October 21, 2025 • 25 mins
Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “I should be further ahead by now?” Maybe you’re not where you thought you’d be with savings, investments, or owning a home. Canna Campbell - a financial planner for 20 years - and Fear & Greed's Michael Thompson tackle the comparison trap - and why feeling behind on money milestones can actually hold you back.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to How Do They Afford That? The podcast that
peaks into the financial lives of everyday Australians. I'm Michael Thompson.
I'm an author and the co host of the business
news podcast Fear and Greed. As always, I am in
the studio with Canna Campbell, financial planner and founder of
Sugar Mamma TV, the financial literacy platform covering YouTube, podcast, books,
Instagram threads, TikTok and more.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Hello, Canna, good morning, how are you.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
I am well? Though today today's topic, we're dealing with
something that I've actually thought myself many times.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Me too.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Yeah, So clearly neither of us are alone on this.
Have you ever caught yourself thinking right? Okay? And we
can say unanimously that everyone in the studio has felt
like this. I should be further ahead by now. Maybe
you're just not where you thought you'd be with your
savings or investments or owning a home. Today, let's tackle
(00:56):
the comparison trap and why feeling bed on money milestones
that can range right from the most basic things of
just understanding how your money works right through to kind
of developing your investment portfolio and things why feeling like
you are behind, can actually hold you back, that that
comparison can actually prevent you from achieving your goals, and
(01:18):
how to fix it. Are you up to the challenge?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Absolutely? I think I'm so glad we're doing this and
recording this right now because I think from a mental
health point of view, particularly in the world that we're living,
and this is really relevant and a lot of people,
I think are going to benefit from what we're about
to discuss.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
So why is it? Why is this the case that
so many of us feel like we are behind financially? Really,
no matter what stage of life we are in, this
seems to be almost universal.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
I think a lot of our money milestones are so
incredibly visible. You know where we live, whether we rent
or whether we own, how we dress, when we travel,
where we travel, how we try bubble, You know what
sort of work we do. You know if you work
in finance or you work in construction, and you know
(02:06):
what we're actually working on. And even the conversation, Hi,
how are you? You know you bump into someone, what's
the conversation about, Well, it's about what we're up to,
what we're doing, what we're working on or you know,
so we really sort of constantly exposed to include, like
and we're putting it out there ourselves as to where
(02:26):
we're up to, what we're working on, you know, where
we're standing and when we're heading to. So if we
start to buy into this, you know, comparison, we start
to create a bit of a vicious cycle. It's very
hard to break because when we get that anxiety that
comes from comparison, it can impact our decision making skills
and we lose perspective and we can't look at things
(02:49):
objectively and then we might make a bad decision or
not do something, do nothing at all, procrastinate, and that
anxiety that came stemmed originally from comparison just it's.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Bigger and bigger. I mean, this has been around forever.
It's where they're saying, kind of keeping up with the
joneses came from. And so it's always been the case
that you kind of compare the car that you drive
with the neighbors, or the renovations that they're doing, or
the holidays that they're taking. And it's kind of where
the name of this podcast.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
How do they afford that? It's all about, like, hang on,
how are they doing it? Why can't I do that?
What it's their secret hack? Like what do they know that?
Speaker 1 (03:23):
I don't know how much of the blame, though, do
you reckon? Social media has to shoulder for this, because
it does feel like it is turbocharge now because every
time you see somebody's holiday photos and maybe they were
lucky enough to score an upgrade to business or something,
and guaranteed there will be a photo of them just
sipping champagne or in their quantious pajamas or something, it's like, Okay,
(03:48):
that's subtle, and instantly like I can't afford that, And
there's that comparison. Instantly, I thought I would be further
ahead by now. I thought I would be doing that
by now. How are they doing it? And I'm not?
So I'm getting very in sick. You are here. How
much of social media is to blame?
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Social media has a lot to blame, But we can't
completely you know, blame social media and its entirety. Like, yes,
social media is the glitz and the glamour, but there's
also social pressure, you know, that societal expectation to appear successful,
you know, to our friends, to our neighbors, to our colleagues.
Then there's also just the natural competitiveness between people is
(04:24):
the keeping up the jones. In fact, the saying that
keeping up the jones was created well before social media.
And then there is the insecurity where a lot of
people tie their self worth to money. That's how they
value themselves. How much money have I got saved up?
How much do I have invested? How much? You know,
how much? How many houses do I own? You know,
(04:46):
So it's not just social media, but you know, it's
such a in invidious I think the word comparison when
you start to use that comparison and you're the one
you said this to me about a year and a
half ago, comparison is the thief of joy.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
God I'm wise, I know, But can someone else said
it to me? But I'm not going to credit them.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
But can I also say, on the top of social
media and everything that we seek, when we compare, we're
comparing on such a surface level. We have no idea
about the hard work that has gone into someone achieving something,
you know, the sacrifices that that person's had to make
in order to get there, the risks they've had to
take on, or even the expense. So even this morning
(05:36):
I was looking at someone's Instagram account, and I was like,
how do they have this massive following? You know, they
were behind me about six months ago and now they've
got almost double what I've got. I was like, and
I did a bit of a deatif. I'm like, we
don't know how much they've spent on ads. You know,
we don't know whether they've spent you know, twenty thousand
dollars on ads, which is why they've got there, or
(05:57):
we don't know how much it has actually cost them
to go and how that particular lifestyle or how much
debt they've had to take on. And we also don't
know the negatives that we don't know about the transactions
being declined at the petrol station, or the overdue notices
that are piling up in their inbox, or the amount
of failures which they've gone through to get to where
(06:18):
they are, and also the mistakes that they've made along
the way in time that they've wasted. And I don't
really think there's any mistakes or failures or time being wasted,
but we don't know. So it is basically looking at
this with such little useless information when you compare.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Okay, if we go back to then where we started
of this question of I should be further ahead by now.
