We’ve always agreed we didn’t want kids. But suddenly, with a hysterectomy on the table… I felt wobbly. And there was this tiny part of me whispering, “If I bring up my 'unsureness'… is everything going to change?” In my past relationships, feeling unsure or changing my mind felt like a no-go zone.
I could be decisive and confident everywhere else… (hello career overachiever with receipts) but inside my relationships, I was terrified that my truth would ruin everything. My inner perfectionist would jump straight into action: “Nothing to see here! I’m calm! I’m chill!”
Meanwhile my body was in a full panic on the inside. And the thing I learned the hard way in those old push-pull dynamics was this: the more honest I was (with him and myself), the closer we became. Pretending never protected anything 🚨NEWS FLASH🚨 it just protects our fear. So when I finally got real with Craig about how this news made me feel… how something inside of me shifted around the idea of kids now that the option might be taken away… he didn’t freak out. He didn’t it shut down. He didn’t make it weird. He listened.
He stayed with me. He held the moment instead of turning away from it. And that’s when it hit me more clearly than ever hiding never helps. It only hurts. Because the second you start censoring yourself to “keep the peace,” the peace is already gone. You can’t stay connected AND abandon yourself at the same time.
Changing your mind isn’t wrong. Feeling something new isn’t wrong. Saying it out loud is what keeps you close, to your partner and to yourself.
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