#249 Officially DONE With Kids' Sport

This week the dads are handing kids' sport a straight red card after both finding themselves trapped in sporting situations they'd rather have escaped.

Matt spent hours stuck in a chaotic queue for a dance concert while Ash accidentally became Oscar's fill-in soccer coach.

What started as helping out somehow turned into inspiring the team... and now he's terrified they'll ask him to do it again.

The guys also unpack why more 18-year-olds are getting vasectomies (which, frankly, isn't great news for parenting podcasts).

Plus, Ash books himself in for some long-overdue health checks and has an important reminder for every dad to do the same.

And finally, the boys declare war on Ooshies.

If you'd like to donate to Chris Dixon's run for free 3D hands for kids you can do so here. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Who is your favorite Blue character outside of the family
of Blue.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
I don't know who they are. I don't really watch
that much Blue.

Speaker 3 (00:06):
Dude. That's an Australian of you not not to not
be on your level, because I want to be where
you are.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
I don't know me. I was just asking you, but
I was just gonna say whatever. Used it.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
There's I don't chili bandit Blue and the Orange one, the.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
Orange one, the other characters. They don't even on my radar,
And all of a sudden, I've gone. I asked the question,
and I went mentally blaming as soon as I said it.

Speaker 3 (00:26):
On the other one, you can know you can have
a favorite just because I don't have a favorite.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
You can. Don't be scared. I don't know who they are.
Come on, come out and say it. Don't be Muffin.
I like Muffin. She's a bitch. Muffin and socks socks.

Speaker 4 (00:39):
He socks Muffin's sister or brother.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
I'll have to take your word for it.

Speaker 3 (00:45):
I'm not being paying attention. Sorry, guys, We'll let slide.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
It's on Australian. You're right to all of this and
it's the best. Let's be honest. Of course.

Speaker 4 (00:54):
Oh, chili is pretty amazing.

Speaker 2 (00:55):
You shut up.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
Actually, someone said that vict sounds like chili. Can you
give us your best chilli impersonation?

Speaker 5 (01:01):
Oh god, Welcome back to Two Dads.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
I'm battye Jays and this is the podcast all about parenting.
It is the good, it is the.

Speaker 3 (01:26):
Bad and relatable and we don't give advice.

Speaker 6 (01:31):
You watch that already?

Speaker 3 (01:32):
No, sorry, No, it's because we just started. No, I
wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I got a message,
threw my phone onto my watch and it was from
Laura because we're a little bit late today, and that's fine.

Speaker 2 (01:46):
A little bit late.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
I normally pick up the kids, but I've had to
put the call out there to the team and said, look, guys,
I cannot collect the kids. Laura, can you collect?

Speaker 2 (01:56):
And I didn't hear back from her, And have fucking.

Speaker 3 (01:58):
Phone it's attached to her is always on do not disturb,
And I say to her, hey, after you finish your
podcast record, make sure you turn it off because I
cannot reach you and it's so frustrating, and she never listens.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
Jump into her phone and just change it so that
you only can get in contact, no matter the focus
you can do that. Yeah, I've changed it so that
even if I'm napping, you can still.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
Call me, not just a pretty face.

Speaker 3 (02:22):
There you go. But so she just replied, just replied,
everyone's probably very stressed right now, Like who's going to
pick up the kids? Relax, Laura has a message. She's
collecting them. And that came through. So when I saw
Cindy come through. My wife is named Cindy because that's
what she was called when we were on a show
called The Bachelor, because that's how we met nine years ago.

Speaker 2 (02:43):
Wow, news to me.

Speaker 3 (02:44):
I think the show actually is anniversary is coming up
quite so anyway.

Speaker 2 (02:49):
Yeah, which anniversary do you? There's too many.

Speaker 3 (02:52):
It's like the anniversary of when we met, like actual
face to face when the show went on air. And
do we celebrate the first episode? But we first met
all the last episode when I fucked Wow.

Speaker 2 (03:04):
Wow, you know, yeah, there's another way to put that.
Made love. Sorry, you're right, sorry, Vick, they sweet sweat.

Speaker 4 (03:11):
Of your children.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
She gave me a lot of shit today about it.
We only record two episodes a day. In one day.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
I'm like, that's because we're having fun and you know,
and and it was like we're having fun.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
Was like, you're just real fun. What we took a while,
what we're doing.

Speaker 3 (03:27):
We have some sishy that sucked eperiod of time.

Speaker 4 (03:29):
How many episodes do they record?

Speaker 2 (03:31):
Three? I was there for one, so I can tell
you that much.

Speaker 3 (03:34):
I don't know. I think that this is life on
cart by the way, they do three in a day maybe,
and then they.

Speaker 2 (03:39):
Do sometimes off cuts. They've got a team, a full team.

Speaker 3 (03:41):
She's shamed me. She's like, you're there for the whole
day and just two episodes.

Speaker 4 (03:47):
A lot of planning, it's not just recording.

Speaker 3 (03:49):
Yeah, we have to, like we have to suck ourselves
up anymore.

Speaker 2 (03:53):
I'd quit, I'll be honest.

Speaker 3 (03:55):
People have been asking, They're like, we one more episodes.

Speaker 2 (03:58):
Now, hurry me up on a day to do more
on quit. I got nothing else to give. This is
this is it. If you come to the end of
the week and you want more, create your own fucking podcast.

Speaker 3 (04:08):
You're greedy, very greedy, but we're thankful.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
Maybe one day anyway, Moving on.

Speaker 3 (04:15):
Can I just say to say, started this morning with
a swim.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
That is that is wow.

Speaker 3 (04:24):
If I go to the gym and I jump in
the water, almost not until right before I get the kids.
But I dropped off Poppy. Sorry, Lola, bloody hell. Sorry,
And I was like, brain, don't stuff this up.

Speaker 2 (04:37):
He's like, I got you. What was dropped off? Lola
went for a little dip. Just nice morning.

Speaker 3 (04:47):
There's something about mornings. There's something that and being outside
the house.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
I can't get out of bed lately.

Speaker 3 (04:52):
Was it cold in the water, Yeah, but it was wet,
it was, it was how do you know it was cold?

Speaker 2 (04:59):
It was, but it was rejuvenating. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (05:03):
Yeah, I just I sometimes spend too much time in
that bloody house. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (05:06):
I used to be able to do morning things. But
now at the moment, I don't know what it is.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
It's just it is seasonal depression, Isn't that what it is?

Speaker 1 (05:14):
Sad?

Speaker 3 (05:14):
It's sad.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
It's the acronym of seasonal effective disorder depression.

Speaker 2 (05:19):
I don't know what the D stands for, but yeah,
it sucks.

Speaker 3 (05:22):
Manly manly playing so bad.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
Oh thanks for that, thank you for that. We're both
we're both at least you've got a Premiership.

Speaker 3 (05:30):
We're both teams.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
I had to tell Oscar, poor Oscar, oh so much heartbreak.

Speaker 2 (05:35):
It will harden him up. Okay, resilient.

Speaker 3 (05:38):
Last time we spoke, you were like, I'm going to
manage my emotions better after the game, and I messaged
you and I was like, I know your team's doing
really ship right now. I care about you. Do you
need to go?

Speaker 2 (05:50):
You might as well have said that. I just asked you.
I was like, I said, how are you going?

Speaker 1 (05:54):
I said, I'm just consoling a broken hearted seven year old?

Speaker 2 (05:56):
Because he was broken hearted?

Speaker 3 (05:59):
But that's foot right, Why don't just play him a
game from the next game. Yeah, just play a game
and a couple of weeks ago. I just pretend like
it's like.

Speaker 1 (06:08):
Yeah, yeah, I go come here. So I'm going to
show you the greatest day of my life, as like.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
Is it your wedding? No, it's a two thousand and
eight Grand Final.

Speaker 3 (06:14):
Just playing that and he's like Grand Final again, I
played this is Melbourne and you're.

Speaker 1 (06:19):
Like, yeah, yeah, I've played him it actually, but we
scored majority of the points in the second half, so
the first half was like this is boring.

Speaker 2 (06:26):
He likes points.

Speaker 6 (06:26):
I get it.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
I was very mindful this time.

Speaker 1 (06:28):
Actually, to answer your question, I was got a little
bit cranky and then I was like, okay, no, all right.
And before the game started, I said to Oscar, I
don't care if we win to lose to that, I
just want us to put in an effort.

Speaker 2 (06:41):
And I think they did.

Speaker 1 (06:42):
There was some mistakes, did they know anyway, So I
got to the end, it got to like close to
the end, and I said to Oscar, I said, hey,
do yourself a favor and turn it off, and he
started crying.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
Anyway, I gave my heart and I said, hey, listen,
do you know the.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
Last time Manly won a Grand Final was fifteen years ago,
So I've gone through fifteen years of this this feeling
since then.

Speaker 2 (07:03):
Get used to it. Remember No, I was much more aware.

Speaker 1 (07:10):
Of my behavior around it too, just to show that
it's like I am an adult.

