July 21, 2026 • 46 mins
Ash has survived the school holidays… barely. With the entire household struck down sick for eight days, he became the designated nurse: cooking, cleaning, and running the ship solo.
Matt's back from said Bali with tales of parent-child massages, the cruellest security camera prank ever played on a seven-year-old, and Ash shares the sacred flannel wash system for dodging Bali belly,
Matt and Ash also take aim at this year's report cards. Apparently every kid in New South Wales is just "satisfactory". Ash unveils his masterstroke of parenting: the family Uno ladder, a whiteboard scoring system that's ended bedtime meltdowns once and for all.
Plus, some breaking news from the world of science that'll have every dad "looking after his health" 21 times a month, Ash cops a shout-out on another podcast (as "Jamie", naturally), and a trip to the soccer fields ends with poor Lenny copping a rocket to the face and a concussion. Twenty Pokémon cards later, all is forgiven.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I got shamed by Laura, who doesn't get a shamed
of your wife?
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Go on, Okay, I farted in front of her and
the kids to make Macie.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Feel a bit better because she farted and she was
a bit embarrassed about it. And April just shamed me.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
She was like, oh what have I would sat over again?
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Granted I did put myself a little bit, but we
spoke about that the other day.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Is she wrong for saying that?
Speaker 3 (00:27):
I honestly I went.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Full victim too. I was like, how dare you shame me?
It's just in front of my kids. It's just air
and a bit of pool. Laura shamed you.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
I'll tell you after the intro. Welcome back to two
Doting Dads. I am Maddie J And this is a
(00:57):
podcast all about parenting. Is the good, it is the bad,
and we don't give advice.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
No.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Laura said to me, how many episodes do you record
on the Tuesday when you're with Ash? And I said two?
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Did you say, noney of business take out?
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Don't look it our podcast?
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Was she trying to like humbly brags, Oh, well we
do three?
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Well?
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Yeah, She's like, you're there all day? Get two episodes done.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
There's only three of us. You've got a whole fucking
production team. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Well, actually we stolen one of her lucky welcome back
sitting in the seat of Vic, who is right now,
I'm sure enjoying a cocktail.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
She's still looking for a camera, still looking for a camera.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Sorry, Vic, don't need to laugh at your misfortune her
expensive camera as well. She did not have lost that
fucking bag we gave her. If she lost that bag,
it's it don't coming back. Her holiday does look great. Yeah,
La Laura just said that she thought it was, you know,
funny that we don't do that much, but we take
a full day.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yeah, because it's got to be organic, it's got to
happen naturally without it being forced.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
And then he said, what's your next line?
Speaker 1 (02:02):
The kids are doing my head. Well, it doesn't help
that we've now got the sim the racing sim set
up you're talking about. Vic did have a desk where
she would work from.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
That's neat.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
That's turned into there's been like a seat, a folded
up seat, and I was like, what is that Like,
it's a SIM racing seat and that's now fully set up.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
It's to go SIM yeah, it feels very.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Much in here studio. This is where we do the
business outside the other side of the curtain. That's where
we do like the bachelor parties.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
That's where all that's where all the man cave parties
happen to start cock fighting out there, just.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Us eating barnmes on the floor.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Literally, we had lunch on the floor and then we're like,
sim shirt, why.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
It's nice, it's nice.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
School is officially all the way back as of right now.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Well done, well done everyone, we made it.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
We did it, and on Monday we jumped the gun
a little bit.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
But Queensland's back.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
I think no one cares about them.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
For a second, I got to close my eyes and
I was back home.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
That's exactly what they sound like, all of them. You
all sound the same because you're brothers and sisters.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Guilty, but everyone now as a whole collectively the country
normality has returned.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Ten more weeks and yeah it's start again, is it
ten weeks? I think that they shouldn't have a winter break.
I think they should run through until winter. Actually, at
the day it ends, is like when the kids get
a break because.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
It sucks man cold. There's nothing to fucking do. As
soon as there's a little bit of weather, it's like.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Oh fuck, what was the best thing you did over
the holidays?
Speaker 3 (03:43):
I did nothing? Do you know why I did nothing?
Why everyone has been sick?
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Yeah? What's going on?
Speaker 3 (03:47):
Honestly, no one left the house for eight days. We'll quarantined.
What'd you have, good question?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Well, April was the sacrificial lamb for the testing, so
we had her tested for a bunch of things.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Nothing.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
What do you mean she just had?
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Like's not wrong? The flu was just must have been.
Must have been. I think she had a couple of
viral things and then it.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Must have been some virus.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
She's still not okay.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
I mean, did speak about it the other day. It's
on your house. Well, how's it going with the gym
and the.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
Lack of none? It's not happening. And that seems to
be the saddest bit, apparently.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Because I had been telling her for fucking weeks, because
she hasn't been well like she's you know, it's like
hanging around you're a bit the same week.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Whoa Well, you're all the same, You're all the letters.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Where you are a bit crook, but you power through.
But you seem to get you don't go to the
gym as much, so you actually give yourself time to recover.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
I tape her off.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
You tape her off April No.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
And I was like, oh god, stop going to the
gym every day, just every second day, just to give
yourself a chance.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
And she was like, if I'm well, I'm going to
the gym, I'm going to push those weights. Anyway. A
couple of weeks back, she gets home from the gym
on the Monday morning.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Guess I shouldn't have gone.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
And she laid down and that was the end of it.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
And I could have easily done what anyone would do
as hell, I told you, though, what would you do?
Speaker 3 (05:09):
I zip my mouth because I know it's good for me.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
You just just sat there and I just picked up
the load, put the whole family on my shoulder for
eight days straight.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Wow. And did you get sick?
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Nah? Wow.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
I was sick the week before, but I went and
got an IV. I stopped training, I rested, I went
to bed early.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
I stopped jerking off.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
That is that is serious's speechless. It's like the buponic,
buponic uponic?
Speaker 3 (05:36):
What is a buponic?
Speaker 1 (05:37):
The black plague, and there was a certain jot that was
a combination between something else and tectonic tetanic.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
The tectonic plague money.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
It was when the medieval times when the Black plague
came through and there were certain individuals ash who immune
to the black plague, and they were then responsible for
like looking after the town.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
That was me.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
You were that person.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
I was.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Everyone's like help me, and they're just cooking and cleaning,
doing it all.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
And work it.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
You guys were all away, so I'm just like holding
the thought wow, thankfully, Like it was school holidays and
a lot of parents who work in corporate and stuff
have a week off or a few.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Days off, so it wasn't overly busy and via email,
but it was just like a couple.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Of kids moping around like you know what they like
real like I've never seen Oscar literally like I don't
want to do you know what.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
He's like, He's bouncing off the work. Helpie, you can't
stop it.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Who wants to climb?
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Ever, I'll do it, but you know, let me just
climb this mountain first, and then I'll do that one.
And then the one day they started to feel a
bit better between the two of.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Them, like, everyone do push ups.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
They were still in bed. I'm in charge. I was like, hey,
it was a rainy day, but with patches of sunlight.
I'm a weather man now.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
And there was a low pressure system max temperature of
I think it was sixteen.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
Yeah, but the sun came out. It was nice.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
I was like, hey, whippi shoes on, let's get out
for a quick scooter, just a quick one while the
sun's out. Just a burn a bit of energy. You're
still seek won't be come back, get warm again, blah.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
And then they're teasing and no Oscar was being a turd,
that's right. And I walked out and I said, hey,
you've been crooked as a dog yep for days. You
do not have any right to now be a little
shit about that. You're bored and being shit about what
because I've had to fucking look after you and everyone else.
I said, hey, don't go to your sister, don't tease
each other. Just let's just get dressed and go. I'm
(07:29):
like sweet. They're like, yes, Dad. I was like, hopefully
they listen. Of course they fucking didn't. I went into
the bedroom and I hear a commotion and put my
pants on.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
Who got one leg on? I'm coming out, hopping out,
and it's good of you to get dressed. I've come
around the corner. Well I've been warned. I come around the.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Corner and and I've caught it, just as Macey's cocked
her arm back like that to hit and fucking walloped
him across the fucking back of the head. May little Macy, Yeah,
little Mace so quiet, she said, Well, she's got his violence.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
That's how she speak.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
She's just like I would never imagine that. She's such
a sweet, innocent she is.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
And she's just every now and then, mate, I saw red.
I was like, especially after I said, hey, I did
say in the warning, I'm gonna yell at you, and
I'm gonna yell like you've never heard me yell before.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
So don't tease each other. Just get dressed, let's go.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Yeah, And then of course this happened, mate, what would
you go to phrase? I was like, I can't really
remember it. I was like, are you fucking I was
like full loud, like as loud as it possibly can.
The neighbors would have heard it. Fucking two suburbs over
would have heard it.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
I actually was in Bali and I was like Ash.
I was like that I've gone crazy. I think I
just heard ash.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
And then I stormed out. I left. I was like,
I'm fucking going.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Was April like, fuck, I'm coming.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
I walked them to their room and I was like,
get in your beds. I said, you're gonna find out
what prison's like today.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
I literally said, do not leave this bed.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Do not leave it. You are not to leave. No fun.
And I left and came back. Did you just go
for a scooter by myself?
Speaker 4 (09:07):
Nah?
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I got in the car when got a haircut. I
just did something for me to try and just relax.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
You know what. Can I just say, as a man,
one of the little moments, that's quite nice. He's getting
a haircut because.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
You give bitch about everyone and it's like a safe space,
and also you look good afterwards.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Yeah, well I do absolutely. I questioning that anyway. I
get home.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
No kids, where are they are they They've gone off
to poppers. And April was like, look, it's not a
reward to them. It's more of a break for you.
And I was like, oh, thank you. She's like and
I was so tired because I had kids in my
bed for six days.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
I barely slept because I was kick him in the bag.
And then when they came.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Home, Barb, which is Frank's partner, was like, I heard
the kids got in trouble, so they've obviously gone over
there and be like.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Daddy's really angry with this.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
He made us lay in bed. We couldn't move for days.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
They walked in she worry his chocolate milk. Yeah, he
was like, he's history iPads, what.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
Do you want to do?
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Save here out kids?
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Yeah, relax you save.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I would never raise my voice.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
Yeah, that is proper. Anyway. I was like they walked
in the door sheepishly.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
And sorry dad, blah blah blah blah, and I was like, okay, fuck.
But like it was just like at the point where
I'm like, but it is.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Kind of nice when the kids realize they've done something wrong.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
Yeah, but for two seconds and then I'm like back
at it.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Yeah, but still even though just that brief, Like Laura
is not a morning person. She'll often say to me,
I'm like morning mo. When she's like I hate you.
It's not meal how she welcomes me, and I'm like
that hurts my feelings. And I leave and I don't
give you like a nice goodbye. But then when I
pick her up, she's like, hey, just you know about that?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Yeah, look I was this morning.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
I gotta say sorry, Yeah, I just woke up, and
I'm like, that's all right. We're cool. We're cool. They're
just too Hey, just quickly, before you went on holidays,
did you get a report card? We did, not for you,
not from April, but Oscar did he get a report card?
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Yeah? You too?
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Yeah, well how is yours?
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Generic?
Speaker 1 (11:12):
I think I don't want to like the teachers here
we go the backbone of this country. You know, they're undervalued, underpaid.
We need to encourage more people to get into the industry.
