October 23, 2023 • 43 mins
Granger Smith Podcast Episode 211: Join my wife Amber Smith and I as we discuss these topics and more on this week's podcast!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm gonna say something very controversial. It's gonna get a
lot of hate on this podcast. Well, it's everybody, welcome
back to the podcast. My favorite guest by far is
(00:20):
with me today, Amber, my wife.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Oh you say that to everybody.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
I don't you know, because you listen and there's only
just a few people that bring on here. It's like Bernie, Tyler, Parker, Marshall,
Chad and you. That's the rotation at least right now.
And we answer your questions. You email me Grangersmith podcast
at gmail dot com. I do not like I don't
really enjoy podcasts that have a bunch of small talk
(00:44):
at the beginning and finally get to the point later.
So I'm gonna get to the point.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
That's what we do on this podcast is we answer
your questions, and I've got a bunch of them here,
and you could ask me about anything. Really, it's been
all over the map of the past two hundred and
ten ish eleven maybe this is two hundred and eleven episodes.
The first one subject line says, Halloween is a Christian.
It's interesting, Hey, Grandeur, I recently discovered your podcast and
(01:10):
I love listening and getting insight on questions that I
feel most people can relate to. My question is this,
what are your general thoughts around Halloween as a Christian?
My husband and I grew up in a religious home
where Halloween was not celebrating. Excuse me, my husband grew
up in a home, a religious home where Halloween was
not celebrated, no trigger treating and whatnot. I grew up
the exact opposite. I did not grow up in a
(01:32):
Christian home. But I am thankful with love and patience
that my husband has brought me to the Lord. I
have mixed feelings about Halloween now because I grew up
doing all the Halloween things and I don't want our
children to miss out. However, I do not agree with
the root of Halloween. She says is a little dab
of Halloween okay, costumes and trigger treat or is a
(01:55):
little too much. I feel like there is a gray area,
and I also feel like I am feel convicted of
something that I should just trust that conviction. I thought
about a podcast. I thought about a podcast that I
listened to of yours where you talked about not conforming
to what society thinks is normal, and it resonated with
me around this topic, thinks Kayley. Yeah, okay, good, you
(02:18):
got a good guest here, Kaylee. Amber could probably speak
to this, and we're gonna probably tell you. I'll let
her talk, but I will say that the gray area
that you're referring to can be filled in with your
own conviction, and sometimes a lot of cases your conviction
(02:42):
is different than someone else's. I've used this example before,
but I remember when I realized that college football was
a sin for me, and I remember realizing that all
at once, and I was convicted that my emotions were
connected to college football.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
It was becoming an idol in a.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Sense, absolutely becoming an idol. And I knew that because
at the end of the day I was I could
feel frustrated and emotionally drained if the Aggie's lost, or
I could feel like at this extraordinary high and joy
if the Aggies won. And it got to the point
(03:24):
where I could look back on my day and go,
why do I feel depressed? Everything's going good, It's a
good day, work's going good, Families going why do I
feel depressed? And I would go, oh, because at eleven am,
the Aggie's lost. And then the same could happen when
they win. And I realized that those highs and lows
were taking me in a way that was it was
(03:45):
becoming an idol that was controlling my emotions. So I
remember telling chris My Tormnadress said, dude, I'm gonna I'm
gonna have to lay off of college football and not
watch it and not follow it because it's becoming a
sin for me. And he got offended. He was like,
are you telling me me watching the Longhorns is a sin?
(04:06):
And It's like, no, that's my conviction. And it's you know,
something like college football is non moral and so we can't.
You shouldn't spiritualize non moral things. But to me, if
a non moral thing becomes an idol, then it's a sin.
And that was my conviction, not his. I'll let him
deal with his own convictions. And Halloween can be used
(04:29):
is a little bit different than college football because of
the evil associated with it, but it can be looked
at in that same way. As far as one family
might think that Halloween is dressing up like a superhero
or a Disney character, or a Army soldier or a
football player, and they hang out with their nice little
(04:50):
neighborhood and everyone like exchanges candy and they celebrate the
fall and pumpkins and fallen leaves and you know, things
like that. And then there be other families that it's
like witchcraft and demons and ghosts and they celebrate that.
So we're looking at a big jump here. I know
(05:10):
you have thoughts on this, because we dealt with this
last year. Actually go ahead, I do.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
I do, and I'll be really honest. I still struggle
a little bit with it. We had very very strong
convictions last year. We didn't do Halloween. I didn't go
to my best friend's Halloween party, which is not obviously
not celebrating anything demonic. We get together, we have a
costume contest, we have fellowship with friends, and I told
the kids we weren't going to go trick or treating.
(05:34):
So I thought, well, then I can't go to this party.
I can't tell them not to do something if I'm
going to go do it. So I don't know why
I felt that conviction last year, but we ended up
having just some friends over no costumes. We did. We
threw candy out in the woods. We called it the
Candy Extravaganzy and just had the kids go out and
grab candy, and we just had fellowship with other people.
(05:55):
You're gonna get people that are all over the map
on this. You're gonna get people that say they'll quote
the Bible have absolutely nothing to do with evil and darkness.
You can't even like mingle with it because it is
partly I mean, we'll walk by with trick or treating
with the kids and there's like a man a demon
hanging from a tree. So I really kind of still
(06:16):
struggle with it. Do I think that our kids could
do it innocently and go knock on doors and say
hello to our neighbors and grab candy and dress up. Yeah,
but are we mixing a little bit in if we're
joining those other people out on the street who are
dressing up as bloody demons and witches. I still struggle.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
So let's answer her question directly on what she's asking,
because she's asking, will my kids miss out quote that's
what you said, quote miss out on if they don't
celebrate Halloween.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Okay, our kids were pretty upset because they see it
as something innocent, and even London, she was so sweet.
She goes, I have an idea we can knock on
the door and will hand them a bye, and then
we could we could still dress up and enjoy it,
and just that's their sweet, innocent hearts. If you look
at this as will my children miss out, you have
to look at everything else that could be considered sin.
Will my children miss out? Well, we want our kids
(07:12):
to miss out on certain things, and we want to
be different than the world, and we're called to be
set apart. So I feel like she said she's having
a strong conviction about it, and I think she should
listen to it.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Yeah, I do too. I think I think, Kayley, you
should skip Halloween this year. Yeah, because that's your conviction
and pray about it, and pray about it and do
something like we did last year, maybe do a candy
extravaganzy or something funny. Kids. They loved it, and we
had several families over that agreed with that.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
And then well, I'm sorry to me interrupt you. What
was good was we had different families that we hadn't
fellowshipped with before because everyone else was trigger treating. So
we got to have fellowship with new families, which was neat.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Yeah, I thought it was great. And and then back
to this year, we don't know. We don't really know
what we're going to do, but we're up for an
option on the ending on our conviction, right And so
I think, Kaylee, what you do now about Halloween doesn't
have to be what you do every single year. I
would say, try to sit out on it and see
what happens. I'm gonna I don't think your kids are
(08:14):
gonna miss out whatever you do. It's not up to them.
They don't get They're not old enough to make their
own decisions about things like that, So they're not going
to miss out. Our kids are not on screens right
now for the next year. Are they going to miss out? No,
they think they will, but we know that they won't.
So yeah, go for it, go for skipping it. See
(08:34):
what happens. Man. Sometimes I see these and I'm like, oh,
do I want to do?
Speaker 2 (08:42):
I want?
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Do I want to go? I don't even know what
this is gonna say, but it says heaven. Hey Grange,
I'm a longtime listener. I'm twenty four years old. I'm
a christ Father. I live in Alabama and my dad
passed away when I was fourteen, and he was a
non believer. I've come to peace with knowing that my
father won't be in heaven to greet me when it's
my time. My question is can I pray for my
(09:04):
father's peace and that he can go to heaven. Thank
you for your podcast. It's helped me in so many ways.
God bless you and your family. PS. Say hey to
Earl and ask Donnie if he still parked up by
the late question comes from Tyler and man, what an
interesting question. And I will tell you that I've thought
(09:28):
about this a lot. Amber probably knows that I have.
And first of all, we know that no one will
be in heaven that didn't trust Jesus as their Lord
and savior. No one. We know that Jesus is the way,
the truth, and the life, and that no one comes
(09:49):
to the Father but by him. It's his own words.
