September 18, 2023 • 51 mins
Granger Smith Podcast Episode 206: Join my friend Bernie and myself as we discuss these topics and more on this week's podcast! Podcast Sponsors: Shopify - Sign up for a $1 per-month trial period at Shopify.com/granger to take your business to the next level today. DCX Conference - DCXConference.com. Use code DCXGRANGER for 25% off.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You've prayed and prayed one thing. According to this email,
you've prayed and prayed that he changes his mind.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Yeah, what's up everybody?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Welcome back to the podcast. And uh, this is man.
What episode is it? Bernie? Mmm? Sometimes I have to
sit in here and act like like, look up my
podcast on let's see two hundred and terrible two hundred
and six six, two undred and six. Welcome to the podcast, Bernie.
(00:40):
Calculate how long have you been on the podcast? Years?
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Yeah? Years, Man, what a privilege. It's been a fun ride.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Dude. You I love having you on here because you
you have such wise answers, such wise counsel. And that's
what we do, is answer people's questions. But we usually,
like we just did, spend about at least thirty minutes
when you get here working through our own questions that
(01:07):
we have because we answer your questions on this podcast.
But then we spend pretty good amount of time answering
each others. And dude, you just told me you've had
like a major life switch. Kind kind of exaggerated a
little dramatic on that, but but yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
I think minor shift with major impacts you could say that.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Yeah, so from one book, right.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Yeah, one book, Habits of the Household. If you haven't
picked it up and read it, it's really really great.
It's a Christian based book around the habits that we
call normal things that we do throughout our days, throughout
our weeks that our kids as we're raising them and
(01:52):
we're kind of shaping what our households look like. It's
really an opportunity of formation for these kids. And I
don't think a lot of times we forget that even
the smallest things, the smallest rhythms are impacting them on
a deep, deep level, and just kind of being aware
of that. And then it was a great guide in
(02:15):
just practical things, because sometimes we get caught up on
these lofty ideas of loving God, serving people, reading the Bible,
but how does that actually look when it comes to
bedtime routine or screen time limits or food that we eat.
And so it does a really good job of kind
of helping guide some of those rhythms, and it's been
(02:37):
really great.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
So, dude, so many people I think are out of rhythm,
and there's a lot of factors that cause it. In America,
people that are listening internationally might not understand this problem.
We have but it's called youth sports, and it is
I don't know, do you agree. I mean, it's horrible.
I think that our kids should be in sports. Okay,
(03:00):
and my kids all you know, both of them are
almost at all three, both of them are. But we
have to have limits on that and it cannot rule
our lives, it cannot rule our schedules.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
I one hundred percent agree. I also think that even
in the boundaries that you put sports, in competitive sports,
there has to be an understanding of what is the
purpose because there's a certain amount of pressure and like
competitive nature that we can put on these kids at
such a young age, and it's detrimental. It's it's more
(03:37):
detrimental than it is beneficial. Teaching them to work as
a team, to put other people first, to kind of
push through adversity, those things are really great, Yes, but man,
I've just seen so many kids, and from coaches as well,
just get really.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Just hurt.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
I mean, it's the big word, or the best word
to use. They just get hurt. And those are wounds
that I feel like they're going to be working through
for a long time. So I think, yeah, competitive sports
dictating our time and just the impact it has on kids.
I think the biggest thing that we've done this fall,
like I was telling you earlier, is somewhat unintentionally, but
(04:19):
somewhat after reading this book and talking through it, we've
we've slowed down. And it's amazing in our cult. It's
amazing in our culture that that it's actually a counterculture
thing to wait, slow down. You have family dinner and
you cook food at your house together, and you eat
(04:42):
together and you talk. And I'll be the first to
admit in seasons past that was not us. And we
have just kind of grabbed a hold of this, and
I really hope we can hang on to it because
I'm already seeing some of the benefits from us just
being able to slow down.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Yeah, we have somehow gone into a culture now where
we say, man, my kids are, I make them go
be in sports because they need that for their leadership
and development and social skills and athletic skills. And they
cannot miss a practice. They cannot quit. You know how
we are as Americans, We're fighters and we don't quit.
(05:23):
So once you start something, you don't quit. And you
need to be in in team sports and you need
to compete. And we've gotten into that somehow, and that
somehow is now crept into Sunday mornings and we're no
longer a culture at all that says we're gonna go
to church as a family on Sunday mornings. We're gonna
(05:43):
we're gonna have dinner together around a table as a
family in our house. That's not a priority. It sounds nice,
but it's definitely not because team sports and jobs win.
I'm not, by any means saying that you cannot church
and you cannot skip family dinner. I'm not saying that.
I'm just saying where does it lie in the priority list?
(06:06):
And it's very interesting, and I'm right there with you
that I have gone through decades of this myself, and
I know you said you have to, but I think
I think it might be time for us just to
have a shift in priorities and understanding of what might
be really important.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Yeah. From my childhood, I remember the normals. I remember
what was the normal rhythm, not the exceptions. So if
the normal rhythm is you skip church no matter what
for a sports and that is where the priority is.
When the kids are older, that's what they're going to remember.
That's what we are teaching them what is a normal rhythm,
(06:46):
and by our actions and by our leadership and our
discipleship of them really forming who they're going to be
and what their priorities, what they're going to look back
on when they're our age and say, my household, this
was normal and so so. Yeah, I think we have
(07:06):
we have the opportunity to recognize it. But you have
to know in anybody out there who's listening, who's like, man,
you guys are talking crazy right now in our culture.
Yet you will be fighting against the world. I've been
in Romans twelve too, like Deep Dive recently, and I mean,
do not conform to the pattern of this world. You're
(07:28):
you're going to be fighting against the world if you
try to slow down, if you try to say no
to like more opportunities and more options. If you say
no to those things in order to preserve your family
mule time, to preserve your connection with your wifetime going,
it's going to be a fight. If you limit the
amount of time you're on your smartphone or social media,
(07:50):
you are going to be fighting against the culture. It's
not going to be easy. So don't expect like, oh well,
listen to Graan, Jey Bernie and then I just did
this and it's like, oh, life is great. It's like, no,
it's going to be a fight, but there are things
worth fighting for and I think this is one of them.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
So that's amazing. Man. You always come in here with
some kind of great knowledge that I need, that I
need to hear, and I appreciate that. Man. We answer
questions on here. Whatever you have. It could be about
any topic. You email us Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot
com and put it in the queue here.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
And can I say something real quick about these question yea,
because I was kind of thinking about coming up here
and meet with you and the questions that people send,
and I know that we've had some questions that are
very similar in nature, and I started to think, is
there anybody out there who may have a question that
(08:52):
is so I don't want to say bizarre, but that
is so uncommon that they don't want to send it
in because they haven't they have It's easy to send
something in about a relationship and a breakup and a
because maybe you've heard that on the podcast before. But
I'm going to just challenge anybody out there if you
if you have a question that just feels like, man,
(09:14):
I can't put that out there because nobody's ever said
anything like that. That's what we want, really like, we
really want because there may be another person out there
wishing they could ask the same question and get some
advice and some guidance. And so if one of you
guys could just think of that thing you're going through,
(09:35):
you may feel alone, but you're probably not, so put
it out there.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
So yeah, that's a great it's a great point. And
the opposite is also true if you've heard the question
so many times but you have a different way of
saying it. By by all means, send it in because
we have a tendency. Well, first of all, we're going
to get We could probably give you a tweak on
the answer for sure, because we don't have notes in
(09:59):
front of us, and then s Secondly, so many people
fail to wreck fail to hear their own story in
someone else's as much as you do hear your story
in someone else's. There are the same group of people
that are like, well, my problem is different, like this girl,
Me and this girl were different. This girl that ghost
to me right now, that's like I'm so heartbroken. It's
(10:20):
different than all the other stories you read, Granger, my
story is different, and so you could ask that again
and then burning and I'll just reassure you maybe it's
not that different. Maybe as humans were not as separate
as you think we might be. That's good speaking of
Let's get to the next question. YEP. Subject line here says,
how do I honor my father when I don't respect him?
(10:42):
You've probably heard something like this since. Hey, Granger, I'm
fifty three years old. I'm a woman who was raised
by an abusive father. As time passed, I have forgiven
him and our relationship was mended, but have always continued
to be guarded with him. I recently found out about
something that he's done within the last ten years with
(11:03):
my step sister, who is now deceased, and it's completely
changed the way I feel about him. I've really been
struggling with how I can honor him according to the
Bible when I have zero respect for him. I want
to do the right thing, but I really need help
with this one. Thanks so much for a time, Tina.
