#13 | Its Getting Weirder and Weirder

Cameron has a new watching habit that has Katie concerned, turns out dogs are good for your health, and how do we feel about holding babies?

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
There's a new term fuzzing on the Internet, Dink.
Dual income? No, kid, you probably have an
opinion on these people or an opinion on people who have an
opinion on these people. America's birth rate has hit its
lowest point in more than a century.
Some are blaming it on infertility.
Others say the state of the world is causing couples to
think twice about having children.

(00:21):
Childless marriages could be a good thing if they were a result
of God's sovereign providential.Work.
Oh my God, can't even hear you. They like avocado toast and
brunches out and going to plays and having sweet vacations.
You're probably super selfish. Kids are better than brunch.
And then there's another group of young couples that want the

(00:43):
lifestyle of childless households and the lifestyle it
brings with it. Welcome to the DINK Side podcast
about life, laughs and living child free.
We are a double income, no kids couple navigating the UPS, downs
and hilarious in betweens of choosing a different path in a
world that won't stop asking. So when are you having kids?

(01:05):
When are you having those kids? You know what?
Today, Saint Patrick's Day. Not exactly a kid friendly
holiday. Not exactly a holiday at this
point. Am I wrong in that?
I think other people celebrate it.
I accidentally wore green today.I think you were the only person

(01:26):
that I've talked to all day thatis wearing green.
I'm not joking. I did it because it's hot as
fuck outside and I just put on agreen like tank top, crop top.
So I did it for like self preservation and then whenever I
went out to lunch with my friendI saw a bunch of other people

(01:46):
wearing green and I was like. Yeah, I don't.
I feel like the last time I truly celebrated Saint Patrick's
Day was when, like, The Luck of the Irish came out on the Disney
Channel, and those were much simpler, better times.
I don't know. As an adult, I don't feel like
I've done anything for a super long time.
I just don't love beer. I don't love Guinness.

(02:08):
I am 12.5% Irish. That's right.
So as your local Irish person you would think I would go
harder and I and I do love the festivity.
I don't know, I just don't care.I don't care.
It's also in the middle of the week and like.
Yeah, a Tuesday, maybe if it wasa Saturday and it was like nice

(02:32):
out to go sit somewhere. But I just don't care about
drinking green beer. Have you, were you ever into
like getting the green beer? Not really, no.
I mean, I think I maybe for a picture and then I'm like, OK,
it's just green beer I don't necessarily want.
It if you drink enough green beer like these people that go

(02:52):
hard, do you pee green? It's a great question.
I don't think so, but I think you poop green.
No? Like for some reason.
We should Google. It we should look it up, but
for, I think for some reason like that's I'm trying to think
of there. There was another example of
this somewhat recently. I was talking to a friend about
this. When you eat something with a

(03:12):
bunch of red dye, it looks like,sorry, for lack of a better
term, bloody stool. And it's because it doesn't come
out in your urine. OK, can I just have a simple
answer? Did you Google or ChatGPT?
Because ChatGPT is just going tolie to you.
I googled, but like, if you're drinking green beer, the truth

(03:39):
about green beer, the nasty sideeffect.
OK, give me the answer. I I googled somewhat differently
and I think this gives you the answer.
I said if you drink food coloring will your pee change
color? And according to Google, yes, it
can turn your pee different colors.
Brightly colored foods, especially those with blue or

(04:02):
green dyes, can pass through your system and turn your urine
green. It says it's harmless, but it's
still not something I want to experience and I certainly don't
want to be surprised by it like the next day.
And I also think if you're drunkenough and it starts happening,
you're like, I'm dying. I know call somebody, but I was

(04:23):
P greener. I didn't know.
You know they do the the in Chicago every year, the Green
River thing where they die, the river which.
That would be cool to see. I guess it would.
Be cool to see, but I didn't know that so many people
specifically go to Chicago for Saint Patrick's Day for that
reason. Oh.
Isn't that kind of like I I thought, oh, it's a fun festive

(04:46):
thing that like the people of Chicago enjoy and sure, we'll
see pictures of it online and it'll be like, that's cool, but
I can't imagine making a Chicagospecific trip to go and look at
a Green River and be like. To see green.
There it is. How much food coloring do they
have to use to dye the whole river?

(05:06):
Let me look it up. How much food?
Coloring that there's no way that's safe for the environment
and that PITA is cool with them doing that to fish.
Yeah. I mean, that's, that's I, I, I
feel like it's just one of thosethings everyone's like, and
we'll let it go for some reason,kind of like the turkeys at
Thanksgiving, Like we're just, it's, we're allowing that

(05:30):
tradition, but some others not so much.
OK, currently the standard is around 40 lbs of dye, which
seems like not that much. OK it seems like not that much.
And also how do they get it to stay green?
Isn't the river moving? Yeah, I don't know how they do

(05:52):
it though. I guess the IT says the intense
green color lasts for several hours but often fades by the
afternoon. So they probably have like a
couple rounds of throwing it in there in the morning and then
it's just like, you know, a couple hours and you're like,
OK, that's it. Because it's a daytime thing
too. It's not like people are going
around and going to the bars at night and then going to look at

(06:13):
the Green River in the dark, I guess.
So it's a fleeting moment, and that's probably why, like, the
tourists are like, whoa, it's happening.
It's so funny, like I've thoughtabout this a lot recently and I,
I honestly have a lot of respectfor people who go across the
country for like a very simple reason, but I, it's just not me.