Speaker 2 (07:16):
So anyway, you're a big boy.

Speaker 1 (07:18):
And then I said, it's okay to lose because when
you finally do win, it's so much sweeter.

Speaker 3 (07:22):
You've got to have the lows to appreciate the high.
Absolutely remember that.

Speaker 2 (07:26):
Write that down. Thank you.

Speaker 3 (07:29):
I need to apologize to Diana, not the princess.

Speaker 6 (07:34):
Who's that?

Speaker 2 (07:35):
So Diana, I.

Speaker 3 (07:36):
Don't think she listens.

Speaker 2 (07:38):
Well, okay, well someone will get into it.

Speaker 3 (07:42):
So what happened was netball. This is this is going
to be an episode about kids sport. This is a
real life focus. But just quickly, you know, I think
the parents who put their hand up and so I
will be the team manager for this sport that takes
a level of bravery that I think we don't appreciate enough. Yeah, look,

(08:02):
you couldn't, I mean none of the most we'll talk
about it.

Speaker 2 (08:05):
I got riped into it this week, but we'll talk
about that shortly. You couldn't, I mean, you so kind,
you couldn't handle it.

Speaker 3 (08:15):
I don't think you could.

Speaker 2 (08:16):
You. I want to do it to fucking smite. Smite.

Speaker 3 (08:23):
Okay, so well, I actually the story I'm about to
tell is evidence that I would not be good. So Diana,
legend of a parent, has put a hand up. She's like,
I'm going to manage netble, right, So she's got to
wrangle all the parents, make sure they're across, like all
the training because the training times for us, they start
on a Monday, then a couple of weeks later the
Thursdays and they go back to Monday. Who knows when
the game start. I have no idea. But also just

(08:46):
a simple senateship registration money because she's she's paid it
up front. The legend Diana.

Speaker 6 (08:51):
Make her squam for it.

Speaker 3 (08:52):
And you've also there's three sizes costly K E, K, ten,
K twelve. Okay, what are you going to get for
the dress size?

Speaker 2 (09:01):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (09:02):
I'm thinking about it. But she's like, guys, for God's sake,
give me your dress size.

Speaker 7 (09:06):
I don't know what.

Speaker 3 (09:09):
And she's just chasing me. She's now messaging me direct
being like, you owe me the money just right next thing.

Speaker 2 (09:16):
We're not playing anymore. You're taking the fun out of it.

Speaker 3 (09:20):
Like she bumps into me drop off in the morning
and she's like, give me the fucking money, and I'm like,
it's coming. I'm good for it, Diana, please, And she
had poor things. And then I missed the first training
session I was doing drop off and my sister was like, you.

Speaker 1 (09:34):
Have the audacity to tell me that I wouldn't be
good at this you of all people, It's.

Speaker 2 (09:38):
Just not in my orbit right now. It will be,
but not right now.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
I coached a soccer team from the age of eighteen
three years.

Speaker 2 (09:48):
It was go On.

Speaker 1 (09:49):
We started as under eight. Yeah, I was me and
a mate. We're both eighteen and hungover every game. Parents
loved us because the kids listened to it because they
were like, you're not like parents, You're like cool, we're
probably so so arrogant obviously, I know, but we like
we well. I actually had a good time then, but
now I couldn't do it full time.

Speaker 2 (10:07):
Paid for that, No, they paid us in bottles of
liquor at the end of the season.

Speaker 3 (10:11):
Why would you do it?

Speaker 2 (10:12):
We both played, Me and my mate both played for
their correct dances. Because you're doing it for the kids. No, okay,
definitely not. I definitely wasn't doing it for the kids.

Speaker 1 (10:22):
It was a part of our registration that got paid for.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
I was eighteen. I don't give a.

Speaker 7 (10:28):
Fuck about kids as well, and I was always like
why though, But then now that we actually have a
kid who does sport, he doesn't want to coach.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
Thanks.

Speaker 3 (10:37):
The guys are so confusing.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
People grow out of it.

Speaker 1 (10:43):
But as part of our registration, because we didn't pay
they they're like, you've got to help out in the
community and do that.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
But we actually really enjoyed it, and the parents loved.

Speaker 1 (10:51):
Us because obviously the kids were like feral but we
used to just make him do push ups and ship.

Speaker 2 (10:56):
But now I couldn't know.

Speaker 6 (10:58):
Definitely not not full time.

Speaker 2 (11:00):
Who has who has time for people? Love it? Some
people do.

Speaker 3 (11:04):
And to those people, to those parents, thank you, thank.

Speaker 2 (11:06):
You, flaky. Yeah, they are the backbone or the backbone
of society. Yeah, the parents who actually put their hand
because it's volunteer. Like, I kind of want the glory.
I want the power without any other work.

Speaker 3 (11:17):
But I like the idea. I like the idea of it.
It is one of those things I once I'm very needy, Okay,
I have low self esteem.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
No, you don't do You've grown go on.

Speaker 3 (11:33):
I was like, could I be president of the p
and C Club.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
That's a fucking flex I start swinging your dick around here.
I want to be rect the p and C meetings.

Speaker 3 (11:49):
What we do is I want to work. I just
want to know if I can do it, Like if
I can get to the top. Once I'm there, I
won't last. I just want to see if I can.

Speaker 1 (11:58):
I don't know if I could handle you doing it
me personally, because the rest of us are the ones
who suffer you.

Speaker 3 (12:03):
Like once you go for the I want to run
a marathon. Me president of the PNC club, Just do it.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
I will one day well campaign for you.

Speaker 3 (12:12):
You'll do it before Poppy finishes primary school?

Speaker 2 (12:14):
Okay, how many years is that a long time? Which
one's Poppy again? I will talk to you about that.

Speaker 1 (12:21):
I got roped into poaching shortly, Okay, But for now,
we've got some serious businesses.

Speaker 2 (12:26):
To get Yeah, please take it away.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
We're just talking about seasonal you getting me being sad.

Speaker 2 (12:32):
I have been sad.

Speaker 1 (12:33):
I don't know why, trying to figure it out back
on meds, but I just wanted.

Speaker 6 (12:38):
To give it.

Speaker 2 (12:39):
We have a lot of parents to listen to us,
mainly what I know. So sorry for the shouting. Yeah,
And I had my blood's.

Speaker 1 (12:48):
Done early this year when I started not drinking, but
I decided to go back and do them again because
I need to go and see the cardioloist because my
dad had a heart attack at thirty nine and I'm
edging towards that. And I also saw that Jeremy Clarkson
had prostate cancer, found it early enough, it was aggressive,
and it made me think about Okay, well, I'm sort

(13:08):
of in the mid to late thirties now, and I
have noticed that it takes me longer to WII. I
also always feel like I need to wi, I feel
like something wasn't right. So I just want to let
you know that I've booked in to get my prostate checked.
It's a blood test now and since you about something
you had cancer, No, no, you would have known.

Speaker 2 (13:30):
Yeah Jesus Christ. Anyway, I'm gonna make it.

Speaker 3 (13:32):
Ah.

Speaker 1 (13:33):
So no, but my dad and my grandfather both had
as my mom likes to call it, old man prostate.

Speaker 2 (13:38):
So I thought I'll get ahead of it.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
And so the reason I'm telling you is, I think
that you should send this to your husband so that
he can get ahead of.

Speaker 3 (13:44):
It too, can I ask? And I think it's no
longer done. That was the finger in the asshole?

Speaker 2 (13:50):
Well it used to be.

Speaker 1 (13:51):
They used to go in and massage the prostate. Now
you've got to pay for that sort of But it's
a blood test.

Speaker 2 (14:00):
It is.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
If you're sitting there as a dad with young kids
and you're worried about getting a finger in your ars,
worry no more unless you want me to put my finger.

Speaker 3 (14:10):
But it's a blood test, that's it.

Speaker 2 (14:12):
That's it.

Speaker 3 (14:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yeah, so it can tell a lot, but there's are
some factors that can give a false reading.

Speaker 2 (14:18):
They're like, if you get a.

Speaker 1 (14:19):
False reading, to do it again, because sometimes just what you've
done the day before and stuff like that can impact it.

Speaker 2 (14:24):
So you're getting the blood's done, yeah this week.

Speaker 3 (14:26):
Oh and then when you get the results, I should
get them in within like a week.

Speaker 4 (14:30):
Can I go you one better?

Speaker 7 (14:31):
While you're getting your blood's done, why don't you just
get checked to absolutely everything and just make sure your health.

Speaker 4 (14:35):
Is tip top?

Speaker 2 (14:36):
Who signed for that?

Speaker 4 (14:37):
It's the same blood test.

Speaker 2 (14:38):
I'll work through it. Yeah, I'm getting a bunch of
things in the same blood test, like testosterone all that
sort of stuff. Honestly, it takes me like so long
to piss really. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (14:50):
Dan's the same though.

Speaker 7 (14:51):
I don't know if you'd be happy for me sharing this,
but he was the same and so he got checked
as well, same thing, and he was he was fine.

