October 23, 2024 • 37 mins
Hey Lifers
Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer your deep, dark and burning questions!
There is a lot of weird news in the world today... mostly the guy who chose to put 15 hard boiled eggs in his backside. Britt's partner Ben has had a hair makeover.
Did you 'plan' your hair look for your wedding in terms of colour/length etc? Did you opt for something that was your 'look' rather than going for a short term hair change?
Vibes for the week:
Keeshia: Sweet Bobby on Netflix
Britt: Instax camera
Laura: Fallen Angel Podcast
Then we jump into your questions!
DID WE DO THE RIGHT THING BY THE DRUNK HEN?
We just wrapped up a hen's night where the hen KO'd herself pretty early, before the festivities were finished - the MOH got her home safely (talking 7.30) and the rest of the party headed home. We'd already organised some entertainment, so instead of going out to where it'd been organised for, we made the call to stay in the hotel room and keep an eye on the hen, and enjoyed the entertainment (just the two of us). The groom found out and blew up - said we put the hen in danger, that it was unforgivable, and he doesn't want anything to do with either of us. Major drama! My question - Did we do the wrong thing? Is his blow up and subsequent major drama valid? Or were we fine to have a little fun while we still took care of our friend? It's created so much drama a week out from the wedding, is all the hatred warranted, or is he just being a complete dick?
I DON'T LIKE THEM CALLING HER GRANDMA
I have a new baby who is now 3 months old, and when I was pregnant my dad’s partner asked to be called Grandma which at the time I felt a bit put on the spot and was like ‘sure’. After thinking about it and chatting with my partner I am not sure how comfortable I am with her being “Grandma”. For context she has been with my dad since I was 18 which I think is relevant because I have never lived with her and she has had no hand in raising me and to be honest we have never had a great relationship. I feel like my mum and my partner's mum have done the hard yards to earn that title which she has not. I also don’t want to confuse my child for example if she is asking on Mother’s Day why “Grandma” doesn’t get a card or present and having to explain she is not actually her Grandma. So basically throughout the end of my pregnancy and having a new baby I never ended up having the convo and tbh I am a bit conflict avoidant. Over the weekend her and my dad met my partner’s parents who are visiting from Spain and she introduced herself as Grandma. So my question is… is it too late for me to have that conversation? I really don’t want her to be called Grandma or anything like that but have I let it go too long? Or how would you go about having the convo? Should I speak with my dad as he knows her better than me and would know the best way to address it?
CAN I TELL HIM TO NOT GO?
My partner of 3 years has been invited on a family overseas holiday by his ex-wife and their 2 young kids. The ex-wife is paying for his expenses as one of the kids really wants Dad to be there. The ex wife’s new partner is also joining them. This has left me feeling really uncomfortable and ultimately left out. Is it fair to ask my partner to not go because of how I feel or should I tell him he should go despite it making me feel uncomforta
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to the episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and it's Thursday Therapy Thursday. You're
writing your deepest, darkest, burning, strangest, weirdest questions.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Or traumatic and heartfelt whatever it is, We'll do our
best to answer them. We have been sitting here for
quite a while trying to discuss what we're going to
talk about at the start of this episode. We've been
through everything. We were like some really meaningful things. There
was an article about a guy who put fifteen hard
boiled eggs into his butt, but it.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Did settle on something better than the eggs.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Well, the eggs were up there. I'm only saying this
because I was really pushing for the guy with the
fifteen eggs in his balm.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
He was also pushing to get the fifteen eggs out
of his bum.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
I just it baffles me. It really does, because that
is a headline. Man gets rushed to hospital because he
has fifteen hard boiled eggs in his backside. The questions
are why why did he do it?
Speaker 2 (01:01):
It doesn't baffle me because I've seen it so many
times in the hospital system.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Eighteen eggs?
Speaker 2 (01:05):
No, but for toilet brushes. I've seen so many things
up the.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Bike, can't I can't.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
I got more of a question as to why you'd.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Boil fifteen, specifically, like why was it fifteen and not fourteen?
Speaker 1 (01:15):
That's what I was sixty?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
I think he had one left over from the dozen?
Speaker 1 (01:19):
No, a dozen's twelve?
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Bab oh three leftover? Fucking quick math?
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Why wasn't it a baker's dozen just with one extra?
Like fifteen is such an intentional amount of eggs? Or
do you think he got to fifteen? Then he was
like that's enough.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
I think he was on drugs and it was a
drug induced dozen. Wow.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
But anyway, he went to the hospital and he was like, hey,
I'm in a lot of pain. I think if you
got that in there.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
I'm really glad that, even though it did get vetoed
as the thing we were going to discuss on the
start of this episode that I got to bring it.
So you welcome, everybody.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Have you never thought about putting something up up your butt?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yes, of course I've thought about it, but not eggs,
not a household goods.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Not if you had to go an egg or a
toilet brush.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Them CG products like I'm not out there in like
Woolworths going m Should I go free range or should
I go the jep ones?
Speaker 2 (02:06):
People do extra large? Or people do? People go to
the super ganighet with that literal thought on what they
can buy. And this isn't a joke. They do. They
go to the veggie section with the pure intention of
which one of these products can I put up my buttle.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
I'm sure I do believe that there would be someone
out there, but I can't imagine that there's many of them.
I just don't understand it. If there's so many good
sex toys out there these days, so many great female
lead companies that are creating fantastic things that are ergonomically
designed to stick inside you, why would you go for
eggs or a character or zucchini? Makes no sense? Well,
when you think about it, and stop stop trying to
(02:41):
plead the case, brut stop for the experimentation.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
What about those eggs that we use? What are they
called again to majde egg? Yeah, but you know the
eggs we put inside ourselves to get tight pelvic floor kegel?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Yeah, like kegel things?
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Yeah, Okay, if you're going to try and use that
as a benchmark for comparison. We're never going to agree
on this. There is never going to be a universe
where I think it's normal. Like, and I know I'm
not here to yuck anyone's yum, but I'm not going
to say that it's okay to stick fifteen eggs up
your backside. It's just not it. If it ain't flared,
it's not going in there.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Do you think they're in the hospital and they're like,
all right, we need to get this out. Do you
think they're just making him like squat down and like
a chicken and birth of my chicken like plops them out?
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Do do you think there has to be an operation?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
I think it has to be an operation.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
But imagine depend if their eggs were shelled or not.
So I reckon he could, I reckon you could shot
that out.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
I give up.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
What were we going to talk about?
Speaker 1 (03:37):
There was a guy in Grease who's been sneaking into
people's houses smelling socks as well, Like, look, when it
comes to the content today, it was a little bit dry, guys.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
I was actually pushing for the German pizzeria that we're
selling a lot of the pizza Number forty. Turns out
they were actually selling cocaine.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Yeah, today it was just a bit groom.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
The world is just a strange place at the moment.
It really is. And everyone's like, I mean, we're sitting
in between eggs shoe sniffing a pizzeria that's got cocaine
in it, and then the King is in town and
no one cares, like It's just it really is one
of those days. I love that the King is literally
here down the road. I do have a.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Personal update that no one is going to care about,
but I do want to say, like, I feel like
my relationship with Ben has been reinvigorated.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Was it less invigorated before?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Well, we're in a long distance, long term relationship. We
don't see each other. It can get boring. He dyed
his hair blonde, and I am frothing at the bit.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
It is exactly frothing at the slit.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
This is what I want to say. That's disgusting. You
always take it one step two.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
But that was good.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
That was weird. It was disgusting.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
I have also seen photos of band. Normally I would
not think that a bleached blonde hairdoo at hairdoo, not
dude would be attractive, Like it really kind of screens
nineteen nineties nine two frosted tips to me, M and yeah,
but he pulls it off.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
He looks good, he looks super super hot. Lots of
people actually, I have been monitoring his social media. There
have been some Romanian girls that have been a little
bit too flirty on his social media about his new looks.
But I think this is what people might need to do.
If you are, like in a long term relationship and
you're feeling like you need a little bit extra spice,
make a change, make a hair change.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Most of the time people make hair changes when they're
going through a breakup. Quintessential, cut a fringe, that's what
we do.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
So now we're in this discussion on do we keep
our hair colors for our wedding? Does he keep blonde?
And do I keep my urban this urban era that
I'm in. I don't think blonde will age well in
wedding photos.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
It doesn't have it doesn't have a traditional feel to it.
But also like who cares?
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Well? I care?
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Do people actually like do they really think about this?
Because I mean, you usually have about a year before
you get married. Or like at least that amount of time,
do people kind of plan like, oh, this is what
I'm going to do because long term, I want to
feel like.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Myself at this moment.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Did you do this loss?
Speaker 1 (05:52):
I mean, I don't really change my look ever like
I have had. I mean in the whole time, you know,
mean for six years I've had medium length hair. I
haven't even died it.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
And the part's always want to say.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
It's now just slightly going gray, Like I don't do anything.
So I was just me. I just had some extra
hair extensions put in so I looked like I had
a hair that was nice.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
I think it's very important to think about how things
will age, and I'm going to bring to the table
example a Victoria and David Beckham. Their wedding did not
age well because they didn't think ahead of time.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
I also think on your wedding you kind of just
want to look back and feel like you look like yourself.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
That's all that would.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Be my biggest I mean, not that anyone's coming to
me for wedding advice. All right, Well, let's get into
vibes and unsubscribes. Keish, what is your vibe? Mine is
the brand?
Speaker 2 (06:33):
New film that.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Has dropped on Netflix called Sweet Bobby My Catfish Nightmare.
It's an hour and twenty minutes. A lot of you
might remember the podcast from twenty twenty one called Sweet Bobby.