So awesome, Tina, thank you for emailing and being vulnerable
(11:24):
in this situation. I'm going to recap here. You're fifty three.
You're raised by an abusive father, but as time passed,
you forgave him, and it sounds like things got better.
And then recently you found out some stuff. After you
forgave him, after you thought that things were mended and
were better, you found out he really was the same
(11:46):
snake that you always thought that he was. Bible also
says a leopard doesn't lose its spots. So that's what
happened here, and now you're struggling, and so let's walk
through it. First of all, your forgiveness, and understandably, your
forgiveness was conditional upon him not messing up again. So
(12:10):
it's like, hey, dad, I forgive you as long as
you don't ever do this again, and then he did.
I don't blame you, because all of us at some
level have a condition to our forgiveness, because we don't
have perfect forgiveness. But then the other thing is you've
recognized that forgiveness doesn't mean trust. Forgiving someone doesn't mean
(12:35):
now you trust them. I forgive you, now I trust you.
That's false. You don't have to trust. You can forgive,
which is a selfless gift that you give them as
you're releasing that from yourself. But that doesn't mean I'm
going to trust you. You're still a rattlesnake and you
can still bite me. And you kind of got that
in the first paragraph when you said, but I've always
(12:57):
continued to be guarded with him, then you found out
he really screwed up. Now, I don't think any of
that's part of your question. I'm just kind of establishing
the situation. None of that's your question. Your question is
how could I honor him? Because the Bible says honored
your mother and father. You're saying, how in the world
could I do that? And that's the question, and I
think it's a good one, and I think a lot
(13:18):
of people are could be in a situation like this.
And so without having any notes or special quotes or
even the Bible besides my phone sitting in front of me,
I would say, what do we think it means to honor?
What do we think the Bible meant by that? Because
surely it would be all encompassing. It didn't say honor
(13:40):
your mother and father unless they did this, And it also,
of course the Bible that any inspired writer of the
Bible would understand that that's not a universal thing. That
parents are going to be good. Okay, so we know
those two things, like that's just common sense. So as
we're kind of unpacking this and building this story, and
(14:04):
I'm trying to show y'all that what Bernie and I
are doing it, we're not we don't have special revelation.
We're just gonna slowly, let's just talk through it and
unpack it. And so I would say, probably in the
same way that you could honor a soldier for what
he has done and your father because he is your
father by identity, by biological purposes, he's your father. Just
(14:28):
like a soldier would be a soldier and participate in
some battle and we would honor him or her for
the battle the soldier, but that doesn't mean that we
take that soldier's personal life and accept it and trust
it and love all of it. Right, what they have done.
(14:50):
And we see this happening now when they're taking down
statues because they're like, we honored him at one time,
but then we found out some dark secret about him,
so we're tearing down the statue. And I think that's
when it comes there's a difference between the honor for
who they are and what they represent. To you and
the person that they are and what they have done
in their life. I think we have to be able
(15:10):
to separate that. We think this is Tina. Tina.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
Yeah, so, Tina, thank you for sending this in. You
did what I just kind of asked. I didn't know
this question was coming. So I don't think that abusive
fathers are questions that we hear very often. But I know,
whether it is physical or verbal, emotional, I know that
there are a ton of abusive fathers out there, and
(15:38):
one you don't deserve that at all. Nobody does. If
you're listening and you're in this situation, there's nothing you've
done to deserve the abuse that you're getting. It's not
right in any capacity. They are taking advantage of their
power and their position, which we know is something that
(16:00):
people can do.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
For sure.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
As far as showing like how I'm trying to like
get down to this, like, well, practically, how does she
show honor to him? I think you nailed it by
saying there's a difference between forgiveness and trust, and you
you know it's it's it's good for us to be
(16:25):
guarded in a sense, especially when we're dealing with a
snake of some kind. When we're dealing with toxic people,
abusive people, we we have to put those boundaries in place.
We have to align with other people that can help
establish those boundaries for us. As far as showing him honor,
(16:46):
it's almost like she would need to clarify what is
the nature of their relationship now, like did they still
have family dinners? Are they in relationship currently? Yeah, I
just don't know if it's If it's somewhat estrange, then
I don't know how you really there's no interaction, there's
(17:07):
no communication. I don't showing honor isn't going back to
him and asking him to come be in relationship with you.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
And we don't know the exact answer to give you
for how you play that out. But since you're asking
how to honor the Bible, basically is what you're saying,
how to honor the Bible by that word honor. What's
interesting because one Peter two seventeen, I'm gonna read the
King James. Since a lot of people love King James.
It says honor all men, love the brotherhood, fear God,
(17:42):
honor the King. A lot of other translations say honor
the Emperor. So Peter is saying honor the emperor right now.
Obviously they have huge qualms with the Emperor of Rome.
The Emperor of Rome is bringing persecution and will continue
to bring persecution on people that Peter is associated with here,
(18:06):
these Christians, and yet he's saying honor the Emperor. So
this is something for you, Tina, to kind of wrestle with,
is that the Bible is going to call you to
honor your father, and the Bible is also going to
call you to honor everyone. Is the ESV says in
One Peter two seventeen, it says, honor everyone, love the brotherhood,
(18:26):
fear God, honor the Emperor.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Yeah, man, that's good. As you were saying that, this
kind of jumped out to me that maybe the practical
nature of how Tina is to honor her father is
really up to her. Is there's so much nuance we
don't know. Yeah, But exactly it starts in her heart. Exactly,
it starts with her viewing human life as God given
(18:54):
and seeing the imaga day, seeing that there's value in
his life. God has him here for a reason, and
I view the way that I view him is not
as a waste of life, as something that needs to
be taken off this earth. But that that's when I
think that forgiveness really wells up in us and is
(19:18):
and is true. Is when we look at that person
that has abused us, that that person that is our enemy,
persecuted us, whatever it is, and we see past that
sin because that's all that that is unrepentant sin, and
we can view them with a light of like, I
still see the image of God in you, and I
(19:40):
know that there's value of human life. Now when you
view someone that way, maybe the reactions that we have
to them, or the responses or the communication, it will
just look different. But I think that's a start to
like finding the step and pathway towards honoring him is really.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Just how do I love? You? Said? Starts with the heart?
Speaker 3 (20:04):
Yeah, how do we view him where it was our heart?
Looking at him through what lends.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Instead of starting with him, start with your heart? Yeah,
look at him as an image of God, an image
bearer of God. Honor your father, Honor the Emperor.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
And if you can't do that, that's where you are,
be honest about that. I think there's counselors, there's therapy,
there's things that you can like maybe there's some wounds
in there that you really need to. Like, it's great
talk about take to the father and just pray, pray, pray.
I know that it sounds the most cliche thing in
the world read proble, won't pray. I get it, guys,
(20:41):
But there is so much power in it. Redemptive power,
restoring power, and healing power.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
I think that's that's where at startina. I hope that's helpful.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
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All right, back to the podcast. We're going to get
into another question. We didn't get to too many questions
in that last break, but we're gonna rock.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Me and Grell's just start blabbing. We could waste the
old time.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
That's true. So something else that's changed in my life
with Burns is his brother now, his older brother is
now a member at my church a Maas and Georgetown.
And that's pretty cool, man, because I love your brother,
and I've gotten to see him a lot more. There
was a time when I only really knew you, and
(26:28):
then I got to know him a little bit. We
went to a conference together. It was our first time
to really spend time together. And then, man, just a
crazy thing happened. Is life unfolded and the cow coach
that We've had very deep connections with our two families
for decades, for all different reasons. And in this particular season,
(26:54):
I was thinking about our church and I was thinking
about your brother, and anybody might be wondering, why doesn't
why don't you tell Bernie, Well, because Bernie lives a
lot longer, You live a lot farther away than your
brother lives a lot closer to me, And I just
felt in this particular season, I was like, man, I
got to hit up Jason because I would He could
serve our church so well. And there's an interesting thing
(27:17):
about being a member at a local church that sometimes
we think that it's for us, so that it could
serve us and entertain us, and we could just absorb it,
but it goes both ways equally. In a church, you know,
you do take it in, but you also give it
back equally because there's other people that need it. And
(27:39):
I thought, man, Jason and Ann and his wife would
be able to serve really well in our church, and
I think it would be great. So I texted him
and he was like, a man, I'll never if you
have a good feeling about it, I would never deny that.
