Ask Uncut - 6 Minute Voice Notes, Horny Separations & When Is The Relationship Over? - Life Uncut

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life.
I'm Cut, I'm Laura.

Speaker 3 (00:15):
I'm Brittany, and this is Ask gun Cut. We do
it every single week. We've done it for six years.
You're write in your questions you did darkest burning problems.
We do our best to answer them.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
When you say we've done it for six years, it
makes me think, should we do something new?

Speaker 3 (00:28):
Do you know what? We have thought about that in
the past, and we've asked the listeners. The life is
what they listen you guys. But people love ask gun
Cut and I love it. It's the life uncut stable.
I don't think we can get rid of it. And
even if we did, people want it. We've got to
give the people they want.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
Like when we got rid of actually unfiltered for a
couple of weeks and then people were like.

Speaker 1 (00:46):
What happened to it? Where did it go?

Speaker 3 (00:47):
Speaking about that, we do need some more accidentally unfiltered.
So if something embarrassing has happened to you, please send
it into the podcast. Anyway. How would you weekend it? Oh?

Speaker 2 (00:54):
My weekend was fine, except I have entered this stage
of pregnancy now where I have pregnancy insomnia and I
am so tired, Like I'm just so tired. And sometimes
it's because I forget that I'm pregnant, and then I
wake up and I'm like, why am I still tired?

Speaker 1 (01:08):
Why is everything hard?

Speaker 2 (01:09):
And then I remember I'm like forging headfirst into third trimester,
and I probably should be tired by this point.

Speaker 3 (01:14):
I think it's completely normal that you're tired. You got
two you're growing a baby, you're working a lot, you're
running a household. I think that's pretty standard. Laura's like,
I'm so shocked.

Speaker 1 (01:23):
I can't figure it out. Hold on, let me tell you.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
Oh yeah, I am past twenty six weeks now, fruit
are you?

Speaker 1 (01:30):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
This app doesn't tell me the fruit. Hold on, let
me google it.

Speaker 1 (01:34):
Should you'd be the size of a rock wallerby twenty.

Speaker 2 (01:37):
Walla twenty six weeks fruit. I'm sure everyone's on the
edge of their seat. What fruit are you at? Twenty
six Cabbage? That's pretty big.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
That's pretty big, also pretty circular. I would have thought
you were like eggplanty, like something longer I was.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:54):
They do roll into a little ball, though, But I
was telling these guys. The other day, you might remember
how I was talking about how I've started weighing my pants,
like I've properly started winging my pants.

Speaker 1 (02:01):
It's not it's not funny. It's not like a little
bit of bladder leak.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
So when we were driving down to Ala Dulla the
other week in the car it was like late night drive.
Kids were asleep in the back. I swallowed some water
and it went down the wrong tube, and so I
started coughing. Except I coughed and I fully wet myself,
not tiny bit, not a little bit at the end,
not like cute, a little bit of bloody leakage. I
fully pissed my pants and had to do the rest
of the drive with no pants on, no underys on.

Speaker 3 (02:26):
I don't think that was necessary to me.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
I didn't want to stop because if we stopped, Lola,
as soon as you stop the engine, Lola nos, and
so like I just sat No, I didn't, I too,
pants off my pants. It's that naked, that which is
much better. I'm sure that's a lot more humbling. I
just imagine every time we went under, like the mobile
phone cameras, because they take photos of every car and
then it uses AI to detect whether you're on your

(02:51):
phone or not. But imagine if like someone had to
manually do that. They're like pregnantly no pants.

Speaker 1 (02:55):
Surely that's illegal.

Speaker 3 (02:56):
Surely there's like phone cameras and nudity cameras. I don't
think you can drive.

Speaker 4 (03:00):
I think you can just with your bag to cover it,
though because you're pregnant, you probably couldn't see it.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
I looked like I was wearing short shorts because I
just would have had my jumper down over the top
of it. Anyway, Yeah, it's all like it's all bad
from here. There's nothing good about the trimester except for
the fact that it's almost over.

Speaker 1 (03:15):
Like that's not an enjoyable time.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
And the problem is, so when I spoke to my
obstetrician about it, I don't know how truthful this is or.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
Like, I mean, I believe him. He's a very good obstetrician, but.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
I don't know if he's sld me the truth.

Speaker 2 (03:27):
So the baby's breach at the moment, like the baby's
feet down, and I was telling you guys this, so
like I sometimes simultaneously feel like I'm being kicked in
the vagina and stabbed in the heart, like I feel
like I'm getting kicked both ends at the same time.
I was like, how is it possible that I'm feeling
all the pressure up the top but also at the
bottom at the same point. And he was like, Oh,

(03:48):
it's because it's your third baby and your womb is
so stretched and floppy because your baby's breach. It can
literally just stand up. So just imagine like a cabbage
fully upright like this. I think I did tell you this,
don't I did about this?

Speaker 1 (04:01):
I pitched I think it was last week.

Speaker 4 (04:03):
There was one time we were all on a flight
and because I'm so short, I.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
Can stand up in the seats, you know, when the
plane lands, He's just standing inside me.

Speaker 3 (04:12):
That's what I felt like.

Speaker 4 (04:13):
I was like, I think it feels like me standing
up in the plane.

Speaker 3 (04:16):
Like just direct tell you, guys, are all I was
born breach?

Speaker 2 (04:21):
Yeah, look, guys, like I said, I'm really tired. I've
forgotten the things I've told you and what I haven't
told you. Let's just steamroll. Also, my dad sent me
a photo of.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
A crocodile so we could talk about that instead. If
you want to.

Speaker 3 (04:30):
Hang on you know what I what I didn't tell you.
I know we did have this conversation, but part of
because I was born, but first legs around my head.

Speaker 1 (04:39):
If you're not talking about.

Speaker 4 (04:40):
Click clicking hips about ability that was included.

Speaker 3 (04:44):
No, I haven't told you this bit, so don't come
for me.

Speaker 1 (04:47):
Laura just repeated the story word for't.

Speaker 3 (04:49):
And because I'm a good friend, I let her do it.
I was like, I'm not gonna I'm not going to stopper.
I was like, let's just.

Speaker 1 (04:57):
What was going to say?

Speaker 2 (04:58):
Guys, I've got something Nothing new happens in my life anymore.

Speaker 1 (05:01):
I just pissed, who has it?

Speaker 3 (05:03):
Got that out word for work the story?

Speaker 1 (05:08):
I was going to add something new to it to
get who I've told shit to? Just know you did
say sorry, I.