There is no way around that, and there's no substitution
for that. In fact, he is the substitution for our
sin and his ultimate sacrifice on the cross. That being said,
we don't know ever for sure with clarity, if someone
(10:14):
is going to be in heaven or not, or Hell
or not. We don't know. We oftentimes have a good idea, yeah,
but it's not our place to know. For sure, or
to declare it, because we don't necessarily know what happens
in those last moments of someone's life. Okay, I'll leave
that there. I'll just leave that on the table.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
I agree with that.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
The second thing is, to your question, kind of pray
for my father's peace and that he can go to heaven. Okay,
there's multilayers to that. First, I want to make sure
that that you're you're putting the oxygen mask on yourself
first and that that doesn't become a distraction. I don't
think it is, judging by your email that I want
(10:55):
to make sure that you know the gospel clearly, and
I want to make sure that you're saved, and I
want to make sure that you understand that Heaven first
and foremost is going to the joy in heaven is
going to be enjoying the presence of your savior, the Creator.
So everything that you loved about your father, everything you
(11:17):
loved about anything that you've ever known, whether it's music
or nature or a person, it's all of that is
just a shadow of the existence of all of that
stuff's creator. So every music and piece of art, and
every beautiful thing and every lovely thing that you've ever loved,
(11:39):
or trusted or enjoyed is just but a thought from
the Creator himself. So can you imagine being in his presence?
I can't. I try to describe it, and I can't.
But you will be so overwhelmed by the presence of
the gift giver. Because we know how we've reacted to
(11:59):
his gifts. How much more so will we react to
the giver of those gifts and being to being able
to enjoy him in his full, unveiled glory. Our faces
are not veiled. We're seeing him in his full brightness,
in his full beauty. That's hard to comprehend, but we
have to know that first and foremost that is heaven.
(12:20):
I think we try to fill it with will there
will there be fishing? Will there be I know that
there's there's the roads are paved with gold, but will
there also be dirt roads? You know? Like we ask
silly questions like that, we have to make sure that
we always pad those silly questions with the idea that well,
first and foremost we're gonna be in the presence of
our Creator. Okay, got to say all that. And secondly, Gods,
(12:45):
as we could, we could barely comprehend an omnipresence, a
being that's outside of space, time and matter. Outside of
that is something that we cannot begin to understand, but
he does. We do know that he does. We can't
understand how anything could be outside of time, space and matter,
(13:09):
but he is. And so could you pray retrospectively for
someone that's already died? We have to be careful with
that to make sure that we're not praying for someone
salvation that never got it. So that's not what we're
saying here. We're not saying, can I pray for someone
(13:31):
that's in hell so that they can go to heaven?
That doesn't happen? We know that. But can you pray
retrospectively to a God out outside of time and say, God,
save my dad outside of time? If that's your will,
let it be done. If not, let your will be
done and your glory be known. But you know my
(13:52):
heart and I wish Dad is saved. I want Dad
to be saved. I don't think that that that's a
complicated prayer, but I don't think there's anything inherently wrong
with it, as long as you understand where salvation comes
from and what it takes to get to heaven faith
in Jesus his son. Right, what do you got on that?
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yeah, I mean I would agree with you. We can
never know for sure what happens in that final moment
when they take their last breath and when the Lord
meets them. So I have hope in that. I mean,
we do know we're only saved by grace through faith
and Jesus alone. So if if he was a non
(14:31):
believer and he was very adamant about that, then we
don't know. But like I said, you don't know whenever
Jesus comes what that moment looks like. So, and I
agree with you. God is outside of time, space and matter,
and that is something that just just blows my mind
to think about. Because you've actually talked about the retrospective
prayers before, so it's it's something very interesting. And I
(14:53):
can't tell you that we have all the answers. But
like Granger said, I don't think that it's wrong for
you to pray.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Yeah, as long as it doesn't become a distraction or
we know this too about hell. We know that whoever
ends up in Hell will not want to be in heaven.
And that's a strange thought. But there is nobody in
hell saying I wish I was with God, because all
of those people will be with him, all the people
(15:23):
that truly desire to be with God will be And
the people that end up in hell will be resentful
and non repentant, unrepentant. While in hell they'll still be
in rebellion. So that's an interesting thought too. There will
be nobody in hell repenting saying I'm so sorry, please
(15:46):
give me another chance. They won't, they'll stay. I still
don't believe you God. You know that's a complicated topic.
Before I jump into another one, let's take a break
and be right back. Podcast is brought to you all
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(16:07):
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Granger today to get ten percent off your first month.
That's Better Help h LP dot com slash Granger. You
know what really helps me? I know a lot of
y'all have read the book that listened to this podcast.
It really helps me if you review it, if you
give me five stars and review it, it actually helps
kick up that algorithm and helps it get in front
of other people that might not normally have seen like
(17:11):
a river. So do that for me. It costs nothing
to you and it actually really really helps me. Finally,
if you want to get a hold of me, if
you want me to send you a message, I say
this a lot. Cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. It's
a really good way to do it. Or you can
download the cameo app and search for me Granger Smith.
You ask for whatever you want me to record, and
(17:32):
I pull out my phone and do a video message
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or girlfriend or daughter or whatever. It might be a
word of encouragement, Happy birthday, happy anniversary, Merry Christmas. I
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and it's really easy. It's a great last minute gift
(17:52):
and something for someone that has everything. So cameo dot
com slash granger Smith. Back to the podcast. Back here
on the podcast, I'm going to do something that I
don't think i've done. I'm going to go way back.
(18:12):
In fact, I'm going to go all the way back
to twenty twenty.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
In fact, I have a folder that says Amber oh,
and it's from twenty twenty. It's like if something was
related to you, I threw it in that folder. So
we're going back on the podcast, and once again, if
you want to email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com.
And I have thousands of these emails and I try
to go through them as systematically as I can, but
(18:39):
there's not really a rhyme or reason. So I hope
that I always hope I get to your question, but
know that if I don't, it's still in here somewhere.
So I'm gonna go back and try to help some
of these people out and go way back. I have
no idea what I'm getting into. I have no idea
this is this one's going to be November thirtieth, twenty twelve,
(19:00):
and the subject line says deep question for you or Amber. Okay, okay,
hey Grangel, this is Josh from Cleborne, Texas. I love
your music, your family, and your YouTube. I've seen you
every time you've come to Billy Bob's and I can't
wait for you to come back with meet and greets
so I can give you a challenge coin from my department. Yeah,
I wonder if you already got that maybe, So to
(19:21):
try and sum this up, my wife and I've been
married for twelve years and have struggled for years to
have kids. We have. We've had two miscarriages and spent
over twenty grand on IVF treatments to be told it
was impossible. God has since blessed us with two beautiful miracles.
But that is a testimony for a longer format if
(19:42):
you were interested. I'm a man of God, and I
understand that I am supposed to let go of things
I don't understand and turn away from anger. But anytime
I see people who had children by accident then don't
appreciate it, or people who gave up on their kids
or have had abortions. It angers me so much. I
find difficult and showing these people love. I thought it
would be different once I had kids of my own,
(20:05):
but it hasn't. How do I move past this anger
and learn to love these people some as some are
very close friends or family. I love that you take
these deep questions and give godly insight and advice. Thanks
for all you do, Josh Okay. Josh asked this in
November of twenty twenty. Did we have We didn't have math, No,
(20:26):
twenty twenty one. Yeah, so no one even knew about
math at this point. No one knew that month was
that November?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
November, so I would have been newly pregnant. No, December.
I got pred in in December.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
So no one. Josh didn't even know as he wrote
this email three years ago that we were currently going
through IVF. As he wrote to us about IVF, Yeah,
which is interesting and probably the reason I never read it. Yeah,
maybe because I was like, oh, that one hits close
to home, so I empathize, you know, It's like I
(21:06):
can't imagine going for years and years through miscarriages. You
had just gone through a miscarriage, as this guy wrote
this email, You had just gone through one a few
months before this, just a couple of months before. And
then you're looking around and there's people just having babies
like crazy, and they're not even wanting to.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
It's a natural, fleshly feeling to have those feelings. I
remember feeling a little bit of this when we lost River.
You know, you look around and you see people who
treat their kids offs terribly, beat them or neglect them,
and they're fine, Their kids are fine, And so it's
a natural feeling to have that little bit of, oh,
(21:48):
I'm mad, I'm angry. Why do they get to have
a son? Why do they get to keep their child?
And we didn't. And it truly came. It truly came
to me just surrendering everything to the Lord and trusting
him and knowing that we live in a fallen world
and bad things happen, and God makes it rain on
(22:10):
the just and the unjust at the same time, and
we have to trust that He knows what he is
doing and that he has got and we are not.
