April 30, 2026 • 12 mins
Two Words: Fecal Vandalism
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
One seven nine KBP I and your show time for
stupid stories.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Y'all all stop line.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Yeah you are stupid stories brought you by broken headphones.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Broken headphones.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Yeah, my ear just went out. I think you're there
and there we go. Yep.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Uh. Stupid story is brought to us by Chelsea Lynn.
She's gonna be at the comedy Works this weekend. You
might know her as trailer trash Tammy as well.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Trash Tammy did her first radio interview with us, reliving
the Good Tims here in just a few she'll be
in shorty, let's get through it. National Bugs Bunny Day, heyday.
I thought it was always awesome when people talk like
bugs money. I can't do it, but man, those who could,
it's always awesome. Uh, all right, So I guess there
(00:50):
was a viral social media post claiming two great white
sharks are headed to the Great Lakes. Oh really, somebody
made a video they debunked to use in science or
I don't know, common sense. That would be awesome, though.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
If sharks could migrate to the Great.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Lakes, if somebody just dumped a couple of great whites
in the Great Lakes, would be awesome, all right. So
I don't know this. I don't think this is gonna
be kind of cool. The Greek government is pressing ahead
with a plan to ban anonymity on social media.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Oh really.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
The idea is that forcing people to use their real
names will reduce toxicity.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
You think it might? It might.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
That'd be weird or awkward because if they got your
real name, couldn't get real info on you?
Speaker 3 (01:47):
And oh absolutely, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
L Being is offering couples of chance to be selected
for a very unique brand experience on their wedding day.
Oh maybe maybe, I don't know. Travis and Taylor gonna
do this ll Bean thing.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Nothing screams weddings like ll Bean.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yeah? Man, like you know a sleeping bag. Apparently it's
a photo op with a thirteen foot tall bootmobile.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Tell me that it's not exciting bootmobile? Yep, and it
looks like a big boot Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Come on, the wife wouldn't go over that, so say
you're look, I know you're gonna pop a question sooner
or later. You and Julie the haven't been dated for
like a decade, So look enough, five or six, you
may want to pop a question. You think she'd go
for a bootmobile wedding. Honey, I got a big surprised.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Maybe if it was.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
More of a Doc Martin boot than a an ll
Bean boot, your class would be like that rubbery duck boot. Right, yeah,
galoshes if you will, Oh yeah, it's a duck boot.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
That's a duck boot. And that's the dumbest thing in
the world. If your wife let you get married in
that thing, she's deafinitely a keeper man. She will go
through anything with you.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Man that's hysterical, snow wean or mobile. But it's not bad.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Hey, you're gonna get stuck in the mud with the
woman of your choice. There you go get married and
boot mumbile. Another expert is well, there was a story
out earlier this week about taking to the men that
have had taken oozipics. Well, they feel like they're they're
junk is getting bigger, and it's not. It's not that,
(03:30):
it's just they're losing fat. So well, it appears bigger
because it's your Your fat isn't pushing out as much,
so it just looks naturally bigger.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Your house isn't bigger. You've just trimmed the bushes in
the way.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Yeah, exactly. Here's an unfortunate side effect though, Uh it
looks like Oziba is reducing interest in having sex. So
now you're all hot and pretty, you don't even want
to get it on.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
What's the point, right?
Speaker 2 (03:57):
You know what? Then I'm just gonna stay home and
not eat anything. Does it limit what you kids eat
or just not? You just never get hungry on? It?
Is that the deal?
Speaker 1 (04:13):
I think it may vary from person to person. Some
people when they eat too much, they just throw up.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Oh I've never heard of them throwing up really yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Oh, but I think for the most part, you're just
you don't have the desire to eat in the first place.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yeah. I thought that was more it. You just don't
You just don't eat. You're just like, yeah, no, I'm
not good, I'm good, my hungry all right? How about
this man Taco Bell worker?
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Like, if all the.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Fast food restaurants, I feel like you most likely get
shot at Taco Bell and just kind of backs it up.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Yeah, yeah, I think Taco Bell is.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
This woman, Damarri Jquinn Patterson. She's only twenty. Wait is
that a male or female? I thought it'd be female. No, No,
it's a hymn. J Quinn Patterson is a dude twenty
years old. He was charged with three counts of aggravate
(05:12):
his salt with a firearm because apparently he gave customers
water cups and one customers filled their water cup up
with soda and he wouldn't have any.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Oh wow, Now it.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Says nobody was seriously hurt. But he shot him with
a shotgun. I'm like, I can't believe old dude just
carried in a shotgun of Taco bell man.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Now he's an employee, correct, Yeah, so do he just
have the shotgun behind the counter.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Yeah, they'll say how he got the shotgun? And crazy
the employee urged customers leave and the sound of a
firearm being racked is clearly oudumal, that's crazy.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
The kids don't be using the water cup for soda.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Get you away, a shut tuckle billy plane. Uh Like,
here's the last dude that tried to fill his water
cup up. So just a little you know, strapping on
the wall.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
This is from the last Just frame the story and
post it and every Taco bell.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
So in Washington, man, there they got some problems. So
there's frequent shoplifter who tried to shoplift from some department store.