Speaker 3 (05:15):
Know I want to hear. All I was gonna say
is because I thought I didn't need to add something
to the for a Pete story. But because of that,
so for like a month, my legs because I had
spent almost a whole like my legs went around my
head quite early in the womb, so it wasn't like
a last minute thing. I just grew in there like that.
So when I was born, my legs stayed up they

(05:36):
didn't go down. So Mum would put my legs down,
She'd push them down, and they would fling back up
like their natural response was to be up literally around.
I know, I know, I can still put my legs
around my head now, but she would like put them
down there, go and flick back up.

Speaker 2 (05:51):
There were so many jokes that were just offered on
a silver plat of that, so many and we did good.

Speaker 1 (05:57):
We did good. Kis I made one, we sustained.

Speaker 3 (06:00):
It would have made some new content if you came
from me.

Speaker 2 (06:03):
All right, Look, we have important please, we have important
things to do on this episode, and that is answer
your ask guncut questions. But before we do that, it
is time for vibes and unsubscribes.

Speaker 1 (06:13):
Bernie, what is your vibe?

Speaker 2 (06:15):
You've already you've already warned us that it's particularly low brow.

Speaker 3 (06:18):
We've got to stop saying TV shows a low brow
but it is a TV show. It's all I'm doing.
Ben is here still which has been Actually I haven't
really spoken about Ben much lay.

Speaker 1 (06:27):
Every episode.

Speaker 3 (06:28):
No, not really. Benn is still here and it's the
longest time we've spent together ever. Like this period from
the wedding is the longest we've ever spent together and
so nice because we're back to like I feel like
we just are living a normal life a little bit,
which is really really nice.

Speaker 1 (06:42):
How long is it that you get to spend together,
do you know? In total?

Speaker 3 (06:44):
We don't know because we don't know when he's going
back yet. Basically he's waiting for a new team or
his old team or whatever. It's contracts, so he's just
waiting and then he'll go. But we just watch a
lot of TV at night, So that's what we're doing
at the moment. The Better Sister. The Better Sister is
on Amazon Prime. It is like a thriller TV series
and the lead is Jessica Biel. Now, I think a
lot of people still look and think of Jessica Bile

(07:05):
as like justin Timberlake's Wife. She was in that really
wholesome The Brady Bunch thing that wasn't The Brady Bunch
was called Seventh Heaven. Yeah, when we grew up with
Seventh Heaven, like, no one ever really, I don't think
took her seriously until a couple of years ago when
she was in the thriller Sinner.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
Yeah, it was so good. Do you remember Nast when
we were living together and we like devoured that. The Sinner,
which Eessica Bielle. Yeah, it's so good.

Speaker 3 (07:30):
Well, this is The Better Sister with Elizabeth Banks as well.
They're sisters, and it is a thriller that is so good.
You don't see what the end is like, you don't
see it coming. The acting is brilliant, like really really
really really good. It's probably one of the series in
the last year that I haven't wanted to pick up
my phone, that I've really stayed in that I've finished

(07:50):
an episode and been like can we go watch the
next episode? Thoroughly enjoyed it, and it's made me love
Jessica Biel a lot more so. It's Amazon Prime if
you have it. The Better Sister.

Speaker 2 (07:59):
The last time I watched Jessica biel like I watched
The Sinner, I went and got my haircut and got
that fringe.

Speaker 1 (08:03):
Now she had like a dead straight fringe.

Speaker 3 (08:05):
She's got a dead straight bob in this.

Speaker 1 (08:06):
Okay, well might doing the same.

Speaker 2 (08:08):
No, I literally I went out and I got the
fringe caut and I rocked it for a good six
months because I was obsessed with her, so like, yes,
I'm in I'm about that one.

Speaker 1 (08:15):
You love it.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
I have a vibe which is a little bit different
for us. I don't think we normally vibe artists on
the podcast.

Speaker 3 (08:20):
I've vibed an artist once.

Speaker 2 (08:21):
Remember for your artwork that's in your Yeah, little Gaga,
little Gaga, shout out hi, little Gaga.

Speaker 3 (08:27):
The beautiful palm artwork in my house.

Speaker 1 (08:29):
Yeah, it's gorgeous.

Speaker 2 (08:29):
Well, I guess I'm like in the trenches of Instagram
trying to find artists and artworks and things at the
moment because we are coming to the clothes and the
renovation that we've been doing, and then trying to find
interiors to make it feel like it's a house, not
a whole lot of just random bits of furniture popped
around a house.

Speaker 1 (08:43):
So I've been following this one. It's just but when
you have nothing on.

Speaker 2 (08:48):
Your trying to make a house a home, Yeah, when
you have nothing on your walls at all and you
have your furniture in, it literally just looks like you've
popped a lounge there, a chair. There's like it just
takes me and it feels at the moment and our
walls look so bare. So I've been following some of
these artists for quite a long time, but I've actually
just like taken the leap and purchased art from them.

(09:09):
So two that I'm obsessed with, which I wanted to
share with you guys. Honestly, one of them, I think
just she just makes the most beautiful very coastal in
some ways, but not in like your kitch beachy by
any means. The colors are really cool, really contemporary. They're
very warm and vibrant. But she just has a really
really beautiful use of composition and color play.

Speaker 1 (09:28):
Her name is Jesse Clear. She's local. She's local to
me anyway.

Speaker 2 (09:32):
She's in Bondi, but she's an Australian artist, and she's
had some really beautiful features, like recently in the design files.
She also works with so Folk Interiors, which is quite
a well known interior company, have used her throughout a
lot of their show homes and whatnot.

Speaker 3 (09:45):
So I, oh, yeah, I've just pulled her up.

Speaker 1 (09:48):
I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed with her.

Speaker 2 (09:50):
I've been following her for so long, and so I'm
really excited that we're now going to have one of
her artworks going into our house. And then another artist
I wanted to share with you as well, someone who
I came across more re But I've just bought a
stack of little artworks, so you know how sometimes you
don't want that one big piece. You want like a
collection of little ones, maybe to make a college wall.

Speaker 3 (10:09):
So I've got one in my lounge room to shrines.
Bet in mind, I have a collage wall in my lounger,
so you don't need to explain to me what that is, Laura,
please continue.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
Okay, Well, her name is Ella Martin. She's also based
in Sydney. That her artworks are really really beautiful and
also exceptionally affordable. Like I was genuinely shocked when I
saw how affordable they are for original artworks, and that
kind of means that because they are smaller, you can
get a few of them and create those really cool
sort of like collective pieces. So we've just bought a
stack from her as well. I actually I mean good luck.

(10:39):
I think I cleaned her out because I was like.

Speaker 1 (10:40):
All right, well I'll get them all. She's get up
the prices now, but she can know that there's just
two artists.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
I've loved following them. I love the way in which
they create their art. They're very textural, they're really contemporary,
and I think in terms of what is trending at
the moment with the kind of the way that they
use color and everything, you guys will love them.

Speaker 1 (10:56):
So go and have a squiz. Great my recommendation, Love.

