January 31, 2024 • 16 mins
Join Helen McCabe and Jamila Rizvi as they shine a spotlight on the often overlooked yet crucial aspect of a successful career—self-compassion. Delve into the mental and physical benefits and the transformative balance it offers.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to Mindset, a guide to getting out of your
own way and a blueprint for professional success. Today, Helen
McCabe and Jamila Risvie are here to discuss how they
turned self-criticism into self-compassion.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
So this is about distinguishing between.
A very healthy practise of self-reflection. And so after you've
been part of an argument or had a difficult day,
or something's gone wrong at work, taking some time to
think about your contribution, that's a really great thing to do,
and probably something most of us don't do enough. But
self-criticism is something else. That's something that becomes quite destructive.
(00:42):
And it can be relentless, it can be really negative,
and it tends to be about.
Berating ourselves for our shortcomings without necessarily being constructive in
our intention. Our, our intention is not to make ourselves
better through this criticism, it's just to beat ourselves up.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Yeah, and that can be really self-defeating. So you can
find yourself in a, in a fairly, um, big spiral
if you can't work out ways to pull yourself out. So,
What does it look like?
Negative self-talk. It's berating yourself with negative thoughts and internal dialogue.
For instance, you're telling yourself, I always mess things up,
(01:20):
or I'm not good enough, or I'm a terrible person,
or any of those things that we've all do to
ourselves from time to time. Overanalyzing. This is the, uh,
you can't let it go, it's in your head nonstop,
it's on repeat.
Um, you're dwelling on past mistakes or perceived shortcomings, replaying
situations in your mind, comparing them to other situations where
(01:41):
you've made the same mistake and you do it over
and over again, and then beat yourself up going, Why
is it I keep making that mistake? Comparing yourself to others,
and we've talked a bit about this, um, measuring your
success or worth against what you perceive to be theirs.
It is
Super self-defeating to do this. You cannot compare yourself to others. Um,
this can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism when
(02:04):
it seems that others are doing better, but they only
seem to be doing better. They quite often got their own, um, uh,
self-criticism going on. Uh, and the sooner you can realise that,
the sooner you can move
Speaker 2 (02:14):
on. Another example of how, uh, self-criticism sort of shows
up in our lives.
Lives, I suppose, is not accepting positive feedback. And this
is something I notice a lot, um, particularly from perfectionists, actually. So,
when you get positive feedback from an employer or a, a, a,
a friend or someone in the community sector, or even
(02:35):
a partner, right? If you're constantly dismissing it and downplaying
the feedback or sort of telling them that their compliment
is inaccurate, and you're feeling uncomfortable, so you're sort of deflecting, um,
You're doing that because actually you're not comfortable with being
told something positive about you. And that's because self-criticism is
what's taking over in your brain. You're so used to
(02:56):
the critical that you can't actually accept someone being so
positive towards you.
And finally, excessively harsh self-evaluation. So, that means using really
harsh language to evaluate your own abilities or your actions. So,
describing yourself as something really insulting, calling yourself stupid or
incompetent or worthless. Remembering, of course, that the neural pathways
(03:18):
in our brain.
Are built up over time, and our brain, when it's
been thinking the same thing again and again and again
and it links an error or a mistake to, I'm stupid,
I'm incompetent, I'm worthless. If you make that connection again
and again,
Then it's easier for your brain and your brain is
going to take the easier pathway back to stupid, incompetent, worthless,
(03:39):
anytime something goes wrong. It doesn't make it true, but
it does make it a very clear, difficult story that
you're telling yourself. And the, the impact of this stuff, Helen,
can be really
Destructive, and I think that's something we see in a
whole lot of the people that work with FW and
who work with our jobs academy.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Yeah, I, I think there is a difference between not
accepting a compliment and telling yourself you're worthless too. Like,
that is the next step on and, um, one to
be very, very mindful of.
Um, the destructive impact of excessive self-criticism. You've got some
research for us?
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Sure do. So, there was a study published folks in
the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. It found that
really high levels of self-criticism are associated with increased symptoms
of depression.