So yeah, we'll come check it out. Lo and behold,
you know, several months later, now they are actually at
the church.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Yeah, Matt, I am so excited for you to like
dive deeper in relationship with that dude. There are very
few men on this planet that have influenced me in
the way that Jason has.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
I could, Yeah, I could waste the rest of the
podcast time talking about it. But I'm excited that you're
going to get to kind of jump into the you know,
the depths of you know, what it means to you know,
glorify God with our lives with you know, with him,
it's yeah, he's super humble, so everything that he knows
and has experienced when it comes to you know, theology
(28:41):
and walking with the Holy Spirit and you it will
take a while because he's going to be so interested
in like hearing what you have to say and like
asking about this and but that's fun.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Man.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
I'm so happy for you guys. I'm not jealous at all.
But this is just it's all good man. This is though,
you know, just another reason Tyler, Hello, Granger's brother, I've
been asking you to come and run trails with me. Dude,
they could do their church thing, we could do the
(29:14):
trail run of things. Is it's just dirt church. That's
the only difference.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Man. Come on, could let me ask you a question
in relation to you living a lot farther away than
your brother does from here. Why I was thinking about
this today this morning. Why do you drive up here
so often to be on this podcast.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Oh that's a long answer.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
You were, but you were a busy guy. We've established that. Yeah,
you have a well established career and a family. Why
do you do this?
Speaker 3 (29:52):
God said, go H opened the door, gave me the opportunities.
And I think that part of my gifting is And
you know, there's another book I'm reading right now by
Jamie Winship. I don't know if you know him. It's
called Living Fearless, and it talks about like our true
identity in Christ and how we are created uniquely each
(30:17):
one of us for certain things, and a lot of
times we're living in a false identity. So there's we're
not feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit, we're not
feeling the fruit of the Spirit, We're not we're running
into turmoil. There's a lot of different things. Or maybe
we're just complacent in this identity that's a false identity.
(30:40):
And I think what when we first started, when you
asked me to come do this, and the first time
that we did it, it really felt the format of
it and what you were asking of me felt like
it fit into my identity.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
And how you say that your identity has to do
with the humility, curiosity, diligence, and confidence.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
Sorry that's what you're Yeah, these are these are core
values of our company. But yeah, I think there's you know,
there's those are in there, but really just being able
to listen, listen to people and just empathize and no
matter if it's you know, and and you've seen this
with me and you for a long time. I'm not
(31:22):
just gonna like hand the dude on the street corner
five dollars, I'm gonna sit down and talk to him.
I'm gonna understand his name, But then I have billionaire
clients that I have to also be able to sit
with and like the same thing. We were telling Tina
to view both of those people with the same value
of life and and really consider them more important than myself, Like, Hey,
(31:45):
what can I do to help you? What can I
do to help you? What can I hear? You can
I is there something I can impart? And and yeah,
this just going on tour with you was awesome and
being able to meet you know a lot of these
Ye Nation fans. Man, It's just such a privilege. I mean,
I think the short answer is is like, who wouldn't
(32:05):
want to do this? It's so it's really really fun.
And to get to say it with one of my
best friends and talk about life and all the God's doing.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Yeah, man, dude, you know what that means to me
and what it's It's important to say this on the
podcast too. Before we get to a question. Is basically
what you said, because when you started it and you said,
what do you say? This is what God called me to do.
That's what God told. God said, you said, God said,
go Well, so somebody might hear that and be like
(32:36):
he audibly said, Bernie, go you no, but how you
articulated it through your story is what you mean is
when you are in the word, when you when your
prayer life feels healthy and it's not ever going to
be great, but when it feels healthy and you you
feel like you you have a good walk, and you
(32:58):
have people around you that are counseling you and that
are walking with you and affirming you as you're moving forward,
then at that level, you could start doing what you
want to do because you're following the desires of your
heart that God has given you those desires. You don't
have unrepentant sin lurking around in your life. So at
that level, when I say hey, Bernie, want to come
(33:20):
to this podcast, and you think you feel, yeah, I
want to, then you follow that because that equals God says, go.
How far is a drive for you?
Speaker 3 (33:33):
It's about forty five minutes from my office. My office
is about twenty minutes the other way from my house,
So from my house it's over an hour. But I'm
usually downtown in my office and then I'll come up,
work for a while and then come up.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
That's all I'll do. Well, I appreciate you, and I
know these people do too, So thank you man, Thank.
Speaker 3 (33:53):
You, thank you.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
You want to do a question here.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
Let's do I think that's what this podcast is about,
so we should probably get to more of those.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
Here's you. Remember when you started this and you said,
ask me something different? This might be it. Just judging
by the subject line, it says want another baby, but
husband isn't on board. Hey Granger, I'm hoping you could
help me with this struggle that's been very heavy on
my heart for over a year now. We have two boys,
ages eight and ten, but we have felt the persistent
(34:21):
feeling in my heart. But I have felt the persistent
feeling in my heart that our family needs another child
to be complete. However, me and my husband decided about
four years ago that our family was complete with two.
But our lives have changed drastically over the last two years,
and I feel more capable and ready to add to
the family. But my husband is not all caps on board.
(34:46):
He says, age, among other things, is a factor for him.
He's forty and I am thirty four. How can I
get past this? I have prayed and prayed for him
to change his mind, but it hasn't happened, and I
have not felt peace in my heart to just leave
this behind. I don't want to resent him for it,
but I'm struggling with accepting that no into my heart.
(35:07):
Any advice is welcome. Thank you, Stephanie from Ohio.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
Well, I like this question. Hmm, this is good.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
We could get we can we could really dissect this
question here.
Speaker 3 (35:17):
Okay, So let's let's do this because I heard last
week when Amber was on she said, you know, without uh,
there's a lot of other follow up questions I would
like to ask, and since we don't have that option
this her name is Stephanie. Yes, okay, I'm going to
be Stephanie. Okay, and I know that Stephanie. There's a
(35:38):
ton of nuance to everything you're saying. But if there's
questions that you I'm going to pretend i'm Stephanie, and
if you have questions that fall like, ok just a
little more context, I'm going to give that to you
as if that's her, and maybe it is, maybe it's not,
but it'll at least give us like a okay, if
that is the answer to these things, then we would
answer it this way.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
So okay, Hi, Stephanie.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
Thanks Cranger for reading my question, what do you think?
Speaker 1 (36:02):
Oh, you always make me laugh on these. I'm assuming Stephanie,
that you had a maybe a very busy job with
two kids at home, and you guys decided collectively, you
agreed no more children after this.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
Yes, that's what drastically changed is that I have You know,
my husband got a raise as well, which also kind
of like gave us a little bit more of a
buffer for stress and the finances, but also allowed me
to be at home. And so now I feel like
I have more bandwidth.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Did you know, Stephanie, that when he says age among
other things, that's the factor for him. He's forty. Did
you know that he's not telling you the whole story. No, Yeah,
there's there are other fears that he has there, and
he might not be able to fully tell you because
he's a man and you're a woman, and he might
(36:58):
not be able to fully articulate all of what he's feeling.
But there is a core of fear in that and
a contentment that he has with what he has now
and why risk it when you could have a child
with some kind of disability, or you could have a miscarriage,
or you could you could suffer a loss, and to
add something else to this family adds the risk that
(37:20):
he could be responsible for a loss or a or
a death, or a heartache, or a disability or any
number of other things. And that is not a risk
he's willing to take right now.
Speaker 3 (37:32):
Did you know that I want to make sure I'm
getting the character backstory right. Did she mention anything about
being follower Jesus?
Speaker 1 (37:44):
No? Okay, no, no, no, no, she said, I have
prayed and prayed for him to change his mind. But
that's the only context we have.
Speaker 3 (37:52):
Okay, so.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
Let me say something interesting stuffan me is that you're
prayer is for you. Did you realize that you've prayed
and prayed one thing according to this email, You've prayed
and prayed that he changes his mind.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
Yeah, but what.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
About your mind or your heart? Yeah, it's very interesting
to think about with the dynamic that's going on that
this sounds very one sided, both on both spouses here. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:32):
So I've prayed and prayed for him to change his mind.
I just feel like he's he's being stubborn. And since
I pray, I'm a believer, and I also know that
the Bible tells me that I am as the wife
to submit to my husband. Am I so supposed to
just like submit to his authority that like, this is
(38:54):
the decision for our family? Or do I just keep
fighting for this?
Speaker 1 (38:57):
Well, I just so happened to have been in the
situation very similar to this one. I've lived it, and
so that's why this is this whole question is interesting.
And in fact, even the age thing, I was forty.
I was the forty year old husband in the situation,
but the situation was flipped. I was the one that
(39:21):
felt like our family wasn't complete and we could have
another baby. I had, in my words, I had more
love to give. And Amber was not on board with it.
She said, no way, River was their last. How could
we even think about replacing him? I won't even consider it.
