November 28, 2024 • 35 mins
This sci-fi series starring Jason Momoa imagines a far future world where all are blind until the first children are born with the ability to See. What could possibly go wrong?
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(00:01):
Hello and welcome to your one stop shop for all the shit that's fit to stream.
I'm your host, Tom Truffolo, and today I'll be talking about C, Episode 1 on Apple TV So this show stars Jason Momoa, amongst others, and the central premise is that in the not too distant future.
(00:22):
Ah.
Humanity survived a virus that wiped out most of the population and anyone who lived through it is now blind.
Um, so it's uh, yeah, it's gonna be a good one. 6 00:00:43,929.999 --> 00:00:46,709.999 So we'll start off with a description for this one as Apple promotes it.
(00:47):
Quote, in a future where humankind has lost the ability to see and is forced to interact in new ways, a set of twins with sight is born, challenging the status quo.
So already we're off to a great start.
Um, I don't think it's super great form, promoting being blind as being, quote, forced to interact in new ways.
(01:11):
Um, that feels real ableist to me, and I'm not gonna lie to you, the entire show feels pretty ableist.
Now, off the bat, I'll tell you that I've never met a blind person in my life.
.999And maybe it's just because I live in a sheltered world, or I've just never had the chance to come across someone with that particular disability.
(01:33):
But I'm not convinced that the people who made this show have met a blind person either. 14 00:01:38,914.999 --> 00:01:40,874.999 Least of all, because of that description.
But mostly because I watched this show and it really seems like the producers are really patting themselves on the back for all these Interesting and creative ways with which they're showing how these people who can't see the world around them Have, have found a way to live.
(01:59):
It's almost as if they forgot that our current world, where, has blind people in it.
.999And that we've, we've developed ways for people to read, and, and, and consume media even.
I mean, for fuck's sake, this show has a described audio option, specifically for blind people to watch it.
(02:22):
So, really getting some strong ableist vibes on this one.
But, that being said, As I always do, I'll give it an honest shake and tell you what I thought about the entire episode.
Episode 1, we'll dive right in.
We're opening on the birth of the special babies.
So, like we said, we've got some twins here.
And, we'll back up a little bit.
(02:50):
So, before I get into it, I will say that this show has a fantastic cast. 26 00:02:56,170.1 --> 00:03:02,770 Again, fronted by Jason Momoa, but there's a ton of famous faces and people who are in this show.
.999And they do a really good job.
.999The acting is actually pretty solid.
The, the production value is really, really high.
It, you can tell that a lot of care went into creating this particular series. 31 00:03:18,919.999 --> 00:03:24,680 But the writing and, and the direction makes the whole thing goofy as fuck.
(03:24):
So you, you see these people like Alfre Woodard, Jason Momoa.
Putting their heart and soul into these performances and delivering some of the cheesiest lines I've ever heard.
It's, it's a beautiful blend of someone trying to do their best and being pushed down into a fucking well as their reward.
(03:50):
It's, it's delightful.
I can't wait to get into it with you guys and tell you all about it.
.9995So, gonna take a quick break and I'll catch you on the flip side with all the shenanigans that are at A. 38 00:04:02,729.9995 --> 00:04:03,589.999 C.
Episode 1.
(04:11):
Okay, so the show starts with My favorite way to open any sort of, uh, media is exposition via text.
.999So it tells us that in the 21st century there was a viral outbreak that happened, already hitting a little too close to home.
But, you know, we're gonna go on.
Earth's human population was reduced to less than 2 million, and everyone who survived is blind.
(04:36):
Again, we're This came out in 2019.
.999I'm not trying to say that there's a conspiracy that the people who produced C knew that COVID 19 was coming around the corner and that it was going to result in the loss of any one of our senses, but goddamn, this sure, sure as shit looks suspicious.
Anyway, so they tell us again via text that Earth's human population is reduced 2 million.
(05:04):
Now, if this were.
.999A grander scoped show, I would be inclined to think that there are non terrestrial, non Earthbound humans who might be showing up and didn't, didn't have to deal with the virus.
But this show isn't that ambitious.
So despite the poor phrasing, we are Earthbound and we're centuries into the future.
(05:29):
So a couple hundred years, generously, we could call it three or 400 years.
isn't really that much time.
.999And yet, the show ultimately shows us that people have devolved from society as it currently exists in the 21st century, as we know it.
(05:50):
Into primitive tribes who are hunter gatherers and devolve into all sorts of superstition and religion.
Real hard sell.
I don't see any sort of evidence presented for why that would be.
It's not like somebody goes blind after getting sick and all of a sudden they forget how to run, I don't know, a server farm.
(06:14):
And I get it, you know, going from a population of approaching 10 billion people down to 2 million.
Yeah, that's a pretty big fucking swing.
.999But regardless, it's not as if the show is saying that all the experts have been wiped out, all of the doctors are dead. 61 00:06:34,69.999 --> 00:06:36,279.999 It's just, you know, happenstance. 62 00:06:36,319.999 --> 00:06:38,789.999 You have a survival rate for this virus.
(06:39):
And, somehow, it seems to have taken out all of the people who would have that level of expertise that would enable us to keep living in some semblance of a society.
It's baffling.
Absolutely baffling.
But, that's the premise of the show.
I'll get off my high horse and take it.
.999So, now that our text position is out of the way, we're gonna get into the real part of the show when we open on the birth of those two special babies that we were promised in our description. 69 00:07:09,504.999 --> 00:07:16,515 And, It opens with a lovely song, as Alfre Woodard is singing, to help guide the babies into the earth.
(07:17):
.999And it's the kind of song that I would make up on the spot, where she's just like, Hey babies, come on out, find your way, come on out of that cooch. 71 00:07:28,44.999 --> 00:07:30,280 It's It's delightful.
I, if you watch this, anything, watch the first 10 seconds of this show.
So you can see the greatest song ever made up on the spot in a spiritual fashion. 74 00:07:41,719.999 --> 00:07:44,129.999 It's, it's, oh, so good.
(07:44):
So as those babies are, are being compelled out of their mother by the, the, the sweet sultry tones, uh, we cut over to Jason Momoa.
And so juxtaposing here, the, the, beautiful creation of life with the imminent destruction of life.
.999And so badass Jason Momoa is rounding up all the villagers because they know shit's about to go down.
(08:11):
They, they're, we find out that all of the people in this primitive village, which Jason Momoa is the chief of, they have apparently superpowers.
So cliche number one, right off the bat, we've identified that.
In a world where you lose the ability to use one of your senses, all of your other senses compensate.
(08:33):
.999Except in this case, it's gone slightly over the edge.
There are people there, these people live on top of a mountain, and they're able to hear an army of invaders approaching from what looks to be thousands, thousands of yards away.
(08:54):
That is baffling.
Not only that, but They start measuring distances in terms of heartbeats, which raises all kinds of questions if they can hear heartbeats over thousands of yards.
But what heartbeat is the basis for that? Who's heartbeat? Resting heart rate? Current heart rate? If you're in the middle of a fight, How many fucking heartbeats do you really get? It's a horrible system.
(09:20):
It sounds pretty cool, I guess, when you're talking about a sci fi world, but it really devolves under scrutiny and is not a super consistent unit of measure.
Anyway, getting back into it, they, not only do they have developed, have they developed super hearing, they've also got specializations of people who can hear better than everybody else.
(09:41):
Everybody seems to have extra super hearing.
So, table stakes.
But there are some that are able to hear way, way better.
Some have the shitty downside of being able to smell people and you can have super sniffers from, you know, huge distances. 92 00:09:57,554.999 --> 00:10:08,855 It seems like the advantage there is the same as having the people with super hearing, like if you can hear a horse versus smell a horse, you're still knowing that a horse is somewhere around.
(10:08):
So I, it seems like you got two guys who are doing the same thing.
One's got a bit of a cooler power in my mind than the other.
.999You know, no one ever calls out The Sniffer, but you know, Super Hearing, Superman's got that shit.
So, We're introduced to this world with their little superpowers. 97 00:10:28,954.999 --> 00:10:33,634.999 And, I'm really getting some big time X Men vibes from it as we're going in. 98 00:10:33,914.999 --> 00:10:46,955 You know, You've got the loss of one sense, It's being compensated for by the others and, you know, it really seems to be driving off of that, building off of that X Men theme of, you have a gift but it comes at a price. 99 00:10:47,454.999 --> 00:11:00,155 And to really hammer this one home, maybe it was me, maybe it was the show being intentional about it, but out comes Jason Momoa with a big fuck off cleaver and he's wearing a Wolverine style glove that's got claws on it.
