July 17, 2025 • 17 mins
We have another Parent Corner for the weekend, Fitzy takes a dive into a new strategy called "positive parenting" and Maggie Dent is here to drop all her parenting knowledge!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
It's the city and with her with kately Ky podcast,
that's good.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Can we talk about positive parenting? We have Maggie Dent
on this work. It's tough. I know it's tough to do.
It's difficult and you're on the endless search for it.
But actually there was an interesting podcast. A young lady
went on this podcast and spoke about her mother. Haven't
listened to this.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
My mom would actually tell me, showed me later in
life that she did this.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
But I remember author out high school.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
She would be like, Oh, I have such a great teenager.
She's a great teenager. She gives me no problems, like
she does have an attitude, she doesn't do bad things.
Speaker 4 (00:34):
I got lucky.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
She's great. And she told me later in life that
she read this book about like, the more you enforce
that your teenager like is a good person and they're
gonna want things, they're going to be they're going to
hold themselves to that standard.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Do you know what do you feel like when you
catch up with friends, sometimes it's your opportunity to to
offload with what the kids have been doing at home.
But I don't know. I just listened to that and thought, God,
if you can actually train yourself just to say, oh,
the kids have been great. But I think it's more
powerful doing it when the kids are around. So for
(01:12):
your kids to hear Mum and dad go, oh, Lenny
has just been a breath of fresh air, he must
think to himself, oh that's great. Well, I think we
need to do that a lot more and let the
kids hear it when you are talking to other people.
Speaker 5 (01:27):
We do a lot of To know love is to
see love. So I will say to Lisa, we're going
to put some music on after dinner and let's have
a slow dance. Because this is how mum and dad act.
Speaker 6 (01:36):
This is love.
Speaker 5 (01:37):
They need to understand what it is. I mean she'll
run away and maybe vomit in the bathroom sort of
two minutes after.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
You're also showing the kids some great acting as well.
Speaker 5 (01:46):
Yes, Bridge, Para, matter, what do you want to say?
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Bridge?
Speaker 6 (01:53):
Did I that you just played about the mum always
say that she had a great teenager? Do you know what?
I tried it and it worked. It completely turns things around.
Speaker 5 (02:03):
Really Yeah.
Speaker 6 (02:06):
And now my daughter, like she doesn't hold back in
hugging me in public, or she holds my hand at
the shots, she says that I'm her best friend.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
Wow, and we just it's I lift.
Speaker 6 (02:21):
Her up and she goes even higher.
Speaker 7 (02:24):
Wow, because she's she feels safe with you to be
one hundred percent herself.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
And that's a that's a great.
Speaker 5 (02:30):
Win for that's a great bridge on you.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
I think I think we feel like we you know,
there's always you want to hear from other parents how
bad their kids are to make yourself feel better. But
if you can be the one, and if you can
train yourself to be positive about your children the whole time, yeah,
I think I think it then disarms other parents and
they go, oh okay.
Speaker 7 (02:54):
Often they don't like it though, Like I've got three
basically three teenagers at home, and you know a lot
of a lot of moms.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Specifically will say, oh, how's that going? I don't know, man,
And I just say no, not really. We were right.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
They're the best.
Speaker 7 (03:10):
They're the best housemates I've ever had.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
And they look at me like.
Speaker 7 (03:15):
What get I'm going to go home and make a
fake profile. This is the Fitz with Cape Ritchie podcast.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
She's an author, she's an educator, and she's a parenting specialist.
But she's our mum. Maggie Dent, welcome man.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
And a nanny.
Speaker 5 (03:37):
You remember near nanny, nanny God, your understanding, depth knowledge
teaching and the way you recognize patterns, your skills in parenting.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
I'm just old.
Speaker 5 (03:49):
Is no, you're not. You've mastered it and like the
saying is in our house, I don't know. Ask Maggie,
what do we do? Maggie.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Actually, Maggie, we were just talking of fear about the
introduction or just the identifying ADHD in kids these days
and identifying that. But there's you're saying that there's a
lot of kids that that you see these symptoms and
they're a sign of stress. But it seems to be
a lot more broad across Australia, now, isn't it. Maggie.
