April 14, 2026 • 48 mins
What's with noisy kid neighbors? Should we move AGAIN?!
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(00:00):
There's a new term buzzing on the Internet, Dink.
Dual income? No, kid, you probably have an
opinion on these people or an opinion on people who have an
opinion on these people. America's birth rate has hit its
lowest point in more than a century.
Some are blaming it on infertility.
Others say the state of the world is causing couples to
think twice about having children.
(00:21):
Childless marriages could be a good thing if they were a result
of God's sovereign providential work.
Oh my God, can't even hear you. They like avocado toast and
brunches out and going to plays and having sweet vacations.
You're probably super selfish. Kids are better than brunch.
And then there's another group of young couples that want the
(00:43):
lifestyle of childless households and the lifestyle it
brings with it. Welcome to The DINK Side, the
podcast about life, laughs and living child.
Free We're a double income, no kids couple navigating the UPS,
downs and hilarious in which means of choosing a different
path in a world that won't stop asking.
So when are you having kids? When are you having those kids?
(01:08):
Hi, babe. Hi.
I have a question I want to start off with this week and it
has nothing to do with being a DINK.
It has nothing to do with havingkids or not having kids, it is
just a complex of my own. Coming in hot.
So I know you and I have recently gotten new glasses.
Both of us have gotten new glasses.
(01:30):
You got yours at at a place at the mall.
I got mine at Warby Parker. It was an adventure to find them
to begin with. We both decided to go with
something a little bolder. And then I re up to contact
prescription for the first time in a couple of years.
I've been wearing contacts quitea bit, but now that I've been
wearing contacts enough, I thinkthat I have two differently
(01:52):
shaped eyes and I have a feelingthat like one of my eyes is
always more closed than the other and nobody's telling me
this. I think that about me too.
Do you really? Yeah, and sometimes when I see
like pictures of or videos of myself, I'm like, do I have a
(02:12):
fucking lazy eye? Right.
So this, this I hear my right eye.
I was just looking at myself in the mirror before we started
this podcast and I was like, is that eye like squinty compared
to my other one or is it just the contacts?
Or is it like when you're tired it gets more tired than the
other one or like. Right.
And then I was like, did I have a stroke and I didn't know about
(02:33):
it? Do I have that Bell's palsy that
people get? I think there would be other
signs, honey. I would hope so.
I mean, I haven't noticed it about you.
OK. Would you say something if you
did? I don't know.
Or would you wait for like the other signs of a stroke to
(02:54):
happen to to bring it up? It would have to be like
dramatic to bring it up. OK?
Also, have you noticed it about me?
No, no, I have not. I have not noticed it about you.
That's not true. What's not true?
I feel like you have. No, absolutely not.
(03:14):
Which eye is it on me? I have no idea what you're
talking about. I really don't genuinely.
I think it's more obvious. I have like much baggier eyes
than you do. And when I look like I have
tired eyes and I don't have my glasses, like, you know, the
people who you run into and and they're, they have just like a
(03:36):
face that, you know, they normally wear glasses, but today
they're not you, you know what Imean?
You are the only one that ever points that out.
When people are on reality TV, you always go.
They usually wear glasses, I cantell.
And I guarantee you 100% of the time I'm right.
OK, I think it has it has something to do with like the
way your eyes become, you know, shaped after wearing glasses or
(04:01):
something, I don't know. Or like maybe it protects you
from UV in that area of your face.
So it's more obvious when they're not on.
I don't know what it is, but I can tell if somebody's a glass
is wearer and they just don't have their glasses on.
Like based on the way that they like, are they squinty or is it
the way they like scrunge up their nose or it's do?
(04:21):
You know what it is, genuinely, I think it's they feel the wind
in their eyes more than they normally do, and as a result,
they're kind of like a little bit squinty.
I'm telling you, you can tell. OK, you can tell.
What a weird party trick. So are you?
But do you put yourself in that category?
(04:43):
Yes, I do. I I think that it's very
obvious. I normally wear glasses.
Look at my eyes. You can tell these bags here,
they're kind of squinty. Like I said, the one is bigger
than. See.
See you look at it. Did you just see it?
Oh my God. We'll put a video.
Up. Yeah.
What a judge. What a great medium to talk
about it on. Yeah, well we'll put a video up
(05:04):
anyway. I just, I'm having a bit of a
complex. I hope you had a good weekend
everyone. Hope you had a good week.
We did a three shows and one night for KDK Comedy.
Yeah, 7:38 and 9:00. We were bopping around town.
I was telling somebody about this at work today and they
asked does Katie like doing thator is she annoyed that she has
(05:27):
to say the same set three times in a row?
Oh well, usually I wouldn't say the same set three times in a
row. Usually I would shake it up.
This night specifically I did the same set because I'm
practicing for an odd like a call back for an important
(05:48):
thing. So I'm trying to make sure the
set is tight and perfect. So I did and I wanted to see if
there was any parts of it that felt weak to me because I've
never said those jokes in that exact order before.
So I was putting together like atight set for a call back.
(06:08):
And so I did do the same set three times in a row, which
actually felt really helpful with different crowds and I felt
like I got it was very productive feedback.
And like in between show one andtwo I change something and then
in between show two and three I change something to make like
make it better. You're editing as you go, yeah.
But usually if it was just a regular ass Friday of three
(06:32):
shows I would just do a different set to have more fun.
Yeah, I that's what I told him. Because it's it's also so crazy
that like you did those three shows and like you said, the
audience reaction was different each time.
And it's like you're doing the same jokes.
It matters. Like the audience matters so
much. The the vibe matters so much.
(06:52):
It's interesting. But yeah, that's for a callback.
And Speaking of auditions and callbacks, you sent me something
today on Netflix. The show Temptation Island is
back and they are casting for the next season of Temptation.
Island. Yeah, and we're meant for
reality TV, so why don't we justgo on Temptation Island?
(07:16):
Laugh our asses off? Are you kidding me?
That would be hilarious. Temptation Island, the show, in
case you're unfamiliar, where a couple goes on.
They are tempted to cheat essentially, and you get to see
whether or not the people take advantage of that or if they
stay faithful to their partner. We have had friends that that
were courted to be on this show before.
(07:37):
Yeah. And do you genuinely like, would
you genuinely want to do it? I think we could.
Like, I don't think it's like, like, I think it would be funny.
Like I think we'd be in the confessional, like, oh God, no.
(07:58):
Like I would I here's the deal. I First of all, I don't think
they're looking for married couples.
I think we by default. Oh really?
Not. In contention.
Yeah. Because they want people to,
like, have fewer chains on so they can, like, be more tempted
to cheat because it is better television.
When people cheat, Fine. Like, there's one couple on the
(08:18):
show so far that are pretty boring.
And it's like, come on, Like getmessy.
Oh, so you think you think we wouldn't be good TV?
Right. I, I think we would be kicked
out because the only way for us to be good TV is for us to play
the game as if we are like beingtempted and I can't.
They're like, even if you and I had the conversation before and
(08:41):
we're like, listen, this is whata lot we know, this is for TV,
this is what's allowed, blah, blah, blah.
I could not for the life of me bring myself to do it.
I, I would not be able to, I would not be able to sit there
and like fake it and for TVI would get caught so quick.
There's no way. There's no way.
(09:03):
You going to be acting? I could try, but I'm telling you
I would. I would fail miserably.
I would fail miserably. Fine, I just was like you have
said for years, nearly a decade,that you think I'm made for a
reality TV dating show. You are.
Fortunately and unfortunately, we're married now so I can't
(09:27):
ever do one. But this is the loophole.
I know, I know. It feels like the loophole, but
I don't I, I still don't think that we'd be cast on it.
I don't know. I don't know.
It also seems like, not that I think anything would happen, but
it does seem like you're tempting fate.
It's called Temptation Island, you know, just, I don't know.
(09:48):
Also the casting notice you sentme said ages 22 to 35, so I
think I aged out of it. How depressing is that?
Just lie about your age like everyone else.
Yeah, you could lie about your age.
I don't look younger than my age.
I think I look my age. I don't know, 24 year olds now
look so old. That's so true.
(10:10):
Every time we watch one of theseshows and it's not
disrespectful, like I'm not being disrespectful to these
people. I guess I kind.
Of I'm not being disrespectful but Jesus Christ they're ugly.
Like what are you saying? No, I'm not trying to be a Dick.
I'm just saying like we play a game when we watch, when we
watch Love Island or Temptation Island or Love is Blind where
because they put the names that the ages on the screen.
(10:32):
And so every time you and I willlike pause or right before they
put it up there, we'll be like 38 or something like that.
And then they put the age up andit says 23 and we're like, Oh my
God, what is? Happening.
Did they spend 20 years of theirlife just out in the sun?
I think that there's so much information out there now about
(10:53):
good skin care that people are getting better at skin care.
But then there's also access to fillers, Botox, all these things
and people are doing it too early and like it's fucking up
their literal face. I also think that when people do
it, they go like when you're young and do it, you can't
afford it really, so you go withthe.
(11:14):
Cheapest option and then you getkind of botched.
Yeah, just get a. Don't cheap out on.
It well just get a box of just for men and like dye your
mustache and face so that there's no Grays I.
