June 24, 2025 • 24 mins
This podcast will support listeners to:
- Express who they are and negotiate effectively to have needs met.
- Respond appropriately when offered help and respectfully decline if assistance is not needed.
- Know when to apply quiet and loud advocacy and when to let things slide.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
S1 (00:03):
Welcome to Vision Australia's podcast series, designed to help children
and young people develop the skills they'll need to open
their future.
S2 (00:14):
Hi, my name is Rebecca. I'm a child and family counsellor.
Thanks for joining me today. Let's talk about confidence and
being able to speak up for yourself when you need to.
Would you say you're a confident person? Do you feel
confident to speak up for yourself? Do you have different
approaches for speaking up for yourself in different situations or
(00:37):
with different people? In this podcast episode, I'll talk about confidence,
how it improves, and how to speak up for yourself
in different types of situations. We'll also hear from Robbie
and Sarah. They'll share their experiences and give you some
tips as well. Let's start with getting clear on what
(01:01):
we mean by confidence. Confidence is feeling sure of yourself
and your abilities. Confidence is not feeling or acting superior
to or better than others. Confidence means you know what
you are good at. It also means you know what
you're not so good at, but that if it matters
to you, you're capable of learning and practicing so you
(01:22):
can get better. Having confidence feels great because it helps
you to try out new things, connect with new people,
and take up opportunities. It also helps you to keep
trying if something doesn't work out the first time. A
lack of confidence can hold you back. You may spend
more time worrying about what other people think or how
(01:43):
bad things could be. To control these worries, you may
stop yourself from doing things that could be fun or
that could help you to reach your goals. The tricky
part of confidence is that it doesn't just appear if
you think you don't have a lot of confidence at
the moment, you may be tempted to wait to do
new things until you are more confident. Unfortunately, waiting for
(02:04):
confidence doesn't make you confident. The action comes first. The
feeling comes much later. So it becomes a balancing act.
Trusting yourself to try new things even before you know
for sure you can do it. Feeling the fear and
doing it anyway. The more you do, the more you
(02:25):
build your skills, your abilities and competence, and then your
confidence builds for the next challenge. Let's hear what Robbie
and Sara have learned about being more confident.
S3 (02:38):
I would say I am a confident person now, but
when I was younger I was very much not a
confident person. I would still talk to people and still
interact with people, but it took more time for me
to get out of my shell. I did had to
step out of my comfort zone, and that meant me
(03:02):
engaging in new experiences, whether that be catching a train
for the first time, catching a bus for the first time,
or going to TAFE and catching a plane. These are
all new experiences for me and all very challenging. And
those challenges helped me grow as a person.
S4 (03:24):
I believe I come across as a more confident person
than what I actually am, or what I feel like
I am. I what I've done to grow my confidence
is I've realised goals I want to achieve. So what
my end goals are and I create action plans to
(03:44):
achieve those goals. So I break it down into little
physical steps that I need to do to achieve my
end goal. And those little steps are normally what are
anxiety inducing. So what are scary? But I try not
to attach as many emotions to those little steps as
what I do. My end goal. So I push myself
(04:04):
to achieve those little steps instead, and use the motivating
tool as my end goal and use those feelings instead
of the fear for my individual steps.
S2 (04:16):
Thank you for sharing with us. Building your confidence is
all about taking small steps and trying something new. Let's
look at an example situation to find out how this
might work. Let's say you want to get a job
so you can earn some extra money after school. Your
friend tells you there's a casual job being advertised with
(04:38):
a coffee shop just around the corner from where you live.
You've been there before. It's easy to get to and
the people there seem really friendly. The next time you're
walking past, you stop on the footpath. You have the
thought I should go in and ask about that job.
How do you feel about that? What does your mind
tell you? Would you feel confident to walk in and
(05:02):
ask the staff about the job if you said no?
That's okay. Many people would find this challenging. So what
would happen if you said to yourself, I'll go in
when I feel more confident? If you said somebody else
will probably get the job before I feel ready, then
you're probably correct. And the problem is that the confidence
(05:24):
you want will not suddenly appear tomorrow or next week.
So what could you do instead? Wrong. The trick with
confidence is that you only build it by doing things
that push you outside your comfort zone, a bit like
building a wall out of bricks. You lay one brick
at a time and you start with the bottom layer,
(05:45):
then the next, and then the next. So going back
to that job in the coffee shop, that job that
you really, really want, what is one small thing you
could do right now that could build your confidence? Before
I give you some suggestions, let's see if Robbie or
Sarah have some tips for becoming more confident.