He got arrested and apparently he was booked into jail
and then he was immediately let go. Now, this guy,
(06:46):
he's got a long long list of shoplifting and you know,
stealing a couple like, you know, harassment and you know
stuff like that. But a retail store acrossed the street
from the jail called nine to report a man matching
(07:08):
the description of this guy who was just released, and
that he was shoplifting in the store. Get this. Officers
came across the street to the store and the rest
of the same guy less than twenty minutes. Less than
twenty minutes from the time he was released. Wow, he
was booked again shoplifting.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
At any point in between there, did he get into
a car or did they just walk him straight back
across the stot He.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Walked him straight back across the street. That's crazy, Like
why you letting him go? Anyway? A recently elected mayor
in a small town of Virginia, uh he got rested
on Tuesday after showing up to a train derailment straight
up hammered. Paul Morrison, fifty seven year old mayor of
(07:57):
rich Creek, he was taking in the custody in charge
of public intoxication. A train to Relman occurred in the
afternoon at rich Creek, which sits along the border of
West Virginia and Virginia, and apparently Morrison showed up intoxicated.
(08:18):
It was immediately arrested because he was so drunk as
I'm a newly erect elected man. I'm mayor, I'm mayor.
I look out, I'll make it, I'll say something.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
It's not one of those where they're like, maybe he's drunk,
maybe he's not. No, he was clearly cross the line.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Stumbling over the I'm the mayor, I make a speech.
I can say something.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
I'm a mayor.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
I just got here. Where's the news cameras?
Speaker 3 (08:49):
I did talk?
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Are you ready for fecal vandalism?
Speaker 3 (08:54):
I don't think anybody is ready for fecal vandalism.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
I think they are today. Uh, they're definitely ready to
a fifty year old woman in Florida named Alexis Webber.
She got arrested either being linked to multiple incidents of
defacing by defecation or fecal vandalism. Homeowners reported seeing human
(09:18):
theses on their vehicles, mailboxes, community food pantries, private yards
and more. And apparently it didn't take long for people
to figure out Alexis was behind it, scuba or should
stay in front of it. She was caught on security
cameras and the detective even witnessed her pooping in the
(09:41):
front yard in public. Now it says in the story
it's unclear why she was doing it. I know why
she was doing it.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Why was she doing it because she had to poop scooping?
She obviously was blocked up a little bit.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
One homeowner said that she was She was happy that
the neighborhood worked together to get to the bottom of it. Uh,
it's funny, man, one resident said, there's crap all over
the place. Whoever did this is probably a disgusting person,
and I was very shocked. That's funny.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Did this happen over one night or is this like a.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Multiple not happened over a period of a week.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (10:21):
This woman to vet Gilmet said her family contacted police
last Thursday after finding fece smear all on the driver's
side of her husband's work band. My husband text me, Uh,
there's a work band was full of poop. Gome said,
I was like, what do you mean. He was like,
there's poop all over my van. She said she couldn't
(10:43):
believe until she saw for herself. I guess, well, she's
just smeard poop all over the van. That is oof.
That's a nasty woman.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Ut there.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Oh, she washed her hands.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
There's a lot of things that can come up when
they google your name, but you don't want fecal vandalism
attached to your your Google profile.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
I wonder if that would be a red flag for
some women, like a dating red uh huh, Like you know,
they googled him. Oh look, he got fecal vandalism on
his record. Oh honey, that's not that bad.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
So for women, I think that definitely would be a
red flag. But for a lot of guys, I think
green flag. I'm not gonna say it's green brown. I'm
gonna go it's a it's a dark yellow brown flag.
It's a yellow flag yellow. It's not a we're cutting this,
we're cutting your free here, but it's more of a
let's see.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
What kind of crazy she really is.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Some dude out there was like, wait, fecal vandalism. That's
my girl right there, man, that's my girl. We can
get along and whoever you are, you're probably listening right now. Dirty.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
She could be my number two any day.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
She's not number one, but definitely number two.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
As a man in the world of urinal, that's your
perfect partner.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
As a woman, your your world doesn't
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Don't truck in everything
One seven nine KBP I and your show time for
stupid stories.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Y'all all stop line.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Yeah you are stupid stories brought you by broken headphones.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Broken headphones.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Yeah, my ear just went out. I think you're there
and there we go. Yep.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Uh. Stupid story is brought to us by Chelsea Lynn.