It was super super super viral. So it is the
story of a woman named Karat and she experienced one
of the more horrific catfishing stories that I've ever heard of.
It went on for about eight or nine years. And
(06:55):
I'm not going to give to any spoilers away if
you don't know the story already, but she was in
a relationship this person for the last three years of
that and it ended up kind of dissolving her life.
You know, she gave up a job, she really became
disconnected from her family and her friends, and they've gone
and made a Netflix about it. If you've already heard
the podcast, I mean, you might be interested to kind
(07:15):
of see it all summarized because it was only an
hour and twenty minutes. But it was really interesting to
see this happened back in two thousand and nine, and
I don't feel as though we've come as far as
what we should have in terms of like online abuse
like this.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Do you think that the Netflix episode of this was
done as well as the podcast, because the podcast was
so well listened to and so loved, like it went
very very viral. I listened to it, and I'm not
normally someone who listens to kind of true crime or
investigative type journalism. Did you find that it was like
as good as I?
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Actually feel as though I probably enjoyed it more because
I had like a visual element you can hear from
the actual people that were involved in this saga, and
it was shorter, so like, you know, it kept my
attention span for the entire time. But the catfisher ended
up using sixty different Facebook profiles to create the most
elaborate web of a cat fishing story.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
The thing that I left watching the film with was like,
how do we not have better regulations around this now?
You know, that's kind of why she's sharing her story,
and that's you know, why she's gone on and made
this Netflix film because she wants the law to catch
up with the fact that this is abuse and it
can really ruin people's lives. And I was surprised to
see that after all this time, we haven't really made
(08:27):
any changes that can protect victims.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Of this type of abuse. I would love to see
that because I found the podcast got a little bit
slow in the middle and I found it hard to
keep my attention. I know that that might not be
the case for everyone because I know how much it
was like number one every week in the charts, but
I yeah, one and a half hours is far more
suited to me.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
I feel the opposite. I love the podcast, but I
love long podcasts. I love podcasts that have six series
in them, same as TV series. But my recor today
was going to be the podcast for those that hadn't
listened to it, because I know the doctor trending right now.
So I'm one of those people that loves to read
a book before I watch the movie, and I feel
the same if I know that there is a podcast
(09:08):
series or something on a documentary, I always like to
listen to that first. So that was gonna be my
reco It is brilliant, Kisha, So if anyone hasn't gone
listen to the podcast or watched it, please do. But
my record is going to be a little bit more wholesome.
Some of you might have seen that this is something
that Ben and I do and I really can't recommend
it enough. From the day we met, we got a
(09:28):
polaroid camera, and every time we're together, we just take polaroids.
We have a book of polaroids and we put them
immediately into the book. So it's actually just like going
back a little bit old school and having a photo album.
I wanted something that I could physically pick up, go through.
We write the date on the back of the polaroid,
so that one day we'll look back and we have
our whole journey together like mapped out in these little
(09:50):
polaroid books. And it's really really cute. I have shown
on Instagram a few times and people are always like, oh,
what polaroid camerage you use? You can use any The
one that we have is in Sight I nst Ax.
They're always updating them. You can get lots of cute
colors if you want it to be aesthetic. I'm thinking
ahead of time where I'm like, oh, how cool one
day if our kids pick this up and look at
(10:11):
all these old, cute, little tiny polary pictures. So that's
my recommendation is to like go a little bit old school,
bit wholesome and start to capture those memories physically, because
what if everything gets wiped one day, what if we
keep all these digital all these digital albums.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
I think the issue is is that most of us
have all of our photos and our phones, so we
never ever get them printed. We use a great I
have to think of the company, but we use a
great like photo album printing company, So like once a
year or twice a year, we'll just do a big
photo dump and then it gives you a proper printed
out photo book. Cannot remember the name of it, but
like come for me and we can put that in
the show notes too.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Yeah. Yeah, So that's my vibe.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
What's yours lot? My Vibe is a podcast series. It's
based on what we were talking about on Tuesday. So
on Tuesday's episode, if you haven't listened to it yet,
we spoke in depth around Victoria's Secret and we kind
of touched on the really CD past a Victoria's Secret
and how there is a lot of controversy around the
brand itself and what went on behind closed doors, also
around the hierarchy of the Victoria's Secret models and what
(11:08):
it meant to be a Victoria's Secret Angel. There is
an absolutely fantastic podcast that was recommended to me and
I've started listening to it. It's called Fallen Angel. It's
hosted by journalists Vanessa Gregory Artists. Now I probably have
butchered her last name, but she's a journalist for Vanity
Fair and her take on it is so interesting. She's
also in terms of the types of articles and the
(11:28):
types of journalism that she does. She was the very
last journalist to interview Keith Rinieri, who you guys might remember,
we did the episode all about Nixiem, the cult in
the States, who was branding celebrities. It's a really wild
story around that, and I guess like her insight into it,
the layers of it. I'm up to episode three at
the moment, but there's ten episodes in total, and I
(11:49):
think for anyone who was really interested in the backstory
and how not the rebrand, because it's not around what's
happening now, but around like the really insidious past of
Victory Tory, you Secret Angels, how it links into Jeffrey Epstein.
It is truly fascinating. So it's called Fallen Angel. You
can listen to it wherever you listen to your podcasts awesome.
All right, let's get into the questions question number one.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
We just wrapped up a hen's night where the hen
kaoed herself pretty early before the festivities were finished. The
mother of the hen got her home safely, so I'm
talking seven thirty and the rest of the party headed home.
We'd already organized some entertainment. I think she means entertainment
like strippers.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
She hasn't said that. I mean we're between the lives
on this one.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah, we'd already organized some entertainment, so instead of going
out where it had been organized for, we made the
call to stay in the hotel room and keep an
eye on the hen, but still enjoy the entertainment. So
there were just two of us. The groom found out
and absolutely blew the fuck up, said we put the
heading danger, that it was unforgivable. He doesn't want anything
to do with either of us. This is like a
(12:54):
major drama happening right now in our group. My question,
did we do the wrong thing? Is this blow up
and subsequent major drama valid? Or were we find to
have a little fun while we still took care of
our friend. It's created so much drama just a week
out from the wedding. Is all the hatred warranted? Or
is he just being a complete dick.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
I'm so confused. But did the mother get her home
to the hotel or to her house, Like, were you
guys staying somewhere, or did you invite a stripper back.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
To her home?
Speaker 1 (13:21):
No? The hotel, Okay, here was a hotel.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
One hundred percent. It's definitely a hotel. They decided to
go to the hotel. The thing that confuses me is
she said we enjoyed the entertainment, just the two of us.
So I don't know if two other friends came back
and enjoyed it, or if she means there were two
including the past at hand, So she just enjoyed a
private stripper.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Okay. From reading this, what I think has happened is
she's gone back to the hotel, there's two bridesmaids, and
the hen has passed out. Yeah. Absolutely, Otherwise otherwise my
feelings are different. Look, I think in this instance, the
right thing to do would have been to cancel the stripper. Like,
I definitely don't think of paid for him. Yeah, yes
(14:01):
you've paid for it, Yes you've organized it, all that stuff.
I do think it's kind of well, actually, I think
it's really inappropriate. I think it is inappropriate to have
a stripper come to the house and be doing a
lap dance while you are seemingly when you say you
still had an eye on your friend while she's passed
out in the bed somewhere. Yeah, I just think like
that's a situation. I don't necessarily think it's dangerous because
(14:24):
he's obviously a paid employee. It's not like you've found
a random guy to come in. But I do think
the whole situation really probably shouldn't have happened. That is
my take. I understand why the fiance is angry because
he feels as though, instead of taking care of her,
you had a stripper comeback, and you prioritize your own fun,
your own enjoyment over her and the hen whose night
(14:46):
it actually was about. So I absolutely understand that there
is animosity there. How is the hen responding to this, like,
I mean, I know he's angry, and he's the one
saying he doesn't want anything to do with you, But
there's this kind of gray line at Hen's parties and
also Bucks, where it's almost assumed that it's everyone else's responsibility.
When the buck or Hen gets really really drunk, It's
like it's everyone else's fault that they've gotten so obliterated.
(15:09):
But I do also think there has to be some
self awareness that you know, you know how much you
can or can't drink, like you have made choices to
get that absolutely obliterated as well. It's tricky because I
think that when it comes to Hen's parties, there's a
lot of peer pressure, there's a lot of have another shot,
have another drink, there's a lot of over excitement, and
so sometimes it does happen. And I know myself that
(15:30):
I've had friends who have ended up absolutely legless at
like four point thirty in the afternoon and it's ruined
the Hen's party. But I definitely think that if that happens,
then you as a friend have a responsibility to take
care of the person that's just gotten so blind drunk.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Yeah, I don't think that there's anyone to blame here.