S3 (06:05):
I did have to step out of my comfort zone,
and I believe that everybody has the capacity to be
a confident person. People need to want to embrace that
confidence side. I had to have those challenges, so then
I can push myself and help me grow and allow
(06:28):
myself to be more confident. So, for example, I had
to catch a train for the first time by myself
when I was going to TAFE, and that was really challenging. Um,
and it was really hard at the time, but I
knew that I had to learn this skill. It was
something I needed to allow myself to embrace. Another thing
(06:50):
is to know that it's okay to make mistakes. If
everything was perfect and done for us, we would not
grow as a person, nor will our confidence increase or improve.
So making mistakes shouldn't be seen as a negative because
it forces us to use a solution focused thought process
(07:11):
and then that will help us in the future.
S5 (07:14):
My biggest tip.
S4 (07:16):
Or what I find helpful when I'm trying to build
my confidence, is I break down the scenario I'm scared about,
and I break it, and I break down my worst
case scenario and the best case scenario. And I always
find that the worst case scenario isn't that bad. And
even if you create a plan for what you would
(07:39):
do in your worst case scenario, it always ends up
to being okay. Um, and then I put my best
case scenario or what's likely to happen. And that's always
exciting or new. And that's why I choose to do
the action of what I'm scared about. And that's what
makes me confident in that action, because I know the
(07:59):
most likely outcome will be positive. And that's exciting. And
even if that doesn't happen, I already have a plan
for what is my next move.
S2 (08:10):
Thank you guys. Those are some great tips. Okay, so
you're standing in front of the coffee shop. Remember you
really want this job. I'm going to give you two options.
Which one is most likely to build your confidence and
get you closer to getting this job? Do you a
go home and try again tomorrow? Or b take a
(08:34):
deep breath and walk into the coffee shop? If you
said try again tomorrow, my prediction is that when or
if you do come back tomorrow, you'll be in the
exact same position. Has it ever happened to you where
you kept putting something off, hoping it would feel better
or easier next time? However, if you said you'd take
(08:58):
a deep breath and walk into the coffee shop, fantastic!
You've just laid a brick in your wall of confidence.
Of course, this doesn't mean that you're suddenly full of confidence.
Now if you're still feeling nervous, that is absolutely normal.
But you have decided to believe in yourself and that
is a step towards your goal. Okay, you're in the
(09:20):
coffee shop and fortunately, there's no one waiting to be served.
One of the staff asks you how they can help you. Gosh,
they sound nice and friendly, but your stomach is doing
all sorts of nervy, flippy things. What action could you
take to lay the next brick in your wall of confidence? A.
Order a milkshake and go home. You're too.
S6 (09:41):
Nervous.
S7 (09:43):
Or be.
S2 (09:44):
Say, I heard you're looking for staff and I was
wondering how to apply. I hope you chose the second
option because that just put another brick in your confidence wall.
In fact, it probably put the whole first layer of
bricks down. Good work. On the other hand, going home
without asking could knock your confidence and actually make it
(10:07):
harder to try again later. Instead, you may start having
thoughts like I knew I couldn't do that, or someone
else has probably got the job by now. There's not
much there to motivate you to go back later. But
let's go back to the you that walked in and
asked what to do next. The staff person gives you
(10:29):
an application form to complete and explains that once you
fill it in, the shop owner will organise an interview
with you. Oh wow, this is getting serious. A couple
of days later, you have your interview. Of course you're
nervous and you may have thought about not going. You
may have convinced yourself you'll never get the job. But
(10:51):
here's the thing the application form clearly explained what you
need to be able to do. And you've done all
those things millions of times at home. You know you
can do the job. Maybe with a few small modifications.
And in the interview, the owner says that there will
be a period of training as well. You're feeling a
bit more confident. You might actually get this job. Then
(11:14):
the owner says.
S8 (11:15):
I'll be honest with you. I can see that you'd
be great with the customers, but I'm concerned about how
you'll get everything done if you can't see.
S2 (11:23):
Oh, wow. How do you feel right now? Deflated. Angry.
Do you give up? Because it's clear the owner doesn't
think you can do the job? Or will you speak
up for yourself? What may be stopping you from speaking up?
(11:44):
Most people don't speak up for themselves because they're afraid.