I have been thinking about. I kind of want to do that just
(11:36):
to see just to see what it wouldlook like.
I don't I don't why I don't needit like I don't want it
actually. I just want to know what it
would look like on me. I just.
Think that there's like a 5 to 7% chance that it goes well
because the matching of the color is half.
(11:58):
I mean it's almost fully the whole battle.
That's crazy. And then the application like
you don't have a full beard right now, so you would end up
like accidentally kind of dyeingyour some of your skin.
It would look really obvious. It would.
And then it would be jarring that one day you had like salt
and pepper and everything and now you don't.
(12:21):
Also, are you doing the top of your head too or you just doing
your facial hair? No, I would do all of it like I
would do my hair, my eyebrows, my facial hair.
But you can't like undo. You can't come back from that
like easily. What?
Do you mean you can't come back?It grows back, right?
I know, but you're what do you you're going to wait it out for
weeks? I just, I want to know what it
(12:44):
looks like. I think it would be kind of
funny to, but the problem is people would think I tried to
genuinely do. You should.
Order like a temporary one that washes out or whatever after
like 3 washes or something like that?
If that exists, yeah. Maybe we'll do that.
I did used to work with a guy that would just for men like
over the weekend and he would come in Monday and my God it
(13:07):
looks so bad it looked like. It never.
Looks good. It looked like he busted out
like printer ink and just rubbedit in his head.
That's I. Just I don't know that I've ever
seen it go well, but maybe I have and I just didn't clock it.
So I guess when you do it while it's not noticeable, but when
(13:28):
you do it badly, it's very. It's the only thing I see.
I think what it is is like, if you go to a professional and get
it done, it's probably done welland it's hard to notice.
If you just get the box at Walmart and do it at home, it's
not going to look good. Yeah, but there's only one way
to find out. I think we.
(13:50):
But I thought, I thought you were going to be so game for an
experiment. Why?
Because it sounds like fun. I mean, you're talking about
going on Temptation Island, but it's crazy if I want to jest
ferment my hair. I mean, do it.
I'm just your funeral. I'm just saying that I think we
have enough information to know how it'll go, and I think it's
(14:12):
bad. Yeah, I I agree.
So if you want to like go through that where you're kind
of like a joke for a month. Or nobody fucking takes you
seriously and you look like a psychopath.
Yeah. Then do it.
Yeah, whatever you want. You want to be not be taken
seriously for a month. Yeah.
(14:37):
It was like, I I will admit, theguy that I used to work with who
would get it done, like would would have it done and then try
to act like a, you know, total badass at work.
And it was like, dude, you have just more men on your face.
What are you talking about? Yeah, I know exactly.
What you like it's undermining every point you make because
people are like but you dyed your hair with a box like your
(15:00):
mustache is weird. Like it's it's just the
subconscious undermining. It's also like, who are you
trying to fool that like that iswhat you thought made you look
old? And we thought we saw you like a
few days ago. I don't know.
I think it's similar to when, well, it's a little more
extreme, but when women like over the weekend get like a
(15:24):
really bad boob job or somethingand then they come in and it's
like, well, you didn't have those a few days ago.
I don't know. We've seen some some really
aggressive ones that look painful on.
(15:44):
It does look painful. On Temptation Island, but
anyways, enough. About that a lot of just for
many on Temptation Island, too, Big, big, big, big studies came
out this week. I thought it was funny they both
came out in the same week. So every year I forget what
company they do that research study that says how much it
costs to raise a child in the United States.
(16:07):
Like what is the lifetime cost? Yeah, we talked about this on
Episode 1. Yeah, so they re released new
numbers. Oh shit.
Oh God. For the year 2025.
That's that's the numbers we're looking at.
And according to the research, it's been a nearly 30% rise over
the past three years. 30. Percent, 30% The average cost of
(16:30):
raising a kid up until the year until the age 18, so not
including college and everythinglike that, 303,418 dollars
$303,418. Wait, that's lifetime to 18?
Lifetime. Wait, I thought on episode 1 it
(16:50):
was somewhere in the four hundreds.
I don't think so. I don't think so.
Maybe that was with college. That might have been with
college because sometimes they put out a study that's like this
is what it cost. And then also when you pay for
college, because a lot of parents pay for college now too.
So imagine having so 303,000 andthat's if you have an only child
(17:14):
and most people have multiple atleast two children.
I think is the average. It's more uncommon to have one
child than anything. Yeah.
So most people have two or more.Jesus Christ.
Yeah. And they say the most expensive
years of the first five years, and during those years, the
(17:38):
average money spent is $29,325 ayear.
I feel like it's higher. I see.
It's funny because when I look at that number, I think that's a
lot of money. But then at the same time I'm
like, yeah, but you're, you do food and diapers and like toys
and baseball practice and like. But I feel like this is bare
(17:59):
bones, like not taking into account buying like toys and
stuff. I feel like that's just like
survival costs. Yeah, like this is what not your
baby needs to eat so many ouncesof food a day for nutrients and
blah, blah, blah. That's what this seems like.
That's crazy. But still, like you said, that's
(18:20):
for one kid. That's for one kid 303,000.
So the they released that this week, but then somebody else
released the average pet owner, how much they spend during a
pet's lifetime. And that number $50,000?
I'm comfortable with that. 50,000 they say an average of
(18:43):
$4200 a year on one dog or cat. Now we have 4 cats, two dogs, 2
cats. Oh, but still, if you add them
all together, less than the price of one child.
That was going to be my point. Sorry.
Yeah, How about that? Great. 4 Now I will say of the
(19:03):
four animals we have, I don't think it is fair to say that the
cats and the dogs cost the same amount of money.
Yeah, the dogs are definitely more expensive animals.
They get into stuff, they chew on bones and need tooth repairs.
I think that the. Cats are less than 30 grand, and
(19:25):
I think the dogs are more than 30 grand, but I think it's still
evens out to be like, I mean, what's that times 4?
What's 50 grand? 50 grand Times 400.
So 200, yeah. 200 grand, Yeah. Are you?
Does that number make you want to shit yourself?
(19:46):
That we have the equivalent of 2/3 of a child.
Not really. I mean, because if you they said
that you average $4200 a year, if you multiply that times 4,
that's. Like 1619 thousand or something
like close to $20,000 by the time it's all in.
I don't think we spend $20,000 ayear on our animals and we take
(20:09):
very good care of them. Yeah.
And they eat really well. I don't know.
Yeah, I mean, I don't. Are they taking into account
that we have pet insurance? Probably not.
And some people don't have pet insurance.
So no, I'm saying like the cost that pet insurance is saving us
(20:32):
on like surgeries or visit, vet visit to like random medical
needs. Yeah, because that's true
because I in that same study, they said that vet costs have
gone up 43% in the last five years.
That's crazy. I believe it.
It's crazy. I mean, when we go that, I mean,
(20:53):
one of our dogs is having surgery this week on Wednesday.
He's going to get his he, he, hehad a baby tooth that didn't
fall out. It never fell out and now he's
is he 4? Yeah, he's 4.
And I was like, what's the harm in leaving a baby tooth in,
like, just let him live. It doesn't matter.
(21:16):
And they were like, it's starting to rot.
We got to pull it out, so they got to pull it and he's so small
and he's going to definitely be drama.
He's going to fall apart. He's going to think I sent him
to get murdered and then when I pick him up he's probably going
(21:38):
to be pissed for days. We're going to, it's going to be
like 3 weeks later and we're going to call the vet and be
like, is he ever going to be outof bed again?
And they're going to be like, hedefinitely should be out of bed.
He's just going to milk it for as long as.
Possible. Well, I asked them how long
recovery is and they said a couple days and and I was like
(21:58):
let's round up to two weeks then.
Two months call, let's call it ayear.
He's going to be like the pain is only in his mouth, but he's
going to be like limping for some reason.
Yeah, he won't be able to poop. Like he's not.
He's not. He's not going to be able to
hear us say. Things he'll just be permanently
shaking. It's so funny.
(22:21):
I thought to my like, of course the vet says it needs to be
done, like we'll get it done, That's why we have pet
insurance. But I just thought, like, if you
compare that to a human, it's really funny if you think about
it. Like imagine you were a kid and
instead of pulling your tooth oryour mom or dad pulling your
tooth, you went to the hospital,got put under anesthetic to get
(22:43):
up, tooth pulled, and then had to spend several days in
recovery. I think it's just anesthesia.
I think you combine the words aesthetic.
What did I say? Anesthetic.
Yeah. Anesthesia.
Wow. Yeah, I guess you're right.
Anesthesia. Anesthetic.
Good God. But that's what I was going to
say if did you ever pull anyone else's tooth?
(23:06):
Like did you pull your brother'stooth for him at any point?
No, but I was. I like after the first few that
I lost, I just started pulling my own teeth.
Yeah, I was like, let's get because I used to hang around in
my mouth all loose and I'm like,screw this and I just get in
there and yank it. Yeah, I was kind of like
ruthless. Did you pull your brother's
(23:28):
teeth? No, I didn't ever pull someone
else's but my own. I was like, let's get this done.
I did. Did you ever do like one of
those you tie a string to a doorTricks I.
Tried and it didn't work. Like I don't think we tied it
well enough you know what I mean?