I don't think there's any fault in terms of who
got who drunk, because at the end of the day, yes,
there's encouragement to drink more at your hens, but you're
also your own person that can say no, I've had enough. Yeah. Absolutely,
I'm not putting any blame on anyone for this. If
I was the hen and I woke up the next
day and found out that my friends had been getting
(16:05):
a lap dance or stripping or whatever was going on
whilst I was literally passed out in the bed, I
would be proper.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Upset with that. You'd be pretty off it.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Yeah, Oh, I just think that's inappropriate if it's and
we don't know, like you know, it's easy for us
to say someone chaot herself knocked herself out? Is that
just like she was too drunk to be out anymore,
or she properly passed out like you know, I don't
know the use of the term and what condition she
was actually in, but I would be upset if I
woke up and I was like, you had a guy
in here dancing naked, drinking partying while I'm passed out
(16:34):
in my bed, Like I would be upset. I think
the partner has every right to be upset, But I
do think it is a slight overreaction to say we
want nothing to do with you and like, you know,
don't come to the wedding in a week. And I
think that is a bit over the top. Maybe you
did do the wrong thing, but you know, you didn't
put her in danger in terms of like laying her
on the street and leaving her alone passed out while
you went and partying. So I think I'm on both
(16:55):
people's sides here. I understand what you're saying that you
think you took care of your friend, but I also
understand his point of view where you could have probably
taken care of her a little bit better or made
some better decisions.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Yeah. Look, I think a big discussion has to be had,
and I also think that the bride needs to be
included in this. Your friend needs to be included in
this because it is very likely that she has expressed
to her partner as well how unhappy she is with
the situation. So it's not just him who's trying to
you know, control it and is overreacting.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
She's probably upset she missed out.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
No, I don't know. I think that the friends really
misread this and really did do something that kind of
like I don't want to say, like, you know, you've
done the wrong thing, and I don't want to like
rain down on you guys, because like you know, obviously
you have written this in because you're so like, did
we completely miss the mark with this, and I do
think to some point you missed the mark because when
(17:45):
you are in your own safe environment, like she has
been brought back to her home, to the place that
is safe for her to be, when she's totally incapacitated
and can't like she doesn't know what's going on because
she's so so drunk. We've all either had a friend
that's been in that state or you've been that state yourself.
So to bring a foreign person into that environment where
she's in the place that's safe to have this fun
(18:07):
where you're not actually going to be able to be
watching her or everyone's laughing around her, she doesn't know
what's happening. I think that that's really wrong. And I
think that that's like you're taking advantage of a situation
because you still want to have a good night on
a night that's absolutely not about you. And I think
if it meant losing a bit of money because you know,
you had to cancel the stripper, that would have been
the kinder, more considerate thing to do as a friend.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
I also always try and play devil's advocate and present
or look at both sides, and I just sort of
put myself in this girl's position. I guess as a
part of me that would understand if they've gone back
to the hotel and it's a suite, right, Like, it's
not just a hotel room where the bed is next
to the little tiny lounge room. You know, like if
it's not one room, if you've gone all out and
(18:50):
there's a suite and you've put you know that she's
not actually passed out, She's just drunk and needs to
sleep it off. So if you're like, okay, we're going
to put it a bed, it's seven thirty pm. If
you two are absolutely fine, I understand why you're like,
do you know what, we could still just have fun
in the loundroom. We're still with her, we're here, she
needs us, like, we'll continue our night. I sort of
get that now that I'm putting myself in it. I
have no doubt if you were one of her closest friends,
(19:12):
it would not have been any part of you that
would have been a conscious decision of like, let's do
this if we think she's actually in danger. If you
thought there was any proper danger, I'm gonna go out
in a limb and say I think you wouldn't have
done it. So I understand how you probably were in
that position and thought like, hey, she can slip it off.
We'll stay here, we'll try and make the most of
our night. But then I can understand why he the partner,
has gotten upset. So I do want to say one
(19:34):
hundred percent see both sides. I don't think anyone has
done the wrong thing per se. But you need to
go into that conversation with the fiance being understanding of
his feelings. You know, you need to say I am
so sorry that you feel like that, and I want
you to know that I understand why you think that.
I need you to know that I never ever would
have done something if I thought that anyone was in danger,
(19:55):
and I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Yeah, absolutely, And like you make a really good point,
brit is that we don't have all of the pieces,
because there is a version of this story that is
way worse than the alternate version, and we're assuming that
it is the less bad option, you know, I mean, yeah,
we're trying to assume that. Okay, like these are the reasons,
and maybe he's overreacting a little bit, but also it's
probably safe to assume that he is making assumptions as
(20:19):
well around what happened because he's feeling in the blanks.
All he knows is that his fiance was passed out
and you had a stripper come to the hotel like
that sounds pretty fucked. I absolutely understand why he has
the feelings. He has a very big conversation has to
be had. But also I think that this is a
pretty I mean, I don't think that this is a
common thing that's ever going to happen, But it's a
good conversation that we are having because it does make
(20:42):
you go, okay, well, if my friend was in that situation,
what would I do? And maybe before you make a
decision that really isn't the kindest, most conscious, or safest
choice for that person, you would think twice about it,
because I think it was more so just a moment
of being thoughtless rather than actually going okay, what could
be the implications of this? You know, what could happen
(21:05):
if we have someone coming into this apartment when our
friend's black out drunk? Yeah, is that a good idea?
Speaker 2 (21:10):
No, I'm dreading my hens and I'm going to put
this out here right now. You guys know I don't shot.
I'm no peer pressure for shotting I'm not shotting, but
are we having cocktails? I will be drinking, But the
thought of doing shots, I've never been a shot in
all of my life. The thought of me doing shots
makes me feel sick thinking about it.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
But I also think you have the type of hens
that reflects the type of person that you are. No
one was doing shots at my Hands.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Breakfast brunch we had.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
We had cups of tea at eight pm, do you
know what I mean? Like, no one was getting blind
drunk my hands, and we all had an awesome weekend.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Your face naked man. That was fun.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
So we was artie. Yeah, we still had all of
the elements of what would make a fun hands But
like we got up first thing in the morning and
there was a naked dude in the apartment and we
did like life first, we did life drawing, and we
all drunk Mimosa's around him. You know, Like it wasn't
no one was getting turnt. I guess, like that's probably
the bigger thing. Yeah, I certainly wasn't.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
I think it also happens when you get engaged or
get married, like later you know, I want to say
later in life in terms of not your early twenties,
but like when you're in your late thirties, it just
hits different.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
I know what you would love.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
You would love like a massage and all of us
having a really nice dinner somewhere with a view, and
then going home and being by Yah, you make me
sound boring. The reason I know this is because I'm like,
that's also my dream.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Yeah, it's my dream. Can we please do that for
your head? If I could get all my friends to
have like a spa treatment and relax and kick back
with some cocktails, really great food, maybe a boat, I
don't know. Like I love the idea of like the
new drawing or something that's a bit spicy, topless waiters whatever,
Like I love that idea, But I don't want anyone
else's dick in my face. So you don't want strippers.
(22:44):
Not asking for reference, I'm not opposed to a stripper,
but like in the daylight, still, I don't want to
be drunk at midnight with it, yeah, with a dick
in my face.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
I also think that strippers are not all cut evenly
like that's I have been to loads.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Of a nice summer circumcise and some and else.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
I've become loads loads of hen parties that have had strippers,
and some of them I have found funny and have
like really enjoyed, and some of them I've been like,
that is way too much and it's so over the line.
And the problem is is you don't know what version
of a stripper you're gonna get. And I remember one
Hen's party I went to and I was like, I
feel so uncomfortable, and I could tell that my friend
was also uncomfortable, and I was like, we were also
(23:21):
very young, and I think if I was older, I
would have responded differently. But you don't know the performance
that that stripper is going to do unless you have
seen it beforehand, and some of them are way worse
than others.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
He would be good who I would approve. I actually
have spoken to him before online, not in that way
in a business sense. Wow, this sounds so bad.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
I did slide into his DMS.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
The very famous stripper in Australia. He works for Magic
Mike and he looks exactly like Chatting Tatum. Have you
seen him?
Speaker 1 (23:49):
Yeah, I've seen him.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
When I say I spoke to him, I need to
clarify this because someone's gonna run with it. I think
it was about a radio segment many many moons ago.
We were going to get him on. He's someone like
him would be great because he's fun. He gets that
he's an actual performer, like his job is to dance
in front of people and make people's night feel great.
So if he's listening to Life Uncut, I.
Speaker 3 (24:08):
Actually think what you just said is really interesting though,
because it relates to the question that this girl has
written in the partner like the fiance who's mad at her,
he doesn't know what type of stripper you had either.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
But there's also a chance that he might have some
anger or be upset because maybe he didn't even know
the war was going to be a stripper. Maybe he's
upset that there even was a stripper that night, you know,
like they might have had a conversation between themselves where
there wasn't you know, you go have your hands, I'll
have my bucks. None of us have strippers, and then
to find out that the stripper turned up.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
He may have been okay with a stripper, but that
doesn't mean he's okay with a stripper if she's unconscious. Yeah,
like that's a totally different conversation.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
No, I'm designing the extra level that there is a
chance he might not even known there was a stripper
involved that night. Wow, I was a lot in the stripping.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Convos and question number two. I have a new baby
who was three months old, and when I was pregnant,
my dad's partner asked to be called grandma, which at
the time I felt a bit put on the spot
and I was like, oh, sure. After thinking about it
and chatting with my partner, I'm not sure how comeabl
I am with her being grandma. For context, she's been
with my dad since I was eighteen, which I think
is relevant because I have never lived with her and
(25:11):
she has had no hand in raising me. To be honest,
we have never had a great relationship. I feel like
my mom and my partner's moum have done the hard
yards to earn that title, which she has not. I
also don't want to confuse my child. For example, if
she's asking your Mother's Day, why is Grandma doesn't get
a card or present and having to explain she's not
actually her grandma. So basically, throughout the end of my
(25:32):
pregnancy and having a new baby, I never ended up
having the convo, And to be honest, I'm a little
bit conflict devoidant. But over the weekend, her and my
dad met my partner's parents, who are visiting from Spain,
and she introduced herself as grandma. So my question is this,
is it too late for me to have that conversation.
I really don't want her to be called grandma or
anything like that, but I have I left it for
too long? Or how would you go about having the convo?
(25:54):
Should I speak with my dad about it, who knows
better than me and would know the best way to
address it? Super awkward? Send help?