Speaker 4 (10:59):
That my record mondation this week. It's gonna sound a
little bit full on, but I found it utterly fascinating
and I couldn't get enough of it. It's a woman
by the name of Monty Mada.

Speaker 3 (11:09):
Now.

Speaker 4 (11:09):
I came across a video of hers on Instagram and
I think it was only about it'd be less than
two months ago that I started following her and she
had about four hundred thousand followers. Then I looked at
her profile this morning before recommending her, and she's got
one point one million now, so yeah, she's obviously going
through a little bit of you know, a Surgeen's I guess.

(11:30):
But she's got this podcast and it's called Flipping Tables Podcast,
and this particular episode was episode thirteen and it's called
the Downfall of Dogma. Monty's story. Now, it's her story,
and it's her just retelling her story. She's the only
one on the podcast, so it's kind of like that
narration style. And a part of her story is that
she comes from a former alt right Christian nationalist family.

(11:53):
So she grew up in this really small town in
Wyoming in a really religious family. She attended like a
private Christian school that her grand father actually founded. They
went to church multiple times a week, and her dad
in particular was extreme in his views in almost every sense,
it's really racist. He was really misogynistic. And what I
find most interesting about Monte telling her story is that

(12:15):
she explains what her life was like so that we
now can have conversations dispelling a lot of the myths.
And what I mean by that is like, the one
that she really focuses on, particularly on her Instagram, is
people being like, oh, well, that's my opinion, and it's
because that's what it says in the Bible. Like she'll
talk about things to do with abortion rights and to
do with you know, things that impact the political space now,

(12:38):
and she's like, actually, that is not what it says
in the Bible. This is actually what it says in
the Bible. And because she understands where they came from,
you know, she was conditioned in the same way and she.

Speaker 1 (12:48):
Used to be that way because it was all she
ever knew.

Speaker 4 (12:51):
It was like docks in the Bible, but she doxing
the people that are using the Bible to justify really
awful opinions and thoughts and beliefs.

Speaker 2 (13:00):
It's so interesting when someone like that has been like
deprogrammed in a way, but they still have all the
information and they're almost the best people to speak on
these things because they can see it from both sides.

Speaker 4 (13:09):
Yeah, and they also are able to kind of dispel
some of the stuff that people say that isn't.

Speaker 3 (13:14):
Actually true, you know, an left scientology church.

Speaker 4 (13:17):
Yes, it's kind of like she was to the point
where it would be considered almost a cult, like it
was so full on their beliefs. And Yeah, because she's
experienced it, she can speak on it, and she can
also speak on the opposing opinion that she has now
grown to have. I actually think she might be someone
that could be really interesting to interview.

Speaker 1 (13:35):
I know it's a little bit hectic.

Speaker 3 (13:37):
We'll talk about that offair.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
I think you'd be interested anyway. This episode is a podcast.

Speaker 4 (13:43):
It is called Flipping Tables Podcast, or you could follow
her Instagram Monty Mada.

Speaker 1 (13:48):
Yeah, I found it really really interesting. It's number thirteen.

Speaker 2 (13:51):
Let's get into the questions, all right, Question number one.
I like the headline for this separated but I need sex?
Well that's unpack. Hey, guys, I need some help. My
husband and I had separated in March. We've been together
for twelve years, married for seven, with two kids under five.
It has been amicable, and to be honest, I think

(14:11):
I mourn the relationship a long time before we actually separated.
My question is this, though I am horny.

Speaker 3 (14:18):
That's a statement that's.

Speaker 2 (14:20):
Not loll in no way, shape or form. Am I
ready to date a man, but a girl has needs.
My girlfriends keep saying that I should just get on
the apps, which seems like it's good in theory, except
that I live in a very small city where everyone
knows everyone, and I know I will come across his
mates on the apps who will tell him that I'm
on there, and then they.

Speaker 1 (14:39):
Will be even more nasty than he is now.

Speaker 2 (14:41):
I just don't know if I should say fuck it
and do it or is it too soon?

Speaker 1 (14:46):
Help?

Speaker 3 (14:47):
Oh, my time and I separated in March. That's not long.
March April main that's dream month.

Speaker 2 (14:54):
No, that's really that is a very short period of
time to be actively because okay, firstly, do whatever you
want to your sep you can live your life.

Speaker 3 (15:00):
Oh yeah, No, I'm not saying it for that reason.
I'm just trying to when you say is it too soon,
I'm just trying to do the math. Okay, so you've
been separated for three months, you were together for twelve years.
At the end of the day, you can do what
you want. You can do what you want to day
after a separation, you know, it's up to you. The's
no right or wrong. But when you've got kids and
it's twelve years and you're in a small town, then
like two to three months would be deemed as soon

(15:21):
by a lot of people. I want to say, go
and do what you want and go and get on
the apps, because that's what you should be doing. You
do need to move on with your life and do
whatever you feel like is the right thing for you.
But unfortunately, you do need to take into consideration what
repercussions there will be and for you. Unfortunately, you know
he and his friends are going to be twas Like

(15:42):
you've said, they're already nasty. It's not great. Will they
be nastier. My answer is yes, if he sees that
you are on apps, he will try to use that
against you. He might try and manipulate you in some
way with the kids, or I don't feel like it's
going to end well. But I hate saying that because
in an ideal world it shouldn't matter and it shouldn't
stop you. But we have to be realistic here, and

(16:03):
if he's not, if this is not amicable and he's
not completely happy, and he's not also moving on, and
it is a small town. We all know what small
towns like. I grew up in a small town. Everyone
knows everyone. There is no way you can go on
a dating app in a small town and it not
gets straight back to your ex.

Speaker 1 (16:18):
So it's just something you need to weigh up.

Speaker 3 (16:20):
Is the juice worth the squeeze?

Speaker 1 (16:22):
Literally, your juices are your juices. We did have to
go there always I didn't have to. I'm going to
take it.

Speaker 3 (16:31):
If there's a shot, I'm taking it. But you just
need to weigh that up. You know, for your life.
It's only going to impact your life. It's not going
to impact anyone else's life. It's like you and the kids,
you're gonna have to deal with him. You're gonna have
to deal with his attitude and his friend's attitude. So yeah,
I don't know, only you know it.

Speaker 2 (16:46):
I honestly wouldn't say it any differently, brit I think
you hit thenail on the head. The only thing I
would add to this is normally my response to these
sorts of things would be you're separated, you can do
whatever you want to. But I do think that when
it comes into the situation where you're co parenting and
you're both going through the very messy immediacy after a breakup,

(17:06):
like it has only been three months, that is probably
very new and fresh. And I'm assuming that that's from
when you broke up, not from because like, breakups are
never just you know, immediate, they're not.

Speaker 1 (17:16):
Not like today's the day we broke up.