Speaker 4 (14:58):
It could just be an age.

Speaker 2 (15:01):
Actually show us a photo of dance cop again us again.

Speaker 4 (15:06):
Word to them, you've probably seen it.

Speaker 7 (15:11):
But since turning thirty five and then forty and so forth,
we've been really strict on like getting our full blood's
taken every year so that we can make sure that
we're across anything in case it pops up, especially because
of the kids.

Speaker 2 (15:22):
Yeah, I went twelve years or something so that getting test.

Speaker 4 (15:25):
Yeah, yeah, but you're still very young.

Speaker 2 (15:26):
Actually, do you know what?

Speaker 3 (15:28):
I started having a little sore tooth and it's really
what was that funny yours?

Speaker 2 (15:39):
I could be dying and you're like anyway, so I'm
going to really.

Speaker 3 (15:44):
Reminded me.

Speaker 2 (15:47):
It's reminded me. Check on your teeth, check on your
friends and your teeth anyway.

Speaker 3 (15:52):
I've never been I've been a gentists in forever. Have
great teeth, but it's very sensitive.

Speaker 2 (15:57):
Oh, you better put a finger up your butt if
I have a glass of cold water, Like, what does
that mean? Okay, I'm trying to tell us he's got
sensitive teeth. Oh you poor thing. I'll report back next
week with the update of my teeth.

Speaker 3 (16:14):
Oh no, no update on your blood sensor on Actually, okay,
answer me this. You don't wake up in the middle
of the night anymore. Whatever I have to get up
to feed Poppy doesn't matter if it's midnight, one o'clock,
two o'clock, I always have to piss first.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
Yeah, I was it this morning.

Speaker 2 (16:31):
I got up quite early because the dog was barking
at the door.

Speaker 1 (16:33):
Right, and I needed to pee, took the dog out
so she could do a bee, came back to do
a pee, and I stood there go on and then
I was literally, you know when you like try and
stay half asleep so you can go back to sleep.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
I was wide awake.

Speaker 3 (16:47):
I hate that.

Speaker 2 (16:47):
I'd pretty much on a full day's work before I
actually started pissing, so I'd like, there's something not right here.

Speaker 6 (16:52):
So anyway we'll see.

Speaker 3 (16:54):
I'm sorry you're going through that.

Speaker 2 (16:55):
No, no, just I'm just trying to figure out why
I'm sad.

Speaker 4 (16:59):
Yeah, anyway, maybe you're missing me.

Speaker 2 (17:03):
That's not it, miss Dan. I'm just kidding. I don't
know he misses you. Guys. Oh good.

Speaker 3 (17:12):
I actually need to get it. I need to get
him back over. I've got some work, nothing exciting, anything exciting.
Don't get your hopes up.

Speaker 2 (17:22):
All of my home runners are starting to fall apart.

Speaker 3 (17:24):
Can I can? I actually can? I actually? Hang on.
I don't want to bring you in this environment because
we're here for a good time, a couple of lolls.
I don't want to criticize anyone, but I just want
to ask you one question right now. What is stopping
you from finishing the work in your house. You're so close.
It's ADHD so close because you're doing these videos things

(17:47):
my wife say and I'm looking at the skirting skirting, good,
What's what's going on there?

Speaker 7 (17:54):
Good?

Speaker 2 (17:54):
Dwn over me. Durn's free. He messaged me.

Speaker 4 (17:57):
He's like, yeah, I think I'm going to need.

Speaker 2 (17:58):
To self conscious and come and be like who the
fuck did this?

Speaker 1 (18:02):
On the way till I've moved out of that house
before people start saying that stuff.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
Now it's more, it's more.

Speaker 6 (18:07):
Time at the moment.

Speaker 2 (18:08):
But when you know, like do you want down to
come up? No, let me get to a point and
then you want to sit down.

Speaker 7 (18:14):
He will not judge you in the slightest. He is
like the kindest person in the world.

Speaker 3 (18:20):
Whatever.

Speaker 4 (18:21):
Look at that and be like, oh ship, you're mad.

Speaker 1 (18:25):
It's there's a couple of bits and bobs that I
that I need to do and that I do need.

Speaker 2 (18:28):
There are some things that I know that I can't do.
So when I get to that point, we could all
do it together. No, that's my worst nightmare. Just get
down into that's what we do on Tuesday.

Speaker 3 (18:39):
Oh yeah, do you want to all at your house?

Speaker 1 (18:41):
No precial recording you won't go through my things.

Speaker 4 (18:47):
Matt does like to walk into people's rooms.

Speaker 3 (18:49):
Guilty.

Speaker 2 (18:49):
Yeah. The first time he walked into my new place,
he walked intok a ship in the en suite and
walked on.

Speaker 3 (18:54):
I'm not allowed to shot someone's house.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
There's another bathroom for that.

Speaker 3 (18:58):
You were in your you were showing me you're on swite,
and then I had to pooh.

Speaker 2 (19:01):
You're like, get out. Who knows what you did in there?

Speaker 3 (19:06):
So you know it was a shit like what else
want to be doing in that?

Speaker 2 (19:09):
It's still lingering, okay.

Speaker 3 (19:11):
Chris Dixon, he is a dodor. He's told me he's
an absolute legend of a bloke. He is trying to
break a world record. He's intending to run the record
for the longest distance on a treadmill in seven days.
It is just shy of a thousand kilometers n one
hundred and twelve. For those playing at home, he's raising money.

Speaker 2 (19:31):
On a treadmill on a fucking hell. Imagine the head
noise on that treadmill.

Speaker 3 (19:35):
I can I did five minutes on a trim and
I'm like, get me off this thing.

Speaker 1 (19:38):
A tell, as long as I've done his twelve k's
on brutal hated it.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
It's like it's torture.

Speaker 3 (19:45):
All said, Well, he's doing for seven days, but he's
doing it for an amazing cause.

Speaker 2 (19:49):
It's raising money and.

Speaker 3 (19:50):
Awareness for free three D hands for children with a
limb disability. His daughter, Gracie, was born without one of
her hands.

Speaker 2 (19:56):
Absolute legend.

Speaker 3 (19:58):
Will put details in the show notes if you would
like to donate to Chris Dixon.

Speaker 2 (20:02):
Chris Dixon, Chris Dixon. Great name, great solid name, great name.

Speaker 1 (20:06):
Can we talk about the elephant in the room.

Speaker 2 (20:10):
Well, let's talk about the elephant in every parent's living
room right now, and that is Ushi's. Yes. I feel
like it's the biggest stitch up in the world. It's
very it's very addictive. I've just the arguments. I'm having
a separating my house.

Speaker 3 (20:26):
Our school. As of yesterday they banned them. But that
feeds the fire even more, just put fuel on it.

Speaker 1 (20:33):
I think about prison, they ban everything in there, and
then all of a sudden, it's that's becomes part of
the problem.

Speaker 2 (20:37):
Yeah, I'm I'm like.

Speaker 3 (20:40):
Up his butt, That's what I'm saying. How many have
you got?

Speaker 2 (20:45):
Right and ask for this? How many you got so many?
How many are we talking.

Speaker 1 (20:49):
Well, they keep getting them from us, and then they
getting them from Popper and they come home from school
with one, like they're everywhere.

Speaker 3 (20:57):
My Lula's got eight, miles got five.

Speaker 2 (21:00):
Yeah, I wish we had that many.

Speaker 6 (21:01):
I've got fucking hell.

Speaker 2 (21:03):
I'll go, I'll get a video later, bring you some.
They're attached to them, these kids. I can't take them.

Speaker 1 (21:08):
But the only one good thing is I can use
them against them to get them to do things like
clean like you know, like go to bed or I'm
coming in because some of them below in the dark
now and they are choking hazard.

Speaker 2 (21:19):
A lot of plastic, a lot of plastic.

Speaker 3 (21:21):
But just such a genius marketing ploy the ushies.

Speaker 2 (21:26):
Yeah for them, but it's just painful for us.

Speaker 4 (21:28):
Can I ask where does one get ushes?

Speaker 7 (21:31):
Because we have none peasants.

Speaker 3 (21:35):
We don't go to the supermar Yeah, well we get
to live way way way way way way.

Speaker 2 (21:38):
You know, where do you get your food from?

Speaker 4 (21:41):
By Aldi?

Speaker 2 (21:42):
Okay, okay, that's very good. Aldi is great, It is great.
I prefer Aldi over Woolies. I just don't have time
for it. I think if you spend over thirty bucks
with Woolies, you get.

Speaker 1 (21:53):
Yeah, Oscar was like, I can't believe that he's cost
thirty bucks. Let me explain a concept to you, sir.
Your food we eat, you buy x amount, you get
x amount on top. But then also as well, if
you're walking through the shop with your kids and you're
going through to get a couple of things not thirty
olards worth the olders and stuff, will just start offering

(22:14):
them to my kids like no, and oscars like may.

Speaker 2 (22:17):
They're feeding the problem.

