Episode Transcript
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Lucy Foulkes (00:05):
Do you know what
it's like to try and live a life
where you're only allowed
medication on 10 days? That
means you have to choose what
days you're going to treat
yourself. The pattern I've had
with my pain my whole life is
that it goes through a really
bad period of a few months or a
few years in one specific place,and then it tends to move on,
and then it will come back again
to that area. Never had a
treatment for it, and definitely
not anything that worked. It's
that willful disinterest it was
treated or got better, but the
pain stayed
Emily Kate Stephens (00:50):
Welcome to
Make Visible, the podcast
shining a light on complex
chronic illness. I am your host,
Emily Kate Stephens,
Welcome to this week's episode,and hello, Gez, how are you
doing this week?
Gez Medinger (01:13):
Today I'm doing
okay. Today I'm doing better
than the last few days. So it's
a big thumbs up for me. I had
enough spoons to get haircuts
and haircuts I hate because they
have a high spoon cost, and
you're just sitting there and I
feel claustrophobic, and I'm
aware my breathing is getting
shallow, and I don't know why Ihate it so much. Never used to,
but, but, yeah, so that's a good
sign. If I'm able to go and get
a haircut, it's a good day.
Emily Kate Stephens (01:35):
It's quite
interesting, though, because
that is it. Do you think it's to
do with the sort of sensory
overlay?
Gez Medinger (01:41):
In my case, I
don't think so. I think during
the whole covid period, I was
paranoid about catching covid,
yeah, breathing on your head.
And I'd previously, in the pre
covid era, I'd had a horrible
flu, which I'd caught off a guy
who was really ill who cut my
hair. So I've had that primer
experience, and then just thatknowledge that you're in this
confined space with someone for
half an hour than breathing on
you think, I think that's what's
created the PTSD for me, which
is why I now find them
uncomfortable.
Emily Kate Stephens (02:07):
That is
really, really interesting.
Gez Medinger (02:09):
How is your back,
Emily, I know you've been
suffering with a little bit of
pain for the last few weeks.
How's it doing?
Emily Kate Stephens (02:14):
So I've
started physio. I have gone back
to exercise, which is for me,
just joyful, gone back to yoga,
and I'm navigating that careful
balance between pain and fear,
because I want to get back to
moving, and I want to get back
to doing my everyday things and
working out what is actually
(02:37):
pain in my body that is tellingme to stop, and what is actually
my mind making me want to
protect it. It's such a balance.
It's such a battle. And
obviously that that plays into
so much of what I've navigated
for the last six years.
Gez Medinger (02:53):
And I think so
many of us have with complex
chronic illness. It's that whole
thing of I want to do this
thing, but I'm scared of what
happens if I do it, and it's too
much.
Emily Kate Stephens (03:01):
Yeah, and
overriding signals versus
listening to your body,
interpretation, understanding
what is being told to you by the
signs in your body,
Gez Medinger (03:11):
And also not
obsessing over the signs in your
body, because then you just get
caught in this negative feedback
loop, which isn't doing your
nervous system any good. So it's
this impossible - having to
juggle plates whilst riding a
unicycle. That's kind of the
sort of psychological challenge.
Emily Kate Stephens (03:26):
I love your
analagies.
Gez Medinger (03:28):
Yeah, that's kind
of what you have to do, like the
emotional and psychological,
ludicrous dualities, existences
we have to exist in at the same
time. You can do this, but you
can't do that, and you've got to
do this, but you can't do that.
It's almost impossible, really.
Emily Kate Stephens (03:42):
Yeah, so
this week, we are bringing you
an interview with Dr Lucy
Foulkes, who has spent 23 years
navigating some of those
physical and mental challenges,
as she has suffered from chronic
pain for over 23 years, and Lucy
Foulkes is an academic
psychologist and a senior
(04:05):
research fellow at OxfordUniversity, author of two books,
and her main focus is actually
adolescent mental health and
social development. And the
reason that I wanted to talk to
her is her personal story in
terms of the way that our health
is not viewed holistically, but
has perspective at looking at
her illness through her personallens, as well as her academic
insight I found absolutely
fascinating. So here is the
conversation with Dr Lucy
Foulkes.
(04:40):
Your background is as apsychologist, and you do a huge
amount of research around,
particularly adolescent mental
health and social development. A
lot of the work that you have
done academically, you've
written a lot of papers looking
at this disparity between
people's understanding. Of what
they're experiencing medicalprofessionals ability to help
people self diagnosis versus
medical diagnosis. There's this
huge disparity in it all, and
that parallels a lot of what
happens in complex chronic
illness.
Lucy Foulkes (05:17):
Yeah, so it's been
really interesting that I've
been experiencing both at the
same time, so I'm studying it,
researching it, particularly
interested in mental health. But
in the background, I've had my
own undiagnosed thing, and then
I got a diagnosis and understood
the meaning and the power of
that. So I've had this personalexperience that's really
relevant to my work.
Emily Kate Stephens (05:38):
So let us
talk about your personal
experience over the 23 years
since your first appointment
about it. But actually, if we
could go back to even before
that, from childhood, what it
was like to live in your body?
Lucy Foulkes (05:56):
So childhood was
quite unremarkable. I don't
really remember any experience
of pain in childhood, apart from
falling over sometimes. The only
thing I remember about my body
in childhood was that I was very
bad at sport and very badly
coordinated, which I now know is
relevant to hypermobility, but
my body in childhood didn'treally cause me any problems.
Emily Kate Stephens (06:16):
When did
you first start to experience
symptoms or pain that you
couldn't just explain as being
something normal?
Lucy Foulkes (06:25):
It all started to
go wrong once I started my
periods when I was 12, really
painful periods, which
eventually was acknowledged and
treated as endometriosis. That
started when I was 12. So that
started a kind of problematic
relationship with pain, because
I became scared of the pain that
was going to come every month.And then when I was about 15, I
started getting chronic muscle
pain in my back. So that was the
first experience of a chronic
pain that didn't have a name and
that didn't understand. And then
from there, it was a gradual
increase in pain arriving in
more different parts of my body
(07:04):
and getting worse. Over, yeah,I'm 38 now, and so over, yeah,
23 years.
Emily Kate Stephens (07:10):
I think
there is huge value in people
who are happy to be open and to
share about their personal
experiences for our listeners to
feel that they are not going
through this alone. They are not
the only ones who are
experiencing this. And I think
there are so many people who
psychologize these illnesses.There are so many people that
try to normalize what people are
going through. So our audience
have fed back and said that they
really, really value hearing
what other people have gone
through. I'm here to talk to you
about your personal experience,
what you have been through, and
(07:47):
perhaps strategies that havehelped you. One of your key
takeaways with this the problem
with our scientific system. It's
something we address pretty much
every single episode. There are
loads of parts to it, and I
think that's hugely, hugely
important for you to be able to
express and how none of it is
necessarily linear, and some ofyour symptoms make sense only
once. Other symptoms are
actually acknowledged and come
into play. So talk me through.
Lucy Foulkes (08:16):
When I was 18,
studying for my A levels, I
started getting very frequent
headaches. It was a heat wave
that summer, and it was sort of
put down to stress and
dehydration, but the headaches
from then, from 18, never really
went away. So the headaches have
been a big part of my life.
Emily Kate Stephens (08:33):
Was that
simply head pain? Or at that
point, did you understand that
that was actually the migraine
cycles?
Lucy Foulkes (08:40):
When I was about
25 or 26 doing my PhD, was the
first time that the word
migraine was used. But I think
actually what I have is chronic
migraine, and understanding that
now helps me understand why no
one quite knew what was going
on, because it never really
fitted me into the category of,
you know, my head was fine, andthen I had this distinct episode
of a migraine attack, and then
it cleared. My experience right
when I was 18 was that there was
this low level headache really
frequently that would then
escalate sometimes. So when I
was about 25, 26 I started
moving into the world of
(09:15):
migraine treatment. But itwasn't until I was 35 that a
neurologist said this is chronic
migraine, and that's something
different. And then actually,
the treatments that you've been
doing to try and manage your
migraines are contributing to
medication overuse headache,
which is this particularly cool
aspect of migraine.
Emily Kate Stephens (09:35):
Yeah, and
this is a problem, isn't it?