They're worried they may get a negative reaction, or that
people won't like them if they do. They may feel
they don't deserve what it is they're asking for or
that they're being unreasonable. Do any of these reasons sound
like what your mind tells you? Us. Let's hear from
(12:05):
Robbie and from Sarah and their experiences with speaking up.
S4 (12:12):
I didn't move that far away from my parents, which
I think was a great step for me that I
still had access to their help. Um, but I had
to be pretty firm. And I said, I'm moving out
of home. This will be my own place. I will
be able to make my decisions here. And I know
your help is there. And I explained that because they
(12:33):
were always like, we can come at it like, if
you need us, we'll be right there. And if you
need money we like, we will support you. If you're stuck,
if you need to come back home, you can come
back home at any moment. And I said that to them.
I said, I know I can come home if I
need to. I know you help me with cleaning if
I need to. I know you'll help me get places
(12:53):
if I need to, but you need to know that
I will tell you when I need help. And I
had to be clear to them that it is now
my chance, my turn to come to you. Not you
come to me and I. It was just a conversation
with them, and they said they were talking about their concerns.
(13:14):
But I had to be clear with you've taught me
enough to know where my boundaries are, where I need help.
But now you need to let me come to you.
And there was a there was a shift in relationships there.
But I remember I was really scared to talk to
them about that because I knew it was a weird
(13:35):
conversation to be like, I don't need you. Like, I
don't need my parents anymore. Like, I can do it
by myself. But it was a conversation. Like it was
very empowering to me because when I said it out loud,
it was confirming it to myself that I can do
this and I will be okay, and I have support
if I need to.
S3 (13:55):
I started working at about 15 years old and it
was a good experience, but it had its struggles. When
I was around 1617 years old, we had a new
manager and and was at a time when my vision
deteriorated a bit and one of the old managers saw
my struggles. But the this new manager didn't, as they
(14:16):
weren't around at the time and because of the deterioration,
I had to stay in a section called express is
where an express is essentially where we would scan items
that were 15 items or less. But the new manager
asked me to go to a section called Four Lane,
which is essentially scanning a large number of items per person,
(14:43):
and I had to say to him, I can't do it,
and said that I'm the supervisor and you need to
listen and do what? Do what I've told you to
do and which I, I, I told him, look, I
can't do it because my vision is deteriorated and it's
not within my control. He ended the conversation saying, Robbie,
(15:08):
we're going to have a meeting at the end of
your shift to talk about what what just happened. And
that was really scary for me because that was the
first time I actually ever stood up for myself. That
was the first time I had to put myself in
a very vulnerable position. Um, but it all worked out
(15:28):
in the end because I think he knew that it
was the right thing to do. Um, but that was
a very challenging experience for me personally. But it did
help shape my confidence with handling more challenging circumstances.
S2 (15:48):
Thank you so much for sharing. Speaking up for yourself
gets easier as your confidence increases, but again, waiting for
confidence will not build it. So is there anything you
can prepare before you speak up for yourself? Well, there
are steps or skills you can know and practice that
(16:08):
will help you. Did you know there are different approaches
to speaking up for yourself? The approach you choose depends
on the situation and the outcome you want. Let's say
you want to join a sports club or hobby group,
and they tell you you can't join because they can't
make the activities accessible for you. The first option is
(16:28):
walking away. What would be the benefits of walking away?
What would be the consequences of walking away? Will this
option help you to live the life you want to live?
A more direct and active approach you can use is
what we'll call quiet advocacy. You offer some information about
(16:49):
making the sport or hobby activities inclusive. You may offer
to help out for a little while. What would be
the benefits of this approach? What could be the consequences?
Will this option help you to live the life you
want to live? Sometimes you may expect people to be
unwilling to listen or help or make an effort. Their
(17:13):
initial reaction may seem to confirm your right. But often
people just don't know what is possible and as a result,
assume nothing is possible. Using a quiet advocacy approach gives
people an opportunity to surprise you. Once they have the
information they need to help you participate, they may be
keen to give it a go. We'll call our third
(17:35):
approach loud advocacy. This is where you may go to
a state or national body or make a formal complaint
of discrimination. Or perhaps you go to Facebook or the
media to voice your frustration and disappointment. What would be
the benefit of this approach? What might the consequences be?