You have to be like also just pull it with the your finger.
(23:50):
Like why are we doing the door? I did.
I did that one time. I did the door one time.
I did. Did it work?
I think I did. Yeah, I did.
And then I did. One time we tied it to like an
RC car and drove the RC car really fast and it pulled my
tooth out and a remote control. Car also worked.
(24:12):
Also worked I had very weak teeth.
Who was doing the knot on your stuff 'cause I think.
My dad, but it's so funny my my first baby tooth that I had
pulled, I had my kindergarten teacher do it because I didn't
trust my parents to do it. I like had it and they're like,
you can't we need to pull it. And I'm like, no, I want Misses
(24:32):
Miller to do it. And they were like, OK.
And she they went to school. And they asked her, yeah, it was
a private school. They did a lot of stuff they
shouldn't do. That's like, definitely against
the law. Oh my God you would go to jail
now if you pulled a kids tooth. There's no way I.
Mean, I guess you were like openly consenting, but that's so
(24:53):
crazy. But yeah, that was how I lost my
first one, you know? I think we should just like,
really say again, that's how I lost my first tooth.
That's how I lost my first tooth.
Yeah, it just sounds so sketchy.Yeah, I went to school and my
teacher did it. I asked my teacher to do.
(25:16):
It whatever I lost, whatever. I am a I, I didn't mind doing it
when I was a kid. I'm glad we don't have that
responsibility in our life. Pulling other people's teeth.
I'm good. On that, like, I don't know, I
think as a like, what if a kid, what if your nephew came up to
you and was like, can you pull my tooth?
What would you do? I don't.
(25:37):
I don't think that I would feel comfortable doing it because I
would like, I'm afraid I'd be too aggressive, you know what I
mean? And pull like several teeth by
accident. How could you be?
The only thing that happens if you're too aggressive, quote UN
quote, is the tooth comes out. Yeah, I know.
But like, I don't know, I just feel like I don't like the
(25:58):
optics. Other people are watching me,
like pull on a kid's mouth and then they just scream after it.
Just weird. I don't know.
I don't think I would do it. Would you?
I guess. I feel like you would like
gamify it. You would have a good time doing
it. No, I don't think I'd have a
(26:18):
good time, but I think I'd just like be like, OK, let's get this
done, get over here. OK, fair.
There's only one way to find out.
We got to find a kid who has a tooth that needs.
That's what's so funny. I feel like you would end up
being the squeamish parent. 100%I would be the squeamish parent.
(26:41):
Are you kidding me? I'm not like there's no way.
Like we have friends that had a baby right?
And if they ever ask, like if they were to ever ask me or us
to like watch the kid for a few hours, I would consider it.
I wouldn't be opposed. But I it cannot be in in diaper
(27:02):
changing time. There's no way in hell I'm
changing a diaper. What do you mean?
They don't know that it's going to not shit like or shit.
No, I'm saying I don't want to watch a kid that is still using
diapers. Oh like it needs to be potty
trained? Yeah, yeah.
(27:25):
Because I'm not. There's no way.
There's no way. And if a kid came to me with any
sort of bloody anything happening, Oh my God, no, I
would not be able to handle it. No.
And can imagine, OK, imagine youcome home from work and your
kids aren't feeling good and they're throwing up all over the
place and you have to deal with it.
(27:46):
Oh my God. Oh, I would be, it would be
Vomit City at our house. God, Like I think it's funny in
movies and stuff when people throw up and not in real life.
I would be I'd for sure be the squeamish 1.
Yeah. Speaking of kids though, and
(28:07):
again just saying it one more time, $300,000 for the lifetime
of a kid, $50,000 for the lifetime of a pet, according to
the latest research. Speaking of kids, you saw a
trend on social media about using children's photos or your
photos of you as a kid. Yeah, I think it's kind of cool.
I pulled some photos of myself as a child to start doing this
(28:30):
maybe and see, because I feel like we all have such a negative
self talk. At least at least we do.
And it's where if you put photosof your younger self as your
phone background or in the mirror while you're getting
ready or by the door before you leave the house or whatever,
(28:52):
you'll start being slightly nicer to yourself or you'll get
like a more positive inner monologue because that's who
you're being mean to. So it's harder to be mean to the
younger you. It's harder to be like, oh, I
look ugly today when you have like the five year old version
of you on the mirror. So thought that was cool.
(29:19):
I saved some younger pictures ofme to maybe print them out and
do it. We'll see.
I think I'll do the same thing. Could be good.
You'll have to be comfortable with seeing a picture of a
little kid with a bowl cut. I mean around our house.
Are there any years where you didn't have a bowl cut?
(29:43):
I mean, yeah, but for a long time I had the bowl cut.
I just don't get like it feels like your parents bullied you
like why would that? With the bowl cut, No, It was
very popular at the time. Was it a lot of kids had a bowl?
Yeah, of course a lot of kids had a bowl cut.
OK. I in bowl cuts are kind of back
(30:03):
in if you think about it, no? No.
I think this is a good idea though.
I like this trend. It could be good.
I just, I don't think that I have.
It's weird. I don't think I have very many
photos of myself as a child, at least in my possession.
OK. Like it's definitely something
(30:24):
I'll have to go hunt down at my parents' house.
Is that weird? No, I think I like photo scanned
some from my mom. Like I don't have, I don't
necessarily have them with me. They're just on my phone now.
I do. We had growing up, we had one of
those camcorders that you like put Avhs tape into and had a ton
(30:48):
of home movies. Like we were always recording
home movies. We were very big on home movies
and we lost all of them in a flood in our house.
And that bums me out sometimes because there was some good
stuff on there. It was before, like the put this
VHS tape onto DVD services that they had everywhere for a while
(31:10):
and now like people just do it on their iPhones and stuff.
But it's crazy to think about. Like there's probably a couple
pictures of me with my grandparents and stuff that
exist now. If I was a kid there would be
10s of thousands of pictures. Of me with my grandparents.
Yeah. It's crazy how many more
pictures we take. It's kind of wild.
(31:34):
OK, so we're kind of dealing with something.
We moved last summer into a place that we really enjoy, and
it's a quiet neighborhood. Or so we thought.
I think that we're cursed. I think we are.
I think it's a burden we must bear.
(31:55):
A family moved in a few months ago actually with young kids,
and it's been pretty quiet. And I was like, holy shit.
We lucked out with like a familynext to us with children that
don't scream every hour of the day.
I don't know how we did it. So they've been in my good books
for a few months now. And this week, I don't know what
(32:20):
happened. I do know what happened.
The weather got nicer and now the kids have been outside every
second of every day shrieking. I don't know how many of them
there are. At this point it sounds like 3
or 4. Sounds like hundreds.
And they've it again. The weather's been nice out, so
(32:41):
they had their windows open and then we had our windows open and
it sounded like they were just inside our living room.
Freaking because it. Legitimately, that's not an
exaggeration the way that it sounded like somebody was in
our. House the way that it echoes
from from their window to our window like there's a fence in
(33:01):
between us. So first of all, I don't even
know how it was that direct of sound of sound waves.
But also it sounds like their house is a hollow box with no
furniture or rugs or carpet. Like it sounds like there's just
three banshee children jumping off the walls in an empty box,
shrieking. And it's vibrating through the
(33:24):
fence somehow into our open window.
Obviously, we close the windows.We're not insane people.
And like, I guess to be fair, it's not necessarily at 7:00 AM
or 10:00 PM, but it's like all day.
It's during the hours that you're working from home.
Right. So it does beg the question, at
(33:49):
what cost? Like are we doing this?
I, I just can't figure out like it sucks.
We, we moved over into here and then like you said, it was
literally a month or two later the house goes up for sale next
door. These people move in.
We're like great. And I just don't know, like is
(34:10):
it possible to find a place thatdoesn't have kids somewhere
near? Yes, a 55 and up retirement
home. It's kind of my dream, honestly.
I've said it for a long time. Don't dye your hair with just
for men. Let's fake our age.
I'll wear away. I I don't know.
(34:31):
I'm like, there's got to be communities there.
Why you don't? Why aren't there DINK
communities? OK, this is what I wanted to
bring up, somebody on Reddit said.
I'm literally staying in the business district of San
Francisco in a high rise and I can hear someone's offspring
stopping and sprinting around with those awful,
disproportionately heavy toddlersteps on hardwood flooring
(34:56):
screeching coming from everywhere.
I thought the business district would be one place that didn't
have this type of sound pollution.
Why aren't there child free apartments?
Right. It's a great point.
Why aren't? Why did the 55 and over people
get to enjoy it and the rest of us don't?
I would name it Dink Domiciles. We we love an alliteration.
(35:20):
Don't we think this would go well?
I think it personally would. I don't see how it's any
different than a adults only cruise or an adults only all
inclusive resort. Right?
You just think about it like. Screaming you can't control who
moves in next to you. Right.
And make no mistake, adults are noisy too.
(35:43):
They can do noisy things and that still can be annoying.
But kids are a different level. Kids are the ones that are
screaming. I also have a question for the
for the parents that are inside this house, are they wearing
like noise cancelling headphonesor they just like don't even
care anymore? I firmly believe, and science
(36:05):
may have proven this, that if you're a parent, the decibel at
which your kids scream you, yourbrain is able to disassociate it
because you're just overexposed to it so early and so often.