Speaker 1 (22:20):
They're painful at least they're not sharp to stand on
like other things.

Speaker 3 (22:24):
Do you know what it would be good to have
something collectible which has larger ROI.

Speaker 2 (22:31):
They're just collecting them and then fighting over them.

Speaker 1 (22:33):
It's just like usually doesn't do much now and they
go on the end of a pencil.

Speaker 7 (22:39):
But okay, take yourselves back to when you were kids,
like for example, McDonald's when they used to put out
the happy meals and.

Speaker 4 (22:44):
Used to collect all the toys like that was one
of the most exciting things. Is a little bit.

Speaker 2 (22:48):
It was more of a fireworks kid.

Speaker 3 (22:49):
The three crazies that I remember from from my days
in primary school.

Speaker 2 (22:53):
Marbles were big.

Speaker 7 (22:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:55):
Grade two here was.

Speaker 4 (22:57):
This Yeah, oh wait, we bake I keep.

Speaker 3 (23:01):
Getting your fucking fifteen years old still marbles, little little
boy over here?

Speaker 4 (23:05):
Did you not have marbles at school?

Speaker 2 (23:07):
No, I'm different.

Speaker 3 (23:08):
Yeah, where I come from in Queensland, you are a
bit behind.

Speaker 2 (23:12):
The marbles were all the right.

Speaker 3 (23:16):
You'd have the big junkers and you'd have a fight
over who would get.

Speaker 2 (23:19):
It and what do you do is marbles just like
craps Well.

Speaker 3 (23:22):
I didn't like the concept of losing my marbles, like
because you would have competitions where you were like my
first game I lost, had to give away my favorite
marble and I.

Speaker 2 (23:32):
Was like, never again, devastated. I came home and Mom
was like, how was school? That happened in the morning.

Speaker 3 (23:37):
I held on to my tears all day, got home
and I was like, my favorite.

Speaker 4 (23:42):
One heart breaking.

Speaker 1 (23:44):
There's obviously Pokemon Across was huge, like Through Shadow we
had Tasos and sh Yeah, well there's always something, but
at the moment's ushues and I'm hating it.

Speaker 2 (23:54):
I'm absolutely hating it. Can I give you some advice here?

Speaker 6 (23:57):
We don't give advice in the shows.

Speaker 2 (23:59):
Yeah, I know, not not to listener just to you.
I think what you need to tell you always find
a loophole somewhere.

Speaker 3 (24:04):
Down this is it's clause fourteen point five advice maybe
given to ash no one else. You need to learn
to swim with the tide on what the ushies.

Speaker 2 (24:13):
Yeah, you're got.

Speaker 3 (24:14):
To swim with the tide tides going out, swim with it.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
Bro Well, you got to take a stand at some.

Speaker 3 (24:19):
Point, so you know you're wasting your energy, wasting your
hard earned energy on something that's I'm medicated.

Speaker 2 (24:26):
Most of that energy is from that.

Speaker 3 (24:27):
So it's fine, learn to embrace the ushy.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
Okay, all right, okay, all right, fine, fine, fine, okay,
moving on.

Speaker 2 (24:37):
What else we got breaking news?

Speaker 7 (24:39):
Well, Australian men are saying no thanks to fatherhood in
record numbers as Australia's birth rate crashes to an all
time low.

Speaker 3 (24:46):
That's bad for business.

Speaker 2 (24:49):
Less dads, less mums, less listeners.

Speaker 7 (24:52):
Vasectomies have a sword to sixty percent over the last decade,
including among men as young as eighteen to twenty five.

Speaker 2 (25:00):
All that is yard, that's wild.

Speaker 7 (25:02):
The trend for the snip comes as more women wait
longer than ever before to have children, the average age
of mums jumping from twenty five in nineteen seventy one.

Speaker 4 (25:10):
To thirty two today? Is this the end of the
big Aussie family?

Speaker 7 (25:15):
Experts say rising living costs, housing pressures and shifting priorities
are changing the way young Australians think about having kids.

Speaker 3 (25:22):
That's getting a fucking versect me at eighteen.

Speaker 2 (25:24):
That's bad.

Speaker 3 (25:25):
That's bad.

Speaker 2 (25:25):
I have a friend with a VERSEXI me who's not
has no kids. He's a bit older though. He's a
bit older though.

Speaker 1 (25:30):
Yeah, he's always said that he just didn't want kids.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
It's just not his jam. He just didn't never want
to really.

Speaker 6 (25:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (25:37):
The person who he married was also didn't want kids,
and I remember her telling us that. But then I
think after a few years she must have changed her mind.
Turns out she was having an affair and had to
keep with him.

Speaker 2 (25:47):
But that's a story for another time.

Speaker 3 (25:49):
Yeah, yeah, you know, I feel about Goss.

Speaker 2 (25:52):
We'll talk.

Speaker 1 (25:54):
But yeah, he was just like that, he just didn't
And I'm like, I remember saying to yeah, I do
think you'd ever changed.

Speaker 2 (26:00):
I was like, nah, it was just like, nah, it's
just not for him.

Speaker 3 (26:03):
You don't want to be eternally tired and frustrated with life.

Speaker 1 (26:07):
Yeah, join us, it's great, Come with what sleep like, anyway,
I get it.

Speaker 3 (26:14):
Birth rate that's young, that is young, but also birth
rates definitely dropping. We did that video about when you
announce you're pregnant with you first and people are like,
oh my god, that's amazing, and then the second one
they're like great, like lovely done, and then the third
they're like that is everything. Okay, what the yeah? And
then the people that people in the comments. Someone was like,

(26:34):
I know, I've got the same reaction for my ninth
and I was like, what is wrong with you?

Speaker 2 (26:40):
That's great?

Speaker 3 (26:41):
Sun like a no, like a lot of a lot
of like ninth and tenth child. And then someone was like,
oh yeah, like pregnant with my ten.

Speaker 2 (26:48):
That's a lot of kids. That's a lot of kids.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
I get like, what what is there possible reason to
have that many kids?

Speaker 3 (26:55):
You just just really enjoy You.

Speaker 1 (26:57):
Are struggling to remember all the names of your it
mkes if you be a tanny, but you just starting
putting numbers to it.

Speaker 2 (27:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (27:03):
I mean, anyone who wants to have ten children and
love them and make sure they're happy, healthy and looked after,
all power to you. But there's got to be like
weeks where you don't see one of them, You're like,
where's Timmy?

Speaker 2 (27:15):
Do you forget about one of those?

Speaker 3 (27:17):
Like, like, even I find it hard now I'm trying
to divide my time amongst three kids.

Speaker 6 (27:21):
I don't know how they do it. I don't know
how they do it.

Speaker 2 (27:23):
I do not know.

Speaker 1 (27:24):
Like both of my mom's side, sister and brother had
like eight kids each.

Speaker 2 (27:29):
Yeah, and I'm like, now that I have kids, I'm like,
how did they do that?

Speaker 4 (27:33):
It was a very different time.

Speaker 1 (27:35):
To be fair, half of them were part of a cult.
That's another story.

Speaker 7 (27:40):
But I think it's usually in those big families, it's
usually the siblings that start to take care of them.

Speaker 4 (27:44):
It's not the parents.

Speaker 7 (27:45):
Parents, especially in the way that we are parenting, are
kids right now that none of that's happening.

Speaker 2 (27:50):
Yeah, it's a lot of kids. Yeah, those the cults.

Speaker 3 (27:52):
Not to say that anyone who has more than five
kids is in a cult, although it seems the link between.

Speaker 2 (27:58):
That those scenarios is it's very close.

Speaker 1 (28:02):
It's like, we've got twelve kids, and also I give
thirty percent of my wage to someone and it's say
that's a.

Speaker 2 (28:07):
Cult, that's a cult. Actually, do you know what is
a cult dance?

Speaker 6 (28:12):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yes, I did see. Yeah, you got the I don't
want see you went to a cult meeting.

Speaker 3 (28:19):
I don't want to attack the arts.

Speaker 2 (28:20):
Everyone does you skill on board.

Speaker 3 (28:22):
There's parts of dance that I love that Marley loves,
and there are parts that I wouldn't wish upon my
worst enemy.

Speaker 6 (28:30):
Okay, go on.

Speaker 3 (28:31):
We had a a Stedford and a Stedford on Sunday morning.

Speaker 2 (28:35):
I told you we should have entered into that of
Deedford too old.

Speaker 3 (28:39):
Marley was first. The instructions were very simple. Got a
ride leagues club, a bit of a drive from my place.
That's fine, Get there to seven thirty competitions. Eight thirty
competition is like the routine is like a minute and
a half. There's like five groups in Marley's category.

Speaker 2 (28:56):
Job done.

Speaker 3 (28:57):
You get out of there great, right, So I was like, look,
don't worry, I'll get up, give me a hand getting
Marley ready, and then we'll right out there, just Marley
and myself. It'd be nice one on one time.