Will this option help you to live the life you
(17:57):
want to live? Loud advocacy has a place, especially if
you've tried quiet advocacy and it didn't work. But it
is important to think about how you can use this
approach to get you closer to your goal. How do
you help people to help you? How do you use
this approach to get them excited about helping you? You're
(18:20):
about to go back to your job interview. Remember, the
owner told you they weren't sure you could do all
the tasks. Before we do though, let's listen to Robbie
and Sarah and see if they have some good tips
for speaking up for yourself.
S3 (18:34):
So a tip to learn to speak up for yourself
is to believe in yourself first and foremost, and don't
allow others to tell you what you need, but rather
yourself accepting knowing what you are able to do. So
speaking up for yourself isn't always a negative thing, but
rather it can be a way that the other person
(18:55):
probably might not know what you're going through or understand
your particular situation. So once people understand where you're coming
from and understand your situation a bit better, they generally
handle conversations a lot better than what they would without
knowing that information. So it's also knowing that you have
a voice. So one thing that I have learned is
(19:18):
that confidence is something you develop all the time. And
that when you think of something challenging, you break it
down to steps that are a bit more achievable. Because
small wins always result in bigger changes. So it's all
about believing in yourself to get those results that you're
looking for.
S4 (19:37):
I think when I accepted my disability as I'm Sarah,
I have low vision. I also love dogs. Like putting
it on the same line as something that is just
a part of you has been really good, because there
was a long time where I just, I hated it.
(19:58):
I remember the very first time I saw it as
not a disadvantage was when I was in primary school.
I went on a camp that was for all kids
who had low vision or blindness, and I remember being
so excited when I got back. No one else from
my school gets to do this. Like, I get to
do all these fun activities as something I get to do,
(20:20):
and this is an advantage for me. And as I
grew older, I saw those opportunities and I was like,
this is really cool that I have this. I have
this special thing that not many people in my world
at the time had. You don't have this community that
I get to be a part of. I have to
go to these extra meetings and this is so annoying.
(20:42):
I was like, but I also get to go to
these cool camps. I also get to take time off
of school and just go walking around like the town
and getting to figure out where my favorite cafes are
and go to those when I had that shift before.
This is something that's exciting for me and this is
an opportunity I get. I still get really excited about it.
(21:04):
It's still like it's this cool opportunity I have.
S2 (21:07):
Those are some really helpful tips. Thank you. Okay. You're
still in the job interview at the local cafe, a
job you really want. And the owner said.
S8 (21:18):
I'll be honest with you, I can say that you'd
be great with the customers, but I'm concerned about how
you'll get everything done. If you can't see.
S2 (21:25):
Which of the three approaches do you think would give
you the best chance of getting the job? Walking away
quiet advocacy or loud advocacy? Walking away will clearly not
get you the job. How might you use a quiet
advocacy approach? What actions would be allowed? Advocacy approach and
(21:46):
would it help us f. Well, let's think about what
the cafe owner is really telling you. Are they saying
they won't make adjustments? Not really. They're saying they're concerned.
They don't know what you can and cannot see. They
don't know what you can or cannot do with your
level of vision. They simply have no experience with it.
(22:10):
By telling you where they're at, they're giving you a
wonderful opportunity to explain more about what you can do
And also talk about adjustments that will help you get
the job done. S would you be able to explain
your vision? What examples can you give about what you
can do and how? If you aren't sure, this might
(22:32):
be an area of preparation to focus on next. Both
loud advocacy and quiet advocacy require energy, good planning and
communication skills to be successful. The more you practice, the
more confidence you'll have to do that next thing that's
a bit outside your comfort zone. We've talked about confidence
(22:56):
in this podcast and how to build it. We've also
talked about not waiting for it. You have to actively
work on it. One small step at a time. So
I'd love to set you a challenge. What's one small
thing you can do today that is just outside your
comfort zone? Perhaps it's asking for some help at school.
(23:17):
Or could you go somewhere you've not been before by yourself?
Maybe you can start a conversation with someone you don't
know well yet. Even doing a household task you've never
done before can start to build your confidence. Every day,
look for new opportunities to grow your skills and build
your confidence. Thanks for joining me. See you next time.
S9 (23:45):
Vision Australia.
S10 (23:46):
Blindness. Low vision. Opportunity.
S2 (23:50):
This podcast was written using the research and ideas of
Karen Wolf and Penny Rosenbloom on self-determination in EQ essentials.