I I can, I like. I bet that they don't even
notice. What?
I bet it's some kind of weird, you know how they say like
(36:27):
pregnant mothers or newborn mothers can move a car to save
their kid. I I think that it's probably one
of those secret hidden parent superpowers because I don't
understand how they wouldn't putglue in their ears or something.
I would just walk around in earplugs like, I know, yeah, I
(36:49):
don't know. I'm like imagine.
Being I think it's a great idea.We have pitched many adults only
experiences on this podcast. We've pitched adults only
airlines. I think that would be an easy
win. This idea adults only apartments
or townhouses or even a neighborhood like in houses.
It would be great. It would be the quietest place
(37:10):
ever and you should be allowed like if.
If it's my choice to go and livewith a bunch of old people, that
should be my choice. That's a dream scenario for me.
We had a similar experience thisweekend when we saw the movie
You, Me and Tuscany. Yeah, a ROM com in theaters.
What's the best part? It was all old people.
(37:32):
Yeah, all old people that want to watch their hallmark ROM com.
I do think it was kind of a hackbecause we often times talk
about how annoying it is when kids are at the movies making
all kinds of noise and phones and whatever.
I don't think they're going to go see the ROM coms.
No. Bring him back, Bring him back
(37:54):
hard. Then again, I didn't think kids
were going to go see like, Project Hail Mary, but they did,
you know what I mean? Yeah, but that has more like
that space involved. Like if this, if it's only about
like, falling in love and adultskissing.
I feel like, I feel like kids won't want to go.
(38:14):
OK. I feel like it's kind of a hack.
I don't know, Adults only movie theatres.
I'm not opposed to that either, anyway.
My God, neighbors and noise. Is it avoidable?
Can we find a place TBD? We keep getting this, you do
(38:34):
these things called Angel cards,and we keep getting this card
that says that we're moving eventhough we just moved.
We it says we're moving or a newjob, like a new place of
employment or a new home. Yeah, but the card is a lot
about the move, like when you read more about it.
(38:56):
Yeah, I've been getting it constantly for the last few
months and I'm like, OK, also though I recently just started
getting, I did it again today and I got the one about kids and
I'm like. Yeah.
And what does that one say again?
It says like, your earth angels want you to know that your kids
in heaven and on earth are protected and loved.
(39:18):
And I'm like, so you mean the dogs like?
I hope. I mean, whatever, like it's not
happening. So angels, angels return to
sender. Thank you.
Yeah, angels, listen up, hear myprayer.
No kids in this direction. You did bring up, You asked me
(39:42):
over the weekend, kind of an interesting thing you said like
if, if I had, how did you phraseit?
If. I had if you dated someone else,
met me or someone else and like fell in love, were you at a
point before you met me where ifthe if you met a girl that
really really did want kids, would you be open to being like
(40:07):
to changing your mind? Yeah.
Or were you always before you knew me?
Like, absolutely not. No deal breaker.
Yeah, my answer to that was like, as an adult, always.
No. When I was like 5, maybe I
thought, oh, I'm going to be a dad someday.
But you were the first person that made me feel comfortable
(40:29):
saying it. Right.
So you always thought it, but you were like, what are the
chances that I actually find someone that I can tell this to?
Yeah, 'cause like we always talkabout it all the time on the
podcast about and it's all over Reddit.
If you look at I could read the story every week.
I just feel like it's getting repetitive of people saying
they're getting tired of that shame or that conversation at
(40:53):
family get togethers or on datesor this one lady wrote on Reddit
that she said that her, her mom or her aunt told her that if she
had kids, it would be up to the husband that she marries if she
had them or not. I'm like, what?
What kind of gross pressure are you putting on what Handmaid's
Tale? Bullshit is this.
(41:14):
I know, I know. So like the answer is you were
the first person that I felt like not an asshole for saying
that. Yeah.
Because you came out of the gateand said it so fiercely and
firmly, very clearly. I was like, OK, great, yeah,
fantastic. It is a little like, OK, when's
(41:37):
the vasectomy? What's going?
On I have some news on that front.
OK. I went today because I've been
talking about it for a while. I went to we use Amazon one
medical for my doctor and I wenton to go on there because you
(41:59):
can make an appointment to do like my checkup appointment.
So then I can get recommended tothe urologist.
I have to go to urologist to start the process and they said
they'd no longer take my insurance.
So I got to figure out a different path or order a DIY
kit on Amazon. Jump through some more hoops.
(42:21):
Yeah, it'll be fine though. I just, it's, I don't know why
it's so complicated to find a freaking doctor.
How hard could it be? I'll do it.
You're, I mean, I'm happy to do it, it's just annoying that the
first step was making an appointment and my doctor I can
no longer go see sucks, but that's healthcare in America.
(42:41):
Cool. I'm very like, I have health
insurance. I'll figure out a different
path. But yeah, it's on the, it's on
the docket hopefully next couplemonths.
Great. Vasectomy time.
One more thing from Reddit before we go and I haven't seen
this but people there there was multiple posts about this on
Reddit on the Reddit child free page saying can parents fucking
(43:05):
stop. I keep seeing in my algorithm in
my feed babies and toddlers. Literal literally human diarrhea
and vomit all over the place. Just saw a woman post about her
baby pooping up her back in the grocery store.
It's not the first video I've seen of this, not by a long
shot. Why are people posting these
(43:26):
videos? Couldn't agree more.
It's just a jump scare Jesus. I don't think like like you
can't post adult shit and vomit on the Internet.
Why is it different when it's a?Kid.
Also think about that if you're a kid and like 10 years from now
you go on the Internet and you see a video of you crapping
(43:47):
yourself. I'd be so pissed.
Right, like how many things exist now on the Internet of
people's kids that are going to haunt them forever when they
grow up? I know, I know.
That's so crazy. We're going to hear stories of
someone losing out on a job because of a of a video their
parents took when they were 7. I know, I know it sucks.
(44:10):
And it's like for what reason 'cause you wanted a like on
TikTok? I don't get it.
There's I I forget what country it is, but another country this
week actually banned social media for kids under 16.
But how can you? Yeah, but I think we talked
about that. How can you possibly monitor?
(44:30):
Yeah, monitor it. I don't know, but I like the
idea. I like the idea of like banning
a child presence at all, whetherthey have the account or
whether, you know, parents are needlessly posting photos of
them. Because I would be pissed, like
I said, if I was a kid and therewas videos like that of me on
the Internet. Not everybody needs to see that
crap, right? Literal crap.
(44:52):
Have you seen the videos of, like, toddlers throwing a
tantrum and then their parents all of a sudden go?
Jessica? Yeah, Jessica.
And they just start saying a random name and it.
Yes, I have and. It confuses the toddler out of a
tantrum. I have seen that.
(45:14):
It's crazy. I want to try it with the dogs.
OK? They're like barking, losing
their shit and I start calling for.
Jessica, it's worth a shot. Also, I saw one where like a
mom, like a wife and her daughter rage baited the dad and
(45:34):
he came home and she's like, hey, honey, like I'm sorry.
I know I just got the car from the shop, but I ran over another
curb and I think I fucked it up.And he's like, are you fucking
kidding me? What?
That was $4000 and you just did it again on the way home.
Like he's losing it. And then she starts and then she
(45:57):
goes Jessica, Jessica. And then the daughter's like
dying laughing. And he's like, who's coming
over? What do you mean?
Where's Jessica? Like, and he's just confused.
And then immediately like, where's Jessica?
And he starts looking around. I don't know.
I think it's it's a valid thing to try if you're in an argument.
(46:24):
Maybe we start screaming in at the neighbor's house when the
kids are being noisy, Right, Yeah.
Jessica, I guess, or any name I guess would work.
I don't know if one of these children is named Jessica.
Yeah, I mean, I've the one I've seen is always Jessica.
I've seen that multiple times. For what I think for whatever
reason, Jessica seems to have the magical power.
(46:46):
Yeah, that's interesting. Who now I also love the videos
of like usually it's the mom andthe kid pranking the dad again,
like you said, but it's it's where the the mom will be like,
you know, Billy come do the dishes and Billy will go shut
(47:07):
up. And the dad, the videos on the
dad like reacting to that. It's so funny.
They they're all like, you know,playing, reading a book and they
throw it down to like, are you kidding me?
Where are you at? It's so and they're like, it's a
brag. It's a brag.
It's a brag, Hilaire. He doesn't have a good prank.
I know you try. You said you were going to prank
(47:28):
me the other night, but yeah, itwas too dark in the room and you
couldn't record, so you didn't bother.
Yeah, but it's like. It was, it was a mean one too.
I would have scared the crap outof you because I was going to
hide behind the door in the darkand then you were going to come
in the room and I was going to slam the door and scare you.
So I did not to do it because I know I would die if I did.
(47:50):
And in return, you scared me last night by just coming into
the room and I was just sitting there and just normal.
You were sitting there like asleep on your iPad and I just
walked into the room like normaland you went.
I think I reacted as if a murderer came in the room.
Yeah, but also. It was very startling.
It's great to know that your reaction is just to like
(48:12):
slightly sit up and do nothing. I'll protect you.