And every situation is different and I'm so sorry that
you had to go through that. I know the pain
of a miscarriage and what that feels like. But you're
also blessed with two beautiful babies. I think ye said, so,
my advice would be to draw near to the Lord
(22:31):
and just to I mean, our greatest commandments are to
love God and love others, and pray for our enemies.
Pray for the Lord to remove that feeling, that spirit
of anger, that spirit of bitterness from you, because that's
holding you hostage in a way. You can't walk in
freedom if if you're still holding resentment even though you
(22:52):
have been blessed by the Lord. I guess that would
be my advice is just to draw near to.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Yeah, you said the rain. God makes it rain on
the just and unjust, And that idea is called common grace.
He gives a common grace to all people, even his enemies,
even the people that reject him. There's a common grace
that everyone gets. But through that common grace, we also
(23:18):
know that He is providential and he always has a
plan for his greater glory. So everything, every baby that
happens by accident is not an accident. It's providential, and
it's all working for a greater glory. Even when you
see bad things happen or evil things happen, it's all
working for a greater glory. Yeah, I think you're right.
(23:39):
I think learning who he is, praying for repenting for
that anger you have towards those people, and praying that
the Lord takes that away from you, gratefulness for the
kids you have. It's good. You want to go to
another one of these old ones. Okay, here's one from
(24:03):
January twenty twenty one. Hey, Grangeer, and my husband, Corey
loves your podcast and your music. He listens to your
podcast religiously. We have a nine month old baby girl
and she finally started to bond with her daddy. But
I know it's been kind of hard for him because
for the longest time the only person she wanted was me.
Any tips for new parents on how to get through
(24:24):
some of the hard stages of little ones, especially for
dads when their little one only wants their mama. I
love your show. God bless you and your family. Kayley.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Okay, well you could speak into that. Yeah, it's a
running joke in our house that Granger just goes it's
all right, They'll love me again when they're about eight
years old, because they do they cling to mommy. Mommy
feeds them, Mommy. You know, Mommy's the source of their sustenance.
So you know all about that. I would leave the house,
the kids would scream, scream on the floor. We have
(24:55):
so many videos, and you were just so patient through
it all and know that that will change.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
We have we have four kids that have done the
same thing. They've loved mama for a long time. And London,
our daughter who's not twelve, she finally really started loving me.
What about ten.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Years old, nine years old, maybe.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Like nine years nine years of I'm just the guy
in the house, like on the back burner. And there's
all kinds of theories of that. People people. Some people
told me that's because your kids were never in daycare,
and when kids go to daycare they learn to share.
And there's this idea and I don't know if that's
right or not, but I do know there's this idea
(25:41):
that a kid cannot love two parents equally. They don't
know yet how to how to share love.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
They feel like they can't.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
They feel like they can't. They feel like if they
love daddy, then they're taken away love from mommy and
they can't possibly love two people at the same time.
There's that theory. Ultimately, it's just kind of play out
and you just let kids you love them, and you
continue to pursue them. You like to say that word
pursue them, especially with the girls, And is that what
(26:13):
this this is We're talking about a girl here, Yeah,
baby girl. Yeah, just continue to pursue her as a dad.
And it's interesting that this question came in at twenty
twenty one because now she's like almost three years old,
and that probably still hasn't changed for you, brother, probably
still the same, Corey, And all you gonna do is
(26:34):
hang on for about five more years and it finally
starts even and out if you just keep pursuing her,
keep loving her. And then by my fourth child, I
was pretty good at the patience of it. Like when
I didn't take offense to it didn't hurt your feelings,
didn't hurt my feelings. They're like, Mama, I want Mama
to put me down. I want mom and to put
(26:55):
that's like a common phrase in our house. I want
mom and to put me down. I just got to
and I was like, well, she's not I.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Am, Well, you always said because you were the guy.
It's like the kids knew if mommy was leaving, they
had to be with daddy.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Yeah, I also represented uh, he represented me.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Me going somewhere or going to the store or working.
So yeah, it wasn't. But now London feels so terrible.
Granger shows her old videos of her like crying on
the floor and she's like, Daddy, I'm so sorry, I'm
so sorry. I love you so much. So it'll flip,
it'll turn.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
And Lincoln, he only wants me to throw the football
with him all day long now, and we're about to
go on a trip tomorrow, just a guy's trip tomorrow
for all weekend.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
So and I will say one more thing. With Maverick,
he's a little bit different. He now only wants Daddy
to put him down. So if he say do you
want mommy or daddy, he goes Daddy down, Daddy down.
So he's he's only two, so maybe it won't always
be that way.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Very interesting and a good question, maybe this one. Let's
see you want to stick with these old ones. It's
kind of interesting. This is your podcast. Hey there, Granger
and Amber. My name is Riley I'm eighteen living in Indiana.
(28:14):
I've been a fan of your music for a long
time now and your beautiful family. Yet somehow I only
just now realized you have a podcast, and I've listened
to a few episodes now and I love it. I
was wondering what your take is on this issue I've
been dealing with. Freshman year of high school. I met
this girl an English class who have only over time,
I've become more and more crazy about. Mind you. Before
(28:34):
high school, I didn't want anything to do with relationships
because no one ever seemed to be worth my time,
and I knew that if I had a relationship with someone,
I wanted it to be serious, not just for kicks.
But this girl changed that. She made me feel that
different way about the possibility of being with someone. And
she really is that kind of girl that you want
to buy a ring for. Fast forward for years and
(28:55):
I'm still absolutely crazy about her, and I've been in
and out of touch with her. I'm not really good
at talking to women. I have told her how I
felt before, but I think that it was too much
for her at the time, which I regret. Last thing
I ever want to be is uncomfortable with her. We've
been texting since last October now and then, and many
(29:18):
times I thought that she was interested. Lately she's been
a little more distant, and I think that's because she's
very focused on her future and all that kind of
stuff I have been as well. She's very Christian and
has a great head on her shoulders, and like I said,
she's just the kind of girl you want to buy
a ring for something. I just don't know what to do.
I don't know if I should ask her if she's interested,
(29:39):
or just let it go and see what happens. I
don't want to repeat what I did before and saying
too much too soon. I've tried asking her to hang
out a few times, but with my luck, she's been
out of town for some soccer training camps each time
I've asked her. I'm not sure if I'm making total
sense here, and there's so many more details I've left out,
(30:00):
but I hope you get the idea. I'm just a
young and dumb eighteen year old guy who thinks that
I have found the one, but it's probably just the
race fuel that I'm always inhaling at the track. I
appreciate it if you read this Riley, Okay, Riley, Riley,
long question, simple answer.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Go ahead, move on, Yeah, move on, buddy. I hate
to just be so blunt, but even at eighteen, if
a girl likes you, she's going to make time, she's
going to want to hang out. And I feel, like
you said, you've been going back and forth for over
four years. Maybe is that since middle school? Or is
he is that out of high school into college. He's
only eighteen.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Now, he's eighteen now, so that goes back to middle school.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Yeah, yeah, I think you are maybe in the friend
zone or I just think she would have if she
was really interested in getting together. You guys would have
done it by now. And I know that's hard to hear.
And would you say the same thing.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Yeah, it's not a mystery, buddy, she's not into you.
It's not that you have said. It's like, it's not
like she would be into into you. But you kind
of messed up a few things that you said because
she would have saw She would have seen through that
and been like, I'm really interested in this guy and
he hasn't said the right things, but I'm interested in
(31:16):
him that that hasn't happened, Like you said, it's time
to move on. Just because she's the kind of girl
to buy a ring for, cool, Yeah, it doesn't mean
she's the one that you're going to buy a ring for.
There's lots of girls you'll meet along the way and go,
that's a good girl to buy a ring for. But
that doesn't mean your girl. So there will be another one.
There'll be lots of girls that you could buy rings for.