Obviously, you mentioned there
that you're being treated by a
neurologist, but this is also a
problem with our medical system,
the way that these things are
treated. I got addicted
essentially to opioids when I
was early on in my migraine
journey because the GP just gavecodeine for the pain. A lot of
the time we do need to try and
understand what that pain cycle
is about, rather than just
trying to suppress the pain,
because I ended up with that
cycle of migraines getting worse
from the treatment that I had
been offered.
Lucy Foulkes (10:08):
I was very
similar. Took far too much
codeine. And what is awful, I
think, is when I've spoken to
medical professionals about
medication overuse headache,
they're like, just take
medication 10 days a month.
That's how you solve it. And I'm
like, Do you know what it's like
to try and live a life whereyou're only allowed medication
on 10 days? Means you have to
choose what days you're going to
treat yourself and take a
triptan. And you can't know in
advance if I've had three days
of migraines at the start of the
month, should I take three days
of medication, or do I need to
(10:43):
save those days for later on?And all that calculation is
happening alongside the typical
migraine attack advice, which is
that you should take medication
as soon as you feel a migraine
attack coming on, and actually,
the longer you leave it, the
worse the attack will become.
I've never really met a
professional who's understoodthe mental load and the
psychological challenge of
trying to make the decision of
when you allow yourself to take
migraine medication.
Emily Kate Stephens (11:11):
I
understand that so well,
Lucy Foulkes (11:14):
Isn't it awful?
And it's the guilt and yeah, the
challenge of trying, yeah, the
guilt of when you cave and allow
yourself to take one, and then
the worry that it's going to
come again,
Emily Kate Stephens (11:27):
Yeah, and
that idea, and I think, that you
have to do it with everything in
your life. It's not only with
your migraine attacks. And so
many people experience this
across these complex chronic
illnesses - the idea that you
have to ration your life and
pick what is more important than
something else. What are youprepared to take medication to
be able to do? And one of the
really sad things with it is
that a lot of the time it's the
absolute essentials, like making
it to the hospital appointments
that take up that rationing
rather than being able to focus
on the things that you enjoy.
(12:06):
And I know that, and we can talkabout this later, I know that is
one of the things that you have
found really valuable, is to try
and find the time and find the
energy for doing the things that
you enjoy.
Lucy Foulkes (12:18):
Yeah.
Emily Kate Stephens (12:20):
So, yeah,
Lucy Foulkes (12:21):
So that was the
headache, migraine side of
things. Then when I was 21 in my
final year of university, my
undergrad, I developed pain in
my wrists, elbows, forearms, and
I'm in a flare up of it at the
moment, really painful to try
and use your arms, basically, to
write the user computer to cook.
(12:44):
And it happened when I needed todo my finals, and you have to
hand write them three hours back
to back. And they offered me to
do it in a room on my own, but
that didn't really make any any
difference. That was really,
really bad, and again, just no
help available for it, and no
linking it together with the
(13:07):
endometriosis or the otherthings
Emily Kate Stephens (13:09):
Can you
describe that pain? You say that
it's localized to the wrists and
the elbows? Does it feel in the
joints? Does it feel muscular?
Lucy Foulkes (13:19):
I think it's more
muscular. The muscles were
extremely tender, like every
trigger point on my arm feels
like I desperately want to put
an acupuncture needle in it or
something. It feels really,
really sensitive. But then I
think now, the most recent
physio that I've seen about it
understands, EDS has said theproblem is coming from the
tendons. But that that was
wasn't acknowledged.
Emily Kate Stephens (13:42):
What was
the advice when you first
started having these pains of
how to treat it, or how to deal
with it on a day to day basis,
and you need your arms to do
everything?
Lucy Foulkes (13:54):
I think it was one
of those things which has
happened so many times, which is
just that it's given a name
which was repetitive strain
injury and not really attached
to any solution other than to
rest. I think maybe I got some
like wrist support. I did
eventually see physio, but it
just eventually went away. Andthat's a pattern I've had with
my pain my whole life, is that
it goes through a really bad
period of a few months or a few
years in one specific place, and
then it tends to move on, and
then it will come back again to
that area I had years and years
in my 20s of the arm pain not
(14:29):
being a problem, but it's comeback again recently. Never had a
treatment for it, and definitely
not anything that worked.
Emily Kate Stephens (14:35):
Do you have
any understanding now of why
there's that cyclical nature of
the pain moving around your
body?
Lucy Foulkes (14:42):
No, I don't. I've
always tried to tell people
about it, and no one's ever
seemed hugely interested in it,
as in telling professionals, I
explain it to myself as though
my whole body is on the edge of
chronic pain. And sometimes I do
one specific thing that will
tip.. like I we use my laptop a
bit too much without all myspecial ergonomic setup, and
then that would just tip it over
the edge into being aggravated,
and then it's that part of my
body that's going to be angry
for a few months. I've never
really had a clear explanation.
Is it just me? I really have no
idea. It's been a defining
(15:14):
aspect of my picture, but I'venever really heard anyone else
talk about it.
Emily Kate Stephens (15:18):
It's not
something that I have experience
of or have an explanation on at
all, but I think it's a really,
really interesting thing to
highlight for others that might
be going through it, because I
think where all of us want to
end up is in a system where each
of these things is heard and
listened to as being relevant inyour overall health condition,
rather than being dismissed as
another thing that you have,
another situation that you're
taking to the doctor that is
mildly inconvenient for them,
because you have to live in your
entire body every day, whether
the pain is in your hands or
(15:57):
whether the pain is in yourhead, there is pain. And how do
we address this, and how do we
look at this holistically? I
don't know how we get to a
system that works like that.
Lucy Foulkes (16:06):
And it's so
obviously relevant, so obvious
now that it wasn't just
coincidence that started at
university, that I had more back
pain for a while, and then the
migraines kicked off, and then
in my late 20s, I made what I
now know was a fatal mistake,
which is that I trained to run a
10k it wasn't a runner, but Iwanted to do it, and I trained
properly for it. And during the
training, my body was okay, but
almost the day after I ran the
race, I developed pain in the
soles of my feet and in my upper
back, which felt that like it
was in my spine, but I didn't
understood that it's more
(16:46):
muscular and those two pains, Imean, it's hard to pick the
worst pain or the most
disabling, the foot pain, never
got better. So that was about 10
years ago now, and both of them
get much worse when I stand or I
walk, which took a while to
figure out, but I gradually
learned that. And so now a huge
(17:08):
part of my life and thatplanning stuff you were talking
about, what pain are you willing
to endure for what benefit? It's
about not being able to stand
and walk, and how difficult it
is to plan around that. Now that
I know I have EDS and that I'm
hypermobile, it was a terrible
idea to run, but I just didn't
know at the time, and both theupper back pain and the foot
pain has just baffled until I
realized it was EDS.
Emily Kate Stephens (17:34):
The thing
is, for each of these things,
you have all the way along,
sought help because it has been
sufficiently bad that you needed
medical help for each body part,
each situation in your body.
Lucy Foulkes (17:47):
And I think maybe
what's more unusual about me,
relative to so many people who
suffer with this, is that I saw
lots of private specialists. I
was able to pay to see physios,
to see podiatrists, to Google,
the people who seemed like the
best people who would understand
it, consultant rheumatologist,
(18:08):
etc, massage, acupuncture,nutritionists, which was a whole
big mess, trying to use food to
understand what was happening.
It wasn't through lack of
trying, and it wasn't through
lack of resources, and I still
repeatedly came up against this
kind of shrug or disinterest.
Emily Kate Stephens (18:25):
I would
like to point our audience to a
beautiful essay that you have
written on your substack and
posted on your social media that
actually charts your journey.
And there is one point that you
describe trying to tell a doctor
about a situation in another
part of your body, and because
(18:47):
he's not a rheumatologist, hecompletely dismisses that as
being something relevant to his
specialty. And I think that
really just highlights the way
that all of these things are
treated as their component
parts, and the lack of holistic
care or oversight through your
condition, through your whole
experience of this shows thatdespite going to the best
people, despite seeking all of
those different specialists, you
can't necessarily reach a
diagnosis without looking at
your body as a whole or get help
unless you look at your body as
a whole.