Teaching the expanded core curriculum to students with visual impairments
and Saxon Wolf. Teaching social skills to students with visual
impairments from theory to practice. Check out our other expanded
(24:11):
core curriculum Self-Determination resources.
Welcome to Vision Australia's podcast series, designed to help children
and young people develop the skills they'll need to open
their future.
S2 (00:14):
Hi, my name is Rebecca. I'm a child and family counsellor.
Thanks for joining me today. Let's talk about confidence and
being able to speak up for yourself when you need to.
Would you say you're a confident person? Do you feel
confident to speak up for yourself? Do you have different
approaches for speaking up for yourself in different situations or
(00:37):
with different people? In this podcast episode, I'll talk about confidence,
how it improves, and how to speak up for yourself
in different types of situations. We'll also hear from Robbie
and Sarah. They'll share their experiences and give you some
tips as well. Let's start with getting clear on what
(01:01):
we mean by confidence. Confidence is feeling sure of yourself
and your abilities. Confidence is not feeling or acting superior
to or better than others. Confidence means you know what
you are good at. It also means you know what
you're not so good at, but that if it matters
to you, you're capable of learning and practicing so you
(01:22):
can get better. Having confidence feels great because it helps
you to try out new things, connect with new people,
and take up opportunities. It also helps you to keep
trying if something doesn't work out the first time. A
lack of confidence can hold you back. You may spend
more time worrying about what other people think or how
(01:43):
bad things could be. To control these worries, you may
stop yourself from doing things that could be fun or
that could help you to reach your goals. The tricky
part of confidence is that it doesn't just appear if
you think you don't have a lot of confidence at
the moment, you may be tempted to wait to do
new things until you are more confident. Unfortunately, waiting for
(02:04):
confidence doesn't make you confident. The action comes first. The
feeling comes much later. So it becomes a balancing act.
Trusting yourself to try new things even before you know
for sure you can do it. Feeling the fear and
doing it anyway. The more you do, the more you
(02:25):
build your skills, your abilities and competence, and then your
confidence builds for the next challenge. Let's hear what Robbie
and Sara have learned about being more confident.
S3 (02:38):
I would say I am a confident person now, but
when I was younger I was very much not a
confident person. I would still talk to people and still
interact with people, but it took more time for me
to get out of my shell. I did had to
step out of my comfort zone, and that meant me
(03:02):
engaging in new experiences, whether that be catching a train
for the first time, catching a bus for the first time,
or going to TAFE and catching a plane. These are
all new experiences for me and all very challenging. And
those challenges helped me grow as a person.
S4 (03:24):
I believe I come across as a more confident person
than what I actually am, or what I feel like
I am. I what I've done to grow my confidence
is I've realised goals I want to achieve. So what
my end goals are and I create action plans to
(03:44):
achieve those goals. So I break it down into little
physical steps that I need to do to achieve my
end goal. And those little steps are normally what are
anxiety inducing. So what are scary? But I try not
to attach as many emotions to those little steps as
what I do. My end goal. So I push myself
(04:04):
to achieve those little steps instead, and use the motivating
tool as my end goal and use those feelings instead
of the fear for my individual steps.
S2 (04:16):
Thank you for sharing with us. Building your confidence is
all about taking small steps and trying something new. Let's
look at an example situation to find out how this
might work. Let's say you want to get a job
so you can earn some extra money after school. Your
friend tells you there's a casual job being advertised with
(04:38):
a coffee shop just around the corner from where you live.
You've been there before. It's easy to get to and
the people there seem really friendly. The next time you're
walking past, you stop on the footpath. You have the
thought I should go in and ask about that job.
How do you feel about that? What does your mind
tell you? Would you feel confident to walk in and
(05:02):
ask the staff about the job if you said no?
That's okay. Many people would find this challenging. So what
would happen if you said to yourself, I'll go in
when I feel more confident? If you said somebody else
will probably get the job before I feel ready, then
you're probably correct. And the problem is that the confidence
(05:24):
you want will not suddenly appear tomorrow or next week.
So what could you do instead? Wrong. The trick with
confidence is that you only build it by doing things
that push you outside your comfort zone, a bit like
building a wall out of bricks. You lay one brick
at a time and you start with the bottom layer,
(05:45):
then the next, and then the next. So going back
to that job in the coffee shop, that job that
you really, really want, what is one small thing you
could do right now that could build your confidence? Before
I give you some suggestions, let's see if Robbie or
Sarah have some tips for becoming more confident.