I'll protect you.
There's a new term buzzing on the Internet, Dink.
Dual income? No, kid, you probably have an
opinion on these people or an opinion on people who have an
opinion on these people. America's birth rate has hit its
lowest point in more than a century.
Some are blaming it on infertility.
Others say the state of the world is causing couples to
think twice about having children.
(00:21):
Childless marriages could be a good thing if they were a result
of God's sovereign providential work.
Oh my God, can't even hear you. They like avocado toast and
brunches out and going to plays and having sweet vacations.
You're probably super selfish. Kids are better than brunch.
And then there's another group of young couples that want the
(00:43):
lifestyle of childless households and the lifestyle it
brings with it. Welcome to The DINK Side, the
podcast about life, laughs and living child.
Free We're a double income, no kids couple navigating the UPS,
downs and hilarious in which means of choosing a different
path in a world that won't stop asking.
So when are you having kids? When are you having those kids?
(01:08):
Hi, babe. Hi.
I have a question I want to start off with this week and it
has nothing to do with being a DINK.
It has nothing to do with havingkids or not having kids, it is
just a complex of my own. Coming in hot.
So I know you and I have recently gotten new glasses.
Both of us have gotten new glasses.
(01:30):
You got yours at at a place at the mall.
I got mine at Warby Parker. It was an adventure to find them
to begin with. We both decided to go with
something a little bolder. And then I re up to contact
prescription for the first time in a couple of years.
I've been wearing contacts quitea bit, but now that I've been
wearing contacts enough, I thinkthat I have two differently
(01:52):
shaped eyes and I have a feelingthat like one of my eyes is
always more closed than the other and nobody's telling me
this. I think that about me too.
Do you really? Yeah, and sometimes when I see
like pictures of or videos of myself, I'm like, do I have a
(02:12):
fucking lazy eye? Right.
So this, this I hear my right eye.
I was just looking at myself in the mirror before we started
this podcast and I was like, is that eye like squinty compared
to my other one or is it just the contacts?
Or is it like when you're tired it gets more tired than the
other one or like. Right.
And then I was like, did I have a stroke and I didn't know about
(02:33):
it? Do I have that Bell's palsy that
people get? I think there would be other
signs, honey. I would hope so.
I mean, I haven't noticed it about you.
OK. Would you say something if you
did? I don't know.
Or would you wait for like the other signs of a stroke to
(02:54):
happen to to bring it up? It would have to be like
dramatic to bring it up. OK?
Also, have you noticed it about me?
No, no, I have not. I have not noticed it about you.
That's not true. What's not true?
I feel like you have. No, absolutely not.
(03:14):
Which eye is it on me? I have no idea what you're
talking about. I really don't genuinely.
I think it's more obvious. I have like much baggier eyes
than you do. And when I look like I have
tired eyes and I don't have my glasses, like, you know, the
people who you run into and and they're, they have just like a
(03:36):
face that, you know, they normally wear glasses, but today
they're not you, you know what Imean?
You are the only one that ever points that out.
When people are on reality TV, you always go.
They usually wear glasses, I cantell.
And I guarantee you 100% of the time I'm right.
OK, I think it has it has something to do with like the
way your eyes become, you know, shaped after wearing glasses or
(04:01):
something, I don't know. Or like maybe it protects you
from UV in that area of your face.
So it's more obvious when they're not on.
I don't know what it is, but I can tell if somebody's a glass
is wearer and they just don't have their glasses on.
Like based on the way that they like, are they squinty or is it
the way they like scrunge up their nose or it's do?
(04:21):
You know what it is, genuinely, I think it's they feel the wind
in their eyes more than they normally do, and as a result,
they're kind of like a little bit squinty.
I'm telling you, you can tell. OK, you can tell.
What a weird party trick. So are you?
But do you put yourself in that category?
(04:43):
Yes, I do. I I think that it's very
obvious. I normally wear glasses.
Look at my eyes. You can tell these bags here,
they're kind of squinty. Like I said, the one is bigger
than. See.
See you look at it. Did you just see it?
Oh my God. We'll put a video.
Up. Yeah.
What a judge. What a great medium to talk
about it on. Yeah, well we'll put a video up
(05:04):
anyway. I just, I'm having a bit of a
complex. I hope you had a good weekend
everyone. Hope you had a good week.
We did a three shows and one night for KDK Comedy.
Yeah, 7:38 and 9:00. We were bopping around town.
I was telling somebody about this at work today and they
asked does Katie like doing thator is she annoyed that she has
(05:27):
to say the same set three times in a row?
Oh well, usually I wouldn't say the same set three times in a
row. Usually I would shake it up.
This night specifically I did the same set because I'm
practicing for an odd like a call back for an important
(05:48):
thing. So I'm trying to make sure the
set is tight and perfect. So I did and I wanted to see if
there was any parts of it that felt weak to me because I've
never said those jokes in that exact order before.
So I was putting together like atight set for a call back.
(06:08):
And so I did do the same set three times in a row, which
actually felt really helpful with different crowds and I felt
like I got it was very productive feedback.
And like in between show one andtwo I change something and then
in between show two and three I change something to make like
make it better. You're editing as you go, yeah.
But usually if it was just a regular ass Friday of three
(06:32):
shows I would just do a different set to have more fun.
Yeah, I that's what I told him. Because it's it's also so crazy
that like you did those three shows and like you said, the
audience reaction was different each time.
And it's like you're doing the same jokes.
It matters. Like the audience matters so
much. The the vibe matters so much.
(06:52):
It's interesting. But yeah, that's for a callback.
And Speaking of auditions and callbacks, you sent me something
today on Netflix. The show Temptation Island is
back and they are casting for the next season of Temptation.
Island. Yeah, and we're meant for
reality TV, so why don't we justgo on Temptation Island?
(07:16):
Laugh our asses off? Are you kidding me?
That would be hilarious. Temptation Island, the show, in
case you're unfamiliar, where a couple goes on.
They are tempted to cheat essentially, and you get to see
whether or not the people take advantage of that or if they
stay faithful to their partner. We have had friends that that
were courted to be on this show before.
(07:37):
Yeah. And do you genuinely like, would
you genuinely want to do it? I think we could.
Like, I don't think it's like, like, I think it would be funny.
Like I think we'd be in the confessional, like, oh God, no.
(07:58):
Like I would I here's the deal. I First of all, I don't think
they're looking for married couples.
I think we by default. Oh really?
Not. In contention.
Yeah. Because they want people to,
like, have fewer chains on so they can, like, be more tempted
to cheat because it is better television.
When people cheat, Fine. Like, there's one couple on the
(08:18):
show so far that are pretty boring.
And it's like, come on, Like getmessy.
Oh, so you think you think we wouldn't be good TV?
Right. I, I think we would be kicked
out because the only way for us to be good TV is for us to play
the game as if we are like beingtempted and I can't.
They're like, even if you and I had the conversation before and
(08:41):
we're like, listen, this is whata lot we know, this is for TV,
this is what's allowed, blah, blah, blah.
I could not for the life of me bring myself to do it.
I, I would not be able to, I would not be able to sit there
and like fake it and for TVI would get caught so quick.
There's no way. There's no way.
(09:03):
You going to be acting? I could try, but I'm telling you
I would. I would fail miserably.
I would fail miserably. Fine, I just was like you have
said for years, nearly a decade,that you think I'm made for a
reality TV dating show. You are.
Fortunately and unfortunately, we're married now so I can't
(09:27):
ever do one. But this is the loophole.
I know, I know. It feels like the loophole, but
I don't I, I still don't think that we'd be cast on it.
I don't know. I don't know.
It also seems like, not that I think anything would happen, but
it does seem like you're tempting fate.
It's called Temptation Island, you know, just, I don't know.
(09:48):
Also the casting notice you sentme said ages 22 to 35, so I
think I aged out of it. How depressing is that?
Just lie about your age like everyone else.
Yeah, you could lie about your age.
I don't look younger than my age.
I think I look my age. I don't know, 24 year olds now
look so old. That's so true.
(10:10):
Every time we watch one of theseshows and it's not
disrespectful, like I'm not being disrespectful to these
people. I guess I kind.
Of I'm not being disrespectful but Jesus Christ they're ugly.
Like what are you saying? No, I'm not trying to be a Dick.
I'm just saying like we play a game when we watch, when we
watch Love Island or Temptation Island or Love is Blind where
because they put the names that the ages on the screen.
(10:32):
And so every time you and I willlike pause or right before they
put it up there, we'll be like 38 or something like that.
And then they put the age up andit says 23 and we're like, Oh my
God, what is? Happening.
Did they spend 20 years of theirlife just out in the sun?
I think that there's so much information out there now about
(10:53):
good skin care that people are getting better at skin care.
But then there's also access to fillers, Botox, all these things
and people are doing it too early and like it's fucking up
their literal face. I also think that when people do
it, they go like when you're young and do it, you can't
afford it really, so you go withthe.
(11:14):
Cheapest option and then you getkind of botched.
Yeah, just get a. Don't cheap out on.
It well just get a box of just for men and like dye your
mustache and face so that there's no Grays I.
I have been thinking about. I kind of want to do that just
(11:36):
to see just to see what it wouldlook like.