So I don't want to sit here and critique their
incredible work, but you will. Report cards are getting a
bit shit.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
I know.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Year two like second year in wait till like a
few years down the track. Last year OSCARS was like
productive feedback. This year it was like satisfactory, satisfactory, and
then April it said physical education satisfactory.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
And I was like, do they fucking know who this
kid is? Do they know who this kid is? She
was ready to go and get down to school.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
My mine was the same. Marley. You know what she's
like with her reading. She's got the Kindle now, yeah, genius.
She just she reads almost forty five minutes. She reads
better than me. Her reading was satisfactory. Yeah, like I
was going to call the school.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Everyone I've spoken to it's the same. It's the same
this year.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
I feel like everyone in New South Wales has just
got a satisfactory across the board. Am I missing something?
But she's grade one? She's grade one, So I don't
want to be that person who then calls the teacher
up because it's the teachers last year. She's retiring, so she.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
She's she's checked out.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
She doesn't give a fuck. I'm like, you know, Marley,
she's like, who like Mark?
Speaker 3 (12:30):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (12:30):
I know Mark, not the best reader. Again, it's grade one.
I'm not going to be one of those parents. But
my beautiful Marley.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
I was waiting for it, I said to April, and like,
you know that iconic meme of that American kid with
a basketball and he throws it to his dad and
the mum goes, that boy is going to be a
professional athlete, and the dad throws the ball back as
a pass.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
It hits him straight the face and it's just like
the most fair a bit of fucking poetry.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
But actually, Lolas, can I just take a moment? Lola's
was a bloody nice repodcas.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Yeah, that's why I think they butter you up in
kindergarten and.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Then they're like smack your bactory reality for the rest
of the years.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
So they're all the same. Now.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Look, honestly, I said to Abel, I'm like, hey, these
people teachers have enough on their play.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
I agree, I have enough on their play.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
As long as there's nothing for us to work through
at this age, I'm fine. Because if they're giving me
constructive feedback about Oscar, do you honestly think he's going
to fucking listen to me being.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Like, you know, like read and write a little bit better,
you know.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Like, but surely, pe come on, he's an athlete.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
He doesn't stop.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
What's it going to take?
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Okay, if that's satisfactory, I like to know what's excellent, guys,
Michael phelp Okay, right anyway, but I think hopefully the
end of year one might be a little bit more comprehensive.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Don't get your hopes up on these fucking lazy teachers.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
Am I wow?
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Am I no? Am?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
I right?
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Keep it in there, lucky twelve week holiday blood. We're
jo we're joking.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Shout out to teacher gym for.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Oh yes, teacher gym.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Yeah, he was like, let me get let me get
this straight. We get twelve weeks off. Yeah, but we
still work like they still work like an eight till.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Five and then they're doing exam marking and stuff over
their whole.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
It's all automated now, isn't it. They getting cancers. I'm
just has nothing to do with me. I'm just just
I'm having a giggle. You have a note here, because
we are in housekeeping. We have a note here. You
said car seats.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Oh yes, because both Marle and oscar the are five
days apart in birthdays, same year, five days apart.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
And seven now, so seven or lee or.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Height allows you to be with or without car seat
slash booster. So I want to know where Marley's art,
what she's sitting on.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
We've got the two cars, and we've got like it's
a bit of a smallert board of seats. Sometimes Marley's in.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Like I have so many seas in home with the fun.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
I'm like, where the fuck did these seats come from? Also,
like I don't know much what the ruling is. It
depends on Also, Marley and Lola are always fighting over seats.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Yeah, so it's like for them to be out of
a booster like on nothing is I think seven is
the age, but it's one.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
Hundred and forty five centimeters. That's in New South Wales.
Copy of that, and I could have made that up,
but I believe sure I read that she.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Will sit in the middle, but someone in the middle
in the middle because I got Poppy in her little
rear facing. I got fucking I can't remember his fucking
kids name.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
I got Marrel, Greg, Tom Dick and Harry.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
Fuck it out, Maddie Bunch.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I always call Poppy Lola.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
You know that's like my it's dyslexia, that's what that is.
So my mum is so bad.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
You mean I've got I've got more problems than I
can be a victim of.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Ah.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
Yeah, probably, I think we all do in some aspect.
I do.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
It's a spectrum.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Yeah, we're on it somewhere. But yeah, my mum would
be like Wayne, like you'll go through all the names
and it's the dog that did the wrong thing. So
what was the car seat where she she's in the
middle in a boost.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
It depends on what kind of mood them in what car,
what day of the week. Sometimes from the roof racks,
Oh that's the drink.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
I got that box off of my car. What do
you think is in there? Out?
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Sometimes I'm just moving the car because I actually I've
got a fucking parking fine for parking in the driveway of.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Your house that yes, bring him up, said this is
my fucking house.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Or someone bloody across the foot path across the foot path.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Yeah, let's dig it up.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
So I had to like move the car into under
the street, and then Marley was like can I come
with you? And I was like yeah, sure, just sit
in the front because I'm going like fifty meters before
you come for me and tell docs. We drove like
ten meters on the road.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Oscar turned seven and the first thing said was like
like no, no, no, no, no no no. If you go
into it, give me the keys. You're going to a booster.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
But I was moving the.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Car from the visitors to the garage at our place,
which is again it's like one hundred meter loop, and I.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Was like, hey, how do you feel about sitting in
the front? He was like what I kin'd of? I
was nearly like, that's your birthday present, but I thought, nah.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Give some more.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
You know what?
Speaker 1 (17:16):
They laugh? I guess there's anything different the front seat
or we've got the seventy.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Seven, the weird creatures these kids, aren't they?
Speaker 1 (17:24):
But then it's so fucking annoying. You're gonna get only
fit two in the back. So you've got three kids.
What did gymnastics pick up? Always one kid misses out?
Oh my god, just shut up.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
I know.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
So Oscar is like, get in in he gat puts
the seatbelt on the top strap covers his whole face
because he's tiny, and he's just like mate.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
The look on his face was like this is sick.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
And then you're like, get back in your bed.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Yeah yeah, yeah, I like, get back in your room.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Don't say a thing, just quickly. I was notified by
the doors on the Facebook group, but one of us
received a shout out on another painting podcast.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
What they say about beyond.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
The Bump not me, not me, Except for those of
you who may not have listened to the previous episodes.
I received a shout out on them and mea podcast,
except they were like, ah, what's his name? I couldn't
get my name right, Franky Jane. So that theme has
continued here for me. Well, for you have a listened
to this and talking about your sobriety journey, which is
(18:22):
I think fantastic knowing that your story is helping other
people out there. But this is what they said about yourself.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
As someone who never thought they had an issue with it.
Where you go, Oh, this actually did have more of
a control over my life than I thought. And I
actually heard Jamie from to Dad's podcast, and also Hannah
who we spoke to you about her.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
Much about Jamie.
Speaker 4 (18:46):
The way I saw this snippet, it sounded like he
had had trouble with alcohol and he stopped drinking.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Jamie, Jamie.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Look it happens all the time because of jam Pikelet's right.
People think it's Jamie and I don't even I don't
wrecked anyone.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
You do look like a Jamie.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Thank you. People will yell at me like Jamie, what
I just came? Honestly, I don't care. You can call
me fuck it.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
I don't care, all right, And be like, oh, I like, hell,
I love you by I see it because people sometimes.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
People are like, hey, what's your real name?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Who are you?
Speaker 3 (19:16):
I've stopped correcting.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
It was it was a nice shout out, though it was.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
The thought was there, The thought was there, but unfortunately
the execution.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
So be on the bump. Thank you, Yeah, thank you,
But it's Ash.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
It's Ash Ash. Clearly, Hey Ash.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
We did an episode last week about periods, and I
want to just say really quickly, got some lovely messages.
I've got a few messages from people being like, beautiful,
look an idiot. How are you a man of your
age almost forty with three girls? And how do you
not know about this stuff? I just think, and I
said it on Stories, but I'm like, if your response
to someone trying to understand the topic that they don't
(19:55):
know about is like, how the fuck do you not
know that? What does that do to encourage anyone from
wanting to understand? Men would just be like, oh god,
I'm staying well away from that. Aren't going near that conversation?
Speaker 3 (20:06):
And who else are you cutting down while they're trying
to better themselves.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
But off the back of that store of stories where
I was like, I get some bad feedback. A lot
of dotors reached out and they were like, actually, I
didn't know anything about periods.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
I feel like those comments think that you knew absolutely nothing. Guilty, right,
which is not true because you know, there's a cicle,
you know the basics.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
Of it all.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
But if we're not educated, But how do you think
we find this shit out? We get someone on and
then we also essentially we've done a community service.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
So I blame Laura for this. You know, Laura didn't
teach me anything.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
What's she supposed to do?
Speaker 1 (20:40):
I was going to say, Laura's period, thankfully, is one
that hasn't caused her a huge amount of issues, right,
And I know that some people, you know, with endometriosis,
it causes so much pain and it's such so much
discomfort that it makes sense for you and your partner
to understand what's going on. But also, we felt pregnan
so easily that it wasn't something that we had to
(21:02):
learn about because it just didn't have that much of
an impact on our lives, which is, you know, I'm
just making excuses. Give a bit of contract. That's fair.
Because one person was like, but your wife as a
period like how did you know about your wife? And
I was like, I don't know voice that was.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
But again, Nana, but.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
I think those daughters who then reached out and were like,
thank you for the episode.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Yeah, I think like it was just all educational. Why
not like for me, I think the only other than
things that I've learned online and maybe like its same April,
like she doesn't struggle with it, like some people really
struggle with it, and it's like such a heavy talking
point in the house because I remember I had a
girlfriend years ago, like like late teens, and she would
not be able to walk for a week.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
She was just so bad. So it's like people struggle
out there with it and they probably talk.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
About it more, but like it's so counterproductive and honestly,
it says more about them than it does about us.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
Leaving a comment like that.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I think if you're not willing to go hey, boys, yeah,
maybe you should know some of the stuff.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
But good on you, because there's other people also don't
know this stuff. That's an appropriate comment. Now you're a
fucking idiot. There's plenty of things that that person doesn't know.
I guarantee you.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
So to the dotors, who reached out with some lovely feedback.
Thank you very much.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Yes, appreciate it, oh Ash.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Before we go into the main part of the episode,
I was at your house recently and I noticed there's
a little whiteboard with some scores.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Yeah, Oscar's obsessed with ladders, Like, I mean ladders, like
the rugby league ladder.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
Who's coming first?
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Like a table, a table, I like a hierarchy pyramid scheme.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
Yeah, a ladder scoring a d d ear, so.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
He's a paintut.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
That's ah damn it. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
So we play, you know, every night before bed, every
night every night, we play three games of three cards
eat so the quick easy Macy wins majority of them,
if I'm honest.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Because you're forfeiting, or because you.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Know, silent assassin, Like she'll have a drawer for and
it's her last card and she's like, I don't want
to use it yet and pick up like I can win.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
When I want to win.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
But you like it as a family. As a family, Yeah,
that's bloody lovely. So you're going to hug your mic then, honestly,
thank you. Whose idea was this?