Speaker 2 (26:01):
That is awkward.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
It's so awkward.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
I I feel two sorts of ways. I'm always going
to say, you don't have to do anything you don't
want to do if you don't want someone to be
in your kid's life. I mean, within reason, you don't
have to. If you don't want to be called something,
you don't have to do like it's you, your family,
your child the way you wanted to bring them up.
Having said that, you said she's been in your life
(26:24):
since you were eighteen, and she is the partner to
your dad, and within family dynamics, technically they are now
the roles of grandparents. So I understand why she's saying that,
especially when she's introducing her herself to someone. I don't
think she's trying to take ownership of like I am
that direct relation and the grandma to that kid. I
think she's more just saying her role in the family.
(26:46):
Hey on the grand So then all of a sudden
you immediately know, oh, okay, you're the one of the
parental figures. It's super tricky. But I don't know your dynamics,
so I don't know why you guys are not close.
I don't know if she's a horrible person that you
don't like, or you know you don't want three four, five,
six seven different people taking the role of different grandparents.
You definitely have left it pretty late, Like if the
(27:07):
baby's here and she's had the conversation she's been referring
to herself as grandma, I think you've left it late.
But having said that, if you're that uncomfortable, you can
give her a different name, like you can say, we
prefer to use this name and make one up if
you want.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
I think I'm the worst person to ask this question too,
so sorry, but I'm to do my best answer it.
I think I'm bad because I am very conflict avoidant
in this type of situation, and I don't think it's
a big deal, is what I mean. I think kids
are smart enough and they put the pieces of the
puzzle together well enough, especially once they're a little bit older,
that they understand the placement of everyone. A name is
(27:39):
just a name, So like in our family, we have
lots of nanna's and lots of granddads, and we had
far and then we have lots of Anie, Like literally
three quarters of my friends are Arnie, Kaya, Arnie, Brittany, Annie, Keisha,
Like my kids have so many people who in their
lives have affirming names that go beyond like oh, like
you know core family. I mean, you can do whatever
you want to. And I think, like for people who
(28:02):
find themselves in this situation, like absolutely, if it's important
to you, you do what is best for you. But
I also think it's so important to weigh up how
much drama is this going to bring to your life?
How is it going to affect your family, How is
it going to affect your ability to be like really
comfortable and at ease with that person? Is the juice
worth the squeeze? Essentially? Because I do think that something
(28:23):
like this seems like I think having her have the
grandma title, even if you call a grandma Sarah or
whatever is her name, so that way it's differentiates. So
when you introduce and you talk about her like, oh,
it's Grandma Sarah, even that has the implication that she
is not the exact gradmar. Do you know what I mean.
I think if someone has like a name attached to it,
you're like, oh, okay, that's the partner of the grandparent.
(28:44):
But the reason why I say this is because I
think having a very pointed conversation of like, we don't
want you to have that name is incredibly othering. And
what you're saying in that moment is we don't see
you as a grandparent figure at all, or.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
We have an issue with you in some capacity.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Yeah, and we don't really see you as part and
belonging of this family. And I would add a guess, say,
if they've been together since you're eighteen, you may be
in your twenties, or you could be in your thirties.
We don't know how old you are. She could have
been a part of your life for ten years, five years,
fifteen years at this point, and so I understand why
she wants to be included in your family, and I
also understand why your dad may not respond to it
(29:23):
in the best way either. Your dad may be like,
but she is, that's she's my part, she's my wife, like,
she is that role. So I just don't know whether
it's worth it. And look, I think people might disagree
with this because, like you said, Britt, you can make
whatever decisions you want, and you can have whatever role
and set whatever example you want for your children. I
just from my experience having kids that are like a
(29:44):
little bit older now, I really do think kids are
smart enough to work it out themselves. You know. Mally
asked the question like, hey, mommy, why doesn't dad? You know,
I have granddad and I have far, but why doesn't
dad have a dad? And we're like, well, dad does
have a dad. We just you know, we don't see him.
So you have I met him, So they figure it
out eventually.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
Yeah, there's one line I don't really love, which is like,
I also don't want to confuse my child. For example,
if she's asking on Mother's Day why Grandma doesn't get
a card or present and then having to explain how
she's not actually her grandma. I just think we live
now in a society and with families that there is
no normal. We don't live in a society anymore where
(30:23):
there's four kids with two parents and then they have
two parents and then that is it, and they've all
been married for forty years and no one divorces and
no one remarries. You don't have stepsisters, like those days
are so far gone. People have two moms, people have
four moms, people have multiple different families. I don't think
you have to say and I think you are taking
credit away from your children and how intelligent they will
(30:44):
and have their ability to adapt by saying, oh, she's
not your real grandma. It's so easy, like you just said, Laura,
to explain a family dynamic and how someone fits in.
So I sort of feel a little bit for this grandma.
If you want to rescind that title from her saying
you didn't earn it.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Yeah, I agree, But also I mean, like, look, I
do also want to give credit to you, the person
who's writing it in like you know, Hi, I understand
why you feel the way you feel, and I understand
that it is important to you. I'm not saying that
your feelings are invalid. I am purely coming to this
from the situation of like, Okay, is it worth the drama?
Like is this a boundary that's that important to you
(31:20):
that you want to set it? And if it is,
go forth you set those boundaries. It just isn't to me,
and so it's hard for me to like relate or
empathize as deeply as what I probably would love to
be able to.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
The last thing I want to say is just ask
yourself how involved they are going to be in their life.
Are they going to love that child, respect that child,
and be a part of their life or are they
someone that you see once every two years or you
know they're not that involved, Because I think that is
a big reason too, if they're always going to be
around and they're going to be loving and looking after
your kids. And I would say, let them take the
name move on.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
I know, I know, And I wonder if people disagree
with that, because like they will. Yeah, look, it is
a tricky one.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Strap in listen this one. My partner of three years
has been invited on a family overseas holiday by his
ex wife and their two young kids. Wait, well, so
family Kardashian and Scott Distick vibe.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
A family holiday with his ex wife and they're two
young kids, so like, really like hardcore co parenting? Yeah, great?
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Now the ex wife is paying for his expenses as
one of the kids really wants dad to be there,
so she sounds like she's like, Okay, let's just do
this for the kids. Come along, because she's also taking
her partner. Okay, great, So their entire family are going,
plus the ex husband. This has left me feeling really
uncomfortable and ultimately left out. Is it fair to ask
(32:40):
my partner not to go because of how I feel?
Or should I just let him go despite the fact
that it makes me feel uncomfortable? Why can't she I
go with him? If their partners are going, why can't
all of you go? You've been with him for three years,
That's what I'd be saying.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
Firstly, I would like to say that it is incredibly
admirable the level to which you are co parenting, like
your partner is co parenting, especially because his ex wife
is going with her partner. If it was the ex
wife going with the kids and she was like, I
want him to come, but you can't come, I'd be like, Okay,
we'd try to get him back, but the fact that
they're going as a family unit and then she's taking
(33:18):
him as well. Look, I think that that is an
incredible example to set for children. I do not think
it's appropriate for you to say I don't want you
to go, because I think, if anything, you as the
partner and also potentially playing the step mum role in
the future, like you need to do everything you can
to encourage co parenting in a way that's harmonious for
those kids because it's not about you, it's about what's
(33:39):
best for those kids, and those kids want their dad there.
The only thing that I think about this is the
reason why you haven't been invited is because the wife
is paying. So why don't you go? Okay, all bets
are off, Please don't pay for us. We absolutely want
to come on this trip because we really want to
model this co parenting to family dynamic and we are
(33:59):
both going to come and we will come together. So
I think if that is something that you can communicate,
that's absolutely such a fair and understandable and meeted option.
But that requires you to financially outlet. You can't expect
her to pay for him, and then you just pay
for yourself, pay for the two of you, and maybe
you've book a hotel room next door, or you book
a hotel room that's big enough so that the kids
(34:22):
can do a night with mom a night with you.
You guys, it means that you know you both got
babysitters when you're there, because one night you can have
a dinner out and one night they can have a
dinner out while the kids are in bed. You will
stay in the same place, You will stay around and
close to each other, but you financially pay for yourselves,
and then you can make whatever decisions you want to
around this family trip.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Yeah, that's the only option I see, And I don't
understand why you haven't been invited. I think it's really
excluding of you by everyone involved, including your partner, to
not have even brought that up. I'm assuming he hasn't
brought it up because you haven't written in, but for
him to be like, you know, I'm probably gonna go
and do this with because they want me there, and like,
you know, their whole family's there and you've been with
him for three years. For me, that classifies as family.
(35:02):
You are also a part of that family. So I
think that the only option here is for you to
go as well or happily let him go. But I
don't think you can tell him not to go.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
Yeah, I don't want if you should tell him not
to go.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
What I do think you can tell him is your feelings.
So you can't say don't go, but you can tell
him it makes you feel uncomfortable. Absolutely, you can say Hey,
to be honest, this does rub me a little bit
the wrong way. I totally understand why you've got to
do it, and I'm really proud of you for the
relationship you have with your kids. But I'd be lying
if I didn't say it makes me feel a bit
strange that I wasn't invited, or that you'll all be
(35:33):
there doing this together without me. For sure, make your
feelings known. You deserve that. That's what been in a
relationship is. But yeah, you can't say don't go.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
No, I absolutely agree. He may not think you want
to go, like he may think this is such a
weird situation. You don't want to be there? Do you
and the ex wife get on?
Speaker 4 (35:50):
Like?
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Are you guys friendly? Whatever that situation is is obviously
going to be very personal to your specific situation. But
I think ultimately the only thing I keep coming back
to is just it's really really cool that there are
are men out there and parents out there who so
deeply want a co parent and put their own discomfort
above what their children want and what their children need.