(06:38):
I, I don't like if, if we were going to Chicago, it would be
either to see family or for something like Lollapalooza and
or some other big concert or show or something.
And I feel like some people legit are like, oh, there's this
pizza place in New York. I want to try it.
We're going and I'm like, that's.

(06:58):
Well, that's expected. People that have enough money to
just randomly do that I. Guess which is those people
Probably Dinks if you think about.
It, yeah, probably, probably. It can just pick up and go,
yeah. Saw this article in the New York
Times this week because I'm very, very educated and I of

(07:19):
course read the New York Times print edition every single day.
I didn't read the whole article because you have to pay to see
it, but said that family friendly breweries across the
United States are reconsidering their relationship with children
and in some cases banning them outright or instituting adult

(07:41):
only hours. Now we talked about one brewery
doing this a couple of months ago.
We talked about one doing it, but apparently they started a
trend and. Oh shit.
It's so I did read a little bit of the article, what I could
read before I had to pay. And it basically was saying
like, it's already a struggle right now because so many people

(08:03):
are drinking less and a lot of breweries and bars are
struggling and even liquor companies are struggling to stay
in business. And then you add to that the
playground nature that some of these places have, and they're
worried like people are legit freaking out.
But are they making more money off of people going there

(08:24):
without their kids and enjoying a child free environment?
Or are they making more money off the parents that bring their
kids and get wasted with their children near them?
I can't tell like. I can't tell it's a gamble for
them. Also, I love that you didn't pay
for the article because it's like the DINK side, we gather
just enough information to decide we have an opinion and

(08:46):
not enough information to give you the full story You're.
Not a journalist, I'm not. That's what other people who get
paid to do it, but not by me. They're journalists.
It is funny. I draw the line at like I am
willing to do subscriptions for Netflix and Peacock and all of
those sorts of things. Or like, you know, some of the
apps that you use for work and social media like Splice or

(09:10):
stuff like that. Totally willing to pay the money
for that monthly. But for some reason, the 299
that like a New York time, needsI I'm not, I'm not doing it.
A New York time singular. OK, see, this is it's I need, I
need to, to read the articles. I need to become smarter, more
smart. I see now I don't know which is

(09:30):
right. You're freaking me out.
Anyway, I thought that was interesting.
People are hopping on the no kidtrain.
Good, good. For him.
I I also wanted to say at the top of the pod this week that
I'm feeling a little self-conscious because there is
a new viewing habit for myself and I'm not sure how to feel

(09:52):
about it. Makes no sense to me.
Viewing habit of your own that makes no sense to you.
Yeah, I'm, I have a viewing habit that makes no sense to me
on paper. So you and I, the whole idea
behind this podcast, we do not want children.
It's well established. We are Dinks, we are double
income, no kids people. And for some reason in my

(10:17):
algorithm now I'm just watching over and over and over again
parenting videos. Why?
What's wrong with you? Because I really enjoy there.
It's a specific kind of parenting video, which is
couples who have multiple kids who were like, this is how to
properly parent. And I, I'm like, yes, yeah,

(10:39):
that's how you should do it. If more people did this, the
world would be a better place. I watch it through that lens.
For example, there is this one, this husband and wife were
sitting down at dinner and they have two little kids.
And one of the little kids took like something off their plate
and threw it at the dad, right? Might even been their fork or
something hits the dad right in the face.

(11:01):
He just turns away, turned away to prevent himself from laughing
out loud. And the mom instantly stood up
and the kid was like, I'm sorry.And she's like, Nope, it's too
late to be sorry and picked up the kid and put the kid in time
out. And then she walked back into
the kitchen to sit back down to eat while this kids crying by
themselves in the other room. And she was laughing her ass off

(11:22):
too. And it was like, this is this is
how to properly parent. And I'm like, that's great.
This is great. I I've been watching them so
much so much and it doesn't makesense.
I have a litany of issues with this.
Tell me, I First of all, it's concerning that this started
coming up in your algorithm to begin with #1I.

(11:44):
Don't think it's that concerning.
Were you talking about parentingenough near your phone?
I guess maybe this podcast. I don't know.
Parents come up from time to time.
Oh, I see and yeah, I don't know.
It doesn't come up on my TikTok so and we're always near each
other. So I don't know how this has

(12:06):
started and how this has occurred. 2 you stayed long
enough for this to keep going iscrazy.
Three, you don't think this is abit contrived and they told the
kid what? First of all, they just walk
around with their phone recording them everything they
do until the kid does something.They caught their kid doing

(12:26):
something bad on their phone, like they're recording them
eating dinner hoping their kid does something bad.
Or do you think they told their kid throw something at your
dad's face while the phone's recording and then they put him
in time out and got him crying on camera?
That seems a bit exploited. First of all I want to you need
we need to pump the ever loving breaks.
You are accusing me of enjoying mommy Blogger type videos.