(39:43):
But here's a thing, here's a thing. It was It
was difficult to hear that, but she's my wife, and
so I had to say, I love you, I trust you.
We have to be all in with something like a
that's a really big deal, the biggest deal in our family.
(40:04):
We have to be all in together, and if you're not,
then I won't push you and I won't bring it
up again. I just had a feeling, and I understand,
I'll back off. Guess what happened when I said that
about a week or two goes by, and she said,
I've been thinking it was nagging her. I've been thinking,
(40:25):
and since you said that, I don't want to. I
don't want to discount a feeling that you had. So
maybe I should just at least talk to the doctor.
Just we'll just see what the doctor says about our
ages and about the situation she had her tubes tied.
Maybe we'll just see what the doctor says. We're not saying, yes,
let's have a baby. We're just saying, let's just see
(40:46):
if there's an option to even try. And suddenly that
opened up. And I didn't say absolutely right, you know it.
We're going to get this about time you submit. You
know I didn't say that. I said, okay, I said
and if any point you start feeling uncomfortable, we're done.
(41:07):
We're backing out. And Stephanie, so would I would tell
you have you been that way to your husband or
is it just like have you just have you made
up your mind yet? Because I'm really just I'm the
clock is ticking, and I feel my biological clock and
this is I'm thirty four and then this is my
last chance? And is that how you are?
Speaker 3 (41:29):
Guys? Granger has just done for Stephanie what he does
for so many of you. That is just it's where
it all lies. The answers to all of these questions
most of.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
The time.
Speaker 3 (41:42):
Lie in you taking the mirror and turning it on yourself,
like starting with your heart, your approach, your response. So
that's the question, Stephanie, is what is your conversation around
this topic, like with your husband? And if you sense
around this topic that there is there's something there, don't
(42:05):
keep pushing on it. Maybe just like pivot and say, hey,
I'd love to talk about this thing. I feel like
it may be bugging you or just there may be
something going on with him and if the answer to
your question may just be you know, secondary, so like
(42:27):
try to connect with him and understand like why does
he feel like the family's done? Or why doesn't he
want to have another kid? And approach it with a
kind of a grace mentality like Granger's talking about, but
also start with just examining like how am I approaching it?
Where is my heart at in this? And I don't know,
(42:49):
I think that you may actually it may change your
heart and it may change his heart at the same time. Yes,
and you may be surprised at where you guys end up.
It may not be with having another kid, but I
guarantee you it'll be with you and your husband having
a better relationship.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
So that's so good. So when when that's so good,
let me, let me give you a quick thought on
a prayer. Stuffan me. Instead of saying, God, change his mind,
change his mind, change his mind, what if it was
this God, you, if there is another baby in this family,
you know it. You have done it, you have purposed it,
(43:24):
you've planned it. You are sovereign, you're providential. So if
there's another baby, it's coming and there's nothing stopping that.
But I pray right now because I want one and
you know that I want one. But I also feel
like this is a lack of trust in you that
I'm feeling like it's up to me to convince my husband.
(43:46):
That's ridiculous, the Lord, I'm so sorry. I repent of that,
to think that the baby's up to me and that
my husband has to decide and I have to convince
him a baby is here or not, depending upon you.
So I just trust you you and to praise you,
and I glorify you soften my heart. And if there
is a baby, I pray that you soften my husband's heart.
(44:07):
And this comes together with clarity. Let me know what
to do in these next steps. I will try that,
try that kind of prayer, and that will change you.
And I can tell you from experience, those kind of
prayers rearrange everything inside you.
Speaker 3 (44:26):
Yeah. Thanks graner N Dude, that's Goreird Stephanie. Yeah, he
just nailed it.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
You want to take a much lighter hearted question here.
Next one, the subject client says don't trust myself to
date while on the road while working on the road.
That says, Hey, my name is Ashton. I'm twenty one
years old and I work on a pipeline and I
like this girl, but I don't trust myself enough to
date while I'm working on the road, and I don't
know what I should do.
Speaker 3 (44:59):
I'm not laughing at Ashton. Sometimes when you read questions,
depending on what the content is, Griz Okay, yes, yeah, Ashton,
you got some trust issues, man um and you're and
(45:19):
you may be going after the wrong girls.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
Yeah, uh, yeah, I don't know. What it is. Yeah. Yeah,
if you if you're if you're twenty one and you
like a girl and you don't trust yourself to be
faithful to her, then keep looking. Keep looking. There's two
things could be wrong. Once, she's not the right girl
and two you're not in the right space. And I
got I got a feeling it's probably both at the
same time. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (45:40):
Yeah, and you're and you're young. Don't don't rush.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
Yeah, nothing wrong twenty one, you're you're totally good. Yeah.
And at the same time, don't go be a whore.
Just don't do that either. Yeah. This question says subject
line what what's next for the band? Hey grangeraw is
wondering what the band member's reaction is was to you
retire from music, and what the next step is for them,
and how the rest of the crew is involved in touring,
(46:06):
like the bus drivers and Tyler. Thank you for being
a light in the world, Emily. Yeah, Bernie got the
privilege of going out the last few weeks, and I
did see in everybody and and maybe you could attest
what the attitude was like backstage.
Speaker 3 (46:23):
Yeah, I talked, I talked to those guys. I talked
to it just about everybody apart from you, So they
weren't just like in front of Granger trying to say,
oh that's great. I think that there was a just
a spirit of gratitude and like understanding. I think at first,
you know, you know, it was like WHOA, this is
(46:44):
going to be a big change. I felt like an
excitement from people that there was there was opportunity, and
sometimes like you know, I think there was acceptance of like, man,
God is doing something here amongst that team. Man, I
just felt like people sensed God is doing something. How
(47:06):
how am I going to be a part of it?
Some of them had, you know, you can speak more specifically,
like what they're going to do. I know Chris is
staying on with you. Obviously, Tyler is going to continue
everything he's doing. But the band guys, I mean, Johnny
is gonna be with you in some sense.
Speaker 1 (47:25):
Yeah. So I think there was a sense of everyone
was very kind of at peace with it and content
with it, and some of them saw it coming. I
guess I could say that to your first question of
what do they think when you told them? Some of
them were shocked and so kind of all the emotions,
(47:45):
there is a sense within all of them of a
little bit of worrying on what's going to happen in
the next season, because no one really had a for
sure plan. I think Nard my merch guy, he's assistant
tour manager for Cody Johnson, now Ryan my monitor guy.
He's out working with somebody, maybe even Cody Johnson to
Ryan as a stud So love those grizz the front
(48:09):
of house guy love him. And he is working for
a media company in Austin, not traveling anymore, just got
married and they're pregnant now, so South Austin Grizz. Yeah,
I think he is. I think he is. Todd's gonna
be playing lots of gigs doing doing what he does.
Dusty is in a season of limbo. Not really sure.
(48:33):
I'm secretly hoping that he doesn't tour. He's a fantastic
drummer and such a value to any band. But he's
also a father of three and they're building a home,
and I think this might be a really cool season
for him to see what it's like for the first
time in his life to not travel and to what
was it redeemed the household.
Speaker 3 (48:52):
What was it habits of that, habits of the household.
Speaker 1 (48:55):
And then Johnny is probably going to be doing some
property management for me here the Yege Farm and some
other places, which I'm excited about.
Speaker 3 (49:06):
And then he'll pick up some gigs too, right yeah, yeah,
And the.
Speaker 1 (49:09):
Him and his wife have a real estate deal going
on that they like to flip houses, and he's a
really good handyman. And then Chris is still working for me.
His role instead of tour manager, it's more like personal assistant.
And Tyler is still managing, and Paul is still editing
this podcast and all that. So yeah, they the guy's
(49:30):
got a they got a bonus and tomorrow as we
record this podcast tomorrow they'll get it and they know
it's coming. But they're all going to get a bonus.
And that the money is from the buses that we sold.
So I think it's really cool that and kind of
poetic that the the vehicles that took them away from
(49:52):
their families for so long are the that's the money
that's being paid back to them to their families. Yeah,
so in that aspect, there's not like they're hurting. They're
not like looking for immediately to pay the bills or anything.
So they're all okay. But but it's going to be
an exciting time to see what's next for everybody, and
I'll still keep in touch with everybody. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (50:14):
I think there's something really special about new seasons and chapters,
kind of like ending and new things beginning.
Speaker 1 (50:21):
So same, same, great bro. I appreciate you being on Yeah,
thanks for having me again. See next time. See all
of y'all next Monday. Ye, thanks for joining me on
the Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys.