Do you think then that that leads people to set
the wrong benchmarks for themselves because they feel this pressure
to catch up, and so they're setting benchmarks that may
not actually be appropriate for them.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Flaky benchmarks.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
So I like that.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Yeah. So look, most benchmarks that people have are not
actually aligned to their own personal value system. And this
is why I say to people, be really careful of
those herd mentality financial goals, because it just doesn't give
you any grit, It doesn't light up any fire within you.
And I would much prefer someone to go away for
(07:17):
six months, invest in themselves, do that deep soulful work
and discover what actually is important to them, what lights
them up, where do their values truly lie. And obviously
they do evolve and change over time.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
You know.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
A classic example is the herd mentality of buying a home.
You know, I'm doing it because all of my friends
are doing it. You know, I feel like I've got
to keep up with them, and you know, play in
the same game with them and swim in the same
pool of them. But really, deep down, you don't really
like the idea of a home. It makes you feel
incredibly trapped and suffocated and takes away that sense of
(07:54):
freedom and flexibility that you actually value. So this is
where someone might actually be better off not buying into this,
finding out what's right for them and focus just on
them and build goals around what makes them happy. And
perhaps you know, it's not about buying a million dollar home.
Perhaps it's about having an investment poor follow that pays
them one hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year, and
(08:15):
it means that at any stage they could just quit
their job and not have to worry, or they could
afford to travel around the world with you know, working
part time. You know, so you've just got to bring
that energy in. And I say this to any of
my girlfriends. You know they've gone through a breakup and
they get caught in and I've been through play breakups
just how I've learned about this myself. But whenever they
(08:37):
get into this trap of they just talk about their
ex and why isn't with me we had it so good,
or they go down this like vicious spiral, I'm like, stop,
you are giving away all your energy, like and your
energy is precious and it's sacred and bring the focus
back into you. Stop thinking about what they're doing, where
they are, who they're with. Think about you. Where are
(08:59):
you right now? What are you working on? You know,
what was important to you, what's making you happy? What
are you where are you growing in your life? So
you know, energy is precious. We just we give away
so much of ourselves when we go down this path.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Okay, if that energy then drives you into the wrong
financial decision, right, so say that you have been You
are focused so much on what other people are doing
and where you feel like you should be at by now,
and you let that guide your financial decisions. You know, Okay,
I am going to buy a house, or I am
going to I'm going to start investing. But you're investing
(09:35):
in crypto because you see everyone talking about online and think, okay,
I'm the one the only one that's not doing it,
and you're basing it entirely on what other people are doing.
Have you seen this happen where people make big financial
decisions based on what everyone else is doing and actually
get themselves into trouble.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Yes. Actually, someone was very honest and told me about
a huge amount of money that they lost in crypto,
which is kind of funny that you said that, you
know they took this, you know, they were spurred on
by this and like, I'm not investing everyone's getting into this,
and they jumped in completely uneducated, hadn't done their research,
and they took a massive amount of risk and they
lost all their money. I also see it where people
(10:13):
get a little bit greedy and in trying to keep
up or be competitive, and they take on way too
much debt that comes back to bite them, or over
committing to a certain strategy or trying to catch up.
But what happens at the end of the day when
we you know, I'm all for pushing yourself and growing
and evolving, but when we're doing it for the wrong
(10:33):
reasons and we're not doing it for with the rational
logical mindset, we end up often creating a bigger gap
than actually closing that gap that we're trying to fix
in our lives when it comes to that comparison.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Okay, is that the key to this then that it
is a mindset shift that really it is about trying
to be less focused on what other people are doing
and be less overwhelmed basically by where you are at
and just running your own race.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Yes, as I said, bring it back into you. You know,
we all know that progress isn't linear. It's you know
about trajectory. Why can't I say that word this morning?
Trajectory not speed. So perhaps if you find yourself, I
can catch yourself getting into this point of comparison, which
is such a habit, but it's a habit can be
(11:26):
quite easily broken. Start to reframe things by saying to yourself,
you know, I'm doing my best. I'm improving my financial
wellbeing every single day, I'm learning, i am putting extra
money into my superannuation. I'm really proud of what I'm doing.
And you know, all these little consistent steps really do
build up, and you have these shifts and breakthroughs, but
(11:48):
you really just got to, you know, focus on you.