Speaker 8 (04:21):
Oh yeah, there's no question we know more for a start,
you know when I was teaching, Yeah, it was bandied
around a little bit, and I could identify in my classroom,
especially some of those forten year old boys wandering around
my classroom, wondering why they're wandering around my classroom. Did
they have ADHD or do boys have a higher need
for move because of testosterone? So I knew the boy
(04:42):
who was possibly that because he could not sit still
in his seat, and he struggled to concentrate for very long.
And I think it's those sorts of things that we're
now getting much better at identifying. And I do think,
you know, so many adults are now finding out that
that has been something they've been struggling with their whole
life that they didn't really So it's executive functioning that's
particularly important. When we look at is it really adhd
(05:05):
and if it's not, and look, you know, if it is,
there's no question that most of the time that medication
can give them this incredibly calm, focused brain that they've
struggled with, like for years.
Speaker 5 (05:18):
So when you say it could be misdiagnosed as stress,
so what that sort of behavior is an output or
reaction to stress.
Speaker 8 (05:25):
So what we know when the amigdala gets fired up,
particularly in children, then it goes into a fight, a flight,
or a freeze mode. And the fight mode usually is
an externalizing of behavior, which means that they will do
crazy things and run around and move and jump up
and down. And you'll think, oh, they can't concentrate, But
is that a response of stress or is that a
(05:46):
response because they actually have ADHD, and that's why it's
really not always easy for educators and parents to be
able to work that one out. And of course the
waiting lists to be able to get a diagnosis or
to be identified.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
You know, really shinky?
Speaker 5 (06:02):
Are we over labeling?
Speaker 8 (06:04):
Oh it's not really my specialty, feel but I am
going to say some of the things that are driving
stress in our classrooms is that we're pushed down formalized
learning and we're actually expecting more of kids who are
possibly less resilient than previous generations. Anyway, and if they're
digital natives, let's land on my pet topic at the moment,
and digital natives have a narrower concentration span because they've
(06:25):
got these dopamine hits that have been happening a lot,
so they expect a teacher if you're going to be
able to engage them. And teachers tell me that concentration
spans have dropped from roughly twenty minutes to around ten,
and yet we have more content to cover that it's
they're needing more stimulation because that's exactly what you get
on a screen.
Speaker 5 (06:45):
Because that's I mean Jack at the moment, he's just
bored at school. Yeah, that's I'm just bored, Dave. Yeah,
you know, and that might be the results of screen
time that he's been doing.
Speaker 8 (06:55):
But also boys really are want to be there. They
tend to want to be interested in what they're interested in.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Damn it.
Speaker 5 (07:02):
Yeah, I know, Yeah makes sense.
Speaker 8 (07:05):
This is the thing every cholness are in the universe,
but nothing else.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Anyway, let's talk about online dangers. Whenever you come on
our show in thirteen twenty four teen, if you'd like
to ask Maggie a question, can you tell us about
Control Shift and what a new group that you're involved with.
Speaker 8 (07:20):
Yeah, look, I think you all know how much I've
been concerned about the harm that happens online. And that's
a big part of why I was a part of
you know thirty six more is can we kind of
protect them by delaying it? But we know there's millions
of our kids already out there with our devices.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
So the e Safety Commissioner came up.
Speaker 8 (07:38):
With a figure over the last few years there has
been a four hundred and sixty percent increase in online harm.
Our kids are getting harmed, and they're getting harmed more
than ever.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
And then we're going, well, what do we.
Speaker 8 (07:49):
Do about that because whatever we're doing at the moment
isn't addressing it and it's getting worse. So that's when
you know, a couple of my wise friends who I
reach out to when I want to know what's going
on online, we all just thought, what about we jump
in together because there's two things. How do we keep
updated with the next potential harm because it's a moving space,
(08:12):
especially with AI. We didn't have deep fakes two years ago,
no right, and we didn't have sort of the stuff
with bots now that are happening. So how does how
do parents keep up to date? How does you know
the school? So we've decided to create a place where
we can get that information getting through to parents via
schools as it happens in real time, and that really
(08:36):
excites the heck Adam in the second part, so that's
sort of like we're going to train some online social
coaches or in schools and then we'll feed the information
to them, but then they go in and do regular
updates with the kids in the school, not just once
a year. And then the second part, which has been
really big for me, is what do we do when
really serious harm happens? Because that's a bit of a
(08:57):
confusing space, and we need to sort that out with
some clear protocols. That not just because you remember, sometimes
the ones that do dumb stuff have immature brains and
they thought that was just a bit funny. And so
once if that boy, if it's usually a boy who
does some of that stuff, you expel them. You're actually
(09:17):
drowning a boy in shame without necessarily teaching him why
that was a harmful thing. How could he repair that?