Speaker 2 (17:18):
So like, is that from the time where you had
the big conversation around we're separating, because it might have
been a couple of weeks after that when everyone actually
sort of really realized that, Okay, the breakup's real. The
problem is is that and you've nailed it in your question.
Often we do the breakup when we're in the relationship,
So you've mentally moved on. So even though it's only
three months since the breakup of a really big and

(17:40):
substantial relationship, I mean marriage, twelve years together, Like.

Speaker 1 (17:44):
You know, kids, it's a big thing.

Speaker 2 (17:46):
You checked out a long time ago, and so for
you it's not as big a deal. But I would
dare say that he would be quite hurt if he
saw you were on there, because the thing is is
he doesn't know that you're just on there for sex.
He might think you're on there because you're actively dating,
and that just feels really premature and a bit hurtful.

Speaker 3 (18:01):
But even if he did know you were just on
there for sex, if this came as a shock to
him and in his eyes after twelve years you've only
been separated for three months, whether it's sex or not,
that's gonna hurt. Like, that's going to hurt somebody.

Speaker 2 (18:15):
Yes, And look, I understand it's gonna hurt someone. My
thing is, though, is it's not actually I'm not actually
even really thinking about his hurt in this because you
are allowed to do what you want to do. My
thing is is, more so, are you gonna make your
life really really hard? And are you going to make
the co parenting situation really really hard for yourself. It
shouldn't have that impact, but we would be living with
our heads in the sand if we didn't think that

(18:36):
it could.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
Have that impact.

Speaker 2 (18:37):
I've got idea, So I okay, before we get the idea,
just all I think is is like, just give it
another couple of months.

Speaker 1 (18:44):
What you know, I know your horny, I know you
want to get out there.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
I know you want to get back on the horse,
so to say, But can you wait another three months?

Speaker 1 (18:50):
And then you will have been broken up for six months?

Speaker 2 (18:53):
And then that's probably a little bit more of a
justifiable time frame to be like, well we separated six
months ago.

Speaker 1 (18:58):
I'm looking at, you know.

Speaker 2 (18:59):
What, my option out there in the big wide bad world,
ab out tiny little community.

Speaker 3 (19:02):
I agree, but I'm not worried about like, morally, yeah,
six months is great, more time the better. I'm not
worried about justifying it to him about this is how
much time, like you can do it. I'm just more
worried about it making your life hard totally. But what
I want to say this is my bride idea. Your
friends are like, you know, you need to get back
out there, You need to get back on the horse,
your horny. You are separated now, which means you aren't

(19:24):
going to be I'm assuming sharing the kids. So you
need to go away on the weekend that you don't
have the kids. Go to another town, Go to wherever.
Go fly up to the Gold Coast. I don't even
know where you live. Go with your friends for a
girl's weekend.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
Play the away game, get on the apps, do whatever
you want.

Speaker 3 (19:38):
Like, play the away game. Also, you don't want to
be sleeping with someone in a tiny, small town that
knows all your business anyway, Like, maybe that's for when
you want to start dating properly. Go somewhere else and
do it, even if it's like an hour away to
a town.

Speaker 2 (19:50):
Imagine what I like. That's such a so much effort
to get laid. I'm so lazy.

Speaker 3 (19:55):
No, I can guarantee you this woman will be dying
for a weekend away with the friends. She's been married
for twelve years and she's got kids. No one in
their right mind would say no to a weekend away
with your girlfriends in that situation.

Speaker 2 (20:05):
Yeah, but then you're not seeing your girlfriends. You're going
away to try and find someone to have sex with.
The imagine if you're like, hey, hey, Brick, come with
me on a weekend away and then we get there
and I'm like, sorry, match with this dude.

Speaker 1 (20:14):
I'm going to go fucking for a twelve hours.

Speaker 3 (20:16):
I think it's fine. Twelve please please, don't kid yourself.
I think it's fine.

Speaker 2 (20:21):
I'm gonna go fucking for twelve friends, sorry, friends, and
kind of few cheerleaders.

Speaker 3 (20:25):
Her friend's gonna be like, do I get a girl?

Speaker 1 (20:27):
Like?

Speaker 4 (20:27):
You know?

Speaker 3 (20:27):
That's what real friends are. The friends are not going
to be like keeping your pants up for twelve years.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
I'm just all.

Speaker 2 (20:32):
I'm all for what creates the least amount of drama,
and if that means a little bit of waiting or
a little bit of inconvenience, then I feel like the
stage of life that I'm in, I'm happy to wait a.

Speaker 1 (20:42):
Little bit longer. But also most I'm not in this state.

Speaker 2 (20:45):
I'm not separate after twelve years and being unhappy anyway,
all right?

Speaker 3 (20:49):
Question number two okay is a six minute voice note
from a potential date of red flag.

Speaker 1 (20:53):
Yes.

Speaker 3 (20:54):
Now, this needs some context because generally speaking, a six
minute voice note could be my friend was chatting to
a guy on hinge for two days, so forty eight hours.
They eventually exchanged numbers, and after four days they planned
to meet, but she got cold feet because he was
appearing too keen. Keen is in messaging multiple times throughout
the day without her responding, and he would do things

(21:16):
such as react to messages to get her attention in
hopes that she would respond. No, so he's like written
to her, she's not written back, so he's like, you
know where you put the question mark bubble? Oh, that's
so awkward. She attempted the slow fade away, replying after
twenty four to forty eight hours. However, he wasn't getting
the message, and she decided to tell him she just
wasn't interested in pursuing anything. As a response, he sent

(21:39):
her a six minute voice message attempting to convince her
to give him a chance. My friend is considering giving
him a go because she appreciates the effort he has made.
Now keep in mind they haven't actually met. I think
this is an awful idea, and a six minute voice
message is a big giant red flag.

Speaker 1 (21:58):
What would you do?

Speaker 2 (21:59):
My very first thought is if this guy is that
hard to get rid of when you haven't even met him.
Imagine what it's going to be like after you go
out on a date. This is not normal behavior. This
is really hyper fixating behavior. This to me is like
really overstepping the social cues of what is acceptable at

(22:21):
this level of dating. And I because someone badgered me
into giving them a date is not the reason why
i'd be giving them a date. So I would say
this is red flag, don't go on a date with
this guy.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
This is too much.

Speaker 3 (22:31):
Yes, So what I want to say is a six
minute voice message doesn't have to be a red flag.

Speaker 1 (22:36):
A lot of people that's a podcast. That's not a
voice message. He sent you a mini podcast.

Speaker 3 (22:41):
A lot of people love a voice message. For me,
I'm not into it. Six minutes is too long. If
one's more than a minute, and all my friends know,
don't do it one them on a minute. I'm not
gonna listen to it. I'm not gonna get the message.
He's just like, damn it.

Speaker 1 (22:52):
You love a voice memo.