(31:38):
Pick another one that likes you, and then buy a
ring for her.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Yeah, And just because just because she's not into you
doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It just is
probably not a good match, that's all.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Absolutely, here's one. This subject line says, read me, you
won't regret it.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Hey Granger, please don't share my name. So this question
is crazy, and I'm gonna get right into it. My
mother in law had an eight year affair with her
husband's best friend. My husband her son caught her numerous
times and she lied to him. It destroyed him. This
was years ago, and I still feel resentment towards her
(32:19):
for this. How would I go? How would you go
about this situation? How do I forgive her? I've tried
so hard, she hasn't properly handled him heal. I'm always
thinking about asking you this because you and Amber's advice
is always the best. Much love to you in your
beautiful family. Okay, so how do I forgive? That's the question.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
I don't know that our advice is always the best,
but thank you. So this is the wife of the husband.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I'm regretting reading this. I'm kidding.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
This is the wife of the husband whose mom had
the affair, Yes, and her husband. She's upset because her
husband wasn't able to properly grieve.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
That's correct.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
How old do you think they are? Does that matter?
Speaker 1 (33:03):
No, it probably didn't matter. The mother in law had
an affair for eight years with her husband's best friend,
and the husband of the emailer caught her numerous times.
That is strange. First of all, to catch your mother,
what does that even mean? I'm not sure. That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
That's terrible. I'm sorry that your mom had an affair.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
But then you caught her, but were multiple times?
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Grangeur and I always say, we're not surprised by anything anymore.
When people aren't walking with Christ, it's it's sin and
it's it's awful to cheat on your spouse, and it
affects the kids. But if she's not walking with the Lord,
you can't. I don't know. I was just talking about forgiveness.
(33:57):
You have to you have to forgive her. Jesus calls
us to give because he has forgiven us, and so
that will free you. You're you're obviously holding up a
bunch of resentment and anger.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
It's done, it's over.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
It's over, you know, and talk. I just communicate with her,
and maybe she didn't handle it the best way. People
don't always do the right thing. They don't always handle
things the way that they should. But we need to
have grace and forgiveness and maybe just a conversation, sit down,
have a conversation. Hopefully apologies can be made and you
(34:30):
guys can build build back your relationship.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
It's gonna start with that. It's going to start with
forgiveness and kindness. And we've said before forgiveness doesn't equal trust.
It's not the same thing. Trust is earned. Forgiveness is
a free gift. So you're gonna you're going to give them.
You're gonna give her forgiveness and and your heart might disagree,
but you just say it. You just God just want
to tell you I forgive you, yeah, and your heart's screaming,
(34:58):
but I don't. I don't. But there's something about speaking
it and your heart following because you know that's the
right thing to do. There's something to that, and it
doesn't mean trust. So don't think now you trust her
and she's perfect now and she's no longer a sinner.
Whatever you are too, by the way, but this is
(35:18):
also the grandmother of your children. Yeah, And I've seen
this play out before. We know a family this same
thing played out with and eventually you have to reconcile.
You have to forgive just for the sake of your
kid's having a grandmother again, because she's going to get
old and that thing is going to get farther and
further into the past. And your kids just want to
(35:40):
hang out with grandma sometimes and make chocolate chip cookies.
And so if you hold this grudge over her head
and say I can't forgive her, I'm still angry, then
now that's going it's becoming generational. It's just going into
the grandkids. Now. Yeah, it's not a good thing.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
No, And I would say if your husband hasn't been
able to properly heal maybe some biblical counseling might help
to walk him through the pain that he endured. You know,
having going through that as a child, I can imagine
is hard. So maybe you guys go to counseling together,
go to counseling maybe with your mom, and see if
an outside party can help you guys work through this.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
Ollkay, let's stick with the Let's do one more out
of this. The old folder, the archives, the archives. Here's
one from twenty twenty one saying, how is your family
doing with the pregnancy issue? Granger? I don't know what
that means, but MAV was probably in your belly that
(36:42):
was written. We'll skip that one.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
We're doing great. He's driving around an attractor.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Here's one note subject. It says, Hey, Granger, my question is,
have you or anyone in your family ever suffered or
is suffering from alcohol or drug addiction? If so, what
is it like, what is being done to take care
of it? And do you support groups that are in
recovery or even know about these groups? Interesting and vague question. Yes,
(37:15):
I wonder why that question came in. Can you even
speculate on why that question was written like that?
Speaker 2 (37:21):
Yeah? I mean they're probably dealing with all those things. Yeah,
I've I've been vague about about it. People in my
family have struggled with addiction and have been, you know,
in and out of rehabs, in and out of incarceration.
Do I support programs, Yeah, I support programs that truly
(37:44):
help people, But I think I think a lot of
those programs lead you to find a higher power or
lead you to think you can do it all yourself,
and you can't. You can't do it without without Jesus.
And so I think these programs kind of help you
get on the right track, but then when you slip again,
you fall right back down into that deep, dark hole
(38:05):
and you truly can do nothing apart from a relationship,
a true relationship with Christ, not some higher power, not
the universe, not yourself. It's only in the power of Jesus. Yeah,
And it's hard. It's hard when you go when you
have a family member stuck in addiction because you can't
help them, and there's a fine line of walking with
them and help and being there for them and not
(38:26):
enabling them. So right that we've walked through this, it's
it's tricky, it's hard, and you do need community around you.
So I don't know if that's something that that person
is writing in about.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
I don't know why they're riding it, but I do
I'm going to say something very controversial. It's going to
get a lot of hate on this podcast, but I'll
just be I'll just say it. I am against AA
because of what they stand for, because they're they're they're
talking about seeking a higher power, all faiths seeking a
(39:00):
higher power. We know that no matter what faith you
come you come from. There is no faith of the
Abrahamic religions especially, there's no faith that says that all
faiths work. So that that's a problem in itself right away.
(39:20):
But what a what AA is hiding behind when they
say higher power is really, like you said, they are
hiding behind the need for you to fix yourself, for
you to find strength in yourself, to forgive yourself, to
build up yourself. And there are huge problems with it,
(39:41):
with the entire concept of trying to forgive yourself. It
doesn't exist, and it's ridiculous, and I've done I've done
a lot of speaking about this and it's it requires
an entire podcast just for itself. The idea of forgiving
yourself and people are People are typing right now, like typing,
you're wrong, you have to forget well. I could tell
(40:03):
you from experience, from suffering myself through extreme guilt and
shame of losing a son and being the responsible adult
supervising the loss of my son. I could I could
tell you firsthand that forgiving yourself pretty much it came
(40:24):
close to killing me. The attempt to forgive myself pretty
much would have killed me if I had, if I
had seen it all the way through. And I think
it continues to kill people through suicide because the world
tells them, including AA, that you just need to forgive yourself.
(40:44):
You need to And people are serious. People are mad
at me right now because I've seen it before.
Speaker 2 (40:49):
These people will say that they've taked, that they've gone
through it and it works and helped them.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
They'll say that I don't know the steps. I've never taught.
I have. I know the steps, and I know that
it inherents. Is that's wrong?
Speaker 2 (41:07):
I mean, yeah, you.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
Don't have to agree with me. You don't have to agree.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
I've seen people that that have gone through it, and
you know, they get their coins and and and it is.
It is hopeful and positive and there are good steps
like asking, like reaching out to people that you've wronged
and asked for asking for forgiveness. There are good steps
and and I'm sure there are many people that it
has worked for, but I'm sure there are very for
there are many many more that it hasn't worked for.
(41:33):
I will tell you one thing that needs to change
is all of the treatment facilities, all of the places
for people to go when they're sick and fighting these
addictions are so expensive. No but no normal family can
can pay for these things. So I think it keeps
people stuck in this addiction because they're like, well, I
can't I can't afford this.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
All of this is the is the root problem of
all of this is a failure of the proper administration
of a local church. This should be all taken care
of with the proper administration of a local church functioning
(42:18):
as it is supposed to function. But it doesn't for
the most part. And so because it doesn't, people need
to seek outside of the church for therapy and counseling
and retreats and alcoholics anonymous and anything else secular and
outside of the church to help them because the church
is failing and shepherding its flock, and the gospel is
(42:43):
what saves. I'm sorry if I have offended people, because
there's people that are like, hey, alcoholics, Anonymous saved my
dad or my husband or me or I know the
steps and I'm better and I'm fifteen years sober because
of it. I say, was it because of that or
something else? Something to think about. We'll leave it to that.
(43:09):
Love you, guys, We'll see you next Monday. Ye ye,
thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate
all of you guys. You could help me out by
rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe
to this channel, hit that little like button and notification
spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video.
(43:29):
If you have a question for me that you would
like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
Yi
I'm gonna say something very controversial. It's gonna get a
lot of hate on this podcast. Well, it's everybody, welcome
back to the podcast. My favorite guest by far is
(00:20):
with me today, Amber, my wife.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Oh you say that to everybody.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
I don't you know, because you listen and there's only
just a few people that bring on here. It's like Bernie, Tyler, Parker, Marshall,
Chad and you. That's the rotation at least right now.