How could he then come back and be a better human.
So it's about looking after both victims and perpetrators and
making sure that our school systems know exactly what to
do and not kind of oh yeah, well, we'll, you know,
push it under the map because it might ruin our reputation.
Speaker 5 (09:40):
Which happens a lot. Danny ands and knives.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
Hello, Hi, how are you going good?
Speaker 5 (09:44):
You've got a question for Maggie Dent.
Speaker 6 (09:47):
I do I do?
Speaker 4 (09:48):
Maggie? I have a question for you. When I have
a child in kindergarten and it's his birthday party, do
I invite the whole past? Is that like etiquette?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Polite?
Speaker 4 (10:00):
All the right thing?
Speaker 1 (10:03):
All right?
Speaker 4 (10:03):
You invite the people he's friends with them?
Speaker 8 (10:06):
You're right, there no, never ever invite a whole class
full of kids. Not only is it going to destroy
you and your house, but your child is not fond
of everyone in the class, and that's because we're just
not right. So I think it's this We've got to
be this lovely, overly worried about upsetting other people thing,
which is like past the parcel, everyone gets surprised. I
(10:28):
am going to say minor moments of these discomforts are
actually good for kids. But your child would want the
children around that they like and they play with, and
that is exactly who they should have there. And it
does worry me sometimes because you know, we're we're so
desperately to be careful, and in that carefulness we do
things that are actually going to cause your child to
(10:49):
have a birthday party that they'll regret for the rest
of their lives. So go for common sense, check in
with them, and then you know, I just know that
your child's not also going to get invited to some
party and welcome to life.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Wow, what if you said, Lisa and Glenmore Park, you
got a question for Maggie.
Speaker 6 (11:07):
Hi, Maggie, I do my nine year old He's coming home?
Hear in bits and bobs from his friends.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
I want to know, is nine years old too young
to talk about the birds and bees with him?
Speaker 6 (11:17):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Golly, yep.
Speaker 8 (11:19):
And if possible, we start a lot earlier, but I
can be reassured that there this is a time that you,
I mean, you're really lucky that nine. We do know
that we've got young boys, particularly finding pornography online way younger.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
So if you're that's why we have to talk to
them about.
Speaker 8 (11:37):
Healthy bodies and about private parts, and about our rights
and who can touch them. All of that needs to
be part of conversations much earlier. And I'm going to
give you a very disturbing statistic. We have had a
five hundred percent increase in inappropriate sexual play with children
under five.
Speaker 6 (11:54):
Oh my god god.
Speaker 8 (11:55):
And that is because some of the children have had siblings,
have seen porn, others have had things done to them.
So you can see we have to start much much
earlier than we ever did. And I am going to
just I know, I don't shouldn't advertise anything, but Michelle
Mitchell has a couple of fabulous books, one for boys
and one for girls that really is exactly what is
(12:16):
going to answer the questions and in a light way
that doesn't make it too big a thing. So you know,
the pictures of you know, penises are quite sweet.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
So i'd go there.
Speaker 8 (12:25):
Check out her website for a great book to start,
because it is awkward for us to have the conversations,
but not having the conversations can put your child at risk.
Speaker 5 (12:34):
Because that's what we were talking, Megan, I said, I
think I need to say to the boys, what have
you seen online? Is there an opening line that you
should use?
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Yeah, a little bit. I think that is just curious.
Speaker 8 (12:44):
So I'm really a bit curious that have you seen
anybody without their clothes online? Because we know sometimes it's
in the sidebar of the game, Yeah, like Fortnite and
things like that, even Minecraft, they've slipped in these.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
So it's also in some of the.
Speaker 8 (13:00):
Kids YouTube clips that porn is actually dropping in further
and further, which is the other reason these are the
things that cause harm to our kids, gotcha, And while
we've got to be better informed, So yes, please start early,
Yes about private parts?
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Kelly and Camden, you want to You've got a question
about your two year old?