(36:12):
And that's seeing two people who can go through divorce,
separate and still amicably come together and spend time in
the same place in support of their kids, like that
something that is incredible. So I definitely don't want to
give the advice of like, no, he shouldn't go, like
you know, he's being an asshole, because I don't think
he's being an asshole. I think he's trying to navigate
what is a really uncomfortable situation potentially. Anyway, guys, that
(36:34):
is it from us. If you have a question for
Ask Uncut, slide on into the DMS, send us your
big old query, and we will do our best to
answer them on next week's episode. You can also follow
or watch us on YouTube because we're putting all the
episodes up there as well.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
The YouTube is actually insane. I love watching it, which
is maybe weird, but it gives a different dynamic, like
a different view of what this podcast is. Some people,
more visual people, some audio. It doesn't mean you can't
do both. A lot of people are like saying that
they put our little snippets of the Askan cuts on
their TV, Like they play the YouTube on the TV
and then they watch it with their partner while they're cooking.
(37:09):
Then they discuss it together off the back of it.
I think it's really really cool and how awesome The
video editor Johnny gets those up pretty quickly as well.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
And if you haven't joined the Life of Cut discussion
group yet, go and join because that is where all
the juicy good shit goes down.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
And that is it. From us guys to you, mum,
te dad, te dog, tear friends, and share the love
because we love love.
This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
welcome back to the episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and it's Thursday Therapy Thursday. You're
writing your deepest, darkest, burning, strangest, weirdest questions.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Or traumatic and heartfelt whatever it is, We'll do our
best to answer them. We have been sitting here for
quite a while trying to discuss what we're going to
talk about at the start of this episode. We've been
through everything. We were like some really meaningful things. There
was an article about a guy who put fifteen hard
boiled eggs into his butt, but it.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Did settle on something better than the eggs.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Well, the eggs were up there. I'm only saying this
because I was really pushing for the guy with the
fifteen eggs in his balm.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
He was also pushing to get the fifteen eggs out
of his bum.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
I just it baffles me. It really does, because that
is a headline. Man gets rushed to hospital because he
has fifteen hard boiled eggs in his backside. The questions
are why why did he do it?
Speaker 2 (01:01):
It doesn't baffle me because I've seen it so many
times in the hospital system.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Eighteen eggs?
Speaker 2 (01:05):
No, but for toilet brushes. I've seen so many things
up the.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Bike, can't I can't.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
I got more of a question as to why you'd.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Boil fifteen, specifically, like why was it fifteen and not fourteen?
Speaker 1 (01:15):
That's what I was sixty?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
I think he had one left over from the dozen?
Speaker 1 (01:19):
No, a dozen's twelve?
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Bab oh three leftover? Fucking quick math?
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Why wasn't it a baker's dozen just with one extra?
Like fifteen is such an intentional amount of eggs? Or
do you think he got to fifteen? Then he was
like that's enough.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
I think he was on drugs and it was a
drug induced dozen. Wow.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
But anyway, he went to the hospital and he was like, hey,
I'm in a lot of pain. I think if you
got that in there.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
I'm really glad that, even though it did get vetoed
as the thing we were going to discuss on the
start of this episode that I got to bring it.
So you welcome, everybody.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Have you never thought about putting something up up your butt?
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yes, of course I've thought about it, but not eggs,
not a household goods.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Not if you had to go an egg or a
toilet brush.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Them CG products like I'm not out there in like
Woolworths going m Should I go free range or should
I go the jep ones?
Speaker 2 (02:06):
People do extra large? Or people do? People go to
the super ganighet with that literal thought on what they
can buy. And this isn't a joke. They do. They
go to the veggie section with the pure intention of
which one of these products can I put up my buttle.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
I'm sure I do believe that there would be someone
out there, but I can't imagine that there's many of them.
I just don't understand it. If there's so many good
sex toys out there these days, so many great female
lead companies that are creating fantastic things that are ergonomically
designed to stick inside you, why would you go for
eggs or a character or zucchini? Makes no sense? Well,
when you think about it, and stop stop trying to
(02:41):
plead the case, brut stop for the experimentation.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
What about those eggs that we use? What are they
called again to majde egg? Yeah, but you know the
eggs we put inside ourselves to get tight pelvic floor kegel?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Yeah, like kegel things?
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Yeah, Okay, if you're going to try and use that
as a benchmark for comparison. We're never going to agree
on this. There is never going to be a universe
where I think it's normal. Like, and I know I'm
not here to yuck anyone's yum, but I'm not going
to say that it's okay to stick fifteen eggs up
your backside. It's just not it. If it ain't flared,
it's not going in there.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Do you think they're in the hospital and they're like,
all right, we need to get this out. Do you
think they're just making him like squat down and like
a chicken and birth of my chicken like plops them out?
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Do do you think there has to be an operation?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
I think it has to be an operation.
Speaker 3 (03:26):
But imagine depend if their eggs were shelled or not.
So I reckon he could, I reckon you could shot
that out.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
I give up.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
What were we going to talk about?
Speaker 1 (03:37):
There was a guy in Grease who's been sneaking into
people's houses smelling socks as well, Like, look, when it
comes to the content today, it was a little bit dry, guys.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
I was actually pushing for the German pizzeria that we're
selling a lot of the pizza Number forty. Turns out
they were actually selling cocaine.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Yeah, today it was just a bit groom.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
The world is just a strange place at the moment.
It really is. And everyone's like, I mean, we're sitting
in between eggs shoe sniffing a pizzeria that's got cocaine
in it, and then the King is in town and
no one cares, like It's just it really is one
of those days. I love that the King is literally
here down the road. I do have a.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
Personal update that no one is going to care about,
but I do want to say, like, I feel like
my relationship with Ben has been reinvigorated.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Was it less invigorated before?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
Well, we're in a long distance, long term relationship. We
don't see each other. It can get boring. He dyed
his hair blonde, and I am frothing at the bit.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
It is exactly frothing at the slit.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
This is what I want to say. That's disgusting. You
always take it one step two.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
But that was good.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
That was weird. It was disgusting.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
I have also seen photos of band. Normally I would
not think that a bleached blonde hairdoo at hairdoo, not
dude would be attractive, Like it really kind of screens
nineteen nineties nine two frosted tips to me, M and yeah,
but he pulls it off.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
He looks good, he looks super super hot. Lots of
people actually, I have been monitoring his social media. There
have been some Romanian girls that have been a little
bit too flirty on his social media about his new looks.
But I think this is what people might need to do.
If you are, like in a long term relationship and
you're feeling like you need a little bit extra spice,
make a change, make a hair change.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Most of the time people make hair changes when they're
going through a breakup. Quintessential, cut a fringe, that's what
we do.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
So now we're in this discussion on do we keep
our hair colors for our wedding? Does he keep blonde?
And do I keep my urban this urban era that
I'm in. I don't think blonde will age well in
wedding photos.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
It doesn't have it doesn't have a traditional feel to it.
But also like who cares?
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Well? I care?
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Do people actually like do they really think about this?
Because I mean, you usually have about a year before
you get married. Or like at least that amount of time,
do people kind of plan like, oh, this is what
I'm going to do because long term, I want to
feel like.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Myself at this moment.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Did you do this loss?
Speaker 1 (05:52):
I mean, I don't really change my look ever like
I have had. I mean in the whole time, you know,
mean for six years I've had medium length hair. I
haven't even died it.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
And the part's always want to say.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
It's now just slightly going gray, Like I don't do anything.
So I was just me. I just had some extra
hair extensions put in so I looked like I had
a hair that was nice.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
I think it's very important to think about how things
will age, and I'm going to bring to the table
example a Victoria and David Beckham. Their wedding did not
age well because they didn't think ahead of time.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
I also think on your wedding you kind of just
want to look back and feel like you look like yourself.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
That's all that would.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Be my biggest I mean, not that anyone's coming to
me for wedding advice. All right, Well, let's get into
vibes and unsubscribes. Keish, what is your vibe? Mine is
the brand?
Speaker 2 (06:33):
New film that.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
Has dropped on Netflix called Sweet Bobby My Catfish Nightmare.
It's an hour and twenty minutes. A lot of you
might remember the podcast from twenty twenty one called Sweet Bobby.
It was super super super viral. So it is the
story of a woman named Karat and she experienced one
of the more horrific catfishing stories that I've ever heard of.
It went on for about eight or nine years. And
(06:55):
I'm not going to give to any spoilers away if
you don't know the story already, but she was in
a relationship this person for the last three years of
that and it ended up kind of dissolving her life.
You know, she gave up a job, she really became
disconnected from her family and her friends, and they've gone
and made a Netflix about it. If you've already heard
the podcast, I mean, you might be interested to kind
(07:15):
of see it all summarized because it was only an
hour and twenty minutes. But it was really interesting to
see this happened back in two thousand and nine, and
I don't feel as though we've come as far as
what we should have in terms of like online abuse
like this.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Do you think that the Netflix episode of this was
done as well as the podcast, because the podcast was
so well listened to and so loved, like it went
very very viral. I listened to it, and I'm not
normally someone who listens to kind of true crime or
investigative type journalism. Did you find that it was like
as good as I?
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Actually feel as though I probably enjoyed it more because
I had like a visual element you can hear from
the actual people that were involved in this saga, and
it was shorter, so like, you know, it kept my
attention span for the entire time. But the catfisher ended
up using sixty different Facebook profiles to create the most
elaborate web of a cat fishing story.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
The thing that I left watching the film with was like,
how do we not have better regulations around this now?