And we answer your questions. You email me Grangersmith podcast
at gmail dot com. I do not like I don't
really enjoy podcasts that have a bunch of small talk
(00:44):
at the beginning and finally get to the point later.
So I'm gonna get to the point.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
That's what we do on this podcast is we answer
your questions, and I've got a bunch of them here,
and you could ask me about anything. Really, it's been
all over the map of the past two hundred and
ten ish eleven maybe this is two hundred and eleven episodes.
The first one subject line says, Halloween is a Christian.
It's interesting, Hey, Grandeur, I recently discovered your podcast and
(01:10):
I love listening and getting insight on questions that I
feel most people can relate to. My question is this,
what are your general thoughts around Halloween as a Christian?
My husband and I grew up in a religious home
where Halloween was not celebrating. Excuse me, my husband grew
up in a home, a religious home where Halloween was
not celebrated, no trigger treating and whatnot. I grew up
the exact opposite. I did not grow up in a
(01:32):
Christian home. But I am thankful with love and patience
that my husband has brought me to the Lord. I
have mixed feelings about Halloween now because I grew up
doing all the Halloween things and I don't want our
children to miss out. However, I do not agree with
the root of Halloween. She says is a little dab
of Halloween okay, costumes and trigger treat or is a
(01:55):
little too much. I feel like there is a gray area,
and I also feel like I am feel convicted of
something that I should just trust that conviction. I thought
about a podcast. I thought about a podcast that I
listened to of yours where you talked about not conforming
to what society thinks is normal, and it resonated with
me around this topic, thinks Kayley. Yeah, okay, good, you
(02:18):
got a good guest here, Kaylee. Amber could probably speak
to this, and we're gonna probably tell you. I'll let
her talk, but I will say that the gray area
that you're referring to can be filled in with your
own conviction, and sometimes a lot of cases your conviction
(02:42):
is different than someone else's. I've used this example before,
but I remember when I realized that college football was
a sin for me, and I remember realizing that all
at once, and I was convicted that my emotions were
connected to college football.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
It was becoming an idol in a.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Sense, absolutely becoming an idol. And I knew that because
at the end of the day I was I could
feel frustrated and emotionally drained if the Aggie's lost, or
I could feel like at this extraordinary high and joy
if the Aggies won. And it got to the point
(03:24):
where I could look back on my day and go,
why do I feel depressed? Everything's going good, It's a
good day, work's going good, Families going why do I
feel depressed? And I would go, oh, because at eleven am,
the Aggie's lost. And then the same could happen when
they win. And I realized that those highs and lows
were taking me in a way that was it was
(03:45):
becoming an idol that was controlling my emotions. So I
remember telling chris My Tormnadress said, dude, I'm gonna I'm
gonna have to lay off of college football and not
watch it and not follow it because it's becoming a
sin for me. And he got offended. He was like,
are you telling me me watching the Longhorns is a sin?
(04:06):
And It's like, no, that's my conviction. And it's you know,
something like college football is non moral and so we can't.
You shouldn't spiritualize non moral things. But to me, if
a non moral thing becomes an idol, then it's a sin.
And that was my conviction, not his. I'll let him
deal with his own convictions. And Halloween can be used
(04:29):
is a little bit different than college football because of
the evil associated with it, but it can be looked
at in that same way. As far as one family
might think that Halloween is dressing up like a superhero
or a Disney character, or a Army soldier or a
football player, and they hang out with their nice little
(04:50):
neighborhood and everyone like exchanges candy and they celebrate the
fall and pumpkins and fallen leaves and you know, things
like that. And then there be other families that it's
like witchcraft and demons and ghosts and they celebrate that.
So we're looking at a big jump here. I know
(05:10):
you have thoughts on this, because we dealt with this
last year. Actually go ahead, I do.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
I do, and I'll be really honest. I still struggle
a little bit with it. We had very very strong
convictions last year. We didn't do Halloween. I didn't go
to my best friend's Halloween party, which is not obviously
not celebrating anything demonic. We get together, we have a
costume contest, we have fellowship with friends, and I told
the kids we weren't going to go trick or treating.
(05:34):
So I thought, well, then I can't go to this party.
I can't tell them not to do something if I'm
going to go do it. So I don't know why
I felt that conviction last year, but we ended up
having just some friends over no costumes. We did. We
threw candy out in the woods. We called it the
Candy Extravaganzy and just had the kids go out and
grab candy, and we just had fellowship with other people.
(05:55):
You're gonna get people that are all over the map
on this. You're gonna get people that say they'll quote
the Bible have absolutely nothing to do with evil and darkness.
You can't even like mingle with it because it is
partly I mean, we'll walk by with trick or treating
with the kids and there's like a man a demon
hanging from a tree. So I really kind of still
(06:16):
struggle with it. Do I think that our kids could
do it innocently and go knock on doors and say
hello to our neighbors and grab candy and dress up. Yeah,
but are we mixing a little bit in if we're
joining those other people out on the street who are
dressing up as bloody demons and witches. I still struggle.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
So let's answer her question directly on what she's asking,
because she's asking, will my kids miss out quote that's
what you said, quote miss out on if they don't
celebrate Halloween.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Okay, our kids were pretty upset because they see it
as something innocent, and even London, she was so sweet.
She goes, I have an idea we can knock on
the door and will hand them a bye, and then
we could we could still dress up and enjoy it,
and just that's their sweet, innocent hearts. If you look
at this as will my children miss out, you have
to look at everything else that could be considered sin.
Will my children miss out? Well, we want our kids
(07:12):
to miss out on certain things, and we want to
be different than the world, and we're called to be
set apart. So I feel like she said she's having
a strong conviction about it, and I think she should
listen to it.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Yeah, I do too. I think I think, Kayley, you
should skip Halloween this year. Yeah, because that's your conviction
and pray about it, and pray about it and do
something like we did last year, maybe do a candy
extravaganzy or something funny. Kids. They loved it, and we
had several families over that agreed with that.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
And then well, I'm sorry to me interrupt you. What
was good was we had different families that we hadn't
fellowshipped with before because everyone else was trigger treating. So
we got to have fellowship with new families, which was neat.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Yeah, I thought it was great. And and then back
to this year, we don't know. We don't really know
what we're going to do, but we're up for an
option on the ending on our conviction, right And so
I think, Kaylee, what you do now about Halloween doesn't
have to be what you do every single year. I
would say, try to sit out on it and see
what happens. I'm gonna I don't think your kids are
(08:14):
gonna miss out whatever you do. It's not up to them.
They don't get They're not old enough to make their
own decisions about things like that, So they're not going
to miss out. Our kids are not on screens right
now for the next year. Are they going to miss out? No,
they think they will, but we know that they won't.
So yeah, go for it, go for skipping it. See
(08:34):
what happens. Man. Sometimes I see these and I'm like, oh,
do I want to do?
Speaker 2 (08:42):
I want?
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Do I want to go? I don't even know what
this is gonna say, but it says heaven. Hey Grange,
I'm a longtime listener. I'm twenty four years old. I'm
a christ Father. I live in Alabama and my dad
passed away when I was fourteen, and he was a
non believer. I've come to peace with knowing that my
father won't be in heaven to greet me when it's
my time. My question is can I pray for my
(09:04):
father's peace and that he can go to heaven. Thank
you for your podcast. It's helped me in so many ways.
God bless you and your family. PS. Say hey to
Earl and ask Donnie if he still parked up by
the late question comes from Tyler and man, what an
interesting question. And I will tell you that I've thought
(09:28):
about this a lot. Amber probably knows that I have.
And first of all, we know that no one will
be in heaven that didn't trust Jesus as their Lord
and savior. No one. We know that Jesus is the way,
the truth, and the life, and that no one comes
(09:49):
to the Father but by him. It's his own words.
There is no way around that, and there's no substitution
for that. In fact, he is the substitution for our
sin and his ultimate sacrifice on the cross. That being said,
we don't know ever for sure with clarity, if someone
(10:14):
is going to be in heaven or not, or Hell
or not. We don't know. We oftentimes have a good idea, yeah,
but it's not our place to know. For sure, or
to declare it, because we don't necessarily know what happens
in those last moments of someone's life. Okay, I'll leave
that there. I'll just leave that on the table.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
I agree with that.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
The second thing is, to your question, kind of pray
for my father's peace and that he can go to heaven. Okay,
there's multilayers to that. First, I want to make sure
that that you're you're putting the oxygen mask on yourself
first and that that doesn't become a distraction. I don't
think it is, judging by your email that I want
(10:55):
to make sure that you know the gospel clearly, and
I want to make sure that you're saved, and I
want to make sure that you understand that Heaven first
and foremost is going to the joy in heaven is
going to be enjoying the presence of your savior, the Creator.