S3 (06:05):
I did have to step out of my comfort zone,
and I believe that everybody has the capacity to be
a confident person. People need to want to embrace that
confidence side. I had to have those challenges, so then
I can push myself and help me grow and allow
(06:28):
myself to be more confident. So, for example, I had
to catch a train for the first time by myself
when I was going to TAFE, and that was really challenging. Um,
and it was really hard at the time, but I
knew that I had to learn this skill. It was
something I needed to allow myself to embrace. Another thing
(06:50):
is to know that it's okay to make mistakes. If
everything was perfect and done for us, we would not
grow as a person, nor will our confidence increase or improve.
So making mistakes shouldn't be seen as a negative because
it forces us to use a solution focused thought process
(07:11):
and then that will help us in the future.
S5 (07:14):
My biggest tip.
S4 (07:16):
Or what I find helpful when I'm trying to build
my confidence, is I break down the scenario I'm scared about,
and I break it, and I break down my worst
case scenario and the best case scenario. And I always
find that the worst case scenario isn't that bad. And
even if you create a plan for what you would
(07:39):
do in your worst case scenario, it always ends up
to being okay. Um, and then I put my best
case scenario or what's likely to happen. And that's always
exciting or new. And that's why I choose to do
the action of what I'm scared about. And that's what
makes me confident in that action, because I know the
(07:59):
most likely outcome will be positive. And that's exciting. And
even if that doesn't happen, I already have a plan
for what is my next move.
S2 (08:10):
Thank you guys. Those are some great tips. Okay, so
you're standing in front of the coffee shop. Remember you
really want this job. I'm going to give you two options.
Which one is most likely to build your confidence and
get you closer to getting this job? Do you a
go home and try again tomorrow? Or b take a
(08:34):
deep breath and walk into the coffee shop? If you
said try again tomorrow, my prediction is that when or
if you do come back tomorrow, you'll be in the
exact same position. Has it ever happened to you where
you kept putting something off, hoping it would feel better
or easier next time? However, if you said you'd take
(08:58):
a deep breath and walk into the coffee shop, fantastic!
You've just laid a brick in your wall of confidence.
Of course, this doesn't mean that you're suddenly full of confidence.
Now if you're still feeling nervous, that is absolutely normal.
But you have decided to believe in yourself and that
is a step towards your goal. Okay, you're in the
(09:20):
coffee shop and fortunately, there's no one waiting to be served.
One of the staff asks you how they can help you. Gosh,
they sound nice and friendly, but your stomach is doing
all sorts of nervy, flippy things. What action could you
take to lay the next brick in your wall of confidence? A.
Order a milkshake and go home. You're too.
S6 (09:41):
Nervous.
S7 (09:43):
Or be.
S2 (09:44):
Say, I heard you're looking for staff and I was
wondering how to apply. I hope you chose the second
option because that just put another brick in your confidence wall.
In fact, it probably put the whole first layer of
bricks down. Good work. On the other hand, going home
without asking could knock your confidence and actually make it
(10:07):
harder to try again later. Instead, you may start having
thoughts like I knew I couldn't do that, or someone
else has probably got the job by now. There's not
much there to motivate you to go back later. But
let's go back to the you that walked in and
asked what to do next. The staff person gives you
(10:29):
an application form to complete and explains that once you
fill it in, the shop owner will organise an interview
with you. Oh wow, this is getting serious. A couple
of days later, you have your interview. Of course you're
nervous and you may have thought about not going. You
may have convinced yourself you'll never get the job. But
(10:51):
here's the thing the application form clearly explained what you
need to be able to do. And you've done all
those things millions of times at home. You know you
can do the job. Maybe with a few small modifications.
And in the interview, the owner says that there will
be a period of training as well. You're feeling a
bit more confident. You might actually get this job. Then
(11:14):
the owner says.
S8 (11:15):
I'll be honest with you. I can see that you'd
be great with the customers, but I'm concerned about how
you'll get everything done if you can't see.
S2 (11:23):
Oh, wow. How do you feel right now? Deflated. Angry.
Do you give up? Because it's clear the owner doesn't
think you can do the job? Or will you speak
up for yourself? What may be stopping you from speaking up?
(11:44):
Most people don't speak up for themselves because they're afraid.