You know, that's kind of why she's sharing her story,
and that's you know, why she's gone on and made
this Netflix film because she wants the law to catch
up with the fact that this is abuse and it
can really ruin people's lives. And I was surprised to
see that after all this time, we haven't really made
(08:27):
any changes that can protect victims.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Of this type of abuse. I would love to see
that because I found the podcast got a little bit
slow in the middle and I found it hard to
keep my attention. I know that that might not be
the case for everyone because I know how much it
was like number one every week in the charts, but
I yeah, one and a half hours is far more
suited to me.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
I feel the opposite. I love the podcast, but I
love long podcasts. I love podcasts that have six series
in them, same as TV series. But my recor today
was going to be the podcast for those that hadn't
listened to it, because I know the doctor trending right now.
So I'm one of those people that loves to read
a book before I watch the movie, and I feel
the same if I know that there is a podcast
(09:08):
series or something on a documentary, I always like to
listen to that first. So that was gonna be my
reco It is brilliant, Kisha, So if anyone hasn't gone
listen to the podcast or watched it, please do. But
my record is going to be a little bit more wholesome.
Some of you might have seen that this is something
that Ben and I do and I really can't recommend
it enough. From the day we met, we got a
(09:28):
polaroid camera, and every time we're together, we just take polaroids.
We have a book of polaroids and we put them
immediately into the book. So it's actually just like going
back a little bit old school and having a photo album.
I wanted something that I could physically pick up, go through.
We write the date on the back of the polaroid,
so that one day we'll look back and we have
our whole journey together like mapped out in these little
(09:50):
polaroid books. And it's really really cute. I have shown
on Instagram a few times and people are always like, oh,
what polaroid camerage you use? You can use any The
one that we have is in Sight I nst Ax.
They're always updating them. You can get lots of cute
colors if you want it to be aesthetic. I'm thinking
ahead of time where I'm like, oh, how cool one
day if our kids pick this up and look at
(10:11):
all these old, cute, little tiny polary pictures. So that's
my recommendation is to like go a little bit old school,
bit wholesome and start to capture those memories physically, because
what if everything gets wiped one day, what if we
keep all these digital all these digital albums.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
I think the issue is is that most of us
have all of our photos and our phones, so we
never ever get them printed. We use a great I
have to think of the company, but we use a
great like photo album printing company, So like once a
year or twice a year, we'll just do a big
photo dump and then it gives you a proper printed
out photo book. Cannot remember the name of it, but
like come for me and we can put that in
the show notes too.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Yeah. Yeah, So that's my vibe.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
What's yours lot? My Vibe is a podcast series. It's
based on what we were talking about on Tuesday. So
on Tuesday's episode, if you haven't listened to it yet,
we spoke in depth around Victoria's Secret and we kind
of touched on the really CD past a Victoria's Secret
and how there is a lot of controversy around the
brand itself and what went on behind closed doors, also
around the hierarchy of the Victoria's Secret models and what
(11:08):
it meant to be a Victoria's Secret Angel. There is
an absolutely fantastic podcast that was recommended to me and
I've started listening to it. It's called Fallen Angel. It's
hosted by journalists Vanessa Gregory Artists. Now I probably have
butchered her last name, but she's a journalist for Vanity
Fair and her take on it is so interesting. She's
also in terms of the types of articles and the
(11:28):
types of journalism that she does. She was the very
last journalist to interview Keith Rinieri, who you guys might remember,
we did the episode all about Nixiem, the cult in
the States, who was branding celebrities. It's a really wild
story around that, and I guess like her insight into it,
the layers of it. I'm up to episode three at
the moment, but there's ten episodes in total, and I
(11:49):
think for anyone who was really interested in the backstory
and how not the rebrand, because it's not around what's
happening now, but around like the really insidious past of
Victory Tory, you Secret Angels, how it links into Jeffrey Epstein.
It is truly fascinating. So it's called Fallen Angel. You
can listen to it wherever you listen to your podcasts awesome.
All right, let's get into the questions question number one.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
We just wrapped up a hen's night where the hen
kaoed herself pretty early before the festivities were finished. The
mother of the hen got her home safely, so I'm
talking seven thirty and the rest of the party headed home.
We'd already organized some entertainment. I think she means entertainment
like strippers.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
She hasn't said that. I mean we're between the lives
on this one.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah, we'd already organized some entertainment, so instead of going
out where it had been organized for, we made the
call to stay in the hotel room and keep an
eye on the hen, but still enjoy the entertainment. So
there were just two of us. The groom found out
and absolutely blew the fuck up, said we put the
heading danger, that it was unforgivable. He doesn't want anything
to do with either of us. This is like a
(12:54):
major drama happening right now in our group. My question,
did we do the wrong thing? Is this blow up
and subsequent major drama valid? Or were we find to
have a little fun while we still took care of
our friend. It's created so much drama just a week
out from the wedding. Is all the hatred warranted? Or
is he just being a complete dick.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
I'm so confused. But did the mother get her home
to the hotel or to her house, Like, were you
guys staying somewhere, or did you invite a stripper back.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
To her home?
Speaker 1 (13:21):
No? The hotel, Okay, here was a hotel.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
One hundred percent. It's definitely a hotel. They decided to
go to the hotel. The thing that confuses me is
she said we enjoyed the entertainment, just the two of us.
So I don't know if two other friends came back
and enjoyed it, or if she means there were two
including the past at hand, So she just enjoyed a
private stripper.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Okay. From reading this, what I think has happened is
she's gone back to the hotel, there's two bridesmaids, and
the hen has passed out. Yeah. Absolutely, Otherwise otherwise my
feelings are different. Look, I think in this instance, the
right thing to do would have been to cancel the stripper. Like,
I definitely don't think of paid for him. Yeah, yes
(14:01):
you've paid for it, Yes you've organized it, all that stuff.
I do think it's kind of well, actually, I think
it's really inappropriate. I think it is inappropriate to have
a stripper come to the house and be doing a
lap dance while you are seemingly when you say you
still had an eye on your friend while she's passed
out in the bed somewhere. Yeah, I just think like
that's a situation. I don't necessarily think it's dangerous because
(14:24):
he's obviously a paid employee. It's not like you've found
a random guy to come in. But I do think
the whole situation really probably shouldn't have happened. That is
my take. I understand why the fiance is angry because
he feels as though, instead of taking care of her,
you had a stripper comeback, and you prioritize your own fun,
your own enjoyment over her and the hen whose night
(14:46):
it actually was about. So I absolutely understand that there
is animosity there. How is the hen responding to this, like,
I mean, I know he's angry, and he's the one
saying he doesn't want anything to do with you, But
there's this kind of gray line at Hen's parties and
also Bucks, where it's almost assumed that it's everyone else's responsibility.
When the buck or Hen gets really really drunk, It's
like it's everyone else's fault that they've gotten so obliterated.
(15:09):
But I do also think there has to be some
self awareness that you know, you know how much you
can or can't drink, like you have made choices to
get that absolutely obliterated as well. It's tricky because I
think that when it comes to Hen's parties, there's a
lot of peer pressure, there's a lot of have another shot,
have another drink, there's a lot of over excitement, and
so sometimes it does happen. And I know myself that
(15:30):
I've had friends who have ended up absolutely legless at
like four point thirty in the afternoon and it's ruined
the Hen's party. But I definitely think that if that happens,
then you as a friend have a responsibility to take
care of the person that's just gotten so blind drunk.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Yeah, I don't think that there's anyone to blame here.
I don't think there's any fault in terms of who
got who drunk, because at the end of the day, yes,
there's encouragement to drink more at your hens, but you're
also your own person that can say no, I've had enough. Yeah. Absolutely,
I'm not putting any blame on anyone for this. If
I was the hen and I woke up the next
day and found out that my friends had been getting
(16:05):
a lap dance or stripping or whatever was going on
whilst I was literally passed out in the bed, I
would be proper.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Upset with that. You'd be pretty off it.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Yeah, Oh, I just think that's inappropriate if it's and
we don't know, like you know, it's easy for us
to say someone chaot herself knocked herself out? Is that
just like she was too drunk to be out anymore,
or she properly passed out like you know, I don't
know the use of the term and what condition she
was actually in, but I would be upset if I
woke up and I was like, you had a guy
in here dancing naked, drinking partying while I'm passed out
(16:34):
in my bed, Like I would be upset. I think
the partner has every right to be upset, But I
do think it is a slight overreaction to say we
want nothing to do with you and like, you know,
don't come to the wedding in a week. And I
think that is a bit over the top. Maybe you
did do the wrong thing, but you know, you didn't
put her in danger in terms of like laying her
on the street and leaving her alone passed out while
you went and partying. So I think I'm on both
(16:55):
people's sides here. I understand what you're saying that you
think you took care of your friend, but I also
understand his point of view where you could have probably
taken care of her a little bit better or made
some better decisions.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Yeah. Look, I think a big discussion has to be had,
and I also think that the bride needs to be
included in this. Your friend needs to be included in
this because it is very likely that she has expressed
to her partner as well how unhappy she is with
the situation. So it's not just him who's trying to
you know, control it and is overreacting.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
She's probably upset she missed out.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
No, I don't know. I think that the friends really
misread this and really did do something that kind of
like I don't want to say, like, you know, you've
done the wrong thing, and I don't want to like
rain down on you guys, because like you know, obviously
you have written this in because you're so like, did
we completely miss the mark with this, and I do
think to some point you missed the mark because when
(17:45):
you are in your own safe environment, like she has
been brought back to her home, to the place that
is safe for her to be, when she's totally incapacitated
and can't like she doesn't know what's going on because
she's so so drunk. We've all either had a friend
that's been in that state or you've been that state yourself.