She's gonna be at the comedy Works this weekend. You
might know her as trailer trash Tammy as well.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Trash Tammy did her first radio interview with us, reliving
the Good Tims here in just a few she'll be
in shorty, let's get through it. National Bugs Bunny Day, heyday.
I thought it was always awesome when people talk like
bugs money. I can't do it, but man, those who could,
it's always awesome. Uh, all right, So I guess there
(00:50):
was a viral social media post claiming two great white
sharks are headed to the Great Lakes. Oh really, somebody
made a video they debunked to use in science or
I don't know, common sense. That would be awesome, though.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
If sharks could migrate to the Great.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Lakes, if somebody just dumped a couple of great whites
in the Great Lakes, would be awesome, all right. So
I don't know this. I don't think this is gonna
be kind of cool. The Greek government is pressing ahead
with a plan to ban anonymity on social media.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Oh really.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
The idea is that forcing people to use their real
names will reduce toxicity.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
You think it might? It might.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
That'd be weird or awkward because if they got your
real name, couldn't get real info on you?
Speaker 3 (01:47):
And oh absolutely, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
L Being is offering couples of chance to be selected
for a very unique brand experience on their wedding day.
Oh maybe maybe, I don't know. Travis and Taylor gonna
do this ll Bean thing.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Nothing screams weddings like ll Bean.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Yeah? Man, like you know a sleeping bag. Apparently it's
a photo op with a thirteen foot tall bootmobile.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Tell me that it's not exciting bootmobile? Yep, and it
looks like a big boot Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Come on, the wife wouldn't go over that, so say
you're look, I know you're gonna pop a question sooner
or later. You and Julie the haven't been dated for
like a decade, So look enough, five or six, you
may want to pop a question. You think she'd go
for a bootmobile wedding. Honey, I got a big surprised.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Maybe if it was.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
More of a Doc Martin boot than a an ll
Bean boot, your class would be like that rubbery duck boot. Right, yeah,
galoshes if you will, Oh yeah, it's a duck boot.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
That's a duck boot. And that's the dumbest thing in
the world. If your wife let you get married in
that thing, she's deafinitely a keeper man. She will go
through anything with you.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Man that's hysterical, snow wean or mobile. But it's not bad.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Hey, you're gonna get stuck in the mud with the
woman of your choice. There you go get married and
boot mumbile. Another expert is well, there was a story
out earlier this week about taking to the men that
have had taken oozipics. Well, they feel like they're they're
junk is getting bigger, and it's not. It's not that,
(03:30):
it's just they're losing fat. So well, it appears bigger
because it's your Your fat isn't pushing out as much,
so it just looks naturally bigger.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Your house isn't bigger. You've just trimmed the bushes in
the way.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Yeah, exactly. Here's an unfortunate side effect though, Uh it
looks like Oziba is reducing interest in having sex. So
now you're all hot and pretty, you don't even want
to get it on.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
What's the point, right?
Speaker 2 (03:57):
You know what? Then I'm just gonna stay home and
not eat anything. Does it limit what you kids eat
or just not? You just never get hungry on? It?
Is that the deal?
Speaker 1 (04:13):
I think it may vary from person to person. Some
people when they eat too much, they just throw up.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Oh I've never heard of them throwing up really yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Oh, but I think for the most part, you're just
you don't have the desire to eat in the first place.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yeah. I thought that was more it. You just don't
You just don't eat. You're just like, yeah, no, I'm
not good, I'm good, my hungry all right? How about
this man Taco Bell worker?
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Like, if all the.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Fast food restaurants, I feel like you most likely get
shot at Taco Bell and just kind of backs it up.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Yeah, yeah, I think Taco Bell is.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
This woman, Damarri Jquinn Patterson. She's only twenty. Wait is
that a male or female? I thought it'd be female. No, No,
it's a hymn. J Quinn Patterson is a dude twenty
years old. He was charged with three counts of aggravate
(05:12):
his salt with a firearm because apparently he gave customers
water cups and one customers filled their water cup up
with soda and he wouldn't have any.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
Oh wow, Now it.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Says nobody was seriously hurt. But he shot him with
a shotgun. I'm like, I can't believe old dude just
carried in a shotgun of Taco bell man.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Now he's an employee, correct, Yeah, so do he just
have the shotgun behind the counter.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Yeah, they'll say how he got the shotgun? And crazy
the employee urged customers leave and the sound of a
firearm being racked is clearly oudumal, that's crazy.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
The kids don't be using the water cup for soda.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
Get you away, a shut tuckle billy plane. Uh Like,
here's the last dude that tried to fill his water
cup up. So just a little you know, strapping on
the wall.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
This is from the last Just frame the story and
post it and every Taco bell.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
So in Washington, man, there they got some problems. So
there's frequent shoplifter who tried to shoplift from some department store.