And I've actually got a beautiful saying which I'd love
to share with you that I when I went through
a bit of a funny phase in my life and
I caught myself doing exactly this comparing all the time,
and it was such a toxic mind It was so
toxic to my mindset. And there's this one quote that
I found which I want to read today because I
think it really did help snap me out of it
(12:10):
and make me realize this point of comparison doesn't belong
in my brain.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
It doesn't have the word trajectory in it.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
I hope not because I, for some why can't I
say that word? This morning? I feel like there's more
and more words I'm struggling to actually articulate and pronounce correctly.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
All right, good luck? What's the saying? So?
Speaker 2 (12:29):
All right? I'm This is by a lady called Jenny Perry,
and I read this probably would have been about ten
years ago. I'm in a competition with no one. I
run my own race. I have absolutely no desire to
play the game of being better than anyone in any way,
shape or form. I just aim to improve, to be
(12:53):
better than I was before. That is me and I'm
free now. When I read this, it really resonated with me,
and I felt this huge weight come off my shoulder
and I just didn't give a crap about anyone else
or anything else. I just wanted to work on me
and it was so refreshing, recalibrating, and it just help
(13:17):
me find my inner strength again to get back on
and do it. And you know that cutting off of comparison.
It really is liberating, and you know, it is something
I have I really uphold and you know, to be
Tom can often get caught on this and I have
to constantly remind him.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Like, stop it.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
This doesn't serve you, and the conversation stops, you know,
when we shift it back to the positive things and
things that we're grateful for.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Okay, I think that's actually a really positive direction to
head in. So we're going to take a quick break,
but when we come back, I want to using that
as the basis for the next part of the episode,
kind of some of the practical steps that people can
take if they go, okay, look at themselves and go
there are things that I would like to improve on.
How we can deal with some of those steps. What
are those steps that you can start taking to be
(14:02):
more comfortable with your progress and where you're heading. We'll
do that in just a moment. Can we are talking
today about this idea that you should be further ahead
by now, and it's something that I've felt that you
have felt that I suspect everyone listening to this has
felt at some point that maybe you are haven't bought
(14:24):
a home, you haven't started investing. You haven't kind of
got your emergency savings or anything in place, and you
compare yourself with others and it is a spiral, not
a good one to be stuck in. And I liked
where you finished up just before about this is just
focus on yourself and it is just about improving yourself.
(14:45):
Just work on me. So let's say someone in their
thirties or in their forties. That goes, okay, all right,
I'm cutting off the comparisons, but I still want to
keep progressing. I feel like maybe I have missed the boat,
that maybe there's twenty years of my working life that
has passed by and I haven't done a huge amount
(15:07):
of work on me and my finances. What's the very
first step that they should take? And I know this
is going right back to basics, But where do we
go from here?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Well, first of all, everything that I say is not
just for thirties to forties. This can be for someone
who is in their twenties to their seventies. It doesn't matter.
It's sort of universal. So the first thing is to
get really clear about where you stand financially. Okay, that
sense of clarity is liberal eating as well. Then I
recommend in best time, thinking about what's important to you.
(15:40):
Is it having more spare time, Is it about having luxury,
is it about travel? Is it about having spend money
and time with charity work? Really get to the core
of what actually makes you feel whole and what makes
you feel full. And if you need to spend a
lot of time doing this, great because you will come
out knowing so much more about yourself, which is always
(16:02):
you know, a great sense and sign of strength. Then
I recommend just setting really small, simple short term goals
and just work on that. So you say, Okay, in
the next hour, I'm going to check my savings accounts
and see what's in there, or I'm going to pay
one bill, so that you can just do little, tiny
things and start building momentum. And it's really funny recording
(16:25):
this because I just listened to I'm actually halfway listening
to this three and a half hour podcast. But they
talked about closing the gap, and it's about the thought
about Okay, I need to do something and the time
that we actually go and do it, and it said,
we waste so much time thinking I've got to you know,
through the grocery shoppring or I've got to go check
(16:47):
my superannuation or whatever it may be. And we we
ruminate for so long with again all of our energy
just being wasted. What we need to learn to do
to help break that cycle and make that difference is
instant do something. So you think about something, you go
and do it straight away. It's called closing the gap.
So that's why I think doing simple, small goals that's
(17:09):
really short term, things that will take you literally two minutes,
will help you build that momentum and start breaking that cycle.
And you know, catch yourself comparing in the moment and
then flip the switch, bring it back to you, you know,
write down a list of things that are important to
you that you're proud of, that you've achieved, stop giving
that energy away. And then of course educate yourself, you know,
(17:32):
learn about what you want to achieve and how to
achieve it. You know, arm yourself with as much information
as possible so that you can, if you want, go
and achieve that goal and achieve it successfully and enjoy
all the intangible benefits and values and joy that comes
to you from working on a goal.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Are there certain milestones that we should be focused on
some perhaps that are unnecessary to focus on, but some
that actually are worth really paying attention to. And I'm
thinking about kind of home ownership perhaps here or you
did mention superannuation, just then that maybe that's actually something
(18:13):
that there are milestones and there are kind of benchmarks
and things out there that they are kind of handy
because looking at those can help you prepare for your
financial future.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
I have a bit of an issue with those figures
that they produce. You know, how much you should have
in super by this stage in that age.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Can we do a full episode on that?