So everything that you loved about your father, everything you
(11:17):
loved about anything that you've ever known, whether it's music
or nature or a person, it's all of that is
just a shadow of the existence of all of that
stuff's creator. So every music and piece of art, and
every beautiful thing and every lovely thing that you've ever loved,
(11:39):
or trusted or enjoyed is just but a thought from
the Creator himself. So can you imagine being in his presence?
I can't. I try to describe it, and I can't.
But you will be so overwhelmed by the presence of
the gift giver. Because we know how we've reacted to
(11:59):
his gifts. How much more so will we react to
the giver of those gifts and being to being able
to enjoy him in his full, unveiled glory. Our faces
are not veiled. We're seeing him in his full brightness,
in his full beauty. That's hard to comprehend, but we
have to know that first and foremost that is heaven.
(12:20):
I think we try to fill it with will there
will there be fishing? Will there be I know that
there's there's the roads are paved with gold, but will
there also be dirt roads? You know? Like we ask
silly questions like that, we have to make sure that
we always pad those silly questions with the idea that well,
first and foremost we're gonna be in the presence of
our Creator. Okay, got to say all that. And secondly, Gods,
(12:45):
as we could, we could barely comprehend an omnipresence, a
being that's outside of space, time and matter. Outside of
that is something that we cannot begin to understand, but
he does. We do know that he does. We can't
understand how anything could be outside of time, space and matter,
(13:09):
but he is. And so could you pray retrospectively for
someone that's already died? We have to be careful with
that to make sure that we're not praying for someone
salvation that never got it. So that's not what we're
saying here. We're not saying, can I pray for someone
(13:31):
that's in hell so that they can go to heaven?
That doesn't happen? We know that. But can you pray
retrospectively to a God out outside of time and say, God,
save my dad outside of time? If that's your will,
let it be done. If not, let your will be
done and your glory be known. But you know my
(13:52):
heart and I wish Dad is saved. I want Dad
to be saved. I don't think that that that's a
complicated prayer, but I don't think there's anything inherently wrong
with it, as long as you understand where salvation comes
from and what it takes to get to heaven faith
in Jesus his son. Right, what do you got on that?
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yeah, I mean I would agree with you. We can
never know for sure what happens in that final moment
when they take their last breath and when the Lord
meets them. So I have hope in that. I mean,
we do know we're only saved by grace through faith
and Jesus alone. So if if he was a non
(14:31):
believer and he was very adamant about that, then we
don't know. But like I said, you don't know whenever
Jesus comes what that moment looks like. So, and I
agree with you. God is outside of time, space and matter,
and that is something that just just blows my mind
to think about. Because you've actually talked about the retrospective
prayers before, so it's it's something very interesting. And I
(14:53):
can't tell you that we have all the answers. But
like Granger said, I don't think that it's wrong for
you to pray.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Yeah, as long as it doesn't become a distraction or
we know this too about hell. We know that whoever
ends up in Hell will not want to be in heaven.
And that's a strange thought. But there is nobody in
hell saying I wish I was with God, because all
of those people will be with him, all the people
(15:23):
that truly desire to be with God will be And
the people that end up in hell will be resentful
and non repentant, unrepentant. While in hell they'll still be
in rebellion. So that's an interesting thought too. There will
be nobody in hell repenting saying I'm so sorry, please
(15:46):
give me another chance. They won't, they'll stay. I still
don't believe you God. You know that's a complicated topic.
Before I jump into another one, let's take a break
and be right back. Podcast is brought to you all
by Better Help. If you need somebody to talk to,
(16:07):
like a therapist, and you've been wondering how to go
about even finding one, and you've heard me talk about
how therapy helped Amber and I and you say, I
don't even know where to start. Where do I find
a therapist like this? Well, there's never been a better
time to find one in twenty twenty three, no matter
where you live, because of Better Help. If you're thinking
(16:28):
about starting therapy, give Better Help a try. It's entirely online,
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to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and
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thoughts with better Help. Visit better Help dot com slash
(16:50):
Granger today to get ten percent off your first month.
That's Better Help h LP dot com slash Granger. You
know what really helps me? I know a lot of
y'all have read the book that listened to this podcast.
It really helps me if you review it, if you
give me five stars and review it, it actually helps
kick up that algorithm and helps it get in front
of other people that might not normally have seen like
(17:11):
a river. So do that for me. It costs nothing
to you and it actually really really helps me. Finally,
if you want to get a hold of me, if
you want me to send you a message, I say
this a lot. Cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. It's
a really good way to do it. Or you can
download the cameo app and search for me Granger Smith.
You ask for whatever you want me to record, and
(17:32):
I pull out my phone and do a video message
specifically to you or to your son, or your boyfriend
or girlfriend or daughter or whatever. It might be a
word of encouragement, Happy birthday, happy anniversary, Merry Christmas. I
could do it all, and I have done it all,
and it's really easy. It's a great last minute gift
(17:52):
and something for someone that has everything. So cameo dot
com slash granger Smith. Back to the podcast. Back here
on the podcast, I'm going to do something that I
don't think i've done. I'm going to go way back.
(18:12):
In fact, I'm going to go all the way back
to twenty twenty.
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
In fact, I have a folder that says Amber oh,
and it's from twenty twenty. It's like if something was
related to you, I threw it in that folder. So
we're going back on the podcast, and once again, if
you want to email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com.
And I have thousands of these emails and I try
to go through them as systematically as I can, but
(18:39):
there's not really a rhyme or reason. So I hope
that I always hope I get to your question, but
know that if I don't, it's still in here somewhere.
So I'm gonna go back and try to help some
of these people out and go way back. I have
no idea what I'm getting into. I have no idea
this is this one's going to be November thirtieth, twenty twelve,
(19:00):
and the subject line says deep question for you or Amber. Okay, okay,
hey Grangel, this is Josh from Cleborne, Texas. I love
your music, your family, and your YouTube. I've seen you
every time you've come to Billy Bob's and I can't
wait for you to come back with meet and greets
so I can give you a challenge coin from my department. Yeah,
I wonder if you already got that maybe, So to
(19:21):
try and sum this up, my wife and I've been
married for twelve years and have struggled for years to
have kids. We have. We've had two miscarriages and spent
over twenty grand on IVF treatments to be told it
was impossible. God has since blessed us with two beautiful miracles.
But that is a testimony for a longer format if
(19:42):
you were interested. I'm a man of God, and I
understand that I am supposed to let go of things
I don't understand and turn away from anger. But anytime
I see people who had children by accident then don't
appreciate it, or people who gave up on their kids
or have had abortions. It angers me so much. I
find difficult and showing these people love. I thought it
would be different once I had kids of my own,
(20:05):
but it hasn't. How do I move past this anger
and learn to love these people some as some are
very close friends or family. I love that you take
these deep questions and give godly insight and advice. Thanks
for all you do, Josh Okay. Josh asked this in
November of twenty twenty. Did we have We didn't have math, No,
(20:26):
twenty twenty one. Yeah, so no one even knew about
math at this point. No one knew that month was
that November?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
November, so I would have been newly pregnant. No, December.
I got pred in in December.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
So no one. Josh didn't even know as he wrote
this email three years ago that we were currently going
through IVF. As he wrote to us about IVF, Yeah,
which is interesting and probably the reason I never read it. Yeah,
maybe because I was like, oh, that one hits close
to home, so I empathize, you know, It's like I
(21:06):
can't imagine going for years and years through miscarriages. You
had just gone through a miscarriage, as this guy wrote
this email, You had just gone through one a few
months before this, just a couple of months before. And
then you're looking around and there's people just having babies
like crazy, and they're not even wanting to.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
It's a natural, fleshly feeling to have those feelings. I
remember feeling a little bit of this when we lost River.
You know, you look around and you see people who
treat their kids offs terribly, beat them or neglect them,
and they're fine, Their kids are fine, And so it's
a natural feeling to have that little bit of, oh,
(21:48):
I'm mad, I'm angry. Why do they get to have
a son? Why do they get to keep their child?