Speaker 6 (29:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (29:08):
I parked the car, a walk around the corner and
I met with this enormous queue, giant queue the Cult,
and I was like, okay, one thing that I cannot
do now is be in q's but also the disorganization
of like an unorganized que an unorganized que where it's
not lined up properly as well, because you weren't sure,

(29:30):
you don't know where this end is there. There's multiple doors,
so we were like which door is going to open
up first? And then I rolled the dice and I
was like, I line up at this door over here,
And I even said to the parents, I was like,
I think this is the door that we want. Everyone
follow me. I was like, I'll take charge.

Speaker 2 (29:44):
Here and then you go back to the other door
and they're no, Well, then.

Speaker 3 (29:47):
This other door opened up and then it shut and
it was like there's a lot of panic, a lot
of stress, a lot of anxiety. Ash show me you
don't need Okay, So it's seven thirty seven forty five,
it's eight o'clock, it's eight thirty still no staff member.
The Q is getting bigger as well, and it's like
spilling onto the road. And Marley was also like, Dad,

(30:07):
I'm getting pretty hungry because I didn't bring snacks, did I?
Because I thought we had breakfast, we'll dance, we'll get home,
we'll get like a snack on the way home. And
I was like, what do I do here? And I
was thinking, if it's this unorganized out the fright, imagine
what it's like inside.

Speaker 2 (30:23):
And so I was like, how long are you stand
out there for in the end and a half without moving?

Speaker 3 (30:28):
Without moving? And I was like, is this a normal
part of dance? And people got to dance competitions and
instead fids and lining up for an hour and a
half at a time?

Speaker 2 (30:37):
Is this something happened that we don't know about it?

Speaker 3 (30:39):
And there was something I was like to other parents.
I was like, is this is this normal? And they
were like, no, it's not normal.

Speaker 2 (30:44):
And I was like, well, what's happened? What's like?

Speaker 3 (30:46):
Why are we here? And I was also in my
head being like wait till I fucking write that email playing.

Speaker 2 (30:50):
To the school. You are that guy too? Sorry?

Speaker 4 (30:54):
An hour and a half is outrageous.

Speaker 3 (30:56):
And Marley was like, I'm cold.

Speaker 2 (30:59):
Think of the children. I would have left, not with
the kid. Let's forget that, you do your thing.

Speaker 3 (31:03):
I was I was hanging on by a threat and
Marley was like.

Speaker 4 (31:08):
When they said you would have missed the competition.

Speaker 3 (31:10):
Well, but every no one, no one was no one
was allowed in. Everyone have some sort and it was
Marley's all made up, she's going to make up on.
Her hair is perfect. And I was like, what do
we do here?

Speaker 2 (31:22):
And I said I've had enough.

Speaker 3 (31:23):
I've had enough. I'm like, guys, we're leaving.

Speaker 2 (31:26):
And all the other parents like, what do you mean
to stay with us? We're almost there and I don't go.

Speaker 3 (31:31):
And I was like, look here, Jessica, we have a
bood for hours.

Speaker 2 (31:35):
Who knows what will be allowed in it's.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
Pronounced Jericha's joke for the donus.

Speaker 2 (31:44):
Surely to wake up. You're wasting your time here.

Speaker 3 (31:48):
And I was like, fuck it, we're l even and
Marley was like do you know what, Dad, Let's get
out of here.

Speaker 2 (31:53):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (31:54):
Yes, left in Unison and I called Laura and I
was like before I did it, I was like, I'm
just gonna check.

Speaker 2 (32:00):
Don't want any trouble.

Speaker 3 (32:01):
And I was like Laura and I was like, it's
freezing out here.

Speaker 2 (32:04):
It's five degrees.

Speaker 8 (32:05):
We're out ride, we're out of the summer.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
We don't know my way around.

Speaker 8 (32:12):
There's no water, no supply, we have nothing, raime low
and she was like, you may leave and I was like,
thank god, imagine if you may just stay.

Speaker 3 (32:22):
But one of the parents he stayed. Credit to them,
I don't have that level of endurance. But they did
send her a video of the dance appalling.

Speaker 2 (32:33):
That's because Marley wasn't there.

Speaker 1 (32:34):
I know, yep, yep, yep.

Speaker 2 (32:36):
How long were they there?

Speaker 3 (32:37):
For another half an hour?

Speaker 2 (32:39):
Oh that's that's unbelievable. What do we have?

Speaker 3 (32:42):
Not very good because and also the fucking dance teacher
didn't show up either.

Speaker 4 (32:48):
Also outrageous.

Speaker 2 (32:50):
Thank you, thank you.

Speaker 3 (32:51):
I sent a very stern email written by chat GPT.

Speaker 2 (32:57):
Did your sign off, Laura Burn? I always do that.

Speaker 3 (33:03):
Is this is this what I'm being for. I also
had to pay money. It's something like twenty bucks for
tickets to the Stedford. The money that we paid for
the year of dance, it's like not cheap. And I
was like, got me thinking, what are the worst sports
your child can play?

Speaker 2 (33:18):
Good question, there's lots dances up there. Dance has got
to be like may she does ballet.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
She's what four and a half, So it's like, you know,
you drop, they do their little ballet thing, you come
back and pick them up. It's not there's no competition.
They definitely do like a little recital at the end
of the term. But it's at it's just at with
the parents. It's not like a big huha, like a
Stafford thing.

Speaker 3 (33:36):
That's how they get you. When that's the ballet is
the gateway drug.

Speaker 2 (33:39):
Before you know you're hooked.

Speaker 3 (33:41):
Because also like the dance equipment, costumes, what do they
call it?

Speaker 2 (33:46):
Costumes, the apparatus, they're so expensive.

Speaker 3 (33:49):
Yeah, the fucking shoes.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
And like the less no no, no no, how to
the hair?

Speaker 2 (33:57):
And then I could never do the hair. I can't
even do hair normally. It's like I might put a
hat on.

Speaker 4 (34:02):
People want to learn how to do her hair.

Speaker 5 (34:04):
Though.

Speaker 2 (34:04):
Now I'm waiting until she gets to the age she
can do it herself.

Speaker 4 (34:06):
You know, you can do it with the vacuum cleaner.

Speaker 3 (34:08):
No, it doesn't work. It doesn't work. It's good.

Speaker 2 (34:10):
No, no, that is good.

Speaker 4 (34:11):
My client said it fully works.

Speaker 2 (34:13):
Your clients a what's the vacuum they got?

Speaker 3 (34:17):
But a lot of people have message and said pull
her out.

Speaker 2 (34:21):
Now I'm a dancer. It's like the cult.

Speaker 3 (34:24):
They're like, I was onceing nothing. I managed to get
out and I survived.

Speaker 2 (34:28):
April was a dancer as a kid. She's a bit
iffy on her.

Speaker 3 (34:37):
I don't remember that being brought up in your interviewing.

Speaker 2 (34:39):
Now we're gonna have to reconsider this whole situation.

Speaker 3 (34:42):
Okay, do you think it is a cult?

Speaker 4 (34:44):
There you go, But I think it's because once you
get in.

Speaker 2 (34:47):
You can't get out.

Speaker 4 (34:48):
You are like dancing is fun, Like you.

Speaker 7 (34:50):
Enjoy it when you're doing it, Like who doesn't love
moving their body to music?

Speaker 2 (34:53):
Right? Guilty, you're a good dancer.

Speaker 7 (34:56):
And so one class a week starts to go to two,
class to three. I was doing four classes a week
after school? What and then competitions on weekend?

Speaker 2 (35:06):
How old were you here?

Speaker 7 (35:07):
I started when I was in year two, so that's
what seven or eight? Yeah, and then I danced all
the way until I was in year twelve.

Speaker 2 (35:14):
But also the.

Speaker 3 (35:14):
Difference between like what are you paying for four dance
sessions a week? What are you paying per session?

Speaker 4 (35:20):
Well, this was a long time ago.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
We can I work it out inflation times.

Speaker 7 (35:25):
The more classes you did, the more expensive it was,
because then you've got like the studio, you've got the speakers, speakers,
You've got the speakers.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
Do you know what it is?

Speaker 1 (35:35):
It's like it's a it's the cost of dancing sneaks
up on you, so it's not like you know when
you're like, okay, well.

Speaker 3 (35:41):
Because soccer is being run by eighteen year old alcoholics.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
The low cost, it's great, smuch achieve. The insurance is
high though.

Speaker 4 (35:50):
You need to be a certified dance teacher.

Speaker 2 (35:53):
Yeah, you get five soccer coach.

Speaker 6 (35:55):
I'll be whatever you want me to be.

Speaker 2 (35:57):
Honestly, I'll convince you. I'll convince you that I am
that person.

Speaker 1 (36:00):
It's not one of those sports you look at and go,
oh gee, that looks expensive, like I don't know, motocross again,
terrible sports, terrible sports, terrible, dangerous and expensive.

Speaker 2 (36:10):
But the cost slowly add up.