They're worried they may get a negative reaction, or that
people won't like them if they do. They may feel
they don't deserve what it is they're asking for or
that they're being unreasonable. Do any of these reasons sound
like what your mind tells you? Us. Let's hear from
(12:05):
Robbie and from Sarah and their experiences with speaking up.
S4 (12:12):
I didn't move that far away from my parents, which
I think was a great step for me that I
still had access to their help. Um, but I had
to be pretty firm. And I said, I'm moving out
of home. This will be my own place. I will
be able to make my decisions here. And I know
your help is there. And I explained that because they
(12:33):
were always like, we can come at it like, if
you need us, we'll be right there. And if you
need money we like, we will support you. If you're stuck,
if you need to come back home, you can come
back home at any moment. And I said that to them.
I said, I know I can come home if I
need to. I know you help me with cleaning if
I need to. I know you'll help me get places
(12:53):
if I need to, but you need to know that
I will tell you when I need help. And I
had to be clear to them that it is now
my chance, my turn to come to you. Not you
come to me and I. It was just a conversation
with them, and they said they were talking about their concerns.
(13:14):
But I had to be clear with you've taught me
enough to know where my boundaries are, where I need help.
But now you need to let me come to you.
And there was a there was a shift in relationships there.
But I remember I was really scared to talk to
them about that because I knew it was a weird
(13:35):
conversation to be like, I don't need you. Like, I
don't need my parents anymore. Like, I can do it
by myself. But it was a conversation. Like it was
very empowering to me because when I said it out loud,
it was confirming it to myself that I can do
this and I will be okay, and I have support
if I need to.
S3 (13:55):
I started working at about 15 years old and it
was a good experience, but it had its struggles. When
I was around 1617 years old, we had a new
manager and and was at a time when my vision
deteriorated a bit and one of the old managers saw
my struggles. But the this new manager didn't, as they
(14:16):
weren't around at the time and because of the deterioration,
I had to stay in a section called express is
where an express is essentially where we would scan items
that were 15 items or less. But the new manager
asked me to go to a section called Four Lane,
which is essentially scanning a large number of items per person,
(14:43):
and I had to say to him, I can't do it,
and said that I'm the supervisor and you need to
listen and do what? Do what I've told you to
do and which I, I, I told him, look, I
can't do it because my vision is deteriorated and it's
not within my control. He ended the conversation saying, Robbie,
(15:08):
we're going to have a meeting at the end of
your shift to talk about what what just happened. And
that was really scary for me because that was the
first time I actually ever stood up for myself. That
was the first time I had to put myself in
a very vulnerable position. Um, but it all worked out
(15:28):
in the end because I think he knew that it
was the right thing to do. Um, but that was
a very challenging experience for me personally. But it did
help shape my confidence with handling more challenging circumstances.
S2 (15:48):
Thank you so much for sharing. Speaking up for yourself
gets easier as your confidence increases, but again, waiting for
confidence will not build it. So is there anything you
can prepare before you speak up for yourself? Well, there
are steps or skills you can know and practice that
(16:08):
will help you. Did you know there are different approaches
to speaking up for yourself? The approach you choose depends
on the situation and the outcome you want. Let's say
you want to join a sports club or hobby group,
and they tell you you can't join because they can't
make the activities accessible for you. The first option is
(16:28):
walking away. What would be the benefits of walking away?
What would be the consequences of walking away? Will this
option help you to live the life you want to live?
A more direct and active approach you can use is
what we'll call quiet advocacy. You offer some information about
(16:49):
making the sport or hobby activities inclusive. You may offer
to help out for a little while. What would be
the benefits of this approach? What could be the consequences?
Will this option help you to live the life you
want to live? Sometimes you may expect people to be
unwilling to listen or help or make an effort. Their
(17:13):
initial reaction may seem to confirm your right. But often
people just don't know what is possible and as a result,
assume nothing is possible. Using a quiet advocacy approach gives
people an opportunity to surprise you. Once they have the
information they need to help you participate, they may be
keen to give it a go. We'll call our third
(17:35):
approach loud advocacy. This is where you may go to
a state or national body or make a formal complaint
of discrimination. Or perhaps you go to Facebook or the
media to voice your frustration and disappointment. What would be
the benefit of this approach? What might the consequences be?
Will this option help you to live the life you
(17:57):
want to live? Loud advocacy has a place, especially if
you've tried quiet advocacy and it didn't work. But it
is important to think about how you can use this
approach to get you closer to your goal. How do
you help people to help you? How do you use
this approach to get them excited about helping you? You're
(18:20):
about to go back to your job interview. Remember, the
owner told you they weren't sure you could do all
the tasks. Before we do though, let's listen to Robbie
and Sarah and see if they have some good tips
for speaking up for yourself.