He got arrested and apparently he was booked into jail
and then he was immediately let go. Now, this guy,
(06:46):
he's got a long long list of shoplifting and you know,
stealing a couple like, you know, harassment and you know
stuff like that. But a retail store acrossed the street
from the jail called nine to report a man matching
(07:08):
the description of this guy who was just released, and
that he was shoplifting in the store. Get this. Officers
came across the street to the store and the rest
of the same guy less than twenty minutes. Less than
twenty minutes from the time he was released. Wow, he
was booked again shoplifting.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
At any point in between there, did he get into
a car or did they just walk him straight back
across the stot He.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Walked him straight back across the street. That's crazy, Like
why you letting him go? Anyway? A recently elected mayor
in a small town of Virginia, uh he got rested
on Tuesday after showing up to a train derailment straight
up hammered. Paul Morrison, fifty seven year old mayor of
(07:57):
rich Creek, he was taking in the custody in charge
of public intoxication. A train to Relman occurred in the
afternoon at rich Creek, which sits along the border of
West Virginia and Virginia, and apparently Morrison showed up intoxicated.
(08:18):
It was immediately arrested because he was so drunk as
I'm a newly erect elected man. I'm mayor, I'm mayor.
I look out, I'll make it, I'll say something.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
It's not one of those where they're like, maybe he's drunk,
maybe he's not. No, he was clearly cross the line.
Speaker 2 (08:37):
Stumbling over the I'm the mayor, I make a speech.
I can say something.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
I'm a mayor.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
I just got here. Where's the news cameras?
Speaker 3 (08:49):
I did talk?
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Are you ready for fecal vandalism?
Speaker 3 (08:54):
I don't think anybody is ready for fecal vandalism.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
I think they are today. Uh, they're definitely ready to
a fifty year old woman in Florida named Alexis Webber.
She got arrested either being linked to multiple incidents of
defacing by defecation or fecal vandalism. Homeowners reported seeing human
(09:18):
theses on their vehicles, mailboxes, community food pantries, private yards
and more. And apparently it didn't take long for people
to figure out Alexis was behind it, scuba or should
stay in front of it. She was caught on security
cameras and the detective even witnessed her pooping in the
(09:41):
front yard in public. Now it says in the story
it's unclear why she was doing it. I know why
she was doing it.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Why was she doing it because she had to poop scooping?
She obviously was blocked up a little bit.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
One homeowner said that she was She was happy that
the neighborhood worked together to get to the bottom of it. Uh,
it's funny, man, one resident said, there's crap all over
the place. Whoever did this is probably a disgusting person,
and I was very shocked. That's funny.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Did this happen over one night or is this like a.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Multiple not happened over a period of a week.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (10:21):
This woman to vet Gilmet said her family contacted police
last Thursday after finding fece smear all on the driver's
side of her husband's work band. My husband text me, Uh,
there's a work band was full of poop. Gome said,
I was like, what do you mean. He was like,
there's poop all over my van. She said she couldn't
(10:43):
believe until she saw for herself. I guess, well, she's
just smeard poop all over the van. That is oof.
That's a nasty woman.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Ut there.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Oh, she washed her hands.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
There's a lot of things that can come up when
they google your name, but you don't want fecal vandalism
attached to your your Google profile.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
I wonder if that would be a red flag for
some women, like a dating red uh huh, Like you know,
they googled him. Oh look, he got fecal vandalism on
his record. Oh honey, that's not that bad.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
So for women, I think that definitely would be a
red flag. But for a lot of guys, I think
green flag. I'm not gonna say it's green brown. I'm
gonna go it's a it's a dark yellow brown flag.
It's a yellow flag yellow. It's not a we're cutting this,
we're cutting your free here, but it's more of a
let's see.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
What kind of crazy she really is.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Some dude out there was like, wait, fecal vandalism. That's
my girl right there, man, that's my girl. We can
get along and whoever you are, you're probably listening right now. Dirty.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
She could be my number two any day.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
She's not number one, but definitely number two.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
As a man in the world of urinal, that's your
perfect partner.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
As a woman, your your world doesn't
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Don't truck in everything
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