Speaker 4 (22:54):
I love a voice memoir, especially if I'm driving because
you know no.

Speaker 3 (22:58):
But I do like that you can play them. I
learned this from Shameless.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
Actually, you can.

Speaker 4 (23:02):
Hold down the play button and you can play it
at two times speed.

Speaker 1 (23:06):
Oh game changer. Okay.

Speaker 2 (23:08):
The reason I have an issue with the voice notes
is because no one actually sends the note like. Nobody
writes or speaks a voice note like they would a message.
Messages are efficient. It's like hey, question when you're doing
a voice and you're like, hey, sorry, I'm just driving,
so I'm sending up. There's thirty seconds in you explaining
why you're doing a voice You don't need to send that.

Speaker 1 (23:25):
Just say what do you want to say?

Speaker 3 (23:27):
I sent a pretty efficient voice message about ten seconds.
Go to band, have listen, he baby. I filled up
like a delicious water bottle of water and cold water
and cordial, and it's on the bench and I forgot it,
so you may.

Speaker 1 (23:38):
As well drink it.

Speaker 3 (23:39):
Actual way to go to waste. We had to love
when you recorded it.

Speaker 1 (23:45):
Now I've had to lose that time again.

Speaker 3 (23:48):
I'm sorry, repeat storyteller.

Speaker 1 (23:50):
I lost minutes of my life today.

Speaker 3 (23:53):
I'm pregnant. Goddamn it. I forget everything. So yeah, okay,
the sixth minut of voice message stand alone, depends what
was in the message, depends what he was saying. You know,
all of that stuff really matters because there are some
people that are really funny and comical, and he might
be like, Okay, I know we'll get along. I just
want you to get a sense of who I am.
But a six minute voice message off the back of
you trying to call it quits is a red flag.

(24:14):
Like you have said, straight up, I don't want to
see you anymore. There's nothing like not anymore. But like
you haven't even met him. Your friend is like, hey,
you know what, not for me. She's tried to call
it off. Then the voice message is trying to convince you.
So that's where my problem is. I don't want anyone
to think that they get a voice message from someone
and it's a red flag.

Speaker 1 (24:32):
It's not.

Speaker 3 (24:33):
People are putting in effort these days, people trying to
find their penguin. They're looking at different, you know, different
ways to connect with people. And maybe this person just
isn't a Texter and thinks that he can get more
across in a voice message. But you can't do it
off the back of saying hey, I don't want to
meet you, Like, that's the red flag. So if I
were her, I'd just be blanking him now like you've
said it. She's like, oh, I'm considering giving him a

(24:54):
go because he's really pestering me, like no, not for me?

Speaker 2 (24:57):
Yeah, look, I mean like yes, of course, it might
be a bit flattering that somebody isn't taking no for
an answer, but the thing is he doesn't know you.
He actually doesn't know you at all, So the fact
that he's like not taking no for an answer is
also very very odd. The other thing is is like
I would love to know, and maybe everyone has a
different scale for this. When does it become badgering? Like, obviously,

(25:20):
on one hand, we want someone who pursues us. You
want someone who's proactive, you want someone who is showing
that they're interested. But there is absolutely a line where
it goes from being interested to being inappropriate. And is
it the fact that, like, you know, when you haven't
responded to a message, he's like doing the love hearts
and what not to try and get your attention so
that you're like, hey, I'm still here, I'm still here.

Speaker 1 (25:39):
Like these are very passive ways.

Speaker 2 (25:41):
Well actually they're not in that passive, but like they're
very like minimal ways that he's like showing you that
he wants your attention when you're not giving it to him.

Speaker 1 (25:48):
Which is like interrupting your day.

Speaker 2 (25:49):
But then also he's doing the outward and very overt ways,
which is like the multiple messages, the sending voice messages.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (25:55):
I'm like, when does it cross the line between being like, Okay, hey,
I'm proactive verse I am badgering you to get what
I want, Because that, I think is where it crosses
into a problem.

Speaker 3 (26:05):
Yeah, but then I want Yeah, I wonder if we
flip it, and I'm just thinking back to like all
my years of online dating, if we flip this, and
it is the woman that is interested in a man, right, like,
so they're going to meet up, and then he's slow
fading her. He's like riding back after twenty four hours
or forty eight hours, like two days or whatever to
a question. I would then say, Hey, if you're really

(26:27):
keen and you want to follow up, I would say
you could, you could send a question mark or like
you could say, hey, are we still going to do that?
So I would say it's almost okay if you're really interested.
I would just wonder because it used to drive me
insane being on that receiving end, Like there would be
times that I would do that to people where I
would slow fade them and not want to talk to
them and not reply because I was like, I'm done whatever.
But then there'd be times where maybe I had been

(26:50):
vibing with this guy and then we'd organized to meet
and then he was slow fading me, and it would
drive me insane. I'm like, if bant was going well
and everything seemingly was like, yeah, we're going to meet
up in a couple of days, then he's slow faded.
Sometimes it's really hard to just step back and be like, oh,
they're not interested when you've sort of invested a little
bit of time and ef and it seems good. Sometimes
you would know before you ask Laura, I haven't sent

(27:11):
a six minute.

Speaker 2 (27:12):
Voice, but would you feel like that after just forty
eight hours of texting someone? Would you feel that level
of like because I think a follow up message is fine. Absolutely,
I've got no problems with a follow up, but this
isn't a follow up, this is multiple follow ups. And
then she had to actually say, hey, I'm not interested
in you, and then it was badgery, Like I think
I do too.

Speaker 3 (27:30):
I don't think she should meet him, but I'm just
saying I don't necessarily like The thing that bothers me
here is I don't think you should meet him. I
think what he's done is too much. But she says
he was appearing too keen and it put her off.
And sometimes I think we confuse what we want. Sometimes
we say I just wish someone would be interested in me.
I wish I would show me that they're keen message me.

(27:50):
And if you were really interested in him, I don't
think you'd be put off by how keen he is.
You wouldn't be saying he's too keen he is messaging
too much. It probably just is you're not on his
left and you're not as keen as him. If you
were interested in him, you'd be like vibing it. It would
be cool that he's following. You're like so cute he
can't even wait for me to message back, you know.
I think, if anything, this is just an indication that
you're not on the same level of interest as he is.

(28:13):
But I don't know. I think we can't complain. On
one hand that we're saying dating is so hard. Men
don't put an effort in anymore, And I'm saying men
specifically to this situation. Men don't put an effort in anymore,
or they don't show an interest. It'd be really nice
for someone to just show me they like me, and
then when they do, you're like, oh, they're messaging too much,
they're too keen. It's gross. There are definitely people that
are too keen and that are not you know, dating
in the right way or making you feel safe and

(28:34):
whatever else. But I just don't want us to get
to a point where we jump to that too quickly.
Because someone is just showing you attention and interest, obviously
you need to differentiate if that is like creepy and
too much. And this one, for me is.