S3 (18:34):
So a tip to learn to speak up for yourself
is to believe in yourself first and foremost, and don't
allow others to tell you what you need, but rather
yourself accepting knowing what you are able to do. So
speaking up for yourself isn't always a negative thing, but
rather it can be a way that the other person
(18:55):
probably might not know what you're going through or understand
your particular situation. So once people understand where you're coming
from and understand your situation a bit better, they generally
handle conversations a lot better than what they would without
knowing that information. So it's also knowing that you have
a voice. So one thing that I have learned is
(19:18):
that confidence is something you develop all the time. And
that when you think of something challenging, you break it
down to steps that are a bit more achievable. Because
small wins always result in bigger changes. So it's all
about believing in yourself to get those results that you're
looking for.
S4 (19:37):
I think when I accepted my disability as I'm Sarah,
I have low vision. I also love dogs. Like putting
it on the same line as something that is just
a part of you has been really good, because there
was a long time where I just, I hated it.
(19:58):
I remember the very first time I saw it as
not a disadvantage was when I was in primary school.
I went on a camp that was for all kids
who had low vision or blindness, and I remember being
so excited when I got back. No one else from
my school gets to do this. Like, I get to
do all these fun activities as something I get to do,
(20:20):
and this is an advantage for me. And as I
grew older, I saw those opportunities and I was like,
this is really cool that I have this. I have
this special thing that not many people in my world
at the time had. You don't have this community that
I get to be a part of. I have to
go to these extra meetings and this is so annoying.
(20:42):
I was like, but I also get to go to
these cool camps. I also get to take time off
of school and just go walking around like the town
and getting to figure out where my favorite cafes are
and go to those when I had that shift before.
This is something that's exciting for me and this is
an opportunity I get. I still get really excited about it.
(21:04):
It's still like it's this cool opportunity I have.
S2 (21:07):
Those are some really helpful tips. Thank you. Okay. You're
still in the job interview at the local cafe, a
job you really want. And the owner said.
S8 (21:18):
I'll be honest with you, I can say that you'd
be great with the customers, but I'm concerned about how
you'll get everything done. If you can't see.
S2 (21:25):
Which of the three approaches do you think would give
you the best chance of getting the job? Walking away
quiet advocacy or loud advocacy? Walking away will clearly not
get you the job. How might you use a quiet
advocacy approach? What actions would be allowed? Advocacy approach and
(21:46):
would it help us f. Well, let's think about what
the cafe owner is really telling you. Are they saying
they won't make adjustments? Not really. They're saying they're concerned.
They don't know what you can and cannot see. They
don't know what you can or cannot do with your
level of vision. They simply have no experience with it.
(22:10):
By telling you where they're at, they're giving you a
wonderful opportunity to explain more about what you can do
And also talk about adjustments that will help you get
the job done. S would you be able to explain
your vision? What examples can you give about what you
can do and how? If you aren't sure, this might
(22:32):
be an area of preparation to focus on next. Both
loud advocacy and quiet advocacy require energy, good planning and
communication skills to be successful. The more you practice, the
more confidence you'll have to do that next thing that's
a bit outside your comfort zone. We've talked about confidence
(22:56):
in this podcast and how to build it. We've also
talked about not waiting for it. You have to actively
work on it. One small step at a time. So
I'd love to set you a challenge. What's one small
thing you can do today that is just outside your
comfort zone? Perhaps it's asking for some help at school.
(23:17):
Or could you go somewhere you've not been before by yourself?
Maybe you can start a conversation with someone you don't
know well yet. Even doing a household task you've never
done before can start to build your confidence. Every day,
look for new opportunities to grow your skills and build
your confidence. Thanks for joining me. See you next time.
S9 (23:45):
Vision Australia.
S10 (23:46):
Blindness. Low vision. Opportunity.
S2 (23:50):
This podcast was written using the research and ideas of
Karen Wolf and Penny Rosenbloom on self-determination in EQ essentials.
Teaching the expanded core curriculum to students with visual impairments
and Saxon Wolf. Teaching social skills to students with visual
impairments from theory to practice. Check out our other expanded
(24:11):
core curriculum Self-Determination resources.
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