I don't I don't why I don't needit like I don't want it
actually. I just want to know what it
would look like on me. I just.
Think that there's like a 5 to 7% chance that it goes well
because the matching of the color is half.
(11:58):
I mean it's almost fully the whole battle.
That's crazy. And then the application like
you don't have a full beard right now, so you would end up
like accidentally kind of dyeingyour some of your skin.
It would look really obvious. It would.
And then it would be jarring that one day you had like salt
and pepper and everything and now you don't.
(12:21):
Also, are you doing the top of your head too or you just doing
your facial hair? No, I would do all of it like I
would do my hair, my eyebrows, my facial hair.
But you can't like undo. You can't come back from that
like easily. What?
Do you mean you can't come back?It grows back, right?
I know, but you're what do you you're going to wait it out for
weeks? I just, I want to know what it
(12:44):
looks like. I think it would be kind of
funny to, but the problem is people would think I tried to
genuinely do. You should.
Order like a temporary one that washes out or whatever after
like 3 washes or something like that?
If that exists, yeah. Maybe we'll do that.
I did used to work with a guy that would just for men like
over the weekend and he would come in Monday and my God it
(13:07):
looks so bad it looked like. It never.
Looks good. It looked like he busted out
like printer ink and just rubbedit in his head.
That's I. Just I don't know that I've ever
seen it go well, but maybe I have and I just didn't clock it.
So I guess when you do it while it's not noticeable, but when
(13:28):
you do it badly, it's very. It's the only thing I see.
I think what it is is like, if you go to a professional and get
it done, it's probably done welland it's hard to notice.
If you just get the box at Walmart and do it at home, it's
not going to look good. Yeah, but there's only one way
to find out. I think we.
(13:50):
But I thought, I thought you were going to be so game for an
experiment. Why?
Because it sounds like fun. I mean, you're talking about
going on Temptation Island, but it's crazy if I want to jest
ferment my hair. I mean, do it.
I'm just your funeral. I'm just saying that I think we
have enough information to know how it'll go, and I think it's
(14:12):
bad. Yeah, I I agree.
So if you want to like go through that where you're kind
of like a joke for a month. Or nobody fucking takes you
seriously and you look like a psychopath.
Yeah. Then do it.
Yeah, whatever you want. You want to be not be taken
seriously for a month. Yeah.
(14:37):
It was like, I I will admit, theguy that I used to work with who
would get it done, like would would have it done and then try
to act like a, you know, total badass at work.
And it was like, dude, you have just more men on your face.
What are you talking about? Yeah, I know exactly.
What you like it's undermining every point you make because
people are like but you dyed your hair with a box like your
(15:00):
mustache is weird. Like it's it's just the
subconscious undermining. It's also like, who are you
trying to fool that like that iswhat you thought made you look
old? And we thought we saw you like a
few days ago. I don't know.
I think it's similar to when, well, it's a little more
extreme, but when women like over the weekend get like a
(15:24):
really bad boob job or somethingand then they come in and it's
like, well, you didn't have those a few days ago.
I don't know. We've seen some some really
aggressive ones that look painful on.
(15:44):
It does look painful. On Temptation Island, but
anyways, enough. About that a lot of just for
many on Temptation Island, too, Big, big, big, big studies came
out this week. I thought it was funny they both
came out in the same week. So every year I forget what
company they do that research study that says how much it
costs to raise a child in the United States.
(16:07):
Like what is the lifetime cost? Yeah, we talked about this on
Episode 1. Yeah, so they re released new
numbers. Oh shit.
Oh God. For the year 2025.
That's that's the numbers we're looking at.
And according to the research, it's been a nearly 30% rise over
the past three years. 30. Percent, 30% The average cost of
(16:30):
raising a kid up until the year until the age 18, so not
including college and everythinglike that, 303,418 dollars
$303,418. Wait, that's lifetime to 18?
Lifetime. Wait, I thought on episode 1 it
(16:50):
was somewhere in the four hundreds.
I don't think so. I don't think so.
Maybe that was with college. That might have been with
college because sometimes they put out a study that's like this
is what it cost. And then also when you pay for
college, because a lot of parents pay for college now too.
So imagine having so 303,000 andthat's if you have an only child
(17:14):
and most people have multiple atleast two children.
I think is the average. It's more uncommon to have one
child than anything. Yeah.
So most people have two or more.Jesus Christ.
Yeah. And they say the most expensive
years of the first five years, and during those years, the
(17:38):
average money spent is $29,325 ayear.
I feel like it's higher. I see.
It's funny because when I look at that number, I think that's a
lot of money. But then at the same time I'm
like, yeah, but you're, you do food and diapers and like toys
and baseball practice and like. But I feel like this is bare
(17:59):
bones, like not taking into account buying like toys and
stuff. I feel like that's just like
survival costs. Yeah, like this is what not your
baby needs to eat so many ouncesof food a day for nutrients and
blah, blah, blah. That's what this seems like.
That's crazy. But still, like you said, that's
(18:20):
for one kid. That's for one kid 303,000.
So the they released that this week, but then somebody else
released the average pet owner, how much they spend during a
pet's lifetime. And that number $50,000?
I'm comfortable with that. 50,000 they say an average of
(18:43):
$4200 a year on one dog or cat. Now we have 4 cats, two dogs, 2
cats. Oh, but still, if you add them
all together, less than the price of one child.
That was going to be my point. Sorry.
Yeah, How about that? Great. 4 Now I will say of the
(19:03):
four animals we have, I don't think it is fair to say that the
cats and the dogs cost the same amount of money.
Yeah, the dogs are definitely more expensive animals.
They get into stuff, they chew on bones and need tooth repairs.
I think that the. Cats are less than 30 grand, and
(19:25):
I think the dogs are more than 30 grand, but I think it's still
evens out to be like, I mean, what's that times 4?
What's 50 grand? 50 grand Times 400.
So 200, yeah. 200 grand, Yeah. Are you?
Does that number make you want to shit yourself?
(19:46):
That we have the equivalent of 2/3 of a child.
Not really. I mean, because if you they said
that you average $4200 a year, if you multiply that times 4,
that's. Like 1619 thousand or something
like close to $20,000 by the time it's all in.
I don't think we spend $20,000 ayear on our animals and we take
(20:09):
very good care of them. Yeah.
And they eat really well. I don't know.
Yeah, I mean, I don't. Are they taking into account
that we have pet insurance? Probably not.
And some people don't have pet insurance.
So no, I'm saying like the cost that pet insurance is saving us
(20:32):
on like surgeries or visit, vet visit to like random medical
needs. Yeah, because that's true
because I in that same study, they said that vet costs have
gone up 43% in the last five years.
That's crazy. I believe it.
It's crazy. I mean, when we go that, I mean,
(20:53):
one of our dogs is having surgery this week on Wednesday.
He's going to get his he, he, hehad a baby tooth that didn't
fall out. It never fell out and now he's
is he 4? Yeah, he's 4.
And I was like, what's the harm in leaving a baby tooth in,
like, just let him live. It doesn't matter.
(21:16):
And they were like, it's starting to rot.
We got to pull it out, so they got to pull it and he's so small
and he's going to definitely be drama.
He's going to fall apart. He's going to think I sent him
to get murdered and then when I pick him up he's probably going
(21:38):
to be pissed for days. We're going to, it's going to be
like 3 weeks later and we're going to call the vet and be
like, is he ever going to be outof bed again?
And they're going to be like, hedefinitely should be out of bed.
He's just going to milk it for as long as.
Possible. Well, I asked them how long
recovery is and they said a couple days and and I was like
(21:58):
let's round up to two weeks then.
Two months call, let's call it ayear.
He's going to be like the pain is only in his mouth, but he's
going to be like limping for some reason.
Yeah, he won't be able to poop. Like he's not.
He's not. He's not going to be able to
hear us say. Things he'll just be permanently
shaking. It's so funny.
(22:21):
I thought to my like, of course the vet says it needs to be
done, like we'll get it done, That's why we have pet
insurance. But I just thought, like, if you
compare that to a human, it's really funny if you think about
it. Like imagine you were a kid and
instead of pulling your tooth oryour mom or dad pulling your
tooth, you went to the hospital,got put under anesthetic to get
(22:43):
up, tooth pulled, and then had to spend several days in
recovery. I think it's just anesthesia.
I think you combine the words aesthetic.
What did I say? Anesthetic.
Yeah. Anesthesia.
Wow. Yeah, I guess you're right.
Anesthesia. Anesthetic.
Good God. But that's what I was going to
say if did you ever pull anyone else's tooth?
(23:06):
Like did you pull your brother'stooth for him at any point?
No, but I was. I like after the first few that
I lost, I just started pulling my own teeth.
Yeah, I was like, let's get because I used to hang around in
my mouth all loose and I'm like,screw this and I just get in
there and yank it. Yeah, I was kind of like
ruthless. Did you pull your brother's
(23:28):
teeth? No, I didn't ever pull someone
else's but my own. I was like, let's get this done.
I did. Did you ever do like one of
those you tie a string to a doorTricks I.
Tried and it didn't work. Like I don't think we tied it
well enough you know what I mean?
You have to be like also just pull it with the your finger.