And anxiety. And again, reminding everyone that Helen and I
aren't mental health professionals. And if, if that's sounding like you,
that constant negative self-evaluation, it's worth having a chat to
(04:34):
someone who can give you a hand with working with
working through that. Helen, there are also studies that show
that people who display high levels of self-criticism are more
likely to use illegal substances or engage in other harmful
coping mechanisms. Rather than seeking out those constructive solutions to challenge.
Challenges. So it is associated with some really serious stuff.
This isn't just you in your head talking to yourself.
(04:56):
There's really significant physical and mental health outcomes. Chronic stress
is associated with self-criticism that can contribute to the development
or exacerbation of a whole range of health conditions. This
is stuff where if you suspect it might be more
than a passing challenge for you, it is time to
get really serious about it, to intervene, and let's try
and pull you out of that damaging self-criticism loop.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
And also be aware of it in the people around you,
because you might, if you, if you do have, um,
friends or family members, um, using that language about themselves, um,
it's worth maybe just taking note of, um, and keeping
an eye on. So, how do we distinguish between healthy self-reflection,
and we've talked about self-reflection, um, a bit in this podcast, um,
(05:42):
and damaging self-criticism.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
So a couple of questions you can ask yourself. So,
when you are criticising yourself, is that evaluation based on
facts or emotions? Because if you are objectively trying to
assess your behaviour in a situation, that's great. But if
you are bringing a whole lot of emotion to it,
you're probably not considering the full context. Ask yourself, are
you being really general in your assessment? For example, I'm inadequate,
(06:08):
I'm not good enough, I'm stupid. Those are really big generalisations.
There's nothing wrong with saying,
I didn't study very hard for that test, and I
don't think this is an area of expertise A that
I've naturally been the best at, and so I probably
should have worked a bit harder. That's a really healthy self-reflection.
(06:28):
Calling yourself stupid.
That's a bit different. That's serious self-criticism. Ask yourself, would
you say the same thing to a friend in this situation?
Ask yourself what you can learn from the experience. So
focus on growth rather than standing in the moment of
your perceived failure and beating yourself up for it.
Ask yourself if you are holding yourself to unrealistic expectations,
(06:49):
because if you're criticising yourself for trying to do the impossible,
that's not very reasonable or fair to yourself. And have
you considered factors beyond your control? And have you allowed room,
and this brings us to the main topic of our
conversation today, Helen, which is, have you allowed room for self-compassion?
Can you be a little kinder to yourself, a little
more understanding? Can you acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes, or
(07:11):
are you being excessively harsh? Are you being unforgiving?
Speaker 1 (07:16):
And again, I think, um, just before we finish at
that point, that everyone goes through this. So if you're thinking,
as we're talking that you do do a lot of this,
everyone does this. So it is a, it is a
natural thing to go through. Um, but what is self-compassion? Um,
how can we be our biggest cheerleaders rather than our
(07:37):
biggest critics? Well, kindness, Kindness is something we don't have
enough of in the world generally. Um,
And we all wish for more of it. Why not
start a little bit with yourself and just cut yourself
some slack? I, I do think there's a bit of
a generational point to make here. I think in your
(08:00):
20s and 30s, you are really hard on yourself. Um,
and as you grow older, you recognise that the challenges,
challenges that you had in your 2020s and 30s are
kind of part of life.
Um, and if you're listening to this podcast and you're
in your 20s and your 30s, um, just know that
everyone goes through it. By the time you get to
(08:21):
my age, Jam, you're kind of pretty well aware that
life is about making a bunch of mistakes and then
trying to fix them or improve, um, so you don't
make them again. Um, so be a little bit kinder
to yourself. Have
Speaker 2 (08:34):
you had
Situations in the past where you've been really unkind to yourself,
and that that has then impeded what came next.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
I think we're all unkind to ourselves.
Um, uh, and I actually think it's not a bad
thing in certain circumstances. You know, when you're, uh, competing
in professional circumstances, um, and I'm thinking around journalism, where
(09:04):
you are pushing the envelope all the time and potentially
not treating the subjects of your story in the way
that you would treat them if you had your time again.