You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that
little like button and notification spell so that you never
(50:44):
miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a
question for me that you would like me to answer,
email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3 (50:55):
Yi
You've prayed and prayed one thing. According to this email,
you've prayed and prayed that he changes his mind.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
Yeah, what's up everybody?
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Welcome back to the podcast. And uh, this is man.
What episode is it? Bernie? Mmm? Sometimes I have to
sit in here and act like like, look up my
podcast on let's see two hundred and terrible two hundred
and six six, two undred and six. Welcome to the podcast, Bernie.
(00:40):
Calculate how long have you been on the podcast? Years?
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Yeah? Years, Man, what a privilege. It's been a fun ride.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Dude. You I love having you on here because you
you have such wise answers, such wise counsel. And that's
what we do, is answer people's questions. But we usually,
like we just did, spend about at least thirty minutes
when you get here working through our own questions that
(01:07):
we have because we answer your questions on this podcast.
But then we spend pretty good amount of time answering
each others. And dude, you just told me you've had
like a major life switch. Kind kind of exaggerated a
little dramatic on that, but but yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
I think minor shift with major impacts you could say that.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Yeah, so from one book, right.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Yeah, one book, Habits of the Household. If you haven't
picked it up and read it, it's really really great.
It's a Christian based book around the habits that we
call normal things that we do throughout our days, throughout
our weeks that our kids as we're raising them and
(01:52):
we're kind of shaping what our households look like. It's
really an opportunity of formation for these kids. And I
don't think a lot of times we forget that even
the smallest things, the smallest rhythms are impacting them on
a deep, deep level, and just kind of being aware
of that. And then it was a great guide in
(02:15):
just practical things, because sometimes we get caught up on
these lofty ideas of loving God, serving people, reading the Bible,
but how does that actually look when it comes to
bedtime routine or screen time limits or food that we eat.
And so it does a really good job of kind
of helping guide some of those rhythms, and it's been
(02:37):
really great.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
So, dude, so many people I think are out of rhythm,
and there's a lot of factors that cause it. In America,
people that are listening internationally might not understand this problem.
We have but it's called youth sports, and it is
I don't know, do you agree. I mean, it's horrible.
I think that our kids should be in sports. Okay,
(03:00):
and my kids all you know, both of them are
almost at all three, both of them are. But we
have to have limits on that and it cannot rule
our lives, it cannot rule our schedules.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
I one hundred percent agree. I also think that even
in the boundaries that you put sports, in competitive sports,
there has to be an understanding of what is the
purpose because there's a certain amount of pressure and like
competitive nature that we can put on these kids at
such a young age, and it's detrimental. It's it's more
(03:37):
detrimental than it is beneficial. Teaching them to work as
a team, to put other people first, to kind of
push through adversity, those things are really great, Yes, but man,
I've just seen so many kids, and from coaches as well,
just get really.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Just hurt.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
I mean, it's the big word, or the best word
to use. They just get hurt. And those are wounds
that I feel like they're going to be working through
for a long time. So I think, yeah, competitive sports
dictating our time and just the impact it has on kids.
I think the biggest thing that we've done this fall,
like I was telling you earlier, is somewhat unintentionally, but
(04:19):
somewhat after reading this book and talking through it, we've
we've slowed down. And it's amazing in our cult. It's
amazing in our culture that that it's actually a counterculture
thing to wait, slow down. You have family dinner and
you cook food at your house together, and you eat
(04:42):
together and you talk. And I'll be the first to
admit in seasons past that was not us. And we
have just kind of grabbed a hold of this, and
I really hope we can hang on to it because
I'm already seeing some of the benefits from us just
being able to slow down.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Yeah, we have somehow gone into a culture now where
we say, man, my kids are, I make them go
be in sports because they need that for their leadership
and development and social skills and athletic skills. And they
cannot miss a practice. They cannot quit. You know how
we are as Americans, We're fighters and we don't quit.
(05:23):
So once you start something, you don't quit. And you
need to be in in team sports and you need
to compete. And we've gotten into that somehow, and that
somehow is now crept into Sunday mornings and we're no
longer a culture at all that says we're gonna go
to church as a family on Sunday mornings. We're gonna
(05:43):
we're gonna have dinner together around a table as a
family in our house. That's not a priority. It sounds nice,
but it's definitely not because team sports and jobs win.
I'm not, by any means saying that you cannot church
and you cannot skip family dinner. I'm not saying that.
I'm just saying where does it lie in the priority list?
(06:06):
And it's very interesting, and I'm right there with you
that I have gone through decades of this myself, and
I know you said you have to, but I think
I think it might be time for us just to
have a shift in priorities and understanding of what might
be really important.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Yeah. From my childhood, I remember the normals. I remember
what was the normal rhythm, not the exceptions. So if
the normal rhythm is you skip church no matter what
for a sports and that is where the priority is.
When the kids are older, that's what they're going to remember.
That's what we are teaching them what is a normal rhythm,
(06:46):
and by our actions and by our leadership and our
discipleship of them really forming who they're going to be
and what their priorities, what they're going to look back
on when they're our age and say, my household, this
was normal and so so. Yeah, I think we have
(07:06):
we have the opportunity to recognize it. But you have
to know in anybody out there who's listening, who's like, man,
you guys are talking crazy right now in our culture.
Yet you will be fighting against the world. I've been
in Romans twelve too, like Deep Dive recently, and I mean,
do not conform to the pattern of this world. You're
(07:28):
you're going to be fighting against the world if you
try to slow down, if you try to say no
to like more opportunities and more options. If you say
no to those things in order to preserve your family
mule time, to preserve your connection with your wifetime going,
it's going to be a fight. If you limit the
amount of time you're on your smartphone or social media,
(07:50):
you are going to be fighting against the culture. It's
not going to be easy. So don't expect like, oh well,
listen to Graan, Jey Bernie and then I just did
this and it's like, oh, life is great. It's like, no,
it's going to be a fight, but there are things
worth fighting for and I think this is one of them.
Speaker 1 (08:08):
So that's amazing. Man. You always come in here with
some kind of great knowledge that I need, that I
need to hear, and I appreciate that. Man. We answer
questions on here. Whatever you have. It could be about
any topic. You email us Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot
com and put it in the queue here.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
And can I say something real quick about these question yea,
because I was kind of thinking about coming up here
and meet with you and the questions that people send,
and I know that we've had some questions that are
very similar in nature, and I started to think, is
there anybody out there who may have a question that
(08:52):
is so I don't want to say bizarre, but that
is so uncommon that they don't want to send it
in because they haven't they have It's easy to send
something in about a relationship and a breakup and a
because maybe you've heard that on the podcast before. But
I'm going to just challenge anybody out there if you
if you have a question that just feels like, man,
(09:14):
I can't put that out there because nobody's ever said
anything like that. That's what we want, really like, we
really want because there may be another person out there
wishing they could ask the same question and get some
advice and some guidance. And so if one of you
guys could just think of that thing you're going through,
(09:35):
you may feel alone, but you're probably not, so put
it out there.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
So yeah, that's a great it's a great point. And
the opposite is also true if you've heard the question
so many times but you have a different way of
saying it. By by all means, send it in because
we have a tendency. Well, first of all, we're going
to get We could probably give you a tweak on
the answer for sure, because we don't have notes in
(09:59):
front of us, and then s Secondly, so many people
fail to wreck fail to hear their own story in
someone else's as much as you do hear your story
in someone else's. There are the same group of people
that are like, well, my problem is different, like this girl,
Me and this girl were different. This girl that ghost
to me right now, that's like I'm so heartbroken. It's
(10:20):
different than all the other stories you read, Granger, my
story is different, and so you could ask that again
and then burning and I'll just reassure you maybe it's
not that different. Maybe as humans were not as separate
as you think we might be. That's good speaking of
Let's get to the next question. YEP. Subject line here says,
how do I honor my father when I don't respect him?
(10:42):
You've probably heard something like this since. Hey, Granger, I'm
fifty three years old. I'm a woman who was raised
by an abusive father. As time passed, I have forgiven
him and our relationship was mended, but have always continued
to be guarded with him. I recently found out about
something that he's done within the last ten years with
(11:03):
my step sister, who is now deceased, and it's completely
changed the way I feel about him. I've really been
struggling with how I can honor him according to the
Bible when I have zero respect for him. I want
to do the right thing, but I really need help
with this one. Thanks so much for a time, Tina.
So awesome, Tina, thank you for emailing and being vulnerable
(11:24):
in this situation. I'm going to recap here. You're fifty three.
You're raised by an abusive father, but as time passed,
you forgave him, and it sounds like things got better.