(12:50):
Yes, mommy Blogger rage bait. No, it's not rage bait.
It's I promise there is a very discernible difference that what
I'm talking about that it's not phone video.
It's like from a a nest Cam or some other kind of home security
care where they have in their house, right.
And it's not, it's, it's not that I can't describe it, but

(13:13):
it's not that. OK, so I don't.
You don't think it's a little gross?
You don't think it's a little gross?
Even if it's a nest Cam, that's just always recording for them
to put up their kid. Like doing that and then getting
punished and crying on the Internet.
Well now you're making me feel weird about it.
I think it's like exploiting thekid, no?

(13:36):
It's, I promise that maybe maybea little bit, but it's not, it's
not in the way that you're describing you're I feel like
you're really going. Hard on it?
Well, aren't we supposed to haveopinions on these things?
Yeah, you're really painting me into a corner though.

(13:56):
Keep going. What are the comments section
like on this? I don't know.
I don't really read comments theway that you read comments.
I really. Don't did I send you the TikTok
of people that don't read the comments section or are missing
like 95% of the fun? I I've thought about this a lot.
You read almost every TikTok video you read.
You read the comments. You borderline enjoyed the

(14:18):
comment section more than. The video, Yes.
Yes. I do not share this.
The comments are hilarious but Idon't write a comment and I'm
not one of the commenters. I just guffaw and laugh at the
comments. And sometimes I send my friends
because I realize you can do this.
Recently sometimes I send peopleyou can send a comment so that

(14:42):
when they see the DM on TikTok they see the comment 1st and
then have to click on it to see the video so they see like the
funny joke first. See, there's layers to the
Internet that I didn't even knowexisted.
That's one of them. You're missing out if you don't
look at the comments section. You're missing like you're
already spending your time to watch the video.

(15:03):
You're missing like you could bemissing a funnier part than the
video. It is so funny because every
time you and I sit down and I have something to show you,
you're like, what are the comments say?
I'm like, I have, I have no idea.
Let's click and find. Out that you wouldn't have
looked. I don't think it's that crazy.
Do you think that most people are probably like you right that

(15:24):
that dig through the comments? Again, well, let's be clear, I
don't read more than the top like 10.
I don't keep scrolling. I just read the top comments.
But I, yeah, I read them on every video and or every video
that I intend on watching. And I, I would think that I

(15:50):
would think like 80% of people read the comments.
That's pretty high. I feel like a lame loser now.
I feel like I don't really know how to use TikTok and I watch
horrible parenting videos. That's how that's what I feel
about myself now. I mean, I don't, I don't know,
it just seems so out of character to me.
I think it's it's just like, youknow, what it's like is when

(16:12):
when you and I are a restaurant and there's a kid behaving badly
and the parent like parents themand how sometimes we're like,
oh, nice, good on you. Yeah, solid.
It's that same feeling, if that makes sense.
I guess I would more so think itwould feel like performative
parenting that we can't stand because they're taking a video

(16:34):
from their home and putting it on TikTok for attention.
I guess it's performative. I get that, but for I I guess
it's just these specific ones that I don't.
So do you follow them now? No, I don't really.
I never hit the follow button rarely.
I only follow grandmothers on onTikTok, truly, I really do

(16:56):
because I feel like they get theviews but they really need to
follow and they deserve it, you know what I mean?
Yeah. So.
That's, that's OK. That's where we draw the line, I
guess. Parenting videos.
Get on it. You have to be over 65 for
Cameron to follow you. I you're not wrong.
That is the primary, that's my primary demo on TikTok.

(17:20):
I love a grandma. We talked about Grandma Carolyn
a couple weeks ago. There's this other grandma who
just dances in her kitchen whileshe makes horrible meals.
There's another grandma that I started following that she makes
like she gets all like dolled upto make dinner every night.
And it's all like, it feels likeGreat Depression meals, you

(17:40):
know, like, it's like a stick ofbutter and cream of mushroom.
I follow, oh God I follow the grandma that pretends that she's
DJ ING on her pots and pans. Yes, I love that Lady.
But it's also just so funny. It's the same shtick, just with
different songs and I love it and I eat it up.

(18:02):
That's like that ceiling fan guy.
You know, I, I'm, I spend a lot of time on a regular basis
thinking about what's my ceilingfan?
What's my grandma playing pots and pans?
Or like tube girl from London, but she kind of fell off.
Yeah. I saw that Jules, the the person

(18:22):
on TikTok that did the what's the word that he coined the
demure. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
I saw him and he's like talking about how when he got famous all
of a sudden he like now how is suffering with addiction?

(18:45):
Oh, that sucks. That's not very.
Demure. It's not very demure, but it's
like, I just hope that these grannies, the fame doesn't go to
their head, you know? There's a Turns out there's just
like thousands of grandparents. It might be that 75 is the
appropriate time to get Tiktok famous because then you're like

(19:08):
rolling in retirement money, butyou're already well adjusted, so
you and you don't really care about the Tiktok comments or the
mental health aspect or the partying.
You're just like being you. So maybe it's better if we don't
become Tiktok famous till we're old.
I think I'm going to wait. Yeah, I think I'm going to wait.
And I assume Tiktok will still be around in 40 years, you know?