Um, that you can have some pretty
Self-reflective moments. In fact, I've got some journalism colleagues who've
(09:27):
written entire books about this, um, but that's about trying
to be the best at what you can do and
not making
Um, not being true to yourself, um, and, and carrying
out practises that, you know, that in retrospect, you wish
you'd have more time to think
Speaker 2 (09:47):
about. Well, you even use the, the phrase self-reflection there, right?
And self-reflection is really healthy. And yeah, I agree, something
I think most of us don't do enough. You know,
we're rushing on to the next thing and, and
You know, even as teams or as organisations, we make
errors or something goes wrong, and we don't spend enough
time going, what did go wrong? How can we do
this better next time? Cause we're rushing off onto the
(10:07):
next thing, but out of necessity, but that reflection's really good. Yes,
Speaker 1 (10:11):
but then it's that healthy balance of reflection and going, OK,
I didn't do that as well as I wanted to do.
I'm not proud of what just happened.
Uh, but I'm not gonna spend the next I'm not
gonna spend a year and I'm not gonna drop out
of my profession. I'm just gonna get better.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Well, and it's something actually you and I have not
in these terms, but I think we've talked about it
as a management technique where occasionally you'll have a staff member.
Who makes a significant error, and it's the sort of
error where, as a manager, your job is to go and,
you know, you're supposed to give them a good ticking off, right? Like,
you weren't supposed to do that. But when you are
dealing with a team who work really hard and are
really self-aware, and they have already reflected, and they have
(10:51):
probably already beaten themselves up, they don't, they don't need
more than that, because you don't want to push them
into self-criticism. You wanna keep them in that healthy self-reflection space.
And as long as they've learned and grown, that's all
that matters. The next bit.
It just takes them into a place where they could
get stuck there, and it becomes an angry kind of rut,
I suppose.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
And as a leader, you have to judge the difference, um, in,
in terms of how you manage individuals, cause they're not,
there's no two individuals are the same in some ways.
And as, um, someone who's, uh, at risk of going
into a negative self-refle reflection loop, um, then that requires
some mindfulness to recognise the good bit, like, OK.
(11:33):
Didn't handle that as well as I, I wanted to
do it. I'm not proud of it, uh, but I'm
gonna learn from
Speaker 2 (11:38):
it. And mindfulness is another factor in self-compassion, right? Mindfulness is,
is the ability to observe your own thoughts and emotions
without judgement and just acknowledge that they're there without being
overwhelmed by them. It means being present in the moment.
And then sort of maintaining a balanced awareness of the
self and the surrounding circumstances. So, when you take that
(11:59):
idea of that self-kindness, the, the, the common humanity of
the fact that, as Helen says, we all go through this,
and that mindfulness, you get the components of a framework
that mean we can respond to our personal challenges with
kindness and understanding, um, rather than with, with cruelty or,
or critique or self-indulgence. So,
(12:19):
I, I think the, the challenge for us is to
start practising this, Helen, rather than talking about it. Um,
practising self-compassion has been associated with a, a, a, a
plethora of psychological benefits. It increases resilience, it reduces level
of stress, it reduces anxiety, it improves mental well-being, and
it also means that you have more positive relationships with
yourself and with others, others. So, practising self-compassion.
(12:44):
Feels, feels a bit woo woo, doesn't it? But practising
self-compassion is a real thing and something that can genuinely
benefit yourself. So let's, let's dive into that. What are
ways we can practise self-compassion?
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Let's move out of the woo woo, acknowledging and accepting
your imperfections, um, instead of
Harshly criticising yourself for making a mistake or falling short,
just acknowledge that nobody's perfect. Um, and remind yourself that
mistakes are natural. Uh, and also, I'm just gonna say,
acknowledge that in other people when they make mistakes too,
that you're not perfect, they're not perfect. We're all just
trying to do the best we can. Um, when facing
(13:20):
a difficult situation, try speaking to yourself the way you
would speak to a friend. Um,
Remind yourself that it's OK to feel this way and
think these cruel things, um, but that doesn't make them
true and remember your positive, um, qualities and all the
good things you do, because mostly people do more good
than they do, um, bad.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Um, celebrate your achievements. This is something we're rubbish at, folks.