And then recently you found out some stuff. After you
forgave him, after you thought that things were mended and
were better, you found out he really was the same
(11:46):
snake that you always thought that he was. Bible also
says a leopard doesn't lose its spots. So that's what
happened here, and now you're struggling, and so let's walk
through it. First of all, your forgiveness, and understandably, your
forgiveness was conditional upon him not messing up again. So
(12:10):
it's like, hey, dad, I forgive you as long as
you don't ever do this again, and then he did.
I don't blame you, because all of us at some
level have a condition to our forgiveness, because we don't
have perfect forgiveness. But then the other thing is you've
recognized that forgiveness doesn't mean trust. Forgiving someone doesn't mean
(12:35):
now you trust them. I forgive you, now I trust you.
That's false. You don't have to trust. You can forgive,
which is a selfless gift that you give them as
you're releasing that from yourself. But that doesn't mean I'm
going to trust you. You're still a rattlesnake and you
can still bite me. And you kind of got that
in the first paragraph when you said, but I've always
(12:57):
continued to be guarded with him, then you found out
he really screwed up. Now, I don't think any of
that's part of your question. I'm just kind of establishing
the situation. None of that's your question. Your question is
how could I honor him? Because the Bible says honored
your mother and father. You're saying, how in the world
could I do that? And that's the question, and I
think it's a good one, and I think a lot
(13:18):
of people are could be in a situation like this.
And so without having any notes or special quotes or
even the Bible besides my phone sitting in front of me,
I would say, what do we think it means to honor?
What do we think the Bible meant by that? Because
surely it would be all encompassing. It didn't say honor
(13:40):
your mother and father unless they did this, And it also,
of course the Bible that any inspired writer of the
Bible would understand that that's not a universal thing. That
parents are going to be good. Okay, so we know
those two things, like that's just common sense. So as
we're kind of unpacking this and building this story, and
(14:04):
I'm trying to show y'all that what Bernie and I
are doing it, we're not we don't have special revelation.
We're just gonna slowly, let's just talk through it and
unpack it. And so I would say, probably in the
same way that you could honor a soldier for what
he has done and your father because he is your
father by identity, by biological purposes, he's your father. Just
(14:28):
like a soldier would be a soldier and participate in
some battle and we would honor him or her for
the battle the soldier, but that doesn't mean that we
take that soldier's personal life and accept it and trust
it and love all of it. Right, what they have done.
(14:50):
And we see this happening now when they're taking down
statues because they're like, we honored him at one time,
but then we found out some dark secret about him,
so we're tearing down the statue. And I think that's
when it comes there's a difference between the honor for
who they are and what they represent. To you and
the person that they are and what they have done
in their life. I think we have to be able
(15:10):
to separate that. We think this is Tina. Tina.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
Yeah, so, Tina, thank you for sending this in. You
did what I just kind of asked. I didn't know
this question was coming. So I don't think that abusive
fathers are questions that we hear very often. But I know,
whether it is physical or verbal, emotional, I know that
there are a ton of abusive fathers out there, and
(15:38):
one you don't deserve that at all. Nobody does. If
you're listening and you're in this situation, there's nothing you've
done to deserve the abuse that you're getting. It's not
right in any capacity. They are taking advantage of their
power and their position, which we know is something that
(16:00):
people can do.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
For sure.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
As far as showing like how I'm trying to like
get down to this, like, well, practically, how does she
show honor to him? I think you nailed it by
saying there's a difference between forgiveness and trust, and you
you know it's it's it's good for us to be
(16:25):
guarded in a sense, especially when we're dealing with a
snake of some kind. When we're dealing with toxic people,
abusive people, we we have to put those boundaries in place.
We have to align with other people that can help
establish those boundaries for us. As far as showing him honor,
(16:46):
it's almost like she would need to clarify what is
the nature of their relationship now, like did they still
have family dinners? Are they in relationship currently? Yeah, I
just don't know if it's If it's somewhat estrange, then
I don't know how you really there's no interaction, there's
(17:07):
no communication. I don't showing honor isn't going back to
him and asking him to come be in relationship with you.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
And we don't know the exact answer to give you
for how you play that out. But since you're asking
how to honor the Bible, basically is what you're saying,
how to honor the Bible by that word honor. What's
interesting because one Peter two seventeen, I'm gonna read the
King James. Since a lot of people love King James.
It says honor all men, love the brotherhood, fear God,
(17:42):
honor the King. A lot of other translations say honor
the Emperor. So Peter is saying honor the emperor right now.
Obviously they have huge qualms with the Emperor of Rome.
The Emperor of Rome is bringing persecution and will continue
to bring persecution on people that Peter is associated with here,
(18:06):
these Christians, and yet he's saying honor the Emperor. So
this is something for you, Tina, to kind of wrestle with,
is that the Bible is going to call you to
honor your father, and the Bible is also going to
call you to honor everyone. Is the ESV says in
One Peter two seventeen, it says, honor everyone, love the brotherhood,
(18:26):
fear God, honor the Emperor.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Yeah, man, that's good. As you were saying that, this
kind of jumped out to me that maybe the practical
nature of how Tina is to honor her father is
really up to her. Is there's so much nuance we
don't know. Yeah, But exactly it starts in her heart. Exactly,
it starts with her viewing human life as God given
(18:54):
and seeing the imaga day, seeing that there's value in
his life. God has him here for a reason, and
I view the way that I view him is not
as a waste of life, as something that needs to
be taken off this earth. But that that's when I
think that forgiveness really wells up in us and is
(19:18):
and is true. Is when we look at that person
that has abused us, that that person that is our enemy,
persecuted us, whatever it is, and we see past that
sin because that's all that that is unrepentant sin, and
we can view them with a light of like, I
still see the image of God in you, and I
(19:40):
know that there's value of human life. Now when you
view someone that way, maybe the reactions that we have
to them, or the responses or the communication, it will
just look different. But I think that's a start to
like finding the step and pathway towards honoring him is really.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Just how do I love? You? Said? Starts with the heart?
Speaker 3 (20:04):
Yeah, how do we view him where it was our heart?
Looking at him through what lends.
Speaker 1 (20:08):
Instead of starting with him, start with your heart? Yeah,
look at him as an image of God, an image
bearer of God. Honor your father, Honor the Emperor.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
And if you can't do that, that's where you are,
be honest about that. I think there's counselors, there's therapy,
there's things that you can like maybe there's some wounds
in there that you really need to. Like, it's great
talk about take to the father and just pray, pray, pray.
I know that it sounds the most cliche thing in
the world read proble, won't pray. I get it, guys,
(20:41):
But there is so much power in it. Redemptive power,
restoring power, and healing power.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
I think that's that's where at startina. I hope that's helpful.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
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(24:15):
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(24:36):
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(24:58):
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(25:20):
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(25:44):
to be just a great tool for someone to get
a quick message from me. Okay, back to the podcast.
All right, back to the podcast. We're going to get
into another question. We didn't get to too many questions
in that last break, but we're gonna rock.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
Me and Grell's just start blabbing. We could waste the
old time.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
That's true. So something else that's changed in my life
with Burns is his brother now, his older brother is
now a member at my church a Maas and Georgetown.
And that's pretty cool, man, because I love your brother,
and I've gotten to see him a lot more. There
was a time when I only really knew you, and
(26:28):
then I got to know him a little bit. We
went to a conference together. It was our first time
to really spend time together. And then, man, just a
crazy thing happened. Is life unfolded and the cow coach
that We've had very deep connections with our two families
for decades, for all different reasons. And in this particular season,
(26:54):
I was thinking about our church and I was thinking
about your brother, and anybody might be wondering, why doesn't
why don't you tell Bernie, Well, because Bernie lives a
lot longer, You live a lot farther away than your
brother lives a lot closer to me, And I just
felt in this particular season, I was like, man, I
got to hit up Jason because I would He could
serve our church so well. And there's an interesting thing
(27:17):
about being a member at a local church that sometimes
we think that it's for us, so that it could
serve us and entertain us, and we could just absorb it,
but it goes both ways equally. In a church, you know,
you do take it in, but you also give it
back equally because there's other people that need it. And
(27:39):
I thought, man, Jason and Ann and his wife would
be able to serve really well in our church, and
I think it would be great. So I texted him
and he was like, a man, I'll never if you
have a good feeling about it, I would never deny that.
So yeah, we'll come check it out. Lo and behold,
you know, several months later, now they are actually at
the church.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
Yeah, Matt, I am so excited for you to like
dive deeper in relationship with that dude. There are very
few men on this planet that have influenced me in
the way that Jason has.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
I could, Yeah, I could waste the rest of the
podcast time talking about it. But I'm excited that you're
going to get to kind of jump into the you know,
the depths of you know, what it means to you know,
glorify God with our lives with you know, with him,
it's yeah, he's super humble, so everything that he knows
and has experienced when it comes to you know, theology
(28:41):
and walking with the Holy Spirit and you it will
take a while because he's going to be so interested
in like hearing what you have to say and like
asking about this and but that's fun.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Man.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
I'm so happy for you guys. I'm not jealous at all.