Speaker 3 (36:12):
Right, Yeah, it's a cult actually, very clever, very clever.
The school program they're like, you must auditioned to be accepted,
and and I reckon they just do that as like
you want to be in it. So it's very build
some marketing. Okay, this is what I reckon, the worst
sports for kids to play. And if you're someone who's
listened to the podcast, you don't have kids and you're

(36:33):
just maybe you're expecting your first child, you've come to
the right place because before you know it, you're doing
four dance classes a week and you're locked into the cult.
But I reckon in addition to dance, and it's hard
because I do like dance.

Speaker 2 (36:44):
I like what it offers. Yeah, it's the art. It's
good self esteem too, especially if you can dance and teamwork.
I don't know one cares about that. I could not
give that response.

Speaker 3 (36:58):
I'm sorry, I'm going to I'm going to attack the
rowing community, get them and the sailing community.

Speaker 2 (37:10):
You want to sail though, I know you're an adult.
I'm an adult. You were the kids?

Speaker 3 (37:15):
Yeah, the kids cost too much. It's not enjoyable to watch,
and it's just far too early. You're up at four am.

Speaker 2 (37:24):
Yeah, squad squad we went When we were in Melbourne.
We were walking along the Yarrow there and the rowing
clubs are everywhere. I know Melbourne that there are a
bunch of rowers. Yeah, they'd be known for their rowing, but.

Speaker 3 (37:37):
When it's shipped to watch, there's nothing exciting about it, and.

Speaker 2 (37:41):
You can't see them for like ninety nine percent of
the race.

Speaker 1 (37:43):
It's such a prestige sport. I think people are like, oh,
I spent my kids in rowing, part of the rowing club.

Speaker 2 (37:48):
But you can't even lie, I did dragon boating. You
don't hear me fucking bragging about it? Sorry? What dragon
boat racing? For how long? It was a school thing
that we did. I was like, I'll do it. It's
a school thing. Now. Was the guy in the front going,
whoa on the drum? A drum? You You don't have
a photo, do you?

Speaker 1 (38:09):
No?

Speaker 4 (38:10):
They do it in Hong Kong.

Speaker 2 (38:11):
Yeah, but that's Hong Kong, Hong Kong and tweet. One
that I want to talk about, which has been mentioned,
is cricket. I love cricket. I like to watch it
on the TV.

Speaker 3 (38:23):
It's just in the summer time. You don't want to
be sitting there in a fieldng time a long, long, long,
long long time.

Speaker 2 (38:29):
And all their clothes are white. It must be a
washing nightmare.

Speaker 3 (38:32):
Actually, that is a very good point that I haven't
yet considered. The stains.

Speaker 2 (38:37):
The stains. Yeah, I mentioned motocross dangerous and expensive.

Speaker 3 (38:41):
Can I raise your motocross with equestrian Yes, it's like
motocross but on horses. Well imagine if if you imagine amazing.
It was like, Dad, I want to be in a questrianist.

Speaker 2 (38:55):
We can't afford it.

Speaker 3 (38:56):
Starters, there you go, ye, horses, horse boats, I'll get
you a dog. You're right that, Okay, what's worse equestrian
or hobby horsing?

Speaker 6 (39:07):
What's worse?

Speaker 2 (39:08):
Oh, hobby horsing has got to be cheaper. That wouldn't
horse anywhere near? Do they have to feed the wooden horse.
It's not even a full horse, it's just the head.
She's a head on a stick. You could do that
with a mop at home. But I think equestrian is
way worse.

Speaker 1 (39:23):
It's definitely a rich people sport, like straight up like
carting into Formula one.

Speaker 2 (39:28):
You've got to have the money behind it. The money
is another one I thought was dangerous. Archery.

Speaker 3 (39:34):
Actually, a lot of people have problem with archery.

Speaker 1 (39:36):
Yeah, there's a big problem. What bow and arrows is
the problem? Bow and arrows and kids? Come on, it
can't end well like you're telling me that. It was like, yeah,
we all had a great day and no one got hurt.
Fuck off, someone's getting hurt every time we lost three
children in that competition, Like it was a good day.

Speaker 3 (39:51):
We lost one Timmy, Yeah, okay, yeah, you got narrow.

Speaker 2 (39:54):
Although good to watch.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
One more that I've got, which is more like when
your kid gets a little bit older, which everyone can
plain about. Is swimming swimming lessons different because it's like
a little thirty minute break for you really?

Speaker 3 (40:05):
But squad can I Oh, I mean, I don't last
thing I want to do is offend anyone who listens
to this podcast. But swimmers, they're all the little bit
fucking strange.

Speaker 2 (40:16):
Yeah, okay, I think. I mean, my wife was a swimmer.

Speaker 6 (40:19):
She's got good feet for swimming.

Speaker 7 (40:21):
I never understood why swimming club has or squad has
to be five am.

Speaker 3 (40:25):
It's like, why does a bag of cacaine cost three
hundred dollars?

Speaker 2 (40:27):
Sure there could be cheap.

Speaker 6 (40:28):
I can get achieved in that.

Speaker 2 (40:31):
It's all a big brag, isn't it? Or could early
into some swimming. Yeah, I can swim anytime. Why are
you getting up at four am for squad?

Speaker 4 (40:38):
I never understood that.

Speaker 2 (40:39):
And then people are always like swimming this morning. We
know when people are like you this morning.

Speaker 1 (40:44):
I went for a swim this morning, so I was like,
everyone's going to brag about swimming.

Speaker 2 (40:48):
Moving right along. Okay, my last one, and this is controversial,
and this is one that I did.

Speaker 3 (40:55):
But little athletics, okay, what about it. It's just multiple
sport in one like, oh like it tracking, because you
do everything, you do every discipline. It's like you've got
to watch them try and fucking throw a javelin, right,
and your kid's not going to be good at all
of them, you know.

Speaker 2 (41:10):
And then you got to.

Speaker 3 (41:11):
Fucking watch them the fifteen hundred, and then you've got
to hang around watch me the one hundred years, and
then you got long job.

Speaker 2 (41:16):
It never fucking ends.

Speaker 1 (41:17):
Ash, It's like I want Oscar to I would like
Oscar to do the running, but I know that kid's
bad at jumping.

Speaker 2 (41:23):
I've seen his vertical leap. It's I wouldn't put that
into a competition.

Speaker 3 (41:27):
Right, So little athletics, you've got to do them all.
You can't just say I want to do like the
one hundred meters. Nah, you got to sign up. It's
nothing or everything.

Speaker 7 (41:35):
One of the dots already in Li says she you
line up for so long while the kids go crazy,
just to run one race that last about fifteen seconds,
then move to the next event to wait around all
over again.

Speaker 2 (41:45):
So much waiting around.

Speaker 1 (41:46):
She should be a dropping so much there's a drop
and go I'm all for it, Like that's right, April
went to the athletics carnival for Oscar at school and
it was there was nothing athletic about it. She was like,
it was just like they just played a bunch of games.
I was like, what were you expecting Beijing? She was like,
they were like throwing sandbags and stuff.

Speaker 2 (42:02):
I like, yeah, because they're like six.

Speaker 3 (42:04):
But it's when you do little athletics like I used
to do it and shout out to tu Wong in
t Wong in Queensland and Friday nights Friday nights as well.
So you didn't but you ended up training. You just
had the Friday night meets where you just go there
and fucking have a crack at everything.

Speaker 2 (42:19):
Yeah, it's is it cheap? You know?

Speaker 6 (42:21):
I feel like there's no that much equipment.

Speaker 3 (42:23):
I feel like you don't need much.

Speaker 2 (42:26):
It's all provided.

Speaker 4 (42:27):
Probably is cheap.

Speaker 2 (42:28):
Just too long you just like, what do you wanted
to play? I mean I don't who knows actually jiu jitsu?
Oscar does jiu jitsu? Well does a good Yeah?

Speaker 1 (42:36):
Yeah, because yeah it's a good one because it's in
the same place every time.

Speaker 2 (42:41):
Yep, it's a drop and go.

Speaker 6 (42:42):
Yep, it's beautiful.

Speaker 2 (42:44):
It's good for discipline. It's ticking all the boxes. Yeah,
a lot of it is a good one.

Speaker 1 (42:49):
And like I think with Oscar, like afterwards he's palmed,
you know, because they do a bunch of like wrestling
and then they you know a bit of flipping and
ship like that.

Speaker 2 (42:58):
I don't know what they're doing up there. I don't
know I'm paying for. I don't know what. I don't know.
Drop a bit, don't come any further. Okay, Like I
don't know. They could be doing nothing, So you think it.

Speaker 1 (43:10):
Watch it all you can watch when you do the trial,
but it's good for them for to be you're not
there so that whenever, like there is a parent.

Speaker 2 (43:18):
There, that's like the kid just goes to their parents.

Speaker 3 (43:21):
I did actually have a lot of people message in
and be like we were we were the gymnastics apparently
very toxic.

Speaker 4 (43:28):
Also very culty.

Speaker 3 (43:29):
Yeah, very good.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
I mean it's a fucking mind field out there, guys. Yeah,
like what is it? Jiu jitsu? And that's it. That's
all they can do.