And we didn't. And it truly came. It truly came
to me just surrendering everything to the Lord and trusting
him and knowing that we live in a fallen world
and bad things happen, and God makes it rain on
(22:10):
the just and the unjust at the same time, and
we have to trust that He knows what he is
doing and that he has got and we are not.
And every situation is different and I'm so sorry that
you had to go through that. I know the pain
of a miscarriage and what that feels like. But you're
also blessed with two beautiful babies. I think ye said, so,
my advice would be to draw near to the Lord
(22:31):
and just to I mean, our greatest commandments are to
love God and love others, and pray for our enemies.
Pray for the Lord to remove that feeling, that spirit
of anger, that spirit of bitterness from you, because that's
holding you hostage in a way. You can't walk in
freedom if if you're still holding resentment even though you
(22:52):
have been blessed by the Lord. I guess that would
be my advice is just to draw near to.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Yeah, you said the rain. God makes it rain on
the just and unjust, And that idea is called common grace.
He gives a common grace to all people, even his enemies,
even the people that reject him. There's a common grace
that everyone gets. But through that common grace, we also
(23:18):
know that He is providential and he always has a
plan for his greater glory. So everything, every baby that
happens by accident is not an accident. It's providential, and
it's all working for a greater glory. Even when you
see bad things happen or evil things happen, it's all
working for a greater glory. Yeah, I think you're right.
(23:39):
I think learning who he is, praying for repenting for
that anger you have towards those people, and praying that
the Lord takes that away from you, gratefulness for the
kids you have. It's good. You want to go to
another one of these old ones. Okay, here's one from
(24:03):
January twenty twenty one. Hey, Grangeer, and my husband, Corey
loves your podcast and your music. He listens to your
podcast religiously. We have a nine month old baby girl
and she finally started to bond with her daddy. But
I know it's been kind of hard for him because
for the longest time the only person she wanted was me.
Any tips for new parents on how to get through
(24:24):
some of the hard stages of little ones, especially for
dads when their little one only wants their mama. I
love your show. God bless you and your family. Kayley.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Okay, well you could speak into that. Yeah, it's a
running joke in our house that Granger just goes it's
all right, They'll love me again when they're about eight
years old, because they do they cling to mommy. Mommy
feeds them, Mommy. You know, Mommy's the source of their sustenance.
So you know all about that. I would leave the house,
the kids would scream, scream on the floor. We have
(24:55):
so many videos, and you were just so patient through
it all and know that that will change.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
We have we have four kids that have done the
same thing. They've loved mama for a long time. And London,
our daughter who's not twelve, she finally really started loving me.
What about ten.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
Years old, nine years old, maybe.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
Like nine years nine years of I'm just the guy
in the house, like on the back burner. And there's
all kinds of theories of that. People people. Some people
told me that's because your kids were never in daycare,
and when kids go to daycare they learn to share.
And there's this idea and I don't know if that's
right or not, but I do know there's this idea
(25:41):
that a kid cannot love two parents equally. They don't
know yet how to how to share love.
Speaker 2 (25:50):
They feel like they can't.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
They feel like they can't. They feel like if they
love daddy, then they're taken away love from mommy and
they can't possibly love two people at the same time.
There's that theory. Ultimately, it's just kind of play out
and you just let kids you love them, and you
continue to pursue them. You like to say that word
pursue them, especially with the girls, And is that what
(26:13):
this this is We're talking about a girl here, Yeah,
baby girl. Yeah, just continue to pursue her as a dad.
And it's interesting that this question came in at twenty
twenty one because now she's like almost three years old,
and that probably still hasn't changed for you, brother, probably
still the same, Corey, And all you gonna do is
(26:34):
hang on for about five more years and it finally
starts even and out if you just keep pursuing her,
keep loving her. And then by my fourth child, I
was pretty good at the patience of it. Like when
I didn't take offense to it didn't hurt your feelings,
didn't hurt my feelings. They're like, Mama, I want Mama
to put me down. I want mom and to put
(26:55):
that's like a common phrase in our house. I want
mom and to put me down. I just got to
and I was like, well, she's not I.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Am, Well, you always said because you were the guy.
It's like the kids knew if mommy was leaving, they
had to be with daddy.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Yeah, I also represented uh, he represented me.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Me going somewhere or going to the store or working.
So yeah, it wasn't. But now London feels so terrible.
Granger shows her old videos of her like crying on
the floor and she's like, Daddy, I'm so sorry, I'm
so sorry. I love you so much. So it'll flip,
it'll turn.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
And Lincoln, he only wants me to throw the football
with him all day long now, and we're about to
go on a trip tomorrow, just a guy's trip tomorrow
for all weekend.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
So and I will say one more thing. With Maverick,
he's a little bit different. He now only wants Daddy
to put him down. So if he say do you
want mommy or daddy, he goes Daddy down, Daddy down.
So he's he's only two, so maybe it won't always
be that way.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Very interesting and a good question, maybe this one. Let's
see you want to stick with these old ones. It's
kind of interesting. This is your podcast. Hey there, Granger
and Amber. My name is Riley I'm eighteen living in Indiana.
(28:14):
I've been a fan of your music for a long
time now and your beautiful family. Yet somehow I only
just now realized you have a podcast, and I've listened
to a few episodes now and I love it. I
was wondering what your take is on this issue I've
been dealing with. Freshman year of high school. I met
this girl an English class who have only over time,
I've become more and more crazy about. Mind you. Before
(28:34):
high school, I didn't want anything to do with relationships
because no one ever seemed to be worth my time,
and I knew that if I had a relationship with someone,
I wanted it to be serious, not just for kicks.
But this girl changed that. She made me feel that
different way about the possibility of being with someone. And
she really is that kind of girl that you want
to buy a ring for. Fast forward for years and
(28:55):
I'm still absolutely crazy about her, and I've been in
and out of touch with her. I'm not really good
at talking to women. I have told her how I
felt before, but I think that it was too much
for her at the time, which I regret. Last thing
I ever want to be is uncomfortable with her. We've
been texting since last October now and then, and many
(29:18):
times I thought that she was interested. Lately she's been
a little more distant, and I think that's because she's
very focused on her future and all that kind of
stuff I have been as well. She's very Christian and
has a great head on her shoulders, and like I said,
she's just the kind of girl you want to buy
a ring for something. I just don't know what to do.
I don't know if I should ask her if she's interested,
(29:39):
or just let it go and see what happens. I
don't want to repeat what I did before and saying
too much too soon. I've tried asking her to hang
out a few times, but with my luck, she's been
out of town for some soccer training camps each time
I've asked her. I'm not sure if I'm making total
sense here, and there's so many more details I've left out,
(30:00):
but I hope you get the idea. I'm just a
young and dumb eighteen year old guy who thinks that
I have found the one, but it's probably just the
race fuel that I'm always inhaling at the track. I
appreciate it if you read this Riley, Okay, Riley, Riley,
long question, simple answer.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
Go ahead, move on, Yeah, move on, buddy. I hate
to just be so blunt, but even at eighteen, if
a girl likes you, she's going to make time, she's
going to want to hang out. And I feel, like
you said, you've been going back and forth for over
four years. Maybe is that since middle school? Or is
he is that out of high school into college. He's
only eighteen.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
Now, he's eighteen now, so that goes back to middle school.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
Yeah, yeah, I think you are maybe in the friend
zone or I just think she would have if she
was really interested in getting together. You guys would have
done it by now. And I know that's hard to hear.
And would you say the same thing.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Yeah, it's not a mystery, buddy, she's not into you.
It's not that you have said. It's like, it's not
like she would be into into you. But you kind
of messed up a few things that you said because
she would have saw She would have seen through that
and been like, I'm really interested in this guy and
he hasn't said the right things, but I'm interested in
(31:16):
him that that hasn't happened, Like you said, it's time
to move on. Just because she's the kind of girl
to buy a ring for, cool, Yeah, it doesn't mean
she's the one that you're going to buy a ring for.
There's lots of girls you'll meet along the way and go,
that's a good girl to buy a ring for. But
that doesn't mean your girl. So there will be another one.
There'll be lots of girls that you could buy rings for.