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Then we definitely can, because like it makes my blood
boil and I get really really angry because I think
these numbers are so misleading and so I really want
to swear right now, but I won't.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
The ones that make you angry are my favorite episodes because.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
It never so dangerous and they gone with so much
like drama and stress that can really be awarded if
they were just a little bit more really, But that's okay,
that's a episode for another time. But you know, yes,
there are some milestones that we do need to pay
attention to, and they are helpful and they are good
from a strategic point of view to give you something
(19:13):
to anchor your journey against. Yes, that's where Oprah McGannon works.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
All right, Well, we might leave those comparisons for a
future episode because I do love the ones where you
get really cranky because your face twists up in different
directions and it's just you never know what's going to happen,
and so it is a thrill really. Though we've covered
some ground today and this idea that it is. It's
a hard thing to do, though, to cut yourself off
(19:41):
from the comparison trap, and not.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Easier than you thing you look at you cynical critical.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
That is my job. I'm here to be a cynic
I'm here to be I.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Could break this pattern myself ten years ago. Anyone can,
and I was. I was really struggling back then and
it was just keeping stuck. So no, that's a load
of crap. You can break this comparison have it.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Wow, this episode's becoming one of those ones where your
face twists up and you get all cranky. This is great,
But someone listening to this right now that that is
maybe feeling stuck right or feeling perhaps a shamed because
there's a bit of shame involved in this as well.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Asn't.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Is there one small practical action, one tip, one step
that they could take right now today to start moving forward.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Okay, grab a piece of paper and a pen. Actually,
I'm going to do this with you. Write down three
things that you have achieved financially ye this year that
you're proud of. Tell me where they are.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Oh, you actually want me to do this? Yes, Now I.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Really am exposing you.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
I'm going to share, like fine, that's fine. So this
year we went saw a financial planner, yes, and have
been a lot of time working through things with her
and that has been fantastic. Really proud of taking that step.
I have started this year paying a lot more attention
(21:11):
to my superannuation and so I now have the app
for my superfund on my phone and I check it
regularly to make sure that my contributions are going in
and that the fees and everything are what I expect
them to be. So that's that's two kind of big ticks.
And you are not going to believe this, right, But
(21:35):
I have actually got myself sorted with my emergency money
fund now and so I have taken three These are
three things that I have done as a result of you.
I was about to say lecturing.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Me, yes, let you can.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
No, let's be right, let's badgering me. No hectoring me. No,
you know what, I'm gonna stick with lecturing yep. And
so there are three things that I'm proud of this year.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Okay, So okay, that's brilliant. How do you feel proud?
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Absolutely?
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Yeah? So why would you? Why do you hear about
anyone else? Think about what makes you feel proud, and
then go and write down three things that you want
to achieve.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
For next year or just for the future, things so you'd.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Like to work on that would make you feel even prouder.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Okay, I can do that. And these are things that
are essentially my financial goals, and they are around kind
of investing, and they are around taking a more deliberate,
conscious approach to kind of saving for holidays and things
like that. And at no point as I'm thinking about this,
am I thinking about what other people I.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Say, like, bring it in, bring that energy back, and
stop giving it away. By comparisons, this is so simple
and you've done it cost nothing, and it took you
what less than two minutes to do this?
Speaker 1 (22:45):
And under may I say extreme pressure because you were
staring at me across the studio, but it is great.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Now, can I wrap up today's episode? We'll let you
you will wrap it up, But can I just say
something important because I feel like with the rise and
cost of living and just in the headlines across the
media all the time of the moment, it's just so
much about buying a home, buying a home, interest rates,
property and market booming. I feel like a lot of
people are feeling a small this point of comparison and
this toxicity so much so I want to remind everyone
(23:16):
who's listening right now, no one is actually behind. Everyone
is exactly where they need to be right now, in
this very minute. But the key is to realize that
you can and you are capable, and you are ready
to actually start moving forward. And when you make that
decision and you act on that decision, that feeling of
(23:40):
moving forward, particularly on something that really excites you, is
an incredibly special space where it really does light up
this new found, untapped empowerment and excitement that actually exists
within you and always has, but you're just cracking it
right open. And that is your fuel that can and
(24:01):
actually even transform you to a place where you may
even be unrecognizable in your future.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
That's fantastic. You actually look lighter.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
I know that about like after about four hours with
a sleep with my kids.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Well done, well done, great way to finish. If we
want more from you, though, I don't think anyone could
possibly want more, you have over delivered this episode. Where
do we find you?
Speaker 2 (24:29):
The best place to reach out to me? And if
you're feeling, especially if you're feeling what I'm talking about
right now and it's spark something within you, reach out
to me on Instagram. I'll message you right back.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
That's it Sugar Mama TV. And you can hear me
every day with Sean aylm Or on Fear and Greed
business news you can use. Thank you for listening to
how do they afford that? Remember to hit follow on
the podcast. And the best thing you can do is
tell somebody else send them a link to this episode.
If you think that they might benefit from hearing this,
if they might be stuck in that comparison trap and
thinking that they should be further ahead by now, send
them the link to this episod so maybe they might
(25:01):
get something useful out of it. Thank you for your company.