(19:28):
And we'll be just as lucrative and people will obviously love
us. Yeah, duh.
Speaking of that, though, you Sowe went last week and saw the
short films that were all nominated for Oscars at a local
movie theater. And one of the short films was,

(19:48):
was it called a friend of Dorothy or, or Friends and
Dorothy or something like that? A friend of Dorothy.
A friend of Dorothy and it's about this this elderly woman
who has a meet cute with a youngguy.
She's 87. 87 and this guy knocksthe soccer ball into her yard
and they become friends and it'sa very sweet little.

(20:09):
We definitely didn't saw him crying watching it, but it has
it has made me wonder if like atsome point soon I should look
into like volunteering at like an an old folks home or
something because like we tried doing the volunteering with
animals and we love the animals,but the people we were around
what weren't our favorite. I don't know, what do you think?

(20:33):
Yeah, I think it's a little bit a recipe for disaster because
you're going to get attached to old people and then they're
going to die. Yeah, I think here's I, I, I'm
thinking about it multifaceted though.
Number one, I, it's like in a reason to give back #2 I'm kind
of, I'm kind of like, OK, maybe I can discover the next TikTok

(20:54):
grandmother, right? And give her a career or help
her create a career on the Internet.
And also I kind of feel like karmically it's a good idea
because we aren't going to have kids.
And I would like that favor to come back around on the other
end of our life. Do you know what I mean?
Oh, like someone will befriend us similarly.

(21:19):
I, I kind of like it. Here's the thing.
It's similar to fostering like a12 year old dog where you're
like, OK, I'm going to give thisdog like companionship for the
last whatever remaining time. And it's similar where you have
to be really strong and know that it's worth it technically

(21:40):
for them and for you. Like the companionship.
I like the idea. Did I talk about our neighbor on
the last episode? No.
I don't believe so. Yeah, I.
Don't believe so. I tried a home grown version of
this. I tried a home grown version of
this. I have it in me as well.

(22:01):
I think because I miss my Nana, you miss your Nana's.
I think we are craving like an older presence bestie energy,
which is why we were both destroyed by the 12 minute
short. And we're ugly crying to the
point where it was like probablynot socially acceptable.

(22:21):
And I was like snotting myself and you were like dabbing your
face with popcorn and whatever. So it was a lot to deal with,
but also a little on the nose because our and hopefully she
doesn't hear this, but she's oldso probably not on the other
side of the wall. Our neighbor passed away.

(22:42):
I think we maybe have said that on the pod and the husband he
was super mega mega old. Not even sure how old something
90 something. And his wife is alone and sad
and I she doesn't go anywhere. She doesn't have people over,

(23:04):
She doesn't leave. She has her blinds.
Like she's alone every day, all day.
And I was like, wow, we sent cookies over and a card.
And then I was like, I should reach out.
I should text her and see if shewants to get lunch or coffee.
Like we could be friends. I could foster a friendship now.
And she basically got back to meand said she's busy and put no

(23:28):
and put no effort and to say that she's interested in a
future time. She just said she's indefinitely
busy. Yeah, to be clear, it was not a
I'm busy this week. How about next week?
It wasn't AI would love to do that sometime soon.
It was a you're very sweet to ask, but I'm busy.

(23:49):
It was very much like I'm interested in being alone more
than I would be interested in having an hour coffee with you.
And I was just fair, I guess. Sure.
I guess I I yeah, I'll go fuck myself.
Thank you so much. So my thing is similar to the
animals. This is actually a really direct

(24:10):
correlation. When we volunteered, you had
best friends, the donkeys. I had bitch ass turkeys.
And I don't understand why I have such a hard time
connecting. With the turkeys or just in
general? No, with things that need me.
OK, I'm trying to help you. Why don't you want me?

(24:36):
So it's listen and also I felt this way.
Actually, I'm having flashbacks now when I did a few times and
by like a handful of times I babysat, didn't connect with the
kids. The kids didn't really like like
me or resonate with me and they didn't need me and they didn't.

(24:59):
They weren't like, they weren't like, oh, Katie, like we love
you like there wasn't. We didn't connect.
I think that's pretty common. I don't think that you become
best friends with your babysitter, no.
Well, I think you like the babysitter because they're cool
and fun and let you do fun stuff.
It's like the cool auntie that comes over whatever.

(25:21):
I don't understand why make. Sure, You as a babysitter now?
It's it wasn't, it wasn't good. Yeah.
That's right. But anyways, it's like when I'm
volunteering with animals or oldpeople, it's like I have a fear
that I would start this process and then the old people would
like give me more abandonment issues than like there's no

(25:46):
guarantee you're going to get a sweet old person.
You might get a bitch ass curmudgeon.
I do have vivid memories of whenI was in choir in grade school,
we would go to the nursing home in our area for like Christmas
time and one time in the spring to do like a little mini concert
thing for the people that lived in the nursing home.