But this is just it's all good man. This is though,
you know, just another reason Tyler, Hello, Granger's brother, I've
been asking you to come and run trails with me. Dude,
they could do their church thing, we could do the
(29:14):
trail run of things. Is it's just dirt church. That's
the only difference.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Man. Come on, could let me ask you a question
in relation to you living a lot farther away than
your brother does from here. Why I was thinking about
this today this morning. Why do you drive up here
so often to be on this podcast.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Oh that's a long answer.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
You were, but you were a busy guy. We've established that. Yeah,
you have a well established career and a family. Why
do you do this?
Speaker 3 (29:52):
God said, go H opened the door, gave me the opportunities.
And I think that part of my gifting is And
you know, there's another book I'm reading right now by
Jamie Winship. I don't know if you know him. It's
called Living Fearless, and it talks about like our true
identity in Christ and how we are created uniquely each
(30:17):
one of us for certain things, and a lot of
times we're living in a false identity. So there's we're
not feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit, we're not
feeling the fruit of the Spirit, We're not we're running
into turmoil. There's a lot of different things. Or maybe
we're just complacent in this identity that's a false identity.
(30:40):
And I think what when we first started, when you
asked me to come do this, and the first time
that we did it, it really felt the format of
it and what you were asking of me felt like
it fit into my identity.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
And how you say that your identity has to do
with the humility, curiosity, diligence, and confidence.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
Sorry that's what you're Yeah, these are these are core
values of our company. But yeah, I think there's you know,
there's those are in there, but really just being able
to listen, listen to people and just empathize and no
matter if it's you know, and and you've seen this
with me and you for a long time. I'm not
(31:22):
just gonna like hand the dude on the street corner
five dollars, I'm gonna sit down and talk to him.
I'm gonna understand his name, But then I have billionaire
clients that I have to also be able to sit
with and like the same thing. We were telling Tina
to view both of those people with the same value
of life and and really consider them more important than myself, Like, Hey,
(31:45):
what can I do to help you? What can I
do to help you? What can I hear? You can
I is there something I can impart? And and yeah,
this just going on tour with you was awesome and
being able to meet you know a lot of these
Ye Nation fans. Man, It's just such a privilege. I mean,
I think the short answer is is like, who wouldn't
(32:05):
want to do this? It's so it's really really fun.
And to get to say it with one of my
best friends and talk about life and all the God's doing.
Speaker 1 (32:15):
Yeah, man, dude, you know what that means to me
and what it's It's important to say this on the
podcast too. Before we get to a question. Is basically
what you said, because when you started it and you said,
what do you say? This is what God called me to do.
That's what God told. God said, you said, God said,
go Well, so somebody might hear that and be like
(32:36):
he audibly said, Bernie, go you no, but how you
articulated it through your story is what you mean is
when you are in the word, when you when your
prayer life feels healthy and it's not ever going to
be great, but when it feels healthy and you you
feel like you you have a good walk, and you
(32:58):
have people around you that are counseling you and that
are walking with you and affirming you as you're moving forward,
then at that level, you could start doing what you
want to do because you're following the desires of your
heart that God has given you those desires. You don't
have unrepentant sin lurking around in your life. So at
that level, when I say hey, Bernie, want to come
(33:20):
to this podcast, and you think you feel, yeah, I
want to, then you follow that because that equals God says, go.
How far is a drive for you?
Speaker 3 (33:33):
It's about forty five minutes from my office. My office
is about twenty minutes the other way from my house,
So from my house it's over an hour. But I'm
usually downtown in my office and then I'll come up,
work for a while and then come up.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
That's all I'll do. Well, I appreciate you, and I
know these people do too, So thank you man, Thank.
Speaker 3 (33:53):
You, thank you.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
You want to do a question here.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
Let's do I think that's what this podcast is about,
so we should probably get to more of those.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
Here's you. Remember when you started this and you said,
ask me something different? This might be it. Just judging
by the subject line, it says want another baby, but
husband isn't on board. Hey Granger, I'm hoping you could
help me with this struggle that's been very heavy on
my heart for over a year now. We have two boys,
ages eight and ten, but we have felt the persistent
(34:21):
feeling in my heart. But I have felt the persistent
feeling in my heart that our family needs another child
to be complete. However, me and my husband decided about
four years ago that our family was complete with two.
But our lives have changed drastically over the last two years,
and I feel more capable and ready to add to
the family. But my husband is not all caps on board.
(34:46):
He says, age, among other things, is a factor for him.
He's forty and I am thirty four. How can I
get past this? I have prayed and prayed for him
to change his mind, but it hasn't happened, and I
have not felt peace in my heart to just leave
this behind. I don't want to resent him for it,
but I'm struggling with accepting that no into my heart.
(35:07):
Any advice is welcome. Thank you, Stephanie from Ohio.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
Well, I like this question. Hmm, this is good.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
We could get we can we could really dissect this
question here.
Speaker 3 (35:17):
Okay, So let's let's do this because I heard last
week when Amber was on she said, you know, without uh,
there's a lot of other follow up questions I would
like to ask, and since we don't have that option
this her name is Stephanie. Yes, okay, I'm going to
be Stephanie. Okay, and I know that Stephanie. There's a
(35:38):
ton of nuance to everything you're saying. But if there's
questions that you I'm going to pretend i'm Stephanie, and
if you have questions that fall like, ok just a
little more context, I'm going to give that to you
as if that's her, and maybe it is, maybe it's not,
but it'll at least give us like a okay, if
that is the answer to these things, then we would
answer it this way.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
So okay, Hi, Stephanie.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
Thanks Cranger for reading my question, what do you think?
Speaker 1 (36:02):
Oh, you always make me laugh on these. I'm assuming Stephanie,
that you had a maybe a very busy job with
two kids at home, and you guys decided collectively, you
agreed no more children after this.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
Yes, that's what drastically changed is that I have You know,
my husband got a raise as well, which also kind
of like gave us a little bit more of a
buffer for stress and the finances, but also allowed me
to be at home. And so now I feel like
I have more bandwidth.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Did you know, Stephanie, that when he says age among
other things, that's the factor for him. He's forty. Did
you know that he's not telling you the whole story. No, Yeah,
there's there are other fears that he has there, and
he might not be able to fully tell you because
he's a man and you're a woman, and he might
(36:58):
not be able to fully articulate all of what he's feeling.
But there is a core of fear in that and
a contentment that he has with what he has now
and why risk it when you could have a child
with some kind of disability, or you could have a miscarriage,
or you could you could suffer a loss, and to
add something else to this family adds the risk that
(37:20):
he could be responsible for a loss or a or
a death, or a heartache, or a disability or any
number of other things. And that is not a risk
he's willing to take right now.
Speaker 3 (37:32):
Did you know that I want to make sure I'm
getting the character backstory right. Did she mention anything about
being follower Jesus?
Speaker 1 (37:44):
No? Okay, no, no, no, no, she said, I have
prayed and prayed for him to change his mind. But
that's the only context we have.
Speaker 3 (37:52):
Okay, so.
Speaker 1 (37:57):
Let me say something interesting stuffan me is that you're
prayer is for you. Did you realize that you've prayed
and prayed one thing according to this email, You've prayed
and prayed that he changes his mind.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
Yeah, but what.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
About your mind or your heart? Yeah, it's very interesting
to think about with the dynamic that's going on that
this sounds very one sided, both on both spouses here. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:32):
So I've prayed and prayed for him to change his mind.
I just feel like he's he's being stubborn. And since
I pray, I'm a believer, and I also know that
the Bible tells me that I am as the wife
to submit to my husband. Am I so supposed to
just like submit to his authority that like, this is
(38:54):
the decision for our family? Or do I just keep
fighting for this?
Speaker 1 (38:57):
Well, I just so happened to have been in the
situation very similar to this one. I've lived it, and
so that's why this is this whole question is interesting.
And in fact, even the age thing, I was forty.
I was the forty year old husband in the situation,
but the situation was flipped. I was the one that
(39:21):
felt like our family wasn't complete and we could have
another baby. I had, in my words, I had more
love to give. And Amber was not on board with it.
She said, no way, River was their last. How could
we even think about replacing him? I won't even consider it.
(39:43):
But here's a thing, here's a thing. It was It
was difficult to hear that, but she's my wife, and
so I had to say, I love you, I trust you.