Join us again next week,
Welcome to How Do They Afford That? The podcast that
peaks into the financial lives of everyday Australians. I'm Michael Thompson.
I'm an author and the co host of the business
news podcast Fear and Greed. As always, I am in
the studio with Canna Campbell, financial planner and founder of
Sugar Mamma TV, the financial literacy platform covering YouTube, podcast, books,
Instagram threads, TikTok and more.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Hello, Canna, good morning, how are you.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
I am well? Though today today's topic, we're dealing with
something that I've actually thought myself many times.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Me too.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Yeah, So clearly neither of us are alone on this.
Have you ever caught yourself thinking right? Okay? And we
can say unanimously that everyone in the studio has felt
like this. I should be further ahead by now. Maybe
you're just not where you thought you'd be with your
savings or investments or owning a home. Today, let's tackle
(00:56):
the comparison trap and why feeling bed on money milestones
that can range right from the most basic things of
just understanding how your money works right through to kind
of developing your investment portfolio and things why feeling like
you are behind, can actually hold you back, that that
comparison can actually prevent you from achieving your goals, and
(01:18):
how to fix it. Are you up to the challenge?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Absolutely? I think I'm so glad we're doing this and
recording this right now because I think from a mental
health point of view, particularly in the world that we're living,
and this is really relevant and a lot of people,
I think are going to benefit from what we're about
to discuss.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
So why is it? Why is this the case that
so many of us feel like we are behind financially? Really,
no matter what stage of life we are in, this
seems to be almost universal.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
I think a lot of our money milestones are so
incredibly visible. You know where we live, whether we rent
or whether we own, how we dress, when we travel,
where we travel, how we try bubble, You know what
sort of work we do. You know if you work
in finance or you work in construction, and you know
(02:06):
what we're actually working on. And even the conversation, Hi,
how are you? You know you bump into someone, what's
the conversation about, Well, it's about what we're up to,
what we're doing, what we're working on or you know,
so we really sort of constantly exposed to include, like
and we're putting it out there ourselves as to where
(02:26):
we're up to, what we're working on, you know, where
we're standing and when we're heading to. So if we
start to buy into this, you know, comparison, we start
to create a bit of a vicious cycle. It's very
hard to break because when we get that anxiety that
comes from comparison, it can impact our decision making skills
and we lose perspective and we can't look at things
(02:49):
objectively and then we might make a bad decision or
not do something, do nothing at all, procrastinate, and that
anxiety that came stemmed originally from comparison just it's.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Bigger and bigger. I mean, this has been around forever.
It's where they're saying, kind of keeping up with the
joneses came from. And so it's always been the case
that you kind of compare the car that you drive
with the neighbors, or the renovations that they're doing, or
the holidays that they're taking. And it's kind of where
the name of this podcast.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
How do they afford that? It's all about, like, hang on,
how are they doing it? Why can't I do that?
What it's their secret hack? Like what do they know that?
Speaker 1 (03:23):
I don't know how much of the blame, though, do
you reckon? Social media has to shoulder for this, because
it does feel like it is turbocharge now because every
time you see somebody's holiday photos and maybe they were
lucky enough to score an upgrade to business or something,
and guaranteed there will be a photo of them just
sipping champagne or in their quantious pajamas or something, it's like, Okay,
(03:48):
that's subtle, and instantly like I can't afford that, And
there's that comparison. Instantly, I thought I would be further
ahead by now. I thought I would be doing that
by now. How are they doing it? And I'm not?
So I'm getting very in sick. You are here. How
much of social media is to blame?
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Social media has a lot to blame, But we can't
completely you know, blame social media and its entirety. Like, yes,
social media is the glitz and the glamour, but there's
also social pressure, you know, that societal expectation to appear successful,
you know, to our friends, to our neighbors, to our colleagues.
Then there's also just the natural competitiveness between people is
(04:24):
the keeping up the jones. In fact, the saying that
keeping up the jones was created well before social media.
And then there is the insecurity where a lot of
people tie their self worth to money. That's how they
value themselves. How much money have I got saved up?
How much do I have invested? How much? You know,
how much? How many houses do I own? You know,
(04:46):
So it's not just social media, but you know, it's
such a in invidious I think the word comparison when
you start to use that comparison and you're the one
you said this to me about a year and a
half ago, comparison is the thief of joy.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
God I'm wise, I know, But can someone else said
it to me? But I'm not going to credit them.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
But can I also say, on the top of social
media and everything that we seek, when we compare, we're
comparing on such a surface level. We have no idea
about the hard work that has gone into someone achieving something,
you know, the sacrifices that that person's had to make
in order to get there, the risks they've had to
take on, or even the expense. So even this morning
(05:36):
I was looking at someone's Instagram account, and I was like,
how do they have this massive following? You know, they
were behind me about six months ago and now they've
got almost double what I've got. I was like, and
I did a bit of a deatif. I'm like, we
don't know how much they've spent on ads. You know,
we don't know whether they've spent you know, twenty thousand
dollars on ads, which is why they've got there, or
(05:57):
we don't know how much it has actually cost them
to go and how that particular lifestyle or how much
debt they've had to take on. And we also don't
know the negatives that we don't know about the transactions
being declined at the petrol station, or the overdue notices
that are piling up in their inbox, or the amount
of failures which they've gone through to get to where
(06:18):
they are, and also the mistakes that they've made along
the way in time that they've wasted. And I don't
really think there's any mistakes or failures or time being wasted,
but we don't know. So it is basically looking at
this with such little useless information when you compare.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Okay, if we go back to then where we started
of this question of I should be further ahead by now.