Lucy Foulkes (19:20):
So that specific
example was a neurologist who,
three years ago, recognized that
it was chronic migraine instead
of migraine, and that was a real
breakthrough. But I tried saying
to him, and I really remember it
distinctly, as we often do with
these distressing appointments,
I tried saying, I have chronic
pain everywhere else in my body,in case that's relevant. And he
said, not a rheumatologist. It's
that willful disinterest to me
now it's like, is that not a
useful piece of information? And
I've had that so many and even
if they're not actively
preventing you from doing it, it
would seem crazy in the current
(19:56):
medical system if I go to aurologist about bladder pain.
Pain, which I did, and I told
her, I have migraine. It would
seem like, Why the hell are you
bringing that up? And yet, now I
know the problem that I have
leads to both those outcomes.
Emily Kate Stephens (20:09):
Can we talk
about that? Because you had
recurring bladder pain for
years, but you did not have a
diagnosed UTI or any specific
thing that was being picked up.
I do think that there is
potentially a problem on a lot
of our UTI testing in that they
can only see the thing that
they're looking for in the waythat our tests are run, but that
that is not necessarily the case
in in your situation. Talk to me
about that bladder pain, because
it's one of those things that is
a little bit taboo still, with
so many of these things. People
don't want to talk about that
openly, but it's something that
(20:43):
so many women are going throughevery single day, and you just
have to live with it.
Lucy Foulkes (20:49):
And it's certainly
true with gynecological pain as
well. It's got that added
element of it's really
difficult, like everything else
is, but you also can't say to
your colleagues, but that's why
I can't attend the meeting or
whatever, but the bladder pain
was quite contained for maybe 18
months or two years, a few yearsago, thank God. I mean, I live
in fear of it coming back again,
but I did have a UTI that was
very clearly a UTI. It was
treated. It got better, but the
pain stayed. And I think that
seems to be a pattern in my
body. And maybe it's a common
EDS thing that there is a real
(21:23):
injury or infection or problem,but then once the primary
problem goes away, the body or
the nervous system holds on to
the experience of pain. I had
this sort of echo of a UTI the
pain and the urgency and the
discomfort. But I had a scan as
well as the UTI tests, and it
was always just like, good news,
it's healthy, which obviouslyisn't good news when you want to
know what's going on.
Emily Kate Stephens (21:46):
Absolutely.
And I think that that is echoed
across multiple of these
conditions, that there is that
initial bacterial, viral trauma
hit, hormonal hit, there is a
change that happens in your body
that is very real and very
chemical, and then subsequently,
and this, again, is still very
(22:06):
real and very chemical, theneurology holds onto it and
doesn't release what was going
on. Like your body does not know
that it has passed, or your
brain does not understand that
it is past.
Lucy Foulkes (22:19):
Yeah, and that
it's safe. Suspect probably is
that it's continuing to
interpret as a threat and trying
to tell you that there's a
problem there to pay attention
to, because the system is over
reactive and hyper sensitive.
What did help there? I don't
know if it just gradually got
better, but at least part ofwhat helped was seeing pelvic
floor physio right, learning to
relax the pelvic floor muscles,
which have also helped me with
other pelvic pain, but also
really basic training stuff
about try not to go for we wait
two hours in between. Because
actually, if you go more
(22:54):
frequently than that, then youcan kind of encourage this sort
of overactive bladder. So that
was a bit of behavioral training
with her. And so those two
things helped eventually calm it
down. But I do not trust my
body. I live in fear of that
coming back, the other things
coming back, new things
happening. So I'm just, I'mgrateful that I'm not in a phase
of it at the moment, because
it's horrible and you can't talk
about it.
Emily Kate Stephens (23:15):
I don't
want to say that it's shameful,
because, of course, it's not.
But there's something,
particularly in the workplace or
the or at school that is seen as
strange to talk about these
things. I think we are getting
better as female society at
sharing these things, sharing
discussion around periods,around the menopause, around
gynecological issues, around
neurological issues, but we're
in our social media silos or our
friendship silos. That's not
necessarily a reflective of the
whole of society. You still
can't necessarily tell your male
boss that you've got this.
Lucy Foulkes (23:50):
That's what I was
going to say. The trouble is,
when you have to tell men about
it or women at work that you
don't have a close relationship
with, because it is private.
It's private and personal. And
you might not necessarily want
all sorts of people in your life
to think about that aspect of
your body. And that's a problemwith talking about any of the
pain stuff is you have to
repeatedly share private
information about yourself.
Even, I think if we get over the
shame bit, you have to
repeatedly give up a personal
part of yourself that you might
not want that person to know
(24:24):
about. It's really hard.
Emily Kate Stephens (24:24):
Yeah, in
terms of your journey and your
trajectory through having to
suffer any one of these things
repeatedly over years, is
horrific, but once they're all
led on top of each other, and
you're having to choose which to
treat, to a degree, your your
diagnosis, which we will sort of
(24:45):
get on onto is a fascinatingone, but I think that each of
these issues is often taken or
given to people as a diagnosis
in itself. So people you're told
that you have a skin condition.
It's x, y and z. You're told
that you have MCAS, you're told
that you have IBS. They're all
labels that are given to things
(25:09):
that possibly need to step backand to be taken as part of the
bigger picture.
Lucy Foulkes (25:14):
And I did get
various words along the way, but
really they were all part of a
bigger whole, and I didn't have
that umbrella explanation. So
the skin problem is, in my 20s,
I developed chronic itching in
my skin that lasted for about
seven or eight years. And tried
to get help for that, and no one
(25:36):
really understood again, no oneknew what was going on. And that
then got better, but it came
back again after I had COVID,
and I didn't make the link to
covid Until I subsequently got
the EDS diagnosis, and she said
covid has triggered symptoms in
people. So yeah, it became
itching, but also flushing,
Emily Kate Stephens (25:56):
Right. And
is that through your whole body?
Lucy Foulkes (25:59):
Just my face
itching? Yeah, all over. I've
definitely improved that with
treatment and medication. So
yeah, again, by that point, I
was like, Are you kidding? Like,
because as far as I knew, then
there was no proper explanation
that they were linked. So it
just seemed like, is it really
the case that I have all thesedifferent things, and most of
the women around me that I can
see don't have anything wrong,
and it was so frustrating to not
have an explanation, and so
frustrating to not have a word
to communicate to other people,
because It even sounds a bit
silly, but you've got another
(26:32):
thing when you're trying toconvey it to other people.
That's that. And then lastly, I
think lastly, is the digestive
stuff, which appeared after
covid, which has never been as
problematic as all the other
things but bloating, cramping,
digestive difficulties that have
been really uncomfortable. So
yeah, I think that takes us upto now.
Emily Kate Stephens (26:54):
Even before
you started having digestive
issues. One of the big things
you did to try and address
multiple of these things, was,
look at what you were eating.
Look at your nutrition. I
believe that you have for a long
time tried to follow low
histamine diets, or had certain
things completely cut from yourdiet. Tell me about that idea of
what you were trying to do with
that, and how effective some of
that has been for you.
Lucy Foulkes (27:20):
I think anyone
who's had long term health
problems that aren't solved with
medicine as a practice will look
into nutrition. It's this
incredibly popular idea at the
moment that you can eat yourself
healthy, and that if you cut out
a specific thing, you can read
all this information. I cut out
dairy and my migrainesdisappeared, and then you eat
that and you think, God, maybe
that's it. Maybe in all these
years, that's the one thing I
needed to do. But the trouble
is, so I see multiple different
nutritionists, and as you may
well know, they give you this
extensive list of rules of
(27:55):
things to eat and drink and noteat and not drink. And also they
recommend all these supplements,
which are incredibly expensive,
and yet again, you feel like,
what if that's the one thing
would be crazy to not try it,
but then you've got this madness
of trying to draw a relationship
between what you've consumed and
what your symptoms are. So Ifound if I did have a migraine,
I would be trying to figure out
what I'd done wrong to have
triggered it is like, okay, is
that the thing I ate this
morning, or is it the thing I
ate yesterday that's triggered
some information that's now
caused this? And then you've got
(28:29):
that where you're trying tocontrol and track everything
whilst also trying to exist in
the real world, where socialize,
or you're at someone else's
house, or it's Christmas, or
you're on the move, and all you
can buy is what is in a train
station. So then you have to
kind of break all the rules
anyway. I have learned certainthings which have been really
helpful, diet wise, for me, but
I've found the process
miserable, and that's the joy
from life, exactly. So you're
already miserable, and you know
those things that make you
happy? Don't do any of those. I
actually had an experience
(28:58):
really recently where I saw adoctor, and had to fill in some
forms in advance, including a
bit of information about my
diet. And she was looking at my
forms, and she's very interested
in histamine. She said, Is it
true that you have three or four
cups of tea or coffee a day? And
I said, Yes, knowing that I'm
going to get in trouble for it.