Speaker 3 (23:19):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
I think we just started playing and then it was like, hey,
I think maybe Oscar was like, hey about instead of
doing a book, we.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Do, and it just sort of flowed on. But the
problem with that.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
He's like, and instead of like a bit of milk,
a bit of whiskey, and then instead it's poker.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Yeah yeah, and he's like, and then maybe maybe some meth,
like meth is Moorish.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Card sharks called card sharks.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
Yeah, it's it was.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
It started off as like, oh yeah, okay, like and
then the problem was kids don't like to.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Lose, fucking don't they.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
So I hate it. But the good thing about doing
it is we have a system. If you don't shake
hands with everyone at the end of the thing and
you're not.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Like, hey, a loss, you're allowed to be satisfying. Let's
show your emotions about being sad. But if you can't
be a good sport about it, you're suspended for the
first game of the next night's rounds.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
And that worked a little bit.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Oscar missed out the other day and he went to
meltdown about missing out on the first game, and I
was like, you miss out, you miut it down the game, bro,
You're missing out on the next one.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
He's like, if you're a referee with a card system.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
Yeah, but then it started to become.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
You like doing like doping as well with the kids.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Remember perform performance announcements.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Yeah, yeah, you spend for six months.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
Yeah, Macy needs to be tested.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
But it was we were still getting the odd meltdown
because Oscar the other night he won the first game dominantly,
won the second game dominantly, and that pretty much you've
won two of the three, right, and we do second
and third place as well. Anyway, so he won and
then Macy won the third one and Oscar had a
(24:55):
meltdown and I was like.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
Whoa, well, wow, you've won more bro Yeah, and I
was like, do you know what?
Speaker 2 (25:00):
And I took his love of ladders and I made
the UNO ladder. So it's like, okay, well there's another
way to get.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
You get two points one point two points.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
So it's really and it's absolutely removed the meltdowns. So
what I do is we'll get to the end and
no matter who's one, who's come second, or where we're
going to.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
The kids hop into bed, April's.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Doing hot water bottles, and I'm getting the white board
out and I'm creating the ladder for the night. And
then I walk in there like a coach at the
end of the game and I'm like, you played good kid.
First Macy and we all clap Macy, and then we
all go okay, and second was this and you know,
good games blah blah blah blah blah blah, and everyone's
happy and we all you know.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
You are like a proper coach I'm working on. When
I found out you were doing that, I was like,
I like that. I want to use that in my family.
And I was like, guys, we're playing Uno tonight and
my kids are like, fuck off. And I was like,
please come on it for me, for me this one,
Like we could be like the Wicks family. And they
were like, we wouldn't play it. I was like, well,
(26:00):
fuck you guys.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
So they play.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Can't get them.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
You're just playing. Yeah, it's Laura, it's good man.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
I think like you're simplified as much as you can,
obviously with a four year old, where you're like.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Color number, whoever invented? Well done?
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Color number?
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Color number? Well done?
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Oh, I've got some breaking news because Vick is on holiday.
Vic once again, I hope you're enjoying the cocktails and Vietnam.
The headline is I can't do a news reader voice.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
I'm just gonna give me, give me you, Ron Burgundy.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Men urged to ejaculate twenty one times a month to
cut prostate cancer risk.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
My risk level is at an all time lot. And
if you do it, double that.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Yeah, I know what time you increase the risk power month?
Speaker 3 (26:47):
That's nothing.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Twenty one a month? What do you?
Speaker 2 (26:49):
What do you?
Speaker 1 (26:49):
What are your numbers? Don't tell me? Give that personal
locky cover.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
Here is so.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Data from a long term health and lifestyle study assessing
more than fifty downs men since nineteen eighty six. That's
a fucking long study. Jeseus. This is written in April,
suggests that those who ejaculate twenty one or more times
per month had a nineteen to twenty two percent lower
risk of prostate cancer than those who came less. Wow, okay,
(27:16):
can't lie with so you're twenty one as a benchmark,
the scientist said. The broader implication is that the more
frequent ejaculation it may offer a greater potential benefit.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
There you go, well, so, if ever, do you have
to keep up that sort of numbers month? In month
out I.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Think you do. Yeah, oh god, twenty one.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Let's okay, right, give yourself an honest number. God, over
a month or do you want to do it over
a week and then you can multiply.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
I reckon a month, probably hitting around fifteen. Ooh you.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Fifteen? Yeah that's fair.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
I'm not you know. I like my dessert, but I
won't have it every night.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
Oh look, I reckon, yeah, I reckon.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Split it out.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
I couldn't put a number on it.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
Twenty one, twenty, I would say twenty. Like I break
it down per week. Now, maybe not that high, And
I think about it. If you break it down per week,
it gives you a better in occasion, I would say
fifteen is good number. Fifteen to twenty. We need to
up our game if we want to survive this cancer stuff.
It's like someone's just come out and said, you've got
(28:29):
a jerk off to save.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Your own life. That's pretty much well I've just said there.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
I'm like, yes, sir, that's nineteen eighty six. That's a
bloody long time.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
Yeah, And also like, did it take them that long
to find fifty thousand men to contribute?
Speaker 3 (28:42):
But surely, like you're gonna be Granddad's like, I knew
this this day was coming up.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Yeah, how they are they honestly giving accurate numbers.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
Or they just watching them every time there's a guy
with a clip been like and so that's just another
successful orgasm.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Okay, let's breaking. That's good news. So to any dad's
out there, keep on stay safe. Yeah, clean those pipes out.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
And if you if she ever asked why you're doing
it so much, now you've got a reason.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
I don't want cancer. Facts, that's it. Would you ever
ejaculate into a sock?
Speaker 3 (29:16):
Yeah, here we go. What's the worst place you've ever ejaculated?
I'm so glad to fixed you.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
This, Like, I can't think of anywhere I went into
a bin that's fucking normal.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Yeah. It was an empty bin and the PSI.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
It was a metal bin and it had a plastic
bin pag the PSI hit the bottom of the bin
and went, what's with.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
You on PSI?
Speaker 3 (29:42):
It's one of my favorite things. Science. I like science.
There's two types of people. I think this time of year.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
There are family people like yourself and me go to Bali,
and there's people like him Lucky who go to Europe.
Speaker 3 (29:59):
He's one of those euro summer Bali summer.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
I don't think Europe. That's that's not gonna happen anymore.
That'll be a retirement trip.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
I'm not interested.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Six hours with the kids on a flight was long enough.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
But also like when I when we went to Europe,
like I said before, it's like a big museum.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
When were you there last, It's like, don't touch anything,
so pon ejaculating on that.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
Yes, stop coming on the Vatican. That's how they would
have wanted it.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
I can't do anything in this country trying to joke
up on the monument April back. You should.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
I'm just in Rome with that big people like tossing
coins in and I'm just anyway. Bali that was.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
A great place, very different, very different to how we
used to do Bali. We've been going there a little
while because Laura would get her jewelry made over there.
So we do a July trip and we've been going.
Like one of the first trips when we first got
together was to Bali. And back then we'd stay in
the villa and I remember being like, oh, we could
find this waterfall. It's like an hour moped drive. And
she'd be like, fuck, yeah, we do that now.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Nah.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Now, the only adventures that I want to go on
to like which pools women in the resort.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
I know, it's just like really sickly if there's a
pool where you're at and the kids can spend all
day and that's all they need. Like I hate the
idea of like we're going on a family holiday. I
actually I went to Bali when I was a kid
with my parents. Best time around the pool. You can
order stuff to eat, like the Balletes didn't give a
fuck who was ordering it.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
Whatever. Great we did one day tour. Hated it.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Yeah, I was like, this is fucking stupid, and my
parents like that was such a fucking waste of timeh
and I went out to the rice fields, stimulated the
economy out there, and then we came back and it
was like, honestly all I needed all the kids.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
All the kids, they make it so easy. They know
what they're doing at these resorts and exactly and it's
just like my kids, all right, you know. I like
to think that I was raising them in a way
where you know, they're strong, independent, they're resilient. So the
first we said the two we were a news to
(32:10):
do it at the Conrad Great place.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
I really like news to do it because it's quiet.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
It's quiet, Okay. So we were like, you know, obviously
a lot of time by the pool, and we were like,
but do you know what there's like a parent child
you get a massage in the same room. It's like
a nice little bonding session. They also get their nails done.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
Like a couple of sages pfer parents.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Yeah, And I was like, that's explaining to Marley. I
was like this, this person's about to touch you. It's okay.
I'll be in the room with you because you're like
strange danger but mixed messaging, really mixed messages.
Speaker 3 (32:40):
It's a procedure though.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
But midway through, like I'm in the room, I like
look over and I'm like, mah, are you enjoying this?
And she's like, ah, tell you what I needed this stressful?
This is what I needed stressful. Back in the office,
she was like after she was like, tell you what
fill a million bucks after that same time tomorrow next day,
She's like, so we're getting a massage now.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
This is our life now.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
And I was like, fucking pretty expensive at the resort
and she's like, I could really like booking another one,
maybe like two o'clock after after you have lunch.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
It's free, just added on the room.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Literally. I was like, fuck, I've created a monster. Yeah,
give my children to A seven and five. I was like,
should I get Poppy one? She's just like poppies like me.
But it was nice, you know, there's like you meet
families by the pool, met some lovely some lovely young families,
made some good friendships. Impressed the residence of the hotel
(33:34):
with my assuming underwater.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
You do love that little trick of where you like,
I'm going to that's like your whole holiday's goal is
to swim underwater across the whole length of the pool.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
My book resorts based on the pool length.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
Yeah, because there's some doozies out there that you should try.
Thank you. I think you should really give it to go,
give it a munch.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Thank you. It's I would say, the highlight of my
year so far.
Speaker 3 (33:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
The Padma Resort pool.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
Look clean, too, very clean. We've been over this before.
Pissing in the poo all in BALI tick. I think you're
allowed to do it. Thumbs up, Okay, I think carry on.
There's much worse things going on in the world than
a bit of piss.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
I mean, I do look at I do look at
the bar, the swim up bar, and the water is
warmer over there, and I'm like, there's like a group
of dads.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
They're not moving, and they're not moving. Yeah, yeah, I'm
letting them. I'm letting them go.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
Man, there in the pool for like a good four hours,
drinking beers. They're hitting the bin tangs and none of
them have left the pool.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Oh man, all of me.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
I wasn't a big pool pissy guy, but it's been
becoming a dad.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
It's fucking fair game, especially if you're at the bar.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
Everyone's I'm just swimming around in urine that you're asking
for it, right, If you're designing a resort with the
bar where you can sit in the water in a
stool that is built into the water.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
They might as well put a urine all the fuck
like like the you.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
Know, at least put the bathroom close by. Like if
you put in the bathroom fifty minutes in front of me,
it just be like a nod what.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
You can like no, never mind.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
And a lot of people message me and they're like,
I don't know what it's like traveling with a young child,
and they're like, did Poppy get sick? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (35:11):
So what was your What was yours?
Speaker 1 (35:14):
I think, Look, if you're going over to Bali with
the child that's under twelve months, the fact of the
matter is you're just going to get them a.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
Bit sick, unless they're breastfeeding, because that's all they're happening.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
But even if you give them a bath.