Speaker 3 (43:36):
That's all I can do from now on.

Speaker 1 (43:37):
I think like soccer, netball, football, that sort of stuff's
great for like bonding team sports.

Speaker 3 (43:43):
I'm trying so hard to convince my netball is going
to be a fun experience. She is crying anytime I
bring up the word netball tears.

Speaker 4 (43:53):
It's like, why are you pushing it?

Speaker 3 (43:54):
Because everyone says the same. All the older parents are like,
glory kid. I remember when my kid was the same.
They cried the first few weeks and then they get
into it and you just got a persevere and so
I'm like, all right, thank you, thank you, old It's.

Speaker 2 (44:11):
Actually good advice. So I just got to push through
fair enough.

Speaker 3 (44:16):
And Marley was like, I'm a dancer, not an athlete.

Speaker 2 (44:19):
I'm built to dance.

Speaker 4 (44:20):
Yeah, because I was going to say I never played
a ball, but I.

Speaker 6 (44:22):
Danced, and it shows.

Speaker 1 (44:26):
I didn't put my hand up to coach the under
sevens Vipers, which is Oscar soccer team. But just so
happens that the two dads that did were away at
the same time, and for some reason, I get my
name gets.

Speaker 2 (44:39):
Thrown out there.

Speaker 6 (44:40):
I don't know why.

Speaker 3 (44:41):
You've got to appreciate that you have experience at this task.
Of course you will get the call up, but I
don't want to do it.

Speaker 2 (44:49):
Doesn't matter rash.

Speaker 1 (44:50):
I've actively avoided even mentioning the word coach just in case,
like coach, he said, coach, he'll do it anyway, So
I said, yeah, okay, I'll do help out the team.
Thursday comes along was just training night, and Oscar actually
was like, don't forget that, You're you're coaching tonight.

Speaker 2 (45:04):
And I was like, oh great, what a shit show
that was. It's there's seven Oh man, it is non stop,
like me just going litstend, let's end stop.

Speaker 1 (45:14):
Like it's hurting these stupid sheep around this field. Trying
to get them to do anything.

Speaker 3 (45:21):
Was like so frustrating, but surely they must still look
at you in the same way that those young kids
looked at you when you were eighteen, like you're a
cool guy, You're.

Speaker 2 (45:30):
A cool dude. Not now, I'm just grumpy. Oscar was like,
dad was grumpy. I was like, yeah, if I fucking listened,
I wouldn't have to be grumpy anyway. So we went
through training and it was we got through.

Speaker 6 (45:42):
It, and I was like, oh, thank god, when need work.

Speaker 2 (45:44):
What do you make them do? We started off with
I was like, let's get them running, like playing a game.

Speaker 1 (45:49):
See where we're out in terms of like energy wise,
who's going to pay attention, Who's not that's very good
from himself. It was a shit show. It was a
fucking shit show. And I was just like crazy. I
had to tell off a kid in front of his dad.

Speaker 2 (46:03):
I was like, if you're not going to listen and.

Speaker 1 (46:04):
Get out, Like I was just like full grumpy mode Thursday,
Like after a full day of doing.

Speaker 2 (46:10):
Nothing, I was exhausted. I was trying to pull the
exhausted cup. But I don't have a job, so this
is weird.

Speaker 1 (46:18):
Anyway, Then we get Saturday up beat the coach of
the game and when the coach has to referee, and
I'm like.

Speaker 2 (46:25):
Two coaches, Yeah, I know, I know.

Speaker 1 (46:27):
So we got You've got twelve kids on your team, right,
but then they play on two small fields, right, so you.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
Split them up each week. And we were playing against Mossman, and.

Speaker 3 (46:39):
Anyone who doesn't know Suburbs and Sydney, Mossman is very laudia.
I'm actually a member of the Mossman Facebook group and
they complain about like the fucking bush and the roundabouts.

Speaker 2 (46:48):
Who ever grown? Why would you be part of that?

Speaker 3 (46:50):
I don't know how I became part of that group,
but one of us. It is wild.

Speaker 2 (46:55):
They're all like it was not cave On left at
the harbor.

Speaker 1 (46:59):
They found out you have like a diversified portfolio. Fun fact,
I'm banned from playing soccer because of something that happened
against Mossman a few years back.

Speaker 6 (47:10):
I fund someone.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
When you were younger. I was twenty three. Yes, he
came to me.

Speaker 6 (47:17):
I just ended it.

Speaker 2 (47:18):
It was muddy too.

Speaker 1 (47:19):
Anyway, we were playing against them, and one of the
other dads on our team who's got refereen experience, was like,
I'll do one if you want to do the other,
and thankfully the Mossman coach was like, oh, do this one.
I was like yeah, anyway, but I was on one
of the fields sort of moving our.

Speaker 2 (47:35):
Team around the park.

Speaker 1 (47:35):
You're allowed to do that because they need to be
handheld all the time, trying to get him to pass
the ball. Some of them are doing cartwheels, some of
them are fucking found a stick and they're playing with this.

Speaker 2 (47:45):
It's chaos and it's like okay.

Speaker 1 (47:48):
And the other coach was really good because he was like,
I try and refing away where I'm like resetting the
field for both teams so that they can learn to
find space, and I was like, this is just what
I need in my love this guy.

Speaker 2 (48:00):
Anyway, So we go.

Speaker 1 (48:01):
It's one all at this stage, okay, and then a
kid on their team kicked the ball in the goal
and when I say he was a bad winner, he
walks up to our kids and like you're losing and
I was like why, like noticeably loud, and the referee
was like oh, And I was like, mate, we're all
just trying to have some fun to this kid. And
I was talking to the ref and the ref was like,

(48:23):
went and spoke to him and sort of like because
you do rotate players and rotated him off. And as
I'm walking back past this poor kid, I was like,
she'll be the class in front of his parents.

Speaker 2 (48:35):
And I was like, I was like no, I was like,
you can't come at me like that. The kids seven anyway,
So halftime, come loser. Yeah, it was more. It was
more directed at the parents, but I sort of did
it in a way where it was like I'd love
it if it was the parents who like that was
the guy you punched.

Speaker 6 (48:56):
Yeh, show me a class Yeah.

Speaker 2 (48:58):
It was like did you punch one of us once before? Yeah?
That was a classy punch. I was like, hmmm, got
to halftime anyway, so we're having oranges.

Speaker 1 (49:06):
Half the kids are doing cartwill still and I'm like,
all right, listen, boys. They were a bit pete off
with this kid. I'm like, look, let's beat him on
the field. Let's get out there. Okay, don't worry about
what he said. They were beating us at this stage.
It was two to one, like, let's get out there. Okay,
beat him on the field. That's the mature thing to do.

Speaker 4 (49:22):
That is a great pep talk.

Speaker 1 (49:23):
That's not what I wanted to do, but I felt
like I had to spit. If it was me, I
would have just taken things to my own.

Speaker 2 (49:28):
That naughty kid.

Speaker 3 (49:28):
Are you told off at training where you're like and
you can punch anyone you want?

Speaker 5 (49:31):
I was.

Speaker 2 (49:33):
I was like, let's get after it, like, don't be afraid,
like to have a crack at these kids, right.

Speaker 3 (49:38):
Did they respond to that?

Speaker 2 (49:40):
We won eight too?

Speaker 4 (49:42):
That is like a Mighty Ducks film script or something.

Speaker 2 (49:46):
Yeah, so I ate two. That kid cried sucker.

Speaker 3 (49:50):
Did you say anything doing nah?

Speaker 2 (49:52):
I felt like the kids had said enough with the ball.
Put that on a T shirt? True, thank you and
are you coach.

Speaker 7 (49:59):
Now.

Speaker 2 (50:00):
They were like, oh, he did great. I'm like, no,
I didn't terribly, terribly, don't want.

Speaker 1 (50:04):
To do this again.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
You were just coming for the halftime pep talk. Yeah,
and I just not the first time I've had to
give this team a halftime red up. A few weeks back.
They were just all asleep. It was so it was
really early this game. You said, wake up, and that's
always it.

Speaker 1 (50:19):
Second half, they'd got him on the field and before
the referee. I was like, coming for a second, show
me the fucking ticker, would you. That's another thing as well.
I swear a lot, and I was like the parents.

Speaker 2 (50:32):
Yeah, the kids loved it. They respect me.

Speaker 7 (50:34):
We would love yeah, swearing like that in front of Yeah,
I was like, show me the fucking ticker.

Speaker 2 (50:39):
Go after like you what these kids are seven? I know, Well,
that's what it was like when we coached these other kids.

Speaker 1 (50:46):
My mate and I were just like, just get these kids.
We would mouth off a coaches and ship like that
were part of the problem. But it was my coaching debut.
I'm undefeated. Actually, both teams, both sides won by They
actually moved that kid to the other other field.

Speaker 2 (50:59):
It's say they knew I had it good.