Emily Kate Stephens (29:17):
So awful
that idea that you're going to
get in trouble!
Lucy Foulkes (29:20):
I know, but what?
But then she said, You're
poisoning yourself four times a
day. I cried in the appointment.
It's it was a particularly bad
time, health wise. And I love
caffeine. I love the effect it
has on me, and it was the one
thing I had allowed myself to
do, even though it was breaking
the rules.
Emily Kate Stephens (29:37):
This is the
problem with having such a
multifaceted condition, because
for me, with a migraine brain,
you're told X, Y and Z, I need
the caffeine when I'm going into
that migraine cycle. Is it a
vasodilator or vasoconstrictor?
Whichever it does, it helps me.
Lucy Foulkes (29:54):
Helps
Emily Kate Stephens (29:55):
at certain
times.
Lucy Foulkes (29:56):
And actually,
caffeine is paired with some
painkillers.
Emily Kate Stephens (30:00):
Yeah, you
go for triptan and an aspirin. I
always do the trip turn with
with the Alka Selter
Lucy Foulkes (30:07):
Anadin Extra?
Emily Kate Stephens (30:07):
Yeah, Alka
Seltzer or Anadin Extra, which
are paracetamol, aspirin and
caffeine combined. And I can
great sometimes stave off
migraine without the triptan, if
I do that.
Lucy Foulkes (30:19):
I've definitely
found Anadin Extra has been very
helpful. Yeah, same with you.
Like, sometimes that can be
enough, but yeah. Also caffeine,
the caffeine affects people
really differently, but it has a
massive impact on my mood in a
good way, and my concentration
levels and my focus. I feel like
I genuinely would not be able todo the job, but I do without it.
Emily Kate Stephens (30:38):
So you
cried in the appointment, but
you didn't necessarily stop.
Lucy Foulkes (30:43):
No, I've got a cup
of coffee here. I felt like you
can take everything away from me
except that. And I said that to
her I have in the past, which is
useful for me now, I gave up
caffeine for a year, and it
didn't help. I just felt tired
and miserable. So I've got that
kind of evidence that that's not
a particular trigger for me.Plus, I've never had a sort of
temporal connection where I have
caffeine and then something
happens in my body. So I've put
those things together, and I've
made the decision that I'm going
to allow to have that.
Emily Kate Stephens (31:13):
And that is
about listening to your body and
doing a little bit of what gives
you joy.
Lucy Foulkes (31:18):
Yeah, but that
word poisoning, I think that's
going to go up in the list of
some of the worst things that a
doctor has said to me, because
people with chronic health
problems, well, me, certainly
carry around an enormous amount
of guilt about the idea of what
I do or don't do causing it,
because it's true, right? Likethe things you do do make a
difference. So it's very
difficult to not become
obsessive with feeling guilty
when...
Emily Kate Stephens (31:42):
That was
clear in the way that you also
just described, the way that you
review what you've done the day
before a migraine hits a few
moments ago. It's almost like
you're trying to find you're
absolutely trying to find a
trigger point. But it's a blame
game to yourself, whereas it's
not your fault. You've got amigraineous brain. That is a
neurological condition. And yes,
there are trigger points, but
there is this very, very
weighted way of looking at
things, of what did I do that
caused this each time you go
through the cycles? The same
with exercise, the same with I
(32:17):
worked at my computer too long.The way that we speak to
ourselves can be so, so
detrimental to our perception of
ourselves and how we're making
things worse.
Lucy Foulkes (32:28):
And I think it's
an attempt to help yourself. I
think because I'm trying to be
like, What can I avoid next time
so this doesn't happen again?
Don't have some Yeah, exactly. I
remember having a migraine
attack recently, and talking to
my partner and saying, it must
have been because this, this is,
and saying, I don't think youhave as much control of them as
you think, in a helpful way. I
think they just happen
sometimes, and I think you sort
of need to repeatedly tell
yourself that take reasonable
steps based on the information
you've been given and what
you've learned about yourself.
(33:01):
But after a certain point, I'msaying this, I don't know this
well, after a certain point, it
just is an event that happens,
and it's not your fault.
Emily Kate Stephens (33:10):
Yeah, I
think that's so important. It's
not your fault. And yes, maybe
if you go out partying and you
drink a lot of alcohol, and -
there are repercussions to... to
things the same with overdoing
sugar and the way your body
becomes super sensitive to all
these things. Of course, there
are repercussions, but the ideathat any of this is your fault
is a ridiculous one, and one
that we are, I think, made to
feel so often by the medical
system. And I don't want to
repeatedly knock the medical
system, because there are times
that it can be amazing, but I
don't think it's good at helping
(33:44):
people with complex,multifaceted conditions.
Lucy Foulkes (33:48):
I think also they
and this isn't just doctors,
it's nutritionists and physios,
and anyone trying to help, they
do accidentally send the message
that it's your behavior that
makes a difference, because all
the things they're telling you
to do is like, do these
exercises, eat these things,
don't do this, and then thesymptoms will get better. So
actually, all the information
you're getting from the
professionals is that the things
you do will predict the course
of this. So I tried to sort of
acknowledge that, while also
empower that, saying it's not
it's not my fault that I've got
(34:19):
the body that I've gotten, thatmy body is so hyper sensitive,
so that's kind of where I've
landed.
Emily Kate Stephens (34:23):
But what
are the nutritional things that
you have found that have made a
difference for you?
Lucy Foulkes (34:30):
Definitely
learning how to manage my blood
sugar levels has been incredibly
helpful. I used to feel faint
really easily right for when I
was a teenager, there's a book
called Glucose Revolution, which
is something incredibly useful,
and it's quite basic stuff about
eating enough protein and fat
(34:51):
every time you eat that kind ofthing. But I've found that
transformative, particularly in
terms of less anxiety, improved
mood. I. It could contribute to
having fewer migraines. And then
the other thing I try and follow
is a low histamine diet. As you
all know, I'm sure it's can be
incredibly restrictive, but I
(35:14):
try and follow some basicprinciples around that, about
not eating leftovers, not eating
aged food, white food.
Emily Kate Stephens (35:20):
Yeah I
thought that was interesting
when I was reading that, because
I'm I will always eat, you know,
very old cheese and things like
that, but I'm always super
conscious of certain other real
histamine triggers for me, I
thought that was an interesting
principle, because that's
presumably to do with thedecomposition of things and the
way that your body can process
it. Because, as you see, all
food, even eating, can
essentially trigger that
histamine, really.
Lucy Foulkes (35:48):
Yeah. So my
understanding of it is that the
older food is, the more
histamine it has in it.
Emily Kate Stephens (35:53):
Okay.
Lucy Foulkes (35:54):
It felt like a
straightforward rule for me, and
then some specific things that
seem obviously to me to have an
immediate flushing reaction. So
I don't have any dairy, because
it's one of the few things that
I found does seem to cause me to
flush very soon after eating it.
I don't eat gluten. I've never
quite figured out whether that'shelpful or not, but I started
and I'm scared to
Emily Kate Stephens (36:14):
oh, I have
that fear with load of
supplements that I take, maybe
this is the one that is keeping
me balanced. And so people will
say, Why are you taking all of
those? Because they don't know
which one is keeping me, okay,
Lucy Foulkes (36:25):
Yeah, and I'm
exactly the same. Because even
let's say you're taking however
many supplements, you're doing
that in parallel with different
levels of stress in your life,
different diet, different
exercise, different medications.