Do you think then that that leads people to set
the wrong benchmarks for themselves because they feel this pressure
to catch up, and so they're setting benchmarks that may
not actually be appropriate for them.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Flaky benchmarks.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
So I like that.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
Yeah. So look, most benchmarks that people have are not
actually aligned to their own personal value system. And this
is why I say to people, be really careful of
those herd mentality financial goals, because it just doesn't give
you any grit, It doesn't light up any fire within you.
And I would much prefer someone to go away for
(07:17):
six months, invest in themselves, do that deep soulful work
and discover what actually is important to them, what lights
them up, where do their values truly lie. And obviously
they do evolve and change over time.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
You know.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
A classic example is the herd mentality of buying a home.
You know, I'm doing it because all of my friends
are doing it. You know, I feel like I've got
to keep up with them, and you know, play in
the same game with them and swim in the same
pool of them. But really, deep down, you don't really
like the idea of a home. It makes you feel
incredibly trapped and suffocated and takes away that sense of
(07:54):
freedom and flexibility that you actually value. So this is
where someone might actually be better off not buying into this,
finding out what's right for them and focus just on
them and build goals around what makes them happy. And
perhaps you know, it's not about buying a million dollar home.
Perhaps it's about having an investment poor follow that pays
them one hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year, and
(08:15):
it means that at any stage they could just quit
their job and not have to worry, or they could
afford to travel around the world with you know, working
part time. You know, so you've just got to bring
that energy in. And I say this to any of
my girlfriends. You know they've gone through a breakup and
they get caught in and I've been through play breakups
just how I've learned about this myself. But whenever they
(08:37):
get into this trap of they just talk about their
ex and why isn't with me we had it so good,
or they go down this like vicious spiral, I'm like, stop,
you are giving away all your energy, like and your
energy is precious and it's sacred and bring the focus
back into you. Stop thinking about what they're doing, where
they are, who they're with. Think about you. Where are
(08:59):
you right now? What are you working on? You know,
what was important to you, what's making you happy? What
are you where are you growing in your life? So
you know, energy is precious. We just we give away
so much of ourselves when we go down this path.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
Okay, if that energy then drives you into the wrong
financial decision, right, so say that you have been You
are focused so much on what other people are doing
and where you feel like you should be at by now,
and you let that guide your financial decisions. You know, Okay,
I am going to buy a house, or I am
going to I'm going to start investing. But you're investing
(09:35):
in crypto because you see everyone talking about online and think, okay,
I'm the one the only one that's not doing it,
and you're basing it entirely on what other people are doing.
Have you seen this happen where people make big financial
decisions based on what everyone else is doing and actually
get themselves into trouble.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
Yes. Actually, someone was very honest and told me about
a huge amount of money that they lost in crypto,
which is kind of funny that you said that, you
know they took this, you know, they were spurred on
by this and like, I'm not investing everyone's getting into this,
and they jumped in completely uneducated, hadn't done their research,
and they took a massive amount of risk and they
lost all their money. I also see it where people
(10:13):
get a little bit greedy and in trying to keep
up or be competitive, and they take on way too
much debt that comes back to bite them, or over
committing to a certain strategy or trying to catch up.
But what happens at the end of the day when
we you know, I'm all for pushing yourself and growing
and evolving, but when we're doing it for the wrong
(10:33):
reasons and we're not doing it for with the rational
logical mindset, we end up often creating a bigger gap
than actually closing that gap that we're trying to fix
in our lives when it comes to that comparison.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Okay, is that the key to this then that it
is a mindset shift that really it is about trying
to be less focused on what other people are doing
and be less overwhelmed basically by where you are at
and just running your own race.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Yes, as I said, bring it back into you. You know,
we all know that progress isn't linear. It's you know
about trajectory. Why can't I say that word this morning?
Trajectory not speed. So perhaps if you find yourself, I
can catch yourself getting into this point of comparison, which
is such a habit, but it's a habit can be
(11:26):
quite easily broken. Start to reframe things by saying to yourself,
you know, I'm doing my best. I'm improving my financial
wellbeing every single day, I'm learning, i am putting extra
money into my superannuation. I'm really proud of what I'm doing.
And you know, all these little consistent steps really do
build up, and you have these shifts and breakthroughs, but
(11:48):
you really just got to, you know, focus on you.