(26:08):
And I remember it being mostly abunch of crab asses and some of
them like would yell at us whilewe were singing.
And so you're not wrong. There's probably a good chance
that you would end up with a real a hole, but I think that
that's just part of the risk, I guess.
I don't know. Yeah, You tried.

(26:31):
I don't know. That's what's important.
Yeah, you tried. You tried?
I did get lunch with a friend this week who just had a baby
like 3 months ago and she seemedlike a mental patient that just

(26:53):
escaped the asylum. Like she came to lunch like
going, I do, I look frazzled, like I just threw myself
together and like I just, I escaped the house and like I'm
free and like I've been up until5:00 AM everyday because we do
shifts and I watch the baby till5:00 AM and then my her partner

(27:15):
watches the baby from 5:00 AM on.
And she was like, I never thought I would have a kid.
If you would have told me two years ago you're that you're
going to have a kid, like I wouldn't have believed you.
It was insane. Like it was so random.
But I'm glad. I guess she was like, I guess
I'm glad, but it's insane and like, I don't recommend that you

(27:36):
do it. And I was like, don't worry, I'm
not going to. I appreciated, I appreciated how
real she was keeping it, but it was funny to me because she she,
I was asking what's up with you,You know, what's going on with
you? And she was kind of filling me
in like it's been hell. And like birthing a child is
hell and the adjusting the sleepschedule is hell.

(27:59):
And she's up till 5. Like she was just like really
laying it out there. And she's like, thank God I have
a supportive partner because I don't know how people do this
alone and blah, blah, blah. And then she's like, so what's
up with you? And I was like, oh, well I just

(28:21):
went to New York and I've been up till 5:00 AM everyday.
But that's 'cause I was like outpartying.
We just vastly different up. So very similar.
And she's like, what else? And I was like, I switched my
nose ring from a stud to a ring and no one noticed.
And she's like, oh, OK, like we just our updates couldn't have

(28:46):
been further apart. It was hilarious.
I, this is also like the one of,I don't know what 10 people that
we've known that have had a babyin the last six months and they
all have reported back this system of splitting time with
their partner, which on paper makes sense, right?
You're doing, there's no point in both of you losing sleep all

(29:09):
night. So it, it makes sense that you
do a couple hours and then your partner does the next couple
hours. But it's like, it's insane that
you just have to sign up for no sleep and then your chips in the
night, but you're taking care ofthe same child.
It's very odd. I mean, it makes sense, but it's
very odd. Do you just, do you just pull

(29:31):
from like some sort of sleep reserves, like a camel?
Because I think you have to. I'm wiped the fuck out today
because it was hot outside. I know.
Imagine if I had to take care ofa child.
Well, remember a couple weeks ago, we woke up in the middle of
the night and our dog Maddie, was like burping weird.

(29:51):
And we were, like freaking out and took him to the vet that
night. We each, I got like an hour of
sleep. You got like an hour and a half
of sleep. And that wrecked us for like the
entire week. Yeah, we were actually doing
that every day. No.
I think it has to be, I think you're right.
It has to be like a, you know how they say moms can like lift

(30:13):
a car if they need to like comesfrom a, just a, a place down
deep. It has to be something like that
I would think. Or you're just like permanently
running on adrenaline, I don't know.
Yeah, you have to be. I, I don't know.
I'm, I also got a text from one of our friends today who just
had a baby and we got the official invite to come meet the

(30:34):
baby. This is kind of the first time.
I'm so worried. And I was going to ask you like,
I am looking forward to it. I think they're going to be
great parents and it's a big moment in their lives.
And I think it's sweet. But are you going to hold the
baby? I do you.
I don't think they're going to want me to hold the baby, you

(30:55):
think? I feel like, I feel like that's
one of those things that people ask like when you're like, Oh my
gosh, so gay. I feel like parents are often
like, do you want to hold her ordo you want to hold them and.
If it comes up, I'm not going to.
It's like it's like if someone makes a dish at their home for
dinner and they invite you over and it's has cottage cheese on

(31:18):
it. I ultimately think cottage
cheese is so fucking gross, but if they serve it to me for
dinner and they've cooked it in their home, I'm going to eat it.
And I'm going to say it's great.If they shove their baby towards
me, I'm going to hold her, but Idon't want to necessarily.

(31:41):
And I'm not going to ask or volunteer to do it, you know
what I mean? Like.
Have you ever held a baby? Yeah, I think, yeah, I think
I've held your niece and I. Don't have a baby?
Like our, well, our niece or whatever, right at some.
Point I I don't know if you havethat.

(32:01):
I was trying to think about thatearlier today and I'm like,
it's. Covered up at some.
Point now you've seen me hold a baby and you didn't have like
the the feeling of like, oh, look at him, he's holding a baby
that some people get. No.
What about when I What about when I've held one of our dogs?

(32:26):
Like our our dog Maddie when he was a puppy.
Yeah. So you.
Hold them when you hold them like a baby.
It's see, there it is. It's in there.
He's. Too small.
Yeah, I just I think you holdinga baby is similar to like when
that TV presenters don't know what to do with their hands you.