Helen and I, absolute rubbish. Acknowledge your achievements. It doesn't
matter if they're small. Did
Speaker 1 (13:50):
you just put this in for me? No,
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I, but I do think both you and I are
very bad at it. Um, acknowledging your achievements is really important,
taking a moment to actually say, Hey, I did that,
and it was
Good is an important message to yourself, to the people
around you. So get your friends and family involved, create traditions,
mark the milestones, and practise celebrating the success until it
feels real to you. And I want to take, uh,
(14:13):
Helen's rolling her eyes at me because she doesn't want
to celebrate anything and everyone. But I do want to
take a moment before we wrap up to say that, um,
We all tell ourselves stories about ourselves, right? It, it's
not just authors and journalists who write stories. We are
all writing stories of ourselves day by day. We tell
stories about who we are, how we show up in
(14:35):
the world, who we are, uh, how we're viewed by
family members, what we're good at, what we're not good at.
They
There are stories. You made them up. You might have
made them up based on a few facts, but not
all the facts. Certainly not. And your aim should be
to not only recognise some of the problematic and negative
stories you're telling yourself, but to start to transcend them
(14:57):
and say, that is a narrative that I wrote, and
therefore it
There's a narrative I can rewrite. So you can craft
a new and more empowering story for you, where you
are the protagonist of your life journey and not just
a victim of circumstance. So, while it's crucial that you,
you acknowledge the, the people who've who've made you who
(15:17):
you were in the past and the difficult experiences you've
had and the challenges you've overcome.
Remember that you have agency over what that story is,
and that story that you keep repeating to yourself. So
make it a story of triumph, make it a story
of really elegant sacrifice. Make it a story of humanity,
that you have done these good things, that you have
(15:38):
overcome hard stuff. Don't make it a story of pity.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
So much of what we do at FW and FW
Jobs Academy is
Encouraging or pushing our members to change their mindset, to
move past whatever the blockage is, um, and that might
mean into self-compassion, it might mean into adaptability or self-belief.
(16:05):
But what we've learned, um, over the years that we've
been working in this area is that mindset really matters.
And you can, you can make the change.
Mindset is created by FW Jobs Academy with support from
the Australian government's Office for Women.
Welcome to Mindset, a guide to getting out of your
own way and a blueprint for professional success. Today, Helen
McCabe and Jamila Risvie are here to discuss how they
turned self-criticism into self-compassion.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
So this is about distinguishing between.
A very healthy practise of self-reflection. And so after you've
been part of an argument or had a difficult day,
or something's gone wrong at work, taking some time to
think about your contribution, that's a really great thing to do,
and probably something most of us don't do enough. But
self-criticism is something else. That's something that becomes quite destructive.
(00:42):
And it can be relentless, it can be really negative,
and it tends to be about.
Berating ourselves for our shortcomings without necessarily being constructive in
our intention. Our, our intention is not to make ourselves
better through this criticism, it's just to beat ourselves up.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Yeah, and that can be really self-defeating. So you can
find yourself in a, in a fairly, um, big spiral
if you can't work out ways to pull yourself out. So,
What does it look like?
Negative self-talk. It's berating yourself with negative thoughts and internal dialogue.
For instance, you're telling yourself, I always mess things up,
(01:20):
or I'm not good enough, or I'm a terrible person,
or any of those things that we've all do to
ourselves from time to time. Overanalyzing. This is the, uh,
you can't let it go, it's in your head nonstop,
it's on repeat.
Um, you're dwelling on past mistakes or perceived shortcomings, replaying
situations in your mind, comparing them to other situations where
(01:41):
you've made the same mistake and you do it over
and over again, and then beat yourself up going, Why
is it I keep making that mistake? Comparing yourself to others,
and we've talked a bit about this, um, measuring your
success or worth against what you perceive to be theirs.
It is
Super self-defeating to do this. You cannot compare yourself to others. Um,
this can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism when
(02:04):
it seems that others are doing better, but they only
seem to be doing better. They quite often got their own, um, uh,
self-criticism going on. Uh, and the sooner you can realise that,
the sooner you can move
Speaker 2 (02:14):
on. Another example of how, uh, self-criticism sort of shows
up in our lives.