And I've actually got a beautiful saying which I'd love
to share with you that I when I went through
a bit of a funny phase in my life and
I caught myself doing exactly this comparing all the time,
and it was such a toxic mind It was so
toxic to my mindset. And there's this one quote that
I found which I want to read today because I
think it really did help snap me out of it
(12:10):
and make me realize this point of comparison doesn't belong
in my brain.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
It doesn't have the word trajectory in it.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
I hope not because I, for some why can't I
say that word? This morning? I feel like there's more
and more words I'm struggling to actually articulate and pronounce correctly.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
All right, good luck? What's the saying? So?
Speaker 2 (12:29):
All right? I'm This is by a lady called Jenny Perry,
and I read this probably would have been about ten
years ago. I'm in a competition with no one. I
run my own race. I have absolutely no desire to
play the game of being better than anyone in any way,
shape or form. I just aim to improve, to be
(12:53):
better than I was before. That is me and I'm
free now. When I read this, it really resonated with me,
and I felt this huge weight come off my shoulder
and I just didn't give a crap about anyone else
or anything else. I just wanted to work on me
and it was so refreshing, recalibrating, and it just help
(13:17):
me find my inner strength again to get back on
and do it. And you know that cutting off of comparison.
It really is liberating, and you know, it is something
I have I really uphold and you know, to be
Tom can often get caught on this and I have
to constantly remind him.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
Like, stop it.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
This doesn't serve you, and the conversation stops, you know,
when we shift it back to the positive things and
things that we're grateful for.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Okay, I think that's actually a really positive direction to
head in. So we're going to take a quick break,
but when we come back, I want to using that
as the basis for the next part of the episode,
kind of some of the practical steps that people can
take if they go, okay, look at themselves and go
there are things that I would like to improve on.
How we can deal with some of those steps. What
are those steps that you can start taking to be
(14:02):
more comfortable with your progress and where you're heading. We'll
do that in just a moment. Can we are talking
today about this idea that you should be further ahead
by now, and it's something that I've felt that you
have felt that I suspect everyone listening to this has
felt at some point that maybe you are haven't bought
(14:24):
a home, you haven't started investing. You haven't kind of
got your emergency savings or anything in place, and you
compare yourself with others and it is a spiral, not
a good one to be stuck in. And I liked
where you finished up just before about this is just
focus on yourself and it is just about improving yourself.
(14:45):
Just work on me. So let's say someone in their
thirties or in their forties. That goes, okay, all right,
I'm cutting off the comparisons, but I still want to
keep progressing. I feel like maybe I have missed the boat,
that maybe there's twenty years of my working life that
has passed by and I haven't done a huge amount
(15:07):
of work on me and my finances. What's the very
first step that they should take? And I know this
is going right back to basics, But where do we
go from here?
Speaker 2 (15:17):
Well, first of all, everything that I say is not
just for thirties to forties. This can be for someone
who is in their twenties to their seventies. It doesn't matter.
It's sort of universal. So the first thing is to
get really clear about where you stand financially. Okay, that
sense of clarity is liberal eating as well. Then I
recommend in best time, thinking about what's important to you.
(15:40):
Is it having more spare time, Is it about having luxury,
is it about travel? Is it about having spend money
and time with charity work? Really get to the core
of what actually makes you feel whole and what makes
you feel full. And if you need to spend a
lot of time doing this, great because you will come
out knowing so much more about yourself, which is always
(16:02):
you know, a great sense and sign of strength. Then
I recommend just setting really small, simple short term goals
and just work on that. So you say, Okay, in
the next hour, I'm going to check my savings accounts
and see what's in there, or I'm going to pay
one bill, so that you can just do little, tiny
things and start building momentum. And it's really funny recording
(16:25):
this because I just listened to I'm actually halfway listening
to this three and a half hour podcast. But they
talked about closing the gap, and it's about the thought
about Okay, I need to do something and the time
that we actually go and do it, and it said,
we waste so much time thinking I've got to you know,
through the grocery shoppring or I've got to go check
(16:47):
my superannuation or whatever it may be. And we we
ruminate for so long with again all of our energy
just being wasted. What we need to learn to do
to help break that cycle and make that difference is
instant do something. So you think about something, you go
and do it straight away. It's called closing the gap.
So that's why I think doing simple, small goals that's
(17:09):
really short term, things that will take you literally two minutes,
will help you build that momentum and start breaking that cycle.
And you know, catch yourself comparing in the moment and
then flip the switch, bring it back to you, you know,
write down a list of things that are important to
you that you're proud of, that you've achieved, stop giving
that energy away. And then of course educate yourself, you know,
(17:32):
learn about what you want to achieve and how to
achieve it. You know, arm yourself with as much information
as possible so that you can, if you want, go
and achieve that goal and achieve it successfully and enjoy
all the intangible benefits and values and joy that comes
to you from working on a goal.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Are there certain milestones that we should be focused on
some perhaps that are unnecessary to focus on, but some
that actually are worth really paying attention to. And I'm
thinking about kind of home ownership perhaps here or you
did mention superannuation, just then that maybe that's actually something
(18:13):
that there are milestones and there are kind of benchmarks
and things out there that they are kind of handy
because looking at those can help you prepare for your
financial future.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
I have a bit of an issue with those figures
that they produce. You know, how much you should have
in super by this stage in that age.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
Can we do a full episode on that?