Speaker 4 (13:18):
Hi, team, Hi, Maggie, Yes I do so I have
a two and a half year old little girl and
a one year old little girl, and my two and
a half year old is definitely showing some signs of
jealousy and chambers, hitting, pushing, stealing toys and things, And
I just want to know how to navigate that, aside
from giving her someone on one attention, which we're already trying,
but I just want to know what else I can
(13:39):
do to help her out in understanding these feelings.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Yeah, can you see how she feels.
Speaker 8 (13:43):
Imagine if you know your male partner bought home a
new friend for the house, you know what the poorn right,
So it's completely normal for her to feel some abandonment issues.
Is the fact you brought this other one home and
that she's two and a half. And two and a
half is a really big age with the start to
realize they're separate and they're not feeling as special and
(14:03):
they're wondering why on earth you've done this. So her reaction,
she's not able to say, oh, Mummy, I am feeling
some abandonment issues about your bringing home another little girl
and I feel a bit sad and I need to cry.
She can't do that, she's too so she will use
her body to show those things. So again, it's an
age thing in many ways. But you've got to keep
your hands right really close because she might not be
(14:24):
able to understand how to use kind hands.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
So we're going to keep an eye.
Speaker 8 (14:28):
There will be certain times the more disregulated she is,
so the more tired she is, the hungrier she is.
That's she's going to be more likely to want to
lash out at her little sister.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
And when what you've got to.
Speaker 8 (14:41):
Do now is create opportunities for her to be able
to play in a fun way, even though little ones
aren't that much fun yet. So it's about creating the
fun and the laughter and the lightness around it. And
just be prepared to keep on jumping in and holding
a hand instead of holding it, to tight hold it
and put kisses all over it, and keep topping up,
(15:01):
absolutely topping up that rufflinger hair, giving her lots of
little moments of connection around the ages, and gradually she'll
move through that and sounds like she might be the
rooster of the two. So she's going to really love
bossing that little girl around for the rest of her life.
Speaker 5 (15:15):
Thanks cal Nellie and Beacon Hill, here we go. You've
got four boys, Maggie, go ahead with your question, Nellie.
Speaker 9 (15:23):
Hi, Maggie. I have an eighteen year old band boy
and he is doing his HSC this year, and he
is so dis engaged. I can't even get him to
turn up for school on time. I feel it's better
to leave school. How do we navigate this?
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Yeah, okay?
Speaker 6 (15:44):
Should he finish?
Speaker 4 (15:45):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Okay. So they're really key to this one.
Speaker 8 (15:47):
Is one of the things that many boys do is
if they don't think they've got a really good chance
of winning and nailing it, then why would I want
to do it? So a fear of failure is often
really underneath this, which you know he's eighteen, of course,
because what happens if all his mates do well and
he doesn't, He's going to have to deal with that
as well. Okay, So I would would really like to think.
(16:08):
I have got an article on my website which is
a little bit later. It says, what do I do
with my lazy, unmotivated eighteen year old he's laying on
the couch that has some really great ideas and how
we lift him up? But what we want him to
do is just finish the job. You know, We're just
going to come on board, you know, whoever you're co
parenting with. Rather than coming down with all the lectures
on why it's important, let's just turn up with his
(16:30):
favorite snacks, his favorite meals, you know, everything that might
help him be a happier boy, and go mate. It's
not the grade. You know, you're not defined by grades.
But we really like you to finish things you started.
So what else can we do to help you get
over the line? And I just I know it sounds ridiculous,
but the more kindness that happens in these spaces, the
more likely they're going to go.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Oh yeah, I can do it. But the more we
come down hard, the more they pull back and feel
I'm out of here. I'm out of here.
Speaker 5 (16:58):
I love that, Maggie.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Love that it is because your initial reaction is you
just want to get angry, get to school. What are
you doing yourself?
Speaker 1 (17:06):
What it is you're going to take your phone off you?
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Yes, I know, Maggie, you are the best. If you
want more information on control Shift as well, you can
get a control Shift dot Global and you can get
more information there. Maggie, we know how busy you are.
You're going to go straight to television from here. We
appreciate your time.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Thanks mom Ah, thank you both, Love you, Love you.