Lives, I suppose, is not accepting positive feedback. And this
is something I notice a lot, um, particularly from perfectionists, actually. So,
when you get positive feedback from an employer or a, a, a,
a friend or someone in the community sector, or even
(02:35):
a partner, right? If you're constantly dismissing it and downplaying
the feedback or sort of telling them that their compliment
is inaccurate, and you're feeling uncomfortable, so you're sort of deflecting, um,
You're doing that because actually you're not comfortable with being
told something positive about you. And that's because self-criticism is
what's taking over in your brain. You're so used to
(02:56):
the critical that you can't actually accept someone being so
positive towards you.
And finally, excessively harsh self-evaluation. So, that means using really
harsh language to evaluate your own abilities or your actions. So,
describing yourself as something really insulting, calling yourself stupid or
incompetent or worthless. Remembering, of course, that the neural pathways
(03:18):
in our brain.
Are built up over time, and our brain, when it's
been thinking the same thing again and again and again
and it links an error or a mistake to, I'm stupid,
I'm incompetent, I'm worthless. If you make that connection again
and again,
Then it's easier for your brain and your brain is
going to take the easier pathway back to stupid, incompetent, worthless,
(03:39):
anytime something goes wrong. It doesn't make it true, but
it does make it a very clear, difficult story that
you're telling yourself. And the, the impact of this stuff, Helen,
can be really
Destructive, and I think that's something we see in a
whole lot of the people that work with FW and
who work with our jobs academy.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Yeah, I, I think there is a difference between not
accepting a compliment and telling yourself you're worthless too. Like,
that is the next step on and, um, one to
be very, very mindful of.
Um, the destructive impact of excessive self-criticism. You've got some
research for us?
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Sure do. So, there was a study published folks in
the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. It found that
really high levels of self-criticism are associated with increased symptoms
of depression.
And anxiety. And again, reminding everyone that Helen and I
aren't mental health professionals. And if, if that's sounding like you,
that constant negative self-evaluation, it's worth having a chat to
(04:34):
someone who can give you a hand with working with
working through that. Helen, there are also studies that show
that people who display high levels of self-criticism are more
likely to use illegal substances or engage in other harmful
coping mechanisms. Rather than seeking out those constructive solutions to challenge.
Challenges. So it is associated with some really serious stuff.
This isn't just you in your head talking to yourself.
(04:56):
There's really significant physical and mental health outcomes. Chronic stress
is associated with self-criticism that can contribute to the development
or exacerbation of a whole range of health conditions. This
is stuff where if you suspect it might be more
than a passing challenge for you, it is time to
get really serious about it, to intervene, and let's try
and pull you out of that damaging self-criticism loop.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
And also be aware of it in the people around you,
because you might, if you, if you do have, um,
friends or family members, um, using that language about themselves, um,
it's worth maybe just taking note of, um, and keeping
an eye on. So, how do we distinguish between healthy self-reflection,
and we've talked about self-reflection, um, a bit in this podcast, um,
(05:42):
and damaging self-criticism.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
So a couple of questions you can ask yourself. So,
when you are criticising yourself, is that evaluation based on
facts or emotions? Because if you are objectively trying to
assess your behaviour in a situation, that's great. But if
you are bringing a whole lot of emotion to it,
you're probably not considering the full context. Ask yourself, are
you being really general in your assessment? For example, I'm inadequate,
(06:08):
I'm not good enough, I'm stupid. Those are really big generalisations.
There's nothing wrong with saying,
I didn't study very hard for that test, and I
don't think this is an area of expertise A that
I've naturally been the best at, and so I probably
should have worked a bit harder. That's a really healthy self-reflection.
(06:28):
Calling yourself stupid.
That's a bit different. That's serious self-criticism. Ask yourself, would
you say the same thing to a friend in this situation?
Ask yourself what you can learn from the experience. So
focus on growth rather than standing in the moment of
your perceived failure and beating yourself up for it.
Ask yourself if you are holding yourself to unrealistic expectations,
(06:49):
because if you're criticising yourself for trying to do the impossible,
that's not very reasonable or fair to yourself. And have
you considered factors beyond your control? And have you allowed room,
and this brings us to the main topic of our
conversation today, Helen, which is, have you allowed room for self-compassion?