(11:00):
So it's, uh, I might be reading into it, but there's definitely some similarities.
Regardless, Jace Momoa is fucking terrifying.
This is a man who, even without the tribal clothing, the furs, and the goddamn claw full of spikes, this is a dude you wouldn't want to cross.
(11:26):
He's terrifying.
The dude is huge.
He's jacked.
He's intimidating as all fuck.
And he leads his tribe of villagers, just rounds them all up, says, Hey, we're gonna get going.
And he's shouting as he's walking through the village.
That's kind of rude, right? As a dude who knows everyone around you has super hearing, you don't need to shout. 110 00:11:48,609.999 --> 00:11:49,510 They can hear you.
(11:50):
It's, it's so wildly inconsistent.
They have super hearing when they want to, but when people are talking in normal human volumes, they, they seem to respond to that as well.
And when people are shouting, they don't all just fall over fucking crippled because they blew out their eardrums. 114 00:12:06,895.001 --> 00:12:08,544.999 Again, I'm stuck on the super hearing.
.9We need to move on.
So he's got his crew, and he leads them over to this cliff face.
(12:13):
Where they're going to meet the invaders.
And he rallies the troops, he does this terrifying haka, and it is legitimately one of the coolest things I've ever seen. 119 00:12:24,779.999 --> 00:12:26,269.999 I wish it would have gone on longer.
.999It's truly an enjoyable part of the show.
But anyway, haka's done, invaders are approaching, and shit is about to go down.
(12:36):
We hear something about the Witchfinders, and then cut to said Witchfinders at the bottom of the mountain.
They have this, uh, So we cut to the Witchfinders at the bottom of the mountain, and, uh, one of the Outriders, we'll call him, brings over a captive, and it is the snitchiest looking motherfucker on the planet.
(13:07):
He is lucky he was born into a world where everybody is blind, because if they could see, they'd be like, Oh, this guy.
This fucking dude is about to go stab us all in the back.
He's gonna sell us out.
He is, without a doubt, the biggest possible traitor.
And sure enough, within seconds, he's ratting out his friends up on the mountain and telling all the secrets over to the Witchfinder Captain.
(13:30):
It, uh, a little bit more exposition snitching everybody out.
He rats out that Jason Momoa can't have kids.
.9He rats out that Jason Momoa's wife, who's having the babies, uh, they're not Jason Momoa's, and that the babies are true father, is some dude named, I swear to God, Drewl Morrell.
(13:52):
Um, that's not me mispronouncing it.
Everyone on the show has a different pronunciation of it.
.9It is the craziest name I've ever seen, and really what you need to know is, it is. 135 00:14:05,395.1 --> 00:14:12,445 Jerla Morel is the Jesus metaphor, because, spoiler alert, this motherfucker can see.
(14:12):
.999So, he's been positioned as this mythical figure who can see in a world full of the sightless. 137 00:14:20,864.999 --> 00:14:27,575 And this is where the not so subtle metaphor really beats you over the head with it.
So this guy has, has been gifted with this sort of magic special power and everybody wants to get their hands on Jerla Morel.
(14:37):
So, we're just gonna call him Jesus Metaphor from here on out because saying his full name, A, it's, it's weird, it doesn't sound great, and B, I think it's fucking stupid.
So, I'm gonna call him Jesus Metaphor from here on out.
So, now that the witch finders know that there's Jesus babies up on that mountain, They are really, really intent on getting them up there.
(15:02):
Another side note, the Witchfinders are all riding horses. 143 00:15:06,864.999 --> 00:15:09,965 And they've got, you know, saddles and reins on them. 144 00:15:11,534.999 --> 00:15:21,245 And this is another instance where I think the producers of the show thought it would look really cool, but didn't really think about the practicalities of the horses.
(15:22):
I've worked with horses in the past, and if there's a horse that doesn't want to have the reins and the bit put on them, it's really fucking hard. 146 00:15:30,789.999 --> 00:15:38,370 Even with sight! So, I'm pretty sure that that wouldn't work all that great, unless these are the best horses in the world.
The flip side of that is trying to get up into a saddle.
You have to find the stirrup, get your leg way the fuck up there.
(15:45):
It's just the logistics of how these people got into the saddles and got these horses equipped and kitted and, and where they needed to go.
Are the horses blind or is it just a human thing? So many questions.
The show is not interested in answering them whatsoever.
It's fine.
Fuck me.
We'll move along.
So now.
After the Witchfinders, they're, they're all set, they're ready to march on their, their target.
(16:11):
We, we cut back over to the birth, right? So there's one baby already out, and everybody's super happy.
This baby has a shitload of excess umbilical cord hanging out.
So, smart move, not showing the blind woman cutting the umbilical cord.
I, I think that is a smart decision by the show makers.
One, one little bit of inconsistency here.
(16:33):
I'm not entirely convinced that Alfre Woodard's character's blind.
Cause she's, she's holding the baby and staring directly at it in her arms.
Cooing at it, talking to it all sweet and shit. 165 00:16:46,769.999 --> 00:16:47,859.999 And it's a tender moment.
.999But I'm pretty sure, maybe, I don't know, maybe it's me being nitpicky. 167 00:16:54,189.999 --> 00:16:57,690 But, eh, eh, you're staring right at that baby.
(16:58):
You're not that blind.
Maybe that's a, maybe that's a twist.
Maybe that's a spoiler.
I don't know.
I haven't watched enough of the show to really find out, but I'm a little suspicious here.
Okay.
So one baby's out.
We find out, Oh, surprise.
.999What like we, the audience already knew there's another baby on the way.
So cut back.
(17:18):
And then Jason Momoa and his tribe start there.
They're gathered at the cliff and intention is building.
.999And then they start smearing mud on their faces.
Like war paint.
.999And I say like war paint because they're not doing a good job trying to cover all of their faces like you or all of their body parts like you would if you were trying to mask your scent.
(17:42):
Nope.
They're smearing mud and shit and whatever on the ground all over their faces in patterns that are designed to look cool and scary.
.999So it's really solely for the audience.
Because they're all blind.
There's literally no reason for them to be doing this.
Jason Momoa just, as the character of Baba Voss, Momoa's character, he just loves smearing shit all over his mouth.
(18:10):
.999Because that's what you do when you're getting ready to fight, I guess. 190 00:18:14,304.999 --> 00:18:15,584.9995 It makes you extra angry. 191 00:18:15,584.9995 --> 00:18:17,235 Now you got mud all in your mouth.
And you're tasting all that shit while you're in battle.
Just makes you extra mad, I guess.
But it really does not have any sort of effect.
.9Again, other than to look damn good.
Absolutely fucking badass.
So, the stage is set, the battlefield is primed, and oh my god guys, you get what is an incredibly choreographed fight scene that really strains my belief that these people are truly blind.
(18:47):
Like, in one instance, you see people on top of the cliff whipping people climbing the cliff in the head.
And they're landing direct shots every time, with whips, whack right in the helmet, whack right in the helmet.
.999It's fucking insane.
.999I, there's no way, unless these people have been doing nothing but whip head practice day in day out for, I don't know, generations. 202 00:19:16,39.999 --> 00:19:16,589.999 Stop it. 203 00:19:16,789.999 --> 00:19:18,749.999 What am I doing? This is ruining my thing.
(19:20):
So, they're able to crack these people in the head with whips and, and weapons and everything else.
They're having a, a beautifully choreographed battle that's actually really exciting to watch.
Until you stop and think about it, there's, there Our band of heroes never gets confused and accidentally almost attacks each other.
The invaders never get confused and almost attack each other. 208 00:19:42,970.1 --> 00:19:52,145 And in a world where you can't see, I'm left to wonder, how do you possibly know? who your friend and who your enemy is in the heat of battle.
(19:52):
.0005Have they adapted so that they have, um, they understand where their own teammates are and what their heartbeats are? Or maybe the super sniffers are really good at knowing, ah, hey, this smells like Steve. 210 00:20:06,25.0005 --> 00:20:07,204.999 I'm not going to hit him.
.999Just, it strains the belief.