Speaker 5 (17:28):
Whip with Kate Ritchie is a Nova podcast walk great
shows like this. Download the Nova player, Fire the app store,
or Google playing the
It's the city and with her with kately Ky podcast,
that's good.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Can we talk about positive parenting? We have Maggie Dent
on this work. It's tough. I know it's tough to do.
It's difficult and you're on the endless search for it.
But actually there was an interesting podcast. A young lady
went on this podcast and spoke about her mother. Haven't
listened to this.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
My mom would actually tell me, showed me later in
life that she did this.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
But I remember author out high school.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
She would be like, Oh, I have such a great teenager.
She's a great teenager. She gives me no problems, like
she does have an attitude, she doesn't do bad things.
Speaker 4 (00:34):
I got lucky.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
She's great. And she told me later in life that
she read this book about like, the more you enforce
that your teenager like is a good person and they're
gonna want things, they're going to be they're going to
hold themselves to that standard.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Do you know what do you feel like when you
catch up with friends, sometimes it's your opportunity to to
offload with what the kids have been doing at home.
But I don't know. I just listened to that and thought, God,
if you can actually train yourself just to say, oh,
the kids have been great. But I think it's more
powerful doing it when the kids are around. So for
(01:12):
your kids to hear Mum and dad go, oh, Lenny
has just been a breath of fresh air, he must
think to himself, oh that's great. Well, I think we
need to do that a lot more and let the
kids hear it when you are talking to other people.
Speaker 5 (01:27):
We do a lot of To know love is to
see love. So I will say to Lisa, we're going
to put some music on after dinner and let's have
a slow dance. Because this is how mum and dad act.
Speaker 6 (01:36):
This is love.
Speaker 5 (01:37):
They need to understand what it is. I mean she'll
run away and maybe vomit in the bathroom sort of
two minutes after.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
You're also showing the kids some great acting as well.
Speaker 5 (01:46):
Yes, Bridge, Para, matter, what do you want to say?
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Bridge?
Speaker 6 (01:53):
Did I that you just played about the mum always
say that she had a great teenager? Do you know what?
I tried it and it worked. It completely turns things around.
Speaker 5 (02:03):
Really Yeah.
Speaker 6 (02:06):
And now my daughter, like she doesn't hold back in
hugging me in public, or she holds my hand at
the shots, she says that I'm her best friend.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
Wow, and we just it's I lift.
Speaker 6 (02:21):
Her up and she goes even higher.
Speaker 7 (02:24):
Wow, because she's she feels safe with you to be
one hundred percent herself.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
And that's a that's a great.
Speaker 5 (02:30):
Win for that's a great bridge on you.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
I think I think we feel like we you know,
there's always you want to hear from other parents how
bad their kids are to make yourself feel better. But
if you can be the one, and if you can
train yourself to be positive about your children the whole time, yeah,
I think I think it then disarms other parents and
they go, oh okay.
Speaker 7 (02:54):
Often they don't like it though, Like I've got three
basically three teenagers at home, and you know a lot
of a lot of moms.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Specifically will say, oh, how's that going? I don't know, man,
And I just say no, not really. We were right.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
They're the best.
Speaker 7 (03:10):
They're the best housemates I've ever had.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
And they look at me like.
Speaker 7 (03:15):
What get I'm going to go home and make a
fake profile. This is the Fitz with Cape Ritchie podcast.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
She's an author, she's an educator, and she's a parenting specialist.
But she's our mum. Maggie Dent, welcome man.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
And a nanny.
Speaker 5 (03:37):
You remember near nanny, nanny God, your understanding, depth knowledge
teaching and the way you recognize patterns, your skills in parenting.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
I'm just old.
Speaker 5 (03:49):
Is no, you're not. You've mastered it and like the
saying is in our house, I don't know. Ask Maggie,
what do we do? Maggie.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Actually, Maggie, we were just talking of fear about the
introduction or just the identifying ADHD in kids these days
and identifying that. But there's you're saying that there's a
lot of kids that that you see these symptoms and
they're a sign of stress. But it seems to be
a lot more broad across Australia, now, isn't it. Maggie.
Speaker 8 (04:21):
Oh yeah, there's no question we know more for a start,
you know when I was teaching, Yeah, it was bandied
around a little bit, and I could identify in my classroom,
especially some of those forten year old boys wandering around
my classroom, wondering why they're wandering around my classroom. Did
they have ADHD or do boys have a higher need
for move because of testosterone? So I knew the boy
(04:42):
who was possibly that because he could not sit still
in his seat, and he struggled to concentrate for very long.