Can you be a little kinder to yourself, a little
more understanding? Can you acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes, or
(07:11):
are you being excessively harsh? Are you being unforgiving?
Speaker 1 (07:16):
And again, I think, um, just before we finish at
that point, that everyone goes through this. So if you're thinking,
as we're talking that you do do a lot of this,
everyone does this. So it is a, it is a
natural thing to go through. Um, but what is self-compassion? Um,
how can we be our biggest cheerleaders rather than our
(07:37):
biggest critics? Well, kindness, Kindness is something we don't have
enough of in the world generally. Um,
And we all wish for more of it. Why not
start a little bit with yourself and just cut yourself
some slack? I, I do think there's a bit of
a generational point to make here. I think in your
(08:00):
20s and 30s, you are really hard on yourself. Um,
and as you grow older, you recognise that the challenges,
challenges that you had in your 2020s and 30s are
kind of part of life.
Um, and if you're listening to this podcast and you're
in your 20s and your 30s, um, just know that
everyone goes through it. By the time you get to
(08:21):
my age, Jam, you're kind of pretty well aware that
life is about making a bunch of mistakes and then
trying to fix them or improve, um, so you don't
make them again. Um, so be a little bit kinder
to yourself. Have
Speaker 2 (08:34):
you had
Situations in the past where you've been really unkind to yourself,
and that that has then impeded what came next.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
I think we're all unkind to ourselves.
Um, uh, and I actually think it's not a bad
thing in certain circumstances. You know, when you're, uh, competing
in professional circumstances, um, and I'm thinking around journalism, where
(09:04):
you are pushing the envelope all the time and potentially
not treating the subjects of your story in the way
that you would treat them if you had your time again.
Um, that you can have some pretty
Self-reflective moments. In fact, I've got some journalism colleagues who've
(09:27):
written entire books about this, um, but that's about trying
to be the best at what you can do and
not making
Um, not being true to yourself, um, and, and carrying
out practises that, you know, that in retrospect, you wish
you'd have more time to think
Speaker 2 (09:47):
about. Well, you even use the, the phrase self-reflection there, right?
And self-reflection is really healthy. And yeah, I agree, something
I think most of us don't do enough. You know,
we're rushing on to the next thing and, and
You know, even as teams or as organisations, we make
errors or something goes wrong, and we don't spend enough
time going, what did go wrong? How can we do
this better next time? Cause we're rushing off onto the
(10:07):
next thing, but out of necessity, but that reflection's really good. Yes,
Speaker 1 (10:11):
but then it's that healthy balance of reflection and going, OK,
I didn't do that as well as I wanted to do.
I'm not proud of what just happened.
Uh, but I'm not gonna spend the next I'm not
gonna spend a year and I'm not gonna drop out
of my profession. I'm just gonna get better.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Well, and it's something actually you and I have not
in these terms, but I think we've talked about it
as a management technique where occasionally you'll have a staff member.
Who makes a significant error, and it's the sort of
error where, as a manager, your job is to go and,
you know, you're supposed to give them a good ticking off, right? Like,
you weren't supposed to do that. But when you are
dealing with a team who work really hard and are
really self-aware, and they have already reflected, and they have
(10:51):
probably already beaten themselves up, they don't, they don't need
more than that, because you don't want to push them
into self-criticism. You wanna keep them in that healthy self-reflection space.
And as long as they've learned and grown, that's all
that matters. The next bit.
It just takes them into a place where they could
get stuck there, and it becomes an angry kind of rut,
I suppose.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
And as a leader, you have to judge the difference, um, in,
in terms of how you manage individuals, cause they're not,
there's no two individuals are the same in some ways.
And as, um, someone who's, uh, at risk of going
into a negative self-refle reflection loop, um, then that requires
some mindfulness to recognise the good bit, like, OK.
(11:33):
Didn't handle that as well as I, I wanted to
do it. I'm not proud of it, uh, but I'm
gonna learn from
Speaker 2 (11:38):
it. And mindfulness is another factor in self-compassion, right? Mindfulness is,
is the ability to observe your own thoughts and emotions
without judgement and just acknowledge that they're there without being
overwhelmed by them. It means being present in the moment.