And then in the most egregious example, Jason Momoa's character gets a hook thrown at him from 50 yards away, 20 feet down a cliff face, and it wraps right around his neck on the first shot, and they almost drag him off a cliff.
(20:28):
.999It's just, it strains credulity to the point of, of parody.
.999But again, it looks really, really cool.
.999So while the, the, our heroes realize that they're outnumbered, they know that they can't possibly beat disinvading force.
.9So surprise, surprise.
The cliff phase is really just a bunch of rocks that they tied together and held it by a single rope.
(20:52):
How is that possible? Fuck you.
I, I'm not willing to investigate that far.
It's, the show clearly did not. 221 00:21:00,574.999 --> 00:21:15,574.9995 So Jason Momoa cuts a rope, the cliff turns into a, an avalanche, boulders go sliding down, It's, it's amazing, they wipe out the, the first few people, but oh no! The super sniffer people are able to tell that there's a shitload more bad guys at the bottom of the cliff. 222 00:21:15,574.9995 --> 00:21:20,525 So now they just wasted their number one weapon on what's basically the tip of the spear.
(21:21):
So they're fucked.
They, they go back and um, They start to regroup within the village.
While they're going back and regrouping, we cut back to Alfre Woodard and the babies being delivered.
Second baby is out, and she asks the woman who delivered them, Magra.
(21:43):
What about their father? Because she knows, she knows it ain't no Jason Momoa.
.999She's not as gossipy as Snitchy McSnitch face down at the bottom of the mountain, but she knows that those aren't his babies.
So she asks, who is the real father? And we find out it's the Jesus metaphor.
So, uh, she asked him, Alfre Woodard asked Magra how she knows Jesus metaphor. 231 00:22:10,439.999 --> 00:22:17,460 And she's, Magra is very, very vague, and very can't, not, not very candid about it, and very cagey.
(22:18):
And goes, well, I didn't really know him.
He was just coming through.
And then Alfre Woodard breaks in and goes, oh, that's not what the owls are saying! So these owls are fucking gossipy ass snitches! And I would love if the show had just taken a hard left into all the crazy superpowers that this woman has.
(22:38):
And how she gossips with the woodland creatures about all of her, the people in her village.
Cause there's gotta be some great shit, right? If you can talk to the owls and the squirrels, you get all sorts of fantastic gossip, you know? And if you can figure that out from tribes and towns away, cause Magra's only been here for three months.
(23:01):
What other great gossip does she have? Or maybe the more realistic way to interpret this is, Alfre Woodard's the uh, second cliche of the show, usually found in Stephen King movies, The Magical Black Lady.
So she's got these ill defined magic superpowers that allow her to talk to the owls and the squirrels and all of that shit. 239 00:23:23,104.999 --> 00:23:26,664.999 And uh, we're just supposed to accept that within this world. 240 00:23:26,704.999 --> 00:23:30,4.9 I will accept only so much.
(23:30):
You can give me a world where people are blind from a virus and society is devolved into tribalism, but goddammit, that doesn't mean magic exists.
Anyway, I, I just, I'm really mad that I didn't get more gossipy fucking owls.
That is a missed opportunity for this show. 244 00:23:51,244.999 --> 00:23:57,519.9 So, anyway, cut back to our, our hero, Jason Momoa.
(23:58):
Calling a parliamentary proceeding when he gets back to town.
And I was super excited about this.
.999I am, I'm a pedant at heart.
So I was ready for them to have a nice interstitial where we take a break from all the violence and the action and the exciting bits to really dig into the parliamentary proceedings and the procedural votes and all of this shit.
(24:22):
Once again, I'm disappointed.
Back to back disappointments.
No parliamentary shit happens.
He just says, we're gonna start the parliamentary session. 253 00:24:31,419.999 --> 00:24:32,799.999 Ah, we need to get out of here.
Fuck off.
.999So, the end.
Absolutely the end.
.999No votes occur. 258 00:24:39,199.999 --> 00:24:40,690 It's, uh, it's really bad. 259 00:24:41,399.999 --> 00:24:42,560 Really, really let me down.
(24:44):
So, Parliament Momoa just fucked right off and said we're getting out of here.
And then he goes back and, and shares a surprisingly tender moment with, with GRA and Paris, with, with GRA and Alfred Woodard and the two babies.
And, you know, it's, it was proof to me that even in a show as absolutely Bananas goofy as this one is, Jason Momoa is a powerhouse of an actor.
(25:14):
Um, really, really great moment and.
Uh, y you know, very, very tender.
But, in an ultimate twist, we find out that, Oh shit! The parliamentary session is still in progress! It didn't even stop because Jason Momoa just fucked right off! You can't just do that. 266 00:25:36,554.999 --> 00:25:38,695 You can't walk up and end a session.
(25:39):
That's insane! Why would you think you could possibly end a parliamentary session by just walking away? That's so stupid! So the parliament came to him, and No procedural votes happen.
No, no parliamentary shenanigans occur.
They just say, yeah, we talked about it some more and we, we want to give them to your kids.
We think they're here for your kids because, you know, she's a witch. 271 00:26:03,694.999 --> 00:26:11,325 Why? Why? Why call it a parliamentary proceeding? It, it promises so much and delivers nothing.
(26:12):
Anyway, so the villagers have turned on Jace Momoa just like that.
You know, one group of invading outsiders and impending death, and suddenly your tribal chief is no longer the guy you want to be responsible for you.
So, In a, in another absolutely brilliant display of Jason Momoa being a total badass, he says, quote, It will be very difficult for any man to take a woman and babies down a mountain without their arms or legs.
(26:40):
And I gotta tell ya, fuckin shivers right now just remembering that line.
It was incredible, and even though it's still goofy, because he's standing in front of a cave, threatening to chop and dismember any member of this village community that he very clearly loves and defends with his entire life, It's still fucking badass as all get out.
(27:08):
So, all it takes is some casual threatening by the Jason by, uh, Jason Momoa to get everyone to calm the fuck down. 278 00:27:16,304.999 --> 00:27:20,685 And, so, they decide they're not gonna give up the babies, but they need to figure out what to do.
They're stuck on this mountain, there's only one way down, and that's already being trampled up by the Witchfinders.
Man, how are they possibly gonna escape? Well, plot twist. 281 00:27:30,500.1 --> 00:27:36,020 Alfre Woodard, with her gossipy ass owls, knows about a secret bridge to get off the mountain.
(27:36):
And, we, so, she's like, I'm gonna take you guys to this super secret passage.
We're gonna get the fuck out of here.
It's gonna be great.
Everyone's a little sus.
They've been living on the mountain for years.
Ain't nobody know about no secret ass bridge.
But, you know, whatever, they go on a journey.
What else are they gonna do? Sit around and wait to get hacked to death by the Witchfinders? That's a stupid fucking plan.
(27:59):
So, they go.
They go and they find this bridge, and the bridge exists.
.999We get to see it long before they do.
Uh, nope, take that one out.
.999So, so they go, they find this bridge, and sure enough, it exists. 295 00:28:12,754.999 --> 00:28:21,465 And, while they're on their way there, Jason Momoa asks, Hey, how you know about this bridge? Who built it? And she goes, Oh, it's Jesus metaphor.
(28:21):
He's fine.
He's great.
.9995He's got his magic powers. 299 00:28:23,814.9995 --> 00:28:24,325 He can see.
.999So he built us this bridge.
And I again have so many questions.
The woman who is carrying Jesus's babies was only in this village for three months.
How could he have possibly known that he would need to build an emergency backup exit for them to get off this mountain? And I know, I know, he, he is the chosen one.
(28:50):
.999He works in mysterious ways and he always provides for those who have faith in him. 305 00:28:55,304.999 --> 00:28:57,905 Again, the metaphor is not really subtle.
And yet, Here I am trying to pick it apart.
Regardless, there's a bridge here.
It's a very tense moment where they're trying to escape off the bridge while they're crossing it.
Hilariously enough, two of the people crossing, just to remind us that this is a very serious intense moment, basically just throw themselves off the bridge and say, ah, right into the river below.
(29:23):
It honestly looks like they just step off, and it's purely plot driven to remind us, Hey, this looks like a really solid and well constructed bridge, but, oh man, this is some serious shit right here. 311 00:29:36,94.999 --> 00:29:43,204.999 And, and so, it, it builds that tension, and our, our intrepid tribe of heroes escapes.