Speaker 1 (28:47):
It is crazy. I think this is across the line.
That's how I feel. Yeah, No, I'm just generally speaking.

Speaker 3 (28:52):
I'm just winding it back now to her saying she
got cold feet because he appeared too keen, you know,
because the voice message came after she said he was
took for the messages, so I would just not be
running back to this guy. For me, I was like,
you've not meant him, you have no investment in him.
Don't move it along.

Speaker 2 (29:07):
Yeah, don't go on a pity date because you're badging
into going you're not interested. You didn't want to go,
and this guy's unrelentingly badgering you, And the answer is no.
It goes with everything in life. Don't have sex with
someone who badges you into having sex. Don't go on
dates with men who badge you into going on dates
like you don't have to do anything you don't want to,
and you're only doing this because you feel as though
he's begging your Probably, yeah, your options are probably minimal

(29:29):
at the moment. You're probably not dating a lot of people,
and this guy's like fucking badgering you, and no, the
answer is no.

Speaker 1 (29:34):
Yeah, it's a red flag.

Speaker 3 (29:35):
I agree.

Speaker 1 (29:36):
Okay, all right.

Speaker 2 (29:39):
Question three, Hi, ladies, how to know when your relationship
is over? If you start googling as my relationship over,
that's a real ever.

Speaker 1 (29:46):
Yeah, that's a pretty red hot sign. That's how I
figured it out.

Speaker 2 (29:48):
My husband and I have been together for almost eleven years.
We've been through a lot in that time, including a
separation and couples counseling. We have an almost three year
old and suffered a miscarriage three months ago after trying
for sixteen months. I'm really sorry that you're going through that.
Long story short. Everything he does lately pisces me off.
He teases our son, which I hate because I cought

(30:10):
that as a kid and it made me incredibly uncomfortable
and gave me low self esteem. I've spoken to him
about it, and he's doing it just for fun and
to make him less soft. But I just find it
really mean. There's that and a few other things, And
I can't tell whether we're going through a rough patch
with everything that's happened, or whether I'm just done interested
to hear your opinions.

Speaker 3 (30:31):
I mean, we can't tell you if you're done with
your relationship or not. I think there is something in
it to say, Like if you are googling it or
writing in then you know you've probably gone just over
the cusp of curiosity.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (30:42):
The thing I don't like the most is where you
say he's like pestering and bullying, making fun of your
son to make him less soft. Like, to me, that
is not a belief that I would subscribe to, Like
that a son can't be soft at all.

Speaker 1 (30:57):
He's three. He's three, baby.

Speaker 3 (31:00):
It also doesn't matter what age he is. Like, those
ideas have gone out the window. You can marry somebody
or love somebody and be with somebody and you can
know them wholeheartedly, then you can go and have kids.
There's no way for you to know what kind of
a parent someone's going to be or how they're going
to show up in a relationship. When you have kids,
you can still know that person, but they're presented with
new challenges in life. You didn't know what kind of

(31:21):
a parent he would be. Now you've seen it. You've
chatting to him about the way that you don't like
how he parents and how you would like it to
be a different way. You've explained why because you know
it affected you as a child, and you disagree he's
going to keep doing that for me. I don't have kids,
as you all know, but I feel like that is
a really big driver for a separation. If you are

(31:42):
adamantly disagreeing with how your partner parents, it is going
to build resentment. It is going to turn you so
much like I don't like your husband after listening to this,
the way that you've said, please stop bullying a three
year old to make him or soft, and he's saying no,
he needs it for me. That's like, I don't know
how you look at your partner the same In situation
like that. But I don't know what else is going
on in your life. You have said that there has

(32:04):
been quite tumultuous for a while. You've done couples counseling,
there's been trial separations. Only you know, you have gone
through a miscarriage, which, as a couple and as individuals,
of course, is going to affect you. So when you
say is it a rough patch or not, it very
well could be a rough patch, but it also might
not be. And you're only gonna know by I guess,

(32:26):
having to think a really deep think about everything else
that he's bringing to the table, the way he's acting
towards you, towards your family unit, towards your son, and
then making a decision if that is what you want,
because if you are trying to bring another child into
the world, that's only going to double down.

Speaker 1 (32:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (32:40):
I mean, when I read this one, it's really tricky
because we don't we never want to give the advice
of like leave your relationship, you know, especially when you've
been with your partner for eleven years and you've got
a kid together. I would also say, like, don't underestimate
the impacts of trying for sixteen months for a baby
and then having a miscarriage, like the devastation of that,

(33:02):
Like that is a really big thing that only happened
three months ago. That's a lot for you guys to
get over as a couple, but also individually for you. Yeah,
don't disregard that as being a huge player in this.
I think the thing though, is you've said everything he
does lately pisces me off.

Speaker 1 (33:16):
Has he always pissed you off? Has it just been
in the last few months.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
Has it been in the last like I would really
love Like I guess a bit more understanding from the
timeframe perspective, because sometimes you can go through a period
which is a rough patch, and then your partner, the
way you feel about them, everything they do, drives you
absolutely fucking crazy. But I do believe that things that
spiral down can also spiral back up and you can
fix it.

Speaker 1 (33:40):
The only thing.

Speaker 2 (33:41):
Is is the part of it that I struggle with
is if you resent him because of the way he
is with your child that you already have. Just like
you said, Britt, that's a really hard thing to overcome.
And I think for most people, if you saw your
partner being mean or probably makes you not only if
you're already pissed off with all these other emotional things
that are loaded into it, but that's just like the

(34:02):
icing on the cake. You're like, you're also just being
a shitty dad at the moment. I want to say,
if you're unsure, I know you said you've done some
trial separations and also couples counseling. I would wonder whether
you've been and had individual counseling and actually spoken to
someone impartially on your own, because it sounds like you've
got a lot of stuff that you need to work through,
and maybe going and speaking to someone separately, not with

(34:25):
your partner, not with the intention of it fixing the relationship,
but just like working through, Okay, from top to bottom,
what is it that I want?

Speaker 1 (34:31):
How am I feeling?

Speaker 2 (34:33):
Obviously hormones are probably all over the place post miscarriage
as well. Like just really kind of working through your
own shit a little bit might help you put things
into perspective as to whether this is a patch that
you guys are going to get through or whether this
is actually you being like, you know what, the relationship
is not for me and it's run its course out,
but it's impossible for us to say that, but it
does sound like you have a lot of reasons as

(34:54):
to why you feel the way you feel.