(32:47):
Know what do you think you wouldfeel?
What if? Here do I.
What do you think you would feellike if I if it comes up this
weekend, if I hold it her sorry and like if I'm doing a good
job? Do you think you'll feel a heart
pang? Yeah, maybe.
Yeah, honestly, it maybe, but not because it makes me want a

(33:08):
child because I think it's it's similar to when you, I don't
know, you're my wife and I like seeing you being sweet to other
things, you know? Sure.
I think it comes from that place, not like, oh, I can't
wait to be a parent with her, you know?
Sure. It's just like.
Oh, she's doing good. What if I do it and it's bad and

(33:31):
it cries? It probably will.
I think that's a very common thing.
It's funny though. OK, tell me if you agree with
this. Here's a Would you rather for
you? Would you rather hold a newborn
baby or sit with a three-year old toddler while the parent
leaves for like 1/2 hour and youhave to play with it?

(33:54):
I guess the newborn, I guess thenewborn cause a three-year old
is like too sentient and it's like, I don't know what to talk
to you about. I know I have that feeling too.
It's so weird. Like it's like when you go with
a significant other, a friend toa party and they leave you in a
room one-on-one with somebody you've never met before.

(34:16):
You're like, what do we talk about?
This is weird. Or it feels like a job interview
A. Little bit.
Where you, like, have no idea what the job is and you're just
sitting there bullshitting. Yeah, and it occurs to me, too,
that I really don't know how to play anymore.
Like you're supposed to do, you know what I mean?
Like, you're supposed to sit there and play with the kid with

(34:36):
their toys and, like, be goofy and silly and stuff.
And I don't think I know how to do that anymore.
Like, what? Do I sit there in goo Goo Gaga
for half an hour? I don't know, You know what I
mean? I mean, I was left alone with a
kid when I went to visit some friends when I was doing a show
up north and she like the mom went to the bathroom.

(34:59):
So I was alone with a kid for like 5 minutes or something and
I just, I just like asked him a bunch of questions.
I just interviewed. Him How old was this kid?
I don't know. I think he's like four or five,
I think. And you're like, so when are
you? What college are you thinking
about? Well, I just was like, whatever

(35:22):
he had in front of him, I was like, what's that?
Tell me about it. Like I just was like trying to
fill time. You're like, what colour is
this? Good job.
What number is this? Good job, Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, quizzing him. I don't know, I guess the
newborn. Well, here's the thing, it's
like hot potato 'cause it's like, I guess the newborn but if

(35:42):
but if it shits itself like. That's worst fear right there.
Yeah, I can't be. I would literally I'd be one of
those people that hands it back like waits till the parents get
home and be like, I think it pooped you, you should check.
Yeah, yeah, I would. I would borderline like take it
to a daycare and be like, I'm just going to be honest with
you. I'm babysitting and I just.

(36:03):
Need to do the diaper. Swab for me.
Can you, can you drop it at a fire station just so they change
the diaper and then pick it backup and go?
I changed my mind. I it's, it's all fine.
I'm the I'm the guardian. It's a great question.
It's a great question. Listen, we know.
We know where we stand in life. We know we're kind of terrible
people. It's OK.

(36:24):
These are legit. Questions.
I don't know. It's kind of like when people
come over and our dogs bark at them and they're like, no, no,
no, it's fine. I'm good with dogs.
They'll like me. It's fine.
And we're like, no, our dog, ourdogs are probably not going to
like you the 1st 20 times you come over.
They might like you on the 21st time, but they're going to bark

(36:44):
at you. It's like that where I'm like,
I'm not so cocky to be like, oh,give me your baby.
Babies love me. But Pete, there's people like
that. They're like, oh, let me hold
your baby. Babies love me.
I'm like, no, your baby is probably going to enter my arms.
It's probably going to cry and it's probably going to act like
it's dying and you should take it back.
And I don't want it. Believe me, it will hate me.

(37:10):
I think it's like it. They can sense when you don't
like them. A. 100% they can.
I think babies are very intuitive and that's why I think
it's important that that parentsand adults talk to them not like
they're stupid, you know, 'causethey're picking up on all that.
Stuff. Oh, I don't have a little kid
voice or a voice for little kids.
I just talked to them like they're 50.

(37:32):
Yeah, Hello. How are you today, ma'am?
Yeah, I. Think I do the same thing.
I do have a little kid voice fordogs though.
It's weird. Like I don't.
Yes, when I'm talking to dogs. When I'm talking to dogs, my
voice is anything but normal. But if?
You like? Talking to a baby.

(37:52):
I realize, yeah, because dogs are loud at my office, right?
And I realized the other day I got into the elevator and it was
a group full of people. There was probably 15 people in
the elevator. And this woman walked on with
her dog, and the dog was lookingat me.
And I was like, oh, you're a couple.
Oh, look at you. And then I looked up and I'm
like, oh, my God, there's like so many people in here, and I

(38:13):
sound like an idiot right now. I don't care.
I'm going to keep talking to that dog.
Yeah, I'm going to keep talking.Did she give you a formal like?
No, I feel like people are really bad at introducing their
dogs. Like really really bad.
I need name. At least minimum, we are always,

(38:34):
you and I are always very respectful.
Like, I'm not going to assume your dog wants pets.
I'm not because dogs have boundaries just like people do.
But if I'm in the general vicinity of the dog, it's
looking at me smiling. I'm smiling back and I'm like,
hello, Shouldn't you just be like, oh, yes, this is, you
know, PD. Some, some people just are

(38:54):
withholding on the names. I'm like, what's the deal?
Is it, is it a top secret dog orsomething?
Is this a royal family member? I don't know.
Or it's like, it's cute and it gets stopped all the time, so
they're over it and they're annoyed.
Yeah. Probably that too.
Mm hmm. Yeah, speaking.
Of that dog have like a cute badge on for the.
It did, yeah. That's, that's the cool thing.