(29:44):
And they cross this bridge and the witch finders though, they're right on their tail.
They get to the bridge here and find, Oh man. 314 00:29:53,295.0625 --> 00:29:57,705.0625 They're crossing it just as our heroes manage to get to the other side. 315 00:29:58,45.0625 --> 00:29:58,375.0625 So J. 316 00:29:58,375.0625 --> 00:29:58,485.0625 S. 317 00:29:58,485.0625 --> 00:30:04,265.0625 Momoa chops the fucking bridge, cuts the ropes, everybody on it dies, our heroes are safe. 318 00:30:05,395.0615 --> 00:30:09,525.0625 And so now, now they're just wandering around. 319 00:30:10,855.0615 --> 00:30:11,425.0615 As. 320 00:30:11,900.0625 --> 00:30:16,930.0625 Our intrepid heroes are, they're moving along. 321 00:30:17,20.0625 --> 00:30:18,240.0625 They're, they're doing their thing. 322 00:30:18,240.0625 --> 00:30:31,140.0615 The witch finders are super fucking pissed and they say, Hey, now we have to go and we have to tell the queen about, you know, our ability, our inability to capture these fucking chuckle. 323 00:30:31,830.0615 --> 00:30:37,415.0625 We had him cornered, but Oh man, you know, what to do? Surprise bridge. 324 00:30:37,585.0625 --> 00:30:45,955.0625 How do you, how do you counteract that? You know, so anyway, they, they send them, they send a raven. 325 00:30:46,205.0625 --> 00:30:48,905.0625 So serious game of thrones rip off here. 326 00:30:50,25.0615 --> 00:30:55,295.0615 They send a raven to the queen who lives in an old hollowed out hydroelectric dam. 327 00:30:55,855.0625 --> 00:30:57,895.0625 It's still operating somehow. 328 00:30:57,925.0625 --> 00:31:02,45.0625 I'm sure that'll be important in future episodes, but I'm probably not going to watch them. 329 00:31:02,665.0625 --> 00:31:12,965.0625 So, but there's this, uh, this woman, and I don't really give a shit about the Queen and the politics and all the heresy shenanigans that are going on. 330 00:31:14,115.0615 --> 00:31:20,25.0615 It's remarkably boring for me, but it opens in the most fascinating way possible. 331 00:31:21,920.0625 --> 00:31:28,960.0625 The queen is standing in a little carve out where you can get some sunlight in the, in the dam, naked. 332 00:31:29,480.0625 --> 00:31:34,120.0625 And then she's being clothed by her, her assistants or handmaidens or whatever. 333 00:31:35,430.0615 --> 00:31:36,460.0625 No one gives them a name. 334 00:31:36,460.0625 --> 00:31:37,280.0625 No one describes them. 335 00:31:37,280.0625 --> 00:31:39,990.0625 So they're just like clothing wench. 336 00:31:40,40.0625 --> 00:31:40,540.0615 I don't know. 337 00:31:41,130.0625 --> 00:31:42,810.0625 So they, they put some clothes on her. 338 00:31:43,850.0615 --> 00:31:45,970.0625 She dismisses all of them and says, be gone. 339 00:31:46,30.0625 --> 00:31:51,90.0625 I want to pray and then performs my new favorite blasphemy of all time. 340 00:31:51,650.0625 --> 00:31:54,610.0625 Uh, so kind of renders the clothing moot. 341 00:31:55,0.0625 --> 00:32:02,410.0625 But she proceeds to start vigorously masturbating while saying a prayer to the darkness, the lord of darkness. 342 00:32:02,960.0625 --> 00:32:08,30.0625 And, you know, lucky for her, she's able to finish just in time for the end of the prayer. 343 00:32:08,390.0615 --> 00:32:12,920.0625 It is the stupidest fucking thing. 344 00:32:13,100.0615 --> 00:32:17,380.0625 Like, again, the metaphor is not subtle. 345 00:32:18,530.0625 --> 00:32:24,585.0625 We've got someone Committing what would be, by all other religious standards, a pure blasphemy. 346 00:32:24,985.0625 --> 00:32:32,205.0615 And, in doing so, by praying to the lord of the darkness against the heresy and evil of the light. 347 00:32:34,945.0615 --> 00:32:37,775.0615 Yeah, it's uh, it's coming on thick. 348 00:32:37,785.0625 --> 00:32:40,715.0615 And look, I'm not a religious guy by any means. 349 00:32:41,55.0625 --> 00:32:47,135.0625 I was raised Catholic, I went to Catholic high school, and that, of course, naturally made me an atheist. 350 00:32:47,565.0625 --> 00:32:52,175.0625 So it's not as if I have any love of religion or anything like that. 351 00:32:52,235.0625 --> 00:33:06,245.062 Um, in fact, you've probably heard my contempt for this whole Jesus metaphor, my entire through the entire episode, man, uh, I was not ready for the vigorous prayer masturbation. 352 00:33:06,245.062 --> 00:33:10,755.0625 That was, that was delightful anyway. 353 00:33:11,815.0625 --> 00:33:12,395.0625 So. 354 00:33:13,790.0625 --> 00:33:25,380.0625 She finishes her prayer, talking about how Drilla Morel, er, talking about how the Jesus metaphor guy, he's, uh, he's been making it around. 355 00:33:25,390.0625 --> 00:33:33,179.9625 I've got a feeling as we learn a little bit more here that he was definitely bragging about his ability to see. 356 00:33:33,500.0625 --> 00:33:37,190.0625 Using that to, to get, to do pretty well with the ladies. 357 00:33:37,220.0625 --> 00:33:48,910.0625 Cause it's, it's pretty heavily implied that, that Jesus metaphor fucked not only the woman who gave birth to the twins, but the queen and the queen's sister. 358 00:33:49,680.0615 --> 00:33:50,610.0625 Who is now dead. 359 00:33:50,630.0615 --> 00:33:52,740.0625 Ooh, big mystery that we're setting up here. 360 00:33:52,770.0625 --> 00:33:54,390.0615 I wonder if I'll ever find out what it is. 361 00:33:55,510.0615 --> 00:34:02,630.0625 So, so now that we know, Jesus metaphor is preaching the heresy of the light. 362 00:34:02,670.0625 --> 00:34:04,560.0625 And that's why everybody wants to get him. 363 00:34:05,560.0625 --> 00:34:37,115.0625 Um, He's, we finish the episode by laying it on extra thick where, uh, the Jesus, Jesus metaphor has really laid out a path to salvation for our tribe, leaving them clues along the way and guideposts and all the tools they could possibly need to reach the promised land where they can then start anew, build this tribe and hide these children from the world and raise them to be I don't know. 364 00:34:37,515.0625 --> 00:34:42,575.0625 Sighted individuals, it's really not clear how they're going to change the world. 365 00:34:43,215.0625 --> 00:34:44,475.0625 At least not in episode one. 366 00:34:44,525.0625 --> 00:34:45,245.0625 I mean, I get it. 367 00:34:46,445.0625 --> 00:34:47,845.0625 You've got somebody who can see. 368 00:34:47,955.0625 --> 00:34:59,195.0625 That's a game changer in a world full of blind people, but You know, it's, it's uh, really not seeming like a gigantic threat to the people who are in power. 369 00:34:59,245.0625 --> 00:35:03,65.0625 But, that said, this just brings episode one to a wrap. 370 00:35:03,65.0625 --> 00:35:09,695.0625 There's a ton more episodes and somehow, this Cuckoo Bananas show got a second season where they recruited even more star power. 371 00:35:10,15.0625 --> 00:35:18,215.0625 Dave Bautista of Guardians of the Galaxy, uh, Drax the Destroyer, has been enlisted in season two of this show. 372 00:35:18,715.0625 --> 00:35:28,725.0625 So, who knows? This could go any number of ways, but I'll tell you from episode one, um, it certainly is a fuckin trip. 373 00:35:29,165.0625 --> 00:35:44,155.0635 So if I had to rate this one on a scale of surviving a deadly virus, all the way up to getting my arms and legs chopped off by Jason Momoa, I would definitely rate this a solid having to get up into a saddle by myself without the ability to see. 374 00:35:45,445.0635 --> 00:35:48,645.0635 Now, that's gonna do it for us here, uh, in this episode. 375 00:35:48,645.0635 --> 00:35:50,975.0635 If you'll excuse me, I've got some praying to go do. 376 00:35:52,205.0625 --> 00:35:53,375.0635 We'll catch you back in the next one.