Speaker 3 (34:55):
Also, sometimes when you're subconsciously checking out relationship, you want
to find reasons to justify it as well. And so
everything that he does now pisses you off. You know,
maybe you are just done and I'm just saying this
is food for thought. I'm not telling you you're done.
We don't know your relationship, but sometimes that's what we do. Like, Also,

(35:17):
one huge issue that is making you uncomfortable and pissing
you off, which is the fact that he teases your
son for quote fun. It's easy then for just noble
for you to be like, do you know what fucking
everything you were doing is wrong? Like it's not just
that it's this and this and this. It's really easy
to sit in that situation.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
But also that like I mean, I'm just thinking of
this as like from a parenting perspective, there is nothing
more fucking annoying than when your kid is like happily playing.
Everything is calm in the house, there is nothing wrong,
there is nothing wrong, no one's upset, and then all
of a sudden, one person just decides to sit there
poking until because it explodes. Right then you've got a
kid crying.

Speaker 1 (35:53):
You go, oh, did and do anything?

Speaker 3 (35:55):
Like why?

Speaker 1 (35:56):
Why? What was you let them be? What was your
reason for doing that?

Speaker 2 (35:59):
Because now you've made my job harder, You've made your
job harder, You've made this poor little kid fucking upset,
Like what was the purpose of all of this? And
if you're having to deal with that on repeat all
the time, like that is absolutely infuriating. And I'm saying
this not like Matt does not do this, and it
probably sounds like I'm like channeling. I've witnessed this happen
a lot, you know, in parents who think it's funny

(36:20):
to do things that are like, oh, like I was
just I was just messing around or I was tickling,
and the parent takes the game too far for a
kid's little three year old capacity, and then they get
super emotionally, they're super worked up, and then everyone's dealing
with the meltdown and it's like you did that and
you're an adult, grow up. I don't know that to me, Like,
I understand why you're so pissed off by this.

Speaker 1 (36:38):
This is a really hard one.

Speaker 3 (36:39):
But the question, how do you know if a relationship
is over, it's how long is a piece of string?
Like it is impossible for anyone to answer that. But you,
I think you just need to look at your future.
What are you non negotiables? What's important to you? How
do you see your life? How do you see the
person in your life treating your kids? How do you
see the environment that your kid's are gonna grow up in? Like?
You need to down and picture all these things. Speak

(37:01):
to a therapist, whatever it is you choose to do.
But I would go to the councilor probably alone for
this one. Personally. If you don't think deep down that
your partner fits into the ideals of what you see
and want and desire for your future and a safe
environment for you and your family, then maybe that is
how you know. So I would be having a really

(37:22):
really deep think and writing these sort of things down.
What you want versus what you think you have. Don't
get stuck in the sunk cost fallacy of saying, well,
we've been together this long and you know like I
would hate to have to start again. And if something
doesn't work for you, something might have worked for you
a decade ago, it might not work for you now,
But like Laura said, things that do spiral down can

(37:44):
spiral back up. So as long as your husband is
willing to listen to you and understand that what he's
doing is not right for your child and for you
and for the environment, and he's willing to work with that,
then of course it can make its way back up,
and you, coul guys could get to a place that
you might have never been to before. It might be
better than ever.

Speaker 2 (38:01):
Have you ever heard of like it's I mean, just
a saying in terms of because people always ask, how
do you know when a relationship's over? And the thing
is is everyone's capacity for when a relationship is over
is different. Some people's relationships are over and they stay
in that relationship for their entire lives, right, So it
really is different. But someone said this to me once
it really stuck with me. A relationship's over when one
person decides it is. And like, if you're at a

(38:23):
point where that decision is something that you want and
you know that that is right from you, if there
is a persistent lack of communication, if there is a
persistent lack of understanding of repair of them actually showing
up and doing the things that they want to do.
If there is a persistent resentment that is there, then
your relationship is over and there your telltale signs. But
I think once you've made a decision, that's how you

(38:45):
know that it's over.

Speaker 1 (38:46):
Yeah, but that's really hard.

Speaker 3 (38:47):
It's a making the decision that's the hard party.

Speaker 4 (38:49):
I recently read something from doctor John Gotman that was
about contempt, and basically that I've just googled it so
I can kind of refresh. Essentially, this whole thing was
about how once you have contempt in your relationship, that's
the pivotal moment that things go downhill and they very
rarely go back up the hill again.

Speaker 1 (39:07):
So I've just googled.

Speaker 4 (39:08):
Contempt is a form of communication that expresses disrespect and
disdain for a partner, often manifesting a sarcasm, mockery, name calling,
and dismissive gestures like eye rolling. It's more than just criticism.
It's a way of belittling and devaluing the other person,
creating a sense of superiority. I recognize why that would
be the point of no return, because how do you

(39:29):
come back from feeling like that?

Speaker 3 (39:31):
Yeah, I definitely think there are points way before that though,
on the spectrum of when to leave, Like, I don't
think you have to wait to get to that point,
but I understand that that could be the point where
you probably don't come back from it.

Speaker 4 (39:41):
Yeah. Sorry, I thought that that was quite specific to
you know what she's saying that she's experiencing her relationship,
but it's almost like it's being directed towards your child.
Which look, yeah, again, I'm not here to tell you
what to do in your relationship, but I think if
if there's contempt in your relationship, I think it would
be very hard to come.

Speaker 1 (39:58):
Back from ession.

Speaker 2 (40:00):
And now you've said you have no idea how to
answer this one, so I also.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
We're gonna do it anyway. Let's unpack this together.

Speaker 3 (40:08):
Breaking hard, It's really hard.

Speaker 2 (40:10):
My in laws currently live one point five hours away
from us. Often when they come to visit, they want
to stay the night. We have two young children and
a small unit. I find it all gets so overwhelming
when they stay over because they have big personalities and
quite different views to me. My partner also clashes with
his parents at times, and it can all just get
really heated. They also have a small dog who likes

(40:31):
to piss in our small house on arrival.

Speaker 1 (40:33):
Fuck not normal.

Speaker 2 (40:35):
They want to move even further away from us. And
I think they think that when they do this, they
can just stay at our place whenever they come to
see the grandchildren, all for day visits and catch ups.
But is it rude to tell them that they can't
stay at our house overnight? How do you work that nicely?
Should I just suck it up and let them stay
over from.

Speaker 1 (40:52):
Time to time?

Speaker 3 (40:54):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (40:54):
Yes, okay, it was easier to answer, and I thought
it was going to be.

Speaker 3 (40:58):
No. The dog the dog pissing thing has stops the
easiest answer you guys have ever given, because it's so hard,
because you want to say, it's your space, it's your family.
You don't have to do anything you don't do, like
we all know that those are the answers, like you
have the autonomy to make the decisions that you're happy with,
blah blah blah. Sometimes you have to do something you
don't want to do in life, like that is life,

(41:19):
and we don't always get to say like it doesn't
serve me. Sometimes you have to be the bigger person.
The dog pissing thing like that, you need to work
that out, like you can't just have dog come and
piss around your house.