So actually, when you are in a
good phase, a relatively good
phase. It's impossible to knowwhich of those factors or which
combination of those factors are
the thing that's done it. It's
almost superstitious. It's like,
okay, well, I better keep doing
every single one of them,
because somehow in that
combination, it was helpful.
Emily Kate Stephens (36:54):
Absolutely.
And that, I think, is a huge
thing, that we live with this
fear every day. You've talked
about it, you live with the fear
of the migraine coming. You live
with the fear of the pain. You
live with the fear of a flare of
your skin or your gut, and try
your best to control any aspects
that you can. And actually, alot of the time it's kind of
random. You go on holiday and
you feel better. Is that because
you're not working? Is it
because you are in a different
environment. If some people go
on holiday and they feel far
worse because it's a different
environment.
Lucy Foulkes (37:25):
One thing that
quite reliably makes me feel
worse is going on holiday, not
when I'm there, but about a week
or two afterwards, the
combination of bad diet, well,
bad in inverted commas, breaking
my rules and flying is terrible
for my body, so I have a nice
time when I'm on holiday, but
then I pay for it when I'm back.
Emily Kate Stephens (37:44):
And that
goes back to what we talked
about quite early on in the
conversation about having to
make that choice about what
you're prepared to expend your
energy or what you're prepared
to risk feeling awful for.
Lucy Foulkes (37:58):
And you have to
consider other people as well.
If I was single, I wouldn't
really miss that sort of week of
doing a holiday, but I have a
partner, and he wants to go, and
I've already our life is so
dominated by the things I can't
do, there's a balance of that
and just the general social
norms. It's Christmas, and yourfamily have invited you here,
and you have to take the hit and
take the risks because of the
other people in your life as
well, I think, which is added
into the mental calculation.
Emily Kate Stephens (38:24):
And that's
not in a giving up yourself kind
of way. That's actually in a
adding to your joy or adding to
your life, because if you remove
all of those elements of things
and people that you enjoy, then
what have you got?
Lucy Foulkes (38:36):
Yeah, and it's a
balance like my brother in law
lives in law lives in Ireland,
and my partner is going to see
him this weekend, and I'm not
going because I know that I
can't do a Friday to Saturday
flight and not have it hugely
knock on effect next Monday. So
yeah, it's this constant
decision per event about if youmost want to do, what are you
most expected to do? What will
the impact be? What else is
happening in your life at that
moment, and kind of come to a
fair balance that keeps everyone
happy.
Emily Kate Stephens (39:05):
Talk to me
about finding someone who
eventually was able to put
together 23 years of symptoms
and give you a diagnosis. There
are multiple facets of that that
I'd love to hear about, but tell
me about the actual seeking
diagnosis, finding a diagnosis.
Lucy Foulkes (39:24):
So it's really odd
how it ended up happening. And
if this particular event hadn't
happened, I probably still
wouldn't know what was going on.
But I posted on my Instagram
account about chronic migraine.
I don't know what compelled me
to do it, because I hadn't
talked publicly about the health
stuff.
Emily Kate Stephens (39:40):
An
excellent post. It's in October
of 2025, I think you posted
that.
Lucy Foulkes (39:45):
yes, yeah,
Emily Kate Stephens (39:46):
just in
case people want to refer back
to.
Lucy Foulkes (39:48):
Yeah. It's I
thought I've learned a lot and
it might be useful. So I shared
that, and then I got a message
from someone I don't know, lady
in her 60s, saying that her
daughter has quite. Migraine
because she has hypermobile, a
LIS Danlos Syndrome, and would
it be worth checking to see if I
was hyper mobile? And I'vespoken to her since, and she
said it was a bit of a gamble
about whether she sent it or
not, because it was maybe a bit
intrusive. And I replied to her,
and I said, Well, funnily
enough, I am hyper mobile, and
this, one of the strange things,
is this idea of my
(40:20):
hypermobility, or theacknowledgement that I had
hypermobile joints, had come up
multiple times in medical
appointments, it's just that no
one thought very much of it. So,
I said, I've heard of Ehlers,
Danlos Syndrome, but I'm not bad
enough, but I am hypermobile.
And she said, you might want to
check. And so then I did someinvestigating, and I read more
about because you google Ehlers
Danlos Syndrome, and the
pictures that come up are
extremely mobile joints that I
don't have.
Emily Kate Stephens (40:52):
It's
extreme, yeah,
Lucy Foulkes (40:53):
And so it's very
easy to think I don't have that.
And I think part of why it took
so long for anyone to put the
pieces together is because I'm
extremely mobile in joints that
aren't typically measured, so I
just meet the criteria for
hypermobility on the Beighton
scale.
Emily Kate Stephens (41:09):
I will post
some information for anyone that
this is resonating with on
actually, where you can just
review the Beighton scale and
give yourself that simple test
as to whether you should be
exploring.
Lucy Foulkes (41:22):
And the
interesting thing actually, is
that you can get a maximum of
nine points on it, and five is
considered the sod for being
hypermobile, and I score five,
and that's one component of
getting a diagnosis of Ehlers
Danlos Syndrome. But actually,
there is a lot of work happening
at the moment, building up to apublication in December of this
year, 2026 where they are
changing the diagnostic criteria
for EDS, because they have
acknowledged that a lot of
people are very hypermobile, but
it's being missed because people
don't score highly enough on the
Beighton Scale. So for example,
(41:58):
my feet and ankles are hypermobile. My shoulders are but
that would never have been seen
because no one was testing it
anyway. I looked into it, and I
thought, I do just about meet
hypermobility on the Beighton
Scale. And it turns out,
hypermobile ETS is caused by
faulty connective tissue that
your connective tissue iseverywhere, so it causes
hypermobile joints, but it also
causes skin problems, digestive
issues, and it causes chronic
pain because it affects your
nervous system, but also when
your joints are too floppy, your
joints are normally what's
supposed to give you stability,
(42:35):
but muscles grip on because theyhave to take over to provide
stability, and that causes
chronic pain, so that, in
combination with dysfunction in
the nervous system, generates
this experience of excessive
pain. So I read about all of
this, I was like this totally
fascinating, strange feeling of
this might be it, and then I'mextremely fortunate that I could
pay to go privately. So I found
a doctor who specialized in
hypermobility, and went through
the medical history, and she
confirmed that I had Ehlers
Danlos Syndrome. What's
important to mention is that if
you don't meet the criteria
(43:14):
fully for hypermobile EhlersDanlos Syndrome, but you have
hypermobile joints and some sort
of chronic, systemic symptoms,
dysfunction, you may well meet
the criteria for Hypermobile
Spectrum Disorder, which is
slightly different version of
it. And I think when we come to
December, those with the new
diagnostic criteria, maybe thosetwo will be blended or shift a
bit. So that, that was in
October. Then it was because of
this lady deciding to send me
this random message on
Instagram, and because I decided
to talk about a migraine. So
it's just amazing how it fell
out really,
Emily Kate Stephens (43:48):
I believe
that also an element of it is
because of this laxity
throughout your tissues there's
also venal - it affects your
veins. So that can also be a
reason that you have this
problem with migraine or you
have a problem with heavy
bleeding. I don't know if that
is the link to endometriosis,but I think that that connective
tissue, what we have to
understand is it is throughout
every single part of your body.
It can have such huge and varied
health implications.
Lucy Foulkes (44:18):
And that was what
was so powerful to realize that
suddenly it was that umbrella
explanation that covered
everything. And for about a
month, my partner was very
tolerant of it, but I kept being
like, do you remember when that
weird thing happened about as
EDS I talked in that essay, I
had a hematoma once thatsuddenly appeared after a
Pilates class. Yeah, because
like, they've been slightly
rubbing on my hip bone, and the
doctor was like, well, that's
weird, and it went away. Now I
know that that was because it
affects the walls of your blood
vessels, and they break more
(44:51):
easily the satisfaction. BecauseI'm an academic, I'm a
researcher. Love understanding,
having the dialog. Put
explanation for it, and there's
a specific cruelty to just not
knowing why things were
happening. So it's been
incredible to have that element
of resolved.
Emily Kate Stephens (45:09):
I think
that's a really interesting
perspective that you take on
that as well. Because rather
than you approaching this and
saying, I've just had a
diagnosis of learning that I
have something that is lifelong.