Speaker 3 (35:25):
Yeah, this is where you're gone wrong. And I told
you this last time, Well we did. We strictly flannel
wash at the end of the day in Bali. Okay
because of this, right, so we the whole two weeks
were there last time. Kids were in the pool, they're
in the beach, they're everywhere.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
And then at the end of the day, nice soapy
flannel followed by like a nice warm, wet flannel into each.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Bali And this is holding on to this information. You
could go back a few episodes, So what number, I don't.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Know, like one one ain't going back that far. Yeah
you should, everyone should anyway, And then we at home
into a bar, yes, and then I look over and
makes you's sucking the water out of the flannel.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
But that's at home. Okay, right, so I was like,
see dodge to bull it Matrix.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
Well, Poppy they had in the kids pool at the
Padma Great Resort. Also, they had that little little ball
like a ball pit, but they put it in the
kids pool. But the next thing, she's just holding these
balls and just sucking him. She's taking in like a
leader of pool water. Oh god, Oh she's had. Luckily,
the spitty bum came after came after the fact.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
So she come back and it's come back and it's
just like just.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
Come comes at a PSI on it but PSU now
hits the nappy comes out in the back.
Speaker 3 (36:41):
I told you, I told you the last time I
got Bali belly was secondhand Balley belly.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
Right, that was when you had the what's happened again?
Speaker 2 (36:47):
The four kids went to Bali, New Zeland bong and
we were me and Michael walking out a friend of mine,
Michael walking up to this bar for sunset. He goes, oh,
feeling a bit crooked. Okay, guess I'm gonna have to
go back. I'm like, sweet, okrry on because we're meeting people,
met with them, had a drink or two of them,
and I better go back, it's getting late.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
Went back, walked in. I could tell that Mike hadn't.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Been unwell obviously, and I was like, right, sweet, I'm
just going to go in. I'm going to go brush
my teeth, have a shower, whatever, and go to bed.
And I'm very diligent with not drinking the water whatsoever. Anyway,
I brushed my teeth, washed my mouth with a bottle
of water, purchased a bottle of water that.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
Was there on the sink, or so, I thought, very responsible,
walked out of.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
The bathroom and Mike goes, I wouldn't drink out of
that water bottle that's on the side of the sink.
I was like, why not, He goes, I filled it
up with water from the tap to wash down the
spew on the floor.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
So and you left it there.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
I'd had a big swig. It was a waiting game
what happened. I just waited and six hours and then
I came did it, and I was fucked for like
the rest of the trip.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
I was so bad, and he was fine the next day.
And then when I started to feel better, as I come,
let's go for a surf paddle out thought I could
slip a fart out was nah.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
Just just shit.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
So that when it was we're going with the kids,
I'm like, I'm not they're not showering, they're not bathing.
Speaker 3 (38:07):
They're getting wiped down with the flannel. That's all you.
Flannel is so open stuff. But like, give me a shower.
They had like they would have showers, but like they
wouldn't put their head on it because they were sucking.
They would drink it. They're so dumb, you know, they're
dumb like they are, so just like, don't drink that
while they're drinking it.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
Anyway, speaking of dumb, what do you do? Well, just
one day in particular, whilst we're at the resort, Mary
was being a little bit cheeky. Wasn't listening to me.
They have a couple of security cameras, and so throughout
the day she's not listening to me. She's been really cheeky,
and I was like, you know what, I'm going to
prank her. I'm going to get her back. So for that,
So I look over and she's added the security camera
(38:43):
and she's like pulling faces too, and I was like,
don't do that because that's a bit rude. It's not
that rude. But I was just like, I just saw
a little opportunity and I was like.
Speaker 3 (38:52):
Yeah, you've got to take those.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
And I was like, you know, if you're rude, if
you're being rude to the camera, someone is watching that
and they may be up upset. We might get in trouble.
And she's like she's like yeah. What I quickly did
was then get my phone. They set an alarm for
a minute from what the current time. Yeah, so then
as we're walking put my phone on loud. The alarm
(39:15):
goes off and I go, hello, yes, we are walking
back to the resort. Yeah, that we A'm with Marley
right now. My daughter, Oh you saw that on the camera.
You'd like to speak to us in reception. And Marley
was like she was like, who's that. It's my security.
(39:37):
They've just called. And I was like, well, come to
a reception straight away. I'm so sorry. And then I
was like, yes, got her, and I was like, idiot.
Next thing, Marley's hysterical. She's like, oh, they all.
Speaker 3 (39:50):
Want to commit the crime. And when they come.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
Knocking and I'm like come on, mam, and she's like, Daddy, please, no.
And these guests are walking by as she's hysterical, like
she's about to be taken off to jail, and I
was about to tell her. Then Laura comes over and
she's like, what's happened? And she's like, Mummy, they asked
me to come to a reception. And she's like, what
are you talking about? And I was like, oh, yeah, you.
Speaker 3 (40:12):
Know, having off to jail.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
And then I'm the fucking one getting in trouble. Now
you did make a cry. I don't know she's gonna cry.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
Honestly, I think it's fair.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
I had to scare some sense into her life.
Speaker 3 (40:24):
Lessons are hard and they hurt, and that's one right.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
She was like, Daddy, why would you do that to me?
Speaker 2 (40:29):
So had you back out of it, you could have
played the hero kind of like don't worry Mary, I'll
take care.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
No.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
I was like, it was just it was a prank.
It was a prank, all right, you had to come
to it. And I was like and then I was like,
I'm the worst day it ever.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
Just the worst dude ever.
Speaker 1 (40:48):
And that's all I had.
Speaker 3 (40:49):
That was like my drawer for they got ya.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
Whenever he is always win.
Speaker 3 (40:55):
I do love playing tricks on my kids. It's part
of it's those of you listening.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
Who don't have kids. One of the best parts of parenting.
He's been able to do a little tricks on them
and shit like that. I reckon speaking of tricks. The
World Cup fever is upon us. Okay, it has been
for a few weeks now, but we're coming to the
points the end, and all the kids.
Speaker 3 (41:12):
Are into it. I'm into it. Everyone's into it. Okay.
So last week we all went down to the soccer
fields to have to kick the ball.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
So I'm talking to me, April, Macy, Oscar and my
mate Benos his kid Jesus who didn't come, Yeah, you
his kid Cody, And then we're also had Mike's kid
because Michael's at work.
Speaker 3 (41:33):
We took Lenny down there as well.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Anyway, we're down there kicking the ball as soccer and
outs blah blah blah blah blah. And I saw my
mate in the goals and I said, hey, we're going
to launch one at you here, okay, And I thought,
I'm going to launch one as hard as I can
at this prick.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
And for those of you who may have only recently
joined us, Ash used to be a semi professional soccer semi.
Speaker 3 (41:52):
It's an amateur amateur for.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
The Burly Bears. No hope, who was it.
Speaker 3 (41:56):
There's a few teams, listen off, no one of them.
Let's go tweet. I was just tweet tweet Bnora whatever.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
Come on save with a bit more Gusto tweet tweetheads
the tweettheads seagulls.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
Now they've changed and they amalgamated. Anyway, that's not part
of the story. Part of the story is that I
saw Beno's in the goal and I thought, I'm going
to launch one of this prick as hard as I
fucking can, as you do as men and mates.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
You're like, I'm going to fucking hurt this guy. So
I lined it up. Okay. I was in my Leonel
Messi jersey, the Argentina one. Dad was trying to show
off a little bit.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
People love it when you wear that jersey on the podcast.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
Thank You, Thank You.
Speaker 2 (42:32):
I was trying to show off a little bit, a
little bit, you know, I thought I'm going to launch
one of this guy.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
Please.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
Anyway, I've stepped up to the plate. I've taken a
few steps forward, and I've dialed it back to about
sixty percent because I thought if I hit him with
one hundred percent, Lendi's life and I've hit it at
sixty percent and it's gone perfectly about hip heights looking beautiful.
Just missed the inside post, and right behind it was
poor Lennie, his kid. Lenny's six years old, yes, and
(43:01):
Lenny's been hit square.
Speaker 3 (43:02):
In the face. He got wobbly legs. He went down
like a sack of fucking potatoes.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
To be honest, concussion anyway.
Speaker 2 (43:10):
I was like, oh fuck, anyway, So I ran over,
picked Lennie up.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
And I was like trying to make it up to
him as much.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
I'm such a bad parent the worst.
Speaker 3 (43:18):
April was like disappointed.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
When you make something else's kid cry, Fuck, it's awkward.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
I fucking sconned him with it too. It was like
when it happened, I thought he's dead.
Speaker 1 (43:27):
I've killed him.
Speaker 3 (43:28):
I thought I've killed this kid. Anyway, He's come.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
To and his fucking face is like big red soccer
ball mark on the side of it, and I've managed
to cheer him up and carry on carry on.
Speaker 3 (43:39):
For a while, and I was like, fuck, I feel
so bad. And then I forgot and.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
Then I get a message at eight o'clock at night
from Mike, his dad, saying, do you have something to
tell me? I was like, oh fuck, sorry. He goes
bro Lenny's over here. He has got an hia. He
can barely string a sentence together. He was the porky's
got concussion and he's like apparently he was like.
Speaker 1 (43:59):
He didn't send message to make sure he's okay.
Speaker 4 (44:01):
For God.
Speaker 3 (44:05):
Anyway, I was like, oh fuck, I'm so bad. I
felt so bad about it. I was like fuck. And
Mike was like, that's fine, Orry, He's just a bit worozy.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
And I was like, oh fuck, that's the last thing
any kid wants after a big day at school, go
down to play soccer with Uncle Ash and cop a fucking.
Speaker 3 (44:20):
Ball to the face. Anyway, just smoothed it over.
Speaker 2 (44:24):
I gave him twenty Pokemon cards, so I'm back into
good books.
Speaker 1 (44:27):
You can't walk anymore. He's lost vision to one one.
You're like, have a couple of cards.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
He was like, but actually I picked him up to
go to the man in the game.
Speaker 3 (44:37):
This Sunday just gone and Len.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
He get there and he's like yeah.
Speaker 3 (44:40):
He was like you're here, and I was like, Lenny, look,
I'm really really sorry. He was like, well, what so
he's fucking forgotten about it, but you're great. No one's
letting me live it down at home. They're like me
when Oscar was like, honestly, you fucking hit letting really hard?
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
Anyway, you're a good dad.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
I think it's time to get out here.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
Yeah, we should, we should, we should.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
And if you've enjoyed this episode, please leave us a
review five stars comments, I don't know, leave us a.
Speaker 3 (45:06):
Subscribe, do anything, I don't know where else what else?
Speaker 1 (45:09):
You can follow us on social media. We're at two
doting dads on YouTube full episodes. There's YouTube shorts is TikTok.
There's a Facebook group, this Instagram. I think that's it,
Son'll not. I think that's everything. Have I forgotten something?
Speaker 3 (45:24):
Let's get out of here. Okay, if we've forgotten.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
Something, well us lucky.
Speaker 3 (45:28):
Thanks for joining us, and thanks for being here, and.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
We'll be back with Vick next week.
Speaker 3 (45:33):
Yeah, get out, okay back.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
Podcast.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
You're not with the proficial custodians of country throughout Australia
and communities.
Speaker 2 (45:50):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present,
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
People's Today.
Speaker 3 (45:57):
This episode was recorded on gadigle Land.
I got shamed by Laura, who doesn't get a shamed
of your wife?
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Go on, Okay, I farted in front of her and
the kids to make Macie.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Feel a bit better because she farted and she was
a bit embarrassed about it. And April just shamed me.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
She was like, oh what have I would sat over again?