So to bring a foreign person into that environment where
she's in the place that's safe to have this fun
(18:07):
where you're not actually going to be able to be
watching her or everyone's laughing around her, she doesn't know
what's happening. I think that that's really wrong. And I
think that that's like you're taking advantage of a situation
because you still want to have a good night on
a night that's absolutely not about you. And I think
if it meant losing a bit of money because you know,
you had to cancel the stripper, that would have been
the kinder, more considerate thing to do as a friend.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
I also always try and play devil's advocate and present
or look at both sides, and I just sort of
put myself in this girl's position. I guess as a
part of me that would understand if they've gone back
to the hotel and it's a suite, right, Like, it's
not just a hotel room where the bed is next
to the little tiny lounge room. You know, like if
it's not one room, if you've gone all out and
(18:50):
there's a suite and you've put you know that she's
not actually passed out, She's just drunk and needs to
sleep it off. So if you're like, okay, we're going
to put it a bed, it's seven thirty pm. If
you two are absolutely fine, I understand why you're like,
do you know what, we could still just have fun
in the loundroom. We're still with her, we're here, she
needs us, like, we'll continue our night. I sort of
get that now that I'm putting myself in it. I
have no doubt if you were one of her closest friends,
(19:12):
it would not have been any part of you that
would have been a conscious decision of like, let's do
this if we think she's actually in danger. If you
thought there was any proper danger, I'm gonna go out
in a limb and say I think you wouldn't have
done it. So I understand how you probably were in
that position and thought like, hey, she can slip it off.
We'll stay here, we'll try and make the most of
our night. But then I can understand why he the partner,
has gotten upset. So I do want to say one
(19:34):
hundred percent see both sides. I don't think anyone has
done the wrong thing per se. But you need to
go into that conversation with the fiance being understanding of
his feelings. You know, you need to say I am
so sorry that you feel like that, and I want
you to know that I understand why you think that.
I need you to know that I never ever would
have done something if I thought that anyone was in danger,
(19:55):
and I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Yeah, absolutely, And like you make a really good point,
brit is that we don't have all of the pieces,
because there is a version of this story that is
way worse than the alternate version, and we're assuming that
it is the less bad option, you know, I mean, yeah,
we're trying to assume that. Okay, like these are the reasons,
and maybe he's overreacting a little bit, but also it's
probably safe to assume that he is making assumptions as
(20:19):
well around what happened because he's feeling in the blanks.
All he knows is that his fiance was passed out
and you had a stripper come to the hotel like
that sounds pretty fucked. I absolutely understand why he has
the feelings. He has a very big conversation has to
be had. But also I think that this is a
pretty I mean, I don't think that this is a
common thing that's ever going to happen, But it's a
good conversation that we are having because it does make
(20:42):
you go, okay, well, if my friend was in that situation,
what would I do? And maybe before you make a
decision that really isn't the kindest, most conscious, or safest
choice for that person, you would think twice about it,
because I think it was more so just a moment
of being thoughtless rather than actually going okay, what could
be the implications of this? You know, what could happen
(21:05):
if we have someone coming into this apartment when our
friend's black out drunk? Yeah, is that a good idea?
Speaker 2 (21:10):
No, I'm dreading my hens and I'm going to put
this out here right now. You guys know I don't shot.
I'm no peer pressure for shotting I'm not shotting, but
are we having cocktails? I will be drinking, But the
thought of doing shots, I've never been a shot in
all of my life. The thought of me doing shots
makes me feel sick thinking about it.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
But I also think you have the type of hens
that reflects the type of person that you are. No
one was doing shots at my Hands.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Breakfast brunch we had.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
We had cups of tea at eight pm, do you
know what I mean? Like, no one was getting blind
drunk my hands, and we all had an awesome weekend.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Your face naked man. That was fun.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
So we was artie. Yeah, we still had all of
the elements of what would make a fun hands But
like we got up first thing in the morning and
there was a naked dude in the apartment and we
did like life first, we did life drawing, and we
all drunk Mimosa's around him. You know, Like it wasn't
no one was getting turnt. I guess, like that's probably
the bigger thing. Yeah, I certainly wasn't.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
I think it also happens when you get engaged or
get married, like later you know, I want to say
later in life in terms of not your early twenties,
but like when you're in your late thirties, it just
hits different.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
I know what you would love.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
You would love like a massage and all of us
having a really nice dinner somewhere with a view, and
then going home and being by Yah, you make me
sound boring. The reason I know this is because I'm like,
that's also my dream.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Yeah, it's my dream. Can we please do that for
your head? If I could get all my friends to
have like a spa treatment and relax and kick back
with some cocktails, really great food, maybe a boat, I
don't know. Like I love the idea of like the
new drawing or something that's a bit spicy, topless waiters whatever,
Like I love that idea, But I don't want anyone
else's dick in my face. So you don't want strippers.
(22:44):
Not asking for reference, I'm not opposed to a stripper,
but like in the daylight, still, I don't want to
be drunk at midnight with it, yeah, with a dick
in my face.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
I also think that strippers are not all cut evenly
like that's I have been to loads.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Of a nice summer circumcise and some and else.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
I've become loads loads of hen parties that have had strippers,
and some of them I have found funny and have
like really enjoyed, and some of them I've been like,
that is way too much and it's so over the line.
And the problem is is you don't know what version
of a stripper you're gonna get. And I remember one
Hen's party I went to and I was like, I
feel so uncomfortable, and I could tell that my friend
was also uncomfortable, and I was like, we were also
(23:21):
very young, and I think if I was older, I
would have responded differently. But you don't know the performance
that that stripper is going to do unless you have
seen it beforehand, and some of them are way worse
than others.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
He would be good who I would approve. I actually
have spoken to him before online, not in that way
in a business sense. Wow, this sounds so bad.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
I did slide into his DMS.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
The very famous stripper in Australia. He works for Magic
Mike and he looks exactly like Chatting Tatum. Have you
seen him?
Speaker 1 (23:49):
Yeah, I've seen him.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
When I say I spoke to him, I need to
clarify this because someone's gonna run with it. I think
it was about a radio segment many many moons ago.
We were going to get him on. He's someone like
him would be great because he's fun. He gets that
he's an actual performer, like his job is to dance
in front of people and make people's night feel great.
So if he's listening to Life Uncut, I.
Speaker 3 (24:08):
Actually think what you just said is really interesting though,
because it relates to the question that this girl has
written in the partner like the fiance who's mad at her,
he doesn't know what type of stripper you had either.
Speaker 2 (24:19):
But there's also a chance that he might have some
anger or be upset because maybe he didn't even know
the war was going to be a stripper. Maybe he's
upset that there even was a stripper that night, you know,
like they might have had a conversation between themselves where
there wasn't you know, you go have your hands, I'll
have my bucks. None of us have strippers, and then
to find out that the stripper turned up.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
He may have been okay with a stripper, but that
doesn't mean he's okay with a stripper if she's unconscious. Yeah,
like that's a totally different conversation.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
No, I'm designing the extra level that there is a
chance he might not even known there was a stripper
involved that night. Wow, I was a lot in the stripping.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
Convos and question number two. I have a new baby
who was three months old, and when I was pregnant,
my dad's partner asked to be called grandma, which at
the time I felt a bit put on the spot
and I was like, oh, sure. After thinking about it
and chatting with my partner, I'm not sure how comeabl
I am with her being grandma. For context, she's been
with my dad since I was eighteen, which I think
is relevant because I have never lived with her and
(25:11):
she has had no hand in raising me. To be honest,
we have never had a great relationship. I feel like
my mom and my partner's moum have done the hard
yards to earn that title, which she has not. I
also don't want to confuse my child. For example, if
she's asking your Mother's Day, why is Grandma doesn't get
a card or present and having to explain she's not
actually her grandma. So basically, throughout the end of my
(25:32):
pregnancy and having a new baby, I never ended up
having the convo, And to be honest, I'm a little
bit conflict devoidant. But over the weekend, her and my
dad met my partner's parents, who are visiting from Spain,
and she introduced herself as grandma. So my question is this,
is it too late for me to have that conversation.
I really don't want her to be called grandma or
anything like that, but I have I left it for
too long? Or how would you go about having the convo?
(25:54):
Should I speak with my dad about it, who knows
better than me and would know the best way to
address it? Super awkward? Send help?
Speaker 2 (26:01):
That is awkward.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
It's so awkward.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
I I feel two sorts of ways. I'm always going
to say, you don't have to do anything you don't
want to do if you don't want someone to be
in your kid's life. I mean, within reason, you don't
have to. If you don't want to be called something,
you don't have to do like it's you, your family,
your child the way you wanted to bring them up.
Having said that, you said she's been in your life
(26:24):
since you were eighteen, and she is the partner to
your dad, and within family dynamics, technically they are now
the roles of grandparents. So I understand why she's saying that,
especially when she's introducing her herself to someone. I don't
think she's trying to take ownership of like I am
that direct relation and the grandma to that kid. I
think she's more just saying her role in the family.
(26:46):
Hey on the grand So then all of a sudden
you immediately know, oh, okay, you're the one of the
parental figures. It's super tricky. But I don't know your dynamics,
so I don't know why you guys are not close.
I don't know if she's a horrible person that you
don't like, or you know you don't want three four, five,
six seven different people taking the role of different grandparents.
You definitely have left it pretty late, Like if the
(27:07):
baby's here and she's had the conversation she's been referring
to herself as grandma, I think you've left it late.
But having said that, if you're that uncomfortable, you can
give her a different name, like you can say, we
prefer to use this name and make one up if
you want.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
I think I'm the worst person to ask this question too,
so sorry, but I'm to do my best answer it.