It's never going away. There is
no cure for it. You have taken
that on as almost sense ofrelief that things started to
make sense and you are able to
put things together.
Lucy Foulkes (45:34):
I guess it's both
like lots of people identify
with. It's this totally strange
experience after diagnosis,
where you're feeling all those
sort of things in parallel. But
I really remember before seeing
this doctor, saying to my
partner, even if there's nothing
that they can do, just being
able to know what it is will belife changing. I had a message
on Instagram the other day from
someone with EDS saying that the
diagnosis was the best day of
her life. It's just so
meaningful to people.
Emily Kate Stephens (46:04):
Can you
just talk to me a little about
some of those strategies that
you've actually picked out for
yourself, rather than
necessarily anyone coming and
giving you advice on how you do
manage day to day? One of the
things that we haven't
necessarily talked about is
fatigue, mental fatigue,physical fatigue. I believe that
you talked about the pain a lot,
but I think that you also
experience just a fatigue from
from activity
Lucy Foulkes (46:32):
I do, but I feel
like it's there are much, much
worse forms of fatigue. So I can
work, and I can leave the house
and all that kind of thing. But
I definitely, relative to my
peers who don't have a health
condition, yeah, I definitely
get tired much more easily. Need
a lot more breaks that that kind
(46:55):
of thing, yeah,
Emily Kate Stephens (46:55):
And the
strategies that you have built
into your life to manage your
energy, manage your pain, is
working out what you are
prepared to do, and talk to me
about the structure that you've
put around work and around
socializing.
Lucy Foulkes (47:10):
I'm reasonably
lucky in this particular job, in
this particular stage of my
career, that I have more control
and flexibility than I did when
I was more junior, or for my
colleagues who have more
teaching load, for example. But
I try and avoid back to back
meetings. If I possibly can, I
find that I really need to stopfor a bit. Lie on the bed, lie
on the floor, move around, play
on my phone, just to decompress
a bit. I find anything back to
back very difficult, so when I'm
in control of it, I would do
that really try and avoid too
many meetings day, even if I can
see my calendar is available, I
(47:43):
know that I need that time to dosomething low effort. I find it
very draining to have meetings
linked to that. I say I've got
very good at saying no. I know
there are some people who are
like, Oh, I'm a people pleaser.
I don't like saying that. I got
over that a long time ago. If
I'm asked to do something,
default is no and you have toconvince me that it's worth
doing. What's so interesting
about that actually, is that
every so often something comes
through, like, when I saw your
email reply to you in half an
hour, I was like, definitely.
And I actually,
Emily Kate Stephens (48:16):
I didn't
even think that I was in with a
shot, because you basically,
say, I pretty much don't do a
podcast.
Lucy Foulkes (48:22):
Yes, it saves me
saying it each time, which is
why I have that. But a positive
spin on this is that I only do
things in my life that I really
want to do. There's the odd
various work tasks that you just
need to do, but generally I only
collaborate with the colleagues
that I really want to
collaborate with. I do theprojects that I really care
about. I go on the podcast. I do
the media opportunities that I
think are really important and
interesting and socially I will
only expend energy to see people
that I really love. So even
though I do much less than other
people, the things that I do do
(48:58):
are high quality and reallyvaluable,
Emily Kate Stephens (49:00):
High value.
Yeah, I really, really agree
with that as an amazing
recommendation for what people
do just day to day. Is it worth
it? Is it worth your time? And
that's not to be too cut throat
about the people in your life,
but it selects the people who
are giving you good energy and
the people that love you andthat you love rather than
wasting your time.
Lucy Foulkes (49:23):
Because if you go
out for dinner or something and
you're going to pay the price
the next day, in terms of you
need to have a quiet day and not
do very much the next day, then
yeah, that has to be a hit. That
was really worth taking.
Emily Kate Stephens (49:36):
Something
that I believe that you do, that
has made an instrumental
difference in my migraine is no
work in the evenings and the
weekends, I actually gave myself
a rule. 9pm is my absolute cut
off for opening my laptop.
Otherwise, I pretty much wake up
with a headache. So whilst some
people might not necessarilythink that blue light is too bad
or I. Kind of triggers. If you
can work them out, it can, does
make a difference?
Lucy Foulkes (50:05):
Yeah, my cut off
is four or 5pm I find it really
difficult to get up and look at
each screen or laptop beyond
that point. So that's just that.
It's a non negotiable. I'm just
not going to work in the
evenings ever unless something
dramatically changes. But that's
how it's been my whole career,
and it's deeply frustratingbecause I see my colleagues do
more than I can do, because I
know that they put their kids to
bed and then they get back on
the laptop, but it's just no way
I'm picturing it now, and it
gives me a migraine just to
think of trying to squint into a
laptop in the evening, after
(50:41):
I've worked all day, just Yeah,
Emily Kate Stephens (50:42):
Yeah,
Lucy Foulkes (50:43):
No way.
Emily Kate Stephens (50:43):
To work out
those things. Yeah.
Lucy Foulkes (50:48):
It's taken decades
to figure out what my body can
do, and that it doesn't matter
what other people can do. You
have to figure out what you can
do.
Emily Kate Stephens (50:56):
That's a
really interesting point,
because you mentioned before
about running a 10k being
detrimental, but you actually
find that physical exercise is a
non negotiable for you in terms
of controlling your migraine. Is
that right? Or is it across all
of your health control?
Lucy Foulkes (51:13):
It's all of it.
And again, it's been a really
huge period of trial and error,
because what I've been told.
Which really fits with my
experience, is that if you have
EDS, there's like quite a narrow
window. Not exercising at all is
really bad, and overdoing it is
bad. So you have to figure out
what's the space you can operatein. In the middle. Is very
unusual for me to for a day to
go by and not exercise. I try
and some point between five and
seven spend half an hour doing
something. It's not like
exercise the way other people
might see exercise might be
gentl Pilates stuff, but moving
(51:50):
my body, strengthening my body,relaxing my body, relaxing the
nervous system. I'm certain it's
the key thing that has given me
some quality of life despite all
the symptoms.
Emily Kate Stephens (52:01):
Have you
found people who have enabled
professional advice on this who?
Or has it been wholly down to
you, listening to your body and
working out what works for you?
Lucy Foulkes (52:12):
Both. I think
since knowing it was EDS, I've
definitely had really helpful
professional advice,
particularly around be less than
you think you can do push it?
Because I think the problem I
had before was that I would
exercise and then I would think
I could do a more difficult
video or harder class, or go tothe class twice a week, and as
soon as I did that, wheels would
fall off the bus and I'd be back
down to zero. So I've definitely
had really useful, professional
advice about going slowly, but
also specific advice about what
cues you should give your own
body while you're exercising,
(52:45):
because it's quite easy to doPilates in a hypermobile body
and be doing it badly and you
don't realize like you've locked
out your joints, for example, it
doesn't even necessarily require
seeing a professional. There's
tons of useful information on
Instagram and YouTube about
exercising safely when you're
hypermobile.
Emily Kate Stephens (53:04):
But this is
an area that I'd like to talk to
you about, because it's an area
that you're really familiar with
in terms of your mental health.
Work that you do, there is so
much information on social media
regarding I don't necessarily
think there's that much about
EDS yet, but there is a lot
(53:25):
about multiple different symptomsets of various chronic illness.
There is a lot of snake oil.
There is a lot of pushing of
supplements. There is a lot of
as you mentioned earlier, if you
do this, this this is going to
sort it for you. I think that's
similar in the mental health
space, in terms of what people
(53:47):
are seeing. How do we as peoplewith these conditions start to
filter some of what is out there
Lucy Foulkes (53:57):
It's difficult,
and you certainly have to wade
through a lot of junk, I feel
like I've gone from famine to
feast about the information I'm
suddenly receiving about,
Emily Kate Stephens (54:07):
yeah,
because of your algorithm,
Lucy Foulkes (54:09):
exactly, and
because of what I'm looking up,
suddenly getting access to this
world of information that I
didn't have for so long. There's
a trial and error of figuring
out which accounts you find
helpful for you. I trust
accounts from people where this
isn't a fail safe thing at all,
and I don't think it's fail safein mental health, but if they
are professionals who work in
this space, that there are some
people I follow on Instagram who
are physios or personal
trainers, for example, and their
whole job is about looking after
hypermobile people, but they're
also hyper mobile themselves.