(23:50):
Like why are we doing the door? I did.
I did that one time. I did the door one time.
I did. Did it work?
I think I did. Yeah, I did.
And then I did. One time we tied it to like an
RC car and drove the RC car really fast and it pulled my
tooth out and a remote control. Car also worked.
(24:12):
Also worked I had very weak teeth.
Who was doing the knot on your stuff 'cause I think.
My dad, but it's so funny my my first baby tooth that I had
pulled, I had my kindergarten teacher do it because I didn't
trust my parents to do it. I like had it and they're like,
you can't we need to pull it. And I'm like, no, I want Misses
(24:32):
Miller to do it. And they were like, OK.
And she they went to school. And they asked her, yeah, it was
a private school. They did a lot of stuff they
shouldn't do. That's like, definitely against
the law. Oh my God you would go to jail
now if you pulled a kids tooth. There's no way I.
Mean, I guess you were like openly consenting, but that's so
(24:53):
crazy. But yeah, that was how I lost my
first one, you know? I think we should just like,
really say again, that's how I lost my first tooth.
That's how I lost my first tooth.
Yeah, it just sounds so sketchy.Yeah, I went to school and my
teacher did it. I asked my teacher to do.
(25:16):
It whatever I lost, whatever. I am a I, I didn't mind doing it
when I was a kid. I'm glad we don't have that
responsibility in our life. Pulling other people's teeth.
I'm good. On that, like, I don't know, I
think as a like, what if a kid, what if your nephew came up to
you and was like, can you pull my tooth?
What would you do? I don't.
(25:37):
I don't think that I would feel comfortable doing it because I
would like, I'm afraid I'd be too aggressive, you know what I
mean? And pull like several teeth by
accident. How could you be?
The only thing that happens if you're too aggressive, quote UN
quote, is the tooth comes out. Yeah, I know.
But like, I don't know, I just feel like I don't like the
(25:58):
optics. Other people are watching me,
like pull on a kid's mouth and then they just scream after it.
Just weird. I don't know.
I don't think I would do it. Would you?
I guess. I feel like you would like
gamify it. You would have a good time doing
it. No, I don't think I'd have a
(26:18):
good time, but I think I'd just like be like, OK, let's get this
done, get over here. OK, fair.
There's only one way to find out.
We got to find a kid who has a tooth that needs.
That's what's so funny. I feel like you would end up
being the squeamish parent. 100%I would be the squeamish parent.
(26:41):
Are you kidding me? I'm not like there's no way.
Like we have friends that had a baby right?
And if they ever ask, like if they were to ever ask me or us
to like watch the kid for a few hours, I would consider it.
I wouldn't be opposed. But I it cannot be in in diaper
(27:02):
changing time. There's no way in hell I'm
changing a diaper. What do you mean?
They don't know that it's going to not shit like or shit.
No, I'm saying I don't want to watch a kid that is still using
diapers. Oh like it needs to be potty
trained? Yeah, yeah.
(27:25):
Because I'm not. There's no way.
There's no way. And if a kid came to me with any
sort of bloody anything happening, Oh my God, no, I
would not be able to handle it. No.
And can imagine, OK, imagine youcome home from work and your
kids aren't feeling good and they're throwing up all over the
place and you have to deal with it.
(27:46):
Oh my God. Oh, I would be, it would be
Vomit City at our house. God, Like I think it's funny in
movies and stuff when people throw up and not in real life.
I would be I'd for sure be the squeamish 1.
Yeah. Speaking of kids though, and
(28:07):
again just saying it one more time, $300,000 for the lifetime
of a kid, $50,000 for the lifetime of a pet, according to
the latest research. Speaking of kids, you saw a
trend on social media about using children's photos or your
photos of you as a kid. Yeah, I think it's kind of cool.
I pulled some photos of myself as a child to start doing this
(28:30):
maybe and see, because I feel like we all have such a negative
self talk. At least at least we do.
And it's where if you put photosof your younger self as your
phone background or in the mirror while you're getting
ready or by the door before you leave the house or whatever,
(28:52):
you'll start being slightly nicer to yourself or you'll get
like a more positive inner monologue because that's who
you're being mean to. So it's harder to be mean to the
younger you. It's harder to be like, oh, I
look ugly today when you have like the five year old version
of you on the mirror. So thought that was cool.
(29:19):
I saved some younger pictures ofme to maybe print them out and
do it. We'll see.
I think I'll do the same thing. Could be good.
You'll have to be comfortable with seeing a picture of a
little kid with a bowl cut. I mean around our house.
Are there any years where you didn't have a bowl cut?
(29:43):
I mean, yeah, but for a long time I had the bowl cut.
I just don't get like it feels like your parents bullied you
like why would that? With the bowl cut, No, It was
very popular at the time. Was it a lot of kids had a bowl?
Yeah, of course a lot of kids had a bowl cut.
OK. I in bowl cuts are kind of back
(30:03):
in if you think about it, no? No.
I think this is a good idea though.
I like this trend. It could be good.
I just, I don't think that I have.
It's weird. I don't think I have very many
photos of myself as a child, at least in my possession.
OK. Like it's definitely something
(30:24):
I'll have to go hunt down at my parents' house.
Is that weird? No, I think I like photo scanned
some from my mom. Like I don't have, I don't
necessarily have them with me. They're just on my phone now.
I do. We had growing up, we had one of
those camcorders that you like put Avhs tape into and had a ton
(30:48):
of home movies. Like we were always recording
home movies. We were very big on home movies
and we lost all of them in a flood in our house.
And that bums me out sometimes because there was some good
stuff on there. It was before, like the put this
VHS tape onto DVD services that they had everywhere for a while
(31:10):
and now like people just do it on their iPhones and stuff.
But it's crazy to think about. Like there's probably a couple
pictures of me with my grandparents and stuff that
exist now. If I was a kid there would be
10s of thousands of pictures. Of me with my grandparents.
Yeah. It's crazy how many more
pictures we take. It's kind of wild.
(31:34):
OK, so we're kind of dealing with something.
We moved last summer into a place that we really enjoy, and
it's a quiet neighborhood. Or so we thought.
I think that we're cursed. I think we are.
I think it's a burden we must bear.
(31:55):
A family moved in a few months ago actually with young kids,
and it's been pretty quiet. And I was like, holy shit.
We lucked out with like a familynext to us with children that
don't scream every hour of the day.
I don't know how we did it. So they've been in my good books
for a few months now. And this week, I don't know what
(32:20):
happened. I do know what happened.
The weather got nicer and now the kids have been outside every
second of every day shrieking. I don't know how many of them
there are. At this point it sounds like 3
or 4. Sounds like hundreds.
And they've it again. The weather's been nice out, so
(32:41):
they had their windows open and then we had our windows open and
it sounded like they were just inside our living room.
Freaking because it. Legitimately, that's not an
exaggeration the way that it sounded like somebody was in
our. House the way that it echoes
from from their window to our window like there's a fence in
(33:01):
between us. So first of all, I don't even
know how it was that direct of sound of sound waves.
But also it sounds like their house is a hollow box with no
furniture or rugs or carpet. Like it sounds like there's just
three banshee children jumping off the walls in an empty box,
shrieking. And it's vibrating through the
(33:24):
fence somehow into our open window.
Obviously, we close the windows.We're not insane people.
And like, I guess to be fair, it's not necessarily at 7:00 AM
or 10:00 PM, but it's like all day.
It's during the hours that you're working from home.
Right. So it does beg the question, at
(33:49):
what cost? Like are we doing this?
I, I just can't figure out like it sucks.
We, we moved over into here and then like you said, it was
literally a month or two later the house goes up for sale next
door. These people move in.
We're like great. And I just don't know, like is
(34:10):
it possible to find a place thatdoesn't have kids somewhere
near? Yes, a 55 and up retirement
home. It's kind of my dream, honestly.
I've said it for a long time. Don't dye your hair with just
for men. Let's fake our age.
I'll wear away. I I don't know.
(34:31):
I'm like, there's got to be communities there.
Why you don't? Why aren't there DINK
communities? OK, this is what I wanted to
bring up, somebody on Reddit said.
I'm literally staying in the business district of San
Francisco in a high rise and I can hear someone's offspring
stopping and sprinting around with those awful,
disproportionately heavy toddlersteps on hardwood flooring
(34:56):
screeching coming from everywhere.
I thought the business district would be one place that didn't
have this type of sound pollution.
Why aren't there child free apartments?
Right. It's a great point.
Why aren't? Why did the 55 and over people
get to enjoy it and the rest of us don't?
I would name it Dink Domiciles. We we love an alliteration.
(35:20):
Don't we think this would go well?
I think it personally would. I don't see how it's any
different than a adults only cruise or an adults only all
inclusive resort. Right?
You just think about it like. Screaming you can't control who
moves in next to you. Right.
And make no mistake, adults are noisy too.
(35:43):
They can do noisy things and that still can be annoying.
But kids are a different level. Kids are the ones that are
screaming. I also have a question for the
for the parents that are inside this house, are they wearing
like noise cancelling headphonesor they just like don't even
care anymore? I firmly believe, and science
(36:05):
may have proven this, that if you're a parent, the decibel at
which your kids scream you, yourbrain is able to disassociate it
because you're just overexposed to it so early and so often.