Hello and welcome to your one stop shop for all the shit that's fit to stream.
I'm your host, Tom Truffolo, and today I'll be talking about C, Episode 1 on Apple TV So this show stars Jason Momoa, amongst others, and the central premise is that in the not too distant future.
(00:22):
Ah.
Humanity survived a virus that wiped out most of the population and anyone who lived through it is now blind.
Um, so it's uh, yeah, it's gonna be a good one. 6 00:00:43,929.999 --> 00:00:46,709.999 So we'll start off with a description for this one as Apple promotes it.
(00:47):
Quote, in a future where humankind has lost the ability to see and is forced to interact in new ways, a set of twins with sight is born, challenging the status quo.
So already we're off to a great start.
Um, I don't think it's super great form, promoting being blind as being, quote, forced to interact in new ways.
(01:11):
Um, that feels real ableist to me, and I'm not gonna lie to you, the entire show feels pretty ableist.
Now, off the bat, I'll tell you that I've never met a blind person in my life.
.999And maybe it's just because I live in a sheltered world, or I've just never had the chance to come across someone with that particular disability.
(01:33):
But I'm not convinced that the people who made this show have met a blind person either. 14 00:01:38,914.999 --> 00:01:40,874.999 Least of all, because of that description.
But mostly because I watched this show and it really seems like the producers are really patting themselves on the back for all these Interesting and creative ways with which they're showing how these people who can't see the world around them Have, have found a way to live.
(01:59):
It's almost as if they forgot that our current world, where, has blind people in it.
.999And that we've, we've developed ways for people to read, and, and, and consume media even.
I mean, for fuck's sake, this show has a described audio option, specifically for blind people to watch it.
(02:22):
So, really getting some strong ableist vibes on this one.
But, that being said, As I always do, I'll give it an honest shake and tell you what I thought about the entire episode.
Episode 1, we'll dive right in.
We're opening on the birth of the special babies.
So, like we said, we've got some twins here.
And, we'll back up a little bit.
(02:50):
So, before I get into it, I will say that this show has a fantastic cast. 26 00:02:56,170.1 --> 00:03:02,770 Again, fronted by Jason Momoa, but there's a ton of famous faces and people who are in this show.
.999And they do a really good job.
.999The acting is actually pretty solid.
The, the production value is really, really high.
It, you can tell that a lot of care went into creating this particular series. 31 00:03:18,919.999 --> 00:03:24,680 But the writing and, and the direction makes the whole thing goofy as fuck.
(03:24):
So you, you see these people like Alfre Woodard, Jason Momoa.
Putting their heart and soul into these performances and delivering some of the cheesiest lines I've ever heard.
It's, it's a beautiful blend of someone trying to do their best and being pushed down into a fucking well as their reward.
(03:50):
It's, it's delightful.
I can't wait to get into it with you guys and tell you all about it.
.9995So, gonna take a quick break and I'll catch you on the flip side with all the shenanigans that are at A. 38 00:04:02,729.9995 --> 00:04:03,589.999 C.
Episode 1.
(04:11):
Okay, so the show starts with My favorite way to open any sort of, uh, media is exposition via text.
.999So it tells us that in the 21st century there was a viral outbreak that happened, already hitting a little too close to home.
But, you know, we're gonna go on.
Earth's human population was reduced to less than 2 million, and everyone who survived is blind.
(04:36):
Again, we're This came out in 2019.
.999I'm not trying to say that there's a conspiracy that the people who produced C knew that COVID 19 was coming around the corner and that it was going to result in the loss of any one of our senses, but goddamn, this sure, sure as shit looks suspicious.
Anyway, so they tell us again via text that Earth's human population is reduced 2 million.
(05:04):
Now, if this were.
.999A grander scoped show, I would be inclined to think that there are non terrestrial, non Earthbound humans who might be showing up and didn't, didn't have to deal with the virus.
But this show isn't that ambitious.
So despite the poor phrasing, we are Earthbound and we're centuries into the future.
(05:29):
So a couple hundred years, generously, we could call it three or 400 years.
isn't really that much time.
.999And yet, the show ultimately shows us that people have devolved from society as it currently exists in the 21st century, as we know it.
(05:50):
Into primitive tribes who are hunter gatherers and devolve into all sorts of superstition and religion.
Real hard sell.
I don't see any sort of evidence presented for why that would be.
It's not like somebody goes blind after getting sick and all of a sudden they forget how to run, I don't know, a server farm.
(06:14):
And I get it, you know, going from a population of approaching 10 billion people down to 2 million.
Yeah, that's a pretty big fucking swing.
.999But regardless, it's not as if the show is saying that all the experts have been wiped out, all of the doctors are dead. 61 00:06:34,69.999 --> 00:06:36,279.999 It's just, you know, happenstance. 62 00:06:36,319.999 --> 00:06:38,789.999 You have a survival rate for this virus.
(06:39):
And, somehow, it seems to have taken out all of the people who would have that level of expertise that would enable us to keep living in some semblance of a society.
It's baffling.
Absolutely baffling.
But, that's the premise of the show.
I'll get off my high horse and take it.
.999So, now that our text position is out of the way, we're gonna get into the real part of the show when we open on the birth of those two special babies that we were promised in our description. 69 00:07:09,504.999 --> 00:07:16,515 And, It opens with a lovely song, as Alfre Woodard is singing, to help guide the babies into the earth.
(07:17):
.999And it's the kind of song that I would make up on the spot, where she's just like, Hey babies, come on out, find your way, come on out of that cooch. 71 00:07:28,44.999 --> 00:07:30,280 It's It's delightful.
I, if you watch this, anything, watch the first 10 seconds of this show.
So you can see the greatest song ever made up on the spot in a spiritual fashion. 74 00:07:41,719.999 --> 00:07:44,129.999 It's, it's, oh, so good.
(07:44):
So as those babies are, are being compelled out of their mother by the, the, the sweet sultry tones, uh, we cut over to Jason Momoa.
And so juxtaposing here, the, the, beautiful creation of life with the imminent destruction of life.
.999And so badass Jason Momoa is rounding up all the villagers because they know shit's about to go down.
(08:11):
They, they're, we find out that all of the people in this primitive village, which Jason Momoa is the chief of, they have apparently superpowers.
So cliche number one, right off the bat, we've identified that.
In a world where you lose the ability to use one of your senses, all of your other senses compensate.
(08:33):
.999Except in this case, it's gone slightly over the edge.
There are people there, these people live on top of a mountain, and they're able to hear an army of invaders approaching from what looks to be thousands, thousands of yards away.
(08:54):
That is baffling.
Not only that, but They start measuring distances in terms of heartbeats, which raises all kinds of questions if they can hear heartbeats over thousands of yards.
But what heartbeat is the basis for that? Who's heartbeat? Resting heart rate? Current heart rate? If you're in the middle of a fight, How many fucking heartbeats do you really get? It's a horrible system.
(09:20):
It sounds pretty cool, I guess, when you're talking about a sci fi world, but it really devolves under scrutiny and is not a super consistent unit of measure.
Anyway, getting back into it, they, not only do they have developed, have they developed super hearing, they've also got specializations of people who can hear better than everybody else.
(09:41):
Everybody seems to have extra super hearing.
So, table stakes.
But there are some that are able to hear way, way better.
Some have the shitty downside of being able to smell people and you can have super sniffers from, you know, huge distances. 92 00:09:57,554.999 --> 00:10:08,855 It seems like the advantage there is the same as having the people with super hearing, like if you can hear a horse versus smell a horse, you're still knowing that a horse is somewhere around.
(10:08):
So I, it seems like you got two guys who are doing the same thing.
One's got a bit of a cooler power in my mind than the other.
.999You know, no one ever calls out The Sniffer, but you know, Super Hearing, Superman's got that shit.
So, We're introduced to this world with their little superpowers. 97 00:10:28,954.999 --> 00:10:33,634.999 And, I'm really getting some big time X Men vibes from it as we're going in. 98 00:10:33,914.999 --> 00:10:46,955 You know, You've got the loss of one sense, It's being compensated for by the others and, you know, it really seems to be driving off of that, building off of that X Men theme of, you have a gift but it comes at a price. 99 00:10:47,454.999 --> 00:11:00,155 And to really hammer this one home, maybe it was me, maybe it was the show being intentional about it, but out comes Jason Momoa with a big fuck off cleaver and he's wearing a Wolverine style glove that's got claws on it.