And I think it's those sorts of things that we're
now getting much better at identifying. And I do think,
you know, so many adults are now finding out that
that has been something they've been struggling with their whole
life that they didn't really So it's executive functioning that's
particularly important. When we look at is it really adhd
(05:05):
and if it's not, and look, you know, if it is,
there's no question that most of the time that medication
can give them this incredibly calm, focused brain that they've
struggled with, like for years.
Speaker 5 (05:18):
So when you say it could be misdiagnosed as stress,
so what that sort of behavior is an output or
reaction to stress.
Speaker 8 (05:25):
So what we know when the amigdala gets fired up,
particularly in children, then it goes into a fight, a flight,
or a freeze mode. And the fight mode usually is
an externalizing of behavior, which means that they will do
crazy things and run around and move and jump up
and down. And you'll think, oh, they can't concentrate, But
is that a response of stress or is that a
(05:46):
response because they actually have ADHD, and that's why it's
really not always easy for educators and parents to be
able to work that one out. And of course the
waiting lists to be able to get a diagnosis or
to be identified.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
You know, really shinky?
Speaker 5 (06:02):
Are we over labeling?
Speaker 8 (06:04):
Oh it's not really my specialty, feel but I am
going to say some of the things that are driving
stress in our classrooms is that we're pushed down formalized
learning and we're actually expecting more of kids who are
possibly less resilient than previous generations. Anyway, and if they're
digital natives, let's land on my pet topic at the moment,
and digital natives have a narrower concentration span because they've
(06:25):
got these dopamine hits that have been happening a lot,
so they expect a teacher if you're going to be
able to engage them. And teachers tell me that concentration
spans have dropped from roughly twenty minutes to around ten,
and yet we have more content to cover that it's
they're needing more stimulation because that's exactly what you get
on a screen.
Speaker 5 (06:45):
Because that's I mean Jack at the moment, he's just
bored at school. Yeah, that's I'm just bored, Dave. Yeah,
you know, and that might be the results of screen
time that he's been doing.
Speaker 8 (06:55):
But also boys really are want to be there. They
tend to want to be interested in what they're interested in.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
Damn it.
Speaker 5 (07:02):
Yeah, I know, Yeah makes sense.
Speaker 8 (07:05):
This is the thing every cholness are in the universe,
but nothing else.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Anyway, let's talk about online dangers. Whenever you come on
our show in thirteen twenty four teen, if you'd like
to ask Maggie a question, can you tell us about
Control Shift and what a new group that you're involved with.
Speaker 8 (07:20):
Yeah, look, I think you all know how much I've
been concerned about the harm that happens online. And that's
a big part of why I was a part of
you know thirty six more is can we kind of
protect them by delaying it? But we know there's millions
of our kids already out there with our devices.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
So the e Safety Commissioner came up.
Speaker 8 (07:38):
With a figure over the last few years there has
been a four hundred and sixty percent increase in online harm.
Our kids are getting harmed, and they're getting harmed more
than ever.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
And then we're going, well, what do we.
Speaker 8 (07:49):
Do about that because whatever we're doing at the moment
isn't addressing it and it's getting worse. So that's when
you know, a couple of my wise friends who I
reach out to when I want to know what's going
on online, we all just thought, what about we jump
in together because there's two things. How do we keep
updated with the next potential harm because it's a moving space,
(08:12):
especially with AI. We didn't have deep fakes two years ago,
no right, and we didn't have sort of the stuff
with bots now that are happening. So how does how
do parents keep up to date? How does you know
the school? So we've decided to create a place where
we can get that information getting through to parents via
schools as it happens in real time, and that really
(08:36):
excites the heck Adam in the second part, so that's
sort of like we're going to train some online social
coaches or in schools and then we'll feed the information
to them, but then they go in and do regular
updates with the kids in the school, not just once
a year. And then the second part, which has been
really big for me, is what do we do when
really serious harm happens? Because that's a bit of a
(08:57):
confusing space, and we need to sort that out with
some clear protocols. That not just because you remember, sometimes
the ones that do dumb stuff have immature brains and
they thought that was just a bit funny. And so
once if that boy, if it's usually a boy who
does some of that stuff, you expel them. You're actually
(09:17):
drowning a boy in shame without necessarily teaching him why
that was a harmful thing. How could he repair that?