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Granted I did put myself a little bit, but we
spoke about that the other day.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Is she wrong for saying that?
Speaker 3 (00:27):
I honestly I went.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Full victim too. I was like, how dare you shame me?
It's just in front of my kids. It's just air
and a bit of pool. Laura shamed you.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
I'll tell you after the intro. Welcome back to two
Doting Dads. I am Maddie J And this is a
(00:57):
podcast all about parenting. Is the good, it is the bad,
and we don't give advice.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
No.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Laura said to me, how many episodes do you record
on the Tuesday when you're with Ash? And I said two?
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Did you say, noney of business take out?
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Don't look it our podcast?
Speaker 3 (01:13):
Was she trying to like humbly brags, Oh, well we
do three?
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Well?
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Yeah, She's like, you're there all day? Get two episodes done.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
There's only three of us. You've got a whole fucking
production team. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Well, actually we stolen one of her lucky welcome back
sitting in the seat of Vic, who is right now,
I'm sure enjoying a cocktail.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
She's still looking for a camera, still looking for a camera.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Sorry, Vic, don't need to laugh at your misfortune her
expensive camera as well. She did not have lost that
fucking bag we gave her. If she lost that bag,
it's it don't coming back. Her holiday does look great. Yeah,
La Laura just said that she thought it was, you know,
funny that we don't do that much, but we take
a full day.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Yeah, because it's got to be organic, it's got to
happen naturally without it being forced.
Speaker 3 (01:59):
And then he said, what's your next line?
Speaker 1 (02:02):
The kids are doing my head. Well, it doesn't help
that we've now got the sim the racing sim set
up you're talking about. Vic did have a desk where
she would work from.
Speaker 3 (02:12):
That's neat.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
That's turned into there's been like a seat, a folded
up seat, and I was like, what is that Like,
it's a SIM racing seat and that's now fully set up.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
It's to go SIM yeah, it feels very.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Much in here studio. This is where we do the
business outside the other side of the curtain. That's where
we do like the bachelor parties.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
That's where all that's where all the man cave parties
happen to start cock fighting out there, just.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Us eating barnmes on the floor.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Literally, we had lunch on the floor and then we're like,
sim shirt, why.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
It's nice, it's nice.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
School is officially all the way back as of right now.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Well done, well done everyone, we made it.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
We did it, and on Monday we jumped the gun
a little bit.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
But Queensland's back.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
I think no one cares about them.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
For a second, I got to close my eyes and
I was back home.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
That's exactly what they sound like, all of them. You
all sound the same because you're brothers and sisters.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Guilty, but everyone now as a whole collectively the country
normality has returned.
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Ten more weeks and yeah it's start again, is it
ten weeks? I think that they shouldn't have a winter break.
I think they should run through until winter. Actually, at
the day it ends, is like when the kids get
a break because.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
It sucks man cold. There's nothing to fucking do. As
soon as there's a little bit of weather, it's like.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Oh fuck, what was the best thing you did over
the holidays?
Speaker 3 (03:43):
I did nothing? Do you know why I did nothing?
Why everyone has been sick?
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Yeah? What's going on?
Speaker 3 (03:47):
Honestly, no one left the house for eight days. We'll quarantined.
What'd you have, good question?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Well, April was the sacrificial lamb for the testing, so
we had her tested for a bunch of things.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Nothing.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
What do you mean she just had?
Speaker 3 (04:02):
Like's not wrong? The flu was just must have been.
Must have been. I think she had a couple of
viral things and then it.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Must have been some virus.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
She's still not okay.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
I mean, did speak about it the other day. It's
on your house. Well, how's it going with the gym
and the.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
Lack of none? It's not happening. And that seems to
be the saddest bit, apparently.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Because I had been telling her for fucking weeks, because
she hasn't been well like she's you know, it's like
hanging around you're a bit the same week.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Whoa Well, you're all the same, You're all the letters.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Where you are a bit crook, but you power through.
But you seem to get you don't go to the
gym as much, so you actually give yourself time to recover.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
I tape her off.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
You tape her off April No.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
And I was like, oh god, stop going to the
gym every day, just every second day, just to give
yourself a chance.
Speaker 3 (04:53):
And she was like, if I'm well, I'm going to
the gym, I'm going to push those weights. Anyway. A
couple of weeks back, she gets home from the gym
on the Monday morning.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Guess I shouldn't have gone.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
And she laid down and that was the end of it.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
And I could have easily done what anyone would do
as hell, I told you, though, what would you do?
Speaker 3 (05:09):
I zip my mouth because I know it's good for me.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
You just just sat there and I just picked up
the load, put the whole family on my shoulder for
eight days straight.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Wow. And did you get sick?
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Nah? Wow.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
I was sick the week before, but I went and
got an IV. I stopped training, I rested, I went
to bed early.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
I stopped jerking off.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
That is that is serious's speechless. It's like the buponic,
buponic uponic?
Speaker 3 (05:36):
What is a buponic?
Speaker 1 (05:37):
The black plague, and there was a certain jot that was
a combination between something else and tectonic tetanic.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
The tectonic plague money.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
It was when the medieval times when the Black plague
came through and there were certain individuals ash who immune
to the black plague, and they were then responsible for
like looking after the town.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
That was me.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
You were that person.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
I was.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Everyone's like help me, and they're just cooking and cleaning,
doing it all.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
And work it.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
You guys were all away, so I'm just like holding
the thought wow, thankfully, Like it was school holidays and
a lot of parents who work in corporate and stuff
have a week off or a few.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Days off, so it wasn't overly busy and via email,
but it was just like a couple.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Of kids moping around like you know what they like
real like I've never seen Oscar literally like I don't
want to do you know what.
Speaker 3 (06:26):
He's like, He's bouncing off the work. Helpie, you can't
stop it.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Who wants to climb?
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Ever, I'll do it, but you know, let me just
climb this mountain first, and then I'll do that one.
And then the one day they started to feel a
bit better between the two of.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Them, like, everyone do push ups.
Speaker 3 (06:40):
They were still in bed. I'm in charge. I was like, hey,
it was a rainy day, but with patches of sunlight.
I'm a weather man now.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
And there was a low pressure system max temperature of
I think it was sixteen.
Speaker 3 (06:54):
Yeah, but the sun came out. It was nice.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
I was like, hey, whippi shoes on, let's get out
for a quick scooter, just a quick one while the
sun's out. Just a burn a bit of energy. You're
still seek won't be come back, get warm again, blah.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
Blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
And then they're teasing and no Oscar was being a turd,
that's right. And I walked out and I said, hey,
you've been crooked as a dog yep for days. You
do not have any right to now be a little
shit about that. You're bored and being shit about what
because I've had to fucking look after you and everyone else.
I said, hey, don't go to your sister, don't tease
each other. Just let's just get dressed and go. I'm
(07:29):
like sweet. They're like, yes, Dad. I was like, hopefully
they listen. Of course they fucking didn't. I went into
the bedroom and I hear a commotion and put my
pants on.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
Who got one leg on? I'm coming out, hopping out,
and it's good of you to get dressed. I've come
around the corner. Well I've been warned. I come around the.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
Corner and and I've caught it, just as Macey's cocked
her arm back like that to hit and fucking walloped
him across the fucking back of the head. May little Macy, Yeah,
little Mace so quiet, she said, Well, she's got his violence.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
That's how she speak.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
She's just like I would never imagine that. She's such
a sweet, innocent she is.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
And she's just every now and then, mate, I saw red.
I was like, especially after I said, hey, I did
say in the warning, I'm gonna yell at you, and
I'm gonna yell like you've never heard me yell before.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
So don't tease each other. Just get dressed, let's go.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
Yeah, And then of course this happened, mate, what would
you go to phrase? I was like, I can't really
remember it. I was like, are you fucking I was
like full loud, like as loud as it possibly can.
The neighbors would have heard it. Fucking two suburbs over
would have heard it.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
I actually was in Bali and I was like Ash.
I was like that I've gone crazy. I think I
just heard ash.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
And then I stormed out. I left. I was like,
I'm fucking going.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Was April like, fuck, I'm coming.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
I walked them to their room and I was like,
get in your beds. I said, you're gonna find out
what prison's like today.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
I literally said, do not leave this bed.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Do not leave it. You are not to leave. No fun.
And I left and came back. Did you just go
for a scooter by myself?
Speaker 4 (09:07):
Nah?
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I got in the car when got a haircut. I
just did something for me to try and just relax.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
You know what. Can I just say, as a man,
one of the little moments, that's quite nice. He's getting
a haircut because.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
You give bitch about everyone and it's like a safe space,
and also you look good afterwards.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Yeah, well I do absolutely. I questioning that anyway. I
get home.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
No kids, where are they are they They've gone off
to poppers. And April was like, look, it's not a
reward to them. It's more of a break for you.
And I was like, oh, thank you. She's like and
I was so tired because I had kids in my
bed for six days.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
I barely slept because I was kick him in the bag.
And then when they came.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Home, Barb, which is Frank's partner, was like, I heard
the kids got in trouble, so they've obviously gone over
there and be like.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Daddy's really angry with this.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
He made us lay in bed. We couldn't move for days.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
They walked in she worry his chocolate milk. Yeah, he
was like, he's history iPads, what.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
Do you want to do?
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Save here out kids?
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Yeah, relax you save.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I would never raise my voice.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
Yeah, that is proper. Anyway. I was like they walked
in the door sheepishly.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
And sorry dad, blah blah blah blah, and I was like, okay, fuck.
But like it was just like at the point where
I'm like, but it is.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Kind of nice when the kids realize they've done something wrong.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
Yeah, but for two seconds and then I'm like back
at it.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Yeah, but still even though just that brief, Like Laura
is not a morning person. She'll often say to me,
I'm like morning mo. When she's like I hate you.
It's not meal how she welcomes me, and I'm like
that hurts my feelings. And I leave and I don't
give you like a nice goodbye. But then when I
pick her up, she's like, hey, just you know about that?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Yeah, look I was this morning.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
I gotta say sorry, Yeah, I just woke up, and
I'm like, that's all right. We're cool. We're cool. They're
just too Hey, just quickly, before you went on holidays,
did you get a report card? We did, not for you,
not from April, but Oscar did he get a report card?
Speaker 3 (11:05):
Yeah? You too?
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Yeah, well how is yours?
Speaker 3 (11:10):
Generic?
Speaker 1 (11:12):
I think I don't want to like the teachers here
we go the backbone of this country. You know, they're undervalued, underpaid.
We need to encourage more people to get into the industry.
So I don't want to sit here and critique their
incredible work, but you will. Report cards are getting a
bit shit.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
I know.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Year two like second year in wait till like a
few years down the track. Last year OSCARS was like
productive feedback. This year it was like satisfactory, satisfactory, and
then April it said physical education satisfactory.
Speaker 3 (11:45):
And I was like, do they fucking know who this
kid is? Do they know who this kid is? She
was ready to go and get down to school.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
My mine was the same. Marley. You know what she's
like with her reading. She's got the Kindle now, yeah, genius.
She just she reads almost forty five minutes. She reads
better than me. Her reading was satisfactory. Yeah, like I
was going to call the school.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Everyone I've spoken to it's the same. It's the same
this year.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
I feel like everyone in New South Wales has just
got a satisfactory across the board. Am I missing something?