(11:00):
So it's, uh, I might be reading into it, but there's definitely some similarities.
Regardless, Jace Momoa is fucking terrifying.
This is a man who, even without the tribal clothing, the furs, and the goddamn claw full of spikes, this is a dude you wouldn't want to cross.
(11:26):
He's terrifying.
The dude is huge.
He's jacked.
He's intimidating as all fuck.
And he leads his tribe of villagers, just rounds them all up, says, Hey, we're gonna get going.
And he's shouting as he's walking through the village.
That's kind of rude, right? As a dude who knows everyone around you has super hearing, you don't need to shout. 110 00:11:48,609.999 --> 00:11:49,510 They can hear you.
(11:50):
It's, it's so wildly inconsistent.
They have super hearing when they want to, but when people are talking in normal human volumes, they, they seem to respond to that as well.
And when people are shouting, they don't all just fall over fucking crippled because they blew out their eardrums. 114 00:12:06,895.001 --> 00:12:08,544.999 Again, I'm stuck on the super hearing.
.9We need to move on.
So he's got his crew, and he leads them over to this cliff face.
(12:13):
Where they're going to meet the invaders.
And he rallies the troops, he does this terrifying haka, and it is legitimately one of the coolest things I've ever seen. 119 00:12:24,779.999 --> 00:12:26,269.999 I wish it would have gone on longer.
.999It's truly an enjoyable part of the show.
But anyway, haka's done, invaders are approaching, and shit is about to go down.
(12:36):
We hear something about the Witchfinders, and then cut to said Witchfinders at the bottom of the mountain.
They have this, uh, So we cut to the Witchfinders at the bottom of the mountain, and, uh, one of the Outriders, we'll call him, brings over a captive, and it is the snitchiest looking motherfucker on the planet.
(13:07):
He is lucky he was born into a world where everybody is blind, because if they could see, they'd be like, Oh, this guy.
This fucking dude is about to go stab us all in the back.
He's gonna sell us out.
He is, without a doubt, the biggest possible traitor.
And sure enough, within seconds, he's ratting out his friends up on the mountain and telling all the secrets over to the Witchfinder Captain.
(13:30):
It, uh, a little bit more exposition snitching everybody out.
He rats out that Jason Momoa can't have kids.
.9He rats out that Jason Momoa's wife, who's having the babies, uh, they're not Jason Momoa's, and that the babies are true father, is some dude named, I swear to God, Drewl Morrell.
(13:52):
Um, that's not me mispronouncing it.
Everyone on the show has a different pronunciation of it.
.9It is the craziest name I've ever seen, and really what you need to know is, it is. 135 00:14:05,395.1 --> 00:14:12,445 Jerla Morel is the Jesus metaphor, because, spoiler alert, this motherfucker can see.
(14:12):
.999So, he's been positioned as this mythical figure who can see in a world full of the sightless. 137 00:14:20,864.999 --> 00:14:27,575 And this is where the not so subtle metaphor really beats you over the head with it.
So this guy has, has been gifted with this sort of magic special power and everybody wants to get their hands on Jerla Morel.
(14:37):
So, we're just gonna call him Jesus Metaphor from here on out because saying his full name, A, it's, it's weird, it doesn't sound great, and B, I think it's fucking stupid.
So, I'm gonna call him Jesus Metaphor from here on out.
So, now that the witch finders know that there's Jesus babies up on that mountain, They are really, really intent on getting them up there.
(15:02):
Another side note, the Witchfinders are all riding horses. 143 00:15:06,864.999 --> 00:15:09,965 And they've got, you know, saddles and reins on them. 144 00:15:11,534.999 --> 00:15:21,245 And this is another instance where I think the producers of the show thought it would look really cool, but didn't really think about the practicalities of the horses.
(15:22):
I've worked with horses in the past, and if there's a horse that doesn't want to have the reins and the bit put on them, it's really fucking hard. 146 00:15:30,789.999 --> 00:15:38,370 Even with sight! So, I'm pretty sure that that wouldn't work all that great, unless these are the best horses in the world.
The flip side of that is trying to get up into a saddle.
You have to find the stirrup, get your leg way the fuck up there.
(15:45):
It's just the logistics of how these people got into the saddles and got these horses equipped and kitted and, and where they needed to go.
Are the horses blind or is it just a human thing? So many questions.
The show is not interested in answering them whatsoever.
It's fine.
Fuck me.
We'll move along.
So now.
After the Witchfinders, they're, they're all set, they're ready to march on their, their target.
(16:11):
We, we cut back over to the birth, right? So there's one baby already out, and everybody's super happy.
This baby has a shitload of excess umbilical cord hanging out.
So, smart move, not showing the blind woman cutting the umbilical cord.
I, I think that is a smart decision by the show makers.
One, one little bit of inconsistency here.
(16:33):
I'm not entirely convinced that Alfre Woodard's character's blind.
Cause she's, she's holding the baby and staring directly at it in her arms.
Cooing at it, talking to it all sweet and shit. 165 00:16:46,769.999 --> 00:16:47,859.999 And it's a tender moment.
.999But I'm pretty sure, maybe, I don't know, maybe it's me being nitpicky. 167 00:16:54,189.999 --> 00:16:57,690 But, eh, eh, you're staring right at that baby.
(16:58):
You're not that blind.
Maybe that's a, maybe that's a twist.
Maybe that's a spoiler.
I don't know.
I haven't watched enough of the show to really find out, but I'm a little suspicious here.
Okay.
So one baby's out.
We find out, Oh, surprise.
.999What like we, the audience already knew there's another baby on the way.
So cut back.
(17:18):
And then Jason Momoa and his tribe start there.
They're gathered at the cliff and intention is building.
.999And then they start smearing mud on their faces.
Like war paint.
.999And I say like war paint because they're not doing a good job trying to cover all of their faces like you or all of their body parts like you would if you were trying to mask your scent.
(17:42):
Nope.
They're smearing mud and shit and whatever on the ground all over their faces in patterns that are designed to look cool and scary.
.999So it's really solely for the audience.
Because they're all blind.
There's literally no reason for them to be doing this.
Jason Momoa just, as the character of Baba Voss, Momoa's character, he just loves smearing shit all over his mouth.
(18:10):
.999Because that's what you do when you're getting ready to fight, I guess. 190 00:18:14,304.999 --> 00:18:15,584.9995 It makes you extra angry. 191 00:18:15,584.9995 --> 00:18:17,235 Now you got mud all in your mouth.
And you're tasting all that shit while you're in battle.
Just makes you extra mad, I guess.
But it really does not have any sort of effect.
.9Again, other than to look damn good.
Absolutely fucking badass.
So, the stage is set, the battlefield is primed, and oh my god guys, you get what is an incredibly choreographed fight scene that really strains my belief that these people are truly blind.
(18:47):
Like, in one instance, you see people on top of the cliff whipping people climbing the cliff in the head.
And they're landing direct shots every time, with whips, whack right in the helmet, whack right in the helmet.
.999It's fucking insane.
.999I, there's no way, unless these people have been doing nothing but whip head practice day in day out for, I don't know, generations. 202 00:19:16,39.999 --> 00:19:16,589.999 Stop it. 203 00:19:16,789.999 --> 00:19:18,749.999 What am I doing? This is ruining my thing.
(19:20):
So, they're able to crack these people in the head with whips and, and weapons and everything else.
They're having a, a beautifully choreographed battle that's actually really exciting to watch.
Until you stop and think about it, there's, there Our band of heroes never gets confused and accidentally almost attacks each other.
The invaders never get confused and almost attack each other. 208 00:19:42,970.1 --> 00:19:52,145 And in a world where you can't see, I'm left to wonder, how do you possibly know? who your friend and who your enemy is in the heat of battle.
(19:52):
.0005Have they adapted so that they have, um, they understand where their own teammates are and what their heartbeats are? Or maybe the super sniffers are really good at knowing, ah, hey, this smells like Steve. 210 00:20:06,25.0005 --> 00:20:07,204.999 I'm not going to hit him.
.999Just, it strains the belief.
And then in the most egregious example, Jason Momoa's character gets a hook thrown at him from 50 yards away, 20 feet down a cliff face, and it wraps right around his neck on the first shot, and they almost drag him off a cliff.