Speaker 2 (41:29):
Yeah, you just say like you can stay, but unfortunately
the dog keeps pissing at our house. The dog can't come.
Get a dog sitter, like, they don't need to bring
the dog that's on them. It's not that out one
hundred percent. But it's pretty normal.

Speaker 3 (41:41):
I'm like it not for me, but it's pretty normal
that you might not get along with your in laws,
or you have different personalities, and it can feel like
a lot in a small space. You'd be hard pressed
to find somebody who doesn't feel overly comfortable in a
tiny apartment with multiple big personalities, sleeping like it's part
and parcel with life. Like you, sometimes you do things

(42:02):
you don't want to do. Having your in law stay
sporadically for a night or two is something you have
to do. Maybe you book yourself up a little bit.
Maybe you're really busy over that time, you're not spending
ludicrous amounts of time with them. Maybe you're going out
to dinner instead of like everyone being home and cooking
and cramming.

Speaker 2 (42:16):
You use that area like date night with your husband,
go dinner and leave the kids with the grandparents.

Speaker 1 (42:22):
Use them I think they're also there to see all
of them.

Speaker 3 (42:24):
I don't think you can abandon them, but you could
all go out together to like make it a little
bit easier.

Speaker 2 (42:28):
But like I just think you do have to let
them stay, Okay. I have questions though, frequency. I need
to know the frequency. How often are they coming? Are
they coming once a month? Is it once every two months?
Is it once a week? Like, frequency is an important
factor in this conversation. Secondly, and this is really a
conversation around boundaries, and you hit it on the head
when you set it. Sometimes we have to do things
in life that we don't like. We can all set boundaries.

(42:52):
Boundaries impact our relationships in positive ways but also in
negative ways. And in this instance, if you put the
boundary in place that you don't want your in life
is staying in your house for all the reasons that
you've given, and some of them are personal reasons, like
the fact that they have big personalities and you just
find overwhelming when they're there because you don't really get
along with them.

Speaker 1 (43:10):
It's not an easy you know, it's not an easy space.

Speaker 2 (43:14):
They probably don't realize that they probably quite adore spending
time with you. Guys love seeing their grandchildren and probably
have no self awareness as to how annoying they are.
So I think that that boundary is going to come
with a lot of consequences, and it's going to impact
the relationship you have with them. They're going to be offended,
it's going to be drama. So's always going to be awkward,
some drama with your husband because then he's got to

(43:35):
try and manage the parents and blah blah blah.

Speaker 3 (43:37):
But I think it's never not awkward to be on the
receiving end of hey, like, we don't want you to
stay like you're always it's always going to them feel weird,
Like even if you're like cool, no worries, I get
a hotel, they're going to talk about you. It's all
going to cause the problem.

Speaker 2 (43:52):
It also, then, on the flip side, hear me out,
It also then means that every time they want to
see their grandchildren or see you see their son, there's
a monetary investment that's going to require them to do
so it's going to cost them money to do so.
Does that also mean that every time you want to
travel to see them, that you need to pay because
you're not going to stay at their house, Like, is

(44:12):
that what they now expectation is? Like, I do think
it creates an unnecessary amount of stress. And I think
it all comes down to frequency. Keep it to a
frequency that you feel comfortable with where it's not overbearing
and you can stomach one night, two nights, whatever it
is a month. Yeah, And I think you know, if
it's a if it's a case that you're put out
one night at every you know, blue moon, it's not

(44:32):
a big deal.

Speaker 1 (44:33):
Like, I think we can.

Speaker 2 (44:34):
All be adults and stuck that up for the greater
good of like family and everything else.

Speaker 3 (44:38):
Yeah, I think where I think the boundary is coming
to play. You know, I don't want anyone to take
what I said about like you do things you don't
want to do.

Speaker 1 (44:44):
You know, we know that this is very situational.

Speaker 3 (44:47):
But obviously, if this was causing your kids discomfort or
putting their routine out, or they're uncomfortable around your grandparents
for whatever reason, that's when boundaries are absolutely fine. But
I don't think the boundary here is because you've got
a small unit. The dog pisses and it's too many
big personalities. Every family has big personalities. The dog can
stay in a kennel or with a friend, or the

(45:07):
dog can stay outside. The family needs to continue to visit.

Speaker 2 (45:11):
Yeah, I mean the real question here is I'm all
for visits and catch ups, all for day visits and
catch ups. But is it rude to tell them they
can't stay at our place overnight? How do I word
that nicely?

Speaker 1 (45:22):
You can't?

Speaker 3 (45:24):
You can.

Speaker 2 (45:24):
You can once in a while say oh, actually we've
got friends coming in the morning, like, so you know,
sleeping over doesn't work for us on this occasion. But
you can't blanket rule you can't stay at our house.
There is no nice way that you can say that.
That's going to go down. Well, good fucking lucky. Nana
is going to be pissed, especially if she's got a
big personality.

Speaker 3 (45:40):
Good luck.

Speaker 1 (45:41):
All right, Well, look that is it from ask guys.
If you have any questions to ask on. Can't slide
into the DMS.

Speaker 2 (45:46):
If you disagree, if you agree, if you have any thoughts, feelings, emotions.

Speaker 1 (45:50):
If you want to hear me talk about the standing
up again.

Speaker 3 (45:53):
An echo chamber. We just want the positive positivity.

Speaker 2 (45:55):
Do We're not slide into the DMS and tell us
how you really feel about all the things because we
care deeply.

Speaker 3 (46:01):
But just to spoiler, next week, we won't be talking
about Laura's baby standing up.

Speaker 1 (46:05):
I am going to just stay tuned for an update.

Speaker 3 (46:08):
I've only got it in me once to let you
repeat Storyteller one time.

Speaker 2 (46:12):
I can't promise that I'm not going to make those
mistakes again in the future.

Speaker 3 (46:15):
I am will alert you to it. So tired like.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
It's I'm beyond. I'm in a new category of tiredness.
I'm literally words come out of my mouth and I
don't know where they are. I can't wait, can't wait to.

Speaker 1 (46:25):
Listen to this in the edit and fix it.

Speaker 3 (46:27):
Concerned when we talk for a living love that okay,
keep the accidental filter's asking cuts everything coming into Instagram
life On Cut podcast, we always give you anonymous Just
put it the top, Dee if it's asking cut or
if it's an ask gun cut aftermath, or if it's
an accidently unfiltered Also.

Speaker 1 (46:40):
Go check out on YouTube and you know the drill mumpty.

Speaker 3 (46:43):
Donte dot tar friends and share the love because we
love love

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Ask Uncut - 6 Minute Voice Notes, Horny Separations & When Is The Relationship Over?

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ask Uncut - 6 Minute Voice Notes, Horny Separations & When Is The Relationship Over?