I think I'm bad because I am very conflict avoidant
in this type of situation, and I don't think it's
a big deal, is what I mean. I think kids
are smart enough and they put the pieces of the
puzzle together well enough, especially once they're a little bit older,
that they understand the placement of everyone. A name is
(27:39):
just a name, So like in our family, we have
lots of nanna's and lots of granddads, and we had
far and then we have lots of Anie, Like literally
three quarters of my friends are Arnie, Kaya, Arnie, Brittany, Annie, Keisha,
Like my kids have so many people who in their
lives have affirming names that go beyond like oh, like
you know core family. I mean, you can do whatever
you want to. And I think, like for people who
(28:02):
find themselves in this situation, like absolutely, if it's important
to you, you do what is best for you. But
I also think it's so important to weigh up how
much drama is this going to bring to your life?
How is it going to affect your family, How is
it going to affect your ability to be like really
comfortable and at ease with that person? Is the juice
worth the squeeze? Essentially? Because I do think that something
(28:23):
like this seems like I think having her have the
grandma title, even if you call a grandma Sarah or
whatever is her name, so that way it's differentiates. So
when you introduce and you talk about her like, oh,
it's Grandma Sarah, even that has the implication that she
is not the exact gradmar. Do you know what I mean.
I think if someone has like a name attached to it,
you're like, oh, okay, that's the partner of the grandparent.
(28:44):
But the reason why I say this is because I
think having a very pointed conversation of like, we don't
want you to have that name is incredibly othering. And
what you're saying in that moment is we don't see
you as a grandparent figure at all, or.
Speaker 2 (28:58):
We have an issue with you in some capacity.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Yeah, and we don't really see you as part and
belonging of this family. And I would add a guess, say,
if they've been together since you're eighteen, you may be
in your twenties, or you could be in your thirties.
We don't know how old you are. She could have
been a part of your life for ten years, five years,
fifteen years at this point, and so I understand why
she wants to be included in your family, and I
also understand why your dad may not respond to it
(29:23):
in the best way either. Your dad may be like,
but she is, that's she's my part, she's my wife, like,
she is that role. So I just don't know whether
it's worth it. And look, I think people might disagree
with this because, like you said, Britt, you can make
whatever decisions you want, and you can have whatever role
and set whatever example you want for your children. I
just from my experience having kids that are like a
(29:44):
little bit older now, I really do think kids are
smart enough to work it out themselves. You know. Mally
asked the question like, hey, mommy, why doesn't dad? You know,
I have granddad and I have far, but why doesn't
dad have a dad? And we're like, well, dad does
have a dad. We just you know, we don't see him.
So you have I met him, So they figure it
out eventually.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
Yeah, there's one line I don't really love, which is like,
I also don't want to confuse my child. For example,
if she's asking on Mother's Day why Grandma doesn't get
a card or present and then having to explain how
she's not actually her grandma. I just think we live
now in a society and with families that there is
no normal. We don't live in a society anymore where
(30:23):
there's four kids with two parents and then they have
two parents and then that is it, and they've all
been married for forty years and no one divorces and
no one remarries. You don't have stepsisters, like those days
are so far gone. People have two moms, people have
four moms, people have multiple different families. I don't think
you have to say and I think you are taking
credit away from your children and how intelligent they will
(30:44):
and have their ability to adapt by saying, oh, she's
not your real grandma. It's so easy, like you just said, Laura,
to explain a family dynamic and how someone fits in.
So I sort of feel a little bit for this grandma.
If you want to rescind that title from her saying
you didn't earn it.
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Yeah, I agree, But also I mean, like, look, I
do also want to give credit to you, the person
who's writing it in like you know, Hi, I understand
why you feel the way you feel, and I understand
that it is important to you. I'm not saying that
your feelings are invalid. I am purely coming to this
from the situation of like, Okay, is it worth the drama?
Like is this a boundary that's that important to you
(31:20):
that you want to set it? And if it is,
go forth you set those boundaries. It just isn't to me,
and so it's hard for me to like relate or
empathize as deeply as what I probably would love to
be able to.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
The last thing I want to say is just ask
yourself how involved they are going to be in their life.
Are they going to love that child, respect that child,
and be a part of their life or are they
someone that you see once every two years or you
know they're not that involved, Because I think that is
a big reason too, if they're always going to be
around and they're going to be loving and looking after
your kids. And I would say, let them take the
name move on.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
I know, I know, And I wonder if people disagree
with that, because like they will. Yeah, look, it is
a tricky one.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Strap in listen this one. My partner of three years
has been invited on a family overseas holiday by his
ex wife and their two young kids. Wait, well, so
family Kardashian and Scott Distick vibe.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
A family holiday with his ex wife and they're two
young kids, so like, really like hardcore co parenting? Yeah, great?
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Now the ex wife is paying for his expenses as
one of the kids really wants dad to be there,
so she sounds like she's like, Okay, let's just do
this for the kids. Come along, because she's also taking
her partner. Okay, great, So their entire family are going,
plus the ex husband. This has left me feeling really
uncomfortable and ultimately left out. Is it fair to ask
(32:40):
my partner not to go because of how I feel?
Or should I just let him go despite the fact
that it makes me feel uncomfortable? Why can't she I
go with him? If their partners are going, why can't
all of you go? You've been with him for three years,
That's what I'd be saying.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
Firstly, I would like to say that it is incredibly
admirable the level to which you are co parenting, like
your partner is co parenting, especially because his ex wife
is going with her partner. If it was the ex
wife going with the kids and she was like, I
want him to come, but you can't come, I'd be like, Okay,
we'd try to get him back, but the fact that
they're going as a family unit and then she's taking
(33:18):
him as well. Look, I think that that is an
incredible example to set for children. I do not think
it's appropriate for you to say I don't want you
to go, because I think, if anything, you as the
partner and also potentially playing the step mum role in
the future, like you need to do everything you can
to encourage co parenting in a way that's harmonious for
those kids because it's not about you, it's about what's
(33:39):
best for those kids, and those kids want their dad there.
The only thing that I think about this is the
reason why you haven't been invited is because the wife
is paying. So why don't you go? Okay, all bets
are off, Please don't pay for us. We absolutely want
to come on this trip because we really want to
model this co parenting to family dynamic and we are
(33:59):
both going to come and we will come together. So
I think if that is something that you can communicate,
that's absolutely such a fair and understandable and meeted option.
But that requires you to financially outlet. You can't expect
her to pay for him, and then you just pay
for yourself, pay for the two of you, and maybe
you've book a hotel room next door, or you book
a hotel room that's big enough so that the kids
(34:22):
can do a night with mom a night with you.
You guys, it means that you know you both got
babysitters when you're there, because one night you can have
a dinner out and one night they can have a
dinner out while the kids are in bed. You will
stay in the same place, You will stay around and
close to each other, but you financially pay for yourselves,
and then you can make whatever decisions you want to
around this family trip.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
Yeah, that's the only option I see, And I don't
understand why you haven't been invited. I think it's really
excluding of you by everyone involved, including your partner, to
not have even brought that up. I'm assuming he hasn't
brought it up because you haven't written in, but for
him to be like, you know, I'm probably gonna go
and do this with because they want me there, and like,
you know, their whole family's there and you've been with
him for three years. For me, that classifies as family.
(35:02):
You are also a part of that family. So I
think that the only option here is for you to
go as well or happily let him go. But I
don't think you can tell him not to go.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
Yeah, I don't want if you should tell him not
to go.
Speaker 2 (35:13):
What I do think you can tell him is your feelings.
So you can't say don't go, but you can tell
him it makes you feel uncomfortable. Absolutely, you can say Hey,
to be honest, this does rub me a little bit
the wrong way. I totally understand why you've got to
do it, and I'm really proud of you for the
relationship you have with your kids. But I'd be lying
if I didn't say it makes me feel a bit
strange that I wasn't invited, or that you'll all be
(35:33):
there doing this together without me. For sure, make your
feelings known. You deserve that. That's what been in a
relationship is. But yeah, you can't say don't go.
Speaker 1 (35:41):
No, I absolutely agree. He may not think you want
to go, like he may think this is such a
weird situation. You don't want to be there? Do you
and the ex wife get on?
Speaker 4 (35:50):
Like?
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Are you guys friendly? Whatever that situation is is obviously
going to be very personal to your specific situation. But
I think ultimately the only thing I keep coming back
to is just it's really really cool that there are
are men out there and parents out there who so
deeply want a co parent and put their own discomfort
above what their children want and what their children need.
(36:12):
And that's seeing two people who can go through divorce,
separate and still amicably come together and spend time in
the same place in support of their kids, like that
something that is incredible. So I definitely don't want to
give the advice of like, no, he shouldn't go, like
you know, he's being an asshole, because I don't think
he's being an asshole. I think he's trying to navigate
what is a really uncomfortable situation potentially. Anyway, guys, that
(36:34):
is it from us. If you have a question for
Ask Uncut, slide on into the DMS, send us your
big old query, and we will do our best to
answer them on next week's episode. You can also follow
or watch us on YouTube because we're putting all the
episodes up there as well.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
The YouTube is actually insane. I love watching it, which
is maybe weird, but it gives a different dynamic, like
a different view of what this podcast is. Some people,
more visual people, some audio. It doesn't mean you can't
do both. A lot of people are like saying that
they put our little snippets of the Askan cuts on
their TV, Like they play the YouTube on the TV
and then they watch it with their partner while they're cooking.
(37:09):
Then they discuss it together off the back of it.
I think it's really really cool and how awesome The
video editor Johnny gets those up pretty quickly as well.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
And if you haven't joined the Life of Cut discussion
group yet, go and join because that is where all
the juicy good shit goes down.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
And that is it. From us guys to you, mum,
te dad, te dog, tear friends, and share the love
because we love love.
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