(20:28):
.999It's just, it strains credulity to the point of, of parody.
.999But again, it looks really, really cool.
.999So while the, the, our heroes realize that they're outnumbered, they know that they can't possibly beat disinvading force.
.9So surprise, surprise.
The cliff phase is really just a bunch of rocks that they tied together and held it by a single rope.
(20:52):
How is that possible? Fuck you.
I, I'm not willing to investigate that far.
It's, the show clearly did not. 221 00:21:00,574.999 --> 00:21:15,574.9995 So Jason Momoa cuts a rope, the cliff turns into a, an avalanche, boulders go sliding down, It's, it's amazing, they wipe out the, the first few people, but oh no! The super sniffer people are able to tell that there's a shitload more bad guys at the bottom of the cliff. 222 00:21:15,574.9995 --> 00:21:20,525 So now they just wasted their number one weapon on what's basically the tip of the spear.
(21:21):
So they're fucked.
They, they go back and um, They start to regroup within the village.
While they're going back and regrouping, we cut back to Alfre Woodard and the babies being delivered.
Second baby is out, and she asks the woman who delivered them, Magra.
(21:43):
What about their father? Because she knows, she knows it ain't no Jason Momoa.
.999She's not as gossipy as Snitchy McSnitch face down at the bottom of the mountain, but she knows that those aren't his babies.
So she asks, who is the real father? And we find out it's the Jesus metaphor.
So, uh, she asked him, Alfre Woodard asked Magra how she knows Jesus metaphor. 231 00:22:10,439.999 --> 00:22:17,460 And she's, Magra is very, very vague, and very can't, not, not very candid about it, and very cagey.
(22:18):
And goes, well, I didn't really know him.
He was just coming through.
And then Alfre Woodard breaks in and goes, oh, that's not what the owls are saying! So these owls are fucking gossipy ass snitches! And I would love if the show had just taken a hard left into all the crazy superpowers that this woman has.
(22:38):
And how she gossips with the woodland creatures about all of her, the people in her village.
Cause there's gotta be some great shit, right? If you can talk to the owls and the squirrels, you get all sorts of fantastic gossip, you know? And if you can figure that out from tribes and towns away, cause Magra's only been here for three months.
(23:01):
What other great gossip does she have? Or maybe the more realistic way to interpret this is, Alfre Woodard's the uh, second cliche of the show, usually found in Stephen King movies, The Magical Black Lady.
So she's got these ill defined magic superpowers that allow her to talk to the owls and the squirrels and all of that shit. 239 00:23:23,104.999 --> 00:23:26,664.999 And uh, we're just supposed to accept that within this world. 240 00:23:26,704.999 --> 00:23:30,4.9 I will accept only so much.
(23:30):
You can give me a world where people are blind from a virus and society is devolved into tribalism, but goddammit, that doesn't mean magic exists.
Anyway, I, I just, I'm really mad that I didn't get more gossipy fucking owls.
That is a missed opportunity for this show. 244 00:23:51,244.999 --> 00:23:57,519.9 So, anyway, cut back to our, our hero, Jason Momoa.
(23:58):
Calling a parliamentary proceeding when he gets back to town.
And I was super excited about this.
.999I am, I'm a pedant at heart.
So I was ready for them to have a nice interstitial where we take a break from all the violence and the action and the exciting bits to really dig into the parliamentary proceedings and the procedural votes and all of this shit.
(24:22):
Once again, I'm disappointed.
Back to back disappointments.
No parliamentary shit happens.
He just says, we're gonna start the parliamentary session. 253 00:24:31,419.999 --> 00:24:32,799.999 Ah, we need to get out of here.
Fuck off.
.999So, the end.
Absolutely the end.
.999No votes occur. 258 00:24:39,199.999 --> 00:24:40,690 It's, uh, it's really bad. 259 00:24:41,399.999 --> 00:24:42,560 Really, really let me down.
(24:44):
So, Parliament Momoa just fucked right off and said we're getting out of here.
And then he goes back and, and shares a surprisingly tender moment with, with GRA and Paris, with, with GRA and Alfred Woodard and the two babies.
And, you know, it's, it was proof to me that even in a show as absolutely Bananas goofy as this one is, Jason Momoa is a powerhouse of an actor.
(25:14):
Um, really, really great moment and.
Uh, y you know, very, very tender.
But, in an ultimate twist, we find out that, Oh shit! The parliamentary session is still in progress! It didn't even stop because Jason Momoa just fucked right off! You can't just do that. 266 00:25:36,554.999 --> 00:25:38,695 You can't walk up and end a session.
(25:39):
That's insane! Why would you think you could possibly end a parliamentary session by just walking away? That's so stupid! So the parliament came to him, and No procedural votes happen.
No, no parliamentary shenanigans occur.
They just say, yeah, we talked about it some more and we, we want to give them to your kids.
We think they're here for your kids because, you know, she's a witch. 271 00:26:03,694.999 --> 00:26:11,325 Why? Why? Why call it a parliamentary proceeding? It, it promises so much and delivers nothing.
(26:12):
Anyway, so the villagers have turned on Jace Momoa just like that.
You know, one group of invading outsiders and impending death, and suddenly your tribal chief is no longer the guy you want to be responsible for you.
So, In a, in another absolutely brilliant display of Jason Momoa being a total badass, he says, quote, It will be very difficult for any man to take a woman and babies down a mountain without their arms or legs.
(26:40):
And I gotta tell ya, fuckin shivers right now just remembering that line.
It was incredible, and even though it's still goofy, because he's standing in front of a cave, threatening to chop and dismember any member of this village community that he very clearly loves and defends with his entire life, It's still fucking badass as all get out.
(27:08):
So, all it takes is some casual threatening by the Jason by, uh, Jason Momoa to get everyone to calm the fuck down. 278 00:27:16,304.999 --> 00:27:20,685 And, so, they decide they're not gonna give up the babies, but they need to figure out what to do.
They're stuck on this mountain, there's only one way down, and that's already being trampled up by the Witchfinders.
Man, how are they possibly gonna escape? Well, plot twist. 281 00:27:30,500.1 --> 00:27:36,020 Alfre Woodard, with her gossipy ass owls, knows about a secret bridge to get off the mountain.
(27:36):
And, we, so, she's like, I'm gonna take you guys to this super secret passage.
We're gonna get the fuck out of here.
It's gonna be great.
Everyone's a little sus.
They've been living on the mountain for years.
Ain't nobody know about no secret ass bridge.
But, you know, whatever, they go on a journey.
What else are they gonna do? Sit around and wait to get hacked to death by the Witchfinders? That's a stupid fucking plan.
(27:59):
So, they go.
They go and they find this bridge, and the bridge exists.
.999We get to see it long before they do.
Uh, nope, take that one out.
.999So, so they go, they find this bridge, and sure enough, it exists. 295 00:28:12,754.999 --> 00:28:21,465 And, while they're on their way there, Jason Momoa asks, Hey, how you know about this bridge? Who built it? And she goes, Oh, it's Jesus metaphor.
(28:21):
He's fine.
He's great.
.9995He's got his magic powers. 299 00:28:23,814.9995 --> 00:28:24,325 He can see.
.999So he built us this bridge.
And I again have so many questions.
The woman who is carrying Jesus's babies was only in this village for three months.
How could he have possibly known that he would need to build an emergency backup exit for them to get off this mountain? And I know, I know, he, he is the chosen one.
(28:50):
.999He works in mysterious ways and he always provides for those who have faith in him. 305 00:28:55,304.999 --> 00:28:57,905 Again, the metaphor is not really subtle.
And yet, Here I am trying to pick it apart.
Regardless, there's a bridge here.
It's a very tense moment where they're trying to escape off the bridge while they're crossing it.
Hilariously enough, two of the people crossing, just to remind us that this is a very serious intense moment, basically just throw themselves off the bridge and say, ah, right into the river below.
(29:23):
It honestly looks like they just step off, and it's purely plot driven to remind us, Hey, this looks like a really solid and well constructed bridge, but, oh man, this is some serious shit right here. 311 00:29:36,94.999 --> 00:29:43,204.999 And, and so, it, it builds that tension, and our, our intrepid tribe of heroes escapes.
(29:44):
And they cross this bridge and the witch finders though, they're right on their tail.