Speaker 3 (51:01):
Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 2 (51:03):
You're too good to just throw this now thrown away.
That's I retired, not doing again.

Speaker 4 (51:08):
No way, can you come to Lewis team?

Speaker 2 (51:10):
Yeah, Rever doesn't know little ship.

Speaker 3 (51:15):
Yeah, I know it's not gonna have something take into
your fucking guns.

Speaker 7 (51:18):
I know.

Speaker 1 (51:18):
It was funny because I was scared during training. I
was like, anytime a kid talks back, I'm just gonna
just tell me to shut up.

Speaker 6 (51:25):
Oscar was the first one.

Speaker 2 (51:27):
Yeah, there's a couple of kids just being too soft.
The kid, one of the kids was like, it's our balls, Like,
how about you shut up? And I'm like, oh okay,
and the parents.

Speaker 3 (51:36):
Are like this it's unorthodox, but it seems to work.

Speaker 2 (51:39):
Oscar was like, don't go too hard on me. I'm like,
your shut up, and Oscar was just like where am
I'm like going shut up anyway.

Speaker 4 (51:48):
We need more parents like.

Speaker 2 (51:50):
You, Thank you, thank you? Do we Yeah? I said, look,
the world would be a much more violent place. And
I said, I said, look, you kids will have some
new words when they get home.

Speaker 6 (51:58):
But it's not my fault.

Speaker 1 (51:59):
Wasn't from it won't be from me. Look, I'm not
gonna do it again. I'm not unless I absolutely have to.

Speaker 2 (52:06):
You fucking will.

Speaker 3 (52:07):
I know he secretly loves it as well. He's like,
that'll be one time only. I'll never come back unless.

Speaker 2 (52:14):
You and they'll be down at half time in a game.
There's only one man that can save us. We need
a classic ash.

Speaker 1 (52:22):
Pepto, right, I just walk home and go listen here, shipheads,
get the fucking ball, put it in the back of
the net and send them packing.

Speaker 2 (52:30):
Yes, if they go, good luck for the rest of
the season. There's a few games left.

Speaker 6 (52:34):
I couldn't care less.

Speaker 2 (52:36):
Before we go, we're talking about jiu jitsu.

Speaker 1 (52:39):
Before now, Oscar had made a new friend at jiu jitsu,
So non school friend, a jiu jitsu friend.

Speaker 2 (52:45):
I believe it or not. He's Brazilian. A lot of
Brazilians down there at the Brazilian jiu jitsu figure. Yeah, so,
I can't remember his name was.

Speaker 3 (52:52):
It's probably the best that I like that you tried
to attempt to remember.

Speaker 1 (52:56):
Yeah, So Oscar came out of class, buzzing buzzy, buzzing
came up and he said.

Speaker 2 (53:01):
Hey, so and so, his mum is looking for you
because she wants to invite you to my birthday party.
And I was like, oh great, you're a good birthday
party already. Don't come on a little bit strong and anyway.
So I just looked at the lady who.

Speaker 6 (53:13):
Was confused and looking for someone.

Speaker 2 (53:15):
I was like, you're looking for me, and she was like, yeah,
Oscar's dad. I want to invite.

Speaker 1 (53:18):
What's your phone number? And I gave Mapel's number because
I don't have time for that, and.

Speaker 2 (53:22):
I was like, sweet, no worries. Yeah, he'll be excited,
and like I was all for it. I'm like, yeah,
but April's way better organizing things than me. That's why
I gave her number. And I get home and April's like.

Speaker 1 (53:33):
Got a birthday invite and I was like, yeah, it's
Oscar's new friend. It's like, oh great, so it's it's
it's at nine am.

Speaker 2 (53:39):
I was like great, okay, and nine till three Wow?
What nine am till three pm? What are they? What
are they doing? A very good question, very good question.
Brazilian different.

Speaker 1 (53:54):
I know that's and I actually consulted my Brazilian friend
like this. I went to and investation with the other
Brazilians to find out if this is normal. And it
is because it's not just we have a birthday party,
fra kid, there's just a celebration. But what's the six hours?

Speaker 3 (54:10):
How else do you celebrate?

Speaker 2 (54:12):
And I was like, oh, okay, it must be a
dropping go No, you're what do you want me to
quit my job? I don't have a job. What do
you want me to quit this podcast? I'm a coach. Now.
We don't have to record from down there. It's like
nine to three. That's a long time at someone's house.
I don't know any of the details.

Speaker 4 (54:29):
The kids would just be playing around. I think it
would be like the adults hangout hours.

Speaker 3 (54:34):
Do you think my kids have that kind of stamina
in them.

Speaker 2 (54:37):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (54:37):
They're maybe they're a bit weak at times, but after
a couple of hours they're like, well we're done, Like we're.

Speaker 2 (54:42):
Done here, I'm done immediately.

Speaker 3 (54:44):
I mean, that's disrespectful to the Brazilians.

Speaker 2 (54:46):
Ash I'll be there for the food were pretty good.
I'm thinking about this all wrong. Paler No, that's Spanish.
What do they go? What's the Brazilian dish?

Speaker 4 (54:54):
Brazilian barbecue?

Speaker 2 (54:55):
The meat they meat eaters. They kind of.

Speaker 1 (54:59):
Maybe there is that because they're like, look, the suckling
pig takes five hours, and I'm like.

Speaker 2 (55:03):
Well, fair enough.

Speaker 3 (55:04):
Someone needs to tell the Brazilians you only need a
couple of hours.

Speaker 2 (55:08):
Does I have to go for the whole thing? Or
is it like it's on for six hours, you show
up whenever.

Speaker 3 (55:13):
I'm not Brazilian, so I don't know. But if anyone
is listening, can you tell us the etiquette of how
you can attend a Brazilian party without going for the.

Speaker 2 (55:21):
Like the whole the longest kid's birthday party.

Speaker 3 (55:24):
It's a marathon, not a sprint.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
Jesus Christ, have you it's unheard of. I've never heard
of it. It's child abuse, that's what it's. It's parents abuse.

Speaker 1 (55:32):
That's you're gonna make me sit at a park for
six hours dropping him off.

Speaker 3 (55:37):
Think of the parents also, like, you're making life hard
for yourselves three hours tops. Oh Max, I think you
still get your food, you still get your dancing, and
you're drinking. You still get your presence, party bag.

Speaker 2 (55:49):
You can get a party bag. You can do it all.

Speaker 3 (55:51):
Yeah, no need, no need, unnecessary. That's a whole day
someone needs to get in the year of these Brazilians.

Speaker 2 (55:58):
That's a whole day before.

Speaker 3 (55:59):
We we're all having fucking six hour parties.

Speaker 2 (56:03):
Let's not let's not normalize it.

Speaker 3 (56:05):
I don't want to stress people out. I don't put
fear in their minds. But if you want to try
and premeditate that amount of fun for that long, that's
a lot of hours to fill. But if you're like, hey,
do you know what, we're at the bolow the RSL.
Everyone's having a good time. If you want to stay, fine,
but you're at my house. At my house, guys, I

(56:25):
want to be on the.

Speaker 2 (56:26):
Couch and be on Yeah, it's like social media.

Speaker 3 (56:28):
I want to scroll social media by myself.

Speaker 2 (56:30):
You're only allowed in my house for two hours at
a time. Any longer than that.

Speaker 3 (56:34):
Fix you awning exactly?

Speaker 2 (56:37):
We better get outa Yeah, this has been a long episode.

Speaker 6 (56:40):
I'm tired.

Speaker 2 (56:40):
Well that's it thirty Jesus, Okay, we do it for you, guys.
Do a night shift like a six hour birthday party. Yeah,
that's what it feels like.

Speaker 3 (56:51):
If you're doing this episode, please give us a review,
either individual episodes on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

Speaker 1 (56:57):
Or you can join us on social media Instagram, tick talk, Facebook, YouTube,
and YouTube.

Speaker 2 (57:02):
For this episode, we are called two Doting Dad. That's
how you find us. By the way, mind alone in
case you're wondering, and we'll see you guys next week.

Speaker 7 (57:10):
Vick who got next week bednight on school reports, parent
teacher interviews and becoming a new dad.

Speaker 2 (57:14):
We can pick his brain about these reports this year.
Thank you. It was diabolical supper diabolical.

Speaker 7 (57:21):
Well, he actually says, there's one thing you want to
look for on a report card and if the kid
has done it, you are a fucking good parent.

Speaker 2 (57:28):
A bloody tease. I guess it's not distracts easily, pretty much,
he sucks. Yeah, it distracts easily and distracts those around him.
Damn it.

Speaker 3 (57:39):
We'll see what it is on Monday.

Speaker 2 (57:40):
Okay, bye bye. I can dear you walk round see

(58:03):
what there is to see. I'm is just a melody
people in the street to walk in fast. There's the
feet of my bay.

Speaker 3 (58:14):
Bay Two Doting Dance Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of
country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

Speaker 2 (58:25):
We pay our respects to their elders past and present
and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torrestraight Islander
peoples Today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land.