But she's grade one? She's grade one, So I don't
want to be that person who then calls the teacher
up because it's the teachers last year. She's retiring, so she.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
She's she's checked out.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
She doesn't give a fuck. I'm like, you know, Marley,
she's like, who like Mark?
Speaker 3 (12:30):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (12:30):
I know Mark, not the best reader. Again, it's grade one.
I'm not going to be one of those parents. But
my beautiful Marley.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
I was waiting for it, I said to April, and like,
you know that iconic meme of that American kid with
a basketball and he throws it to his dad and
the mum goes, that boy is going to be a
professional athlete, and the dad throws the ball back as
a pass.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
It hits him straight the face and it's just like
the most fair a bit of fucking poetry.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
But actually, Lolas, can I just take a moment? Lola's
was a bloody nice repodcas.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Yeah, that's why I think they butter you up in
kindergarten and.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Then they're like smack your bactory reality for the rest
of the years.
Speaker 3 (13:14):
So they're all the same. Now.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Look, honestly, I said to Abel, I'm like, hey, these
people teachers have enough on their play.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
I agree, I have enough on their play.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
As long as there's nothing for us to work through
at this age, I'm fine. Because if they're giving me
constructive feedback about Oscar, do you honestly think he's going
to fucking listen to me being.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
Like, you know, like read and write a little bit better,
you know.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
Like, but surely, pe come on, he's an athlete.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
He doesn't stop.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
What's it going to take?
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Okay, if that's satisfactory, I like to know what's excellent, guys,
Michael phelp Okay, right anyway, but I think hopefully the
end of year one might be a little bit more comprehensive.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Don't get your hopes up on these fucking lazy teachers.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
Am I wow?
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Am I no? Am?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
I right?
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Keep it in there, lucky twelve week holiday blood. We're
jo we're joking.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Shout out to teacher gym for.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Oh yes, teacher gym.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Yeah, he was like, let me get let me get
this straight. We get twelve weeks off. Yeah, but we
still work like they still work like an eight till.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Five and then they're doing exam marking and stuff over
their whole.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
It's all automated now, isn't it. They getting cancers. I'm
just has nothing to do with me. I'm just just
I'm having a giggle. You have a note here, because
we are in housekeeping. We have a note here. You
said car seats.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Oh yes, because both Marle and oscar the are five
days apart in birthdays, same year, five days apart.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
And seven now, so seven or lee or.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Height allows you to be with or without car seat
slash booster. So I want to know where Marley's art,
what she's sitting on.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
We've got the two cars, and we've got like it's
a bit of a smallert board of seats. Sometimes Marley's in.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Like I have so many seas in home with the fun.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
I'm like, where the fuck did these seats come from? Also,
like I don't know much what the ruling is. It
depends on Also, Marley and Lola are always fighting over seats.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
Yeah, so it's like for them to be out of
a booster like on nothing is I think seven is
the age, but it's one.
Speaker 3 (15:24):
Hundred and forty five centimeters. That's in New South Wales.
Copy of that, and I could have made that up,
but I believe sure I read that she.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
Will sit in the middle, but someone in the middle
in the middle because I got Poppy in her little
rear facing. I got fucking I can't remember his fucking
kids name.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
I got Marrel, Greg, Tom Dick and Harry.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
Fuck it out, Maddie Bunch.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I always call Poppy Lola.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
You know that's like my it's dyslexia, that's what that is.
So my mum is so bad.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
You mean I've got I've got more problems than I
can be a victim of.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Ah.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
Yeah, probably, I think we all do in some aspect.
I do.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
It's a spectrum.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Yeah, we're on it somewhere. But yeah, my mum would
be like Wayne, like you'll go through all the names
and it's the dog that did the wrong thing. So
what was the car seat where she she's in the
middle in a boost.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
It depends on what kind of mood them in what car,
what day of the week. Sometimes from the roof racks,
Oh that's the drink.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
I got that box off of my car. What do
you think is in there? Out?
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Sometimes I'm just moving the car because I actually I've
got a fucking parking fine for parking in the driveway of.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Your house that yes, bring him up, said this is
my fucking house.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Or someone bloody across the foot path across the foot path.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Yeah, let's dig it up.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
So I had to like move the car into under
the street, and then Marley was like can I come
with you? And I was like yeah, sure, just sit
in the front because I'm going like fifty meters before
you come for me and tell docs. We drove like
ten meters on the road.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Oscar turned seven and the first thing said was like
like no, no, no, no, no no no. If you go
into it, give me the keys. You're going to a booster.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
But I was moving the.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Car from the visitors to the garage at our place,
which is again it's like one hundred meter loop, and I.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Was like, hey, how do you feel about sitting in
the front? He was like what I kin'd of? I
was nearly like, that's your birthday present, but I thought, nah.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Give some more.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
You know what?
Speaker 1 (17:16):
They laugh? I guess there's anything different the front seat
or we've got the seventy.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Seven, the weird creatures these kids, aren't they?
Speaker 1 (17:24):
But then it's so fucking annoying. You're gonna get only
fit two in the back. So you've got three kids.
What did gymnastics pick up? Always one kid misses out?
Oh my god, just shut up.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
I know.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
So Oscar is like, get in in he gat puts
the seatbelt on the top strap covers his whole face
because he's tiny, and he's just like mate.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
The look on his face was like this is sick.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
And then you're like, get back in your bed.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Yeah yeah, yeah, I like, get back in your room.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Don't say a thing, just quickly. I was notified by
the doors on the Facebook group, but one of us
received a shout out on another painting podcast.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
What they say about beyond.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
The Bump not me, not me, Except for those of
you who may not have listened to the previous episodes.
I received a shout out on them and mea podcast,
except they were like, ah, what's his name? I couldn't
get my name right, Franky Jane. So that theme has
continued here for me. Well, for you have a listened
to this and talking about your sobriety journey, which is
(18:22):
I think fantastic knowing that your story is helping other
people out there. But this is what they said about yourself.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
As someone who never thought they had an issue with it.
Where you go, Oh, this actually did have more of
a control over my life than I thought. And I
actually heard Jamie from to Dad's podcast, and also Hannah
who we spoke to you about her.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
Much about Jamie.
Speaker 4 (18:46):
The way I saw this snippet, it sounded like he
had had trouble with alcohol and he stopped drinking.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Jamie, Jamie.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Look it happens all the time because of jam Pikelet's right.
People think it's Jamie and I don't even I don't
wrecked anyone.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
You do look like a Jamie.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
Thank you. People will yell at me like Jamie, what
I just came? Honestly, I don't care. You can call
me fuck it.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
I don't care, all right, And be like, oh, I like, hell,
I love you by I see it because people sometimes.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
People are like, hey, what's your real name?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Who are you?
Speaker 3 (19:16):
I've stopped correcting.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
It was it was a nice shout out, though it was.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
The thought was there, The thought was there, but unfortunately
the execution.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
So be on the bump. Thank you, Yeah, thank you,
But it's Ash.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
It's Ash Ash. Clearly, Hey Ash.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
We did an episode last week about periods, and I
want to just say really quickly, got some lovely messages.
I've got a few messages from people being like, beautiful,
look an idiot. How are you a man of your
age almost forty with three girls? And how do you
not know about this stuff? I just think, and I
said it on Stories, but I'm like, if your response
to someone trying to understand the topic that they don't
(19:55):
know about is like, how the fuck do you not
know that? What does that do to encourage anyone from
wanting to understand? Men would just be like, oh god,
I'm staying well away from that. Aren't going near that conversation?
Speaker 3 (20:06):
And who else are you cutting down while they're trying
to better themselves.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
But off the back of that store of stories where
I was like, I get some bad feedback. A lot
of dotors reached out and they were like, actually, I
didn't know anything about periods.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
I feel like those comments think that you knew absolutely nothing. Guilty, right,
which is not true because you know, there's a cicle,
you know the basics.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
Of it all.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
But if we're not educated, But how do you think
we find this shit out? We get someone on and
then we also essentially we've done a community service.
Speaker 1 (20:34):
So I blame Laura for this. You know, Laura didn't
teach me anything.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
What's she supposed to do?
Speaker 1 (20:40):
I was going to say, Laura's period, thankfully, is one
that hasn't caused her a huge amount of issues, right,
And I know that some people, you know, with endometriosis,
it causes so much pain and it's such so much
discomfort that it makes sense for you and your partner
to understand what's going on. But also, we felt pregnan
so easily that it wasn't something that we had to
(21:02):
learn about because it just didn't have that much of
an impact on our lives, which is, you know, I'm
just making excuses. Give a bit of contract. That's fair.
Because one person was like, but your wife as a
period like how did you know about your wife? And
I was like, I don't know voice that was.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
But again, Nana, but.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
I think those daughters who then reached out and were like,
thank you for the episode.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Yeah, I think like it was just all educational. Why
not like for me, I think the only other than
things that I've learned online and maybe like its same April,
like she doesn't struggle with it, like some people really
struggle with it, and it's like such a heavy talking
point in the house because I remember I had a
girlfriend years ago, like like late teens, and she would
not be able to walk for a week.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
She was just so bad. So it's like people struggle
out there with it and they probably talk.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
About it more, but like it's so counterproductive and honestly,
it says more about them than it does about us.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
Leaving a comment like that.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I think if you're not willing to go hey, boys, yeah,
maybe you should know some of the stuff.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
But good on you, because there's other people also don't
know this stuff. That's an appropriate comment. Now you're a
fucking idiot. There's plenty of things that that person doesn't know.
I guarantee you.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
So to the dotors, who reached out with some lovely feedback.
Thank you very much.
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Yes, appreciate it, oh Ash.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Before we go into the main part of the episode,
I was at your house recently and I noticed there's
a little whiteboard with some scores.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Yeah, Oscar's obsessed with ladders, Like, I mean ladders, like
the rugby league ladder.
Speaker 3 (22:28):
Who's coming first?
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Like a table, a table, I like a hierarchy pyramid scheme.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
Yeah, a ladder scoring a d d ear, so.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
He's a paintut.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
That's ah damn it. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
So we play, you know, every night before bed, every
night every night, we play three games of three cards
eat so the quick easy Macy wins majority of them,
if I'm honest.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Because you're forfeiting, or because you.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Know, silent assassin, Like she'll have a drawer for and
it's her last card and she's like, I don't want
to use it yet and pick up like I can win.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
When I want to win.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
But you like it as a family. As a family, Yeah,
that's bloody lovely. So you're going to hug your mic then, honestly,
thank you. Whose idea was this?
Speaker 3 (23:19):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
I think we just started playing and then it was like, hey,
I think maybe Oscar was like, hey about instead of
doing a book, we.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Do, and it just sort of flowed on. But the
problem with that.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
He's like, and instead of like a bit of milk,
a bit of whiskey, and then instead it's poker.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Yeah yeah, and he's like, and then maybe maybe some meth,
like meth is Moorish.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Card sharks called card sharks.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
Yeah, it's it was.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
It started off as like, oh yeah, okay, like and
then the problem was kids don't like to.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Lose, fucking don't they.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
So I hate it. But the good thing about doing
it is we have a system. If you don't shake
hands with everyone at the end of the thing and
you're not.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Like, hey, a loss, you're allowed to be satisfying. Let's
show your emotions about being sad. But if you can't
be a good sport about it, you're suspended for the
first game of the next night's rounds.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
And that worked a little bit.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Oscar missed out the other day and he went to
meltdown about missing out on the first game, and I
was like, you miss out, you miut it down the game, bro,
You're missing out on the next one.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
He's like, if you're a referee with a card system.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
Yeah, but then it started to become.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
You like doing like doping as well with the kids.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Remember perform performance announcements.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Yeah, yeah, you spend for six months.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
Yeah, Macy needs to be tested.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
But it was we were still getting the odd meltdown
because Oscar the other night he won the first game dominantly,
won the second game dominantly, and that pretty much you've
won two of the three, right, and we do second
and third place as well. Anyway, so he won and
then Macy won the third one and Oscar had a
(24:55):
meltdown and I was like.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
Whoa, well, wow, you've won more bro Yeah, and I
was like, do you know what?