Emily Kate Stephens (54:46):
That's such
an important differentiation
that it's people who will
specifically have an
understanding of these
conditions, because there is so
much generalized health
information. I mean, I
particularly find it at my age,
because I am absolutely hammered
every day with information aboutperimenopause, menopause, what
you should be doing, the amount
of protein that you should be
eating, the amount of weight
that you should be lifting,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, none of it takes into
account any specific person's
health condition.
Lucy Foulkes (55:15):
And that's
dangerous, isn't it? Because
some basic advice like that, it
might be good idea to train and
start running. You mustn't apply
it to your own circumstances.
Yeah, it's dangerous and messy
out there. But equally, once
you've found the good accounts,
I have found them enormously
(55:37):
educational and comforting. Butyeah, you're right that the
volume of it, and yeah, the the
overconfident stuff that selling
it to you, the unqualified
people, it's -
Emily Kate Stephens (55:48):
- check
credentials, and..
Lucy Foulkes (55:50):
- see who they are
outside of Instagram as well.
Can't know for sure, but you can
have a look and see if they're
claiming to be psychologists or
whatever. Then are they
affiliated? Are they actually
practicing? Do they offer
appointments if they say their
research, is there a university
website attached to them andthat kind of thing.
Emily Kate Stephens (56:08):
Yeah, have
to dig a little bit deeper.
Lucy Foulkes (56:10):
Yeah.
Emily Kate Stephens (56:11):
I'd like to
talk a little bit about some of
the parallels of the work that
you do in mental health and
looking at that in complex
chronic illness. You have
written an essay recently about
self diagnosis of mental
disorders and the way that
they're particularly amongst
youth, because that is your areaof expertise. There's a rise of
self diagnosis in mental health
disorders. There were
interesting things that came up
for me, and this, this idea that
people you wrote that there's
the tension in who the expert
is, in this and understanding
ourselves can often play into
(56:49):
trying to seek a diagnosis fromsomeone else who is perhaps
resistant. I think a lot of
people in this space, in this
complex chronic illness space,
I'm not necessarily saying with
EDS, because there are specific
criterias, but up self
diagnosing and treating
themselves based on this self
diagnosis. You just talk to me alittle bit about the dangers or
the help that that can have when
actually going and seeking help
from professionals.
Lucy Foulkes (57:15):
Yeah, so I
originally was interested in
self diagnosis of mental
disorders as a problem or a
danger. When I started looking
into it maybe four or five years
ago, I've really changed my mind
on it. It's completely
understandable why people do it.
It's a natural human desire and
need to understand what's goingon. So talk specifically about
mental health stuff now, but if
you're distressed or having some
sort of difficult symptoms, of
course, you want to have a word
to understand why that's
happening and to be able to
communicate it with others. You
also phone if you're
(57:51):
particularly if you're relyingon the NHS. You can't get a
professional diagnosis. So
people self diagnose because
they have no other choice, but
there are risks and that you
could get it wrong. Therefore,
maybe start implementing some
strategies that aren't getting
at the problem. There's also
lots of backlash about a lot ofanger towards it, particularly
because there has been a shift
in power, I think, since the
rise of social media in the
internet, patients and the
sufferers are gathering they're
forming communities. They're
sharing expertise with each
other, they're learning
(58:27):
information about themselves.Really changed from the times in
the past, when we the patient,
was unknowing, and the all
powerful doctor explained to us
what was happening. So there has
been that power shift, and a lot
of people don't like that.
There's been that power shift,
particularly obviously the
people who traditionally dodiagnosing, they quite
understandably, feel like
diagnosis is, is a is a skill
requires a lot of clinical
knowledge, a lot of expertise
that any one individual cannot
fully have. So there is this
tension between everyone about
who has the right to label
(59:05):
what's happening to you who hasthe expertise. So I was
interested in all of that had to
do with mental health, and I
wound it up feeling quite Yeah,
compassionate and understanding
towards people who do self
diagnose. And then yeah, there
is this parallel phenomenon
happening in the chronic illness
world, people are suffering.They want to understand why they
go online. They find a great
deal of information, some of it
messy and wrong, but some of it
really powerful and self
clarifying and validating, and
they educate themselves about
what's happening to them.
There's a general sense that
(59:39):
self diagnosis is allowed ininverted commas, if you're doing
it on route to a doctor.
Emily Kate Stephens (59:45):
To a
professional diagnosis.
Lucy Foulkes (59:47):
Yeah, people think
it's acceptable if you and this
is true of teenagers as well as
adults. It's acceptable if it's
a temporary theory that you
formed about yourself, but you
then have to take to a
professional to get checked. But
anyone who is deemed to have
stopped the self diagnosis is
derided and judged and treatedwith suspicion, possibly
unfairly.
Emily Kate Stephens (01:00:08):
It's
something that you raised in an
essay that you wrote on the
problem with mental health
awareness and this idea that
we've all become so aware of it.
So perhaps, yes, we with mental
health or with these chronic
health conditions start to form
the basis of a self diagnosis,
but there comes this hugeproblem that there is greater
awareness than there is the
ability to seek help, or the
ability to or the NHS or other
healthcare providers to actually
offer help to the people who
might be seeking a diagnosis or
seeking some kind of
intervention.
Lucy Foulkes (01:00:39):
Yeah, people
through public health campaigns,
people have been told what
mental health problems are and
told to go and get help for
them, and then they turn up and
the help isn't there. So the
position we're in now with so
many people self diagnosing, I
think, is an inevitable
consequence from the mentalhealth awareness campaigns that
started maybe 10 or 12 years
ago. But you can't blame people
for wanting to understand what's
happened to them, the trouble or
the risk, I think, comes where
there are some sort of fringe
cases, because most things is
not a binary, right? You move up
(01:01:14):
into the diagnosis arena if youhave more of the symptoms and
they're more severe, but I think
there's a gray area of people
who mental or physical, are
having symptoms that are
disruptive, distressing,
problematic. They don't fully
meet diagnostic criteria,
officially. They have adopted
that language for themselvesbecause it's helpful for them to
understand what's happening to
them. I think, on a personal
level, totally understandable.
But I think at a population
level, once lots and lots of
people are doing that, it starts
to change people's understanding
of what that disorder is, or it
(01:01:49):
starts to make it more difficultto access help, etc. So I think
that's where the controversy
exists.
Emily Kate Stephens (01:01:54):
So very
interesting, if you put it into
the context of you talking about
your diagnosis of EDS, because
actually what you've done is
you've used that diagnosis as a
way to make sense of what's
happening in your body, rather
than for it to then be - I think
one of the big things is that
not to make it an excuse. I havea child who is diagnosed as
autistic, And he is fully
functional in society and some
people have said to me, Well,
what look he's fine. Why did you
find it necessary to seek a
diagnosis? And in a similar
vein, it was a way to understand
certain things, behaviors, what
(01:02:36):
triggers and to be able tomanage it. And we have always
made it very clear to him that
is never an excuse that he can
rely on for not not fulfilling
his potential, not fulfilling
his life. And actually, he
considers it to be hugely
helpful in his everyday life to
know that that is a situation
that he has, but he never relieson it. He never uses this in the
negative,
Lucy Foulkes (01:03:00):
Yeah, I think it's
really interesting to give that
example, because definitely what
seems to enrage people about
self diagnosis, or about the
increased use of diagnosis, is
this idea that people use it as
an excuse, either an excuse to
not have to do something, or as
an excuse for what they consider
to be unacceptable behavior. Ithink that's partly why people
get so angry about it. So it's
this balance, isn't it, because
it can become all consuming that
I completely understand this
from my own diagnosis, if
especially something like autism
and ADHD, which is so sort of
fundamental to who you are, you
(01:03:37):
could easily start seeingeverything through that lens,
and and it could become limiting
if you sort of have the belief
I'm autistic, therefore I can't
do X. So it's that balance of is
I want to use this information
in a helpful way, but not better
control everything or that, or
use it as a reason to not do
something.