How could he then come back and be a better human.
So it's about looking after both victims and perpetrators and
making sure that our school systems know exactly what to
do and not kind of oh yeah, well, we'll, you know,
push it under the map because it might ruin our reputation.
Speaker 5 (09:40):
Which happens a lot. Danny ands and knives.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
Hello, Hi, how are you going good?
Speaker 5 (09:44):
You've got a question for Maggie Dent.
Speaker 6 (09:47):
I do I do?
Speaker 4 (09:48):
Maggie? I have a question for you. When I have
a child in kindergarten and it's his birthday party, do
I invite the whole past? Is that like etiquette?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
Polite?
Speaker 4 (10:00):
All the right thing?
Speaker 1 (10:03):
All right?
Speaker 4 (10:03):
You invite the people he's friends with them?
Speaker 8 (10:06):
You're right, there no, never ever invite a whole class
full of kids. Not only is it going to destroy
you and your house, but your child is not fond
of everyone in the class, and that's because we're just
not right. So I think it's this We've got to
be this lovely, overly worried about upsetting other people thing,
which is like past the parcel, everyone gets surprised. I
(10:28):
am going to say minor moments of these discomforts are
actually good for kids. But your child would want the
children around that they like and they play with, and
that is exactly who they should have there. And it
does worry me sometimes because you know, we're we're so
desperately to be careful, and in that carefulness we do
things that are actually going to cause your child to
(10:49):
have a birthday party that they'll regret for the rest
of their lives. So go for common sense, check in
with them, and then you know, I just know that
your child's not also going to get invited to some
party and welcome to life.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Wow, what if you said, Lisa and Glenmore Park, you
got a question for Maggie.
Speaker 6 (11:07):
Hi, Maggie, I do my nine year old He's coming home?
Hear in bits and bobs from his friends.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
I want to know, is nine years old too young
to talk about the birds and bees with him?
Speaker 6 (11:17):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Golly, yep.
Speaker 8 (11:19):
And if possible, we start a lot earlier, but I
can be reassured that there this is a time that you,
I mean, you're really lucky that nine. We do know
that we've got young boys, particularly finding pornography online way younger.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
So if you're that's why we have to talk to
them about.
Speaker 8 (11:37):
Healthy bodies and about private parts, and about our rights
and who can touch them. All of that needs to
be part of conversations much earlier. And I'm going to
give you a very disturbing statistic. We have had a
five hundred percent increase in inappropriate sexual play with children
under five.
Speaker 6 (11:54):
Oh my god god.
Speaker 8 (11:55):
And that is because some of the children have had siblings,
have seen porn, others have had things done to them.
So you can see we have to start much much
earlier than we ever did. And I am going to
just I know, I don't shouldn't advertise anything, but Michelle
Mitchell has a couple of fabulous books, one for boys
and one for girls that really is exactly what is
(12:16):
going to answer the questions and in a light way
that doesn't make it too big a thing. So you know,
the pictures of you know, penises are quite sweet.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
So i'd go there.
Speaker 8 (12:25):
Check out her website for a great book to start,
because it is awkward for us to have the conversations,
but not having the conversations can put your child at risk.
Speaker 5 (12:34):
Because that's what we were talking, Megan, I said, I
think I need to say to the boys, what have
you seen online? Is there an opening line that you
should use?
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Yeah, a little bit. I think that is just curious.
Speaker 8 (12:44):
So I'm really a bit curious that have you seen
anybody without their clothes online? Because we know sometimes it's
in the sidebar of the game, Yeah, like Fortnite and
things like that, even Minecraft, they've slipped in these.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
So it's also in some of the.
Speaker 8 (13:00):
Kids YouTube clips that porn is actually dropping in further
and further, which is the other reason these are the
things that cause harm to our kids, gotcha, And while
we've got to be better informed, So yes, please start early,
Yes about private parts?
Speaker 2 (13:13):
Kelly and Camden, you want to You've got a question
about your two year old?