(39:15):
All the dogs at at the Campus atwork have to have their own
employee badges. But you could have looked at his
badge. That doesn't have like the name
is not super visible on it. It's it has and I'm pretty sure
it has the like the owner's employee ID name on it so they
can attach it to the owner. Which is super lame.

(39:36):
Super, super lame. I know it sucks.
I did see this, and then I want to get to a few Reddit things
before we go. Researchers in Finland have said
that dogs, officially, accordingto science, have actually have
the ability to help boost your immune system.
And I wanted to bring this up because kids, in fact, do not

(39:57):
have that effect. You get sick every time you're
around a kid, They're bad for your immune system.
At least I think maybe science disagrees.
Every parent I know is sick constantly.
Every parent, Every single parent, every single parent.
And so basically what they're saying is every time a dog
moves, scratches, whatever, it sends tiny bursts of pollen,

(40:18):
fungi and bacteria into the air just enough for you to, like,
create antibodies to fight that stuff.
Oh good, so when I shove my noseinto the dog's skin.
Yeah. It I'm actually getting
antibodies. Yeah, so next time you feel a
cold coming on, just like, go and lick the dog, you know?

(40:42):
So it's good. I thought that was interesting
though. I want to know the percentage of
more sick that you are if you have a young child.
I, it's got to be 150% conservatively because like you
and I were talking about this the other day, we're we're
borderline never sick to the point where.

(41:06):
I mean, knock on wood please. Knock on wood, like it happens,
but it's once or twice a year, you know?
I don't know. Couple things from Reddit.
This was on the child free Reddit page.
Somebody asking for a bit of advice.
They said how do you ask someoneor how?
When do you have that conversation on when?

(41:29):
Sorry, when do you have that conversation with someone asking
them if they want kids or not? And somebody said they found out
the cheat code to actually help with that.
Instead of asking if you want kids, you ask them how many kids
do you want? No.
Because people will just be like, oh, I want zero kids and
it feels less aggressive. I don't think it really matters.

(41:52):
I don't. I think it does matter, and I
think asking how many kids you want is making that's phrasing
it in an assumptive way that youdo want to have them.
What number do you want to? Have I think that that will make
somebody feel like they can't say 0.
Right, I don't, I don't like that at all and I think that's
horrible advice, so I think you should make your Reddit account

(42:15):
and comment underneath. This couldn't be more wrong.
Do you remember when you and I had the conversation?
It was on like our second date. I because I don't remember.
I remember it was early on, but do you remember what your
impression was of how we both handled that?
Did you? Did you believe me?

(42:39):
Yeah, I was like, why would he? Because it was too early for it
to be that deep. Because I did it on the second
date and I said something like, Oh yeah, I know we're both from
the Midwest, but like, I definitely don't want kids.
So do you like, oh, I did it so early that if you had said you

(43:00):
did, it's not like we even were that invested yet?
Yeah. So it would have been like,
yeah, I guess we're not that compatible or whatever, but I
think I just put it out there and then I yeah, I believed you.
I do feel like we had a lot of conversations that way early on.
It was kind of like, hey, let's get a bunch of this stuff out of

(43:22):
the way now. And I think it was helpful.
I think it. Was I just didn't want to like
keep dating and find out two years in that you actually
wanted to have 4 kids. And then I'm like, Oh no.
Yeah, I think that's valid. Do you remember how old you were
when you decided, like, this is not for me because this was

(43:47):
another post on Reddit? Somebody was, I'll save you the
long and boring story. But they were saying that they
had an exact moment of when whenthey were around somebody else's
kids or cousins when they were 15.
And they were like, OK, no, never doing it.
I don't remember any specific moment.
I didn't even really like playing with dolls when I was

(44:09):
young. I just, I think from the womb.
That's so I don't you coded. Yeah, I don't remember.
I came out of the womb like 30 years old.
I don't remember ever considering it.
I think I just always knew I wasn't going to.
You just felt it in your bones. I never played like house where

(44:33):
I was the mom to my dolls. I never I, I think I called my
dolls my friends. I never called them like my my
baby. That's interesting.
That's interesting. It is kind of I, I've always
thought that that was a little bit odd, right?
That like a toddler's toy is a baby doll.