Speaker 2 (25:00):
And I took his love of ladders and I made
the UNO ladder. So it's like, okay, well there's another
way to get.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
You get two points one point two points.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
So it's really and it's absolutely removed the meltdowns. So
what I do is we'll get to the end and
no matter who's one, who's come second, or where we're
going to.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
The kids hop into bed, April's.
Speaker 2 (25:20):
Doing hot water bottles, and I'm getting the white board
out and I'm creating the ladder for the night. And
then I walk in there like a coach at the
end of the game and I'm like, you played good kid.
First Macy and we all clap Macy, and then we
all go okay, and second was this and you know,
good games blah blah blah blah blah blah, and everyone's
happy and we all you know.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
You are like a proper coach I'm working on. When
I found out you were doing that, I was like,
I like that. I want to use that in my family.
And I was like, guys, we're playing Uno tonight and
my kids are like, fuck off. And I was like,
please come on it for me, for me this one,
Like we could be like the Wicks family. And they
were like, we wouldn't play it. I was like, well,
(26:00):
fuck you guys.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
So they play.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
Can't get them.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
You're just playing. Yeah, it's Laura, it's good man.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
I think like you're simplified as much as you can,
obviously with a four year old, where you're like.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
Color number, whoever invented? Well done?
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Color number?
Speaker 1 (26:15):
Color number? Well done?
Speaker 3 (26:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Oh, I've got some breaking news because Vick is on holiday.
Vic once again, I hope you're enjoying the cocktails and Vietnam.
The headline is I can't do a news reader voice.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
I'm just gonna give me, give me you, Ron Burgundy.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Men urged to ejaculate twenty one times a month to
cut prostate cancer risk.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
My risk level is at an all time lot. And
if you do it, double that.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Yeah, I know what time you increase the risk power month?
Speaker 3 (26:47):
That's nothing.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Twenty one a month? What do you?
Speaker 2 (26:49):
What do you?
Speaker 1 (26:49):
What are your numbers? Don't tell me? Give that personal
locky cover.
Speaker 3 (26:53):
Here is so.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Data from a long term health and lifestyle study assessing
more than fifty downs men since nineteen eighty six. That's
a fucking long study. Jeseus. This is written in April,
suggests that those who ejaculate twenty one or more times
per month had a nineteen to twenty two percent lower
risk of prostate cancer than those who came less. Wow, okay,
(27:16):
can't lie with so you're twenty one as a benchmark,
the scientist said. The broader implication is that the more
frequent ejaculation it may offer a greater potential benefit.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
There you go, well, so, if ever, do you have
to keep up that sort of numbers month? In month
out I.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Think you do. Yeah, oh god, twenty one.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Let's okay, right, give yourself an honest number. God, over
a month or do you want to do it over
a week and then you can multiply.
Speaker 1 (27:48):
I reckon a month, probably hitting around fifteen. Ooh you.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
Fifteen? Yeah that's fair.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
I'm not you know. I like my dessert, but I
won't have it every night.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
Oh look, I reckon, yeah, I reckon.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Split it out.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
I couldn't put a number on it.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
Twenty one, twenty, I would say twenty. Like I break
it down per week. Now, maybe not that high, And
I think about it. If you break it down per week,
it gives you a better in occasion, I would say
fifteen is good number. Fifteen to twenty. We need to
up our game if we want to survive this cancer stuff.
It's like someone's just come out and said, you've got
(28:29):
a jerk off to save.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Your own life. That's pretty much well I've just said there.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
I'm like, yes, sir, that's nineteen eighty six. That's a
bloody long time.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
Yeah, And also like, did it take them that long
to find fifty thousand men to contribute?
Speaker 3 (28:42):
But surely, like you're gonna be Granddad's like, I knew
this this day was coming up.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Yeah, how they are they honestly giving accurate numbers.
Speaker 3 (28:51):
Or they just watching them every time there's a guy
with a clip been like and so that's just another
successful orgasm.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Okay, let's breaking. That's good news. So to any dad's
out there, keep on stay safe. Yeah, clean those pipes out.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
And if you if she ever asked why you're doing
it so much, now you've got a reason.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
I don't want cancer. Facts, that's it. Would you ever
ejaculate into a sock?
Speaker 3 (29:16):
Yeah, here we go. What's the worst place you've ever ejaculated?
I'm so glad to fixed you.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
This, Like, I can't think of anywhere I went into
a bin that's fucking normal.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Yeah. It was an empty bin and the PSI.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
It was a metal bin and it had a plastic
bin pag the PSI hit the bottom of the bin
and went, what's with.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
You on PSI?
Speaker 3 (29:42):
It's one of my favorite things. Science. I like science.
There's two types of people. I think this time of year.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
There are family people like yourself and me go to Bali,
and there's people like him Lucky who go to Europe.
Speaker 3 (29:59):
He's one of those euro summer Bali summer.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
I don't think Europe. That's that's not gonna happen anymore.
That'll be a retirement trip.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
I'm not interested.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Six hours with the kids on a flight was long enough.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
But also like when I when we went to Europe,
like I said before, it's like a big museum.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
When were you there last, It's like, don't touch anything,
so pon ejaculating on that.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
Yes, stop coming on the Vatican. That's how they would
have wanted it.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
I can't do anything in this country trying to joke
up on the monument April back. You should.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
I'm just in Rome with that big people like tossing
coins in and I'm just anyway. Bali that was.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
A great place, very different, very different to how we
used to do Bali. We've been going there a little
while because Laura would get her jewelry made over there.
So we do a July trip and we've been going.
Like one of the first trips when we first got
together was to Bali. And back then we'd stay in
the villa and I remember being like, oh, we could
find this waterfall. It's like an hour moped drive. And
she'd be like, fuck, yeah, we do that now.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Nah.
Speaker 1 (31:10):
Now, the only adventures that I want to go on
to like which pools women in the resort.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
I know, it's just like really sickly if there's a
pool where you're at and the kids can spend all
day and that's all they need. Like I hate the
idea of like we're going on a family holiday. I
actually I went to Bali when I was a kid
with my parents. Best time around the pool. You can
order stuff to eat, like the Balletes didn't give a
fuck who was ordering it.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
Whatever. Great we did one day tour. Hated it.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Yeah, I was like, this is fucking stupid, and my
parents like that was such a fucking waste of timeh
and I went out to the rice fields, stimulated the
economy out there, and then we came back and it
was like, honestly all I needed all the kids.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
All the kids, they make it so easy. They know
what they're doing at these resorts and exactly and it's
just like my kids, all right, you know. I like
to think that I was raising them in a way
where you know, they're strong, independent, they're resilient. So the
first we said the two we were a news to
(32:10):
do it at the Conrad Great place.
Speaker 3 (32:12):
I really like news to do it because it's quiet.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
It's quiet, Okay. So we were like, you know, obviously
a lot of time by the pool, and we were like,
but do you know what there's like a parent child
you get a massage in the same room. It's like
a nice little bonding session. They also get their nails done.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
Like a couple of sages pfer parents.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Yeah, And I was like, that's explaining to Marley. I
was like this, this person's about to touch you. It's okay.
I'll be in the room with you because you're like
strange danger but mixed messaging, really mixed messages.
Speaker 3 (32:40):
It's a procedure though.
Speaker 1 (32:41):
But midway through, like I'm in the room, I like
look over and I'm like, mah, are you enjoying this?
And she's like, ah, tell you what I needed this stressful?
This is what I needed stressful. Back in the office,
she was like after she was like, tell you what
fill a million bucks after that same time tomorrow next day,
She's like, so we're getting a massage now.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
This is our life now.
Speaker 1 (33:05):
And I was like, fucking pretty expensive at the resort
and she's like, I could really like booking another one,
maybe like two o'clock after after you have lunch.
Speaker 3 (33:13):
It's free, just added on the room.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Literally. I was like, fuck, I've created a monster. Yeah,
give my children to A seven and five. I was like,
should I get Poppy one? She's just like poppies like me.
But it was nice, you know, there's like you meet
families by the pool, met some lovely some lovely young families,
made some good friendships. Impressed the residence of the hotel
(33:34):
with my assuming underwater.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
You do love that little trick of where you like,
I'm going to that's like your whole holiday's goal is
to swim underwater across the whole length of the pool.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
My book resorts based on the pool length.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
Yeah, because there's some doozies out there that you should try.
Thank you. I think you should really give it to go,
give it a munch.
Speaker 1 (33:50):
Thank you. It's I would say, the highlight of my
year so far.
Speaker 3 (33:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
The Padma Resort pool.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
Look clean, too, very clean. We've been over this before.
Pissing in the poo all in BALI tick. I think you're
allowed to do it. Thumbs up, Okay, I think carry on.
There's much worse things going on in the world than
a bit of piss.
Speaker 1 (34:08):
I mean, I do look at I do look at
the bar, the swim up bar, and the water is
warmer over there, and I'm like, there's like a group
of dads.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
They're not moving, and they're not moving. Yeah, yeah, I'm
letting them. I'm letting them go.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
Man, there in the pool for like a good four hours,
drinking beers. They're hitting the bin tangs and none of
them have left the pool.
Speaker 3 (34:28):
Oh man, all of me.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
I wasn't a big pool pissy guy, but it's been
becoming a dad.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
It's fucking fair game, especially if you're at the bar.
Speaker 1 (34:36):
Everyone's I'm just swimming around in urine that you're asking
for it, right, If you're designing a resort with the
bar where you can sit in the water in a
stool that is built into the water.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
They might as well put a urine all the fuck
like like the you.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
Know, at least put the bathroom close by. Like if
you put in the bathroom fifty minutes in front of me,
it just be like a nod what.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
You can like no, never mind.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
And a lot of people message me and they're like,
I don't know what it's like traveling with a young child,
and they're like, did Poppy get sick? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (35:11):
So what was your What was yours?
Speaker 1 (35:14):
I think, Look, if you're going over to Bali with
the child that's under twelve months, the fact of the
matter is you're just going to get them a.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
Bit sick, unless they're breastfeeding, because that's all they're happening.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
But even if you give them a bath.
