Helpline: Reconnecting with a loved one as their dementia progresses

It’s tough watching someone you love change, especially when it starts to shift the way you relate to each other. As a carer, your role evolves in ways you may not have expected, which can make things feel uncertain. This episode has tips and ideas to help you maintain your connection. 

If you’d like personalised advice on how to reconnect or just smooth any tensions as your relationship changes, you can contact the National Dementia Helpline on 1800 100 500. You can call 24 hours a day, or request a callback, start a webchat or send an email with whatever is on your mind.  

To hear how other carers have re-connected with their loved ones, you can also [listen to this episode of Hold the Moment] . 

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Hold the Moment is a podcast from Dementia Australia, produced by Deadset Studios.  

Follow Dementia Australia on Instagram and find support resources online.  

This episode was hosted by Jim Rogers and Kristin, a National Dementia Helpline Advisor. It was produced by Luci McAfee. Executive producers are Gia Moylan and Kellie Riordan. 

The National Dementia Helpline is funded by the Australian Government.   

Dementia Australia and Deadset Studios acknowledge the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognise their continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to their Elders past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. 

Dementia Australia acknowledges and appreciates the support of the Australian Government for this initiative. 

Episode Transcript

(00:05):
- Watching someone you love,changing in front of your eyes
is one of the hardestparts of being a carer.
Especially, when it startsto change the dynamic
of your relationship.
Hi, I'm Jim Rogers andthis is Hold the Moment.
This is Australia's onlypodcast just about dementia.
It is brilliant, so listento it, it really helps.

(00:30):
For me, it was particularlytough seeing my role
as a parent, change a bit.
Now my kids are checking in on me.
If you are noticing a relationship shift.
Or, struggling to reconnect.
We've got an entireepisode on this very topic.
So make sure you've listened to that.
In this bonus episode, Kristen, from the

(00:51):
National Dementia Helpline,has some quick tips
that might just smoothany tensions arising,
as your relationship changes.
- Relationships change over time.
Following the diagnosis ofa loved one with dementia,
you might find that someof the things that you used

(01:12):
to do, are starting to change.
And that's true whetherthe person that's been
diagnosed, is your partner, a parent,
a friend, orsomeone else in the community.
It might be, that the personthat's living with dementia,
used to be the one that paidthe bills in the house.
Or did the cooking or the mowing.

(01:32):
And now, you are starting totake on more of that role.
Perhaps the person living withdementia was always the one
that drove the family around,
and now that's somethingthat you are taking more
of a role on, as the carer.
It's not always easy
as these changes happenin your relationship.
But there are some thingsthat you can do to help keep

(01:55):
that relationship andthat connection going.
There can also be a number ofemotional changes that happen
as your relationship changes.
You might find that when you're talking
to your loved one who'sliving with dementia,
that it's difficult to talkabout how you're feeling
or that they don'trespond in the same way.

(02:17):
You might find thatthere are different ways
that you can connect.
It might be something as easy as a hug,
to help them feel better whenthey're having a
difficult time, instead of talking things
through like you might have done before.
One of the tips thatI like to give carers,
especially if their loved one living

(02:38):
with dementia is a parent, isto let them still be a parent.
If you can, ask them for advice on things
that you might have askedthem for in the past.
Maybe something they were good at.
You could ask them for arecipe or their thoughts
if you're buying a new car.
The advice that they give mightbe different than it was before

(03:01):
but they'll feel goodthat you value their input.
Another area that you might be wondering
about changes in your relationship,
if your partner's the person
that's been diagnosedwith dementia, is intimacy.
You might be wondering if that's something
that you can still participatein or how to do that.

(03:24):
The most important thing isto talk with your partner.
Find out what they're comfortable with,
what they're interested in.
And, if you have a laugh tryingto figure out as it changes,
that's okay too.
One of the things that Isuggest is, have a think about
what you like to do with your loved one.
What did you used to do before?

(03:46):
If you used to enjoy cooking
and eating together, try a simple recipe
or try going out to a cafe.
If music has always been partof your lives, turn on some
of your favourite songsand try having a spin.
As things change,
and it might become harder to connect
with your loved one verbally,

(04:07):
there are other things that you can do
that include connecting with the senses.
- If you have any questionsabout anything you've heard on
this episode, or want more
personalized guidancewhile navigating your
relationship changes.

(04:28):
You can contact the NationalDementia Helpline on
1800 100 500.
Their trained advisors areavailable 24 hours a day.
Every day of the year.
And you can speak to anadvisor just like Kristen.
And for more resources,
visit the Dementia Australia website.