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Then we definitely can, because like it makes my blood
boil and I get really really angry because I think
these numbers are so misleading and so I really want
to swear right now, but I won't.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
The ones that make you angry are my favorite episodes because.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
It never so dangerous and they gone with so much
like drama and stress that can really be awarded if
they were just a little bit more really, But that's okay,
that's a episode for another time. But you know, yes,
there are some milestones that we do need to pay
attention to, and they are helpful and they are good
from a strategic point of view to give you something
(19:13):
to anchor your journey against. Yes, that's where Oprah McGannon works.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
All right, Well, we might leave those comparisons for a
future episode because I do love the ones where you
get really cranky because your face twists up in different
directions and it's just you never know what's going to happen,
and so it is a thrill really. Though we've covered
some ground today and this idea that it is. It's
a hard thing to do, though, to cut yourself off
(19:41):
from the comparison trap, and not.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Easier than you thing you look at you cynical critical.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
That is my job. I'm here to be a cynic
I'm here to be I.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Could break this pattern myself ten years ago. Anyone can,
and I was. I was really struggling back then and
it was just keeping stuck. So no, that's a load
of crap. You can break this comparison have it.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Wow, this episode's becoming one of those ones where your
face twists up and you get all cranky. This is great,
But someone listening to this right now that that is
maybe feeling stuck right or feeling perhaps a shamed because
there's a bit of shame involved in this as well.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Asn't.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Is there one small practical action, one tip, one step
that they could take right now today to start moving forward.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Okay, grab a piece of paper and a pen. Actually,
I'm going to do this with you. Write down three
things that you have achieved financially ye this year that
you're proud of. Tell me where they are.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Oh, you actually want me to do this? Yes, Now I.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Really am exposing you.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
I'm going to share, like fine, that's fine. So this
year we went saw a financial planner, yes, and have
been a lot of time working through things with her
and that has been fantastic. Really proud of taking that step.
I have started this year paying a lot more attention
(21:11):
to my superannuation and so I now have the app
for my superfund on my phone and I check it
regularly to make sure that my contributions are going in
and that the fees and everything are what I expect
them to be. So that's that's two kind of big ticks.
And you are not going to believe this, right, But
(21:35):
I have actually got myself sorted with my emergency money
fund now and so I have taken three These are
three things that I have done as a result of you.
I was about to say lecturing.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Me, yes, let you can.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
No, let's be right, let's badgering me. No hectoring me. No,
you know what, I'm gonna stick with lecturing yep. And
so there are three things that I'm proud of this year.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Okay, So okay, that's brilliant. How do you feel proud?
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Absolutely?
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Yeah? So why would you? Why do you hear about
anyone else? Think about what makes you feel proud, and
then go and write down three things that you want
to achieve.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
For next year or just for the future, things so you'd.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Like to work on that would make you feel even prouder.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
Okay, I can do that. And these are things that
are essentially my financial goals, and they are around kind
of investing, and they are around taking a more deliberate,
conscious approach to kind of saving for holidays and things
like that. And at no point as I'm thinking about this,
am I thinking about what other people I.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Say, like, bring it in, bring that energy back, and
stop giving it away. By comparisons, this is so simple
and you've done it cost nothing, and it took you
what less than two minutes to do this?
Speaker 1 (22:45):
And under may I say extreme pressure because you were
staring at me across the studio, but it is great.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Now, can I wrap up today's episode? We'll let you
you will wrap it up, But can I just say
something important because I feel like with the rise and
cost of living and just in the headlines across the
media all the time of the moment, it's just so
much about buying a home, buying a home, interest rates,
property and market booming. I feel like a lot of
people are feeling a small this point of comparison and
this toxicity so much so I want to remind everyone
(23:16):
who's listening right now, no one is actually behind. Everyone
is exactly where they need to be right now, in
this very minute. But the key is to realize that
you can and you are capable, and you are ready
to actually start moving forward. And when you make that
decision and you act on that decision, that feeling of
(23:40):
moving forward, particularly on something that really excites you, is
an incredibly special space where it really does light up
this new found, untapped empowerment and excitement that actually exists
within you and always has, but you're just cracking it
right open. And that is your fuel that can and
(24:01):
actually even transform you to a place where you may
even be unrecognizable in your future.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
That's fantastic. You actually look lighter.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
I know that about like after about four hours with
a sleep with my kids.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Well done, well done, great way to finish. If we
want more from you, though, I don't think anyone could
possibly want more, you have over delivered this episode. Where
do we find you?
Speaker 2 (24:29):
The best place to reach out to me? And if
you're feeling, especially if you're feeling what I'm talking about
right now and it's spark something within you, reach out
to me on Instagram. I'll message you right back.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
That's it Sugar Mama TV. And you can hear me
every day with Sean aylm Or on Fear and Greed
business news you can use. Thank you for listening to
how do they afford that? Remember to hit follow on
the podcast. And the best thing you can do is
tell somebody else send them a link to this episode.
If you think that they might benefit from hearing this,
if they might be stuck in that comparison trap and
thinking that they should be further ahead by now, send
them the link to this episod so maybe they might
(25:01):
get something useful out of it. Thank you for your company.
Join us again next week,
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