Speaker 3 (35:25):
Yeah, this is where you're gone wrong. And I told
you this last time, Well we did. We strictly flannel
wash at the end of the day in Bali. Okay
because of this, right, so we the whole two weeks
were there last time. Kids were in the pool, they're
in the beach, they're everywhere.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
And then at the end of the day, nice soapy
flannel followed by like a nice warm, wet flannel into each.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Bali And this is holding on to this information. You
could go back a few episodes, So what number, I don't.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Know, like one one ain't going back that far. Yeah
you should, everyone should anyway, And then we at home
into a bar, yes, and then I look over and
makes you's sucking the water out of the flannel.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
But that's at home. Okay, right, so I was like,
see dodge to bull it Matrix.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
Well, Poppy they had in the kids pool at the
Padma Great Resort. Also, they had that little little ball
like a ball pit, but they put it in the
kids pool. But the next thing, she's just holding these
balls and just sucking him. She's taking in like a
leader of pool water. Oh god, Oh she's had. Luckily,
the spitty bum came after came after the fact.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
So she come back and it's come back and it's
just like just.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
Come comes at a PSI on it but PSU now
hits the nappy comes out in the back.
Speaker 3 (36:41):
I told you, I told you the last time I
got Bali belly was secondhand Balley belly.
Speaker 1 (36:44):
Right, that was when you had the what's happened again?
Speaker 2 (36:47):
The four kids went to Bali, New Zeland bong and
we were me and Michael walking out a friend of mine,
Michael walking up to this bar for sunset. He goes, oh,
feeling a bit crooked. Okay, guess I'm gonna have to
go back. I'm like, sweet, okrry on because we're meeting people,
met with them, had a drink or two of them,
and I better go back, it's getting late.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
Went back, walked in. I could tell that Mike hadn't.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Been unwell obviously, and I was like, right, sweet, I'm
just going to go in. I'm going to go brush
my teeth, have a shower, whatever, and go to bed.
And I'm very diligent with not drinking the water whatsoever. Anyway,
I brushed my teeth, washed my mouth with a bottle
of water, purchased a bottle of water that.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
Was there on the sink, or so, I thought, very responsible,
walked out of.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
The bathroom and Mike goes, I wouldn't drink out of
that water bottle that's on the side of the sink.
I was like, why not, He goes, I filled it
up with water from the tap to wash down the
spew on the floor.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
So and you left it there.
Speaker 3 (37:38):
I'd had a big swig. It was a waiting game
what happened. I just waited and six hours and then
I came did it, and I was fucked for like
the rest of the trip.
Speaker 2 (37:50):
I was so bad, and he was fine the next day.
And then when I started to feel better, as I come,
let's go for a surf paddle out thought I could
slip a fart out was nah.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
Just just shit.
Speaker 2 (38:02):
So that when it was we're going with the kids,
I'm like, I'm not they're not showering, they're not bathing.
Speaker 3 (38:07):
They're getting wiped down with the flannel. That's all you.
Flannel is so open stuff. But like, give me a shower.
They had like they would have showers, but like they
wouldn't put their head on it because they were sucking.
They would drink it. They're so dumb, you know, they're
dumb like they are, so just like, don't drink that
while they're drinking it.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
Anyway, speaking of dumb, what do you do? Well, just
one day in particular, whilst we're at the resort, Mary
was being a little bit cheeky. Wasn't listening to me.
They have a couple of security cameras, and so throughout
the day she's not listening to me. She's been really cheeky,
and I was like, you know what, I'm going to
prank her. I'm going to get her back. So for that,
So I look over and she's added the security camera
(38:43):
and she's like pulling faces too, and I was like,
don't do that because that's a bit rude. It's not
that rude. But I was just like, I just saw
a little opportunity and I was like.
Speaker 3 (38:52):
Yeah, you've got to take those.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
And I was like, you know, if you're rude, if
you're being rude to the camera, someone is watching that
and they may be up upset. We might get in trouble.
And she's like she's like yeah. What I quickly did
was then get my phone. They set an alarm for
a minute from what the current time. Yeah, so then
as we're walking put my phone on loud. The alarm
(39:15):
goes off and I go, hello, yes, we are walking
back to the resort. Yeah, that we A'm with Marley
right now. My daughter, Oh you saw that on the camera.
You'd like to speak to us in reception. And Marley
was like she was like, who's that. It's my security.
(39:37):
They've just called. And I was like, well, come to
a reception straight away. I'm so sorry. And then I
was like, yes, got her, and I was like, idiot.
Next thing, Marley's hysterical. She's like, oh, they all.
Speaker 3 (39:50):
Want to commit the crime. And when they come.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
Knocking and I'm like come on, mam, and she's like, Daddy, please, no.
And these guests are walking by as she's hysterical, like
she's about to be taken off to jail, and I
was about to tell her. Then Laura comes over and
she's like, what's happened? And she's like, Mummy, they asked
me to come to a reception. And she's like, what
are you talking about? And I was like, oh, yeah, you.
Speaker 3 (40:12):
Know, having off to jail.
Speaker 1 (40:15):
And then I'm the fucking one getting in trouble. Now
you did make a cry. I don't know she's gonna cry.
Speaker 3 (40:20):
Honestly, I think it's fair.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
I had to scare some sense into her life.
Speaker 3 (40:24):
Lessons are hard and they hurt, and that's one right.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
She was like, Daddy, why would you do that to me?
Speaker 2 (40:29):
So had you back out of it, you could have
played the hero kind of like don't worry Mary, I'll
take care.
Speaker 4 (40:34):
No.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
I was like, it was just it was a prank.
It was a prank, all right, you had to come
to it. And I was like and then I was like,
I'm the worst day it ever.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
Just the worst dude ever.
Speaker 1 (40:48):
And that's all I had.
Speaker 3 (40:49):
That was like my drawer for they got ya.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
Whenever he is always win.
Speaker 3 (40:55):
I do love playing tricks on my kids. It's part
of it's those of you listening.
Speaker 2 (40:59):
Who don't have kids. One of the best parts of parenting.
He's been able to do a little tricks on them
and shit like that. I reckon speaking of tricks. The
World Cup fever is upon us. Okay, it has been
for a few weeks now, but we're coming to the
points the end, and all the kids.
Speaker 3 (41:12):
Are into it. I'm into it. Everyone's into it. Okay.
So last week we all went down to the soccer
fields to have to kick the ball.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
So I'm talking to me, April, Macy, Oscar and my
mate Benos his kid Jesus who didn't come, Yeah, you
his kid Cody, And then we're also had Mike's kid
because Michael's at work.
Speaker 3 (41:33):
We took Lenny down there as well.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Anyway, we're down there kicking the ball as soccer and
outs blah blah blah blah blah. And I saw my
mate in the goals and I said, hey, we're going
to launch one at you here, okay, And I thought,
I'm going to launch one as hard as I can
at this prick.
Speaker 1 (41:47):
And for those of you who may have only recently
joined us, Ash used to be a semi professional soccer semi.
Speaker 3 (41:52):
It's an amateur amateur for.
Speaker 1 (41:54):
The Burly Bears. No hope, who was it.
Speaker 3 (41:56):
There's a few teams, listen off, no one of them.
Let's go tweet. I was just tweet tweet Bnora whatever.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
Come on save with a bit more Gusto tweet tweetheads
the tweettheads seagulls.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
Now they've changed and they amalgamated. Anyway, that's not part
of the story. Part of the story is that I
saw Beno's in the goal and I thought, I'm going
to launch one of this prick as hard as I
fucking can, as you do as men and mates.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
You're like, I'm going to fucking hurt this guy. So
I lined it up. Okay. I was in my Leonel
Messi jersey, the Argentina one. Dad was trying to show
off a little bit.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
People love it when you wear that jersey on the podcast.
Speaker 3 (42:31):
Thank You, Thank You.
Speaker 2 (42:32):
I was trying to show off a little bit, a
little bit, you know, I thought I'm going to launch
one of this guy.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
Please.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
Anyway, I've stepped up to the plate. I've taken a
few steps forward, and I've dialed it back to about
sixty percent because I thought if I hit him with
one hundred percent, Lendi's life and I've hit it at
sixty percent and it's gone perfectly about hip heights looking beautiful.
Just missed the inside post, and right behind it was
poor Lennie, his kid. Lenny's six years old, yes, and
(43:01):
Lenny's been hit square.
Speaker 3 (43:02):
In the face. He got wobbly legs. He went down
like a sack of fucking potatoes.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
To be honest, concussion anyway.
Speaker 2 (43:10):
I was like, oh fuck, anyway, So I ran over,
picked Lennie up.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
And I was like trying to make it up to
him as much.
Speaker 1 (43:15):
I'm such a bad parent the worst.
Speaker 3 (43:18):
April was like disappointed.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
When you make something else's kid cry, Fuck, it's awkward.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
I fucking sconned him with it too. It was like
when it happened, I thought he's dead.
Speaker 1 (43:27):
I've killed him.
Speaker 3 (43:28):
I thought I've killed this kid. Anyway, He's come.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
To and his fucking face is like big red soccer
ball mark on the side of it, and I've managed
to cheer him up and carry on carry on.
Speaker 3 (43:39):
For a while, and I was like, fuck, I feel
so bad. And then I forgot and.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
Then I get a message at eight o'clock at night
from Mike, his dad, saying, do you have something to
tell me? I was like, oh fuck, sorry. He goes
bro Lenny's over here. He has got an hia. He
can barely string a sentence together. He was the porky's
got concussion and he's like apparently he was like.
Speaker 1 (43:59):
He didn't send message to make sure he's okay.
Speaker 4 (44:01):
For God.
Speaker 3 (44:05):
Anyway, I was like, oh fuck, I'm so bad. I
felt so bad about it. I was like fuck. And
Mike was like, that's fine, Orry, He's just a bit worozy.
Speaker 2 (44:14):
And I was like, oh fuck, that's the last thing
any kid wants after a big day at school, go
down to play soccer with Uncle Ash and cop a fucking.
Speaker 3 (44:20):
Ball to the face. Anyway, just smoothed it over.
Speaker 2 (44:24):
I gave him twenty Pokemon cards, so I'm back into
good books.
Speaker 1 (44:27):
You can't walk anymore. He's lost vision to one one.
You're like, have a couple of cards.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
He was like, but actually I picked him up to
go to the man in the game.
Speaker 3 (44:37):
This Sunday just gone and Len.
Speaker 1 (44:38):
He get there and he's like yeah.
Speaker 3 (44:40):
He was like you're here, and I was like, Lenny, look,
I'm really really sorry. He was like, well, what so
he's fucking forgotten about it, but you're great. No one's
letting me live it down at home. They're like me
when Oscar was like, honestly, you fucking hit letting really hard?
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
Anyway, you're a good dad.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
I think it's time to get out here.
Speaker 1 (45:00):
Yeah, we should, we should, we should.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
And if you've enjoyed this episode, please leave us a
review five stars comments, I don't know, leave us a.
Speaker 3 (45:06):
Subscribe, do anything, I don't know where else what else?
Speaker 1 (45:09):
You can follow us on social media. We're at two
doting dads on YouTube full episodes. There's YouTube shorts is TikTok.
There's a Facebook group, this Instagram. I think that's it,
Son'll not. I think that's everything. Have I forgotten something?
Speaker 3 (45:24):
Let's get out of here. Okay, if we've forgotten.
Speaker 1 (45:26):
Something, well us lucky.
Speaker 3 (45:28):
Thanks for joining us, and thanks for being here, and.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
We'll be back with Vick next week.
Speaker 3 (45:33):
Yeah, get out, okay back.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
Podcast.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
You're not with the proficial custodians of country throughout Australia
and communities.
Speaker 2 (45:50):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present,
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
People's Today.
Speaker 3 (45:57):
This episode was recorded on gadigle Land.
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