopoly competition series. Really,
we'll talk about that next during you heard it here first?
Speaker 1 (16:51):
All right, just take a little break back in a second,
Deb's News and we'll get the hell out of here.
On a Monday
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