And then sort of maintaining a balanced awareness of the
self and the surrounding circumstances. So, when you take that
(11:59):
idea of that self-kindness, the, the, the common humanity of
the fact that, as Helen says, we all go through this,
and that mindfulness, you get the components of a framework
that mean we can respond to our personal challenges with
kindness and understanding, um, rather than with, with cruelty or,
or critique or self-indulgence. So,
(12:19):
I, I think the, the challenge for us is to
start practising this, Helen, rather than talking about it. Um,
practising self-compassion has been associated with a, a, a, a
plethora of psychological benefits. It increases resilience, it reduces level
of stress, it reduces anxiety, it improves mental well-being, and
it also means that you have more positive relationships with
yourself and with others, others. So, practising self-compassion.
(12:44):
Feels, feels a bit woo woo, doesn't it? But practising
self-compassion is a real thing and something that can genuinely
benefit yourself. So let's, let's dive into that. What are
ways we can practise self-compassion?
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Let's move out of the woo woo, acknowledging and accepting
your imperfections, um, instead of
Harshly criticising yourself for making a mistake or falling short,
just acknowledge that nobody's perfect. Um, and remind yourself that
mistakes are natural. Uh, and also, I'm just gonna say,
acknowledge that in other people when they make mistakes too,
that you're not perfect, they're not perfect. We're all just
trying to do the best we can. Um, when facing
(13:20):
a difficult situation, try speaking to yourself the way you
would speak to a friend. Um,
Remind yourself that it's OK to feel this way and
think these cruel things, um, but that doesn't make them
true and remember your positive, um, qualities and all the
good things you do, because mostly people do more good
than they do, um, bad.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Um, celebrate your achievements. This is something we're rubbish at, folks.
Helen and I, absolute rubbish. Acknowledge your achievements. It doesn't
matter if they're small. Did
Speaker 1 (13:50):
you just put this in for me? No,
Speaker 2 (13:52):
I, but I do think both you and I are
very bad at it. Um, acknowledging your achievements is really important,
taking a moment to actually say, Hey, I did that,
and it was
Good is an important message to yourself, to the people
around you. So get your friends and family involved, create traditions,
mark the milestones, and practise celebrating the success until it
feels real to you. And I want to take, uh,
(14:13):
Helen's rolling her eyes at me because she doesn't want
to celebrate anything and everyone. But I do want to
take a moment before we wrap up to say that, um,
We all tell ourselves stories about ourselves, right? It, it's
not just authors and journalists who write stories. We are
all writing stories of ourselves day by day. We tell
stories about who we are, how we show up in
(14:35):
the world, who we are, uh, how we're viewed by
family members, what we're good at, what we're not good at.
They
There are stories. You made them up. You might have
made them up based on a few facts, but not
all the facts. Certainly not. And your aim should be
to not only recognise some of the problematic and negative
stories you're telling yourself, but to start to transcend them
(14:57):
and say, that is a narrative that I wrote, and
therefore it
There's a narrative I can rewrite. So you can craft
a new and more empowering story for you, where you
are the protagonist of your life journey and not just
a victim of circumstance. So, while it's crucial that you,
you acknowledge the, the people who've who've made you who
(15:17):
you were in the past and the difficult experiences you've
had and the challenges you've overcome.
Remember that you have agency over what that story is,
and that story that you keep repeating to yourself. So
make it a story of triumph, make it a story
of really elegant sacrifice. Make it a story of humanity,
that you have done these good things, that you have
(15:38):
overcome hard stuff. Don't make it a story of pity.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
So much of what we do at FW and FW
Jobs Academy is
Encouraging or pushing our members to change their mindset, to
move past whatever the blockage is, um, and that might
mean into self-compassion, it might mean into adaptability or self-belief.
(16:05):
But what we've learned, um, over the years that we've
been working in this area is that mindset really matters.
And you can, you can make the change.
Mindset is created by FW Jobs Academy with support from
the Australian government's Office for Women.
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