Speaker 4 (13:18):
Hi, team, Hi, Maggie, Yes I do so I have
a two and a half year old little girl and
a one year old little girl, and my two and
a half year old is definitely showing some signs of
jealousy and chambers, hitting, pushing, stealing toys and things, And
I just want to know how to navigate that, aside
from giving her someone on one attention, which we're already trying,
but I just want to know what else I can
(13:39):
do to help her out in understanding these feelings.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Yeah, can you see how she feels.
Speaker 8 (13:43):
Imagine if you know your male partner bought home a
new friend for the house, you know what the poorn right,
So it's completely normal for her to feel some abandonment issues.
Is the fact you brought this other one home and
that she's two and a half. And two and a
half is a really big age with the start to
realize they're separate and they're not feeling as special and
(14:03):
they're wondering why on earth you've done this. So her reaction,
she's not able to say, oh, Mummy, I am feeling
some abandonment issues about your bringing home another little girl
and I feel a bit sad and I need to cry.
She can't do that, she's too so she will use
her body to show those things. So again, it's an
age thing in many ways. But you've got to keep
your hands right really close because she might not be
(14:24):
able to understand how to use kind hands.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
So we're going to keep an eye.
Speaker 8 (14:28):
There will be certain times the more disregulated she is,
so the more tired she is, the hungrier she is.
That's she's going to be more likely to want to
lash out at her little sister.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
And when what you've got to.
Speaker 8 (14:41):
Do now is create opportunities for her to be able
to play in a fun way, even though little ones
aren't that much fun yet. So it's about creating the
fun and the laughter and the lightness around it. And
just be prepared to keep on jumping in and holding
a hand instead of holding it, to tight hold it
and put kisses all over it, and keep topping up,
(15:01):
absolutely topping up that rufflinger hair, giving her lots of
little moments of connection around the ages, and gradually she'll
move through that and sounds like she might be the
rooster of the two. So she's going to really love
bossing that little girl around for the rest of her life.
Speaker 5 (15:15):
Thanks cal Nellie and Beacon Hill, here we go. You've
got four boys, Maggie, go ahead with your question, Nellie.
Speaker 9 (15:23):
Hi, Maggie. I have an eighteen year old band boy
and he is doing his HSC this year, and he
is so dis engaged. I can't even get him to
turn up for school on time. I feel it's better
to leave school. How do we navigate this?
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Yeah, okay?
Speaker 6 (15:44):
Should he finish?
Speaker 4 (15:45):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Okay. So they're really key to this one.
Speaker 8 (15:47):
Is one of the things that many boys do is
if they don't think they've got a really good chance
of winning and nailing it, then why would I want
to do it? So a fear of failure is often
really underneath this, which you know he's eighteen, of course,
because what happens if all his mates do well and
he doesn't, He's going to have to deal with that
as well. Okay, So I would would really like to think.
(16:08):
I have got an article on my website which is
a little bit later. It says, what do I do
with my lazy, unmotivated eighteen year old he's laying on
the couch that has some really great ideas and how
we lift him up? But what we want him to
do is just finish the job. You know, We're just
going to come on board, you know, whoever you're co
parenting with. Rather than coming down with all the lectures
on why it's important, let's just turn up with his
(16:30):
favorite snacks, his favorite meals, you know, everything that might
help him be a happier boy, and go mate. It's
not the grade. You know, you're not defined by grades.
But we really like you to finish things you started.
So what else can we do to help you get
over the line? And I just I know it sounds ridiculous,
but the more kindness that happens in these spaces, the
more likely they're going to go.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Oh yeah, I can do it. But the more we
come down hard, the more they pull back and feel
I'm out of here. I'm out of here.
Speaker 5 (16:58):
I love that, Maggie.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Love that it is because your initial reaction is you
just want to get angry, get to school. What are
you doing yourself?
Speaker 1 (17:06):
What it is you're going to take your phone off you?
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Yes, I know, Maggie, you are the best. If you
want more information on control Shift as well, you can
get a control Shift dot Global and you can get
more information there. Maggie, we know how busy you are.
You're going to go straight to television from here. We
appreciate your time.
Speaker 1 (17:24):
Thanks mom Ah, thank you both, Love you, Love you.
Speaker 5 (17:28):
Whip with Kate Ritchie is a Nova podcast walk great
shows like this. Download the Nova player, Fire the app store,
or Google playing the
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