(31:38):
Pick another one that likes you, and then buy a
ring for her.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Yeah, And just because just because she's not into you
doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It just is
probably not a good match, that's all.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Absolutely, here's one. This subject line says, read me, you
won't regret it.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Hey Granger, please don't share my name. So this question
is crazy, and I'm gonna get right into it. My
mother in law had an eight year affair with her
husband's best friend. My husband her son caught her numerous
times and she lied to him. It destroyed him. This
was years ago, and I still feel resentment towards her
(32:19):
for this. How would I go? How would you go
about this situation? How do I forgive her? I've tried
so hard, she hasn't properly handled him heal. I'm always
thinking about asking you this because you and Amber's advice
is always the best. Much love to you in your
beautiful family. Okay, so how do I forgive? That's the question.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
I don't know that our advice is always the best,
but thank you. So this is the wife of the husband.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I'm regretting reading this. I'm kidding.
Speaker 2 (32:49):
This is the wife of the husband whose mom had
the affair, Yes, and her husband. She's upset because her
husband wasn't able to properly grieve.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
That's correct.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
How old do you think they are? Does that matter?
Speaker 1 (33:03):
No, it probably didn't matter. The mother in law had
an affair for eight years with her husband's best friend,
and the husband of the emailer caught her numerous times.
That is strange. First of all, to catch your mother,
what does that even mean? I'm not sure. That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
That's terrible. I'm sorry that your mom had an affair.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
But then you caught her, but were multiple times?
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Grangeur and I always say, we're not surprised by anything anymore.
When people aren't walking with Christ, it's it's sin and
it's it's awful to cheat on your spouse, and it
affects the kids. But if she's not walking with the Lord,
you can't. I don't know. I was just talking about forgiveness.
(33:57):
You have to you have to forgive her. Jesus calls
us to give because he has forgiven us, and so
that will free you. You're you're obviously holding up a
bunch of resentment and anger.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
It's done, it's over.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
It's over, you know, and talk. I just communicate with her,
and maybe she didn't handle it the best way. People
don't always do the right thing. They don't always handle
things the way that they should. But we need to
have grace and forgiveness and maybe just a conversation, sit down,
have a conversation. Hopefully apologies can be made and you
(34:30):
guys can build build back your relationship.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
It's gonna start with that. It's going to start with
forgiveness and kindness. And we've said before forgiveness doesn't equal trust.
It's not the same thing. Trust is earned. Forgiveness is
a free gift. So you're gonna you're going to give them.
You're gonna give her forgiveness and and your heart might disagree,
but you just say it. You just God just want
to tell you I forgive you, yeah, and your heart's screaming,
(34:58):
but I don't. I don't. But there's something about speaking
it and your heart following because you know that's the
right thing to do. There's something to that, and it
doesn't mean trust. So don't think now you trust her
and she's perfect now and she's no longer a sinner.
Whatever you are too, by the way, but this is
(35:18):
also the grandmother of your children. Yeah, And I've seen
this play out before. We know a family this same
thing played out with and eventually you have to reconcile.
You have to forgive just for the sake of your
kid's having a grandmother again, because she's going to get
old and that thing is going to get farther and
further into the past. And your kids just want to
(35:40):
hang out with grandma sometimes and make chocolate chip cookies.
And so if you hold this grudge over her head
and say I can't forgive her, I'm still angry, then
now that's going it's becoming generational. It's just going into
the grandkids. Now. Yeah, it's not a good thing.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
No, And I would say if your husband hasn't been
able to properly heal maybe some biblical counseling might help
to walk him through the pain that he endured. You know,
having going through that as a child, I can imagine
is hard. So maybe you guys go to counseling together,
go to counseling maybe with your mom, and see if
an outside party can help you guys work through this.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
Ollkay, let's stick with the Let's do one more out
of this. The old folder, the archives, the archives. Here's
one from twenty twenty one saying, how is your family
doing with the pregnancy issue? Granger? I don't know what
that means, but MAV was probably in your belly that
(36:42):
was written. We'll skip that one.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
We're doing great. He's driving around an attractor.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
Here's one note subject. It says, Hey, Granger, my question is,
have you or anyone in your family ever suffered or
is suffering from alcohol or drug addiction? If so, what
is it like, what is being done to take care
of it? And do you support groups that are in
recovery or even know about these groups? Interesting and vague question. Yes,
(37:15):
I wonder why that question came in. Can you even
speculate on why that question was written like that?
Speaker 2 (37:21):
Yeah? I mean they're probably dealing with all those things. Yeah,
I've I've been vague about about it. People in my
family have struggled with addiction and have been, you know,
in and out of rehabs, in and out of incarceration.
Do I support programs, Yeah, I support programs that truly
(37:44):
help people, But I think I think a lot of
those programs lead you to find a higher power or
lead you to think you can do it all yourself,
and you can't. You can't do it without without Jesus.
And so I think these programs kind of help you
get on the right track, but then when you slip again,
you fall right back down into that deep, dark hole
(38:05):
and you truly can do nothing apart from a relationship,
a true relationship with Christ, not some higher power, not
the universe, not yourself. It's only in the power of Jesus. Yeah,
And it's hard. It's hard when you go when you
have a family member stuck in addiction because you can't
help them, and there's a fine line of walking with
them and help and being there for them and not
(38:26):
enabling them. So right that we've walked through this, it's
it's tricky, it's hard, and you do need community around you.
So I don't know if that's something that that person
is writing in about.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
I don't know why they're riding it, but I do
I'm going to say something very controversial. It's going to
get a lot of hate on this podcast, but I'll
just be I'll just say it. I am against AA
because of what they stand for, because they're they're they're
talking about seeking a higher power, all faiths seeking a
(39:00):
higher power. We know that no matter what faith you
come you come from. There is no faith of the
Abrahamic religions especially, there's no faith that says that all
faiths work. So that that's a problem in itself right away.
(39:20):
But what a what AA is hiding behind when they
say higher power is really, like you said, they are
hiding behind the need for you to fix yourself, for
you to find strength in yourself, to forgive yourself, to
build up yourself. And there are huge problems with it,
(39:41):
with the entire concept of trying to forgive yourself. It
doesn't exist, and it's ridiculous, and I've done I've done
a lot of speaking about this and it's it requires
an entire podcast just for itself. The idea of forgiving
yourself and people are People are typing right now, like typing,
you're wrong, you have to forget well. I could tell
(40:03):
you from experience, from suffering myself through extreme guilt and
shame of losing a son and being the responsible adult
supervising the loss of my son. I could I could
tell you firsthand that forgiving yourself pretty much it came
(40:24):
close to killing me. The attempt to forgive myself pretty
much would have killed me if I had, if I
had seen it all the way through. And I think
it continues to kill people through suicide because the world
tells them, including AA, that you just need to forgive yourself.
(40:44):
You need to And people are serious. People are mad
at me right now because I've seen it before.
Speaker 2 (40:49):
These people will say that they've taked, that they've gone
through it and it works and helped them.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
They'll say that I don't know the steps. I've never taught.
I have. I know the steps, and I know that
it inherents. Is that's wrong?
Speaker 2 (41:07):
I mean, yeah, you.
Speaker 1 (41:08):
Don't have to agree with me. You don't have to agree.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
I've seen people that that have gone through it, and
you know, they get their coins and and and it is.
It is hopeful and positive and there are good steps
like asking, like reaching out to people that you've wronged
and asked for asking for forgiveness. There are good steps
and and I'm sure there are many people that it
has worked for, but I'm sure there are very for
there are many many more that it hasn't worked for.
(41:33):
I will tell you one thing that needs to change
is all of the treatment facilities, all of the places
for people to go when they're sick and fighting these
addictions are so expensive. No but no normal family can
can pay for these things. So I think it keeps
people stuck in this addiction because they're like, well, I
can't I can't afford this.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
All of this is the is the root problem of
all of this is a failure of the proper administration
of a local church. This should be all taken care
of with the proper administration of a local church functioning
(42:18):
as it is supposed to function. But it doesn't for
the most part. And so because it doesn't, people need
to seek outside of the church for therapy and counseling
and retreats and alcoholics anonymous and anything else secular and
outside of the church to help them because the church
is failing and shepherding its flock, and the gospel is
(42:43):
what saves. I'm sorry if I have offended people, because
there's people that are like, hey, alcoholics, Anonymous saved my
dad or my husband or me or I know the
steps and I'm better and I'm fifteen years sober because
of it. I say, was it because of that or
something else? Something to think about. We'll leave it to that.
(43:09):
Love you, guys, We'll see you next Monday. Ye ye,
thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate
all of you guys. You could help me out by
rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe
to this channel, hit that little like button and notification
spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video.
(43:29):
If you have a question for me that you would
like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (43:37):
Yi
Host
Granger Smith
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