Emily Kate Stephens (01:03:55):
Think is
the same in in these physical,
complex chronic illnesses.
Absolutely, we do actually have
to listen to our bodies and use
diagnosis or use that medical
strand to inform what we are and
aren't able to do and what is
going to potentially make us
worse. But we also have to be
really, really careful withequating our identity to that
illness.
Lucy Foulkes (01:04:19):
And it's hard,
isn't it, because every step
that you take, every decision
that you make, the disorder is
you have to try quite hard to
not let it completely engulf
you.
Emily Kate Stephens (01:04:28):
But it is
part of you, such a huge part,
so..
Lucy Foulkes (01:04:31):
Yeah
Emily Kate Stephens (01:04:32):
Well, the
other thing just to mention at
the end of this is, I think one
of the things that is super
important for us as a group of
people who have these illnesses,
is for us to get out of our silo
of complex chronic illness and
try and reach a wider
population, because there will
be people out there who havebeen going through similar
things to that which you've been
going through, who don't have
any understanding. Understanding
that there might be a diagnosis
or there might be something that
brings it all together, and
that's one of the reasons that I
thought it was really
(01:05:08):
interesting to talk to you whohas such a life outside EDS. I'd
love for people from outside of
the echo chamber of misery, as I
call it, to access information
and access a little bit of hope
and understanding from what
other people have been through
with these conditions.
Lucy Foulkes (01:05:29):
Definitely keen to
demonstrate that everyone's
different, but for my specific
set of symptoms, even though
they are very loud and very
limiting, I actually live a
meaningful life outside of them.
And yeah, it's been difficult
sometimes, but it's not my
identity. It's something I carry
(01:05:50):
around with me every day, but Iview myself as something quite
distinct from it, and I think
maybe that's a useful way of
thinking about it as well.
That's amazing. Thank you so so
much.
Thank you so much for having me.
Emily Kate Stephens (01:06:06):
Gez, tell
me your thoughts.
Gez Medinger (01:06:08):
I thought it was a
fascinating interview. And you
know what my first feeling upon
listening to it was? I just
really want to be able to give
her a hug. I mean, oh my God.
She's been through a lot, 23
years of this, with most of it
having been completely lost at
sea in terms of trying to work
out what the diagnosis was andwhat was actually going on. It's
hard enough dealing with complex
chronic illness if you've got a
handle on what you think it is,
but for her absolutely
bewildering and so
disorientating and the degree of
the challenge of dealing with
the medical establishment over
(01:06:43):
that whole period as well. Imean, obviously there's the G
word, the gas lighting, which a
lot of people will have
experienced with complex chronic
illness. There's a bunch of
things that jumped out, so I'll
just run through some of them.
The first is that the experience
of that 23 years, no one knows
anything. You know. It doesn'tmatter who you go and see. But
the things that jumped out from
the interview, the planning, how
everything you do requires
military precision and also
horrible choices.
Emily Kate Stephens (01:07:07):
Yeah,
Gez Medinger (01:07:07):
You don't get to
have your cake and eat it. And
what that also means is that any
spontaneous decisions are pretty
much a no go. Your ability to
live life like a normal human
being around the way that normal
humans, you know, make plans, do
things, no, you exist in a
different plane of existence
where everything has to beworked out days in advance,
Emily Kate Stephens (01:07:26):
Because
everything has a cost.
Gez Medinger (01:07:27):
Yeah, exactly
that. And you have to deliberate
what that cost is and whether
the benefit is worth the cost.
Emily Kate Stephens (01:07:33):
That is so
hard balancing what you have to
do with what you want to do. And
I'm a firm believer in doing
those things that bring you joy
and feed your soul and nurture
your body, but at the same time,
let's be under no illusion that
the majority of us also have to
do the things that we have to do
that, keeping food on the table,keeping the bills paid, keeping
other humans that rely on us
alive. That comes at the cost of
you doing the things that might
feed you, feed your soul.
Gez Medinger (01:08:05):
Something else
that she said, was this idea of
not trusting your body and
living in fear, and when you
can't trust your body, and you
can't trust how it's going to
react to the things that you do,
that's such a fundamental
existential state that you are
in that is unhealthy
psychologically and on a nervoussystem level as well, but you
cannot help it, because that
lack of trust you have for your
body is deserved. It's fair.
It's not unfair. It's the
reality that you never know what
it's going to serve up and
connected to that is this idea
of when people suggest, oh, have
(01:08:38):
you tried x, or have you triedy? And you think, Well, what if
that's the one thing I've been
doing wrong this whole time? And
the madness journey that you
then go on into between drawing
a line between something you've
done or what you've consumed and
what your symptoms are, and it's
this impossible spider's web of
trying to join dots A, to joindots B, and you're trying to
look for these connections to
make sense of it. But like
Lucy's partner said, sometimes
shit happens.
Emily Kate Stephens (01:09:02):
And you
have less control of it than you
think.
Gez Medinger (01:09:05):
Yeah, it's natural
for us to try and make sense out
of it, because if we can control
this unpredictable thing that
comes and smacks us every day,
week, month, whatever it is for
however long, if we can control
the things that go into that
that helps us take back some
control of our bodies. But
actually, the reality is that weonly have this much, but you
can't ever tell how much control
you've really got. You know,
some things we do will
definitely make us worse. And
then there's this whole muddy
area of I don't know, did that
make me worse? Did that make me
better? And it sends you mad.
Emily Kate Stephens (01:09:34):
And we are
so bombarded, I feel with
information, particularly on
social media about the way, and
even if I just look at the
chronic illness accounts that I
follow that seem to be giving me
conflicting advice. There are so
many things every single day
that I'm told this is going to
be the key. This is going to bethe one thing that makes you
better, or this is the one thing
that is causing your illness. It
is. Is such muddy territory, it
is so hard to navigate it.
Gez Medinger (01:10:04):
And the other part
of that is the way that you end
up creating these superstitions.
After trying to work out if
you've had a good period rather
than a crash, you're like, oh,
it's because I had a banana two
nights ago. That's why I've had
a really good day now. And it
could be anything. It could be I
had a polo mince like, whoknows, but you start trying to
create these connections.
Emily Kate Stephens (01:10:23):
Positive
and negative.
Gez Medinger (01:10:24):
Yeah, and there's
almost no way of avoiding it,
because you're desperately
trying to make sense this thing
that makes no sense, anything
else that stood out. So yeah,
she made a comment about how the
world of social media out there,
which is most of us, are
restricted in our real world
interactions, and so most of ourinteractions come through social
media and digitally, but that
social media world of chronic
illness and solutions is
dangerous and messy, and those
are her words, and I completely
agree with those when it comes
to advice. But some of this
stuff out there is really
(01:10:57):
powerful and clarifying andvalidating, and that's the sort
of the double edged sword with
all of this stuff that pops up
and the algorithm starts serving
you is sorting through the stuff
that is dangerous and messy and
the stuff that is valuable,
powerful and helpful, and the
key thing being trying to
identify the accounts and thepeople who are legit.
Emily Kate Stephens (01:11:18):
Yeah,
Gez Medinger (01:11:18):
For want of a
better word.
Emily Kate Stephens (01:11:20):
That was
very useful advice to move
outside of their social media
and essentially fact check who
they are and what they are
actually doing in this space,
check that they are qualified to
be offering this kind of information.
Gez Medinger (01:11:33):
And do they have
an agenda? Are they selling
something, whether it's care or
whether it's supplements or
whether it's treatments, how
objective is the viewpoint from
which they're coming and do they
have a stake in it?
Emily Kate Stephens (01:11:43):
Yeah, that
is incredibly good advice.
Fantastic. As always, it's been
an absolute pleasure. Really
enjoy our conversations and
reflections. I have to say that
Lucy was just an absolute
pleasure and an inspiration in
terms of what she has been
through and the way in which she
(01:12:04):
now wants to try and use herexperience to help other people
going forwards, and to help
people to understand what is
going on with their bodies.
Gez Medinger (01:12:14):
I would completely
agree with all of that.
Emily Kate Stephens (01:12:16):
Thank you
so much for joining me.
Gez Medinger (01:12:17):
Pleasure. As
always. You
Emily Kate Stephens (01:12:28):
Thank you
for listening to Make Visible.
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