I I can, I like. I bet that they don't even
notice. What?
I bet it's some kind of weird, you know how they say like
(36:27):
pregnant mothers or newborn mothers can move a car to save
their kid. I I think that it's probably one
of those secret hidden parent superpowers because I don't
understand how they wouldn't putglue in their ears or something.
I would just walk around in earplugs like, I know, yeah, I
(36:49):
don't know. I'm like imagine.
Being I think it's a great idea.We have pitched many adults only
experiences on this podcast. We've pitched adults only
airlines. I think that would be an easy
win. This idea adults only apartments
or townhouses or even a neighborhood like in houses.
It would be great. It would be the quietest place
(37:10):
ever and you should be allowed like if.
If it's my choice to go and livewith a bunch of old people, that
should be my choice. That's a dream scenario for me.
We had a similar experience thisweekend when we saw the movie
You, Me and Tuscany. Yeah, a ROM com in theaters.
What's the best part? It was all old people.
(37:32):
Yeah, all old people that want to watch their hallmark ROM com.
I do think it was kind of a hackbecause we often times talk
about how annoying it is when kids are at the movies making
all kinds of noise and phones and whatever.
I don't think they're going to go see the ROM coms.
No. Bring him back, Bring him back
(37:54):
hard. Then again, I didn't think kids
were going to go see like, Project Hail Mary, but they did,
you know what I mean? Yeah, but that has more like
that space involved. Like if this, if it's only about
like, falling in love and adultskissing.
I feel like, I feel like kids won't want to go.
(38:14):
OK. I feel like it's kind of a hack.
I don't know, Adults only movie theatres.
I'm not opposed to that either, anyway.
My God, neighbors and noise. Is it avoidable?
Can we find a place TBD? We keep getting this, you do
(38:34):
these things called Angel cards,and we keep getting this card
that says that we're moving eventhough we just moved.
We it says we're moving or a newjob, like a new place of
employment or a new home. Yeah, but the card is a lot
about the move, like when you read more about it.
(38:56):
Yeah, I've been getting it constantly for the last few
months and I'm like, OK, also though I recently just started
getting, I did it again today and I got the one about kids and
I'm like. Yeah.
And what does that one say again?
It says like, your earth angels want you to know that your kids
in heaven and on earth are protected and loved.
(39:18):
And I'm like, so you mean the dogs like?
I hope. I mean, whatever, like it's not
happening. So angels, angels return to
sender. Thank you.
Yeah, angels, listen up, hear myprayer.
No kids in this direction. You did bring up, You asked me
(39:42):
over the weekend, kind of an interesting thing you said like
if, if I had, how did you phraseit?
If. I had if you dated someone else,
met me or someone else and like fell in love, were you at a
point before you met me where ifthe if you met a girl that
really really did want kids, would you be open to being like
(40:07):
to changing your mind? Yeah.
Or were you always before you knew me?
Like, absolutely not. No deal breaker.
Yeah, my answer to that was like, as an adult, always.
No. When I was like 5, maybe I
thought, oh, I'm going to be a dad someday.
But you were the first person that made me feel comfortable
(40:29):
saying it. Right.
So you always thought it, but you were like, what are the
chances that I actually find someone that I can tell this to?
Yeah, 'cause like we always talkabout it all the time on the
podcast about and it's all over Reddit.
If you look at I could read the story every week.
I just feel like it's getting repetitive of people saying
they're getting tired of that shame or that conversation at
(40:53):
family get togethers or on datesor this one lady wrote on Reddit
that she said that her, her mom or her aunt told her that if she
had kids, it would be up to the husband that she marries if she
had them or not. I'm like, what?
What kind of gross pressure are you putting on what Handmaid's
Tale? Bullshit is this.
(41:14):
I know, I know. So like the answer is you were
the first person that I felt like not an asshole for saying
that. Yeah.
Because you came out of the gateand said it so fiercely and
firmly, very clearly. I was like, OK, great, yeah,
fantastic. It is a little like, OK, when's
(41:37):
the vasectomy? What's going?
On I have some news on that front.
OK. I went today because I've been
talking about it for a while. I went to we use Amazon one
medical for my doctor and I wenton to go on there because you
(41:59):
can make an appointment to do like my checkup appointment.
So then I can get recommended tothe urologist.
I have to go to urologist to start the process and they said
they'd no longer take my insurance.
So I got to figure out a different path or order a DIY
kit on Amazon. Jump through some more hoops.
(42:21):
Yeah, it'll be fine though. I just, it's, I don't know why
it's so complicated to find a freaking doctor.
How hard could it be? I'll do it.
You're, I mean, I'm happy to do it, it's just annoying that the
first step was making an appointment and my doctor I can
no longer go see sucks, but that's healthcare in America.
(42:41):
Cool. I'm very like, I have health
insurance. I'll figure out a different
path. But yeah, it's on the, it's on
the docket hopefully next couplemonths.
Great. Vasectomy time.
One more thing from Reddit before we go and I haven't seen
this but people there there was multiple posts about this on
Reddit on the Reddit child free page saying can parents fucking
(43:05):
stop. I keep seeing in my algorithm in
my feed babies and toddlers. Literal literally human diarrhea
and vomit all over the place. Just saw a woman post about her
baby pooping up her back in the grocery store.
It's not the first video I've seen of this, not by a long
shot. Why are people posting these
(43:26):
videos? Couldn't agree more.
It's just a jump scare Jesus. I don't think like like you
can't post adult shit and vomit on the Internet.
Why is it different when it's a?Kid.
Also think about that if you're a kid and like 10 years from now
you go on the Internet and you see a video of you crapping
(43:47):
yourself. I'd be so pissed.
Right, like how many things exist now on the Internet of
people's kids that are going to haunt them forever when they
grow up? I know, I know.
That's so crazy. We're going to hear stories of
someone losing out on a job because of a of a video their
parents took when they were 7. I know, I know it sucks.
(44:10):
And it's like for what reason 'cause you wanted a like on
TikTok? I don't get it.
There's I I forget what country it is, but another country this
week actually banned social media for kids under 16.
But how can you? Yeah, but I think we talked
about that. How can you possibly monitor?
(44:30):
Yeah, monitor it. I don't know, but I like the
idea. I like the idea of like banning
a child presence at all, whetherthey have the account or
whether, you know, parents are needlessly posting photos of
them. Because I would be pissed, like
I said, if I was a kid and therewas videos like that of me on
the Internet. Not everybody needs to see that
crap, right? Literal crap.
(44:52):
Have you seen the videos of, like, toddlers throwing a
tantrum and then their parents all of a sudden go?
Jessica? Yeah, Jessica.
And they just start saying a random name and it.
Yes, I have and. It confuses the toddler out of a
tantrum. I have seen that.
(45:14):
It's crazy. I want to try it with the dogs.
OK? They're like barking, losing
their shit and I start calling for.
Jessica, it's worth a shot. Also, I saw one where like a
mom, like a wife and her daughter rage baited the dad and
(45:34):
he came home and she's like, hey, honey, like I'm sorry.
I know I just got the car from the shop, but I ran over another
curb and I think I fucked it up.And he's like, are you fucking
kidding me? What?
That was $4000 and you just did it again on the way home.
Like he's losing it. And then she starts and then she
(45:57):
goes Jessica, Jessica. And then the daughter's like
dying laughing. And he's like, who's coming
over? What do you mean?
Where's Jessica? Like, and he's just confused.
And then immediately like, where's Jessica?
And he starts looking around. I don't know.
I think it's it's a valid thing to try if you're in an argument.
(46:24):
Maybe we start screaming in at the neighbor's house when the
kids are being noisy, Right, Yeah.
Jessica, I guess, or any name I guess would work.
I don't know if one of these children is named Jessica.
Yeah, I mean, I've the one I've seen is always Jessica.
I've seen that multiple times. For what I think for whatever
reason, Jessica seems to have the magical power.
(46:46):
Yeah, that's interesting. Who now I also love the videos
of like usually it's the mom andthe kid pranking the dad again,
like you said, but it's it's where the the mom will be like,
you know, Billy come do the dishes and Billy will go shut
(47:07):
up. And the dad, the videos on the
dad like reacting to that. It's so funny.
They they're all like, you know,playing, reading a book and they
throw it down to like, are you kidding me?
Where are you at? It's so and they're like, it's a
brag. It's a brag.
It's a brag, Hilaire. He doesn't have a good prank.
I know you try. You said you were going to prank
(47:28):
me the other night, but yeah, itwas too dark in the room and you
couldn't record, so you didn't bother.
Yeah, but it's like. It was, it was a mean one too.
I would have scared the crap outof you because I was going to
hide behind the door in the darkand then you were going to come
in the room and I was going to slam the door and scare you.
So I did not to do it because I know I would die if I did.
(47:50):
And in return, you scared me last night by just coming into
the room and I was just sitting there and just normal.
You were sitting there like asleep on your iPad and I just
walked into the room like normaland you went.
I think I reacted as if a murderer came in the room.
Yeah, but also. It was very startling.
It's great to know that your reaction is just to like
(48:12):
slightly sit up and do nothing. I'll protect you.
I'll protect you.
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