They get to the bridge here and find, Oh man. 314 00:29:53,295.0625 --> 00:29:57,705.0625 They're crossing it just as our heroes manage to get to the other side. 315 00:29:58,45.0625 --> 00:29:58,375.0625 So J. 316 00:29:58,375.0625 --> 00:29:58,485.0625 S. 317 00:29:58,485.0625 --> 00:30:04,265.0625 Momoa chops the fucking bridge, cuts the ropes, everybody on it dies, our heroes are safe. 318 00:30:05,395.0615 --> 00:30:09,525.0625 And so now, now they're just wandering around. 319 00:30:10,855.0615 --> 00:30:11,425.0615 As. 320 00:30:11,900.0625 --> 00:30:16,930.0625 Our intrepid heroes are, they're moving along. 321 00:30:17,20.0625 --> 00:30:18,240.0625 They're, they're doing their thing. 322 00:30:18,240.0625 --> 00:30:31,140.0615 The witch finders are super fucking pissed and they say, Hey, now we have to go and we have to tell the queen about, you know, our ability, our inability to capture these fucking chuckle. 323 00:30:31,830.0615 --> 00:30:37,415.0625 We had him cornered, but Oh man, you know, what to do? Surprise bridge. 324 00:30:37,585.0625 --> 00:30:45,955.0625 How do you, how do you counteract that? You know, so anyway, they, they send them, they send a raven. 325 00:30:46,205.0625 --> 00:30:48,905.0625 So serious game of thrones rip off here. 326 00:30:50,25.0615 --> 00:30:55,295.0615 They send a raven to the queen who lives in an old hollowed out hydroelectric dam. 327 00:30:55,855.0625 --> 00:30:57,895.0625 It's still operating somehow. 328 00:30:57,925.0625 --> 00:31:02,45.0625 I'm sure that'll be important in future episodes, but I'm probably not going to watch them. 329 00:31:02,665.0625 --> 00:31:12,965.0625 So, but there's this, uh, this woman, and I don't really give a shit about the Queen and the politics and all the heresy shenanigans that are going on. 330 00:31:14,115.0615 --> 00:31:20,25.0615 It's remarkably boring for me, but it opens in the most fascinating way possible. 331 00:31:21,920.0625 --> 00:31:28,960.0625 The queen is standing in a little carve out where you can get some sunlight in the, in the dam, naked. 332 00:31:29,480.0625 --> 00:31:34,120.0625 And then she's being clothed by her, her assistants or handmaidens or whatever. 333 00:31:35,430.0615 --> 00:31:36,460.0625 No one gives them a name. 334 00:31:36,460.0625 --> 00:31:37,280.0625 No one describes them. 335 00:31:37,280.0625 --> 00:31:39,990.0625 So they're just like clothing wench. 336 00:31:40,40.0625 --> 00:31:40,540.0615 I don't know. 337 00:31:41,130.0625 --> 00:31:42,810.0625 So they, they put some clothes on her. 338 00:31:43,850.0615 --> 00:31:45,970.0625 She dismisses all of them and says, be gone. 339 00:31:46,30.0625 --> 00:31:51,90.0625 I want to pray and then performs my new favorite blasphemy of all time. 340 00:31:51,650.0625 --> 00:31:54,610.0625 Uh, so kind of renders the clothing moot. 341 00:31:55,0.0625 --> 00:32:02,410.0625 But she proceeds to start vigorously masturbating while saying a prayer to the darkness, the lord of darkness. 342 00:32:02,960.0625 --> 00:32:08,30.0625 And, you know, lucky for her, she's able to finish just in time for the end of the prayer. 343 00:32:08,390.0615 --> 00:32:12,920.0625 It is the stupidest fucking thing. 344 00:32:13,100.0615 --> 00:32:17,380.0625 Like, again, the metaphor is not subtle. 345 00:32:18,530.0625 --> 00:32:24,585.0625 We've got someone Committing what would be, by all other religious standards, a pure blasphemy. 346 00:32:24,985.0625 --> 00:32:32,205.0615 And, in doing so, by praying to the lord of the darkness against the heresy and evil of the light. 347 00:32:34,945.0615 --> 00:32:37,775.0615 Yeah, it's uh, it's coming on thick. 348 00:32:37,785.0625 --> 00:32:40,715.0615 And look, I'm not a religious guy by any means. 349 00:32:41,55.0625 --> 00:32:47,135.0625 I was raised Catholic, I went to Catholic high school, and that, of course, naturally made me an atheist. 350 00:32:47,565.0625 --> 00:32:52,175.0625 So it's not as if I have any love of religion or anything like that. 351 00:32:52,235.0625 --> 00:33:06,245.062 Um, in fact, you've probably heard my contempt for this whole Jesus metaphor, my entire through the entire episode, man, uh, I was not ready for the vigorous prayer masturbation. 352 00:33:06,245.062 --> 00:33:10,755.0625 That was, that was delightful anyway. 353 00:33:11,815.0625 --> 00:33:12,395.0625 So. 354 00:33:13,790.0625 --> 00:33:25,380.0625 She finishes her prayer, talking about how Drilla Morel, er, talking about how the Jesus metaphor guy, he's, uh, he's been making it around. 355 00:33:25,390.0625 --> 00:33:33,179.9625 I've got a feeling as we learn a little bit more here that he was definitely bragging about his ability to see. 356 00:33:33,500.0625 --> 00:33:37,190.0625 Using that to, to get, to do pretty well with the ladies. 357 00:33:37,220.0625 --> 00:33:48,910.0625 Cause it's, it's pretty heavily implied that, that Jesus metaphor fucked not only the woman who gave birth to the twins, but the queen and the queen's sister. 358 00:33:49,680.0615 --> 00:33:50,610.0625 Who is now dead. 359 00:33:50,630.0615 --> 00:33:52,740.0625 Ooh, big mystery that we're setting up here. 360 00:33:52,770.0625 --> 00:33:54,390.0615 I wonder if I'll ever find out what it is. 361 00:33:55,510.0615 --> 00:34:02,630.0625 So, so now that we know, Jesus metaphor is preaching the heresy of the light. 362 00:34:02,670.0625 --> 00:34:04,560.0625 And that's why everybody wants to get him. 363 00:34:05,560.0625 --> 00:34:37,115.0625 Um, He's, we finish the episode by laying it on extra thick where, uh, the Jesus, Jesus metaphor has really laid out a path to salvation for our tribe, leaving them clues along the way and guideposts and all the tools they could possibly need to reach the promised land where they can then start anew, build this tribe and hide these children from the world and raise them to be I don't know. 364 00:34:37,515.0625 --> 00:34:42,575.0625 Sighted individuals, it's really not clear how they're going to change the world. 365 00:34:43,215.0625 --> 00:34:44,475.0625 At least not in episode one. 366 00:34:44,525.0625 --> 00:34:45,245.0625 I mean, I get it. 367 00:34:46,445.0625 --> 00:34:47,845.0625 You've got somebody who can see. 368 00:34:47,955.0625 --> 00:34:59,195.0625 That's a game changer in a world full of blind people, but You know, it's, it's uh, really not seeming like a gigantic threat to the people who are in power. 369 00:34:59,245.0625 --> 00:35:03,65.0625 But, that said, this just brings episode one to a wrap. 370 00:35:03,65.0625 --> 00:35:09,695.0625 There's a ton more episodes and somehow, this Cuckoo Bananas show got a second season where they recruited even more star power. 371 00:35:10,15.0625 --> 00:35:18,215.0625 Dave Bautista of Guardians of the Galaxy, uh, Drax the Destroyer, has been enlisted in season two of this show. 372 00:35:18,715.0625 --> 00:35:28,725.0625 So, who knows? This could go any number of ways, but I'll tell you from episode one, um, it certainly is a fuckin trip. 373 00:35:29,165.0625 --> 00:35:44,155.0635 So if I had to rate this one on a scale of surviving a deadly virus, all the way up to getting my arms and legs chopped off by Jason Momoa, I would definitely rate this a solid having to get up into a saddle by myself without the ability to see. 374 00:35:45,445.0635 --> 00:35:48,645.0635 Now, that's gonna do it for us here, uh, in this episode. 375 00:35:48,645.0635 --> 00:35:50,975.0635 If you'll excuse me, I've got some praying to go do. 376 00:35:52,205.0625 --> 00:35:53,375.0635 We'll catch you back in the next one.
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