We have to be all in with something like a
that's a really big deal, the biggest deal in our family.
(40:04):
We have to be all in together, and if you're not,
then I won't push you and I won't bring it
up again. I just had a feeling, and I understand,
I'll back off. Guess what happened when I said that
about a week or two goes by, and she said,
I've been thinking it was nagging her. I've been thinking,
(40:25):
and since you said that, I don't want to. I
don't want to discount a feeling that you had. So
maybe I should just at least talk to the doctor.
Just we'll just see what the doctor says about our
ages and about the situation she had her tubes tied.
Maybe we'll just see what the doctor says. We're not saying, yes,
let's have a baby. We're just saying, let's just see
(40:46):
if there's an option to even try. And suddenly that
opened up. And I didn't say absolutely right, you know it.
We're going to get this about time you submit. You
know I didn't say that. I said, okay, I said
and if any point you start feeling uncomfortable, we're done.
(41:07):
We're backing out. And Stephanie, so would I would tell
you have you been that way to your husband or
is it just like have you just have you made
up your mind yet? Because I'm really just I'm the
clock is ticking, and I feel my biological clock and
this is I'm thirty four and then this is my
last chance? And is that how you are?
Speaker 3 (41:29):
Guys? Granger has just done for Stephanie what he does
for so many of you. That is just it's where
it all lies. The answers to all of these questions
most of.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
The time.
Speaker 3 (41:42):
Lie in you taking the mirror and turning it on yourself,
like starting with your heart, your approach, your response. So
that's the question, Stephanie, is what is your conversation around
this topic, like with your husband? And if you sense
around this topic that there is there's something there, don't
(42:05):
keep pushing on it. Maybe just like pivot and say, hey,
I'd love to talk about this thing. I feel like
it may be bugging you or just there may be
something going on with him and if the answer to
your question may just be you know, secondary, so like
(42:27):
try to connect with him and understand like why does
he feel like the family's done? Or why doesn't he
want to have another kid? And approach it with a
kind of a grace mentality like Granger's talking about, but
also start with just examining like how am I approaching it?
Where is my heart at in this? And I don't know,
(42:49):
I think that you may actually it may change your
heart and it may change his heart at the same time. Yes,
and you may be surprised at where you guys end up.
It may not be with having another kid, but I
guarantee you it'll be with you and your husband having
a better relationship.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
So that's so good. So when when that's so good,
let me, let me give you a quick thought on
a prayer. Stuffan me. Instead of saying, God, change his mind,
change his mind, change his mind, what if it was
this God, you, if there is another baby in this family,
you know it. You have done it, you have purposed it,
(43:24):
you've planned it. You are sovereign, you're providential. So if
there's another baby, it's coming and there's nothing stopping that.
But I pray right now because I want one and
you know that I want one. But I also feel
like this is a lack of trust in you that
I'm feeling like it's up to me to convince my husband.
(43:46):
That's ridiculous, the Lord, I'm so sorry. I repent of that,
to think that the baby's up to me and that
my husband has to decide and I have to convince
him a baby is here or not, depending upon you.
So I just trust you you and to praise you,
and I glorify you soften my heart. And if there
is a baby, I pray that you soften my husband's heart.
(44:07):
And this comes together with clarity. Let me know what
to do in these next steps. I will try that,
try that kind of prayer, and that will change you.
And I can tell you from experience, those kind of
prayers rearrange everything inside you.
Speaker 3 (44:26):
Yeah. Thanks graner N Dude, that's Goreird Stephanie. Yeah, he
just nailed it.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
You want to take a much lighter hearted question here.
Next one, the subject client says don't trust myself to
date while on the road while working on the road.
That says, Hey, my name is Ashton. I'm twenty one
years old and I work on a pipeline and I
like this girl, but I don't trust myself enough to
date while I'm working on the road, and I don't
know what I should do.
Speaker 3 (44:59):
I'm not laughing at Ashton. Sometimes when you read questions,
depending on what the content is, Griz Okay, yes, yeah, Ashton,
you got some trust issues, man um and you're and
(45:19):
you may be going after the wrong girls.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
Yeah, uh, yeah, I don't know. What it is. Yeah. Yeah,
if you if you're if you're twenty one and you
like a girl and you don't trust yourself to be
faithful to her, then keep looking. Keep looking. There's two
things could be wrong. Once, she's not the right girl
and two you're not in the right space. And I
got I got a feeling it's probably both at the
same time. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (45:40):
Yeah, and you're and you're young. Don't don't rush.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
Yeah, nothing wrong twenty one, you're you're totally good. Yeah.
And at the same time, don't go be a whore.
Just don't do that either. Yeah. This question says subject
line what what's next for the band? Hey grangeraw is
wondering what the band member's reaction is was to you
retire from music, and what the next step is for them,
and how the rest of the crew is involved in touring,
(46:06):
like the bus drivers and Tyler. Thank you for being
a light in the world, Emily. Yeah, Bernie got the
privilege of going out the last few weeks, and I
did see in everybody and and maybe you could attest
what the attitude was like backstage.
Speaker 3 (46:23):
Yeah, I talked, I talked to those guys. I talked
to it just about everybody apart from you, So they
weren't just like in front of Granger trying to say,
oh that's great. I think that there was a just
a spirit of gratitude and like understanding. I think at first,
you know, you know, it was like WHOA, this is
(46:44):
going to be a big change. I felt like an
excitement from people that there was there was opportunity, and
sometimes like you know, I think there was acceptance of like, man,
God is doing something here amongst that team. Man, I
just felt like people sensed God is doing something. How
(47:06):
how am I going to be a part of it?
Some of them had, you know, you can speak more specifically,
like what they're going to do. I know Chris is
staying on with you. Obviously, Tyler is going to continue
everything he's doing. But the band guys, I mean, Johnny
is gonna be with you in some sense.
Speaker 1 (47:25):
Yeah. So I think there was a sense of everyone
was very kind of at peace with it and content
with it, and some of them saw it coming. I
guess I could say that to your first question of
what do they think when you told them? Some of
them were shocked and so kind of all the emotions,
(47:45):
there is a sense within all of them of a
little bit of worrying on what's going to happen in
the next season, because no one really had a for
sure plan. I think Nard my merch guy, he's assistant
tour manager for Cody Johnson, now Ryan my monitor guy.
He's out working with somebody, maybe even Cody Johnson to
Ryan as a stud So love those grizz the front
(48:09):
of house guy love him. And he is working for
a media company in Austin, not traveling anymore, just got
married and they're pregnant now, so South Austin Grizz. Yeah,
I think he is. I think he is. Todd's gonna
be playing lots of gigs doing doing what he does.
Dusty is in a season of limbo. Not really sure.
(48:33):
I'm secretly hoping that he doesn't tour. He's a fantastic
drummer and such a value to any band. But he's
also a father of three and they're building a home,
and I think this might be a really cool season
for him to see what it's like for the first
time in his life to not travel and to what
was it redeemed the household.
Speaker 3 (48:52):
What was it habits of that, habits of the household.
Speaker 1 (48:55):
And then Johnny is probably going to be doing some
property management for me here the Yege Farm and some
other places, which I'm excited about.
Speaker 3 (49:06):
And then he'll pick up some gigs too, right yeah, yeah,
And the.
Speaker 1 (49:09):
Him and his wife have a real estate deal going
on that they like to flip houses, and he's a
really good handyman. And then Chris is still working for me.
His role instead of tour manager, it's more like personal assistant.
And Tyler is still managing, and Paul is still editing
this podcast and all that. So yeah, they the guy's
(49:30):
got a they got a bonus and tomorrow as we
record this podcast tomorrow they'll get it and they know
it's coming. But they're all going to get a bonus.
And that the money is from the buses that we sold.
So I think it's really cool that and kind of
poetic that the the vehicles that took them away from
(49:52):
their families for so long are the that's the money
that's being paid back to them to their families. Yeah,
so in that aspect, there's not like they're hurting. They're
not like looking for immediately to pay the bills or anything.
So they're all okay. But but it's going to be
an exciting time to see what's next for everybody, and
I'll still keep in touch with everybody. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (50:14):
I think there's something really special about new seasons and chapters,
kind of like ending and new things beginning.
Speaker 1 (50:21):
So same, same, great bro. I appreciate you being on Yeah,
thanks for having me again. See next time. See all
of y'all next Monday. Ye, thanks for joining me on
the Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys.
You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that
little like button and notification spell so that you never
(50:44):
miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a
question for me that you would like me to answer,
email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3 (50:55):
Yi
Host
Granger Smith
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