(44:58):
You know what I mean? Yeah, it's weird.
It's like, how weird would it beas a 35 year old if I had a 30,
a statue of a 35 year old man inour house that I played with?
That would be weird. Yeah.
I don't. So I don't know.
I don't. Know maybe that's but I mean, I

(45:19):
guess yeah, you're making the argument that you're playing
with something that's like your age, but that's why grown ass
adults play with like figurines still like comic book figurines.
Yeah, I think that's, yeah, that's a little bit different.
Like imagine because, yeah, it'sdifferent because it's a
character. Imagine if an an adult man

(45:41):
played with a figurine that was just a guy.
And you know, and like changed its underwear and so.
OK, now we're getting because. No, like the whole thing is that
you change its fake diaper and stuff.
Yeah, it's. Weird, right?
Yeah, it's weird. I feel like that is basically

(46:03):
odd. Thing little girls are trained
to be trad wives because they have the kitchen, the fake
kitchen sets and the fake like vacuum and the fake whatever and
then the fake baby doll and they're just training them to be
trad wives. It's all so convoluted and wild.
It is. You're not wrong about that.
It's like I I remember my one ofmy cousins growing up, one of

(46:26):
her toys she got for Christmas was a fake vacuum cleaner.
Yeah, yeah. I think I to be fair, I think I
played with it and I loved it because it made all kinds of
like popping sounds. But still, it's weird.
It's like what you're? That's odd.
Also like an easy bake oven. Yeah, yeah.
It's. Very weird.
Yeah. It's very, very weird.

(46:48):
It's like you're taught to raisea little baby when you're a
baby, and then you're taught to immediately get in the kitchen.
Yeah, I would definitely like anEasy Bake oven now though.
That would be hilarious. That would be kind of dope,
right? I don't remember, did they sell
specific stuff to bacon it? Yeah, they did.

(47:08):
I always wanted one and I was never, they were expensive, so I
never got one. And then I was always a, they
were, you know, at least for us at the time.
And then I, I always felt like Icouldn't get one 'cause I would
get made fun of, you know. But are you looking it up right

(47:30):
now? Yeah, now they're like 50 bucks.
Did I wonder if they still work via light bulb like they used
to? Yeah, that's whoa, they still,
it's crazy. They still sell them at all.
Should we get? One, yeah, they sell them at

(47:53):
Walmart, Easy bake oven, cookingand baking toys, refill mix.
But also, yeah, how long are you?
How long does it take to go through there?
I mean, a while, it's like it's a long, it's usually a long bake
time, but I think there's all kinds of like, I'm sure if you
look at recipes.com, there's people that make recipes for

(48:15):
them, you know what I mean? Yeah, users can mix and assemble
treats in the baking pan, then use the pan tool to insert and
remove from oven. OK, it has heating elements that
can cause burns. Well, no shit.
Like dough? Bake shop, sprinkle brownies and
cheese pizza. Sold separately so you can make

(48:37):
cheese pizza or brownies. Oh my God, it.
Would be kind of a fun video. Yeah.
Maybe we should get one. We'll see.
And now as a as a 35 year old man, you purchase yourself your
very first Easy Bake Oven. That I don't think I can do
that. I feel like I'll end up on some

(48:57):
sort of list if I buy one. We'll have to put it under your
name. You know, that's seems like the
safe thing to do. Last thing before we go, this is
a fun thing where I actually didread the comments.
Actually, now that we mention it, somebody posted this was the
most commented, most viewed poston the child free Reddit and

(49:21):
it's titled simply Does anyone really regret not having
children? And you would have loved you
would have loved all the comments.
I don't think there was. What are you?
I have, I have a handful of my favorites.
I I don't think that there was any that were on the side of
regret. Good.
So here's just a few darling, I'm a 70 year old child free

(49:43):
woman. Nope, no regrets.
None at all. Having the time of my life while
many of my friends are raising their grandchildren.
No dot freaking dot. Thank you.
Hell yeah. Fuck yeah.
That is a woman who would be my best friend.
You should honey, you can look her up and message her on
Reddit. Is there a dating app for men in

(50:06):
their 30s that want to become best friends with 7 year old
women? I probably.
It's probably. A dating app.
But like a but like for friends,you know?
Sure. You know, I don't know.
Here's the next one. I consider it to be one of the
few good decisions I've made in a lifetime of well intended
fumbles. So like, I've fucked up a lot in

(50:27):
life. But like I have, I have many
other regrets, but not this one.Indeed, I'm sure there's stats
on it that I'm too lazy to Google, but I've read something
like 95% of people without kids don't end up regretting not
having them. So basically, yes, I have
thanked myself daily for not having kids for the last five

(50:50):
years. Here's another one.
I'm 60 and I've known since I was a teenager that I don't want
kids. I've never once regretted the
decision and the last one. Every morning I wake up, take a
deep breath and say to myself, thank fucking God I don't have
kids. Hell yeah.
I love it, I love it, I love it.I love to be seen.

(51:10):
If you are out there and you're a parent or you want kids, we
would love and respect you and we support you, but we also
enjoy having our people. I like the people on this Reddit
page. Wow, definitely join the thread.
Joining the thread Joining the thread and who knows, maybe I'll
meet a 70 year old woman. Yeah, we.

(51:33):
Can get it. We can get an easy bake oven
together. OK, we got to work on your
TikTok algorithm because it justkeeps getting weirder.
I'll figure it out. Bye everybody.
Bye.